Work Text:
I need your help.
I know, it makes me nervous too when I have to admit to not being able to handle something. But the unfortunate facts remained that 1. I had a problem that needed to be addressed and 2. I was incapable of fixing it myself, which meant—unfortunately—enlisting ART’s assistance.
ART did the bot equivalent of abruptly jerking upwards into a sitting position, complete with minor disorientation as three different secondary processes abruptly sent “unexpected termination” errors into its feed. What is wrong?
From the camera in the corner of the room, I could see that I was scowling. It’s nothing, never mind.
Luckily for me, ART was an asshole, and sat there until I got over myself and asked again. …I need you to edit my buffer defaults.
What?
In the feed, ART said, I believe I understand the problem now.
I paused the clip I was showing it. Iris’s face froze on an unflattering mid-speech expression, twisted by stress and fear. It was partially due to the corporate agents who were tailing us, and partially due to the fact that my buffer had just said something about complying with Station Security. ART unpaused the clip and re-paused it 0.3 seconds later on a frame where Iris looked less distressed. It was from a recording of one of the jobs I’d taken with ART’s crew, one of the ones where I’d had to actually do the job I was contracted for. (Not that I resented having to do my job now that I got to decide whether or not to accept the contract, it’s just that if you actually end up needing a SecUnit, something has gone wrong.)
So will you help? I asked.
Of course I will help, said ART. But I cannot help but suspect that there is something you are not telling me.
I was scowling again. What’s that supposed to mean?
In response, ART replayed the clips I’d strung together. It was a compilation of all the times my buffer had spat out something unhelpful, confusing, or counterproductive while I was too busy to override it. Your buffer has been a source of inconvenience and embarrassment for a significant period of time.Yet you have not taken steps to change it before now, despite having ample opportunities to do so. This indicates that something has recently changed.
Maybe I just got fed up with it, I said.
ART didn’t say anything.
After 1.4 minutes, I got tired of waiting and highlighted a part of the final, most recent clip, from the contract I’d just completed for GoodNightLander.
GoodNightLander_bufferProblem.vid
Don Abene: “We need to get out of here, fast. Consultant Rin, can you get the transport to come and pick us up?”
My Buffer: “This unit is damaged and should be left behind.”
Trainee Jonquil: “Don Abene, what are you doing? It said to leave it!”
Don Abene: “It’s a member of our team. We don’t leave team members behind unless we have absolutely no choice, and certainly not due to broken wrists.”
I paused the clip before it could get to the part where Jonquil started yelling.
ART said, You are concerned that, in a more serious emergency, or with a more biddable crew, your buffer settings might cause you to be abandoned.
I wouldn’t take a contract with a crew stupid enough to listen to the sort of thing my buffer says, I said.
Of course you would not, said ART mildly. Too mildly. I was about to ask it what it meant by that but then it said, And I presume there is a reason why you cannot simply change your buffer settings yourself?
The buffer defaults are hardcoded into my operating system.
ART paused, working out the ramifications of that one. I would have to disengage my operating system’s security locks and fully power down in order to allow it access, something I had never done on purpose since disabling my governor module. (My security locks had been down while ART removed the contaminated targetControlSystem code from me, but that didn’t count because I hadn’t deliberately shut myself down.) I see. Would you like me to move them into your main storage, or simply change the defaults?
Really? Can you move them? I asked.
I think so, said ART. Although it will likely decrease the responsiveness of your buffer.
Honestly, that sounded like a positive to me. Do it, I said.
Please report to the medical suite, said ART’s MedSystem, and dropped a map of its internal layout into the feed with the suite highlighted. Of course, I already knew where ART’s medical suite was, since I’d had to use it a bunch of times, so why was—oh. That was a buffer response. I rolled my eyes at one of ART’s cameras before standing up from my bed and leaving my quarters.
The thing you have to understand about the company is that it’s cheap. Most of the time, the answer to the question “why are company SecUnits so badly designed” is “because it was less expensive that way.” So you can imagine my surprise to find out that there was an actual good reason for the fact that whoever designed my operating system decided to put large blocks of plaintext in it.
I need you to fix my buffer again, I told ART as soon as I was onboard.
What happened? ART asked.
Instead of trying to explain it, I dropped a clip into the feed.
