Work Text:
March 21, 2022
Han Juwon sits in his car staring at his phone. He reads over the text message again for the hundredth time trying to find the meaning behind the words. The text is from “Your Beloved Partner.” When he had first received this message the name alone had thrown him. Juwon knows Dongsik must have gotten a hold of his phone at the lunch honouring Chief Nam but he has no idea why he changed his name to that ridiculous honorific. It’s not like they were still partners and if anything that lunch had felt like a goodbye. He had been so sure that it had been a goodbye. When he had set foot in Manyang for the first time in a year, it had been because he knew Dongsik would be there. He hadn’t heard from him since his release from prison, and he had needed to see him to make sure that he was okay. Juwon hadn’t dared to be the one to reach out first. The way things went down still filled him with shame. The non-stop demands and accusations he threw Dongsik’s way. All because he thought he knew everything, when in reality he didn’t know anything at all. The only thing Juwon does know is that somehow Dongsik has freed himself from his past. Turning himself in was his last step out of hell, and there is no way that Juwon will drag him back into it. He still carries that same hell around inside of himself. His father’s name, his father’s crimes. He will never fully be free of it. He doesn’t deserve to be, but Dongsik more than deserves his peace. Even if it’s harder to give that peace to him than Juwon ever thought it would be. While Dongsik was imprisoned he wrote him so many letters, but he never sent one. Still, he had hoped once he saw him in person things might be different. Maybe they would find a way back to the friendship they had been building in spite of everything. No, not just friendship. He had been foolishly hoping for things he dare not put a name to. Things he only let himself contemplate in the dead of night alone in his room.
Just seeing Dongsik had been a relief. He looked good. There was a lightness to him that Juwon had never seen before. A free man in more ways than one. However, it had also been overwhelming. Juwon had been hyper aware of his presence the entire time. His leg pressed against his at the butcher shop. The sway of his walk. Every glance and smile. There was so much he wanted to say to Dongsik, but instead he had retreated back into himself. Only speaking when spoken to. Not adding much to the conversation beyond his affinity for sausage stew. It was like his tongue had been glued to the roof of his mouth. It was too much all at once. Too many feelings, and too many words that he couldn’t get out, so he had let himself be carried along in Dongsik’s wake. Hoping for a sign that this was not the end but the start of something new. Looking for a hand to grab hold of. Instead what he got were pleasantries delivered with genuine kindness, and a demand that he take care of himself. Juwon took what he was given with gratitude. He didn’t have a right to expect anything else. They parted with a smile, and that was enough. It was clear that Dongsik was doing just fine without him. He was out in the world living his life whole and happy, and that was more than enough. Juwon would be fine too. He is fine. The past month he has re-dedicated himself to his work. He goes in early and stays out late looking for the people nobody else bothers with. He drives his new partner crazy with his dedication. All his partner wants is to get home early to eat dinner with his wife, but isn’t that what everyone else wants too? A good meal in a warm home with the people who love them. Shouldn’t they be out there giving all those lost people a chance to find their own way home? Wasn’t that their job? His impassioned speeches often earn him an eye roll and a deep sigh from his partner, but they also get him an extra hour or two in the field. Maybe he is pushing himself too hard, but it doesn’t feel like it. He finds his work gratifying. It’s helping him find his own peace. He doesn’t need more than that. So where does Dongsik get off? After a year of silence he steals his phone, and then over a month later finally texts him. What is wrong with that man?
“I heard you haven’t been taking your vacation time. I thought I told you to eat well and sleep well. It seems I still have a lot to teach you. Meet me at Chief Nam’s house by the lake.” The text includes an attached article about the dangers of burnout. Annoyance flares in Juwon’s chest as he reads the message again. He’s a grown man who can take care of himself. He has been taking care of himself for his whole damn life and the last thing he needs is a lecture from a man who has been a complete wreck for the past 22 years!
A banging on the roof of his car makes Juwon jump. He looks up and sees Dongsik grinning at him through the driver’s side window. His first instinct is to ignite his car’s engine and hit the gas. Coming here was a mistake, but driving away like a lunatic is not the way to prove how okay he is. Juwon takes a deep breath and rolls down the window.
