The Gwenabeth Bible

by 39_angelchan

Summary:

The greatest, most elaborate, most out of context inside joke in the history of inside jokes.

On June 19, at around 11:30 p.m., a group of friends gathered on a Discord voice call and had a riveting conversation about life that led to the creation of a movement-- THE GWENABETHS.

Notes:

To anyone who reads this,

both, I'm sorry, and enjoy.

 

Also, I wanna thank every single person who was part of the Gwenabeth Council. You guys have made my life so much better and it would suck without you.

Chapter 1: The Counter to Karens

June 19, 2022. Late at night. 

 

Jill Lucas was playing Mario Kart 8 Deluxe with her online friends Venus, Gramps, Pancakes, and Grapefruit. All four of them have real names, but out of respect and privacy, they will be referred to by their nicknames.

Jill, who has constantly doxxed herself on Discord, is not ashamed to say her full name (and neighborhood, jeez, she should work on that). Anyways, they were playing MK8DX. It was actually a fun gameplay, the usual: Jill winning and losing every other race, Pancakes hacking (not really, he's just insanely good), Gramps getting greenshelled, Grapefruit being Grapefruit, and Venus being wholesome. After a few hours of that, the five decided to stick around and continue talking. Before we get to the good stuff, let's get to know our lovely main characters

---

 

Jill Lucas - 20 years old at the time that this is being written. 

• filmmaker (more specifically, screenwriter and director, as well as showrunner)
• Los Angeles
• she/her
• pansexual w a preference for women 
• "married" to Megurine Luka (not in the creepy way, just for jokes lol)
• penguin supremacy
• sort of sucks at Mario Kart, but is a God on Call of Duty
• ramen 

---

Venus - 25 years old at the time that this is being written

• has a partner named Link (like Zelda)
• ^ i guess Link was Venus' "missing link" (ba dum tss, haha, uh)
• catchphrase: "TRUE"
• ChicaGOOOOOOOO 
• she/her, they/them
• sends the funniest memes
• the most contagious laugh of the bunch

---

Pancakes - 23 years old at the time that this is being written 

• troll
• memes
• he/him
• somewhere on the East Coast
• pours milk before cereal (disgusting, I know)
• banters with Jill almost everyday (it's become a tradition)
• video games and fan fiction 

---

Gramps - 97  24 years old at the time that this is being written 

• grumpy old man 
• he/him
• the admin of a Danganronpa meme page and Discord server, but tbh, the server is more multifandom 
• has a gf named Angie
• lives in Misery (Missouri)
• jokes aside, a friendly guy

---

Grapefruit - erm, I forgot how old Grapefruit is, but he is a few years younger than Jill

• Splatoon and Ninjago enthusiast 
• gets really mad when you think about eating a grapefruit
• he/him
• personification of "oof" (this is meant endearingly, btw)
• probably the one who makes the least inappropriate jokes out of everyone here
• Kingdom Hearts 

---

Okay, now that that's out of the way,

 

These 5 are the type to just talk about anything and make it interesting. Seriously, the most mundane things would be hot topics with these stooges/lh. 

Randomly, the term Karen came up. The pals lamented on the name and how it has such a negative connotation now, referring to those middle aged or whatever women that ask for the manager or just shit on your day for no reason other than, well, you know. Jill said that she felt bad for actual people named Karen, who had to be subjected to the joke (though in her head, she was mostly thinking about Karen from Mean Girls). Venus then suggested that they come up with a new moniker for those types of people. 

"Just think, what WOULD be the names of people who ask for the manager and complain about everything?"

 

Names like Gwen, Elizabeth, and Morgan came up. Jill was unsure, since her sister's bestie was named Gwen, and she was pretty rad. 

 

Then, Pancakes combined the names. 

 

GWENABETH

 

Just thinking about that name made everyone laugh so hard. It's such an insane name. 

 

Jill lost it at the idea of saying, "You're such a Gwenabeth". 

 

To go along with this joke, Grapefruit briefly changed his username 

 

"The Gwenabeth Nerd" (previously The Grapefruit Nerd). 

 

It was then pointed out that they would be calling ourselves a negative term. But then again, since it was a new inside joke, they decided to take it to the next level anyways. 

"WHAT IF WE ALL MATCH USERNAMES TO JUST GWENABETH?" 

 

0_0 ... 

 

"Are we actually?" asked Jill as she began to change her server username. 

 

Before you know it, 

It was the start of a new era. 

 

 

 

It spurred confusion among all the other friends. To prevent them from learning context, they all made sure to delete any messages that would give away the idea for the joke. 

 

Their friend Crimson, a Cali girl just like Jill, but somewhere else, repeatedly asked for context, but received ominous emojis instead. Another friend, Fluffy, received the same treatment. 

 

To troll everyone even more, the Gwenabeths began listing titles of tv series, movies, anime, etc. but replacing one word with Gwenabeth. 

