Chapter Text
Somewhere along 2012
"Dad! Someone's knocking on the door! Daaaad. God, I'm gonna need to take him to the doctor soon— Chris" Stiles stared at the man on his door, Chris Argent, the father of whose blood was on his hands. Stiles mumbled something claiming he was busy as he tried to close the door to run away, he could feel his heart pounding as panic started to rise on his throat, but Chris stopped the door. "Stiles we need to talk—"
Stiles turned to him, his eyes acquiring a white shadow on them as he dissociated from his reality, this happened everytime any sort of reminder of what had happened came back, Allison on the floor always started to appear in front of him.
He was there, Chris was there, and he had the same broken face he had when he saw his daughter die, when Stiles had decided she was going to be the next victim. Stiles' hands shook as he tried to point at the door asking for Chris to leave, he tried to regain his composure but his knees folded in a strike and he felt his head hurting when he slipped by accident to the floor and hit against the wood. His vision turned blurry but he could hear Chris's voice trying to call him back. Stiles blacked out.
It had been almost two weeks since everything had ended. In the fever of the moment no one could say anything because a threat was following all of them, a threat that had Stiles face, even when they both separated, Stiles was the villain, and Stiles weirdly had turned to dust in front of everyone. It took about one day for everyone to ground the fact they were alive and comprehend that not everyone had made it, and when everyone went to their houses after Allisons and Aiden's funeral, time stopped.
Stiles could comprehend why no one reached him, he understood why no one had arrived at his house, why no one had texted him, or why he hadn't been able to look for them either, something had broken that day. However, Stiles couldn't comprehend why Chris Argent had been the one to reach him, on more than one occasion by now.
The moon was shining when Stiles faintly opened his eyes, his window was open and he could smell a faint scent of cologne, but he was alone. He grunted as he tried to move on the bed, he had probably hit the ground harder than he imagined. A knock on the door made Stiles turn to find a shadow staring at him, he blinked a few times until his eyes adapted to dim light.
"Please, don't faint again, Stiles…" Mumbled Chris Argent with a joke-y tone as he held a little bowl with water and a towel. Stiles placed a hand on his forehead to find himself burning. Oh, that explained a few things .
"Can I come closer?" asked Chris, hesitant to take another step, Stiles nodded as softly as he could so the movement didn't make him dizzy again. "How long have you been sick?"
"I'm not sick— I mean I am sick, but I didn't know I was sick— I hadn’t fully realized I was sick" Stiles felt instant relief when the damp towel cooled down his face almost immediately. He closed his eyes, wincing a little, he had forgotten that any slight motion would hurt, it had been a while since he had been sick.
"How do you not notice you're sick?"
"I didn't notice I was possessed—" Stiles opened his eyes looking for any sign of fury on Chris' eyes, but instead a little smirk popped. "A little soon for that joke, but I'll let it slip" His eyes looked sad even when he tried to look at peace. His dad used to make that same smile whenever Stiles made the mistake to mention his mom.
"I'm sorry—" started Stiles looking at the bags under Chris' eyes. He wasn't a doctor, nor a mage, but he could immediately tell that those bags meant over a week of insomnia. Chris raised his hand in a motion of marking everything was alright, but nothing was alright. "No , no. I'm sorry, she was just amazing and she's gone and— I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say, she's gone and I can't believe she's gone, I saw her, she– ohmygod she died and— "
Stiles rambles were something he and everyone were used to, that didn't mean Stiles didn't wish to be able to control them, but the words were just like verbal vomit, once one came out they were chained to not stop. Tears started to threaten to fall as he apologized to Chris multiple times, who just looked at him with a sad face. It was a fraction of a second until anger flashed.
Stiles stopped once Chris finally grabbed him by the arms and pulled him down on the bed, the bed crackled a bit and Chris had to pull himself off before leaving bruises on Stiles' arms.
"Stop it Stiles, stop it—" Chris turned away for a few seconds until he managed to erase any anger on his face. Chris' eyes softened as he saw the poor teenager laying in front of him.
"It's not your fault. It's not. We knew this life would be dangerous, I always knew it would be, that's why we tried to leave it behind, but she couldn't, she loved all of you so much that she was sure that if she had to die, she would do it in a way she would be proud of. This isn't' your fault, okay?" Stiles' mouth gaped trying to clarify he understood, but he felt remorse deep down on his stomach.
"I've lost a lot of people in my life, you know, Kate, my wife, my uncle, and well, my dad is dead in life, but they all died under their own sins and god may forgive me for saying this about their souls, but Allison— Allison died for her beliefs, and her beliefs were that her friends were safe. She died for your safety, and I'm proud of her for sticking over the fact that she would die for the people she loved. So I need you to stop, to stop believing you killed her, because that would be disrespectful towards my daughter's wishes."
Stiles had never in his life been more silent than at that moment, the moment when someone had said something to him that was so kind and humbling. No . He shouldn't be comforted by Allison's dad, he should be comforting him. It was unfair. "It's unfair—" Stiles mumbled.
"It's not unfair Stiles, you didn't ask for this life, I did. You're 18 and I am over 40. You did not kill her, and no one is to be blamed other than the nogitsune" Stiles looked away. "You know why I am here then, don't you?" Stilled nodded once again.
"You know you're not sick. You figured it out when you woke up, I’m sure, you remember the effects…" Chris stared at the moon in front of him. It had been a while since he had been out in a full moon hunting and for some reason he felt a thrill over the woods. Chris shook his arm to uncover his watch.
