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Michelle Jones had learned how to keep herself composed in a lot of situations, no matter how painful.
Maybe part of it comes from her parent's surprise divorce when she was only 8 years old with her mom abruptly leaving. Her dad asking her to be strong for the both of them maybe messed her up perhaps?
Or perhaps it was the painful incident when she was in sixth grade and got asked out as a fucking joke by Flash Thompson of all people. She said no to begin with, but that didn't stop him from telling his "friends" that she was the one who asked him out and he said no. Leading to that rumor spreading like wildfire. She even saw stupid Peter Parker laugh at that rumor, along with Ned Leeds; the two resident class dorks.. A light in their eyes that said... 'how amusing.'
Meaning Peter must agree with her classmates that the idea of her ever liking anyone like that was funny.
She excused herself to the bathroom, and started crying in the fucking stalls. It doesn't get anymore depressing than that. Maybe if she didn't see Peter, her new stupid crush let out a small laugh, maybe she'd be able to take it in stride. Frankly, that's all she was able to think about.
After a few more minutes of crying, she washed her face in the mirror before being overcome with a fire she had never felt in her life before. She knew she'd get in trouble for it, but she walked right up to Flash at his desk, and before he could even smirk at her she punched him in his stupid prideful face.
She's not usually a violent person; not even at 12 when kids still have a lot of growing up to do. But she knew she had to take care of the problem that was Flash before it turned into an even bigger problem down the line.
It was safe to say that after that day she never had to deal with Flash Thompson and his stupid bullshit again.
In high school, Michelle noticed that her classmates around her were generally starting to mature more.
There was something very shark tank-esque about middle school that she didn't feel quite as much of in high school.
Peter and Ned were getting teased much less. There was still the bullshit talking behind people's backs and the occasional name calling hurled their ways, particularly from stupid Flash, who had since adopted the juvenile nickname "Penis Parker." However, things mellowed out a lot by the time they were freshman.
That didn't mean Michelle liked high school by any means. There were still the stupid cliques, the whole kissing the popular kids ass while the rest kinda just had to deal with it because that's how it was.
Michelle was still sensitive about how people felt about her; she just wasn't about to let on about that out loud. As far as her classmates are concerned, she doesn't give two shits about what they think of her.
There was the occasional stinging feeling Michelle felt anytime she noticed Peter got his next crush of the month, which of course usually gravitated towards the popular pretty girls that Michelle has nothing in common with.
This most recent one seems to be sticking though. Her name is Liz and of course, on par with Parker she is pretty and popular. A lot nicer than a lot of his previous crushes, though. For once, Michelle understands this crush. Michelle really can't wrap her mind around Peter's past crushes that were mainly the mean girls. Liz is essentially everything she isnt. Super sweet, wears her heart on her sleeve, can coast her way through an entire conversation without stumbling once. If Michelle were being honest with herself, Liz is sort of everything she wishes she was.
Eh, this jealously probably mainly stems from the fact that Liz was taking up a lot of Peter's attention.
But, it's ok. Michelle is fine. She can't be hurt. High school is a fleeting thing anyways. So who cares?
"You can't keep bailing on our practice dude." Ned protests towards Peter, who seems to only just be half paying attention.
At this point it's on brand for Peter Parker to be missing practices. It's the weirdest damn thing though. Peter used to be alert and attentive. Michelle knows Peter well because she has been watching him since they were 12 years old. He was good with school, he never fell asleep in class and always had time for Ned.
Ever since December of last year though, there's no denying that Peter has changed. Anyone who is paying attention to him seems to have caught onto that. Which... that list mainly consists of herself and Ned.
"You guys will be fine." Michelle overhears Peter reply, while she continues to not look up from her book. "It's only the first day of school anyways, give me a break. I'll come by tomorrow after school." He continues to say, trying to convince Ned that he is no flake.
"Yeah... let me guess, Stark internship stuff again?" Michelle asks, still not looking up towards them. She has problems with eye contact. Not with many people, but with Peter. It's fine though, she has the perfect excuse not to look up since she's into her book again.
"Yes, it's important. Mr. Stark could need me at any moment." Peter continues to explain, taking a bite of his chicken tenders. "You guys will be fine for one practice without me, it's not the end of the world, really."
The way he was talking to her was getting to her. He was nice enough of a guy, but she felt he spoke to her like she was a nuisance. Like he couldn't be bothered to garner enough attention towards her. But it's fine.
Really, it's fine.