 

Neon Gwenabeth Evangelion

 

Gwenabeth Kart Deluxe 8

 

The Last Gwenabeth

 

Doki Doki Gwenabeth Club

 

The Real Housewives of Gwenabeth

 

and several more that I'm too lazy to type.

 

To make the night even more eventful, Venus played a song deemed "the initiation song"

a mashup of 7 Rings and Seven Rings in Hand 

(sincere apologies for the 144p quality, it's a screenshot from a vid of jill's ugly cackling throughout the song playing)

 

Clown music was playing in Jill's head throughout the entirety of this voice call. Because that's what was going on. Clownery. 

 

But again, that's a good thing. 

 

It was all harmless fun. It was the kind of conversation that had you crying tears of laughter. The laughter that gave you an intense ab workout. The laugh that was so ugly, but you didn't care because you were truly happy.

 

The moment you never wanna forget.

 

enough with the cheesy shit 

 

From that day on, the Gwenabeth Council was formed. Why council? because it sounded cool. It wasn't a cult or anything, but it definitely was a group. An exclusive group. 

 

It was only just recently when the Gwenabeths opened up and allowed for new members to join.

 

STAY TUNED, FOR THE RISE OF THE GWENABETHS. 

 

 

 

Chapter 2: Group Chat Beginnings + Hatsune Jesus

Summary:

The beginning of a group chat for an inside joke that the bunch did not know would last quite a while.

It wasn't mentioned in the previous chapter, but there actually is someone named Gwenabeth in the real world.

During the initial voice call, Jill and the others checked on social media to see if there actually was someone in the world named Gwenabeth. 

To their surprise, there actually was. 

 

This random lady from Detroit had suddenly become famous. Well, to these 5. 

 

"Of course she's White," Jill remarked. 

 

"I don't know, she looks like she WOULD ask for the manager somewhere". - someone in the chat. 

 

It became even more of a treat when they stalked her page and found that she actually DOES what a Karen does. Well, technically, yes and no. 

 

---

 

In order to not spam the initial server that they were in, Jill created a Gwenabeth Council group chat. Within the chat, the Gwenabeths would often talk about and analyze the tweets that "Twitter Gwenabeth" put out. They are very random, but not too random, as they really are those that a middle aged white woman WOULD put out. 

 

 

 

It was fascinating scrolling through this woman's account and seeing what gems of tweets she posted. 

 

The best part was how even though this woman loves to @ different companies and complain about their stuff, it's actually for PROGRESSIVE causes. For instance, she called out one company for celebrating Columbus Day. She's a heroic Karen, or Gwenabeth, in this case. 

 

---

The group chat was kind of dead for about a month. The Gwenabeth joke was still very much alive; it's just that everyone just talked in the main discord server instead of the separate group chat. 

 

That was then, until...

 

SOMEONE WANTED TO JOIN. 

 

Initially, the Gwenabeths had made their group extremely exclusive. Tighter than ******************* 

(interpret that any way you can, there are no right or wrong answers). 

 

Whenever someone asked for context, their question would be ignored or steer into a totally different direction. Basically, it was closed off to the original 5. 

 

Though somehow, Devastasia (cosplaying legend of the server), was interested and became one all of a sudden. 

 

Gwen 5 had become Gwen 6. 6wenabeth. 

 

A little later that afternoon, another had joined. 

Fluffy, a friend from Finland, had decided to join. (However, she ended up leaving a bit later). 

 

Then, Patty (a French), became the 8th Gwenabeth. Gwena8eth. 

At first, she had plans to leave as well, but in the long run, she had fun and decided to stay. 

 

The Gwen Nation was growing. Gwen Nation, Gwenabeth Council, the Gwens.. 

YES, there are several different names for this little group. 

Our little group, has always been and always will until the end ~

 

A few things had already been established. 

• Twitter Gwenabeth was (one of) the lords and saviors
• Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" was the national anthem 
• Jill and Venus are the Presidents
• Grapefruit is the Vice President
• Pancakes is the Federal Bureau Gwenabeth (whatever that means)
• Gramps is an NPC member /j 

 

With more people rolling in, it only made sense to establish the roles of the OG Gwenabeths. The OG 5. 

 

Out of nowhere, it was suggested that the Gwenabeths at that moment match profile pictures for one day, not only to celebrate the new members, but to troll those in the main server (dubbed "non believers). 

 

"Which picture should we match with?" asked Jill.

 

While Pancakes initial suggestion of some other photo was ignored, both Grapefruit and Venus suggested that they use Twitter Gwenabeth's profile picture. 

 

Jill then remembered that it was actually possible to save someone's profile picture on twitter. It was honestly a ridiculous suggestion, but to be fair, that was the point. 

 

This random lady from Detroit had no idea that we were gonna borrow her profile picture for a day. 

 

While Jill was initially worried because of this, she was then reminded that "as long as she doesn't know, it doesn't matter". 

 

<That's true. It wasn't our fault that we thought we created the name but turns out she was out here existing>

 

\

 

So, the Gwenabeths all decided to use that picture and match until it was 6 a.m. for each of them (soon for some, so long for most). 

