Pained Success

by orphan_account

Summary:

”𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨.”

”𝘕𝘰 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨.”

”𝘈𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶.”

...

”𝘍𝘪𝘯𝘦. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦.”

Or, Technoblade, a top achiever who's avoided burnout for far too long. His stress and priorities catch up to him and now he needs to ask for assistance to get back on top.

Notes:

Hii everyone :) starting off, thx for coming down to actually read this shit, highly appreciated <3 second off all pls do read all the triggers in the tags, don't wanna cause problems for anyone!

Other than all of that jazz, hope you all enjoy! ;)

Chapter 1: I know exactly what I want and who i want to be.

Summary:

An introduction to the life of Techno Blade.

Notes:

Hiii first chapter's here :D! I've been meaning to write this fic for quite a while and immve been trying to think up of an original enough storyline,,, I hope you all enjoy it and give me some help along the way :)

Anyways, do read the tags for any trigger just incase I forget to mention them here!

But other than that! Please do enjoy :))

Title from the song "Oh no! By MARINA.

"Good morning class." Miss Puffy greets with a beaming smile on her face.

Everyone greets back quite tiredly. Techno scrolls through his phone underneath the table.

"Starting off the day, your test results are back and I'm very proud of how the majority of you have done. Give yourselves a round of applause." She says, walking over to her table and picking the papers up from her table as everyone cheers and claps. Technoblade smiles, it's almost unnoticeable but he does.

She begins to hand out the papers and many students walks over to their friends and show each other their results, other get up from their seats and cheer and it's just a loud way to start off the morning. Techno doesn't mind, he has his headphones in and soft Minecraft music playing as he waits for his paper.

He wasn't always one to stress out about his mark. It might be a little egotistical to some but he knows his marks are always above average. The teachers have said so, the principal has said so and so have his parents. He was smart and he knew he was, everyone knew he was. He thought fast and works to pass like his life depended on it. Because it practically did, if he failed he can't get anywhere in life and what kind of 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 do you need to be to fail? Not Techno, 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 Techno. (That whole thought was all slash j please-)

"Techno." She calls out and slides the paper over to him with the brightest smile on her face. Techno smiles back awkwardly as he flips his paper over.

”87%”
”𝘎𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰! ツ”

He smiles at the little compliment. His teachers often did that on his paper and drew a small smiley face next to it. It's nice to have even if you've seen it all the way from first grade to tenth. He loves seeing the small details they add.

The day goes as per usual. He goes to each class, some teachers hand out tests, some give out homework and assignments and some just give them free time. The day flies by and break comes along. With that, his friends.

"Ayup." his brother greets with a wave. Brunette hair, brown eyes and a long lanky body, Wilbur. His assumed 'twin' just because of how similar they were to one another. Both have similar shades of brown hair, both has similar soil eyes, both have similar humour and more. The only difference would be their accents some say.

"Hullooo." He greets back with enough enthusiasm, waving all his friends over.

There was Wilbur, Niki, Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo all together.

They've all been friends since they were younger, of course his brothers don't count. Some found earlier and some later but all thicker than thieves.

They all pair up and head over to their spot. As they walk, Tommy was pouting and occasionally punching Tubbo or Ranboo in the arm. Techno watches them closely, trying to break down each of Tommy's moves and what emotion they're attatched to. The punching is anger and the pouting is seemingly disappointment. He wants to ask but Tommy being angry is not something you'd like to deal with.

But he likes to live on the edge and he can quickly escape judging by the fact that he is faster than him.

"Tommy you good?" Wilbur asks first before Techno can. He sighs in relief as Wil takes the bait like the dumb fish he was. Now he just watches on the sidelines.

As Tommy does when he is angry, he glares, pouts, attacks and gets all defensive. It's all in his body movements and tone.

The boy, as expected, glares at Wil who just raises an expectant brow.

"Leave me alone." He sneers, his face shifting to a scowling look.

"Tell me what's wrong." He pushes, stopping the boy by grabbing his shoulder. Techno wants to stop too but he doesn't want to intrude. So he follows the rest of his friends who all seem to pick up that Tommy's upset so they all step away and stay on the guidelines.

Tommy turns to the man and his scowl deepens to something toxic. Wilbur on the other hand does not look intimidated at all, almost like he was more willing to push the issues out of him, even if it ends in him having a black eye. As expected from him.

"Fuck you. I don't need to tell you anything."

"I don't need you to." He responds with that sly smile. He always does this whenever a situation becomes a little too intense for him and the people around him. To respond in a way that throws off the opponent.

Tommy looks like he's about to fight back with a quick insult but the boy blanks and steps back, all confused and voice high with elation. "What?"

"I don't need you to. You want me to fight you so the truth comes out 'easier'." he explains with air quotations. Techno wants to hug the boy, he looks so very lost and confused like a puppy that's seen a potential opponent but it only just looks at them and walks off. Not prideful or cocky, just to themselves.

Tommy blinks over and over again turning to his friends and trying to find answers on their faces like they were a written script, but there's nothing. He then turns to Techno and mouths for help. Techno shrugs and fold his arms, lips sealed to a thin line.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Tommy interjects, making two steps towards Wilbur as if he were challenging him. Once again, Wilbur doesn't look moved nor scared.

"I'm not really into fighting y'know," Wilbur explains as he steps forward once and lays a hand on the blond's head, fingers digging into his scalp past the golden hair and, almost like some sort of magic trick or sorcery of some sort that he's seen all his life, Tommy goes all limp and Wilbur manages to catch him.

Techno's decided that he was low-key tired of waiting on the sidelines and decides to join in. Niki shortly follows behind and soon it's everyone.

"Y'all alright?" He asks as Niki peaks over his shoulder.

"Yup. Just calming the gremlin down." Wilbur answers, fingers running through his hair, undoing all the knots gently.

"Is it that easy to disable him?" Ranboo asks out of nowhere and everyone turns to him. Techno's honestly forgot the boy was even here at all with his silence.

"That's an interestin' question coming from you Ranboo." Techno comments and everyone begins to laugh while Ranboo just nervously shuffles from side to side giggling.

"Let me go you witch." Tommy mutters, his voices slightly muffled by Wilbur's shirt. Wilbur giggles and lets his hand off. Tommy shoots back up and start yelling swears and threats at seemingly everyone as they continue to get to their spot.

Wilbur's arms are thrown over Techno and Ranboo and those three begin to talk about how numbers and letters are pronounced. Of course it's a losing battle for Wilbur because he is just wrong automatically.

…

The school day ends and Techno heads home with tons of homework, assignments and luckily no projects. Today was a good day. It's a usual repeat but he likes it that way. It's nice to have things in order and he knows what to do. It feel great, he feels great. His brothers bicker about behind him and he chooses to drown out the noise.

He opens up the front door and a cloud of dust immediately drowns out all his senses. He sneezes over and over again, his eyes begin to water as he sways his hand in front of him back and forth, trying to rid the dust. Somebody, or his parents must be cleaning.

"Jesus Christ man! You good?" Tommy asks as Techno takes a few stumbling steps back. Wilbur is the first to catch him.

"I'm fine," another sneeze, "-just very dusty inside." Another long string of sneezes flood out of him and he's going to lose his mind if they don't stop.

"Block your nose. Wil's clearing the way." Tommy instructs. Techno does so and holds onto his brother's hand, following the lead.

As soon as they enter the house, he can see Wilbur flailing his hands in the air and Phil nervously trying to help out. Kristin was the one holding a broom and looking at him with a snarky smile. He pouts and sticks out a tongue at her, she does it back. Yes Techno becomes a literal child with his mother.

"Okay you can go now Tech." Wil calls out, still dramatically swaying his arms around. Techno quickly breaks into a run while blocking his nose. Goddamn sinuses suck.

He manages to get to his room and shuts the door. He drops his hand from his nose and inhales carefully. He is relieved to find that his room wasn't as dusty as the whole house was or else he'd just disintegrate. Moving onwards from all that, he gets out all his books and sorts them out from most important and least. From there, he starts to work away, headphones in and soft Minecraft music plays as he picks up his materials and begins his work.

…

Four hours or even less, Techno doesn't know. Phil was the time guy, not him. Anyways, some time has passed and he is almost done with everything. His math equations done, his three thousand word essays for English were done and so on. Just left with the tests that his parents needed to sign and he'd be done with a quarter of the things he needed to do for the day.

He was sure there were bags under his eyes, there always was. That's just an indication that he needs to get used to more work because once University comes around, it'll get far harder than that. He doesn't like things being difficult so he repeats it for as long as he can. Wake up, get breakfast and get to school, work, get home, work work work, study, dinner then bedtime.

Yeah, his day must so very boring to be constantly working but it'll get him far in life and his future self would be proud of him when he's sitting in his retirement home with his whole family's debts paid off.

His eyes droop as he reads over the history textbook, looking for answers to the questions. His skin is itchy, his eyes burn and his limbs are stiff. But he works until he's done or he'd fail- he'd mess up and lose everything-

He can't lose his spot on first. Wilbur wouldn't spin him around whenever he'd get a eighty five and up on his tests, Tommy wouldn't scream and cheer and jump around, Phil wouldn't spoil him with everything anymore, Kristin wouldn't squeeze him until he'd hear a bone crack. He wouldn't get all that love and affection anymore. He can't lose that.

So he works and works until he drops. And boy, he knows when he drops.

Because he dropped about an hour ago. Fast asleep on the textbook, hair frazzled and heavy bags hang from his eyes.

Yeah, welcome to the life of Techno Blade! The top achiever and perfectionist who's avoided burnout for far too long.

Notes:

Hope you had fun reading and you may go crazy to suggest some shit ×) kudos,comments and whatever else are highly appreciated!

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 2: Running low on patience, running low on fumes.

Summary:

Techno is awakened by his brother and they talk.

Notes:

Hiii! I almost forgot to post this today sorry! This chapter's pretty short, as all the chapters seem to be but I'm proud of how they're coming out so far, hope you all are too <3 That's all, enjoy reading!

Title from the song "Oh My God" by Alec Benjamin.

A soft repeating knock at his door wakes the man up.

"Techno?" A muffled voice calls from outside his door. "You awake king?"

He blinks again, trying to regain all his senses. He's in his room, that much he can tell. Books and piles of papers lie everywhere in some sort of organised mess. He glances back up to the door and remembers that there's somebody on the other side waiting.

So he gets up and stretches out all his bent limbs. He groans as they make a loud pop noise and electric shocks shoot through him. Yeah no, sleeping on something that's not a bed is not fun.

He walks over to the door, scratching at his eyes trying to get rid of the disgusting grub. He opens the door and finds himself in front of a little man.

"What do you want Tommy?" He grumbles and a frown sits on the blond's face.

"Nothing, just wanted to hang out." He admits, shifting from side to side on each foot. Nervously pulling on his sleeve. "But it seems like you were asleep so I can leav-"

"Nah it's fine." He cuts the boy off. "I was just workin'. You can come in." He finishes, moving out of the way so the boy has the option to get inside.

He takes a small step back like as if he were scared. Techno always allows him into his room, no matter how tired or busy he is. He just doesn't understand why Tommy can't wrap that around his head that he doesn't mind. He has told Tommy countless times, ever since he was six and Tommy was four.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna bother you." He says, voice so low to a whisper.

"I'm never too busy for you Tommy. You can come inside." Tecno urges, now growing a little tired of Tommy's insecurity.

They both go silent for a moment, waiting for Tommy's decision. He picks at his hangnails and Techno fights back the urge to pull his hand away and shove a fidget toy in them. There's one in his dresser, it's fine.

"Okay." He mutters, finally walking past Techno and into his room. Techno lets out a long breath of relief as Tommy sets himself down on the bed.

He shuts the door behind him and goes back to working. Finish up History work and study for an hour, then he's done for the day. He picks his phone up from the floor and checks the time.

It reads 16:24,okay cool. He can start now and finish at 18:30, that's enough. So he puts the phone away resorting to not putting the headphones on because he'll probably get a headache from it, and, maybe Tommy would like to speak about his day.

"Tech?" Tommy calls out just after the thought closes.

"Mhm?"

"Am I allowed to talk or do you need me to be quiet?" He asks. Techno turns around in his chair to find the boy nervously sitting on the bed, still messing with his fingers, a bit of blood on his pinky.

"Yes you can speak." He approves and he can see that the tension was quickly leaking from him shoulders.

Techno then pauses. "There's a fidget toy in my dresser."

Tommy stares at him for a moment, looking like he was asking for permission. Techno nods once and Tommy is off to look for it.

He knows these things. Both his brothers are always fidgeting. It'll either be their hands or feet or anything they are able to move so Techno and Kristin went out to get everyone a fidget toy and Techno made it his mission to place them in every place so it's just convenient.

So he gets back to working, textbooks and and worksheets stacked on top of each other. A pile on the left are the ones that he's finished with and the ones on the right are the ones he still needs to work with. The left pile is bigger than the one on the right so he doesn't have all that much work left.

The soft sound of a button being pressed, a switch being tapped and a dial being spun, it fades into the background but it's nice to have. Techno isn't one to work in silence, maybe that's why he finishes his tests quick or asks the teachers if he can keep his headphones on. (He of course asks Phil or Kristin to write a note for him just in case they ask why.)

It's almost like an ick of his. He becomes irregularly uncomfortable when a room goes dead silent. It makes his skin crawl like as if there were bugs underneath it. His breathing drives him insane, his clothes become too textured and scratchy- It all becomes too loud and silent at the same time.

That's just slightly scratching the surface,it gets a lot worse.

"-ch? Techno? Hellloooo?" The child taps on his shoulder repeatedly. Techno blinks once again, turning in his chair to look at the blond.

"What's up?"

"Were you listening?"

Techno raises a brow. "Were you talking?"

Tommy frowns, nodding. Techno feels his heart pang for a moment as he stares at the saddened expression. "Sorry, can you repeat?"

"Did you get your tests today? Phil was asking for them earlier. Forgot to tell you." He asks, moving from the bed to sit down on the floor next to Techno. Techno offers him to sit on the chair with him but he refuses, quoting that he likes sitting on the floor like a three year old.

"Yeah I did. They're in the red folder. Can you give them to him for me?"

"Yeah okay." Tommy goes off and searches in his bag as Techno turns back to his work.

The history questions were much easier now that he was charged up. Finding the pages were easier, flipping thin papers back and forth repeatedly, it's a nice cycle. He finds himself finished in under ten minutes.

Tommy was sat on the bed, legs crossed and papers in hand. His eyes seemed to be growing red the more he stared at the paper. Techno decides that it's not worth it to study right now if his little brother looks a little upset. So he sets all his books and paper in their sorted places, puts them in his bag and zips it up. He pushes back to the little corner dedicated just for that.

"Tommy." He calls out, the boy looks up, startled as if he forgot that he was there at all. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He responds, voice hoarse. Techno doesn't believe him at all so he decides to sit next to the boy. Techno grabs the papers and gently pulls it away from the boy's shaky fingers, setting it aside.

Techno was never good at soft talk or just soft things like this. But he's learnt from taking care of Wilbur and he will tell you now, that guy is an emotional genius. Phil and Kristin too, but that's just because they're parents now. Of course they're emotionally intelligent.

"He pauses for a moment, searching for a proper way to approach this. "Tell me what's up kid. I know you."

Tommy keeps his head down and shoulders tucked up to his ears. He's shaking, he's been shaking this whole time and it's beginning to worry Techno.

"I'm fine. Just leave it." He mumbles, his words barely even audible enough for Techno to hear.

"Tommy. Look at me." He pushes, keeping his hands down as they beg to be let up and pull the boy in a close hug. Just like Kristin does whenever he's sad.

Tommy doesn't move. Techno lets the silence stretch until it's unbearable for them both. It hurts him but he can tell when it becomes horrible for Tommy. He hates the silence just as much as Techno does.

So they wait and they wait. They wait until the silence kills them both.

"Fine. Just please don't make fun of me or something." Tommy spits out, crossing his arms.

"Why would I make fun of you?"

"Because it's bad and I know I can do better but I just-" He hiccups, tone shattering slightly. "I can't." He whispered the last part, it sounded as if he were saying it to himself instead of Techno. But he heard it and his heart pours.

He clenches his hands, knuckles going white. Nails digging into his skin. "What do you mean?"

"I-" a sniffle, "I got my results today too." He says, bringing his legs up to his chin and resting on it. He hugs himself, squeezing. Techno shifts slightly, he already knows where this is going so might as well assume it.

"Did you do bad?" He questions, fully turning his body towards to him. Tommy doesn't do the same.

He wipes at his face. "Yeah."

"How bad?"

Tommy stays silent, his shoulders are practically shivering now. Techno wants to wrap him up in a blanket and burn down the world while he's at it.

"Tommy, talk to me."

"...I can't. I don't- I don't want to." He whimpers, squeezing his legs closer to his chest and hiding his face in them.

Techno's nail finally breaks his skin and blood stains his fingers. It doesn't hurt as bad as he first starting doing this. It's become a bad habit, he's working towards stopping, this isn't about him anyways. But Tommy never stops. He's that kid who finds something and never stops. Like picking at hangnails or biting his nails until they bleed.

Like failing a test and thinking he's failed his life.

Just like Techno.

"I know how it feels."

Tommy lifts his head from his legs, eyes bloodshot and glossy, cheeks bright red and stained. "What?"

"To fail." He looks off past the window to see the lemon tree outside. Phil grew that a while back. Techno planted a failed attempt at a potato near it. "To not feel like you've made it. I know Tommy."

Tommy blinks at the man, perplexed by his words. "Okay."

Techno decides that he'll keep going. He'll always keep going until his brother understands. "That lemon tree out back. You've been near it before?"

Tommy looks out the window and nods. Techno manages to bite back a small cry. "I planted, or attempted to plant a potato there."

"Attempted?"

"Mhm. I wanted it there, Kristin gave me a selection of seeds and I chose potatoes. We planted it next to the tree."

Tommy shifts closer, settling his head down on Techno's shoulder. "What happened to them?"

"I forgot to take care of them. I'd always water them once a month and constantly dig them out to see if they were done." He explains, a smile plays on his face.

A wet laugh escapes from Tommy's lips. "You're a fucking dumbass."

"I know, I was." He admits to it freely. He was a dumb kid. A dumb impatient kid.

They go quiet for a moment. It's nice, Tommy curls his arm around Techno's arm. Techno runs a hand through his soft hair, gently untangling the knots and scratching his scalp. Tommy melts against him.

"I failed a test." He says, voice full with emotion. "Geography."

"Mhm."

"I didn't get the questions. Teacher told me that-" He stops and Techno already knows. The boy lets out a quiet sob and hides his face in Techno's shirt.

"What'd they call you Tommy?"

Tommy lets out another sob, this one wracks up his bones and Techno can feel it in his soul.

He's never been called something so horrible by a teacher but he can imagine the pain. The person teaching you, somebody you find yourself getting attached to and enjoying their company telling you that you're practically a failure. It'll sting and it'll sting for a while, a very long while.

Tommy is one to get attached and hold on for dear life.

Just like Wilbur.

"They called me a lot of things." He cries out, wiping, trying to rid the pouring tears from his eyes. Techno pulls him hands away and Tommy's blue eyes have never looked so dull and torn before.

"Yeah?"

"They-" A sob interrupts, "They asked why can't I be like you more.."

Techno feels a thread snap and he squeezes the other free hand hard. The skin breaks but he couldn't care less.

"They compared you to me?"

A string of hiccups erupt from the boy and Techno rubs his back in an up and down motion.

"They- I- I'm not useless Tech- I'm not-" He cries out, clenching onto his shirt like it was an anchor.

He tries to peel the boy's fingers off. They don't budge. "I know Tommy. I know you're not."

"Please- I'm not! I promise I'm not-"

"Don't promise anything. You're not useless."

They sit there for a bit before Techno begins to have a panic. Tommy keeps repeating himself, tears pouring and neverending. Techno's scared at this point. He can't deal with this sort of things. This is something for Phil to deal with, for Wilbur to deal- Not him. This isn't for him-

He can't breathe at this point- But Tommy- God please somebody help-

He then, passes out.

Notes:

Supportive big brother Techno pog, I love writing him so much <4 and Apologies for any errors!

Hope you had fun reading and you may go crazy to suggest some shit ×) kudos,comments and whatever else are highly appreciated!

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 3: It's my problem if I feel the need to hide.

Summary:

His family discuss issues Techno need to solve, mostly his brother before conflicting information comes to the table.

Notes:

HIIII, NEW CHAPTER :D

Enjoy, this one's pretty slow so no train smashes ahead! Just worried parents and a highly worried Wilbur because yes.

Title from the song "Are you Satisfied?" From MARINA

"So you passed out? 𝘛𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘦?"

"Yup."

Phil does a long big sigh while Kristin stares at him and Tommy with horror swimming in her eyes.

To basically summarise everything up, Techno passed out, Tommy apparently was screaming and trying to wake him up. His whole family came to his room and Wilbur obviously took care of Tommy while his parents dealth with him.

And now here they are.

"What time is it?" Techno asks, scratching at his eyes once more. Deja vu has never felt so real...

"Tech, you literally just passed out and you're asking for the time?" Kristin comments, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning. His family like doing that a lot-

Techno stares at her with a raised expectant brow. The silence stretches on before Tommy starts thrashing his hands in the air.

"Stop with the fucking silence man! I don't like it!" He yells as Wilbur pats his head.

Everyone mumbles a synchronised apology as Wilbur lets out a small huff.

"It's nine right now Tech by the way." Wilbur informs and Techno just wants to sink into the damn floor. Why hasn't this day ended yet? He lets out a soft thank you, walking back over to his table before Kristin is yanking at his arm and throwing him back to his bed.

"You seem like you're done with all your work Tech. Rest." Phil instructs, his booming tone leaving no room for discussion.

Techno scowls. "I need to study."

"No you do not." Kristin says, before turning to Wilbur. "Is there any tests that we don't know of tomorrow?"

Wilbur taps on his chin, looking to the ceiling to remember before shaking his head. "Nope, we got most of our results from last term today so no tests for about a week or more."

"Yeah but-"

"But nothing Techno. You just passed out. 𝘛𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘦. I'm not letting that happen again." Phil snaps before moving forward, pushing Techno down onto his bed and tucking him under the blankets. Techno doesn't fight it because he knows it's useless against these softies.

"I'm fine though. I didn't pass out from anything major."

"Lack of rest and ignorance of your breathing patterns. Those both seem very important." Wilbur informs, looking at him with those disgustingly gentle sad eyes.

Techno then turns to his parents, then to Tommy, then back to Wilbur. His eyes are asking, 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 him to just rest.

And, Techno being the absolute idiot who's attached to the other idiot, he obliges.

"Fine," he forces out through clenched teeth. "I'll rest."

"Thank you." Kristin sighs, moving over and ruffling the man's hair. Techno doesn't fight it, her touch is always so warm and gentle.

"If you need anything, you already know where we are." Phil reminds him as they all line to the door. Wilbur stays on the bed.

"Yeah, I know."

"Good. Sleep well." is the last thing that comes out of his father's mouth before they all leave the room. Leaving Techno and Wilbur alone.

Wilbur stares at the door for a moment before turning to Techno. Techno stares at his soil brown eyes as the same look back at his. He then shifts closer and holds out his hand.

Techno stares at it. "What's this for?"

Wilbur shrugs one shoulder. "Just because."

"Because what?"

"Can't I hold my twin's hand now?"

"No you can't, and I'm not your twin."

"Whatever you say mate." He huffs, rolling his eyes and retracting his hand away.

"What do you want Wilbur?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to hear about your day and," he pauses for a moment as his eyes skim towards the table. "I saw the papers on there."

"Mmm. My day was fine, just the same. You'll give the papers to them. I'm tired." He mutters, dropping his head onto the soft pillow. Eyes fluttering closed. He feels the bed lift slightly as he guesses Wilbur trails over to his table.

Wilbur hums. "I'm surprised you got a pretty low mark."

His eyes then shoot open and he throws himself up. Glaring at his brother who was looking at the papers. "Excuse you?"

"Fifty eight is low coming from you isn't it? Sorry if that came out mean-"

"What the hell do you mean 𝘧𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘺 𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? Fifty eight in what?" He spits, throwing the blankets off and rushing to the table. Wilbur passes the paper to him and Techno's heart drops into the very pits of his stomach then back up as he scans the paper.

"This is Tommy's."

Wilbur looks at him with a confused look. "Why do you have Tommy's paper?"

"I don't know. I think he brought 'em here." he can taste iron swirling in his mouth. He bit his tongue too hard once again.

"Did he show them to you?" Wilbur interrogates, eyes squinting at the man. Techno bites back a snarl.

"No. He didn't. He just told me he did bad in a test."

Wilbur is still glaring at him. Techno doesn't lie, he never lies. But now here he is, standing at his work table as his brother assumes he's lying and it stings to know.

"What te-?"

"Geography." Techno answers, already knowing his questions.

Wilbur squints his eyes closer, "Techno. Are you hiding things for Tommy?"

He curls his hand to a fist and once more, his nails dig into his skin. "Excuse you? Why would I help him do somethin' like that?"

