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There he was again.
There he was, sitting on the floor by the end of his bed, a half empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. There he was, staring through the windows, looking at the twinkling lights as another night in Bangkok passed. There he was, alone, once again.
He wished he could say he did not expect this, but somewhere deep inside of him he knew. He knew he should not have trusted him. He knew it from the moment he had met the man.
But he had hoped. He had hoped that this time the man he loved would choose him. He hoped that this time he would have been enough to make him stay.
“Idiot.” Kinn whispered and lifted the bottle to his lips.
Kinn Theerapanyakun, the man many feared and an heir of the biggest mafia family in Bangkok, had been left in ruins once again. All because of a man he loved and was stupid enough to think loved him back.
**********
Something was wrong.
Kinn had noticed, of course, that ever since Tawan had kidnapped Porchay the dynamics between himself and Porsche had changed. Before, while at times he was distant, Porsche always came back to him, understanding and acceptance of the situation clear in his eyes.
Porsche's love was also clear. People say that a person’s eyes tell stories, and God, Porsche’s eyes used to talk about love. Not love just for the people he kept close to him, but a genuine love for life itself. Even though his and his brother’s lives had not been easy, Porsche was someone who could appreciate life and all the small, random things that came with it.
That’s what had initially drawn Kinn to him. Well, that, and the plump lips, stretched in an arrogant smile, that liked to challenge everything he said.
But something in his eyes had changed after that eventful day. That night, when he had come back from the hospital where Porchay was resting under the watchful eyes of four bodyguards, Porsche barely looked at Kinn. He had walked into the room they shared ever since they got together, going straight to the bathroom, not even acknowledging Kinn. Kinn heard the running water and for a moment considered joining his lover, but he also realized that Porsche probably wanted to be alone right now, so he had stayed behind, stretching himself on the bed, a tablet in his hands.
Pete had been left to clear out the aftermath of Tawan’s failed plot, and he was currently updating Kinn on the entire situation, shooting off message after message when something new came up. It was moments like this when Kinn really appreciated the support the head bodyguard gave to him. He knew, he just knew, that if there was one person he could always turn to it was the younger man.
He had been in the middle of a very long message when the bathroom door opened. His lover had walked out, already dressed in a loose shirt and underwear. Kinn lifted his eyebrows but said nothing. While he knew that Porsche preferred sleeping naked, he could understand why tonight he had chosen to be dressed. It had been a long and stressful day and all he wanted now was to fall asleep with his lover in his hands.
Later Kinn would realize that Porsche didn’t look at him once that night. Later, he would realize that the look in Porsche’s eyes was already different when they woke up the next morning. He could still see the love in them, but it had somehow changed. And there was something else, something Kinn could not understand.
Something that should have made him worry.
**********
Kinn lifted the bottle again and made a frustrated sound as he realized it was empty. Huffing, he threw it hard against the wall, watching it burst into dozens of tiny pieces. He knew the sound had alerted his bodyguards who were staying on alert in front of the door to his room, but no one dared enter. He had given them explicit orders to not let anyone in and Kinn was glad that the men were still willing to listen.
Sighing, he got up from the floor and moved to the bar, getting a bottle which still had a pretty big amount of amber liquid in it. His lips touched the cold glass but before he could take a swig of the burning liquid his eyes fell on two metal bands that were lying between the bottles.
He recognized one of the rings immediately, as he had been the one who had picked it.
A week before today, he had seen the ring in a jewelry store and knew it was the perfect choice. It had a black background, covered with small, inconspicuous black diamonds. A small, golden bird was placed on top of that, wings spread. Phoenix. Like Porsche’s tattoo. Perfect, Kinn had thought, when he had first seen the ring, he would definitely love it.
“A fucking idiot,” he whispered again as he reached for the other ring.
This one he also knew quite well. After all, he had seen it on his cousin’s finger every time they had the pleasure of enjoying each other’s company. This ring was a symbol of power, it demanded respect, it demanded obedience.
Seeing the two bands next to each other filled his chest with unbearable rage. Letting out a scream, Kinn grabbed a glass and threw it against the wall. It was followed by another glass, then some bottles, and the objects kept flying across the room until a big part of the floor was completely covered in broken glass. He had just swung back to throw the last bottle when the door to his room opened.
Turning around, he almost threw the bottle at the person who had dared enter when he had explicitly warned everyone to keep out. He managed to stop himself, though.
Pete was standing near the door, looking at his boss. Kinn noticed that his suit’s jacket was covered in dust, even ripped at some places. His white shirt had a few red blotches at different places and for a second Kinn worried that the man in front of him had been seriously injured. He probably is, Kinn realized, but he also knew that Pete would not let it show. He never did.
His eyes, though… His eyes could not hide the pain the man was feeling.
“He left, Pete,” Kinn whispered, and dropped to his knees again. “They left.”
**********
No matter how prepared they were, the Minor family’s attack on their compound was brutal. Setting aside the destruction his Uncle’s men left behind them, the fact that there were bodies lying left and right made Kinn feel uneasy.
He knew, of course, that they would suffer some losses, he just didn’t expect there would be so many of his people lying around, never to get up again.
For a moment, just a moment, Kinn thought today would be the end for the Main family.
“Khun Kinn!” Pete yelled and he felt the other man grab him by his shoulders. He was kneeling behind a column, clutching a gun in his hand. He hadn’t even realized that the bodyguard had reached him, not until Pete had started shaking him violently. “Khun Kinn! We need to go! Now!”
“Where?” Kinn whispered and shook his head. “We can’t escape this.”
“Khun Kinn, they have reached the library,” Pete said harshly and looked at Kinn, his eyes serious. “We need to go. When I count to three, get up and run, I have your back.” Kinn kept looking at the younger man, not saying anything. He knew that this was his job, to put his life on the line to protect him, and still… He always thought that Pete went to unbelievable lengths to make sure that he was safe and even now… In this hell they were, he knew he could count on the younger man. Nodding, he checked the clip in his gun and waited for Pete’s signal.
**********
What they found in the library shook them both to their cores. Gun was lying on the floor, face down, in a big puddle of blood. Vegas was pointing a gun at Korn, and Porsche was staying behind his father’s back, also armed but not pointing his gun at his cousin. Kinn lost no time but ran to his father, gun already on Vegas. Pete stayed near the entrance, eyes glued on the now de facto leader of the Minor family.
“You need to rethink your choices, Vegas.” Korn said in a quiet voice, eyes on his nephew. “Your father was an idiot, incapable of surviving in this business but you… You have potential, boy, you always have…”
“I don’t want this!” Vegas yelled and Kinn kept looking between his cousin and his father, not understanding what exactly he had missed. “I have never wanted this.”
“I know. That doesn’t mean that you are not entitled to it. But if you don’t want it, I can always get Macau. I’m sure with enough time he can be just as good as you…”
“No!” Vegas yelled and Kinn could see the hand holding the gun start shaking. “You leave my brother out of this.”
“But why? Isn’t he your father’s son? Does he not deserve to have his chance to prove himself in this world?”
“Not like this!”
“Well isn’t that a shame…” His father had sighed and Kinn watched in horror as his father reached behind his back to pull out his secondary gun but a loud bang echoed through the room. Kinn turned his eyes back on Vegas and was ready to pull the trigger before he felt a sharp pain at his neck. Falling on his knees he watched in horror as Vegas and Pete struggled in a fist fight, Vegas pounding into the younger man’s face, hatred clear in his eyes.