Michelle noticed how happy everyone was to see Liz when she arrived to homecoming. They beamed about how pretty she looked in her dress, and yes she looked pretty there was no denying that. But she was so sick of seeing people fawn over her. She was sick of seeing Peter fawn over her. She knew any minute now he would walk in as her date. She knew they were likely to have a fun time together, and maybe they'll even become an official couple tonight.
When she sees Peter looking in through the glass door with those wide puppy dog brown eyes, she puts up her guard and smirks at him, flipping him off.
She's fuming.
But, it's fine. It's her own business on how she's feeling.
Valentines Day, 2017.
Sophomore year is going faster than most years. Michelle couldn't entirely tell why, but for some reason she feels as though Feburary came faster this year than usual. Michelle continues to doodle in her notebook, done with the test that they were required to take today. She looks over at Peter Parker and sees him staring dreamily out the window at the light breeze flowing through the trees. It looks like he already has all his test done in Cobwell's class too.
Once everyone in class is done with their test, everyone is free to get up and spend the rest of class with friends for the rest of class. Michelle takes this opportunity to sit with Peter and it seems as though Ned has a similar plan in mind since he's at his work station before she is.
"You doing anything for Valentines day nerds?" MJ asks, not wanting to know but..... really wanting to know.
"Eh, no." Peter replies, his answer short and once again sounding as though he would rather not be talking to her. Maybe Michelle is just sensitive, but she can't help but feel like her attempts at reaching out are usually met with some passive aggressiveness on his end.
She deserves it though. She won't pretend like she doesn't. She needs to cool it with the name calling.
"Still hung up on Liz dude?" Ned teases, a mischevious grin on his face. "No... I mean. No?" Peter answers, non convincingly.
Michelle was expecting to feel differently about Liz leaving. She was expecting relief, but she felt bad for the girl. It had to suck being ripped from school at the beginning of her senior year. Plus, she felt her and Liz were becoming friends? They had to share a hotel room in DC and they actually had a heart to heart talk believe it or not. How Liz was able to get that out of her, talk about her parents divorce and how that effected her she still wasn't sure.
Peter clearly was not going to move on from Liz anytime soon, and that's fine. Michelle is fine with that. Really.
Junior year already.
Michelle wasn't sure what to expect, but she was relieved to find out at the very least that the homework seemed to lesson that year. The last thing she needed on top of being team captain for her decathlon team was what had seemed like the five pounds of homework that came with sophomore year.
"Ok guys, we really need to focus. Flash, get out your flashcards." Michelle instructs, as on cue she hears Flash let out a groan of which she promptly ignores.
Michelle looks up and notices Peter still isn't at practice. That little shit.
Michelle lets out a groan and gets up from her desk. "I'll be right back." She gets her phone out of her pocket and dials him, and to her surprise he actually picks up on her third ring. That may actually be a record on how long it takes him to pick up her call. Well... when he picks up her calls.
"Hello?" She hears his stupid voice on the other line, of which she brings her free hand up and pinches the bridge of her nose.
"We have state championships next week. Where the hell are you? You said you'd be here."
"I... shit." She hears him on the other end and it sounds like he dropped his phone. He picks it back up, "Hello?"
"I'm still on the line dude. We're at practice now, where are you?"
"I... have a cold."
"Peter, do you think I'm stupid? You were fine at school all day."
"I.... oh god. Look I gotta go Michelle, I'm not feeling well I'm sorry."
He promptly hangs up, of which she is just standing there in awe. She dialed it back on the name calling. She rarely ever does that anymore. She calls them dorks, but she has made it clear if anything that's affectionate name calling. Yet, it's like she is still only ever seen as a nuisance to him.
Plus, he just called her Michelle. Nobody has called her Michelle ever since she told them that her friends call her MJ. So... he doesn't see her as a friend? Or is she overthinking this? She has to be overthinking this.
She clears her throat and spins herself around so that she's not facing her classmates, squeezing her eyes shut as she fights back the tears threatening to fall. She feels a lump forming in her throat, as she forces a cough out. By the grace of good luck on her side, she manages to not have a mental breakdown. Why? Because she's good at not letting stupid shit get to her.
She's a junior now. She's halfway there. She'll be out of this place in two years and she never has to deal with her aloof school crush ever again.
"MJ You with me?" She hears Cindy ask her, getting her attention back.
"Uh... yeah, sorry." Michelle says, shaking her head and trying to focus back up on her book. She feels if there's anyone she feels closest to, it's Cindy. They're polar opposities in terms of expressing themselves. But if anything, Michelle feels as though that's the kind of friend she needs.
