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His heart is racing, he can hear it beating loud in his chest, strong steady sound of it hammering against his ribs. He tries to move and catch breath and that's when he wakes up, panting, his face covered in sweat. But the rapping doesn't stop, he can still hear it, but it doesn't come from his jolted body, it comes from the door.
He gets up and walks to the door his legs still not fully awake. He opens the door a crack and blinks against the sudden brightness coming from the corridor.
A very miserable looking Theo stands there, twisting his fingers the usual way he does when he's nervous or unsure. Adam's brain still didn't find the connection with his vocal chords so he stands there blinking and waiting for explanation.
“Help me, Adam. I'm going mad.”
Adam blinks a few times more for good measure and finally manages out: “I was sleeping.”
Theo cringes. “I know, I'm sorry, but I just can't, ohhh!” The frustration clear in his voice. “Can I get in?”
“But I'm still sleeping.”
“Please?”
“Get in.”
Adam lets him into the darkness of the room and closes the door behind them. There's no light and he can hear Theo stumbling against something - probably a coffee table - and cursing silently.
“Wait, I'll turn the light on, don't move or you will get another black eye.” Adam goes into the direction of his bed, finds the bedside table and switches on the little lamp he remembered standing there. The small amount of light is still a bit too much for his retina and his heart still didn't regain its normal rhythm, he feels a bit weak and miserable himself in fact, so he just climbs on his bed and wraps himself in a duvet that's still keeping a bit of his warmth in it.
“Oi! Adam, don't go to sleep!” Theo walks up and sits at the edge of the bed. “Adam, I know you're sleepy but I think I'm going mad and you're the only one I can ask for help.”
At this Adam opens one eye and sticks his head out from under the wonderful softness of the duvet. One more reason to be angry at Theo. Yeah, as if he could. Be mad at him. Ha, ha. He knows that is one of those things he should definitely work on, but he isn't about to bash himself for having a very soft spot for the wanker right now.
He sighs, scrambles up and sits against the headboard.
“What is it? What happened?”
“I can't sleep.”
“Are you joking?” Suddenly Adam feels as if he actually might get angry with that baby-faced bastard.
“You come to me rapping at the door as if a crazy fan with wedding ring was chasing you, and you wake me up just to say me that you can't sleep? You're not going mad, you are mad. So am I to be honest. Now you've been diagnosed, please go and let me try and sleep a bit and not think about punching you in the face.”
“No, but Adam.” Theo seems to completely ignore angry tones in Adam's voice. “I really cannot sleep. It's been three nights now and I'm about to hit my head against the wall if that could help! It's bad!” He runs his fingers through his hair messing them completely and looks at Adam with pleading eyes. ”Do something?” Dark eyelashes are putting even darker shadows under his tired eyes.
“Oh hell, no,” Adam curses to himself. All soft and warm feelings that he tried so hard to keep neatly tucked into the darkest, furthest expanses of his heart, suddenly come rushing toward him and hit him right in the chest. It's really ridiculous that one flick of eyelashes can make him all so soft and defenseless.
“Three nights? You haven’t had any sleep since three nights?”
Theo nods. “My eyes just won't close, and even when they do, the thoughts in my head won't stop and I can't. I'm so, so tired Adam. I can't anymore.” He puts his head between his hands.
All the thoughts about his disturbed sleep left Adam, all he feels now is a genuine worry about his friend.
“Have you tried, like, warm milk?”
“You know I'm lactose intolerant.”
“Oh, right.“ Adam scratches his neck. “What about a walk?”
“We're somewhere in Eastern Europe, it's winter and something like -400 C outside. Plus, to be honest, I do not particularly fancy a walk alone in an unknown city after dark, I have enough scars on my face, thank you.”
“I don't know. I really... I really never had a problem like that. Maybe just get wasted?”
“I tried, I passed out, but I woke up like after an hour or two with a terrible hungover, no chances of falling asleep again.”
“Huh, so that's what happened to you the other day - you looked like shit.”
“Thanks, your compliments always win my heart.” Theo sends him a sarcastic smile. Adam just smiles back, the sort of smile that makes small wrinkles in the corner of his eyes appear.
“I can tell you're very tired, I just thought you had some fun with the girls or something, and didn't want to share the details with us. You really do look miserable.” Adam looks him up, Theo's white t-shirt wrinkled, his back hunched, the dark circles under his eyes getting a little green, his eyes bloodshot and restless.
“I want to sleep,” Theo whines and scoots a bit closer to Adam. “I'm so tired.”
Adam opens his duvet a bit and reaches his arm out to put his arm on Theo's shoulder. He is truly sorry to see him in such a state, Theo is usually so full of energy, almost spinning around his own axis and this seems to backfire right now. Theo leans against his touch like a lost puppy and it appears like the most natural way of comforting his friend is to simply hug him. He opens his duvet a bit more, making space for Theo to crawl up and pats the space by him.
“Come here. Take those shoes off and come here. You just need to cool off a bit.”
Theo doesn't hesitate, it is clear he has enough of dealing with this all by himself and welcomes the reached out hands with relief. He takes off his shoes and crawls up, settling himself against the headboard next to Adam. He tries to cover himself with bits of duvet awkwardly when Adam reaches out his arm and pulls him against his chest.
“No, it's not going that way Theo, I thought of something different. If booze, and porn, and all the usual things don't work, then maybe the good old cuddling can, like - remember when you were little and you had a cuddle toy?”
Theo feels his cheeks heat up. “Yes,” he mumbles out, appearing still a bit surprised with the way Adam holds him tight against his side. Not that he minds it, it actually is comforting, the warmth, the dim light and the strong confident arm holding him.
“Remember what it was?” Adam tries to take Theo's thoughts from whatever they are chasing at and steer them toward some more peaceful areas.
“A penguin.”
“A penguin?! Really?” Adam chuckles and Theo can feel his chest and stomach moving. Adam is soft and solid at the same time, not like a pillow, but like something you know you can rest against and that will support you well. Theo starts to relax.
“Yes, his name was Victor and when I was five I used to tell him all my secrets and he told me back all about how the life in Antarctic looks like. We both liked fish.” By now Adam is honestly shaking under him.
“You're too precious, you know,” Adam manages out and kisses the top of his head.
Theo feels all the dark, wearisome thoughts in his head recede and just a wave of feelings overcoming him, the deep gratitude for the warmth coming from Adam, from his body and from his words.
“I love you, Adam.”
It's not sure if Adam even hears him, he remains silent for a moment.
Then “Shh, you're just tired” comes silently from above. “We should just try to sleep.” They lie down, arranged just as they were before - Theo snuggled against his side, his head on his chest, Adam's arm wrapped around him.
“No, I do,” Theo says, his voice sure.
Adam doesn't answer to that, he doesn't know how. He doesn't answer, but his heart does it for him. It is racing, he can hear it beating loud in his chest, strong, steady sounds of it hammering against his ribs, and Theo just mere inches above it listening to its treacherous tale.
Theo raises his head up and kisses the spot above his heart. ”Thank you,” he whispers, puts his head down again and continues to listen to the only lullaby he knows will work.