What didn’t make sense was the fact that Pete was begging his cousin to not do this, please Vegas, not to me, don’t…
But Vegas was not listening, he had just kept pounding and pounding until he was sure that the man under him had lost consciousness. He then turned to Kinn again, and Kinn expected to be next, but then he was served the latest surprise for the night. Vegas had tucked away his gun and reached out, as if offering a helping hand to his cousin. But Kinn knew there was no way this was his goal. He then watched in horror as Porsche walked closer to Vegas, taking the hand in his, helping the man to stand up. He watched as the man he thought loved him more than anyone in the world rested his forehead against his cousin’s, his lips moving, saying words he could not hear.
He then screamed in pain as he saw them kissing, hands holding each other close, not caring about the fact that he was still there, he could still see them…
After the kiss, Porsche had grabbed Vegas’s hand, pulling him out of the library, leaving Kinn behind.
**********
“Let go of the bottle, Khun Kinn.” Pete whispered as he reached for it, but Kinn snatched his hand away. “Please, Khun Kinn. Just give it to me.” Pete tried reaching for the bottle again, and this time Kinn let him take it.
“How could he do this to me, Pete?” Kinn whispered, not even caring if he looked weak in front of his bodyguard. “I love him. I love him so much and he just left. He betrayed me.”
Pete left the bottle aside and placed his hands on his boss’s shoulders, squeezing tightly.
“I know, Khun Kinn. I know.” He whispered and Kinn broke down crying, face first in Pete’s chest. Pete, stunned for just a moment, wrapped his arms around his boss’s body and let him cry.
“Everyone fucking leaves me.” Kinn whined, words slurred. He was fighting to stay awake, to not fall asleep because he knew that in his dreams he would still get to have Porsche. Just before he lost the battle with sleep he heard the younger man whisper I will never leave you.
Strangely enough, Kinn actually believed him.
==========
Eight months later
Eight months had passed since Porsche had left. It was weird, when Kinn thought about it, because at moments it felt like Porsche had left a moment ago and the pain of the betrayal was so sharp that it felt like he was being literally stabbed in the chest. And then there were days in which it felt like it had been years since he last saw the man and there was no pain when he thought about him. So many things had happened these past few months that there were days in which Kinn didn’t even think about Porsche.
He supposed that was a good thing. It meant that he was getting better, that he didn’t actually need Porsche, that he could live and function just fine without him.
His father's death had put him in a difficult position. Even though he had been taking care of some of the business for a few years now, being the head of the family was an entirely different job. A week after his father's funeral, Kinn had asked his brothers to join him for a meeting just between the three of them. They talked about hours and hours about how they should proceed with the business.
Kinn wasn't surprised in the slightest when Kim flat out refused to be the head of the family. After all, his younger brother had never really been interested in the business and the work it took for their family to stay on top of both the criminal and business worlds in Bangkok and Kinn didn't expect him to turn his life around after their father was gone.
But Kinn had to acknowledge that Kim had changed. For starters, he visited them every week now, sometimes even twice a week. He made an effort to ask how he and Tankhun were doing, to ask if they needed help with anything, to just seek a genuine connection with his older brothers.
At first, Kinn was surprised when Kim offered to take the job of supervising the team that worked on their security. But then, after one of the now monthly parties they held for their allies, he saw his younger brother drag Big by the collar into an empty supply closet, the bodyguard's entire face flushed brightly red, Kinn finally knew why Kim wanted to be involved with their security and as he looked around and saw that Tankhun had also seen his brother's escape, he offered his brother a shit eating grin, to which Tankhun just rolled his eyes.
They had given their "if you hurt my little brother I will make your life a living hell" speech to Big the next day, secretly enjoying the obvious discomfort the bodyguard had felt. Not even ten minutes had passed since Big had entered Kinn's office and Kim had barged in and dragged the bodyguard out, shooting daggers at his brothers with his eyes.
Tankhun was more involved than Kinn wanted him to be. In the beginning, Kinn had just asked his older brother to take care of the household - both at the compound and the four biggest private homes they owned around Bangkok. Tankhun, surprisingly or maybe not so much, was perfect at the job. Even though some of his plans were a bit too much and he had a tendency to become exasperated often, the staff loved him and made sure to follow his instructions completely. He was enjoying his new role so much that he had decided to give it a go at one of their legit companies, where he thrived even more.
In the beginning Kinn enjoyed seeing his brother finally figure out what he liked to do, but now he was getting more and more worried. The fact that Tankhun now spent so little time in their house when before he flat out refused to leave it, was making Kinn feel uneasy. He knew, of course, that his brother was safe - he had made sure to find the best bodyguards in Bangkok to take care of Tankhun's security, but he was still worried…
"Kinn, I appreciate the thought, but this is getting ridiculous, now…" Tankhun had said one day, finally fed up with his younger brother's antics. "I get that you're worried, I constantly worry about you and Kim as well, but I am finally doing something, something I am good at and you're trying to take that away from me… I finally have a purpose, Kinn, please don't take it away." Tankhun had whispered, his voice sounding so broken, and Kinn had just sighed, fully knowing that he wouldn't stop his brother. He had to agree, there was no option where he denied his brother that - the change in Tankhun was enormous and definitely for the better, and he wasn't about to interfere with that.
So they had moved on. The family, now only one fraction, as Vegas was nowhere to be found and Macau had not come out to claim his right as head of the Minor family, was stronger than ever and Kinn was grateful to everyone that had helped them secure their position. There was one man to whom he owed more, though.
"Why do you have that look on your face?" Pete asked as he walked in the office. He had a folder in his hands which Kinn assumed contained information about all of his upcoming meetings. Kinn looked at the man and offered him a gentle smile, which Pete returned for a moment, before his face turned serious again. "No no, you don't get to charm me with a smile and make me forget all of this." Pete added and shook the papers in his hands. "You're quite busy tomorrow. You start with a meeting with the Russians, you have to memorize all of this otherwise you will not…" Kinn let Pete's voice fade out as he kept looking at the man.
Kinn wouldn’t have made it these past months without Pete and everyone knew it. The young bodyguard seemed very keen on keeping his promise to stay beside him, as in the beginning he literally did not leave Kinn’s side for a moment. It had annoyed Kinn, at the start - in the beginning, right after Porsche had left, he wanted to just drink all day and not do anything. As a matter of fact he did end up doing that for almost three weeks in the beginning.
Kinn knew that what he was doing was not healthy but he did not care. Ever since Porsche had left he had spent his days closed off in his rooms. He’d ignore his brothers coming in to check on him, he’d ignore Pete who kept giving him updates on the way things were going with their businesses. He had turned into someone he didn’t recognize, someone he didn't even like.
He’d go to a different club every night, getting as drunk as he could before he picked off random men and brought them back with him for the night. When it came time for them to leave was when Kinn hated the fact that Pete had decided to stay by his side. The look on Pete’s face every time he pretty much kicked out the one night stands said a million words. One night, after a row of exceptionally unimaginative fucking, Kinn had ordered Pete to stay behind, letting one of his other bodyguards escort the man who’s name he hadn’t bothered remembering out.
Pete had stayed near the door, watching Kinn closely as he drank one, then another glass of whiskey. Kinn, in return, didn't take his eyes off of the bodyguard. They kept looking at one another before Kinn finally spoke up.