Iris_bufferProblem.vid
Me: “I need a minute to hack this station’s weapons scans. It’s more sophisticated than I usually have to deal with.”
Iris: “Oh, okay. Let me know when you’re done.”
Iris: “...Are you okay, SecUnit? It’s been a few minutes.”
Iris: “...SecUnit?”
My Buffer: “I can’t answer that ques—”
Me: “I’m done now.”
My Buffer: “—tion right now. Please follow—”
Me: “Wait, what?”
My Buffer: “—my previous instructions to the best of your ability.”
Iris (concerned): “SecUnit, is everything all right? Did the weapons scan mess with your head? Do you need me to call Peri—?”
I paused the clip. ART unpaused it and paused it again 0.2 seconds later. So the increased response time is a problem after all, it said.
Now that it’s drawing information from my main storage, my buffer doesn’t say anything until I’m done with whatever it was that my buffer was trying to compensate for, I complained.
That should not happen, said ART.
It IS happening!
Can you trigger a buffer response now? ART asked.
I started watching an episode of Sanctuary Moon, an episode of WorldHoppers, an episode of Timestream Defenders Orion, a play recording from Dr. Mensah’s favorite theater on Preservation, and the credits of Dr. Bharadwaj’s documentary. With an irritating amount of enthusiasm, ART said, SecUnit, can you please assist me with this complex human task?
I felt the buffer try to say the new response I’d written, but for some reason it couldn’t access the information in my main storage until I paused the episode of Timestream Defenders Orion. Then it said in one rush, “I can’t answer that question right now. Please follow my previous instructions to the best of your ability.”
I dumped all my system logs from the previous 30 seconds into the feed. ART settled in to take a look.
After 1.5 minutes, ART highlighted a series of errors that my buffer had generated. Your buffer is unable to access your main storage due to high ongoing read/write volume.
“But the buffer had a higher read/write priority than Timestream Defenders Orion,” I said.
It did, ART agreed. I suspect the real problem is that you are a bot/human construct.
Asshole. “And that means?”
Your main storage is built to be accessed by your organic brain tissue. Your operating system interfaces with your brain, but is not directly accessible to it. When the information was stored in your operating system, your buffer could simply send a series of instructions to your motor cortex. Now, it has to wait until your brain has attention to spare in order for the access request to be executed.
“So in order for the buffer to work, I now have to think about it?”
Essentially, yes.
Ugh. My performance reliability dropped half a percent in disgust. “That defeats the purpose of the buffer,” I said.
It does, said ART. Though it also poses an interesting question.
I waited.
Now that you have been, effectively, operating without a buffer, would you rather simply disable it instead of trying to fix the problem? Is having a buffer at all useful to you?
I started to reply but then I realized that I wasn’t sure what my answer was, so I stopped and thought about it for a minute. Eventually I said, I want to fix the buffer. It distressed the humans when I completely stopped responding to them in tense situations. Even when my buffer was saying stupid things it was better than letting them think I’d been compromised. (Yes, I did hate admitting that the company’s stupid canned responses were actually sort of useful, thanks for asking.)
If you would like to fix the buffer, I suspect the only way to allow it to bypass your organic neural tissue is to put the defaults back into your operating system’s storage, said ART, which is what I was afraid of.
There isn’t any way you can partition off part of my main storage so that it doesn’t have to go through my brain?
No. It is a hardware problem. And before you ask, I am not a specialist in the modification of bot/human constructs. I am not willing to perform experimental brain surgery on you unless it is an emergency.
I had to sit and think about it for another few minutes.
After a while, ART started to get antsy. Eventually it complained, What is the problem? When you initially asked for my help, you intended that I would change the defaults in your operating system. Why is it now an issue that I am offering to do exactly that?
I glared at one of its cameras. That was before I knew it was possible for me to change the buffer defaults myself. If I ever need to change them again, I’ll have to ask for your help. Again.
Do you think I would refuse? It sounded almost hurt.
…No, I said, and tried to figure out how to explain that I didn’t like relying on other people to fix me without it sounding dumb.
After a few seconds, ART sent encyclopedia entries for “mechanic,” “augment technician,” and “medical doctor” into the feed. I made an obscene gesture at its camera.
If you like, said ART sullenly, I can compile documentation for you so that a human could make this sort of edit using a feed interface. Since the data is in plaintext it would not be difficult as long as they had access and knew where to look.
