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The days following their… meeting, are strange to say the least. Sam's so much softer with him, making sure to pay him just as much attention as Jack. She does everything in her power to make it equal. And, goddamnit, he loves it.
Cas seems to be nicer, too, and he thinks Sam must have told him. He's not as embarrassed as he thought he ought to be.
Dean is sitting alone, at the table, pacifier clenched in his fist. It's late - no one should be up - but Sam is, of course, because why wouldn't she be.
"Dean?"
He jolts - he was in his own little world, mouthing a beer he spills on himself.
She gives a half laugh, "Oh, I didn't mean to scare you."
She helps him clean up, one dab at a time, and he goes lax and lets her, watching her with thoughts clouding his mind.
"What's this, hm?" She asks, brushing his still clenched hand, and he releases it on instinct. The pacifier hits the table with a clank, face heating up when she acknowledges it.
"Oh, your binky?" She half sighs, walking it over to the sink to wash it off, Dean watching her with baited breath - she was so close to the trash. She could just throw it away.
He didn't realise his anxiety had gotten the better of him until Sam turned back, "Hey, what's got you a mess?" She asked, walking back over.
"Nothing," He shakes his head, "Just tired." Still, his eyes track to the pacifier, licking his bottom lip.
"Oh," She sighs, smiling sadly, "I wasn't taking it, Dean. Here." She holds it up to his mouth, and he looks down, unsure, "It's for you. You can have it." She promises, "You know you want it, Deanie."
Deanie. That was another thing. She kept calling him it and he… didn't hate it.
He opened his mouth for the pacifier, because she was right - he did want it.
"Good boy. Now, how about we get you changed out of this," She brushed his beer covered shirt, "And into bed, hm? It's very late."
He nodded, feeling a little silly, but she led him away by the hand.
"I'm not a baby, Sammy," He slurred around the pacifier, and she simply hummed,
"You're not a baby, I know," She nodded, pulling him into his room, "But sometimes I think you need to be."
He stops, suckling on his pacifier, "What?"
"Remember what we were saying? About mom and dad?" She asked, and he nodded, "They forced you to be a big boy, Deanie. You don't have to be anymore. And, I think, if you let yourself be a baby - or at least a little boy - you might feel better."
He just stared, "That's weird as fuck, Sam."
"If you're going to curse me out, take the binky out." She snorted, "It's not weird. Not if you need it, and I think you do."
He just gulps, "What… what would I even do?"
"You'd be like Jack." She explained, "I'll get you up, get you dressed, get you breakfast, and then you'd play all day." She turned to pull his shirt off, wiping his chest down, "Jack has cars and train sets he doesn't use. Would you like to play with them?"
He nods, "Loved cars as a kid. Used to make them do stunts." He snorted.
"Then play with them. You can colour, too," She smiled, "Jack has water play tomorrow. Would you want to do that?"
He shrugs, not sure, "I'll try?"
"That's all I can ask. I think it would be good for you." She nods, getting his sleep shirt on.
She undoes his jeans without thinking, stripping him to his boxers. Dean didn't mind.
"Right, to sleep with you, hm?" She nodded, "Lay your tush down."
Come morning, Dean wasn't really sure what to expect. He woke up with his pacifier in his mouth and actually in a pyjama shirt, so he knew he hadn't dreamt it.
He sat awake for ten minutes or so and debated getting up himself - he didn't really know what time Sam was supposed to be getting him. Just as he was pulling his blanket back his door opened, Sam standing there, looking a little frazzled.
"Good morning, honey," She smiled, and he gave her an uneasy smile in return.
"Are you ready to get dressed?" She asked, folded clothes in her arms, "I brought these with me - the clothes in your closet aren't very appropriate for today, but if you want to wear them, that's okay." She explains, and he fully climbs out of bed to take a look.
They were simple - brown shorts and a pale green t-shirt. He nodded to them and Sam laid them out.
"Okay, do you want to change your boxers quickly so I can help you with the rest?"
He nodded and did just that, pacifier bobbing in his mouth.
Once he was dressed and in the kitchen did he feel a little insecure. Castiel was cooking, humming along to the radio, Jack colouring at the table.
Dean already felt like the odd one out - Jack was so little and petite. He had his legs tucked up onto the chair, sipping water from his sippy cup.
Dean could never be that little - not ever. He was too big. He just stood and stared, feeling uncomfortable.
"Dean!" Jack grinned once he'd taken notice, "Gon' play ta-day?" He asks, climbing from his chair, "I got you colours!"
Dean perked up at that, peering over the table. Jack, true to his word, had set up a place mat with colouring pages and crayons for Dean.
He smiled and, cautiously, settled down by Jack to colour too. He tried his hardest to stay in the lines, and before he knew it there was a plate being set in front of him.
