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There are several things about Taehyun and Kai that have changed over the years—their height difference (Taehyun vehemently insists to an empty audience that the six or so centimeters Kai now has on him isn’t that drastic), their hair colors (both have now opted for their natural shade of black to heal their bleach-ravaged strands), and their tolerance for alcohol (Taehyun gives it about five more years before their livers give out at this rate). But if there’s one thing about them that hasn’t changed, it’s their mutual penchant for enabling each other to make objectively horrible decisions— especially regarding men.
It’s for creating plot in our lives, they’d justify to themselves and each other—which would inevitably precede one of them bawling their eyes out, borderline dry heaving on their apartment’s living room floor while shoveling an entire pint of freezer-burned ice cream into their mouth, the other offering pithy condolences along the lines of, “It’s gonna be ok. Men ain’t shit!”
To give them some partial credit, they had slightly improved over the past year in that regard. Taehyun was far too busy with his increasing mechanical engineering workload to be bothered with anyone, and had spent the last couple months of his life attempting to secure a summer internship. Kai on the other hand, apart from trying to achieve his dreams as an indie musician so that he could drop out of nursing once and for all, had pledged himself to celibacy in his self-growth journey after his last breakup—said pledge definitely brought on purely by an inner desire for self-improvement.
(“Uh, and not for any other reason?” Taehyun raised an eyebrow.
“I have no idea what you mean, Tyun,” Kai had replied nonchalantly.)
Still, he occasionally found himself indulging in his vices, this time in the form of aggressively swiping through Tinder while he and Taehyun powered their way through an obscenely large order of McDonald’s chicken nuggets and fries on this fine Friday night. Kai—according to his own rules, mind you—couldn’t touch. But nobody said he couldn’t look!
“Stop stealing my Sweet ‘N Sour sauce,” Kai hisses, drawing the unopened containers closer to his side of the table protectively. “You don’t even like it!”
“That’s true,” Taehyun muses, gingerly dipping the nugget into the oozy golden sauce. “I’ve always been more of a Tangy BBQ kind of guy. But everything’s worth giving a second try!”
“This is the third time you’ve given it a ‘second try,’ by the way.”
“And what’s it to you?” Taehyun shoots mid-chew. Kai sticks up his middle finger at him. “Uh, rude! Anyway, third time wasn’t the charm. You can have the rest.”
“Oh, how will I ever repay your kindness, Taehyun?” Kai drawls sarcastically, but accepting the sauce container nonetheless.
“You can start burning those ugly ass BAPE hoodies in your closet. Those haven’t been in fashion since 2018. Maybe even ever, if we’re being honest.”
“Uh…hard pass on that one. Anyway, shouldn’t you be finishing up your sociology midterm paper? I need to be so fucking drunk right now and you’re still not done.”
Taehyun looks Kai dead in the eye, then at the side into an invisible camera, and back to Kai again. “Haven’t you heard? Due at 11:59 means do at 11:59.”
Incessant jokes and banter aside, Kai considers himself eternally indebted to whatever god there is above that decided to put him and Taehyun in the same dorm room their freshman year, much to the chagrin of their neighbors. They had been inseparable ever since, moving into an off-campus apartment together their sophomore year. There’s no one else Kai would rather binge-watch anime episodes with while inhaling spicy Buldak ramen by the mouthful.
(Taehyun “doesn’t watch anime like that,” and his spice tolerance is limited to mild Jin ramen at best, but he’ll do it for Kai’s sake.)
As Taehyun returns to pretending to work on his paper while complaining that engineering majors shouldn’t have to take humanities classes, Kai returns to mindlessly swiping through Tinder. His messages are a graveyard of bad pick-up lines (not his, thank you very much) and shameless requests for nudes (again, definitely not from him).
Realistically, he should probably delete the app for good; he’s never even met up with anyone from it, which is probably why the last time he’s gotten laid was…almost a year ago. The person in question being his ex-boyfriend. But at this point, he’s stuck indefinitely in a vicious cycle of deleting and redownloading whenever he needs some good old male validation, rinse and repeat. He can only thank his lucky stars that he hasn’t felt desperate enough to download Grindr.
“Fuck, why isn’t there anybody cute on here?” Kai groans. “I don’t remember the last time I swiped right on anyone. I’m gonna delete it.”
“Uh huh…the last time you said that, you redownloaded it in less than a day. Let me see.” Taehyun takes a break from browsing protein powders to lean over and peer at Kai’s phone screen. Kai is no sociology expert, but he has an inkling protein powders have nothing to do with Taehyun’s midterm paper. “Wow, uh. Well, I can’t say the options are great.”
“You think?” Kai replies sarcastically, before popping another fry into his mouth. “Alright, who’s next? Jay, twenty. Hey, wait a minute…”
“Holy shit,” Taehyun gasps, grabbing Kai’s phone to tap through the rest of the profile photos in complete and utter disbelief. “That’s Jungwon’s boyfriend. Oh my god, they broke up? I just saw them last week getting boba together!”
“I guess so. Wow, I seriously thought they were endgame. I wonder what happened. No, I wonder who broke up with who…”
“I lowkey feel like it was Jay…but he was so head over heels for Jungwon. What the fuck?” Taehyun hands Kai’s phone back to him, frowning heavily. “Whatever, Jungwon’s way out of his league anyway. Like, I don’t think Jay is ugly, but I always thought he sort of looked vaguely like a Roblox character. No offense. Okay, maybe a little offense.”
“Oh my god, Taehyun,” Kai wheezes, trying to stifle his laughter but failing miserably. “I mean I wasn’t gonna say that to Jungwon, but…”
“See? I’m right!” Taehyun huffs, crossing his arms. “Men have so much audacity and for what? Always the guys who pursue you first that you lower your standards for that end up treating you like dogshit.”
“Right? Anyway, get a load of this guy.” Kai motions Taehyun to look at his phone again, where a new profile graces the screen. This time, however, a bright blue gradient bleeds out from the bottom of the man’s profile, a similarly-colored star affixed to the end of his name. And unless Gojo from Jujutsu Kaisen suddenly manifested into the third dimension, his profile picture isn’t even of himself.
Steve, 21
less than a mile away
420 friendly, dm for prices
Short, sweet, and to the point. Just like his bio, the rest of the man’s profile is quite sparse. Apart from the first Gojo picture, there’s a singular blurry selfie of a guy sitting in the driver’s seat of presumably his car. He’s wearing a black mask and throwing up a peace sign, a fringe of bleach blond hair peeking out from the bottom of his beanie.
“Bo-ring,” Taehyun replies lazily. “You can barely see his face. He’s gotta be a catfish.”
“Uh huh, and who exactly is he catfishing here? Gojo?”
“Whatever! You know what I meant. Actually, he kind of looks like your ex, but blond.”
“Ugh, no he doesn’t. Why would you even say that?” Kai scrunches his nose.
“What? It’s true, look at his eyes. Why’d he send you a Super Like, though?”
“Nah, I don’t see it. And maybe it’s because he just thinks I’m hot, Taehyun.”
“Could be. Could also be that he’s trying to make a quick buck off of you.”
“Are you saying you don’t think I’m hot?” Kai looks scandalized. He doesn’t actually have that much confidence in himself, but he’ll flip-flop between thinking he’s hot shit one day and hot shit the next, and today’s a hot shit day.
“I literally never said that! I said that because, look, doesn’t his bio mean he’s a plug? He probably just swipes on everyone to get sales. You should match with him, though. Maybe he’ll even give you a discount if he thinks you’re cute.”
“You are such an enabler. I would really like an edible right now, though…”
“Yeah, ‘cause what else am I supposed to do as your roommate and best friend? Do it, do it, do it,” Taehyun chants. “Get some for me too while you’re at it.”
“Of course. Was already planning on splitting a pack with you,” Kai winks, before swiping right. As expected, the green It’s a match! text pops up against the Gojo picture, along with a chat box pop-up at the bottom of the screen. Kai opts for a simple “hey what’s up,” sending the message with a quick tap of his fingers before resuming swiping on more impressively mediocre men. Wait, maybe Mark, 21, is kind of cute, even if a bit too polite-looking for Kai’s taste…alright, right swipe it is.
Steve is the only guy he’s messaged first since the very first time he downloaded the app, so he’d better feel appreciative for receiving the privilege of a first text from Kai— and his hard-earned cash from working the weekend shifts at the sushi restaurant down the street. Weed is expensive, but considering the amount of customers he has to deal with that come in thirty minutes before closing, or come in with a large party and leave a miniscule tip, he thinks he deserves this.
Not more than five minutes later, his phone dings with a response.
Steve 8:31pm
not much, you?
sorry for the super like btw, that was an accident lol
“An accident?” Kai echoes, a little bit more than mildly offended. He can hear Taehyun’s poor attempt at concealing a giggle. Even though he would never send a Super Like himself because he deemed it cringeworthy, was Steve seriously implying that he wasn’t worthy of the coveted Super Like? “Excuse me?”
He’s quick to fire back another text, ego having taken a bit of a blow.
kai !! o(>ω<)o 8:33pm
oh so i’m not special huh?
“Ooh, someone’s mad,” Taehyun mocks, as he gets up to throw some of the empty nugget and sauce containers in the trash.
“Because!” Kai exclaims, mildly exasperated. “Why would he even say that unless he thinks I’m ugly! Or at least, if he did it on accident for real, why would he say that and not still clarify that he thinks I’m cute! Like, who cares?”
“Clearly you do,” Taehyun says, raising an eyebrow.
“Wait, he texted back,” Kai says, grabbing his phone the minute it lights up. “Let’s see the material!”
“Wow, negging really does work…we will never progress as a society like this.”
Steve 8:35pm
i never said that
i swipe right on everyone for sales
but for the record, i would’ve swiped right on you regardless
“Wait, he’s kind of smooth…oookay, Steve!” Taehyun whistles.
“Waittt…” Kai says, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.
kai !! o(>ω<)o 8:35pm
are u flirting with me for a sale?
Steve 8:36pm
maybe
is it working?
kai !! o(>ω<)o 8:36pm
…maybe
“Wait, you’re not
seriously
flirting
back
with the plug. Who are you, Lana Del Rey?”
“And what about it, Tyun? Like you said, maybe he’ll give me a discount.”
kai !! o(>ω<)o 8:36pm
soooooo…do u sell edibles?
“Kai, you literally sound like a freshman who got their first taste of freedom from their parents and will do edibles to look cool but not smoke…yet.”
“What! How else do you want me to phrase it?”
Steve 8:37pm
yeah i have gummies if you want those
what flavor do you want?
kai !! o(>ω<)o 8:37pm
umm what flavors do u have LOL
Steve 8:38pm
green apple, blue raspberry, cherry, watermelon, strawberry, peach
Kai pouts a little bit. No grape? He turns to Taehyun to consult his ever-wise opinion. “Taehyun. What flavor should we get? There’s green apple, blue raspberry, cherry, watermelon, strawberry, and peach. What are we feeling?”
“Maybe blue raspberry? I’m not gonna lie though, I don’t know what a blue raspberry is supposed to taste like. They don’t exist in nature.”
“I don’t know either, Albert Tyunstein, but what I do know is that the Jolly Rancher ones taste good as fuck. Okay, let’s get that.”
kai !! o(>ω<)o 8:40pm
i’ll take blue raspberry
how much is it/how many?
Steve 8:41pm
$35 for a pack of 10
Frankly speaking, Kai has never bought weed himself before. He’s only had edibles offered to him at parties, so he genuinely has no clue if he’s getting bamboozled or not. Though, almost a whopping $4 per edible does seem like a bit much, even if he’s positive Steve is marking it up slightly from the original price to make a profit. For the same price, Kai could buy a pack of 10 McNuggets. But he doesn’t have any prior experience to compare Steve’s listed price against, and he knows weed is a little expensive, and honestly…? He could really use a high right now.
kai !! o(>ω<)o 8:43pm
ok i’ll take it!!
when can i come pick it up?
Steve 8:44pm
i’m free right now if you are
here’s my address:
According to Kai’s maps app, it’s decently close to his and Taehyun’s apartment, not more than about a ten minute walk away. Steve must also be a student at their college. With that being said, Kai isn’t very keen on leaving the comfort of their couch, and though the chicken nuggets were finger-lickingly delicious, his beyond-satiated stomach is doing quite the opposite of motivating him to do so much as move a muscle. But he was the one who initially proposed buying edibles, and he wasn’t going to be an asshole and ask Taehyun to pick them up on his behalf.
kai !! o(>ω<)o 8:46pm
ok! i’ll be there in about twenty or so
see u soon!!
“Edibles secured, Tyun,” Kai says gleefully, his eyes twinkling in excitement. “I’m gonna go pick them up in like five minutes. Just let me change first.”
