Chapter Text
Rey counts each constellation on her blanket, shifting the cover between her thumb and finger. Only when she reached one-hundred-and-thirty-three did she give in to Cumin’s longing stare and get out of bed. A blizzard had picked up, just like Leia mentioned it would.
The windows rattled in their frames, thrashing against the heavy winds, snow flakes stuck to the frosted panes — the outside of the cabin tinted a pale white.
The emotions which Rey felt the night prior had bled into the present, turning her stomach and echoing the word abandoned repeatedly in her head. Of course, Rey knew she wasn’t — but it sure felt like it. Especially with the information that Ben shared last night; Luke had called but didn’t try to talk to her.
Rey was being dramatic, whiny, like a child. She’d barely been gone for two days. He just wanted her to settle before they talked.
A shiver rocked her body as soon as she stepped out of the warm bed. The thin windows weren’t any good at insulating the house. Cumin kept weaving between her legs and nudging against her with his head whilst she fought to collect some warmer clothes.
The idea of a hot shower drifted through her barrier of intrusive thoughts and she could have sighed in delight, just from the thought. Taking a jumper and a pair of sweats, padding to the bathroom, she wasn’t in the mood to dress with effort, not with her mind buzzing like it was.
Getting into the bathroom and double — no triple — checking that the door was locked, before stripping off and turning the water up high. So hot it practically scalds her skin when she gets in. And yet, she accepts it. She let the water pound down onto her shoulders and neck, as if it’d somehow cast away Ben’s touch from yesterday.
The image of him consoling her as she cried flash through as a fleeting memory, and her chest tightened with guilt. Pulling away from the stream to lather her hair with shampoo. She repeated her mantra — she wouldn’t be swayed. Not so easily.
Still, the tightness in her chest didn’t fade, even as she scrubbed her skin and bathed in the calming scent of Jasmine and Vanilla.
By the time she’d finished washing the conditioner out of her hair, the bathroom was thick with steam.
She wiped the shower door down and brushed her teeth, stretching her arms with a satisfied moan. Throwing her old clothes into the laundry hamper and putting on the clothes she’d picked out. Rubbing her hair with a towel as she opened the door, passing through and jumping back when she almost collided with Ben’s chest.
“Jesus,” he beamed as she attempted to recover from the fright she’d just endured. “So jumpy.”
She paused, hand on her chest, looking up at him, gripping onto her towel for support. “W-Were you just standing outside?”
Ben frowned, eyes tracing over Rey, clearly confused by how guarded she seemed. “I wanted to know if you’d like to go on a walk? It’s cold and icy but we’ve got thick clothes if you haven’t brought any. Just thought it’d be nice for you to see Arcadia before the blizzard gets any worse.”
She swallows the lump in her throat. “Sure, that... that’ll be nice.” She couldn’t hold his stare, not with the amount of intensity swimming in them. Still, he followed her eyes, trying to catch them.
“Are you okay, Rey? You seem distant.”
Rey shifted her eyes back to his, chewing on the side of her cheek. “I just... I woke up feeling the same as last night... just anxious, I guess.”
“It’s okay, little mouse.” Without warning, he curled an arm around her shoulder and pressed her into his chest, forcing the right side of her face to be squished against him. Looking up to see his eyes darting over her face, his own expression blank. “The walk will make you feel better — fresh air and all... Go get changed into something warmer and we’ll go on that walk, okay?”
He let Rey pull away, watching as she scurried back down the hall and into her bedroom.
Truthfully, Rey didn’t know what to make of his new nickname for her, or how he kept finding a way to touch her. Surely Leia would intervene if she thought Ben’s intentions were warped. Leia would look after her.
She kept the same outfit on but put on a pair of thermal leggings underneath the sweats and a t-shirt underneath her sweater. The temperature must’ve been somewhere in the twenties — maybe even as low as fifteen — though it didn’t throw her off.
When Rey left her bedroom, the smell of bacon flooded the air, lingering through the hallways and leading her to the kitchen. Ben hunched over the stove in a tight black t-shirt, letting Rey see how the muscles in his back tensed as he moved the spatula around the stove. Rey tore her eyes away from him, sitting at the counter.
Cumin came bounding down the stairs after her, meowing a greeting and ignoring Ben, hopping up next to her.
“You’re good with bacon, right, Rey?”
