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Darkness.
That was all he could see now.
Brightness.
He bets that’s what he’d seen when it happened.
Emile was staring at the spot where Nico had once been. Everyone around him was going about their day, as if nothing had happened at that specific spot not even that long ago. Emile wasn’t quite sure why he’d come back to this spot, after all, it only brought him pain and reminded him of the one thing he’d rather forget. But he hadn’t been able to keep himself from coming. Maybe it had been the desperate need to be near Nico, even though he knew he never would be again, only in his heart and dreams.
Slowly but surely he started walking towards the road next to the park. It was almost ironic wasn’t it? To be killed in such a muggle way. Not by magic, not by any magical diseases, no, it had been a plain and simple car. Emile hadn’t even been able to save him, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Nico had suffered. The doctors had later told him he had likely died upon impact, the force with which the speeding car had hit him had been too much for a human body to handle.
Emile stopped at the edge of the road, staring at the spot where he’d last seen Nico in his normal attire. His hand was slightly reaching towards the spot, as if trying to grasp anything that might’ve been left behind of him. It felt like everything had come to an abrupt stop, as if nothing was moving and all colour was taken away from the world around him. Except for one thing. There on the street was something with its original bright colour. It wasn’t even supposed to be there, and in reality it wasn’t, but there on the street Emile saw Nico. Laying there with his arm and leg in a position that didn’t look natural and his eyes wide open but unseeing towards where Emile was standing. Suddenly the scene seemed so loud to him, as if it was screaming at him to move, to do something. He could see himself, standing there, at the edge of the road, frozen. He wanted to scream at himself to do something, the same way the bright colours of Nico’s body were screaming at him right now. It was so loud, so deafening, and Emile just wanted it to stop, he wanted everything to stop.
Everything seemed to abruptly go back to its regular speed when a hand on his shoulder pulled him back to reality. Emile slowly looked to his side at the person that had so abruptly taken him out of his trance. He didn’t have enough will left to care whether it was just someone about to ask him something or someone about to rob him, but when he saw who had placed their hand on his shoulder he tried for a small smile, it turned out more as a grimace instead. The woman who had placed her hand on his shoulder smiled sadly at him, though it did not reach her eyes either. Hers seemed to be as lifeless as his own.
“I thought I might be able to find you here..” She spoke up softly, her voice sounding raw with emotion. She averted her eyes to the street Emile was staring at and sighed for a moment before tearing her eyes away again from the fateful spot and stepping in front of Emile.
Emile managed to tear his eyes away from the spot to focus on the young woman before him, his eyes starting to water. “I’m so sorry Cecilia” His voice broke at that point and he couldn’t help crying again. Cecilia in turn wrapped her arms around him gently and rubbed his back. It didn’t take much more than that, not a second later Emile was clinging to his to be sister-in-law, crying in her neck.
Cecilia was now looking over Emile’s shoulder, right at the spot where a small memorial was set up for her late brother. Her own eyes started watering as she stared at the flowers and candles assembled at the gate to the park. She shushed Emile softly before speaking up again.
“It.. It wasn’t your fault, Emile. There was nothing you could’ve done..”
She could feel Emile shaking his head on her shoulder before raising his head and looking her straight in the eye.
“No, I should’ve.. I should’ve casted some healing spells, I should’ve looked before we crossed the road.. I.. I.. I shouldn’t have let him cross without me. I should’ve tried… It should’ve been me!”
Cecilia looked at him sadly as she placed her hands on the sides of his face. “It should not have been you! Yes he was my brother, but you’ve become my brother too.. The doctors said he died upon impact.. It wouldn’t have made any difference.. None of this is to be blamed on you, Emile..”
Emile nodded shakily, he knew she was right, of course he knew. That did not mean he wasn’t blaming himself regardless. It didn’t mean that he did not dream about saving Nico and seeing him die every night. It also didn’t mean he didn’t sit up thinking his fiance would be next to him whenever he did dream about saving Nico, only to wake up and be confronted with the harsh reality that was life. To experience the grief all over again.
Cecilia gently grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the edge of the street and towards the entrance of the park. Emile let himself be pulled along, he didn’t have the energy anymore to struggle against it. When his eyes landed on the memorial however he froze in his tracks and Cecilia stopped next to him.
“It’s nice to see people cared about him..” She said softly, staring at the memorial again. Emile nodded solemnly. But he still felt the pressure of his own blame, felt the urge to go back to the street and stare at it until his fiance came back.
“We were supposed to go adopt a child, you know?” Emile suddenly spoke up with a hollow laugh following it. “We were supposed to get married, adopt a child and live our happily ever after…” He looked over his shoulder back at the street again. “This wasn’t supposed to happen..”