“Did you get a discount?”
“Um…no. But I got them!”
“So what happened to seducing the dealer with your irresistibly good looks? Was he not enticed by that one picture you have at the club with those leather pants hugging your oh-so-voluptuous juicy… personality for dear life?”
“Shut up, my ass is bigger than yours and you know it. Anyway, he literally has a picture of Gojo in his profile. That’s goofy as hell, why would I want to fuck him?”
“Hey, I never said you had to fuck him. Also, as if you didn’t literally watch that show obsessively when the first season came out. You were taking selfies with that one hand sign for months. You can’t pretend you hate it now just because Soobin likes it.”
At the mention of his ex-boyfriend’s name, Kai’s expression sours in an instant and he plugs his ears shut with his fingers. “Lalala, I can’t hear you!”
“Kai,” Taehyun says more seriously.
“I’m serious, though. Don’t mention his name, it’ll ruin the vibe. And I’m the one who got him into it in the first place; I’ll say what I want.”
“You said you were over him, though,” Taehyun frowns.
Kai stiffens defensively. “And I am. It’s been almost a year, why wouldn’t I be? Doesn’t mean I want to hear his stupid name, though.”
By the look on Taehyun’s face, Kai can tell that his best friend isn’t fully, or even half-convinced that Kai’s claims are factual.
(Sometimes, though he’ll never admit it, Kai’s not even sure that he himself is even half-convinced of his own words.)
But Taehyun has known Kai for long enough and is wise enough to know how to pick his battles, and he knows that this particular war isn’t worth waging at the moment. “Right, okay. Well, stay safe and get back fast, okay? Or I’m gonna eat the rest of your nuggets. And with your Sweet ‘N Sour sauce.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Kai gasps, affronted.
“Oh, but I would. Better hurry up then, yeah?”
“You’re on. If I get back in time, you owe me a box of egg tarts from the bakery.”
“Deal. Now hurry up and get the edibles, they always take forever to kick in and I’d like to be high before the night ends.”
“Last time I checked, you still have one last paper to submit and the last thing you had open on your laptop was…your Amazon shopping cart.”
“Uh, and it’s due at 11:59? Mind your business!”
After blowing a raspberry at Taehyun, Kai dashes into his room to rummage through his closet for something clean to wear. He’s never been into fashion that much, so there’s not much to peruse. He would just go in his current getup of a plain white t-shirt and black sweatpants, but it’s a little cold outside.
He ends up settling on baggy blue jeans and a classic black BAPE hoodie with the green camo print and shark face emblazoned across the hood, a relic from his extremely brief hypebeast stint in high school. It’s comfortable and he likes it; who’s he dressing to impress anyway? It wasn’t like he was going to fuck the plug. Contrary to popular belief, he has standards.
Taehyun boos his choice of clothing on his way out, but Kai pays him no mind. He spent way too much of his sixteen-year-old self’s allowance on it to throw it out or resell it for less. Taehyun just doesn’t get the fashion statement of the hoodie like Kai does, and maybe he never will, but that’s Taehyun’s problem, not his.
The night air greets Kai with a frigid welcome right as he opens the front door of their apartment complex. Suddenly, the ten minute walk feels more like a twenty minute one. He shivers slightly, but he’s made a commitment to his duty, so he trudges on toward Steve’s apartment, arms crossed tightly around his chest to preserve what little warmth he has.
Kai doesn’t have a great track record with making good decisions, especially regarding men, but something tells him that buying edibles off a random guy on Tinder probably wasn’t the smartest idea. He has half the mind to turn around and go back home like any sensible person would—he hasn’t paid the guy yet, after all—but against his better judgment, his feet keep moving in the direction of the dealer’s apartment.
It’ll be fine. Taehyun has his location, and Kai can trust him to dial the cops as a last resort if things actually did go awry. Hopefully his dead body isn’t stuffed in a bag and locked away in Steve’s car trunk before then.
After the most painful fifteen minutes of his life, he finally finds himself standing outside of Steve’s apartment complex. He stands there for a good five minutes, staring a hole through the complex’s front door and contemplating his life choices up until this point.
Should he go back? He has Taehyun’s contact pulled up on his phone screen, ready to text him if things went wrong. He could turn back right now, he probably should turn back right now if he has any bit of sanity left in him, but his feet remain grounded to the floor.
But as he and Taehyun have always told themselves, this is for the plot. Even if the plot in question is that of a murder mystery novel. With that, he unlocks his phone and opens Tinder again to inform the man of his arrival that was really quite a while ago.
kai !! o(>ω<)o 9:20pm
hi!! i’m here, which apartment is it?
Steve 9:20 pm
3A but don’t worry about it, i’ll come get you
Seconds later, Kai hears the thudding of big footsteps echoing down the stairwell, syncopated to the pounding, increasingly erratic beat of his heart. He squeezes his eyes shut, gripping his phone with so much force he can feel the edges creating indents in his shaky, pale palms.
The door creaks ajar. Maybe if he sounds apologetic for being late, his life might be spared. “Hi, sorry I’m a little late—”
When Kai glances up to get a proper look at Steve, his breath hitches in his throat and he stops his sentence mid-way through. If he listens closely enough, he can hear his heartbeat pitter-patter to a heavy standstill.
He doesn’t know what he expected, but the last thing he expected was to find himself looking into the deepest brown eyes on the same face that has plagued his dreams and blessed his nightmares for nearly the past year.
“Soobin?”
“…Kai,” the older man addresses slowly, holding the door open with his body. His expression is unreadable.
“Sorry, I must’ve gotten the wrong address,” Kai says, avoiding Soobin’s penetrating gaze and fumbling for his phone to text Steve.
kai !! o(>ω<)o 8:35pm
hey i think u gave me the wrong address…? lol
Out of the corner of his eye, Kai catches Soobin’s phone lighting up in his sweatpants’ pocket, the Tinder notification sound evaporating into the cold outside air.
Kai blinks. Once. Twice. Pinches himself for good measure.
Soobin scratches his head awkwardly. “Um.”
Oh. Oh, and far from the good kind.
Kai doesn’t have a great track record with making good decisions, especially regarding men, but this one might just be his worst yet.
“Soobin,” Kai begins steadily, his trembling body betraying his attempted facade of calm. “Would you care to explain why the hell you have the same address as my dealer from Tinder?”
“Listen, Kai, it’s not like that. I can explain—”
“Oh, can you? Because I’d love to hear your explanation for…whatever the fuck this is. That Super Like wasn’t an accident, was it?” Kai accuses.
“Like I said, I just swipe right on everyone—”
“Then why flirt with me? You planned this,” Kai snaps. “What the hell is wrong with you? Fuck, the Gojo pic makes so much more sense now. I should’ve seen this coming.”
“Okay, fine, I Super Liked you on purpose,” Soobin strains. “But I never expected you to actually message me, and first at that.”
“Don’t lie to me, Soobin,” Kai scoffs. “I’ve known you long enough to see right through it. If you didn’t expect some sort of attention from me coming out of it, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place.”
Soobin swallows, his eyes glued to the concrete. “It’s almost been a year, Kai. I wanted to see you.”
“Are you delusional?” Kai’s mouth drops agape in shock. “You know damn well what you did to me. Why the fuck would you think that I ever wanted to see you again?”
“I know you don’t want to see me, Kai, but that doesn’t change how much I’ve wanted to see you. You have every right to be mad at me right now, you have every right to hate me, even, but if it’s the last thing you ever do for me, please just hear me out,” he pleads.
Soobin’s voice drops to a pathetically hushed volume, barely above a whisper. Kai feels his heart churn uncomfortably at that, but after a split-second of fragility, he steels his resolve once more.
“You have thirty seconds to give me one good reason why I shouldn’t fucking slam this door in your face right now and leave,” Kai seethes.
“Kai, come on, please. I’ll even give you a discount.” Kai’s steely gaze narrows further at that. “Uh, wait, I’ll give it to you on the house. Please just come inside for like, twenty minutes?”
The absurdity of the situation was inconceivable, but at the end of the day, who was he to pass up free edibles in this economy? “Fine. Twenty minutes on the dot and I’m leaving.”
Relief washes over Soobin’s pale face in an instant, instantly brightening the prominent dark circles beneath his eyes. Beggars could not be choosers, and those mere twenty minutes Kai had promised him seemed like everything he could ask for and more.
“Thank you, Kai-yah—”
“Don’t,” Kai interrupts, flinching slightly at the far-too-casual-now honorific, “call me that.”
“…Sorry,” Soobin apologizes, face falling once again. “Force of habit.”
A habit that Soobin has had almost a year to break, but Kai doesn’t comment on that.
Soobin’s apartment is on the third floor of the complex, making the flight of stairs a bit of a walk, seemingly longer with the uncanny silence between the pair. When it grows louder than his thoughts, Kai takes the burden of breaking it upon himself.
“So. This isn’t your old apartment.”
“No, it’s not. If you remember my old roommate, Beomgyu—”
“Yes, I remember,” Kai cuts him off curtly. As if he could’ve forgotten when he was sleeping over at Soobin’s apartment every weekend during the time span of their relationship, which had lasted a little less than half of a year.
“…Right. Around the time we broke up, Beomgyu decided that he and Yeonjun wanted to take the next step in their relationship and move in together. I was a little mad because he broke off the lease so late, but I didn’t want to get in the way of their happiness. So Yeonjun took over my name on the lease, and I moved into this studio apartment.”
“Wow. If Taehyun did that to me, I would’ve been beyond pissed. I mean, I would’ve forgiven him eventually, because it’s Taehyun, but I’d still be mad.”
“Well, like I said, I definitely was pretty pissed at him. I guess it went over a little better just because they’re my two closest friends. And this place is a lot nicer than my old one, even if the price tag reflects it. But I get Beomgyu, I guess.”
“Why, you’d kick him out for your boyfriend to move in, too?” Kai responds dryly.
Soobin stops mid-step at that, turning to meet Kai’s gaze momentarily before looking down at his feet.
“…I did want to move in with you this year,” Soobin admits. “So if it was you, maybe, yeah.”
Kai purses his lips, feeling his throat tighten up. He doesn’t know how to respond to that.
Accurate to his claims, which was ironic given the thread of lies that had lured Kai to the space in the first place, Soobin’s new apartment was, indeed, much nicer than his former residence. Given that it was a studio apartment, the only caveat was that all of the amenities—kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom—were all squished into one space. However, the layout was still sleek and modern, and kept moderately tidy. Kai doesn’t comment on the growing pile of dirty dishes in the sink, or the ‘clean, but not clean enough to be hung up with the actual clean clothes, but not dirty enough to be washed because laundry is expensive’ clothes littering the floor surrounding his ex-boyfriend’s bed, like the moat to his pillow kingdom.
But the steady click-clack sound of a wheel turning next to the clothing moat is what draws Kai’s attention. His sullen disposition immediately lifts when he sees Soobin’s pet hedgehog, Odi, running mindlessly on a blue wheel.
Kai takes off his sneakers and walks over to Odi’s playpen, crouching down to reach the hedgehog’s eye level as best as he can. “Hi Odi,” he coos softly, with a fondness noticeably absent from the tone he’s been using with the animal’s owner.
Odi stops running on his wheel at that and looks intently at Kai with his beady little eyes, almost as if in recognition. At least, that’s what Kai chooses to believe, considering he was there for the day Soobin adopted him, and had helped raise him as if he was his own.
“He’s grown a lot since you last saw him,” Soobin comments casually, making his way over to the playpen. He kneels down and sticks his hand over the mesh fencing. Odi uses his tiny feet to clamber off his wheel and greet his owner, snout twitching as he sniffs Soobin’s index finger delicately.
“A lot is an understatement. The last time I saw him, I could hold him in one palm.”
“Doesn’t look like Odi’s the only one who’s changed though. You dyed your hair back to black, I see.”
“Um. Yeah.”
Kai shifts uncomfortably in his position on the floor, fiddling with the strands of his hair. The last time he had seen Soobin, it was a bright, almost blinding shade of platinum blonde. He had impulsively dyed it back to black shortly after they broke up, sobbing violently in his apartment’s bathroom as Taehyun forced him to stay still so that he could massage the dye into his hair. Not one of his proudest moments. “I see you bleached your hair.”
His last memory of Soobin is of him with natural, jet-black hair. Kai has dyed his hair at least five different colors—brown, light brown, blond, hell, even pastel pink and mint green—but he has never thought once that any of those eras held a candle to Soobin’s natural hair. The blond is different, but a good kind of different. It unexpectedly suits the man, maybe even more than blond suited Kai, and the two of them, Soobin especially, had been a fan of that look.
