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“Hey big brother, ready to go?” Genny asks from the doorway to his hospital room.
“More than ready,” Tim greets his sister from where he is reluctantly seated in the still-hospital-required-discharge-wheelchair. Emergency spinal surgery had meant he was not ‘home in time for dinner’, and he’s itching to finally get out of here.
Behind him, Lucy is draping the handles of the chair with all of the stuff he had accumulated during his stay here - a small duffle bag of clothes and toiletries Genny had brought him from home, and a not-insignificant amount of get-well cards and food items from his friends and co-workers.
She’d insisted on coming by before shift once she found out that he was getting out this morning - and once he’d told her that Ashley was working (not a lie) and wouldn’t be here to help with the discharge. With Genny only able to come pick him up once she’d finished dropping off each of the kids at their new schools, and his mobility still not back to one hundred percent, having Lucy come early to help pack up his room and deal with all the paperwork was definitely appreciated.
(And maybe he just liked getting to spend some extra time alone with her.)
“Genny, hi!” Lucy walks around him to join Genny by the door, greeting his sister with a hug and a wide smile. “I better get going so I’m not late for shift.” She gestures in Tim’s direction, “he’s all yours.”
Just as Genny’s about to start wheeling him out of the room, Lucy exclaims, “Oh, wait! One last thing.”
The next thing he knows, she’s plopping down a huge arrangement on his lap that she seems to have pulled from thin air. Through the cellophane, he can make out a basket, filled with bread and pastries, and a bunch of little jars that must contain a variety of spreads.
"I know it's not Whole30 approved but I figured it would be an easy meal while you’re recuperating and I'm sure Ashley will let you have a few cheat days after you just had spinal surgery," Lucy explains.
Tim feels another pang of guilt about lying to Lucy again by omission. But he’s still working out for himself how he feels about what happened, and he’s not ready to see her reaction. He’s not sure what would be worse - for her to pity him, for her to react happily to the news, or for her not to react at all.
So he simply gives her a small smile and tells her, truthfully, “Thanks, this is actually just what I’ve been craving.” Seriously, what was he thinking, giving up bread?
Lucy walks them out, making small talk with Genny as they head to the parking lot, asking how she’s settling in, about the kids, and how Kojo’s been doing, whom she’s been dog-sitting.
She bids them farewell once they reach her car. “Bye Genny, bye Tim. Feel good. Call me if you need anything, okay?”
He can tell by the look in her eyes that she’s still concerned about him. He doesn’t like that he’s the cause of her distress, but he can’t deny that it felt nice to be cared for by her during this whole ordeal. He can’t even put into words how it made him feel that she’d been there by his side, keeping him company for hours, despite the distance that had developed between them the past few weeks. And especially in the vulnerable state he’d been in, after the woman who claimed to love him had just left him lying there on his own.
He tries to convey his gratitude with a pointed glance and a nod. “Thank you. I will. Bye, Lucy.”
As soon as they get to his house, Genny insists Tim get into bed and proceeds to make him some toast. It’s the best meal he’s had in weeks. He tries to tell her she can leave him, but she refuses, insisting that he needs her help. And as pathetic as that makes him feel, she’s right. So he resigns himself to her presence, and asks her to pass him the TV remote. Genny settles herself in the living room to do some job searching on her computer, making sure he knows she’s just a shout away. He puts on last week’s Dodgers game, but finds himself nodding off before the end of the first inning, the rough nights of sleep on the thin hospital bed catching up to him.
He wakes up in bed in the hotel room in Vegas.
The water is running in the shower and the Dodger’s game is on TV.
The water stops, and he turns off the game. His heart rate picks up, knowing Lucy is about to exit the bathroom, in only a robe. He has to choose his words very carefully here. Maybe if he’s more clear about what he means this time, their conversation will have a better outcome.
“The water pressure here is magic,” comes a voice from the direction of the bathroom. A voice that is very much not Lucy’s.
Tim’s heart sinks. He slowly turns his head, and sure enough, it’s Ashley, not Lucy, standing across the room, drying her hair with a towel.
“How did you get in here?” Tim asks her, genuinely confused. “Did Angela tell you Lucy and I were going to Vegas?”
