Chapter Text
It is just before midday when they pull up outside Katherine Bishop’s house in Rainier View. She lives in a small, single storey house – a bit of a shack when she first moved in, but with some love and attention, and a lot of help from Maya, Carina and the team at 19, she quickly made it into a home. The front yard is full of plants and shrubs and flowers, which are currently decorated with snow after this morning’s unexpected flurry.
Maya and Carina had watched the snowfall from bed, wishing each other a Merry Christmas in their own way. Maya had been hoping it would just be the two of them today, but her mom had insisted that they enjoy a family Christmas lunch, the first for a long time, and Maya didn’t have the heart to refuse.
It has been just over a year since she helped her mom pack up her belongings and walk out on Lane Bishop for the second and final time. After a couple of months living in their spare room, Katherine had started to rebuild her life again – getting her job back at the doctor’s office and securing a lease on her own place. She has blossomed and is back to being the strong, independent woman she has kept hidden for so many years, and is determined not to let her ex-husband back into her life.
As she parks the car, Maya looks out of the window at the house and smiles at the twinkling lights that hang from the rooftop and the delicate wreath on the door that Katherine made at a local craft workshop with some of her new friends. Her mom always loved decorating the house for the holiday season. All of their family decorations are still at the old family home with her dad, and sometimes Maya feels a little sad that they don’t have the messy star she made when she was at kindergarten or the matching snowmen that she and Mason made with their grandpa the year before he died.
But her mom is making new memories and Maya is glad to see her so happy.
One reason for the constant smile on her mom’s face at the moment is that Mason is back in her life. She had, quite literally, bumped into him at the grocery store a couple of months ago. It turns out he lives not far from her, in an apartment with his girlfriend, Emma. He is doing well, making a living as a painter, decorator and odd-job man. Katherine had persuaded him to do some work around the house for her – jobs that Maya had been promising to do for months, but hadn’t go around to yet. It had been the chance to spend some time together and reconnect, and their relationship was getting stronger day-by-day.
Katherine had told him about everything he had missed. About how she had come to recognise that she was in an abusive marriage and left his father, only to go back to him during pandemic when life was overwhelming and he had promised to take care of her, like he always did; and how Maya had turned up on her wedding day and given her a way out, and helped her get back on her feet once again. He had been particularly interested to hear that Maya had opened her eyes to their father’s abuse, after denying it for so many years, and had shunned him too.
They have seen each other a couple of times. They are still tiptoeing around each other, slowly getting to know one another. Mason is wary of her, she can tell, although he is curious about her life now. Married to another woman, talking about having children, excelling at work – well, at least, she had been until her demotion. Maya doesn’t know how much their mom has told him about her problems at work and she hasn’t divulged it either.
She has done everything in her power to get captaincy back, fought so hard to be treated fairly, but every time it has fallen on deaf ears. Even with a new, female Chief, her pleas are ignored. Her only option left is to leave 19 and move to another station further away, outside of Chief Ross’s remit, but she won’t do that. She won’t leave her team, her family. 19 is her home and she is adamant that she will find a way to make things right.
“Are you okay, bambina?” Carina’s voice draws her out of her reverie.
“Hmm? Yeah, just thinking,” Maya says. “It’s been a long time since we had a family Christmas like this.”
Carina reaches over and wraps her hand around Maya’s, squeezing it gently.
“I can feel you on edge,” she says knowingly.
“I’m trying not to be,” Maya says. “It’s just so much has happened, we’re all so different people now, but my head keeps going back to Christmas with the four of us – with dad. And it’s not like I miss him, because I don’t, but it still feels weird to think that the three of us will be spending today together without him.”
She sighs.
“It’s okay to feel weird,” Carina says gently. “I bet Mason feels weird too. Maybe today will be good for you both?”
“Maybe,” Maya says, with a nervous smile. “You brought the dessert, right?”
Carina nods, looking over her shoulder to the back seat where a small dessert tin sits next to some neatly wrapped gifts. Determined to make a good impression in front of her new brother-in-law, she has spent the last week perfecting a white chocolate cheesecake with a frozen berry topping.
She has met Mason once before, briefly, when they had all met for coffee but an emergency at the hospital had pulled her away before her espresso had even been poured. Today is the first day she will spend with him and she knows how important it is for Maya, and Katherine, that they all get along.
Carina leans across the front seat and kisses Maya’s cheek, lingering until she feels her smile.
“Come on, they’ll be waiting for us.”