 

After that, they continued to look through her tweets and analyze. 

She always says the most inspiring things.

I mean, she truly does have such a way with words. 

 

Later that day, 5 of the Gwens decided to take a "group picture".

 

...

 

How? Yes, by typing "Gwenabeth" in a certain fashion and taking a screenshot of all the names together. Oh, the joys and wonders of online communities. 

This is just peak friendship. You don't get this kind of content with your in-person friends. 

 

---

A few days later, something big happened for the Gwenabeths. 

 

Someone very special arrived to the main server. 

 

Someone godly. 

 

In fact, she actually is God. 

 

 

HATSUNE MIKU JOINS THE SERVER. 

 

Instantly, Jill, Venus, and Grapefruit were in awe. Pancakes, being the troll that he is, wasn't exactly the most welcome, but it really was just a joke. Gramps was also welcoming, but not as much as the first 3 mentioned. The first three went NUTS. 

 

Of course it wasn't an official staff member from Crypton or anything like that, but it was still nice to have a Miku persona in our presence. 

 

 

After a few days of getting to know her and stuff, it was proposed to her if she would like to become a Gwenabeth.

 

She said yes 💍✨

 

Hatsune Miku became the 9th Gwenabeth. Gwena9eth. 

 

Hatsune Miku was accepted by (mostly) everyone as their lord and savior.

 

Hatsune Jesus. 

Chapter 3: Melancholy of Taylor Hillridge

Summary:

The Gwenabeths begin having movie nights as part of their bonding sessions as a group. However, one film ends up taking things to a whole other level... Also, a Discord server is formed!

The Gwenabeth Council is growing.  

 

August 19. 

It's the 2 month anniversary of the Gwenabeth name.

Hold up, what about the 1 month anniversary?

 

Alright, back track. 

 

July 19. 

A Mario Kart 8 Deluxe game session was held to celebrate the event. Pancakes actually turned his mic on and said "Happy Anniversary". Yes, "actually turned his mic on" because the man's voice is an enigma. Or maybe his existence in general. Venus showed another weird song mashup. 

 

Other than that, nothing much. 

 

August 12 

Despite already leaving the Gwenabeths, Fluffy so very kindly made a flag for the council. It was based off the colors of the OG Gwenabeths' names in the main server:

• Purple - Venus
• Green - Gramps
• Orange - Jill
• Blue - Grapefruit 
• Yellow - Pancakes 

Shortly after, Venus changed her profile picture to have Luz from The Owl House in front of the "Gwenabeth Pride" flag. Jill soon followed after with a Citrus (Yuzu and Mei) version. All the Gwenabeths proceeded to join after. 

 

Whenever they wanted to change the character on their pfp, they would simply just add it, but the flag stays.

 

 

August  15

A friend in the main server, Kimkichi, decided to be a Gwenabeth. Well, their name was "Gwenabeth?", as there was an uncertainty to staying with the title. 

Kimkichi was the 9th Gwenabeth (currently). If Fluffy had not left, they would be the tenth. So yes, the Gwenabeths had a 9th Gwenabeth twice. Confused yet?

 

It was pointed out that if they were to let another member join, they would be dubbed "Gwen 10". 

 

It was something to look forward to, indeed. 

 

 

AUGUST 19 

It was the 2 month anniversary. Though, everyone sort of forgot (it wasn't mentioned until later that night). 

 

Jill was lurking through Discord, bored, until she noticed that Crimson, Grapefruit, and Pancakes were talking. Apparently, Pancakes was going to sing in VC. 

Well, he was gonna do the Reeses Puff rap. You know, that iconic cereal commercial from years ago?

 

Even though she's heard his voice about 5 times already, she still had a feeling of excitement to join the call. So, she did. Pancakes still had NOT began to sing. False advertisement. Hopes were up. Hearts were shattered. Hotels were trivago'd. 

To make up for Pancakes' lie, Jill and Grapefruit sang a duet of "Never Gonna Give You Up". 

 

Grapefruit then did his own metal version of the song. 

 

Just like any other voice call, it was the randomest of the random:

• Crimson talking about dry swallowing pills 
• Grapefruit cry/singing 
• Jill devouring the fuck out of an oreo Mcflurry. She was eating that shit so loud, Grapefruit asked what the hell was going on. Jill was really enjoying that McFlurry. The texture and the cream mixing together in her mouth with the spoon, with her tongue licking the rest---OOP, sorry, this isn't that kind of story. 
• Pancakes creating a Gwenabeth Mii to play with in Mario Kart 

Then, Jill checked Twitter and saw that Twitter Gwenabeth had finally tweeted again after a while. The Gwenabeths were afraid that she was on Government watch from all of the companies she tweeted, complaining about something. 

 

Jill sent the tweet, and the Gwens went NUTS. 

 

The tweet was just so Gwenabeth, it even convinced Crimson to wanna become a Gwenabeth. 

 

 

Because of Twitter Gwenabeth's iconic Zeal complaint, Crimson was convinced into joining as the Tenth Gwenabeth. 

