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There’s a certain look you learn to recognize on the face of Louise Belcher. A manic gleam in her eye, her grin an unsettling touch too wide. It’s a look that says she is Up To Something and everyone should get the hell out of her way.
And where one Belcher goes, so go the other two; three peas in a musketeer bar or somethin’ like that.
When Louise gets the Look, Zeke tends to look at Tina. Not just because he was usually lookin’ at Tina, even though he was, but also because how much trouble Louise’s schemes would cause could always be guessed by how worried her older sister looked…and how loud her moan was as her younger siblings dragged her behind them.
A good chunk of the adventures Zeke had gone on with the Belchers he’d only joined because T-Bird looked very concerned - a “this is going to be stupid and dangerous and possibly involve the many criminals the siblings were somehow friends with” concerned .
(And to hang out with his T-Bird, obviously.)
(Zeke has tried to get J-Ju to tell him how, exactly, the Belcher kids know the local biker gang and are family friends with a frickin’ bank robber, but either Jimmy doesn’t know or just plain forgot like he does with most things Tina tells him.)
(Zeke never forgets anything Tina tells him .)
And Zeke doesn’t mind danger or trouble. Hell, he’s been in trouble most of his life, movin’ around so much and “actin’ up for attention” or whatever Frond says whenever he finds himself in detention again.
But T…she’s good . She goes to class and does her homework…usually, and likes writin’ and horses and shit. She's a hall monitor, and Thundergirl, and helps her dad out at the restaurant. She doesn’t do well with bein’ in trouble.
(He ignores all the times she’s gotten herself in trouble, like going rogue to climb Mount Windygap in the rain by herself and helpin’ Ghost Boy tag the Landship.)
(Does the Landship really count though since she painted over it before anyone knew?)
And Zeke…he doesn’t like the idea of her bein’ in danger, and everyone knows Louise Belcher’s scale of danger is different from most peoples. Some’ve the stories he’d heard secondhand from J-Ju or Gene or Tammy were enough to give him an ulcer at age 13.
(Not really, but it’d’a been cool if it had and it’d been some kinda record or somethin’ - go on one of those talk shows and get some cash for bein’ a medical anomaly. Buy T-Bird a horse figure or more notebooks or somethin’...maybe a horse pen. She’d like that.)
Shit like goin’ to Kings Head Island on their own on Halloween and stealin’ a golf cart. Lockin’ herself to the carousel while it was being torn down. Bein’ stalked by a crazy trucker in the snow. Sinkin’ in the boat of that handyman that’s always at the restaurant. Tubin’ down a river in the woods lookin’ for their parents and then attacking cultists with bees .
Bein’ held at gunpoint by Mr. Fishoeder’s brother's girlfriend under the pier, if Louise’s dramatic retelling is to be believed.
(He almost went over that night, ready to throw some rocks at her window like some 80s movie dude. Just ta see if she was okay even though the thing at the wharf had happened a week before.)
(He spent the night at J-Ju’s instead and pretended he wasn’t watchin’ the place across the street instead of sleepin’.)
So when he can, he tags along. Usually ‘cause T’s invited J-Ju and J-Ju brings him, but it still counts. The taffy factory, the hike to see the two-butted goat - sure he wanted to check out an abandoned building and a goat with two frickin’ butts, but he also wanted to keep an eye on the Belchers, make sure they didn’t get hurt or arrested or somethin’.
And when Louise told them that T had gone up that mountain…well he had no other choice but to go up after her. Can’t exactly marry the girl one day if she kills herself climbin’ a frickin’ mountain in a downpour.
The problem is, you can’t see Louise’s mischief look if Louise wasn’t at school to have the damn look .
The best part of the school year is the week before summer break. No homework, movies and games in class - no kid misses the last week. So why were the Belcher kids missing with only a coupla’ days left?
No one seemed to know - Zeke thought it was especially weird cause there were a few kids Louise hadn’t told about climbing in the hole in front of the restaurant yet and she loved braggin’ about her adventures.
Plus T had been trying to give J-Ju her barrette on a chain for days (not that his buddy had noticed) and she wouldn’t want to miss her chance by skippin’.
(Zeke isn’t threatened. She just needs to get J-Ju outta her system; he can wait. He’s in it for the long game.)
He made the rounds of all the usual suspects who might know what Louise - and her siblings, by Belcher family law - were up to.
Regular-Sized Rudy - nothin’.
Darryl - no idea.
Courtney - a very spit-wet no.
J-Ju’s little bros - nothin’, in unison.
Not even that creepy fourth grader who follows Louise around knew where she was - and Zeke did not run away when she got in his face demanding to know where her ”bff” was.
It was all a mystery, one Zeke didn’t want. He likes his T-Bird where he can see her, dammit!
It isn’t until the last day of school, Belchers back in class like normal, that Zeke learns the truth…
…and almost has a fucking heart attack.
Everyone knows the Belcher family saved the Wharf - again. Louise locked herself and Gene in the PA room and announced it all the next morning: the Fishoeder lawyer tried to burn the wharf down and kill his cousins, and the Belchers - or Louise completely alone, dependin’ on who was tellin’ the story - saved the day and solved the murder of Cotton Candy Dan.
But the unauthorized morning announcement ignored some of the details - which were published in the newspaper the morning of the last day of eighth grade. The newspaper Zeke borrowed from Ms. Schnur when he stopped in for a late pass and saw a picture of T and her fam on the front page.
Buried.
Fucking.
Alive.
The Belchers had been shoved into the hole in front of Bob’s Burgers in a clam car and then were buried alive by the crazy cousin-lawyer.
(Rhyming cousins are way better if you ask him, clearly. Leslie never tried ta kill no one.)