“I love you,” Maya says, grateful for Carina’s calming presence.
“I love you too,” Carina says.
They get out the car, taking the cheesecake and gifts with them, and walk the short path to the house, climbing the front steps to the porch.
“Woah!” Carina cries out as her foot slips on an icy step.
She flails and reaches out, searching for Maya to keep her upright. Maya reacts instinctively, catching Carina’s waist to steady her.
“I got you,” she says. “You okay?”
Once she feels steady on her feet, Carina nods. “I was just pretending so that you’d catch me,” she teases, her eyes sparkling.
Maya chuckles. “I’m sure Mom’s got some salt for the paths. God knows, we don’t want her falling over and hurting herself – she’ll end up in our spare room again.”
They take the last couple of steps more cautiously and Maya knocks on the door. It is only a few seconds before Katherine answers, her face beaming.
“Hello girls!” she greets them fondly.
“Hey Mom,” Maya says, stepping inside and into Katherine’s outstretched arms. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” Katherine says, hugging her tightly. She only lets go when she spots Carina just behind her, brushing the snow off her boots. “Carina, how lovely to see you!”
Carina is the next to be embraced in a warm hug.
“Buon Natale,” Carina says. “It smells wonderful in here.”
The house smells of honey-glazed ham and vegetables roasting in their tins and freshly made gravy. It takes Maya back to Christmases past and she feels her nerves prickling again.
“Here, we brought a cheesecake,” Carina says, holding out the tin.
“Carina made it,” Maya says, pushing the past out of her mind and choosing to focus on the present.
“Oh, that’s lovely, thank you,” Katherine says, accepting the tin. “Mason and Emma are in the front room, why don’t you go in and make yourselves comfortable? I’ll get you a drink. Wine?”
“Red, thank you,” Carina says.
“Just water for me,” Maya says. “I’m driving.”
Katherine disappears back into the kitchen. Maya shrugs off her jacket, then helps Carina with hers, hanging them up on the hooks by the front door.
“Mistletoe!” Carina says gleefully as she looks up at the small sprig hanging from the ceiling. She seizes the opportunity to drop a kiss on Maya’s lips, before they head through the door to their left and into the front room.
A tall Christmas tree stands in one corner. Mason had chosen it for their mom, who had opted for a gold and rose and copper theme, with soft white lights that twinkle. A gold star sits on top, reflecting a bright light against the wall. There are several gifts already under the tree, wrapped up in red and green paper, with silver ribbons, bows and bells.
Mason and Emma are chatting on the couch, their conversation falling silent when Maya walks in, with Carina just behind her. Maya pretends not to notice as she places their gifts under the tree before turning to them with a smile on her face.
“Hey Mas,” Maya says. “Hi Emma. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Maya,” Mason says, standing up and hugging her awkwardly.
“You remember Carina,” Maya says, turning slightly to look back at her wife.
Carina gives them a small wave.
“Hey Carina,” Mason says. “Merry Christmas.”
“Buon Natale,” Carina says.
She takes the comfortable chair and Maya perches on the arm, staying close.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t stay for coffee last week,” Carina says, her hand settling on Maya’s back. She smiles when she feels Maya lean into her touch, craving the physical comfort.
“I guess you can’t predict when women are gonna go into labour, huh?” Mason says.
“I wish,” Carina laughs. “I feel like I’ve got a lot to catch up on. Emma, Maya told me that you’re a teacher?”
“Elementary, yeah,” Emma says. “I’ve been working at my current school for three years. It’s a lovely place, underfunded like most schools these days, but the kids are really smart, and sweet too.”
“And how did you two meet?” Carina asks.
“I was doing some work at Emma’s neighbour’s house and we got talking,” Mason says.
“He says I caught his eye from day one,” Emma teases, nudging Mason gently in his ribs.
Mason blushes, his cheeks turning a bright pink that Maya has never seen on him before, and she is warmed by it. He looks smitten and that’s something she can relate to. She shoots him a sisterly smile and he rolls his eyes at her.
“I, uh, used to make sure I was in the front yard whenever she came home from work at the end of the day,” Mason says shyly.
“What about you two, how did you meet?” Emma asks, eager to find out more.
“At a bar,” Maya says. “I was having a drink and Carina came in, we started talking…” She looks down at Carina lovingly. “And things just went from there.”
“Meant to be,” Carina adds, with a sweet smile reserved only for Maya.
“Mom says you got married because Carina’s visa was expiring?” Mason says.
