Chapter Text
The world is an unfair place.
It’s a brutal, cruel truth no living being should have to face, and yet Ruggie had learned it before he even learned to read and write. The realization came to him in the form of excruciating pain around his rib cage. It materialized before his eyes in the sunken cheeks of his grandmother. It stalked him from the dark shadows of his home, inescapable away from the Sun’s reach.
He had wondered for a long time, Why me? Why us? Why do we have to struggle for a meal, to fight to survive?
There wasn’t an answer. Perhaps because there was no reason. They just happened to be born in the wrong place and the wrong species—the world is unfair just like that. He hated it. He hated it for the life he should have been allowed to live. A life without fear, without hunger, without cold. A life akin to those who bathed in gold and slept under the heaviest blankets.
A life like Leona’s.
Leona was born with everything. Money, a home to protect it from the cold, access to the best education, and a strong magic to boot. Even at school, Leona was both respected and feared. It had the privilege of not worrying about money at all, tossing ridiculous amounts everywhere as if it were nothing. It was frustrating to watch. It still is, two years after meeting that arrogant lion of a man. But he remained quiet. It was the best thing to do. To suck up to the rich and powerful is a form of survival in its own right, after all.
Truth be told, Ruggie wants to hate Leona. He wants to hate the man whose hand dried the air out of his lungs and left behind cracks that no human or beast or mer or fae should carry on their skin. He wants to believe their relationship was nothing but a way for him to gain some sort of advantage in his unexpected school life.
But he can’t.
He can’t hate this bastard even if it’s everything his soul yearns for. He can’t hate it even if he knows doing it would make him feel free. And it hurts.
Leona is arrogant, but also kind. It appears lazy, but it is also diligent. It looks after them. It takes the time to teach them and ensure their comfort and safety. When they voiced their discontentment towards their current situation with Spelldrive, Leona came up with a plan to make their wishes come true.
It pushed through its own pains and fears just for their sake, suffering in silence all this time. Letting them believe there was nothing wrong going on, that it had a perfect life and no problems to worry about. Letting them believe that, no matter what, they’d always have their Housewarden to rely on.
Leona was stronger than they were. Braver and smarter, too. As long as they had it, they’d succeed.
This stupid, stupid lion.
What did it gain from hiding everything? Why would it even do that? Ruggie can’t understand it. And because of that, he wants to punch it. Or bite it until it’s roaring from pain. He wants to use his signature spell and do something that’ll make Leona beyond angry. He wants to do so many things...
“So open your eyes!” A voice echoes in his ears. It sounds raspy and weak, cracking around the edges. It takes Ruggie too long to recognize that voice as his own. Ruggie hates it. He wants to unleash all of his fury upon this frustrating, ridiculous man he calls a Housewarden. He feels he’ll never know peace until he does.
He grits his teeth. Ruggie’s eyes burn. No matter how fast he blinks, there’s no escaping the tears. They roll down his cheeks and drip down from his chin. Falling, falling upon a face he’s grown to know all too well. A face that looks both familiar and sickening to look at.
Leona has always been a beautiful man. Ruggie remembers walking through the many paths of Savanaclaw and hearing whispers of appreciation and desire, and envy alike. Ruggie, too, could not deny he was attracted to that sharp and wild beauty. But where once was a healthy tan now lies a deathly, grayish paleness that disgusts Ruggie. The scar on Leona’s left eye looks almost black. Sand sticks to its hair and clothes, and blot stains cover its cheeks.
They look like tears.
Leona has never cried before. It looks wrong. Ruggie reaches out to wipe it away. He doesn’t think of how cold Leona feels to his touch. He doesn’t think of how scarily still it is. He doesn’t think—he can’t, not if he wants to retain any shred of sanity.
Why? Why isn’t Leona moving? Why is it not waking up? They finally managed to free it from the Phantom. It is safe now. It will live to see Savanaclaw reign over Diasomnia one day... So why...?
“Ruggie-senpai.” Ah. That voice is Jack’s. Ruggie can feel him approaching, can hear the anxious rhythm of his breath, smell the fear in his scent. Jack is scared, too. He just wants to help. He is kind just like that, under that stupid Alpha poise of his. “We hav—”
“Don’t come!” It should have been a scream. It comes out more like a broken whimper. Ruggie turns his big, watery eyes to Jack. There is despair in them... But also anger. “Tis all your fault! You betrayed us! If it wasn’t for you, Leona-san wouldn’t—”
Leona’s truths would never have come to light. It would have remained the undisturbed, arrogant, secretly kind asshole they all had somehow come to respect and look up to. It wouldn’t be lying on the ground looking more like a corpse than a living and breathing lion. It would be happy, knowing its plan worked...