"Chill, I'm not fighting with you. I'm just asking." He raises his hands up in the air in mock surrender. It doesn't reassure Techno in the slightest, it in fact, makes him angrier.

"You're not askin', you're interrogating me and I don't like it." He sneers, tone heavy with exhaustion and anger.

"I'm not trying to interrogate you! I just wanted to ask cause it seems like that. I didn't mean for it to come out that way." Wilbur takes a step back as if he were scared. That makes Techno back down as his heart pangs in pain. Amazing, he scares both his brothers.

He sighs, trying to regulate his breathing before he punches a wall. "Okay."

"...Okay?"

"Yeah, I don't know how to respond that."

Wilbur's eyes drop to the floor as he bites at his top lip and fiddles with his fingers. "I'm sorry-"

"No. No don't apologize. I just took it the wrong way, it's fine Wilbur."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure." He says with a nod before walking over to his bedside table and grabbing a cube fidget. He shoves it in Wilbur's hands and follows a small smile.

"You'll talk to Tommy about the test then? I don't think I can." Techno admits as he walks back over to his bed and falls flat on his back.

"I'll try. Phil or Kristin need to sign them though so maybe they'll be the first to talk to him about it." Wilbur speaks, turning the dial over and over.

Techno yawns and realises he's exhausted. "Alright. I wanna sleep now."

"Goodnight Tech."

"Goodnight Wilbur. Get out of my room."

Wilbur lets out a small laugh as he walks to the door before stopping and turning back.

"Do you need this back?" He asks, raising the fidget cube in his hands.

Techno shakes his head. "Nah, you can have it. Bring it back whenever."

"Alright. Goodnight." He waves once more and shuts the door.

As soon as the lights go off, Techno's head lands on his pillow and he's already fast asleep.

Notes:

Big brothers Will and Techno worried about their little brother! What will happen? Will Tommy's tests be revealed to their parents or will the brother keep it a secret? Who knows!

Hope you had fun reading and you may go crazy to suggest some shit ×) kudos,comments and whatever else are highly appreciated!

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 4: One day, I'll focus on the future, maybe.

Summary:

A random filler chapter. Idk how to summarise this other than arguments happen.

Notes:

hiii, how y'all doing :"D

Sorry about this chapter in advance, idk what I was going for 🤧

Anyways, enjoy!

Title from the song "One Day" by Lovejoy.

"Techno! Wilbur! Tommy! Get up!" Kristin yells from downstairs.

Techno groans in dissatisfaction as he stretches his joints once more. Another long day.

Two knocks from his door is what he hears to begin his morning. "Tech! Hurry up!"

The day goes as per usual. As he leaves his room, he passes three doors and greets two people. He showers and eats with his family.

He finishes up, everyone says their goodbyes and Techno listens intently to all the footsteps and realises that there's extra.

Oh, it's raining outside.

"Don't forget you coats! I'm out now, be safe and I love you!" Kristin says in a rush, grabbing her bag, putting on her shoes and running over to each member and kisses them.

Tommy gets a kiss on the cheek and a big spinning hug as Tommy barks out a loud laugh, Wilbur gets a kiss on the nose and they both giggle as their fingers interlace, Techno gets a kiss on the forehead and Kristin cups his cheeks.

"You're amazing." she whispers and he blushes, nodding in response and appreciation.

She then moves over to Phil and everyone looks away. Those two love each other a little 𝘵𝘰𝘰 much for all their comforts. Of course it's not a bad thing, quite adorable on Christmas and New Year but on a school day, nah they're not taking that.

After all that affectionate stuff Techno's slowly getting used to, everyone grabs their coats and essentials and they're off to school. Phil drives, Techno sits in the back with Tommy while Wilbur sits up front, 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘺... Techno likes sitting next to Phil but he's apparently not old enough to sit there. He has to wait for Wilbur to either move out or get a car of his own to get a chance to sit there. So he'll wait.

 

They get to school and Phil drives off to work. Techno watches his car disappear into the distance. He nods, turning on his heel and making his way to his register class, 3𝘈, 𝘔𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘗𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘺.

He passes his friends, they greet and talk for a little bit before everyone's off to class for registration. They tick their names as they come inside and sit at their spots. Some people move to sit with their friends and chat, some stay behind and look through their books and papers.

Techno enters the classroom, ticks his name and gets to his seat. He pulls out his headphones and decides he's gonna wait inside the classroom instead of going outside, it is raining but the option is there until the teacher gets here.

 

A few more moments pass and Puffy walks into the classroom. Everyone shifts back to their places and sits back down as Puffy clasps her hands together.

"Okay good morning my sunbirds! How is everyone?" She greets, that morning smile never wavering.

Everyone mutters a response, some are louder than others and some aren't responding at all, just nodding. Techno whispers ”𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥” and as soon he says it, he locks eyes with Puffy and he can see the sparkle in her eyes whenever she sees him.

Yeah, she's his favourite teacher.

…

"My day is going 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, thanks for asking." Tommy spits, crossing his arms and pouting.

Break came early for reasons that the teachers didn't explain to them. Techno isn't mad though, it's nice to be away from a book or papers all day, a nice change to things.

A change but Techno finds himself getting used to it. He can just move his study schedules to ten minutes later.

So everyone in his grade and below are seated in the cafeteria. Techno sits with his friends as per usual. Three people on one side, himself, Wilbur, Niki, and three on the other, Tubbo, Ranboo and Tommy.

"What's wrong this time?" Tubbo asks while Ranboo sighs exasperated, bringing out his shoulder for Tommy to rest on.

Tommy then glares at Techno then Wilbur. His deadly ocean eyes warning to drown the both of them at once with such fierce angry waves. Techno turns to Wilbur who is looking down at his hands, wringing his fingers and eyes threatening to spill. Niki's being the angel as per usual and rubbing his back while whispering things Techno couldn't be bothered to hear.

"I'm grounded because of two certain 𝘴𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴." He grunts, shifting over to Ranboo's side and lying his head down on his shoulder.

Techno can see how deep his eyebags are. How pained he looks but he covers it up with anger.

"You had it comin' kid. You can't blame us." Techno interjects, trying to keep the anger beneath the surface, fighting fire with fire has never worked out well.

"Fuck off gifted motherfucker that every fucking teacher likes." He snaps. "Dickhead."

Everyone at the table goes quiet. It's annoying how mad this kid gets over things he causes for himself. What could Techno Wilbur has done in this situation? Hide his tests away from their parents? No! That wouldn't work at all, that's just the most idiotic route to take and Techno's not one to handle that type of stress.

Tubbo is the first to comment.

"Tom he's not 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 though." He mutters, choosing his words carefully as if were trailing behind a monstrous beast.

Tommy jerks his eyes to his direction and Tubbo falters under his furious gaze, incoherent words flying out his mouth at rapid pace to try and fix his wording. Techno honestly thinks everything he said was on point but of course, Tommy having a massive ego, doesn't listen.

"So you're on their side now?" Tommy hisses, raising his head from Ranboo's shoulder. Tubbo scoots away slightly as if he were trying to escape the situation. He eyes dart to the opposite side of the large table separating them. To Techno then Wilbur then Niki then all the way back to Tommy's.

"No- No I'm not, I'm just-"

"He's stating the truth Tommy." Niki cuts him off. Glaring at him but hands still gently rubbing Wilbur's back, who's head is on the table and arms covering his face. 𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘸.

Tommy falls short as Niki's hit lands well. He scoffs, turning himself away from everyone and standing himself up. Techno raises a brow. "And where are you off to now?"

"Why the fuck do you care?" He snarls, snapping his head towards them, his blond hair covering half his eyes.

Techno squints his eyes. "You don't get snappy with me Tommy."

"Fuck off. I do what I want dickhead."

"Tommy sit down, we can just change the topic." Ranboo begs, gently pulling on the hem of the blond's shirt. Tommy scowl deepens as he stares at his brothers. No, not stares, man is 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨.

"Unless they leave I'm not interested in staying here."

The table then erupts in chaos from there. Techno decides to sit out and tap Niki in to solve this while he comforts the other one who's still seemingly trying his hardest to not make a sound.

"That's not fair and you know it Tommy." Niki snaps, standing herself up. Her height really didn't assist her in the argument but she's got the spirit and that's all that matter.

Tommy scoffs, "Not fair? What's not fair is that I'm grounded just bacause "𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵" All because they decided to run their mouths!" he explains, quite angrily throwing up air quotations and jerking his finger at both him and Wilbur.

Niki's clicks her teeth before clenching her hands onto the table, knuckles going white. "They're looking out for you!"

"No they're not! They're just trying to get me deeper and deeper into trouble."

"You're fighting them just because they did exactly what they were told to do. Sign your tests and bring them back." Tubbo interjects, clear irritability starting to show on his face.

At this point, the whole school can practically hear them because Tommy and Niki are currently screaming into each other's faces with Tommy obviously being the loudest one.

"Fuck you! You're not even involved in this dickhead!" Tommy yells at Tubbo who only is pushed against Ranboo's side, afraid but angry. Tommy's really upsetting everyone today...

"Wilbur and Techno are my 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴."

"And they're my 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 so you lose."

"Wow," she scoffs "-so we going off of that?"

"Yes the fuck we are. They related to me, not you."

"So what if they're related to me or not? What does that have to do with your srupid behaviour?"

"Stupid behaviour? They snitched on me all because I couldn't apposedly speak for myself!"

"They didn't snitch! They did what they were told to do as your brothers idiot!"

"As my brothers they were supposed to fucking tell me what they're gonna to do with my personal shit." Tommy spits, slamming his fist on the table, making Wilbur jolt in surprise before laying his head back down on the table. He reaches his hand out and Techno hesitantly takes it. Wilbur squeezes once and Techno squeezes back.

"It's not like its going out to the damn public? Your parents aren't going to fucking skin you alive!"

Tommy clicks his teeth. "You don't fucking know my parents."

"Who says I do or don't?"

Oh wow, this getting really childishly competitive very quickly and Techno isn't here for it. So he tries to pick Wilbur and maybe go chill in the bathrooms or somewhere where there's not a lot of people.

Tommy scrunches his nose before speaking, "fuck off Niki. They're 𝘮𝘺 biological parents. Unlike you."

Oookay, that's- and Techno doesn't swear often- but that's really just...𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 as Wilbur would say.

Niki falls short. Eyes blown wide and lips sealed thin. Her hands shook with the grip on the table as if it were her life's anchor. Poeple where cheering and making all those high schooler noises while Niki and Tommy glare at each other, both shaking with anger.

"𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶?" She snarls, voice dangerously low and eyes daring to pick a fight.

Tommy seems to actually pick up on the deep cutting and intensity of his words as he takes a stumble back, eyes still focused on Niki's. Blue to Green, who will strike first?

"No wait-"

"Leave." She warns out to the crowd forming around their table. Some scurry away, pushing and shoving each other and some stay before Tubbo and Ranboo personally escort them back to their seats.

They just wanted a chill break but now Tommy's gotta really ruin that.

"Niki I didn't mean-"

"Just leave it. I'm not interesting in continuing." she says, crossing her arms over her chest and sitting back down.

The table descends back into tense silence. Niki tugging on the strands of her hair, Techno would offer for her to braid his hair but they made him cut it short because "men aren't supposed to have long hair." which is absolute idiocy but he can't change to school rules is might aswell follow them.

She could still braid Wilbur'a hair though, his curls are round enough to decrease the length. Speaking of Wilbur, he stopped cryina while ago and now was sitting up, sniffling and wiping at his face. Techno's offers to help him to the bathroom but he refuses.

Back to Tommy and Niki. Tommy looks adteif for his life, which is good because Niki can get very terrifying when she's mad. Very scary.

Niki on the other hand looks taken aback by everything and somewhat exhausted. To be honest, Techno would exhausted too if he had a screaming match with the loudest most dramatic child on the face of the Earth. Maybe even the Universe.

She decides it's better to try and comfort Niki first before Tommy.

"Niki-"

"I'm fine." She snaps, cutting the boy off. Techno falls short at her anger but he understands. Tommy hit a pretty sensitive spot there.

"Sorry." he whispers, wanting to just let her know he wasn't going to just leave it there. Niki stares at him, the fire in her eyes sizzling away. She breaks a small smile before it drops. It's an effort at least so Techno accepts it.

The bell rings and everyone is off back to their classes.

Then the intercom comes on.

"Uh good afternoon everyone, Mr Marriott speaking here. School is closing early today due to short staff so you may all head on your ways back home and if you need to call your parents, please make your way to the office and we'll arrange something for you. Thank you."

Then the intercom's off. Everyone cheers but Techno feels a cold rock bury itself in his gut. Okay...This day is not at all like his usual schedule.

It's annoying, but at least he can move things earlier? Maybe study more?

Yeah, yeah his schedule isn't completely ruined. It'll be fine. Techno will be perfectly-

"Ayo Techno! Was that your brother back there?"

Yeah no, Techno will 𝘯𝘰𝘵 be okay.

Notes:

Bitter motherfucker Tommy, we love it. Writing Niki get mad is one of the scariest things I've ever had to reread in my life....Imma do that more hehehe 🤭

hope you all enjoyed reading! Sorry for any errors found in here, I checked this once because I'm a lazy idiot! Anyways, have a great day! <4

Hope you had fun reading and you may go crazy to suggest some shit ×) kudos,comments and whatever else are highly appreciated!

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 5: Bury me, bury me, please.

Summary:

Another sort of filler chapter. Techno is tired.

Notes:

Hiii :) woo new chapter! I'm not the biggest fan of this one but...it's fine ig,, anyways. This is a slow one, no angsty shit like so no triggers!

That's all, enjoy <4

Title from the song "Ash in the sun" by Vundabar.

"Hello to you too Sapnap." Techno greets, trying to keep the fizzling in his skin down.

A tall man, shorter than Techno but still tall nonetheless. A jock, body built and much more muscle than himself. Black hair that's tied to a high messy bun (not fair that he gets to keep his long hair but whatever.)

"Yeah hi or whatever. What's up with your friend group? Why y'all fightin'? Sapnap asks, folding his arms over his chest and raising a brow.

The question isn't all that personal but it does manage to make Techno a little uncomfortable. He doesn't feel like discussing or gossiping about his friends' fights with his "rival".

Incorrect description. Sapnap isn't really a rival, rather a competition. The top three in academics in their whole grade are Techno on first, George on second and Sapnap on third. They've always had those places every since first grade, of course it was always shifting from Techno going to the bottom and George or Sapnap taking the top or second and vice versa. George was much better than Techno and Sapnap combined but they all work their way to the top.

Some might say that it's annoying and stressful to fight against others just for the spotlight on top but Techno loves a good challenge. So do Sapnap and George apparently since they've never backed down from snatching each other's places. They don't take it personally either way, just a competition with a bunch of smartasses to see who's best.

Techno clears his throat before talking, trying his best not be awkward. "I'm not interesting in talking about that."

"Oh c'mon man! I won't gossip around. Maybe only George and I will know." He whines, taking one too many steps forward for Techno to become irrationally uncomfortable. Then he leans in closer and whispers, "Maybe keep itt away from George, he's bad at keeping secrets."

"Sapnap." A new recognisable voice booms and Techno fights to sigh in complete relief. "Leave him alone." George sighs, stepping from behind the man.

A much shorter person, Brown short fluffly hair, dull blue and brown different eye colours. Not all that shorter than Sapnap though. They're practically the same height but if Techno were to say that out loud he would be sacrificed to whatever big person/people above.

"I'm sorry about Sapnap," George says, yanking Sapnap away from Techno personal space. "-he really likes dipping his toes in others business."

At least George isn't all that bad.

"It's fine." He nods.

Then George turns to Sapnap and whispers something to him quite angrily. Like a mother giving a lecture to their kid is what they looked like.

Sapnap then groans out in frustration and walks forward, not enough to invade Techno's space.

"I'm sorry for trying to force you to tell me what's going on with your friend group." He says, voice all whiny and angry. Techno huffs, a smile returning to his face.

Techno huffs, a smile returning to his face. "Thank you."

Spanap rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

"Sapnap." George warns. Sapnap turns to him and sticks up a middle finger. George only laughs in response before turning back to Techno and smiling. Techno returns one back.

"Ignore the child." George says, waving him away. "How're you doing Techno?"

He shrugs. "Could be better, you?"

"Eh I'm good. Sapnap was being a nuisance this whole day so I apologize again."

"it's fine, that's just Sapnap behaviour." He chuckles and so does George before they're enveloped in awkward silence.

Techno looks around for somebody to come and take over this conversation because clearly both Techno and George aren't very sociable people.

Gladly, the idiot comes to the rescue. "George! Sam's here!" Sapnap calls out, aggressively waving.

Sam, George and Sapnap's parental figure.

He chooses to ignore the pang in his chest at that name.

"Oh. Well bye Techno." He says, turning on his heels and makes his way over the exit. The rain outside didn't have calm outside and he wonders how they'll ppissbly make it to their car. Before he can come up with any possible solutions, Sapnap is grabbing onto George's arm and running outside, a scream from George bounces off the walls and towards the outside world.

Techno finds himself chuckling. Yup, typical Sapnap behaviour. He thinks as he turns on his own heel and is off to find his friends.

…

An hour passes by and exhaustion pulls on Techno eyelids. He's sat next to his brothers, waiting for their father to arrive. The rain outside has gotten significantly worse that there was now lightning along with it. Tommy often flinches and scoots himself closer to Wilbur's side whenever the strike gets a little too loud for him but Techno doesn't care.

He stares out the window and pays careful attention to the vehicles that go by. The rain's soft pitter patter against the asphalt road and broke pavements, the lightning roaring and crackling in the distance, light flash blinding him for a few seconds, the tyres crunching the rocks below. He waits and he listens as he waits.

It's calming. Techno is so very tired though. The exhaustion seeping through the cracks of his very core. His phone died so he couldn't call Phil or Kristin. His brothers had fallen asleep a while ago and most students have already left.

Then, he catches sight of bright messy blond hair in the distance and relief washes over him like a warm hug.

Blue eyes lock with hazel and they smile.

…

"Sorry I came so late. It was really full at work today." Phil says, offering Techno a jacket since they'd ran in the rain.

Techno was now sat in the front with Phil while his two brothers sat in the back, Tommy still deep in sleep and Wilbur looking like he was going down next. They'd both already put on their hoodies. (Wilbur put Tommy's on for him because the boy refused to wake himself up.)

"It's okay." Techno accepts truthfully, letting all the stress seep off his shoulders as he lays back in the warm seat.

Phil had turned the heater on full blast so the car was filled with warmth. Right as they reversed out the school's parking lot, Techno feels his eyes droop with all the exhaustion and stress pull him under.

"Gonna sleep." He mumbles out to nobody in particular, wrapping the jacket around his body tight as he listens to all the sounds around him.

The lightning, the rain, the engine, Tommy's soft snores and whatever else.

Phil hums in response. "Alright. I'll wake you up when we're home."

"Cool."

That's the last thing he says as his eyes flutter shut, the world around him disappearing bit by bit as his engulfed in warmth and comfort.

Notes:

Soft SBI is what I live for.

That's all, I rly need advice in how to write shit better because goddamn my skills are becoming rly bad,,anyways-

Hope you had fun reading and you may go crazy to suggest some shit ×) kudos,comments and whatever else are highly appreciated!

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 6: I can't handle change

Summary:

Technoblade has a bad day.

Notes:

Hiii :) new chapter wooo wowwowow :0 I rly like how this one turned out, nicely paced and all that lovely jazz mwah, enjoy <3

Title from I Can't Handle Change by Roar

The first thing Techno notices when he wakes up is the fuzzy sensation in his mind and fizzling on his chest. 𝘉𝘢𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘺. He thinks to himself quite somberly.

Just another one of those days of unfortunate teenage angst where you cannot get up in the morning for the life of the heavens above but instead think about all the problems and issues you have to soon deal with before it starts weighing on your soul.

It's been a full year since Techno had these dread filled days. It started at fourteen and stopped about last year at fifteen. (He's currently 16 going on 17.) Wilbur was unfortunately the introductory course for him to actually witness this happen in action.

𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳’𝘴 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮,𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘬. 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳’𝘴 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮. 𝘐𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘮𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥, 𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘕𝘪𝘬𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦. 𝘐𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘛𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘺'𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘺𝘴, 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰'𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘦𝘮𝘴, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦.

𝘛𝘰 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰, 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮. 𝘏𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩.

(Almost too much but that's a discussion for another day.)

”𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳! 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭!” 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘺𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘴, 𝘸𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩.

𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰, 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥. 𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥, 𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘺.

𝘚𝘰 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘦. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳. ”𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦?”

𝘚𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘴 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦.

”𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩.” 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘳𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦.

”𝘔𝘶𝘮 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭.” 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘱 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘳. 𝘉𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴. 𝘌𝘹𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥.

”𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭.” 𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘴.

”𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬?”

𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘴, 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘶𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥. ”𝘔𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺.”

 

"Techno!" A voice rings from outside his white wooden door. He flips his back over to them and pulls the covers over his head, dread and irritation filling his heavy heart.

So many depressing throughts cross his mind as he finds himself close to tears.

”𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘵? 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘧 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵. 𝘐𝘧 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘶𝘯 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.”

The thought sends shivers and stabs of pain throughout his whole body. From his head and chest to toes. The knocking at the door sounds far louder than before and Techno feels guilt add itself to the mix of ugly feelings.

"Techno! Dude wake the fuck up!"

He turns to the door again, waiting for his body to stop being so fatigued and just get on with his day. He's powered through worse, why suddenly is today more horrible than the rest?

The moment his eyes land on the door, he bursts out in tears, a small whimper exiting his lips and he hopes it's not so loud that Tommy outside door can hear.

Unfortunately, he was so very far from right.

"Oh Jesus, are you crying?" He asks worryingly. "I'm coming in okay?"

Before Techno can stop Tommy, he's already pushed the door open and is rushing towards him. Blue eyes blown wide and filled with worry and stress. His hands are trembling as he holds them out to Techno, wiping the tears off his face.

His hair is still a fluffy mess as per usual for Tommy. It's sticking up in many humourous directions and he's still dressed in short sleeved dog covered pajamas.

So he's just woken up, Techno guesses.

"You okay mate?" He asks in Phil's accent. It's comical how whenever he's soft, he becomes his father, it's adorable.

He nods, afraid of his own unexpected wavering voice. His chest burns as he stares at his little brother's piercing eyes.

"You're lying." He says simply but Techno can feel the layers under that tone.

He clenches his jaw as he tries to keep his face as neutral as possible. "I'm not. Just tired."

"You were crying just not a minute ago."

"No."

Tommy raises a curious brow. "Yes the fuck you were."

"Can you just drop it? I need to shower." He snaps, lifting his heavy body off the bed with shuddering force. Tommy stares at him with irritation but Techno chooses to ignore it and pushes past to the bathroom.

His chest heaves as Tommy sighs. It's long and tired and it's Techno fault.

It stung the whole morning.

…

"Kristin is picking us up today by the way. Phil won't be back until we're probably asleep." Wilbur informs them as they enter the school gates.

They all pass their friends, say their hellos and whatever else and soon split apart as they make their ways to their classes. Techno tries to focus on his surroundings rather than his own thoughts 'cause right now they're loud and rude and he doesn't feel like having a breakdown in school thank you very much.

He passes a little trashcan, stained with blue and red ink from past students who decided they'd be hilarious and draw a dick. Haha, Techno can't even breathe right now...

"Idiots." He whispers to himself as he passes more dick doodles on the walls and trashcans. The most mature school you'd find yourself in-

"Techno!" A voice yells out. He stops in his tracks and turns to find the source. He finds nobody, no-one at all-

"Down here." They say again and he lowers his eyes.

They land down on a little Aimsey.

"Hi." She greets with a silly grin. It instantly lifts his mood.

"Hi. What's up?"

They rock back and forth on the heel of their feet, twisting the strands of their brown hair around their finger, "Did you perhaps...Do your homework?"

Of course, typical Amisey and not doing their work. "Yes I did. I'm guessing you need it."

"Yup, I don't have an excuse this time and the math teacher's getting really pissy about it."

"What excuse did you use?" He asks with a huff, "You forgot it at home?"

Aimsey pouts, their cheeks running red as she huffs too. "Fuck you man. Am I really that predictable?"

"Yes, and we share we share that class so." He shrugs.

"I wish I could quit maths, I hate it so much. Hate it so fucking much." She argues. Techno twists his bag around and searches for his maths book.

He finds it and hands it over to the small one who smiles like the Sun. "Thank you so much Techno! I'll give it back to you during second period."

"I'm in bio second period." He deadpans, already knowing what the little person's planning.

"Oh are you?" They asks, a cheeky smile spreading across their face as they swing from side to side.

"Aimsey..." he sighs, pinching on the bridge of his nose, "For the love of Prime, please don't bunk-"

"I'm gonna bunk!" They announce, all loud and estatic like a child high on candy.

Yup, Aimsey. The one who always lies to the teachers that they'll bring their homework but never ever do and the teachers are very aware of it, just waiting for the truth to spill.

It will never spill, that's how petty Aimsey can be.

He pats them on the head, soft hair tangling inbetween his fingers. "You stupid child, just don't get caught I guess."