“Well, let’s have it then. I know you must have something to say to me.” Pete had lifted an eyebrow at that, but kept quiet. Kinn snorted as he took another swig of his drink. “Come on, you have plenty to say when there are other people around, you have no reason to keep quiet now.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Pete finally spoke up and Kinn threw his glass at him. He didn’t hit him, no, Kinn had managed to move his hand at the last moment, making the glass pass Pete’s head on his left side. The whiskey, however, managed to splash across Pete’s chest, staining his white shirt. Kinn stood there, looking horrified at the man, who still showed no emotions on his face. “Did that make you feel better? Or should the glass have actually hit me for you to feel something?" Pete said and Kinn froze at the tone of his voice. He had never heard the man speak in such a manner - he was so cold, so devoid of emotion that it made Kinn's blood freeze in his veins. Sighing, Pete walked further into the room and dropped on the sofa, keeping his eyes on Kinn. "I don't know what you think I have to say to you, but you asked me to stay here and I am tired, so you'll excuse me for not keeping the usual act." Pete said as he pointed towards his body, currently relaxed on the soft piece of furniture.
The mafia boss stood still before he took a deep breath and approached the sofa, sitting carefully next to the man.
"I… I'm sorry…" he finally whispered and heard Pete sigh deeply. "I…"
"You have to stop. You're destroying yourself, Kinn. This has to stop." Kinn may have been drunk but he didn't miss the fact that this was the first time Pete had addressed him so casually. Normally, if it were any other of his employees he would have seen that as a sign of disrespect, but not from this man. "Your brothers are starting to get worried, even Khun Kim came to talk to me about you."
"I… I hurt all the time, Pete. I just want to feel something else for a change."
"And are you?" Kinn snorted and shook his head. Sighing again, Pete reached for his boss and pulled him closer, making him lie down across the sofa. Kinn felt a bit weird, being this close to the man but he still rested his head in the man's lap. Pete placed his hand on Kinn's forehead and started massaging it lightly. "He's gone, Kinn. They left us. I know that it hurts because you love him, but you have to move on, sooner or later."
"Have you moved on?" Kinn whispered as he looked up at the man. He didn't miss the haunted look that appeared for a moment in Pete's eyes.
"I'm trying to." Pete replied honestly as he kept massaging Kinn's head. "I loved him, I really did, but he left me…" Pete's eyes were still turned to Kinn, but the man knew he didn't see him at the moment. He could see that they were clouded with memories of his cousin and the relationship they had managed to carry out without him even noticing. "I trusted him, Kinn, and he broke me… I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for doing that to me and me realizing that is what's gonna push me through this." Kinn frowned at that and moved his head slightly so Pete could focus back on him.
"You think that I'll forgive Porsche? That I'll just take him back if he appears one day, asking for another chance?"
"Wouldn't you?" Pete questioned and Kinn could see that Pete genuinely believed that that's exactly what he would do. "I've known you for a few years and I have never seen you love someone as much as you love Porsche. I think he's the first person you saw yourself have a future with and I'm worried that you'll let him back because of the dream you had of you and him…" Pete sighed and leaned down, bringing his face closer. "You're a romantic, Kinn, and you genuinely love Porsche. I think you'll let him get back if there is the slightest chance you'll end up together."
Kinn thought about the bodyguard's words for a few moments. He had to admit that Pete was right, to an extent. He was right in that Kinn did love Porsche with everything he had. And maybe that was the problem. He put his trust in Porsche’s love for him, in the idea that the man loved him just as much, that he would stay by his side… In the end it turned out he didn’t know Porsche as much as he thought he did.
“I am a romantic. I do believe in love. I do… did love Porsche with all of me.” Kinn confessed quietly and frowned a little. He was amazed how good it felt when Pete’s thumb gently rubbed at the frown between his eyebrows, as if willing it to make it disappear. “He betrayed me, Pete. He left, with Vegas, of all people.” Kinn felt the way Pete slightly tensed under him but when the man didn’t say anything he didn’t think much of it. “If he comes back and I let him get close to me again, I’d spend the rest of that relationship wondering if he’d do it again. And I… I don’t want to live like that.”
“Then don’t.” Pete whispered in return. “When… If he comes back, don’t let him close… I know you’ll want to, I know that there’s a part of you that will always love him, but you deserve better, you deserve to be happy.” Kinn looked up and met Pete’s eyes. He was so sincere, so open with him that Kinn felt like this was the first time he had truly seen the man before him.
“Do you think we’ll find happiness, Pete?” Kinn asked as he lifted himself up so he could sit beside the younger man. He was turned on his side, his bent knee resting against Pete’s thigh. His arm was resting on the back of the sofa, hand near Pete’s shoulder, so close in fact, he could feel warmth underneath his fingertips. In the few years Pete has been a bodyguard for their family there have been numerous times in which they have found each other much closer than they were now, but this felt different to Kinn. It felt… special, Kinn thought, intimate.
“I hope so,” Pete said quietly and offered him a small smile, just a turn of the corners of his mouth. Kinn noted that it was enough to make him feel better, though.
“... And you’re not even listening to me, are you?” Kinn was brought back into the present by Pete’s sharp tone. Shaking himself slightly, Kinn focused again on the man that has now stood on his right side, hip resting against his desk.
Pete was wearing his usual suit but he had discarded his jacket some time ago. His white shirt had quite a few wrinkles, evidence of the day’s work. Pete had his arms crossed, which brought to Kinn’s attention the fact that he had his sleeves rolled, revealing his forearms. The position of his arms had also drawn attention to the fact that Pete had unbuttoned some of the buttons of his shirt, revealing inches of tempting flesh. Tempting?
“And you’re still not focusing. What’s wrong, are you feeling unwell?” Pete asked, concern now clear in his voice. He moved even closer and let the back of his right hand rest against Kinn’s forehead. “You feel a bit warmer than usual, but I suspect that’s a result of the day’s work rather than a cold.” He determined finally, frown still present on his face. “What’s going on, Kinn? Is everything alright?”
“You don’t need to worry, I was just lost in my thoughts.” Kinn reassured him finally and he saw Pete visibly relax at his words. He relaxed in his chair, head falling backwards but eyes still on the younger man. Pete stayed in his place at his side, his hands now relaxed on the desk. Kinn’s knee was so close to one of Pete’s legs, almost touching it. “I’m sorry… about all this.” Kinn said finally as he pointed his chin towards the papers at the desk. Sighing, Pete shook his head and grabbed a single sheet of paper.
"I know it's too much right now but things should get calmer soon. You’ve managed to get through so much these last few months, almost all of your associates can see that you’re a much better business partner than your father. It’s just that these groups you’re meeting tomorrow are a bit harder to work with.” Pete handed the paper to Kinn with a tired smile. “I know that this is too much information, but I just want you to be prepared. I don’t want anyone to catch you lacking and put you in danger.”
“I know, Pete, I know,” Kinn whispered and let his fingers slide across Pete’s wrist as he took the papers.
They’ve been doing this for a while now. Every now and then their eyes would meet and for a moment it felt like it was just the two of them, even when they were surrounded by people. Pete will always look away first, a slight blush on his cheeks, which in turn made Kinn’s heartbeat a little faster. Lately, when it was just the two of them, Pete acted differently with him. He was more relaxed, more open, more sincere. And he kept touching Kinn, just some small things - he’d fix Kinn’s tie, or he’d give Kinn’s shoulder a playful push when Kinn made a stupid joke, or he’d squeeze his finger’s around Kinn’s when he felt there was need for some reassurance. Kinn had to admit that it always worked.