 

Finally, GWEN 10. 

 

---

 

To further strengthen the bond as a group, it suddenly became a tradition to have movie nights. But not just any movies, we're talking about shitty movies. 

 

You know, peak cinema. 

 

Movies that are so bad, it's good. 

 

The first film the Gwenabeths watched together was Harry Potter and the Deathly Weapons. 

Now you're probably thinking, what the fuck? unless you're an absolute chad with memes and you know exactly what this movie is. 

 

Yes, it's just the first Harry Potter movie, but the wands are replaced with guns. 

Venus says that this fanmade film is very hard to find, and that she was lucky to have downloaded it. 

 

So for anyone who wants to get into Harry Potter without thinking about the transphobic bitch that wrote it, simply indulge in this film. 

It should be fairly noted that Hermione was the one packing the most heat in the entire film. 

 

 

---

The next film in line for Gwenabeth Movie Night was the 2011 classic Cyberbully, starring Emily Osment. 

Little did the Gwenabeths know, this movie would literally curse them for the rest of the night. 

 

When Venus initially brought up the idea of watching it, Jill got EXTREMELY excited. Why?

 

Because of the infamous bathroom scene. 

(if you've seen the movie before, then you know exactly what bathroom scene I'm talking about). 

 

Jill had actually met Emily Osment years before. She even got an autographed postcard for the movie, though she lost it while moving. 

 

The Gwenabeths that watched the film (this will be very important later on):

• Venus
• Jill
• Gramps
• Grapefruit
• Pancakes 
• Crimson
• Kimkichi 

absent:

• Dev
• Patty
• Hatsune Miku 

Anyways, it was Saturday night. The hype was real. 

The movie began. The judging also began. 

 

The most shit talking came from Jill. You know, the film major. 

It's in her blood. 

 

So many factors about this film were pointed out. The horrible dialogue that was absolutely inaccurate to how high schoolers talked, the horrible "best friend", the main character Taylor Hillridge lowkey being a horrible person herself. It was just MAD. 

 

The Gwenabeths made it a mission that night to get iconic quotes from the film and make it their statuses. 

Jill used this as hers at first (before the bathroom scene). 

 

The insults in this movie don't even go hard. It was okay to bully this movie.

So sorry to Lindsay, no one answered her question. Remember when Krash was the shit?

Good times, good times. 

That horny status is just... like, no one actually talks like that in the real world, believe it or not. 

 

Then, after so much shit happened, IT HAPPENED

CRYING, LAUGHING, COUGHING FROM LAUGHING SO HARD, SIX PACK ABS SUDDENLY ACHIEVED 

 

NOW, HEAR ME OUT, 

 

Laughing about unaliving yourself is no joke. Emily Osment is a wonderful actress, and I get what the movie was trying to say about the harms of bullying, but the way they went about it... not that great. 

 

Anyways, the Gwens matched statuses because of it 

 

This is the kind of fun you should be having with your friends. If they aren't this exciting, it's time to ditch em. 

 

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, 

someone named Taylor Hillridge joined the main discord server.

Ha ha, okay, funny joke. 

Being the trolls that the Gwenabeths are, they all quoted lines from the movie to her 

"ur nasty and a bitch"

"did you get the cap off yet?"

 

Or him, or them. That's the thing. 

No had no a fucking idea who was behind the account. 

Now of course, at first, no one was gonna step up because it would end the joke. So they let it slide. But then it went on a bit too long. 

By too long, I mean, 2-3 hours. 

 

The person behind the Taylor Hillridge account just would not budge. 

 

The Gwenabeths became detectives. Sherlock Gwenabeths. Law and Order: Gwenabeth. Criminal Gwenabeths. 

 

Anyways

Taylor befriended Grapefruit first. 

Then Crimson, 

Then Jill

Then Venus.

 

The Taylor account would send odd, cryptic messages to each of the Gwenabeths privately. Oh yeah, Gramps kicked her out of the main server because she wouldn't reveal who she was. 

 

Initially, everybody thought it was Pancakes. Seriously, the man has trolled everyone so many times to the point that we just couldn't trust him. (Midronpa reference: we Hiyoko'd Pancakes) 

 

The Gwenabeths would always say in the voice call

 

"Look, it's okay, we won't get mad"

"Just say who you are please, it's been 3 hours"

"Pancakes, type real quick" (Taylor would not be typing)

BUT YES, IT STILL WASN'T PANCAKES. 

 

For some reason, Kimkichi was under suspicion, before they quickly turned their mic on and said, very loudly, 

"I'm not fucking Taylor". (the way this could be interpreted differently, but you know which one in this context, hehe). 

I believe even Kimkichi tried to message Taylor. Again, nothing revealed. 

 

Everyone revealed their alt accounts (if they had any). 

Nothing to pinpoint anyone. 

 

The ones out of suspicion were, obviously, the ones who weren't able to attend the movie viewing.