"Your dad said he would be back in about an hour, I offered to stay because he thinks you're feverish, which you're not, technically. Noshiko Yukimura is leaving town in a few days and she's not coming back until she finishes her business in Japan, you only have one shot, okay? Tomorrow, woods, you'll know where to go. I hope you make the right choice, Stiles, this is very important."
The silence reigned when Chris left the room. Stiles stared at the void. Exactly an hour later the door opened and he heard a little chat between his father and Chris before his father appeared with Stiles' favorite burger and chatted with him over the most mundane thing he could find, however, after being possessed, everything not supernatural related seemed mundane.
; ; ;
When Stiles started to get ready to leave the next night he knew the fifth step on the stairs creaked and that the first one made a whistle sound because of a nail it had, so when Stiles sneaked out of his room all dressed in black he felt like a spy on a mission. The hardest part of all of it was starting the jeep, still, he grabbed the keys and left the house.
" Whatthe — no!" Stiles looked around trying to find whoever had done it, but he could see that his car hood had been opened and some cables were hanging out, something was missing too. The worst part is that Stiles didn’t know what was missing.
A little note was attached to the wiper. He opened it carefully like he was opening an envelope with a disease.
No cars Stiles, If I remember correctly I said you'll know
-C
Stiles groaned, pissed, sneaking in the middle of the night wasn't fun anymore when his jeep was at jeopardy, he just wished Chris had whatever he had taken out of his car or the money to repair it.
Stiles looked around, the moon was at its highest point, it was around midnight and his dad was about to leave for the night shift. Uneasy, Stiles started to walk towards the woods with no other thought on his mind other than to know.
The woods had started to be less creepy since literal wolves appeared in his life, but that didn't mean that Stiles didn't jump to any slight sound that he heard, an old habit of his. As Stiles turned around to look for whatever bird was singing and getting on his nerves he stared with his mouth open at the light of an oil lamp standing in the nemeton. He did know . A shiver ran on Stiles' back and allowing his impulses Stiles walked towards the nemeton.
"Crap—" yelped Stiles as he heard a noise behind him and saw mountain ash twirl closing the circle of protection, leaving Stiles trapped inside. Stiles tried to pass his hand and break the seal but chills ran through his whole arm leaving it numb.
"I knew it" mumbled Noshiko behind him holding (now) Kira's sword with two onis backing her up. Stiles eyes shot up in concern.
"Don't worry Stiles, I am in fact not planning to kill you tonight, because I know this time it's you " Stiles looked around and a flashing thunder allowed him to find Chris Argent next to Noshiko but outside of the circle, he was holding a crossbow, Allison's crossbow . Stiles swallowed. "But you know you're no longer you , don't you?" Stiles nodded.
"As you may know, my husband is Korean—" Stiles’ mouth twitched remembering Ken was one of the affected by this. "He is— he is okay. Humanly okay, but okay. Leaving that aside, every ethnicity, like his or most of them, have a whole supernatural mythology under their culture, there are even a counterparts to us , foxes —" Stiles was a sharp person, and Noshiko knew it when she emphasized the end of her sentence, "There is for example one in the Korean mythology as well as in the Chinese mythology, Huli Jing"
"Yeah, yeah, I know, there are tons of foxes, but what's with the ‘ us’ ?" Noshiko smiled. The fox really fitted him.
"It's said by the Chinese that everything has the ability of acquire a human form, magical powers and even the immortality if they receive enough energy, could be a human's last breath, or the essence of the sun and the moon" Stiles peeked at the full moon remembering its existence, this one seemed even more full, which was technically impossible.
"How do you feel today, Stiles?" started once again Noshiko, asking with genuine curiosity unlike the wise tone she always used like she knew everything (which she probably did). Stiles shrugged. "I'm fine— " Noshiko interrupted him.
"Oh, by the way, in case Kira never told you, lies have a smell" whispered Noshiko so low that only one able of a super hearing could hear it. Stiles shook his head in denial confused, Noshiko raised an eyebrow. "You heard me, didn’t you?" Finished Noshiko this time in full tone. Stiles froze.
“I didn’t mean— I don’t know how…” Stiles tried to justify himself
"I know everything feels like it's too much right now, like the moon is shining too bright for your eyes, or that some sounds are bothering you even when they are subtle, just like the ticking that Chris is doing on the crossbow with his fingernail, which he has just stopped because I made him self-conscious" Stiles nodded a little amused on how Chris in fact had stopped. "But you're not a werewolf, neither are you a Kanima, or a coyote, or I must clear myself, a were-coyote, like that girlfriend of yours to have this ability." Stiles tried to deny the fact that Malia was his girlfriend, it has just been some in-between feelings with all the Eichen house stuff, but somehow it seemed worthless in this conversation. "That's with the us, Stiles . But you already knew this."
"Yeah, I sort of thought about it when I didn't, well you know, die—?" Stiles tried to explain, because he knew, he knew that the only way to end the nogitsune was to die, the host had to go with him and he was standing there. Alive.
"But you died, Stiles, sort of—" Stiles started to deny with his head, taking a step back feeling sort of remembering something he had decided to not remember. He sighed trying to focus, Chris was making that noise again with his nail.
"No, I didn't, what, I’m here— what do you mean?" Stiles stuttered enough to let Noshiko know he knew .
