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Nala stared at her TV, with one of her favourite Christmas movies barely audible as she tried to overhear her boyfriend's phone conversation. The brick walls of their brownstone kept the sound from bouncing around the way it did when she was growing up in a cheap skyrise apartment. They were having a great time getting into the holiday mood just a few days before one of Nala's favourite days of the year. Cary had been working a big case for the past few weeks that he was able to close right before Christmas. Gardner and Co. had been gracious enough to give their employees a rare couple weeks off, and Nala intended to take full advantage of it. She was nearly giddy with thoughts of eggnog, carols, gifts, and mistletoe. Christmas. She freakin' loved Christmas. Even though she'd been with her lawyer boyfriend for almost three years, this would be their first time really savouring it together.
While she wasn't a lawyer, her consulting work kept her busy as well. Somehow, they both had jobs they couldn't necessarily clock out of, but that never got in the way of Nala's personal life. Not in the way it did with Cary's. She couldn't even count the number of missed dates, times he's shown up past close, or words she's held back to keep things okay between them. Nala knew he loved her, but she couldn't always feel it. Nevertheless, she wouldn't let that get in the way of Christmas for them.
Their first Christmas, they'd planned to fly out and see her family, but he got called in on a case at the last minute. He sent his regards and a few gifts, but she couldn't help the quiver in her voice when he'd called to make sure it was okay. Their second Christmas, Nala hosted to avoid the same kind of unfortunate situation, which worked. Kind of. Cary had made a mistake with some paperwork, and had to go in on Christmas to get it fixed. He'd made it for dinner, though, but Nala had to put off the gift card and surprise intimacy for when he wasn't knocked out from a full day of work and dense calories. This year, though, was going to be completely different. Well, she hoped it would, but judging by the scrunched brows on his face when he looked down to see who was calling him, Nala wasn't so sure.
"No, I will not ask Diane-. Look, I would appreciate it if you didn't call me again," she heard Cary's voice get louder as he walked back into the living room. Nala quickly increased the volume on the TV, then adjusted herself to look like she'd been minding her merry business. She didn't look over until she felt the couch sink beside her.
"Sorry," Cary sighed, his arm finding its natural place around Nala's shoulder.
"Who was that," she asked, feigning disinterest as she directed her attention back to Home Alone.
"My dad," he started, "asking for... It doesn't matter" Cary's lip pressed into a thin line after the mention of his dad. "Mr. Agos," he told her if she ever slipped and called him Tom, was a man that kept himself busy. He never failed to mention the birthdays and anniversaries of his twenty-year-old girlfriend and business partners, but never called for Cary's. His son had become senior partner at Gardner and Co., but Mr. Agos' 'congratulations' was followed by some kind of request. She wondered if he'd ever checked on his son, if he even cared about how Cary was doing.
Nala cuddled into her boyfriend's side, and was pleased with herself when she felt his abdomen relax. He seemed a little less upset, and she could hear the smile in his voice when he hummed into her hair. "I'm sorry, Cary," she whispered into his chest. Cary smiled down at Nala, "it's nothing new..."
She stroked lazy circles into his hand before she asked, "what was he asking for?"
Cary tensed up, and she could feel his abdomen harden for a bit before he exhaled. He just shook his head and shrugged. Nala looked up to see him staring off into space. She hesitated to smile, "Cary-"
"Can we not talk about him?" It was a question, but it sounded more like a command with the way he stared down at her. Nyla sighed and moved away from him, and Cary's eyes filled with regret. He pulled her back into him, quickly apologizing with kisses to her forehead. "Let's not talk about him," he suggested, gently this time.
Their fireplace cracked, the warmth radiating off their feet. She didn't want to think about Cary's father anymore. Time flew during the holidays, and Nala wanted to make the most of the time she had with her boyfriend. "I was thinking of making gingerbread houses," she whispered. Cary groaned, "Nala-"
"I know it's not your favourite thing to do, but we've never made any together before."
