Chapter Text
As far back as Al could remember, Ed was already An Adult. He didn’t know a time where he was a child, or an instance of him being, for example, unable to reach a shelf in the house. Yes, he was shorter than Mom, but he was a grown up, no question about it.
He didn’t see anything wrong or unusual about it. It was just the way things had always been. No one in his family changed. Other people did, but not his family. They were perfect like that.
Even though he was a lot older, Ed was the perfect big brother. He was always up for playing, no matter how dumb or childish the game was, but he was also up for just talking, or helping him go potty, no matter the hour of the day (or night). He never got angry with him either, not even the time Al had accidentally spilt chocolate milk on his favorite book.
The only time Al had seen him angry was the night before he and Dad left. He had woken up thirsty, and was looking for Ed so he could reach the glasses, when he heard hushed whispers spill out of Dad’s study. Against his better judgment, he decided to stand outside the door, as close as he dared.
“We can’t just do that!” Ed was whisper-shouting “Do you know what that can do to a kid his age?”
“Edward, you know why I must. He’s growing stronger, and-
“Fuck him!” Al almost covered his ears against the bad word, but his curiosity stopped him “He’s dictated our actions all our lives; we can’t keep doing what he wants us to. Let’s just move somewhere; we can take Al and Trish, get a little farm far away from all this… We can have a good life. We don’t have to lose them”
“Edward, I did not expect you of all people to run and hide from trouble. You’ve always jumped into action”
“That was before I got a family I wanted to keep safe”
“Do you think I don’t want that too? Hell, Edward, that’s exactly why we must leave. We can’t let what happened in Xerxes happen again”
Al heard someone exhale shakily “What happened in Xerxes was not my fault or responsibility, and whatever might happen here is also none of my business.” There were a few seconds of silence “You know what? Fine. I’ll leave with you. But as soon as we finish, I’m coming back. And I’m gonna say goodbye”
Al didn’t hear the rest of the conversation, because at Ed’s last statement, he had run off. They were leaving? Why? For how long? Were they ever going to come back?
He ran until he couldn’t anymore, and he found himself on the bank of the little river that passed through Rizembool, underneath his second favorite tree in all of existence. Breathing hard, he could see the sun barely peeking through the horizon.
“Al? Is that you?” It was Ed. He kept his back to him, too angry to speak “What are you doing here buddy?”
“I’m not talking to you. I’m angry now.” He heard Ed sprawl down next to him
“Is something wrong?” Al didn’t answer “Did… Did you hear Van and I talking?”
“Are you really leaving?” He couldn’t contain the question anymore. His voice hitched embarrassingly
“I’m sorry. I’d stay if I could, but Van’s right. We can’t keep hiding forever. We’re putting you and Trish in danger just by being here.”
“I don’t want you to leave” He finally turned to Ed. He looked heartbroken.
“I don’t want to leave either. I’m terrified of what’s to come, and I’ll miss you two so much… If there was any other way to fix things, I would. I’m sorry.”
“Whatever it is, we can fix it. I’ll get Winry to punch whoever’s bothering you and you can stay!”
Ed chuckled “If only it could be that easy. No, Van was right, it’s better this way. But Al, I want you to know, no matter what, I love you and always will. Nothing can change that. Not Life, not Death, not even God themselves can make me stop loving you”
“You are my favorite big brother”
Ed smiled, but it looked wrong “I’m your only big brother dum dum. Now come on, let’s go home, it’s late and you need your sleep.”
They fell asleep curled up around each other in Ed’s bed, but when morning came Al woke up to empty sheets and an even emptier home. His Dad and Big Brother were gone, leaving only a heartbroken Mom and a small note under his pillow.
Al
If you ever need me, draw this circle on the earth. Use it only for emergencies, it is very dangerous. If you use it I will assume you’re in trouble and will come back as soon as I can, but it might take a few weeks. Please, only use it for absolute emergencies. I have no idea who else might hear. Love,
Ed
He almost tore up the note, too angry with him for leaving, but a little voice at the back of his head reminded him that Ed had wanted to stay as much as he did. He could hate his father, but never Ed.
He didn’t see his brother again until the day of his mother’s death.
He had sent so many letters to anyone in his Dad’s notebooks. He asked, begged, for help, but no one had seen either Dad or Ed in years, decades even. His Mom was dying and he had no idea how to help her.
He refused to think about the circle Ed had given him, still tucked away under his bed. He could find them some other way, one that wasn’t so scary. He would. He would.
He finally caved when his mother fell asleep one day and wouldn’t wake up no matter what he did. A few hours later she opened her eyes and apologized for worrying him, but the incident had shaken him.
