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Josie and I were just friends, the best honestly but I fell in love, ruining everything as I always do. I confessed to her my feelings and how I had tried to keep them from coming up, Josie just cried, she told me she was sorry she couldn't reciprocate...I avoided her for a month, I only saw her in the halls of the university or when we met up with our friends, I just smiled at her from afar and didn't go near her.
One afternoon I was sitting at the exit of the university waiting for my dad to pick me up, totally immersed in my thoughts and in the song that played in my headphones when I felt someone sitting next to me, I would recognize that smell wherever I went.
Josie was sitting next to me, her hands clasped, staring at me, her lower lip being bitten at times.
"Hope...I'd like us to talk, please."-I sighed, the least I wanted was to touch the subject and less with Josie, honestly I just wanted her to forget that this happened, to forget what I confessed to her and let's pretend that everything was fine, that nothing had changed.
"Josie, I'm waiting for my dad and I have some work to do for several classes, could it be later?, I'll be very busy the rest of the day."-Liar, she knows you are lying to her, she knows you are looking for any excuse not to talk to her, to drag this situation out, to avoid the impossible awkward moment you will spend when you talk about it.
"No, Hope...I think I've given you enough time, I need you to listen to me..."-sigh, nothing would make her change her mind, I know her too well. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you opened up to me like that about your feelings, confessing to me and being the most vulnerable version of yourself, I'm so sorry I'm not able to feel the same way you feel. "-auch...this is definitely still hurting, maybe the pain will continue undefeated for a while longer, it is clear to me that my feelings towards Josie will not change in a month or a year but I had to learn to live and accept that I will not always have what I want.
"No one has control over the heart, Josie and no matter how much you apologize, and I tell you that everything will be ok, it won't be, it will take time to heal and to hope is all but I need you to know that it is not your fault, my feelings for you arose and will continue for a while but you don't have to apologize for something that you have no control over, no one can decide who to fall in love with because if I could I wouldn't have chosen you to be the owner of my heart ruining our friendship and everything between us, I'm the one who should apologize, I'm so sorry, Jo."-my dad's car appeared just before Josie could say anything else to me, I took my things, gave her a last look and got in the car without even saying goodbye.
Two more days passed since I last saw Josie, I didn't leave the house and made up a silly excuse to our friends to stop them from wanting me to meet them knowing that if I saw them Josie would inevitably be there.
"MIKAELSON, LEAVE THE CRAP AND OPEN THE DOOR."-Hope sighed heavily and found Jed leaning back from the doorway with Cleo at his side.
"Jed, Cleo, what are you doing here?"-Jed sighed and shook his head slightly as he walked into Hope's room and lay down on the bed.
"I don't know maybe checking that our best friend is still alive, we were worried and the nonsense about you having college work is a lie, Cleo talked to your professors and they told her you have nothing pending."-Hope mumbled under her breath in an angry manner walking back into the room with Cleo behind her.
"I'm sorry, yeah?, seeing you guys meant seeing Josie and I'm not ready for that step right now. I need to take enough time to know how to live with her around even though I have all these feelings that I can't control."-Jed walked up to Hope and grabbed her shoulders making her look up and look at him.
"I know that saying I'm sorry that things didn't work out in your favor won't change anything, neither your feelings nor Josie's and neither will the fact that you confessed everything you feel for her but I need you to promise me that you will stop isolating yourself, you don't have to go through this alone, we are your friends and we are here for you. "-Hope smiled with her eyes full of tears, hugging Jed and pulling Cleo into the embrace to hug her too, she didn't know how or what she did to deserve them but she was so grateful that they were her best friends.
Another month had passed, Hope was lying practically asleep when she felt her cell phone vibrating on the night table, she frowned and then turned her back to where the cell phone was and covered her head with the sheet ready to continue sleeping but the person who had interrupted her sleep seemed not to have planned to let her sleep for the rest of the night because the cell phone continued to vibrate insistently, without even reading who was calling her she stretched towards the cell phone and with her eyes closed due to anger she took the call.
"You don't know how to respect other people's sleep, I'm just asking for a moment of peace, for heaven's sake."
"Hope..."-on hearing the somewhat distant call Hope sat up quickly in bed.
"Josie, it's..."-she walked over to the clock next to her bed and read the time. "2:35 in the morning, what's wrong?
"I miss you and I hate myself for hurting you, I hate not being able to love you back, I hate knowing that our friendship is ruined and that if I loved you back maybe we would be a spectacular couple, you know me better than anyone and you are my favorite person in the whole world and I love you but not the way you want, and I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. "-Hope squeezed her eyes shut running her hand through her hair messing it up, looking at a fixed point on her bedroom door she knew exactly what she had to do and tell Josie to stop apologizing, to stop feeling miserable for not being able to reciprocate.
"Josie, please, it's not your fault, you don't have to apologize again, like I told you you don't have control over my feelings or anyone else's, these are things that happen, stop apologizing, I met someone and maybe I do get to feel something for her, she is spectacular and when I am with her I forget everything around me, you will always be my best friend Josie and I will always love you but not anymore like the way I let you know, you will only be Josette Saltzman, my best friend and my soul mate."
It was lie after lie that somehow saved Hope and Josie's friendship. They never spoke of it again or drifted apart again, they remained the best friends they had always been, making memories, sharing moments, discovering secrets, having adventures. Hope never stopped loving Josie the way she felt when she was 20 years old and she was sure of that eight years later when she saw her marry someone other than herself. Maybe this was the life in which Hope would be the spectator of Josie's love story with someone else but maybe in the next one she would be the protagonist.