They roll their eyes, happily accepting the headpats. "I'll bring you the book near the restrooms, is that okay?"

"Yeah that's fine. It won't work if I drag you to class will it?"

"Nope!" They shake their head, hair swinging from side to side along with the movement. "You know me."

He sighs, all fond with their silliness. "Okay. Imma get going now."

"I guess I have to too." She mutters before moving forward and enveloping Techno in a small hug. "Thank you for the book again!"

He smiles, patting their head again as they squeeze once before letting go. "No problem kid. Don't be stupid."

"I always am." They giggle while waving, moving further and further away from Techno. He smiles, waving them away.

"Bye!"

Is the last thing he hears from Aimsey before he continues on his way back to his class. Chest a little lighter than it was before.

The walk doesn't take all that much time. Almost like five minutes before he finds himself in front of a red door with a little hand print in the middle written ’hi I'm Miss Puffy! What's your name? :)’

He pushes forward and what he finds inside is...Quite interesting to say at least.

"Miss Puffy?" He calls out, looking around the desolate room. The desks and chairs are still there but all the posters and colourful whatever are off the walls and on the table.

Before he can take another step, he's startled by a door opening somewhere in the room, most likely the staffroom.

"Hi Techno!" Puffy waves, closing the door behind her and moving in his direction.

"Hi..." He eyes here carefully, up and down. She looks normal but her eyes are drooping. "What's going on?"

"What do you- oh! The emptiness..." She huffs, scratching at the back of her head as she moves over to her table.

"Yeah, are you putting up new posters or decorations or something?"

She coughs nervously, shuffling the posters from the desk to a large brown baggy. "Uh..not really."

He scrunches his nose before warning signals go off in his head. "Are you moving classes?"

She shakes her head, "Still no."

Now the signals are louder than ever as his heart drops right back into the pits of his stomach. The realizatiom hits him all at once and it feels like a stab in the chest "Oh."

She looks at him, sadness swirling in her eyes. "I'm really sorry Techno."

His breath hitches, a painful thing spawns in his chest and layers itself with filth. "Mhm."

"Look, it was a really good opportunity and I couldn't miss out on it." She explains in a hurry as Techno shuffles over to his desk and sets his bag down.

"Yeah." He mutters, stepping back and making a beeline for the door-

Puffy grabs onto his wrists and it's tight and Techno can't- he can't do this now, he isn't ready to face this- "Techno please."

"Wilbur's calling me." He spits out.

She makes a whimper noise that crunches his heart into a small ball. "Techno please."

He rips her hand away and storms out of the room, tears threatening to spill and heart as heavy as this whole universe combined.

Techno isn't happy. Not happy at all.

Notes:

Y'all I don't think Techno's happy, not sure tho-

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter cuz I fucking enjoyed writing it :) took me a few days or maybeee even weeks to finish and I'm pretty impressed with the end result and where it's heading heheh :]

Hope you had fun reading and you may go crazy to suggest some shit ×) kudos,comments and whatever else are highly appreciated!

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 7: It doesn't work (now the pain's worse.)

Summary:

Techno tries to manage the things going on in his mind and life.

Notes:

Woop new chapter! :] I don't have much to say about this one cuz it's pretty straightforward, enjoy nonetheless!
Title from In My Head by Juice Wrld

The days passed by like wind in the sky. He doesn't pay much attention to anything around him as he's dragged into the depths of his dreadful throughts.

Puffy is leaving. She's leaving the school, she's leaving 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

It doesn't make sense for him to be like this. He doesn't even know what he feels right now. Angry? Sad? It's not adding up in his head but there's so much going on his heart and it's stings and he just really needs to get home right now-

"Techno?" A voice pulls him back into reality.

"Hi." He says, all breathless and exhausted. Aimsey looks him up and down with that same worry in their eyes as Tommy's before.

"You good man?" She asks, tilting her head to the side. "You look distressed."

"Oh." He flushes, all embarassed. "I'm good, just a little tired is all."

They smile again, "Long day?"

He wishes he could shower himself in the warmth that Aimsey's smile provides but all he finds is a dark cold room with nobody in sight. All desolate. Just like her classroomー "Yeah."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Then his heart fires up and his mind is running and he wants to cry. He really wants to cry but holds it back as that burning sensation makes itself known in the back of his throat.

He manages to squash it down until he gets to a bathroom. "No. It's not that dramatic. Don't worry. I need the bathroom." He quickly spills, trying to step around Aimsey and deck it for the bathroom.

"Are you sure?" They ask again, looking far more distressed than Techno probably did.

Techno takes two large steps back, the tears already trickling halfway down his cheeks. "Yup! Please just- yeah I need the bathroom."

Before he could even finish his sentence, he's already turned on his heel and rushing for the bathrooms. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬- 𝘺𝘰𝘪 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘈𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘺ー 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛𝙞𝙨𝙝ー

"Techno!"

They scream but he chooses to ignore it, fastening his pace- the tears are running and he's sniffling, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦ー

He makes it to a bathroom and locks himself in a stall. Luckily nobody was inside, thank the heavens. He sits on a toilet and holds back the noise. He knows there's no point in doing so but he's just really not interested in finding out that somebody was actually inside and they hear his weakness.

So he cries, hand covering his mouth, chest bursting with fire and oil and everything's not okay- not okay at 𝘢𝘭𝘭.

…

After all that nonsense, Techno comes out the bathroom with a hollow chest but he chooses to ignore it.

Luckily, the day quickly comes to an end and Techno has no homework.

He climbs into the backseat of the car without a word from anyone. They all look at him with confused looks.

Techno would often argue with Wilbur about sitting in the front before the parent gets involved and Techno loses. But that didn't happen today.

He's far too tired for this all. He just really wants to get home and take a nap for a few hours, maybe even days so they'd leave him alone.

He just really wants to be alone.

Everyone doesn't say a thing on the way back and Techno couldn't be more grateful as the cold from the window seeps through his head to his body.

They get home and Techno makes a beeline for his room and immediately locks it before anyone can talk or drag him into conversing.

As soon as he sits himself down on the comforter, he's suddenly ultra aware of his exhaustion. His eyes droop, his limbs go limp and his mind slows down. He feels like shit, he should go shower but he's far too tired and everything just feels like too much to handle right now. He really needs this nap so he connects his phone to a charger and sets an alarm for three hours.

Three hour nap and immediately get back to work for the rest of the day until eight at night.

As soon as his head hits his pillow, he'd already passed out.

And he'd go on to dream about everyone leaving.

And then he'd go on to cry in them.

And then he'd go on to switch off his alarm and work his ass off until the buzzing in his mind and body would stop.

And then he'd pass out once more with bags under his eyes and everything feeling like shit and cotton shoved right into his head.
And he'd stop, just drop everything.

…

Two hours pass and there's a knock at his door. He lifts his head, eyes daring to burn a hole through.

"Techno, are you awake?" Kristin asks and the urge to send the person away trickles down.

"Uh yeah! Just hold on." he calls back, shifting the papers to one side of the table and putting his pen right next to it. He then trudges over to the door and pulls it open.

"Hi." He greets very awkwardly.

"Hello." she greets back with the soft smile. "You hungry?"

The moment she mentions it, his stomach speaks for him before he can deny. Heat rushes to his cheeks as Kristin giggles, "I take that as a yes. Let's go."

So Techno closes the door behind and follows behind Kristin over to the living room.

"How was school today?" She asks out of the blue.

Okay, Techno should've seen this coming but he just can't find himself getting used to people asking about his day. It's all the same so what's there to tell?

"It was fine I guess."

"You sure? You seemed really down when you got into the car so I'm just checking if everything's alright."

"Oh." He flushes, "Thanks."

"No need to thank me. You're just as much my kid than as Phil's so I care about you too." She explains with that affectionate smile.

It's supposed to be warm. It's supposed to feel like a welcoming home hug.

But it doesn't. Techno feels chocked, trapped in a small box with all his fears and insensitivities packed and squashed down with him.

He made Kristin believe that he's more comfortable with Phil than he is with her. That's the part she didn't say, he knows it though. He can hear it in the way she says that she cares about him too, he can feel it in the way she says he's also her kid.

Wilbur and Techno were born from Phil's past lover and Tommy was born with Kristin. That's why it stung so bad that she mentioned that.

Before he can indulge further into that sensitive spot, hs finds himself stepping onto tile floor with his socks and a loud child sat on a table.

"Tommy get down." Wilbur sighs, exasperated.

Tommy raises middle finger, "Fuck you motherfucker."

Wilbur runs a hand down his face and turns to the new two people in the room.

"Kristin please get your kid, I've tried." He cries out, dramatically flounders over and slumps his arms over her.

"You're so dramatic." Techno comments, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing as Wilbur does that loud and fake drmamtic gasp. Everything Wilbur does will be deemed as dramatic, no matter what.

Kristin giggles again as she gets him to stand up straight, he looks rather uncomfortable because their height difference makes it look so very painful but it's Wilbur, his posture is horrible too.

Kristin then turns to him, "Techno may you please get Tommy off the table?"

He shrugs, "I'll try."

So they spend about three minutes trying to pry the stubborn child off the table and onto the floor.

Hours pass by and they eat. After eating they all shuffle over to the living room and watch. Techno drifts in and out of reality but he's instantly yanked back as Tommy's yelling Phil's name.

Everyone runs over to Phil and give them their upmost love and affection while Techno watches on the sidelines. Waitingー 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 for Phil to turn to him and smile. Smile like Puffy did whenever she'd greet everyone.

He doesn't and that what stings the most. He brushes past Techno and mutters a small exhausted hello.

His heart shatters in two as he forces out a hello back. Tommy hugs him and so does Wilbur. Kristin kisses him and helps him off to their room.

Techno watches. He watches as Phil hugs his youngest and kisses his forehead.

He watches as Phil cups the oldest's cheek with one hand, held with such fatherly care.

He watches as he swipes a finger over Kristin's cheek and lays a kiss there.

He watches and watches and breaks.

"Hi Tech-"

Before he can even finish, Techno's already stormed off to his room and shuts the door behind him.

He can yelling and footsteps approaching but fuck- 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 it stings 𝘴𝘰 bad.

Why can he see Puffy's sad eyes in Phil's tired ones? Why can he feel her warming touch in Kristin's smile?

Why can't he 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 her?

Notes:

Imagine getting so attatched to your teacher that your brain copy pasted their actions to your own family? Ha..can relate :")

Techno's rly going thru the thick of it but it only gets worse from here :)

Hope you had fun reading and you may go crazy to suggest some shit ×) kudos,comments and whatever else are highly appreciated!

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 8: I'm a prisoner, a visitor inside of my brain.

Summary:

Techno reflects on some things.

Notes:

Hiii :D new chapter, this one gets good. ;) like rly good to the point that I'm pretty surprised that I wrote that🙈 kinda ate up ngl but anyways, enough about me-

Enjoy reading <333

Title from the song "Mind is a Prison" by Alec Benjamin.

The night flies by like sand caught in a swirl of wind.

And Techno's 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 wide awake.

His eyes burning from staring at their boring white ceiling all night long. The lights were off so if someone were to just walk in he's sure they'd be scared by his sleeping-on-back-vampire-style-while staring-at-ceiling action.

He's been thinking, his mind on turbomode as a thousand thoughts pass his mind. Some make him really sad, some make him furious and some make him question to the point that he doesn't even want to mention any of them because he knows if he acknowledges it that it'll grow into something dangerous.

So he tries to distract himself by forcing himself to sleep. Shutting his eyes and lying in the most comfortable position he can get himself into. But he just doesn't drift off to a whole other world like he always does.

He's weary, exhausted, fatigued and everything feels heavy on his shoulders. Shouldn't this be easy? It was so easy to pass out on his books but never on his own bed. How the hell did that make sense?

Moving on before his anger takes its place, it's currently two in the morning on a school day and he's still not asleep.

Yeah, this day is going to suck and Techno knows it. He stares at his walls, his ceiling, the door and whatever else he can stare at without getting a fright. Even his hamper with clothes stuffed inside didn't look as scary in the dark as it usually did, that just explains how tired he is.

"𝘔𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘱." He thinks to himself. He forces himself off his bed towards the switch. The lights flicker on and the bright yellow blinds him for a few small seconds before he turns around to his table and pull out a history textbook.

He flips to a random page and begins reading. A notepad open and scribbles of random notes he found a little interesting or important written down. His eyes grow heavier until it felt like lead.

He eventually yawns and as soon as he decides that he's too tired to actually stand and walk over to switch the light back off and go off to bed, he's decided to lay on the table for a few seconds.

The seconds turn to minutes.

The minutes turn to hours.

The hour switches past three to six.

Six is when he had to get up.

Anxiety builds a home on his shoulders as he lifts his heavy head from the desk filled with papers.

"Wilbur! Tommy! Get up!" Kristin yells from somewhere in the house.

Ah, it's time to get up.

𝘞𝘢𝘪𝘵.

She didn't call him. Why didn't she call him? No- no why didn't she-

No, no he can't spiral down right now. Right now is not the time to panic.

But why didn't Kristin call him? It didn't make sense for her to suddenly 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 about him. It didn't make sense for her to not start with his name and then Wilbur and then Tommy.

That's the order it's supposed to go.

𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳, 𝘛𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘺. This has been the pattern for the last of their years together. Forever.

It didn't make sense.

They've lived here for 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 together. It's become their routine ever since school became a thing to them.

They couldn't forget about him. There's no way that was possible right? Techno's their kid too. Just as she said! Just as Kristin said that he's just as much as her kid than he is Phil's.

He isn't Phil's kid. He isn't Kristin's kid either. He's Sam's kid. He's always been Sam's kid. God that stung to think about.

He's always been Sam's kid and has never stopped being Sam's kid. But he gave Techno up.

He offered Techno away like a prize he didn't want. A prize he didn't need anymore.

A trophy glued together. F̶a̶l̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ a̶p̶a̶r̶t̶.

Hot tears trickle down his face as he sucks in a tight breath- his body is burning up and he feels like throwing up-

No, he isn't easily forgotten about- there's no way they can forget him. He's brought nothing but s̶h̶a̶m̶e̶ grace to this family name, he's made sure if it! He gets the best grades he can, he makes all the teachers smile with p̶i̶t̶y̶ joy whenever they'd spare a glance at him, he's made sure he was the best of the best with everything he did. Sports, academics, chores, affection and whatever else!

The n̶o̶b̶o̶d̶y̶ golden trophy for the family name.

Why would they forget him? It hurt and it doesn't make sense and it's hurting hurting burning- It felt like there were bees fluttering around like crazy in his stomach. Bouncing from corner to corner and their stingers ready to attack-

"Techno-"

He tries to suck in another breath but it's hot and his chest feels too tight- too closed- everything feels too closed and pressed onto him. The buzzing travels from his bottom all the way to the top and his hearing is all just 𝘣𝘻𝘻 𝘣𝘻𝘻 𝘣𝘻𝘻-

It feel like his boys is rocking on fire, thrown into a deep pit and his skin's being torn off with his bones being exposed as he tries to pry his fingers from the excruciatingly hot floor-

"Buddy, hey- hey c'mon. It's Phil." He tells him, tone stuffed to the brim with f̶a̶k̶e̶ concern.

Techno lets out a small noise before falling onto his chest. Phil let's a loud oof before enveloping Techno in a hug. A warm s̶i̶c̶k̶e̶n̶i̶n̶g̶l̶y̶ h̶o̶l̶l̶o̶w̶ hug.

"Hey mate. You alright?" he asks, gently rubbing a cold thumb over his cheekbone.

Techno feels a cold sensation run down his spine as Phil's questions drenches his mind in grief and sorrowful anger.

He pauses halfway through a nod. P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶ l̶e̶f̶t̶ m̶e̶ . Y̶o̶u̶ a̶l̶l̶ f̶o̶r̶g̶o̶t̶ a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ m̶e̶. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵.

Phil whines with sympathy at his silence already offering him an answer. He pulls Techno closer until his head is practically buried on his chest, hair frazzled by the force.

"I'm here. You don't have to leave." He whispers, carding a hand through his already messed up hair.

It's supposed to be comforting. It's supposed to be a way of showing him hes safe. Safe and loved. D̶a̶n̶g̶e̶r̶, l̶i̶a̶r̶s̶ n̶o̶.

But he all feels is a carved out peice from his chest that only someone else can fill.

It used to be S̶a̶m̶ Phil, it used to be his now brothers, hell, it even used to be Kristin!

And now it was Puffy.

His tenth grade teacher who shows him as much love as he could receive. Who guided him through the obstacles with upmost care and p̶i̶t̶y̶ affection. Who showed him what real pride, adoration and love looks like.

What it feels like.

Something he found himself so desperately craving for.

A̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ t̶o̶o̶ m̶u̶c̶h̶

Something even if his brothers or parents could try to achieve, it'll never feel the same.

"No- no I'm fine. Just really stressed."

And that was when everything dawned on him all at once.

"Are you sure? I can stay home with you-"

He's nobody special the moment Puffy leaves.

"Yeah. I promise you I'm fine. Just need water and I'll be okay."

Puffy was the one dishing out his achievements, he was the one to pick them up.

"...Okay. Get yourself ready. I'll drive you guys today."

Without her, he's just a dull trophy left without it's shine.

"Cool. Thanks Phil."

The bees sting the walls of his stomach and he resists to scream in 𝘢𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘺.

H̶e̶'s̶ n̶o̶b̶o̶d̶y̶. A̶l̶l̶ a̶l̶o̶n̶e̶ t̶o̶ f̶e̶n̶d̶ f̶o̶r̶ h̶i̶m̶s̶e̶l̶f̶.

Notes:

So what do all think? 👀 Enjoyable? Saddening? Both? Good, have a good rest ur afternoon :) next chapter will be out someday, idk when lmao x]

kudos,comments and whatever else are highly appreciated!

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 9: You taught me the courage of stars before you left.

Summary:

Techno fights through the school day and receives new information.

Notes:

Hello! I don't rly have anything to say for any of this starter notes anymore,,, um enjoy?

Title from the song from the song "Saturn" by Sleeping At Last.

The school day starts okay at best. His friends talk to him and he responds. Everyone goes about their day and so does Techno. He chooses to ignore his thoughts for the whole day.

Teachers ask questions and he answrs. They tell him to write down notes and he does. They go to break and the usual flies by. Techno is mindless the whole time.

The day from there become horrible.

He's surrounded by his classmates and random others as they all float around Puffy.

They're all outside near the gates. The day quickly came to end so everyone rushed out of their classes to find Puffy. Techno mindlessly followed along.

Puffy's bags are on the floor with all her class decorations and messages from all the individual classes she taught throughout her years. Techno refused to write something. His classmates frowned and asked why, he lied and said his wrist isn't feeling up to it so he asked for them to write instead. They wrote ”𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵.”

He would write 𝘴𝘰 much more.

She's confidently swiping from side to side to hug everyone, tell them their encouragements and other Puffy things.

Techno watches outside the large circle, hands shaking and nails digging into his skin. His bites on his bottom lip to stop it from quivering.

More hugs, more tears and more words of encouragement.

It stings. It hurts 𝘴𝘰 bad but Techno doesn't dare move. He knows his legs will give out from under him the moment she wraps her arms around him. The moments she whisper reassuring promises in his ear. 'Y̶o̶u̶'r̶e̶ g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ t̶o̶ b̶e̶ a̶m̶a̶z̶i̶n̶g̶. I̶ j̶u̶s̶t̶ k̶n̶o̶w̶ i̶t̶' i̶s̶ w̶h̶a̶t̶ s̶h̶e̶ w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ s̶a̶y̶.

They often make eye contact but Techno's always the first to break it by looking down at his phone.

It hurts to see the j̶o̶y̶ pain in her eyes.

But it becomes worse as everyone finally opens up room for his turn. In that very moment, Techno wishes the world would swallow him whole.

Puffy is smiling with her red rimmed eyes. She's saying something but Techno can't hear it over his heart screaming.

He steps back once. Then twice. Puffy looks h̶a̶p̶p̶y̶ scared-

He then takes off in the opposite direction. Everyone is screaming and yelling behind, some even run to get him but he can't do this. He isn't good at these types of things. He isn't good with goodbye messages, he isn't good at accepting abandonment. He isn't good at anything!

He hides himself in the bathroom. Waiting for either one of his brothers to come get him and take him home. W̶a̶i̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ f̶o̶r̶ P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶ t̶o̶ c̶o̶m̶e̶ f̶i̶n̶d̶ h̶i̶m̶.

…

As soon as Phil calls him on his phone, Techno beelines for the car and shuts the door. His chest is heaving and the now washed off tear marks having disappeared.

Phil asks how his day was and Techno chooses to lie.

He then chooses to talk about something else that didn't involve anything to do with his day. He isn't ready to discuss that all yet.

The new topic beings new information to the table.

Remember when Techno said that him and Wilbur were born from Phil's past lover and Tommy was born with Kristin?

Turns out that statement was false.

"You thought you weren't our kid?" Phil asks, perplexed by this new discovery as he drives Techno home. Tommy and Wilbur were at their friends homes so Techno gets to sit wherever without an argument. So he obviously chose to sit by Phil's side in the front. B̶a̶d̶ c̶h̶o̶i̶c̶e̶.

Techno blinks, turning to look at Phil. "Aren't I?"

He keeps his eyes on the road but a deep s̶m̶i̶l̶e̶ frown plasters itself on his face. "Wha- no! Both you and Wilbur have Kristin's features and bits of my mine and Tommy has mine and bits of Kristin's. Of course you're all ours."

"...Oh. But I thought-" he trails off, trying to find a proper way to structure this. "Sam-"

Phil sighs like this topic drains the life and colour out of him. Techno just really needed answers to this. "Sam...I gave you to Sam because me and Kristin weren't suitable parents at the time."

Techno scrunches his nose. "Then why'd you have m-" he cuts himself off, "Why'd you have 𝘶𝘴?"

"We were being stupid." He says, wincing like it hurt him to say it. "And we fought."

Then, it all hits him. "Oh."

They were kids. Kristin and Phil had them when they weren't mature enough to raise kids themselves.

So all three of them were their biological kids but were given away for almost the whole of their childhood because the two didn't think they were suitable parents for the time being.

Techno was given up to a friend, Sam.
Wilbur was given to an uncle, Grian.
Tommy was given to a cousin, James.

That is why he considers himself the one to be adopted. He wasn't given to a family member but a 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥.

 

”𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰! 𝘐𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨?” 𝘚𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴.

”𝘈𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵?” 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦.

”𝘔𝘦? 𝘕𝘰, 𝘯𝘰 𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳?”

”...𝘖𝘩 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩.” 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. ”𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩- 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳.”

𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘨. 𝘚𝘢𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

”𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵. 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?”

”𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 d̶a̶d̶ 𝘚𝘢𝘮.”

Techno remained silent for rest of the car ride home.

…

They finally arrive home and instead of doing the usual, Techno decides to sit in the garden out back and rest by the lemon tree. Next to the patch were his failed potatoes were.

He can see his bedroom window from down here. His white desk constantly filled up with papers and books. The small oak bookshelf next to it with poems he wrote, books Wilbur recommended him, fidgets toys and whatever other contents inside. The photos of him with his friends, him at his kindergarten graduation ceremony and a painting of a big fluffy polar bear from Niki on the beige wall. A big map of a made-up country he and Phil came up with called the '𝘈𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘌𝘮𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘦'.

He misses those days. Where things were just so easy and light. Light and simple.

Days with his family. Days with Sam. Days being a kid.

He misses the simple times where he'd go running around the house because him and his brothers were far too competitive and enduced far too much energy for their age. They'd race and run and laughs would pop like balloons in the air and the leaves crunching beneath his bare feet was music to his ears.

He misses the days when they'd all crowd into Wilbur's room and listen to him play his guitar. Techno would watch the way his fingers would move like it was a thing they were destined to do as they pluck on the strings. He sings and the words flow out of his lips like they were destined to exist in their world, from his mouth, in his mind.

The way Tommy would cheer and clap. The way Wilbur's cheeks would grow red and he'd hide his face in his hands. The way Kristin would giggle and encourage him to keep going whenever he'd make little fumbles here and there. The way Phil would smile like hearing his son's voice warmed him from the inside and shines on the outside.

The way Techno used to be so happy. So free and so full of joy and b̶e̶t̶r̶a̶y̶a̶l̶ love.

Then he notices in all those memories. All those moments that there was always a hollow place. Another empty space for someone else.

Reserved for somebody 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭.

𝘗𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘚𝘢𝘮? His brains spits. Interrogates.

His chest grows tight as the air freezes in his lungs.

Puffy or Sam? Sam or Puffy?-

The answer was supposed to be simple. It was supposed to be. God he knows it's supposed to be.

It's supposed to be Sam. Sam's a long term friend of Phil's and Kristin. A d̶a̶d̶ caretaker for him.

He was the one to pick Techno up and spin him around whenever he'd come home with a good grade on a test. He was the one to make him fruit slices every afternoon when they had nothing to do and sit and watch television together. He was the one to dance with him whenever they'd cook together, guiding Techno hands when cutting the veggies and how to boil water on his own whole listening to ”can I call you tonight?”

But Puffy.

God, Puffy praised him. Showed him what pride looks like. What adoration feels like.

