Chapter Text
Prologue
He was twelve years old when it happened.
One moment he was pleasantly asleep, dreaming a dream of which he wouldn't be able to recall the content of later on. The next moment his door slammed open, ripping him out of his peaceful sleep instantly.
Heart beating like mad, he sat up in bed and stared wide eyed at his older brother. "Itachi-niisan?" he whispered; his voice still rough with sleep. "What's going on?"
"Sasuke, I need you to get up now," Itachi said tersely and there was something in his face, something in the way his eyes flashed and gleamed that scared the younger boy.
"Why?" he asked and clumsily slid from underneath his blankets; his feet landing on the ground with a soft 'thump'.
"There are bad people here and I need you to hide," Itachi spoke hurriedly and practically dragged him to the wardrobe, pushing his clothes aside. "Get in here and don't move, no matter what you hear, okay? Don't say anything, keep as quiet as possible. I already called the police and they should be here soon."
Now wide awake, adrenaline coursing through his body at the thought that their house was being invaded, Sasuke grabbed Itachi's wrists. "Stay here with me," he pleaded and flinched when something shattered downstairs.
"I can't. I need to help our parents distract them. It's going to be fine, otouto," Itachi said soothingly, unflinching even when another crash rebounded through the house. "I just need you to stay quiet for me, okay? Can you do that?"
Sasuke nodded silently even as panic slowly started to wrap around his chest, making it harder for him to breathe.
"Good," Itachi smiled and brought their foreheads together briefly. "It'll be okay, I promise. Hide in here and remember: don't make a sound."
As soon as Sasuke had clambered inside and his clothes had been pulled back to hide him from view, the doors of his wardrobe closed, leaving him in complete darkness. He heard the hurried footsteps of his older brother leaving the room before his door was pulled shut.
Wrapping his arms around his raised legs, he huddled into one of the corners; his heart thundering madly in his chest, fear coursing through his veins. People were shouting incomprehensibly; their voices drifting upstairs, and he clenched his eyes shut, biting down on his lip so that he wouldn't accidentally make some noise and betray his hiding place.
He was so scared. Who were this people and what did they want? Why were they fighting?
A loud thunderous noise boomed through the house suddenly as if something heavy had fallen down and he curled up tighter into a ball; his breath escaping him in hot pants, as his nails dug into the soft flesh of his palms when he clenched his hands into fists.
He wondered fearfully whether he shouldn't do something to help. He was an Alpha, just like brother and father, and Alpha protected their homes, right? He needed to protect his mother, make sure she was safe and all right. He couldn't leave her there downstairs; not with how much of a struggle his brother and father audibly had with the intruders. It was dangerous for mother; at the very least they could hide together in one of the rooms.
He raised his head and pushed away from the wall of the closet before he froze; his brother's voice echoing in his mind: "Get in here and don't move, no matter what you hear, okay?"
Right, he had promised Itachi that he would stay here and wouldn't make any noises at all. He had to keep as quiet as possible. He couldn't go against his brother's wishes. They might be both Alpha, but Itachi was still stronger than him and he didn't want to disappoint his brother by disobeying him.
On the other hand, what if they needed his help? Should he go or not? Should he disobey Itachi? He'd probably be mad afterwards, but …
"You hiding something in there?!" a man suddenly barked right outside his room and Sasuke froze; fear petrifying him.
They were upstairs.
"Leave before I make you regret it!" Itachi's voice snarled back and then there was even more shouting, the sounds of a heavy fight right outside Sasuke's bedroom, grunts of pain; the man shouting at someone else to come help him …
The noises melted together until it became one incomprehensible mess and Sasuke's ears were ringing and there was more screaming, yelling, wailing outside …
Car doors slamming, shouting downstairs, thumping against his wall, against the door and then …
Nothing. Silence upstairs.
But in his head they kept screaming.
They told him Itachi had clung on to life long enough to ensure his little brother would be in safe hands. The moment he'd seen a police woman coming upstairs with her weapon drawn, he'd closed his eyes and hadn't woken up anymore.
The police had been three minutes too late; held up by some cars which hadn't wanted to move out of the way, despite the sirens and the flashing lights.
His parents and his brother were buried on a dreary September day and the service attracted many people. The Uchiha family had been popular in their town; his parents had been heavily involved in charity and his brother had been the most popular guy in school. It was no wonder then that so many people came to pay their respects. Father's colleagues showed up, expressing their sorrow solemnly and mother's friends assured him he could always go to them if he needed help.
Itachi's friends kept their distance save for one: Deidara.
His long, blond hair was for once tied together in a low ponytail and he was dressed in a black suit – a sharp contrast to the bright colours he normally preferred.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun," Deidara murmured when he approached him.
When Sasuke looked up, he met red rimmed but dry blue eyes; the older boy looking pale and withdrawn. He remembered mother insisting he should leave Itachi and Deidara alone just two weeks ago and when he'd asked her why, she had just giggled and told him he would find out soon.
He would never get the chance now to find out what she'd meant back then.
He didn't know what to say to the Omega standing in front of him and just nodded, lips pressed together. Deidara offered him a sad smile and squeezed his shoulder before he walked away, swallowed up in the sea of black suits and dresses.
An hour after everyone else had left he was still standing in front of the grave, staring blankly at the three names etched into the stone.
He didn't know what he was supposed to do now. Should he return home? Home where nothing but silence would greet him, where the ghosts of his family wandered around. A place that no longer felt like home, not when he just had lost everything.
He'd lost everything because he'd been too weak. If only he'd been stronger, he could have helped father and Itachi. He could have protected mother, maybe could have made a difference.
If he'd been stronger, maybe his family would still be alive.
