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“Papa.”
Oh no. Don’t look at his face. He was definitely going to be wearing that disapproving little frown he wears when he was disappointed. It was seriously best for his heart if he didn’t look down because that wouldn’t do him any good.
“ Papa. ” The small voice repeated, the sound accompanied by a tapping foot and yeah, the kid was definitely crossing his little arms over his chest.
Exactly who taught this dang kid to be so good at this? Ignoring completely that it had been his own parentage that had led to this outcome, he decided to blame technology today. They were definitely putting all sorts of strange ideas into his kids brain.
Roksu sighed and met with his son's face and yes, as prediction, Raon wore an expression of severe disapproval on his chubby face.
Roksu immediately felt the guilt flow through him. Dammit, he needed to do better. He hated putting that look on Raon’s face. Because behind the childish pout and the crossed arms, his genius son also had the slightest wobble in his lips and shaking to his pupils that said just how worried he was.
“Have you eaten yet?” Raon said, defiant and proud and absolutely determined to make sure that the pale and scrawny man actually took proper care of himself.
Roksu winced. Lying was really tempting. He would really rather lie than admit that no, he’d been so consumed with his work for the past few hours that he’d completely forgotten about things like eating or sleeping or even taking a break. It wasn’t that he wanted to work so hard but he just needed to finish a bit more and than he could properly slack off–
Raon tapped his tiny foot again and Roksu sighed. “No.”
It didn’t help that Roksu was still new to this whole parenting thing. He hadn’t expected to get a son and he definitely hadn’t anticipated how much it would change his life. He didn’t know a lot about parenting but he did know that children should be eating well and playing well, not worrying over him to the point where they looked like they might cry.
Raon sniffled but tried to hide it. For such a small child, he was so opposed to showing weakness at all. Roksu really wondered where he got that attitude from. “Okay then, let’s have pie.” He announced.
Roksu blinked, a bit taken aback by the suggestion. It wasn’t exactly a hearty dinner but he did have a sweet tooth and if pie would make Raon happy. “Okay, I’ll–”
Raon cut him off by holding up his piggy bank, a look of dreadful determination overtaking his tiny features. His deep blue eyes full of a fiery determination that made it clear that he would be calling the shots. “You’re coming with me. I’m paying.”
“...but, that’s your–”
Raon didn’t let him finish that sentence either. He took hold of his fathers hand and dragged him away from his work and over towards the bedroom. Raon quite clumsily gathered their coats and instructed Roksu to put it on with a firm expression on his face that made it difficult for Roksu to argue at all.
When he tried to explain to Raon that he would pay for them, Raon would have none of it. When he tried to ask what was going on in the boy's head, he was equally dismissed. Raon gave him a shaky glare and announced. “You need to understand .”
Roksu frowned. He didn’t like the idea of Raon spending his hard earned allowance like this. The boy was barely five years old and he took such delight in collecting each coin and bill to fill up the cliche little piggy bank that Roksu had bought for him. He did want Raon to spend his money freely on whatever he wanted, but it felt wrong to have his worried five year old son buy dinner with his hard earned money.
If guilt hadn’t already swelled up inside of Roksu’s gut, it was now overflowing inside of him now. Damn. He really needed to be a bit more careful about taking care of his kid. Roksu promised himself yet again that he would make more time to spend with Raon.
It wasn’t that Roksu didn’t like spending time with his son. On the contrary, his life had improved significantly on the day that Raon had unexpectedly entered it, but he was working hard so that Raon could have good things and a bright future.
It wasn’t just doting fatherly love that caused Roksu to refer to his son as a genius. Raon was undoubtedly an extremely intelligent child who was talented in most everything he attempted to learn. Unfortunately, Kim Roksu was just a poor salary worker who barely made enough to support them.
If he wanted to provide Raon with all of the financial support he’d need to become whatever the boy wished to become, he needed to work harder. He didn’t want the reason that Raon couldn’t achieve his dreams to be because of Roksu’s own failings. He was now saving a significant sum of money from each paycheck into an account just for Raon’s future.
But that still wasn’t a good excuse to make Raon look so upset.
Without the ability to argue, Roksu followed after his son as he was led out of their humble apartment, down the street, and towards the bakery that they both loved. Roksu had made sure to save a bit of money each week to buy Raon treats at the bakery so that his sweet tooth was satisfied.
Of course, some weeks when Roksu was a bit short on money, he only got sweets for his son and ignored his own dull ache in his stomach.
Raon marched straight up to the kindly old woman behind the counter and hugged his piggy bank to his chest, one hand still clutching onto his fathers hand. “One apple pie slice, please.”
Roksu’s brows furrowed. Were they going to share it? Or was Raon’s plan to eat it in front of Roksu as punishment for being neglectful. Either way, he let Raon complete the purchase and allowed himself to be guided to a table where Raon sat down with that same look of determination still making his eyes almost scary with their intensity.
Roksu wanted to say something but the pie arrived first. Without saying a word, Raon slid the plate over to Roksu and crossed his arms over his chest. “Eat.” He commanded.
“But–”
“Eat.”
Hesitantly, Roksu took a tiny bite of pie. It was delicious and sweet, a crisp crust with the cinnamon apple filling being just the right texture and taste to please him. After he’d taken his bite, he attempted to push the plate over to Raon, who had a certain hungry look that the boy always wore around sweets.
Raon shook his head and pushed the plate back.
“Eat it all.” He commanded, his voice a bit warbly and so determined that Roksu didn’t have the heart to defy him.
The pie was undeniably delicious, it was one of his favorite sweets, but something about being the only one to eat and while Raon had spent his hard earned money filled him with a bitterness that no sweetness could improve upon.
He felt a bit nauseous when he finished but he did so, hoping now that Raon would explain himself and hopefully let Roksu buy him some pie.
“How do you feel?” Raon asked, his intense blue eyes daring his father to lie.
Roksu frowned. He didn’t want to say how he felt, how horrible would it be to tell his son that the delicious pie had tasted bitter on his tongue? But somehow he knew that a lie in this moment wouldn’t be easily forgiven.
“Awful.” He admitted.
Raon finally smiled, it was a watery and painful smile that was hardly a relief from his determined frown, and he reached out and took hold of his fathers hand.
“So how do you think I feel?”
Ah.
He was an idiot.
How was it that his son was so much smarter than he was? Raon was a genius but Roksu had never felt more like a fool.
His stomach turned as the apple pie made the lesson known in his stomach, a reminder on the inside of him of his own mistakes.
“I’m sorry.” He said, at a loss for anything else.
Raon shook his head and Roksu realized those weren’t the words that his son wanted to hear. That wasn’t the promise he should be making.
“I’ll take care of myself too. I promise.”
Raon sniffled, finally allowed himself to cry and crawled into his fathers lap to hide the sight from the rest of the bakery. “You’d better.” He warbled out in a wet voice. “Or I’ll make you eat all sorts of apple pie.”
It was truly amazing how his son had learned how to threaten him effectively with apple pie.