Would it really? Has Leona ever been genuinely happy? Has it ever smiled and laughed from the bottom of its heart for any reason other than to mock one of its fellow Housewardens?
Two years. Two years together and Ruggie can’t remember a single time this happened.
That is why he needs their relationship to be nothing but an agreement for mutual gain. That is why he wants to hate Leona. Because an enemy has no reason to care—but you can never be a friend if you don’t know these small things. He can’t be a friend, because he never saw Leona happy.
He sucks in a shaky breath. There’s a hand on his shoulder. A small, warm hand. Ruggie’s entire body goes very still.
“Ruggie.” It’s Riddle. Ruggie had forgotten all about him... Forgot that he, too, was here to witness the fall of their king. Their Housewarden. Their one and only hope of victory. Shame suddenly fills his heart. No outsider should have seen this. Not Riddle, nor anyone else. “We need to take Leona-senpai to the infirmary. This unconsciousness is concerning.”
Of course Riddle would know this. He has gone through this, himself. An overblot. He must know better than anyone at this point. Ruggie should trust him in this. He should, for Leona’s sake.
He bites his lip, slowly pulling away from Leona’s unmoving body. Jack takes his place. Ruggie bites back a hiss. It makes sense. Jack is the only one who is both bigger than Leona and still awake here. He is the best person to take Leona to get the care it needs.
And yet, maybe because Ruggie can’t accept this situation or maybe because he needs someone to blame, he stands up too. Dizziness suddenly overcomes him. The ground seems to crack under his weight. It hurts. There are voices, but Ruggie can’t discern their words. All he can do is stare at Leona’s limp right hand. He can almost feel the ghost of Leona’s touch on his head.
How ironic. From the day they met, Leona had been kind in its own way. It had understood Ruggie’s pains better than anyone in this world... How could he have not noticed Leona, too, was suffering?
With that thought sinking deep in his heart, Ruggie’s eyes fall closed. His consciousness slips through his fingers, and Ruggie finally gives in to the darkness of exhaustion.
“What’s a fuckin’ girl doin’ here?!”
“Don’tcha know this is a boys’ school?”
“To think it’s a filthy hyena too...”
Those words are thrown at the little hyena one after the other. Each of them pierces Ruggie’s heart and fills him with pure dread. He didn’t know what he was thinking when he entered that carriage. No matter how overjoyed his grandmother was about it, it is obvious enough that Ruggie doesn’t belong here. He doesn’t belong with these people who can focus on living rather than surviving and bask in the Sun like it’s their Seven-granted right.
He doesn’t dare speak. He doesn’t dare say that, at the very least, the Dark Mirror got his gender right. It saw right through this shell of a body and figured that Ruggie was no girl at all. These people wouldn’t get it, though. All they can see is Ruggie’s long hair and soft if small curves.
They wouldn’t get it.
No one except that person.
“Didn’t know ‘survival of the fittest’ now means ‘bullyin’ the weak’.” A voice that echoes with power. It cuts through the dissatisfaction of students and plants something akin to horror in their hearts. But, for Ruggie, that voice brings nothing but hope.
Footsteps. The crowd that formed around Ruggie parts. His gaze falls to the newcomer. A hooded figure stands before them. His face is beautiful in its sharpness. Slitted eyes squint under the torchlight. Ruggie isn’t sure what kind of beast this man is, for his ears and tails are covered.
“Leona-san...”
Ah. Ruggie remembers that name. The Housewarden of his new dorm and the Second Prince of his country: Leona Kingscholar. He can’t help but swallow. Whatever is he to do faced with a lion of such power?
“But Leona-senpai, this girl can’t be here!” someone cries out.
“You must’ve heard her name too, right? Maggie.” Another one says, and the sound of that name makes Ruggie flinch.
That’s the name his mother gave him. Even his grandmother learned not to call him that... But they’re just two hyenas with few resources. Ruggie couldn’t change his name, not legally. And, unfortunately, even if the Dark Mirror could discern his soul’s nature, it was tied to that ugly name.
A growl cuts his thoughts short. The scent of anger in the air is nearly suffocating. Leona looks downright murderous. “I’d expect this assumptions bullshit to come from stupid humans. But you guys dare stain the name of beasts like this? Disgustin’.”
A pause. An exhale.
“Scram.”
And scram they do. Ruggie’s ears droop when he finds himself alone with Leona. Now, the attention is all focused on him and his very out-of-place appearance. There’s no way to escape. Nowhere to run away.