If he hadn't been so weak, he wouldn't be standing here now, staring at a stone which held the ashes of his family.
He didn't move when footsteps slowly approached him. Didn't look up when the man – an Alpha – halted next to him in front of the grave. They were silent for a while until the man sighed softly.
"Don't know if you remember me, kid, but I'm a friend of your brother," he muttered.
Sasuke turned his head and stared at him. The man had silver grey hair, but he looked quite young; young enough to have known his brother at least. The lower half of his face was hidden behind a black scarf and his hands were stuffed in the pockets of his leather jacket. Black eyes stared back at him without a trace of that annoying pity he'd seen in most people's eyes today.
"Didn't know my brother hung out with old geezers," he muttered, eyeing the man distrustfully.
The corners of his eyes crinkled and Sasuke had the impression the man was amused. "Mah, I guess I should consider dying my hair black again, huh? I'm quite fond of this colour, though. Name's Kakashi."
"Okay, what are you doing here?" Sasuke turned back to the grave, staring at it. Maybe if he stared at it hard enough, he would feel something else than this weird emptiness inside of him.
"I'm your new guardian. I came here to pick you up."
"Like hell you are!" Sasuke bit out and took a step back, balling his hands into fists. "I don't even know you, how can you be my guardian?!"
Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "Well, it's more like I offered." He shrugged. "I overheard some of your family talking, wondering who would take you in. Their issue is that they all live quite far away, so you would have to move to a completely different town and start school anew there. They didn't want to take you away from your home, but they can't move out here either. So I offered." He shrugged again.
"Out of the goodness of your heart?" Sasuke sneered.
Kakashi cocked his head to the right, studying him intently. "Nothing like that, to be honest. More like out of respect for your brother."
That quietened Sasuke down and he glanced away, staring at the ground. He didn't care who became his guardian. What did it matter anyway? No matter how you looked at it, he was alone now. He could move in with another family member, but he barely knew them; only saw them once a year at most during their big family get togethers.
But he didn't want to stay here either.
His chest constricted painfully and he wrapped his arms around himself, biting down hard on his lower lip. He couldn't stay here anymore. He couldn't stand the thought of living with the ghosts of his family day in day out, knowing it was his fault they weren't here anymore. He didn't need his nightmares to tell him what he already knew.
He didn't want to keep walking through a house drenched in blood.
He started walking away, back to the entrance. "Fine, you can be my guardian. But I'm moving away from here."
"I suppose that can be arranged if you really want to. You're sure you want to leave your home, though?"
He'd never been surer about something.
He left most of the packing up to Kakashi, ignoring his complaining and whining about it. He'd tried packing up the books in the living room, but every time he entered that room, all he could see was his mother's dead body sprawled in front of the couch, his father on top of her; blood pooling out of them and soaking through the carpet. Even with all the cleaning that had been done after the police's investigation had been finished, nothing could get rid of the dark stain on the wooden floors.
When he walked upstairs, all he could see was his brother's lifeless body blocking the entrance to his bedroom; bloody handprints trailing down the doorframe from when he'd sagged down, no longer able to stand up.
He slept in a guestroom for his remaining time in the house.
"You ready to go?" Kakashi peered up at him from the bottom of the staircase.
Outside the truck containing all the furniture from the house drove away, bringing the stuff to the local second hand store.
The house they would be moving into was newly furnished; the only things Sasuke would be taking from this house were collected in the bag he held in his hand. He didn't want anything else.
"Yep, let's go," he said curtly, walking downstairs, past the older Alpha and straight outside.
"You don't want to say goodbye to anyone?"
"No." He climbed into the car before Kakashi could go on about it.
Kakashi looked at him, but stepped into the car and started it without any more commentary. Sasuke refused to look outside and slumped down in the seat, preparing himself for a long drive.
Away from the house he'd called his home for the first twelve years of his life.
"The headmaster said you can start next Monday," Kakashi announced, handing him a plate with steaming lasagne on it. The older man was in an Italian mood this week.
Sasuke grunted in acknowledgement and started eating. Starting on Monday left him with three days of nothing to do. Fantastic.
"Try to make some friends at least, okay? You can't stay hidden inside your room the entire time," Kakashi chided him, but all he got was a foul glare in response.
Sasuke wasn't interested in making friends, didn't want to make any new connections point blank. The space his parents and his brother had occupied was now nothing but a giant gaping hole; one which hurt and ached and smarted, even though it had already been four months since he'd lost them. Wasn't time supposed to heal all wounds?
If so, when would it finally stop hurting?
"Well, the meeting with your teacher went well," Kakashi announced when he entered the living room in late February. He dropped down on the couch with a low groan and stretched his arms. He side eyed Sasuke, before commenting, "You might want to do something about your social skills, though. Your teacher is getting worried about your lack of involvement in the class."
"Don't care," Sasuke muttered, staring at the television screen where the evening news was playing.
"Sasuke, it's been a year," Kakashi said quietly. When he didn't get a response, he sighed and stood up again. "I'm going to start on dinner. Just think about what I said, okay? It won't kill you to make one friend at least."
No, but it might leave him hurt.
His family's death had torn him apart, left him raw and aching. He'd loved his family and now they were gone, leaving him completely alone.
"Your parents and your brother loved you so much!"
"He loved you so much he was willing to die for you."
But he'd never wanted his brother to die for him. What did it matter how much his parents and brother had loved him, when they were gone now? Had left him behind to face the world on his own. Empty reassurances which did shit for him.
He never wanted to feel this pain again. Didn't want to leave himself vulnerable again to love only to have it snatched away again. What was the point of love when it hurt this much?
There was no point.
Never again would he leave himself so vulnerable. The pain he felt wasn't worth anything.
Not even love.
Never again.