They hadn’t done anything more than that, and never in front of anyone else, but it was clear to everyone who paid attention to the two men that things have changed between them. Kinn noticed the looks Tankhun and Kim both threw in his direction whenever someone mentioned Pete in front of him. Kim hadn’t said anything to him, but Tankhun had confronted him a month ago.
“I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me.” His older brother had said as soon as he had walked into Kinn’s bedroom late in the night. Kinn noted that Tankhun looked exhausted, but his eyes held a steel determination that he’d get out whatever he needed from his brother. “What is it exactly that you are doing with Pete? No no, don’t deny it.” Tankhun kept talking when he saw Kinn opening his mouth to reply. “I’m not blind, Kinn. I can see the way you look at him, the way you breathe a little easier when he’s near you, the way your eyes follow him whenever he leaves the room. Kim can see it, Big can see it, everyone who knows you can see it.”
Kinn kept quiet for a few minutes, reflecting on his brother’s words before he finally spoke up.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me that you’re not gonna use him to get over Porsche. Tell me that you actually, genuinely feel something for him and you’re not gonna use Pete as some sort of replacement for the man that nearly broke you. Tell me you’re not gonna do that to him.”
“I… I don’t know what I feel for him, but I can promise you, Tankhun, I don’t see Pete as a substitute for Porsche.”
Tankhun sighed deeply as he looked at his brother, then turned around and moved to the door.
“Don’t hurt him, Kinn.” He said as he reached the door. “Their betrayal nearly broke him, too. He deserves to be loved, he deserves to be happy. Whatever you do, just don’t hurt him.” With that Tankhun had left the room, leaving his younger brother to think about what they just spoke about.
“You still can’t focus,” Pete murmured and pulled out the paper out of his hand. “Just go to bed, Kinn. I’ll make sure to brief you before each meeting tomorrow.” Pete faced the desk and started organizing the papers on it, his back towards the older man. Kinn got up and stood behind Pete, putting his hands on the desk, surrounding him. He didn’t touch him, he made sure there was space between them, but he was close, so close. “Um, Kinn, what…” Pete stuttered as he turned around, facing his boss again.
“Have dinner with me tomorrow.” Kinn said quietly and saw Pete frown in confusion.
“Okay? I mean, weren’t we gonna eat together anyways?” Kinn knew why Pete was confused. It had become something of a tradition for all the three sons to have dinner with the closest of their bodyguards each week. It was a way for Kinn to actually show his appreciation to the men that worked for him, that kept their family safe, and it was a nice way of actually getting to know the people he worked with every day. It worked, whenever they had to go to dangerous deals and meetings with people who were ready to do whatever, everyone worked seamlessly. But this is not what Kinn had in mind.
“No, Pete. Not here, not the usual thing we do. Just you and me, some place nice.” Kinn could see the thoughts running wild behind Pete’s eyes. He moved even closer and was delighted to hear Pete catch his breath. “That’s not an order, by the way.” He murmured and moved his head closer, close enough he could feel Pete’s breath on his face. “I realize that you are in a difficult position, as I am technically your boss but I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this.”
“Then why?” Pete finally spoke up and Kinn noticed that his voice was shaking a bit. He reached for one of Pete’s hands and lifted it slowly, intertwining their fingers. The two of them there, in Kinn’s office, so close to one another… it just felt right.
“Tell me you’re feeling this, too. Tell me I am not imagining things.” Kinn whispered, begged really. Because he knew Pete also felt this. “The two of us, we’ve been through so much together… I realize that there will always be a part of us that will hurt because of what they did to us. But…”
“But it doesn’t feel like it would hurt if it’s the two of us.” Pete whispered and Kinn felt his entire body warm up at his words. Pete squeezed his fingers and brought their hands up, resting them against Kinn’s chest. “I… I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t thought about this, especially the last few weeks, but…” Pete looked like he struggled to put his thoughts into words. Kinn lifted his other hand and cupped Pete’s face, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone.
“But you think that subconsciously we’ll be doing this as sort of a revenge? Because they left together, why shouldn’t we get together after all?” Kinn finished and saw Pete release a deep breath, nodding his head. “Yeah, that’s what I thought in the beginning, but… I don’t know, Pete… Every time I’ve thought about this it has nothing to do with either Porsche or Vegas. It’s just… you. And how good you are. And how good I feel with you. And how good we could be. It’s about you and me and no one else.” Pete hummed at that pushed his head into Kinn’s hand, rubbing his cheek on it.
“Have you thought about us a lot, then?” He finally asked and Kinn could see that there was hope in his eyes.
“More than I’d like to admit.”
They kept looking at each other for a few long moments before Pete turned his head around and kissed Kinn’s palm.
“Okay. I will have dinner with you tomorrow.”
**********
Kinn should feel exhausted by now. He had been in back to back meetings the whole day, each more aggravating than the other. Yet, here he was, about to leave his office so full of energy he was about to bust out of his suit.
In just a few hours he’d be having dinner with Pete. He was excited, actually excited about it. After their talk last night Kinn’s dreams were full of a dimpled smile and a sweet voice. He had woken up that morning the happiest he’d been in a long time.
Kinn was putting away some papers when the object of his dreams walked into the room. Pete was dressed in his usual suit but even in that he made Kinn's heart beat a bit faster. Kinn smiled widely at him but faltered for a moment when he noticed the expression on Pete's face.
“What’s wrong?” He asked quickly as he walked around his desk. He took Pete’s face with his hands and kissed one of his cheeks, delighted by the fact that Pete still blushed by the gesture, despite his worry.
“Don’t get mad,” Pete said quickly and Kinn frowned, but kept quiet. “There’s… someone here that wants to meet you.”
“... I thought I was done for the day, there’s no one else listed on the calendar.” Kinn said and even he had to admit that his voice sounded a bit whiny. Pete smiled slightly and shook his head.
“This… wasn’t planned.” Kinn just sighed and lifted his eyebrows, waiting for Pete to finally spill it out. “It’s Macau and Porchay. They want to talk to both of us.”
Kinn froze in his spot when he heard his younger cousin’s name. He hadn’t seen the young man since even before Porsche ran off with Vegas. Macau wasn’t one to get involved in the family business often, in fact, Kinn could count the times his younger cousin had been involved on the fingers of one of his hands. His Uncle had pretty much left him out and as far as Kinn knew, Macau wasn’t even living in the Minor family mansion since he started university three years ago.
When the fallout between the families happened, Kinn had had a lengthy discussion with his brothers about their younger cousin. All three of them had agreed that it wasn’t fair to exclude Macau because of Vegas’s actions. They had tried to get in touch with the young man, Kinn personally had made numerous attempts without success. In the end Kim was the one that had tracked Macau down and managed to meet with him.
“He says that while he appreciates the thought he doesn’t want to burden us further.”
“How can he be a burden, he’s part of the family!” Tankhun had exclaimed once Kim relayed Macau’s words to them. Kim sighed and shook his head.
