Chapter Text
Izuku wasn’t sure he was ready. He wasn’t sure he was ready to do what they asked him to. Kirishima was supposed to be released from the facility today and into his parents care. He was supposed to be able to go home and stay home for the first time in three years, but to do that he had to see Izuku. He had to see Izuku and prove that he can handle seeing Izuku without relapsing again. With his face plastered on several Billboards this was necessary and non-negotiable.
The scar on his face tingled at the thought of seeing Kirishima again. He didn’t know if he could do it. What if he wasn’t ready? What if he attacked again? Izuku hadn’t been able to fight back that first time. He hadn’t even tried to fight back. He didn’t want to hurt Kirishima back then, no matter what he said and how mad he was he hadn’t wanted to actually harm him. He didn’t trust himself not to panic and accidentally hurt Kirishima if that happened again. He still struggled when someone jumped in front of him.
Denki’s hands wrapped around Izuku’s stomach from behind and he pressed his head against Izuku’s in a comforting pressure. “Are you gonna be okay today?” If Izuku didn’t go then Kirishima couldn’t leave. If Izuku didn’t go and see him then Kirishima was going to be stuck in that place and away from his family. He didn’t want Kirishima to be away from his family, to be lonely. He just also didn’t want to see him again.
Pressing a kiss to his fiance’s cheek, Izuku tried to breathe slowly. “Kacchan will be with me.” Humming, Denki’s sunshine yellow eyes searched Izuku’s. A calm, serious look on his face. It had been Denki who figured out what was happening to Kirishima after all. He was the one who figured out the delusion rules. He was the one who got Kacchan to calm Kirishima down and it was him who first told the doctors to look into Schizophrenia. Denki knew the signs, he had to watch his mom deal with it his whole childhood and constantly watched himself for it.
He also blamed himself for not noticing sooner.
Izuku blamed himself for the final breakdown as well.
Katsuki was working on not blaming himself as much.
Pressing his forehead into Denki’s, Izuku breathed in the thunderstorm smell that always followed Denki. It was his favourite scent and calmed him faster than any breathing technique ever could. “We’ll curl up and watch a movie tonight. Just you and me.” Denki’s voice vibrated through his chest and pulled Izuku further into a sense of calm. It was going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine because Kacchan was going to be there and he wouldn’t let Izuku get hurt.
“Just you and me.” Denki smiled slowly and placed a chaste kiss on Izuku’s lips before pulling away. Holding tight to each other’s hands, the two of them left the house to meet up with Kacchan, Shouto and Hanta. The five of them were going to grab a sandwich before Kacchan and Izuku had to go meet with Kirishima. With Kacchan and Izuku being hero partners is was a nonnegotiable that Kirishima had to handle watching the two of them interact. It wasn’t enough just to see Izuku if seeing Izuku with Kacchan would cause another relapse as well.
The first time that the doctors had thought that Kirishima was ready to be released had been a disaster. They had showed him a picture of one of the ads that Izuku and Kacchan did together. He had hurt one of the nurses trying to get out and find Izuku. To say Izuku was nervous was an understatement, but Kacchan was just as nervous. He had been dancing around agreeing to a date with Shouto and Hanta, but was putting it off. He didn’t want Kirishima to find out and regress. Even after all this time he still loved Kirishima, maybe he wasn’t in love anymore, but he loved him.
Walking into the diner, Izuku caught sight of Kacchan and his heart gave a sharp pang. He had bags under his eyes and was paler than normal. Hanta had an hand on his shoulder and Shouto looked like he was protecting Kacchan from the world. Izuku will never be able to thank them enough for how they helped Kacchan when Izuku was keeping his distance. If it wasn’t for Shouto he wasn’t sure where Kacchan would be today since no one seemed to notice him breaking down.
