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The Komarran Music Bulletin Board
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> Forum Announcements
Check here often.
> Welcome New Users
Come in and say hi!
> The Rules
Read these. Follow these.
> Other Places
Affiliated bulletin boards. Contact the mods to have yours added.
Music
> Bands
One thread per band.
> Concerts
One thread per concert.
> General Music Discussion
> Requests
> Jam Sessions
Musicians, talk shop here.
> Non-Komarran Music
Everything else goes here.
Special Events
> Imperial Music Festival
> Solstice Festival
> Sergyaran Sessions
> Archived Special Events Forums
Off-Topic
> General Talk
Anything goes!
> Entertainment
Books, movies, ballet, et cetera.
> Cooking & Recipes
Someone help me bake these cookies.
> Relationship Advice
We don't promise it's any good.
> Job Advice
We REALLY don't promise it's any good.
> Travel & Sightseeing
Where to go on Barrayar when you're Komarran.
> Meet-ups
> Fun & Games
All polls go here.
> The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
We mean it.
FORUM: General Talk
THREAD TITLE: Greatest DJ?
USER: GB3451
>> Who was that one guy at the station at
>> one of the universities? The one who has
>> that rabid fan who shows up every time
>> you even think about him and screams
>> to you about him?
If this is how I'm famous, I'll take it.
"That one guy at Radio Komarr" was Not David. He was a regular for years and took slots as needed when others couldn't make it. Not David was known for acerbic wit and scathing opinions about the music that the music committee sometimes had him play. Other DJs might pretend to like the latest single from whoever was popular at the moment, but Not David never did that. If he hated a song, he'd let you know. If you called in and asked for a song he didn't like, he'd play you one he liked better, and most of the time, you'd have to admit he was right.
Some of the other Radio Komarr DJs, you couldn't remember their names even during the show, let alone five minutes after they handed the station over to The It's The Good Morning Show. But Not David has been "off the air" for a decade and he's still legendary on campus.
And he's not off the air. He's the faculty advisor at Komarran Random Radio. When things fall through, he picks up a shift to cover. I've heard him at 2 in the morning, 2 at afternoon, all times of day when the scheduled DJ wasn't able to make it.
They never announce it in advance, but if you want a chance to hear him, try listening during school breaks, especially on weekends and holidays. I once tuned in at dawn after Winterfair, the year with those bad snowstorms, and he mentioned he'd been going for 18 hours. I asked him to play Patty's Revenge by Kalle Quick and he called me unoriginal but played it anyway.
Not David is the greatest DJ, ever. Period.
USER: The Fur
Not David! Wow, that's a blast from the past. I used to listen to him all the time. That semester his slot was on Thursdays, I was sorting out holds in the library through his entire show.
I think I could still do his The Show's Over Go To Sleep rant if you got me drunk enough.
Wow. Not David. Glad to hear he's still out there, judging callers for their taste in music and their reasons for being awake during his show.
USER: Holly
One time Not David stayed on the line with me after my request and told me there'd be a private show at YUQE the next night and got me on the list. He said it was because I was the first person on this planet to ever pronounce the band's name correctly.
Joke's on me. I don't remember which band it was.
USER: Etienne Pasadena
I really liked Not Kieran at Radio Komarr. We had drinks a few times (we were in the same classes) and she told me that Not David was a great mentor, always happy to teach and share knowledge. But he had really strong opinions, you know? Even off air.
It was the generation gap, I think. The Radio Komarr founding class were all the oligarchs who'd come in that wave and all of them had had to take loyalty oaths, the very public amnesty, the whole thing. By the time we showed up, everyone was much more chilled out about all the Komarrans on campus.
But Not David was so prickly, you could cut yourself on his feelings about The Lucky Nightbirds. But Not Kieran figured, it was either he have strong opinions about Komarran underground bands, or about AV.
USER: The Fur
You act like it's safe now for Komarrans to have opinions about AV on a university campus in VBS.
USER: GB3451
We're still working on it.
USER: The Fur
Yeah? Work harder.
USER: Mod Eileen
I will move this thread, so help me, if you don't get back on track.
My favorite DJ is Greta Place. She had a show at the Mount Nathan Teaching College on their short-lived college radio station. Her shows were three hours on weekend mornings and she would dedicate each show to a specific year and location, really digging in to the music scene. And she never did repeats. I don't know how long her show would have had to go before she'd have had to repeat a song, but as it was, it only lasted a semester and a half.
Most of her shows were recorded. GB, you always hate flash sessions. Listen to the three shows she did about them, I think you'll have a revelation.
USER: GB3451
You want me to listen to three shows you know I'll hate?????
Fine.
USER: Mod Eileen
It will expand your horizons and open your mind to possibilities.
USER: Klaus
Oh if we're going to talk about flash session DJs, you have to got to check out what Phil PhD is doing at Vacation Station in Solstice. They don't record, so you have to get there in person, but it is worth it.
FORUM: The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
THREAD TITLE: What's going on this time with the Imperial Music Festival?
USER: Boudicea
So is the Emperor actually going to show up this time? Everyone always says he loves Komarran music, since we've had, what, six different Komarran festivals, but he's barely showed his face. I think he gave a speech at one of them? But last time, he wasn't even on planet when it went on, and it's not like he can't control his own damn schedule.
And now it's all planets, which is such a joke. I don't know what's going on with Sergyar but all their music is terrible and derivative. Someone must have complained about the regional music on Barrayar only having THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND REGIONAL FESTIVALS EVERY YEAR and how dare there only be a central Imperial festival for it every five years. And so now we're going to have a month-long festival for everything all at once and every hotel is booked full and there's going to be extra shuttles and yes, I know all of that.
But is the Emperor actually going to show up?
THREAD LOCKED BY MOD EILEEN
REASON: Boudicea, you know asking about the Emperor's whereabouts is against The Rules _because when it wasn't, ImpSec took us down once a fucking fortnight_. No, I don't know either why they care so much about Komarran music. I just know they do, so we do not ask where the Emperor is or will be.
Stop.
FORUM: Concerts
THREAD TITLE: Denny & Del reunion tour, Club Peppermint (Vorrutyer City)
USER: Amos Atmosphere
Started on time, ended early, everyone got drunk. Jones didn't insult anyone in the audience this time. Susan forgot some of the lyrics. I think there was a last minute set change, since when they stared Ovals, it really sounded like their backing band was doing Lindsey again.
As Denny & Del shows go, this was better than the time I saw them in Equinox Dome, and worse than the other time I saw them in Equinox Dome.
Set list:
1) Lindsey
2) Black Stars
3) TEP
4) Quarterly Profits
5) Four In Freefall
6) Shaped Like Water (instrumental)
7) Ovals
8) Susan Del Regrets
9) Six Grey, One Red, Three Gone
10) Oh Honey
11) Layla, Komarr Greets You (unreleased)
12) The Last Song Of The Show
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Which lyrics did they end up going with for Regrets?
USER: Amos Atmosphere
The Barrayaran version. This time, they remembered where they were.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Shame. It was so funny that time they started using ship shorthand and all the Barrayaran VIPs who got fancy tickets were so fucking confused it made the gossip pages.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
There were at least three fist-fights in the audience, so it was still everything you expect from Denny & Del.
USER: Jason
There's no one better than Jones Denny and there's no one worse than Jones Denny. I'm glad Jones Denny showed up.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
There's a thousand dates left on this tour, so Jones Denny might also show up.
USER: Jason
If they come my way, I'll see about tickets. I haven't seen them since their last reunion tour.
FORUM: Bands
THREAD TITLE: The Komarran Mistakes
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
USER: Holly
Could be worse. I guess. Somehow.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
Sure, yes, worse. They could have replaced Larry with fucking _Scott Pann_ instead of picking, oh, that's right, SCOTT PANN?
USER: Lorn
Hey, Josh Justin is still looking for a new gig.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
Okay, I take your point. This could be worse.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Well, there go my chances of ever seeing the Mistakes again. Scott Pann can't enter Barrayar.
USER: Tellie
He can't? When? What happened?
USER: It's Only Patrick
At the last show Pann & Finn Limited ever played here, they called for overthrowing the Emperor.
USER: Lorn
...And they just let him go back to Komarr?
USER: It's Only Patrick
There were some mitigating circumstances and they had very good lawyers.
USER: GB3451
By mitigating circumstances, Pat means they were singing a parody song from the Dorcan-Marcan war and threw themselves fully into the defense of "we're stupid, not seditious".
USER: George
I imagine the Imperial lawyers took a dim view of that.
USER: GB3451
As I recall, there were a lot of questions regarding how a group of Komarran teenagers had even found that song if they hadn't gone looking for it on purpose. Plausible deniability went pretty far for them, though.
USER: Holly
How was there any plausible deniability _at all_ for that?
USER: It's Only Patrick
_Very_ good lawyers.
USER: Klaus
You know, I remember hearing at school that there were people calling for them to get an Imperial pardon but I never heard why or for what. I thought they meant it as a joke. You know, get an Imperial pardon for the crime of making earworms.
How do you even do that by accident? I guess you don't.
USER: GB3451
The song used a lot of ancient slang, they don't know Vor French, et cetera et cetera et cetera.
USER: Lorn
I see we've found their lawyer.
USER: GB3451
Not a lawyer but I know enough to only commit treason on purpose.
USER: Angelica Pangelica
>> Well, there go my chances of ever
>> seeing the Mistakes again.
Be realistic. The Mistakes are going to fire him by Landing Day. Nobody likes him.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I hope so. The Mistakes are my favorite band to see live. I've seen them sixteen times. They tour Barrayar all the time. Hiring Pann is so stupid.
USER: Mod Eileen
Aaaaand update, they've fired him.
Bets on if they didn't know Pann was barred from coming further than the first jumppoint?
USER: Jasper P.
They had tour dates already booked all over the South Continent for next year (I have tickets!), so... I'm willing to bet yes on that.
USER: Holly
What's Phyl Finn doing these days?
USER: It's Only Patrick
She moved to Earth. She's having a lot of success there. The Komarran music scene there is really growing.
USER: Holly
Have I heard anything she's been in? She always was much better than Scott was.
USER: Viktor
Yeah. I think we're going to see a lot more Komarran bands stop by Earth for a year or so and tour there.
USER: GB3451
She recorded with Blue Cherries a few times, it's on their Purple Jumplight album and their New Blue double album. Check the linear notes for which songs.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
You do? The transit time, though. That's time they're not doing anything but traveling. Can they really afford that?
USER: GB3451
Blue Cherries writes their albums while in transit.
USER: Tellie
There was some band that joined a yacht convoy and so they performed every few nights and got paid for the journey.
USER: Jasper P.
Is there really anything more Komarran than spending your entire life being the entertainment on the trade routes?
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: The Wrong Weather Have Made It!
USER: Nadine
The hits station in Vorlay Bay played Genius today in the lunch block!
There are maybe 10 Komarrans total who live here. No radio station here does as much as a Komarran hour or special show. So when a Komarran band shows up on the radio, you _know_ it's a big deal.
I called them up immediately and told them I love the song. I hate the song, but if they get used to playing TWW, maybe I can get them to play their better ones, too.
FORUM: Travel & Sightseeing
THREAD TITLE: Best Keroslav Bakery?
USER: Yet Another Solstician
I followed Ella's bakery tour down to the letter and I have to say, I'd have swapped in the bakery on Fourth St. in Tenay over the one on 12th and Coast Road.
FORUM: Entertainment
THREAD TITLE: "Hockey, anyone?" -- Hockey Thread #5
USER: Julianna
Let's all have a rousing chorus for the Vorbarr Sultana Scorpions, last place in the division yet again, and with the Emperor in the audience.
It takes talent to suck. It takes even more talent to suck while the Prime Minister and the Emperor are clearly playing cards just out of sight.
USER: Laura
And an extra rousing chorus for the Hassadar Mountainclimbers, who managed to beat the Scorpions only 4-0.
I could beat the Scorpions 4-0 while cheating off the Emperor's cards.
USER: Dome Named Stanley
My favorite moment was when Botschkov scored, and the Betan Ambassador leaned over to the Minister of Agriculture and pointed at the other goal.
Yes, Ambassador McClure, we're all confused, too, as to why the Scorpions can't seem to find it.
USER: Laura
Someone told me once the Emperor enjoys hockey. I don't see why he bothers going to Scorpions games. They're not playing hockey. They're mastering failure.
USER: GB3451
He goes to Scorpions games because the Cavalry play across the river and it's too far to get to on a school night.
USER: Julianna
He should send them a polite engraved Request And Require to get a closer arena. Better yet, have them swap with the Scorpions. It's not like the Scorpions are getting good use out of it.
USER: Ingrid
My cousin who joined the Imperial Service once told me that the official opinion in the Navy is that the Scorpions should be sent to a far off outpost until they understand what ice is.
USER: Dianne
Someone should tell the Emperor, I'm sure he can make it happen.
USER: Dome_inatrix
I'm gonna point and laugh at all the Komarrans talking like they know about weather and winter and ice.
USER: Dianne
Excuse you, I have lived on Barrayar for a whole five months now, I can absolutely make jokes about what it's like to breathe air and get rained on.
FORUM: Relationship Advice
THREAD TITLE: Can't Go Long Distance
USER: Jason
So I'm dating a Barrayaran again. I know, I know, I remember what I said last time, too. But it's different, he's a Greekie, he knows what it's like.
And it's great! His family is great! Our relationship is great! Everything is great!
Except...
Except he gets very, very jumpsick. Jumpsick to the point where he has told me flat-out that he is never going to Komarr. It's too many jumps. Even if we took a week between each jump -- which no one would ever do, we'd have to charter our own ship to take that strategy and even with that -- he's not doing it.
So the only way he'll meet any of my family is if they all take the journey here. And if I want to move back to Komarr, he's not coming with me. You'd think, maybe he could do those jumps once? But even if he can, he'd have to do them again to come back to Barrayar, to visit his family, and, well, to do ANYTHING, because Komarr is small, and the appeal of Komarr is it's much easier to get out into the galaxy. But all that requires, yeah. That all requires getting in a ship.
As far as our relationship is concerned, the wormhole has closed up and there's nothing else out there, because for us, there isn't.
And I'm not the kind of guy who is always traveling! I didn't realize this could be such a deal-breaker to me. Am I nuts for thinking this is a deal-breaker? I didn't realize how much I needed to be able to take my husband home to meet my family until it turns out that, if I marry this guy, that is never going to happen.
USER: George
How many years have you lived on Barrayar now?
USER: Jason
Twelve.
USER: George
Yeah, you're never going back home. Keep dating your guy. Invite us to the wedding.
USER: Mimi
You keep dating Barrayarans and being surprised they're not Komarrans. If the biggest problem with this guy is he'll never be a Komarran, I don't see what your problem is with him.
USER: Jason
I have dated Komarrans! Twice! ...Back when I lived in Solstice.
Uh. I think I have things to think about.
USER: Mimi
Remember us in your wedding speech. Let us know where we can send presents to the guy who got you to stop complaining about Bad Steven.
USER: Jason
LOL
I still complain about Bad Steven. I just do it from the comedy club stage these days. I am growing as a person.
FORUM: Requests
THREAD TITLE: Domeome covers
USER: Mix Kix Pix
So we all know that Domeome can write songs but they don't know how to sing them or orchestrate them or, well, do anything other than write them.
Give me all the recommendations for bands who did it better. Please. My cousin keeps singing Experimental Dream Space at me, and the middle bit physically pains me.
USER: GB3451
I hate EDS too. Check out the covers by Spacestation Corridor and Hal Slip, who do it much better.
Both those bands will be at the upcoming Imperial Music Festival. I don't know if they'll be doing covers, too, or only original material.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
GB, one day you'll tell us how you always know who is playing where and when.
USER: GB3451
I have a spy agency dedicated solely to tracking talented Komarran bands and making sure I have a front row seat to all their shows.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Naturally. Who doesn't?
USER: GB3451
Plus, it's not like my day job is very challenging or anything.
FORUM: Entertainment
THREAD TITLE: Book Club: Colman's Gazelle, Volume 2
USER: George
Why are we so obsessed with soulmates as a culture: discuss.
USER: Ser Benn
Look you cannot pick CG to read and then complain about soulmates. If you want something other than Every Komarran Romance Trope Personified, read the fucking Barrayaran Daily Gazette.
USER: Angelica Pangelica
This is a bad framing. Half the book is about mid-jump repairs and it's gripping! A quarter of the book is about trade negotiations and it's so realistic, I assume they're just recording my day to day life. The romance subplot is so tiny in this volume! Wait until v3 to complain about soulmates.
USER: Lorn
v3 is about diplomacy. Only like a tenth of it is romance.
USER: Angelica Pangelica
It is an epic novel. There's something in there about everything and there's something for everyone and some people are super obsessed with soulmates and some people want the minutiae of boardroom maneuvering and then there's the two people in existence who want to know Kyle's bike color and so that's in there too. Go read the Gazette.
USER: GB3451
I feel I should defend the Gazette here but I'm not going to bother.
USER: George
You read the Gazette?
USER: GB3451
No, but I use it in my garden compost pile.
USER: Ser Benn
Best use anyone's ever found for it.
USER: GB3451
One of my cousins used to make sailor hats out of it
USER: It's Only Patrick
Terrible confession: I did my entrance exams to university on the thematic structure of CG, contrasting v2 and v4.
I've never read either of them.
USER: Holly
Until now, Pat. Now you must repent and read them.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I guess that's what a book club's for, right? Accountability.
USER: Angelica Pangelica
No, a book club's for complaining.
FORUM: General Talk
THREAD TITLE: Another Homework Thread
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
I have permission from the mods to put this here and not in the politics dungeon, so long as everyone keeps the thread drift under control.
So can someone please explain to me how the Council Of Counts actually works? I'm about to fail Government and Politics 101, which is embarrassing considering we covered all of this back home and I aced all those classes. But that's not working out at the university level, I guess because they don't want the spoonfed-to-Komarrans propaganda regurgitated at them.
And it turns out I don't know how this works at all.
Also the mods told me to page GB, but I'm too newbie to know how to do that.
USER: Holly
>> Also the mods told me to page GB, but I'm
>> too newbie to know how to do that.
Don't worry, I shouted at GB over PM about this thread, he'll be here once he gets his lunch break.
Let's compete for Stupidest/Funniest Answers until GB shows up, though.
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
But the mods said if there was too much thread drift, they'd shove me into politics.
USER: Holly
You are super sweet and probably too young to be here.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Stupidest answer: The Council Of Counts doesn't work, they're Vor.
Realistic answer: explaining how the Council Of Counts works is a dissertation topic, not an essay topic for a term paper.
USER: Mod Eileen
Don't worry, CH. The thread drift I'm concerned about is the kind that falls under Sedition in The Rules.
USER: GB3451
If someone's talking sedition, I'm in the right place.
CH, the Council of Counts is a unicameral legislature made up of unelected representatives from each of the 60 Barrayaran Districts, which are all located on the Barrayaran Northern Continent. There is no representation of the Barrayaran Southern Continent, Komarr, or Sergyar. The Southern Continent and Sergyar are theoretically represented by the Emperor, since the continent and the planet are considered his property. Komarr does not have even that. There have been various proposals to fix that. None currently have any traction.
A Count is a lifeterm, but can be represented by Deputies, which are not lifeterms. It is legal, but rare, for Deputies to be elected. Deputies can only represent one District at a time, but one Deputy can represent multiple Districts over the course of their career. There are some professional Deputies; at present, there are sixteen of them, of which five are currently employed. Professional deputies are usually used by Counts who don't give a fuck.