She was the very first person to praise and help him to the top. She was the one to be there whenever he'd stay late at the library, stuck on a question. She'd be there to help, to banter and whatever.

She was the one to guide him through and through. The one to sit down with him and explain everything. Whenever he didn't understand, she'd be the one his brain clicks to Immediately.

Yeah, she was doing her job but she was good. Amazing even.

The way she explains things connects so well in Techno odd brain. She would bring up students and make them present the information in their own fascinating ways. She'd allow everyone to go outside and take a breather before a speech and gives them the option to either do the speech to the class or privately.

She'd make jokes that would make Techno fold in half with tears in his eyes. She'd put on soft music while everyone writes because a few people in his class aren't fans of silence either.

She would cup his cheeks when he was stressed, flick on his nose when he'd discourage himself, had rough talks with him, gentle reminders andー she was just 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 and it'd make Techno's heart flutter.

She did so much and helped him with everything. She knew what to do and say. Things that even Phil couldn't achieve anymore. Things that he couldn't explain but made him feel special.

A̶n̶d̶ n̶o̶w̶ s̶h̶e̶'s̶ g̶o̶n̶e̶.

"Techno?" A voice calls out. He turns to the source and Phil stands there. Eyes blown wide and oven mitts on.

"Yeah?" He answers, voice unexpectedly shaky.

"You're crying." He points out. Techno touches his face a few times, wetness spreading across his fingertips.

He quickly rubs it away as leaves crunch towards him. Phil lays a hand on his shoulder, laying on one knee. "Mate, what's up?" He voice is gentle and it makes it harder to not burst out in tears.

"N-nothing. Fuck-" he mutters under his breath, trying to rub the tears away. "It's nothing."

Phil looks like he isn't convinced. "Techno."

"No- I'm fine-"

"No you're not."

"I am! I-I...I am." He sniffles, bringing his knees up and covering his face.

His eyes go all soft as he drops to both his knees. ”𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘦...”

That tone is enough to make Techno burst out in tears. He folds over, a sob erupting his lips. His body quivers, hard. Phil is holding onto him but it feels all but full.

His heart feels nothing but 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺.

He's running his hand up and down his back, rocking him back and forth and repeatedly telling that it's okay. He'll be okay and whatever else.

Techno tunes them out and lets himself be held. Be loved by a father.

His father.

But fuck- why does it feel so very 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺?

Notes:

No more Puffy :(

Anyways, New information has come to the table! Are we liking how story is blooming so far cuz I'm pretty fucking happy with it. Hope everyone else is too!

And! How is everyone liking my new way of writing? I've been reading the books my school library is offering and I've adpating to different writing styles! POG or dog? Let me know!

Hope you had fun reading and you may go crazy to suggest some shit ×) kudos,comments and whatever else are highly appreciated!

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 10: Falling everywhere but into place.

Summary:

Techno receives unexpected affection and he doesn't really know how to handle it.

Notes:

(Title from "Rainy Day Loop" by SALES.)

Hii, um so sorry this took so long to come out. Had some troubles with tryna figure out how to write this without making it feel forced (and cuz ya gurl had body pains for a whole day and school is a bitch taking up my time). Not the best outcome but I'm proud of it nonetheless!

I'll stop rambling on now, enjoy!

After that whole spiel with him being cradled by his father and being a weak baby, everything remains normal going forward.

He sits and his mind wanders as he does his work. He hangs out with his brothers when they get home. They all eat dinner together and banter is thrown about.

Techno is smiling the whole time. Just a tinge of that hollow pit in his gut fills up.

"Tech can you pass me the salt?" Tommy calls.

"𝘕𝘰." He responds jokingly. It's supposed to sound like a joke, he always does this. But it comes out mean, sharp. Sliced and angry.

Tommy flinches back, eyes examining him. As quick as it appears, it dissolves into irritation. "Forget it. I'll get it myself." He snaps.

"No wait-"

"That was kinda fucked up Techno." Wilbur murmurs with food in his mouth.

"That came out wrong." He quickly interjects, waving his hands in a hurry to grab the salt.

Tommy slaps his hand away and scowls. "Fuck off. I said forget it."

Techno nervously backs off. He watches Tommy's shkay hand grip hard onto the salt shaker and his heart collapses in itself. ”𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.” he thinks to himself. He caused his brother's anger and it's all his fault and the pain is spilling into the cracks and slits of his shattering heart and it's horrible, indescribableー

He's drowning and burning under Tommy's furious gaze, under Wilbur's judgemental look and his parents disappointed faces and he's scared, so afraid and it's becoming unbearable to breathe in here-

"Technoー"

He isn't 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 emotional. He never had been this emotional. Why all of a sudden is everything tumbling down on him? Why now all of a sudden? It didn't make sense and it's messing him up and Techno c-can't handle these changes to himself-

He always jokes with Tommy. They always land well. They always make him laugh and make Techno smile in the warmth of Tommy's wheezing laughter bouncing off the walls. Why is it different today? Why is he different today? Why is 𝘩𝘦 r̶u̶d̶e̶ different all of a suddenー

"King, hey- 𝘩𝘦𝘺 breathe." Somebody saysー Phil. Phil says. "You need to breathe mate." He's rushing from the other side of the table and rubbing his hands up and down his back.

He feels heat rush to his face as everyone stares at him in fear and worry. He didn't want this to happen- he keeps running things- no no please go backー I̶m̶ s̶o̶ s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶d̶ p̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ h̶o̶l̶d̶ m̶e̶, g̶e̶t̶ a̶w̶a̶y̶ f̶r̶o̶m̶ m̶e̶ i̶ m̶i̶s̶s̶ P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶

Knives slip their way up and down his throat and slit his words into tiny little pathetic whimpers and broken syllables.

"Techno I need to you to breatheー 𝘛𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳ー we're all here. You're fine and safe and we're all here." A higher voice tells him, soothes him. He can feel hot breath against his face and realises that she wants him to follow along.

Somebodyー dark silky hair falling to their shouldersー breathing, teaching him to breathe.

He inhales once and staggering pains travel around all his veins like electricity. Sharp thorns puncture his lungs and he gasps like a fish above water begging for air that surrounds himー h-he can't breathe and he's scared and he's ruining himself, he's ruining his family he's ruining everything, eveything's ruinedー

"Techno, can you hear me?" A new familiar voice asks. He tries to focus on their face but hot tears sting at his eyes and he trembling in fearー

"Okay okay, can you feel this? It's gonna be cold-" They say and before Techno can react to that, cold hands are under his shirt and on his stomach. He winces, staggering back as his vision blurs and flashes for a second. Everything going blank for a moment before he's pushing himself away from the table and off the chair and onto the floor. The cold tile floor.

He's gasping in air like he's lost it and about to lose it again and tugs on it like he's drowning on the surface. He probably looks so very red and dumbfounded but he doesn't care. He inhales the air and holds it in, feeling relief seep through his bones like P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶'s̶ t̶o̶u̶c̶h̶ a warm car after a cold rainy day. Wishing he could pocket this feeling and touch it whenever he feels overstimulated with Anxiety.

"Techno- You okay now king? You need water?" A voice asks. Techno has to blink once or twice or maybe more to try and clear his vision.

A brunette is in his vision. Right in front of his face. His dirt eyes blown wide and lips moving far too quick for Techno to decipher his wording. His brain is too slow and he can't understand, he can't remember and things don't make sense. His body is hot but he feels cold. His chest is heaving but he feels energized- 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥?

"ー𝘯𝘨? Can you hear me? Can you feel this?" They ask again and Techno yelps, backing away from them in fear. He doesn't want- no 𝘯𝘰, he doesn't 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 to feel that type of painful chill on his body ever again. Especially on his sensitive spots like his stomach. O̶n̶l̶y̶ o̶n̶e̶ p̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶ m̶a̶n̶i̶p̶u̶l̶a̶t̶e̶s̶ t̶h̶a̶t̶ t̶y̶p̶e̶ o̶f̶ i̶n̶f̶o̶r̶m̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶.

"Hey, hey I'm not going to touch you unless you want me to." Theyー 𝘗𝘩𝘪𝘭 says quickly, placing his hands behind his back and moving behind the counter.

Techno's chest is heaving, up up 𝘶𝘱 and down down 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 and he's drowning- drowing on the surface and his eyes are sting with new tears preparing themselves at bay. He's scared, he's so very afraid and he just wants to be away from this world- from this room and everyone in general. He wants to be w̶i̶t̶h̶ P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶ 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦.

Another asks. "May I touch you?"

Techno quickly shakes his head from side to side quickly, vigorously. He doesn't feel like being touched right now. He wants to be under his blankets in his shorts and doze off for the rest of this damned life. No school, no family. Just himself and his blankets and himself with his dead silence.

Was that rude? He doesn't want to come off as rudeー

"That's perfectly okay. You aren't comfortable right now."

They would be very right about that. He wants to get away from them right now before anotherー whatever that little attack he doesn't know how to explainー picks up all over again.

"You want to be alone?" Wilbur asks, slowly approaching him like he's a scared injured puppy. If he wasn't so out of it then he'd be quite pissed about that. Techno is not a baby so there is no reason to treat him as such.

He slightly scoots back and he spots a pained look flash over the person'sー 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘣𝘶𝘳'𝘴 face. It sends his heart tumbling down a flight of stairs and his will to live has left him. He's shredded to pieces and he really wants to apologize but he 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵ー he can't speak because he knows his voice will be weak and pathetic.

Before he can say anything about it, the look has disappeared and he's walking back to Tommy's side with a strained smile on his face. G̶e̶t̶ a̶w̶a̶y̶ f̶r̶o̶m̶ m̶e̶..

Techno picks himself up and heat is still burning in his cheeks. "Uhh-"

"You can go. We'll bring up food some food and water for you. Don't worry." Kristin says with that soft tired smile P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶'s̶ s̶m̶i̶l̶e̶ as she shuffles back to her seat.

Guilt sheds over the affection. "...Are you sure? I don't want to-"

"Techno." Phil cuts him off. "It's perfectly fine. You're having a rough time and we understand that. Go rest kiddo. We'll bring you anything if you need it." He says, leaving no room for any type of argument. Techno sighs, the guilt still washing over him like a deadly current wave and he can't breathe under the saltwater. He still pretends likes he perfectly fine as he inhales the wrong type of air for his lungs as he looks at Phil, at Tommy, at Wilbur and at Kristin with a forced awkward smile.

They all smile back.

But why does it look like they're mad at him?

He brushes the thought aside as he trudges forwards to his room.

The moment he enters his room, his Immediately changes to his pajamas and is throwing himself onto his comforter.

Before somebody can enter his room with food and water, Techno has already passed out with a burning sensation resting in the back of his throat and saltwater filling his lungs.

He can't even remember the last time he breathed normal air.

B̶y̶ P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶'s̶ s̶i̶d̶e̶.

Notes:

Yay!! Sorry this chapter is rly short and outta piece with the rest of them :") I am writing from experience and this is basically how I deal with shit, haha Techno is my self insert lol anyways,, we like this chapter? Do we not? What do you wanna see happen next? Comment! Go crazy cuz this story goes deep and goofy x)) anyways, that's all from me. My tests are coming up so chapters might come out later than usual but I don't rly have a schedule to this so hahah, that's all, bye! :P

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 11: Change can be for them.

Summary:

Techno has a thought that breaks him apart.

Notes:

(Title from the song "Trapped in a club" by SALES)

Hiii! :P so this chapter's pretty...short. Hear me out- ideas are filling my mind for the next chapter so that one might take a rly long time to finish so be grateful, this is a gift I shouldn't even be presenting ;)

Tw: suicidal thought. (Just a sentence long dw)

Anyways, enough from me, enjoy!

Techno knew his day was going to be bad after waking with a pounding headache. He knows he's going to go home and cry his eyes out.

He knows it all yet he still forces himself to look up and believe. What if and maybes fill his mind up as he walks towards his classroom. P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶'s̶ i̶n̶t̶r̶o̶d̶u̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ s̶t̶i̶c̶k̶e̶r̶ i̶s̶n̶'t̶ t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶.

He begs for some sort of familiarity from what he could find inside. Maybe Puffy still packing things up and they can possibly hang out for one last time before she leaves. maybe Techno can convince her to stay! Maybe maybe-

He pushes open the door and is flooded with new decorations filling the room. M̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶ d̶i̶d̶n̶'t̶ l̶e̶a̶v̶e̶ m̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ m̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ m̶a̶y̶b̶e̶-

"Hello?!" A new and unfamiliar voice calls out. As high as his hopes got, they die down and fizzle into nothingness in his hands.

"Hi?" He answers back wearily, shifting to his table nervously while tugging at his bag.

The person practically falls out of the storeroom and Techno bites back a yelp. He's not this easily jumpscared- whst is going on with him?

Moving on, the person- a man he guesses. Black scruffy hair, hazel eyes (with gokden flecks) staring back at him and a well established outfit he has on. A black basic suit with a slightly wrinkled white collared shirt underneath.

He smiles nervously at the man as he stares him down. "What're you doing here?"

"Uhh- I drop my bag off here every morning?" He answers, his heart doing backflips down to his stomach.

The person blinks at once then twice and smiles nervously. "Ah, so sorry then. You can just drop that off and go. Or do you stay in here?"

"Uhh- no. No I don't. I'll just... Drop this off I guess." He says, moving over to his desk while keeping his eyes on the man. Not like he could hurt him but you never know. He is a stranger after all.

"So what's your name kid?" The man asks out of the blue and Techno wishes he could run out the classroom right then and there.

"I'm not comfortable with sharing that information yet since y'know," he shrugs, trying not the be mean about it. "I don't know you."

Realization flashes across the man's face and he laughs out loud. It's clear and it bounces around the room and giggly and it radiates warmth off to Techno. He refuses it though. "Oh, that's my bad. I'm M̶i̶s̶s̶ P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶ Mr Marriott but you may call me C̶a̶r̶a̶ James."

"...Okay." he scrunches his nose, waiting. "Cool."

He seems to pick up on Techno's assuming questions. "I'm your new register."

Yup, there's the drop.

His heart is shoved down a pool of sharks and stingrays and he really wants to melt into the floor and blend with the dirt.

"Oh." He mutters low. His heart screams a melody of a fork scratching against the surface of a plate.

"Yup. You gonna tell me your name or do I have to find out myself?" He asks, giggles bubbling on the surface of his tone.

Techno sucks in a tight breath. "Oh. I-"

"I was joking man! You don't have to tell me anything that you're uncomfortable with." He quickly interjects, clear alarms going off in his head as he realised the way he worded that seemed to scare Techno.

And that... That was nice of him.

Slowly but surely, tension leaks from Techno's shoulders and he finds it significantly more easy to breathe.

Techno finds himself easily slipping on a smile. "Thank you."

"No problem kid." He smiles back. "You can go hang out with your friends now. Don't wanna keep you here all day."

That's the last thing he leaves the class with. His heart still hurts cause difference is not something he really likes or is used to but it's something nonetheless. Y̶o̶u̶'r̶e̶ f̶o̶r̶g̶e̶t̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ h̶e̶r̶. S̶e̶l̶f̶i̶s̶h̶.

That's the second time somebody has told him that it's fine to be upset when he's uncomfortable. Sam wasn't all that present in his life or maybe Techno didn't remember much since he was just a kid but nonetheless, he could find himself getting used to this.

It feels nice.

T̶h̶e̶ m̶o̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ h̶e̶ e̶x̶it̶s̶ t̶h̶e̶ r̶o̶o̶m̶, h̶i̶s̶ h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶ f̶e̶e̶l̶s̶ h̶e̶a̶v̶y̶ b̶u̶t̶ h̶e̶ c̶h̶o̶o̶s̶e̶s̶ it̶ i̶g̶n̶o̶r̶e̶ i̶t̶.

…

"Mr James is so fucking awesome!" Aimsey announces quite loudly as they walk.

Techno had decided that he'll hang out with Ranboo, Sneeg and Aimsey on their stroll around the field. He just needed some time with different people and because he really wanted to be outdoors.

"Yeah. How so?" Sneeg asks, interested on the topic at hand. Sneeg's in one grade higher than all of them were so they don't share a teacher.

Aimsey perks up like a child who's been given the opportunity to pick out any candy they'd like. "He's so fucking awesome! He allows us to eat in class and stuff because we can't really work on an empty stomach and- and he's really fucking funny and I die laughing at his jokes."

"Eat in class? That must be nice." Ranboo comments, smiling at their rambling. Techno finds himself smiling too.

"Yeah!" They jump up and down repeatedly before almost falling on their face. "You're so fucking lucky Techno."

He blinks. "How so?"

"He's your register! I would fucking love that."

"Ha yeah. I'm lucky." He mutters, attempting his best to cover his discomfort hearing that with a nervously huff.

They all ramble on about while Sneeg listens intently. Techno's zoned out and thinking about how different things have become for him in a such a short amount of time, it's almost horrifying. He's been hanging out with Aimsey's group more, he's been exchanged a new register teacher, become more emotionally responsive and whatever else.

He...He wouldn't say he doesn't like these changes. Some make him feel little lighter but some shove him under freezing cold water and leave him trembling in fear for his life slipping away at his fingertips.

And he really doesn't like it at all. He's scared- he's so scared and he's afraid and he wants things to go back-

A tap on his shoulder pulls him back to the moment. "Techno?"

"Y-yeah?" He responds to he thought was either Aimsey, Ranboo or Sneeg but instead finds himself in front of somebody he wasn't really keen on seeing.

On the other hand, he can practically hear Aimsey buzzing on the spot like a bee and he sighs.

"Hi sir." He mutters, moving out of the way so Aimsey can take over.

They wave quite happily with the biggest grin on their face. "Hi hi! Hi Mr James!"

He waves back nervously, a soft smile on his face. "Hello Aimee. How are you?"

"I'm doing so fu- so amazing! Sorry, almost swore."

"I don't mind swearing, don't worry."

Their eyes perk up once more. "You see what I mean? He's so fucking cool! Mr James you're so cool." They say, giggling in between each sentence.

"I'm perfectly aware. Everyone says that about me everywhere I go." He jokes, swishing back nonexistent long hair and the group giggles. Techno feels really uncomfortable so he slightly backs away.

They talk freely like they're the best of friends but Techno feels like he's going to throw up. He backs away further and further until they're not aware of where he is. He then takes the opportunity and turns on his heel in the opposite direction, back to his old friend group.

Clearly this one won't really work out as well as he thought it would.

Instead of walking to the cafeteria where they would've been, he walks to Puffy's old class and stares at the blank door. Wishing that the introduction page can appear just so he can a tinge bit better about everything.

His chest is heaving and he can't get in a proper breath of air. He's drowning and his legs have grown far too fatigued to push him back up. His arms and legs and body ache from thrashing, from moving and fighting against the tides. He's so scared and he really wants to leave. He wants to breathe in that fresh humid air. So thick that you could probably slice it in half with a blunt knife.

But he can't. He's exhausted out of his mind and every little task feels like climbing a mountain. His heart aches from the work and stress and priorities. He just wants to crawl up into a ball and and never come out ever again if he knew that life would be like this. He'd take the chance to even kill himself off if this effort goes to waste and gets him nowhere in life.

No. He's overthinking this. Puffy isn't coming back and that's final. He's stuck with Mr James for the rest of the year and that's final. He can't change that at all. There is no need to be so dramatic about it.

He'll just have to learn to suck it up and deal with it instead of being the big baby he's being right now.

He inhales again before exhaling, his head is spinning and his throat is burning and his lungs are failing. But yet he forces himself to go on.

he turns around and walks off to his friends with a hollow place in his chest.

Y̶o̶u̶'r̶e̶ d̶r̶i̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ o̶f̶f̶ a̶ c̶l̶i̶f̶f̶.

Notes:

Did I add Sneeg last minute because moments with him and Techno made me cry laughing? Yes, what's it to you?🤪

Anyways! That is all from me today. Do we all like the chapter or Nah? Anything you'd like to assume or shit youd like to suggest? Go crazy! ×)

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 12: I'm so sick of myself (Rather be anyone else.)

Summary:

Techno has a bad day and realises some things.

Notes:

(Title from Jealousy jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo)

Hiii! I'm finally fucking done with this large bitch of a chapter! This one is much slower and I'll make sure the next few hit y'all like a rock to the head because we getting into this deep! This is going to a bumpy ride so y'all better hold hands!

Trigger warning:
Anxiety attack

Enjoy ;)

Months pass by and Techno feels like he's been shoved into a hazy world of repetition.

Wake up, do the usual morning routine, go to school, do school things, get home, do more school things, eat dinner and go to sleep. Repeat and repeat and 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵.

The feeling of dread hasn't faded but he's found it much h̶a̶r̶d̶e̶r̶ easier to ignore nowadays. A few months back, he'd be crying about waking up in the morning (which he found pretty dramatic) but now he just ignores the panic and m̶i̶s̶s̶i̶n̶g̶ P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶ dread curling around his chest and squeezing his ribcage and lungs and heart.

Another day passes by and he thoughtlessly wanders around. His feet and arms move automatically without him having to think about. It's become a habit and he's been d̶e̶p̶r̶e̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ happier with it.

Before another change comes along and he feel the dread knock the air out of his chest.

He has in headphones in and is relaxing with Minecraft music on blast before he opens his eyes and finds a paper in front of him.

His breath hitches and he sits up straight, his back screaming in protest at the unexpected and swift movement.

He quickly picks his hand up and M̶i̶s̶s̶ P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶ Mr James looks at him. "Pu- Mr James, what's this?"

"Mock tests to prepare you for next year and stuff since you'll be choosing subjects." He explains while handing out papers to the class.

Techno has forgotten a little detail about those few months that have passed by. He's studied less because he's been falling asleep while doing homework.

His heart punctures itself and he wants to fall over. "Oh fuck." He mutters under his breath. (He isn't one to swear but when a situation is tough, it's the perfect wording for it.)

They told him about this. He knew, he knew this weeks back. He knew this would happen today. Why didn't his alarm on his phone go off to remind him?

No, no he's panicking for nothing. He's smart, he can pass this easily. He's passed so many tests before without studying (fifty is not a pass in his books but he's just lying to himself) This will be as easy just like the rest were before.

He inhales once and holds it for three seconds before exhaling for a moment too long. His head spins but he chooses to push it aside. His hands are shaking so he shoves them into his hoodie pockets to ignore it.

After Mr James finishes handing everything out, he's standing in front of the classroom and addressing everyone. He does the register, Techno almost fumbles just by saying "here" wrong. Almost.

"I'm sure you all know the drill. You have a five minute reading time where you go through the paper. You then have a thirty minutes to finish this. Got it?" He announces, everyone mutters in agreement and he clasps his hands.

"Okay. You may start reading. Goodluck to you all."

Several people mutter thanks and whatever else that Techno cannot hear through the blood screaming in his veins and ringing in his ears and he's so scared and anxious- what if he fails? What if he doesn't know the answers- what if he gets stuck and doesn't finish in time─

He just needs to focus. Focus focus, that's easy enough. He's been focused all his life in education. He's always focused in the things he does. (His leg is currently bouncing at an inhumane pace and he can't help but find it a little hard to sit still.)

He can't breathe through his nose nor mouth and his lungs are failing him.

His eyes sting with prepared tears begging to spill and his throat is burning burnin─

"You may all start!" He announces, clasping his hands together again. He can see people flip the paper back to the beginning and pick up their pens.

Techno reaches out his hand to retrieve his pen but he can barely even see through his blurry vision.

He is so sure his heart is going to pop out of his chest as it bangs and screams against his ribcage. 𝘛𝘩𝘶𝘥 𝙩𝙝𝙪𝙙 𝘵𝘩𝘶𝘥 is all he can hear.

He blinks multiples times and quickly wipes at his face to rid his tears. He's so scared and anxious- and it's getting harder to breathe or even focus-

"25 minutes left." James announces but his voice sounds so very muffled that Techno wonders if he's hearing him under water.

He inhales once more and shuts his eyes. Trying to regulate his breathing and the Anxiety crawling up 𝘶𝘱 𝙪𝙥 his throat and he wants to puke.

He feels the bile rise as the disguise wares off and he quickly raises his hand. His chest is burning and his throat is burning and his lungs are failing him and he's panicking─

"Yes Techno?"

"May I go to the bathroom 𝘱𝘭-𝙚𝙖-𝘴𝘦?" His voice cracks at the end and that's what makes Mr James's eyes go wide with worry.

"Yes you may." He responds. Techno quickly shoots past him and dashes around but James stops him halfway.

The bile is rising and Techno doesn't think he can push it down any longer so Mr James is going to have to hurry his ass upー

He looks over to Techno. Worry wrinkles making their appearance on his forehead. "Are you okay? Do I need to send someone with you?" He asks, his voice low enough that only the both of them can hear.

Tecno quickly shakes his head, making him dizzy in return. "No no. It's fine. I- I'm fine. Just... Really need the bathroom." He explains, tripping over his words as the burning in the back of his throat returns with full force.

He raises a brow. "Are you sure?"

"Y-𝘶𝘱." His voice breaks and he dashes right out the door before Mr James can probably ask again.