Something in Maya prickles and she has to remind herself that it is an innocent question. Of course that’s how her mom would have explained it.
“Carina’s visa needed to be renewed, true. But we got married because we’re in love,” she says. “And we wanted to be together.”
Mason opens his mouth as if he is about to defend his comment, but before he can speak he is interrupted by Katherine who steps into the room with a tray of drinks.
“Lunch is almost ready,” she says cheerfully.
“Can we do anything?” Emma asks.
“You can get the table ready for me,” Katherine says.
They all jump up, keen to help. The dining room sits just off the kitchen. It is small, especially with the table extended to make room for all the food, and they are on top of each other as they put plates and cutlery and glasses on the table. Carina finds a small box with candles and a small garland of pine cones and baubles – another of Katherine’s crafty creations – that she lays down the middle. One-by-one, dishes of delicious-smelling food are delivered to the table.
“This looks amazing, Mom,” Mason gushes, as he sits down in the chair opposite Maya.
“And Carina made cheesecake for after,” Katherine says as she takes her seat at the head of table.
“Cheesecake?”
“Maya mentioned that it was one of your favourites,” Carina says.
Mason’s eyes light up, the way they did when he was a kid and he was allowed to eat his favourite foods. Maya wasn’t the only one whose meals were carefully monitored when they were growing up. What affected her, affected all of them.
Mason looks across at Maya in surprise. “You remembered?”
“Of course,” Maya says with a small smile.
“Baby, you should cut the ham,” Emma says, passing Mason the carving knife and meat fork.
Maya watches in silence as he carves the ham. She feels guilty, but she can’t help but picture their dad doing the same thing every year on Christmas Day. Mason looks a little bit like Lane, tall and slight, but muscular, the same face of concentration that causes a wrinkle in his forehead.
Carina must sense the change in her mood because Maya feels a hand resting on her thigh. She looks over at her and shoots her a reassuring nod.
“I guess this is a busy time of year for you, Maya,” Emma says, picking up the conversation. “All the lights that people hang at Christmas time, all the cooking, it seems like a lot more reasons for fires to start?”
“No-one ever checks last year’s Christmas lights before they put them on the tree again,” Maya grumbles. “People lighting candles and fires, then falling asleep, that’s a common one, too.”
“It sounds like a dangerous job,” Emma says.
Maya shrugs. “I guess it is sometimes, but I have a great team I work with, one of the best,” Maya says.
“The very best,” Carina says.
The fear never goes away, and Carina hates the big emergencies that she learns about at work when the ER gets busy and she doesn’t know whether Maya is caught up in it or not. But she trusts Maya and she trusts her team to keep each other safe.
“And you’re a lieutenant now?” Mason asks.
Maya’s shoulders tense as she nods slowly. “Yeah, that’s right.”
“With your sights set on promotion, knowing you,” Mason says.
He means it as a compliment and is surprised when Maya scoffs.
“Not likely,” she mutters. “Not in a department of full of misogynistic, racist, homophobic, white men at the top.”
“Maya,” Carina says, keeping her voice soft even though there is a warning tone behind it.
Mason looks confused as Maya keeps her gaze low, her face now stony and glum.
“Sweetheart, I’m sure you’ll get your captaincy back soon,” Katherine says.
She means well, but Maya’s face flushes pink with embarrassment when Mason looks at her with interest.
“You were a captain before? What happened?”
Maya hesitates. She really doesn’t want to get into it today, but she can’t avoid his question. “I made a call that went against protocol and my Chief didn’t like it, so he demoted me.”
“You broke the rules?” Mason sounds surprised.
It rattles her. “I saved a kid’s life,” Maya says.
Mason raises his eyebrows. “I just… it’s not like you to not do what you’re told.”
“I saved a kid’s life,” Maya repeats. “But I’d stood up for team when they were fighting with the police department, and I’d supported them supporting Black Lives Matter. And those things shouldn’t count against me, but they did. And the Chief used one incident to punish me for it.”
Maya’s jaw tightens, the memory of her conversation with McAllister – on her wedding day, of all days – still fresh in her mind despite the time that has passed.
“I did nothing wrong. And I will get my job back.”
“Eyes forward at all times, right?”
It has been a while since Maya has heard that phrase and it makes her shudder. That’s not what she means, but before she gets chance to argue back, Katherine’s voice breaks their conversation.
“Would someone pass me the carrots please?”