It’s terrifying.
“Bucchi.” Ruggie trembles. How... Why does Leona know his name? Surely this man couldn’t have been paying attention to him, right? A royal lion would never waste his time with a hyena. Surely— “Follow me.”
Through the fear clinging to his bones, Ruggie does just as Leona asks. He follows him through sand-colored paths and into a big room. Leona doesn’t say anything else as he goes through a huge and, frankly, quite disorganized closet. It takes a while, but then a bundle of fabrics is thrown at Ruggie’s face.
He sputters and stares at the clothes. A uniform. A full set of it, from the jacket to the white button-up shirt. Ruggie had heard that, unlike the school materials and magic items, these aren’t freely given. The students’ families have to pay for the uniforms. In theory, it shouldn’t be more expensive than regular clothes, but for Ruggie...
“There,” Leona says. “They’re old stuff. I don’t need ‘em. Save your money to get the name you want.”
He looks up at Leona. The lion beastman looks back at him with his arms crossed. Those green eyes seem to glitter in the dark room. They look like precious jewels. Ruggie immediately knows: he’ll never forget how Leona looked that day.
He clutches those clothes close to his chest. Ah. Is this what it feels like to be understood? To be freely offered support without even needing to ask? It’s a good feeling. Ruggie can’t help but wish for more of this.
“... Thank you.” His voice is so quiet that Ruggie doubts Leona has heard.
There’s a beat of silence. And then, a big, warm hand lands on Ruggie’s head. It’s not the gentlest of touches, but it’s not painful either. It’s just that: a touch, fleeting, and not particularly caring. It shouldn’t have meant anything.
It means a lot to Ruggie.
“Go. And don’tcha dare miss class. I don’t need Crewel on my tail ‘cause a froshie couldn’t be bothered to attend his lectures.” Those are the last words spoken between them that night.
Ruggie doesn’t learn until much later that Leona is not that different from Ruggie. Leona, too, defied the norms of gender and showed the world that Sunset Savanna has never had a princess. And, even before being a man, it is a beast. It doesn’t care about the intricacies and rules set by humanity—all it cares about is its own instincts and what it needs to do to be the freest it can be in this world.
It understood Ruggie in a way no one else did. It gave him the chance to work his way to a much better life, as fleeting as their school years might be. Leona gave him so much, and it got Ruggie’s ultimate loyalty in return.
And, for Leona, for this beast of a man who reigns supreme in Savanaclaw, Ruggie would go to the underworld and back without complaint.
To the underworld and back, indeed. Ruggie’s entire body trembles as he stares at the white ceiling. From the scent alone, he can tell he’s in the infirmary. His throat aches, and his body still feels too weak to move properly. He doesn’t dare look around. He is scared of what he will find.
Leona is here too. Its scent is not nearly as strong as it normally is, though. The silence of the room clues Ruggie into the fact that Leona is still sleeping. Sleeping, yes. That’s a good way to put it. It’s always loved its day naps. Or, maybe, it simply enjoyed the short reprieves they gave it from the pains and worries that followed it while awake.
Ruggie isn’t sure which one it is. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever truly know. Not without asking. Leona is the only one who can tell him the truth... But, after everything, will it even be able to?
He is angry. He’s furious with Leona. But, at the same time... Ruggie also wants to apologize. He wants Leona to know everything will be okay. That it still has a place in Savanaclaw as their uncrowned king. And tomorrow they’ll laugh together over this entire thing. They’ll laugh and go back to playing—
“Ah.” As if hit by a lightning spell, Ruggie suddenly sits upright. That’s right. The Spelldrive tournament. They still have a game to play. They definitely stand no chance without Leona, but they can’t stain the name of Savanaclaw by not even trying. That is the spirit of perseverance left behind by the almighty King of Beasts. Ruggie needs to join them and...
“Ruggie-senpai!”
He turns around. For some reason, Ruggie didn’t notice Jack’s presence until now. Had he been hiding his scent on purpose? Or is Ruggie just so weak that his senses are failing him? He doesn’t know. Not knowing leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. Ruggie’s ears swivel down.
“What’re ya doin’ here?” He doesn’t mean to hiss. There are many things Ruggie didn’t mean to do but is doing anyway lately. It’s frustrating. He can’t stop it. “The game—”
“We lost.” Jack’s voice sounds almost mournful. Ruggie closes his mouth. “You were unconscious for almost an entire day... Leona-senpai too. No one could focus. We didn’t even make it to the finals.” Jack sucks in a breath. His ears hide none of his sadness. “... I’m sorry...”