He's dashing his way through the hallway and passed so many closed and opened doors. He can see people spare a glance at him before turning back to their papers as they become a blur of colour. His tears are pouring down his face and his breathing is getting significantly worse and his cheeks are burning up as the seconds pass by.

His feet move as quickly as they can as he shifts to a bathroom. His hands are trembling and he can barely even open a door properly. He wants Wilburー

It's a pathetic thing but he really needs his brother right now. He cannot breathe for the life of him and only his brothers can help him. Only P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶ Wilbur can stop this burning sensation that sends him into ultimate panic. All the air knocking itself out from his lungs. Stolen from him, taken by force and he can't help but sob out in pain and agony.

He covers his mouth and his knees buckle from under him. His hands tremble as they travel up to his pocket, trying his best to reach for his phone and call someone- anyone to help him out because he's having an attack (he's not share of what label to put on it) and he doesn't know what to do about it.

He inhaling and failing, exhaling and failing. He's falling and his lungs are starting to burn and his head goes dizzy from lack of air but he cannot move or breathe like a normal person and he's so─ and he knows he's already thought and said this multiple times but he is so very afriad that it's just difficult to manage a way to explain it.

He hears someone pass by the bathroom and his breathe hitches, he holds his hand to his mouth to muffle the noise. He still can't get up and he's in the middle of the bathroom on his knees and tears are pouring down his face and he can't stop them─

The person's footsteps get closer and closer and Techno is practically shivering at this point. His breathing is too fast and he can't get up, he tries to but his legs refuse to perform their role. He tries once or twice and he instantly falls to the floor with a thud and he wants to scream out in pain but he bites it back.

Tears are still running and the person is basically standing outside the door. They don't make a sound nor a move towards Techno and he's more afraid of who it is rather than what they'll do to him.

"Techno?" A familiar voice calls out. His heart plummets down to the pits created in his gut.

Tommy.

Blond hair makes an appearance above him and the urge to pull his brother into a tight hug is almost suffocating.

"You okay?" He asks, moving a hand towards before stopping midway as if he were asking for permission.

I̶ m̶i̶s̶s̶ P̶u̶f̶f̶y̶. I̶ m̶i̶s̶s̶ t̶h̶e̶ o̶l̶d̶ m̶e̶. I̶'m̶ g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ t̶o̶ f̶a̶i̶l̶ a̶n̶d̶ I̶'m̶ g̶o̶i̶n̶g̶ t̶o̶ l̶e̶t̶ y̶o̶u̶ a̶l̶l̶ d̶o̶w̶n̶. I̶'m̶ l̶o̶s̶i̶n̶g̶ w̶h̶o̶ I̶ u̶s̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ b̶e̶ a̶n̶d̶ I̶ d̶o̶n̶'t̶ k̶n̶o̶w̶ h̶o̶w̶ t̶o̶ g̶e̶t̶ b̶a̶c̶k̶ t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶.

Those thoughts go unspoken.

Techno not being in his right mind reaches out and closes the space between their fingers and he squeezes hard. Tommy doesn't wince and that makes Techno glad.

Tommy's eyes go wide and his cheeks run red. Before Techno can say anything, his eyes are softening out and he pulls Techno into a warm and tight embrace.

"I'm guessing you're not okay?"

He isn't sure if he can answer that verbally so he resorts to shaking his head. Still trying to properly get any breath of air into his dying lungs.

"Okay that's fine. T-that's perfectly normal." Tommy explains, rubbing his spine with his knuckles, making Techno's body go limp against his. It's nice and the air finally floods his lungs all the way to the top and it couldn't feel any better.

Interesting thing to say but he's missed the feeling of being above the surface after drowning for so long.

They remain on the floor for some time. Techno had insisted that he's fine and that Tommy can go back but he refused until he could get Techno to breathe properly and give him something to fidget with.

The cool tile floor was a seriously helpful anchor for him, maybe even for Tommy too because dealing with this must be as stressful as experiencing it.

So they sit there and the silence is golden. It's not too quiet but not too uncomfortably loud and he couldn't be in any other place than this.

Tommy taps his shoulder. "Techno?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you mind if ask you something?"

Techno blinks, it's almost far too slow. "Shoot."

"What caused that whole attack?" He asks before adding, "if you're comfortable enough with sharing."

And with that, sends knives right through each and every corner of what's left of his heart.

"Shit."

メ

"Aren't you being a little dramatic Techno?" Kristin asks as she drives the brothers home. Phil had been more and more busy lately so now Kristin has taken his job and Techno finds that he doesn't mind. He might even say it's slightly better. Just slightly.

"That's what I fucking said!" Tommy exclaims next to him and Wilbur lets out a giggle.

He shoote glares at Tommy before turning back to Kristin. "I'm not. If I fail that test, my whole life is over and I cannot ever recover that."

Everyone in the car sigh out of sync and Techno can't help but feel a little guilty.

Then Wilbur says, "Tech you're pulling a 14-year-old Wilbur right now."

And thatー that's supposed to also be a joke but his mind flashes images of his brother laying on the bed and clearly holding back tears. The dreadful words he spoke to little Techno as he told him that he isn't well in the head anymore. All the thoughts that spilled from the utterly disgusting parts of his mind and Techno's breath hitches.

Nobody notices it at first but once Tommy turns to him, Techno stares at those blue eyes and can't help but start crying. He bites his lip to stop it from trembling but miserably fails at it.

Tommy is now launching himself at the boy and repeating the same action as before. Rubbing his knuckles against Techno's spine.

Wilbur has climbed over the seats and forced himself on the other side. Now Tommy runs his knuckles over his back and Wilbur ruffles his hair, fingers almost scratching his scalp. He melts against them both but the burning in his throat doesn't stop and neither do the tears.

"Did I say something wrong?" Wilbur asks, his voice wavering and cracking like he were about to break aswell. That makes the guilt swell like a bruise.

He can't respond because both would either be a lie and it would hurt him or be the truth and hurt Wilbur.

So he resorts to crying more. Slapping a hand over his mouth and leaning towards Tommy. He tugs on his jersey and hides his face between them. Tommy is still running his knuckles on his back but Wilbur had let go of his hair and that makes the pain swelling worse.

His lungs are too big for his ribcage and he cannot stop crying out this dreadful pain in the back of his throat. It refuses to go away no matter how much he spills and he can't take this anymore.

He misses the way he used to be.

Wilbur remains close to his side but Techno can't help but feel him so far away. He cries and sobs and nothing can help him, he knows that much.

 

メ

Once they got home, Techno decided he'd take a nap before doing his homework and studying. Today has taught him a lesson that he is need serious need of a long study session.

Unfortunately, that study session had never happened because once he woke up, Phil immediately stole him away and decides to sit on his bed and talk.

"You okay?" Phil asks, tracing his fingers over his cheekbones down to his jawline. He adores Phil's gentle and smooth touch far too much. It's almost suffocating.

He sniffs once. "Yeah. Had a rough day."

Phil makes a sound of sympathy. "Oh mate. I'm sorry. You wanna talk about it? It might help a little."

"Yeah. That'd be nice."

"It's okay mate. Start whenever you're ready. I'll braid your hair while we listen."

He raises a brow before running a hand through it. Realization hits him like an old friend as he feels the strands far longer than before. "Oh."

Phil smiles. "It's growing really fast. You wanna keep it?"

He finds himself faintly smiling too. "Yeah. If that's okay."

"Of course. I'll have a chat with the teachers to let you keep it. Don't worry. Just do tie it up."

He nods. "Will do."

With that, Techno sets himself down on the floor and Phil sits behind him on the bed. His hands move professionally through the strands and they slightly tug on them. He can feel the twists and turns and he can't help but feel everything in him relax against Phil.

"Woah buddy, already tired?"

"Mmm. No, just nice."

Phil chuckles. Techno loves that sound. "It's been a long time hey?"

"Yeah, been too long. Never gonna cut my hair again." He comments, chuckling at his own quip. Phil laughs with him too and he couldn't be more comfortable in this moment.

So he decides to begin about his day. "Had a test today."

Phil make a sound of acknowledge. One last twist and the first braid is done. He turns Techno's head to the other side.

"How you think you did?" Phil asks mindlessly, his fingers moving up and down and side to side.

That makes him panic for a bit before one tug reminds him to calm down. He'll be fine. "Pretty bad. Haven't studied in a while."

"Oof, I'm sure you did okay. I'm glad you've stopped for a bit."

Now it's Techno's turn to make a sound of confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

One tug, one twist and one turn. He's done, he moves onto the third. "I'm not tryin' to dig into your business but you do go a little overboard with school."

His brows raise in curiousity but his eyes droop. "How so?"

"I came to your room to ask what food you wanted to eat one afternoon and you were dead asleep with papers on your face and back bent horribly." He giggles, "The sight even hurt me physically."

Techno find himself laughing along too. "Yeah. Maybe I do do that too much." He agrees, his words becoming more slurred as Phil moved onto the next braid.

His sight blurs as the tugging soothes his thoughts out to almost nothing. Like smoke flowing between his fingers.

"I miss her." He says mindlessly. His thought always spill so easily whenever he's around Phil. It's nice.

"Miss who?" Phil asks.

"My teacher. Miss Puffy."

Phil makes a sound, "Oh, did she leave?"

"Yeah. A few months ago. I'm tryin' to get over it."

"Oh okay. Don't rush yourself. She was nice to you?"

He nods a bit, "Mhm. Calmed me down before speeches or tests. First to cheer me on when a good mark came in." He says, remembering all those precious memories and the heat rises to his cheeks.

He can practically hear the smile on Phil's face as he speaks, "That's good. She was an old colleague of mine. Really sweet and caring."

Tecno blinks once, "You were friends before?"

One tug and the third or maybe even fourth, Techno stopped counting after a bit.

"Yeah. We still are, just don't talk as much anymore."

"Oh." He says, tugging on his sleeve. "I'm sorry."

Phil's hand stops for a moment, before Techno can ask what's the problem, he's already continuing. "Yeah. I miss her too."

His breathe hitches for a bit because now he feels bad. He brought up Puffy, an old teacher of his and he really thinks he's more important. That was Phil's friend once more and he brought her up and now Phil's upset. His fingers are stiff against his scalp and the twisting becomes quicker, shakier.

He's ruined another good moment.

"Sorry." He apologizes again, fear and dread screaming and slamming his heart against his ribcage.

Phil huffs. He sounds so tired already... "It's okay, I'll invite her sometime. Maybe we can all have dinner together?" He asks.

That...That makes him panic. He doesn't think he's ready to see her all over again. His blood is covered thick in ice in his veins and he cannot move.

"Yeah." Phil responds to nobody in particular. Techno isn't listening anymore.

The realization hits him like a wave slapping his body down to a sharp rock to the spine.

He doesn't want to see Puffy.

He isn't ready.

Notes:

So how are we feeling about how Techno's feeling so far? :)

More next time, make sure to leave some love in the comments and maybe even sum kudos, highly appreciated! ;)

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Have an amazing rest of ur days <333

Chapter 13: I would do something, if it wasn't all so effortful.

Summary:

Techno tries to tackles his problems. One by one.

Notes:

(Title from The Fall by Lovejoy.)
Hiii new chapter :D

Sorry I've gone for a bit, I've rly fallen off writing consistently cuz school is draining all my energy left :") just a few more weeks before my tests are done and then I can fully turn my mind on to work on this bitch x]

This chapter is rly smth, not too bad but not too good either, that's all I can say, have fun reading! <3

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘱 𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦.

𝘏𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘗𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘺.

𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. 𝘛𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯.

”𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰?” 𝘗𝘩𝘪𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵, ”𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺?”

𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘱 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯. 𝘏𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘱 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘤𝘶𝘵. 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘰𝘶𝘳.

𝘗𝘩𝘪𝘭 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘱𝘶𝘯 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥. ”𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳?”

”𝘔𝘦- 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦.” 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴.

𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘮 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵. 𝘖𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

”𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘮. 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘐 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥.” 𝘗𝘩𝘪𝘭 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸. ”𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.”

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘶𝘴𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘴. 𝘏𝘦 𝘨𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦.

𝘗𝘩𝘪𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝘛𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵.

𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦.

✘

Techno sits at his desk with a new small notebook in front of him. Fresh new and clean off-white pages intimidate him. Asking, investigating what inked words he'll spill onto the paper.

What colour will he use? Blue? Black? Maybe even red? What will he write about? His goals? His ambitions? Vents and diary entries?

All these ideas overwhelm his mind, but in a good way. He likes this. It's nice to finally get that drive to work again. He likes the feeling, it feels like warm humid air sticking to his lungs and blowing his face with cool wet air.

He smiles. The intimidation only drives him to work more. Finally, he's slowly but surely returning to the was he was before.

He had a talk with Phil about work ethic and whatever else related to such then Wilbur about handling emotions then Kristin and Tommy about goals, dreams and objectives.

That was on Friday, (𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥, 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵) it is now Saturday, half six and his fear is returning at full force.

He needs to get back to his old roots because these past few months have possibly been the 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 months he's ever had to go through. And also, it's currently May, meaning June is next and exams are around the corner then so he needs to hurry this horse up.

So Kristin decided to buy him a notebook, telling him it would help to remember what he wants and whatever else. He decides to start with a black and red pen. Black for the descriptions and red for the titles.

For today, he decides that'll he write about his goals and what's been stopping him from achieving them.

He tries to think outside the box of education and career based work and tries to think of what he wants to actually do with his life. Does he want to explore the world every single day like Wilbur? Does he want to find somebody to have and to enjoy moments with like Phil and Kristin? Does he want to go out and be the biggest and most annoying but really charming extrovert like Tommy?

Does he even need to take tiny aspects from his family? What if he took some of his friends' ones?

Like how Niki likes to bake and help people out. Like how Aimsey likes to have fun and giggles everywhere they go. Like how Sneeg listens and hangs out with his friends almost everyday he can.

Like how Puffy wasー 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘴, sweet, caring, rough, lovely and warm. So funny and warm.

He wants it all. He already knows he wants to be 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦. No restrictions holding him back from anything he'd like to do.

He wants to be the best of the best too. In education, in work, in whatever else he puts his mind to.

So Techno finds himself in the living room, sat on the floor and Kristin on the couch. Her arms folded and she would look serious if she wasn't looking at Techno with those proud motherly eyes. Techno looks away but adores that look with all his heart in a way that is unexplainable.

"So what do I write?"

"Your goals. What's stopping them and what you can do to remove or at least try to step around the boundaries." She explains. Slow and steady. Just like Miss Puffy would whenever he couldn't bare to ask questions without sobbing with his failure weighing him down.

"Okay." He mutters to himself. Looking down at the book, opneds on the first page.

In bold red pen is written, ”𝗚𝗢𝗔𝗟𝗦.”
Under that, written in a straight line going downwards, two lines skipped in between each one is, 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺 and 𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺.

 

Not going into too much detail because Techno found it really embarassing how much he cried and how many questions he asked during the time they sat together. Kristin was very gentle and very slow with him as she guided him along the way.

Now his first page looks beautiful, fresh and it's him. It's all his work and his tears and thoughts twisted into words onto a page with ink. He smiles, a pain bursts in his chest and he can't help but throw the book to the side and walk up to his mother and tug her into his arms tight.

Techno is not a touchy type of affectionate person but he just really needed some way to explain how much this meant to him. He didn't have the words in him to explain it in a way that makes sense. This was... Lovingly nice. He loved it to say simply.

She pats him on the back and now they're both crying. Techno's is a little more subtle while Kristin's is very clear. His body shakes against hers and he can't find the strength to hold her anymore. His arms and body go limp against hers but she holds him up well. They're both sobbing. Kristin's more calm while Techno swears his tears can fill the bathtub.

They sat there for a while, Kristin repeatedly telling him that she is proud of him but nothing is going through his head. He's just crying because he's needed this for a while. Again, he isn't the touchy type like Wilbur or Tommy but hugs are something he truly adores in a strange way. Hugs from his family feel far different than friends. Of course he considers some of his friends family like Niki but something about the way his parents hug him is unexplainably amazing. It's so painful, it soothes him from the inside, detaching his heart and putting it together with rough love and he likes it. A lot.

”I'm proud of you. You've done well. You've done amazing my boy. You're amazing.”

✘

The weekend passes by too quickly for Techno's liking.

But he has made sure to be as active on school as he could on the leftovers of Saturday and Sunday. Two pages filled in his new journal, one about goals and the other a vent type of thing (he is still not sure of what to call it) and in his thick study book was study notes containing both Geography (with Wilbur's assistance) and Maths.

He smiled, proud of the small activity he finally got up to do. His study page looks pretty. Muted colours highlight important points and small detailed drawings of countries and its flags. It's finally nice to be proud. He hasn't felt like this in a good while, he wishes he could just pocket that feeling.

He eats dinner with his family and it's chill. They banter about and they have a good time. Techno goes over his notes again before going to bed and smiling as he does.

He's pretty proud of himself.

✘

And then he's not.

Notes:

Soft Technoblade, we love to get the crumbs left of it cuz I'm never writing it again from this chapter going forward for a bit :)

From here, things get painful and it's time heal✈️

That's all from me! Have a good day <3

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 14: Blocking out my mind, putting in my time

Summary:

Techno does a stupid thing.

Notes:

(Understand by Greer)

When your creative juice runs out: *disappears for weeks*

Hi, sorry for disappearing for a bit, schools been draining the shit outta my energy and this fic is the only thing keeping me from actually giving up my creative works because art is not arting :")

Anyways, I know I said this chapter will sting in the chapter before but it doesn't really, the next one will be filled with a lot of problems tho so ehhe :)))

Enjoy!

"Techno, can I talk to you?" Mr Marriott asks.

He is so sure his heart comes to a sudden stop as he lets those words sink in. Into his ears and his senses fill with fear and dread.

The bell rings, indicating everyone must head back to their classes. Techno is still following Mr Marriott, slightly tailing behind. His hands are shivering and his whole body is trembling. When teachers ask to talk to you in private, it could only mean something bad. He knows from Tommy's teachers in the past.

He enters the class and it is empty. People are still making their way across the places they come from so they are alone in the room but his head feels so very full. Filled with running thoughts, fear and dread curl around and stick to his lungs and heart like an unwanted friend.

He is currently struggling to hold back tears and struggling to breathe through his nose and mouth.

Mr Marriott fishes through his desk, pulling out papers and Techno is sure he has died over and over again already.

He pulls out a paper, folded over and hands it Techno as a few students enter the classroom.

"Go sit." He says and Techno shifts back to his place.

As soon as everyone is settle inside, they say their greetings and go fetch their papers. Some jump and scream in joy, some sit with disappointment weighing them down. Techno is one of those.

"Oh." He mutters to himself as he turns the paper over. His heart drops into his stomach and pouches all the happy thoughts he's ever had before.

He feels himself die over and over and over again. Trying to pick himself up from the waves that constantly knock him down but one big one slips him up and he lands hard on his back, blowing all the last air he had left in his chest.

He's coughing up saltwater and blood and they swirl around him like a pile of snakes.

The sounds behind him become a blur has the seconds pass like eons.

The day feels like a mush of moments that Techno cannot bare to process.

46% for Maths.

He failed. He's failed and he failed and it's all his fault and he knew it- he's failing himself and he's panicking and spiralling and he's so fucking scared- no no swearing, swearing is not that cool anywaysー

"Techno!" A deep voice shouts and he jumps back, covering his face.

Gentle arms lower his defence and he cannot think straight. He's fidgeting and pulling on hangnails and he cannot focusー

"Hey king what's up?" Sapnap, annoyingly, asks. As soon as the Anxiety peaks, it's dissolves into concerning rage.

"Hi. " He mutters in response. Trying to keep his tone and expression neutral. It becomes very hard to when Sapnap decides to invade his space and snatch a piece of his lunch.

He chews obnoxiously, "how much did you get for the test?"

George happily comes in and hits the man on the head and Sapnap closes his mouth. George stands on the side while the other two are sat.

"So, let me guess, 100 percent?" George asks. It sounds like a joke as he huffs at the end. Techno struggles the fight back the urge to punt these idiots through a wall. Maybe even two.

"None of your business." He responds, gently yanking his lunch from Sapnap's stupidly big hands.

Spanap rolls his eyes. "Woah man! What's got you so uptight today?"

"Nothin'. All I said is that what belongs to me isn't any of your businesses. Drop it." He snaps, tone sounding very much like Tommy when he's angry.

"Oh c'mon Tech. You love flaunting your results. Why all hidden all of a sudden?" Sapnap comments, trying to reach for his lunch again.

Techno slaps his hand away. "I've already given you an answer. Leave me alone."

Sapnap stands up and grabs his back. "C'mon bro!"

He grips his fist tight, the fabrics daring the crumble under the pressure. "Leave me alone." He snaps again with a little more acid this time. Sapnap doesn't seems really moved by it. Rather he looks more like Techno said the funniest thing in the world.

Sapnap laughs out loud, proud that he's getting on his nerves. "Why are you so mad man? Have some fun!"

"Leave me alone."

"Technooo-"

"He said leave." A new voice booms and Techno wants to melt at the pressure their voice gives off.

He turns and his saviours Sneeg, Wilbur, Tommy and Niki all stand there. Looking a bit intimidating.

Sapnap drops Techno's bag and frowns. "You're so fucking borin'. Just wanted to see-"

"We don't care what you wanted Sapnap. Techno clearly said to leave him alone." Niki cuts him off, tone scarily serious. "And you didn't listen."

"Fine, sorry! Geez, drama queens for friends you have."

"Fuck off dickhead." Tommy snaps, already looking red and ready to start up a fight. He was fortunately being held back by Wilbur and Sneeg.

"Sorry, we'll go now."George quickly interjects, grabbing Sapnap's arm and dragging him back.

The two leave, Sapnap dragging his feet while George waves them all goodbye. Nobody waves back, not even Wilbur.

His chest feels tight as all that anger and frustration dissolves. He takes one tight breath in and nothing enters. Just the saltwater he's been drowning in for a while.

Great, anxiety spikes are great!

"Techno are you okay?" Niki asks, stepping forward and sitting next to him.

He blinks but nothing comes into view. It's all a blur, he can see a bunch of browns and yellow and peach and other colours that mix into each other.

Is he going blind or are these tears? It would be a real shame if he was going blind. That would be a problem added to his list of goals. It would also be pretty embarassing to cry in front of his friends in a public area. Not really on his list of things to do.

Somebody is talking to him but they sound so far away. He can see things moving but he can't figure out what they are doing or where they are moving to. He feels his clothes against his own skin, he can feel his chest start to burn and he can feel something in his right hand.

He squeezes, seemingly intrigued by the new object. It's squishy, it makes him wince. The texture isn't the best one he's ever felt but it's not all that bad.

It then hits him, it's a fidget toy. More preferably a squish toy that Tommy uses to avoid biting his nails and Wilbur uses when he's stressed out.

He squeezes it a few times, his panic slightly subsiding. His vision slowly returns and he can make out faces.

One angular and sharp, big round blue bright eyes and blond falling over them, Tommy.

Another is long and soft, soil eyes and fluffy brunette hair also covering half their face, multiple faces. Wilbur and Sneeg.

The last one he can see is a pink short hair with small strands of blond inbetween. Eyes a green colour and worried, Niki.

They're saying things but he still cannot hear. Well isn't that awesome? He can't hear now! First he couldn't see but life decides, "nah, let's let him keep his sight but his hearing is a nono." Thanks life. Highly appreciated bro.

"Tech? Can you hear us?" The soft voice, Niki asks.

Oh thank the heavens, they heard him insult them! He can finally hear now! Great, remove all those extra doubts to his list.

"I'm good." He says, almost so low it sounds likes he's trying to convince himself that he's fine. He feels fine right now, his heart is still thumping against his ribcage but he can at least breathe a little easier now so that's a good thing right?

"Are you sure? I can call Phil to pick you up."

"Nah. You're being a bit much now. I'm fine. Really." He says, waving their concerns away. Tommy is the first to rush forward and hold his hand. Putting the other free one on his chest to check his heart rate.

"Stop motherhennin' me." Techno argues.

Tommy frowns. "I'm not fucking motherhenning you! I'm checking if you're fine because you have a tendency to lie nowadays."

Techno raises a brow. "I don't lie?"

Tommy sighs, "Not usually. But lately you have so I don't trust you no more."

Now it's Techno's turn to frown. "I'm sorry. I think?"

Tommy shakes his head. "Nah, it's good. Ain't your fault."

So his friends all sit around him like guards and talk about their days like nothing happened. Techno falls asleep against Wilbur a few minutes in. The realization hitting him at just how tired he is.

He doesn't remember what happens as the rest of the day continues in but when he wakes up, his chest is heaving and his heart is racing.

He jerks up, his whole body shivering with whatever sensation fills him up. His blankets flood the floor and he rushes towards his phone. He quickly switches it on and the numbers on his screen are enough for yank out all of his hopes of calming down.

It read ”11:30”. It is currently half past eleven. With that, his choices lie flat on the ground for him to pick. Does he waste more of his time trying to be better than George and Sapnap because he cannot drop off the scale and have them ask him several irritating questions? Or does he choose to listen to his family and take his time to get back on top while also healing from his abandonment issues?