Hanta flicked his eyes over Izuku and Denki a few times, a tight smile pulling at his face. “Hey guys.” No one was excited for today. No one was looking forward to this because in the back of all of their minds was the what if. The what if he couldn’t be released. What if he tried to attack Izuku. What if Izuku didn’t defend himself again. What if he succeeded this time. What if Katsuki couldn’t talk him down. What if he attacked Katsuki. There were so many what if’s that no one could focus on the joy that Kirishima was getting to leave.
“You guys order yet?” Izuku could feel his stomach churning, but Denki’s hand on his back helped ease that just a little. Just enough for him to send a quick smile to Kacchan. Silence passed after everyone sat down pushing that fear back to the front of Izuku’s mind. He hated being scared and hated being scared of someone he had once considered a friend even more.
He could still see the whiteboards of plans for him and his friends.
Denki’s thumb rubbed along Izuku’s hand and he saw Shouto lean heavily into Kacchan’s shoulder. The food turned to ash on his tongue and he felt like throwing up. Forty minutes passed in the tense silence before the alarm on Izuku’s phone went off calling an end to it all. They all slowly stood and made their way out of the diner, Denki was holding tightly to Izuku’s arm the entire way. Standing off to the side, Izuku exchanged another look with Kacchan before pressing a kiss to Denki’s cheek. “Two hours. I’ll be home in two hours.”
Shouto, Hanta and Kacchan all politely looked away as Denki brought Izuku’s shaking hands to his lips. “I’m thinking the mint chip ice cream for the movie tonight. Maybe we can go over the flower choices too?” Izuku loved Denki more than he would ever be able to explain. He was the light and calm in Izuku’s life, he made everything just a bit easier to get through. He’d never be able to take away Izuku’s fear, but Denki would hold Izuku through them.
“I still refuse to let the tables have gardenias Denks.” That soft, warm smile peered back at Izuku and Denki kissed Izuku’s ring slowly.
“Two hours, baby. Go be Hero Deku for two hours.” The fear slowly slipped away as Izuku let that mentality settle. Izuku might be terrified of Kirishima and what could potentially happen today, but Deku was able to push through every fear Izuku held until the day was done. He could be Deku for a few hours. He could do that and then go have a pointless argument about flowers over ice cream and bad movies. They both knew Izuku would eventually cave and let Denki choose whatever flowers he wanted. The arguments were only ever for show.
Kacchan and Izuku walked down the sidewalk in step with each other. It reminded him sharply of their patrols which only solidified the mentality he needed to use for the day. The fierce scowl on Kacchan’s face was set in stone as they stepped into the facility. Everything had changed in the last three years. Everything had changed and Izuku ached for what once was. He wished that Kacchan could have still been happy with Kirishima. He wished he wasn’t scared of Kirishima. He wished him and Kacchan could have a conversation untainted by sadness.
Most of all, Izuku wished that Red Riot got to be the hero he once was.
The receptionist smiled kindly at the two of them paged Kirishima’s doctor. The kindly woman was the one who had originally reached out to Izuku to set this up. She had been adamant that Kirishima’s parents weren’t asking and that this was her idea. Izuku had met the two women, who adopted Kirishima when he was little, only once. They had showed up when Izuku was still in the hospital after the attack and before Kirishima was diagnosed. He never wanted their apology. He never blamed them.
He never even wanted Kirishima’s. He understood that this was mostly out of his control.
“Alright Midoriya-san we’re going to have you go in first. If this goes well then Bakugou-san will follow about ten minutes later. In the room is Kirishima-san and Ashido-san. She has been trained and will be staying with him for the foreseeable future so you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.” Vibrant orange eyes set in neon blue skin forced Izuku to nod once. He was going to do this and help Kirishima. He was going to do this.
The door clicked shut behind him and Izuku had never heard something sound so much like a gunshot. His thumb began twisting the ring on his finger the moment he saw Kirishima. The man was slimmer than Izuku had ever seen him, clearly he hadn’t had as much access to the gym as before. He seemed healthy enough and they still let him colour his hair, even if it was laying flat. Kirishima hadn’t moved since Izuku walked into the room, but his eyes tracked Izuku’s every breath and he didn’t look like he was going to lose it.