A hand flew into his vision and tugged on his pacifier - he caught it with his teeth before it was all the way out, looking up, accusing - Castiel is standing over him, frowning slightly,
"Can I have it?" He let it go and Dean pulled it back in his mouth, shaking his head.
"You need to take it out to eat," He explained, gesturing to the food in front of him. Dean simply shook his head again, and Castiel sighed, clearing both boys colouring pages and utensils away.
"What's going on here?" Sam asked, heading back in. Jack was waiting patiently to eat, Dean was grumpy, and Cas was… not in the best mood, cleaning up the kitchen.
"Daddy tried to take his binky." Jack offered, legs swinging under the table.
"Oh," She nods, crouching by Dean, "He's not trying to take it, buddy. He was going to give it back." Realisation dawned on Cas's face, and Sam kept talking, "But you can't chew your food with it in, can you?" She asked, and Dean shook his head.
"So, can you take it out?" Dean nodded, slowly, pulling it from his mouth, "Okay, do you want to put it somewhere safe? Or keep it right with you?"
Dean shoves it into the pocket of his shorts, and she nodded and left it at that. With no further ado, everyone sat down to eat.
The food tastes amazing, but he feels nervous, watching Castiel feed Jack between bites of his own food, all three chatting away merrily - Dean opted to eat with his hands in the end, because if he was supposed to be a kid, he was going to eat like one.
Sam tuts from beside him and he shrinks in on himself - his fingers were greasy, and Jack was still clean. Maybe this isn't what she wanted from him.
"Deanie," She sighed, smiling, "If you need help you're supposed to ask," And with that she speared his food, feeding Dean, just as Castiel was feeding Jack.
The only difference after the meal was Dean being directed to the sink to wash his hands and pacifier, which had picked up the lint from his pocket.
It was back in his mouth as soon as applicable, and then Dean was formally introduced to Jack's 'play room' - he knew Sam had cleared out one of the old storage units, but he didn't know what she'd done with it.
Although the outside was unfriendly, the inside was full of bright colours and soft fabrics. Toys everywhere.
Jack seemed at home, darting over to a doll house, calling Sam to follow, but Dean was so overwhelmed he couldn't cope. His toes curled in the carpet as he looked around hopelessly.
He jolted when Cas laid a hand on his side, "Didn't mean to scare you, bud. Do you want to go play?"
Dean nodded once but otherwise didn't move. It didn't take long for Cas to make sense of the situation,
"Do you like trains?" He asked, and Dean did something somewhere between a shrug and a nod.
"Right, okay, well the train sets are over here," He pointed to a shelving unit, boxes crammed into every crevice possible, "Jack doesn't really like them. He finds putting the tracks together too time consuming," He laughs some, "Do you want to play with them?"
Dean nods, immediately, and stands to the side while Cas grabs the largest tote of wooden track pieces - a second later, a smaller one carrying the trains.
"These trains belong to this track. It's all compatible," He explains, setting them to the edge of the empty space, "Do you want me to stay?"
Dean shrugs - he doesn't really care, honestly, and he's already opening the first tote, pulling out shapes of track, all different sizes.
"You not talking today, huh?" Castiel asks, sitting to the side, back to the edge of the shelving unit, watching. Dean shrugs and is then in his own world within minutes, suckling at his pacifier, unaware of the world around him.
So unaware, in fact, he doesn't register when Sam leaves and returns ten minutes later with drinks - she sets them on a little table by a bookshelf, crouching by Dean.
"Having fun?" She asks, taking in his vast track. He nods, turning his attention to her.
"I got us drinks," She starts, Dean's eyes darting around - he was really thirsty now that he thought about it.
"I brought yours over in a cup, but I also brought you a sippy cup and a bottle. You can use the cup if you want, but which one do you want?" She asked, "If you use the cup you have to keep it on the table so it doesn't get knocked over."
He shrugged, peering at the table - he could see it now. Two glasses of water, one sippy cup full, and one plastic cup, sitting alongside an empty sippy cup and bottle.
He turns back to her and waits, staring.
"You gotta give me an answer, bud,"
He shrugged again, turning back to his game.
"Open cup?" She asked and he shrugged, "Sippy?" She asked and he hesitated but eventually nodded, cheeks pinking.
He needn't be embarrassed, though, because no one made a big deal out of it. Besides, going over to the table every time he got thirsty just seemed like a waste of time.
So he accepted his sippy cup of water (blergh) and continued with his master plan of; train tracks.
The morning flew by and soon Cas was leaving to prepare lunch; they decided they'd eat lunch in the play room so they could then head straight outside, rather than trek all the way back to the kitchen and then out to the courtyard after.
Dean felt a slight twinge in his bladder, but it was forgotten about the second Cas was back with food and more water. Besides, they'd probably have a bathroom stop before going outside again, right?