The COC meets in VBS at semi-regular intervals. In the time before Contact, this was a burden on the Counts (and led to certain strategies regarding Deputies), but with the exception of the last 10 years before Contact, there wasn't a unified Barrayaran central government anyway, so don't worry about it. The COC currently meets at VHT, but they don't need to, they've convened all over the city at one time or another. The requirements are a quorum and, theoretically, the presence of an Emperor. Note: an Emperor. Not the Emperor. This is Barrayar, after all. But a 101 class is not going to ask you to define what an Emperor is. (Good luck with that.)
Technically, the Counts make recommendations to the Emperor. The Emperor sits on the COC, so yes, he is making recommendations to himself. By custom, he doesn't vote. There is a central tension between the Counts and Emperor that are the stuff of dissertations, as Pat said, so don't worry about that either.
The COC needs a quorum to decide on any legislation. Legislation can be modified at any point until the first vote is cast. If it is modified after that (via debate, stabbings, etc), then the vote needs to be re-taken. In cases of a deadlock, the vote is re-taken. In cases that the vote is interrupted, the vote needs to be re-taken. If you were on planet last spring, that was why the COC eventually locked the doors on a vote; Counts kept strategically leaving VHT and we lost the quorum over and over again. Eventually the Emperor got fed up. The Counts had it coming.
In the COC, an abstention counts as a No vote in cases of deadlock. The difference, therefore, between an abstention and nay is solely in politics; a Count can claim he didn't actually say no, he just abstained. See above, re: stabbings, for why a Count would choose this type of cowardice.
Stabbings are not allowed on the floor of VHT, with some notable exceptions (I'm sure the execution of Mad Emperor Yuri was covered in the propaganda classes).
Counts must be confirmed in the COC to serve as a Count. Deputies only need to make oath to a Count to serve and be registered as being the Deputy. You cannot be a Deputy to a dead Count; when a Count dies, all oaths are dissolved. There are currently two empty seats on the COC because the Count candidates haven't been confirmed yet. Those sessions will be next week; your class can get tickets to sessions if they're not already all gone.
If you go to those sessions, you'll notice a few things different from the disbanded Komarran Senate. First of all, the staffers are not on the floor. The Countship desks contain the Count or Deputy and any witnesses or family members who need to be there. But the Count's staff has to stay behind in the gallery.
Second, the Emperor doesn't stand up and sometimes he'll just wander away if he gets bored. He only needs to preside during a vote, so sometimes he doesn't care enough to stick around for arguments or witnesses. This is because he's heard all of this before. Trust me, once you attend a few COC sessions, you'll have heard it all before, too.
Coarse language is allowed, but it's considered uncouth to do it when the Emperor is around. Anything goes when he's not there.
The Emperor does not have a voting Deputy. He does not, most of the time, have veto power after a vote has been finished. He can only veto beforehand, not after. He vetoes by refusing to hear the petition. An Imperial veto cannot be overridden by peaceful actions, but permitted actions to change his mind include blackmail and extortion. This is considered normal political maneuvering.
Voting goes in alphabetical order. By custom, no one is allowed to vote against the Emperor (this is why there's abstention), so if the Emperor indicates he's going to vote, he'll pass a slip of paper to the four Counts who go before him in the voting order to warn them. Unless he doesn't like them. Emperor Ezar and Emperor Yuri were notorious about fucking with them, the current Emperor is nicer. (AV never voted as the Emperor in the first round during the R.)
You're allowed to eat and drink on the floor of the COC, but not in the gallery.
The Counts dress as formally as they want to, but, by official protocol, parade dress is what they are supposed to wear. If they choose to wear parade dress uniform, the two swords are allowed. This is responsible for 85% of the stabbings. Parade dress began falling out of fashion once serving Counts were no longer allowed to hold active commissions without special permission (post-Dorca). Most Counts now will wear their House uniform. The Emperor primarily wears his House uniform. The Prime Minister has never been in the military, so he wears a suit. If you attend a session, I cannot recommend highly enough bringing a cheat sheet to match up the Counts with their uniform colors. Unlike the disbanded Komarran senate, no one wears badges or name tags or helpful pins. They assume you can recognize their colors. It's really not necessary to know all of them, but don't tell the Counts I said that.
We never have all 60 Counts unless the Emperor has them all dragged in specially. At most, we usually get 40 Counts or Deputies for most legislation. That's easier to keep track of than all 60, but it means if you have a bingo card, you'll have to attend a special session to get them all, and those are pretty rare and usually have closed galleries. If your bingo card has Count Voraiken, pick a different line to fill, you'll never see him.
Once legislation is passed and the Emperor consents, it is split between the Ministries, who enact it on the Imperial level, and to any District administrations covered in the legislation. If those Counts voted against the legislation, the Ministries will be more heavily involved. At present, the Ministers receive all proposed legislation ahead of time to review it, and all changes are sent to them. But if a Count isn't paying attention and the legislation mainly involves his District, there will be delays on implementation. The Prime Minister is responsible for resolving all these difficulties, as the point of commonality between the COC and COM.
CH, what else do you need to cover?
USER: Boudicea
>> (I'm sure the execution of Mad Emperor Yuri
>> was covered in the propaganda classes
GB, this is how we know you're not Komarran. It's absolutely not. I found out about it after FIVE YEARS ON BARRAYAR.
Explain it to the child. I cannot. I took a fucking loyalty oath at swordpoint.
USER: GB3451
They used a sword? That's against policy.
USER: Boudicea
It's an expression.
USER: Mod Eileen
CH, GB is our local Vor. When he does sedition, he can be publicly beheaded. The rest of us will only get deported and imprisoned for a few years. So don't go too o.O at his rhetoric, he knows what he's doing.
USER: Holly
I long to see GB's ImpSec file.
USER: Boudicea
Wait, GB is Vor? I'd thought he was just our token Barrayaran.
USER: Holly
You missed that time he called Fedor IV a wannabe, didn't you.
USER: Boudicea
Of course I did, no one looks in politics.
USER: GB3451
I'm not Vor. Vor don't listen to music.
USER: Holly
Oh yeah? Then why are there so many imperial music festivals?
USER: GB3451
Bread and circuses.
USER: Holly
See, this is how we know you're Vor.
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
Can only certain people become Counts?
USER: GB3451
No, there's no official restriction on the position. The only constraint is that a count must be confirmed by a majority of a quorum of existing counts.
USER: The Fur
Literally a horse has been a count.
USER: Boudicea
Has a Komarran?
USER: Holly
Harder to confirm a Komarran than a horse.
USER: GB3451
There have been two Komarran voting deputies and three Komarran ministers. But the composition of the Counts is up to the Counts. It's a lagging indicator of progress.
Lord Midnight never served in the COC, but yes, he was confirmed. The vote count was 38 to 9. Most of the yeses were people who hated the Vortalas, and I don't blame them. I'd vote yes on that, too. I'm angry I can't vote yes on it now.
You should remind the Vortalas of him at every opportunity, it's always funny.
USER: Mimi
Can a woman be a Count?
USER: GB3451
A woman has been a Count. She was legally declared a man. There may be a test case within the next few years to get that done without the legal fiction, Count Vormarin keeps mentioning his nieces.
USER: Mimi
Vormarin is the one with the grandson who ran away to Cetaganda and shacked up with a haut?
USER: GB3451
Yes, that's him. The grandson had been confirmed only a couple years ago and his confirmation was revoked last week. The rumor is the Emperor only allowed Vormarin to disinherit his grandson from the countship if he replaced him with one of his nieces he keeps touting. We'll see what actually happens.
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
The Emperor gets to decide that? I thought you said the Counts did.
USER: GB3451
The Counts confirm. Then the heir makes oath to the Emperor. The Emperor has to be the one to release him from the oath.
It can be done in absentia. In fact, it usually is.
USER: Holly
GB, how were they planning to get the horse into the COC? Physically, I mean.
USER: GB3451
The doors are big enough, it wouldn't have been an issue.
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
And, uh, I guess this is thread drift, but what's this Mad Emperor Yuri? He wasn't in the list of Emperors I had to memorize.
USER: GB3451
He's not? I need to go shout at some people.
The short story is: Yuri pissed off Piotr Vorkosigan. Two years of war ensued. Yuri was executed on top of VHT. Everyone lived happily ever after, except for Yuri, the twelve counts who didn't leave him even at the end, and the approximately ten thousand military executions.
The moral of this story is do not piss off Piotr Vorkosigan.
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
Piotr Vorkosigan like from the Cetagandan War?
USER: GB3451
The throughline of Piotr Vorkosigan's life was being at war with people who pissed him off.
He's not relevant to the COC. He murdered a few Counts but it was during war, so no one on his side was too mad about it.
USER: Holly
He was AV's dad, CH. Don't worry about him.
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
Oh my god.
USER: GB3451
You should go to VHT with your class. The museum has a whole exhibit on him.
USER: Boudicea
GB, explain Dorca's Unification.
USER: GB3451
Make a thread in politics and sure.
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
The essay topic also wants us to discuss COC expansion. I know from school that the COC isn't going to expand to include Komarr, but I don't know why. GB, can you help? Or is that too much into politics?
USER: GB3451
The issue with COC expansion is getting all the Counts to agree on it. If you make a district for all of the historical Komarran senate districts, that is four times the number of Counts we currently have. The Counts are not going to dilute their power that way. And Komarr (rightly) isn't going to agree to all be one District. But it means that right now Komarr is not in a District.
Legally, there's no restriction on expansion of the COC; in the past, there have been as many as 80 Counts. So the COC could expand as much as it wanted to. That's the sticking point. It doesn't want to.
The Emperor could reinstate the Komarran senate. The Emperor could create a Sergyaran legislature. The Emperor could create two or three new Districts to cover the Southern Continent. But who would fill those? How would that work in with the COC?
If you have answers, there are several Imperial Committees working on these issues and they take public comments. But there's no traction right now for solving the problems.
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
But even just one? Why wasn't Quintillan turned into Count Vorquintillan? I know he wouldn't have a District, but why can't he be a Count? It doesn't seem like Counts need to have land.
USER: GB3451
Counts need to have land.
Quintillan is a political test case on just about every axis and he knows it.
But the Vor have been closed since the end of the Cetagandan War. Reopening the Vor is a different topic. Nobody actually wants to reopen the Vor. Even the ones who say they want to reopen the Vor don't actually want to reopen the Vor.
USER: Landing Hourglass
LOL
USER: GB3451
The best suggestion I've ever heard for reopening the Vor is make everyone Vor. Good luck with that.
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
Why do Counts need to have land?
USER: Holly
Wait, why can't you just make all of us Vor?
USER: GB3451
>> Why do Counts need
>> to have land?
For the tax base. It's central to the position.
>> Wait, why can't you just
>> make all of us Vor?
What do you think the Vor would think of suddenly not being special? And 59 of them are Counts who aren't the Emperor. And they are the oath-sworn liege lords of 80% of the population of this planet. All but five domestic Imperial garrisons are under their control.
I'm old enough to remember the last two wars. No thanks.
USER: Bitbo
Plus, the Vor don't pay taxes.
USER: GB3451
Oh, believe me. The Vor pay taxes.
USER: Bitbo
Citation needed.
USER: GB3451
You think there's Imperial Auditors and the Vor _don't_ have anything to audit? What do you think Auditors do all day, write their memoirs?
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
Are you _sure_ the Vor are taxed? Everyone always says they're not.
USER: GB3451
When you come to VHT, check out the treaty room. There, on the wall, are the treaties each Count made with Dorca, and it says flat out on there how much that District -- and that Count's family in particular -- must pay Dorca and his heirs every year on the Emperor's birthday. The Counts who were with him at the start have good deals. The ones who weren't have increasingly bad deals. It's all there on the wall in four languages.
Calling it a birthday present doesn't mean it's not also taxes.
So that's the Imperial taxes. Vor who are oath-sworn to Counts also pay those Counts an amount determined by that Count, which can be higher or lower than the amount the rest of the District has due to the Count. It's fully up to his discretion.
The Vor like to play word games to try to ignore the fact that they're just like everybody else, and sometimes they're worse off.
But, despite what some people will tell you, they're not running a three planet empire only on the taxes from Komarr. Which doesn't mean they wouldn't if they could, but Komarr is much too small for that.
USER: Landing Hourglass
Is there anyone on this planet who isn't taxed?
USER: GB3451
The Emperor.
USER: Bitbo
So nothing's going to change because the Counts like the status quo?
USER: GB3451
The Counts hate the status quo.
USER: Jason
What? Then why don't they change.
USER: GB3451
Imagine you have 60 horses hitched to a single wagon. None of the horses are happy to be there. Each horse wants to go in a different direction. Some of the horses won't stop biting each other. That's what the COC is.
But each and every horse thinks he is the only thing standing between the Imperium and anarchy. Yes, including the ones who haven't been to VBS in 20 years. And for all I know, they're right. I certainly can't prove they aren't.
USER: Jason
Yikes.
USER: GB3451
What you have to understand is this wasn't designed. Komarr began with a plan. Barrayar did not. Komarr was intentional. Barrayar just happened.
Each Count, in reality, was the head of a sovereign nation before Dorca's unification. Those sovereign nations cooperated on certain matters and, at times, agreed on an overlord and paid tribute to him. The Counts have never forgotten that they were conquered. The Counts have never forgotten that they didn't used to have to care about what the Emperor wanted if they didn't want to bother.
The COC is unstable because it wasn't designed to be stable. It was designed as a sop to their egos, and to keep them distracted hating and fighting with each other so they'd forget to fight the Emperor. Central Imperial authority is younger than Contact. The personal armies of the Counts were not fully 100% dissolved until after the Cetagandan War. Yes, after. They were too useful during it.
The COC hasn't expanded because it hasn't _had_ to. No one else has an army to make them do it.
To bring it back around to the original question: the COC works because everyone has agreed it does, because it has to work. Because if it doesn't, there's no replacement other than dictatorship, and the Counts hate nothing more than the idea that they're irrelevant. They work by spite. So things, eventually, happen.
The differences between this and the Komarran Senate are left as an exercise for the reader (and for your 300-level classes).
USER: Holly
How do you always make me feel simultaneously more and less jaded about the Barrayaran government?
USER: GB3451
Centuries of only the finest inbreeding.
USER: It's Only Patrick
But you're definitely not Vor.
USER: GB3451
Nope. I'm a show pony.
FORUM: Forum Announcements
THREAD TITLE: New Forum: Radio Station Announcements
USER: Mod Eileen
By popular request, this forum will be a place for all the Komarran radio stations on Barrayar to post their schedules, line-ups, general announcements, contests, etc.
Fundraising is allowed in this forum.
FORUM: Bands
THREAD TITLE: The Komarran Mistakes
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
I never thought I'd say it.
Never thought this would be me.
I'm so fucking done with the Mistakes.
USER: Lorn
Please just give it a second listen, it is not THAT BAD.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
All their promotional materials say it's a ship tune. The name of the song is One Last Ship Tune. There is no way to deny that they fully intend this to be a ship tune.
AND IT'S GOT A FUCKING PIANO IN IT.
USER: Lorn
Dude. We know. The only ship that's got a piano is the Emperor's yacht. We know.
USER: Holly
They did record it on a ship, Rex. That's also in the promo materials.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
Recording it on a ship doesn't make it a ship tune. I could put up a hammock in a dome and that doesn't make me a sailor. So what that they dragged a piano onto a ship and took a tour around the local system? That's not a ship tune, and the Mistakes have no excuse not to know what ship tunes actually are. Shaw and Marjorie grew up on the trade routes just like me. They know better.
So disappointed in the Mistakes right now.
FORUM: Radio Station Announcements
THREAD TITLE: Komarr On The Air
USER: Rea
This week at KOTA:
Your morning commute this week will be handled by Wally Starshine.
Your coffee break is brought to you by the dulcet tones of Stacey and Tony.
Your lunchtime is served by Alain.
Your commute home is in the capable hands of Maggie.
Dinner is prepared by Gorgeous Glen.
DJ Rachel will keep you company through the darkness until it's time once more for the sun to rise.
AND...
Stay tuned Thursday night for the Thursradio Play! This week: is there more to Riz Kline than meets the eye? Find out as Danni and Flicker delve deeper into the happenings of long ago, far away, and beyond the wormhole.
Rea Marti
Programming Manager
Komarr On The Air
University of Longweight
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: Songs To Change Your Life
USER: GB3451
It's You by The Flying Modern Trebuchets. No one else in existence loves this song as much as I do, but it was the first song I ever heard played on Radio Komarr.
They eventually banned me from requesting the song.
USER: Tellie
They can ban you from requesting songs on the radio?
USER: GB3451
When you call in all the time and request the exact same thing, they eventually tell you to just buy the album and listen to it on your own time.
Or, in the words of my favorite DJ, please be more original, it's hard enough to stay awake as it is.
FORUM: The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
THREAD TITLE: Schools
USER: Gia
Preemptively putting this in the dungeon to avoid the mods having to move it later.
I know everyone says that you need to put Komarran kids into Komarran schools and not send them to Barrayaran schools, but that's not an option here. There are no Komarran schools in this District at all or any of the neighboring ones. I can't up and move to send him to school and he's much too young to board at the ones that board.
So I'm planning to enroll him in regular Barrayaran school.
How bad an idea is this, really?
USER: Mod Lorie
Everyone is going to say not to do it, but speaking as someone who _did_ do it, my advice to you is...
...don't do it.
My daughter lasted one year and that was only through sheer stubbornness on my part not to take her out early. She came home from school one day and told me that her teacher outright blamed the Cetagandan War on Komarr. I tried to explain to the teacher that they can't have it both ways: Komarr cannot simultaneously be a strong military power that could have deflected the Cetagandans _and also_ so weak and puny that we never had a navy and so had to pay mercenaries during the invasion. Teacher didn't give a fuck. Teacher didn't give a fuck about a lot of stuff.
I wish the problem had been bullying from the other students. That would have been much more ideal than all the adults being the problem. They refused to accept that she was there to learn, not to be the lesson. (She did make three friends!)
USER: Gia
What did you do the next year?
USER: Amos Atmosphere
I was in this exact same situation. Not near any schools, can't move closer to them, too young to board, I didn't know anyone well enough to ask them to be the host family for my daughter to live with. I talked to the school. I talked to the teachers.
We eventually sent her home to live with my wife's family on the trade routes, instead of with us. Hardest decision to make, but when we say don't send them to the local schools, we're not wrong.
USER: Mod Lorie
My spouse and I arranged our schedules so that we could tutor her at home, and we looked desperately for other jobs. About halfway through the school year, we found ones that were a huge step down in terms of salary, but would put us near a Komarran school. We moved. She's much happier in the school and, well, eventually our careers will get back on track. Probably.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
In my case, by the time my wife and I could move to a city with better educational opportunities, our daughter had fully settled in to the trade routes and didn't want to come back to live on planet, especially not this one. Instead, we ended up doing a swap; a cousin sent his teenage twins to live with us. They'd been admitted to a summer program at the Imperial Science Institute and planned to stick around. We've also fostered other Komarran kids, both kin and not, from that Fleet. And we go back to Komarr for a few months every year.
USER: Jasper P.
So, I got lucky. When my family moved here, I had only a year left of school before university and my younger siblings had, respectively, two and four. We went to the local school.
