Boy Scout's Holiday

by amcw177

Summary:

When old man Odinson dies he leaves his sons two things: A thriving auto tuning shop and a lot of baggage. The latter mostly belongs to Loki who is sick of driving in Thor's slipstream. Time for a change in leadership. What ensues is a plan that gets resurrected often enough to start the zombie apocalypse all on its own, explosions, dealings with overly invested reporters, epiphanies about heritage, a generous amount of illegal street racing, and the fact that what you get isn't always what you wanted but might very well be what you needed.

Notes:

This was birthed from an unfortunate coincidence of obsessions. One, my undying love for fast cars and subsequently a very prominent addiction to the The Fast & The Furious movies. Some parts of which you will find allusions to in this fic. And secondly, my discovery of Thor around the same time as I got Fast Five on DVD. You see where this is going.

Originally, this started out as a fun ficlet but the idea took hold and half a year later we have this. I should add that it (very) vaguely follows some events as depicted in Thor and I couldn't resist sneaking in a few lines from the movie. Just saying so you're not going BWZUH? when you encounter anything familiar.

How Alex and Sean of X-Men: First Class fame ended up in this is still somewhat of a mystery to me but by the time I realised that I had accidentally XMFC it was too late. And I liked them so much that I decided to make it officially them. I didn't tag it as a crossover though because, technically, it isn't. It's really just the two of them, probably wondering what the hell they did wrong to deserve this.

Also, one (nom.: 1) Hot Fuzz reference. Because.

Basically, this is my personal attempt at fixing things. With cars. So, if you want your favourite dysfunctional pair of Nordic siblings to work through their issues and team up to kick some ass I reckon (and hope) this is your poison.

Last but not least some thanks: To kentucka without whom this story wouldn't ever have made it past the 'Oh! Shiny!' stage and for wading through this multiple times as beta. To sphinxofthenile and kchanlp for playing test subjects and telling me which parts sucked. Plus, much needed hand-holding. K, I hope you're not angry with me for doubling back to my original title. I'm awful like that.

Apologies for any remaining suckage and this long-ass author's note.

Ps.: Whoever witnessed me updating this thing for several hours - I'm sorry. But I am done now. \o/

Chapter 1: Status Quo or: This Is Not How It Works

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It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt.
And then somebody else gets to have fun.

Proverb, addendum by unknown

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Getting shot had not been part of the plan. Loki was willing to admit that much.

He wasn't entirely sure what had gone wrong but the fact that he was bleeding out on the lawn suggested that it was major. It was also beginning to get a bit hard to think.

He would have screamed if he had still remembered how to but his lungs were refusing to cooperate. Not that anybody would have heard him because the bloody lot was passed out in the house and not even a gunshot could wake them.

Stupid, irritating, good for nothing-

"Loki!" The shout came from the porch and was distinctly female.

Sif. It figured, since she was the only person Loki knew who could drink as much as his brother without suffering from any of the annoying side-effects, like alcohol poisoning and such. She was also a light sleeper.

"Shit, what-," she slid to the ground next to him, eyes wide and full of panic which was highly uncharacteristic for her. He had to look even worse than he felt. And he felt like he'd been run over by one of John Deere's finest so it had to be pretty bad.

"Please tell me you're sober." Loki wheezed, clutching his right shoulder. He didn't even know why. Digging his palm into the wound only served to increase the pain but precious blood was spilling onto the grass and it seemed like a good idea to stop it from doing that.

"What? What kind of a stupid question is that?" Sif had a way of enforcing normalcy. It was not always as comforting as she seemed to think.

"Good," he coughed, winced, and spat blood all at the same time, which was an interesting experience but not one he wanted to repeat. He clung to Sif's t-shirt, "because I think I may need to see a doctor."

He might have been underselling it though. In his head it was more or less all capslock gargling with a couple of 'HOSPITAL! NOW' pleas thrown in.

"Sure." She gave a nod that indicated she had no intention of taking him anywhere at all and yelled for the others. If anyone could rouse them from their post-Jägermeister sleep it was her.

Loki, on the other hand, thought this was a good moment to black out.