An entire day. Ruggie suddenly feels sick. The tightening around his throat feels worse. It’s a horrible feeling to have. Ruggie wants it gone just as much as he wants Leona back.
He chokes around nothing. It sounds too much like a sob to his own ears for him to be comfortable. Ruggie just... He just wants— “He’s finally awake, I see.”
His eyes go wide. Just as he thought, that voice belongs to Crewel. His expression is severe, but Ruggie can see the exhaustion and frustration under the layer of anger. A group of ghosts follows him closely. Ruggie can’t help the guilt that tugs at his heartstrings.
“Stay,” Crewel says. Perhaps it’s just his attempt to achieve some sort of familiarity in a rather unfamiliar situation. Ruggie complies obediently. “How do you feel, puppy?”
Ruggie hesitates. He knows that all the teachers likely already know what happened, and what they did. Knowing that punishment is inevitable regardless of his answer, Ruggie decides honesty is the best bet for now.
“Everythin’ hurts.” Ruggie’s fingers close around the thin sheet of the infirmary. “Dry... Tired.” He looks around. Leona’s scent is there, but Ruggie can’t see it anywhere. “Where...?”
A shadow crosses Crewel’s face. He sighs heavily. “We moved hi—it to the next room this morning,” he explains. Ruggie can’t help but think, ah, so now you know too.
Leona’s real pronouns are something it has reserved for its closest people, or those it trusts enough not to judge it for them. Savanaclaw knows. Some of the third years know. Ruggie isn’t sure about the Housewardens and Vices as a group, however. Maybe some of them. Probably not Vil and Azul.
Definitely not Malleus.
As far as Ruggie knew, the teachers weren’t aware of it. Not until now, at the very least.
He swallows. “Thanks. For correctin’ yourself. It... Means a lot.” Crewel might be peculiar in his way of doing things, and all the pet play might be a little intimidating, but he’s never disrespected his students. He didn’t do it with Ruggie. And Ruggie is glad his Housewarden now receives the same treatment.
“You really care about it.” It’s not a question, not really. The way Crewel says it is more like the confirmation of a long-held belief. “Kingscholar could have killed you yesterday. It certainly tried to. But you don’t hate it.”
“I can’t.” The words come out before Ruggie can even consider holding them back. “Leona-san... It helped me a lot this last year.”
Sex-altering potions are very expensive and hard to come across. This is mostly due to the fact that each potion has to be specifically tailored to the person’s body to work without adverse effects, as well as requiring the person to have some degree of magical power to react with the potions to begin with. This means that for non-mages, the only options to physically transition are still via hormones and surgeries.
This is one of the main reasons Ruggie was overjoyed when his unique magic awakened. At the very least, he knew for sure he would be able to apply to take a permanently altering potion once he came of age. It would just take time, and a lot of patience for a chance at having it for free through normal government channels...
He never thought he’d be picked for Night Raven College that very same week. And he definitely never thought someone as important as Leona would offer to pay for monthly doses of that very expensive potion in the meantime until Ruggie turned eighteen. It put him to work to make up for that, naturally, but Ruggie knows well that everything he does every day is nowhere near enough to pay for the amount of money Leona spends on him.
The fact that he can lead a life free of dysphoria in this school, in a body Ruggie can love, and the name he chose in all of his documents, all of it wouldn’t have happened without Leona. What he feels for it is more than mere loyalty. It is gratitude.
“You can think I’m a fool for this, but I can’t hate it even if I wanted to.” Besides, even if he did die... It’s not like Ruggie would become a ghost. Growing up in the Shadowlands means being ready to die any day. If it happens, it happens. No reason to hold onto useless attachments in the afterlife. Worst case scenario, he would have been freed from more pain. “And it’s not like that Leona-san is the real thing. I don’t wanna judge it for what it did when despair took over... If anythin’, us not noticin’ its sufferin’ ‘til it was too late is just as bad for me.”
Crewel takes in a deeper breath. He doesn’t look at Ruggie. That expression is one Ruggie knows all too well. Guilt, and sadness. He knows, a similar expression is reflected on his own face.
A ghost brings Ruggie a cup of water. Another brings a bowl of soup. Ruggie thanks both of them. He is hungry. And thirsty. And before he notices it, the entire meal is gone. It doesn’t make the ache and dryness completely disappear from his throat and chest, but it does help quite a lot.
“I know you must be tired, but I need to ask some questions regarding this incident. We need the testimony of all involved parties to decide how to proceed with this situation.” A sigh escapes Crewel’s lips. “Naturally, it’ll take longer before we can get Kingscholar’s side of the story, however.”