“I did,” Soobin says, scratching his neck. “Um, I lost a bet with Yeonjun. We both didn’t want to study for our econometrics final last semester, so he proposed a bet in order to motivate us. If I got a better score, he would clean Odi’s playpen for a month. If he got a better score, I would let him bleach my hair.”
Soobin clears his throat. “Just to be clear, we both failed. But, uh, I failed by a few points more. So the next thing you know, I found myself in my old apartment’s bathroom with Yeonjun applying bleach and toner to my virgin hair.”
“It looks…good,” Kai finishes uneasily. For obvious reasons, he doesn’t want to give his ex-boyfriend too many compliments, but objectively, he wears the shade well. “I wouldn’t have guessed it was a DIY job. I genuinely didn’t recognize you.”
“Clearly, since it got me here,” he adds more quietly.
“Yeah…well, I feel like there’s a lot more that’s changed since we last talked than just our hair colors. Wanna sit on the couch instead? I can’t imagine the floor is too comfortable.”
“Sure. Whatever you want. You’re the one that asked for this, anyway.”
“I—y-yeah. Um. Do you want something to drink?”
“Like water? Or alcohol?” Lord knows Kai needs about a gallon of liquid courage to be able to stomach the rest of this conversation.
“Your choice. I have both. Let’s see, there’s wine, beer—”
Kai wrinkles his nose. “You know I don’t like beer.”
Soobin stills. “…I know. I was just saying. There’s wine, beer, seltzer, and soju. Pick your poison. If you want to, of course.”
“Soju, thanks,” Kai says dismissively. Soobin draws his lips into a thin line and nods, gesturing for Kai to sit on the couch as he retrieves the drinks from the fridge.
“Any particular flavor, or…?”
“I don’t care.”
Soobin sets down two of the green glass bottles on the wooden table, one for each of them: green grape for Kai, and peach for himself—their respective favorites. While Soobin drinks around a fourth of the bottle to occupy the tense silence, Kai doesn’t drink at first. For a few seconds, he lets himself sink into the plush, velvety cushion and feel, breathing in his surroundings. The walls are different, the flooring is different, a couple of the furnishings are different. But it is all so characteristically Soobin that it’s almost stifling, and he might drown in it if he’s not careful.
It’s stupid, he knows that. It’s just a fucking couch. He figures that when Soobin and Beomgyu split the furniture among themselves after Soobin moved out, he opted to take this with him.
It’s just a fucking couch. But if Kai squeezes his eyes shut hard enough to see stars and comets spark beneath his eyelids, he might be able to see the ghost of forgotten movie nights and cuddles, among other probably not-safe-for-work-or-Beomgyu’s-eyes shenanigans under the blanket.
“Okay, what should we watch tonight?” Kai asks, opening up Netflix on the giant smart TV and scrolling through the extensive catalogue. “Maybe a scary movie? We haven’t watched one of those in a while. How does Midsommar sound? Wait, that’s not on Netflix, nevermind. Hmm…”
“Ugh, you know I’m not good at horror stuff,” Soobin complains, scrunching up his nose like a bunny. Cute. “You didn’t even blink when we watched Parasite and the guy came out of the basement!”
“First of all, Parasite isn’t even a horror movie. And it wasn’t that scary! Just use Molang to cover your eyes,” Kai suggests, picking up the white rabbit plush he had brought over for their weekend sleepover from the sofa.
“Mm, but why use Molang when I could just have you do it for me?” Soobin teases, grabbing Kai’s face between his thumb and index finger and squishing his cheeks together.
Kai rolls his eyes, but finds himself blushing like a schoolgirl nonetheless—an effect only Soobin can have on him. “You’re literally twenty years old. But okay. Just because I love you,” he murmurs, before nuzzling their noses together affectionately.
“Oh my god, ew! Can you guys get a room?” Beomgyu shouts in disgust, choosing entirely the wrong moment to walk in. He drops his shoes off at the front door before rushing to his room and locking the door to escape the lovebirds.
Soobin draws Kai closer to his chest and, though Beomgyu can’t see it from behind the door, flips his roommate off. “Fuck off, Gyu! You’re just mad that Yeonjun went back home for the weekend so he can’t fuck you!”
As Beomgyu shouts something incomprehensible—but is most definitely an insult—at them through the door, and as Soobin scathingly fires back one of his own, Kai rests his head on his boyfriend’s chest and closes his eyes. There might be a full-fledged argument going on in the background, but he’s never felt more at home like this, cuddled up with his boyfriend.
Crazy to think how a year could change so much.
“So. Didn’t know you went by Steve now,” Kai says coolly.
Soobin grows flustered. “I just didn’t want to use my real name on Tinder. It’s my English name. I’ve told you that before, haven’t I?”
“…Must’ve forgotten.”
Truthfully, Kai hadn’t forgotten. In fact, he hadn’t forgotten anything at all. From Soobin’s English name to the specific scent of body wash he uses (the refreshing scent of jasmine is permanently embedded in his memory), he remembers it all in vivid detail, more than he would dare to admit. But between Soobin’s recently-bleached hair, the mask obscuring half of his face, and Kai’s desperation for edibles, could he really be blamed for not making the connection?
Soobin anxiously picks up his soju bottle again, chugging half the bottle in one go before setting it down on the table and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Kai mirrors him, placing a similarly half-emptied bottle on the table as well.
“You’re a little bit pink,” Kai observes.
“Mm. Your tolerance has always been better than mine. I don’t really feel anything yet, though. My face just feels a tiny bit warm. So, um,” Soobin swallows, digging for any possible conversation topic. “How’s the semester been for you?”
“It’s been fine, I guess. I just finished my midterms. They weren’t great but I think I did well enough to get an okay grade after. Graduation’s soon for you, isn’t it?”
“A little over two months. Two months too soon,” Soobin wryly smiles. “Yeonjun and I both landed analyst jobs in New York starting this fall. Beomgyu got a marketing job, but it’s remote so he’s moving in with us and splitting the rent. But we’re all gonna stay here over the summer aside from going on vacation. Feels kinda weird to think that we’re actually working adults with jobs now.”
The blond takes a swig from the soju bottle again, tilting his head back until there isn’t a single drop left remaining. Kai watches warily as he picks up his own drink and finishes another quarter. “You made it big on Spotify yet?”
“Uh, it’s been kinda slow overall, but I’m getting more listeners nowadays. I just reached a little over fifty-thousand last month with my last single. Definitely not enough to drop out of nursing and move to LA or anything, but.”
“Oh, the one you posted about on Insta. Ghosting, right? I listened to it, actually. Well, um, I didn’t see myself that you posted it, because, uh, you know,” Soobin stammers, searching his mental thesaurus for any possible phrasing to avoid acknowledging the fact that Kai had blocked him on every form of social media, including Facebook, months ago. “Beomgyu saw and he said it was really good so he sent me the Spotify link. It’s catchy. I like the lyrics a lot. You’ve always been talented at music, Kai.”
“Oh.” If he’s noticed that the lyrics are blatantly about him, he doesn’t say anything about it, to Kai’s relief. “Thanks. Taehyun helped me write those.”
“How’s Taehyun, by the way?”
“He’s okay. Stressed a lot of the time, you know how it is for engineering majors. Always at the library. He just started working as a barista at the Starbucks near our apartment. How about Beomgyu and Yeonjun? Aside from you guys moving to New York and all.”
“They’re good. They’ve been planning a couple’s trip to Hawaii for spring break, and I think we might be going back to Korea together in the summer. Seoul, then Jeju for a bit, and then back to Seoul.” A beat. “Did I already tell you that they’re living together right now?”
“Yes, you did,” Kai forces through gritted teeth.
“Oh, well, um.”
Soobin begins to take great interest in the hardwood floor’s detailing while Kai reclines back into the couch, shuts his eyes, inhales, exhales, and does his very best not to spontaneously combust right then and there. He doesn’t get why they’re having this conversation. He guesses he’s happy that Beomgyu and Yeonjun’s relationship is sunshine and rainbows, but he absolutely couldn’t give less of a fuck that they’re going swimming with the dolphins over break, or that the three of them are returning to the motherland in the summer. And he’s sure that Soobin equally doesn’t give two shits that Taehyun is approximately one Pink Drink away from setting fire to the establishment.
What is there to talk about when every word Soobin speaks, every breath Soobin takes, just makes Kai want to regress, spiralling uncontrollably into an ugly fit of rage and tears? And what the fuck was the point of Kai erasing Soobin from every digital and physical nook and cranny of his life to get over him, only to be consumed once again by all the negative emotions he thought he had pushed away, during the first time that they’ve seen each other in months? And most of all, his feet are working just fine, so why can’t he bring himself to walk out that damn door and never see Soobin again?
Stupid. He’s just so fucking stupid. Kai squeezes his eyes shut further, feeling them beginning to water. But he’ll be damned if he shows even the slightest moment of weakness in front of Soobin.
“So, about Taehyun’s new job—”
“Oh, fucking hell, Soobin,” Kai snaps, burying his horribly-aching head in his hands. “Cut the bullshit small talk already. I know you think I’m stupid, but I’m not as dumb as you think I am. We both know you didn’t just bring me here to catch up. What do you actually want from me?”
“H-huh? I, um,” the blond stutters. “I don’t think—”
“Yeah, I know you don’t,” Kai cuts him off derisively.
“No, I mean, I never thought you were stupid. I didn’t—I don’t know what I did to make you think that, but I’m really sorry.”
“Jesus Christ, Soobin, would you just answer the question so we can all just get this over with? What do you actually want to talk to me about?”
Soobin goes silent, hands fidgeting uncontrollably. “I wanted to talk about our relationship, Kai-yah.”
“Are you kidding me?” Kai cries. “When you broke up with me, I begged you so many times to talk to me. To explain to me why you gave up on us. I spent so many nights asking myself what I did wrong, trying to move on, and now you want to talk about it?”
“I know, and I regret it. I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that, but I was just so scared of confronting my feelings. I know that it was really fucking immature of me, and I’m sorry.”
“But what is there to talk about, really?” He’s beyond exasperated at this point. “How you made me look like a complete fucking idiot after we broke up? I asked you over and over: why? And each and every time, you said you ‘couldn’t deal with with me right now,’ that it was all just ‘too much for you.’ But did you really mean that I was too much for you?”
The words slash Kai’s tongue as he chokes them out, and he feels his rage bleed out into melancholy and shame. He’s doing it again. He’s acting like a kid.
“Kai, no,” Soobin strains, voice hoarse. “I’ve never once thought that at all. I fucked up. I really, really fucked up, and I mean that. And these past couple months, I’ve had time to reflect on everything that happened between us, and…”
The blond bites his lip. “To be honest, I want to give us another shot.”
“…Soobin-ah,” Kai’s voice cracks weakly, defeated. “You’re being so unfair right now. I spent months wanting nothing more than to run back into your arms, waiting for you to call and say that you wanted me back, but you never did. And I’m not going to be your second choice now. Please don’t make this difficult for me.”
“Kai-yah, please just hear me out,” Soobin begs. “You’re not my second choice or a back-up plan or anything like that. I can’t justify what I did, and you don’t have to say yes to getting back together, but at least let me try to make things right with you this time. Please.”
“…Where are the gummies, Soobin.”
“The—the what?”
“Wh—the gummies, Soobin,” the black-haired boy sighs, his mental exhaustion reaching an all-time high. “I need to be incredibly high if I even want to think about talking about that right now.”
“O-okay.” Soobin looks slightly taken aback. “Actually, do you want me to roll you a joint instead? Since the edible’s not gonna kick in for like an hour or so.”
“Oh. Yeah, okay.”
Truthfully, Kai has smoked a grand total of maybe once or twice in his life, and both times weren’t even from a joint. He remembers going to one of Lee Heeseung’s parties with Taehyun shortly after breaking up with Soobin, and all of a sudden Jake Sim from gen chem was offering him a hit from his vape pen. He had taken a couple of hits, but maybe he didn’t inhale correctly, because he couldn’t really feel much of anything. Honestly, he had more or less blocked that night out of his memory when he woke up the next morning on Heeseung’s couch with his shirt off and splotches of magenta littered haphazardly all over his neck and chest like a vacuum cleaner had mauled him—the vacuum cleaner in question snoring loudly right next to him.
Other than that, he doesn’t recall much from that night, and it was probably for the best. It was a good thing finals and summer break shortly followed that night, because he doesn’t think that he could’ve lasted another day of lab with a safety-glasses clad Jake staring at the back of his head intently as he desperately tried to ignore him and his texts.
“Alright, here’s everything.” His thoughts are interrupted by the clinking sound of Soobin setting down a rolling tray and an ashtray, along with a Ziploc bag of nugs, a grinder, a small strip of cardstock, a pack of rolling papers, and a lighter. “Hybrid strain, fresh from the dispensary. Still sure you wanna smoke?”