Patty, Dev, and Hatsune Miku. Oh, especially not Hatsune Jesus. She's too wholesome to pull a nasty prank like this. Also, she lives in Japan. Time zones and all that. 

 

The Gwenabeth that kept the longest contact with Taylor was Venus, who tried the HARDEST to get this Taylor to come out. Venus even threatened to send a "gore" pic to the Taylor account if they didn't fess up. Surprisingly, they still didn't reveal themselves. They were willing to go THIS FAR for a stupid joke. 

Using a screenshot they had sent to Venus, V had everybody send THEIR keyboards to see if it would match. 

But still, nothing. 

For troll reasons, we had a hard time accepting that it wasn't Pancakes (ENDEARINGLY). 

 

Taylor then told Venus that they were afraid to come out now, and apologized for causing trouble. 

 

After about 3 hours of going back and forth, the conversation ended with no one coming forward. 

 

The Gwenabeths had their first MYTH. 

Anyways, the night ended on that note. 

 

 

 

 

Stay Tuned for Chapter 4, where we meet the 3 new Gwenabeths 

Tory, Rae, and Kit.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4: Welcome to Gwenabeth Council Official

Summary:

THE BIRTH OF THE OFFICIAL DISCORD SERVER

 

 

It's been a while. Let me catch you up.

 

OG GWENABETHS 

 

1. Jill
2. Venus 
3. Pancakes
4. Grapefruit
5. Gramps 

 

2nd Gen Gwens

1. Hatsune Miku/Jesus
2. Patty 
3. Dev
4. Crimson
5. Kimkichi 

more join in a few 

 

Gwen10 realized they wanted roles in their Gwenabeth personas. So, Jill created the Gwenabeth Council Official Discord server. It was a highly exclusive server. Only invites from the admins could be sent out to those who wanted to be Gwenabeths. 

After the whole fiasco with Taylor Hillridge, it was only fitting that the Gwenabeths moved to a new, separate server, away from that intense chat where an interrogation went on for over 3 hours. 

 

Also, the color roles. Sure, colored names don't really mean much in a conversation, but we are only human. Well, most of us. 

 

So the server was made and the roles were given:

1. Jill - Ultimate Gwenabeth (based on an inside joke that Jill is the Ultimate Everything, as she has so many talents and luck), President (sharing with Venus), Megurine Luka's wife (duh), and OG Gwenabeth (a role given to the og 5) // PINK
2. Venus - President, Venus Obama (not sure what this really means, but her Gwenabeth profile has Obama on it, so yeah), OG Gwenabeth // LIGHT PURPLE
3. Pancakes - The Federal Bureau (again, still have no idea what that means), OG Gwenabeth // FOREST GREEN
4. Grapefruit - Vice President, OG Gwenabeth // MAROON
5. Gramps - tax evading gwenabeth, OG Gwenabeth // LIGHT GREEN (he gets another specific role that changes his color from green to light pink, but we'll get to that in a bit)
6. Patty - Perturbed Gwenabeth (because she said the word without knowing it was an actual word, therefore making it hers lol), 2nd Gen Gwen// DARK BLUE
7. Hatsune Miku - Hatsune Jesus, 2nd Gen Gwen // TURQUOISE
8. Dev - 2nd Gen Gwen // RED
9. Crimson - 2nd Gen Gwen // RED
10. Kimkichi - Bethagwen (as a demon lord, they get the reverse version of Gwenabeth, "Bethagwen"), 2nd Gen Gwen // DARK PURPLE

Look at that. Even got their own flag. It's basically an inverted version of the regular Gwenbeth pride flag. 

. 

Also LOOK AT THAT BETH EMOTE 🥹🥹🥹 for those who forgot, Beth is the demon doggo from Jashin-Chan Dropkick!, an underrated anime that is quite insane. 

and the dame dame yo! Luka emote, hehee. Jill had a blast making that one. 

 

Kimkichi had also been working on a special drawing for the Gwenabeth Council! It's depicting the people in our profile pictures (at the time) in an actual council meeting room. 

forgive me, I don't know all of the characters depicted ANFKDNFOD

 

Okay, so, Dev is Kuromi, Gramps is his Peppa Pig oc (yeah, he played the Peppa Pig game on the Switch. the worst part is he got ripped off. He paid $40 while it's about $19 everywhere else, but to be honest, the game is ass. Imagine paying $40 to get bossed around by fresh bacon), but I digress. Venus is Luz from The Owl House, not quite sure what Patty and Kimkichi are, awwww Miku and Beth are in the center, as they should be, Pancakes is idk?, I'm depicted with Luka wearing Asuka's 02 suit (such a nice touch honestly), Grapefruit is that cursed looking Sora? and yeah, no clue who Crimson's was. 

 

My dear Gwens, please don't burn me at the stake. 

 

 

On a random Miku Monday, ---- oh yeah, there are weekly holidays in the Gwenabeth server. 