“Of course.” Something inside of Rey told her that even if she hated bacon with every fibre of her being, she still wouldn’t have been able to refuse. “I’m pretty easy.”
Ben muttered something under his breath with a laugh, but Rey couldn’t make it out as well as she’d liked. It sounded like ‘ not easy enough ’. Weird.
“Some sustenance,” Ben hummed, sliding a plate of eggs and bacon towards her, then running his eyes over her outfit and tutting. “You’re not going to be warm enough in that, little mouse.”
Rey hated how he talked down to her. “But… you’re only wearing a t-shirt and jeans?”
Even his smile was patronising. “I’m an alpha, Rey. I run hot.” She huffed in response, filling her mouth with food so she didn’t have to respond. Rey may have been an omega, but she wasn’t weak. She could handle the cold.
“I’ll get you something…” Ben left the kitchen before she could finish her mouthful and object, leaving her and Cumin to stare at each other. Which she certainly didn’t mind. He seemed just as confused by Ben as she was.
Rey couldn’t fault the cabin, though. In an ideal world, she could see herself living in a similar one. Filled with old rugs, paintings, candles, lamps, endless books and soft blankets she could cuddle up to. Maybe even a cat, too. It’d be her own. Rey didn’t need a mate.
“Here.”
Ben passed her a navy sweater, placing it on the countertop next to her near empty plate. It looked huge. Stretching at least forty inches in width, the length — around sixty. Rey blinked at it. It didn’t look any thicker than what she was already wearing.
“It’s fleeced on the inside.” He shuffled closer, so that his chest was against her back, leaning over her. Taking her wrist with a gentle hold and leading her hand inside the hem. “See?”
Rey’s eyes widened as she ran her hand along the material, soft. Not like the cheap fleece that felt like cotton wool and made her teeth grind, but cloud-like. “Yeah — it’s really nice.” She attempted to ignore his breath against her scent gland, or his fingers pressed against the one on her wrist.
His fingers coaxed her skin, even as her hand laid limp in the fabric. Thumb brushing in a tentative circle, so gentle that it made her shiver. His scent thickened around her, claggy and murky.
Rey coughed, pulling her hand away as if he’d burned her. “S-Should we go?” Her words came out so quiet that she wondered if Ben even heard her, but he did, pulling himself away and looking down at her with a crooked smile.
“Well, put it on.”
Ben’s command left no room for compromise, voice filled with authority. Rey cast her eyes down and started to pull her own sweater over her head, pulling on Ben’s and the scent of him was now like a thick cloak around her.
There’s no way that all of his clothes smelled that strong. She would’ve noticed. It was potentially nauseating. Like when he led her to her room for the first time, and his smell came flooding out. Like he’d scented it. He wouldn’t have — would he? What would he gain from that?
Ben was washing her plate in the sink when she finally got all the material over her head. It drowned her out without effort. The sleeves draped over her hands and billowed around her frame. It was big, very big, and it only reinstated how big Ben was compared to her. She sat staring at the sleeves, worming her hands through and bunching up the fabric.
It was ridiculously warm and snug despite how huge it was, shamefully nicer than her own sweater.
She flinched at the sound of clattering cutlery, snapping out of her daze and looking up to see Ben running his eyes over her, taking in how his clothing drowned her. She must’ve looked ridiculous.
He stalked over, taking her hands one by one and rolling the sleeves over her wrists. Rey was starting to hate the familiar feeling of heat on her face. Ben’s pupils were bigger than normal when he looked back at her, nostrils flaring until he cracked a smile.
“Come on, then.”
He tempted her out of her seat by placing a hand on her shoulder. The heat of it bled through her clothes and she wanted to rip it off. It made her skin itchy and claustrophobic. Too much.
She followed Ben out of the room and Cumin stayed in his seat, head tilted and wide eyed as if to ask where she was going. Ben stopped in the hall, getting a pair of walking boots out of a closet. “You’re a 7, right? These are moms — they’re an 8 but they should fit okay.”
Rey nodded and couldn’t question how he knew that in time before he pulled out two thick coats. By the looks of them they were both his. Did he want to drown her in clothes?
He tucked one under his arm before waving a hand to get her attention. “Spread your arms out, little mouse.”
“I can do it myself,” Rey protests, reaching for the jacket only to get her hands swatted away.