“I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Just…I’ve never seen you smoke before. You always said you only wanted to do edibles.”
“Well, I changed,” the younger says rather defensively.
“Alright, if you’re sure. I just don’t want you to feel like I’m making you do anything you don’t want to,” Soobin replies, grinding the nugs down into smaller pieces and lightly dumping them onto the rolling tray. Taking the cardstock, he folds it into a small cylinder with an accordion-like interior to create a filter, slotting it inside the rolling paper. He carefully fills the divot the filter creates with the finely-ground mixture, folding the ends of the paper together and rolling to properly shape and pack it tightly.
Once he’s created a vaguely cone-like shape with the filter at the tip, he tucks one end of the paper inside and rolls it together again. When it’s halfway-rolled, Kai observes intently as Soobin lifts the joint up and darts his tongue out to lightly graze the glue-coated end of the paper, creating a sticky residue which he uses to seal the joint together. He pats the contents down with feather-light touches, before flipping it to a vertical position to pack the still-open end down and tightly twist the end off.
“Have you smoked before?” Soobin asks, picking up the lighter.
“Kinda. I took a couple hits off Jake’s pen at a party. Didn’t really feel anything though.”
“Oh.” Soobin goes eerily quiet for a second. “Hmm. Maybe you didn’t inhale it properly. I’ll show you,” Soobin says, before closing his lips around the tip and sparking the lighter to life. Kai stares at the orange-hued flame burning bright, dancing dangerously close to Soobin’s fingertip before it singes the joint’s twisted end, smoke swirling off in long tendrils as the edges begin to blacken. Soobin delicately holds the joint between his index and middle finger, removing it from his mouth as he exhales out light gray smoke clouds that billow up and disperse into the air.
“So you want to hold it in your mouth, obviously. Then you want to lightly sort of suck on it and feel the smoke fill up your mouth. Then you really, really inhale it into your lungs, and then exhale.” Kai watches once more as Soobin demonstrates again, listening to his breath hitch ever-so-slightly as he deeply inhales the smoke into his lungs before exhaling it out. “Like this. Wanna give it a go now?”
“Sure.” Kai takes the joint from Soobin, gripping it between his fingers like Soobin had and slotting it between his lips. He sucks the smoke from the tip and grimaces at the vaguely burnt taste that permeates his mouth, before he inhales deep and exhales wisps of smoke out. He sits slightly hunched and still for a second, blinking slowly.
Then he coughs. Once, twice. Before he knows it, he’s having a coughing fit on his ex-boyfriend’s couch. Kai keels over on himself, hacking and wheezing violently. Soobin takes the joint from Kai’s fingers with one hand and rubs his back with the other before getting up to get him a glass of water. Kai gulps the entirety of the glass down to the last drop in mere seconds, as if it were an oasis in the desert.
“You good?” Soobin asks while taking another drag. Kai nods, wiping his mouth dry. He feels embarrassed, as if he’s been exposed as a total amateur. “Maybe take a smaller hit next time.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Pass it over again.”
They alternate like this for a good five minutes in silence, slowly diffusing the distinct scent of weed throughout the apartment. Kai lays his head over the top of the couch, blinks growing progressively slower as the fog starts to cloud his brain. He lazily sucks on the inside of his cheek, breathing steadily, feeling borderline-sedated. He turns his head to the side to look at Soobin, who takes one last hit before snuffing it out on the ashtray. “Still on the house?”
“Huh…? Oh, yeah,” Soobin replies when he realizes what Kai’s referring to. “It’s no big deal. And the edibles you came here for are still all yours, don’t worry.”
“Mmm.”
Kai turns his head back to the ceiling, fixated on the hazy pinkish-orange hue Soobin’s sunset lamp emits, coating the walls in a subdued yet brilliant glow. “So…where do you want to start…?”
“Uh…um…let me think.” Soobin raises one eyebrow, poking his cheek with his index finger and sucking a breath in through clenched teeth.
“To be honest,” Soobin confesses, “I thought about getting back with you all the time right after we broke up, even though I knew that doing so literally not even a week after wasn’t a good idea. But what happened at that party like two weeks after made so upset that I just forgot about those thoughts completely.”
“Huh? What do you mean by that?” Kai is visibly confused, completely clueless as to what Soobin could be alluding to.
“You don’t remember? You just mentioned it, though.” Soobin laughs bitterly, gaze averted. “I saw you make out with Jake at Heeseung’s.”
“Huh?” Kai falters. “You were there?”
“Yeah. I came with Yeonjun. I remember I was with Sunghoon and I saw you all over Jake from across the room, and it pissed me off so bad that I left the party.”
Suddenly, all the details from that awful night flood back into Kai’s memory.
After the break-up, Kai had holed himself up in his room for what seemed like forever, only going outside for class. Even within his and Taehyun’s apartment, he would only leave his room to use the bathroom or make a depression meal in the kitchen—usually instant ramen or rice with soy sauce, jazzed up with a fried egg if he felt like it and had a clean pan. He’d procrastinate on his assignments in favor of playing Cookie Run and Animal Crossing, but immersing himself in games ultimately did virtually nothing to shake his mind off of his ex-boyfriend and the break up.
Nearly two weeks had passed when Taehyun decided to take matters into his own hands.
“Kai Kamal Huening, I swear to god, if you don’t open this fucking door right now!” Taehyun yells, banging loudly against Kai’s bedroom door. “I haven’t seen you properly in almost two weeks now! I know you’re upset at him, but you can’t just stay inside your room forever!”
Kai curls up in his blankets further at that, clutching Molang even tighter. “Go away, Taehyun.”
“Kai, I know you’re hurting a lot right now. But please don’t shut me out,” Taehyun pleads. “I’m not saying that you need to get over him right now, but please don’t think you have to go through this alone. I want to be here for you, Kai-yah. I miss my best friend.”
More silence. Taehyun sighs. “If you don’t want to talk right now, that’s okay. Just. Whenever you’re ready to talk about it, just know that I’m here for you.”
He can hear Taehyun about to turn around and go back to his room when he finally musters up the will to speak. “Taehyun, I…”
Kai’s voice trails off again as he pauses to collect and articulate his thoughts. “I just feel like…like I’m never going to meet anyone as good as him again, you know? Nobody’s ever liked me like that, Taehyunnie. I don’t know what he saw in me. And then he left me, and nobody’s about to do…charity work by dating me.”
“You know what? You’re right Kai. No one’s going to do charity work by dating you, because dating you is anything but charity work. Do you know how lucky Soobin was to have you? You’re funny as fuck, have a beautiful voice, and you’re one of the kindest people I know.”
“And you have a really nice ass,” he adds. Kai snorts.
“Point is, you’re a catch, Kai. I think Soobin breaking up with you is making it hard for you to realize that. Tell you what, you know Heeseung? The one in my a cappella group? Well, he’s hosting a party tonight at his place and he said that I could invite anyone I want. And he has some pretty cute friends that would definitely be interested in you. What do you say? You down?”
“I’ll…think about it. If I have the will to get out of bed and make myself look nice.”
“Cool. Just let me know, ‘kay? Have a good nap, or whatever it is you’re doing in there.”
Kai, in fact, did think about it. He had thought a lot about it, actually, and before he knew it, while Taehyun was dancing on some random guy he had just met, Kai was awkwardly standing in the corner of Heeseung’s living room in a hoodie (not a BAPE one, Taehyun had threatened that if Kai even dared walking out of his room wearing one, he would set him and the hoodie on fire) and jeans that were due for a wash two days ago.
Kai angrily takes another big gulp from his red solo cup filled with a concoction of soju, Sprite, and Yakult. Twenty minutes into the party, he had seen Soobin and Yeonjun walk in, high-fiving Heeseung and immediately heading for the drinks table. They had locked eyes briefly before quickly looking away and pretending like each other didn’t exist. For the past ten minutes, he had been aggressively trying to ignore Soobin chatting up a storm with student-athlete Park Sunghoon, laughing and giggling like complete idiots. Who the fuck did he think he was, doing all of that when Kai was right there?
“You’re staring at them pretty intensely,” someone whispers into Kai’s ear, startling him.
“Wh—Huh? Who are you? Wait.” Kai looks down and squints, scrutinizing the guy in front of him’s features. “Uh, aren’t you in my chem class?”
Chem Guy’s puppy-like eyes light up. “You noticed me?”
“You’re the only one that answers the professor’s questions.”
“Only because nobody else does. I’ve noticed you in class too, though. You always sit in the middle to the right, away from the professor. I always see you playing games on your phone during class.”
Now, Kai wouldn’t call himself smooth by any means, but something tells him that the best way to flirt with someone isn’t by more or less calling them a slacker. What’s he bringing that up for? “And what about it?”
“Nothing, I just think it’s funny. The professor isn’t a very engaging lecturer, so I don’t blame you. I’m Jake, by the way.”
“Kai.”
“I know,” Jake laughs. “Soobin’s ex, right? I heard about that from Heeseung, we’re pretty tight. He and Sunghoon look pretty cozy over there.”
Kai scowls, watching Soobin smile flirtatiously at Sunghoon. Fucking asshole. “Something like that.”
“Want a hit?” Jake pulls out a sleek black vape pen from his pocket. “Helps take the edge off.”
Kai tilts his head. He’s never smoked anything before, and he’s already more or less off his face right now, but he can’t bring himself to care. He nods, taking the pen from Jake’s hands and wrapping his lips around the mouthpiece, pressing the circular button and watching it light up blue. It doesn’t go down too harshly, but it’s not smooth either; Kai coughs slightly in-between hits. He takes about three more hits before handing it back to Jake.
“Thanks,” he mumbles.
“No prob, dude. Hey, if it makes you feel better, I think it’s his loss,” Jake says with a boyish grin. “I’ve thought you were cute since I first saw you in chem, but I heard you were taken so I didn’t make a move.”
Kai fights the urge to grimace. It’s not that Jake is bad looking. With his swoopy middle part and puppy-like face, he’s actually quite easy on the eyes. The problem is that Kai’s eyes have to glance downward to meet Jake’s. He knows he can’t afford to be too picky because he’s six feet tall, but the height difference is…not unnoticeable. Between that and his rather subpar flirting skills, it’s hard to make a case for him. “I appreciate that, but—”
Whatever words were about to come out of his mouth, they’re cut short when he witnesses Soobin and Sunghoon laughing as they disappear into what he’s pretty sure is Heeseung’s bedroom out of the corner of his eye. Kai’s eyes flash momentarily and he feels bile rapidly beginning to rise in his throat before he manages to compose himself.
He absolutely cannot break down in the middle of Heeseung’s living room. But the night is still young, and he doesn’t want to put a damper on Taehyun’s mood (even if he would insist that Kai’s well-being comes first) by making him go home early. So he figures that if he’s going to find a way to distract himself, he might as well make it fun and play Soobin at his own game.
“Hey, Jake?” Kai’s voice is breathy, and he licks his lips in his best attempt at looking sultry. “Wanna make out with me?”
“Wait, really? Wait, I didn’t really expect that, can I chew some gum first—”
“Jake,” Kai interrupts, “if you don’t shut up and kiss me in the next five seconds, I’m gonna leave.”
And Jake is more than happy to oblige him.
Jake tastes like strawberry soju (Soobin’s least favorite flavor, he insists that it tastes like medicine) and smells like weed and Dior Sauvage (it’s far too heady of a scent, Soobin prefers clean-smelling colognes). Kissing Jake feels all kinds of wrong—he treats Kai’s lips as if they’re something to conquer (Kai can feel his teeth grazing his bottom lip far too often, almost hard enough to draw blood), and he fondles Kai’s ass over his jeans too roughly for his taste (Soobin is passionate yet gentle; every move is the right mix of impulse and deliberation).
Jake feels all kinds of wrong because he’s not Soobin. But the high volume of alcohol in Kai’s system is in charge of his decisions tonight, not any voice of logic or reason. As Jake breaks the kiss to sink his teeth into Kai’s neck, he throws his head back in a breathy moan.
Kai doesn’t remember much after that—he had passed out on Heeseung’s couch not too long after. But what he does remember is looking up and seeing Soobin, standing next to Sunghoon across the room, staring at him for far too many seconds before he eventually turned on his heel and stormed out.
“So? You were with Sunghoon!” Kai yells, heart thumping wildly in his chest. “What did you expect me to do when you were practically fucking him with your eyes right in front of me, when you knew how much I was hurting?”
“But I was hurting too, though? Imagine how I felt seeing you giggling and twirling your hair over his cheesy-ass lines. Imagine how I felt when I came back to him all over your neck like a fucking animal,” Soobin spits.