The silence passed for a few heartbeats before Ashido stood and approached Izuku slowly. It had been nearly a year since anyone had spoken with her. After everything happened she had pulled back into herself and no one was really able to broach the divide. She had blamed herself more than even Kacchan did. She claimed that she had known something was wrong and hated herself for not doing more to figure out what it was. No one had been able to convince her that she was wrong.
The tension in Izuku’s shoulders seemed to hike even further as Kirishima’s eyes travelled between Ashido and him. He slipped his hands behind his back to hide the tremors wrecking him from the inside out. “Hey Midoriya.” Ashido’s voice finally broke the silence with the subtlety of an ice bucket.
Izuku tried to seem more at ease as he let his gaze slowly cross over to where Ashido was leaning. “Hey, Ashido-san. It’s been a while.” Her sheepish smile and awkward shrug said just as much as any words ever could. More than they could even. She hadn’t been able to look Izuku in the face ever since The Event.
Kirishima still hadn’t stood, but he did clear his throat and Izuku’s eyes immediately snapped in his direction. He had been watching out of the corner of his eye, but direct vision was always better. “You look like you’re doing good, Midoriya.” Kirishima’s voice sounded just a hint rougher and lower than it had three years ago. His eyes just a bit hazy, but he didn’t seem lost , just much calmer than Izuku had ever seen the previously high energy man.
Hero Deku. He was a hero right now. He could not panic just yet.
“Y- Yeah. I’m, uh, I’m doing okay.” He hated the way his voice stuttered over the words, but there was only so much he could prevent. The fact that he hadn’t thrown up yet was telling to the amount of self control he was exhibiting.
Kirishima smiled softly and Izuku saw a hint of the person he had once known peek through. Izuku let his arms drop to his sides for a moment before he began twisting the ring again. He needed something to focus on other than the oppressive weight of the unsaid fear clinging to his skin.
***
Izuku had been released from the hospital after only a week. He had a severe concussion and had to have several abdominal surgeries to repair the internal bleeding, but with the quirks the hospital had and Recovery Girl, Izuku was doing okay. He was stuck using a cane for a few weeks to keep a bit of pressure off his body, but he was alive and that was important.
Kirishima had been taken to a facility for those with dangerous quirks and poor mental health while they determine what exactly happened. They were even checking him over for a slow acting quirk. Kacchan had shown up once to see Izuku and they had both cried during the conversation. Izuku hated himself just a bit for leaving Kacchan when he needed him. Kacchan hated himself for not realising how bad it had gotten for Izuku as far as Kirishima was involved.
Neither of them were at fault, but guilt was powerful. So powerful that Kacchan and Izuku both agreed to help pack up Kirishima’s room so that his parents didn’t have to. Walking in, the first thing they had seen was papers tacked to walls and whiteboards discarded. The way connections were drawn and the list of ‘plans’ Kirishima thought Izuku had were enough to make them both feel queasy.
The thing that had Izuku rushing to the bathroom to throw up was the plans Kirishima had made to make him admit to doing this. The way he had planned to draw Izuku into a secluded area when he was on patrol. The way he planned on using one of Kacchan’s grenades as well as one of Midnights knock out bombs to force him to sleep. The way he had ever single detail of Izuku’s anatomy drawn up and what exactly could kill him versus just causing pain.
It probably would have worked and that thought filled Izuku’s soul in a taint so heavy no shower could ever get rid of it.
***
Izuku could tell when Kirishima caught sight of his ring and he quickly shoved his hand away. He didn’t want to see what Kirishima would do when he found out that Izuku and Denki had still gotten together after his plan failed. Izuku could see his hand shake slightly as he uncapped the water bottle that was sitting on the table in front of him. Izuku still hadn’t take a step away from the door and he probably should, but the idea had him frozen in place. “You’re married?”
Ashido was calm and she didn’t seem to be worried. Izuku was right next to the door. Everything was fine. “Engaged. The wedding is in six months.” His voice didn’t waver. He made sure the fear he felt wasn’t obvious on his face. It was fine.