“Rey. Arms.” Once again, his voice edged on a harsher command, face stern, before he broke it and sent her a boyish grin. “Humour me, please.”
Rey did as he said, letting him put the coat on for her and she hated herself for it the entire time, especially when he did the zipper for her — as if she couldn’t manage that herself. She wasn’t a child.
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Ben slipped on his coat, a thick blue canvas jacket that Rey doubted did anything to keep him warmer. Alpha’s run hot . She huffed in response to his comment, not willing to tell him that actually it felt as bad as a third-degree burn.
She wasn’t helpless.
She pulled on Leia’s walking boots, fidgeting and finding that they were practically the perfect size for her. Maybe her feet had grown.
Rey couldn’t help but notice how swift Ben was in everything he did, probably because of how tall he was. He took half the time Rey took to put his shoes on and Rey feared on the walk she might lose him because of how long his strides were. But, then again, losing him might do her a favour.
“Ready?” He raked a hand through his hair, and Rey hated how soft and approachable he looked. His intentions were cloudy.
“Mhm.”
He led her to the front door and opened it, letting the cold air into the cabin. Rey shivered at the gust of wind which breached the entrance. God, it was cold — and Rey loved it. A smile spread across her face at the sight. She didn’t take the time to look around when she first got out of the car, nor did she make a strong effort after. Restricted to window glazed views.
She took a step onto the porch, Ben following closely behind her as she looked at the sight in front of her, mouth agape.
A thick blanket of snow covered the wide plain, small animal tracks were dotted into the snow, half buried into the ice. The smell of pine was unavoidable, thick just like Ben’s scent, but unlike Ben’s, Rey felt herself welcoming it. Fresh and clean, not claggy. And despite the subtle rattling of branches, the world was silent. Pulling her in.
She moved down the porch stairs without waiting for Ben, humming as snow now dusted her hair and clothes. Holding her palm up to collect them.
“Careful, Rey.” Ben’s voice snapped her from her reverie, bringing her back to the present. “It’s icy, you could slip.”
Rey ignored him, looking out again. Spruce trees rushed along the path, along with shrubs of holly that danced along their roots, coated with snow. Rey certainly didn’t miss the city.
“It’s so… beautiful,” Rey said, mostly to herself. Eyes still tracing over every detail.
“You think so?”
Rey nodded, looking up at Ben, who was staring back at her with a curious expression. “Where are we going?”
Ben pointed to the left of the house, where there was a small break in the trees. Rey assumed that there would have been a path if it wasn’t covered with snow. “Through there, I want to show you something.”
“That’s… quite ominous.”
Ben laughed, shaking his head. “I promise that you’ll like it.”
He placed his hand on her shoulder again, and like before, Rey didn’t shake him off. She supposed it was because he knew that she was quite a bit smaller than him. She could easily fall behind. Nevertheless, it still churned her stomach.
The path was shallower than the area around the house, due to the coverage of trees above them, and it was louder, surrounded by birds which scavenged from tree to tree. A few chickadees scurried past Rey’s feet and she turned to watch them, bumping into Ben’s chest.
“Careful.” Ben repeated, clutching her shoulder tighter.
“Sorry,” she squeaked, but got distracted once again when the sound of a woodpecker echoed across the woods.
“We’re going up there.” Ben pointed to a hillier and rockier part of the track. “I’ll help you up, of course.”
Her chest tightened at Ben’s comment and she tried her best not to scowl as she faced him again. “T-Thanks… But I think I can manage on my own.”
Ben’s eyebrow quirked up, but he didn’t seem surprised by Rey’s comment, lip tugging into a smirk. “Are you sure?”
Rey nodded and Ben copied her, nodding along with her. Rey wondered if he knew how patronising he was.
“I go hiking upstate a lot. A few rocks really aren’t that much trouble for me.”
That statement didn’t seem to make him happier. If anything, he looked pissed off. Eyes narrowing and jaw clenching, moving left to right. “Alone?”
Rey blinked up at him, then shook her head. “I go with Rose…” Rey couldn’t figure out why he was getting so agitated about something as simple as her hiking. His face evened out and he took a few slow breaths.
“I just… I wouldn’t want you getting hurt, little mouse.” His grip on her shoulder loosened, and he placed his hand on her cheek instead, which, to Rey’s chagrin, seemed to appease her hindbrain, wilting her thoughts down into mush.