"Did you see where Peter went earlier though?" MJ can't help but ask. It was the weirdest thing. One minute she's looking back and she sees Peter right there. But then she got distracted by that giant donut ship in the sky, and the next she went to look at him he is gone. It's like he vanished?
Michelle has two seperate theories about him. One is that he is Spider-Man. She started to wonder about that ever since that disaster at the monument last year. It could've just been a huge coincidence. But it just seems weird that Spider-Man just happened to show up on their fieldtrip when Peter mysteriously vanished. Peter tried to claim it was some stomach virus, but she found that unlikely. If Peter was really getting sick as often as he claimed she would want him to get checked into a hospital already because that's just too much.
Then the other less likely theory is that he's a male escort. She wasn't quick to believe something the school gossiper Susan Yang was saying, but it wasn't entirely impossible either.
There are other possibilities to his mysterious disappearances, but those were the two that stuck out to her the most.
She just knows she has felt a pit in her stomach ever since she saw the news that eye witnesses reported seeing Spider-Man attached to the back of the ship. She really hoped her theory about Peter being Spider-Man wasn't true because she does not want him to get hurt. Ever.
Cindy shrugs, "I don't know? I mean I'm sure he'll probably turn up at school tomorrow. He usually does after he vanishes on us like that." She answers, letting out a small laugh at the end of her sentence as she continues to scribble her history notes in her notebook. "Are you worried?" Cindy asks, one eyebrow raised but her eyes not leaving her notebook.
"Of course not!" Michelle answers, a little too defensive. This causes Cindy to look up and give her a guarded smile. "Calm down, it was just a question."
MJ sighs, "Ok, maybe I'm a little worried. It's just weird even for him to just go missing from a moving school bus. I feel like more people should be curious about this? Right?" Michelle asks, maybe letting her walls come down a little too much. She's not getting emotional in front of her or anything, but she is maybe letting in a bit too much that she may care... a lot for him.
"Hmm. I guess people are just used to him going missing." Cindy simply answers, going back to scribbling down notes in her notebook. "I mean, we literally had a spaceship come down to earth today, MJ. Some people say they even saw Iron Man and Spider-Man fighting aliens. It makes sense that people aren't focusing on that."
Cindy had a point. "It feels like 2012 again." Michelle responds. Cindy nods, "Yeah, it doesn't look like it'll escalate much further than that. For right now at least. I mean I didn't see any wormholes coming from the sky or anything at least, I guess we should just take what we can get."
Michelle nods. Cindy's right. This won't escalate any further. She'll see Peter at school tomorrow and everything will be back to normal.
Everything will be fine.
Everything definitely wasn't fine.
It is the most surreal thing possible. One minute MJ is in the gymnasium watching the band play next to Cindy, Sally, and Ned, then the next thing she knows she's only next to Ned and there are basketball players bumping into their band players.
All those basketball players of which she could not recognize.
Everything that happened after that happened in a blur. Michelle having to wrap her mind around the fact that she technically died for 5 years and just came back abruptly is not an easy pill to swallow.
School doesn't open again for another week. When it does Michelle isn't entirely sure on what to expect. She doesn't know all of who will still be there and who won't. She is able to put the pieces together however that Cindy in particular has graduated, and that one in particular is hard for her to accept.
She had really grown close to Cindy. She's a genuinely sweet girl and was someone she felt comfortable saying things to. Maybe not deep deep things out of fear but... more things than MJ was ever used to sharing with anyone. She had Cindy coming over a lot, and vice versa. Now that friendship has been ripped away by Thanos.
Fuck Thanos.
But.... she'll be fine. In time she'll be fine and.... she won't break.
Everything is fine.
If there's one small saving grace about being blipped, it's that all the students that were blipped sort of came to share a special bond with one another. Michelle couldn't have dreamed in a million years that Peter would ever be the one to call her first to just talk one night but.... he did. They had a nice conversation. She timed it and they were on the phone from 6:46 pm to 11:32 pm, so 5 hours. It could've gone on longer, but she had to cut the call short because of how early she had to get to school the next morning.
But... it was nice. He called asking her if she was pumped for Decathlon practice tomorrow and then he admitted he just really wanted to talk to someone to get his mind off of the snap. The fact that he even thought of her as someone to call to get his mind off of something might have made her heart flutter a little. They at first small talked about the small changes in their lives, then it kind of blossomed into talking about actual interests they have. He had already known about her morbid curiosity about murders and what not, don't judge her. She can't help it. But what really stuck out to her is when she shared with him about what her favorite flower is. The black dahlia. He simply asked, "The murder?" All she could do in response when he asked is let out a genuine stupid schoolgirl giggle and answer, "The murder." She really couldn't help but mentally slap herself when she let out that giggle because he knew he heard it, but at the same time he really had no idea how much he made her night.
