Work Text:
Steve’s mind has never been quiet.
Its truly a love-hate relationship.
His childhood was horrible, so he blames it on that. Maybe his brain was just wired wrong. He doesn’t know.
His dad is a narcissistic druggie who should be in jail but, for some reason, is living freely. His mom is out seeing the world. He’s happy for her, truly. He just wishes she would call more. He talks to her once every couple of months.
Hes never really had a father figure. He tells himself he doesnt need one.
Its 3:37 in the morning. Sleep’s never come easy for him. Just another thing wrong with his fucked up brain. If he could buy a new brain, he probably would.
Eddie is back at his trailer. Usually they sleep together, but every now and then Eddie sleeps over at his place. Steve wishes he could keep Eddie in his pocket.
Eddie doesnt know about a-lot of his problems. Some examples: Steve’s Eating Disorder. Steve doesnt remember the last time he ate. Probably a day or two ago.
Thats another thing, steve’s memory. He’s never had a good memory, he blames that on his childhood trauma. But ever since the upside down shit, and getting a concussion every. Fucking. Year. It’s been way worse. As well as his hearing, but he really cant find the time(or energy) to worry about something else.
Usually, he would be high right now. But he ran out yesterday and has yet to get more. He would smoke a cig but he hates the smell of it. It makes his stomach turn, makes him wanna vomit. And he hates throwing up.
When he was around 12, he OD’d for the first time. He grabbed (apparently) over a months supply of his mom’s antidepressants and the rest of his, he swallowed all of them and then chugged water.
He ended up puking it all up over an hour later. Which, worst stomach pains of his whole fucking life. 0/10, dont recomend.
Anyways, He got hella high. He ended up getting sent to the mental hospital(or ‘Psych War’ as the nurses liked to call it) for about 5 days. He ended up going back in a little under a month later.
His dad was gone by then. In the hospital, he was forced to do a family therapy session with his father, his mother, and a random social worker. His ‘father’ wasnt allowed to come in person though, so they called him and put him on speaker.
When he tried talking about what his ‘dad’ did, his ‘father’ ended up calling them all, especially him, “lying bitches” and hung up.
If steve’s being completely honest, he doesnt really remember his childhood. Did he already mention that? Oh well.
He was in and out of mental hospitals from ages 12-14/15. Thankfully, no one from school ever found out where he went. He just told them he went on vacation. Speaking of school.
His middle-school years were absolute and utter hell. He was constantly skipping classes in 8th grade. He barely remembers 7th. And his dad was still around in 6th.
In highschool he made sure to make a different personality for it. Something that would make people love him. Love and attention he never got from his parents.
That’s when ‘ King Steve ’ was born.
Sure he was a douche, but at least he was finally receiving the attention he’s always wanted.
It didnt matter. He still hated himself. He was still starving himself. He was still cutting up his legs and wrists. Leaving marks all up his arms and thighs. He still hoped and prayed to whatever god out there that he would die in his sleep.
Then Nancy Wheeler came along.
Before Nancy, he would sleep with every girl AND boy he could. Anyone who would willing to atleast. He would drown his sorrows with sex, alcohol, and drugs in hopes of feeling even slightly better. It worked most of the time.
Then Nancy came.
She was like an angel sent from above. Sure, he didnt believe in Heaven or Hell(even if his ‘father’ told him to “go to hell” and “go die”[spoiler warning: he listened ]). If there truly was any kind of god out there, why was he stuck in such a shitty place, why was he stuck with such shitty parents? But Nancy? She was the closest thing to an angel.
She was beautiful. She was sweet. She was kind . Oh so kind .
He loved her, truly loved her like no other.
With her, he was the happiest he’s been. Ever. He waasn’t harming himself, he wasn’t using. Welll….. maybe still smokin weed but its better then k or cocaine. But nothing ever lasts forever.
The upside down happened.
And when he says it hit him harder than any abusive druggie dad, or overdose on his moms antidepressnts ever could. He means it with his whole heart.
But he was still with Nancy, so it was ok right?
Wrong.
Jonathan showed and practically swept her off her feet. But Steve knew it was gonna happen sooner or later.
