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Anthony Bridgerton loves his family. Really, he does. He has spent his life molding himself in the image of his beloved father, the consummate family man. And while he perhaps doesn't quite have the patience and emotional awareness that Edmund Bridgerton possessed, he likes to believe that he's done his best.
But sometimes, he thinks that the sweet, sweet satisfaction of being able to wring the necks of his idiot younger brothers might be worth the consequent trip to the gallows.
But then again, when Anthony gazes into the pair of golden, syrup-brown eyes in front of him, currently narrowed in thin slits of fury, he thinks:
Nothing is worth leaving this. Kate. Not the rage-inducing meddling and general idiocy of his family's antics, nor his own, still-crippling fear of love and what it can move him to do for those he feels it for, not even his own status as a gentleman -- the source of his and his family's honor.
He would happily endure anything, give up anything to be alive. To be alive and be with Kate.
If only he could convince her of that.
"You dueled Simon?"
"Kate-"
"An actual duel?"
"Yes," Benedict nods, an insolent grin plastered on his face.
"With the guns, and the- the walking ten paces away from one another, and slapping each other in the cheek with a glove to signify your declaration of senseless violence."
"No, Anthony doesn't wear gloves," Colin corrects. "But the rest is accurate, yes. Or so I heard. I wasn't asked to be there."
"Oh, for the umpteenth time, Colin, you were but twenty years of age and someone had to stay behind to take care of Mother and the rest of the family. Anthony only asked me because I was the elder, that is all!"
Colin sniffs. "You two always do this! You go off on your little adventures and leave me behind with the rest of the family like I'm some child!"
"You are not a child-"
"Will you two imbeciles shut up?" Anthony barks.
"You will not yell at them for daring to tell me the truth!" Kate stops her pacing of the Bridgerton sitting room and puts her hands behind her back.
"Messrs Bridgerton, I require a moment with your brother. Would you be so kind as to give us a few minutes to speak privately?"
Benedict and Colin exchange glances with each other. They should protest, having been made nominal chaperones by Mother, who had unfortunately taken ill and was unable to receive Kate when Anthony brought her to Bridgerton House that morning. But after turning to look at Anthony, they immediately scurry out of the room without another word.
His patented my-tolerance-of-your-idiocy-has-ended-and-I-suggest-you-start-running-now gaze still works on them.
Good.
Anthony turns in his armchair to face Kate.
"Darling, if you would just let me explain-"
"Is this what I am to expect?" Kate asks.
He blinks.
"What is?"
"For the rest of our marriage? Is this what you are going to do? That anytime someone slights your precious honor, you shall engage in such an act, risking either exile or death, both scenarios in which you will leave me?"
"Kate," Anthony says.
"I know you are a proud man, Anthony. It is- inevitable that you will once again land yourself in some scandal that provokes you to respond in such a fashion. And I know I am a strong woman. I have faced the prospect of raising a family on my own before. I believe in duty. I cherish it. I will not abdicate my role as mother or sister or Viscountess, even in your absence.
But this is not what you promised me. This is not a life that suits the both of us. It does not suit me. Anthony, I don't want to be left alone again. I can't."
She wraps two arms around herself, and it is such an unexpected show of vulnerability that he feels like the worst cad. Wishes he could kill the past apparition of himself that was such a reckless fool, that didn't know the great gift that would ride into his pathetic life on horseback not even a year later.
Anthony rises from his chair and rushes to her, enveloping her rigid frame in his arms.
"No," she whimpers. "Stop. I know what you are doing." Her hands nevertheless wind themselves around his neck as she presses her nose to his covered collarbone.
He inhales. Sucks in hot breaths and the unmistakable scent of lilies and sandalwood soap and Kate. He should hold her the way a gentleman would - politely, tenderly, with care for her limbs and extremities. Instead he crushes her to his chest, leaving no room for air between their bodies, fervently searching for some way to permanently attach her to his side.
Matrimony is not enough. Nothing will ever be strong enough to ensure that she always stays by his side, near his reach, in his arms. He must do it himself. He must show her that it is not a possibility that even exists for him - that he would ever, willingly leave her.
"You think there is anything in this world that could tear me away from you? Kate, you have humbled me so thoroughly that my existence, my heart, my honor- they are all tied to you. Irrevocably. I could not leave you. I could not."
"If anything ever happened to you-"
"And if anything ever happened to you?" Anthony smiles gently at Kate's flush of embarrassment. "It is a risk we shall simply have to bear. I have learned that now. But I cannot play wantonly with my life anymore, Kate. The man who did- he was a fool."
"A fool," Kate mumbles against his chest. "I hate him. He almost took you away from me."
"I have sympathy for him," Anthony explains. "The life he had was empty, devoid of meaning."
Devoid of you.
"But things are different now," he whispers, pressing a kiss to Kate's forehead.
"I should hope so. I'm not ever going to let you do something so foolish again."
"Me? Do something foolish?" Anthony feigns shock. "Like what?"
"Like re-growing those awful mutton chops Daphne described to me at lunch today. Or dying."
"And what is it that you would do to stop me?" Not that he requires any action on her part, but he can't resist it. He finds nothing more adorable- or terrifying- than when she threatens him.
Kate taps his nose. "I'll kill you."
"You'll kill me if I die? How would that even work?" Anthony's smirk prompts Kate's hand to wander down from his nose and poke the dimple that curves around his mouth. He takes the offending finger and gently bites it, relishing the darkening of her doe eyes as she finally cracks a small, sly smile.
"Oh, hush you," Kate says. "I'm allowed to be illogical. I'm in love."
Anthony presses his mouth to her forehead again, blinking furiously as his eyes begin to sting. They stand in the middle of the sitting room, swaying together with their arms around the other until Anthony's idiot brothers traipse back into the room and force them to part.
For now.
He's the lucky man whom she'll approach at the altar, after all. And then hang everyone, he will finally be able to keep his wife settled against his side for the rest of his- very, very long, if Kate has anything to say about it- life. Right where they both belong.