Chapter Text
[Darkest Timeline]
The day after Goatee Day the study group reconvenes, all looking a little worse for the wear. As much as they'd all rather drop out or never see each other again, they did actually pay money to go to school here so they're damn well going to graduate. Troy and Abed afix their goatees as soon as they sit down, the only ones willing to look each other in the eyes. Jeff pretends that neither of them exist and by unspoken agreement Britta pretends that the goatees don't exist, and both of them try not to flinch every time Troy and Abed use "evil" as if it was a part of their names.
It isn't perfect. It isn't even okay. It might not ever be okay again.
Nearly a week passes before the Dean bursts into the study room as if nothing is wrong at all. "Look alive, people."
Shirley bursts immediately into tears and Annie pats her shoulder awkwardly, halfway wanting to comfort her and halfway wanting to move to another seat.
"I've missed something," the Dean says.
"Given that this is the darkest and most terrible timeline, we're the evil study group now," Abed informs him.
The Dean starts to frown. "I know things aren't... the best right now, but isn't becoming evil a bit of an... overreaction?"
"You could be the Evil Dean if you wanted," Abed says. "Imagine the wardrobe possibilities. Villains are allowed a lot more leeway than heroes are, outfit-wise."
The Evil Dean's eyes light up. "You're right. Oh, I'm going to have to make a shopping trip." Jeff shoves past him as he storms out of the room without saying a word. "What's up with him?"
Abed shrugs. "He's having trouble adjusting to the change of genre. He'll come around."
The Dean walks in on the echo of the last syllable of an argument and looks at them worriedly. "What's all this about, then?"
"Britta won't sleep with me because I'm not attractive without my other arm!" Jeff yells.
"No," Britta says, "It's because you're an ass!"
"I still think you're attractive, Jeffrey," the Dean says.
"Really?" Jeff says in a small voice.
The Dean blinks, surprised. "Yes, of course, you're like a sexy pirate. I mean, you don't have an eyepatch or a hook, but I can work with that."
"Fine," Jeff growls, stalking out of the room. "You know where I live."
The Dean gapes after him and says, "Did that really just happen?"
Abed's eyebrows have skyrocketed.
Troy says, "Dude, you better run before he changes his mind."
"Evil Britta is jealous of the Evil Dean because while she doesn't want to sleep with Evil Jeff-"
"Stop saying evil! It doesn't even sound like a word anymore!" Britta shouts.
Shirley sits up. "Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked! Psalm... something or other."
Britta drops her head onto the desk.
Jeff sits down heavily in the seat next to Abed. "Does your timeline crap get me my arm back?"
Abed considers it. The plan hadn't, really, taken Jeff's arm into consideration at all. But it doesn't require any alterations to allow it.
"Yes," he says finally. "It does."
"Fine. Give me the damn goatee."