This worked because we were in a small town in the Southern Continent where there weren't too many kids anyway, the school was used to having to deal with a lot of different kinds of students. The schools in Districts, they expect they're getting District kids and they expect they know what District kids _are_. This town had lots of people come in and out every year, and pretty much no one stayed for more than five years. So the school was used to taking in kids from all kinds of different educational backgrounds and was very flexible when it came to curriculum. You aren't getting any kind of standard teaching when the class mix was like mine. The teachers had to adapt.
We were also a lot older, so if we'd had to do a distance learning program instead, we'd have managed.
USER: The Fur
This in general becomes a lot less of a bad idea as kids get older. I would never do it for any kid younger than ten. If it's not the school itself, it's the other kids, and if it's not the other kids, it's the school itself.
Gia, how old's your kid?
USER: Dome_inatrix
Gia, are there any other expat schools you can send your kids to? There's a surprising number of Betan expat schools. Some Vor even send their kids there, if they want their kids to be less of an asshole than the usual products of Vor-exclusive education.
Any expat school is going to be a lot better than your local school. Downside is that your kid might have to learn a new language.
USER: Polly
Oh yeah, just general advice. If you have an opportunity to send your kid to a Vor school, DON'T DO IT.
The best outcome, and I do mean the best, is your kid decides to enlist in the military. The worst, we all know the worst.
It might sound enticing, your kid being able to make really great connections, and surely the education must be excellent. The connections aren't worth it, the education is substandard, and it's _full of Vor_ and people who want to be Vor.
Don't.
USER: Grid Captain Lither
It went okay for me and my family, too, with the caveat that the local school was 45% Komarran and it got that way because the Komarran school collapsed, so all the Komarrans went there instead. We overwhelmed the ingrained Barrayaran prejudice via 1) sheer numbers, and 2) the local school hired a bunch of the Komarran teachers. If they ever stand up another Komarran school, I'm sure the local school will go back to the way it used to be, thus causing the need for all of us to run away to a Komarran school in the first place.
USER: George
There are several Komarrans at the military prep schools. If your kid _does_ want to join the military, that's the place to put them. A regular Vor school is not going to prepare them for anything more than failing the entrance exams.
I also don't recommend going to the military prep schools. _However_, at the basic level of understanding how the Barrayaran military works vis a vis, oh, invasions, and the actual causes of the Cetagandan War, the prep schools are not terrible. They are very heavy on strategy, tactics, and analysis. And the history department at the Imperial Service Academy is actually (shockingly) very good.
Plus, the official policy of the Barrayaran military is integration, which is better than you're going to get at a District school, where the official policy probably isn't.
USER: Jenning
I washed out of the prep schools, but it wasn't for being Komarran. They weren't too terrible about that.
Can't believe I'm saying this, but if your only choices are local schools or military prep... send them to prep. The prep school curriculum is controlled by the General Staff and they maintain strong discipline, unlike the local schools. If the local schools are as bad as they usually are for Komarrans, prep schools at least have a chain of command you can appeal to and official policies you can point to. My supervisor at KRR talks about it a lot, how the Barrayaran military found itself as the main driver of social change on this planet, mostly by accident, during and after the Cetagandan War. But, however they got it and however it happened, there really is a strong push for integration.
Real prep schools start at age 12, but there are some pre-prep that don't board that start at age 8.
USER: Polly
Why did you wash out?
USER: Jenning
"Academic dishonesty". A Vor was cheating off my work, so I started writing essays that were very wrong and leaving them out for him to copy. This escalated because he kept falling for it, so I tried to see how bad it would have to be before he'd realize something was wrong.
He never realized something was wrong. And some of the things that I put in there, let's just say, there's a reason I'm familiar with some of the topics in Hardest Treason. Because, yes, I entrapped a Vor into claiming credit for seditious writing.
There was an inquest. The Vor said it was my fault. The inquest board was not impressed with my reasons for doing it. I got kicked out.
The Vor is currently a lieutenant, serving on Komarr. I should have tried harder to get him expelled.
USER: Polly
So prep school is still a Barrayaran school.
USER: Jenning
This is Barrayar. If you want a school that isn't going to bend over backwards to help the Vor, you have to send to a school that doesn't have Vor.
USER: Jasper P.
George, I know it's not your area, but was it your university that did that study on mixed classrooms? Something about how the Barrayarans did better in a mixed environment and the Komarrans did worse?
USER: George
Wasn't us, but yes, I remember what you're talking about.
USER: Doctor Romance
>> And the history department at
>> the Imperial Service Academy
>> is actually (shockingly) very good.
Are you sure? Because I've heard some real nonsense coming from Vor wearing Academy pins.
USER: George
While there may be a power in the universe strong enough to make Vor stop being prejudiced shipmarks, that power is, unfortunately, not in the ISA history department. But Commodore Vorinnis feels his duty to the Imperium is to make sure the officers of today fully understand all aspects of the most relevant wars, which are Cetaganda and us.
But a Vor officer coming into the Academy hating Komarrans and leaving the Academy hating Komarrans just means they coasted on being Vor. They call you ensign whether or not you graduated at the top or the bottom of your class, and unless they're tracking you into specific jobs, I doubt they care too much about if an individual graduate can even spell Cetaganda. So some Vor failure of an officer married to one of your coworkers who spends his days color-coding files at Headquarters, yeah, I'm not shocked he doesn't know anything he doesn't want to know about Komarr.
USER: Lorn
I hear the voice of experience, and it sounds very exhausted.
USER: George
Come to UVS, they said. It'll be fun, they said.
USER: Lucy
Wait, you're at UVS? I thought you told Komarrans to never touch that history department.
USER: George
I did, and I'm not wrong.
If you want to spend time really digging into the causes of Vor civil wars from four hundred years ago, go ahead. If you want to do that at UVS while Komarran, don't. Their dean likes to brag about having been part of the invasion. Their _last_ dean was worse. Even the good professors in that department are bad; that dean drives out anyone who doesn't agree with him. If I repeated here some of the things that have been said to me over hors d'oeuvres by people in that department, I'd get a one month ban.
USER: Grid Captain Lither
George, can I PM you for specific university recommendations? I was planning on UVS next year but if it's really that bad, I'll pick Belgravia instead. I know the Belgravia history department has some Komarrans.
USER: George
I'm always happy to give recommendations. Even without PMs, though, I'll tell you that Belgravia is much more welcoming, but UVS is better located.
USER: Jenning
Come to Belgravia, we have plenty of Komarrans, and I need a new roommate for next year.
FORUM: Relationship Advice
THREAD TITLE: Unexpected baba visit
USER: Holly
So this is weird.
I got a visit today from a baba. She was sent by one of the guys at my local woodworking club. He's very sweet and is very artistic. I also had NO IDEA he was thinking about marriage, or about me, or about anything.
She says she specializes in Barrayaran-Komarran relationships and was happy to talk it over with me and left me with some pamphlets and background reading material. She also helpfully mentioned that the one who sends the baba is the one who pays the baba, so I didn't have to worry about that if I did decide to go forward with this.
I... have no idea if I want to go forward with this.
Help?
USER: Mimi
Would you date him if he did this the Komarran way?
USER: Holly
I have _no idea_. I never thought of him like that. This has literally never crossed my mind.
Also, this is marriage, not dating, so I don't even know what to think.
USER: Jason
Most important question: Vor?
USER: Holly
Thankfully, not Vor.
I have no idea how to judge the other gradations. His family has some money, but his dad and his uncles weren't in the military. His grandfather was on the correct side of the Cetagandan War. He has a cousin who is a Major. No extended family out three generations were involved in the invasion or the revolt. The family business is textiles. One of his sisters is currently at school on Beta.
The baba told me all of this, I'm not THAT nosy. Well, I suppose I _would_ have asked about the Obvious.
USER: Jason
Second most important question: is he pretty?
USER: Holly
He's got great muscles. His face is fine by Barrayaran standards, I suppose.
USER: Jason
So he's pretty.
USER: Virginia Common
So what's the downside? How long are you allowed to court before you have to make a yes/no decision on going ahead with the wedding?
USER: Holly
The baba was saying that it's looser for Komarrans than she'd expected from a purely Barrayaran couple. But even with that, it sounded like this is a decision they expect you to make within a couple of months.
USER: Etienne Pasadena
Have a first date, play him the greatest hits of The Corner Playhouse. If he isn't scared away by Solstice Jazz, he's a keeper.
USER: George
If you have the first date, that's going to signal to the baba that you're interested in marriage in general, and if you dump this guy, she'll keep your name around for others who are interested in marrying a Komarran. If you really aren't into getting married, don't give any encouragement to a baba.
Ask me how I know this.
USER: Jason
Aren't you married?
USER: George
How do you think I got that way?
She specialized in Komarran-Komarran relationships, though. I can pass your name along, Holly, if it's just that he's Barrayaran that you object to.
USER: Holly
George, how did it all work?
USER: George
She first approached me on behalf of a guy I knew socially, just like you. He was very shy and didn't want to do anything the direct way himself. Babas are easier for guys like him, because rejection is given by someone else, who is professionally good at rejecting people so they still feel like dating is a worthwhile endeavor. I appreciated that part of it, too; I've had my share of bad break-ups. So I went on a couple dates with this guy but we didn't really work that way together.
I didn't expect anything to happen after that, but the baba kept my info and she kept sending me other guys. Shy guys, adventurous guys, all kinds of guys.
And that's how I met Philippe. We hadn't known each other at all before, but we were both in the baba's files and she figured we'd work together. Four dates later and we were engaged. A few months later, we took a trip back home and made it official.
And now we've been married for five years.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
I worked for a baba for a few years. The fees are pretty low and reasonable, unless you want something very specific. "A Komarran who likes woodworking" isn't specific. "A Komarran who likes woodworking and had relatives on the Barrayaran side of the Revolt"... that's specific. So if you just wanted to marry a Komarran and didn't know any likely candidates yourself, a baba isn't the worst idea.
USER: Holly
What's the hardest request you had?
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Vor within four generations of a Count, was in the military but isn't anymore, who has an advanced degree, must love horses, must own at least three properties, must not have been previously married, willing to undergo a mutation screen before marriage.
I'd ask you to guess what was the hardest part of that, but you all know it was the mutation screen.
USER: Holly
I suddenly feel like all my pickiest dating experiences were not picky ENOUGH.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Life does not get pickier than a Count's granddaughter who is determined to avoid marriage but doesn't know how to tell her mother that.
She also had strong opinions on how tall her High Vor husband would have to be.
USER: George
Poor girl.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Being a baba is half marrying people off and half being a relationship counselor. In this case, between mother and daughter.
The daughter did eventually get married. But it wasn't to a Vor, it was to a Terran, and they moved to Mars.
The most surprising part of that job was finding out how many Vor do not, under any circumstance, want to marry Vor.
USER: Jason
They don't?
USER: Mix Kix Pix
The baba specialized in High Vor and the upper parts of Low Vor (think the ones from the Blue Lake series; they're not really lords and ladies, but everyone thinks they are, and that's nearly close enough). While there was the expected amount of High Vor who wouldn't look twice at anyone without a title and the ability to recite their relationship to the Emperor while half-awake, there were even more who would reject out of hand anyone who had gone to the same school they did, or who knew their parents, or who had anything in common with their background or personal history.
There's a reason this baba hired a Komarran, is what I'm saying. When I left, there were two other Komarrans, an Escobaran, and someone who was probably Cetagandan but she didn't admit it.
USER: Holly
So you're saying it's not a terrible idea to do this?
USER: Mix Kix Pix
It's not a terrible idea to try it. As Barrayaran customs go, this one is harmless.
USER: Lucy
I've always wondered. Did you get a sense for how many Vor still use babas? It's in all the historical shows and none of the current ones.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
It's a lot more widespread than I'd thought it would be, too! Turns out there's plenty of folks who think it's disrespectful if you don't use a baba, or that it's not real until you do. We had our fair share of clients who'd been dating for a while and then hired the baba just to do the proposal, because otherwise it's treating a prospective wife like you're soliciting a mistress. Babas are official. No baba? Not official. And the Vor do like being official.
My first client, the reason I was even hired, was for a Vor lord who was dating a Komarran, and the only way his family would believe he was serious about her and planned to marry her was if he did it properly. So he did it properly and his family accepted her. But if he'd treated it according to Komarran romance tropes, instead of Barrayaran romance tropes, his family was never going to believe he would actually marry her.
The number of Vor lords who looked me in the eye and said if it doesn't come from a baba, it's calling your wife a whore, is more than I'd like it to be, but that's the job I had for four years there.
I made _all of them_ read Colman's Gazelle. For cultural enrichment.
USER: Holly
So somewhere out there, there's a count or two who has read CG, and it's all your fault.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
No counts yet, but I don't keep my eye on shakeups in inheritance. If things fall out differently, there could one day be six counts who have read CG and it's all my fault, yes.
USER: Mimi
SIX? That's a lot more than I would have thought.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Me, too. I'm loathe to give AV credit for anything, but he was the first prominent Vor lord to marry a galactic after the Cetagandan War. A bunch of his peers saw that and thought, if he can do it, I can do it.
And now they're doing it.
USER: Boudicea
>> The most surprising part of
>> that job was finding out how
>> many Vor do not, under any
>> circumstance, want to marry Vor.
Seriously? How many is that compared to all the Vor men who will date anyone as long as she's not Vor, swear up and down that he's different, and then you turn around six months later and he's married to a Vor.
USER: Roxi
Fuck yeah. They talk so much about how there aren't enough Vor women in this generation and yet these guys keep managing to find their first cousin's husband's first cousin to marry.
USER: Jason
I see you've met my ex.
USER: Lorn
We have _all_ met this guy.
USER: Jason
I think most of you avoided dating him, though.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Yeah, that's not real. There are always enough Vor women for Vor men. Vor men will look 10, 15 years younger than themselves, easy. No one cares that there are more Vor men than Vor woman born in any year; it's not even a consideration. Babas don't care. The Vor don't care. Vor men have it pretty easy when it comes to marriage. Besides, anyone they marry becomes Vor. So even if they marry down, they didn't really; their spouse married up. No matter what, their children are Vor. Vor women don't have that advantage.
Vor men for Vor women are actually harder, from a baba's perspective.
USER: Lorn
So the "shortage" is, what? A mirage?
USER: Mix Kix Pix
The shortage is people being angry at Vor _women_ who aren't lining up to marry Vor men. But the ingrained bulkhead wisdom in the baba world for years, at least as of when I was in it (and there was no sign of it changing), has been that Vor women have a harder time of it than Vor men when it comes to marrying in their class.
Why? Because the Vor men their ages aren't looking to marry when they are, or, if they're marrying a little later, those potential partners are already married.
Take the Emperor. When he bothers to get married, how old do you think his bride will be? She's not going to be 35. He'll be however old he'll be, and she'll be 25. Maximum 28, and I'd not bet on that.
When the Vor fully switch to replicators, then things might start looking more like Komarran marriages.
USER: Holly
But let's say there's three times as many Vor men, that should still be enough Vor men for all the Vor women who want them.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
You gotta toss out all those Vor men who are close relatives, and the ones that are mortal enemies, and then the ones who join the military and aren't nearby and available for easy courting, and the ones who don't join the military but don't have a good enough reason why they didn't, and then the ones who joined the military and have good postings and are interested in marriage and so already have been married off, and… you get the picture. For every Vor woman who looks around at 25 and wants a 25 year old Vor man, there's a hundred 25 year old Vor men who are not good marriage prospects as far as she's concerned (and she's right). And so she marries a prole or a galactic instead, if she doesn't want someone older, because Vor women don't want to wait for years to find a good prospect once they're ready for marriage. They don't have that kind of time; they're not gene cleaned and most don't use replicators. When Vor women pick marriage, they're picking marriage _now_, not when Vor men have turned themselves into good prospects.
Look, there's a reason that when they do arranged marriages for countship inheritance, they make the agreement years before the marriage happens, and then the couple gets married immediately once they're old enough, _before_ he gets his commission. Because otherwise, she has to wait. But the babas don't handle those, those are done by the families.
USER: Lorn
Let's not deliberately miss the wormhole here. We all know about Vor men. It's not shocking that Vor women know, too.
USER: George
I think all Vor know about Vor men.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
In theory, Vor men can start at a disadvantage. They don't, but there are some cultural factors that can make them think they need to run to catch up. Because Vor culture says either they're officers, or they're useless. And so what about the ones who don't become officers? If they're useless, they have to justify why they're getting married, _especially_ if there is some kind of scarcity of women.
What possible thing could attract a Vor woman, says the babas, if a Vor man had no military accomplishments. So he goes to a good university, puts his head down and studies, and when he picks his head up, he realizes he is surrounded by women who aren't Vor. So he marries one of them instead. Same thing if he goes into business. There are so many people out there who aren't Vor. Unless they're looking specifically to marry Vor, it's much easier to just... not marry a Vor.
Vor women often do the same thing and when they do, they have a much easier time of it.
The problem starts when a Vor woman looks around at all the marriage possibilities around her and decides she only wants Vor men. And there are much, much fewer of those. It doesn't matter that there are five times as many Vor men as Vor women in some birth years, it really doesn't. She can't marry all of them. She wants to find one of them. And that's where the babas come in.
Add into that, of course, basic Vor sexism. A lot of these Vor men have been told the only thing they need to have to get married is their title. _I_ wouldn't marry any of those guys. They've got nothing to attract a woman other than their title, after all. And if you can convince a Vor woman to ignore titles, there's plenty of people out there who'd be much better marriage partners.
The problem with Vor men is the Vor. Babas know it, the Vor know it, all of Komarr knows it. And if a Vor man _isn't_ like that, he's got his pick of marriage partners and so... he's already married, and not available. The good ones are already married, the ones that are left aren't good. You need a baba to find that usable bolt in a bin full of bent ones or else you won't make the next jump, and that's why so many Vor women still use them.
The Vor women choosing anyone else, a lot of it comes out of frustration. What use is a Vor man on a horse if no one rides horses, and he doesn't know the value of doing anything else? Just marry out instead. And so you stop being Vor, but what use is there, really, in being a Vor? Unless you're a specific kind of Vor lady, it may be worth tossing it aside in favor of a happy marriage.
USER: Doctor Romance
I think out of all the folks here, I work with the most Vor women. And I see this over and over again. I'd say about half the Vor women I know who are married to Vor men managed to find a good one. But then there's the other half, and all I can think of is, they married a title. And since the title was the most important qualification for a husband, well, they got what they were looking for. And because as you say, a Vor man can manage to be nothing but a title and still get married, why _bother_ being more than a title?
I don't pry, so I don't know how happy or fulfilling those marriages are. But they could have found much better men if they were willing to marry someone not Vor.
USER: AstroShell
Okay but half the relationship advice here is don't date someone not Komarran, so I don't feel like this is going in a good direction.
USER: Mod Lorie
General consensus on this board is that Komarrans _on Barrayar_ are better off marrying other Komarrans _on Barrayar_, since so much of this place is against us, so we shouldn't face that in our own homes. When you look at our sibling boards on Komarr, Rho Ceta, and Earth, it's a much different set of opinions.
USER: Holly
My last visit home, I logged in to the Komarr board and the first three relationship advice threads were about marrying Cetagandans and moving to Cetaganda. I wonder what the Rho Ceta one is like.
USER: Mod Lorie
Also about Cetagandans, but with the occasional quaddie.
USER: Dianne
I don't think the advice is necessarily that different. Those of you who are also on the Komarr board will remember me as the one who was dating a Vor lady and wondering if I should move with her back to her family's district. Everyone there was pretty much in agreement that it was fine to date her or marry her on Komarr but I should never move back with her.
