Chapter Text
"I would like to have the fluffiest and cutest animal you offer," came a demanding and determined voice just before the closing time of the small pet shop that Merlin was working in as a shop assistant.
With his back to the door – which was just closing behind the last-minute customer with a bang that was far too loud, despite there being a sign at eye level that was impossible to be missed with the request to please shut the door quietly behind you thanks – Merlin rolled his eyes in a long-suffering manner towards the ceiling and mumbled a silent curse. Of course this had to happen to him! His boss, Gregory, had left early today because it seemed like nothing was going to happen today that Merlin couldn't handle alone, and then two minutes before Merlin's well-deserved end of work a pompous, arrogant ass had to walk into the shop and thought that all he had to do was snap his fingers and Merlin would jump and possibly even wrap the poor animal up for him like a piece of boiled ham, with a bow on top, and probably even carry it home for him too?!
With his eyes closed, he briefly gathered his last bit of anti-asshole-strength that he hadn't already used up on other strenuous customers today, and then in his half-pirouette towards the door he opened them aggressively-friendly, with an equally unnaturally sugared smile across the tired face. "We're closing in less than two minutes. Please come back tomorrow, sir”, he said in his smoothest voice, already half stepping out from behind the counter to usher this impossible person out on the spot. But the man – about Merlin's age, blond hair peeking out from under a black winter hat, piercing blue eyes that were wide and had something almost insane in them, and an expensive looking coat and boots that perfectly matched the man's demanding and snobbish manner – had already rushed forward, slammed his leather-gloved hands onto the countertop with a loud bang and blocked any way past him. Merlin staggered a step backwards.
Up close, Merlin even spotted a snowflake or two caught on his coat, in his hair, or even in his long blond eyelashes. The cheeks were rosy from the winter chill outside, as were the lips, fletched dangerously like those of a wild animal. The voice, when the man spoke again, confirmed the impression of someone who was slightly mad and on the brink of despair. "You do not understand! I don't have time until tomorrow! I need the present now! Like right now!"
The present – as if an animal was nothing more than an object! Merlin felt the bile of disgust for people like this rise in his stomach and the momentary shock passed quickly. A stern, angry expression took its place. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "We're open all day from nine o'clock, sir. I too want to catch my bus on time.”
"Bus? Ever heard of Uber?” the guy said, managing to come off even more obnoxious and arrogant, to Merlin's surprise. Wow! “Besides, I'm not some hesitant walk-in customer who comes in to browse. I know exactly what I want! How hard can it be to put an animal in a box and sell it in under a minute?” And then the guy had the gall to shove his whipped out premium gold credit card right into Merlin's face and look at him with an impatiently raised eyebrow, as if Merlin here was the brain amputee and not the other way around.
"First," Merlin said, trying with a gladiator's effort not to yell at him, "we don't take visa card." The customer glanced at his plastic card and back again, stunned, as if he'd had never before heard such far-fetched hillbilly nonsense. "Secondly, a transaction like this takes a lot longer than just a minute, believe me." The guy opened his mouth to argue, but now Merlin's voice was getting louder, more menacing. "And thirdly! A living animal isn´t a commodity that you can put on your shelf like an object or carry around as an accessory in your clutch! And especially at Christmas time, the sale and trade of animals is strictly regulated or even forbidden in some areas, because most animals that are thoughtlessly bought as Christmas presents are arbitrarily abandoned and left to their fate at New Year's Day or at the next annual holiday, or are hypocritically put on the threshold to the local animal shelter, who already don't know what to do with all the animals because they are overburdened anyway! And fourth!” Now Merlin was outright screaming. “The sign clearly says to close the door quietly!!!” Merlin ended his little freak out rant with a sincerely meant "Arsehole!"
And then there was silence in the small shop.
Merlin's heart was pounding wildly with anger and the prat just stared at him, jaw dropped, speechless.
"So," the guy finally said after leaning back from the counter and tucking his credit card back into his coat pocket without even looking at Merlin. "You mean to say you won´t sell me an animal?"
Merlin couldn't help it. He let a disbelieving snort through his nose and shouted again from zero to sixty: "Didn't you just hear me? What part of you're an arsehole and animals aren't commodities didn't you get?"
The other's eyes finally snapped back up at him, but instead of looking apologetic, embarrassed, or even angry, he just seemed impressed, much to Merlin's downright annoyance. "And you don't seem to understand much about customer friendliness." Then he took a look at the inside of the store for the first time with a disparaging look. "With a sales assistant like you, it's a wonder this poor excuse of a shop isn´t yet shut down."
"Oh, and what do you know about retail?" Merlin snapped back, but instantly felt like a silly four year old.
"A lot, I would say. After all, my father owns the shopping mall in the city center.” That explained a lot, Merlin thought in disgust. The mall that has been the slow death of small retail businesses for years. And the guy even admitted to being the son of a profiteer like Uther Pendragon, like it was something to be proud of. "And you, my friend, wouldn't even be cleaning the customer toilets with your attitude," the Pendragon descendant explained to him.
"Friend? I could never be friends with someone who takes pride in destroying livelihoods."
"Excuse me? My family creates thousands of jobs. Surely you've heard about the plans for England's largest mall?"
"Then I hope you've also heard about our protests against it?" Merlin countered in disgust.
The blonde grimaced as if Merlin had spat at him, which he would be only too happy to do. "You're one of those annoying protesters? Because of you, the signing of the treaties had to be postponed.”
"And we will repeatedly prevent it next time," Merlin raged, fire and flame for the right cause, even more so now.
The prat looked for a moment like he didn't know what to say to that. Finally he shook his head as if to shake Merlin's bullshit out of his ears. "Back to the animal..." He hesitated and looked around the room again. "Where are the animals? It's a pet shop, isn't it?"