“Why are you talking about Lucy and Vegas?” Ashley furrows her brow. “We’re in Hawaii, remember?”
Tim turns, pulling back the curtains from the window, and sure enough, there’s a sandy beach and clear blue ocean right outside.
This doesn’t make any sense. The hotel room is clearly the one he and Lucy had been in in Vegas. And if he’s somehow back in the op in Vegas, that means someone is about to-
A loud bang sounds at the door. “Jake! I know you’re in there!”
“Who’s Jake?” Ashley asks, but Tim ignores her, rushing to bolt the deadlock.
He’s too late, and the door clicks open. Melanie must have gotten a master key.
Wisco clocks him in the face with his gun and he falls to the ground. Ashley screams.
There’s no Lucy coming to save him.
He rolls over onto his side, attempting to get up.
A gunshot rings out, and he feels a searing pain in his back.
Tim comes to with a gasp. His heart is racing and his incision site is throbbing.
Ignoring the unsettling dream and what it might mean, he calls out for Genny, who quickly arrives with his pain meds and a glass of water. She sits on the edge of the bed as he swallows the pills.
“So, are we gonna talk about it?” Genny asks him.
“Talk about what?”
“Your girlfriend called me a few days ago, terrified, to tell me you were temporarily paralyzed and having emergency surgery. But I haven’t seen her once with you in the hospital and you keep making up excuses when I ask where she is. So what’s going on with you two?”
Tim sighs, “Uh, actually, we broke up.”
“When? What happened?”
“Just after my surgery. She, uh, said she couldn’t handle the stress of dating a cop anymore. She wanted me to take early retirement.” Tim shakes his head, still trying to wrap his mind around what had happened. He knew things with Ashley weren’t perfect, but the timing and her reason for the breakup had been unexpected, to say the least.
Genny’s eyes widen in surprise. “Just after your surgery? Wow, Tim, I’m sorry, that must have sucked.”
Tim just shrugs. It had sucked. Probably the second worst breakup of his life, topped only by Isabel leaving in the dead of the night. He really doesn’t feel like talking about it, but he knows that Genny is going to take advantage of him being bedridden to dissect every aspect of his failed relationship.
“I really wish it hadn’t happened like that,” Genny continues, “but I have to say - finally!”
“What?” Now it’s Tim’s turn to be surprised. “I thought you liked Ash.”
“Sure, I liked Ashley as a person, but, Tim,” Genny tilts her head at him, fixing him with a pointed look, “she was completely wrong as a partner for you. I didn’t say anything until now, because you seemed happy with her, but I honestly did not understand why you were with her. You two had nothing in common, except for maybe her dad. And she dumped you because she couldn’t handle being with a cop? You’ve been dating for months. She knew that when she met you! Although now I’m questioning if she even knew you at all, if she was suggesting you retire at barely forty from a job you love.
“Tim, I’m sorry if this sounds harsh,” Genny continues, “but you were settling. Seriously, there were so many things that should have been deal-breakers. For example, you told me she didn’t ever want to get married or have kids. Why would you keep dating her if you didn’t have the same vision of your futures?”
And the sad thing is, Genny is right. Deep down, Tim knew that there were fundamental differences between him and Ashley. And their final conversations had only solidified that knowledge. He was pretty sure even the newest rookie at work knew that there was no way Tim would retire to Bali, and more than twenty years early at that.
But it hadn’t been all bad. It had been nice to be in a relationship again, to have someone to come home to at the end of a long day. To care for someone else and be cared for in return. So, he’d looked past their differences, and tried to make the relationship work. Did it really matter that they weren’t the most compatible, if it meant he wasn’t alone? It wasn’t like it was so easy to find a more suitable partner, who also wanted to be with him in return.
Tim just shrugs, not having a great answer for her. “Maybe that’s not in the cards for me anymore.”
Genny shakes her head at him sadly. “Look, I know you hate when I try and get you to go to therapy, so this is not that. But with everything going on with dad, and then with Rob, I spent quite a bit of time over the past few years in some kind of therapy, and something my therapist said really resonated with me. It’s pretty much just basic textbook psychology, but having it spelled out to me really helped me understand a lot about my relationship, and I think it’s relevant to yours as well.”
