Chapter Text
Rin was standing in his one bedroom apartment looking out the glass door for his balcony. The dark sky glistened with stars and contrasted the bright colours and lights from everywhere in Sydney that made it seem like it was still lively. He was going to miss it, he had been here for 5 years, it was his home now. But he just couldn't give up on his dreams, and being offered a chance to join the Japanese national team was a chance he had to take.
As he was thinking he walked across the dark wooded oak floor and sat on his bed. He was looking at the packed suitcases along with the apartment which only had the furniture that was owned by his landlord. All his stuff was packed in suitcases, he didn't have much considering he had lived in Australia for 5 years, he wasn't a person who bought a lot of stuff.
He was scrolling through Facebook on his phone. He was quite anxious that he was leaving tomorrow but more than all he was excited. It would be good to see his mum, Gou, Sousuke, Ai, Momo, Makoto, Rei, Nagisa and everyone else again.
He stopped scrolling through facebook as he saw a post Nagisa had put up. His eyes immediately focused on the third person from the left, the beautiful guy with striking blue eyes and dark black hair. He was a sight for sore eyes. Rin's heart beat faster, but it felt heavy, and he felt uneasiness in his stomach. Oh yeah, he would be there too he thought. He tried to shake off the nerves but it was too late, now his head was flooded with memories.
Memories of them being kids, swimming against each other, and he felt the cold of the water on his skin as his stomach lit up with excitement. He remembered meeting him again, and the butterflies in his stomach as he realised it was Haru, but he kept it under control, not even wanting to admit his feelings to himself. He remembered racing together in high school and having fun. The relays, he'd never forget looking up as Haru jumped down into the water, so beautifully, his toned abs made Rin heat up and it felt like time had stopped.
Then he remembered that special night after graduating high school where he stayed at Haru's and everything began.
Rin knocked on the familiar wooden door he'd knocked on so many times before. However, it didn't feel like it usually did, it felt weird, strange, he was nervous. It was just him and Haru tonight, the others couldn't make it. That knowledge made his chest tighten. He was leaving for Australia in a month so he wanted to get the most out of it and see his friends as much as he could.
Haru was different though, it no longer felt right to call him just a friend. Rin had come to terms with his feelings for Haru finally, after so many years where they'd been spewing in his heart. He was certain that Haru didn't feel the same, and he was determined to never let anyone know. No one even knew he was gay.
He was interrupted as the door opened and his red eyes met sparkling blue eyes. Those damn beautiful eyes. He felt butterflies tingling in his stomach.
"Hey Haru" he said and smiled brightly while grinning
Haru smiled back, a slight smile, but in his blue eyes are where his true emotions lay, "Hey Rin" he said softly as warmth erupted in his stomach.
They walked in, ate and had fun, talked and even had a few arguments, friendly arguments of course, but the tension they caused made Rin bite his lips, and Haru's eye followed causing him to feel things he didn't want to. Everything was going fine and they pretended that the tension in the air was nothing, until...
"Hey Haru, look what I brought" the redhead smiled brightly as the raven-haired guy looked over and instantly his ocean eyes widened.
In Rin's black backpack there was a large bottle of sake.
"Rin..." Haru said cautiously, although excitement was present in his voice, even Rin noticed as he started to chuckle and gently hit Haru's shoulder
"Heh... Haru even you're excited" Rin said as he slung an arm around Haru and pulled him closer as he poured some sake into an empty glass. Haru tensed at the closeness between the two, he felt the warmth of Rin's hand on him.
They were sitting on the floor in front of a small table where they had eaten, mackarel of course, much to Rin's dismay as he acted like he hated it and just had to tease Haru about it, he'd never confess that he liked it, even more so since Haru had cooked it.
Rin quickly chucked down the sake, it was his first time drinking despite both being of a legal age. He had wanted to try it for a while and there was not a better circumstance than here. Especially with just the two of them.
Rin scrunched up his face as the taste was quite bitter, but he acted like it was fine.
He took Haru's glass and started pouring sake into it, as he looked over at Haru, Haru had been looking at Rin and their faces were inches apart. Rin's heart skipped a beat and his cheeks started to blush. He quickly handed Haru the glass without looking him in the eyes. Haru's eyes longed for Rin's eyes as he reached out to grab the glass.
"Heh Haru you wanna try too, admit it" he said in a challenging tone
"Fine" Haru said and chucked it down, too fast.
They drank a few glasses more each and it definitely had an effect on them.
They were laughing and giggling, with their red faces, even Haru was talking a lot more than usually.
They had changed positions and were sitting in front of the couch on the floor, letting their backs lean on it. They were sitting close enough that their shoulders were touching, and both of them felt it. The warmth gave life to butterflies in their stomachs.