I think everyone here would give me that same advice. Because dating a Vor on Komarr is different from dating a Vor on Barrayar.
USER: Jason
When I was dating a Vor and complaining about it, there were the brave few who told me to take him home and see how he handled it. In retrospect, I should've done that. We'd've broken up faster.
USER: Holly
Are you still dating her?
USER: Dianne
Yes, and we've set the date for the wedding.
But I might give up on this planet and drag her back to Komarr with me.
I guess we'll see how bad it gets with her family and if they ever come around on it.
The upside is, I'm pretty sure she'll come back with me. After all, she left this planet in the first place for a lot of reasons, which are all still here.
USER: George
And getting worse, if she's bringing back a Komarran girlfriend and they're not being welcoming enough for her tastes.
USER: Dianne
Yeah. She hopes they'll come around. But it's up to them.
USER: Ship's Log
The most important question: does she still think the Blue Cherries were better with Ashley Pincer than with Quentin Justin?
USER: Dianne
She does.
USER: Mod Lorie
My blessing for you is that that is the worst conflict you have in your marriage.
USER: Dianne
Thank you. I hope so, too.
FORUM: The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
THREAD TITLE: So...
USER: Lorn
...why _isn't_ the Emperor married?
USER: Jumping Jumpers
Obvious assumption is he doesn't want to be.
USER: Zinnia
Isn't it a basic part of the job description?
USER: Jumping Jumpers
Well, it's not like he got hired for it.
USER: George
Putting on my GB hat, the Emperor's not married because until he's got a kid, his presumptive heirs are AV and AV's "mutant" son, so that's assassination prevention insurance enough for him. We don't want AV, and the Vor don't want the son.
USER: Lorn
Did I forget AV has a son?
USER: George
If you weren't in VBS 13 years ago and knew some Vor, you probably didn't know AV has a son.
USER: Lorn
Thirteen years ago, I was happy. I was also still in Equinox, being six.
USER: GB3451
Thirteen years ago, AV's son went on a crime spree. They covered it up by having the son plead to the lightest of all possible charges (missing the Emperor's Birthday without prior permission), which earned him a fine and a couple years banishment, which he spent with family on Beta. That's why AV resigned as PM; I don't know what the official story you all heard for that was.
USER: Holly
GB, I always learn the most horrifying things from you. In this case, that missing the Emperor's Birthday is a crime.
USER: GB3451
When you're a Count's heir and the Prime Minister's son and the former Regent's son, then yes, missing the Emperor's Birthday is a crime, because you were summoned. Importantly, it's also a crime that can be tried in the Counts, which is what they needed it to be.
USER: Lorn
So hey, GB, while you're around, what about the actual thread subject? Why's the Emperor's not married?
USER: GB3451
I haven't a clue.
USER: Tellie
So what did the son actually do?
USER: GB3451
He very egregiously missed the Emperor's Birthday.
USER: Tellie
seriously? That's all you're giving us?
USER: GB3451
Yes.
USER: Doctor Romance
As someone in VBS 13 years ago and knew some Vor, everyone was saying he committed several counts of treason. That he got off with pretty much nothing indicated to my friends that the Emperor didn't think it counted as treason. Sounded very political and _very_ Vor.
I only just now realized that I didn't hear any rumors about crimes that _weren't_ treason.
Huh. Wonder what he actually did.
USER: Boudicea
Well, according to our local Vor, he egregiously forgot to attend a social event.
USER: Mod Jessssssa
Come on. Anyone who spends even five minutes in the Hardest Treason thread knows that ignoring an Imperial summons is a treason charge. Doc and GB are not required to explain that to people every time it comes up.
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: Mix It Up! The Mixes Thread
USER: Jenning
I made this mix for my morning commute. It's called Stop Standing At The Front Of The Bus, You Monsters.
1. Denny & Del - Song For Jump Point Nine
2. SloLettuce - When Boat Won The Race
3. The Lucky Nightbirds - Pour
4. The Justins - The Komarr Polka
5. Karina Clean - Late Shuttle
6. Gamma Point - The Ballad Of Screech Owl Shipyards
7. Beau - Hello?
8. Galya And Gail - Fall
USER: Maggie P
I love going from the Justins to Karina. Pure artistry there.
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: Who's Who In Trade Route And Jumpship Recordings
USER: Tuft
>> Help! Corey & Mys Elf from
>> Ratchet (Neuberger Fleet)
I heard back from my cousin. They recorded mid-cruise, so the recording still has Angus Steel.
She said the rest of your brainstormed line-up is probably right, but she's not sure if Pera Raz was on all the songs or not; they had to record between shifts, and Pera used to wander off to get coffee and not make it back in time.
USER: LaviniA
I love jumpship recordings. Where else is someone going to decide that, in a choice between being immortalized for the cruise's entertainment, or getting coffee, eh, the coffee is more important.
USER: Tuft
Having been that guy choosing between doing backing vocals and eating something -- look, man, sometimes you're hungry. And who else other than other jumpships listen to these things, anyway?, I say, with full awareness of the irony of being on Barrayar, talking about a jumpship recording made 14 years ago.
USER: Portside Loading Zones
My Barrayaran flatmate thinks all Komarran music comes from the trade routes, because when I moved here, I came with our fleet's entire history and that's all I played.
One day I'll take her to a real concert and she'll find out we have music made by actual professionals, not someone whose day job is repairing wiring who also happens to be able to play a flute.
I don't know how she'll take it, honestly.
USER: Arcy
Anyone know the soprano on Red Hope from Solstice Company Merchant Fleet? I know I've heard her before but I can't place it.
USER: Julianna
Should be Saur Jones, like always?
USER: Arcy
It's not her. I'll pass you a copy and you can listen if that'll help.
USER: Julianna
Is there a certain song you hear her on? Saur is always the main soloist, but there are other featured. In Close To Dinosaurs, my aunt Bea did a duet with her.
USER: Arcy
This person is the only soloist on Amber Stars, if your aunt knows who that would be.
USER: Julianna
Aunt Bea says that's Saur, but they dumped a ton of production into the recording because there was an unexpected solar flare at the wrong time.
USER: Arcy
They should do that over-production again, it sounds great.
FORUM: Fun & Games
THREAD TITLE: Daylight Crescent
USER: Karen
Sixth street station to Komarr-Solstice
USER: It's Only Patrick
Dammit. Turn left onto Equinox Circle.
USER: And The Dancer
No, cold!
USER: Tellie
First ramp ahead to Bark Lantern Inn, slide underneath the sign.
USER: The Fur
Shuttle is waiting, I go to Clover Alley.
USER: Veronika
Rule change to Blue Marble Rules. Clover Alley is closed.
USER: Lorn
Incorrect, Blue Marble Rules cannot be used when we are currently using Green Hills Rules. Green Hills Rules can only be changed to Red Giant or Red Dwarf rules.
USER: Veronika
That's only in the Rain conference gameplay. We're following Cloud conference.
USER: Lorn
Ah, my mistake. Proceed to Dover Alley, off of Clover.
FORUM: Entertainment
THREAD TITLE: Klare Wool at Resource MacKenzie
USER: Heady Hettie
This is my fifth comedy show at Resource MacKenzie and this time I think I've figured out their seating scheme. If you want a good view, you have to be in Section B. When going to concerts, it doesn't matter which of the front sections, but for a solo show, you have to be in Section B to actually see what's going on.
Klare took an hour and a half to do what should be a three hour show, so it was constant and unending. On the one hand, there's no time to be bored. On the other hand, there were no breaks to breathe and some jokes would have landed a lot better if the audience wasn't still caught up in the last bit. I last saw Klare back when she was touring with The KVR Company and she was a highlight there. She's still a highlight, but at times it seemed like she kept turning to another cast member to play off of and then didn't find one.
Best bits was her extended gag about her judo career and her constant namedropping of very famous skiers as if we all know exactly who she was talking about, then the pause and "oh." She kept escalating and it got a huge laugh every time.
USER: Willa
I miss her at the improv shows, too. She still has the instincts, though. At the solo show I saw her at, someone in the audience did know one of the skiers. Wool reacted perfectly and kept the show rolling, like it was the highlight of her life to have someone mess up her set.
FORUM: General Talk
THREAD TITLE: Things to never say to a Barrayaran, #12
USER: Ashford
"My genetic parents weren't married."
USER: Ship's Log
"My genetic parents never _met_."
USER: Angelica Pangelica
"I can only remember which Emperor followed which by thinking about the cities and fashions named for them and working backwards."
USER: GB3451
Trust me, Barrayarans do that one, too.
USER: Jasmina
"Keroslav bakeries aren't that great, we have better muffins at every bakery back home."
USER: Portside Loading Zones
THEY'RE NOT MUFFINS.
Sorry. I seem to have been possessed for a moment by my Barrayaran flatmate.
USER: Jasmina
But they really are not as great as the shows make them out to be.
USER: Angelica Pangelica
I don't trust any travel food shows that loves everything they eat.
FORUM: Non-Komarran Music
THREAD TITLE: Blunt Sabers (Barrayar)
USER: Northleft
They're finally going to put out a greatest hits album!
Madison better be on it. It was never a single, but they play it at all their shows.
USER: Viktor
I wonder if Academy Dream makes the cut. It was a single but it did better a few years after it came out than when it was released. It got stepped on by the success of Rediscovery, but I've always liked Dream better.
USER: Julianna
They don't have a studio version of Madison, so if they do put it on the album, they'll have to either record or pick a live version.
I'm hoping they record it. Their three live albums don't mix the band audio well with the audience audio at all. Plus, half the time by the time they get to Madison, they're so tired, they just don't sing most of the song and let the audience do the work.
USER: Viktor
I don't think that's being tired. I think that's that the audience likes Madison more than they do.
USER: Lucy
I don't go to shows to hear the _audience_ sing my favorite songs, and I don't buy albums to hear amateurs sing instead of professionals. Hopefully they'll give us all a studio version.
USER: Arcy
Have you ever listened to Galya's cover of Madison? It's much better than the Sabers live versions are.
USER: Lucy
Yes! It's my favorite Sabers cover. She really understands the longing in the song.
FORUM: Bands
THREAD TITLE: Soulshine
USER: Veronika
I must know. What's their new single ACTUALLY about?
And don't tell me "people who post conspiracy theories about song meanings on bulletin boards." This one is too specific for that.
USER: Ronia
This is a Soulshine song, but it was written by Quentin Justin. The song meaning is "I need some money, so I spun a wheel on my dictionary, picked out some words, strung a song together, and sold it".
USER: Yet Another Solstician
No, Quentin is the Justin with some artistic integrity. You're thinking of Josh.
USER: Autumn Glance
Quentin Justin wrote In The Interest Of Honesty for Apron Renewal. He's absolutely someone who will do it because he needs the cash.
USER: Yet Another Solstician
That was _also_ Josh.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
This song is about that moment you walk into a brand new ship, all bright and clean, and you walk into the engine room and immediately spot six critical errors that need to be fixed before you ship out, and you already have a full schedule.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I think at this point all the Justins are going to gang up and force Josh to change his name so he stops making all of them look bad via confusion.
USER: Holly
Rex, I can't tell if you're joking or not. If you are, someone should write that song.
USER: Veronika
Has Quentin even been on a new ship before?
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
Yes, he's the Justin who grew up on the trade routes.
But I don't have secret trader knowledge here. It's in the interview Soulshine did with KMR Quarterly back home.
FORUM: Jam Sessions
THREAD TITLE: Instrument swaps
USER: Chuck
I'm looking for an ITKF Viola, preferably with strings, but without would be fine. It's a temporary need for the club orchestra so we can perform The Nineteenth Ditchdigger properly. I can give it back or send it around to someone else after two months.
USER: Amianthus
I have one. Can you arrange to pick it up? I can send it out with one of our members but it might take a while until one of them is going your way.
USER: Karen
PM me your addresses, I commute between Stellavale and Chancy's Point twice a week and I can bring a viola with no problem.
USER: Chuck
Thanks!
FORUM: General Talk
THREAD TITLE: Barrayaran superstitions (that they didn't invent right this second to fuck with us)
USER: Nautilus
My neighbor told me that Barrayarans, mostly the Vor, have a superstition that you never ask a toddler who the Emperor is.
USER: GB3451
I have a lot of cousins on my mother's side and they have a bunch of kids. I've asked plenty of toddlers who the Emperor is. They usually get it right.
USER: Nautilus
So it's not horrible bad luck or anything?
USER: GB3451
Well, I don't take it personally when they get it wrong.
USER: Nautilus
Thanks, I knew this had to be bullshit.
USER: Russ
I found it. Finally. The one thread where GB tangentially admits to being Vor.
USER: GB3451
I'm not Vor. Vor don't know any toddlers.
FORUM: Meet-ups
THREAD TITLE: Greencrest/Summerkeep! Screening of Mechanical Smith (Earth)
USER: Danica
We've booked the Red Auditorium at the Fourth St. Civic Center for a screening of the Mechanical Smith biovid. This is the one that was produced on Earth and only distributed there, so it avoids all the problems you'd get if they'd done it anywhere else.
USER: Ashford
Have you watched it yet? Does it get into the production problems they had with Smile?
USER: Danica
I haven't actually watched it yet, but my friends on Earth told me, and I quote, "it will spark discussion".
I did note that they didn't say it was good.
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: This just in, I like music
USER: Dashmind
You ever not listen to one of your favorite bands for a while and then when you hear them again, you think "damn, they're good?"
Radio Komarr tonight is playing the entire show that the Komarran Mistakes performed at Aphelion Open Ballroom last year, with no breaks. It's got amazing sound capture and it feels like I'm there. It's the whole concert experience, with the benefit of not having to deal with traffic on the way home. It's incredible.
Damn, the Mistakes are good.
USER: Julianna
This is me with Denny & Del. I know they're the classic Komarran band that everyone has heard of, even those who don't know anything about Komarran music. Yes, they're cliche and boring.
They're also ... really really good. And every time I listen to them, I remember that.
USER: Laura
Did something happen at Radio Komarr? I thought this week was the pledge week.
USER: LaviniA
Last week was pledge week. We met our goal, so, in celebration, our top three and bottom three donators got to pick concerts for us to play this week. We'll cap it off with three more picked by the RK staff from our favorites.
USER: Gavi
Admit it, you're doing a week of prerecorded shows because you all want time to count the money with glee, erm, I mean, catch up on your sleep.
USER: LaviniA
I see you are volunteering to help with the pledge drive next semester. I'll put you at the top of the list for making sure we pronounce everyone's name correctly when we thank them on air.
USER: Gavi
nooooooooo
FORUM: Job Advice
THREAD TITLE: I Hate My Job, VII
USER: What About Space Penguins
Can I do this on someone else's behalf?
I had to go back in today with some more paperwork. They're good at communication: they always tell you what to bring and what your window is. I'm pretty sure the office manager is Komarran, since they run the place like it's a docking port and any delay is money lost they can't afford.
But this place is really busy. A lot of us waiting, three clerks working, and it's all _running_.
Then this Vor comes in and shoves his way through. He doesn't have all the right paperwork. He didn't do any of the prerequisites. He isn't even the one who is supposed to be there with the kid. But he waves his magic Vorness at the clerks.
And this is Barrayar, so they have to take it. They shove him through the system, and that poor clerk. The software was not made for this use case, I heard someone murmur next to me. She was the one with the crying kid who had just realized that he was going to have to wait longer instead of be seen next, like he was supposed to be.
So the Vor got shoved through the system and took it like it was his due, some Vor lord on a horse here to trample over the masses and the workers and then to leave without realizing that he's just ruined everyone's day and also that poor clerk's performance appraisal because these places all run on metrics and hers just got ruined, even _if_ no one in the waiting room is going to complain. It's not like the Vor is going to take the time to tell management how great this clerk was at destroying their entire system so he could be seen without having to come back tomorrow instead.
Bet that asshole didn't even have the letter from his kid's school.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
If I had to get my kid through those offices and we were just about to go in and get all our paperwork approved, and some Vor came in, I would not be responsible for my actions, and the mods would have to ban me.
USER: What About Space Penguins
The parent across from me thought I was a galactic and not Komarran and said, sympathetically, that this is something you just have to get used to on Barrayar.
At least some Barrayarans know that corruption isn't a selling point.
USER: Yukari
How did Joey handle the wait?
USER: What About Space Penguins
He was fine. He fell asleep the minute we sat down. He'd been up all night reading under the covers again. I checked his stash and it was Martian philosophy. Again.
When he turns 10 and finishes an unofficial PhD, I'm just going to throw my hands up and toss him at my in-laws and say he's your problem now, this isn't _my_ genes. We're all classicists.
USER: Yukari
Your in-laws will send him back after a month with an appreciation for Venusian philosophy instead.
USER: What About Space Penguins
Yeah, probably.
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: Misheard Lyrics
USER: Amianthus
I must expose myself to public mockery. I was so certain that the chorus of Beau's Lady Lavender ended with "And that when we meet again/we'll sing songs by midnight".
Super romantic! And also wrong.
USER: Flora Fountain
Don't leave me in suspense. What's it really? I also thought he was singing songs by midnight.
USER: Amianthus
We'll weave songs in starlight.
USER: Flora Fountain
That's nothing like what it sounds like.
USER: Amianthus
Take that up with Beau.
USER: Flora Fountain
Me, at his next show: HEY ASSHOLE LEARN TO ENUNCIATE.
Beau, shouting back from the stage: THE LYRICS ARE IN THE LINEAR NOTES
Me, infuriated: I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
USER: Polly
HOW DO YOU WEAVE A SONG?
USER: Lorn
First you start with some thread. No, wait, first build a loom.
USER: Mimi
It's Beau. He probably does think you make songs on a loom. I can see him now, with his notes spread out and then he sticks one line beneath another one and pulls it--
Fuck. I have talked myself into this being how Beau does it. Considering the kinds of lyrics pairings he's done in the past, I begin to believe a loom is involved.
USER: Jenning
Beau Sinclair, trying to figure out the melody of a new song: fuck it, back to the drawing loom.
FORUM: Relationship Advice
THREAD TITLE: Secretly Vor The Entire Time
USER: Renata
Let's call my girlfriend Cecily. I've known her for years, we've been together three months, and she just told me that, uh, yeah, so...
Technically she's Vor. Surprise!
Her parents dropped the Vor from their name for political reasons. Cecily assured me that they were at the lowest level of low Vor, absolutely indistinguishable from their neighbors in Araville Creek except for the syllable, and her parents decided solidarity was better than privilege. This was during some local politics stuff that I don't know about, and her parents made that decision and have lived their lives, supposedly, as regular proles.
Cecily's parents sent her to a school also run by the kind of people like her parents, so even though her legal name does have the syllable, the school thoroughly dropped it. She stressed to me that she never had any kind of Vor life. Her parents live like regular proles and so does she.
I'd known her for FIVE YEARS before we started dating. She says there are people she's known since she was three who don't know that she's Vor.
I don't know where to even start with this, or what to do, or what to think.
USER: Arcy
You don't hang out in the dungeon, I'm gonna give you some details you might not know, courtesy of Hardest Treason: 1) you can't stop being Vor, 2) if she's caught up in her family's political activities, it will be worse on her being Vor, 3) that she's hiding that she's Vor is gonna make it worse, and 4) if she ever makes any kind of oath and doesn't use the version of her name that includes the syllable, she hasn't sworn a valid oath.
In other words, if she married you without telling you she's Vor, you would not be legally married.