I'm sure you can guess what option he chose.

Notes:

Oh how I love writing Sapnap, George and Techno as enemies X}

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here" (fixed it up :)

Chapter 15: Just how long till I get over

Summary:

Techno Blade has issues and options thrown in his face. No more school? Yes please.

Notes:

(Till I get over by Kiean)

Hello hello :)

This chapter has been such a bitch for me to get out and I still am not the proudest I could be for the end product of this but eh, if it gets my story somewhere then it's something :")

Tw?
Sexism and homophobia (only mentioned)

A few more months pass aswell as a few more tests.

It's not until the term is almost done and his last test is next week that he becomes unsure of how well he did.

Maths has always been his highest level subject but now that's the one he's sure that he failed the worst at.

He can't even begin to imagine how bad all the other tests hes written over the duration of exam season.That's not even the most stressing part of it all.

The most stressing part of it is trying to keep it under wraps.

That instantly becomes a problem as Mr Marriott give back everyone's science tests back for parents to go sign.

As soon as he gets it Techno who is currently bouncing his leg continuously and trying to not pull at any hangnails on his fingers. He bites down on his bottom lip and holds in his breath until Mr Marriott gets to him.

He fishes out his test and folds it over.

Right then and there, the room goes dead silnt as all Techno can hear is the alarm bells ringing in his mind and filling all his senses.

48%. Forty eight percent. He failed by two points. He failed by 2%.

This is his third term and he's failed.

His breaths come in short cut gasps as he puts up his hand.

"Yes Techno?"

"May I go to the bathroom please?" He asks, his voice sounds robotic and the question slips easily while his heart is thudding against his ribcage and screaming and roaring in his ears.

Mr Marriott nods and he dashes out at an normal human pace. He closes the classroom door behind him and picks up his pace to the bathroom.

He blinks hard and far too many times to see where he's going. His legs know the direction to the bathroom so there's no need.

It's not until he bumps into Aimsey and Sneeg along the way that his chest tumbles in itself.

They're looking at him with worry painted on their faces. He hates that look. He hates seeing that look. They're supposed to be either angry or happy. Not this.

Anything but worry and fear for him.

He hates it so much. He needs it to go away, he needs to wipe that expression right off their faces or he's sure he's not going to make it past this momentー

"Techno are you okay?" Aimsey asks, their eyes glowing with fear as Techno takes a few unsettling steps back.

It's like a small hurt creature trying to run and hide from its fate.

Pathetic and stupid 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙥𝙞𝙙. He hates this. So much. It's awful.

Sneeg is the next to speak. "Hey man, you good?"

He's suddenly breathless. His steps become useless as they walk up slowly to him.

He is rooted right in place and unable to move. His chest stings as the first pair of arms wrap around his lower body.

That's the first anchor broken and now the pillars are cracking under pressure.

His chest aches, it burns for this but God he doesn't deserve it. Hot shame slaps him in the face and he goes blind for a moment too long and he begins to panic.

His breaths come in shorter gasps and pathetic sobs and he leans his head down. Trying to cover his weak appearance. It's so horrible. Techno doesn't cry. Crying is for Tommy and Wilbur. Not him. It has never been him to be emotional.

This isn't him at all and it's never been him ever.

He hates this new stupid teenage angst he feels all of a sudden. He wishes he could bury himself for a few more years until he reaches adulthood because this is fast too dramatic for his age.

He wishes he could get back on top. He wishes he could be the best again. He wishes Puffy could come back and never leave.

He wishes things were just different and he's stupid to even wish anything at his big age. It's already happened yet he's still crying like a 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩 (as Tommy would call it) and he despises it. It's so dumb that he's still stuck on her. Still stuck on Puffy and the achievements and the place he used to stand and he just really needs everything to go 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬ー

Another pair of arms envelope him and the remaining pillar has gone down with him. Saltwater fills his lungs and eyes and nostrils and he was 𝘴𝘰 sure that he'd gotten used to drowning for so long but he hasn't and that's what hurts the most.

Somebody is whispering things to him but he can't bother to decipher what they're saying over the searing hot shame and embarrassment filling up his senses. The freezing cold depressing agony that fills his head and chest.

Everything stings and he is in serious need of everything to stop. He needs everyone and everything to stop but he can't do that and it stings so bad. Memories flood his mind and the harder he sobs.

He remembers being thrown up into the air whenever he'd come home with an excellent grade.

He remembers being held when he was stressed out of his mind and unable to stop shivering.

He's gripping hard onto whoever body was close enough. His fingers dig deep in to fabric and deeper into their skin. He hates feeling this pathetic and weak. He hates the burning sensation that picks up at the back of his throat whenever things become difficult.

He has never been one to procrastinate because he saw it as a waste of time but now he does it and he doesn't really have a way to stop this unhealthy habit.

He's never one to find things too difficult to attempt to complete but here he is crying about.. he isn't very sure why he's crying anymore. There's so many things killing him inside. Not literally but rather figuratively and emotionally.

His grades, his family's love, his friends' pride, his own happiness etc.

He can't finish anything and he can't get anything right and he can't do anything anymore as well as he used to do things.

He's never been one to go to his friends or parents for help but now here he is, standing in the middle of the principal's office with Sneeg on the left and Amisey on the right.

Aimsey is holding his hand and squeezing. Techno's is not really one for physical touch but it's a nice gesture nonetheless.

Sam is currently phoning his parents to come pick him up. His backpack is being held by Sneeg as Amisey rubs a thumb over his knuckles.

It's supposed to be soothing and it really is but now, his Anxiety picks up as the though of going home and facing his parents become apparent.

He sniffles once, forcing back the tears that approach to life. Sneeg is looking at with those same worried eyes before turning to Mr Sam.

"Sir, may I escort Techno outside? He needs the bathroom." He asks. Aimsey now looks to them both. Sneeg looks back at them and understanding shows on their face.

"Go ahead. Your parents will be here in a few minutes so do hurry it up." Mr Sam informs.

Both Sneeg and Amisey nod and drag Techno out the office. Usually, he would be upset by this but he's currently grateful for it because he doesn't think he can't even move on his own without tumbling to the floor and sobbing.

"You look like you're about to start crying again. What's wrong?" Sneeg asks, crossing his arms over his chest while Aimsey still remains close to his side, fidgeting with their ring.

"Don't wanna go home." He mutters, the embarrassment in his tone becoming aware as he admits it out loud.

"Why not?" Aimsey questions. Cocking their head to the side while their eyes still retain that droopy sadness. He wishes they'd stop look at him like that. Like an object of pity.

He doesn't like it whatsoever. Maybe he should write it on his forehead in bright red so everyone can look at him and go "Oh, yeah that guy doesn't like it when we look at him with pity. Cool, we won't!" Then everything would be so much easier.

He wouldn't gain the blinding urge to harm somebody. Especially not his friends, rather himself is the better option, he thinks.

Sneeg and Aimsey decide to become distractions until his parents arrived.

He found that the more they talked, the more the feeling to cry dissipated. Aimsey talked about coffee and the pros of drinking it while Sneeg always shoots a strange funny look at Techno, making him laugh in return while Aimsey continues their rant.

Then Sneeg talks about a girl named Hannah that's he's had a crush on for quite a while and is planning to ask her out one day. Techno rolls his eyes in affection because c'mon, this is his friend so romance is kinda cute.

He takes it back as soon as the two descend into the talk of relationships Aimsey chatters very loudly but very happily about their girlfriend, Guqqie.

It's adorable, so adorable that he thinks that he should probably throw himself out of the windowー

"Techno?" A voice calls out in confusion.

It's 𝘚𝘢𝘱𝘯𝘢𝘱.

The person he really didn't need to see right now.

His breath cuts short as he hisses. The anger picking up again, heat rising in his chest and a pop going off in his lungs as Sapnap smiles at them.

He's mocking them. He can see it in his eyes that he trying to make fun of them and trying to get under their skin.

Unfortunately, as Techno had mentioned before, he's never been good at emotions.

So that involves 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳.

"Got into trouble? Never saw that for the great Techno Blade!" He says, a joking tone held up in his voice.

Aimsey is the first to dismiss him. "Fuck off 𝘗𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘹."

Sapnap looks slightly startled by the new introduced angry Aimsey but he quickly brushes they off with a lopsided grin. "Woah princess, calm yourself down. Go get a latte or the shit that you guys drink."

That triggers Sneeg next. "Wow. You've got the whole room laughin'."

The next few moments become back and forths of Sapnap chattering nonsense while Amisey and Sneeg beat down his ego.

It isn't really working all that much since Sapnap just laughs at all their sharp responses.

It's not until he says something far out of pocket that Techno is getting up and his footsteps are thudding in his ears.

The blood is roaring in his veins and his fists are begging for skin to be ripped off and the urge to knock out this Motherfucker's teeth.

It's not until he's being held back, Sapnap is screaming at him while Aimsey and Sneeg stand somewhere beside him, arguing back.

Hot blinding anger fills him up. This is the most energy he's felt in a long time and he doesn't hate it. Infact, he loves this. He wants to see Sapnap hurt. He wants to see that large ego of his break just like his split lip and missing k-9 tooth.

It's not until his parents arrive that him and Sapnap are being suspended for a week for motivating violence.

It's not until they get home that hot searing shame replaces the anger. The energy dissipates and Anxiety takes its rightful place.

メ

"What were you thinking?!" Phil yells, pacing up and down the room, promising to burn a hole right through the carpet.

They're all sat in the living room. His brothers are locked in their rooms while he's currently being yelled at.

Lovely to see the middle kid being include in something. See? He's not that forgettable.

"Are you even listening?" Kristin spits, anger held in her tone.

Not the time to joke, sorry, that's his mistake.

"Yeah." He mumbles, covering his trembling hands under his bouncing right leg.

There's a hot flame in his chest, making every breath he intakes and out all black dark unhealthy smoke. His breaths come in short unevenly cut gasps.

Tears spring to life because he's never been yelled at by his parents. Correction, they did yell at him but not with this type of real anger.

Not this type of sliced and painful anger.

"Do you understand what you did?" Phil asks. Most of the time, the questions Phil would ask would always sound like you didn't have to give an answer.

But this time, he's red in the face with rage and Techno can't help but shrink under his piercing glare.

That gives Techno a challenge as the same determination from before picks up.

"He had it comin'." He says, pushing himself back against the sofa and crossing his arms.

None of this is his fault at all. Sapnap had it coming when he said what he did. He had it coming when he decided to be a sexist, homophobe and a literal asshole in general.

"Oh really? Would you care to explain because I don't think I'm aware of what I walked into!" He snaps back, Kristin has left the room so then it was two.

He shouldn't have been suspended at all because this is all that Motherfucker's fault. It's petty but now as Phil accuses him of making the decision to let the fight happen, he decides to argue back.

"He said a bunch of things to my friends." He admits with a half shrug. Trying not to be let his tone be held up in that same sharp angery tone that Phil is currently speaking in.

Phil sighs hard, "What did he say?"

"A bunch of messed up shit." He mutters. His tone shivers as he remembers those disgusting words that exited his mouth.

Phil looks surprised by his laungauge for a second before his exhaustion and curiosity quickly covers it. "Like?"

He winces as the words ring in his mind. The look on Aimsey's face... Oh God he wanted that man dead. "...I'm not very comfortable with saying it." He confirms, "and the other one I'm not allowed to say."

With that confirmation, understand dawns on Phil's face. He goes from being red to blue to his normal colour. "Oh."

That's comical so Techno huffs. "Oh indeed."

Then, the flames have clearly blew up in Phil's chest as his face represents that aftermath of the disaster.

He was already hot in the face but Techno is very sure that he is clearly burning up. Interesting how his dad gives a damn for his friends. It warms him up, at least somebody understands how he felt.

Then he sighs again but it's tired this time. "Okay... So now you're suspended."

He nods and Phil continues,rubbing his nose bridge. "For a week right?"

"Apparently." He responds, Phil sighs again.

This man is exhausted beyond repair. It hurts that Techno is the cause for it at the moment.

"Okay, should I try to appeal to the school for you?"

He opens his mouth to answer a simple yes before pausing and thinking back.

Would he like to go back there immediately? He knows he'll get multiple stares of either fear, distaste or whatever else and he doesn't think at the emotional mess he is in right now can handle that.

He heart stings at the thought. He doesn't want to go back.

Maybe this week off he can try to fix himself up. That's long enough right? He'll be brand new, he'll be just as he was far before Puffy left. He'll the highest achiever and the teacher's favourite (not that he really cares about that but affirmation makes him happy).

"Techno?" Phil calls out, he's now sitting next to him and is reaching out his hands. "I know you're not the touchy type but do you need a hug?"

He stares at his tear filled blue eyes to his reached out arms. He's asking. He's asking for 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 to 𝘩𝘶𝘨 him.

His 𝘥𝘢𝘥 is asking him, 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝘴𝘰𝘯 for consent to a hug.

Phil had always been the type of do that to all his kids except Tommy because he is the very first one to throw himself at everyone he sees.

But it still stings because even though Techno has messed over so bad and his parents should be 𝘧𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴. They should be yelling and screaming things at him. They should be yelling that he's 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 and that he's becoming a 𝘯𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 for letting his emotions come over actions.

But he's not. Kristin comes back with a cup of coffee for Phil and tea for him and herself.

The same tears he fought back before spring to life and he bites down on his bottom to lip to stop it from quivering.

He messed up but they still care. He ruined everything but they 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦.

And it's confusing when he starts to cry. They're supposed to leave him there and tell this is the consequences of his actions. This what he caused for himself.

But they don't, Kristin quickly sets down the mugs and wraps her arms around him. Tugging his head on her neck and stroking his hair back.

He gasps once and now Phil's enveloping them all in a large hug. There so many things swirling in his head right. There's confusion, there anger and there's grief and there's sorrow and he can't even begin to identify the rest. All he knows that there's a lot and they're all currently triggered.

"It's not your fault is it Techno?" She asks, rubbing circles on his neck.

He sobs, his arms go jelly on him as he tried to raise them to grip on her hoodie. The anger sparks at the thought of anyone thinking it was his fault. At what Sapnap said to Aimsey. At how he treated them all.

"No." He sniffles, voice wavering. "No it's not."

She hums. "Do you want to go back?"

The fact that she even asked just confirms that she can read his mind. He quickly shakes in head in confirmation, "no I don't, not now."

Phil presses them closer and he's never felt so warm and shielded from the terrors he's involved himself in.

"That's perfectly fine. We'll wait a week." Phil says and Techno melts against a warm body.

So his parents sit there and sip on their drinks. Techno is sat in the middle. He cried for longer than ten minutes which has become a record for him. A useless one but still a record nonetheless.

His brothers had tried sneak down and get food but since their conversion had ended hours ago, everyone shuffles into the living room and settle themselves on their designated spots. Tommy on the floor in front of Wilbur and Techno right next to him. Wilbur's head resting on his shoulder and Tommy laid back on Wilbur's legs.

Sure he wasn't a touchy type but this is something he really likes. Just small moments like these where he receives human contact without even thinking about it.

Phil and Kristin are in the kitchen, quietly vibing to music as they prepare food. He can hear dishes clashing and silverware clattering with the soft sound of "come on Eileen", playing on a phone.

It's nice as they eat and banter. It's nice as they all clean up right after. It's nice all the way until he feels eyes burning on the back of his head.

Everyone prepares to go off to sleep. Techno and Phil always shower first then Kristin then Tommy then Wilbur (he takes most of the hot water so they make him go last).

As Techno sits in the living room drying his hair with a towel. The feeling of eyes on him don't go away.

He tries to ignore until it slightly becomes irritating and beyond unbearable. So he subtly turns and looks around. Nobody in the kitchen except for Kristin getting water. Nobody in the hallway as Tommy showers and Wilbur's in his room.

Then his eyes land on blue. He jumps back, slightly startled by the sight. Blue eyed people are indefinitely the worst people to stare right at you. Their bright blue eyes just searching into your soul.

It's not until a second passes that Phil's looking down at his phone again and frowning deeply. His features become more apparent. The dark lined wrinkles on his forehead. The eyebags weighing his eyes down. The way his bright blue eyes go dull as he looks at his phone.

"Phil?" He calls out without thinking twice and regrets it when his father looks up, eyes wide and scared.

"Yeah?"

"What's up?" He questions, lowering his voice so nobody else can hear him. "You look...distressed."

Phil sighs, (he's been doing that a lot) before decidiing to move closer so they can talk properly. Now they're right next to each other and Techno's becoming worried.

"I got an email." He says, "from school."

Ah, that's what's worrying him. "What's it about?"

Phil inhales once like as if were preparing to dive under the sea before exhaling. It's long and it's stretched for too long for comfort.

Then what he says next both hurts and angers Techno.

"You're failing." He says quickly, like as if he were trying to get it out for years. Like it a weight he held for far too long.

Yet he still looks like he's being carried down.

"No I'm not." He hisses, he thinks of moving away and just running to his room. "You're lying."

This is not a conversion he was looking forward to having any time soon.

Phil looks at him, pity and sadness and stress all mixed into one conflicting thing. "Asking for help isn't going to kill you."

As soon as he says that, Techno feels all his conflicting emotions come out all at on the spot. He feels mad that he knows but he feels really disappointed in himself. He feels better that it's finally out there but he grieves the past he had.

Phil wanted to help and all Techno was doing was making things worse. They've all been trying to help him out but all he does is run back to his immature and unhealthy coping mechanisms because he's stupid and uneducated.

He just, and this is childish and he's said this before. He misses too much and he really wants it all back. He misses being able to speak to the teachers with ease. He misses being able to not know where the bathroom is to just to go hide and cry his sorrows away.

He misses the past and the worst part of it all is that it's already happened. But he continued to wish for it to come back. He wishes he could just experience it all over again. He wishes he could live in the past forever because the future is terrifying and he hates it. He's hated it and he despises it now.

Phil is trying to help. He's been trying to help with those therapy sessions they gave him a few months back. It's now October and exams are for the whole of November. He's gotten his report card for each term already and he's done terribly on each. This has been his lowest in his whole education life.

Forth term. Last semester. This is his last chance.

So the options are slapped right in his face.
Does he accept the help or does he leave to drown himself all over again?

There isn't a point anymore. The hidden report cards aren't going to stay hidden forever. (They're under his bed, stupid place he knows.)

"Fine." he barks out, cheeks flushing red. "Please just..help me."

Notes:

Suspended Technoblade? Nobody ever saw that comin'! I had an entirely different direction for this where somebody else get suspended but nah, I like to make the MC suffer for a little more here ;)

That's all from me, I'm exhausted out of my mind so the new chapter will be out in probably a month or later, not sure yet.

Hope you all enjoyed reading, goodbye <3

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 16: Pick myself up or Give in to the Blues.

Summary:

Day 1 of suspension. Techno has a better time then he was expecting.

Notes:

(Worst Day of my Life by Alec Benjamin)

Wow it’s been long since I’ve written huh? :”) my phone broke so I don’t apologise L+Ratio+shut up /j /affectionate hope y’all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it ;) it’s not as long l but I still I love it so much!

Enjoy :)

It's the first day of Techno's suspension and you know what he does?

He cried himself to sleep and cried himself awake and is trying not to cry as Wilbur opens up a Geography textbook.

"Okay," he begins, "what're you struggling with?"

The walls of his throat dry up while trying to memorise what he's gotten bad at. It hurts, mostly against his ego but it still hurts nonetheless.

Then it clicks, "Coordinates."

Wilbur nods, "Ah okay. That's a fair thing to struggle on." He says, turning back to the index page and searching for information about coordinates.

"Is it?" He questions, cocking his head to the side.

"It is. I struggled with a shit ton until like, eighth to nineth grade. It's complicated but it will get easier when you find the right method for yourself."

Just with that reassurance, he feels an ounce of weight lift right off his shoulders and he can finally breathe properly.

Wilbur finally finds the page with an audible "ah!" And scrolls towards it. As Techno waits, his nerves become more and more apparent to him. His foot is bouncing again and he's fumbling with his fingers. He tries to hide it but he's unfortunately failing as Wilbur turns to him every time he makes a noise.

It's then he realises that Wilbur left to get something that a fidget cube is shoved into his hands. Startled, he looks up to see his brother smiling at him.

"You were fidgeting. Thought you could use that." He informs, turning back to the textbook and pushing on his glasses.

Techno reaches for his glasses aswell while the red floods his cheeks. Damn Wilbur and using his power against him.

"Okay," he calls out, pointing at a black and white map on the page. "Let's start with the basics.”

So they sit there, Wilbur making sure that Techno hasn't gotten lost along the way. They take notes, joke around, gossip about the latest stupid drama with some of the students and very competitively test each other.

For the first time in a very long time, he's actually having fun studying. He should this more. Maybe he can force Tommy to join them and hide themselves away from everyone and just study altogether. It's a really nice thought.

"It is really." Wilbur says, startling Techno out of his mind. He blinks, confused. Did he say that out loud?

"Yes you did." He giggles and Techno flushes a bright burning red while muttering curses under his breath.

"I'm proud of you by the way." Wilbur speaks, his tone calm and loving.

And that confuses Techno.

"Huh?" He raises a brow. "What for?"

"Because I don't tell you enough." He confides, "I'm proud of you every single day and you never falter with my pride for you."

Before he was blushing but now he's burning right smack in the middle of his face going outwards.

"Nobody's praised me this much for studying." He mumbles, trying to hide the red flushing his face with his hand and the textbook.

“No really,” he starts, “you always hide away when you’re busy so it’s nice to know that you’re open to more differences with your work style. Really shows you’re trying hard.” He keeps going, mindlessly flipping pages back and forth.

His feels his whole body flare up as Wilbur keeps mindlessly complimenting him. The bar is really deep in hell if he’s congratulating Techno for just opening a book and annotating important points to remember. Then again, that is how Wilbur just is so it really does make a lot of sense.

Twenty minutes pass by and Wilbur is struggling to drag Techno out of the room.

“You can go without me. I’ll stay behind and study.” He says,flipping to a page with the globe on it.

At this, Wilbur frowns, “No you are not. It’s been more than thirty minutes. You need a break away from the books or you’re gonna drive yourself up a wall.”

Techno rolls his eyes, turning back to his books, “I won’t. You’re being drama-“

Then he’s being yanked out of the office chair and dragged right out of Wilbur’s room. He yells and complains along the way and tries to remove himself from Wilbur but he’s got a death grip on his wrist. Nice to know his weakling brother isn’t so much of a weakling after all. Techno can still take him in a fight though.

“Where the hell are we going?” Techno complains as they make a swift left, entering the kitchen. Guess that answers his question.

Wilbur finally lets go and trudges over to the fridge, “You need to eat then we’ll go on a walk.” He says, his tone leaving no space for argument.

But Techno isn’t one to just back down. “No-“

“It wasn’t a request Techno Blade. It was an order.” He snaps,quickly shutting Techno right up. He finally comes to the decision that it really isn’t worth it arguing with Wilbur. He’s already scary enough when he’s serious, it’s a whole different story when he’s mad.

And he is not looking to meet Angry Wilbur.

So they eat lunch together in front of the tv. A simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toasted bread and a tall glass of apple juice. Two coasters set on the coffee table in front of them.

“I would’ve preferred orange.” He says, placing his glass on the muted pink coaster.

Wilbur follows suit on a sunshine yellow coaster, his more gingerly, “then there’s clearly something wrong with you mate.”

They then proceeded to argue for ten minutes about whether apple juice is better than orange juice. It even began to cross the territory of science somehow. Wilbur had started it and of course, to feed up his ego, Techno joined in with smarter facts to bear down Wilbur’s ego. Of course he wasn’t as dumb as Techno thought or knew he was so beat him down just as much.

So by the end of their argument, the whole house was awake and preparing for the day while they still go back and forth about the benefits of drinking apple and orange juice.

“You can’t even drink it after you brush your teeth so you’re just wrong!” Wilbur spits, standing up and picking both their plates and cups and trudging off to the kitchen with his chin up high. Techno rolls his eyes fondly because Wilbur always does that whoever he thinks he won an argument.

 

A few more minutes pass and everyone is getting ready to head off to work. Techno had gotten suspended on Friday so he has to wait until next week Monday to return to school. That meant that he had to sit alone in the house with either Kristin or Phil. He wasn’t sure who he was hoping for more since they both had been very laid back with him.

He finds his answer as soon as Phil is kissed on the cheek by Kristin and she goes over to hug the others while Techno just chills on the sofa,watching from a safe distance.

Cool, he’s staying with Kristin.

As they all file outside the door and into the car, they say their goodbyes and Phil reverses off the driveway. As the car disappears into the distance, Techno finds himself growing tense.

A hand lands on his left shoulder and he recoils, swiftly turning around and trying to breath to calm his racing heart as his eyes land on her soft smile.

“Relax buddy. C’mon, let’s study.” She says with a gesture telling him to follow along. He does, fiddling with his hands along the way and accidentally rips open a hangnails. He hisses in pain and Kristin turns around.

“You fiddling with a hangnail there?” She asks, humour to her tone as they make a left turn to Techno’s room.

“Nope. My skin is just refusing to cooperate with me today.” He says with a shrug and Kristin chuckles.