"Rin..." Haru said, his voice stiff and heavy "so you're leaving soon huh" Haru looked down as he said it, and Rin looked over at him and saw what he thought was sadness in his eyes. What Haru was sad? Really? They were close friends but Haru had always acted quite indifferent, Rin didn't think he'd care that much. Rin would miss him though.
"Don't... forget about me" Haru said, and Rin's jaw dropped in shock. He looked over and their faces were so close together, it was like they could see nothing but each other.
"I won't.... I could never" you're unforgettable Haru, Rin thought the last part. Or so he thought, but the blush on Haru's cheeks along with the sound of his own voice told him otherwise. Rin's face instantly turned red and he looked away, but Haru softly grabbed his cheek with his warm hand and turned his face toward him. He leaned in towards Rin with his flushed cheeks. Haru's blue eyes glistened and were so beautiful but they slowly closed as he went closer to Rin, his mouth slightly opened.
Rin just stared in shock. Suddenly he felt the warmth and softness of Haru's lips on his own. It felt so good, so soft, amazing. The feelings he had bottled up inside of him exploded outward and before knowing it, he had lifted Haru up into the couch, laying him down as he sat on top of Haru holding leaning down and connecting their mouths.
Neither Haru nor Rin had prior kissing experience, but they tried, and it started to feel really good. Rin deepened the kiss as he slipped his tongue inside Haru's mouth. He felt Haru stiffen but then slowly soften.
"You're so beautiful Haru" Rin said in a tone as sweet as honey.
Haru was embarrassed and he softly sighed, his cheeks turning even brighter.
"I love you Rin, I always have, ever since I first met you" Haru said and looked down at Rin with so much love sprinkling around in his eyes. It was true, Haru had loved Rin since the time he met, in the start he acted cold towards Rin because he was scared of how Rin made him feel. But with time and everything that happened he began to yearn for Rin, for his attention, even his gaze was enough.
Rin was overwhelmed in emotion, pleasure and he felt so warm, so happy, something he couldn't explain with words. Haru's eyes softened even more, but also became worried as he saw clear teardrops roll down Rin's cheek. He gently wiped them away with his soft hand, as he went down and kissed Rin's forehead.
Rin looked up into Haru's eyes but it was too much so he turned his face into the side of the couch and softly cried.
"What's wrong Rin?" Haru said with concern in his voice, his heart beating way too fast
Rin was embarrassed, why was he so emotional, but he couldn't help it he was just so happy. He dried his eyes and looked up at Haru
"Haru, I love you too"
Haru's eyes glistened and his cheeks burnt. His heart was beating so fast and he felt so happy. It was like they were in their own bubble, a bubble of pleasure, happiness and warmth. Haru bent down and kissed Rin's tears, nose, cupids bow and then his mouth.
Haru moved his mouth and kissed Rin's hair then pulled back and said "I love you Rin". Rin's heart skipped a beat. Haru then kissed Rin's temple softly and said "I love you Rin" and Rin was so shy but so happy. Haru continued to softly kiss everywhere on Rin's face, each time saying "I love you Rin". Rin's heart was beating so fast and his cheeks were warm. The butterflies in his stomach were everywhere. He was so happy, and he felt so good. Every time Haru said he loved him Rin's heart got lighter. It was like all the pain he had ever felt was taken away and replaced by love. "I love you Haru" he said as he pulled Haru into a hug. Haru smiled softly and warmly. Warmer than he ever had. Haru was happier than he had ever been in his whole life. Rin was too. It was something both of them had longed for for years but never thought would be possible.
They laid there for who knows how long until they went up and cleaned up, brushed their teeth and went to bed. But instead of Rin sleeping on a spare mattress he slept in Haru's bed. Haru snuggled up to Rin as he gently caressed his hair. "I love you so much Rin" he whispered, and Rin felt warmth rush through him as his cheeks exploded.
He was starting to sober up and became a little embarrassed but he was so extremely happy "I love you too Haru".
They had decided to keep it as a secret since both of them were not yet comfortable coming out. However, that month they saw each other every day. They had many sleep overs at Haru's place, but some days Rin would stop by even for an hour and Haru was always happy to see him. They explored and had sex, but mostly they just enjoyed being in love together. They talked about their future together, both wanting to be professional swimmers. It weighed deeply in both their hearts that Rin was moving but they promised to talk everyday and continue as a long distance relationship. Sweet promises. They kept this up for around 9 months. But it became harder and harder. Both their schedules were insane, they trained so hard that when they got back they could bare stay awake. Then they'd have to call each other, and it wasn't the same as being in person together. It broke both of them to not be together in person but neither would admit it. Eventually they missed days and barely talked.