That night, he snuck out of the house and drew the circle. It took a couple of tries to get it perfect, and when it was done he spent a long while staring at it. His mother coughed back at the house, and he spurred into action. He fell to his knees, and touched the circle.
For a few seconds, nothing happened, and then the earth pulsed once. Al knew the reaction was over, so he stood up and snuck back into his bed. Now to wait.
The day his mother died, Al woke up to a lot of people in his house. Granny was in her room, doing something. Winry was at the door and wouldn’t let him in. She was crying. He sat down in the kitchen, and waited.
At midday, the door opened with a crash
“Al?!” A familiar voice called “What’s wrong?”
“Ed!” He looked exactly the same as the last time he saw him, two years ago “Mom! She’s…” His voice cracked, and tears filled his eyes. Ed fell to his knees and pulled him into a hug
“It’ll be okay, you’ll see” Ed was also shaking. “I’m gonna see if I can do anything. I’ll be right back”
Before he even processed Ed’s return, Al was alone again.
He stood up shakily and walked to Mom’s room. Winry was curled up in a ball and didn’t stop him. He just felt numb.
Ed was hunched over Mom’s bed, bright red alchemical light filling the room. Granny was standing off to the side, but her expression was grim. It wouldn’t work, and they all knew it.
“Please, I’m sorry I left, please work” Ed was muttering.
In the years to come, Al would remember Ed’s hands the most. They were shaking, lit up from underneath with light. He could see the tendons in his fingers straining, his chipped black nail polish, the little cut he had near his wrist.
The way the light died and they fell, defeated, as Ed started to sob.
“Ed?” He asked, hesitant.
“Yeah buddy?”
“Is mom… is she going to be okay?”
Ed shook his head “I’m sorry. I never should have left. I was so scared of them finding me… I’m sorry. I’m sorry. This time, I promise we won’t be separated.”
They didn’t stay for the funeral.
The next few weeks were rough for Al. They traveled a lot, never spending more than a week in the same place. Al wanted to learn alchemy, so Ed taught him the theory while they were on trains and he practiced drawing circles whenever he couldn’t sleep, which was very often. He hoped to one day be as skilled as Ed, and need no circle. When he said that, his big brother looked stricken for a second before forcing out a chuckle and ruffling his hair.
They found a woman in Dublith who could do alchemy without a circle. Al was instantly enchanted, and wouldn’t accept not being her apprentice. Ed was a good teacher, but the classes were often done in small chunks of time, when they could spare them, and it was rather hard to learn in such an inconsistent way.
“Ed, can I study with her? She’s so cool!” Al whined
The older boy looked unsure. “I know what we’ve been doing is no replacement for a real teacher, but… we’d have to stay… Oh, but she can do alchemy without a circle, that’s… yeah.” Ed turned thoughtful, and Al knew the battle was won, at least until his curiosity was sated.
“I am not taking students right now” The woman, Izumi Curtis, looked rather miffed “You don’t get to decide”
Ed frowned “I’m still deciding if we should ask you in the first place.”
“Don’t bother”
“Please” Al pleaded, “I really want to learn! Not just loose concepts. Besides, you said I should learn how to defend myself, how will I do that if I don’t know how to fight with alchemy?”
“Ugh, okay. Fine. You can ask her if she’ll teach you. But you have to respect her answer.” Ed rolled his eyes “Manipulative little shit”
“No” She said before Al could ask “I’m not taking students. And nothing you say can change my mind”
“Hey lady” Ed called “Can we talk for a sec?”
Al was left in the care of Izumi’s husband, Sig. He was a big, quiet man, but somehow that didn’t scare Al. He was more scared by Ed and Izumi’s expressions while they talked a few ways off.
Ed was gesturing just like he did when he got into an explanation, but from his face, it wasn’t something nice. Izumi looked horrified.
Ten minutes later, they were back.
“You’re in luck kid; I got two openings for students”
“Wait, two?” Ed asked while Al jumped around
“Yeah old man, someone needs to teach you modern alchemy. The thing you showed me was at least two hundred years old.”
“Fuck off, I hate you, when do we start?”
Al was left alone on an island for a month. A whole month! And what did Ed have to do? Nothing! Absolutely nothing, he got to just be a student without solving a stupid riddle!
And how the hell was he supposed to figure out the riddle without any reference books or anything? It was impossible!
It wasn’t fair, Al knew. Ed was already excellent at alchemy, and he didn’t even want to learn. But Teacher had decided that she either taught both of them or neither, and so Ed was stuck.
He missed his mom. He wanted her back. Wasn’t there something that could be done?
There was, wasn’t there? Ed had always said it was taboo and he shouldn’t do it but… Ed had also said most rules in alchemy were set by people who couldn’t do any better and didn’t want to be outshined.