"Did you really think you could survive a thousand year old monster that I hadn't been able to defeat even as a kitsune?" Noshiko huffed frustrated. "I'm sorry Stiles, but the only way to kill the nogitsune is to kill the host, so he has nowhere to go, and the host were you."
"Yeah, I saw that, I turned into dust in front of everyone after screaming that I, or he was invincible, then your daughter stabbed him— me, that thing. Still doesn't make any sense, he was a copy of me holding the spirit of the nogitsune, how else could've seen that myself?"
"No Stiles he wasn't. He was you, too ” Noshiko started walking around as he emphasized the importance of the ‘ too’ . “A long time ago, the daughter of one of the most respected generals, Daji, was forced to marry someone really bad, resulting in a defense mechanism where the spirit of the nine-tailed fox took over her, taking over her soul and leaving her soulless, possessed.” Stiles felt his hands trembling, taking. Noshiko kept going.
“The same way your soul was taken that day everything started. Did you really think that separating yourself would do anything to a monster who feeds off the soul?" Stiles stepped back out of place, a hand held him on the shoulder stopping him, he hadn't even noticed that Chris had moved around the circle and had broken it. Noshiko shook her head in understatement.
"The nine tailed foxes when not born in a family like my daughter, or myself, takes or materializes a body, sort of like the bite of werewolves, the ones you know so good, and it changes the body to a new entity, a new being; the moment the nogitsune took over you, your soul— I'm sorry Stiles, but you lost your soul. A soul-less body is doomed to die, you were doomed to die."
"Why are you telling me this?" asked Stiles, staring at his own hands. Because he was still there.
"Because you're alive Stiles, even though part of your human soul was taken by the nogitsune." Stiles let out a shaky breath. "Someone else took over my body. I'm still possessed."
"Yeah—No. Is both, Stiles. I don't want you to think that every possession is like the tell of a bed night story or a horror movie where the person is always long gone, not even in Daji's story. The soul is a very important part of a human's humanity, but the loss of this one doesn't mean the loss of the mind or the concept of a person, just means the loss of your status as human,” Noshiko played with her fingers.
“Those impulses that Scott felt in the full moon over destroying his surroundings, or the Kanima's loss of remorse over killing were because there was no soul actively at that moment chaining them to the morality of the world other than they once had, this split on them means sometimes one of their natures can be more controlling. Once they can get back they can learn to control this back into their old human’s beliefs, to their more known nature. That’s why in some cases born wolves have a hard time being morally correct, because their sense of human's morality is based on teaching. This of course also depends on how that soul is lost"
Stiles smirked, remembering details like the constant threat Peter had been on Beacon Hills and the zero guilt over it, or the same way Derek was sometimes lost over Scott's old human morality on saving everyone.
"What does this mean about me then, if I lost my soul when the nogitsune died?" asked Stiles trying to cycle the idea of his soul not being there. Noshiko turned to look at the onis, but Stiles interrupted her. "Wait, what do you mean by part ?"
"I knew you wouldn't let anything slip. You know the old myth about people being conjoined, and then separated and doomed to look for their other half?"
"Yeah, that cheesy Zeus story about soulmates and fearing their power, what does it have to do with this?" Stiles stared at Noshiko, until it hit him. Noshiko smiled. "Souls can be divided, right? I was divided—" Noshiko nodded. "What happens if there is a partial loss of the soul then? If only a part of it dies"
"Something fills it, something has to, because if not, the host dies, imagine the soul as a bottle that breaks, the water will start spilling, until it runs out" Stiles huffed.
"And how long does it take for the soul to run out?"
"Around two weeks, where the host starts to lose himself until it dies" Stiles stared at his clock, at this hour, in the middle of the night, a little over two weeks had passed since his soul had been ripped in two and a part of it had been lost over the nogitsune when they killed him, or had died . "So, what took over me to not let me die?"
"I think you already know who, Stiles." Noshiko placed her hands on her stomach, giving a pity look towards Stiles who let out a laugh. It was quick, but still made an enervating sound. Then another came, and it was just seconds before Stiles was holding himself on the ground laughing uncontrollably. Of course something like this would happen to Stiles. Of course . Tears started streaming on his face, but Stiles couldn't quite comprehend if they were out of sadness or laughter. He didn’t want to either.
"You said that the Chinese, Huli— Huli Jing! Well, that they believe that a human's last breath can give enough energy to turn anything into a human form, what about a human form turning into something else?" asked Stiles, cleaning with the heel of his hand the last tears, Noshiko nodded.
"It's rare, mostly because foxes are meant to turn themselves in humans, they have the power and the ability to do it, but sometimes there is humans who have the energy to make them human-like without needing to acquire a new form, this only with the only condition that the human let's them use them as their host" Noshiko knew only about a few cases she herself had seen.
"And what if the human doesn't allow him?" asked Chris this time, still behind Stiles stepping onto the mountain ash to keep it open.
"It kills the host. Can be out of vengeance, or because they left, not all foxes are bad, but leaving the half soul empty once again would still kill the host"
"So, the fever, all of this sickness— is like with the bite?" Chris turned towards Stiles, considering that was a good question.
"Is he rejecting the fox?" asked Argent to complement Stiles' question.