A tense silence falls around the room. Carina picks up the dish holding the carrots and passes it to her mother-in-law, then rests a hand on Maya’s forearm to placate her. Maya nods and she picks up her fork.
“This tastes great, Mom, thank you,” Maya says as she takes a bite of the ham.
She can feel Mason’s eyes on her and she tries to ignore it, focussing on the flavours that fill her mouth.
“You really don’t see him any more?”
“Mason!” Katherine scolds him, keeping her tone light. She is not quite ready yet to assert her authority fully, as if she is worried that fighting with him will chase him away again.
“Baby, maybe we shouldn’t talk about this here,” Emma says, shooting Mason a frustrated look that he promptly ignores.
The question hangs in the air and they all know it has been on the tip of his tongue ever since he showed up in their lives again.
“I thought Mom told you what happened?” Maya says.
“She did, but…”
“But?”
“I dunno, it’s hard to believe, that’s all,” Mason says with a small shrug of his shoulders. “You and Dad were so alike.”
“Yeah, well, I was different then,” Maya says.
“Were you?”
Maya glares at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You really want me to believe that you’ve changed?”
It is Carina who jumps in this time, feeling defensive of her wife.
“She has changed.”
“Really?” Mason challenges her. “That’s not what I’m hearing. Because she’s the one who broke the rules and it’s everyone else’s fault except hers. You know who that sounds like?”
Maya’s body turns rigid at the accusation.
“I’m not like him,” she says through gritted teeth. Not anymore.
Carina can see Maya’s eyes darken and she feels the change in her demeanour, knowing what happens when she feels confronted – especially about her father.
“No, you’re not,” Carina says softly.
Mason keeps pushing, needing to get it off his chest. After all, he has been carrying it around for over ten years – the hurt and anger he feels at being forgotten and rejected by the man that was supposed to love him unconditionally. He has never felt the love he deserves, no matter how hard he tried to win their father’s affection.
Affection that Maya won so easily every time she crossed the finish line in first place.
“It always comes back to you, doesn’t it, Maya?” he says. “If you’re not winning, no-one is.”
“That’s not fair,” Maya says.
“Remember when you were fifteen and Dad dragged us all to Florida for that international track meet? You came in second,” Mason recalls. “But of course, it couldn’t be because someone else was better than you, because then Dad would have been mad at you. So you told everyone that she’d cut one of the corners, on the bend where no-one could see her. You were so convincing, you even got one of the other girls to back you up so that she got disqualified – and you came in first.”
Maya looks away, embarrassed. She thinks about her attempt at blackmailing the Chief to get her job back, threatening to expose her relationship with Sullivan if she didn’t make her captain again – a move that has cost her dearly. Maybe she hasn’t changed as much as she thinks she has.
She can feel Carina looking at her and can’t bear to meet her eyes.
“I’m not proud of everything I’ve done,” Maya says in a low voice. “But I’m trying, okay?”
“But you can’t change the past, Maya,” Mason says.
Maya sighs, defeated. “What do you want from me, Mas?”
“I want you to admit it.”
“Admit what?”
“I want you to admit that your running was the worst thing that ever happened to this family.”
There, he’d said it. The words that he has been desperate to say to her, out there in the open, hanging between them like a dead weight.
Maya takes a long, deep inhale; her hands shaking.
“Maya…” Carina tries to console her but Maya shakes her head.
She stands up slowly.
“You’re right,” she says quietly. “Is that what you want to hear, Mason? You’re right. Life would have been better for everyone if I’d never taken up running.”
With that, she turns and walks out of the dining room into the hallway, gathers up her coat and opens the front door, ignoring the calls from behind her. She needs to breathe, to feel the bitterly cold air burn her cheeks. Her face flushes with emotions she can’t place. Anger? Hurt? Guilt?
Maybe all of them.
The snow is falling again, settling on the ground. It crunches underneath her boots as she steps out onto the porch. She needs to move, the urge to run growing, but she’s not in the right gear so a walk will have to suffice instead.
She forgets about the layer of ice on the steps, now hidden by a blanket of white snow, until her foot slips out from underneath her. She tries to grab the nearby railing but she misses and tumbles down the porch steps. She tries to remember her training, tries to force her body to go limp as she falls. It doesn’t work, unable to let go of the anger and hurt and guilt that holds her body tight.
Her head hits the cold, hard ground, knocking her out. The last thing she sees are a blur of twinkling lights as everything goes black.