“I tried to explain to both him and Porchay that we will not hold any grudges and will help them but… They said that they feel guilty because of what their brothers did. Porchay said he’d feel like he’ll only make things worse for you, Kinn, and Macau agrees with him.” Kim looked at Kinn and offered him a sad smile. “Macau said that they will stay away from us, that they won’t get in our way…”
Kinn was ashamed to admit that back then, for a moment, he seemed to agree with what Macau and Porchay had said. He knew, of course, that he couldn’t hold them responsible for what Vegas and Porshce had done, but a tiny part of him felt like seeing the two of them would only bring him more pain.
Kim kept meeting with them pretty regularly, at least once a month. Kinn suspected that in the beginning that was a way for him to atone for what he did to Porchay. If he had to judge by his brother’s behavior the first few meetings had not gone too well. Kim was moody and snapped easily after he’d come back from meeting Macau and Porchay and he’d refuse to tell him or Tankhun what exactly had transpired.
But that changed after two months. Kinn still remembered the first time Kim had come to the Main family compound, telling him that Macau and Porchay send their regards and hopes that they are well. After each visit Kim would give them small updates about the two young men. “Porchay is getting better at writing music. Macau is on top of his class, he expects to ace his exams. They seem to enjoy living together, their apartment is very… cute. ”
Kinn had very much appreciated these little updates and the fact that their cousin hadn't completely shut them out.
“Okay,” Kinn said finally and moved back, walking towards his desk. “Let’s hear what they have to say.” Pete nodded and walked out of the office, returning after a minute, followed by the two younger men.
They looked so scared to face Kinn, which honestly broke his heart. While he didn’t really know Porchay, he never wanted to scare the young man to the point where he struggled to meet his eyes. Porsche’s brother was holding Macau’s hand tightly, standing slightly behind Macau. Kinn’s cousin made sure to act like he wasn’t scared, puffing his chest slightly and standing up straight, but his eyes betrayed what he was really feeling. Kinn, sitting on his desk, offered them what he hoped they would perceive as a friendly smile.
“Macau, Porchay. I’m glad to see you,” He finally said and pointed at the chairs that were in front of them. The two younger men looked at each other for a moment before they sat down, still holding hands. Kinn signaled for Pete to come closer to him and the bodyguard followed, leaning on the desk right next to Kinn. “How have you been?”
“Um… Good, we’ve been good.” Macau finally spoke out and looked at his cousin. “And you?”
“Also good.” Kinn replied and relaxed even more, sliding one of his hands behind Pete’s back, his fingers almost touching Pete’s wrist. Looking at the boys, Kinn noticed how while Porchay struggled to meet his eyes, Macau was equally struggling to meet Pete’s. “So… What can we do for you?” He finally asked when the silence became unbearable.
“Um…” Porchay murmured and Kinn noticed how Macau squeezed his hand harder. His cousin turned towards the boy on his side and whispered something in his ear. Porchay nodded and finally met Kinn’s eyes. “Khun Kinn,” he started and Kinn honestly felt bad for the kid. His voice was shaking and he looked like he was about to start crying. “Khun Kinn... I cannot talk on behalf of my brother as I don't truly understand what happened between the two of you. All I can really do is say that I’m sorry for what he did, I really am, but I don’t know what good that will do.”
“I appreciate the thought, Porchay. Thank you,” Kinn said sincerely and smiled at the boy, pleased to see his shoulders relax slightly. Porchay returned his smile and for a moment he was reminded of Porsche - of the times when he was probably still in love with Kinn, Porsche would smile brightly at him, and it was like the sun shining down on him. There was a time he could kill to see that smile again but not now. Not after everything that had passed.
“I… I also can’t speak on Vegas’s behalf and I will not offer an apology.” Macau spoke up as he looked at his cousin. “I believe that everyone is responsible for their actions. I don’t know why Vegas did what he did.” He continued and lowered his head, as if trying to hide himself, staying quiet for a few heavy moments before speaking up again.. "I know that what Vegas did hurt you, Pete, and that you will probably never forgive him. I understand that, and I accept that, but..." He struggled as tears began streaming down his cheeks, lifting his eyes to finally meet Pete's gaze. "You were the first person besides Vegas to care for me, to genuinely care for me, and he left and now he’s gone, and you're gone and it hurts, Pete, because I didn't do anything wrong." The words poured out of Macau’s mouth, just as the tears were pouring down his cheeks. He was shaking silently and Porchay had an arm wrapped around his shoulders, whispering something in an empty effort to calm him down. “I… I don’t… I can’t…” He struggled to continue, choking as he tried to get the words out, and that sprung Pete into action.
The bodyguard jumped out and knelt in front of the young man. Kinn watched in fascination as Pete lifted a shaking hand to brush off the tears off of Macau’s cheeks.
“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay, Macau, don’t cry…” He heard Pete whisper and watched him as he pulled his cousin into a hug. Macau didn’t even struggle, he just buried his head in Pete’s shoulder and let himself cry out the pain he must’ve been feeling these last few months.
If he had to be honest he was surprised a bit by Macau’s words. Whenever Pete had talked with him about his and Vegas’s relationship, he had barely mentioned his younger cousin. That had made Kinn believe that they were probably never around each other and weren’t close. By the way Macau was clinging to Pete, arms wrapped tightly around the bodyguard, it was clear that Kinn had been wrong in his conclusions.
The pair stayed like this for a few minutes until Macau’s cries died down. When the young man was finally breathing normally again, Pete pulled back and cradled his face in his hands.
“I’m sorry, Macau. I have to admit, in the beginning it was very hard to think about your brother and everything that happened between us. In order to get over the pain he caused I decided to focus on my work and on helping Kinn. I knew that if I came to see you I’ll remember what we had and I’ll get hurt again… It was selfish, I admit that, but I wasn’t strong enough to face you… And after Kim went to see you and he mentioned that you two wanted to keep your distance from us, I felt like I should stay away.” Pete explained quietly and took Macau’s hands in his own. “If I had known that my staying away would cause you so much pain I would have come to see you months ago.”
“I… I understand that. It’s just that… I thought you might hate me and you wouldn’t want to see me again…”
“I’m sorry” Pete whispered and pulled him for another hug. Kinn sighed and moved away from the desk, approaching them slowly. He kneeled next to Pete and looked at Porchay, who once again had tears in his eyes.
“Our relationship is not like these two, but I assume you chose to stay away for the same reason." Porchay blushed and nodded slightly, which made Kinn smirk. "Well, as much as I value your feelings I'd like to point out that this is stupid." Everyone looked at him now, Pete even slapped his shoulder lightly. "Macau, I understand your worries but it's very clear that Pete loves you very much. You said it yourself - you're not responsible for what other people do. Even if you came sooner and Pete was reminded of what Vegas did and got hurt again, that still wouldn't have been your fault. You did nothing wrong, neither of you did."
"It felt like I had lost everything." Macau whispered, trying needlessly to justify his reasoning, which made Kinn sigh deeply and nod. Macau then looked at Porchay and the corners of his mouth turned up a bit. "Well, almost everything."
"How did this happen?" Pete asked suddenly and now both Macau and Porchay blushed deeply. Kinn smiled widely at the younger man. He was pleased to see that his cousin had someone he so obviously loved and who loved him back.
"It's… kind of a long story…" Macau said finally.
"Would you like to share with us over dinner?" Kinn asked and carefully avoided Pete's questioning look.
"Oh, we wouldn't want to intrude." Porchay answered, looking worried they might overstep their welcome. "Surely you have plans made already."