"Yeah, but it's not his fault, because he never noticed the fox had taken over him, most of the time host's don't notice, they just change their personalities based on the fox that took over them, it’s usually very drastic but they preserve this human touch that allows them to function in a society, until they cannot more. But your case is different, knowing all the symptoms of the fox possession, you have been rejecting all of them, unconsciously. And that it's going to kill you."
"So, basically I'm a shell case and no matter what I do, I’m going to die?" joked Stiles, back in his own self for a second. Noshiko smiled worriedly as she turned to watch the moon, she had seen a few cases, sure, the worrying thing was that most of them had had the same outcome, her killing them after the fox took over their whole persona. She didn't want to kill Stiles, not after everything they had done to save him.
"So, when did you break the seal of the foxes?" Noshiko jerked back to stare at Stiles in disbelief. Stiles was smirking, in a defeated way. "I know Beacon Hills is supernatural, but I also know any kind of foxes were sealed from coming here thanks to you, you know, back in the day when you sealed the nogitsune. You were the only line of foxes able to come here. I know it."
"How— Did you keep the memories of the nogitsune?" Stiles denied.
"Not all of them, only the ones that he and I shared, when both of our personalities switched, in those switches I could hear some of his thoughts and memories before I lost myself in the back of the nogitsune's mind. When I saw you in the hospital that day, that was the last memory I heard. If a fox was able to possess me, it means you let him in Beacon Hills" Noshiko sighed, defeated.
"I knew what was going to happen, death, it was inevitable. I tried to tell the rest but no one listened, they begged for your life, so I made a choice, it was one in one hundred chances that anyone would come, but one did." Stiles turned towards Chris, he seemed confused, still trying to process the fact that all of this had been in Noshiko's hands. "I made a choice over you, over your survival. That's why you're here tonight, to decide."
"Oh, so you're giving options on how to die?" asked Stiles with a funny tone, Chris straightened his back as he stared at Noshiko.
"This wasn't part of the plan, Noshiko" Stiles turned to Chris, a plan?
"I can't leave a fox running around Beacon Hills without the proper training, and if Stiles doesn't accept the fox or the training— I need you to make a choice, Stiles."
Stiles stood up facing Noshiko. "I thought you were supposed to leave Beacon Hills in a few days, are you planning on training me over Skype?" Stiles mocked as he ran a hand on his hair and lent his body towards Noshiko, one of the onis gripped his sword, Stiles smirked. "I know you didn't kill me because of Kira, but I still don't appreciate the fact that it had to happen over two weeks for me to listen to all of this. You're over 900 years old, you should know possessions are supposed to be told in the first 5 business days."
Noshiko smiled. "As I said before, foxes fit you really well, snarky, sarcastic. I am indeed leaving Beacon Hills, I need to fix some issues back in Japan over this whole nogitsune thing." Stiles rolled his eyes, Japan, of course of all places. "But I have acquaintances that could train you"
Stiles stared at her in an interrogatory tone, "There are kitsunes linked towards all the nemetons, the important nemetons , there are a few around the world" Stiles turned towards Chris who was still there, looking now in place, like he knew about this part. Oh. The plan .
"Let me guess, one of them is in France, right?" asked Stiles as he looked back at the nemeton, everyone knew by now Chris was going back to France. Noshiko nodded. "So, what was the plan?"
"If you agree to embrace the fox, you need to leave Beacon Hills and go to France where someone can train you, people I know can. Foxes are tricky, I know you know this very well, you can't just learn to be one like werewolves do, we don't have such things like anchors, we cannot be brought back by the love of our families, we are possessed at the end of the day contrary to other creatures, we are not just one."
"I thought it worked like the wolves being just half human-half creature, coming back, learning, you said they split into two natures, I am split—" Stiles shook his hands around like making a statement.
"Split in with a fox, you can not compare the nature of a fox with a wolf. You’re not a human split with a wolf that is just based on instinct, you’re in pair with a fox, a celestial fox with hundreds of years of experience, with a human-like life. You don’t have a nature to come back and control, you’re always two people at the same time." Stiles closed his eyes as he let out the air he had been holding on. That’s why the aura of Kira was always visible, because the fox was always there, she didn’t turn into the fox, she just allowed the fox to take control.
"And if I decide not to leave?" Noshiko remained silent.
"Do you understand what you're asking me?" Stiles started to walk back and forward. "My whole life is here in Beacon Hills, my best friend, who turned into a wolf because of me, the pack, the people I care about, my dad is here, the only parent I have left, and I'm supposed to abandon him here, on the epitome of the supernatural on his own? He just learned what a freaking werewolf is and now I have to tell him that I'm leaving because his son is also one of the things they just fought?"
"You do not have to tell him" Noshiko pronounced, not proud but used to those words. Stiles scoffed amused.
"Just because your family has communication issues, doesn't mean mine needs them—" Stiles bit his tongue, with a pinch of regret, but no apologies were made.
"Let's suppose I leave, then what?" Noshiko waited for the rest of the sentence. "If I'm leaving, if Chris is leaving, if Isaac is leaving and you're leaving, who am I supposed to leave my dad with? Scott has enough with taking care of his mom and I’m not even sure he would do something for me after— You really just expect everything to work like you want without any consequences, right?"
Noshiko started to walk towards Stiles, Stiles stayed still, listening to the crossbow creak behind him and pointing at Noshiko. Noshiko stopped once she was in front of Stiles.