Maya wakes up in her bed, cosy and warm under the thick duvet. The morning light is cracking through the curtains and she blinks a few times as she lets it coax her out of her slumber. She rolls over, her hand searching for her wife, frowning when she finds an empty space. It’s unusual for her to wake up after Carina, even on those days when she gets to lie in as Carina goes to work.
She lifts her head, expecting to smell coffee, but all she smells is the pine-scented diffuser in the corner of the room. She lifts her wrist to check the time and panics when she reads 07:36.
Shit. She’s late.
She bolts upright and immediately regrets it when her head starts to pound. She lifts her hand to her forehead, feeling a small pea-sized lump on her temple. She recoils from her own touch, hissing at the pain.
It is then that yesterday’s events come flooding back – Christmas lunch at her mom’s house and her fight with Mason. She remembers storming out and her foot slipping, sending her crashing to the bottom of the porch steps.
She scrunches her nose as she tries to remember what happened after that, but her mind is blank. Carina must have brought her home and put her to bed. Maybe she’s a little concussed and that’s why her memory is taking a while to come back.
Moving a little slower, Maya swings her legs out of bed and stands up carefully, breathing through the pain in her head. She wanders out into the apartment, surprised that it is empty. It is weird that Carina would leave her alone after a bump on the head, but she figures that means it can’t have been that bad a fall. She grabs two Tylenol and goes to find the filtered water jug that usually sits next to Carina’s favourite Italian cookbooks – only the worktop is clear of any clutter. That’s weird, Carina never tidies away her books. Maybe it’s a Christmas miracle.
She hunts down the water jug in the refrigerator. Carina usually insists that it sits on the counter, because “room temperature is better for hydration and digestion”. She must have been distracted this morning before she left for work. Maya knocks back the Tylenol with a gulp of water, then drinks the rest of the glass thirstily.
Some caffeine would probably help too – except, when she looks for it, she notices that Carina’s fancy expresso machine is missing too. Perhaps it broke and Carina forgot to mention it? Oh well, she doesn’t have time to dwell on it. Settling for the crappy instant coffee she finds in the back of the cupboard, she makes herself a black coffee then heads back into the bedroom to throw on some clothes. She’ll have to sneak a shower in at work, since she is already running late. She doesn’t want to give Beckett another reason to berate her.
The combination of crappy coffee and pain meds start to help, her headache fading a little as she heads out the front door. She is rushing, so she doesn’t notice that their wedding photo is missing from its proud place on shelf. If she had, she might have stopped to wonder why Carina had put it away.
She makes it to the station at six minutes past eight o’clock and silently prays that Beckett won’t notice that she is late. Travis is on the front desk and greets him breezily.
“Hey Travis, how was your Christmas?”
Travis laughs. “You know Christmas Day is tomorrow, right?” he says, before shooting her an odd look. “Bishop, what are you doing here?”
“What do you mean?” Maya asks, bemused. “I’m rostered to work.”
“Here? You covering for someone?”
“I… what?” she says, confused by his question. And what did he mean that Christmas Day is tomorrow?
“Nice of Station 23 to spare you, but I’m pretty sure we’ve got a full roster today,” Travis says. “The Captain’s upstairs if you wanna check – in a terrible mood, as always, so be careful.”
Maya is about to ask him what the hell he’s talking about, when three firefighters she has never seen before come down the stairs, all wearing the 19 logo on their shirts.
“Who are they?” she wonders out loud.
“Briggs? She’s new, she joined us a month ago. Didn’t you meet her at the SFD Christmas party last week?”
Maya frowns. “I didn’t go to the party, Carina was sick, remember?”
Travis shakes his head, his face blank. “Who’s Carina?”
Maya looks at him with a puzzled look. “Travis, why are you being so weird?”
Before he can answer, the klaxon sounds, calling 19 to a house fire in Beacon Hill. He jumps up from his seat.
“Good to see you, Bishop. I’ll let the Captain know you stopped by,” he says as he runs into the barn.
Maya watches as more people she doesn’t recognise appear from various parts of the station, racing into the barn, pulling on their turnout gear and climbing into the fire trucks. There is no sign of Vic or Jack or Ben.
“What the hell is going on?” she mutters to herself.
“That is the million dollar question.”
The familiar voice takes her by surprise and she spins, gasping with shock when she sees him leaning against the reception desk. He’s dressed casually, in jeans, t-shirt and sports jacket, and wears a bright smile on his face.
He is just as she remembers him.
Maya takes a tentative step forwards.
“Dean?”