"I do, but as much as I was looking forward to them, this is also very important. You're family, Macau - mine by blood, Pete's by choice. I'm sure that the person I had plans with will understand the last minute change." Now Kinn met Pete's eyes and saw pure amusement in them. "What would you prefer, if it's just us four, or would you like us to go to the house? If we go to the house Tankhun and Kim will be there as well, I'm sure that they'd like to see you too. Especially Tankhun, he has been hoping you'd come around eventually." Kinn addressed that last part at Macau, who smiled at him.
"The house then." Porchay finally said and they all stood up.
"Great."
**********
Dinner went better than anyone could have expected.
When Kinn texted the group chat (yes, they had a group chat for the dinners) and asked them all to be at the Main family compound for dinner, he received a few suspicious texts in reply, particularly by Tankhun. He’d just said that he had a surprise for them.
When they finally got to the house and walked in the dining room it was already full, everyone waiting for their arrival. He and Pete walked in first and Tankhun immediately stood up.
“What’s going on, Kinn, we aren’t due for another one of these for another two weeks. I had other plans, you know, you can’t just…” He trailed off when he saw who walked in following Pete. The whole room fell silent as they watched Macau and Porchay shuffle in, clearly very anxious to finally stand in front of them. For a moment Kinn thought that he might have made a mistake bringing the boys here, it was obvious that they felt very uncomfortable as no one said anything at first, but then Tankhun let out a piercing scream and ran towards them. “Oh my god, you’ve finally come here!” He exclaimed as he pulled a very surprised Macau in a tight hug. Macau, clearly stunned by the unexpected show of affection, just stood frozen in his place, his eyes shifting nervously between Kinn and Pete. “What took you so long?” Tankhun whined as he moved back, his hands firmly on Macau’s shoulders. “Are you okay?” He finally asked and Macau smiled at him, starting to relax.
“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. And you?” Tankhun smiled widely and dragged Macau away to where he was sitting, making him sit next to him, starting to talk about how his day had gone. Macau looked at Porchay and it was like he was begging with his eyes for the boy to follow him. Porchay chuckled and also moved further in the room, not before he stopped in front of Kim and Big, greeting them politely. Kinn smiled when he saw Kim and Porchay talk easily with one another. He tapped Pete’s lower back lightly and moved towards his seat, the bodyguard following him closely, taking the seat between his and Tankhun’s.
When they were done with their food and the staff had cleared out their dishes, they poured themselves some drinks and the evening continued as it usually did. People participated in easy, casual conversations, sharing funny stories or discussing their latest interests. Macau, now looking completely relaxed, was talking to Arm about something… computer related. Kinn had tried to follow their conversation but he gave up, since it sounded like they were speaking in an alien language. Instead, he focused on Kim and Porchay as they talked about music. It felt good to see his usually reserved younger brother talk so passionately about something he loved. Kinn also noticed the way Big was looking at Kim with an easy smile on his face, completely enamored with him.
Kinn was just reaching for his glass when he felt something on his thigh. Pete, who was now locked in a heated discussion with Tankhun about some k-drama, had rested his right hand on Kinn’s thigh, fingers digging lightly into it. The touch wasn’t sexual in nature, just a quiet reassurance that he was still here, still with him. Kinn smiled into his glass as he took a sip of his whiskey and sneaked his left hand under the table. He took hold of the bodyguard’s hand, locking their fingers together. Sneaking a glance to his left he could see that there was a slight blush on Pete’s cheeks and he smirked to himself.
After a while the conversations naturally died off and the group sat in a comfortable silence. As he looked around at everyone Kinn caught Macau's gaze and he smiled at his cousin.
"Macau, I've been meaning to ask - as you know there is no longer a Minor family, as since it was only us three we didn't see a point in keeping the businesses separated." Kinn could see that Macau had tensed a bit at his words, but he didn't look upset. "Even though we didn't grow up together, due to our fathers' pointless rivalry, you are still a part of this family and you're entitled to have a place at the top of the organization. Now, I have an inkling as to what your answer might be, but I still need to ask - do you wish to be involved in this?"
Macau looked at Porchay and it was like the two of them had an entire conversation just with their eyes. After a few moments Porchay gave Macau a slight nod and rested his head against his shoulder, making Macau smile at the gesture. He leaned down and kissed his forehead before he looked back at his cousin.
"I really appreciate the sentiment. There was a moment a while back, after everything happened, when I thought that I had lost my family. And while… he is gone, I am happy to see that I still have you. All of you." Macau looked not only at the three brothers, but also at Pete, and Big and the rest of the men around the table. "Porchay and I have talked a lot about what we want and how we'd like our lives to go on. We want to make it on our own."
"We realize that it will not be easy," Porchay spoke up, his head still resting on Macau's shoulder, "but we want to prove to ourselves that we can do this, just the two of us, without anyone's help."
"I don't see how it can be considered help if it is yours by birthright." Tankhun said after a few moments of silence. "The world that we live in is a harsh one, you will struggle a lot."
"Yeah, we're aware, but… Okay, it was no secret to anyone here that my father was a colossal asshole. He always said to me that I'd never be able to accomplish anything no matter how hard I tried. And I know that he's gone now, and it's useless to do this, but I still want to prove him wrong. I still want the world to know that if I accomplish any success it was through my efforts and not because of my name." Macau explained, his voice steady and full of determination. Kinn had to admit that he wasn't surprised by Macau's reasoning, but he was surprised by the certainty he heard in his cousin's voice. Tankhun was right, they would struggle, with both of them being still in school (even if Macau was due to graduate later in the year) but he could see that this is what the two young men really wanted. Plus, this confirmed Kim's suspicion of the reasoning behind their previous declines for a meeting.
"You don't have anything to prove, Macau, but if this is what you have decided to do, then we will support you." Pete said and squeezed Kinn's fingers under the table. "But you have to promise that if things become very hard you have to tell us. There's no shame in asking for help, everyone needs help every once in a while." Macau had tears welling up in his eyes as he looked at the man. It was so obvious how much he valued Pete's opinion, how much his support meant for him, and how much he loved the man.
"I promise," Macau whispered and Tankhun slapped him playfully on the shoulder before he ruffled his hair.
"And I promise to let you know if he's being extremely stubborn." Porchay added as he finally lifted his head. He chuckled at Macau's pout and poked one of his cheeks with his index finger. "Come on, babe, you know how you can get." Macau scoffed at that and turned his head away from Porchay, acting very offended by his boyfriend's words. Unfortunately for him, that meant that he was now looking at Tankhun's wide grin.
"Oh ho, little Porchay's got you wrapped around his finger, doesn't he?" He teased and wiggled his eyebrows, causing Macau to blush very hard. The whole table exploded with laughter - it was very clear how whipped Macau was for his boyfriend. "I like it, though. You make each other happy and in the world that we live in we must grab whatever happiness we can get." Some people nodded in agreement. Kinn hummed and tugged Pete's hand lightly. The younger man turned his head to look at him and Kinn felt himself get lost in his eyes. It was just a moment, not longer than a few seconds, and yet it felt like eternity. Kinn felt Pete squeeze his fingers again, and he squeezed back in return. The bodyguard smiled widely at Kinn, dimples on full display, before he turned around and looked at Macau, engaging the young man in conversation.
Clearing his throat, Kinn reached for his glass again. As he was about to take a sip his eyes met that of his younger brother, then his older one. Kim and Tankhun both had these knowing looks on their faces and Kinn felt his cheeks getting hotter.