"I've lived enough for this to be a small issue in my life, I had to run away and seal a demon you and your friends set free, and I know it was because of the Darach, but this is not on me ." Stiles swallowed. "I know there are consequences, there are always consequences in any supernatural life. I made a decision over you, but I am offering you exits, and I do not care how unfair they seem, because you wouldn't have those exits if I hadn't made that decision"
Chris let his crossbow down as he stepped back and sat on the roots of a tree as Noshiko returned back with the onis, with a snap they disappeared. This was no longer an intervention, the night had ended, and Stiles had been given all the details by now, a choice had to be made, the problem was that Stiles wasn't sure which choice to make. He wasn't even sure this night had been real.
; ; ;
Stiles woke up the next day sweating as the sunlight filtered through his curtains, the fever had only gone away for a while when he was in the woods, probably Noshiko related. A fox, that was what Stiles' life was doomed to be from now on. He had relied every asèct of his life and future on the fact that he was human, and that he would always be human. Stiles huffed as he stood up from his bed and looked around, his window was open, and a leather scent was soaked in the room. Stiles looked around to find a notebook and wrote on it before he headed to the kitchen, where he could hear his dad cooking.
"Hey you, how are you doing with the fever?" asked Noah as he approached Stiles to hug him, but Stiles stepped back, feeling dirty. Noah stared at him in pain, but turned back to keep cooking some eggs and bacon. Stiles stepped forward and took the pan, throwing the bacon on the bin.
"Hey!" Stiles smiled but said nothing as he sat to drink his dad coffee lost in his thoughts. He needed to rip the band-aid. But how was he supposed to?
"Dad, I—" Stiles looked around, the TV was on, his mom's favorite show was playing and he felt a knot on his throat. If his mom was alive, what would she think of all of this? Would she still love him if he told him he was no longer the boy she birthed? “How are things in the commissary?” asked Stiles trying to avoid the subject.
Noah looked around, a little confused on what had brought Stiles to ask that. He turned off the stove and stared at his son questioningly. Stiles sighed. “What’s going on, Stiles? Did something happen, do you need any information?”
Stiles smirked, feeling a hole in his chest. His dad, the man who always swore to keep every piece of information confidential, was willing to speak if it meant solving a problem of their new life. "Dad, can you promise me that you will always love me?"
Noah turned his expression concerned, his eyes searching Stiles for any wounds that would mean the approval of his love towards his son. Stiles' eyes seemed lost. "Stiles…?"
"I think I am no longer myself— I am not what everyone thinks I am, human-like —" Stiles whispered at the end of the sentence, Noah shook his head, in denial with a soft huff as he dismissed some of his concern. He approached Stiles.
"Stiles, I— I know the nogitsune was traumatizing, but we killed him— we did." Stiles turned to his dad who was sitting in front of him, he wasn't wrong, but he wasn't right either.
"Yeah. we did. but— we killed myself too dad— wow , that wording is awful" Noah’s mouth gaped searching for words to explain his disbelief, he had the same face that he had when the doctor told him his wife had died.
"Dad, what if uh, what if I told you that, after the death of the nogitsune it's impossible that the host survives unless there is a new, how do I say it , a new soul into the body" Stiles finally left the coffee back in the table as he sat straight.
"Stiles, what are you trying to say?" Noah asked finally.
"I— wow this is harder than I thought. When the nogitsune died, a part of my soul died with him, because he takes on the soul, he has to die with the new soul he took. When we divided him— me, he took a part of my soul that died when we killed him, I lost it forever. The thing is a human can’t live with only a part of his soul, it needs to be full." Stiles held his hands in the air trying to make a point, to make this sound believable. He remembered Noshiko’s words.
"I know this sounds extremely metaphorical but imagine the soul as a bottle with water, where if you break it the water is going to spill until there is none, that's what happened when we killed the nogitsune"
"But— let me see if I'm getting this right, if a part of the soul leaves, the other one is going to die too because it’s what happens, but… you're not dead, are you ?" asked Noah, afraid of even thinking about the possibility that his son could be dead, a new kind of supernatural he wasn’t ready to confront. Stiles blinked, still processing this as something real, fever making him burn and shiver at the same time, reminding that he was no longer the Stiles his dad had raised. And also that he had to make a decision.
"I'm not dead, because there are ways to refill the soul, kind of like to patch it" Noah sighed, still uneasy, Stiles zoned out for a second, long enough to pay attention to some of his new senses trying to manifest and heard his dad's heart beating faster than it should. Stiles shook his head.
"I'm still lost here Stiles, how do you— how do you patch a soul?"
"With something taking over it, possessing it… " Noah let out a gasp as he stood up, as if a bucket of cold water had hit him. For a second it seemed like things sank in place. Faster than Stiles expected it.
"You're— you’re possessed again, aren't you?" Stiles only nodded as he watched his dad walk around the room holding his chest in an attempt to pull his sheriff shirt, fanning himself training to regain his composure. Stiles stood up and with an agile movement, new to him, and ran to place his hand on his dad's chest, who stared at Stiles lost, as he scanned all of his factions, trying to recognize him, oh god, he had done this to his father, this was all his fault. Oh god, oh god.
"I'm so sorry dad, I'm sorry for getting you into all of this and I'm so sorry—" Stiles' face broke down in a motion of sadness, trying to explain himself. His words muffled as Noah pulled him to a hug. Noah patted with loud thumps Stiles’ back as he sniffed back his tears before they dared to come out, it took him a few moments before any word could come out of his mouth.