They didn't have a bathroom break, and after they'd eaten they were ushered outside into the sun, which sat high in the sky. Dean remembered his mom leaving him out in the sun when he was little because it was good for him. It made him feel warm in more ways than one.
Jack had a water table - which was exactly what it sounds like. A table with a lip around the edge, filled with water. Toys were floating and sinking all across the surface, Jack splashing and running loops around it.
It was then that Dean noted the padding under Jack's overalls, and he realised why they hadn't been offered a toilet break.
He ignored his need for even longer, clutching his pacifier in one hand as he took long drinks from his sippy cup. He was really starting to like it - he wondered why they didn't make them for adults.
He was half way through his musings when he heard a call of his name,
"Dean!"
He looked up, Jack leaning over the table with a grin on his face, "Like shark?" He held up a squidgy shark for emphasis, squeezing it.
And as a matter of fact, Dean does like sharks, so he set his sippy cup down, popped his binky back in, and joined Jack at the water table.
They played for over forty minutes, when Jack stepped back, approaching Sam. They left minutes later, and then Dean was left alone, waiting. Castiel was reading in the corner, but not paying much attention.
The water table wasn't as fun without Jack and his sound effects for everything. Dean didn't need to talk or anything because Jack did it for the both of them. But without the distraction around he is forced to acknowledge his pressing need.
He doesn't know what to do; he can't just wander off. He was told specifically not to. He couldn't ask Cas, could he? That would be humiliating.
So he opted to wait. Except Sam and Jack weren't coming back. He sat down, knees pulled up, waiting. It was easy to hold himself that way.
"You okay, buddy?" Cas asked, standing and stretching, concern growing when Dean's worried face turned to him.
"What's wrong, huh? Can you tell me?"
Dean still for a moment, "Mmm?" He tried, staring at the door into the building.
"You want to go inside?" Cas asked and Dean faltered.
He took a deep breath, looking at Cas and then back at the door, "...Mommy?" His cheeks were pinking, but he was too desperate to really care.
"Oh!" Cas' face broke out in a grin, "She'll be back soon, little guy. She's just helping Jack with the potty."
Dean whined at that, head dropping.
Thankfully, though, Jack comes bolting out of the door, Sam not far behind.
Dean gets up as quick as he can manage without leaking, making his way over to Sam, a frown on his face.
"He called for you," Cas spoke to her, cuddling an armful of Jack.
She smiled and pulled him in, "What's up with that frown, huh?"
He simply walked back inside and hoped Sam would follow which she, thankfully, did, the door swinging shut behind her.
As soon as it was closed he felt free to grab himself, sending her a look of desperation.
"Oh, Deanie," She sighed, "Why'd you wait so long, huh?" She asked, taking his spare hand and walking him down the hall.
He had to go so bad. He was grabbing himself so hard it hurt, and yet it was the sight if the toilet that undid him - Sam let his hand go and stood to the side so he could get in, and the sight was too much.
Everything happened so fast - the dam breaking was equated with a fuzziness in his head, and he dropped his pacifier from his mouth, plastic hitting linoleum with a clack, curses and 'no's falling from his lips in quick succession.
Sam turned to him at the noise, taking him by his upper arm and sitting him on the toilet fully clothed. He groaned, kicking the floor.
Sam retrieved the pacifier and washed it, offering it back to a now grumpy Dean.
"No!" He half yelled, "This is so fucking stupid, Sam. What the hell?" He didn't want to stand up and drip even more, so he wasn't very threatening.
Sam sighed, "If you don't want to do this, that's fine. But you were having a lot of fun, weren't you?"
"Stop talking to me like a kid!" He replied, voice hard.
"Then stop acting like one." She snapped, "Listen, Dean, you don't have to do this, but don't be an ass about it. You had an accident. It upset you. That's fine. They happen,"
She waited for Dean to argue, and when he didn't, she continued, "But I think you were having fun. Jack was having a lot of fun with you. He's so excited to have someone like him to play with." She explained, "And I think it'll help you accept him, too. Aren't you getting along?"
Dean just nodded.
"So how about you take your binky, we go get you changed, and you continue playing with Jack, hm?" She raised a brow, "And maybe get to the potty a bit quicker next time?"
He nodded, quiet again, reaching out for his binky.
"Good boy, Deanie. You can ask Cas next time, okay? He'll bring you." She promised, standing Dean from the seat and dabbing off the dripping shorts with toilet paper - she wipes up the floor before leading him to her bedroom.
"I went overkill after that first night," She explained guiltily, "I bought you a bit. Just so I'd be prepared," She explained, pulling out a fresh pair of shorts, this time in black.
He laughed a little, and then they left for his bedroom. He got cleaned up and redressed, bolting back outside to Jack - they continued playing for a while. Jack didn't take any notice, and Cas gave Sam a knowing look.
The day continued on, and there were no more accidents. Thankfully.