“I… I’m not made of glass.” Rey huffed, pulling herself away from him and beginning to make her way up the hill he pointed to. Ben was hot on her trail, and with his long limbs, he scaled the snow and rocks before she had even made it halfway.
“Are you sure you don’t need a hand?” Ben asked and Rey frowned up at him, remaining stubborn.
“No.”
“You sure?” He asked again after half a minute, watching her clamber her way up with arrogance and that boyish smile. He didn’t wait for her response this time, taking her hand and pulling her up.
The sight in front of her was truly astonishing. Past the hill they stood on stretched a wide lake and mountains, just like her mother had mentioned in the car. The mountains were fogged over with a blue tint and the lake was iced over. Silhouettes of birds swooped overhead, and the sun shone down in a way that made it look even more heavenly than it already did.
Even though she was shivering, she felt warm. She stared at each detail and listened to each sound, eyes widening each time a bird would flee the branches.
Ben’s hands came upon her shoulders, rubbing her through the coat. Rey sucked in a breath, fidgeting and trying to get her focus back on the wildlife. She couldn’t.
“What if a bear comes?” She muttered in an attempt to break the ice, feigning a light laugh.
“Well, bear attacks are extremely rare, Rey, even in Maine… You’re more likely to get killed by a bee. But, as a hiker yourself you should know this… If you don’t, you really shouldn’t be hiking.”
“I’m…” Rey wrung her fingers. “I’m just anxious, is all.” Not about the bears though, the bears were the least of her worries — Rey really needed to stop bringing up bears when she was anxious.
“S’ okay, but maybe I should’ve given you something to wear on your face — you’re far more red than usual.”
If it were possible to get more flushed than she already was, she would’ve.
“Is it nice in summer?”
She felt Ben shrug behind her. “I guess so, but I’ve always been more attracted to the cold. You know — for the past two years we’ve lived in Arcadia we’ve invited you guys to come visit. In summer and in winter.”
Rey stiffened at the remark, bowing her head a touch. Of course she knew that, she’d been the one who pleaded to her parents, begging them, not to make her go. Telling them she’d be much happier in New York or venturing upstate than being anywhere near Ben. She wanted nothing to do with him, especially after she presented.
The memory brought nothing but confusion once again. Her parents had always known that she had disliked Ben and yet they still made her stay with him for a month.
“Oh, really? I-I didn’t know that.” Ben’s fingers dug into her skin a bit more before they relented, dropping to his sides.
“That’s weird… We always used to get along when you were a kid, didn’t we Rey?” Rey nodded, offering no response because she knew the only words that would come out would be more lies. It’s true, they did, but then Ben presented and something inside of him shifted. Something feral and raw. Something alpha.
“But then you got distant. I… Rey, I really missed you. After I presented — with Han gone, on and off — I’d always look forward to seeing you and you wouldn’t… you weren’t the same. But that’s okay because you’re here now, right?”
Ben’s voice became so gentle that it was barely familiar at all, bearing a resemblance to a lost child and it hurt. It stung in her chest, like ice. Rey felt bad. Luke’s words rung in her head; you’re his favourite cousin .
She turned to look at him and felt even worse. His eyes were soft and glazed over, watery. Looking at her for support.
“I’m sorry Ben, really. I… yeah. I’m here now.”
Ben clutched her in a hug, pulling her into a strong embrace. Rey found herself relaxing into it, but only because of the warmth of his chest. Alpha’s really did run hot .
When they got back to the cabin, Ben left her so she could have a long bath. She’d always hated that tingly feeling after getting in from the cold. It’d flood up her legs and make her feel all squirmy. Uncomfortable in her own skin.
Sighing as she let herself relax in the water, steam poured off of the bath and covered the room with condensation, fogging up the mirror and faucets. She almost fell asleep, head twitching to the side a few times before she decided that she better get out instead of accidentally drowning.
She felt a lot better than she had in the morning. Her head was clearer and the anxiety which ran circles in her head had dissipated. The feeling of abandonment was a distant memory.
Slipping on her Ben’s jumper and her sweats to make her way back downstairs. She found herself alone with Cumin, Ben nowhere in sight, though she could hear murmuring in one of the rooms along the downstairs hallway. Maybe Ben was doing laundry.