Genny pauses, giving him a chance to stop her, but Tim doesn’t object, so she continues.
“We didn’t have an example of a stable relationship growing up, so we try our hardest to create the stability we crave in our own relationships, even when it means settling for someone who isn’t right for us. It explains why Rob and I got married so young - we did love each other, but he was also a means for me to escape the toxic environment at home. And it explains why I stayed in the marriage for so long, even when there were so many points when we should have called it quits. And I think it explains why you stayed faithful to Isabel, even for years after she left. And it’s the reason why you tried so hard to make it work with Ashley. You ignored all the signs that she wasn’t right for you, because you didn’t want her to leave, especially not after how Isabel left, and you didn’t want to be alone.
“But our desire for stability shouldn’t come at a cost. You, and I, we deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who’s right for you. Who understands you. Who wants the same things in life as you. Who stays, and fights for you. And I firmly believe you’ll find her someday, Tim. Without settling.” Genny’s eyes are glassy by the time she’s finished.
“I guess that’s not the worst explanation I’ve ever heard,” Tim admits grudgingly. Truthfully, he has to admit, she’s pretty spot on in her observations.
And it makes him feel uncomfortable, because there’s one piece of the puzzle that Genny doesn’t know about.
Lucy.
And according to Genny’s theory, he’d been so desperate to be in a stable relationship that he’d stayed with Ashley, even knowing that he’d kissed Lucy. Had wanted to do more than just kiss her, and had begun to consider that his feelings towards Lucy were not only physical, nor were they platonic.
And that’s not the kind of man he wants to be. In fact, it’s the closest he’s come to acting exactly like his father’s son, and that thought makes him feel sick to his stomach.
“What is it, Tim? I can practically hear your thoughts over here, you’re thinking so hard.”
“I…I think you’re right. But I think that I ignored more than just signs that Ashley wasn’t right for me in order to make our relationship work. And I think, that in trying so hard to not be like dad, I somehow ended up acting exactly like him,” Tim confesses, the self-loathing evident in his voice.
“What are you talking about?” Genny looks at him like he's crazy.
And he's not sure what makes him tell her. Maybe it's the painkillers, or maybe it's the fact he hasn't had anyone to talk to about this. (Angela knows some of it, of course, but she works with him and with Lucy and the last thing he wants is to inadvertently put Lucy’s job at risk.) Or maybe it’s because Genny’s probably the only other person in this world who might understand why he acted the way he did and help him make sense of it all. She’ll probably judge him the harshest for it, too, but he knows he deserves that. Whatever the reason, he ends up telling her everything.
“I…I almost cheated on Ashley,” Tim whispers, feeling infinitely worse saying the words out loud, “but I didn’t tell her about it, and I still stayed with her.”
Genny looks shocked by the admission, but to her credit, she only says, “I’m going to need more information than that before I respond.”
“Well, it all started because a coworker and I had to go undercover for work, as a couple,” Tim begins, purposely not mentioning Lucy by name, “And we…well, we kissed, once or twice. For work, for the cover. But-”
“Wait, you kissed Lucy ?!” Genny’s expression is a mixture of shock and delight.
“What makes you say that?” Tim attempts not to confirm nor deny her conclusion, but it's futile at this point.
“Lucy and talk from time to time, you know,” Genny says, like that’s a known fact. And no, he did not know that, but it’s not surprising. He ignores the warm feeling it creates in his chest, because that’s just Lucy - she reaches out to everyone, and her becoming friendly with his sister doesn’t mean anything. “At first we just texted each other random House Hunters International memes, but then I found that Slim Shady picture and sent it to her and I guess we started texting more about you and your job, and she texted me about your doppelganger and the whole undercover thing.”
Tim sighs. He’ll deal with the fact that Lucy is now in possession of pictures that can be used as blackmail later. He tells Genny the whole story, starting with the practice kiss. About the actual op, the news of Rosalind’s escape, and then the kiss in the airplane bathroom. The conversation in the hotel room, Lucy’s invitation to come inside, which he eventually accepted, and how the night had ended with finding Chris.
When he finally finishes, Genny is silent for a few moments, clearly needing to process everything.