Ruggie swallows, and nods. He tells Crewel everything. He doesn’t care if his punishment will be harsher for this. Ruggie is too tired to care about many things. He just wants to rest, and he wants Leona to wake up soon. So that Ruggie can punch it, or make it laugh with him, or anything.
Crewel leaves once he’s satisfied with Ruggie’s answers. Jack doesn’t leave, though. He stays until Ruggie falls asleep, and he’s also there when he awakens again. Jack offers him support when Ruggie decides he can’t stay lying down any longer. He looks away when Ruggie sits at Leona’s bedside. Those tears are not his to see, after all. Ruggie appreciates that.
He goes back to classes on the second day. Perhaps out of pity, Ruggie is left alone to drown in his own misery. The mood in the dorm isn’t much better. Perhaps some people are angry at Leona’s words at the moment of the overblot, but even they can’t help but worry. Their Housewarden may play the lazy bastard role, but they all know it’s far from the truth. Leona takes care of them more than anyone else in this school. They owe it a lot.
Leona opens its eyes again on the third day.
The news nearly knocks Ruggie off his broom. He doesn’t care about Coach Vargas: Ruggie hurries to the infirmary room Leona has occupied since the incident. The room is far from empty: ghosts, small fairies, and teachers gather around the bed. Jack is here, too. Ruggie can barely pay attention to him, however.
A mistake. If only he had, he’d have noticed the shock and despair in the wolf’s eyes. He’d have realized something is amiss. He wouldn’t have been hit so hard by the pain of realization.
But right now, Ruggie’s eyes burn at the sight of Leona sitting. Awake. Alive. He doesn’t cry. But he gets very close to it. Instead, Ruggie laughs. “That’s really our Leona-san! Worryin’ us sick just to bounce back up.”
No one laughs with him. Even Leona, who never misses the chance to complain about something, remains oddly quiet. Ruggie looks at it more closely. Ah. When was the last time Leona looked so relaxed? Ruggie can’t remember for the life of him. It’s different from the deathly calm it showed right before the overblot. No, there is life in its eyes now.
It gives Ruggie hope.
A feeling that’ll be shattered with Leona’s next words.
“Hey, Bucchi.” Ruggie looks up at the sound of Leona’s voice. Or, maybe, the right thing to say would be that he looks down at it. Leona shows no interest in getting up from its half-sunny half-shaded spot on the floor. “Didja get everythin’ right with the higher-ups?”
Ah. Right. Ruggie finally managed to legally change his name the previous weekend. He got all the papers to change his name in the school registries, too. Now it’s just a matter of time to get it all in order.
“I did.” Ruggie fidgets with his scarf. It’s not cold enough here to warrant one, but the uniforms he gained from Leona are too big. Even if he doesn’t have to worry about breasts anymore, Ruggie simply doesn’t feel comfortable showing off so much skin. How Leona ever manages to is a mystery to Ruggie. “... Thank you. For introducin’ me to the lawyer an’ all.”
Leona’s ears twitch. It’s the only sign that it is, in fact, still listening. Ruggie supposes it’s good enough for now. The guy seems allergic to being thanked, after all. It’s kind of funny. Ruggie isn’t even sure what he feared so much when he first met it. Right now, talking to Leona is more like talking to an old friend.
Maybe a little more than that... But that’s definitely not something Ruggie should get hung up on. There is simply no chance, after all. Not yet, at least. Maybe... Maybe someday. Yes, that sounds good enough for now.
“So? Waitin’ for a royal invitation to share your name or what?”
Ah. So Leona is curious. Ruggie laughs. It’d be so much easier if Leona just said what it wanted and felt. But, ah, maybe emotional honesty just isn’t in the blood of a lion. Maybe.
“I dunno. I don’t wanna repeat myself, but your memory is horrible.” Ruggie’s voice sounds nothing short of lamenting. And yet, his tail wags a little. The little traitor.
They truly came a long way these last months, if Ruggie feels comfortable enough teasing the Leona Kingscholar now.
“D’you wanna die?” Oh, damn, it truly is annoyed now. But even in the face of its anger, Ruggie feels no fear.
He laughs again. “It’s Ruggie. Ruggie Bucchi. Don’tcha dare forget!”
Something shifts in Leona’s eyes. It smiles, the lazy, mean, and teasing smile that so often makes Vil go crazy. “Yeah, yeah, promise I’ll never forget you. Satisfied now?”
Ruggie truly is.
He was happy... And yet...
“You... Who are you?”