(As far as he knows…)
Tina had been buried alive .
Tina .
His Tina.
(Well, not his yet, but dammit, she would be one day.)
He could picture it perfectly - cramped and dark, Gene’s farts in the air and Mr. B’s panicked talkin’. His T-Bird scared they’d never get out.
He owes that handyman a cake or somethin’ for gettin’ them outta the car, and Mr. B like…ten years of free restaurant labor for gettin’ them outta the hole.
He’s so worked up after readin’ the article that he had ta skip math to sit in his hidey-hole and try and calm the panic runnin’ through him at the thought of T-Bird in that weird little clam car underground.
The bell rings, and he huffs, clambering to his feet and twisting around to climb back out into the world. One period left and it’s summer. Maybe he’ll run into the Belcher kids roaming around the beach and get to hang out without J-Ju around - his friend is spendin’ the first part of summer with his mom visiting some relative somewhere…
He sees Tina and J-Ju up ahead, something small and yellow swinging between them. He parkours over, bouncing off the wall to roll by on the floor. Not very graceful but it’ll distract J-Ju enough he thinks - but oh… No. Not enough, after all, ‘cause when he looks back Tina and Jimmy are mid-kiss. He pushes away the sour feelin’ in his stomach - like eatin’ chili too fast and drinkin’ a glass of milk right after - and tries to explain to Jocelyn what parkour is and why he is doing it right, thank you very much Tammy.
Tina’s down the hall when he looks back, J-Ju coming towards him while she runs to catch up with the girl who’s dating the Haber kid…Susmita something, he thinks.
He traps J-Ju in a headlock and only part of it is because the dancer got to kiss his girl.
He catches her alone later, after the last bell. Louise and Gene are nowhere to be found and she looks kind of lost without them, standing by her closed locker with her notebook clutched to her chest.
J-Ju and his brothers were gettin’ picked up by their mom and Zeke is flyin’ solo for the afternoon - a perfect opportunity to join up in Belcher adventures, if any were to be had, he thinks.
But first…
“Heeey T-Bird!”
She looks startled, but smiles at him, which is more than he usually gets. “Hi Zeke.”
“Last day of school girl! Whoo! Ain’t ya excited?”
She shrugs. “I guess it’ll be nice to not have homework,” she agrees.
He starts to reply but is interrupted by Gene, shrieking Tina’s name as he stops next to her.
“Alex and I are going to see if our algae blob is back yet,” he tells her, bouncing excitedly on his heels. “Wanna come?”
“The algae got eaten by those fish, Gene, remember?”
“But their friends could come visit! “ Gene spins to face Zeke. “Wanna come see magic glowing algae?”
“Nah, I’m good G-Man, but thanks,” he replies, watching Tina’s face. If she changes her mind then maybe he’ll join…glowing algae does sound pretty cool.
“Is Lousie going too?” Tina asks her brother, and he shrugs.
“Nah, her and Regular-Sized Rudy are scheming at the Wharf. Oh, there’s Alex!” he takes off, calling out behind him. “See ya later T!”
“Guess yer on ya own today, T-Bird,” Zeke comments, falling into step beside her and she starts for the doors. “Whatcha gonna do?”
“I…don’t know. Go home, I guess,” she answers, face scrunched as she considers his question.
“Well…I was gonna hit up the aquarium,” he tells her. “Get my touch tank on, ya know? You could uh…you could come with if ya wanted.”
“Uh…yeah, okay,” she agrees. He tries not to smile too big back at her, but it’s hard when she’s agreed to go somewhere just the two of them. “Did you know we created a religion based around the touch tank on the wharf once to help them commit tax fraud?”
“Do-what?”
She agrees when he offers to walk her home later, after they’ve poked and pet all the sea critters on offer and their fingers are pruned.
They’re almost to the restaurant when he brings up the article.
“So the uh…the paper said that lawyer dude buried you guys,” he starts, and Tina sighs.
“Yeah. He didn’t want us telling the police he murdered Cotton Candy Dan. and was trying to murder his cousins. And us. And set the wharf on fire.” She shrugs. “He was out of harpoons to shoot at us so it was plan B I think.”
“Harpoons…?”
She nods. “There was only one because Mr. Fish had shot the other at the game it went with earlier.”
“Thats…uh,” Zeke scratches at his head, tugging on his hair. “T, wait.”
He grabs her hand, pulling her to a stop with him. She looks at where they’re connected but doesn’t pull away, so he doesn’t either.
“I…I’m glad ya’ll are okay,” he tells her, squeezing her hand. “I…I like ya T-Bird, and I hate that someone tried to hurt ya.” He tugs on her hand, pulling her closer so he can wrap an arm around her in a hug. “Please try not to get almost killed again Tina,” he mumbles into her hair. “Not sure my heart can take it.”
“Zeke…” he feels her hand pushing against his chest and let's go, backing away quickly.
“Ah, shoot, sorry T-Bird, shoulda asked if it was okay first, I know,” he closes his eyes and smacks his free hand against his forehead, belatedly realizing she’s still holding the other.
Lips pressing against his cheek shocks his eyes back open, wide in awe as he stares at Tina’s quickly pinkening cheeks.
“Thanks Zeke,” she murmurs, squeezing his hand. “I promise I’ll try to avoid being murdered.” Her face is as solemn as her vow, except for the amusement sparkling in her eyes. “Now come on, my dad is probably freaking out.”
They start back towards Bob’s Burgers, neither mentioning their still connected hands.
Neither letting go.
(And if J-Ju texts later telling him that he and Tina are summer boyfriend/girlfriend, that’s okay. Zeke’s in it for the long game. He can wait.)