"This is not your fault, Stiles" Stiles let out a soft sob. Noah hugged him even harder, looking for the right words.
"I'm sorry…" Stiles repeated once more, but Noah pushed him to look directly at him.
"What are you sorry for? You're Stiles, I know it, I know you’re. I can tell. You’re here, you , Stiles ."
"You believe me? You still believe I am— I am…" Stiles couldn't finish his sentence, remembering the fact he was no longer himself. But Noah finished it for him.
"I know you're still Stiles, my Stiles, and I will always believe my son " Stiles felt the tears on his face like a shower fully waking him up to the reality that his dad in front promised that he would always be his dad, even if he wasn't sure if he was still his father’s son. Stiles smiled as he hugged his dad.
"But I need you to tell me exactly what this means, because there are some big words there." Stiles puffed a little amused and stayed in his dad's arms for a little longer before sitting back and explaining what had happened in the wods. He was sure his dad was going to scold him for sneaking out, but he was just happy to hear his dad, still being a dad.
; ; ;
Stiles sighed as he stared at Scott's house standing in front of him, it had been his house for many years, he wondered if it still was. He hit the steering wheel as a way to hype himself.
After Chris had fixed his car he had left reminding him to think about it, to think about the fact that there was a chance to live a new life, a life his dad encouraged him to pursue to keep him alive, his dad even promised to move to France, something Stiles immediately told him not to. But Stiles wondered if any of them knew what it meant to live a new life like that. A new life that you always seemed far away even when you were so close to it, mostly as the human in the pack. Chris’ wife had committed in order to not live that life. Stiles wasn't sure if he was ready to change his whole life and future, something he had planned since he was kid, way before his mother died. He had promised his mom to live that life, and he no longer could.
Stiles knew that the sound of his engine would be enough to alert Scott that he had arrived, but he knew he had to get down and look for him personally, knock on the door to announce himself, to make this real for both of them, even though he had a key to the house or he could get inside by a window.
The knocks made Stile wince, still unsure on how to manage his new abilities that were appearing that felt like activating and deactivating constantly, probably a side effect of the rejecting process of the fox. The worst part about this was that Stiles didn't even know how he was supposed to stop rejecting him. Would it be just as easy as to think he was now a fox?
Scott steps on the stairs made Stiles' heart beat faster, and he knew Scott would notice this, so he hid it. He tried to calm himself and ignore everything. A feverish feeling went back again, seeming like the fever was the result of rejecting the fox .
Scott's eyes were reddish and he had dark circles under the redness, he seemed out of any emotions, like he was trying to go back to the person he once was, he didn't blame it, he had been like that when his mom died, even though he refused to ever show it. Something Stiles had always envied of Scott were his emotions, and the flow of them.
"Stiles" Scott mumbled with a soft smirk on his face, it seemed like he had to put a lot of effort just in that action.
Stiles grinned in response. "Can we… Can we talk?"
"I don't— this is not the best moment Stiles" tried Scott with a gentle tone in his voice, sadness was on it, even a little bit of anger. Oh.
"I— I know things have been hard Scott, I just, there is something I need to tell you—" Stiled tried to explain himself being gentle, unprovoked, he needed his best friend.
"You don't know anything Stiles" mumbled under his breath Scott, trying to hide it to himself, but Stiles heard it anyway. He shut down and stared at Scott waiting for him. "You—" he started, "Allison is dead Stiles, she's not coming back and I lost her "
Stiles tried to process the fact that Scott spoke in singular, and that he dared to explain him grief. And couldn't let it fall behind. " We lost her Scott, we— I, do you—" Stiles bit his lip before he said anything he would regret, thinking, but the look on Scott's eyes told him he had already done it.
"We—? Are you serious, Stiles?" Scott raised his voice like an alpha did to make his point across, but for some reason it didn't move anything on Stiles like in the past. "This is not the moment to say we , she was not a part of the we, she was Allison, my Allison and you k—" Scott stopped and stared at Stiles in disbelief of the words that were about to come out of his mouth, instant regret flashed on his eyes.
"What, killed her?" asked Stiles with a monotone voice. Scott tried to deny it, but Stiles felt the words slipping from his mouth. "I just wanted to tell you that my dad told me the hospital is busy, and your mom may need help"
Stiles turned on his heels walking towards the jeep. It wasn't a lie, a crash had happened around the hour Stiles and his dad were talking earlier.
"Stiles, I didn't mean to—" Tried Scott coming out of his house and reaching Stiles' jeep.
"It's fine, Scott,'' muttered Stiles as he entered his jeep and closed the door without looking back. The fever started to leave his body and along with this, Stiles felt a weird feeling in his chest, like something was pulled from it.
; ; ;
Stiles had a presentiment when he pulled over Lydia's driveway, a feeling of fear, because this was the girl he had been in love in the past, and Allison's best friend, he knew this wasn’t the occasion to visit her, but, as much as Stiles drove around Beacon Hills there was only three places where he knew he could knock at their doors to say that his life had changed, and one of them had accused him of murder, even if had been out of grieve.
Lydia opened the door, still wearing pajamas and holding Prada in her hand, she looked about the same as Scott did.
"Lydia…" mumbled Stiles over this new version of Lydia, a Lydia that would allow people to see her broken even though she hated it, because she probably couldn’t bring herself to not look broken. Lydia swallowed trying to put on an act.
