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Terzo Emeritus remembered that day perfectly, it was the moment when they had the best and worst idea of their life. They and their brother Secondo might've been thirteen years old, and the oldest, Primo, thirty. The youngest two went to look for him to tell him their plans for the Ghost project, the band that their dad, Nihil, had started some decades ago with his wife, Sister Imperator, to spread the word of Satan. Clearly, the band didn't work out. How could it, if their dad was so useless he cheated on the most powerful woman in all the Clergy? But that was ancient history. Now all that matters is that the three siblings found out, and immediately added "bring back the Ghost project" to their list of things to do when they become Papa, which they were sure was going to happen, leading the Clergy was their destiny as members of the Emeritus bloodline.
The youngest two ran to their older brother's office to tell him their idea. Primo greeted them calmly as always, even as they almost throw themselves at him. "Okay, what demon got into you this time?" He got them into his office and closed the door.
"It's just that we had the best idea in the history of the Clergy! You're going to love it and so is everyone else!" Terzo exclaimed excitedly, and Secondo nodded.
"And what would your great idea be? Come closer, I have all the rest of the day to listen," Primo sat at his desk to listen to his siblings as they excitedly explained their idea to him. The two of them knew that he still had work to do even if he wouldn't admit it, but Primo never cared. His siblings were his top priority, even if their father disagreed. He'd always been the one that raised them, since Nihil never seemed to have time. He'd taken care of them, taught them the Unholy Scrpiture, and comforted them when they had any trouble. The two of them looked up to him, they wanted to be like him.
"So, you want us to write a song for the band together?" The younger two nodded, "I like it, it could work."
"Yeah! We would all add to it when we're Papa, and then Secondo would release it when he's Papa Emeritus the Third!"
"Don't you mean when you're Papa Third? Your name is Terzo because you're the third in line," Primo tried to explain as he failed to contain his laughter at the smallest kid's pout, "In any case, what is this song about?"
"We thought it could be about whatever we felt while leading the Clergy," Secondo explained, calmer than his younger sibling.
"Well, if you allow me," Primo said, "I have an idea for a title. Do you kids know what the zenith is?" The two teens looked confused. "The Zenith is the highest point in the sky, directly above your heads."
Terzo though for a moment, "Zenith... the perfect name for my perfect idea!" Secondo lightly hit their shoulder, "Okay, our perfect idea." The three of them spent a while talking about their ideas, expectations, and anything else that might help them write their song.
It all had seemed like a good idea at the moment, an opportunity to bond between them. Terzo had no idea what was coming.
It all had really begun at Secondo's asencion ceremony, but Terzo had noticed it much earlier, when Primo passed the role of frontman of the band to the middle brother. The two youngest decided to go watch the last ritual before it happened, but Terzo knew Secondo needed to go backstage during the intermission, and he did look a little more tense than usual, so they didn't think much of it. It was unusual that anyone noticed when the second Emeritus felt nervous, scared or sad, but not for Terzo, they always knew. They've spent enough time with their brother to know.
The last chords of the final song, Elizabeth, played, and that's when Terzo felt prouder of their brothers than they ever were. They remembered how Primo always had come to them for help during the first moments of the band, how he trusted them enough to tell them that he's always wanted this, and how their older brothers wanted them there, on the front row of the event. It was a lot and Terzo couldn't contain their tears any longer, watching Secondo go on stage wearing his vestments and the facepaint, he looked so beautifully intimidating.
The first song that Secondo had written, Secular Haze, started playing. Terzo remembered helping him with writing it for that moment. The youngest Emeritus sang along with all their strength, and planned to go congratulate the two of them after the ritual.
As everyone started to leave, Terzo tried to go backstage to see their brothers. Getting through security was easy (perks of being an Emeritus, probably), now they only had to find them. Thankfully, one of the nameless ghouls took them to where Secondo was getting ready. Terzo should've thanked him, but they were in a rush, and it's not like they could tell who exactly was helping them anyway.
"Sec! I wanted to tell you that as your number one fan, I'm so very proud of your performance out there," Terzo said as they got into the room and getting closer to where their brother sat in front of a mirror. "I'm sure everyone loved it. Also I feel touched that you chose to start with the song that I helped you write." The second Emeritus didn't answer, he seemed more quiet than usual. "Secondo, is everything okay?"
"I don't have time for this. If you don't need anything important, I'd prefer if you left me alone," the older interrupted sharply, "I'm going out with someone and I'd hate to leave her waiting, so I recommend that you leave and talk to me tomorrow, si?" And with that, he was gone, leaving Terzo alone and confused.