Monday - Miku Monday, Mondays are for celebrating Jesus

Tuesday - Luka Tuesday, to celebrate Megurine Christ Luka 

Wednesday - up for grabs

Thursday - Asuka Thursday, Thursdays are for celebrating our favorite German tsundere

Friday - up for grabs, Fukase Friday for the vocaloid fans 

Saturday and Sunday are random as well

 

OKAY, on a random Miku Monday, Venus had brought it to everyone's attention that she invited a few of her friends to be part of the Gwenabeth Council. That was quite exciting for everyone. Recruitments had never been thought of before, but here we are!

 

The Three New 2nd Gen Gwens:

1. Tory 
2. Rae
3. Kit/Angel 

I know I introduced them a long time ago, but I only got to writing about them now. Ya girl Jill is a screenwriter writing 24/7, she simply forgot!

 

Think of it like Jashin-Chan Dropkick season 3, viewers were anticipating the entire season for the introduction of the two new vampire girls, but they made their debut in episode 11. The PENULTIMATE episode of the season. 

 

So how many does that make us? Gwen 13. 

Gwena13eth. 

 

To celebrate the total of 13, Venus made an iconic Oceans 13 spoof. 

 

Not gonna lie, I'd watch it in theaters. 

 

So yes, normal Gwenabeth shenanigans went on after that:

 

Because of the many people showing quite an interest in her, Jill suddenly had a harem, but no one is in it because Jill wants to be single 🫶

Gramps became Jillphobic. Yes, you heard that right. Jillphobic. Initially he was an anti-christ who had Mikuphobia, but Jill stating something that she unusually liked drove the old man over the edge. He accepted Miku as Jesus and became phobic of Jill instead. Weird. Jill and Gramps had actually met up during his trip to Los Angeles and they hung out just fine. He's still Jillphobic though. 

Tory and Pancakes got married. They have a child mini pancake  on the way apparently. 

Crimson recruited her friend to be a Gwenabeth as well. SolarEclipse. Gwen 14. 

 

 

Yup. All normal, right?

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 5: It's All Fun and Games Until Luka tops Jill but she can't get the cap off and there's no anti-perspirant and penguins start saying owo but they're praising Hatsune Jesus while being hornoui

Summary:

did that title not sum it up for ya?

 

You've heard of Jackbox right?

It's basically an online party game site where groups of friends can play various types of games together, and there are NO HOLDS BARRED. 

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

INSIDE JOKES ARE BORN EVERY SECOND. 

 

Anyways, the gang would play JackBox in the other server, but they hadn't played for a while due to scheduling, Mario Kart, and movie nights taking place instead. However, Venus brought the games BACK.

 

With all the "Gwenabeth lore" gathered, it was guaranteed to be a chaotic, laugh-filled night. 

 

 

Before the JackBox game, Venus had actually set up a special quiz night for a glorious prize of $20 

The theme? KIDZ BOP LYRICS 

 

Yes, quizzing Jill who had not listened to Kidz Bop since 2009, Grapefruit who did not care much for it, and Kimkichi who had never heard of it until now. 

 

It was bound to get chaotic. 

 

Interestingly, Jill kept getting most of the questions right. She literally scientifically analyzed the lyric options and deciphered which one would suit an organization as cringey as Kidz Bop. Somewhere in the middle, there was a question for Blackpink, a K-pop girl group. Apparently, Kidz Bop did their own rendition of "Ice Cream" ft. Selena Gomez, which surprised Jill because the song is very suggestive, but then again, Kidz Bop also did "Wap". 

 

Anyways, Kimkichi and Grape had the audacity to say the quiz was rigged because Jill is a BLINK (Blackpink's fandom name). 

Ironically, this was the question Jill did not get, because again, she does not listen to Kidz Bop anymore, nor was she aware that they did their own version of Ice Cream, which is probably Blackpink's most sexually suggestive song. 

 

ANYWAYS, Jill and Grapefruit ended up tying, splitting the $20 prize. 

 

NOW, THE JACK BOX GAME NIGHT

 

A plethora of games were played. Some might not end up here because Jill has shitty memory.

 

The first game we played was Quip Lash. It's basically just throwing around the best quips to different topics. For the questions, we had to come up with a bunch of stuff from the Gwenabeth Lore and list them. For example: 

 

IM MAKING HER INTO FIRE WOOD (A Christmas Tree movie night)

GRAMPS AND JILLPHOBIA

GLOCK POTTER (Harry Potter and the Deathly Weapons)

BEST HATSUNE JESUS SONGS

I CANT GET THE CAP OFF 

SIMPS AND HAREMS

JILL AND LUKA LOVE STORY

etc. 

 

Kimkichi recorded the gameplay for the sake of this Bible, so lets all thank Kimkichi.

 

Game names for the most part:

Jill - Luka's Bitch

Venus - Vee

Dev - Dev

Crimson - Crimson

Grapefruit - Grapefunny

Pancakes - Miku Jesus

Kimkichi - Gwenkichi  

i think gramps joined later on 

I'll just share some iconic screenshots. To be fair, inside jokes can also be funny without context, if that makes sense. 

