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it's what my heart just yearns to say, in ways that can't be said

Summary:

All the signs were there, right before his eyes but Arthur tried so hard to deny it. He thought it must be his imagination, it couldn't be true. He surely, couldn't possibly be in love... Right?

or

Arthur is a soppy lil shit for one of his Knights.

Notes:

My entry for Merlin Bingo 2022! Prompt was: Romance 💓

Work Text:

It started off slowly, as most things do. A simple smile here and there, a few lingering looks, a brush of fingers as they walked past one another. 

Arthur was sure he was imagining it at first, after all, Gwaine was known to be the most flirtatious Knight of the lot. But there were small instances that made him think otherwise. Gwaine would seemingly make more of an effort with him than anyone else. He would smile wider and offer up compliments where usually he'd tease. Then again, maybe that was just because he was King. 

Arthur tried to push the feelings down, to deny they ever existed. He was the King, after all, certain things were expected from him and falling for one of the Knights wasn't one of them. Gwaine was most likely not interested anyway, that's what Arthur kept telling himself. 

It wasn't until late one night, as Arthur sat deep in thought as Merlin pottered about around him, that the King decided to voice anything. He looked at his manservant and took a breath. 

“Merlin,”

“Yes, Arthur? What have I missed now?” Merlin sighed dramatically as he crossed the room. “I was about to go to bed, y’know.” 

“Oh do shut up. I want to ask you something.” 

Merlin quickly straightened up and looked at Arthur with interest. “Okay, what is it?”

“First you must make me a promise,” Arthur began, leaning forwards and resting his elbows on the table. “Whatever I say stays in this room, do you understand?” 

Taking a seat opposite the King, Merlin's face fell from curiosity to worry. “Yeah, of course, is everything okay, Sire?” 

Arthur paused and twisted his hands together. “I need advice, and don't you dare laugh at me, but I'm unsure how to start.” 

“Right… What seems to be the issue?” 

It was quite the loaded question, Arthur thought and he paused before answering. “I um… This goes no further, remember? I have a friend and well, I…” Arthur sighed and put his head in his hands.

Merlin smiled softly. “Tell me about this friend.”

Arthur shrugged and lifted his head back up. “He's-- They're great. They're brave and loyal, funny and kind.” Arthur could feel himself smiling as he spoke, imagining Gwaine in his mind. “They're one of the greatest people I know.” 

“Is that all? What about this friend is leading you to ask me of all people for advice?” Merlin asked with a small chuckle. 

“Because Mer lin, I can't stop bloody thinking about them! And it's driving me mad. I sit through meetings every day completely distracted, I can't get through a single training session without faltering at some point because my mind is elsewhere.” Arthur sighed once more. “I'm a mess.” 

Merlin nodded again, slowly and if he wasn't such a loyal friend, Arthur knew he'd scream at the man to get out. He was embarrassed and worried and the King for fuck sake! He shouldn't be feeling this vulnerable, especially not in front of his servant.  Arthur stared at Merlin, waiting for a response for what felt like forever. 

When Merlin finally spoke he did so quietly and slowly. “Arthur, I want you to know that I respect you and you’re my King, I will always strive to do right by you.” The manservant bit his lip. “But for heaven's sake get your head out your arse!” 

“Excuse me?!” Arthur shouted, rising from his seat. “How dare you!” 

“Arthur, listen to yourself!” Merlin exclaimed. “You obviously have some romantic feelings for this person!” 

“I- But-- You have no--”

“You say you think about them all day, just exactly what are you thinking?”

Arthur froze for a moment before turning away and taking a deep breath. He thought about all the things that had been going through his mind, all the emotions and thoughts he'd had. “I just… I think about them.” Arthur turned back to Merlin who was smiling at him earnestly. “Making them happy. I want to wake up to their smile, and spend each and every day of our lives together.” His voice was just above a whisper. 

Merlin took a step closer and placed a gentle hand on Arthur's shoulder. “If you ask me, which you did, I'd say you're in love. And I'd suggest you do something about it.” 

Love?  

Arthur was taken aback for a moment. He knew that his feelings for Gwaine were more intense than his feelings for anyone else, but love? He had never even considered that as a possibility. Arthur grabbed Merlin by the shoulders and whispered again. “What if they don't feel the same way?” 

“We'll cross that bridge if we get to it. And you'll never know if they do or not if you don't do something!” 

“Right, yeah, of course.” Arthur nodded, the weight of the situation settling into him. “Do something. Right.” 

“Something romantic,” Merlin added, moving to grab the dirty washing Arthur had tossed aside earlier. “I'm sure you'll figure it out.” 

