Chapter Text
Crunch went a leaf as Kalluto walked towards town. The scent of pumpkin pie hit her nose, and she breathed in the crisp autumn air.
She picked up a week’s worth of food and supplies and some beer (for the adults only- if Phinks found out Kalluto ever drank, he’d throw a fit). She finished shopping with no trouble, which she was happy about. Though Kalluto could take care of herself, thank you very much, there had been a few… incidents in the past due to her age.
Kalluto made it back to the hideout and watched a beetle scurry around the back porch of the building before entering. She navigated the dark maze of halls, ducking around fallen beams and jumping over broken floorboards. The building had been abandoned after a fire, but most of the place was still sturdy enough for the Troupe to stay in.
She entered the main room, where everyone save Chrollo was hanging out. They had all decided that until Chrollo found a way to contact them, they’d stay together with Feitan as the leader.
Everyone nodded in greeting except for Nobunaga. The man was huddled under a pile of blankets and held out a shaky hand. “Kalluto?” he asked in a raspy tone. “Is that you? Come closer in case this is the last time I see you.”
Franklin chuckled and lightly kicked the pile of blankets. “It’s a cold, drama queen.”
Nobunaga scowled. “You’ll be sorry when I’m gone.” He warned.
Kalluto rolled her eyes. According to the others, Nobunaga got sick every autumn, and they all had to babysit him until he could fight without sneezing his way into getting stabbed.
She put away the supplies, sat with the others, and then got out her fan and began sharpening the edges. After a few minutes, she noticed Phinks tapping his foot nervously. The others noticed as well, and when he began biting his lip, Machi groaned. “Okay, spit it out. What’s on your mind?”
He sighed. "It's almost the end of October."
"So?"
He glanced around the room, aware of everyone’s attention. "I-uh, well, it's just that Halloween's coming up, and I..."
Machi sighed. "And you were hoping to celebrate?"
"Well, kinda."
This was a new concept to Kalluto. Her family didn’t celebrate holidays, and even on birthdays, the only acknowledgment was a short report of her and her siblings’ progress as assassins. This was intriguing. “What does this ‘Halloween’ entail?”
Almost everyone turned to stare at her in confusion. Shalnark shook his head sadly. “Jeez, I always forget you grew up with Silva.”
Kalluto felt a slight blush grow on her cheeks and asked, “Is it a big holiday?”
Franklin let out a small laugh. "Don't worry about it. Halloween's a holiday to celebrate 'spookiness' and stuff. Kids go around neighborhoods asking for candy, and teenagers go to parties."
Shalnark scoffed. "You're missing a big part of it, Frankie." he turned to Kalluto. "You also dress up in costumes. That's my favorite part."
This was interesting to Kalluto. When she was smaller and played dress-up with Alluka, she would always use the opportunity to wear the knight costume when her mother wasn’t looking. The kimono her mother made her wear was never comfortable or fit her in a way that felt right. Boy’s clothes were baggy and hung off her skinny frame, allowing her to shrink and hide into herself. When she was in a kimono, she felt dressed up, like a doll her mother bent and pulled back and forth until it was as perfect as her.
Maybe if Kalluto had an excuse to wear a costume, she would be able to find something that made her comfortable again, a rare feeling she craved.
Phinks could see that she was intrigued. "What do you say, Kalluto? Wanna do it?"
She nodded. "It sounds interesting."
Phinks looked around the room. "What about you guys? We don't have to do anything too special, but it would be fun to get costumes. We could have a little party."
Bonolenov nodded. "All right."
The others agreed (except for Nobunaga, who had fallen asleep) and Machi, who pinched the bridge of her nose. “Will I be cleaning up your messes?”
They all gave hasty promises that no, of course not, and when have we ever done that? Until Machi finally nodded her assent.
The others cheered, and Kalluto wondered what exactly she’d gotten herself into.
An hour later, everyone except for Bonolenov, Kortopi, and Nobunaga had arrived at the mall in the busier part of the city. Feitan handed out the jobs and gave Machi and Kalluto the duty of getting everyone’s costumes. Machi knew everyone’s measurements by heart, and Kalluto knew what they all wanted, and the pair made their way to the costume store.
"Let's see," Machi mused, "I'll get Franklin's, Phinks', Feitan's, and Shizuku's stuff if you get the rest. That work for you?" Kalluto nodded. "Good. Then I'll see you in a half hour."
"See you then."
They split up, and Kalluto headed to find her comrade's costumes. After a while, she had acquired everybody's stuff, but she couldn't find a good costume for herself.
Every girl's costume she looked at seemed like it wouldn't fit her right, and an icy feeling settled in her stomach. She was still standing in front of a row of dresses when Machi came up behind her. "Still deciding?" she asked, making Kalluto jump.
"Yes." She admitted. "Nothing really looks appealing to me."