 

 

 

   

 

For some reason, everybody died laughing at THIS one

Jill truly sees herself more of a switch in a relationship, but with Megurine Luka, she's a certified bottom 😔✨

a few days later, Kimkichi made a meme that was just the icing on the cake

 

gosh, Gramps' wrap sheet is NOT looking too good. 

 

context: After watching the second season of Only Murders in the Building, Jill developed a small crush on Cara Delevingne lol. 

Also, Jill is well aware that she has a new tv crush every other week or whatever, so it wasn't surprising to anyone that she talked about Cara that week. self deprecating humor is the best kind of humor. 

 

Why is there context for that one? to clarify that Jill is not cheating on Luka 💀✨

 

 evil gramps >>>> gramps

 

 

Luka's bitch for real...haha, get it? .. erm, anyways

 

my goodness, all of this is only from the first game. 

role model was a fun game too

Jill loves to eat so this was a very fitting role for her 

 also, she accepted her fate as Luka's bottom

 

also this caught jill off guard

 such a refined drawing 

 

 

we all played more games, but Push the Button will be the final one because i am tired ksdhjaspas

 

it's basically among us but more refined (find the aliens on board or else the ship sinks or explodes, idk)

 

Jill, was a human and not an alien, but because an alien was captain for this turn, she was given a trick prompt. 

the human prompt for jill said: draw a monkey with a cigar. everyone else was tasked with drawing a fairy tale character. 

as a result, everyone began saying "jill what the fuck is that" or "jill sus" 

like shut the fuck up omg /j /lh 

 

It was a pretty rad drawing ngl.

 

well, ya girl is tired. hope this chapter was enjoyable. 

 

 

 

Chapter 6: The Disappearance of Sanity

Summary:

MUDAE MUDAE MUDAE MUDAE (not a jojo reference hahahaha what)

After Venus adds a Pokemon bot to the Gwenabeth Council, Grapefruit follows by adding the Mudae bot.

What is mudae?

Heh, you'll find out.

 

When I say Mudae ruined our lives, I absolutely mean it. 

 

 

So, with a proper wish list finally formed and a proper harem (Fan Club for Jill), Jill had one wish that stood out. 

ASUKA LANGLEY SORYU. 

Now, of course, wishes are not always guaranteed for every roll you have, so it was up to probability at this point. But how long did it take exactly for Asuka to come home to Jill?

...

 

Day 12 of the great Asuka war: Our hopes are currently at an all time low: however, through perseverance, I believe we can see a light at the end of this tunnel. Our enemy taunts us with other Evangelion characters, and even tries to entice us into giving up, by offering us other wishlist characters. But we will hold! We won't rest until Asuka is in the hands of our general Jill.

 

 

 

- Venus, November 24, 2022

 

 

 

 

November 10

 

The Pokemon bot had just been implemented into the server (and it is causing chaos in every channel. Thankfully, tech support Kimkichi comes to the rescue later on by making sure it stays in the newly added bot channel). In the vent channel, it was hard to be there for another gwenabeth who was venting because the damn pokemon kept popping up after every other sentence. In a way, it sort of represented how unserious we could be sometimes. 

 

 

I should also warn you, reader. 

THE SANITY OF EVERY GWENABETH WHO ROLLS ON MUDAE SLOWLY DECREASES OVER TIME. 

 

That's right. We still had little sanity left. This God-forsaken bot took it all away...

 

 

ANYWAYS.

 

November 26, 2022.

Day 14 of the Great Asuka War. Mudae finally surrendered. Soldier Gramps was able to rescue Asuka from the hands of the treacherous bastard bot. Asuka was safely brought home to Jill’s Fan Club. The soldiers can rest now, well, now they’re going to back to rolling their own individual wishes. That could be a war itself? But that’s a whole other story that could be written…

                                          - Jill. 

“It was fucking hell out there.” Would be the only response Soldier Gramps spoke out after claiming victory.

 

ANOTHER EVENT ACTUALLY TOOK PLACE AFTER, BUT THAT WILL BE SAVED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER.

 

WAR ON MUDAE 4

--wait, what happened to wars 2 and 3? yeah, I don't know either, we just went with 4. Gwenabeths suck at math (And Gramps is a math major). 

Day 1 of War on Mudae 4 In an unlikely alliance, Jill-san and Gramps-kun have joined forces to roll each others wishes: Aki Hayakawa and Origami Tobichii. Mudae, who had just taken part in a war for Asuka Langley Soryu, Nagito Komaeda, and The Onceler, is now pushing the buttons again by gatekeeping even more boos. Maybe more Gwenabeths will take part, but for now, LET THE BATTLE BEGIN. Winter is coming, and it’s going to be a harsh one.

That's right. Jill has now decided to go after Aki Hayakawa and Gramps is going for Origami Tobichii. You know it's serious when Jill actually wishes for a man! 

 

Also enjoy this random conversation taking place in the Bible channel that is being added for entry.

 

 

Days passed, still nothing. Of course. This bot isn't very giving as its bio claims to be. 