He doesn’t remember exactly how it happened. All he knows is Nancy and him are no longer.
But at least he got some kids out of it, right?
As much as he denies it(like everything else), he loves those kids like his own. Maybe he’s just trying to make sure they have a better childhood than he ever did. But thats for him to know.
Sure he still went to war on his thighs. And sure he still smoked weed to sleep at night. But his arms finally got a fucking break. He started semi-properly eating again. And he wasnt snortin k just to feel somethin. At least he finally had a reason to wake up and get out of bed in the morning.
Eventually he graduated. Sure he barely made it through, and if he didnt make it he wouldv’e just dropped out. But he did it.
Summer break rolled around and Dustin was off to some nerdy camp. Steve never claimed to be smart. In fact, he claimed the complete opposite.
He got a job at Star Court mall. Scoops Ahoy.
Scoops motherfucking Ahoy.
He mainly got it to distract himself from his hell of a life. But again, that was for him and him only to know. His work outifit was horrible. Plus it basically put his cuts, fresh and old, on display. To fix this, he wore some black skin-tight shorts. Long enough to cover the scars. For his arms, he bought some black arm sleeves. Yes he looked a little stupid, but at least he was covered up.
Working there, like any other work place, he had a co-worker. Her name was Robin Buckley.
She was….. interesting to say the least.
She was snarky and obviously had some kinda grudge against him. He honestly couldnt blame her. He probably bullied her or something. He couldnt remember, no matter how hard he tried. But he can barely remember his own birthday so he’s not too surprised.
He tried asking her one day while they were on break, but she just scoffed at him and walked away.
One day when he was on break, he heard a shrill voice he knows he’s heard before.
“Dustin.
Dustin’s finally back.” He said into the cold air of the break room.
He immediatly ran out to greet him. There are no words that could ever describe how happy he felt in that moment. That’s ok though, he was never good with words anyways.
Dustin coming back brought the russians though. Steve thinks thats the only downside of Dustins return.
The russians brought pain, torture, and blood. But hey, what's another set of trauma added onto the already existing stacks of it he already has. The russians also brought a new best friend(that wasnt a child).
That moment in the bathroom is probably one of his faveorits(minus the fact they were drugged).
After Steve slid under the stall, Robin opened up to him about Tammy Thopsan.
In return, he told her how he doesnt give two shits about gender. He loves who he wants.
Which was arguably one of the best things he’s done.
After the ‘SC incident’(they like to call it), everything went back to ‘normal’. Or, the most normal it can get.
When summer was over and school started back up, they got into a routine.
Take robin, sometimes some of the kids, to school, go to work, go pick Robin up from school at 2:30, go back to work, drop Robin home around 5, go home, smoke, fight the urge to kill himself, and go to sleep at 2-3 in the morning, wake up at 5 am and do it all over again. On the weekends, wake up at 5 in the morning, 6 if he’s lucky, lay around till 12, go downstairs, eat, go back upstairs, smoke, and do whatever the hell he wants.
Sometimes Robin or Dustin call, usually he just lays around. Usually fighting the urge to off himself, fight that urge with cutting himself. Then repeat.
Sure its a sad way of living but he can deal.
Then the upside down bullshit happens for what feels like the hundredth time. This time, roping Eddie Munson into it.
He never really knew Eddie. Steve definanly had(has) a crush on him. Eddie’s a year older than him, and he only really knows him through dustin(who talks about him constantly). He always thought Eddie was pretty, and handsome. The perfect mix of masculinity and femininity.
So when he got pinned against the wall with a bottle from a dude he thoughr he didnt like anymore, he was taken aback to say the least.
He wanted to talk to Robin about it but he didn’t really get the chance to. So he did what he does best, and ignore’s it till he cant anymore. Which is quite easy when your getting pulled into an underwater interdimensinal portal.
When the demo-bats started attacking him, he honestly was ready to give in. His summer was depressing and he honestly didnt have much to live for. But then he remembered the thing thats been keepinmg him alive all these monster fighting years.