"Terzo, fratello, I've been looking for you," Primo entered the room followed by a ghoul, "I wanted to know your opinion on the ritual."
That got Terzo out of their thoughts. "Ah, yes, Pri, I've been looking for you. I loved every moment, and I'm so proud that we did this together." Terzo and Primo got out of the venue and back to the hotel they were staying at. They had dinner together and spent all of it talking about the ritual, how much they enjoyed it and their favorite things about it, and for a moment, Terzo felt as if they were a child again, excitedly rambling to their oldest brother about whatever their current obsession was. The only thing left was for Secondo to be with them.
The next day they got back to the ministry for the ceremony, and the two youngest Emeritus didn't talk to each other again.
Or well, if they did, it wasn't on good terms. During Secondo's years as Papa, every day was the same for Terzo. Get up way too early, wake Secondo up, tolerate him leaving all his work to them while he went to talk to some other Sibling of Sin, go to Dark Mass and look at their brother pretend he cared about his job, listening to Imperator complain about whatever Secondo was doing while the second Emeritus went out partying with Hell knows who, go to sleep way too late, and the same again. Some days they had time to visit Primo at the ministry gardens to have some tea together and talk, or to visit Omega, one of the band ghouls, to have secret dates, but with time those moments became more and more scarce.
Terzo didn't want to resent their brother, but it was impossible not to. They just wanted to be important, to have people admire them, need them, to be what Primo always was to them and to the Clergy. But that would never happen, and Secondo, who had the chance, was wasting it. They remembered their promise to their brothers. Zenith. They thought, was Secondo still writing? Did he even remember their conversation all those years ago? They knew Primo still followed his promise, since even with his responsibilities as Papa he still found time to spend with his siblings. Terzo had asked him about the song, and Primo always answered the same: "Patience, my child. Everything comes in due time."
And maybe Primo was right.
One day, out of nowhere, Terzo saw Nihil and Secondo arguing through the halls. They decided to hide and see what was happening.
"This is unacceptable. Going out partying every night and leaving Terzo to do your job for you is not proper behavior for the leader of the Clergy. Your work is too important for you to throw it away."
"And Imperator was also so important to you, yet you still had me and Terzo, right?" Secondo responded sarcastically. It was the first time in their fifty five years of being alive that Terzo saw anyone talk back to their father like that. Had they ever done that before, it sure would've ended differently, Terzo knew it.
"That's enough. If this is how it's going to be with you, I have no other option than to make Terzo take your place as Papa and in the band." Secondo tried to argue back, but it ws to late.
Terzo got out of where they were hiding, hoping their brother wouldn't see them, but they weren't that lucky.
"I hope you're happy knowing that it's your fault I lost it all."
Terzo was at a loss for words. "How in all Hell is any of this my fault? You knew the consecuences, and still decided to ignore your responsibilities. Someone has to take your place, and I'm the next in line."
"It's because you're exactly the same as I was, yet for whatever fucking reason Nihil doesn't hate you as much. I could've told him all the times I saw you with that ghoul, or how you left the ministry at night when he wasn't looking, but I didn't. Maybe I should've, then you'd see what it's like." Secondo answered, and Terzo completely broke down.
"How can you actually think that Nihil doesn't hate me? Do I have to remind you everything he's ever done to me? To all of us?" Terzo dried their tears but they just kept coming, "If anything, I always envied how he never seemed to treat you the same. Now I know how horrible he was with all of us, but I don't know how I have anything to do with that. He just never loved us, that's it."
Secondo almost wanted to apologize, but he already had ruined enough. "Terzo, I wish you the best in your asencion. See you around."
Terzo punched their brother in the face, they felt horrible about it, but he was asking for it. "Don't fucking talk to me or I swear I'm going to kill you" is the last thing they said.
A week passed, and Secondo's last ritual as Papa Emeritus II arrived. That meant Terzo would get ascended the next day, and that they'd get to front Ghost that night. They would've been excited if only that didn't mean they'd have to see their older brother on stage, pretending nothing had happened between them.
Terzo heard the beginning of the last song, the one their asencion would happen to, and got to the stage. The sensation of being out there, the gaze of the audience and their screams as they received the next leader of the band, the lights on their face and the sound of the music, it was indescribable feeling, almost enough to cheer them up. Terzo payed attention to the song playing. It was the last on Primo's album, Genesis. A good choice, and somehow very fitting. When Secondo passed the microphone to his younger sibling, he didn't even bother to look them in their face, or to notice them at all. He just left the stage, as if Terzo didn't matter. That ruined them. But they had to keep going, prove everyone they were strong enough. And they had to make Nihil regret how he treated them and their brothers.