Kirishima grinned widely and a small piece of that fear vanished. “Congrats. Denki?” Izuku didn’t speak, couldn’t speak, but he nodded. “Good, good. I’m glad you two ended up together after… after everything I did.” Sadness and regret saturated the air in waves. The oppressive feeling had Izuku stepping closer and hesitantly taking the chair across the table. He only had a bit more before Kacchan came in as well.
“Yeah. He’s amazing.” Izuku tried smiling, based in the way Kirishima relaxed and Ashido sighed, he figured it worked. “How have you been Kirishima?” Those slightly hazy red eyes softened and his fingers twisted around his bottle loosely.
“I’m okay. Mom said that they have a place picked out for us all in Italy. Once I get released we’re moving there.” Ashido came around behind Kirishima and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder causing him to look up at her. “It’ll be good to start somewhere fresh I think.” A small bit of worry eased in Izuku’s stomach. He wasn’t sure if that was because Kirishima was moving or if it was because he had people ready to help him live a life.
It wouldn’t be the life everyone thought he was going to have, but it would be a life.
“I hope it works for you, Kirishima. I hope you get to be happy.” That bright grin was back, but this close Izuku could see how his eyes didn’t seem as bright as they once were. They didn’t seem to be happy any longer. More haunted than anything.
When the door cracked open, Kirishima’s gaze snapped to the sound. Izuku was close enough to see the tears that misted over as Kacchan stepped inside. With a slightly wobbly grin, Kirishima gripped Ashido’s hand that was still on his shoulder. “Kats?” Izuku’s heart cracked in two at the heartbreak in that one word.
Kacchan hadn’t come to see him. He hadn’t been allowed at first and by the time he was it hurt too much. He had laid on Izuku’s floor for hours sobbing because Kirishima’s parents had reached out and he had to tell them no. He couldn’t bring himself to face the person he was still in love with at the time when he knew nothing was ever going to be the same. He didn’t want to get his own hopes up only for them to crash. “Hey, Ei.”
Slowly standing, Izuku vacated his seat so that Kacchan could have it if he wanted. If that also put him further away from Kirishima that wasn’t for anyone else to know. Kacchan seemed to get the message and took the seat with a quirk of his lips and a nod. They were in the same room, they were interacting. So far he seemed to be doing okay, but they didn’t want to push anything too far. They wanted him to be able to go home.
Kacchan asked a few questions, he did the pleasantries he never did and Kirishima noticed. His face was tight, but he answered and he smiled. He never moved to touch Kacchan and he never made a comment about Izuku. Izuku had even stepped closer to make sure that Kirishima still knew he was there. They weren’t going to leave him here on some technicality. Izuku wanted Kirishima to be happy, whatever happy looked like.
Ten minutes turned to twenty. Ashido was part of the conversation and Izuku had even made a few comments. He made sure to tell her that Denki wanted her to call. They found out that she had received her degree in psychology and was working on her masters. She told them that she was moving with Kirishima and his parents. Izuku hoped it was the right decision for her. He hoped she was happy. Hoped Kirishima could find something for himself.
Izuku’s phone alarm went off again signally the time for him to leave. He had plans to make after all. Kirishima sent one final smile his way and Izuku knew that he would be okay. He would be okay because he had people who cared about him and he had people who would make sure that he got to have a life. Laying a hand on Kacchan’s shoulder. Izuku squeezed once and said his goodbyes. He wasn’t going to see Kirishima again, but that was for the best for both of them. Izuku could already tell he was going to have night terrors for a few days even though this went well.
When he got home and collapsed into Denki’s arms he finally breathed a sigh of relief. He would tell Denki everything later. He would call Kacchan and ask if he had finally agreed to that date. He would take care of everything that he needed to at another time. Right now he just wanted to be held and ignore the thoughts of what Kirishima could have had. He was going to be fine. Izuku knew that.
Everyone was going to be fine.