“At least I didn’t fuck him? In Heeseung’s bedroom, when I was in the next room over? Do you have any shame? Do you know how insulting that is to me?”
“What? We didn’t even fuck. We barely even did anything. We just made out for a bit and then I realized I didn’t want it, so we stopped.”
“So what? You still kissed him, not even a month after we broke up!”
“But you did the same thing?”
“Well, I wouldn’t have if I didn’t see you guys go into the bedroom together.”
“And I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t seen you flirting with Jake.”
“Please don’t lie to me Soobin,” Kai strains, the flesh of his knuckles turning white from how hard he’s balling his fists up. “I saw how you looked at him. Did you really make me stay here because you wanted me back or did you just want to fucking humiliate me all over again? Don’t. Lie. To. Me.”
“I’m not, though? Kai, I’m not trying to justify what I did, seriously. But really, it didn’t even have to be Sunghoon, it could’ve been anyone. It wasn’t that he was special or anything, he just happened to be there. I just saw you there, talking to Jake, and I just felt so fucking lonely and missed you so I—”
“Bullshit!” Kai explodes, slamming his hands onto the wooden table, the pain of the impact lost on him due to his dulled senses. “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!”
He feels his breathing growing progressively more ragged; he feels his heart thumping wildly in his ribcage, the dryness of his mouth, his dilated pupils, the rise and fall of his chest that speeds up then slows down. The world slows to a heavy, creaking stop, beginning to cave in on him. He draws his knees up to his chest, burying his head in them.
“Bullshit,” he finishes, deathly quiet. “Complete fucking bullshit.”
They start as sniffles as he furiously blinks back tears, not sure why he’s crying when he was supposed to be over this, over Soobin months ago. Then they progress into muffled sobs, drowned out by the fabric of his jeans.
He feels like a child all over again, crying over his favorite toy car breaking, crying because his kindergarten best friend didn’t want to play with him anymore, crying at the doorway as his dad’s suitcase containing their entire lives rolled out the door, because he didn’t understand why he had to leave the rest of their family behind. Maybe he’s never really grown up. Maybe he’s still that same, scared child he was well over ten years ago, terrified of the next cherished thing or person that would eventually leave his life.
He thinks he hears Soobin get up from his position on the couch, but his theory isn’t confirmed until he feels Soobin’s leg up against his, big arms wrapping around his body gently.
“Hey,” Soobin whispers, stroking the back of Kai’s neck. “Don’t cry, Kai-yah. Please. I don’t want to see you cry, especially because of me. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Kai only responds with more sniffles, head still buried in his knees. “Kai, please look at me,” Sooobin pleads.
When Kai lifts his head, he reveals tear streaked cheeks, damp eyelashes and sad eyes. His tongue darts out toward the wetness at the corner of his mouth, tasting salt.
“Why do you even want to get back together with me?” He questions, finally breaking the silence. “When I’m a complete fucking…stupid, immature mess. I kissed Jake just to make you jealous, and I didn’t even like it because he wasn’t you. I just blew up at you for kissing Sunghoon when I did the exact same thing, and you’re the one apologizing to me. I don’t get it. Why?”
“To be honest, Kai? ‘Cause I never really got over you.” There’s a smile on Soobin’s face, but it’s tinged with melancholy. “I really wanted to though, y’know. Would’ve made my life a whole lot easier.”
“I never got over you either,” Kai whispers. “I mean, fuck. You’re still my muse, just not in the way that you used to be. That last song I released? Ghosting? That I said Taehyun helped me write? He just helped me rephrase and edit. But when I was jotting down that first draft in my notebook, you were the only person running through my mind.”
“Fuck. I sound so stupid,” he adds, laughing self-deprecatingly. “You can judge me or whatever, I don’t care.”
“No, you’re not. I can’t judge you when I felt the same way,” the blond admits. “I went out on a lot of first dates after we broke up. A couple second dates. Very few thirds, and no fucking way for a fourth. Don’t get me wrong, they were nice people and all, but…something didn’t feel right, you know?”
Kai remembers, a little all too well. He remembers seeing various trendy-casual restaurants and cafés and art installations and museums obnoxiously plastered all over Soobin’s Instagram story, always with another faceless person’s back or hands in them. He definitely had fired back a couple of fake soft-launch style posts of his own, snapping photos of two plates at a fancy restaurant, the other plate in question being Taehyun’s, who was more than willing to support his endeavors. But after he realized that trying to make his ex-boyfriend jealous by putting on a sham performance that he was better-off without him probably wasn’t going to help him move on, he had blocked Soobin on Instagram, among other platforms. Not that he had gotten over him, even now.
“I couldn’t place it, at first,” Soobin continues. “I enjoyed being with some of them, but after everything was said and done and I went home, I just kept thinking about you instead. Funny, isn’t it? I kept searching for even the tiniest trace of you in everyone else—your laugh, your smile, your eyes…and I still couldn’t find it. Nobody else compared to you, Kai, and I don’t think anyone ever will.”
It’s not fair, Kai thinks. Last June, he would have killed to hear those words coming out of Soobin’s mouth, preferably as he groveled on the floor for Kai’s forgiveness. They don’t have as big of an impact now, but it’s definitely not lost on him. Not when he’s still thinking of Soobin before he falls asleep and in his dreams, not when he’s still penning break-up anthems about him.
“Then why…?” He eventually chokes out. “Why did you have to break up with me in the first place?”
“When I said we should break up,” Soobin begins cautiously, “I didn’t want to, but I really thought that I was doing what was best for us at the time. It was both of our first real relationships. I never got to experience dating in high school, so I was so excited to finally have someone to call my boyfriend, y’know? Especially when that boyfriend was someone as unique and special as you.”
He doesn’t need to give Kai compliments like that, not when he’s the one who broke up with him. It sort of feels like Soobin’s kicking him while he’s down. Still, Kai would be a liar if he said the praise didn’t make him feel something.
“You know, my parents,” Soobin laughs with fond eyes, “they used to call me your gum. Because every time they called to check-up on me, I was always with you. And then I’d argue back that it was you who was my gum instead, but…you get the point. But they were right: I don’t remember spending much time apart from each other in the time that we dated. And it was amazing for the first four or so months. I was so content just spending most of my waking minutes with you…until I wasn’t.”
“You started pulling away, Soobin,” Kai murmurs. “After spring break. When you went on that road trip with Beomgyu and Yeonjun. And you didn’t tell me why. Every time I asked, you said that nothing had changed, that things were normal. But I knew they weren’t, and I know you didn’t either. So why lie?”
“Staring at his location on Find My isn’t gonna make him come home any faster, y’know.”
Kai nearly jumps out of his seat, instinctively turning off his phone before peering over his shoulder to see a highly-amused Taehyun with his arms crossed. “Fuck, you scared me. And stop invading my privacy!”
“I’d hardly call it invading your privacy when you’ve been smiling like an idiot at it for, like, the last five minutes. Is watching Soobin drive down the Pacific Coast really that interesting?”
“Stoppp!” Kai pouts. “You wouldn’t get it.”
“Yeah, you’re right, I don’t.”
“It’s ‘cause we’re supposed to hang out here later tonight when he gets back,” Kai explains, “but he hasn’t responded to my text, and it’s been five hours…”
kai <3 9:21 am
are we still hanging out later today!! (*´▽`*)
“Maybe he’s driving right now. Or napping.”
“But they weren’t on the way back yet when I sent that,” Kai frowns. “I don’t know…I don’t wanna think too much about it because I know he’s probably tired, but still…”
“I wouldn’t read into it too much, Kai-yah. Soobin obviously loves you more than anything else. I mean, come on, you guys are literally stuck to each other like gum. I don’t think this minor thing should reflect on his feelings for you. He’s probably just busy driving or something,” Taehyun assures him, ruffling his hair. “Anyway, I’m gonna go to the grocery store now, ‘kay? Let me know if you need anything.”
“Yeah, of course, Taehyunnie,” Kai mumbles as he hears the door close. Not more than ten seconds later, his phone vibrates multiple times in a row on the table. Like a perfectly conditioned response, his ears perk up and he immediately unlocks his phone.
soobinnie!! <333 2:53pm
oh
i forgot about that
maybe not today, i’m kinda tired
i’m sorry
Kai deflates. That wasn’t the response he was expecting. He knows that the three of them—Soobin, Beomgyu, and Yeonjun—have all been pretty busy on the road trip, so Soobin hasn’t been texting much, but Kai was still really looking forward to seeing him when he got home. They had promised that they would see each other, and Soobin’s not usually one to break a promise. But Taehyun told him he shouldn’t read into it, so he’ll try not to—but that doesn’t make it any less hard not to. Maybe he just doesn’t have the energy to walk over to Kai’s place? Yeah, that’s gotta be it.
kai <3 2:55pm
i can come over to ur place instead if ur tired?
soobinnie!! <333 2:56pm
no, it’s ok
you don’t have to, really
Why is he so insistent on not seeing Kai today? Did he say something wrong? Did he do something wrong? He can’t remember; he doesn’t think he’s said anything wrong during their conversations over the course of the trip, but he can never be too sure.
kai <3 2:59pm
are u sure?
soobinnie!! <333 3:00pm
yeah, i’m sure
but i’ll see you sometime tomorrow if i have time, okay?
Kai’s stomach sinks to hellish depths, and he finds himself suddenly overwhelmed with uncontrollable nausea. Does Soobin hate me? runs through his head on loop, poisoning all his thoughts. No, Soobin doesn’t hate him. Other than his last couple of texts, he’s given Kai absolutely no reason to believe such an extreme thought. But still: why did he cancel so last minute when he promised and seemed so excited to see Kai again?
He panics. He doesn’t mean to send the text, but it flies out of his fingers and into the message box, and he presses the send button before he can even read it over and give it a second thought.
kai <3 3:05pm
did i do something wrong soobinnie?
He waits for what seems like hours on his boyfriend’s response, practically gnawing his own teeth. He shouldn’t have sent that. If Soobin doesn’t hate him already, Kai thinking that he does is going to inevitably make Soobin actually hate him, and if he already hates him, the text is going to make him hate Kai even more.
He buries his head in his heads, head pounding. Why did he sent that? He’s such an idiot. An insecure, undeserving idiot.
soobinnie!! <333 3:11pm
no, you didn’t do anything, i promise
i’m just super tired
kai <3 3:13pm
hh i’m sorry it’s ok then
lmk if i can do anything for u still!!
get some rest, i love uuuu
soobinnie!! <333 3:13pm
love you too
The exclamation points and cutesy typing do a shoddy job at masking Kai’s palpable hurt, and he’s certain that Soobin can read through it because his response just feels so impersonal. No ‘I’ in ‘I love you,’ no ‘Kai’ or ‘Kai-yah’ or ‘my gum’ after ‘love you too.’ He’s nitpicking again, he knows it, but he can’t help it. Why would Soobin switch up on him like this if he didn’t do anything wrong, and why wouldn’t he just tell him if he did?
Trudging his way back to his room, he turns the giant bunny plush Soobin gifted him for Valentine’s Day, Tobin, to face the wall before curling up under his blankets and grabbing his Nintendo Switch from his nightstand. He only manages to turn it on for five seconds before immediately shutting it off and placing it back down. He doesn’t feel like playing anything now.
Forcibly shutting his eyes and racking his brain for his favorite memories of Soobin to think about to lull him to sleep, he tries his best to ignore the ugly and harrowing feeling manifesting itself inside of him.
“I…I really fucked up that one, I won’t even lie,” Soobin admits quietly. “To be honest, I struggled a lot to understand my emotions, and I didn’t know how to communicate to you exactly what I was feeling at the time.”
“I guess what it was is that,” he continues, “being on that road trip was the only time I didn’t see you for more than, like, a day. I mean, yeah, I missed you like crazy, but at the same time, I felt like I was seeing an old side of myself that I lost when I started talking to you, though that wasn’t your fault at all. To exist as my own individual.”
“And then after spring break, when we fell back into the rhythm of things, I…” he trails off. “I felt like something was off, and I couldn’t place why, exactly. Until I started going to therapy a couple of months ago, at least. I think that I had a hard time reconciling the person I was before you and the person I became after you. I was scared that in losing myself in you, I had also lost my own sense of self-identity, and then I started questioning what it even meant to be me, if that makes any sense.”
“But I had no idea how to tell you that, because I didn’t understand it myself,” he stresses. “I think I unconsciously started seeking extended time to be alone by myself, but when I did, I still felt something was missing—you, of course. Because that was my idea of normal. I was jumping from one extreme to another, and I just couldn’t understand myself and find a middle ground. And while I was trying to find myself, I was hurting you, ultimately.”
“…You didn’t mean to.”