Terzo, now Papa Emeritus III, gave a speech presenting themself and trying to win the audience over. After that, they signaled the next song for the ghouls, From the Pinnacle to the Pit.
After the ritual ended, Terzo went backstage to sit and take their newly acquired face paint off, and let out all the hatred, frustration and envy they felt at thar moment. They felt so damn guilty for everything that happened, and they simply wanted to dissappear.
Someone knocked on the door, and Terzo tried to appear being calm. "Who's there?"
Omega opened the door and came in to see Terzo, followed by Primo. "Sorry to interrupt you, Papa. We just wanted to know how you were. You messed up some lyrics and you kept looking at me." The ghoul grabbed the wet cloth from his partner's hand and delicately tried to clean their face, the look on his face full of love and concern, "it felt as if something was wrong. Is it about tomorrow?"
Terzo needed to vent, but they didn't know how, or even if they should. Tears started falling down their face and they wouldn't stop. Primo and Omega held them and tried to comfort them.
"Before I leave, Sec wanted me to give you this," Primo left a little leather notebook on the desk, "good luck on the ceremony tomorrow, don't beat yourself up too much, okay Ter?"
The two of them left Terzo alone, so they decided to open the notebook and take a look. The first page only had one word on it: Zenith. The oldest annotations were written very elegantly and in red ink, and some phrases were highlighted. Terzo assumed that was all written by Primo for the song. The next pages, it was obvious the writer had changed, the writing looked more rushed and made with a black pen. Obviously Secondo. Terzo didn't read much of it, they really weren't in the mood to think about their brothers. They put the notebook back in their purse and left the venue.
Terzo got to writing for the band immediately after their asencion ceremony, and they were extremely successful, even more than their predecessors. Their album, Meliora, attracted a lot more people than expected, and that meant more people would be converted. The Clergy seemed to approve of the situation.
The only problem was that not once did Nihil or Secondo approach Terzo to congratulate them, or even acknowledge their accomplishments.
They remembered the day they were nominated and won an award for the song Cirice. Primo and the ghouls had thrown them a party to celebrate. Secondo and their father didn't even attend. Fine, no big deal. They didn't care? Well, neither did Terzo. At least they could bask in the attention of countless Siblings of Sin, nameless ghouls and higher Clergy people, eat nice food, have fun, and who knows, maybe spend some time with their favorite ghoul, some lucky Sibling, or both. Who gives a shit if their brother and father didn't care, they were worthless to Terzo.
A night after a Dark Mass, Terzo went to their room and saw the notebook their brother had given them, the one with all the annotations for Zenith, and decided to finally read it. Primo's notes were relatively normal, what anyone that knew the oldest Emeritus would assume: most of his lines were about the search for knowledge, and most of what he'd written was somehow comforting. He'd always wanted to teach about Clergy history, their scripture, important rituals, that sort of thing, and that was all reflected in this notebook.
What Secondo had written, however, showed a resentment that Terzo had never noticed, everything they read was about how their brother hated his position, and the only thing he tolerated about it was working on the Ghost project, and being admired by the people. "Maybe we're more alike than we thought", Terzo reflected while they passed the pages. That night, Terzo stayed up writing about the last year, how much they've suffered, and also the best things that came out of being Papa III. Later, they wrote the song with everything they had until now.
The next week was spent rehearsing, Terzo looked tired, the ghouls noticed they had been overworking themself more than usual, and Ifrit tried talking to them on multiple occasions, but he was ignored every time.
Terzo finally got somewhere to record the song, and got to it right away. Their only issue now was where to release it. They were currently working on the Popestar EP, but it might've been too early. They weren't sure if they should even release it to begin with, knowing Secondo might still hate them.
As they prepared for the tour, Terzo decided that yes, releasing Zenith was totally necessary. Not for their brothers. Never for them, they weren't worth it. But this was for Terzo.
It was for Terzo to prove that they were worth it, that they were right.
That they were more important than their predecessors.
And if their brothers were against it? Screw that, Terzo was going to finish their part of the deal. Their idea was to release Zenith in a special edition of Meliora, around 5000 copies out of 40000. It was a great plan if Terzo could say it themself.