**********
Kinn was just about to switch off the lights and try to get some sleep when he heard a quiet knock on his door. Sighing deeply, he moved slowly towards the door, thinking about how much he didn’t want to deal with anything else today. All of the meetings, Macau and Porchay showing up, the dinner… It was a long day and he just wanted to rest.
He opened the door slowly and was fully ready to go off on whoever had decided to disturb him so late in the night but was surprised by who he found lingering in front of his door.
“Hey,” Pete whispered and smiled nervously at him. He was wearing dark fitted jeans and a white shirt, which had a few buttons undone. Kinn could smell the faint scent of Pete’s body wash and he saw that the tips of his hair were damp.
"Pete," Kinn sighed and immediately relaxed. Simply looking at the man was enough to calm him down, enough to make him forget how tired he was.
"Um… I was wondering if you wanted to… just talk?" Pete stuttered out and Kinn was delighted to see a deep blush forming on his cheeks. "I mean, it was supposed to be just the two of us tonight and I thought that you might want to… I don't know, spend some time together?"
"Of course I do, Pete. Come in," Kinn reached out and pulled him into his room, closing the door behind him, making sure to lock it as well. Pete had went to him, wanting to be just the two of them, and he wasn't about to have that ruined by someone disturbing them.
Pete had locked their fingers together as he led them to the big sofa. He sat sideways on it, curling his feet under him, still holding Kinn's hand. Kinn sat across from Pete, close enough so his bended knee was touching one of Pete’s thighs.
"I wanted to thank you for inviting the boys to dinner. I… Stupidly enough, I didn’t think that Macau would miss me as much as he had…” Pete said quietly and Kinn could see how much it bothered the other man that he had inadvertently hurt his younger cousin. “The look in his eyes… He looked so hurt, Kinn, and it was my…”
“No,” Kinn interrupted and moved even closer. He took hold of Pete’s neck with his free hand and made sure the younger man was looking him in the eyes before he spoke again. “That was not your fault. You needed time to heal and it’s sad that Macau ended up being hurt in the meanwhile, but that still doesn’t mean it’s your fault.” There was a tear sliding down Pete’s cheek and Kinn wiped it off with his thumb. Pete leaned into his touch, closing his eyes as he rubbed his cheek on Kinn’s palm. Kinn couldn’t help but smile at the gesture - it was just so cute. “Please don’t blame yourself, Pete. Please.” He whispered and Pete sighed deeply, opening his eyes again.
“Do you think they realize just how many people they’ve hurt?” He finally asked, his tone carefully neutral. Kinn thought that this was inevitable - while no one in their family blamed Macau and Porchay for what they brothers had done, it was only natural that their unexpected visit would bring back memories of the two men. But Kinn noted something very strange earlier that night. He had looked at Porchay as the young man was laughing at something Macau had said and for a brief moment it was like Kinn was looking at his ex lover. There was something in Porchay’s smile that was so reminiscent of his older brother, and Kinn expected to feel that familiar stab in his chest as he acknowledged the similarities. Yet the pain never came. He was sitting there, surrounded by his friends and family, his thumb rubbing over Pete’s knuckles and he wasn’t hurting. He had felt sad, just for a second, but he wasn’t hurting.
“Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. It doesn’t really matter. We, the ones they left behind, will get through this.” Kinn finally said and moved back, putting some distance between them. Kinn looked at the man in front of him, then at his bed. “I… I’m tired and I would like to lie down. Would you like to join me?” He asked and was delighted to see Pete’s cheeks flush even deeper. “Just to lie down, Pete, I promise.” He whispered after a few seconds had passed without either of them saying anything else.
After a few more moments, Pete nodded and stood up, hands undoing his belt, letting his jeans fall down at his feet. Kinn felt the blood rush towards his lower region as his eyes traveled up and down Pete’s milky thighs. Pete bent down and picked his pants, folding them quickly before he threw them on the sofa, and then he did the same with his shirt, leaving him only in his underwear. He then turned towards the bed and took a few steps before he looked at Kinn over his shoulder. Kinn, as if pulled out from a trance, jumped off of the sofa and followed quickly.
They got under the covers and lied on their sides, facing each other. Carefully, as if he was afraid he’d be punished, Pete reached over and let one of his hands rest on Kinn’s waist. Kinn, in turn, traced the lines of Pete’s face with the tips of his fingers - first his eyebrows, then his cheekbones, then his nose and, finally, his lips.
“You’re beautiful,” Kinn whispered and felt Pete’s shaky breath underneath his fingers.
“I’m not,” He denied quietly and squeezed Kinn’s side lightly. “Not really.”
“You are to me,” Kinn insisted and before he could say anything else Pete closed the gap between them, capturing Kinn’s lips in a soft kiss. Kinn hummed in surprise and snuck his tongue between Pete’s lips before the other man could back away. They didn’t rush through the kiss - instead, they took their time getting used to one another, hands roaming over the other's body, learning every curve, every scar. When they finally parted for air it seemed like neither wanted to get too far away - Kinn, with his fingers buried in Pete’s hair, moaned loudly when Pete licked the sensitive skin under Kinn’s left ear. “Pete…” Kinn whined when the other man took the fleshy part of his ear between his teeth and bit it lightly. “Pete… I.. This wasn’t what I had in mind…”
“I know,” Pete stated as he moved back and straddled Kinn, smirking at the feeling of Kinn’s growing erection between his ass cheeks. He moved his hips a bit, then moved them back, reveling in Kinn’s low moan. “I can stop, if you want me to,” He said quietly as he reached for Kinn’s hands, placing them on his thighs. He kept moving his hips as he leaned down and kissed Kinn again. “Should I stop?” He whispered once they parted again, resting his forehead against Kinn’s. They were both hard now, feeling strained by their underwear.
“If you don’t I wont be able to restrain myself much longer.” Kinn confessed and squeezed Pete’s thighs harshly as Pete let his nails graze over one of his nipples.
“And who says you have to restrain yourself?” Pete whispered and that was it, that was what finally broke Kinn. Flipping them over, Kinn took hold of Pete’s wrists, pinning them above his head as he kissed him hungrily.
"God, you taste divine." Kinn moaned out as they parted once again. "It's crazy how good, how right this feels." He whispered and bit lightly at Pete's throat, chuckling at the noise that Pete made.
He then placed kisses all over Pete’s chest before he focused on one of his nipples. Smirking, Kinn gently sucked in the tiny bud between his lips, biting it lightly. Pete shook underneath him and Kinn decided it was only appropriate to give the same attention to the other one as well. He spent another few minutes focusing on the man’s chest until Pete had his finger tangled in Kinn’s hair, pulling it slightly. Chuckling, Kinn lifted his eyes so he could look at Pete. Without saying a word, he stuck his tongue out and dragged it lower and lower until he reached his belly button. Keeping his eyes on Pete’s, he slowly circled it with his tongue before he surprised Pete with a bite to his lower stomach.
“Ah,” Pete moaned out and his hips moved on his own, causing his still covered cock to rub against Kinn’s chest.