It made her realize how he must actually pay attention to her sometimes, at least more than she ever realized. In sophomore year, she had done a class presentation on the murder of Elizabeth Short; who had since been better known posthumously as 'Black Dahlia.' The fact that it's still a mystery just had her complete interest; she didn't really know how to explain it.
He just spoke to her with more fondness now too. The fact is too, she might have been too hard on him in the past. She's a sensitive person and she knows it. If people talk to her with slight disinterest, as if they'd rather be talking to anyone else who isn't her? It gets to her; and now that she has started going to a therapist thanks to her post blip PTSD, she thinks she gets why.
The last week before her mom left, that's how she spoke to her. With plain disinterest and like she couldn't leave the house soon enough. In hindsight, it probably should've stuck out more. However, those were memories she had been trying to push back for years, but now that seeing a therapist has given her no choice but to drudge up those old memories, there was no denying how that would explain a lot.
As Michelle finally hung up for the night so she could get some much needed rest, she thought about one thing.
For once, she is genuinely fine.
Michelle is having a hard day. She doesn't entirely understand what is wrong with her. Going to therapy has made this transition into a post blip world more... easy at least. But at the same time, she has to be realisitc. She's not always going to be ok. Not about this.
She excuses herself from class and goes into the bathroom, feeling tears burning the surface of her eyes. She checks the stalls to make sure all of them are unoccupied. That's when she lets it all out. She hadn't cried since the blip. She.... hadn't really cried since that one day Flash embarrassed her when she was 12 come to think of it.
She can't fall apart right now, it's still the middle of the school day and she needs to not have a breakdown and damn it, why do her breakdowns always want to come out of nowhere when she's in the middle of her school day?
After letting out a few more sobs, she takes some deep breathes and splashes her face with water. She paces around in the bathroom for a few minutes so her red rimmed eyes can at least get less red rimmed and if anyone asks she can blame it on allergies, when she exits the bathroom.
Right around the corner of her eye as she does so she sees.... Peter. Walking around with his comically large clipboard hallpass.
She wishes she hadn't glanced over at him because right after she does she tried to walk away quickly before she hears him go, "Hey." Honestly if MJ had the energy she would give him one of her guarded smiles but she's. just. so. damn. tired. of. being. ok.
Instead she just sighs, "What's up, dude?" She asks, noticing him walking closer to her, her voice still thick with emotion. He seems to be trying to tread carefully, as she hears him walking right behind her and asks, "I just... are you ok? Your eyes looked red when I saw them."
She lets out a semi exaggerated breath, before putting her hands in her pockets and stops walking in her tracks and spins to face him. "Allergy season." She answers, not knowing how convincing she sounds.
"Oh. Yeah. Totally it sucks." Peter awkwardly responds, looking down at his feet nervously. Why he's so nervous, MJ has no idea. He looks back up at her again with his big adorable doe eyes, "But.... I just know sometimes I'm not ok. Especially ever since uhm... Thanos." Peter says shyly, still clearly trying to tread lightly. "So if.... you need someone or... I don't know." He adds, voice shaking a little.
"I... I really am fine, Peter, but thank you." MJ answers, unusually stumbling a little in her outer shell. "Really, you don't... I'm the last person you need to." MJ feels the biggest lump in her throat cut off her sentence. "...I mean...." Her breathing is coming out more staggered now, and her eyes are burning as she notices Peter slowly walking closer to her. Oh god. This isn't happening. She isn't completely falling apart in front of her longtime crush right now, she knows this isn't really happening.
"I'm fine, dude!" MJ exclaims, taking more steps back as Peter stops in his tracks. "Seriously, go worry about someone else. You don't need to worry about me. You don't need to worry. I'm fine, I have to be." MJ explains, beginning to crumble again no matter how hard she fights it. As more sobs begin to come out, she feels her legs give out on her and in a millisecond, seriously it feels as though Peter teleported over to her side, he is stopping her from falling over and is hugging her. If she weren't having a mental breakdown right now, she'd be blushing like crazy. But unfortunately, that's not the reality of the situation right now.
"I know." Peter whispers, his own voice heavy with emotion. "But sometimes it's ok to not be ok."
Michelle says nothing at that, and hugs him back. She gets the feeling he could use a hug right now too.
Michelle Jones... isn't ok right now. But like Peter said, that might just be ok.
coffeegrump Tue 04 Oct 2022 05:02PM UTC
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