"Stiles" she answered back, not even daring to look at him.
"Can we talk, Lydia?" asked Stiles with a broken voice, but Lydia shook her head. Stiles felt his lip trembling for a second.
"This is not a good time Stiles" mumbled Lydia avoiding Stiles' eyes who tried to make eye contact with her.
Stiles straightened his back looking at Prada, who was growling at him. Stiles felt a chill on his back. Foxes are supposedly scared of dogs, they are the protectors of houses where they're not received . Oh. Stiles slipped his foot slowly as Lydia still looked away and found himself unable to step on Lydia's expensive floor. Oh.
Stiles stared at Lydia, letting understandment fall as a veil, a smile shined softly on his face.
"I just wanted to ask you if you needed anything from Los Angeles, I need to go to see an— uh, uncle” Stiles lied on the spot, feeling dumb of the fact he couldn't even lie. He didn't even have uncles. “I know there is a store you like there, let me know" Lydia nodded with a mumbled ‘sure’ before she closed the door once Stiles stepped back and left.
; ; ;
Stiles felt the dryness on his eyes as he stared at the moon gripping on the steering wheel. Stiles turned once again in the same curve he had been doing it since he had left Lydia's house, it had been over two hours since he had been driving with nowhere to go, quite literally. A gurgling sound came from the back and Stiles didn't even feel surprised of his luck, of course he had run out of gasoline in the highway that's in the middle of the woods.
Stiles felt the burn on his lungs as he screamed out in pain kicking the tire of his jeep, he hadn't asked for this, he just wanted to follow his dad steps and investigate a murder, he had been morbid over it and had dragged Scott to this and now he was alone in the middle of the woods sobbing while falling on the fact that no one knew who he was, no one he cared about it other than his dad, the only person who had listened to him.
Stiles looked around the woods, remembering there was one door he hadn't knocked, but he felt a weight on his chest thinking on his face when he found out he was no longer the person he was supposedly falling for, he wasn't even sure about that at this point. The disappointment in his face, and the grief that would flash on him, when he had lost everything and he would lose something once again.
Stiles started to wander around the woods, asking himself if he left Beacon Hills something would actually change, because it felt like it had already changed.
A noise startled him, a branch breaking behind him. Stiles placed his hand on his pocket clutching onto the knife his dad had gifted him back when he first found out about the supernatural. When his human instincts kicked in. A faint smell of leather fell on his nose before he turned back once again and saw Derek standing behind him. Derek took a step back, a little thrown off over the fact that Stiles had found him, but walked forward once he saw the pink on Stiles' nose and eyes.
"What's— What’s wrong?" Derek asked, confused while holding Stiles' shoulders in so gently that it was impossible to believe those same hands had once shoved him to doors or even punched him. Stiles immediately felt his face break into a crying motion as he held onto Derek's wrist. Derek stared at him concerned, unable to do anything other than help Stiles fell to the ground slowly.
Stiles held his hands on his chest as he felt all the pain focus on one thing, whatever choice he had to make, he would leave Derek behind (and everything, even if he had not much anymore), and he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to do that when he had just experienced almost anything.
Stiles had known for a while that he had feelings for Derek Hale, it was around the time Peter died (for the first time) that he noticed he saw him differently. But there was no time, he still had feelings for Lydia, Derek was so on and off over being their enemy or their ally, and then Jenniffer arrived and his dad was in danger and he was sure he could not longer see him in the same way, but when Jennifer was dead, everyone was lost, and funnily the only person Derek reached for was Stiles. And Stiles couldn’t deny he did too, even if it had been in private. The nogitsune then came and everything was a blurry memory of their vague feelings.
It took a while until Stiles finally let go of him.
"What happened?" asked Derek once again with his characteristic tone, leaving a faint hint of concern. He stared at the redness on Stiles’ eyes, a pure red filled with pain.
Stiles stared back at Derek and the feeling that his face would break into pieces when he told him made him stutter, "Nothing, I just— everything is wrong? "
"What do you mean, Stiles?" Derek placed his hand on Stiles' neck, near his cheek afraid of making contact. He remembered the time he wasn't sure on how to console Derek when Boyd died.
"Scott, and Lydia and I— we are not— I am not…" The words mixed with Stiles' nervousness, he closed his fist ready to stab himself with his nails but Derek took both of his hands by the wrist, Stiles opened them in surprise. Derek placed his palm unsure on Stiles’. Stiles gave him a smile. Maybe…
"It’s okay Stiles" mumbled Derek as he sat down and let go of Stiles. Stiles took a deep breath as he sat next to Derek, he crouched and hid his face in his arms. Derek kept an eye on him, still concerned. He coughed clearing his throat, he was never good with words. "We don't need to talk about it if you don't want to".
But I do, thought Stiles, even though It didn't feel right to do it. He needed someone else to know. Just one person was enough.
Maybe it wasn't just the moment, maybe he deserved a moment of comfort for himself, maybe he still deserved nice things. Derek had appeared, Derek had found him and maybe this was an omen, a sign. Stiles smiled to himself. He would tell him, he would just for the right moment.
"You leave a leather scent with you" joked Stiles with a muffled voice and Derek scrunched his nose.