Hopefully Cecily knows this and would tell you about it in the fullness of time, but if there's one thing I've learned in my years in Merrifield, it's that a lot of Vor don't know these things until the consequences swallow them.
USER: Dome Named Stanley
Forgetting Cecily herself for a moment, if you're hanging out with political radicals and you're Komarran, this is not going to go well for _you_. I'd dump her just for that.
USER: Renata
They're really not that kind of radical.
USER: GB3451
Every single person on this board PMed me to barge into this thread and give my opinion on your girlfriend. So here it is: what your girlfriend is doing is sweet but stupid. But it's not anything worse than that. From what you've said, I know exactly what kind of politics your potential in-laws are involved in, and my personal opinion is that it's a lot better than some of the alternatives.
But since you started dating her as a prole, I'd tell her that you'll dump her if she ever takes the syllable up again. You didn't go into this for a Vor.
USER: Renata
What makes it stupid?
USER: GB3451
You can't actually stop being Vor. If she doesn't know enough to make her oaths correctly, she's in legal jeopardy. If she does know enough to make her oaths correctly, she's telling people she's Vor every time she does. She cannot give her name's word without betraying her secret. So she can't give her name's word, and that's kind of weird for a Barrayaran, especially in rural Vorhovis District. She's singling herself out by lying about not having the syllable. She'd probably have an easier time in life if she admitted she was Vor, so she didn't have to lie to everyone all the time.
It would be smarter to just go around being Vor, but being the kind of Vor that proles like. It would have taken her friends all of half a second to adjust to having a low Vor friend just like them, if she'd done it when she was three. But now she's older and she's lived the lie for so long, there's no way this won't backfire on her enormously if it ever came out.
And if she ever gets married and if she ever invites her friends to her wedding, it's going to come out.
So it's pretty stupid for her to being doing this. But I understand the reason her parents made the choice. Like I said, it's sweet. Political utopia, no Vor and no prole, just Barrayarans, et cetera. But lying about being Vor is not a good idea in the long term.
USER: Danica
The irony of GB saying lying about being Vor is bad, when he objects every time someone calls him Vor.
USER: GB3451
I'm not Vor. Vor don't know Araville Creek is in Vorhovis District.
USER: Renata
...That's actually probably true. I don't think there are any Vor who live here.
Except, I guess, my girlfriend.
USER: Jason
Objection! I am sure Count Vorhovis knows it's in his District.
USER: GB3451
I will bet you a signed first edition of Kalle Quick's Late Sessions Equinox that he absolutely does not.
His tax collectors probably do, though.
USER: Jason
One day GB will show up at a meet-up and we'll find out he's some random prole who just went to a Vor prep school and we'll all feel very stupid.
USER: Renata
So what's the verdict?
USER: Danica
This whole thing sounds so Barrayaran. Are there no Komarrans around to date instead?
USER: Renata
No, I've already dated all of them.
FORUM: Concerts
THREAD TITLE: Shannon Lennox at Lock Street Station
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
Shannon Lennox destroyed my eardrums again.
Unlike last time, her set list was perfect. Last time, I remember a lot of people wandering off near the end and she didn't end well. This time, the room was packed and stayed packed the entire time.
The guy next to me knew all the words to No Way, and I'm bitterly jealous. He says he studied extensively. He also looked familiar, so I guess he's a regular at these things.
They announced there's still tickets for the upcoming shows, you should get them if they're nearby.
USER: GB3451
I was at this show, too! I'd never seen her live and I'm going to have to miss her at the festival, so I made the space in my schedule and it was worth the sleepless night.
I second the recommendation to catch her future shows! She's going to be playing at Resource MacKenzie on the Vorbarr River and the acoustics there are amazing. I'd love to hear what she'll do there. Someone needs to go to that show and report back.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
What section were you in? Did you figure out what was going on in the commotion in the corner? Someone said it was ImpSec but others said Service Security, but I thought it was Vorbohn's guards.
USER: GB3451
No, I missed that entirely.
FORUM: General Talk
THREAD TITLE: Greatest DJ?
USER: Natalie
Are DJs anonymous? When I was a kid listening in, I thought the stage names were for anonymity. Then I got older and thought the stage names were just stage names, and paper-thin at that. But yesterday I toured the studio on the college tour and there on the wall were group pictures of the broadcasting teams for each academic year. Patrick Toscane did the tour and he took care to mention all of them by their radio names and not their real names, but it's not like their faces aren't on the wall for everyone to see if they take three steps into the Radio Komarr offices.
USER: LaviniA
Not everyone's in every group picture. You can work in radio, and even be a DJ, and not have your name known to the public.
USER: Natalie
Do you have to have good background, if they let you be anonymous?
USER: LaviniA
Someone in the Radio Komarr founding class had a family history so bad, his entrance permit to Barrayar had to be written and signed by the head of ImpSec Komarr personally.
So, no.
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: Mix It Up! The Mixes Thread
USER: Jason
My future sister-in-law is interested in traditional ship tunes, so as a present to my future in-laws, I thought I'd make her a mix of the best and most notorious.
One slight problem: I know only the most famous ones. Help!
What I have so far:
1. The Last Fleet Players - After Beta Colony
2. Merchant Company - Jumppoint Five
3. RETTE - Going Through
4. RETTE - Ballad For Astro
5. RETTE - Light Waltz
6. RETTE - Starstruck Pilot
USER: Mix Kix Pix
You have to include Shipboard Lullaby. RETTE of course has a great recording of it, but if you don't want your mix to just be the greatest hits of RETTE, the Komarran Symphony recorded a version fifty years ago and it's iconic and still available. It's also the one they play over just about every merchant fleet announcement, but unless your sister-in-law has been to Komarr, she'll not have the unconscious assumption that, after it's over, you have to stay tuned for boarding instructions and where to retrieve your luggage.
USER: Dianne
Merchant Company also did a version of Ballad For Astro, and they blend in Five Nine Five Four at the end, so you'll get two songs instead of one (I also like that version better than RETTE's)
USER: George
Jason, if by most notorious, you don't mean it has to be _good_, you can't leave out Wings Down. The Players have a version where they try to fix all the problems, so take either that one, or go with The Solstice Philharmonic's version, which keeps all the problems, including the worst harmonizing a bunch of choral professionals ever had to make themselves do.
USER: Jason
I can't believe I forgot Wings Down. She's a music anthropologist. I could really get her approval of my impending entry in her family by giving her a mix just of Wings Down and include all the dissertations on it I can find.
USER: Dianne
Please do not make this poor innocent woman listen to Wings Down over and over and over again.
Make her listen to Which Way Is Port over and over again instead.
USER: Jason
WHICH WAY IS PORT? THIS WAY IS PORT.
USER: Holly
You can tell a ship tune is unsingable when even RETTE doesn't have a version of it.
USER: Dashmind
No, you can tell a ship tune is unsingable when it's 85% violin.
By this I mean, my voting shares are on Steel Beams And Solar Flares. Use the Komarran Symphony version and she won't even hate you!
USER: Ser Benn
Jason, make two mixes. The one of the most notorious ship tunes. And then the ones that people actually like to listen to.
USER: Jason
If I give her two mixes of ship tunes, she's going to think I know anything about ship tunes.
USER: It's Only Patrick
RK is here at your rescue! We have three recorded special shows on ship tunes.
KRR has a few, also, and here's KOTA's interview with the Players where they talk about their process and their selection criteria.
You're welcome. Remember us during our pledge drive weeks (which are not right now, so this is not fundraising).
USER: Mimi
Jason, did you bury the lede here? ARE YOU ENGAGED?
USER: Jason
:D
USER: Mimi
I'm going to send six dozen cookies to your house. Share them with your future husband and tell him welcome to Komarr!
USER: Holly
I must know. Baba?
USER: Jason
Not between the two of us, we worked it out ourselves. But, funny story, it turns out that his family cannot imagine a marriage without one. And their custom is that the families have to meet as part of the engagement process.
So his grandparents are on their way to Komarr, where they're going to meet my grandparents and spend a couple weeks hanging out and getting to know each other. My grandparents are really excited about this, which I did not expect. But they're very happy to be hosting my boyfriend's grandparents. Apparently all they've ever wanted in their life was to host some elderly Barrayarans for a fortnight and show them all there is to see in Solstice North.
I had to admit. I never saw this coming. But since everyone's happy, I'm not gonna complain about it.
I'm just.
Very mystified.
USER: Doctor Romance
Komarrans do have merger marriages that are mostly negotiated by the grandparents.
USER: Jason
Yeah, that's not my problem with this.
My problem is my entire family was in the Revolt.
USER: Etienne Pasadena
You and everyone else in Solstice North.
FORUM: The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
THREAD TITLE: Hardest way to commit treason (not a practical guide!), round 3
USER: Mod Jessssssa
All right, we filled up the last thread.
Proceed.
USER: Lorn
Hear me out. There's the armsman limit, right?
A Count and a deputy who is allowed to swear armsmen.
A stop watch.
One armsmen slot open.
They've practiced it and so they know they can each do the oath in the exact same length of time.
Which of them has crossed the line and when?
Because, as established in round 1, the treason is in the swearing, not the having.
USER: Doctor Romance
Funny story about this, actually.
I asked one lawyer and she said both are the problem, because they were done with the intent of circumventing the limit. And then I asked another lawyer and she said it might be fine in the moment, since neither is in violation at the moment of violation, if they are not in the same location and so each oath-taker/oath-giver relationship does not know 100% for certain that the other one actually happened or not; the consequences will be on the count, not the deputy, once they occur, as usual. And then I asked a third lawyer and she found a precedent where someone tried this on Dorca. And he killed three armsmen over it.
So take your luck.
USER: Lorn
Love that someone already tried this one.
USER: Mod Jessssssa
Doc, why three armsmen? I get that he killed the two who were in violation, but what did the third one do?
USER: Doctor Romance
She says that there was one open slot and they swore two armsmen. So clearly Dorca's logic was, if you're swearing two armsmen, you have to have two open slots. So, boom, two open slots showed up.
But you can't fill those slots with the ones you swore already, because they're both in violation.
This was Dorca, though. So take all his "reasons" with a grain of salt bigger than the South Castor Wormhole.
USER: Mod Jessssssa
Incredible.
FORUM: Fun & Games
THREAD TITLE: Mix and match bands
USER: Dome Named Stanley
I know, I know, everyone has done Jones Denny in every single band. Blah blah blah Jones Denny Jones Denny Dones Jenny, we get it.
But have you ever thought about...
Denny & Denny.
All the best of Jones Denny. All the worst of Jones Denny. All it will take is someone with cloning technology and three drinks to get Denny to sign on the dotted line.
We can do this. We can get there. It is in our power.
FORUM: Concerts
THREAD TITLE: The SiTa Band at The New Amphitheater (Tenay)
USER: Yet Another Solstician
My Barrayaran friends at university surprised me for my birthday by buying us all tickets to see The SiTa Band. It was a wonderful gesture, ruined only slightly by the fact that I hate morning music. Like, all of it. As a genre, I have never found anything of value in it.
But my friends don't know morning music from jumpstream, and this is the only Komarran band playing Tenay this month, so off we went. I'm a big boy. I know how to handle a show I don't like.
I really wish I could tell you I loved it. But for those who like morning music, it was probably very well done. My Barrayaran friends definitely enjoyed it.
USER: GB3451
Spacestation Corridor is coming through Tenay after Winterfair. Tickets are pretty cheap now. Why not take your friends out to a show you like? And then they can see Komarran music isn't just stuff to play while you have a pounding headache.
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: Mix It Up! The Mixes Thread
USER: Margrethe
A mix for my mood right now
1. MP Lang - Solstice
2. The After Wards - Solstice
3. DelORE - Song for Solstice
4. Plo Yonder - Solstice
5. Mechanical Smith - Song For Solstice
6. A Sweet Goodbye - Song For Solstice
7. UTEK - Solstice (Live In London)
8. Tobi - Solstice
9. Kerry Angel - Solstice
10. SloLettuce - Solstice
USER: Alika
Is everything okay? What happened?
USER: Margrethe
Stuck in a room for three hours with people who love AV and were very loud and relentless about it
USER: Holly
Oh no. My condolences.
USER: GB3451
Suggested additions. These are all Barrayaran, but the same general theme: Gor The Tenth - Ridge; Some Underhill Turncoats - Elegy; Night Boys - Sixteen Days In The Autumn
USER: Margrethe
Thanks, GB. And I'm not asking why you have these handy.
USER: GB3451
It's not my fault they're good songs.
USER: Angelica Pangelica
Sorry you went through that but thanks for reminding me of DelORE. I keep forgetting Susan Del has a twin sister.
USER: Margrethe
Oh you have to check out Freefall Dance, which they did as a charity single a decade or so ago. It doesn't get much air time on Barrayar but it should, it's fantastic.
USER: Veronika
UTEK's Solstice! My favorite KOTA moment was when Forever Elise signed off her last show of her university career by playing it. It was the first time it had ever been played on Barrayaran radio and technically it was still banned. The ban was set to expire the minute _after_ her show ended.
As far as I know, no one at KOTA got into any trouble for it, and Elise went right back home and into a job at Aphelion East Radio.
USER: Maggie P
I know this sounds like radio legend and totally bullshit, but it's literally on the wall of the room I'm in. Elise got a pardon for it. Like, a fancy written-out, fully signed, Imperial pardon.
USER: Veronika
WHAT?
USER: Maggie P
The accompanying letter, which is ALSO on the wall, is about time zones, and the Imperial pardon is just to cover any eventualities.
USER: Holly
That's not how the time zones work, though?
USER: Maggie P
Yeah, well, no one tell the Emperor that.
USER: Veronika
How did this even happen???? You're right, I do not believe this is real.
USER: Maggie P
The ban was set to expire the day before an Imperial Music Festival one year, and UTEK was set to perform later on in the Festival. UTEK hadn't even landed on planet yet. I guess one of the organizers found out about it and ran it up the ladder in panic, because it might cause problems with UTEK if people actually remember that song. And then someone talked to someone else and then an Imperial armsman delivered the pardon at the same moment the Emperor opened the festival.
To hear them tell it, every single person at KOTA expected to have their broadcasting license suspended for it. But they were mad enough to do it, because of a whole long story not worth getting into about AV and things that were happening on campus.
USER: Mimi
Oh. Oh, no. I remember that year. I'd completely blocked it out but, oh, wow, yeah. I remember that year. I was still at Radio Komarr. We would have programming meetings where we all got reminded repeatedly that if we fucked up on air, that would be the end of Radio Komarr and all our years of effort would be wasted.
For those not in radio then, that was the Festival right after Rostov was promoted to the General Staff.
If we could have played UTEK's Solstice in Vorbarr Sultana on the eve of the festival and gotten away with it, we'd have played nothing else.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I was at Solstice South that year. We didn't do it, but one of the smaller stations played Tobi's Solstice backwards every hour on the hour for the entire length of the festival.
Their staff did not buy their own drinks for at least a year afterwards. I bought them several rounds myself.
USER: Issur
You didn't even try at Solstice South?
USER: It's Only Patrick
It's not the kind of station that can get away with that, for the same reason RK also couldn't have.
USER: Mimi
Yeah. That festival was a _nightmare_. We all had already been invited to broadcast from it and made all the arrangements. And then politics happened.
I think KRR had to change their line-up at the festival at last minute, because they thought that one of their people would try to get into a fist-fight with ImpSec.
USER: Herb Currency
That might have been KRR, too, but KOTA also had to. It was not fun being a Komarran on campus that festival.
FORUM: Job Advice
THREAD TITLE: I Hate My Job, VII
USER: Decipher
I miss working the trade routes. Everything was actually important, and so when I got mad at someone for doing their job in a way I just specifically told them not to, there were reasons I could point to and say, this is why you need to listen to me when I tell you the process you have to follow, because if you don't, there are actual consequences.
But here, the only actual consequences is that I had to spend 20 minutes revising their work, because I have nothing I can point to to tell them they have to redo it and give it back to me the right way.
And now I'm angry and it's pointless. Nothing went wrong because they didn't listen and didn't care about details. They just frustrated me and wasted my time.
At least on a ship, I'd be angry for a reason.
USER: What About Space Penguins
On the other hand, it's a lot less stressful when people fuck up small things when you know it can't spiral out into a huge problem and a hull breach.
USER: Decipher
It's _not_ less stressful, because I grew up knowing that if you fucked up the small things, you'd fuck up the big things. And so you learned to get the small things right.
Here, there's no consequence to fucking up the small things, but I still have the trader instincts that it's about to cause a hull breach. There's no hull! We're in a city! This isn't even Komarr, there's no dome to fuck up! People here can just go outside. It's wild and I'm angry.
USER: Holly
You are about five minutes away from moving back home, aren't you?
USER: Decipher
I think I am.
They say it's the stupidest things that send you back, and I'm about to be yet another example of that.
USER: What About Space Penguins
Is the punch-line on this story that your coworker is Komarran?
USER: Decipher
Of course she is. I don't expect Barrayarans to pay attention to detail or do anything I tell them to do.
FORUM: Fun & Games
THREAD TITLE: Change One Letter
USER: Autumn Glance
day
USER: Gavi
say
USER: Danica
shy
USER: Ship's Log
why
USER: Karen
thy
USER: GB3451
try
USER: Yukari
fry
USER: Jasmina
fly
USER: Regular Reggie
ply
USER: Jenning
sly
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
sky
USER: Veronika
ski
FORUM: Non-Komarran Music
THREAD TITLE: Route (Escobar)
USER: Willa
Their latest just showed up at my local and I need to scream about it with someone. It's just like if Extra Dome had managed to get Jones Denney after all. The trumpets! The six person brass section! This is their first album without a full orchestra, meaning all their back catalog has a full orchestra, which I had not known until this moment but makes so much sense.
I'm going to start calling into the regular radio to see if I can get them air time, I need someone other than me in Vorrutyer City to have ever heard of them.
USER: Viktor
I'm gonna be in Vorrutyer City next week and now I've heard of them, so does that help?
USER: Willa
Stop by and I'll give you copies, which I need you to hand out to everyone you see.
FORUM: Entertainment
THREAD TITLE: Book Club: Colman's Gazelle, Volume 2
USER: Tellie
Anyone who picks up Colman's Gazelle and whose first instinct is to say it's endemic of a trope _it started_ needs to go back to Komarran Lit 101
USER: George
Wrong! It didn't start it, it just brought it into the forefront from where it had been slowly putting its claws into everything. See Popscale, published four years before it, and Larissa Luck Shipyards, published ten years before it. Both have the same soulmate beats in their plots.
USER: Jason
George, you teach Komarran Lit 101, right?
USER: George
Not this semester! :-)
USER: Jason
I managed to get through university never taking a Komarran Lit course. I should have known Komarran Lit would happen to me anyway.
USER: George
This is how we get you: on bulletin boards, when you're not looking.
USER: Holly
Jason, you didn't read CG in school like the rest of us?
USER: Jason
I'm like Pat. I borrowed someone else's notes.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Hey, I paid full market value for my cousin's notes.
USER: Jason
Full market value being...?
USER: It's Only Patrick
A signed copy of Denny & Del's Phrases.
Wasn't too hard, Susan Del lived nearby. My cousin was just shy.
FORUM: Cooking & Recipes
THREAD TITLE: All Barrayaran Recipe Adjustments, The Thread
USER: Nadine
Test done in Vorlay Bay (Vorparadijs District), raining.
Fully complete per the specs at 10 minutes.