“ If im going to die, Im going to do it on my terms. I'll be damned if I let something other than me take ME out.”
And suddenly the bat tentacle around his neck loosened. He quickly brought the nasty thing up to his mouth and bit down as hard as he could. The things screeched and loosened evwen more so he got it off and immediatly stood up. He slammed the retched thing then tore it in half. His sides burned. It felt like his cuts, but 10x worse.
Eventually they got out. Even if it was a hassle.
Steve cant really remember the next day or so, other than Eddie and Max almost died. Both of them are alive and well now but it was way too close for comfort.
Steve didnt end up getting his wounds checked. He was always told to suck it up when he was younger, why wouldnt he do it now? He’s not completely stupid though.
When he got home he took a shower and cleaned his wounds. It hurt so fucking much and he was scared he was gonna get a noise complaint but he did it. He was so tired, yet he still couldnt sleep. He finally fell asleep at 4 in the mornin.
Back to the present, its 5:23 in the morning now. Steve picks himself up and walks to the bathrrom.
He’s still cutting, probably worse than its ever been. His eating is here and there. He’s surprised hes not underweight but he cant find the energy to care.
He grabs his blade from [very top secret location] and got to work. He’s so physically and mentally tired. His hearing is only getting worse, so is his memory.
He’s so in his head that he doesnt’t hear the front door open. Nor does he hear the footsteps that are steadily approaching his bathrrooom. He doesn’t notice any of it till the bathroom door swings open and all he can do is drop the blade and look up.
It’s Eddie.
Eddie fucking Munson.
The man he loves more than anyone he’s ever and will ever love, just walked in on him fucking up his thighs and wrists.
Steve and Eddie just stare at eachother for a minute.
“H-Hey Eddie, baby! I di-didn’t hear you come in” Steve says. He turns to grab a towel, toilet paper, even a dirty shirt, somehting, anything to cover himself but Eddies faster. One of Eddie’s hands grabs Steve’s, the other going to hold Steve’s face to make him look at him.
“Love?” And steve just wants to sob. Eddie sounds so completely utterly heartbroken and confused. He reminds Steve of a sad puppy with his doe eyes and that just hurts Steve even more.
“I-“Steve chokes on a sib as soon as he tries, but he’ll jump out of a ffucking airplane with no parachute on before he makes Eddie feel worse. “I-Im so so s-so so-orry”
Eddie pulls Steve into his chest and let’s him sob into his shirt. “Why are you sorry hun?”
“I… I d-dont kno-w” steve somehow gets out between his gut wrenching sobs.
“Exactly, you have nothing to be sorry for hun, absolutely nothing.” He says, rubbing circles on Steve’s back. He kisses Steve’s head and pulls away, only enough to look him in his eyes. “You dont have to tell me anything you dont want to, ok? Not yet. Cmon lets get you cleaned and bandaged up.”
He sits Steve down on the toilet seat and pulls out the med kit hidden under the sink. He grabs Steve’s hands gently and holds them out so he can claean and bandage them. After bandaging them, he kisses both his arms the stand him up so he can get his thighs.
Eddie finishes his thighs and kisses them too. It honestly make Steve tear up again. He stands up and kisses Steve. It’s sweet. So so sweet.
They pull away and Eddie guides Steve downstairs. Eddie lifts Steve onto the counter and kisses Steve’s forehead and cheeks which make Steve giggle. Eddie smiles at him and goes to grab the watermelon out of the fridge.
He brings the already sliced watermelon over and puts it by Steve before he goes and grabs a fork.
“Listen love, we dont need to to talk about it right now. I know you haven’t slept yet so we can go to sleep after your done.” Eddie says, picking up a piece of watermelon and feeding it to Steve. Steve nods and giggles when Eddie kisses his nose.”But, we’re gonna need to talk about it later. Ok?”
“Ok” Eddie smiles at Steve again and kisses him. Steve smiles into the kiss.
He know’s this healing thing is going to be long and painful. And sure, theres going to be plenty of bumps in the road. This shit doesnt just up and leave. It takes time, and tears. But he has Eddie. And maybe, just maybe, one day he’ll be okay.