Chapter Text
People really love their lives, don't they? Constantly running after happiness no matter how much they suffer doing it. They also fear everything that's not pleasant and light like happiness. And for that reason they end up constantly running away from pain,fears,troubles and of course regrets because they are too heavy and painful for them to bear.
Dazai really couldn't understand what's so good about life to make them fight so much for it like they do. And it's not like he could understand what happiness is. He really didn't have such affection towards his life. For him everything is dull and meaningless anyway.
Maybe that's why after trying to keep himself alive against Fyodor to save others had now made him so exhausted. They had revived everyone using the page but even after doing such a good deed Dazai did not feel any better.
Too tired,too drained to pull a smile on his face because happiness could be heavy too when it's not genuine.
Maybe depression and exhaustion were not a good combination afterall.
The whole ordeal with the decay of angels had worn out not only him but the whole ADA seemed to be unusually quiet with exhaustion weighing them down.
After seeing so many gruesome deaths and maybe almost the end of mankind , it's to be expected no? They were only humans,not gods no matter how much their enemy liked to call it the decay of devas.
But on the bright side the agency had become closer than ever. Everyone thought of each other like a family now. But of course that's without him, he didn't have any place in the family they have made. He had become isolated from them ever since spending time at the meursault.
But isolated or not,he needed to lift up the mood of the agency. If he doesn't who will?
With that thought in mind he turned to face Kunikida to do something silly and distract them with his usual antics. But he stood up from his seat only to fall back down a moment later.
His body didn't really have that much energy. He barely had the energy to even stand up much less to annoy Kunikida like before.
It seemed like that clown's poison was indeed too potent,if not for the pain it brought, he would have certainly taken the chance to finally go to eternal sleep with its aid.
At that thought Dazai could not stop his lips from curling into a delicate smile in morbid amusement.
They say that after being at death's door once, a person's love for their life increases,and makes them fear the cold embrace of death even more.
But his longing for death had only increased each time he felt the gentle touch of death,yet not being able to finally feel its embrace. His want to finally rest had only continued to increase.
"Dazai-kun"
The strong but gentle voice of the president was the thing that finally brought his mind back to the present although unwillingly.
He looked up at the call of his name and was met with the president's determined face but there seemed to be something else as well in his expression. Ah...of course...
So the time had finally come huh? He was indeed aware of the deal between the mafia boss and their president because who knew Mori better than his demon prodigy right? He was well aware of what or to be specific who Mori wanted.
"You seem troubled president, how can I help you?"
His cheerful tone didn't betray any of the new unpleasant feelings that were starting to curl in his gut and making his chest hurt.
"Dazai-kun I'm aware that you're not in the best condition but I unfortunately have to ask you to arrange a meeting between our agency and the port mafia."
He knew that would happen as well. Being in an alliance meant being on equal footing with each other. But after all the trouble they had fallen into debt and were no longer on equal footing.
Their alliance with the port mafia had become unstable and soon it would become nothing but just a name like that.
Things could easily escalate and become even worse for them so the only person who would be able to handle such a fragile situation obviously would be Dazai. At least he would be able to minimise the damage.
Well... That's what they wanted to think but Dazai really didn't feel like dealing with anything for a while,not like he would admit that though.
"Alright president I-"
Before he could even finish the sentence his vision blurred and his fatigued body gave in. Fortunately the president had been close enough to quickly catch him before he could meet the ground in a cold and dusty embrace.
"Dazai-kun!"
He was feeling so terrible. The pounding headache he had seemed to only get worse. And nausea was quickly rising.Dazai felt like he could not get enough air into his lungs and it was making his chest hurt terribly. He couldn't even see anything properly.
"Now now please let me see my dear patient~ He has already skipped too many checkups over the past few years!"
And the arrival of the new voice brought even more discomfort to him. He could vaguely hear himself gasping for breath and the president and Yosano calling his name. But he could no longer bring himself to respond. There was only anxiety and pain clouding his mind.
If he went back to the hell called the port mafia all of his effort to be on the side of the light would also become nothing. He didn't want that to happen. He would rather die than live like that again.
Just as the boss of the port mafia came to sit beside him, his sight went completely dark.