Didn't taste very good, so I put it back in for 3 more minutes.
Second test: added an egg. Fully done at 12 minutes, tasted better than first attempt.
USER: Mod Lorie
Nadine, we don't have much from Vorparadijs District. Can you get to Tullaria? That's a higher elevation. Do you know anyone whose kitchen you can use there?
USER: Nadine
I'll ask around, but it may not be until Winterfair.
PRIVATE MESSAGE
FROM: It's Only Patrick
TO: Not David
SUBJECT: Our Friend
Every time I talk myself out of Greg being Count Vorvolk, he says something like this. Who else but Count Vorvolk would offer up Vorvolk as the best Count to live under, and give his reasons as Vorvolk being really boring and stuck in his ways, which is what you want out of a Count, no surprises? It shows self-awareness and wry wit.
I know, I know, Vorvolk is way too young to be Greg, his voice wouldn't have dropped yet the first time he called in, I know, I know. And we've both heard Greg a thousand times, we'd know if he were a public figure instead of just some anonymous but very well-placed Vor lord.
I guess we'll see if Greg ever makes it to a meetup. His excuses for not showing up are always impeccable, though. I'll never forget the time he said he couldn't make it because the traffic was too backed up and that was how I found out that VBS's traffic grid had scheduled maintenance that weekend. Saved me a lot of time getting turned around near Horsehead Station, I'll tell you that.
And let's face it, I probably wouldn't recognize Henri Vorvolk if he walked up to me and shook my hand and said he was our friend Greg Bleakman.
PRIVATE MESSAGE
FROM: Not David
TO: It's Only Patrick
SUBJECT: Our Friend
I agree he isn't Count Vorvolk and he's certainly one of the High Vor multitude.
But just so you're aware, Count Vorvolk is a major funder of all the Imperial Music Festivals we've had since the first one, and he's the Emperor's closest confidante. Alan told me that Vorvolk has accompanied the Emperor on every state visit he's made to Komarr.
But he's not Vorvolk. Vorvolk's too young.
PRIVATE MESSAGE
FROM: It's Only Patrick
TO: Not David
SUBJECT: Our Friend
I hate you, you troll.
FORUM: Job Advice
THREAD TITLE: Remind me why I came to this planet again?
USER: Dashmind
Rant time, no advice needed, I just need a space full of Komarrans Who Understand.
I've got an asshole underling who doesn't do what he's told, mouths off, goofs off. He's Vor and he's related to the boss's boss's boss's boss, so there's nothing I can do about him.
I swear this guy thinks he's the center of the universe. Worse, he thinks he's the main character in some terrible children's serial show about some fucking war back before contact when everyone was on horses and you got to do what you want with your sword and your horse and everyone loves you for rushing off into danger and getting everyone killed.
Because, oh yeah. That could happen. My job involves explosives.
And we can't keep the Vor jackass away from them.
And if he blows himself up, he's going to take our entire facility with him.
I hate this guy.
USER: Holly
I know you don't want advice, so instead I'm going to ask you what you thought you were doing in the first place by joining the Barrayaran military.
USER: Dashmind
That's the problem. I didn't.
I work with fireworks. We're all civilians.
USER: Holly
And you can't get rid of the _civilian_ Vor?
USER: Dashmind
Vor aren't ever civilians. At best, Vor are just unarmed. And they're never unarmed.
USER: The Fur
I'll be extra helpful and tell you that you came to this planet because we don't do fireworks on Komarr because we're too smart for that.
USER: Dashmind
I appreciate all your restraint in not just shouting at me to quit already. I know if this thing blows up, they're gonna blame the convenient Komarran.
USER: Holly
Please just quit already.
USER: Dashmind
But where else am I going to be able to paint pictures in the sky with bombs?
USER: Holly
I don't know, but you might be able to do it on Sergyar. There's loads fewer Vor there.
USER: Dashmind
You're probably right and I hate it. I don't want to move to Sergyar. There's fewer _everything_ there. No bands tour Sergyar.
USER: The Fur
I'm going to go out on a limb and say there are probably many other firework companies on Barrayar and surely some of them don't have a Vor that highly placed. Find one of them, please. For all of us.
USER: Dashmind
Thanks to everyone PMing me job postings. You are all helping me avoid committing murder every single day.
USER: Holly
What else are friends for?
USER: Dashmind
Day by day, I am getting through the day by gritting my teeth and thinking loudly at him, I know you pay taxes, you unbearable reprobate, you're just like everyone else.
USER: The Fur
That's the spirit.
FORUM: Travel & Sightseeing
THREAD TITLE: Pax Isle, Vorbarra District
USER: Kaeri
I went to Pax Isle to avoid the traffic this weekend, only to discover the Emperor has also decided to dodge the traffic and so is doing a District tour. Thank you for bringing the traffic with you, I really appreciate it.
So I'm stuck here an extra day. What should I do?
USER: GB3451
Let me live vicariously through you. I've never made it to the Plinth. Everyone says it's horrible and not worth my time. Please go on my behalf and tell me if they've been lying to me.
USER: Kaeri
Went there this morning. It's fine. Not worth more than 5 minutes of your time.
But sounds like you've been here a lot. What else should I do?
USER: GB3451
Thanks for the confirmation. :-(
Since everything's in chaos from the Emperor visiting, you might be able to get a last-minute table at Designer. I went there once, they do things with potatoes and cream I don't understand, but my taste buds appreciated.
USER: AstroShell
That's a very achievable life goal, GB. It's a day's trip from VBS, how come you've never been?
USER: GB3451
Because everyone I travel with says it's a pointless waste of time.
USER: Kaeri
GB, I thought you were out of your mind that there would be space at Designer, but I was able to get a table on no notice and the place was half empty! I'd never known the secret to getting a good table is to go in the Emperor's wake and take advantage of the upheaval and confusion to strike. I'm going to have to remember this one.
USER: Jason
Does this work for Counts as well as the Emperor? Because the local Count is supposed to come through here next week and there's a restaurant downtown everyone always raves about but it has a six month wait for a table.
USER: GB3451
It depends on what kind of circus the Count brings with him and how many people decide it's a better idea to strategically leave to avoid the traffic and the politics than keep their reservations.
So, Count Vorkalloner, yes. Count Vorvolk, no.
USER: Jason
This is life changing. My future in-laws think I'm a magician (the good kind).
USER: Kaeri
GB, how did you find out about this in the first place?
USER: GB3451
Oh, it's no secret. It comes up all the time when people complain about the economic cost of District tours.
Counts who tread lightly don't disrupt the local economies as much as the ones who stomp all over the place, which means you can get great deals by staying a day behind an annoying Count. People who are avoiding the Count will give a two day buffer on either side of an announced visit in case there are last minute travel plans or he decides on a surprise inspection. And so the restaurants and the tourism industry are scrambling for anyone who will help them avoid taking losses. But they don't want to close out-right when the Count is visiting because it looks really bad for the city to have everything shuttered when they want to be showing off. And if he drops in unexpectedly, they have to be ready for it.
So you have people canceling reservations and selling their theater tickets. It's a great opportunity for anyone who wants to do expensive on a cheap budget, as long as they're willing to pay the intangible costs and unexpected delays that everyone else is fleeing. (In other words, why you got stuck an extra day on Pax Isle, and why one of my cousins once called me in a snit because her shuttle from Bonsanklar was canceled because the Emperor decided to visit the next resort over)
USER: Carolus
Shocked and appalled that your cousin had to take a shuttle like the rest of us.
USER: GB3451
Her husband was using their three family flyers to transport illegal alcohol into the neighboring towns, and so she had to take their five kids on the public shuttle. And the worst indignity of it, they had mismatched luggage.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
GB, that was the plot of Snowane Spring Ladies last night.
USER: GB3451
Art follows life.
USER: Kaeri
Not usually that closely.
USER: GB3451
You've caught me. They only had one flyer and it was being used to transport another cousin, who was being secretly ferried across District borders to avoid vengeful babas after he proposed to the wrong identical triplet, while already being married to their half-sister they don't know about.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
We all watch soap operas, too, GB.
USER: GB3451
:-(
FORUM: Bands
THREAD TITLE: TTBNL
USER: Mod Lorie
The "To Be Named Later"s now have gigs booked and are official enough that they get their own thread.
Rules say that a Komarran-Barrayaran band goes in the regular forum, not the non-Komarran forum.
Go.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
Finally, Galya Voraiken gets her revenge. She finally gets to be in the main forum. It only took her seven bands to do it.
USER: Ingrid
I'm really excited. Galya is my favorite Barrayaran singer. Hoping she'll do great things with Sandie and Berenice.
USER: Ser Benn
Are they getting a real band name at some point?
USER: Mod Lorie
Promo materials for the Resource MacKenzie show are using the acronym, so, no, it doesn't seem like it. We'll rename the thread if they do.
USER: It's Only Patrick
It's exactly like Berenice Justin to make us all deal with an acronym. She hated being One Of The Justins. This way, we have to remember their actual names.
USER: Mod Lorie
As a mod, I am so very glad we no longer have a thread every month like clockwork asking how all the Justins are related. (they're not)
USER: It's Only Patrick
The Justins aren't related / All of Solstice knows / But the trade routes jump with questions / Why can't we get tickets to their shows?
USER: Holly
Because they broke up!
USER: Ser Benn
Because they broke up!
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
Because they broke up!
USER: Lorn
If I had to be in a band with Josh Justin, I would also choose not to be in a band with Josh Justin.
USER: Mod Lorie
Notably, while we've had several threads debating The Best Justin, we have never had a thread asking about The Worst Justin.
USER: Viktor
There will never be a worse Justin than Josh "oops, I forgot to pack drum sticks, oops I decided to break all the spare ones people gave me, oops, I don't know what a drumset is" Justin.
USER: It's Only Patrick
This is not a radio secret, since it happened on the radio. He once walked out of a live session. Why? We did not ask him precisely as many questions as we asked his bandmates.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
That wasn't RK, was it?
USER: It's Only Patrick
No, it was when I was with Solstice South. At Radio Komarr, someone would have tackled him and dragged him back to his chair and shoved the microphone back in his face. Undergrads are fiercer than jaded radio professionals who know enough to let the star embarrass himself if he wants to embarrass himself. Undergrads actually care.
I love undergrads.
USER: Not David
You would have tackled him, too, when you were an undergrad.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I'm aware.
USER: Mimi
Thankfully the only thing I ever had to tackle when I was a Radio Komarr undergrad was a lot of cables that had come loose during the show and were trying to escape out the door.
USER: Not David
That's a Radio Komarr rite of passage.
USER: It's Only Patrick
No, we've mostly fixed that these days.
USER: Lorn
It happened to me yesterday, Pat. You were there.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I said mostly.
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: Where Are They Now?
USER: Viktor
Hey, where _is_ Jessica Justin these days?
USER: Clement
Backing vocals and violin in Let Go Of Rho on Rho Ceta.
USER: Maggie P
No, she left them after a few months. I think it was a short contract. Last I heard, she's on Earth and doing producing.
USER: Mod Lorie
She's looking to start a new band. She posts in Jam Sessions on the Earth board.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
So that's Berenice on Barrayar, Josh and Quentin on Komarr, Jessica on Earth, where are Astrid and Claire?
USER: Not David
Astrid Justin is on Barrayar. She teaches at Longweight and does the occasional expert call-in show on KOTA for musicians.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
Claire Justin works as a session musician, she's based in Equinox Dome.
USER: Regular Reggie
I'm not sure Josh is on Komarr anymore. Heard he moved to Cetaganda (and no, that wasn't confusion with Jessica).
USER: Angelica Pangelica
All I know about the Cetagandan music scene is they appreciate good music. So if he's on Cetaganda, he's not there for long.
FORUM: The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
THREAD TITLE: What to wear to Midsummer ball?
USER: Russ
Of course you can wear trousers! I don't care that this is Barrayar, if Komarr's part of their vaunted Imperium, then they can just accept our fashions and our dress sense, or they can fuck right off. What did they even conquer us for?
USER: Holly
The tax base.
THREAD MOVED BY MOD JESSSSSSA
REASON: Politics.
FORUM: General Talk
THREAD TITLE: Why?
USER: Lexia Odd
Why does KOTA play Gravy by Mechanical Smith every night at 5?
USER: Maggie P
We don't.
USER: Jenning
KRR doesn't either.
USER: Lorn
RK is not broadcasting at 5.
USER: Lexia Odd
Well, someone is.
USER: Veronika
KRR and KOTA both play RETTE's recording of Shift Change when they switch from the overnight to the morning hosts. If RK ever gets the license, I bet they'll do that, too.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I checked the RK records and we haven't played Gravy in fourteen months. We'll be playing it tonight as apology to Mechanical Smith for neglecting their first single.
USER: Lexia Odd
You made me doubt my mind so I listened today at 5 and there it was!
USER: Jenning
What station are you set to?
USER: Lexia Odd
Obviously I only listen to KOTA -- is what I would have said until I noticed that KOTA is one off from UOL general college radio station, and they still do a one hour block of Komarran music every day.
Oops.
Maggie, do you know why the UOL station is playing this every day?
USER: Maggie P
I walked across the hall and got told "Barrayaran tradition". I can ask more at the staff meeting tomorrow morning.
USER: It's Only Patrick
The song's 30 years old. They might have just gotten into the habit.
USER: Maggie P
All right, so, this story is clearly not true. But what I have been told is that when they started their Komarran music block, the only record they had was Mechanical Smith's first. And so they played it every day until people sent them in more music to play. And since Gravy is the first track, they got used to starting the show with Gravy, and then they never stopped.
I found the longest-serving Komarran on faculty and asked her about it, but she said she doesn't listen to college radio, so she doesn't know what Komarran music they were playing before KOTA started up, and KOTA only has KOTA's records.
USER: It's Only Patrick
The Komarran music block might well predate anyone in Mechanical Smith's birth, since Barrayaran radio stations were playing Komarran music since before the Cetagandan War. There's a great documentary about The Pickarrows, the first Komarran band to tour Barrayar after Contact.
Coincidentally, we've had a lot of callers who don't realize The Pickarrows were Komarran, since they get played a lot more here than they do at home.
USER: Heady Hettie
Half the people I mention Denny & Del to don't know they're Komarran, since they've toured here so much.
USER: It's Only Patrick
The day Radio Komarr gets a caller who doesn't believe Denny & Del are Komarran is the day we devote an entire week to Jones Denny and Susan Del, both together and with their other bands. Don't test me. I have the power to make this happen.
USER: LaviniA
Pitch it at the next programming meeting, Pat. We might have enough interest to do it anyway.
FORUM: Imperial Music Festival
THREAD TITLE: Replacements: Lauren Quite-Shaw out, Blue Cherries in (Week 4 line-up)
USER: GB3451
What it says on the thread title.
USER: Holly
HOW DO YOU ALWAYS KNOW THIS SO FAST?
USER: GB3451
Spies.
FORUM: The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
THREAD TITLE: If you were Vor for one day
USER: The Fur
Oh, I know! I'll pay off a bunch of mercenaries and then murder an entire surrendered government and then brag about being a strategic genius.
USER: Angelica Pangelica
And then to top it all off, I'll marry a prisoner of war in circumstances so convoluted and hushed up, her government considers it to be a kidnapping.
USER: Yet Another Solstician
Before I do that, though, I'll fuck up a retreat from a badly planned war so much that I'm the only member of the command staff to survive it. I'll still call myself a strategic genius, though.
USER: Margrethe
I will complete my tour of duty on my one day of being Vor by failing upwards once more and being awarded the prize of running the government for 16 years, despite hating the ministries and just losing a war.
THREAD LOCKED BY MOD LORIE
REASON: I love you all. Have a round of applause, take your bows, and let's never speak of this again.
FORUM: General Talk
THREAD TITLE: The Baby Names Thread
USER: Karen
I know it's old-fashioned but I really like the name Terra for the first baby in a family born on planet.
USER: Herb Currency
My family used to do that. Good idea! I think I'll go with that for this baby.
FORUM: Travel & Sightseeing
THREAD TITLE: Voraiken District, mostly around the coast
USER: Julianna
My family (including 5 kids) are coming to visit. We were looking at the Voraiken District, specifically around the coast, as the place to spend the majority of the time. It looks reasonably priced and it'll be the off-season for tourists.
We're already looking at:
-The Hazelbright Museum (but maybe not with the kids?)
-The Inland Touring Company's bike tours
-Howard Beech Conservatory
-The Terrace
-Hoverport
-Grey Station Statue Garden
USER: Gia
I've never been myself, but I've heard good things about the Dash House, it's not too far from the Hazelbright Museum. You could probably do both in the same day.
USER: Heady Hettie
Also never been, but my coworker who likes to travel and try regional food says: "Go to Grill Dock and Mark's Bar. Don't go to Dots. If going to The Terrace, don't eat the seafood, but everything else is fine."
USER: Doctor Romance
I went there on a work conference a few years ago. The Starboard Port is a good place for drinks.
USER: Oak
If you want to go out on the sea, don't underestimate how weird it'll be for you as Komarrans. Pick the largest boat there is for the tour. Don't go by yourself. Always have a local nearby. And if they offer to let you at the boat's controls, be careful and cautious.
USER: Armored Pie
Since you're going in the off season, I'd be cautious about making boating plans in advance. That's going to depend a lot on the weather.
USER: Julianna
We're planning on going right after the season ends, so hopefully the weather won't be too bad.
USER: Karen
If the weather's bad, there's a lot of good things to do further inland, but you'll want to get a second hotel if you're going too far from the coast.
USER: Julianna
We're open to multiple hotels, spending a few days in each place and then moving on.
USER: Natalie
I went to Hoverport on a school trip, it's pretty much the same as the Hazelbright Museum, but outdoors.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
The Old Forge Watchmakers Guild is fantastic. There's a tiny but fascinating museum that's a great way to spend a couple hours, especially if you get a lot of bad weather. The current owners are related to Komarrans, so there's even some placards that explain how shipsclocks work compared to watches.
But in the guild itself, if you make arrangements in advance, you can make your own custom watch, to the extent of your ability. They'll do the parts that need experts, so you'll not be doing any fiddly parts. But you will leave there with the watch of your dreams. It's expensive but completely worth it. Depending on how many people you are and how complicated it is, it might take a couple days and you'll come back to pick up the final watches. But the watch I got from them is still working like a dream, and so is the one my uncle bought from them before the invasion.
USER: Jenning
So it's nowhere near the coast, but if you're going inland, there's a gorgeous forest preserve. Walking tours in the autumn are much more pleasant than in the summer there, too. And they have scavenger hunts for the kids.
USER: Armored Pie
Kid-specific: there's a great playground in Copper Bay, near The Terrace. It's enclosed, so it's year-round. It has climbing areas, water tables, sand pits, and building workshops. Unfortunately, it's nowhere near the Hazelbright Museum, so you can't split up easily and have the adults do one thing and the kids do another.
For kids near the Hazelbright Museum... there's some public parks. Nothing really comes to mind.
USER: Karen
How old are the kids? You might not want to do both this and the watchmaker on the same trip, unless your budget is high, but there's a pottery studio nearby. If the kids are old enough for doing pottery, though, they might be old enough not to be too bored at Hazelbright.
If the kids are too young for Hazelbright, don't take them to the Dash House. The architecture is worth a trip for anyone interested in architecture, but there's nothing there for anyone who isn't.