Months passed since it was released, and only five of the ones that included Zenith were sold. That was somewhat disappointing, and Terzo really questioned whether or not it was a good idea.'To hell with this, of course it was. I know what I'm doing, and if they don't see it, I'll make them.' Terzo thought as they prepared to leave that same night.
The first half of the tour was going great, and Terzo was feeling more confident. But there was something missing. They wanted to go back to the ministry, spend time with Primo, talk about all their future plans for the Ghost project with Secondo like when they were younger. But they couldn't. They really had fucked everything up, and nothing could ever change that.
The tour ended way to fast, and Terzo found themself preparing for the last ritual of the year. Omega sat in front of them, applying their face paint.
"Papa, you look tired. Is everything okay?" The ghoul rubbed his hand over their shoulders reassuringly.
"Ah, yes, it's fine, just thinking about the ritual," Terzo absent-mindedly fixed their hair as their favorite ghoul helped get them ready, "and now that I'm thinking about it, I have a question for you, darling. Have you ever had any problem playing with Alpha? I mean, spending centuries with someone like that in hell must be shit, no?"
Omega thought about it for a bit, "not really, we never had that many problems. It could be because our elements complement, but we usually fix things easily." Omega cradled Terzo's face in his hands, "If you spent that long with someone, I don't think it's that worth it to end it, y'know?"
Terzo lightly kissed their ghoul's lips, trying not to smudge their lipstick. "You're right. I need to fix this, and I know exactly how." They grabbed their ghoul's hand and they both got out together.
The band got on stage, and they were received by one of the biggest audiences they've had that year. They played with all their heart, and everyone loved them. The time came for the second-to-last song, and Terzo was feeling extremely nervous, but they couldn't let anyone know.
"To show all of you, our gratitude for being here toinght ar this ritual, we're going to play a song we've never played before, but you might know it already." Terzo got closer to the band and informed quietly informed them of the change of plans. "So I present you: Zenith."
As Zephyr played his part on the piano, Terzo got closer to Omega, looking for assurance. They started singing, the nerves didn't stop, but they had to keep going. This wasn't for anyone other than themself. That was when they noticed something horrible: no one was singing along with them like they always did at rituals. The audience looked confused, no one knew where that song came from. Of course, Terzo remembered, Zenith had failed. For a moment they felt disappointed, but no one had to find out. They kept singing.
Terzo looked at the first row, and there they saw them. Primo and Secondo, both with their facepaint and Meliora hoodies on. They couldn't believe it, after all they've done, how could they still support them? That didn't matter right now, they would talk later. Right now all that mattered was finishing the ritual. Terzo sang with more strength than before, comforted in the fact that certain lines were about their brothers.
"Thank you, everyone, for coming here tonight. This was an extremely special moment, so be grateful." Terzo said as they tried to hold their tears, "but this ritual isn't over yet. As you all may know, unless this is your first time, we have this tradition here..." most people already knew the speech that went on before Monstrance Clock was played, and as the song began, Terzo felt all their confidence returning. The ritual had been successful. They felt so strong, so high up, that they never saw Nihil's people coming up behind them to take them out. They grabbed Terzo by the arms and dragged them off the stage, they tried to get out, screamed for Omega to help them out, but it was all worthless. The worst part is, the audience most likely thought this was an act, that it wasn't really happening.
Primo and Secondo ran up to where Terzo was taken, and there they saw them, their face paint was smudged, they were sitting on the floor crying and hugging their knees.
"Fratello, what happened? Everything was going so well." Primo got closer to his sibling and grabbed their hand.
"I don't know what I did, but they just told me I can't be Papa anymore." Terzo sniffles and wiped their face on the back of their sleeve
"Is that all they said?" Secondo tried to help, "In everything I saw, you never did anything that was worth taking you out for. I hate to admit it, but you were more responsible than I ever was."
Terzo rested their head on Secondo's shoulder, "They told me I was 'too selfcentered' and 'the Popestar tour was all about me and not what the Clergy wanted'"
"So they finally noticed how all the songs you said were about Lucifer were really about you?"
The three siblings laughed, "was I that obvious?"
That night had been so stressful for Terzo, but at least they had managed to talk to their brothers, apologize for everything, and start to fix their relationship. Throughout their trip back to the ministry they spent it talking about their rituals, making fun of Nihil, laughing and having fun together.
At least one good thing had come out of all this.
Which is why, so long after that day, during a game night with their brothers, Terzo wished the poison took longer to get to them, and as it all faded to black, they didn't get enough time to say goodbye.