 

 

This war was so treacherous, Venus though Aki's name was Yuri. 

 

THE NEXT DAY, JUST WHEN JILL WAS ABOUT TO GIVE UP:

 

It seems as though Gramps has been granted with the ability to roll Jill's first wishes. 

 

fast forward to several more wars and shit, 

 

umm, well, right now, Jill is at war for Touko Nanami.

The others are rolling for their wishes as well. Let's move on. 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 7: Hey Siri, play "Online Game Addicts Sprechchor" by Hatsune Miku

Summary:

TENSIONS RISE IN THE GWENABETH COUNCIL.

MARIO PARTY IS THE REASON WHY.

+ more events +
NEW GWENABETH UNLOCKED!

November 22. Venus confirms with Gramps and Jill that a Mario Party game night will happen.

...

 

November 27. The Mario Party Game Night.

 

It was all fun and games, right?

 

FUN... RIGHT???

 

NO. THIS BITCH IS THE REASON WHY.

 

 

rather than going into full detail, read the following text to the melody of "Intense Voice of Hatsune Miku":

 

 

It was going fine

until we got passed turn nine

jill, v, and gramps having fun, 

no less

while dev was in the background

playing danganronpa s

v was having a meltdown

jill told them to calm down

"it was only turn 6"

little did she know

this game was actually a bitch

jill had 2 stars

but she never got far

v stole them

jill wanted to condemn

then a lucky box came

or whatever the challenge name 

is

yoshi had to give up

all their coins to peach

meaning 

jill had to give up her currency to V

so jill went kagamine rin on everyone

and had a meltdown

dead silence

even the country mouse 

would've made a louder sound

it was lowkey quite scary

while gramps and v and dev waited

jill played mario tennis against donkey kong

and beat him in the donkey dong

oh wait you're probably wondering

what does donkey kong have to do with this

well here it is

donkey kong was a cpu

and still did better than all 3 of us 

and he wasn't even on hard mode

but i digress

so after we made up 

we agreed

when we go to super nintendo world

we are going to jump donkey kong

with permission of course

some other fourth person will record

anyways

 

The events of this game night led to Jill embracing her Makima era. 

 

A few weeks later, the events were brought up to Hatsune Jesus, who gave us a really good pep talk on friendship. No matter what, never let a shitty game like Mario Party ruin your friendships, because the win in a mario party game could never compare to the win of having true friends. 

proceeds to throw up from how cheesy that was

 

Heh, sorry. 

oh yeah, by the way, pancakes left the server. 

 

anyways.

 

How good are you with jokes? Like, what level is your sense of humor? Is it elite like to the point where nothing is really offensive unless it's harmful, or you're the type to find dad jokes absolutely hilarious? I mean, sometimes they are, but our sense of humor is a bit fucked up if you think about it. Then again, normal is boring.

 

Anywho, a random conversation came up where a character with heterochromia showed up on mudae. V joked that the character was homophobic (cuz if you weren't, then why aren't both your eyes the same color? instead having opposite? ahhahaha) 

 

It then became a joke that anyone who had a character with heterochromia was homophobic (it was then revealed that all of us were). 

Most of us are part of the LGBTQ+ community, we're allowed to make these jokes. 

Meanwhile, Gramps being the only straight man (literally) gets a pass. 

 

One day, everyone was talking. All of a sudden, we talked about spending money on our ex lovers and current lovers if anything. For some reason, Gramps brought up the fact that he used to hate French people because a French girl broke his heart in the past. Our queen Patty did NOT take that lightly. Anyways, Gramps frenchphobic confirmed. 

 

**once again, these are all lighthearted jokes that we make. These people are probably definitely the bestest friends anyone could ever have, and I'm more than lucky and grateful to have found them. There will never be anyone as open minded, accepting, cool, badass, funny, and just overall amazing as the Gwenabeths. 

- jill

 

January 8, 2023

 

Venus has recruited another member to the council! His name is Aether (which is actually the 2nd Aether we have). He joined quite a bit late into the night, but we all made sure to welcome him with open arms. 

 

BEFORE HE ARRIVED,

we realized we all suck at math. 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GagBlwtjABY -->how the realization in the room FELT

 

Dev is the only one who can do math.

THE ACTUAL MATH MAJOR OF THE GROUP DIDN'T REALIZE THE MISCALCULATION. 

 

ALSO WHILE I'M AT IT--

WHY ARE THE DESKTOP DISCORD EMOJIS SO FUNNY

 

Literally, one time we had a whole conversation just laughing at the emote for the wholesome eyes emoji (seen on desktop and android, i believe). 

 

Expectations:

 

Reality:

 

Yes, we made an emote out of an existing emote. 

Seriously, this emote is giving the same energy as when you plan an outfit and it looks good in your head, but it ends up looking mid when you actually put it on.

 

ANYWAYS YES WE'RE STILL INSANE AND 2023 IS ONLY GONNA GET EVEN MORE INSANE!

 

 

 

 

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of The Gwenabeth Bible