She wasted no time in getting comfortable on the couch, fanning a blanket over herself and listening to the world outside. But, just like Cumin, Ben never strayed far.
She turned her head at the sound of a door shutting and watched him come out of the room at the end of the hall. It had a lock on it. His face was a bit pink, hair ruffled more than usual.
“You look comfortable.”
Rey forced a tight smile, the conciliation from the walk long forgotten about as he lingered over her, moving slow and precise.
“Why don’t we watch Return Of The King, like we were meant to yesterday?”
“Sure, I don’t mind.” As long as he didn’t move her again . He sat next to her, leaving her a few inches of space — which she was grateful for — and reclined against the back of the sofa. He stretched his arm out behind her, like yesterday, yet he didn’t let his fingers touch.
He fiddled with the remote, turning on the movie and Rey tried her best to focus on the film, yet couldn’t ignore how his eyes kept lingering back to her. She shifted in her spot, trying not to let her breathing get out of control.
This is exactly why she didn’t feel comfortable with Ben.
One minute he’d be soft and vulnerable, telling her how he felt and looking at her with soft puppy eyes, and then in the blink of an eye he’d be predatory and unfeeling. It gave her whiplash.
She could feel it, the change in approach. His body language would turn stiff and his scent would wrap around her like rope. Unwilling to let her go.
“Why don’t we lay down, like yesterday?” He suggested an hour in, letting his fingers finally drape along her shoulder, playing with the ends of her hair. Rey blinked at the screen and let her eyes drift to him, chewing on her lip.
His eyes were softer than they should’ve been and his lips were jutting out into subtle pout.
Before she could utter a pathetic response Cumin hopped down from his spot next to the door, swaying over to the both of them and placed himself between them, offering Ben an oblivious expression before burying his head into Rey’s legs, pushing his head from side to side and meowing.
Ben let out a huff and Rey couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. “I don’t think Cumin wants me to move.”
Ben turned back to the screen without another word, expression twisted into an apathetic stare. He definitely didn’t look happy, but Rey was.
So happy and comfortable, in fact, that she ended up falling asleep again, just like yesterday, head tilted at an uncomfortable angle. Fingers draped over Cumin’s stomach as she let out small puffs of air.
She woke up submerged underneath a blanket, position shifted so that she was sprawled out on the sofa, Cumin now laying on her stomach instead of on her legs. The cabin was lit with amber light and the flickering of a flame spurting in the fireplace.
A muffled conversation was going on in the kitchen, but she was far too groggy to pay attention, lifting her head to look over the back cushions and finding Leia talking to Ben with a stern, unfamiliar expression.
Both of her relatives turned to look at her at the same time, and Rey wanted to duck her head back down. Leia’s face shifted from stern, to concerned and then to a delighted expression, all in a few seconds.
“Rey, I must say, you really do sleep like a log,” Leia laughed, coming to give her niece a light kiss on the temple.
Rey blushed at the comment. She’d always been a heavy sleeper. “I don’t snore, do I?”
Leia shook her head with a laugh and she heard Ben do the same. He was hunched over the stove again, cooking.
It was dusk, the sky was a mix of deep blues and orange. She’d slept for too long again. “How was work? Busy?”
“Well, as busy as it can be in a town as small as ours,” Leia sighed, perching herself onto the other sofa as Rey lifted her body up, trying her best not to disturb the cat who laid peacefully on her abdomen. “I doubt I’ll be going to work tomorrow with the blizzard getting heavier.”
Sure enough, the snow had become more rapid and incessant with its pace since Rey fell asleep. The snow must’ve been at her ankles.
“Cumin’s very smitten with you Rey. I don’t think he’ll let you leave when the month is up.” The stirring at the stove stilled for a bit before Ben continued his movements.
“He might smuggle his way into my suitcase,” Rey joked, and it evoked another throaty laugh from her aunt.
They sat chatting about nothing in particular until Ben came with three plates, two on his left and one on the right. He passed the one on the right to Rey, before giving the other to Leia and sitting down next to Rey.
He’d cooked carbonara. Her eyes widened as she took her first mouthful, and Ben smiled knowingly. “Ben — I didn’t know you were such a good cook.”
“Learned from the best, of course.” Leia hummed.