“I didn’t. But I still did, and I regret it…I regret it all the time. So that’s why I thought stepping away was for the best—to re-figure out who I was as a person without hurting you in that process.”
“I mean, I’m also just…insecure,” Kai mumbles. “It’s not like you’re responsible for that. I’ve been trying to fix that part about myself, but it’s hard. I’m sorry, Taehyun’s been helping me try and find a therapist. It’s just hard.”
“Please don’t apologize,” Soobin stresses. “I’m not responsible, but I still shouldn’t do anything to trigger your insecurities either, you know? And me not being transparent with you was doing exactly that. I’m really sorry again, Kai.”
“I wish you had just told me, Soobin. Even if you didn’t fully understand yourself before.”
“I wish I did too,” Soobin agrees, looking deep into his eyes this time. “I’m really sorry for hurting you, Kai. You didn’t deserve that at all. I know I can’t change the past, but I want to make our present right and apologize, for real this time. Because both Choi Soobin and Choi Soobin, Huening Kai’s boyfriend, could've coexisted together. I didn’t need to sacrifice one to keep the other. I know that now, at least.”
Then he adds, softer, “And they still can, if that’s what you want, too.”
“But what if you end up realizing that I’m not the right one for you? That the right person for you is still out there somewhere? What if you end up wasting your time on me?”
Soobin frowns. “Why do you think that it can’t be you?”
“I don’t know,” Kai admits. “It’s not that I don’t want it to be. You know this, but, I never…had anyone before you. You were my first everything, Soobin-ah. My first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first time…that’s why I clung to you so much. Because I was scared of losing everything I had.”
“Nobody ever liked me before you. I kept all my crushes to myself because I knew I’d never have a chance,” Kai laughs self-deprecatingly. “So I never really got it: why me?”
“…Do you remember when we first met, Kai?” Soobin says. “At the Korean Student Association’s Halloween party. At the old presidents’—well, they graduated now, but—Johnny and Jaehyun’s house. You were dressed like a vampire. A sexy vampire, specifically.”
“What does that have to do with anything—”
“It’ll make sense in a bit. Just answer the question, Kai.”
“I mean, of course I do. Very hard night to forget. You and Beomgyu were dressed like slutty Mario and Luigi, respectively,” Kai reminisces almost fondly. “Fake mustaches and all. And you guys forced Yeonjun into being Peach.”
Soobin’s lips curve up in a small grin, revealing his dimples. “It didn’t take that much forcing; he was already dying for an excuse to wear a dress. But yeah, legendary costume, and I would’ve done it again. But that’s not the point I was trying to make. I was, for a lack of a better word, shit-faced as fuck that night. I must have drank at least three bottles of soju. And you know I’m a little bit of a lightweight.”
“Probably more than a little.”
“Right. Anyway, one second I was just vibing to the music as Gyu and Jun were making out with each other in someone’s bedroom or something. And the next thing I knew, I was rushing to the bathroom to puke my guts out into the toilet, when I hadn’t puked since freshman year. And then I looked up, suddenly sobering up, and I saw the sexiest vampire I’d ever seen staring down at me when I had bits of my lunch from earlier all over my mouth.”
Kai finally cracks a small smile at that memory. “Gross, you didn’t have to go in detail. I think I was adjusting my fake fangs or something.”
“It was for dramatic effect. Anyway, I was tired as fuck, ready to slump my head into a toilet filled with my own vomit, when you kneeled down to steady me and used a wet paper towel to clean me up. And flushed the toilet for me, of course. And dragged me to the couch to sit me upright, asking someone to call my friends over, and staying there holding water in a cup for me to drink from, even after Beomgyu and Yeonjun had already come over to help me.”
“I can’t say that helping shirtless Mario clean up his puke and taking care of him was how I pictured my night going.”
“No, I’m sure it wasn’t,” Soobin chuckles. “And then the next day, I asked literally everyone I knew at that party for your number so that I could thank you and take you out to coffee sometime, and the rest is history. The point is, Kai, your first impression of me was me at my absolute worst, and for whatever godforsaken reason, you still agreed to go out with me.”
“I thought your persistence was cute,” Kai mumbles. “I didn’t realize someone would ever go out of their way to ask like half of the Korean people in my year if they knew me or not.”
“See what I mean? At the time, I didn’t get why you accepted, and if I’m being honest, I still don’t get why, and that might forever be something only you understand. I could tell you all of the reasons why I want you, and you probably still wouldn’t get why I want to be with you. ‘Cause that’s just how people are, right? We don’t see our own self-worth sometimes, y’know. It’s always other people who realize it for us.”
“I guess…”
“But really, Kai. I’m sure you couldn’t have thought I was the one for you after that Halloween party, or when you agreed to go out with me. Of course, I didn’t necessarily think that either when I asked you out; I realized that later. Even after our breakup, it took me months after we had already broken up for me to realize that I still wanted to be with you. Because dating is a game of chance, y’know? We don’t know who we’re really meant to be with right off the bat.”
“But even though we broke up, I never regretted dating you,” Soobin says firmly. “I didn’t think it was a waste of time to have loved you then, and I don’t think it’ll be a waste of time now if you want to try again. It took me a long time to be happy and my old self again, sure. And I think that even if I’m alone, I can still be happy. But why would I be happy alone with I could be happier with you instead?”
“I think you’ve been smoking too much weed, Soobin.”
“Maybe,” the blond smiles dopily. “Maybe. But what I’m saying is, it’s okay if you don’t understand why I want to be with you. I could spend a lifetime showing you why. If you let me, of course.”
“That’s a little ambitious.”
“What can I say? I’ve always been a guy with big dreams.”
Kai gives him an amused look. “Allegedly.”
It’s only then that he fully registers the rigidity of Soobin’s body still against him, the tightness of Soobin’s arms still around his waist, the warmth of his breath still against Kai’s skin. Soobin must realize it too, because he quickly mumbles a ‘sorry’ and begins to slacken his grip around him.
Kai doesn’t know why he does it. Actually, he knows exactly why, but if there’s any hesitation he has, it’s thrown out the window. Once he starts to feel Soobin’s hands lift away, he immediately places a firm hand against one of them, returning it to its former position on his waist.
“U-um,” Soobin stumbles, face flushed all the way to the tips of his ears. Whether it’s from the soju or plain embarrassment, Kai isn’t sure. Maybe both. “Is this okay…?”
“Y-yeah,” Kai stutters, inhaling sharply. He feels his breathing growing shallow, staring at where Soobin’s thigh meets with his own. Hesitantly, he nestles his head in the crook of the blond’s neck, and Soobin rests his other hand snugly around Kai’s delicate waist.
He doesn’t know how long they stay like this, not when time is basically a construct while he’s under the influence. He can feel Soobin’s hands shifting around his waist, figuring he’s probably unsure if he’s allowed to be doing this although Kai has given him explicit approval. He can also see Soobin’s eyes glancing over at Kai’s head leaning on his shoulder every couple of seconds: often, but never lingering too long.
“Soobin,” Kai breathes, eyes glassy and half-lidded, testing the way each syllable of the man’s name undulates on his tongue, dry as cotton. Whether it’s from the weed or his nerves, he doesn’t know.
“Yeah?”
“Can I kiss you?”
There’s a degree of uncertainty to his voice, heat burning in the depths of his stomach as if they haven’t done this and decidedly less holy acts a thousand times over with each other already. Somehow, Soobin still has this effect on him—always managing to make him as nervous as the day that they went on their first date. He watches Soobin’s eyes blow comically wide, Adam’s apple bobbing as the blond gulps thickly, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he stares intently at Kai’s own.
“I was gonna ask you the same thing.”
Maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s the weed. Or maybe it’s neither in truth, the two substances only working to imbue Kai with the courage to execute the underlying desires that he normally wouldn’t have the balls to while sober. Maybe it’s ultimately the fact that he was, no, still is wholly and hopelessly in love with Choi Soobin.
Whatever it is, it draws Kai’s lips inexplicably and inevitably to Soobin’s.
Soobin tastes like peach soju and smells like weed, jasmine, and bar soap, a combination that should make zero sense yet smells heavenly to Kai. Kissing Soobin feels all kinds of right—he treats Kai’s lips as if they’re a place of worship, every movement equally balanced between passion and tenderness, impulse and deliberation.
Soobin feels all kinds of right because Kai has only ever belonged to him, body and soul.
Soobin’s back collapses against the couch seats as Kai pins him down, capturing his lips in a feverish kiss. His thighs straddle either side of the older man’s hips as he lays horizontally atop him. Kai can feel familiar, wandering hands snaking their way inside his hoodie to lay claim to the pale, soft skin of his bare waist, before sliding one hand southward beneath blue denim.
Kai gasps in surprise, suddenly breaking their kiss apart when he feels Soobin squeezing the ample flesh of his ass over his boxer briefs, his impossibly big hand still encompassing the width of one cheek with relative ease. Soobin uses this opportunity to latch his mouth onto Kai’s neck, leaving feather-light kisses before beginning to suck on the unblemished skin, crimson slowly blooming beneath his lips.
Pain and pleasure find their way onto Kai’s features, a litany of whiny, breathy moans falling from his lips with each of the other man’s ministrations. He can feel the outline of Soobin’s dick hard against his ass, and begins to grow frustrated by the barrier of fabric separating the two. Desperately searching for any sort of friction, he rubs himself back on the rapidly growing erection, eliciting a groan from the blond beneath him, who slips his hand under Kai’s underwear to feel the bare flesh beneath.
Kai has half the mind to think that he sounds a little pathetic right now. But Kai also has half the mind to think that he doesn’t really give a shit as long as he has Soobin’s heat against him.
Soobin removes his mouth from Kai’s neck to briefly admire his handiwork, a splotchy red stain the size of a quarter interrupting the flawless expanse of Kai’s skin. Feeling sweat starting to bead on his forehead, Kai sits up on Soobin’s lap, unzipping his hoodie and removing his t-shirt, tossing them both unceremoniously to god-knows-where on the floor.
He can hear Soobin’s breath audibly hitch in his throat at the sight, line of vision affixed to Kai’s chest and stomach. Sitting up slowly so that their chests are parallel to each other, he splays one hand across Kai’s waist and the other on his chest, fascinatedly tweaking a pert, dusty pink nipple.
“What are you staring so hard for?” Kai is a little embarrassed at the attention when there’s not much there to play with. “You’ve seen them a million times.”
“So? Still pretty every single time,” Soobin replies, before mouthing over the rosy bud, sucking softly as Kai tangles his fingers in his soft locks. When he pulls his lips away, he smiles at Kai with tangible adoration before cupping Kai’s face with his hand and slotting their lips together in a slow, soft kiss. Kai tugs at the hem of Soobin’s t-shirt insistently, to which he laughs gently at before sliding the offending fabric off.
Now Kai’s the one that can’t help staring like an idiot. Soobin shirtless is a sight he’s seen time and time again before, though he hasn’t seen it properly for almost a year now. Even so, it’s still as breathtaking as he remembers. Soobin’s chest is still as broad as ever; even though they’ve always been at similar heights, Soobin manages to make Kai feel tiny regardless. There’s some light muscle definition on his stomach from what he can only assume to be Yeonjun’s efforts of getting Soobin off his gaming PC and to the gym. And god, his biceps—Kai would thank him if he held him in a headlock with them.
He only wishes he was more sober so he could fully appreciate it, but even beneath the hazy sunset lamp glow, even in Kai’s weed-addled brain, Choi Soobin is a vision.
“Who’s staring too hard now?” Soobin teases.
“Don’t get too full of yourself, Choi Soobin,” Kai scoffs before pressing their lips together again, grinding his hips down on Soobin’s painfully hard dick, coaxing a broken moan out of the older boy.
Soobin has the zipper of Kai’s jeans pulled down when they both hear the obnoxious, unmistakable sound of the default iPhone ringtone clawing its way out of Kai’s phone’s speakers. Kai’s eyebrows furrow together before he reluctantly removes himself from the comfort of Soobin’s lap to pick up his phone.
“Shit, it’s Taehyun,” Kai mutters, before sliding the button to accept the call. “Hello?”
“Kai Kamal Huening!” Taehyun yells. Kai winces at the sudden burst of volume, instinctively moving his phone a couple inches away from his face. Curse Taehyun and his ability to project a little too well. “Where the fuck have you been? I was literally about to call the cops if you didn’t pick up! I thought you were dead or some shit!”
“I’m really sorry, Taehyunnie,” Kai apologizes. “I lost track of time. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
“I texted you, like, thirty different times!” Taehyun says exasperatedly. “It’s been two hours!”
Kai checks his notifications, and true to his word, there are a whopping thirty-three texts from Taehyun, most sent over the course of the past ten minutes, which he figures is when his roommate started panicking that the dealer—er, Soobin, though Taehyun doesn’t know that yet—had murdered him.