He would have to play the long game, he knew. Both Ed and Teacher despised human transmutation. But he could do it. He would see his mother smile again.
In the end, and after a lot of struggle, he figured out the riddle. Looking back on it, it wasn’t that hard. All is One and One is All… What a load of mystic bullcrap.
He winced. Ed’s language was rubbing off on him.
The actual lessons were odd. Most of the time, he was either attacking Teacher or watching Ed do it. It was somewhat embarrassing; how she didn’t even put down her book with him, but her matches with Ed were almost always a tie. He tried not to think too hard about it. After all, Al was eight and Ed was… however old he was. An Adult. Maybe. The older he got, the younger Ed seemed. Their age difference might had not been as pronounced as he thought
It was actually more like both Ed and Teacher gave him lessons, with how often they took over each other’s explanations. Sometimes (though with less frequency ever since they noticed it upset Al) they would derail the class into a debate about different alchemical theories.
They had very different ideas of Alchemy. Teacher saw it as a hard science, all numbers and equations. She put a big emphasis on learning and understanding the elements and their composition.
Ed was… not like that. He was less exact, more chaotic. He spent as much time philosophizing as he did actually transmuting. He would wonder about God’s existence and if they had any morality, or he would spend hours staring out the window, and when asked why, he would say he was thinking about the relationship between matter and energy.
Teacher was more focused on combat alchemy, fast and strong. She almost always used stone or similar materials to make weapons in less than a second. Ed seemed to like changing the substance's chemical compositions. He would grab a lump of lead and a second later have some water dripping out of his hands.
Al, for all it sometimes irritated him, really liked both ways, but he wasn’t learning exactly what he wanted. He already knew the basics, he had to learn biology!
He decided to take it up with his teachers a few months into his studies.
They were taking a rare break, which mostly meant they were in the kitchen drinking some tea and discussing some obscure meaningless subject.
“No, if you use Sol here the transmutation will be unstable” Ed was saying “Turning it upside down might counterbalance that”
“Yes, but the sulfur might burn before it can be transmuted”
They were hunched over a piece of paper. Al cleared his throat
“Yes Al?”
“I wanted to talk about my studies”
They looked at each other “Is… is something wrong?” Ed grimaced
“No, I just… I want to specialize in Medical Alchemy.” That was true “I want to stop what happened to mom from happening to someone else” That was a lie.
Teacher’s expression softened, but Ed’s didn’t “Sure. I’ll try to orient my lessons in that direction”
“Are you sure Al?” Ed was frowning “In that field you might see some horrible shit. You won’t always be able to help everyone”
“I know” He only had to help one person. And he was sure he would be able to do it. He had to.
“Okay then. Let’s do some medicine. Give me a few days to brush up on it and to make a new lesson plan, but by next week it should be ready”
“Hey you brat, I’m the teacher here!”
Three days after that conversation, Ed went out for a walk. He came back ten minutes later, breathing hard and at the edge of a panic attack.
Al was ushered away to his room, but sneaked back to the shop where Ed was huddled in a ball, careful not to be seen.
“What happened?”
“I saw… An old friend. We didn’t part in the best of terms” Ed had a glass of water clutched like a lifeline, and Sig was throwing a blanket over his shoulders. Al had never seen him so vulnerable before. “I didn’t expect to see him here.”
“Is he dangerous?”
Ed shook his head “He won’t dare do anything to do anything to me or those closest to me if he knows what’s good for him. Still… it shook me to my core. I never expected him to have been so close for so long without me noticing. I thought I was better than that”
“Who is he?”
“No one important” Ed shook his head “Don’t worry about it”
Teacher frowned “You come back hyperventilating because you saw this guy and you won’t even tell us who he is?”
“It’s none of your business. I already told you he’s not dangerous, so leave it alone”
And that was that, at least for the next few days. The mini vacation while Ed and Teacher reworked their lesson plans ended, and once again he was thrown into studying what might very well be the hardest branch of the hardest science.
If Al had to be honest, he would admit that he didn’t really like Medical Alchemy. It was gross, and difficult, and half the time it made no sense. Were people that unsure about what went on in their own body?
But he would do anything for his Mom. And besides, Medical Alchemy was still Alchemy, and Alchemy was great.
For the next few years, everything he did was in order to bring back Mom. He studied all day, ignored Ed’s concern and swallowed his real opinions until one day Izumi told him she had taught her all she could
“What?!” He exclaimed “No you didn’t! You guys know how to do Alchemy without a circle, and we haven’t even begun to touch upon that”
Ed winced “Al, that’s not something that can be taught, really. It’s… like a compensation prize, in a way. Something really bad happened to us and this is the Universe’s way of saying ‘Oops, that was a bit much, wasn’t it?’ You don’t want to learn this, trust me”
He couldn’t argue with Ed when he got that tone in his voice. Not for the first time, he wondered how old Ed was. Sometimes he looked only a few years older than him, but other times, like this one, he seemed ancient.