Cary sat up a little to look Nala in the eyes, "yes we have." Nala gave him a lopsided smile, paired with upturned brows and a sigh. "When? The only time I've seen you with one was in the photo you showed me of you as a kid." Her boyfriend looked at her, then at the beige carpet in the centre of their living room. She watched as he sat there quietly, and could see the moment when he realized she was right.
Nala didn't want to be right.
"I was thinking of doing a courtroom for mine," she shook him a little, putting her chin on his shoulder. Cary turned around and was met with a goofy grin from his girlfriend. He smiled, but shook his head. "Are you trying to enjoy the holiday or stress me out?"
Nala giggled before she planted a chaste kiss on his cheek. She circled an arm around his waist, squeezing him into the tightest hug she could manage. Cary settled back into the couch, and hummed as his eyes fluttered shut. "Maybe-"
They jumped when her phone buzzed incessantly, and she scurried to find it under the nest of blankets and pillows. She clumsily stabbed Cary in the ribs with her elbow, which she wouldn't have noticed without his instant cry of pain. "Sorry, sorry," she gave him a quick pat, then finally answered her phone that had been under his leg.
"Hel- Hey, mama, what's going on?"
"Hi darling," her mother's Ugandan accent shone through over the phone, "how are you?"
"I'm good, mama, how are you?"
"Good, good," her mom replied.
There was a pause, and she knew what was coming. It was the holidays, and her mother was a social butterfly. A social butterfly that had boundary issues with everyone except her kids.
"I saw Uncle Carl, and I wanted to invite him-"
"No. I said it was just gonna be our family and our partners, okay," Nala got out the sentence before her mom could finish her own. She could hear her mom sigh, and Nala's heart kicked with adrenaline.
"You know, Christmas is about spending time with people that-"
Nala rolled her eyes, and took a few deep breaths away from the phone as her mama went on and on about people that didn't deserve to be in her life. "Mama, he is not a good person, he talks too much, and I'm not going to have him in my home," she told her mom, a little too strongly. Cary touched her arm, reminding her that she was an adult now, in her own place, with her own boyfriend, and some control.
"If you bring him, I'm not letting him in. Sorry."
There was silence for a while. Neither she nor her mom said anything for what felt like an eternity. Nala sat there with Cary, and her loud, beating heart, wanting to apologize and take it all back. She knew she was right, but it never felt completely right to say no to her mom.
Nala could hear her mom sighing on the other side of the call. "Forgiveness is-"
"I'm not discussing this. Bye, love you." With that, Nala hung up the phone. Her eyes stayed fixed on the screen in her hand for several moments as she sat with this familiar feeling of unease. Her chest lifted out of habit as she fixed her posture, and the grip of her free hand tightened on Cary's leg. He sat up almost instantly in response and reached out to touch her cheek, "Hon-."
But Nala looked away from him and hid her face. She shook her head as she avoided his gaze. No matter how much she hid, though, it was impossible to hide the way her chest shook with laboured breaths, or the tears that rolled down her neck. Cary tried to reach her again, but she crossed her arms and turned her back towards him.
Cary gave her a little time before he knelt down in front of her so that she couldn't avoid him any longer. Her eyes were red and wet with tears, and she looked angry; Nala cried when she was angry. It was one of the things she couldn't stand about herself, but somehow made him love her more. His heart melted when they had their first fight and she tried to hide her tears from him. As pissed as he had been, his attitude didn't last very long, which ended up making her even more upset.
"Christmas is still going to be great," Cary whispered, looking up at her, "and I'll personally make sure your uncle doesn't step foot in this house. For whatever the reason. Okay?"
Nala took deep breaths before she said, "I can take care of it myself." She sucked up her tears and sat up, then turned her head away from him again. Her boyfriend sighed to keep himself from arguing with her. 'My issues aren't her issues,' he told himself, and it seemed like there was nothing left to say.