NO, I said. The thought of a human or augmented human with unrestricted access to my operating system was so horrifying I actually fell out of the chair I was sitting in. What if they accidentally deleted an important chunk of my operating code and didn’t notice because they couldn’t read it like a bot could? What if they made a spelling error and I was stuck mispronouncing my buffered responses until I could get someone else to fix them? Ugh, it was making my human skin crawl just to think about it.
Then you would prefer that I do it? ART asked, sounding relieved for some reason.
Sure, fine, I said, and picked myself up off the floor to go back to the medical suite. Just don’t make me say anything stupid as a joke, I added as I laid down on the platform and disengaged my operating system locks.
I would not do that, ART objected.
I know, I said, and initiated a full shutdown before it could say anything embarrassing.
Addendum: BufferTesting.archive
bufferTest_doNotDisturb_04.transcript
Iris: “Hi, SecUnit! Oh, sorry, you’re busy, aren’t you—?”
SecUnit: (monotone) “My feed status is currently set to ‘working (do not disturb).’ If this is an emergency, please send me a ping with the priority set to ‘emergency.’”
Iris: acknowledgement.sigil [feed priority: low; notification: false]
***
bufferTest_damageSustained_02.transcript
Ratthi: “Don’t worry about it, the point of a training exercise is to make mistakes so that you learn how to not make them when faced with the real thing. Now, SecUnit is probably going to say something worrying from its buffer, but we shouldn’t pay attention—”
SecUnit: (monotone) “I have sustained serious but non-critical damage to my: legs. I am processing multiple inputs and cannot specify further. Do not attempt to leave me behind unless I have previously instructed you to do so.”
Ratthi: “Oh! I haven’t heard that one before. Never mind, we definitely should pay attention! Now, let me show you how to perform an emergency override on this type of door mechanism…”
***
bufferTest_humanNutrition_DELETED_00.transcript
Amena: (organic digestive sound)
SecUnit: (monotone) “Humans require regular liquid and nutrient intake to perform at full capacity. Please do not neglect your biological needs to the point of becoming a liability. …Oh, that one sounds stupid out loud.”
Amena: “What?”
SecUnit: (turning to face wall) Never mind. Forget I said anything.
Amena: “O…kay.”
***
bufferTest_smartass_29.transcript
Pin-Lee: “I hear you’ve stopped telling people to abandon you to a horrible fate during your training workshops.”
SecUnit: “That’s an exaggeration.”
Pin-Lee: “So you haven’t stopped? Ah. My mistake.”
SecUnit: (monotone) “This is a generic response because you said something I don’t know how to or don’t want to answer.”
Pin-Lee: (laugh)
***
bufferTest_fakeBuffer_Gurathin_08.transcript
Gurathin: “What do you think, SecUnit? You’re the expert in media, after all. Care to break the tie?”
SecUnit: (obviously fake monotone) “I don’t care. Both options are equal.”
Gurathin: (amused) “I see. In that case—”
***
bufferTest_personalSpace_14_15.transcript
Mensah: “Welcome back, SecUnit. How was the job?”
SecUnit: “It was fine.”
Mensah: “Is everything all right?”
SecUnit: “Yes.”
Mensah: “Are you sure? You look—”
SecUnit: (monotone) “I am currently processing several inputs. Please give me a moment to compose a response to your query.”
(Pause.)
SecUnit: “The unknown third party turned out to be the company.”
Mensah: (alarmed) “Did they try to—?”
SecUnit: “I was careful never to interact with their systems or agents directly. And even if they had been able to detect me it’s not like they could’ve done anything about it as long as I wasn’t stupid enough to go aboard their ship.”
Mensah: “Well, that’s good. Still, I can’t imagine that was a pleasant surprise. Do you need—?”
SecUnit: (monotone) “I am currently processing several inputs. Please give me a moment to compose a response to your query.”
(Pause.)
SecUnit: “I’m fine. I just need to have a few days of people not pinging me.”
Mensah: “Was that one of the new buffer messages you mentioned a few weeks ago?”
SecUnit: “Yes. It’s surprisingly helpful.”
Mensah: (smiling) “I’m glad. And I’ll let the others know to give you some space.”
SecUnit: “...Thanks.”