Machi nodded and looked at the racks with her. "So, do you have an idea of what would look good?"
"Not really."
Machi thought for a second. "Wanna look at the boy’s costumes?"
Kalluto’s eyes went wide, and she remembered Kikyo’s strict words, “You will wear girl’s clothes because that is what you are. Only naughty girls dress up in boy’s clothes. You aren’t a naughty girl, are you?” Kalluto had frantically shaken her head and swore to her mother that she wasn’t. Naughty girls got hit.
“I am a girl,” Kalluto said clearly, pushing the slight panic down. “Even though I was born in the wrong body, I’m supposed to wear feminine clothes, right?”
Machi shook her head slightly. “What do you mean, ‘born in the wrong body’?”
“Well,” said Kalluto, a blush returning to her pale cheeks, “I was born a male, and Mother says that I should act and dress like a girl to correct it.”
The seamstress’s eyes widened before relaxing, and she crouched down slightly to Kalluto’s level. “Kid, I need you to listen to me. Your mom was wrong about gender and all that. You dress how you want to.”
Kalluto looked confused. “I don’t understand,” she said softly.
“Well, the easiest way I can explain it is that you can decide what gender you want to be. I was born a female, and I like being a girl, so I stayed that way.” Machi put a hand on Kalluto’s shoulder comfortingly. “If you want to be a boy, then you be a boy. If you’re still okay with being a girl, that’s fine too. Hell, even if you want to be in between, I can help you figure that out.
“But,” Machi continued, “the bottom line is that it’s your choice. And no one, not even your mom, can tell you who you want to be.”
Kalluto’s head was spinning. This was all new information, but it was… strangely comforting. She’d always felt like being a girl wasn’t… right. She had been her mother’s doll for years and years, but now it felt like there were cracks in her porcelain mask.
“I don’t think I’m a girl,” Kalluto said cautiously. “But I’m not so sure about being a boy either. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been able to call myself a boy.”
“Well,” Machi said confidently and straightened up, “I guess we can figure it out together then, yeah?”
Kalluto nodded a bit, feeling slightly uneasy but also adventurous. “All right.”
Machi seemed to think of something else and disappeared for a second. When she came back, she handed a black costume to Kalluto. “Here, this is pretty neutral. Wanna start with being androgynous for a while? We can narrow it down from there.”
Kalluto nodded again and smiled. “That sounds good,” she agreed. Before finding a changing room, though, she turned back to Machi and asked, “If I’m not sure if I’m a she or a he, what would I use?”
“Oh, you’re talking about pronouns. That would mean I’d refer to you as they .”
That made sense to Kalluto, who made their way to the changing rooms. Machi had gotten a skeleton costume with gloves and a hood. It covered every part of Kalluto, save the face, and they looked at themself in the dusty mirror.
Being a boy felt so foreign to them, and being a girl was way out of the question. The other thing Machi said about being in between, Kalluto liked it. Not being limited to just one gender.
As Kalluto finished their thought, they smiled like they had been waiting their whole life to think of who Kalluto wanted to be.
They exited the changing room and Machi nodded approvingly. “Nice, kid. You good with the costume?”
“I am. Also, what you said about being in-between, I think that’s what I am.”
“Sweet! There’s a bunch a different labels and genders between girl and boy, but the most basic is nonbinary. That’s the gender in between the two.”
“That sounds like me,” Kalluto said. “It feels right.”
“If that’s what you are, then all the power to you. And let me know if you want more info about gender and sexuality and stuff.”
“I will.” Kalluto felt almost giddy, but composed themself.
They changed back to their kimono, which didn’t make them feel so trapped anymore now that Kalluto knew what was plaguing them. They would have to find a less feminine style to wear.
They met Machi at the front of the store and walked out to find the rest of the Troupe. Finally, Machi spotted them near the food court. They were munching on pretzels and shooting down stares from other shoppers with murderous looks. When the pair sat with them, Machi nodded to Kalluto, signaling that they could tell the others if they wanted to.
“Everyone?” Kalluto began timidly. “I would appreciate it if you would call me they from now on.”
Phinks grinned. “Sure thing, little dude. I always knew you were queer.”
Shalnark elbowed him, then smiled at Kalluto. “You got it. Let us know if you need anything related to gender or anything.”
Everyone else gave nods of affirmation. Surprisingly, Shizuku pointed to herself. “I’m a lesbian and use she/her.”
Shalnark nodded and added, “I’m gay.”
Feitan quietly said, “Asexual and pan. He/they.”
“I’m a bisexual bastard, and Frankie here is straighter than a stripper pole.” Phinks laughed and pointed to Machi, who popped her bubble gum and said, “I’m lesbian. Nobu and Bono are bi and I’m pretty sure Kortopi’s straight.”
Kalluto was surprised at everyone’s openness but felt strangely warm inside despite the chilly weather.