"One hundred points, Sherlock," he scoffed spitefully. “We are partners of the Adopt – Don't shop alliance. If someone is interested in an animal, we send them to animal agencies like animal shelters or charity organizations.” He cocked an eyebrow as if to say Go on, dare to say something stupid and you'll see what you get of it.
The guy pursed his lips and looked like he was trying to solve the hardest math. "So you seriously don't have a single animal in here?"
Merlin sighed in deep annoyance. “We are purely a food and accessories store. Pet shops that sell living animals are a capitalist and animal exploitative crime.”
"Huh." The Pendragon finally seemed to understand something that Merlin had been trying to pound into his huge dollophead now for the hundredth time. Then his expression went back to the initial madness with which he'd stormed into the shop in the first place. "And what do you suggest I do now? My irascible sister is pissed off at me and I need a cute pet to take her mind off her hatred of me, in order to placate her! Otherwise she'll make a fool of me in front of the whole family at Christmas!"
Now it was Merlin's jaw to drop. "That is the reason? You want to buy a poor, helpless animal for that?”
The other finally seemed at least a little embarrassed at Merlin's stunned and utterly disbelieving face. At least he hunched his shoulders and exhaled noisily, as if he were buried under an enormous burden. He looked a bit helpless. "Well, do you have a better idea?"
"Uh... yeah?!" Merlin resisted the urge to give him a rough headbutt. "Like, how about just apologizing to her like a civilized person? With words? And a sincere, rueful smile?" At the prat's grimace, he added, "Or an apology card? Flowers? Chocolate? Anything but an animal! This is a lifetime commitment! You wouldn't just give her a baby without asking her beforehand, now would you?!"
"Hold on, Big Ears! You act like it's the same as human trafficking,” the guy frowned.
"No, only animal trafficking!" Merlin exclaimed highly frustrated. "And my name is Merlin!"
"Oh, so now I´m seeing where this madness is coming from!" the other exclaimed, as if he'd finally put together an unsolvable puzzle. "You think of yourself as an animal, so you act like their first advocate!" And then he mouthed Merlin's name to himself as if to try the weird taste of it.
"Well, somebody has to speak for the weak and defenseless!"
The infuriating man snorted. "And next thing you´re telling me you're one of those veganians."
"Vegans," Merlin corrected dryly.
"Whatever." When Merlin didn't reply further, however, his ice blue eyes widened, mocking. "No! For real? Wow, I should have guessed…” And he looked down at Merlin's lanky, thin frame almost disparagingly.
Now Merlin was finally running out of patience, if he´d even had any to begin with. "Out!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said leave!!"
"It was just a joke …"
"Listen! It's already ten minutes past eight! Now not only do I miss my bus because of you, but I also have to walk home in the cold for an hour! And I'm already dead tired, starving and I have to open the shop again at nine tomorrow morning! Thank you so so much!” And if Merlin's eyes shimmered with angry and desperate tears, then so be it. With the best will in the world, he couldn't change that now. He just didn't have the strength for that anymore today.
For the first time the other looked a little sheepish. Finally he seemed, if only superficially, to becoming aware of Merlin's reality. "Listen, okay? It wasn't on purpose."
"Next time, how about thinking first before you bang your turniphead in a shop a minute before closing time and ask for the impossible! Behind the counter there are still living people and no machines, whatever you and your father seem to be thinking!”
"Okay." The guy held up a reassuring hand like he was dealing with an upset stud. "I admit I should have approached things... differently." Merlin looked up at him, skeptical. "I... look, this time isn't easy for a Pendragon, you know? This family sometimes drives me crazy.”
Merlin snorted. "Oh right, always look for faults in others, but never in yourself."
"You obviously still have a lot to say, it seems to me," the other said, eyes half narrowed, but still trying to smile.
"Oh believe me, I could stand here until tomorrow morning, that much I have to say!"
"And I don't doubt that for one second either, believe me," he said slightly sourly, but still in that strangely amused way. "And I'm really dying to hear what else you've got to throw at me. It's really not often that someone gives me their uncensored opinion. Especially not after they found out who I am.” And for some reason Merlin believed that he meant it and that he actually wanted to hear what Merlin had to say. "While my father wouldn't approve of me driving one of these obsessive and mad protesters home, I understand that I've been... unfair to you."
Merlin scoffed again at the understatement, then stopped short, disbelieving. "Wait, what? Driving me home?"
The guy shrugged nonchalantly. "I mean, if you'd rather walk..."
“No, wait!” He would get home even faster by car than by bus, and he longed so much for a nice hot bath and his cozy bed. "But only because I can't pass up the opportunity to reprimand a posh Pendragon!"
Said posh Pendragon raised a knowing brow, causing Merlin to blush slightly. "Good then, Merlin, hurry before I withdraw my generous offer. I'll be waiting outside. Since you too wasted my time, you better be coming up with a better idea for a present for my sister during that ride!” He fixed Merlin with his piercing blue eyes one last time, turned around in one fluid movement and wanted to go out the door as if he were the master of the house with the sole right to have the last word. Merlin couldn't let him get away with that, on principle. Who did he think he was? His servant?
"Arrogant arse."
"I heard that," Pendragon said, without turning around and still in that provocatively haughty tone.
"Good."
The other snorted with a low laugh. "Also, I really admire your creativity, but my name is Arthur." And with that he was finally out of the door, and even closed it quietly and carefully behind him. He actually seemed to have taken Merlin's (screamed) words to heart.
The young shop assistant could only stare after him in surprise before he remembered to finally close the shop so that he could finally go into his well-deserved – now even more than ever before – end of a hard work´s day.
Besides, he couldn´t wait to continue giving his opinions to Arthur without mercy.
And so he hurried.