Chapter Text
Beatrice Prior had known for a while that she didn’t belong in Abnegation. In Abnegation, she was never enough, not selfless enough, not generous enough. She wasn’t good at forgetting herself and turning outwards only. She knew that, and she had come to terms with it. She wanted to leave, but her dream, the freedom of Dauntless, was unattainable.
She wasn’t strong, she wasn’t fast, she couldn’t fight. Hell, she couldn’t even run anymore. She had tried to train in secret, in the fields separated from Abnegation by the tree-line, but the months of training hadn’t made her stronger, and she had hated herself for it.
She had no idea what had caused it, but she had become weaker and weaker physically, her hands often shaking and sudden pains left her out of breath. The unconditional selflessness demanded in Abnegation had stopped her from asking for help – she would have been scolded for it had she tried, she knew that. So she had forced herself to ignore it, a feat which had proved more and more difficult as her health slowly declined.
And since she couldn’t choose the faction she wanted to, she had decided to wait for the test and choose whichever faction it told her she belonged in, to avoid the weight of the responsibility of choosing a faction. In her mind, it was simple enough. The test would tell her where she would do best, where her future would be brightest. There would be no reason not to follow what it said.
But the test only ruled out two factions, Candor and Amity. She didn’t have fewer problems, she had more. Now, in addition to not knowing what to choose, she knew that she was divergent. That whatever she chose, she wouldn’t really fit in.
But she had to choose. Dauntless was out of the question, no matter how many times her heart led her to reconsider it, she knew she wouldn’t survive there. And now, minutes before the choosing ceremony, she still hadn’t made up her mind. Erudite…the idea was attractive, she had always liked intellectual challenges and loved learning. She dreamed of the promise of intellectual freedom, of researching any topic that awakened her curiosity, without the fear of censorship. But leaving Abnegation meant leaving everything she knew, everyone she loved behind. Could she do that?
“Beatrice Prior”
She stood up shakily and walked to the center of the room. Like all the others before her, she made a small incision in the center of her palm with the knife, and moved her shaking hand above the bowl filled with gray stones representing Abnegation. Was she strong enough to leave? She didn’t know the answer to that.
But more importantly, was she selfless enough to stay? Could she find happiness in her faction of origin? The answer was clear, and she moved her hand above the bowl filled with still, clear water, where she let a drop of blood fall.
“Erudite.”
Jeanine was as surprised as everyone else at Beatrice Prior’s quick last second movement, which caused her blood to fall into the Erudite bowl. She had memorized all test results and knew that Beatrice’s result had been Abnegation, and she had expected her to choose to stay in Abnegation, like her brother did, like every other Abnegation. Curious, with one eyebrow raised, Jeanine watched the girl walk towards the Erudite section of the room – towards her. Their eyes met for a second, Beatrice’s expression hesitant and terrified, Jeanine’s head to the side with one eyebrow raised. Then Beatrice looked away and moved to sit with the other initiates in the front row.