Eventually, she responds. “Wow, okay, that is…a lot. Look, Tim, I’m not excusing your behavior. But from what you’re telling me, what happened was - you had to be intimate for work, Lucy initiated both of those “real” kisses, there were a lot of emotions going on for the both of you, what with Rosalind escaping, and when you asked Lucy about it, she implied it was only physical. In the end - you didn’t actually sleep with her. And even if you hadn’t been interrupted - you don’t know for sure that you would have. What happened wasn’t black and white, there were clearly some gray lines. So I think that all of that, combined with you not wanting to ruin what seemed like a perfectly adequate relationship with Ashley for all the reasons I already mentioned, is why you ultimately decided to ignore what happened with Lucy and continue with Ashley.
“And you may have made a mistake, but you’re nothing like Dad. Just the fact that you’re clearly feeling guilty about this proves that you’re a hundred times the man he was. You’re a good man, Tim, and I honestly don’t think you would have gone through with it if you hadn’t found Chris. But if you had - I’m sure that then you would have broken up with Ashley, don’t you?”
Tim considers this, then nods. Genny’s words have helped, a little. But just because he knows there’s a psychological reason for his actions, doesn’t mean he feels any less guilty. He’s going to have to find a way to live with this guilt, though, because confessing any of this to Ashley at this point would just be cruel to her.
“But Tim, from what you’ve told me, I’d say there was more emotional cheating than there was physical. Although, you didn’t really have to kiss either of those times, did you?” Genny cocks an eyebrow at him. “You know, I always wondered if there might be something brewing between you and Lucy…”
“Genny, no,” Tim shakes his head at her, “Look, even if, theoretically, I had feelings towards Lucy that were not platonic, I was her T.O. I’m still her superior. Nothing can happen between us. Besides, she made it clear that she doesn’t feel that way. It was only physical for her. And she’s still with Chris.”
Genny doesn’t look like she buys this explanation any more than Angela did. “Well, this explains even more why you stayed with Ashley. Because you didn’t think there was an option where you could break up with her and be with Lucy instead. But tell me again exactly what you said to Lucy in the hotel room. And what she said back.”
Tim leans his head back against his headrest, looking towards the ceiling in a call for strength. Why does he feel like he’s a teenager again, obsessing over every word a girl he liked had said, trying to figure out if there was some deeper meaning?
He decides to humor her, repeating back what he remembers of his and Lucy’s conversation, up to when she said something along the lines of “it’s basic biology…right?”
Genny appears to be delighted. “Well, it sounds like she posed that as a question. I think you didn't explicitly admit you felt anything, so she didn't either. You only asked her what she felt, and she didn't want to answer without knowing your answer so you were left in a bit of a stalemate. Or maybe she's still figuring out for herself how she feels. But you never got a chance to finish that conversation. I’d leave Chris out of this - of course she’s still with him, she probably thinks it’s her fault he got hurt. And the whole superior thing, that’s not ideal, but I’m sure you two are not the first, there must be protocols in place for situations like this. But Tim, I wouldn't write her off as not having feelings for you too just yet. She stayed with you in the hospital didn't she?”
“I don't know, Gen…” He’s tired, and still feeling down, and he doesn’t want to get his hopes up (again) where Lucy is concerned.
“Alright, we don’t have to keep talking about it,” Genny finally takes pity on him. “Look, everything is going to be ok, Tim. It's ok to feel sad about your relationship ending, and about how it was ended, and to feel remorse for what happened, and to feel confused about what it all means for you and Lucy. But know that this too will pass, and everything will work out the way it’s supposed to be. And in the meantime, you have me.”
She smiles at him, and Tim gives her a small smile in return. “Thank you.”
“Would it cheer you up if I bring the kids over here after school? I’ll get Kojo too, and we can all have dinner together.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
A few hours later, Tim’s house is filled with barking, laughter, and the delicious aroma of a home-cooked meal. He’s even feeling good enough to get out of bed. At this rate, he’s sure he’ll be able to go back to work in just a few days’ time.
After dinner, Genny cleans up, and the boys take Kojo out to the yard to run around. Tim sits on the couch with his niece, whose request of “Unca Tim, story” he’d been unable to refuse.
And for the first time in what feels like a long time, he allows himself to hope.