Chapter Text
Ever since he was a little boy Lucerys had heard stories of soulmates. A handsome lord and his star crossed lady love were the topic of many a performance Lucerys had to sit through. But then there were also the stories that his mother sometimes told him before bed, slowly caressing his hair as she told stories of Valyrian soulmates. The difference between the stories was that those had been real once long ago. For generations there had been Valyrians bonded together by fate itself. It had been an honor above all others in Valyria to have a soulmate.
According to his mother’s tales fate had many ways to mark people destined for one another. There were those who shared thoughts, those whose world would burst into colour when they first laid eyes on their intended, those who even as a newborn babe had patters or writing on their skin. Some soulmates carried a heavier burden however, there were those whose scars would also appear on their soulmate’s skin and soulmates who carried each other’s pain.
Lucerys had always viewed her mother’s stories to be as relevant to him as the troubadours’ songs, certainly Valyrians had had their soulmates, but Old Valyria and its many miracles were gone. All that was left were the dragons. There was no record of any Targaryen or Velaryon having a soulmate.
Lucerys would come to regret that he hadn’t listened more carefully. When he slashed a knife across his uncle Aemond’s face there seemed to be no other explanation for the searing pain that exploded under his own skin.
***
Looking back there had been signs that the Valyrians of old certainly would have noticed, but that could be explained away easily enough in a world where sharing pain with your soulmate was a children’s tale. Lucerys had been a particularly difficult babe, screaming all throughout the day for no reason despite having every comfort offered. No one had reason to connect that to his uncle, who as a few years older was running around and certainly knocking himself into sharp corners.
As Lucerys grew and began to talk of his aches there was no reason to connect his complaints to his uncle's sword training, the more reasonable explanation were all the wild schemes Lucerys was continually being pulled into by his older brother and uncles. It was easy enough for Rheynera to scoop Lucerys into her lap and kiss his son’s head until the pain disappeared and her son ran after his brother as fast as his little legs would carry.
When Lucerys own battle training started, it wasn’t that noticeable that Aemond’s got a lot harder. He did not really complain more, as that would get him nothing but derision from his brother and nephews and scolding from Ser Criston. In time Aemond learned to ignore the pain. These unexplainable pangs hardly hurt any less than getting shoved around by his brother. And as all the princes were often training together neither Aemond nor Lucerys noticed that they were hurting on the precise spot where the other had just been hit.
So neither Lucerys or Aemond, who learned of Valyrian tales out of his father’s tomes rather than bedtime stories from his mother, had that much reason to suspect anything strange. Sure there were the occasional aches and pains but nothing remarkable.
When Lucerys, his brother, and cousins faced off against their uncle after Vhagar had been claimed, there was the thrill of battle in his blood so he did not really mark on how his body was exploding in pain as his uncle was being kicked on the ground. That same thrill drove him to act as his uncle loomed over Jacaeyrys with a rock. As he buckled in pain, his scream could be attributed to the shock of feeling Aemond’s eye burst under his knife.
As the adults descended on them all it took Lucerys some time to understand the situation. What he had done, who he had done it to. Because Lucerys did remember his mother’s tales and he would never forget the pain tearing his skin, though it had left no scar. He clung to his mother’s skirts as people kept yelling at each other.
He could not stop staring at his uncle. He felt every single needle prick as the thread was sown onto the wound. It was a very strange feeling seeing the needle pierce another’s skin and at that exact moment feel it on his own face. That was his soulmate. Lucerys had hurt his soulmate, maimed, disfigured his soulmate. His fated love. He must be the worst soulmate ever. In all the stories he had heard of the mighty dragon riders and beautiful maidens none had ever done anything like that to their soulmate.
Lucerys was glad all the commotion in the room kept his mother’s attention because he could not have bared to be looked at. He was a monster. Lucerys was also glad Jace spoke for all of them he would not have been able to find his voice. There was nothing for him to say. When the Queen came for his eye, Lucerys screamed. He could not go through that again. He would not put his soulmate through that again.
In the end there was nothing for Lucerys to say about finding his soulmate. The only one he could prove himself to was Aemond, and after what Lucerys had done his soulmate must hate him. He had destroyed something magical. All he could do now was spare his soulmate from any future pain. That Lucerys vowed to himself as he tossed and turned in his bed.
***
In the following years, Lucerys did his best to keep that vow. He was careful not to cause himself any pain. He would not tussle with his brothers anymore. He begged his mother to get out of most fighting lessons. It was easy in the beginning, there were plenty of excuses, losing his father, and ser Harwin. Jace mocked him for being too delicate but Lucerys didn’t care. It took a long time for him to hold even a simple table knife without a flash of pain ghosting across his face.