She pushes open his door and from there, they get to work.

He goes over to Wilbur’s room and grabs his textbooks as well as some other things he left behind and quickly rushes back into his own room. From there they begin working.

Kristin turns on music on her phone and they get to work together. Techno discusses important points to put down and Kristin gives him a broad explanation of things he doesn’t understand. It all goes smoothly and he couldn’t be more glad as Geography becomes a little easier to manage.

“I like the way your brain works y’know.” Kristin says while he writes down notes. He finishes up the last sentence with a period on the end before turning up there and raising a brow.

“Yeah?” He questions with a smile on his face and Kristin smiles right back and him.

Sheepishly, she turns back to his books and points at the notes highlighted for emphasis. “Yeah. I like how you first write down the meaning I told you then the meaning in the textbook and highlight main words from both to remember what the differences are from both. It’s cool that you function like that.”

His smile grows bigger as his heart flutters. Looking back down at his notes, yeah… It is cool that he functions this way. It’s interesting how his brain works and Kristin can find a way to explain it when he can’t find a proper way to explain it to others or to himself.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Then a knock at the door surprises them both.

“I’ll go get it. You can come with me if you want.” She suggests, getting up from her chair and walking over to the door, “It’s probably the rest of them. What time is it?”

Techno flips his phone over, “Half past three.”

Kristin perks up at that, “Oh yippe! They are back, let’s go, I’m not giving you the option to stay in here any longer.” She says, charging at him and grabs his wrist, pulling him out his chair.

He doesn’t fight against it, he’s already been in front of the books for too long either way. So he switches off the music on Kristin’s phone and hands it to her as they make their way down the hall and out the door.

There he sees a struggling Tommy trying to be like Kristin and carry all the grocery bags on his arms and his school bag on his back.

Chuckling, Wilbur exits the front seat with just his back and strolls over to help Tommy. Kristin is already next to Phil and kissing his cheek before moving over to Wilbur and kissing his nose then to Tommy and pulls off the gangs from his arms. From this far, Techno can already see the bruises lining up his arms.

Huffing out, he strolls over and helps them too.

After they all manage to get all the groceries inside the house, Wilbur and Techno take the job of packing them away while the rest all prepare ingredients to prepare today’s lunch.

It’s nice how coordinated they all are. Techno finds it interesting and by no choice whatsoever, it reminds him a little bit of Geography. Just the coordination of everything and they know where things are placed and where they need to be. Coordination doesn’t seem all that hard anymore now that he looks around and applies the little aspects of his life into the little aspects of his school subjects.

How Tommy brings out the carrots from the fridge and hands them over to Kristin who chops them up. And Phil who takes out the necessary pots for cooking and pours in water before turning the stove on.

It’s all so interesting how a life style can be formed as long as everyone is aware of how it’s supposed to go. He finds himself faintly smiling at this.

x
Lunch is prepared and they all head outside for a change. Phil and Wilbur set up the chair while Kristin and Tommy prepare a blanket on the floor. Techno then brings out the food with a little help from both his brothers.

From there, they all eat together and chatter. Wilbur asks him how Geography is going and he smiles at his progress so far.

After finishing up, they pack everything up and away and Tommy cleans the dishes as Phil brings the blanket back inside. They decide to leave the chair outside just in case someone wants to go back outside.

Which Techno finds himself doing with Wilbur as they shuffle outside with books in hand. They settle down on the floor with the books packed on top of the chairs.

With ease, they slip back into studying and testing each other along the way.

Wilbur prepares a test out of fifty for him and there are some advanced questions thrown in there just I throw him off. Luckily for him, Kristin explain tiny aspects of grade ten Geo to twelfth. He doesn’t remember it all of course but it’s still helpful nonetheless.

After he finishes, Wilbur marks it and turns out that Techno got a 42/50.

With a frown, he sets the paper aside. His chest starting to flare from embarrassment. Wilbur stops writing and turns to him with a similar frown on his face. His isn’t from failure. His is from older brotherly love.

“That’s a good mark Techno. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Techno sighs, picking the paper back up and staring at the numbers as if they would disappear. Turns out, life doesn’t seem to work that way.

“I know. I know I can do better than this though.”

“You tried your best didn’t you?” Wilbur asks, his tone firm yet soft.

That’s not a very fair question. Education isn’t about ‘being fair’ or ‘trying your best’. It’s about a success, it’s all just a game to play with success or failure, no in-between.

But he guesses that it’s a yes or no question so he nods in response.

Then Wilbur hums, “this is a mock test Techno. If you’re this upset about a silly number on a paper that apparently determines your future according to these random ass adults then they’re clearly not teaching you shit.”

He has a fair point there but…

“Sorry.”

He doesn’t have reason to come back with that argument.

“Don’t apologise. Check your mistakes and don’t repeat them. With education, everything is a challenge,” he says with a frown, then he brightens up slightly as if he were remembering something, “You should learn to enjoy a good challenge or else education is just a shit hole.”

“Yeah,” he nods, “I know.”

“I know you do. Losing is essential for your growth.” He says with a cheeky smile.

Before Techno can throw a quip about that being a google ‘positive quotes about losing’ Wilbur is dragging him up and stood in running stance.

Techno cocks his head to the side, “What on Earth are you doing?”

Wilbur’s grin only sharpens when he speaks, “Race me.”

x

And for some odd reason, Techno decided to join Wilbur in his silly game of racing. For what reason? He isn’t very sure why.

His chest his heaving yet Wilbur is still so far ahead. It’s a little disheartening but he can’t help but giggle when the cold rushes around his drenched face. It feels nice as the air slams right into his lungs and out as he gasps in for more. They’re both sprinting at this point as Techno catches up to him. Wilbur is laughing at the top of his lungs. Yeah, he definitely had an energy drink before this.

“HIT ME WITH GEO QUESTIONS!” Wilbur yells out.

Without a second thought, he obeys, “WHAT’RE CONTOUR INTERVALS?”

Wilbur laughs out loud, almost tripping over a rock before regaining his balance and still smiling, “DIFFERENCE IN HEIGHT CONTOUR LINES!”

From there, they run at full speed (Techno is surprised at how long they kept this up for) and yell Geography questions at each other back and front. It’s interesting but this might take the prize for being the weirdest things he’s ever done.

They finally circle back home and Techno collapses to the ground as he answers the last question. His chest burns and he gasps for air multiples times before holding it in for a longer period of time and releases. Trying to regain his balance as his legs feel heavier then they ever had before.

That was surprisingly very fun. Wilbur is still grinning, breathless, he gets on the ground and continues to laugh and giggle like a madman. His laugh becomes so contagious that Techno finds himself laughing too.

God they’re so damn weird. They just ran throughout their whole neighbourhood and back while yelling Geographic questions at each other. How did Wilbur even come up with that?

After catching their breaths and their giggles die down, the silence is enough to make Techno realise that, he is so exhausted.

“You had fun?” Wilbur asks, back on the ground and eyes locked onto the stars. Wow, they really ran for a long time. Time really does pass fast when you’re having fun. (That is probably the most cringy quote he’s ever though of and he apologises to himself).

Techno copies his motions,setting his head next Wilbur’s. “Yeah I guess. How’d you come up with that?”

He huffs, “I don’t really know. I just remembered when I’m stressed or sad, I just go for a run.”

“You were literally sprinting.”

With that, he giggles again, “Yeah. Really helps to silence your mind without being unhealthy about it.”

“Cool.”

“Helps me think too. Just feeling the cold wind is so bloody good.”

“I’ll give that to you, it was nice.”

“This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms!” He says in a singsong tone. Throwing his hands in the air.

Techno chuckles, joining along, “Whatever we face, we’ll be fine if we’re leading from the heart!”

x

Day one of suspension eventually comes to end as dinner is served and everyone settles back to the bed. All done with his studies, he packs his books away into his bag. He wonders if tomorrow will be like such.

He goes to bed with a smile on his face.

Notes:

Do we like it? :D this just might my fav chapter so far, so much activity going on and just cuz it features a lot of bonding. Who doesn’t love some good bonding time yknow! Anyways, that’s all from me. I’ve already written the next chapter so I’ll post either tmr or today if I remember :P
Did we like the little Open Arms song there because that song ducking lives in my head rent free whenever I’m sad <3

Bye bye ;D

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 17: Treating my memory of you like a fire (let it burn out)

Summary:

Day 2 of suspension teaches Techno some new things.

Notes:

(Since I saw Vienna by Wilbur Soot)

Who doesn’t like a good ol’ ycgma title? I really do, Wilbur’s lyricism is too good to not use im sorry :”)

”We mourn those who we do not see for long periods of time. They may be dead or they may not. It all depends on how much they meant to you.” -Little Tommy.

Techno, Wilbur and Tommy sat on the floor and read through all of Tommy's old poems. It's very intriguing that he used to write this well at such a young age (7-10 to be exact). That either came from Wilbur's vocabulary or Phil wrote it entirely.

"Holy shit" Tommy gaped, "I wrote that?"

Wilbur shrugs beside him, a proud sort of smile on his face. "Apparently. Taught you well."

Tommy looks at him and grins, spreading from cheek to cheek. "Man I was so fucking awesome!"

Wilbur is grinning too, "Was?"

Tommy waves him off, pulling out more poems from the shelf and displaying them across the carpet floor. "I still am of course but you get the point."

With that, Wilbur lets out a small huff before pushing forward and deciding which poem to read next.

Techno finds himself smiling aswell. Not as wide as the two but it's there nonetheless. He's glad he kept the poems.

"Oh!" Wilbur gasps, pulling out a blue l sparkly and nicely decorated one. "This looks inviting."

"Had to clean off so much glitter from my room." Techno groans, remembering younger Tommy running into his room with the poem in hand one and glitter in the other. The rest of painful history.

"I can tell. " Wilbur giggles, running a hand through his hair. "There's still some in your hair."

Startled, he slaps Wilbur's hand away and starts searching too, "Oh for Hell's sake! How long has it been there?"

"For a bit. You hair shines on some days." Wilbur says, his hand hovering towards him, "Makes you look very elegant."

He groans out loud, falling to his hands on his knees and groaning louder. Tommy lets out a full belly chuckle while Wilbur giggles, rubbing his back with practiced pretend sympathy.

"I'll help you clean it out later." He says, his tone soft yet playful.

Techno grumbles a thanks while his brothers still chuckle.

From under his hands, he's still smiling like an idiot but of course, it won't show.

×

Abour an hour passes and Techno is sat outside for a change of scenery. His books displayed on the floor and a textbook on his lap. Kristin sits in from of him, pointing and smiling at a small fluffy white dog that often walks by their street and calling it over.

It seems like each of his family members had been taking turns studying with him. First Wilbur with Geography and now Kristin with Science.

"What's its name?" Techno asks, gently running his hair through the soft fur.

"I'm not very sure." She admits with a silly shy smile, "I just call them George."

Techno raises a brow, "how'd that name come to you? There's a lot a George's already."

"I know!" She sighs, "I wanted to name it a mix of you, Tommy and Wilbur's names but it's very hard to," she explains with a wide gesture, "combine all your names."

Techno huffs as the dog pushes towards his hands, begging for more pets. Kristin lifts it up and replaces the textbook with the cat on his lap. More comfortable, they rest against his stomach and he is currently crumbling with overflowing joy.

"We could name it Floof." He suggests mindlessly, more focused on giving the dog as much as love as he can afford. “Or maybe even Neapolitan.”

"How'd you come up with that?" She asks, an interested smile playing on her face. Turning to him with her full attention.

“What, Floof?”

“No the other one.”

He shrugs, "Our hair colours. Tommy is vanilla, I'm strawberry and Wilbur's chocolate."

"How're you strawberry?" She questions, cocking her head to the side and fraying strands follow with, falling over her face.

"Wanted to dye my hair pink when I was younger." He explains. The dog gets up and does a big stretch, yawning before walking over to Kristin and resting on her legs.

He frowns, sad at the loss of contact. Kristin grins, picking up the dog and putting them on her own lap. "They like taking turns this one." She says with a chuckle.

His frown melts away before she turns all her attention to him again. She really likes to do that. It's nice. "Pink you said?"

He nods.

"Oh that's cool." She approves with a nod. "I'd totally dye your hair for you. You'd absolutely rock that colour since it would match your cheeks and nose."

Startled by that, he resists the urge to smile as the red rushed to his cheeks.

"See!!" She lets out a loud barking laugh. "You're so pinky now!"

The dog awakens and barks quite loudly as Kristin shuffles closer to Techno and boops his nose.

"Nooo." He grumbles, huffing at Kristin's infectious laugh, slapping her hand away.

"Awe you're so red Techy!"

Techy.

It's been so long he's heard that nickname. He is so sure his face goes red when Kristin laughs a little louder. Cupping her hand on his face and shaking it from side to side. Techno starts to laugh too, embarrassed by how stupid he probably looks.

 

As the day passes by, Kristin and Techno pass around questions and answers at the fastest pace they can manage. Keeping up their scores correctly, Kirstin is in the lead with two points.

They're on the last round now. The sky is coloured nice shades of oranges and pinks with patchy clouds dotted across. The streetlights go on, the fluorescent lights glowing in their slowly growing dark neighborhood. He smiles as the cool breeze pushes past them both.

His cheeks sting with the contact of cold but it's nice anyways.

"Describe what oxygen looks like!" She demands. An evil but playful smile toys on her face. That illuminates right off Techno.

He rolls his eyes, "that's easy. Clear gas."

She turns to her paper and adds a tally.

"One more point Techy. You think you can get it?" She asks, trying to be intimidating.

"Of course I can." He says with confidence and trust in himself. Science is fun when you make it fun.

He turns to his textbook and flips through for a question to ask her. If she doesn't get this answer right, Techno wins the game entirely but if she does get it right, she wins.
If not for either, it's a draw to be settled for another day.

He finally finds one and grins like a maniac. Kristin grins right back at him, her pride not faltering.

"Got a question for you."

"I'm aware by that smile. Shoot at me."

He turns to the textbook and disposes it from his lap, away from her eyes to see. Pulling up his glasses to look more like a professor, his grin sharpens.

"What is the combination of Phosphorus and Oxygen called?"

Kristin raises a brow. "That's bloody simple."

"Then answer-"

"Good luck next time Techno Blade. It's Pentoxide." She says with the widest and most wide grin her her face.

Techno nods, not feeling dissatisfied at all but rather energetic. He's learnt a lot and that's all that matter. He did his best and he can always do better. It's not the end of the world. He shuts the textbook and starts clapping.

Kristin throws her hands up in the air and cheers as loudly as she can. Dogs around the area start to bark with her as she races forwards and picks Techno up and throws him up in the air.

Startled by the sudden happiness rushing through him, bubbles of giggles pop out of him like firecrackers. Kristin cheers and spins them both around while still carrying him the air.

The textbooks are left discarded outside as she races him to the front door, her energy rubbing right off him like electricity. They both enter the house and are slapped with the overwhelmingly pleasant smell of a macaroni and cheese and meat.

Kristin is grinning widely as she tugs Phil up in a bear hug. Sweaty and slightly tired, Techno trugdes towards the living room where both his brothers are seated, looking over the edge at him then Kristin then landing on him.

"What's going on? What's got her so happy?" He asks with a warm smile.

"Competition." Is the only thing he says before he lays on both of them. His top half on Wilbur and bottom half on Tommy.

The child starts to protest very loudly, trying to get him off while Wilbur just accepts that this is happening and he can't do anything about it. Techno kicks Tommy to shut him up and his bites down in his leg. Leaving a giggling Wilbur, Tommy and Techno get into a scuffle.

You already know who's winning.

×

Twenty minutes later, the food is served and they all talk over the television playing as background noise. Sometimes it would switch between Techno and Phil to Wilbur and Kristin to Tommy and everyone at once.

"Did you learn anything today loser?" Kristin calls out, a shit eating grin on her face.

He raises a middle finger in retaliation while chewing his food. Phil, Tommy and Wilbur burst into laughter.

"You've bested in science but just you wait for Math." He spits back and everyone fake gasps.

"We'll see then."

Day two of suspension didn't seem all that bad.

Notes:

Enjoy this happiness while it lasts yknow :)

Anyways, that’s all from me, y’all were fed, two chapters in just a day? You’re very welcome ;)

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 18: So we let our shadows fall away like dust

Summary:

(You are Enough by Sleeping at Last)
Day three of suspension doesn’t go as planned!

Notes:

Woo I am back :D sorry for disappearing for a while with this fic :”) got rly unmotivated and sad about where this fic was going so I decided to hide from it and write other stuff! But I’m back now and ready to get this finished :D

Techno dawns on a moment of realisation that he didn’t sleep a wink the whole night. His eyes were very much closed and his body was very much relaxed but he just… didn’t sleep? Very odd if you asked him.

The sun outside is beaming past his curtains and down to his forehead, making his skin boil and his room starts to heat up.

His eyes are sticky and his body feels far too stiff to have had a good night’s rest. He cranes his neck and feels a pain shoot straight up. He winces and rests it back down the pillow. Since he cannot move right now, he shifts over as the blankets wrapped around his body tighten but he chooses to ignore it.

He sighs, lovely to be unable to sleep. Thanks insomnia for the inviting slap to the face. He thinks as he picks up his phone from the floor and disconnects the charger.

His curtains are wide open behind him and the sun is presenting a ve try bright yellow light right into his room like a glasshouse. He struggles to see properly by the new shift of light so he shuffles back over and stretches to close them. He then groans as he needs to shuffle back over to his phone. A little sliver of sunlight is left shimmering into his room which makes him smile as the dust particles dance around.

Back to his phone, he switches the screen on and the numbers that present themselves make Techno panic. His heart does a thousand backflips enough to make him sick to the stomach.

13:45.

Lovely, he managed to slept for far too long and didn’t have enough sleep! Good day to be alive, especially being a victim to suspension. Now he wasted a few good hours on a sunny day that could’ve been dedicated to studying or at least having some time outside the house. Maybe go on a jog with Wilbur or drive around with Phil.

𝘕𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰, 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘣. 𝘝𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.
(𝐻𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑠 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑠𝑎𝑟𝑐𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑤𝘩𝑒𝑛 𝘩𝑒'𝑠 𝑡𝑖𝑟𝑒𝑑).

He decides that since he wasted more than too much time, he pushes himself up by ultimate force. His body protests in agony but he chooses to ignore it. Placing his phone back down on the bedside table and stumbles his way out of his room (opening the door was a hassle so he just pushes it right open with his body) and he almost falls about three times as he made his way to the bathroom.

The house was so quiet except for the sound of the fridge humming, birds chirping and people loudly chattering outside.

He finally makes it to the bathroom and frowns when he passes the mirror. He fully stops and turns over to looks at it. His eyes scan his face slowly from the bags under his eyes to his red cheeks.

Then up to his hair. He cautiously brings up his hand and runs his fingers over the strands. Awe and pride fill his chest as a small smile breaks on his face.

It’s getting longer, long enough that could tie it up to a small messy bun. So he opens up the little cabinet and fishes out one of Kristin’s hair ties and ties up his hair.

He smiles, nodding and shaking his head around to see how flimsy it can get.

Okay, enough of that. He needs to shower and get to work, he can obsess over his hair another time.

He takes a peek at himself one more time and grins before removing the hair tie and placing it back into the cabinet where it belongs.

~

After he finishes up showering and drying his hair (which took far longer than he’s been used to, dang long hair) he goes down the hall where he assumes nobody is present.

He is quickly proven wrong when a middle aged blond haired man with neon red headphones on and is jamming around the kitchen while preparing food.

He sighs, it’s fond and because it’s funny when Phil breaks out to full sing and dance while he cooks. Techno decides that he isn’t going to bother stopping him and just get himself a snack.

Phil swerves around the kitchen with practiced ease like he’s been doing this for years or even as his profession. Maybe this is his job, absolutely breaking it down while preparing food. Seems like a very Kristin thing but it fits well with Phil enough as well.

Techno carefully strolls into the kitchen, completely awed at the way Phil’s footsteps click hard against the tile floor. He isn’t even wearing shoes or socks, just his bare feet on the cold tile. He’s going to get a cold and Techno is going to laugh at him.

He pockets that little moment into the back burner and moves over to the fridge. Before he can even pull anything out, he hears Phil make loud “𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘱!” noise. Techno slips the fridge slightly closed to see whatever’s happening.

Phil turns to him and sheepishly smiles, taking the headphones off his head and placing it on the counter. “Hi mate.”

“Hi Phil.” He greets back with a nod, proceeding back to looking for a small snack.

“What’re you looking for?” Phil asks, pulling out his phone to what Techno assumes is switch the music off.

He is proven correct when a ding comes from the headphones, meaning they’ve been switched off.

“Snack. Gonna go study for a while.” He says, his eyes landing on a pack of yogurt. Would that last more than an hour? Probably not… Techno isn’t that fast of a eater either way so maybe that’s an option.

“Oh, what’re you gonna study today mate?” He questions, his footsteps becoming a little softer as he walks towards Techno to which he opens the fridge wider for Phil to see.

“Math.” He says as they both begin to look around and throw suggestions. Well, it’s mostly Phil giving him suggestions of what to eat and why he should eat them and Techno taking a mental note down on each.

A few more moments pass and they finally gather up snacks for Techno’s mega study session. A fruit salad that Phil simultaneously made a few minutes ago containing all kinds of berries and a touch of nuts. 𝘞𝘩𝘺? He isn’t very sure why Phil would ever add nuts to a already good enough fruit salad. He’s just weird like that he guesses.

Then just a literal bowl full of different nuts. Cashews, Pistachios, Pecans, Almonds, Macadamia Nuts, Peanuts and Walnuts. If he were to rank them for no proper reason other than he just wanted to, Walnuts, Macadamia nuts and Cashews would be at the top; Peanuts, pecans and almonds would be in the middle and Pistachios would be at the God Awful lowered tier.

And Techno is always right so his list is the only valid list out there.

Anyways, moving onto the less healthier section, Phil decided that they should go out and very speedily buy snacks because apparently they are out and it is needed for tonight. Techno didn’t bother to ask and just went along with it.

So they quickly drag each other (𝘘𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘋𝘙𝘈𝘎𝘎𝘌𝘋) out of the house and to the store at rapid pace. Techno could’ve sworn that this madman had disobeyed five road laws just in the span of three minutes. And that’s a new record coming from a man who is so very afraid of upsetting his kids.

They finally make it there in one shape, Techno isn’t very sure 𝘩𝘰𝘸 Phil didn’t get any speeding tickets or even sent to jail. Moving on, they’re currently racing down the various aisles filled with both very interesting and not so interesting foods and stuff to find the snacks area.

They get distracted halfway to pet a really fluffy looking dog. A husky to be exact, black and white in colour and very tall, a big boy, Techno wants a dog. Getting a dog doesn’t seem like a bad idea at all. He’ll bring this up in a presentation on a PowerPoint document and present it to Phil or Kristin, whoever is willing to agree with him.

Back on track, Techno is pushing a surprisingly smooth moving trolley after Phil, making sure not to knock out his old man ankles as they dash down the aisles like mad people.

It’s not until they reach where they were supposed to be that Techno sees her. Someone he really wasn’t prepared to see in a Tesco. Or anywhere in fact. He is now dreading the fact that he had the choice to stay home and not have to deal with this today. Or ever in fact! It would be real nice if Phil could just walk past her like she never existed in their lives. Just two random strangers passing each other in store.

But of course, he’s Techno Blade, son of Phil Soot Blade. The kindest and bravest man to ever set foot on the face of the Earth.

And he’s just really unfortunate. He’s just a magnet of the opposite of luck.

Phil waddles over too happily (it makes Techno sick) and he taps on her shoulder.

She turns around and she still looks the very same. Just a bit more tired.

It looked like she tried to evenly brush her hair but her curls still go wild and do their own thing. Her half white and half brown was gone and now just full brown which was disappointing. Now she just looks like she could’ve been related to Wilbur.

Her brown eyes still look the same but didn’t hold that usual sparkle it did before. They were dull, colourless. Boring. Just boring dull brown eyes. That made his chest pang, the new school must’ve really drained her out already.

“Oh hi Phil.” She says with what Techno assumes is a fake smile. Or a real one, he doesn’t really know anymore. He hasn’t seen her in a long enough time to decide whether her facial expressions have changed or not.

“How’ve you been?” He asks, shuffling over to grab a bag of chips and tossing it at Techno who was pushing trolley. Phil fails at throwing it normally and it lands flat on the floor right in front of him. The smack is loud enough to silence them all.

“Good throw Phil.” Techno utters very sarcastically to which Phil glares at him for. He rolls his eyes and walks over to pick it up, very confidently ignoring the eyes that bore right through his skull.

As soon as he places the bag of chips into the trolley, he turns around to see Puffy staring at him. The smallest hint of a smile playing on her face and the tiniest bit of shine in her eyes.

Techno feels his blood begin to rush in his veins and his cheeks grow hot. His hands unexpectedly become clammy and his breaths come in shorter than usual. His body starts to quiver like he’s been dunked under the most chilling ice water to ever exist.