Arthur thanked Merlin profusely and let him leave for the evening, but not before making him swear down not to tell anyone what they'd discussed. He knew Merlin could be trusted with anything but Arthur still needed to hear him promise.

What followed was a night of restless sleep as Arthur considered just what romantic act he could do to let Gwaine know his feelings. By the time morning came, Arthur had only slept a handful of hours and had nerves racing through his body more intense than on a tournament day. Eventually, Merlin burst through the door in his usual manner and pulled open the curtains. Sunlight streamed inside and Arthur could feel the warmth of the day beckoning him out of bed.

“Morning, Arthur,” Merlin sang out cheerily. “C’mon, time to get up. You've got training this morning.”

Arthur sat up in bed immediately. Training. With the Knights. How could he forget?! 

Uncharacteristically, Arthur leapt out of bed and frantically patted at his hair much to Merlin's amusement. 

“Something wrong?” 

“Just-- Help me get dressed, Merlin!” Arthur snapped. He paused to compose himself and turned to his manservant. “Sorry, just, I should get dressed.” 

Merlin eyed the man curiously but shook his head and carried on with his usual morning routine of dressing Arthur and taming his hair. Once he was ready, Arthur looked in the mirror and steeled himself, preparing for what was to come. The final thing he did before leaving was to give Merlin a list and strict instructions and then the King fled, down to the training grounds.

Leon and Percival were already there, warming up with swords and shields, sparring in the sunlight. Across from them Lancelot, Elyan and Mordred were sitting on the grass, laughing together and then, Gwaine joined them. Arthur stopped in his tracks and watched from afar for just a moment. Gwaine's hair was tousled, his shirt cut ridiculously low and Arthur felt his heart warm at the sight. 

Bloody hell, he hated when Merlin was right but in this instance, he was. Arthur was well and truly falling for Gwaine. 

He approached the training ground and all the Knights got to their feet, standing to attention but only one man was in Arthur's vision. He set the men off on a task and briefly pulled Gwaine to one side. 

“Gwaine, I have a favour to ask.” Arthur began. 

“Morning Princess,” Gwaine replied, an easy smile on his face. “What can I do for you?” 

Bloody hell that smile, it was surely going to be the death of him. 

“Well, I was wondering if you could accompany me on a small outing this afternoon, to the forest.”

Gwaine raised a brow. “Something wrong? Do I need to alert the others?” 

Arthur shook his head. “No, no. It's… Fine. I would just… Will you come?” 

With another one of his intoxicating grins, Gwaine clapped Arthur on the shoulder and nodded. “Of course, I will.” His hand lingered for longer than necessary and Arthur could still feel the weight of it even as Gwaine joined the other men. 

It was almost entirely impossible to concentrate on the training from then on so Arthur excused himself and found Merlin to ensure he’d finished the task he’d been set earlier. Merlin assured Arthur that everything was ready and that he had nothing to worry about. So when the time came to meet Gwaine, Arthur was decidedly less nervous than he expected to be. 

The Knight sat atop a smooth brown horse, looking as royal as Arthur himself with a smile that could melt even the hardest of hearts. Arthur approached on his horse, Merlin trailing behind and nodded to the man. 

“Gwaine, are you ready?” 

“Yep. Are you going to finally tell me what all this is about or…?” 

Arthur shook his head. “Just wait, you impatient sod. Merlin, that'll be all for today.” 

Merlin looked up at Arthur confused. “Sire?” He then looked between the two men and his face widened in a grin. “Oh... Oh! Oh, I seeee, I understand now! Oh!” 

“Merlin,” Arthur growled a warning. 

“Yep, I'm off. Right then, goodbye!” Merlin skipped off back towards Camelot leaving Gwaine chuckling. 

“Not often that you give him a day off, are you feeling okay, Princess?” 

“I'm sure we can take care of ourselves today. Now come along, the light will fade in a few hours.” 

Arthur gave his horse a gentle kick, urging her forwards and out of the city. They rode together for a short while, maybe an hour at the most, before Arthur pulled the animal to a halt and dismounted. He waited for Gwaine to do the same before leading him through some trees and out to a clearing. 

Arthur watched as Gwaine stepped out through the trees and looked up. Above them, the sky was a bright blue with clouds in places and a gentle breeze blew around them. There was a small pond to their left where a few birds skimmed over the surface, chirping happily. To their right, lay a small blanket with a wicker basket on top. Merlin had done well following Arthur's instructions it seemed. 

“Arthur…” Gwaine began, “What is all this?” 

“Oh,” Arthur suddenly felt nervous once again. “I just thought maybe we could… Have an afternoon of relaxation. You've trained extremely hard this week.” He tried. 