Lucerys grew up to be calm and careful with himself. He would not run around, he would not take risks. He did everything to spare his soulmate from pain. It also helped that he finally understood the sudden spasms of pain that washed over him. Unlike Lucerys, Aemond only seemed to be training more and more based on the frequent pangs all across Lucerys' body. Though in time those lessened too, either Aemond had stopped training or had grown into a mighty warrior indeed. Even if the pangs had not faded, Lucerys wouldn't have complained. Nothing Aemond could put him through could ever compare to what Lucerys had done.
Lucerys wished above all that he could apologize to Aemond. He wouldn’t tell him the truth. It would be too unbearable to explain that the worst thing that had ever been done to him was done by the person who was supposed to love him the most. But he would like to apologize nonetheless. He thought of writing sometimes, but how could something like that be put in writing? Lucerys had to wait until he saw his soulmate again. And that took many years.
***
His mind had gone blank watching Ser Criston wave around a morningstar inches from his soulmate’s face. Lucerys flinched imagining the impact. This is why he could never train. Despite years of sleepless nights pondering over what to say to Aemond the next time they met, Lucerys was once again without a voice as his soulmate looked at him tilting his sword.
Lucerys could never tell him. Aemond was clearly a fighter, he needed the edge Lucerys had lost realizing it was not only his own wellbeing he had to look out for. Aemond could not be as careful. Or maybe he would not care, said a voice in Lucerys head he tried to keep quiet. After what you did maybe he’d seek danger just to get back at you.
It was a worrying sign that part of Lucerys was glad to see Vaemond arrive, if just to get his mind to focus on the battle over his legitimacy.
Aemond would not stop looking at Lucerys in the throne room either. It was hard to concentrate on anything else and Lucerys felt even more ridiculous for it. It was his family on the line. His mother’s throne. Lucerys could not even process the news of his own engagement, all he could think about was that piercing gaze he would not meet.
***
At their shared dinner Lucerys was unfortunately seated directly across from Aemond, there was no escaping him. Though as more and more toasts were made in the name of unity Lucerys could not help himself in starting to hope that maybe just maybe there was a world where he could redeem himself to his soulmate.
But of course, it all went to shit because of Lucerys, he was just that stupid. When the pig was placed in front of Aemond, Lucerys could not keep his face impassive as he was reminded just how terrible a soulmate he was. The same immediate memory seemed to cross between them and rage burned in Aemond’s eye. Lucerys look of pity did not have the hope for effect as it only seemed to anger Aemond further.
Lucerys flinched at how Aemond weighed on the word “strong” looking straight at him. Jace, in his pride and anger, jumped in to defend them. Lucerys felt his own brother’s punch and instinctually jumped up to get away. Unfortunately, his uncle Aegon took this as a sign to slam his head into the table. Lucerys could not see how Aemond reacted to the phantom pain.
His ears were rigging for a long time as he tossed and turned in his chambers. He had ruined things again. It was better if he just left for Dragonstone and never saw Aemond again. He did not deserve a soulmate any more than he deserved his title, the bastard that he was.
***
They had barely gotten settled back home when grandmother Rhaenys arrived with the news. Uncle Aegon ruled in Kingslanding Lucerys was scared. He was not stupid, this meant war. War in his own family, war against his soulmate. He shuddered to think of the battles ahead. But his mother needed him, so Lucerys would do what he could.
He flew to Storm’s end and almost turned back at the sight of Vhagar. He had not been ready to meet with Aemond so soon. But then he reminded himself of just how important this was. This was for his mother, for the realm. Lucerys could not ruin this.
***
Aemond was staring at him again, and Lucerys forced himself to stay calm. He was just here as his mother’s messenger, nothing more. It did seem he was terrible at it. But the worst thing was that a small part of him felt irrationally mad at Aemond’s engagement. Even though Lucerys himself was also engaged, he still felt angry at the Baratheon girl who was going to marry his soulmate.
And then Aemond took off his eyepatch, quickly crushing the idea that Lucerys had any right to the soulmate he had maimed. Aemond’s dagger sent an echo through the hall as it was tossed to the floor, and Lucerys knew he had to leave. He wouldn’t do that to his soulmate, not again. He would rather fight Aemond. Any pain he could inflict on Aemond with his own sword would be nothing compared to the memory that still haunted them both.
Lucerys was scared and he knew Arrax could sense it. Lucerys needed to get home and he needed to stay there. He was certain that if he were to enter battlefields in this war Aemond would seek him out. And that would be the end of it. Because what could Lucerys do? Even if by some miracle he could kill Aemond he couldn’t kill his soulmate. But he would not put his soulmate through his own death either.
When Vhagar and Aemond followed them to the storm Lucerys felt terror, pure, blinding, chocking terror. Poor Arrax was only trying to defend him.
As Lucerys fell all he could hope for was a quick painless death.