"Okay," was all he replied with.
Cary turned her head to one side so that his eyes met hers, and placed his arm gently onto her thigh. He gave her a kiss on the cheek, then her forehead, and then each of her temples. His gaze moved from her eyes to her lips, which his fingers traced lazy circles onto. She wondered when they got there, and when she'd gotten close enough to kiss him. Cary pulled her to him by her legs, his strong arms settling her smaller frame onto the cashmere sofa. He traced kisses along her collar bone, and she shivered, her toes curling into the soft cotton blanket under her feet. Her body thrummed, and she could've sworn it had been forever since she had last felt him like this.
With her, relaxed.
Calm.
Himself.
Nala's ear vibrated to the slow, steady thump of Cary's heartbeat. His bare skin was warm, and the room was quiet aside from the sounds of their breathing, and the burning wood of a small fire. Her mind was still, which was a welcome change from the usual racing thoughts about anything and everything. She kept her focus on the body next to her, which was cathartic for her. That was until she felt him stir.
"What's wrong, Cary?"
He pressed his lips together, that thin line a routine in his day, before he looked from her to the ceiling. Cary's chest rose and fell as he breathed out a heavy sigh. "Should I stay at Gardner and Co.?"
Nala pushed herself up, and she made quick work of wrapping the blanket around her breasts and body. She could feel her eyes had bugged out, and did her best to replace the surprise with a more composed expression. "Do you want to leave?" That didn't sound like Cary. For as long as Nala had known him, he lived and breathed his job. Cary genuinely wanted to help people, and it seemed like he'd found a way to fulfil his purpose at the firm. She loved to see him go on about a successful case, the story being so enthralling that his food would get cold. Nala thought he loved his job.
Cary shrugged, "I feel like I'm missing everything. And for what, so I can keep up with being a senior partner?" He combed his fingers through his hair, sighing once again. "Nal, I feel like our life is happening and I'm watching on the sidelines."
Nala took his hand in both of hers, kissing his knuckles gently. "Cary, that's not-"
She gasped, and Cary jumped a little when Carry On My Wayward Son rang from the coffee table, and the phone travelled a few centimetres as it vibrated the tone. Cary groaned, and Nala let him go to answer his phone. Her pulse picked up, and she fixed her eyes on her now empty hands. Cary took the call right there in the room, and she could hear that his boss was on the other line. She turned and let her back rest on the couch.
'That gingerbread house will have to wait 'til next year' Nala thought. The carols, mistletoe, eggnog, and gifts made her heartache as she made herself accustomed to the reality of another imperfect Christmas.
"I'll get that done tonight... Thanks... Alright, have a good night." Cary hung up the phone, then sat next to Nala on the sofa. She looked at him, waiting for the news, her polite smile now fixed on her face. A smile that failed to reach her eyes. "I have to send a follow-up email to my last client," Cary told her. The weight on his forehead was gone, and he looked genuinely relieved.
Nala furrowed her brows, "that's it?"
Cary nodded, "yeah. It'll take twenty or thirty minutes but... Hey, what's wrong?" Cary frowned before he was wiping tears from Nala's eyes. Her mouth fell open, and she didn't know she'd started crying until he was tending to her sadness. Nala shook her head, embarrassed and disappointed that she'd made this all about herself. She was fine, and would have been if he had gone into the office instead of staying with her tonight.
Her boyfriend squeezed her hands, his frown more pronounced then, and watched her with concern in his eyes. Nala opened her mouth to speak, and wanted to tell him that she was okay. But she felt an apple was stuck in her throat when she tried, and the tears threatened to fall again. Cary grimaced, "I'm gonna call the firm tomorrow." He pulled her into a tight bear hug, one so snug she had to take extra deep breaths because she didn't want him to let her go.
"I want to make a gingerbread apartment," he whispered, and Nala could hear the smile in his voice. Cary rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head, and Nala sighed before she smiled up at her love.