“Hmm,” Gwaine replied, making his way to the blanket and settling down. “Well, this is certainly the best way to do that.” 

“Great! Well, we have wine and cheese, there should be some bread in there also.” Arthur smiled, sitting beside the Knight. “I'm glad you could join me.” 

The words were sincere but as they came out of his mouth, Arthur felt silly. What if Gwaine didn't feel the same? What if he'd bought the Knight all the way out here for nothing? 

The idea of being rejected was a tough one to swallow but… He had to try. 

Gwaine was quick to make himself at ease, pouring himself and Arthur a cup of wine. They sat there eating and drinking, chatting about everything and nothing; the new battle tactics, the weather, the way Merlin stumbled when he was tired. It was an easy comfortable conversation and Arthur found himself inching closer to Gwaine every few minutes. 

As the sun started to set behind the horizon and the wine began to dry up, Arthur figured it was time to do the very thing he'd first intended to. He sat up with bent knees and rested his elbows on top, looking out over the water. 

“Can I ask you something?” He asked. 

Gwaine sat up intrigued. “Of course, anything.”

Arthur hesitated but then felt the wine giving him a little extra courage. “Have you ever looked at someone and felt like your entire world was that one person? Like you knew your happiness would always be in reach as long as they were around?”

“Sire?”

“Please just answer me.” 

Gwaine stayed silent for a moment and Arthur internally panicked that he had ruined everything. But then the man nodded. “Yeah, I have. But, why do you ask?” 

“Because…” Arthur turned slightly, his body edging closer to Gwaine. “I.. uh… I… Shit, I'm not good at this.” 

“It's okay, Arthur. You can tell me.” Gwaine's cheeks had flushed a little and he stared at Arthur with a look on his face the King couldn't name. However, the emotion in his eyes was real and Arthur knew that it was now or never.

“You're that person for me…” Arthur whispered, the only other sound the beating of his heart and the water rippling in the distance. 

And then Gwaine pressed his forehead against Arthur's and the entire world seemed to disappear. Arthur closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, the smell of grass and Gwaine filling his lungs. The Knight lifted a hand to rest on the back of Arthur's neck and he sniffled slightly. “Gods, Arthur…”

Arthur pulled away and looked at the man before him and noticed the tears forming in the corner of his eyes. “Gwaine? Oh no, Gwaine, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to--” 

“Arthur, shut up.” Gwaine chuckled, wiping a hand over his face. “Don't you dare say sorry for that, you idiot.” 

It wasn't the reaction Arthur was expecting, but then again, he wasn't entirely sure what he was expecting. Gwaine's hand was still on his neck and Arthur leaned into the touch, smiling softly. 

“Arthur Pendragon, you are, without a doubt, the greatest person in my life. You're an absolute idiot if you haven't noticed all the times I've tried to tell you how I feel.” 

“Are you gonna stop calling me an idiot any time soon?” Arthur laughed, rolling his eyes playfully. 

“Never.”

Then there were two hands on his neck and Arthur felt himself being pulled forward gently. His eyes fluttered shut and the next thing he felt was soft lips on his own and Gwaine's stubble rubbing against his chin. Arthur melted into the touch, grabbing the front of Gwaine's tunic with two fists and pouring himself into the embrace. It was nothing like he'd imagined it would be, it was a million times better and it was real and it was happening and Gwaine was here .

When they broke apart, Arthur hung his head and laughed gently. “Gwaine, I lov--” He paused and glanced back at the other man. “I meant what I said.” 

“Arthur, please. What were you about to say?” 

Arthur looked deep into Gwaine's eyes, released his grip on the man's tunic and pulled Gwaine's hands into his own. The ripping water and rustling leaves served as a soundtrack to the moment and Arthur knew he'd remember this exact point in time until the day he died. 

“Sir Gwaine of Camelot… I love you.” 

Gwaine pulled Arthur in for another kiss, this one much deeper and more intense than before and when they fell apart, Gwaine's smile was so beautiful that Arthur fell in love all over again.

“Arthur Pendragon,” Gwaine began, “my lord, my King… I love you.” 

It was everything Arthur had ever hoped for, as if all the stars had aligned just for him, for them both. 

“And this was incredibly romantic, Arthur.” Gwaine gestured to the empty goblets and plates beside them. “Who knew you had it in you, eh?” 

Arthur shoved Gwaine playfully but was quickly scooped up into another kiss, Gwaine's arms strong around his waist. 

The feel of Gwaine's lips on his, the closeness of his chest, the strength of his arms… The softness of his touches and the sincere look in his eyes… Arthur was completely consumed by everything that Gwaine was and he knew that from this moment on, things would never be the same again. 


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