Her smile means nothing to him. Her smile is just the average human smile and nothing more than that. The creases around her forehead and eyes are nothing that he’s memorised. He repeats it over and over again in his mind that he can’t get attached all over again. He doesn’t remember anything about her. Her expressions don’t ring recognition in his mind. No no— Not after she left and everything had went downhill.

He resists the urge to yell at her through a smile. It’s wobbly and probably looks very silly but there’s an attempt.

Then Phil, oh his great father steps in, “You still in for tonight?”

Techno blinks and he finally realises that they were both silent for far too long. He saunters over back to the trolley and drops and the bag inside. He sucks in a trembling, heaving breath and draws out a longer one as a wave of agony and a sort of grief rings from his chest.

He repeats this for a few more beats until his blood stops rushing and the red disperses from his face and his hands go dry. Puffy and Phil are talking to each other but he isn’t paying attention to them anymore. He’s rather trying to think rationally instead of having a full blown anxiety or panic attack in the middle of the snacks aisle. He still cannot tell the difference between the two so he’ll let them decide what this is.

“You okay Tech?” A voice calls out to him.

He blinks, trying to regain consciousness and memory of where he currently is. His sight’s blurry and his mind goes completely blank. He eyes scan over all the blurred bright colours he sees around him. One’s a really bright orangey red with what Techno assumes is a cheetah on it, he’s not very sure. Then to another, a purple cover and white lettering and a pattern he cannot quite distinguish.

He inhales slowly through his nose and his body shudders when the air is released.

Memories seep in like sand being poured out of an hourglass. He blinks twice and soon enough his sights recovers. He looks up to see two worried adults, Phil and Puffy to be exact. Then down to the trolley where there is three different chocolates; Milk, mint and normal as well as a bag of Takis and red Fritos. His hands are gripped on so tightly to the trolley handle that his knuckles have lost all the colour from them, leaving them a deathly pale white.

He sucks in another breath, trying to loosen his grip and calm himself down. His head feels dizzy and his heart is thudding against his chest.

“You okay with that Tech?” A voice says to him. Asks. They’re asking him a question. He nods, unaware of what he’s exactly agreeing to. He just really wants to leave.

Puffy and Phil are still talking to each other. He really needs to right now. He needs to hide and be somewhere far from here. Phil says something that makes Puffy as well as himself laugh out loud. Throwing their heads back and big smiles stretching their faces, making them look so painful young…

Please just stop talking and leave. Techno needs go now. Now as now— immediately.

Minutes go by like hours and finally, Phil clasps his hands together and Techno takes that as an indication to swerve out of the aisle and straight to the register to pay up and leave. Phil laughs behind him and Techno burns from the shoulders up. He hates public spaces. He’s always hated public spaces.

They finally pay and get what they need and they’re out in a hurry once again. Or as he thought it would be a hurry when they run into Sam.

Principal Sam. And next to him is the one who got him suspended. Sapnap.

They’re dressed casually. Sam is a dad themed flannel as usual and Sapnap in his casual emo clothes. White short sleeve with a black turtleneck underneath, sleeve peaking out. Paired with simply ripped black jeans and white high top sneakers.

Phil glances back at Techno and his face clearly gives away his question. Are you okay?

He is not. He is just isn’t okay at all. First Puffy and now Sam and Sapnap. Why is today so trash? What did Techno do to deserve such a disturbing afternoon? He just wanted to get snacks with his dad for his study session later and now here he is facing all his greatest issues.

Cool! He can definitely handle this well. With practical ease even.

He shakes his head vigorously with a strained smile as their footsteps get louder and closer.

His whole body goes up in flames when he catches a glimpse of Sapnap’s sick grin. Sam waves and calls out to Phil who hesitantly looks back at Techno and then back at Sam and waves awkwardly as they approach closer.

Phil’s own smile slightly strained as well as Techno’s.

“How have you been Phil?” Sam asks with a gentle smile. Phil nods, his smile growing a little more worried as Sapnap steps up and nods at him. Phil nods at him back.

Sapnap then slips over and stands to next to Techno, invading his personal bubble. Techno inhales, trying to keep the simmering at bay. He can’t get into a fight in a parking lot, that’s not very smart nor fun.

But then again, he could drag Sapnap’s face on the asphalt floor and laugh when the sounds of squelching and the painful screams of his skin is ripped right off him. He hurt Aimsey and he hurt Sneeg. Who knows what he got up to in his free time with his brothers? There is no need for him to be all nicey nice to all people but Sapnap.

“Must be nice missing school huh?” He asks, his tone mocking.

The realisation hits him like a bat to the head that trying to pretend was going to be harder than he thought.

Sam talks to Phil as he unloads the trolley and puts the bags into the boot. Techno decides that the longer he doesn’t help Phil, the longer time they’ll spend here and there will be a fight unleashed if he hears another peep from Sapnap.

So he shuffles over very awkwardly and grabs the remainder of the bags which are three left. And he performs Kristin’s best skill that’s been passed down to him. He puts them all on one arm and shuffles over the boot with faltering steps but a confident stance. Phil makes a noise of pride behind him which makes his heart swell and a smile spread across his face.

Sapnap just simply whistles as Sam laughs and somebody applauds.

“That’s very impressive for such a scrawny kid.” Sapnap whispers into his ear as Phil says his goodbyes to Sam.

That makes a whole new flame burst up in his chest. He frowns, trying to keep his breathing steady. He can’t get this furious this easy by Sapnap. That’ll only fuel his satisfaction.

So Techno does the most mature thing that he remembers watching Wilbur do once before to his seventh grade teacher. He takes a deep breath in and turns on his heel.

Exhales and waves before walking off with his head high. No argument, no words to be said. Simply just walk away from the situation at hand.

“𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵.” As Wilbur told once before.

He hears Sapnap scoff and scrape his foot against the asphalt floor. A silly grin spreads across his lips with a new blooming pride in his chest, warming him up and melting into every crevice of his being and soul like butter.

He opens up and the door and decides to risk a look behind him.

Greatest decision yet.

Sam is talking to Sapnap sternly while Sapnap looks like an ashamed kid too afraid to fight back their parent.

Oh the pure delight that beams inside of him is so very ineffable.

He twists his neck as Phil reverses out of the car park and drives past them.

Techno sticks his tongue out at Sapnap who lifts a middle finger up in retaliation which again gets him in deeper trouble as Sam shouts something and slaps his hand down. It’s petty but anyone would do the same if they were in his hands. Be honest.

“You look happy.” Phil comments with a sly tone which makes Techno huff in unbelievable joy.

He shrugs, looking out the window and focusing on the blue of colours that pass them by. “I am.”

With that, Phil hums and Techno feels happier. It’s stupid to why he feels like this but it feels nice nonetheless after being stressed out of his mind about school and academic validation and whatever.

He smiles the whole way home.

 

Techno runs down the hallway the moment he gets home because he knew they had to be out of school now. So he quickly rushes to his room to grab his book and pen and rushes back over to Wilbur’s room to study with him.

His smile drops the moment he is face to face with Wilbur’s open door.

Wilbur is in his room. He is in his very nicely decorated room with very cool looking colours and messy clothes in the hamper to the side of the end of his bed.

Wilbur is on his bed, his body bent over and his arms covering something.

Someone.

He is shaking, gasping and trembling so badly and it’s scaring Techno. He just wanted to study with Wilbur. Why is he shivering? Why is he gasping? Who is he hiding? Why does he look so small and afraid?

Techno wants to go inside and ask, offer help. He wants to do something— Anything at all. But his body is stuck. Roots from whoever knows where are gripping down on him and he can’t move. He can’t tell if he is breathing right now.

He feels like he’s spinning. Dizzy and falling but still right up. He feels like throwing up.

 

His smiles tumbled down to the floor with a loud splat that’s horribly deafening.

He is gasping, reaching out and pleading for air. Begging, gagging on his own spits and tears. He’s paralysed by his own pain, his family’s pain, by his own laboured breaths. His trembling body refuses to move up from his knees. Under him is the cold tile floor he’s dropped to. Or carpet, he can’t feeling anything anymore.

It feels like he is alive and passing out at the same time. His vision blinks and drowns, black spots spinning and dotting—

Then— his chest 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴. It bursts in flames when a sob exits his brother. So sad and pathetic and it racks his whole being. Shivers swallow his whole being right there.

Wilbur is shivering and gasping and crying and Techno can’t do 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. His breaths start to come in shorter and quick. He clenches his hands into a tight fist, nails biting down on skin. A dull pain radiates through him but he couldn’t care any less about whatever he’s got going on with himself.

His older brother is crying in his room. His older brother is shivering and sobbing and hiding. His brothers are in one shared room and they are crying. They are hurt together and Techno was not there.

He was 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.

He knows who that other is, he just can’t bring himself to think it. He can’t. It can’t — 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦—

Techno would say he has always dealt with stress well, all the way until Puffy got up and left. All he knew kinda just, fell apart. Ripped away at the seams, leaving him stranded, lost and burnt out. He’s run out of that fire that fuels him everyday.

This creates a whole new fuel and flame inside of him and.. It scares him. His nails bite down into his skin and he is sure that he can’t look down at what a mess he’s caused or he’ll fall down to his knees and cry. He presses down harder and ignores the pain that rings throughout his whole hand.

His brother is right in front of him. His brother is hurt, he’s 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵— he 𝘩𝘢𝘴 to be. Please let it be physically so he can go harm someone. So he has a reason to why he’ll be sent to jail today. So he has a reason to tell the police to why he killed a person.

A new flame is burning inside of him and his lungs are suffering. He is gasping too. All that he feel is a whole new anger.

Someone hurt his 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴.
𝘉𝘰𝘵𝘩 of them.

Both of them are hurt and Techno can’t move and he’s burning— Lord give him mercy because he just might melt the floor beneath him with just how infuriated he is.

Then— A flash of blond hair appears from under the brunette and Techno is completely burnt over.

Blue teary eyes lock on his. Blue bright and so, oh so bloody 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘥.

Then brown eyes looks at him and all Techno can feel is his ears ringing and his mind screeching and his insides setting fire. Nails scratch on his throat on all that he breathes in is toxic smoke that his body creates.

Oh he’s going to harm the world. He’s going to burn down and thrash.

“Techno—“

He’s turned on his heel and he’s going to do something really stupid. He is going to be dumb but he needs this. They need this. He couldn’t care less if it’s stupid or immature.

Notes:

Techno blade has Anger issues pog? Sapnap is about to die maybe??

And how did we like the little nut ratings? :) I haven’t had all the nuts he listed but I am right nonetheless! Next few chapter are gonna be long soo don’t expect anything soon :””)

Wanna listen to some tunes? :) "here"

Chapter 19: Sure it's a calming notion, but it's a lie

Summary:

Day whatever of suspension is going swimmingly :D
(Notion by The Rare Occasions)

Notes:

Yooooooooo it’s I rly wanna give up on this project but I’m too deep into it and I don’t wanna just throw away all the ideas I have for it so here I am just trying my best to finish it without making it the worst fic I’ve written in a long time because so far I’m proud of most of my fics time <333

Techno has known that his anger issues were a real problem.

He’s always known this. It was a well known fact among his family mentioned that when he gets mad, there’s no stopping him. He once broke Tommy’s Rubix Cube because he was so upset that he didn’t eat that day. He used to get really grumpy when he didn’t eat as a child. Apparently this wasn’t his first time being in timeout from school as Kristin told him once before.

Apparently he got into a fight with a kid in kindergarten because they wouldn’t stop playing with his hair and putting things inside of it. So he punched him once and the kid retaliated and the rest of that story is history.

Sure he looks composed. He is very composed most of the time as he finds it easier to bury all those emotions as they’re much easier to forget about. He isn’t constantly depressed or sad or anything of such. No! He just 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴. He’d rather not notice that he has emotions to feel apparently because he’s human. That’s silly.

Avoiding it completely? Yes please and thank you.

But unfortunately, anger is a whole other monster to handle.

A flood that he knew all too well. The crashing waves in his mind and thrashing through his ears and veins. He can feel his heartbeat everywhere. In his arms, in his head (that is currently giving him a massive headache but he can’t find it in himself to care). His nails are digging into his skin as he has them clenched tight and closed as the image flashes over and over again in his thoughts. His nails are short enough to not bite his skin but there’s a dull pain there that he tries his ultimate best to focus on but his anger is flowing and energy is thrumming through him like electricity gone wild and he cannot stop.

All he can feel is the urge to blast, to explode and for someone to cause it so he can let this energy out somehow. He needs a fist to land as Tommy’s big anxious blue teary eyes and Wilbur’s red cheeks and both their tears and trembles and—

“Techno?”

He stops dead in his tracks, slowly turning around to reveal a confused pair of adults. Of parents.

Phil and Kristin.

The anger in him quickly drowns to guilt and shame. They look so lost and upset. It’s as clear as day that they’re scared as well. He doesn’t like his family being scared of him.

That starts the anger back up once more like a a large and sudden displacement of the ocean. He tries to keep his breathing steady as their fear and concern flashes over the images of Tommy scared, of Wilbur crying and shaking. Of both his brothers crying and trembling and so terrified—

Why don’t they look upset at whatever happened to them at school? Why do they only look at Techno and concern is their default expression? Their other kids got hurt aswell so why is Techno the only exception for pity in this damned shelter? He hates this and he needs to release the energy that’s currently beating against his chest and trying to break his ribs out of place—

“Techno woah—“

He needs to release this or anyone in front of him gets hurts. He needs that to be Sapnap. He needs to feel his skin rip and his knuckles burn and bones cracking—

“𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨!?” A voice yells from behind him.

He doesn’t even register the motion that he had started walking again. Towards the door that was left ajar. He fists clench deeper and the dull pain remains mild. He needs to get to to Sapnap somehow and show him—

A hand is gripping hard onto his wrist and the crashing waves almost tip him over. He locks his jaw tight and twists his body around, swinging his free hand and hoping to meet crushed bones.

It lands on skin and his body is drenched in heavy aqua. He wants to snap, he wants someone else to scream or break him, he wants to burst and let these waves demolish everything in sight. He needs this gone because he cannot keep it under control any longer.

Then he is met with icy blue eyes. They’re so cold that sends shudders down his spine. He lowers his fist and all that water is frozen over with the simple look at his deep threatening eyes.

Phil.

He hit Phil. He hit Phil— He hit his father—

It doesn’t register as fast as it should. All he thinks of is Tommy and Wilbur hurt and he cannot focus—

“Techno Blade.” Phil hisses. His tone as cold as his glare.

He doesn’t like that tone. He doesn’t like it at all. It shows how much he’s falling apart. It shows that everyone can see that he’s ripping apart at the seams. That he isn’t composed as he once was before. Phil never talks to him like this. He never looks at Techno with that icy gaze and disappointment dripping from his tone.

The mixture of emotions churns in his gut and he suddenly feels like throwing up.

The waves start to crash but it’s smaller, he’s so tired from fighting it down and he can’t even hold himself up anymore—

This is what he wanted. This is what he asked for. He wants Phil to snap so he has a reason to break, so he has a reason to shatter away the glass all over. But it just doesn’t feel as satisfactory as he wanted it to be. It doesn’t bring that fierce pride in him.

“Techno.” They call out again but it comes out muffled by the collapsing waves crashing in his ears. He feels stuck in time, unable to focus— unable to move and unable to process anything.

He’s been knocked down into his knees and unable le to find the fight in him left to get back up and move—

The voice comes again, softer this time. “Techno…”

He doesn’t want that tone either. Another emotion adds itself to the mix and he cannot keep himself from falling apart. Confusion dances around in his chest, kicking his lungs and puncturing his heart.

Wilbur had described him as the dry type of anger. The type with clenched fists and a locked jaw. The type with a blazeful gaze and a goal set to make sure you suffer the worst of the horrible. But the moment that fire burns out, he becomes the pure definition of a mess.

And, before he didn’t understand so he disagreed with it.

Now he understands. He was never a fire to start with though.

He was the water and the added fire in him was drenched to merely nothing.

“Techno, hey—“

Tears suddenly spring to life and he can’t the strength left to force them back. He can’t push back the shivers that travel along his body like a rushing river. He can’t bite back the thoughts that come flooding into the the very front of his mind.

Everything hits him all at once and he suddenly struck. He feels scared of what he’s done, of what he wants to do, of what a mess he’s gotten himself into.

It all sinks in like sand passing through the wind as new voices pick up and scream— Yell and screech even.

𝗛𝗲'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺. 𝗜𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝘂𝗹𝘁. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝘩𝘪𝘮. 𝗛𝗲'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺. 𝗛𝗲'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺. 𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺—

“God—“ a voice hisses, "𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰-"

Sapnap has always had one foot ahead of him. Sapnap has always been the one to always beat him in everything. In controlling himself, in being better than he is at school, at sports, at grades, at everything and Techno is just a pretend first place trying to run in a pointless race between people who are far smarter than he ever will be—

He was the water that tried to fight off the raging flames. Not the other way around.

He’s pathetic— he’s crying about something so minuscule and here he is having a stupid breakdown—

“Techno—“

God why can’t he just calm down for once! Why can’t he control his stupid emotions anymore like he used to? Nothing makes any sense anymore and it’s beginning to frustrate him to 𝘯𝘰 end. He used to be so calm and he didn’t care this much but all of sudden he cares all 𝘴𝘰 much about things that really don’t even matter that much at all! He shouldn’t even be worried as of right now. Wilbur and Tommy got hurt and he can’t do anything about it so why does he care so much? He’s never cared this much about something happening, that was his parent’s job. That was Phil and Kristin’s job, not his but all of a sudden he wants to take it all into his own hands because he thinks he was so mature responsible and able to actually do something apart from feeling sorry for himself in his room all day long with his nose in his books for several hours—

A shock shoots through his body like he’s been forced deep into an ice bath without any warning of such.

Cold, 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 cold hands wrap themselves around his waist and he finds himself screaming. The walls of his throat closing up as panic seizes his lungs.

All he can do is try to thrash and fight against the hands that violently rip him apart. His whole world goes sideways before he can even barely register that he is falling.

He can hear several voices calling him and hands trying to pull him out of his current panic trance but he finds that he really doesn’t want to go back to reality. He wants to stay here and just indulge himself in this weird pain that he can’t let go off. If it gives him something else to think about other than the fact that he’s suspended from school for violence and he’s currently failing and his grades and responsibilities are toppling on top of each other—

Then he’ll 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘺 take it.

“Techno!” A voice screeches, one so loud and so scratchy he feels it in his own throat.

He winces, trying to blink himself back to consciousness.

The hand are still there but they’re much warmer now as his body tired to fight off the mini panic stuck to the ends of his mind. He tries to relax his breathing as his head spins and he feels all so suddenly exhausted.

He really wants to sleep. Maybe he should and never wake up because ‘this shit sucks’ as Tommy would say but he doesn’t swear so it’s just ‘this sucks’.

Sleep drags him down as a head of brown and blond and others colours mash together that he cannot figure out. He really wants to sleep right now.

Memories slip away at him as he tries to grasp onto something to hang onto. He wants to feel that anger again but the static energy it brought wasn’t welcomed in his system thank you very much.

He’s so sleepy but there’s hands pulling him and shaking him. Let him sleep please he’s so tired.

“Okay, okay he’s okay!—“

Yeah of course he’s okay, why wouldn’t he be okay? He’s just tired. Being angry makes you very exhausted for your information. Once that energy dies down and anger dies down like a bitch, it brings your energy with it to the sky and disappears right before you can even remember that it was gone in the first place.

“Tech—“

Nah, he doesn’t wanna listen anymore. He’s decided he’s going to sleep, goodbye. He closes his eyes and feels the world empty out to nothing all around him.

Falling deeper and deeper in unconsciousness, he feels at peace.

Notes:

Uh ohh! Is techno okay?????

Chapter 20: Two birds on a wire

Summary:

(Chapter title - Two Birds by Regina Spektor)

𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘥.

"𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰?" 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘴𝘬. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴.

Day ? Of suspension.

Notes:

Woooo! I’m back and I’m ready to fucking finish this up, I’m already halfway with the next chapter and then we’ll be closer to the ending! I’ve already planned out how this will go and I am pretty satisfied with it! I hope you all will be as well, so thanks for coming along this bumpy journey with this rly messy high school fic :”) highly appreciate you!

Enjoy!

“𝘤𝘩𝘰- 𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱! 𝘛𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰-"

He blinks, wincing and screwing them shut once again. He brings a weird jelly like hand up to shield his eyes from the lights as he tries to scan around the room.

He feels 𝘴𝘰 terrible right now. His body feels like warm jelly, his eyes are crusty and his mouth feels disgusting. It is disgusting as he runs his tongue over his teeth and feels gunk leave them.

He knows that he is in his room. He can see his pale pink wallpaper that when everyone enters assumes is a girl’s room. A fake sword that Phil got him for his tenth birthday sits beside his door that he forgot was there. A fluffy beige carpet sits beneath their feet. He didn’t like the texture of the wood so they had to place over a carpet that he found himself comfortable with (which happened to be correct on the third try).

Now that he has a moment to look around, he notices the small trinkets around. The shelf filled with Tommy’s old poems and Wilbur’s old lyrics that he wanted Techno to have instead. A small rock somewhere in the back that he remembers collecting with Niki who turned out to be his first friend in the third grade because people didn’t like the fact that he had longer hair as a male so they avoided him. Weird thing to dislike about someone but whatever.

Anyways, it’s nice that all the knick-knacks in his room have a meaning to them. The rocks, the papers, the books…

He doesn’t want to think about his school books so returns that thought back to not existing and searches for something different.

Perhaps, how did he get here and why he can’t remember anything from before is a great starter.

He opens his mouth to speak but finds that nothing exits. Just a small sound that shocks him, he slips his mouth shut.

He then feels a hand brush over his arm. He flinches, trying to yank them forward and ask why he’s here and what happened.

“What’s wrong Tech?” A voice asks worriedly. He recognises that voice but he can’t put a specific finger on it. As the thought approaches, it morphs to smoke before Techno can begin to decipher what it is.

Okay, well that’s great. His mind is slower than usual. Lovely.

Now he needs to find different way of communication because he cannot speak and he cannot think past the clouds that shadow his thoughts. Different words pack themselves into an assorted mess of jumbled sentences. Hurt? Why? Where am?

The person— he assumes it’s either a Phil or Kristin. He’s hoping it’s either Phil or Kristin. He doesn’t want his brothers or his friends for that fact to see him in such a destroyed state. He assumes he’s in a destroyed state just because of how gunky his teeth feel as he runs his tongue over them a second time mindlessly.

He sighs, pulling in their sleeves to catch their attention. Which it does and he feels ecstatic.

Okay okay, panicked, he searches and is miserably failing but he searches the contents of his mind through the fog and tries to find ways to communicate.

Damn him for not taking those sign language lessons in sixth grade. He only knows the letter L (because that one’s obvious) and how to spell his and Niki’s names in sign language. Don’t ask why he knows how to do Niki’s name, he doesn’t know either.

“What do you need Techno?” The person requests, Techno takes a moment to place his thoughts into place. He shakes the person’s arm and gestures to himself.

The person looks all but lost and it is not helping Techno with his growing frustration. He tugs on the person sleeve harder, daring to tear it to get his point across.

He widely gestures to himself and the room and everything around him. The person stares at him, bewilderment written all over their face before turning their head back to him and supposedly talking to other people.

They talk and Techno sighs heavily. This is going to be difficult… He lets go of the person’s shirt and slumps back, suddenly tired from just that little bit of force.

“Oh!” The person gaps, turning back to Techno with a acknowledging look on their face. “You want to know where you are?” They request.

Techno knows where he is of course! He wants to know how he got here and what happened to him to get here!

He shakes his head, his hair slapping him in the face. He brings up a hand to brush it back and finds himself shocked when it meets longer strands. When did his hair get longer—

Oh.

“You want to know what happened?” They request again.

He nods slowly as the memories start to slip in. The fog dissipates and he can see the path. He can see Wilbur leading him through it all. A hand reaching out that Techno grasps onto tightly and follows along.

It was Wilbur who was talking this whole time.

“You hit your head on the floor several times according to what Kristin told me.” He explains with a grim look on his face. “On the grass floor gladly but still.” He finishes with a shiver.

Techno nods, grimly but paying close attention to nonetheless.

Guess his anger made him do dumb things. That’s nice to know.

“You were out for a day and a half.” Wilbur adds. Techno jerks back, his eyes blown wide and his brows furrowed.

Wilbur chuckles, “Calm down, it’s only,” he reaches down to his trouser pocket and pulls out his phone. “It’s only five right now.”

Techno sighs but the stress doesn’t lift itself off his chest. It lies there, waiting for another shock to send him back down under.

It doesn’t ever come.

He didn’t even notice that someone new has moved next to him when he feels a cold surface being shoved into his hands.

“Drink.” They instruct sternly.

He brings the surface up to his lips and when cold liquids hit the surface of his surprisingly dry throat, he chugs the whole glass in an instant.

He requests more and they get him more. He chugs more and they wait until he’s done. After he properly hydrated himself, he hears someone clear their throat from somewhere around him.

He turns to the left and sees a brown curly haired figure sitting on the end of his bed.

“Are you okay Tech?” They ask. His heart sinks when he meets their eyes.

Notes:

Uh oh?