“Oh. Fuck, I just saw these. Sorry, I was, uh, occupied. But I promise, I’m fine, Tyun. Just a little drunk. And high. Crossed. Like the animals in that one video game.” He should definitely know the name because he plays it all the time, but it’s slipping his mind right now.
“What the hell? Who are you with right now? Did you go somewhere after you picked up the edibles?”
“Um,” Kai stumbles. “I’m, actually, uh, with Soobin right now.”
There’s dead silence on the other end for a good five seconds before Taehyun speaks again, this time with disbelief in his voice. “Kai, did I hear that right? You’re with who right now?!”
“Hi, Taehyun,” Soobin supplies unhelpfully. Kai smacks him.
“Soobin, if you’re doing anything to hurt Kai right now, I swear to god, I am going to march to wherever the fuck you are right now and have your head on a stick—”
“I’m fine, Tyun. He’s not hurting me, don’t worry. Actually, he’s, uh, the one we bought the edibles from.”
“What the fuck, Kai?! I thought you said you never wanted to see him again!”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I thought so too, but we’ve just been catching up on stuff. But he hasn’t done anything you should worry about, I promise. But I probably won’t be back for a while.”
“Define a while, Kai.”
“Um. Probably not until tomorrow morning?”
He can practically hear Taehyun rolling his eyes through the phone. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Kai. As long as you’re alive. But just so you know, Soobin, I’ve been taking boxing classes. And if you so much as lay a finger on Kai, I will knock the fucking lights out of you.”
“I wouldn’t dare doubt it. But I won’t hurt him, Taehyun, I promise.”
“Good. Because I know where you live now, and I will not hesitate to use that information. Or put it on Twitter.”
“Taehyun!” Kai exclaims.
“Kidding. Or am I? But I’ll leave you guys to whatever you were doing. I left your nuggets and sauce in the fridge by the way. Call me if you need anything…if you can, of course.”
“Thank you, Tyun,” Kai snorts. “I’ll see you later.”
Kai sets his phone down before looking back at a highly amused Soobin. “What are you laughing for? You wanna get your ass beat or something?”
“Nothing, nothing. Just trying to imagine Taehyun beating the shit out of me. Not that he couldn’t, he definitely could. It’s nice that he’s still as protective as ever of you.”
“I really don’t know what I’d do without him, yeah. I feel bad I forgot to text him, though. I didn’t mean to make him panic like that.”
“Well, at least he knows you’re safe.”
“Still kind of killed the mood, though.”
“What, you didn’t think him threatening to beat me up if I hurt you wasn’t even a little bit hot?” Soobin laughs, to which Kai rolls his eyes.
“Kidding, kidding. Come here,” Soobin orders, gesturing to his lap, where Kai nestles himself comfortably. “Have you ever tried shotgunning before, Kai-yah?”
“Like the thing you do with a can of beer? Like, once, I think. Kind of nasty.”
“No, no, like shotgunning a hit. It’s fun, wanna try?”
“Oh. Ohhh, okay,” Kai giggles breathily. If he had hair long enough to twirl around his fingers, he would. He would probably do anything Soobin asked, as long as he did it with those devastatingly persuasive eyes.
Soobin smirks as he gently slides Kai out of his lap and to his side so that he can prepare a new joint. Rolling a joint, at least when Soobin does it, is an art form, Kai thinks to himself. Like everything else he does, he crafts it with so much care and precision, fingers moving swiftly but deliberately.
“So the way you do it is, one person takes the actual hit and blows it into the other person’s mouth. And then if you’re the other person, you just wanna sort of suck the smoke in, with your lips just a little bit open,” Soobin explains as he picks up the lighter. “Pretty simple. Think you got that?”
“I think so.”
“Good,” Soobin grins, before slotting the new joint between his lips and lighting it aflame. Gently holding the back of Kai’s neck, he takes a long hit, smoke dragging from his lips as he removes the joint and forms his lips into a small O-shape to blow it into Kai’s eagerly receiving mouth, whose lips are mere millimeters away—close, but not close enough for either of their tastes.
“How does that feel?”
“Feels good,” Kai murmurs, plucking the joint from Soobin’s fingers. “Lemme try.”
Kai takes a similarly-sized hit, exchanging it with Soobin’s lips, which brush lightly against his own in the process. It tickles, slightly, making him giggle. And because Kai’s giggling, Soobin finds himself doing it as well, for no good reason at all. It’s nice, he thinks. Laughing about everything and absolutely nothing simultaneously with Soobin. Something he had missed like crazy in the time they were apart.
They don’t make it past a grand total of five hits before their lips meet in a gentle kiss, forcing Soobin to put out the joint so that they don’t end up wasting it. It’s too easily forgotten when Soobin’s hands are holding his hips like this, when his tongue is down Kai’s throat like his life depends on it.
“I wanna suck you off,” Kai says dazedly when he breaks away momentarily to tug lightly at the waistband of Soobin’s gray sweatpants, where a visible bulge has begun to form again. It takes everything in his power to restrain himself from just pulling Soobin’s length out himself and shoving it into his mouth without abandon or any sense of shame.
“That so, baby?” Soobin murmurs sweetly. “Kai-yah wants my cock in his mouth?”
All Kai can do is nod dumbly as he clambers off Soobin’s lap far too quickly and onto the floor, practically frothing at the mouth as he tugs Soobin’s sweatpants down to mouth desperately at his bulge through his underwear. He looks up puppy-eyed and innocent at Soobin, who is merely transfixed by the sight. A wet spot has formed at the front of his boxer-briefs from the sheer amount of Kai’s saliva.
“So needy,” Soobin laughs, before finally pulling his underwear down to reveal his hard cock. He rubs the tip slightly across Kai’s cheek, smearing a bit of pre-cum in the process. “I’m not going anywhere, Kai-yah.”
“So big,” Kai whispers mindlessly, as though he’s seeing it for the first time, even though it’s been in his mouth and hole more times than he can possibly count. Though Kai’s hands aren’t small by any means, when he takes Soobin into his hands, two of them stacked on top of each other still don’t cover the entire length, and one hand barely wraps around the entire thickness of it. “Everything about you is just so big.”
He starts with kittenish, playful licks at the head and across the length, focusing on the underside of the tip—where he knows Soobin is sensitive. Just as he predicted, Soobin tangles his hand into his hair, pushing Kai’s head down and guiding his cock further into his eager mouth.
Soobin rests heavy on Kai’s tongue; his mouth feels like it’s about to burst at the seams around the man’s sizable girth. He bobs up and down, slowly sliding Soobin in and out of his mouth so that just the tip brushes against the back of his mouth, lavishing every inch with his tongue. He slides his tongue fervently across a prominent vein on the underside, which has Soobin hissing and gripping his hair even tighter.
Where his mouth can’t reach, he works Soobin’s cock with his hands, fondling his balls gently. Feeling daring, he slides off Soobin’s cock and pushes it back slightly to pop one of Soobin’s balls into his mouth instead, sucking lightly, and Soobin keens. He sounds almost pained when Kai lets go to swallow his length again.
“You look so good like this, baby,” Soobin praises. “On your knees for me.”
Kai merely hums around Soobin’s cock, coating it copiously with spit. He thinks he could very easily get addicted to this: the slightly musky taste, the way not even the whole thing just barely fits in his mouth, the waterfall of praises flowing from Soobin’s lips.
“Fuck, your throat feels so good,” the older man moans. “Think you can take it all the way like you used to?”
Determined to prove himself, Kai responds not with words, but by diving his mouth further on Soobin’s length, as he helps by feeding Kai each inch. He can feel Soobin bulging out of his throat, tears forming at the corners of his eyes as he inhales sharply. He’s not more than three-fourths of the way before he has to stop for reprieve, releasing Soobin’s dick from his mouth with a gasp, gagging slightly.
“You okay?” Soobin asks, worry creasing his features. Kai nods, breathing becoming more regular. “Don’t force yourself.”
But Kai is nothing if not a trooper. He’s done it before, and he can do it again—anything for Soobin. Slowly, inhaling through his nose, he takes him in his mouth again, inch by inch, until his lips are finally at the base, looking up at a shocked Soobin with tears in his eyes. He lets his mouth sit there for a good five seconds, all he can take before he starts seeing black spots in his vision and thus has to pull off with a shuddering gasp, tears fully streaming down his face, choking and sputtering and gasping for oxygen.
He is the picture of ruination. Ruined by Soobin’s cock.
“Good boy,” Soobin says affectionately, caressing his cheek to wipe the tears away and ruffling Kai’s fluffy hair. “You were so, so good for me, Kai-yah. You always have been.”
Kai can only look up at him with a teary, dumb smile, drunk on his own love and lust.
Soobin gets up from his seat, taking his sweatpants and underwear off and tossing them aside before kneeling down to pick Kai up, carrying him bridal-style to his bed. He gently places Kai down on the mattress, kissing his forehead before rummaging through his drawers for lube and condoms.
It’s the same small ebony bed frame that Soobin had from his old apartment with Beomgyu, the same size as those in the freshman dormitories. Kai recognizes it from countless nights spent over at their old apartment. It had always been difficult to get space on that tiny bed—Soobin excused not spending extra money on a full because he’d “have to get new sheets and everything, so.”
Despite awkward memories of their long limbs falling off the edges of the bed, Kai feels a strange wave of nostalgia wash across him. He had forgotten what it felt like to sit in between heaven and hell on a Twin XL until now. He never thought he’d miss it.
Soobin returns with a barely-touched bottle of lube and a strip of condoms in hand, setting them on the corner of the mattress. Kai shucks off his already-unzipped jeans and boxer briefs, tossing them at the side of the bed, lost among Soobin’s other clothes.
“On your stomach, baby,” the blond commands. “Gonna prep you now.”
Kai obeys without a word, turning his body over so that his perfectly round ass juts out toward the older man, arching his back off the bed. His achingly hard dick bobs lightly against his stomach, desperate for any sort of attention. Soobin drizzles the lube over his fingers and Kai’s twitching hole, making Kai jerk slightly from the unexpected coldness. He spreads the substance around the rim, circling it with his fingers before easing one inside.
The younger squeaks at the intrusion, digging his fingers into the sheets. It’s been a while since he’s touched himself like that, let alone been touched by anyone else—jerking off has usually sufficed, and anal play clean-up is just so tedious. He feels impossibly tight, a little uncomfortable, even around just Soobin’s finger; he can tell that the other man is holding himself back out of fear of hurting Kai.
Soobin thrusts his finger in shallowly at first, not daring to breach Kai’s hole beyond about half of his finger—it’s obvious that nothing has been inside of him for quite a while. But as Kai quickly adjusts to the width of Soobin’s finger, the discomfort gradually starts morphing into pleasure.
The blond inserts a second finger, and then a third, pumping them to the base in and out of Kai’s greedy hole, creating wet squelching noises with each movement. Kai wails as Soobin rubs his fingers against his prostate in a rocking motion, twitching uncontrollably on the bed. Spitting into his free hand, Soobin mercifully wraps it around Kai’s weeping cock, thumbing the tip and jacking him off.
“Fuck, you’re so sexy, Kai-yah,” Soobin murmurs, littering wet, open-mouthed kisses all over Kai’s ass, teasingly biting the flesh as he continues fingering him open.
“Don’t say it like that!” Kai gasps, flushing to the tips of his ears. “You sound like a total virgin.”
“Basically am,” Soobin admits. “Haven’t fucked anyone else since you, didn’t want to if it wasn’t you.”
“Me neither—fuck!” Kai gasps as Soobin rubs against his prostate again, and before he knows it, he’s spurting cum all over Soobin’s fingers and his stomach.
“F-fuck,” he sobs, looking down to see pearly white drip onto the sheets and his dick going soft again, hanging limply. His pliant body crumples in on itself, coming undone. “Fuck.”
“Oh, Kai, baby,” Soobin chides. “You really came just from my fingers? Before I even got inside you. I barely even touched your cock. You’re really still that sensitive?”
“Only for you. Only for you, Soobinnie. You’ve ruined me for anyone else, even myself,” he mumbles, burying his head into the mattress in utter shame.
“Mm. Think you can cum again for me in a bit, baby?” Soobin asks, massaging the younger’s creamy thighs. Kai only responds with a high-pitched moan, muffled by the sheets.
“Hm? Use your words, Kai-yah.”
“Yes, Soobinnie,” Kai moans. “Just…give me a bit. Please.”
“Of course, baby,” Soobin says, rubbing the small of Kai’s back. He lays down next to the black-haired man, turning him on his side so that they can face each other. He presses sweet, tender kisses to Kai’s forehead and lips, gazing into his eyes with an immeasurable degree of fondness.