"I thought it was imperceptible," replied Derek back, unsure of what that meant. Stiles straightened and stared at him, then turned away, oh, it was because of that . "Now I get your note" finished Derek and Stiles smirked remembering that he had accused him of being a coward for just checking on him when he was asleep. "I just didn't want to startle you, but I feel like maybe I should've—"
"No, it's fine. You appeared in the right moment" uttered along Stiles as he interrupted Derek, Derek softened his eyes as he tilted his head staring at Stiles. Stiles turned to look at him too, both with a smile.
Stiles hesitated, gripping his hand to his own arm, but slowly tried to reach Derek’s face, he pulled back, but before he could recede his hand, Derek leaned softly towards him, in a sign he could do it. Stiles allowed his hand on Derek’s cheekbones and for a second forgot everything.
“It’s cold, and a branch is stabbing my ass” muttered Stiles coming back to his self-awkward impulses. Derek laughed rolling his eyes, understanding. He stood up helping Stiles offering his hand.
"Where's your jeep?" asked Derek.
"It's in the road, but it ran out of gasoline, so, I don't think it's much help" started Stiles fully planning on ranting but Derek pulled him towards the road until they both stood in front of the blue jeep. Stiles hadn’t noticed that Derek hadn’t let go of his hand until he had to let go of it when Derek pushed him towards the ceiling of the jeep. Stiles managed to let out a choked laugh as Derek climbed behind him. "Now what?" asked Stiles and Derek, silent like most of the time, just shrugged as he sat like before. Stiles followed him, this time not tucking his arms, neither touching Derek, just letting them fall next to him.
"I think we are going to freeze to death" Stiles tried to argue but stopped when Derek let his hand fall on Stiles’, it was warm, more than warm.
"There are perks out of the werewolf thing" joked Derek like it was the only one instead of the amazing physique or abilities.
"Yeah, sure" scoffed off Stiles redirecting his eyes to the stars. There were a few accompanying the moon, just enough to make the sky shine even brighter.
Peace finally arrived, for the first time since Allison had died, Stiles felt like sleeping a hundred years.
"If I fall asleep here, do I get to wake up with you?" asked Stiles unfocused, following the only constellation he knew, Cassiopeia. He coughed as he choked realizing what he had just said. Derek smiled instead.
"You wanna sleep with me already?" Stiles rolled his eyes.
"Okay, first of all, that's something I would say, stop stealing my personality. And second, I'm sorry to say this buddy, but there's exclusivity over who sleeps with me" Derek huffed, containing a laugh. "And if you make any kind of joke about virginity I'm jumping from this roof" Derek bit his lip stopping himself.
Stiles relaxed his shoulders, feeling himself closer to Derek. He missed this feeling, his ability to be able to drop a joke with someone, to not always be serious, to not feel threatened for once. He even felt brave.
"So?" Asked once again Stiles, it had been said already.
"Try it" whispered Derek, closing his eyes as he leaned towards Stiles, letting his shoulder fall on Stiles’. There was a moment of silence before Stiles closed his eyes too, enjoying the warmth next to him. Stiles would tell him tomorrow, after the comfort was gone. He just needed this night. He just needed something for himself just once. It was around two in the morning the last time he checked his phone and fell asleep.
A shiver ran on Stiles' back as he sneezed waking up, Stiles wiggled uncomfortable as sun hit his face, the first rays of the day. He sneezed once again and felt his head heavy, the fever was back.
Stiles finally tried to stand up, bedding was tangled to his hands, and his mattress was way more softer than the roof of his jeep. Stiles opened his eyes and searched around, finding himself in his room, empty and with the window closed. Stiles felt the fever wear off as he tried to concentrate himself to sniff subtly enough to barely make a noise but get what he was looking for, a little more aware of his intentions and abilities. The leather scent wasn't even perceptibly, it had dissolved a while ago. Stiles sighed. " Liar. "
; ; ;
"Stiles, what are you doing here?" asked Chris while holding a vase on his hand, it was half wrapped on newspaper, he was packing. Stiles looked behind Chris to find most of his house was empty by now and suitcases filled the hall. It was around 7 in the morning, not the best time to pay visits.
"In what part of France is the nemeton…" Chris smiled and stepped back allowing Stiles to enter, as this one did, he finished his sentence, "…Can my dad visit? When are you leaving? Do I need to pay for the trip? Cause I have no savings right now, you know, jeeps are expensive— " Stiles turned and faced a map shutting down his rant instantly. Chris had pinned it to his wall. Toulouse .
Chris appeared behind him, still holding the vase in his hands, handing it to Stiles who almost let it fall, it jumped between both of his hands before Stiles finally hugged it with a guilty smile. Chris took out a notebook where he had tons of loose sheets with different writings, he started to explain himself.
“Anyone you wish is allowed to visit as long as they are supernatural or are involved in it, like druids or emissaries, maybe even counselors, or family” Chris smiled as he pulled what he was looking for. “You don’t need anything else other than this”
Stiles fixed his eyes on the plane ticket in front of him, with his name and the date, it was set that same Saturday, three days away from that morning.
“How did you know—?” Stiles stared at Chris, but didn’t let go of the ticket, he held it to himself, it was his.
“I didn’t. I’m glad you’re here Stiles” Stiles smiled softly, feeling himself protected for once. A noise came from behind and Isaac appeared through the door holding a crossbow. Allison’s crossbow.
“Where do I put this— Oh, Stiles. What are you doing here?” Asked Isaac with genuine curiosity, not showing any other emotion behind his eyes. Stiles smiled.