USER: Florence
How many people are coming on your trip? If it's big enough, split the entire day. One group does the Hazelbright and the Dash House. The other takes the train over to The Corrals. There's enough space for kids to run around, there's a roller rink, there's a lot of stores and two theaters. The restaurants there change all the time so I don't have specific recommendations, but there will be at least five restaurants within sight of each other that are all worth it. Yes, it's nothing you can't get back home, but if you want to keep the kids occupied, it'll serve that purpose.
USER: Julianna
There should be around 14-17 adults, we're still working out the details. But it'll be enough adults to easily split into 3 or 4 groups if we have to.
We're going to be that annoying tourist group that bothers everyone else because we're acting like we've never been anywhere like this before, but it's because we haven't. My close family hasn't been on any planet other than Komarr, and my extended have only been to Beta. When we leave the planet, we're out with the Solstice Company Merchant Fleet. So going to a planet like Barrayar is a really big deal.
USER: Florence
If you do go inland to the preserve, don't forget the Slatecliff Falls! It's not as spectacular as some other waterfalls on planet, but if your family really only knows Komarr and Beta, I guarantee they'll be impressed.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
There's also some gorgeous clouds near the coast. Remember to take some time and just look up.
FORUM: Radio Station Announcements
THREAD TITLE: Komarr On The Air
USER: Rea
>> What's KOTA's current playlist
>> and why. What's going on? I
>> need answers.
We're doing all requests this week! Call in if you like what you hear. If any of these songs prove popular enough with the audience, we'll add them to our regular rotation. It's your chance to make your mark on the station.
No request too obscure! So far, no one has completely stumped us, but there's still a couple days left.
Rea Marti
Programming Manager
Komarr On The Air
University of Longweight
FORUM: Fun & Games
THREAD TITLE: The Eternal Poll
USER: Mix Kix Pix
Jones Denny was better when he was in Denny & Del than when he went solo.
USER: Klaus
Counter-point: whatever the hell was going on with the drums in The Last Ship Home.
FORUM: General Talk
THREAD TITLE: New to Barrayar - good places for gigs?
USER: Latte
I just moved to Barrayar for a short-term position. I've been working the trade routes for years, so I've heard all the recordings, but all I've heard are recordings. My last live gig was when I was still in grad school.
Where should I go? I only plan to be here for six months.
USER: Holly
Latte! Glad to see you found your way here.
USER: Latte
Hi, Holly!
USER: Maggie P
You came at just the right time, Latte. The Imperial Music Festival will be starting soon in VBS and will last for a month. If you're in VBS at any point during it, you won't be able to avoid going to gigs.
There's a forum just for the festival, with plenty of previews, so you can best plan your festival experience. Even if you can only make it for one day, I guarantee you'll be able to choose between seeing at least three excellent Komarran bands.
And there will be tons of meet-ups, too. (And hook-ups, if you're into that.)
FORUM: Entertainment
THREAD TITLE: Book Club: Colman's Gazelle, Volume 2
USER: Ingrid
I just got up to the part on the broken moon!
FORUM: Job Advice
THREAD TITLE: Is this normal?
USER: GB3451
>> No, it's _not_ a thing
>> for Barrayaran bosses
>> to demand your sworn oath
To be clear: it's also illegal*.
*there are specific circumstances where it's legal. If you were in them, you'd know
USER: Ser Benn
Wait, this seriously is illegal?
I work in education.
USER: GB3451
Illegal.
In terms of Barrayaran metaphysics, don't worry about your soul, you haven't done anything, you have not made a valid oath.
Translation into Komarran: you're fine. Your boss isn't.
Report to HR. If they don't do anything, report this to the Count of the District you work in (if different from the one you live in).
USER: Ser Benn
Uh, just so I know, _how_ illegal is this?
USER: GB3451
You're Komarran on this planet, which means you're covered under the amnesty and loyalty programs, which means you're a personal vassal of the Emperor.
Demanding your oath is suborning an Imperial vassal. If your boss is Vor, this could be a hanging offense. If your boss is not Vor, this could still involve execution.
But it won't. It'll just get him fired.
USER: Ser Benn
Oh, so this would be legal if I worked for the Emperor?
USER: GB3451
Yes. Various forms of Imperial service would make this okay, under specific circumstances and specific forms of oaths. Asking for a personal oath can be dicey. Requiring it is the province of your liege lord and only your liege lord.
And your liege lord is the Emperor. He has not delegated his authority over you to your boss. Therefore, your boss is in the wrong in a way that can, in a certain light, count as treason. But don't worry, Imperial lawyers have better things to do than bring treason charges against your boss for this. However, that doesn't mean they're going to let this go with him remaining in his position of authority after showing an eagerness to exploit it.
As a Komarran, sometimes Barrayaran cultural minutiae works against you. This time, it's working for you.
USER: Ser Benn
That's a relief. I really didn't want to run his slide deck at that meeting.
USER: Ser Benn
Wait, GB. I'm the only Komarran in my department. Will they know I'm the one who complained?
USER: GB3451
Not unless you tell them. While there are some specific cases where this would be okay if your boss did this to a Barrayaran, there are even more cases where it's not, and also some cases that could turn this into something that involves an execution in the square.
Your boss is very very wrong.
USER: Ser Benn
Okay, that's good. I'm kind of pleased it could be worse. At least he just did this to a Komarran! And he's not Vor! I know that helps.
USER: GB3451
In some ways it helps, it some ways it's worse. If your boss did this to a Vor who was related to your District's Count, for instance, your boss would be in serious legal trouble.
USER: Ser Benn
Um. _How_ related?
Asking for a friend.
Well, a coworker.
USER: GB3451
You can PM me, or you can decide you're better off not knowing.
USER: Holly
...how bad was it that _GB_ said it needs to go to PM?
USER: Ser Benn
Pretty bad.
USER: Holly
So did your report your boss to HR?
USER: Ser Benn
Yeah. We agreed that it was much better for my boss for the complaint to come from a Komarran than a Vor.
USER: Holly
Wow. I guess they do always say the Vor don't fuck around when it comes to oaths.
USER: Ser Benn
Yeah. They really really _really_ don't.
FORUM: The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
THREAD TITLE: Hardest way to commit treason (not a practical guide!), round 3
USER: Holly
Okay, new hardest way to commit treason.
USER: Lorn
Is GB actually right on this? Doc, what's your lawyer colleagues say about this?
USER: Doctor Romance
Lawyers say this is Really Bad, Actually.
Ser Benn's boss's best hope would be if Ser Benn was a Komarran born on Barrayar in any district but the Emperor's. And he's from Serifosa, so his boss is _deeply fucked_.
GB's a nice Vor, so I'm sure he coached Ser Benn on how to make the complaint in a way that minimizes damage, but if he really does have a coworker who is related to a Count, and is a vassal of his own House, that is undermining the Count in his own district and setting himself up as a rival Count. At least he's not Vor. That guy should be so so so very thankful he's not Vor, says the lawyers.
USER: Chuck
Finally a mystery from my childhood is cleared up. Always wondered why the Barrayaran culture classes always spent so much time repeating over and over and over and over and over again not to ever make oaths unless the Emperor tells you to. Guess the propaganda is good for something.
USER: Mod Jessssssa
"Where do your hands go, children?" "NOWHERE." "Good children, have some candy."
USER: Arcy
Doc, I know your coworkers have gotten a lot of fun out of this thread, so it's time for them to pay up. What's a question that a Barrayaran would ask but a Komarran would never think of?
USER: Doctor Romance
Oh, that's easy. They ask me all the time why no one here ever asks about clones.
Why clones, I asked.
Well.
Because.
They say that if Barrayarans had ever invented cloning, then what probably would have happened is, the clone would be considered _the exact same person_ as the progenitor, under the theory of "my hands are your hands".
This was discussed a lot, solely theoretically, during the TOI. Less so since then because with contact came how the rest of the galaxy considers clones.
But.
This whole "my hands are your hands" thing has never been tested in court. All the court cases around clones on Barrayar, not a single one of them so far has tested about oath transference between progenitor and clone.
Especially since there were three TOI theories about it. The first: all oaths taken before the cloning would transfer over (because then there were only one set of hands), but none of the ones after (two sets of hands). The second: none of the oaths before cloning would transfer over (one set of hands), but all of the ones afterwards would (two sets of hands, considered the same hands). The third: yep, all oaths, no matter when they're taken or given, are considered binding on both the progenitor and the clone. And that's the theory that has the most support.
This whole idea that a clone is a relative is _galactic nonsense_, as far as these specific Barrayarans are concerned. Clones are obviously the exact same person. And if they aren't now, they certainly were in the past. And if they weren't in the past, well, they are now.
And one precedent they all keep pointing to is someone named Voramber from three centuries ago who guided his toddler son in accepting an oath. The father's hands were completely overlapping the son's hands. The court decided that both Voramber and his kid had simultaneously accepted the oath and it bound them both exactly identically. This created a precedent that two people can hold an oath that, legally, can only be held by one person at a time.
And this is why when kids accept or give oaths, no one can be guiding their hands, because this was apparently a huge problem for everyone in the situation, since only the toddler was meant to have accepted that oath.
And so that's why my colleagues wonder why none of you ever ask about cloning. Because the oath problems it could cause, in theory, are the kinds of things they love to chat about over drinks.
USER: GB3451
The best conspiracy theory I ever heard was that the Emperor has a clone of himself, just ready to step in as an heir, because that clone would be legally the same person.
It's nonsense, of course, because as Doc says, it's an oath nightmare.
But every so often someone asks me if the Emperor has a clone and it's the best joke I have ever heard.
USER: Gavi
I was about to ask how cloning could possibly work in with treason and then GB posted his comment and now I need to go sit down outside and have hysterics.
Signed, a Komarran who, uh, is a clone.
USER: GB3451
No, no, don't worry. Really, don't worry.
If this ever gets hauled in before the courts, it's going to be over some really obscure, weird financial oath someone took, like a Vorkeres condition or a Vorhovis stipulation. That's the only place this is ever going to show up.
No one is going to care that you and your progenitor like different sports teams. There's Komarrans in the Barrayaran military, and believe me, no one is going to find out if any of them have/are clones and decide the other person has taken the same military oaths. There's a reason this never comes up in court and it's that it's really really stupid.
Doc can back me up on this. The lawyers love to chat about it. But the whole thing longs to be the plot of a terrible soap opera. It's not going to have any impact on your life. And no matter what, it's impossible to do by accident.
USER: Doctor Romance
"Far-fetched", "unlikely", and "convoluted", not "stupid," thanks GB :P
USER: GB3451
Ah, my mistake.
USER: Mod Jessssssa
Absolute hardest way to commit treason: find a brand new way and make the lawyers fight over it for ten years.
USER: GB3451
Anyone who can figure out how to commit treason by accident via cloning is going to get an Imperial commendation and then made ambassador to Cetaganda, because that kind of ingenuity is awarded on modern Barrayar.
USER: Gavi
Okay, thanks. I feel better now.
USER: Arcy
Cloning the Emperor would treason, though, even if it was somehow by accident? Maybe the samples got switched?
USER: GB3451
No. Cloning the Emperor would be theft and kidnapping.
Unless the Emperor does it, in which case it would be an adorable Crown Prince.
USER: Jenning
Hey, GB, what do you think is the hardest way to commit treason?
USER: GB3451
I haven't a clue. I'd have to ask a lawyer.
USER: Mod Jessssssa
GB, obviously it couldn't be by accident but it should be pretty trivial to do this with armsmen.
USER: GB3451
The problem with that is where theory and practice collide. No one has a sense of humor about Vorloupulous's Law.
USER: Arcy
Okay but pretending someone did have a sense of humor about Vorloupulous's Law. How would this work?
USER: GB3451
You mean, assuming it's not a case where the Emperor just has to add 1 and 1 and get 2?
Okay.
If you want a nice crunchy lawsuit for the lawyers to have fun with, it would have to be a clone and progenitor as armsmen of different counts and someone decides to complain about it in court because they think the oaths are crossed. "Who is the liege lord of that particular person" is a well-trodden path in the legal system and this would just become yet another bend in that road. You could probably arrange that in a way that's not a violation of Vorloupulous's Law.
But, and I cannot stress this enough, if you're going to break Vorloupulous's Law anyway, pretend they're chefs or painters or an acting troupe. Don't decide that two people are really only one person despite all evidence to the contrary. If you're going to swing in the square either way, at least commit treason in style.
USER: Doctor Romance
GB, you are too Vor for this conversation.
USER: GB3451
I'm not Vor. Vor can't count to 20.
USER: Holly
Doc, what do you think is the way to do this with armsmen?
USER: Doctor Romance
Aside from the fact that GB's probably right? If you want case law and not an instant Imperial execution order, this would need to be handled pretty delicately and done on purpose, with the intention of getting the court to rule one way or the other. And potential violations of armsmen laws are either tried in the COC or handled by the Emperor directly. Assuming the Emperor can do 1+1=2, you'd have to be relying on the COC doing addition in the way you want them to.
And since the Counts would _love_ a precedent that, actually, cloning means that only one person takes the oath but multiple bodies can hold weapons, GB's gonna be right about that, too. The Emperor wouldn't let the COC rule on this in a way that would let people have extra armsmen. The only way this could go in court is letting someone "split" an armsman between counts. And GB will say that if they're going to do that anyway, there's no incentive to rule that a clone and progenitor are one person, because it makes the oaths so much easier if they're not.
If you really want this in a precedent that will apply to armsmen in a way that's in the counts's favor, time travel back before Dorca's reign and get it solidified before then.
That said.
There's some wiggle room on what does it mean to really arm an armsman. You could shove one or two clones in there, so long as you did not go out of your way to treat them like an amsman otherwise. And if you were quiet about it, and did it nowhere near VBS, you could get away with it.
However, this is where you (specifically GB) could also make the case that this is already treason and the clones don't make a difference. The clones just make it fun.
USER: GB3451
Speaking as someone who isn't Vor, Barrayaran courts have treated clones like separate people for a hundred years. Barrayaran metaphysics aren't going to split a soul between two bodies. If your oath is your breath and is your soul, et cetera et cetera et cetera, what do hands really have to do with it?
USER: Holly
Looking forward to seeing GB and Doc face off against each other in court over this.
USER: GB3451
I'm really really really not a lawyer.
USER: Nautilus
Just like you're not Vor?
USER: GB3451
...Let's go back to talking about how to commit treason by going spelunking within 50 miles of VBS on Midsummer while wearing blue.
USER: Arcy
You mean scuba diving.
USER: Nautilus
Hey, not to add to conspiracy theories about members of this forum (cough), is a clone of a Vor automatically Vor?
USER: Doctor Romance
That's disputed. It's generally depended on who authorized the cloning. In several districts, unauthorized clones have been treated like bastards, aka not automatically Vor and need to be acknowledged.
USER: Gavi
Bastard of who, though?
USER: Doctor Romance
Yeah, that's been the question. It's usually the biological parents of the progenitor.
USER: Gavi
That's so weird.
USER: Doctor Romance
That's Barrayar.
USER: Gavi
They did tell me there's no general law about clones on Barrayar, which confused me, but I guess if there's a bunch of folks who think we're the same person as the progenitor, it's a long long road to the wormhole of logic already.
USER: GB3451
Nobody who makes any laws think that clones and progenitors are the same people. The problem is sometimes you have to remind them of that.
USER: Nautilus
I really need Doc and GB to show up at the same meet-up and fight about this. I'll buy you both drinks!
USER: Arcy
There's no way this can't be some kind of case where a clone and progenitor make some kind of contradictory oaths to the Emperor, right? It doesn't need to be armsmen or anything. But if one of them swears to the Emperor that they'll do this, and the other that they'll do that, doesn't that get to be a problem?
USER: GB3451
Even if there is a way, the Emperor would have to be the one to make a fuss about it. And let's be honest. In that case, the Emperor would ask the clone and progenitor if they consider themselves two different people. The Emperor knows how to ask questions that have a clear right and wrong answer. Even if you have a situation where one of them says they're the same person and the other one ways they're different people, the Emperor also gets to say that they're wrong, and pick the way he wants it to be. And it's so much easier if we go with the galactic view that clones are different people because, as we _all know_, they are different people.
Plus, considering that an oath has to be _accepted_ for it to be valid, that the Emperor accepted contradictory oaths means that the Emperor thinks they're different people.
Also, to ruin this thread even more, in general, people do not want to commit treason. If there is a way to spin a situation that avoids committing treason, they will do that.
USER: Nautilus
brb, starting a "hardest way to avoid committing treason" thread.
USER: GB3451
Oh, I've got one for that. Since the parade uniform contains swords, all you need to do is get into a heated argument with the Emperor and avoid drawing a weapon.
This sounds easy but I've heard arguing with the Emperor is infuriating.
USER: Doctor Romance
That one I agree with, we had a District case he was involved in a few years ago. I swear he was trying to fuck with us on purpose.
USER: GB3451
Yeah, a lot of people get that impression.
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: Best songs about the weirdest topics
USER: Renata
It's a Barrayaran band, but Stormy Seaside's song Whoops! is a spectacular example of "our ship is disintegrating and somehow we're in a disco".
I thought only trade route alums had invented that genre but turns out enough Barrayarans used terrible and broken down ships in the Cetagandan war that there's several regional music traditions that sound identical to the stuff you'd hear from a fleet that had a few jumps go wonky a few too many times.
USER: Karen
It makes sense, I guess, now that I'm thinking about it. Barrayarans can be jump pilots, too.
They're just usually not.
USER: Amianthus
Yeah, finding a Barrayaran willing to take the implant... but the alternative is letting Komarrans jump this side of the wormhole and obviously they're not going to let that happen. So enough Barrayarans go become jump pilots and enough learn how to compose music, and so we end up with me at a club and thinking a song definitely came out of Neuberger fleet and instead it was written by a local band seventy years ago and every high school band must create their own version of it in order to be allowed to graduate.
USER: Jason
Having listened to some recommendations from my future sister-in-law, I'm not shocked at all. There's some wild Barrayaran music that never gets radio play.
I've become sympathetic to everyone who complains that there are so many Imperial music festivals for Komarran music and not enough central music festivals for the fucking weird regional music that they would never play on the radio in VBS.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Jason, not to be that guy, but IUCR has a half time radio station entirely dedicated to bizarre Barrayaran musical trends (the other half is instrumental chamber pieces).
College radio was pretty much made for "fucking weird regional music".
USER: Jason
Pat, I love you and Radio Komarr, but college radio does not count as the radio in VBS. I know this because every time I go to VBS, my hotel is never in range of your broadcast, but I _can_ get ten thousand stations that all play the same thing.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Give us a few months.
USER: Jenning
Wait, Pat, wait. Announcement impending?
USER: It's Only Patrick
Shhh, I didn't say anything, Lavinia didn't see it. Everything's fine and normal!
USER: LaviniA
Quick, let's fill up this thread with music recommendations before Lavinia can see anything.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Great idea, Lavinia!
Best "our ship is disintegrating" disco song: Huddle - Talking To The Bulkhead Underwater. It's beautiful and incomprehensible. Every time we play it, I dance in my chair.
USER: Kaeri
Lavinia, I thought you left RK?
USER: LaviniA
I moved downstairs to IUCR general programming a few years ago.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Lavinia's the one to thank for the main shows playing 15-20% Komarran music every day.
USER: Kaeri
Does that cause any problems with overlap with RK's remit? I don't want RK to get shut down and absorbed like KOMADIO was at Pennino U. :-(
USER: It's Only Patrick
No danger of that. RK is a lot more niche, more DJ-driven and more listener-driven, than IUCR's main shows, so we don't overlap too much.