“Everything about you is so pretty,” Soobin whispers, the palm of his hand lovingly ghosting down the prominent curves of Kai’s naked body.
“You think I’m pretty, Soobinnie?” There’s an implicit still that Kai doesn’t dare let fall from his lips.
“Pretty isn’t the right word. I think you’re fucking beautiful, Kai-yah. Still do.”
Kai swallows, his throat suddenly tightening up and lip trembling against his will. He feels his eyes turning glassy again. He’s forgotten what it feels like to be this loved.
“I missed you, Soobin-ah,” he confesses. “So, so fucking much.”
“I missed you too, Kai-yah,” Soobin replies back, nuzzling his face into the crook of Kai’s neck. “Even after all this time. It’s always been you. It has to be.”
Kai has only known what it feels like to be loved by Soobin, but he doesn’t want to learn it from anyone else.
“Put it in,” Kai whimpers. “Please.”
“Put what in, baby?”
Kai curls up in on himself, covering his reddening face with his fingers. “Ugh, you’re so…your cock, Soobin. Put it inside me. Please. Feels so empty.”
“See how easy that was?” Soobin teases, pinching Kai’s ass, making Kai swat his arm away. He sits up, extending his arm out to grab the condom strip at the foot of the bed, but before he can tear one off, Kai firmly grabs his arm.
“No,” he gasps. “No condom.”
“No?”
“No. Wanna—no, need to feel you. Need to feel all of you, Soobinnie.”
And Kai knows he’s a sucker for Soobin, but Soobin might be even worse. As Soobin stares down into Kai’s glossy, fucked-out eyes, he knows that the blond is an absolute goner.
“Fuck, Kai… you’re really something, you know that?”
Soobin grabs the lube and squeezes a dollop into his palm, and then proceeds to toss the condoms on the floors somewhere (good riddance) before laying back down on his side. Quickly pecking Kai on the cheek, he takes his cock in his hand and slicks it up with a gratuitous amount of lube. He then turns Kai’s body around so that his back is against Soobin’s chest and lifts the younger’s leg up, allowing him to line the tip up with Kai’s entrance. Kai squirms a bit, feeling the bulbous head prodding against his rim.
“I’ll go slow,” Soobin whispers, before he’s pushing the tip inside Kai. The younger gasps, his hole meeting Soobin with a little bit of resistance, before enveloping him with its warmth. Though Soobin’s fingers had well-prepared him, they still feel like nothing compared to the actual stretch of his cock. Kai feels vaguely like he’s being split open, and only the head is inside so far.
Soobin, ever-observant, notices Kai’s slight discomfort. He cups Kai’s face and gently turns it around to meet his own, distracting him with a languid kiss. He sucks tenderly on Kai’s bottom lip, playing with his tongue, as he pushes himself in further gradually, Kai moaning wantonly into his mouth. When he’s finally a little over halfway in, he begins thrusting shallowly into Kai, allowing him time to adjust to Soobin’s overwhelming size.
Kai’s walls clench around him like a vice. He can feel all of Soobin: the ridges, the veins, the way they all drag inside of him with every moment—fuck that stupid piece of latex (Taehyun would absolutely murder him and then lecture his dead body for saying that—okay, ew, thinking about Taehyun during sex is going to kill his boner). With the lack of condom and his dizzying high, the sensations feel infinitely amped up.
But it’s still not enough—far from it, truthfully. Kai is always greedy for more, and he won’t be truly satiated until Soobin is buried inside him to the hilt and pumping him full to the brim with his seed, until his hole is molded to the shape of Soobin’s cock.
“You take me so well, Kai-yah. So tight and warm for me. I can see it going in and out of you from here,” Soobin groans, angling his thrusts progressively deeper into the younger man, watching the way the tight ring of muscle sucks him in. Kai is a complete mess next to him, mouth stuck agape, drooling lightly into Soobin’s pillow, moaning unabashedly, not bothering in the slightest to hold back the tears flowing freely from his eyes.
“Hngh—need more, Soobin-ah,” he begs through those cute little noises. “Need you all—ah!—the way inside.”
“Get on your back, then. Wanna see your pretty face while I fuck you full,” Soobin says, pulling out of Kai, who whines at the loss, hole clenching around nothing. He maneuvers himself onto his knees in front of Kai and spreads the boy’s legs apart, a copious amount of lube glistening against the rim and surrounding skin. Kai is hard again, the tip flushed a pretty red and sticky with pre-cum, begging for Soobin’s touch.
Missionary has always been Kai and Soobin’s favorite position by a long shot—call them vanilla, but they’ll defend their choice with their lives. Don’t get them wrong, they enjoy a variety of positions in the bedroom: backshots are fun, Soobin loves gripping Kai’s hips and slapping his ass until his hand is imprinted in red across it as he pounds hard and fast into him, and Kai loves the feeling of being so deeply penetrated. Soobin enjoys Kai riding him equally; Kai is beautiful, but he’s even more beautiful when he’s bouncing on Soobin’s dick, and although Kai has always preferred being submissive, he enjoys exerting dominance over Soobin sometimes for a power trip. And kissing while Soobin fucks him nice and slow from the side always has Kai coming undone in seconds.
But missionary, Soobin towering over him while he’s splayed out on the mattress like this, giving Kai an impeccable view as he pushes himself into Kai’s inviting heat with a groan, drawing out the prettiest moans from Kai’s plush, pink lips—this must be what heaven feels like. Kai savors the impossibly wide stretch as Soobin finally bottoms out, the entirety of his length completely inside Kai.
“Look, Kai-yah,” he whispers. “You took me all inside. So perfect and desperate for my cock, huh?”
Kai doesn’t even have any room in him to deny the accusation. It isn’t like Soobin is lying or exaggerating, anyway. All he can do is smile deliriously, happily stuffed full of Soobin’s cock.
Only a second or so later does Soobin start to pull out before slamming himself right back into Kai, right against his prostate, making him swear violently and arch his back off the bed. He knows Soobin gets off on this kind of thing—fucking Kai until he’s a writhing, sobbing mess beneath him—equally as much as he loves sentimental and sappy sex. He can feel it reflected in the way Soobin pounds into him, can feel it in the weight of Soobin’s balls slapping against his ass as he buries himself over and over again deep inside of Kai’s guts, spitting out almost every curse and expletive under the sun.
It’s all so familiar, it’s all so characteristically Soobin, and Kai is more than content to drown in this.
Kai is absolutely wrecked, hiccuping with each hard thrust, begging Soobin for all that he can possibly give him. It’s almost the same as from his memories: this same bed frame, this same position, that same unshakeable reverence in Soobin’s eyes, as he tells Kai several times over that he wonders how he got so lucky. Wrapping his arms around Soobin’s neck, he pulls him down and hugs him tight as he cries into his shoulder. He thinks he might feel embarrassment in the morning from being this vulnerable, if he even remembers any of it.
“F-fuck,” Kai sobs. “I love you, Soobin-ah, love you so much, I—”
“I love you too, Kai-yah—fuck,” Soobin hisses, snapping his hips against Kai, searing their lips together in a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss.
“I don’t think,” Soobin confesses, thrusts growing slower in pace, “that I can…last much longer, Kai, baby…have to pull out—”
“No!” Kai yelps, hole instinctively clenching around Soobin’s dick even tighter. “Don’t. Don’t pull out. Cum inside me, please, Soobinnie.”
“Fuck, Kai,” Soobin groans. “Don’t say things like that when you know I can’t say no.”
“Please,” Kai half-begs, half-cries. “I want it, I know you want to. Please, please come inside me, need to be so full of your cum, please.”
And when Kai is staring at him like that, eyes glossy with need and devotion, who is Soobin to deny him?
Hips stuttering to a halt, Soobin groans as he spills his release inside Kai, pumping him full of cum as Kai cries out, painting his own stomach in pearlescent streaks of white, coming untouched. Kai can feel the way Soobin’s dick twitches erratically inside him, can feel the short spurts of warmth against the walls of his hole. When Soobin pulls out, a messy mixture of cum and lube leaks from Kai’s entrance and onto the sheets.
“So messy,” Kai giggles stupidly, dipping a finger inside himself and popping it inside his mouth to taste. “Hm, not bad. Have you been eating a lot of pineapple, Soobin-ah?”
“Wh—shut up! And you asked for it,” Soobin exclaims, rolling his eyes. “I’ll change them in the morning. They needed to be changed soon anyway. Let’s go shower and sleep, you’re all sticky and gross.”
Soobin picks up Kai gently in his arms, spoiling him with kisses as he carries him like a princess to the shower. And if they spend more time in the shower kissing than washing each other off, if they spend more time cuddling than actually trying to sleep, a tangle of limbs beneath Soobin’s blankets—well, that’s between the two of them.
Waking up to Soobin’s face in the morning is a sight that has become unfamiliar, but a welcome one, nonetheless. The sunlight peeks through the window curtains, illuminating his ex-boyfriend’s—actually, maybe that’s not the right word, lover’s?—face in a radiant halo. He’s snoring softly, which Kai has always found weirdly endearing. Kai checks the clock on the nightstand. It’s a little past noon. He can’t remember exactly when they went to sleep; it must have been around one or two in the morning.
“Wake up, Soobin-ah,” Kai whispers softly, lightly shaking the man awake.
“Hm?” Soobin replies groggily, rubbing at his eyes. “Good morning, Kai-yah,” he mumbles sleepily, pulling Kai closer into his arms, to which Kai responds by nuzzling his nose against Soobin’s.
“Good morning, Soobin-ah. I feel like we should probably talk about what happened,” Kai says.
“Huh?” Soobin is suddenly wide-awake now, palpable alarm on his features. “Is it, like. Do you, um…regret what happened?”
“No!” Kai exclaims, before clutching his hand to his mouth after getting shocked by his own volume level. “No, not at all. I wanted it, but I just. I’m thinking about it now, and we probably shouldn’t have gone… that far,” he adds quietly. “It’s too late now, but.”
“Maybe, but if we both wanted to, then isn’t that all that matters?” Soobin questions, genuine confusion written on his features.
“It’s just that…well, you said you wanted to get back together. I don’t know if having sex right after we properly talked for the first time in a year is the best way to start our relationship again.”
“Eh, probably not, but it doesn’t have to be like that, Kai-yah. At least, I don’t see it like that. We were already together before, it’s not like we’re building an entire relationship off just a hook-up. But if you want to take things slow from here on out, I can be patient, I promise. I waited for you for almost a year. Trust me, I’m a pro at this.”
“I want to take it a bit slow, yeah, if you’re okay with that. I just don’t want to rush things and make the same mistakes we did last time. But I’m willing to give it a shot again. Honest.”
Soobin’s eyes light up at that, and then he’s squishing Kai’s cheeks together until the younger’s lips are duck-like in shape, cooing at him like Kai’s relatives whenever he comes home to visit for the holidays.
“Of course I’m okay with that, Kai-yah. As long as you’re with me. But I knew you couldn’t resist me,” he teases.
Kai rolls his eyes, refusing to stroke his—boyfriend’s? That’s not quite the right word for it right now, but he hopes it can be in the future—ego. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
“You did, actually. Last night.”
“Weirdo.”
That familiar, almost domestic feeling worms its way inside Kai’s brain again at that, and he can’t help but beam. Being with Soobin like this, making fun of each other one second and then being consumed with love in the next. He feels whole again.
“By the way,” Soobin adds, “I meant all of what I said last night. I didn’t forget. When I said I still loved you…that was me, not the weed or soju talking.”
“Me too,” Kai whispers back. “I meant it, too.”
Soobin presses a chaste kiss to Kai’s lips, clasping their hands together and drawing the blankets tighter over their bodies. He can hear that Odi has woken as well up by the sound of his wheel turning. “What do they say again? Second time’s the charm?”
“It’s third time, Soobin.”
“Mm, well then I’m creating a new saying. ‘Cause I’m not letting go of you ever again.”
“So corny, Soobin-ah.”
“You love it.” Kai does.
“You know, you never told me why you started selling weed, by the way,” Kai comments, absentmindedly tracing patterns on Soobin’s bare chest.
“I, uh, well. It’s kind of a stupid reason. Promise you won’t laugh.”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“…I was using the money to buy a skin for my main on League.”
“Xayah?” Kai dissolves into a fit of giggles. “Pfft, you’re so silly. I don’t know why I expected anything less from you.”
“You promised you won’t laugh!” Soobin shouts indignantly. Kai smacks him with the pillow, and before they know it, Soobin is tackling him down on the mattress with his deadly secret weapon of tickles as Kai fights back through his laughter, dizzy with adoration. Yes, this is something he could get used to again.
It’s all so familiar, it’s all so characteristically Soobin, and this time, Kai drowns in it with a smile.