One day after over a year had passed since they first came together they finally skyped. They had planned to skype the night before but Haru had been training out late and Rin was so sore that they didn't end up talking.
Rin's laptop lit up as he saw Haru on his screen, but it was painful to Rin. He had been thinking about their relationship for months now, and it hurt. He hated feeling like this. He thought it might just be best to break up. He wasn't looking forward to seeing Haru, because he knew that today he had to break up with him. It was for the best for both of them. He had tried a few times before but he couldn't bring himself to it. But he had to do.
Haru smiled gently as he saw Rin. Rin's heart fluttered seeing the beautiful Haru, but he felt the pain that was going to come soon.
Haru looked tired there were bags under his eyes, and the blueness of his eyes seemed darker. Rin was tired too, his muscles ached from intense swimming training.
"Hey rin" his smile was genuine but Rin could tell he was tired. This is the best for both of us Rin reminded himself.
Rin looked down, he tried to smile, but he couldn't and Haru could tell something was wrong as he saw the usual happy Rin, being quiet and his lips trembling.
"What's wrong Rin?" Rin's heart was beating fast and anxiety flooded through him. He didn't want to break up, he loved Haru more than anyone else, but he had to. So he bit his bottom lip and slowly looked up at Haru. The pain in his chest felt almost physical.
"Haru.... I've been thinking" Rin said and then a silence followed, he assumed Haru knew what he was going to say, and he could tell Haru's smile had completely fallen off, and his eyes were saddened and worried.
"I think we should break up"
Those words ached and when he saw the sadness in Haru's face, Rin felt as if a knife had stabbed him in the heart. It was so painful. Rin looked down, he couldn't look at Haru anymore. He wanted Haru to reply but there went about 30 seconds of silence. A deep dark and sad silence that was overwhelming both of them.
"Ha..Haru?" Rin said worriedly and as he looked up he saw the tears rolling down Haru's face. His heart shattered as he saw the man he loved like that. He'd never even seen Haru cry before, he was shocked.
Rin immediately started crying as well, his eyes were red and he sobbed out loud. This caused Haru to cry even more, Haru wanted to reach out and hold Rin, but he couldn't, the best he could do was touch a screen.
"I'm... sorry, Haru, I love you, but this isn't working out, we both know it" Rin said between sobs, and Haru sighed. He wiped his tears and looked at Rin softly.
"Don't cry Rin.... This is for the best, I know..." Haru said, but his heart hurt, so bad, it ached. He wanted to believe his words were true but they weren't. He wanted to yell, we can make it work, we can get through this. But he didn't, he just bit down so hard on his lips that it felt like they could start bleeding any second.
"I'll always love you Rin" Haru said, and that was the truth. Haru could never imagine loving anyone else. Haru's eyes softened as he saw Rin cry even more to that.
"I'll always love you as well Haru, I really will, maybe in the future..." but he stopped himself, he shouldn't be looking at it like this, he shouldn't give false hope to Haru or himself. He thought that Haru could find a nice man who lived in Japan and they could be together. Haru deserved that.
Haru looked down then back up at Rin, words were caught in his throat, in his mind he had pictured the life that they would share together. But it wouldn't happen. A small tear slid down his cold porcelain cheek.
Rin was so sad and he was already sobbing but he just wanted to hang up and then bawl as loudly as he could but at the same time he didn't want to. He didn't want to hang up because he knew this would be the last time he'd see him.
They sat there for a while, maybe 20 minutes Rin didn't know. Neither of them wanted to hang up but Rin couldn't bear it anymore.
He sighed "Haru, goodbye, I... I wish you all the best... I'll always love you" he looked down and then up at Haru. Haru gave him a small smile, but it was clear that it was fake. Rin had never seen Haru this sad before and it was heart shattering. Haru's blue eyes were grey like a stormy sky, and the colour of Rin's usual bright red eyes had faded. It was like the colours of their worlds had faded into greyness.
"Goodbye Rin, I... I love you, now, and always, don't forget that" he said quietly, but his voice broke. Rin was about to bust out sobbing again so he smiled weakly, and hung up.
Rin broke down, he sobbed, and laid in his bed, his face pushed into his pillow to stop the loud sound of his sobs. His heart was broken, but he knew this was for the best. Haru deserved someone better. Someone he could see in person. This schedule was just too much, and being constantly reminded of not having Haru here was too painful.
In Japan, Haru had dropped into the bathtub, he sat there lifelessly, not even focusing on the water, except the tears rolling down his cheeks. His heart ached as he softly whispered "Rin..." then he closed his eyes.