Conversation ran dry now Ben was there, hovering over the three of them. He seemed to do that, dominate the room. Rey wondered if he realised.
After they were done, Leia took the plates and scurried off with the excuse of hitting the hay early , leaving Rey and Ben alone again.
He slapped his hands on his thighs, getting up and stretching his body out. “Hot chocolate?”
Rey accepted, slipping Cumin off of her lap and following Ben to sit on one of the stools.
“I can give you your sweater back if you want?” Rey had honestly forgotten that she was still wearing it, but Ben waved her off.
“It’s okay, little mouse. You can keep it. I never wear it.” The scent of it said otherwise, but she shrugged and thanked him.
Like the other night, she drank the hot chocolate, with Ben staring over her like a bird looking for prey. She tried to ignore him, looking around the cabin to ignore his gaze.
She placed the mug down on the table after around five minutes or so, with a much heavier hand than intended. The cup almost rolled off of the table, but Ben caught it, his face inches from her face.
He grinned down at her.
The room was spinning. The lights around the cabin swirled and twisted. When she stood up, she fell over onto her knees. She felt as if she was on a boat.
“Ben, I don’t feel too good.”
His arms reached under her armpits, picking her up as if she weighed nothing. Tilting her head up to look at him. His face, much like the lights, was morphing into odd patterns, his eyes dark and hungry. “I think the little mouse needs to go to bed, hm?”
She nods in response, clinging onto his shoulders as he carries her up the stairs. Despite her drowsy state, she still wanted to paw his hands off.
“Can you dress yourself?”
“Yes,” she blurts, the idea of Ben dressing her instantly making her head a smidge clearer. His expression was unreadable, setting her on the floor like a doll. Her body slumped against the wall, fighting for her eyes to stay open.
“You sure?”
She whines softly, frustrated with herself for not being able to move without her limbs going limp. Looking back up at Ben with a frown, not willing to answer his question. But, he didn’t need an answer.
Lips twitching into a crooked smile, revealing his gapped teeth. Smoothing a thumb over her cheek, before helping her up again. Leading her into her room.
“Please don’t... Please don’t look.”
Ben eyed her hungrily, wrapping a hand around her jaw as he nodded, stroking gently at her skin. He pushed her onto the bed without another word, and she hummed in response.
Stroking the soft blankets that laid under her, forcing her eyes to stay open — they began to sting at the temptation. Listening to Ben rifle through the cabinet she’d filled up the previous morning.
He held her pyjama shorts in his right hand and a baggy shirt in his left. Fabric crinkled from the restless nights she’d spent in them.
“Arms up,” she obeyed, lifting her hands over her head for him to pull her sweater off — which he did. And he shut his eyes, just like she’d asked him to.
But despite his lack of sight, he took his time, running his hands up along the area a few inches away from her bras wire. As if he were trying to remember how her skin felt beneath his fingers.
“Can you stand? Need to get these shorts on you, little mouse.”
She clutched at his forearm as she stood up, raising and shivering as his fingers brushed down from her ribs to her waist, hooking his fingers into the material.
He slowly slid down her skirt and tights at the same time. He pried them off of her legs, lightly pulling her legs up, one at a time, to slip them off.
Her skirt, tights and socks became a bundle of fabric. Just like with the t-shirt, he pulled the shorts on tentatively. Letting his fingers wander over her flesh, from her calves to her thighs. Chills ran up her spine as she felt his breath fanning over her pelvis.
She took the opportunity to fall back on the bed, acting as if she had no effect on his actions. He ran a hand over her hair. Signalling for her to shimmy up the bed, collecting the blankets into two fists and putting them over her.
His face was uncomfortably close to hers as he leaned closer, grabbing the pillows before she laid back and fluffing them.
“Can’t have a little mouse be uncomfortable, can we?”
She stared up at him, offering him no response and watching as he placed them back behind her head, pushing on her shoulders — gently — which had her hair sprawled out against the pillow.
He pressed a light kiss onto her forehead, but she didn’t even notice.
Her body felt numb, like she was living inside the shell of a body. Nothing felt real. Her head was spinning just as much as her vision was, and every word Ben spoke sounded like it was spoken a hundred metres away from her.
“My room’s right next door if you need anything. Goodnight, little mouse.”
She hummed, falling into a dreamless sleep.