“You’re so sensitive, so responsive…” Kinn murmured and he kept biting the soft skin underneath him as he snuck his thumbs under the edge of Pete’s underwear. “Such a good boy for me…” Kinn had his suspicions confirmed when he heard the hitch in Pete’s breath at his words. He slowly pulled the boxer briefs down and Pete’s hard cock sprung out free. Licking his lips, Kinn caught Pete’s eyes again, his breath ghosting over the sensitive skin of Pete’s member. “Do you want my mouth, baby?” He said quietly as he licked Pete’s cock from base to tip, relishing in the long whine Pete let out.
“Please, please, Kinn, yes,” Pete mumbled out and Kinn chuckled before he wrapped his lips around Pete’s head, sucking it in. Kinn ran his tongue over Pete’s slit before he lowered his head down, taking Pete’s entire length on his mouth. “Oh, god,” The younger man moaned out and his eyes rolled back. Kinn hummed and it made Pete shake once again, his hips jumping up once again, shoving his cock deeper in Kinn’s mouth. “Oh my god, I-I didn’t… Are… Are you okay?” Kinn chuckled as he wiped his mouth.
“I’m okay, baby.” He reassured Pete and his hips with his hands before he started placing kisses all over them, biting the soft skin lightly every now and then.
“You really have a thing for bites, don’t you?” Pete murmured and pulled lightly at Kinn’s hair, making him meet his eyes again.
“Do you object?”
“... No.”
“Exactly.”
With that Kinn once again started sucking Pete's cock, this time meaning business. Bobbing his head up and down he enjoyed listening to Pete's whimpers. When it sounded like he was getting close, however, Kinn released the cock out of his mouth with a quiet pop and moved away, letting out a laugh at the desperation on Pete's face.
"Relax, baby, you'll get to come, you just need to be patient,” He murmured started making his way up, placing kisses at the dips of his hips, then on his lower stomach, then on Pete's chest before he reached his mouth. “If I kiss you now, you’ll be able to taste yourself on my tongue. Would you like that, baby? Would you like how…” He didn't get to finish his sentence as Pete grabbed him by the neck, shoving his tongue in Kinn’s mouth.
“God, I need you,” Pete said as they parted for air. He wrapped the fingers of one of his hands around Kinn’s throat, squeezing lightly, just for a moment, as if to test out Kinn’s reaction. Kinn groaned loudly and rolled his hips against Pete’s. Smirking, Pete then lowered his hand, nails scratching over one of Kinn’s nipples as they traveled further south, finally reaching the elastic band of Kinn’s underwear. “Fuck,” He whispered as his fingers wrapped around Kinn’s cock, dragging out a loud moan out of him. He made a fist and Kinn just started thrusting into it as he claimed Pete’s mouth again with his own. “Kinn, I need you,” Pete moaned when they parted.
“God, just keep saying my name, baby,” Kinn murmured as he reached over at the nightstand. He pulled out a small bottle of lube and looked for something else, grunting when he couldn’t find it. “Fuck…” He cursed quietly as he pulled back, a disappointed look on his face. Pete lifted himself on his elbows and looked at him, startled by the sudden distance between them.
“What’s wrong?” He asked quietly, as if he was afraid to hear Kinn’s answer.
“I can’t believe this…” Kinn murmured and let his head fall on Pete’s shoulder. “I… I don’t have any condoms…”
“Is that all?” Pete chuckled, relief clear in his voice. He buried one of his hands in Kinn’s hair, tugging it lightly. “For a moment I thought that you changed your mind about this… about me.” That made Kinn jump up and look at Pete’s eyes. Pete held his gaze but Kinn could see the lingering fear of rejection in them. “I know I’m not like him. I know that he is handsome, and charismatic, and… I don’t know, I just thought that maybe you were starting to regret this.”
“I can never regret you, Pete,” Kinn said earnestly and let his forehead rest against Pete’s. “I know that it hasn’t been long, for either of us, but I need you to understand that I am serious about this, Pete. You are one of the few people in this world that I completely trust, and the feelings I have for you… They didn’t appear out of nowhere. This has been building up for a long time and I believe that we would have ended up here even if I had never met Porsche.” Pete now had tears in his eyes and Kinn sighed quietly as he leaned down, placing a gentle kiss right under his left eye. “I don’t need you to be him, Pete. I don’t want you to be him. I want you,” he whispered finally, hoping that Pete would see that he was genuine with his words, with his feelings. Pete was crying now, but he smiled widely as he wrapped his arms around Kinn’s neck, pulling him for a kiss. “Pete…” Kinn whined as he thrust his hips against Pete’s again. “Pete, the condoms…”
“We don’t need them,” Pete whispered and he took Kinn’s face in his hands, gently tracing his lips with his thumb. “We’ve had our check ups a few weeks back - I’m clean and I haven’t been with anyone else. I know you’re clean, too” Kinn had sucked in Pete’s thumb and bit it lightly. “Fuck me, Kinn. Make me yours.”
That was all that Kinn really needed. With one last passionate kiss, he moved back finally took off his underwear, kicking it to the other side of the room. He then took his place between Pete’s legs, opening the bottle of lube, smearing a generous amount of it over his fingers. Leaning down, he kissed Pete’s nose as one of his fingers circled his rim. After another teasing moment he pushed it in slowly, letting Pete get used to it.
“That’s it. Open up for me, sweetheart.” He whispered when he saw Pete tense up, before relaxing again. Once his finger was fully in he pulled it away only to push back in. He repeated the motion a few more times before he pushed a second finger, and then a third. Every now and then he’d let his fingers brush against the spot that made Pete’s legs shake. “You’re such a good boy for me, taking my fingers so well… Such a beautiful baby boy.” He continued whispering as he stretched Pete out. When he felt like he was ready, he pulled his fingers slowly and chuckled at the whining sound that Pete made, now that he was empty again. “I know, sweetheart, I know. Just a moment,” He reassured him as he made a fist around his cock and gave it a few hard pumps - he’d been pretty much hard the moment he felt Pete’s lips on his own anyways. Getting on his knees he lifted one of Pete’s legs over his shoulder, placing a sweet kiss on the soft skin. “Are you ready for me, baby?” He asked as he aligned the head of his cock with Pete’s entrance.
“Yes. Please, Kinn, please…” Pete didn’t get to finish his sentence because Kinn finally pushed in in one big thrust. "Ngh…" The noise that came out of Pete’s mouth was almost enough to make Kinn cum right there. Kinn watched in astonishment as Pete’s eyes rolled back before he pushed his head back into the bed, baring his neck. Well, now it was like he was inviting him to take a bite - which is exactly what he did. “Mmmm, Kinn, please move, please, please…”
“You sound so good when you beg, baby.” Kinn whispered and claimed Pete’s mouth in another searing kiss, swallowing his moans as he pulled back and pushed in again. He had decided that they would take their time tonight. There’ll be more than enough opportunities for them to go fast in the future but not tonight - no, tonight he wanted to drag this out as much as he could. “Do you like that, sweetheart? Do you like how it feels when you’re full of me?”
“Yeah,” Pete whispered and let his hands travel down Kinn’s back. “You’re so big, I thought you might not fit,” he confessed quietly and Kinn chuckled between his thrusts.
“Nonsense. You fit me perfectly, baby. We are perfect together.”
“Yeah” Pete agreed and smiled widely at Kinn.
They did take their time that night. By the time Pete reached his orgasm he was feeling like he was losing his mind. And when a few minutes later Kinn had followed, they felt like they were in heaven.
They didn’t know what the future held for them but they knew this - whatever it was, they would face it together.
Forever.