“But-
“You’re still an amazing Alchemist Al. Much better than I was at your age”
“With how much Alchemy has advanced, practically anyone here is better than you at that age” Teacher punched Ed’s arm “But, nevertheless, you are very good”
“Ed…” Al started “How old are you?”
Ed chuckled “I’m thirteen”
Al didn’t get what was so funny about the question, but he supposed it was one of those grown up things, and didn’t comment.
But, that night, while he laid in bed, he couldn’t stop thinking.
Thirteen… that was only two years older than Al. Was it possible that Ed had been six when he left? And seven when he came back? That those hands, illuminated by a stark light, shaking over Mom, were the hands of a child younger than Al was right now?
There was something weird going on with Ed.
But he had always known that, hadn’t he? Someone normal didn’t need to run away from his beloved family, wouldn’t have to keep traveling to avoid some mysterious force.
Did it even matter? The only thing that mattered was that he had Ed, and soon enough he would have his mother back as well. (He didn’t dare think, that once they were all together, his father would find out and decide to come back)
His family, his beloved perfect family, would be together again. And this time, none of them would leave.
For the first time in quite a few years, Al was back in Resembool. After they had graduated, Ed decided he needed some books he had left back home. Al had seen the opportunity for what it was, and had begged to stay for a few weeks.
After all, being able to bring back his mother on the Anniversary of her death, in their own home, was a kind of poetic Al couldn’t resist.
He had to wait a few days until it was the right time. He spent those days catching up with Winry and collecting the materials as discreetly as he could.
Of course, his anxiousness alerted Ed almost immediately to the fact that there was something going on, but he managed to convince him it was just the fact that it was the first time he was home since his mother had died.
He wasn’t sure it was a lie.
But, as slow as it seemed, time passed, and the day came. The veritable odyssey that had become his life would finally be over in the best way possible. There was no doubt in Al’s mind that it would work, that, by tomorrow, Trisha Elric would be awake and smiling at him while ruffling his hair like she always used to do. She would make Ed the stew he so loved, and be able to talk to him about the adult things he didn’t want to bother Al with. They wouldn’t be alone anymore.
(He ignored the little voice in his head, the one that said that if both Ed and Teacher had been so adamant, so convinced that it wouldn’t work, it had to be for a reason. They were just afraid, it had to be that)
It was on a dreary night of November that he finally did it.
Getting Ed out of the house had been difficult. He had spent his days either holed up in his old study, his nose buried in a book, or talking with Pinako. Al Had had to wait for one of those conversations, and then wait to see if it would be one of the short ones or one of the long ones. He couldn’t afford to be interrupted, not by someone who would try to stop him because he didn’t understand (But couldn’t it be that perhaps Al was the one who didn’t understand? That bringing someone back was…)
He shook his head. It didn’t matter. He was finally alone, and for the first time he drew out the transmutation circle he had been constructing in his head for years. Even though it was the first time, the lines flowed easily and with a practiced perfection that only an expert Alchemist could hope to achieve.
Looking at the pile of material surrounded by chalk symbols, Al was struck by how cheap it was to make a human. And, if one had the imagination for it, it wasn’t really difficult either. The circle was deceptively complex. Most of the symbols and writing he could have done without, but he didn’t want to take any risks with his mother. If he ever had to do this again, the circle could be simplified so much that even an amateur would be able to draw it on the fly. No one would have to know the loss he knew ever again.
If Al succeeded, not only would he have his family back, he would change the world.
Thunder crashed outside, shaking him out of his stupor. It wouldn’t do to get ahead of himself. First, his mother. After that, he would show Ed everything, and they would figure out how to spread the knowledge from there.
Taking a deep breath, he kneeled next to the circle. He ignored how his hands shook when he placed them in the spot he had deemed best.
A bright light shone from the chalk lines, and for a second he thought it worked. But it turned dark, almost as if it absorbed any kind brightness in the room.
Just when he realized that there was something wrong, the door to the study opened, and he was tackled out of the way of hundreds of shadows reaching for him.
The shadows instead grabbed whoever it was that had protected him, and Al managed to lift his head just in time to see them tear apart his brother.
And just like that, it was over. The materials stopped moving, leaving a thing that was definitely not his mother. He had failed. And his failure had cost him his brother.
Alphonse was left on the floor of his father’s study, more alone than ever.