USER: LaviniA
The difference between RK and the general line-up is people complain RK plays too much Denny & Del and that IUCR doesn't play _enough_ Denny & Del.
FORUM: Fun & Games
THREAD TITLE: Change One Letter #2
USER: Karen
ask
USER: The Fur
ash
USER: Amos Atmosphere
asp
USER: Northleft
amp
USER: Ronia
amy
USER: Circumstantial Horticulture
any
USER: Dashmind
and
USER: AstroShell
end
THREAD LOCKED BY MOD EILEEN
REASON: End! New thread starts here.
FORUM: General Music Discussion
THREAD TITLE: Mix It Up! The Mixes Thread
USER: GB3451
A mix I made for a new coworker, so he'd understand my tastes in music and my sense of humor. I think this will really help our working relationship.
1. The Flying Modern Trebuchets - It's You
2. The Flying Modern Trebuchets - Atlas
3. The Flying Modern Trebuchets - Eclipse Motion
4. The Flying Modern Trebuchets - Hours Ago
5. The Flying Modern Trebuchets - Don't Miss The Show
6. The Flying Modern Trebuchets - Where You Hide
7. The Flying Modern Trebuchets - First Light
8. The Flying Modern Trebuchets - Searching For The Solstice Train Station When I'm Already Late (The Poseidon Version)
9. Kalle Quick - FWOOOOOSH
USER: It's Only Patrick
GB, what the fuck.
USER: GB3451
I know. You should have seen his face when he had to say something about it the next day. The best he could come up with was "thought-provoking".
I think he's regretting his entire life and especially his career path.
USER: It's Only Patrick
It's the greatest hits of things you're banned from requesting on the radio. I'm actually impressed. I'd completely forgotten about Atlas.
USER: Nadine
Hey, I actually like half these songs.
USER: GB3451
I actually like _all_ these songs.
USER: LaviniA
As the person to ban GB from requesting Don't Miss The Show, I'm not sorry.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
You know, I figured I knew where this was going, but I was wrong. How did you do a best of FMT and not put in Find?
USER: GB3451
I don't like Find.
USER: Dome Named Stanley
This is not the best of FMT. The best of FMT would include any of their actual singles.
USER: Jason
The greatest tragedy of GB's life, I guess, is that FMT broke up.
USER: GB3451
You are absolutely correct.
USER: Sa Rah
GB, next time you get a new coworker, dare you to do the greatest hits of songs you actually hate.
USER: GB3451
I am actually getting another new coworker soon, but he's gone to some shows with me before, so unfortunately that lie won't work. I'm going to have to do something even better.
Best of songs that were banned in the Revolt? I'll have to think about it.
USER: Jasper P.
Not fair. Where do I get new coworkers to go to shows with me?
USER: Not David
Radio Komarr is hiring.
USER: It's Only Patrick
And so is Komarran Random Radio.
USER: LaviniA
KOTA is also hiring.
USER: Jasper P.
Hey, GB, are you also hiring? Or is everything filled up now with your new folks?
USER: GB3451
You don't want to work with me. Trust me. I'll make you listen to FMT and pretend to like it.
USER: Holly
Plus there's probably a ton of Vor.
USER: GB3451
True, but it's not as many as there used to be. Neither of these new guys is Vor. In fact, one of them lived on Komarr until fairly recently. We used to go to shows there together all the time when I visited. He introduced me to Apron Renewal; we saw them at their first show at Club Underdome in Equinox four years ago.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
The show that got moved at last minute because of the Imperial visit?
USER: GB3451
Probably. I don't remember the full details.
USER: Jason
I hope your coworkers enjoy your trollishness. In unrelated news, I'm keeping an eye out for a new thread in Job Advice called "My Vor coworker gave me a bunch of terrible Komarran songs about trebuchets as a welcome gift, is this harassment".
USER: GB3451
He knows about this board, so your wish on that may be someday granted.
USER: Mix Kix Pix
I am suddenly desperate to know what your Komarran coworkers think of you. You go to Komarr every year for shows, you know where every good band is playing within a day of VBS, and you're some kind of Vor.
Like... what the fuck, GB. How did you even end up like this?
USER: GB3451
I live in VBS. We're all like this.
USER: Zinnia
NO YOU'RE NOT.
USER: Flora Fountain
Guys, are we sure GB is Vor? I think this is performance art. He's probably from Aphelion Dome.
USER: GB3451
You're exactly right.
USER: George
In all fairness, GB is never the one saying he's Vor.
USER: GB3451
That's because I'm not Vor. Vor don't like the Flying Modern Trebuchets.
USER: Holly
GB, all joking aside, don't give your new Komarran coworker a mix of songs banned in the Revolt. Even if he is your friend already and knows your sense of humor and music tastes, just don't do that. You might understand the joke, and he might understand the joke, but will the rest of your coworkers seeing that understand the joke?
USER: GB3451
You're right. I'll do something much better.
My dream line-up for an Imperial Music Festival in Solstice.
USER: Holly
Okay, that doesn't sound bad at all.
USER: George
This is GB. Don't say that until you see what's actually on that list.
USER: GB3451
I'm not gonna say what's on the list, but when I gave him the track listing, he got the look on his face like I was the personal embodiment of every headache he's ever had.
Success.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
Hey, GB, do you ever get offended at how much we all hate the Vor?
USER: GB3451
LOL. No.
FORUM: Imperial Music Festival
THREAD TITLE: Festival Strategy
USER: Sky Feels Good
Day 1:
Start with Good Fleet. Skip the Sky Sea Captains, take that time instead to get to the secondary grounds. See Spacestation Corridor. Grab dinner from one of the stands on the way back to the main stadium. Watch Three Broken Wheels instead of Jumplight Blossom, yes, they're Barrayaran, but they're better than the Blossoms are.
Late snack in the caravanserai, sleep it off, and start day 2 after lunch, there's nothing worth waking up for in the morning.
USER: Jasper P.
Skip 3BW, too. Get an early night, get to the secondary grounds for an early morning start with The Architects. They're from the Southern Continent, so I don't expect anyone here to have heard their music, and they've gotten a truly terrible slot in the show order. But they're worth getting up for, and no one on the first night is worth staying up for.
USER: Viktor
The Architects -- they're the ones who got Schulteis after the Hugo Felson Collective split?
USER: Jasper P.
Yep.
USER: Viktor
Okay, definitely going there. Who's after them on the secondary grounds? I've got to be back to the main grounds in time to get a good spot for Micheline Donis.
USER: The Fur
Nothing worth seeing on the secondary grounds, but if you're willing to stand in the back for Micheline, take the shuttle to the river grounds for Jamie Wichrowski. There should be enough time for all of them, if you're fast enough and bring food with you.
FORUM: The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
THREAD TITLE: Emperor's Birthday Brass Changes & Pardon List
USER: Mod Jessssssa
As usual, they're burying this announcement right ahead of the Festival.
The top line changes:
Prime Minister, scheduled retirement:
OUT: Alexander Quintillan
IN: Raul Racozy (Agriculture)
Chief of ImpSec, scheduled retirement:
OUT: Simon Illyan
IN: Guy Allegre (Komarran Affairs)
You can discuss the first one. Be mindful of all rules when discussing the second one.
Some changes to the General Staff, but not on Komarr. Philip Taggert will replace Racozy at Agriculture.
The pardons list is longer than usual. Notable ones for this forum are:
-Josephine Cindrich (Solstice)
-Kurt Clyburn (Solstice)
-Agustin Glader (Equinox)
-Mina Percival (Neuberger Fleet)
-Edwin Shellnut (Solstice)
-Enid Wayland (Equinox)
USER: LaviniA
I think a bunch of us have encountered Allegre before. As ImpSec on Komarr went, he wasn't as bad as others. This really could be worse.
USER: Doctor Romance
I'm not as connected as GB is (who is?), but what I've heard from friends of friends of friends is that Allegre got the nod ahead of the competition precisely because he's the sort to make Komarrans shrug and collectively say "this could be worse".
USER: George
In this case, GB is so connected, he'd never say anything more than the party line. Your rumors are probably the best we'll get.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
My big shock is Racozy. I've never heard of this guy. Going from one prole minister to another one? That's building precedent to never let the PM be a Count again, isn't it?
USER: Doctor Romance
Okay if you want more rumor, the head of Domestic Affairs, who got passed over, was partially because he doesn't get along well with the Vor.
USER: Poseidon Wrecks
What? Then how did he even get that job in the first place?
USER: Doctor Romance
Yeah, I asked that, too. Promoted to the level of incompetence. Good analyst, bad politician, but if you're heading an ImpSec department, you need politics, not analysis. He might also be good at managing his department. But the Chief of ImpSec is not managing a department or analyzing intelligence reports.
The Vor don't seem to have much to complain about when it comes to Allegre, either. I guess he's the least-unpopular option.
USER: Ser Benn
Who's replacing Allegre at Komarran Affairs?
USER: Mod Jessssssa
Rathjens from ImpSec Komarr. They'll presumably fill up from there.
USER: Ser Benn
Ugh.
USER: Mod Eileen
>> Kurt Clyburn (Solstice)
!!!!!!!!
USER: Mod Jessssssa
Thought you'd like that one!
USER: Holly
Any good rumors on Racozy?
USER: Doctor Romance
Nope. Everyone wants to gossip with the Komarran about ImpSec, not the Prime Minister.
USER: Doctor Romance
Okay, turns out I've _met_ Racozy. His wife is tenured at UVS Law. We were at a Winterfair gala together five years ago. I have no memory of him. His wife complimented my very culturally important trousers.
USER: George
Just what you want in a Prime Minister: someone completely unmemorable.
USER: Holly
Like anyone here can come up with five things to say about Quintillan.
USER: George
Very true. I can't.
USER: Jason
>> Rathjens from ImpSec Komarr.
Ugh. Private note to the Emperor: please replace him at earliest possible opportunity, if not sooner
USER: Etienne Pasadena
You can say a lot of things about Allegre, but at least he wore his uniform all the time when he wandered around Solstice, and if he wasn't, he never expected everyone to recognize him anyway.
USER: Ser Benn
Not just around Solstice. Rathjens does that at the Councilor's office. He finds the newest clerk and makes a fool of him.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
Rathjens. Ugh. I remember when he was a Captain in Equinox. Ambitious little shipmark.
USER: George
The Councilor is scheduled to change over next year. So Vorparadijs is getting one year of respite away from Rathjens. To our detriment.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I was at Solstice South when ImpSec Komarr transitioned from Allegre to Rathjens. We'd get raided before every important event, and there were three Imperial visits while I was there.
Let's just say, Allegre believes in integration and cooperation with Komarrans. Rathjens does not.
USER: Holly
Who's replacing Rathjens back home?
USER: Mod Jessssssa
It's not listed directly but I imagine it's General Lawrence Farris.
USER: Ser Benn
Well, at least I have no idea who _that_ is.
USER: Julianna
Farris did my interview for entrance, back when he was a lieutenant. Pretty by-the-book, I thought. You could tell he'd heard all this before, and if I wasn't going to suddenly become a Galen or Beaker, he really didn't care.
USER: Doctor Romance
Wow, seems I've met everyone today. I've met Farris, too, professionally.
He's not Rathjens.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
Biggest asshole in ImpSec to have to deal with, professionally?
USER: Doctor Romance
I do not want to get a one week ban the day before the Festival starts.
But your guess would be right.
USER: Amos Atmosphere
I knew it.
FORUM: Travel & Sightseeing
THREAD TITLE: Horseback Riding
USER: Yet Another Solstician
Since I'm going to be in VBS for the Festival, I thought I'd take a day and do The Vor Thing. There's a few horseback riding places in the city. Anyone done this and have any recommendations or advice?
USER: Jenning
My advice: Don't.
USER: Yet Another Solstician
Why not?
USER: Jenning
Horses are nothing like spaceships. If something goes wrong, there's no indicator lights or warnings. The horse just does whatever the horse wants. Komarrans were not made for horses. Horses were not made for Komarrans. Never the twain should meet.
FORUM: Imperial Music Festival
THREAD TITLE: Meet-ups (Week 1)
USER: Mod Eileen
Sound off.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I'll be at the Radio Komarr booth. Stop by for stickers!
USER: Not David
Komarran Random Radio at Belgravia will also have a booth. We don't have stickers.
USER: Virginia Common
>> Komarran Random Radio at Belgravia will
>> also have a booth. We don't have stickers.
Yet. They should arrive by the third week of the festival.
By then, I predict RK will be out of stickers.
USER: It's Only Patrick
We bought way more this time. It's definitely enough to last more than 5 hours. Promise.
USER: Holly
I'll stop by on Wednesday and report back on the status of Radio Komarr's stickers.
USER: It's Only Patrick
I'll save one just for you. We'll be out by Tuesday.
USER: Holly
Hey, that's more than 5 hours!
USER: It's Only Patrick
I take my successes. Not David, how did you do this for so long?
USER: Not David
I never did stickers. That was Laurence.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Right, and your sarcasm is a never-ending resource.
USER: Not David
Exactly.
PRIVATE MESSAGE
From: It's Only Patrick
To: GB3451
Subject: Meetup
Hi, Greg. I know you're working at Vorhartung these days so I can't imagine what your schedule must be like. Radio Komarr alums are meeting up for drinks at Twentieth tomorrow night after all the sessions are over and you're welcome to join us. Duv's getting the first round.
Pat.
FORUM: Imperial Music Festival
THREAD TITLE: VIPs
USER: Sky Feels Good
Spotted: Count Vortala (not the horse) at Spacestation Corridor during the second half of their set.
USER: The Fur
Alice Paul from One was in the audience for The Wrong Weather.
FORUM: The Place To Put All Politics (YES ALL)
THREAD TITLE: The Emperor (But not Where he Is)
USER: Klaus
Heard from someone at the Festival that the Emperor was a big fan of Komarran music??????
USER: The Fur
Oh god, the Radio Komarr folks need to learn to shut up.
USER: Klaus
So it's true?
USER: The Fur
When I was in undergrad, the Radio Komarr folks had this conspiracy theory that the Emperor sometimes called into the show and made requests.
This was ten years ago at least. You'd've thought they'd have forgotten it by now.
USER: Mimi
Correction. We had an INSIDE JOKE that the Emperor was a big fan of Komarran music. None of us thought it was true.
USER: LaviniA
Sorry, Klaus. Some alums got together for drinks last night and I guess we got loud. Mimi is right, none of us were serious about it, ever.
USER: Not David
It wasn't a funny joke even then.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Cosign to above. None of us believe the Emperor listened to Radio Komarr.
USER: Klaus
So the impression I'm getting is you all think he listens to Radio Komarr. Got it.
USER: George
How did this conspiracy theory even start?
USER: It's Only Patrick
It was 2-4 in the morning, for months at a time, for years at a time. You start to make things up to keep yourself awake, when the coffee doesn't work anymore. Plus we were in Vorbarr Sultana, the university has a large Vor student population, so we had our share of Vor listeners and callers, and the joke just popped into existence one night. It was never anything more than a joke.
You should hear the bullshit that KOTA came up with one time it rained really hard.
USER: Klaus
What bullshit did KOTA come up with one time it rained really hard?
USER: Not David
The Vor control the rain through the targeted use of sword hilt polish.
USER: Klaus
For real?
USER: Not David
No, the Vor do not for real control the rain through the targeted use of sword hilt polish.
USER: GB3451
Yet.
FORUM: Entertainment
THREAD TITLE: Book Club: Colman's Gazelle, Volume 2
USER: Ingrid
I got to the end and now I want to start volume 3 but they're all out at the library!
USER: Holly
Can you get to the Festival? I can pass you a copy. PM me.
FORUM: Imperial Music Festival
THREAD TITLE: Imperial Audience
USER: It's Only Patrick
Staff and students from Radio Komarr, Komarran Random Radio, and Komarr On The Air went to the Imperial Residence this morning, where we met with the Arts Minister and had a brief Imperial audience.
We discussed the main challenges we felt faced Komarran music in general on Barrayaran radio stations, and the unique challenges of college radio. I thought it was productive. Well, really, I thought it was revolutionary, this is the first time we've ever had an experience like this. Can't imagine it even five years ago. We've come very far.
The Emperor quoted Kalle Quick. Whoever wrote his briefing materials has great taste.
USER: Holly
Wow. You guys kept this locked tight, I had no idea this was even in the works
USER: It's Only Patrick
When the Imperial Residence as an official body tells you to keep your mouth shut or your invitation will be revoked, you keep your mouth shut.
USER: Holly
How bad were the background checks?
USER: It's Only Patrick
All of ours were already on file. There are some advantages to being notorious Komarran dissidents with high public profiles among impressionable youth.
USER: Dome_inatrix
Who else was there?
USER: It's Only Patrick
Some staffers from the Imperial Residence and the Arts ministry, plus bigwigs from our universities. We were smack in the middle of a session of audiences about regional music. The Greek stations were after us, so we chatted with them before being called to the audience.
USER: Not David
Komarran Random Radio is planning a collaboration with the Greek-language station at Belgravia. Contact us if you're interested in being involved.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Stop one-upping me in my own thread, Dave.
PRIVATE MESSAGE
From: It's Only Patrick
To: GB3451
Subject: Re: Meetup
As unsaid reasons to miss a meetup go, "I had to brief the Emperor and make him listen to the greatest hits of our college years" is a fantastic one.
Maybe next time.
Pat.
FORUM: Radio Station Announcements
THREAD TITLE: Radio Komarr Gets The License
USER: Cleopatra Jones
After years of herculean efforts and tireless and patient toil from all levels of Imperial University College Radio, Radio Komarr is proud to announce that we have been awarded our own broadcasting license. Beginning this Winterfair, we will be following our friends at KRR and KOTA and splitting off with our own station, with round-the-clock programming, all year round.
There are too many people to thank. This effort began before I started as Director and I'm honored to be the one who is able to make this announcement. We began very small, with a tiny staff, a handful of DJs, and two hours a day of dedicated time for Komarran music. We brought you songs, we brought you memories, we brought you a little taste of home away from home. And now we are taking those two hours and going full-time.
Everything you love about Radio Komarr won't change. We're still a part of IUCR and we will still proudly be staffed mostly by students. We will still bring you opinionated DJs and music you won't hear on the big stations back home. We will just now do it...
...CONSTANTLY.
On behalf of Radio Komarr, welcome to the next step. It's so great to be here at last.
Cleopatra Jones
Director
Radio Komarr, Vorbarr Sultana
USER: It's Only Patrick
And thanks to a certain poster on this forum, who got us our final signatures.
USER: Boudicea
What took so long? KRR did this eight years ago and KOTA did it five.
USER: It's Only Patrick
The radio landscape in VBS is more crowded than in Belgravia and Longweight. We had to really justify that we needed this station -- both educationally and culturally -- and wouldn't be taking a space from one with a broader reach.
I cannot stress how much this could never have happened in Vorbarr Sultana when Belgravia was able to do it.
USER: Not David
To illustrate Pat's point, Belgravia started the process _after_ Radio Komarr started it. Belgravia finished it in sixteen months. But when we started it at Radio Komarr, we knew none of us would still be working there when it was finished.
USER: It's Only Patrick
Technically true, too, since I was there when it started, left for a job back home for five years, and then came back to finish it.
USER: Holly
Congratulations! I look forward to the pledge drives.
USER: It's Only Patrick
By popular request, we're going to have umbrellas this year.
USER: Holly
I want seventeen.
USER: It's Only Patrick
We can arrange that.