“Did you come all the way here just to sit in your car?” Dongsik says by way of greeting.
Juwon rolls his eyes, “I knocked but no one answered. I was waiting for you to get here.”
Confusion clouds Dongsik’s face. “You know this is the house Chief Nam left me, right? My name’s on the deed.”
“What’s your point?”
“Why didn’t you break in and wait inside like you always do?” Dongsik asks with a laugh.
“I’m trying new things.”
“Oh really? Good for you.” Dongsik’s smile turns into a smirk.
Juwon pushes his car door open with force without waiting to see if his former partner gets out of the way first. Dongsik easily catches it and holds the door open, laughing again. The sound worms its way into Juwon’s skull. The annoyance building up in his stomach threatens to bubble over. It was like his mere presence here was some sort of joke. A joke Juwon was not in on. Well two could play at that game. He walks past Dongsik to the back of his car, opens the trunk and pulls out a large duffle bag. Dongsik eyes the bag and raises a questioning eyebrow.
“What? You’re the one who said I should take a vacation.” Juwon closes the trunk with a thud.
“And you listened to me? You really are trying new things.” One corner of Dongsik’s mouth tugs upward. Juwon wishes he could find a way to wipe that smirk off his face.
They stare at each other for a moment before Dongsik closes the car door and bows to him. “Welcome Lieutenant Han. Please make yourself at home.” He straightens and gestures for Juwon to follow him.
There have been small changes made to the house since the last time Juwon was here. The siding is new and there is the beginnings of a small garden in the front of the house. Juwon remembers the broken statues, dead plants, and mud that made up the yard of the Lee home in Manyang. Standing here now seeing the small stalks of green push their way up through the soil makes him feel lighter. He looks up and sees Dongsik watching him.
“I see you’ve picked up a new hobby.”
Dongsik shrugs. “New and old. Of course when I was younger I was resentful when my parents tried to make me do yard work, but now I find it relaxing.” He turns to open the door and Juwon starts to follow him up the stairs. “Besides,” he adds, “I do love pretty flowers.”
Juwon’s foot falters on the first step and he almost trips. Thankfully he catches himself and hopes that since Dongsik has his back turned he didn’t notice his misstep. He takes in a shaky breath and lets out an annoyed huff. He doesn’t understand why Dongsik keeps trying to unsettle him. Their last meeting had been cordial at the very least, so why this return to being a giant pain in the ass?
He makes his way up the stairs and enters the house. As he walks through the door he feels something brush against his legs and jumps back.
“Come here Jezebel,” Dongsik says, bending over and scooping up a gray and white tabby cat. “Our guest doesn’t want your fur all over his nice pressed pants.” The cat rubs her head against Dongsik’s chin before turning to stare at Juwon with one green eye. There is a scar on the left side of her face where her other eye should be.
“You got a cat?”
“I’m not sure who got who,” Dongsik answers, giving Jezebel a scratch under the chin. “My neighbour says she was left behind during a move. He had tried to bring her inside, but she wouldn’t let anyone near her. Ended up living under his porch. Then one day she showed up with her eye all a mess, and someone had to get her to a vet. I could tell she wanted help. She would come up to me and almost let me pet her before she would chicken out and run away. Took me a week to win her over, and now she won’t leave.” Dongsik carries the cat into the kitchen and deposits her on the floor. He grabs a can out of the cupboard and Jezebel winds in and out of his legs purring loudly. There is already a bowl filled with dry food on a little wooden stand, and a small water fountain on a mat on the floor.
“Why would she want to go back to living under a porch when she found herself a good human servant?”
Dongsik laughs, “Very true.” He places the fresh bowl down beside the dry food on the little stand. “Cats are unique among domesticated animals, did you know that?”
Juwon doesn’t know where he is going with this but nods and answers, “They chose to be domesticated.”
Dongsik smiles. “Exactly. We built houses and they showed up killing pests in exchange for room and board.” He fills the electric kettle with water and pulls out a tea tray. “We never tamed them, it’s always been a partnership.” He places the tray on the kitchen table. “If you’re trying to capture a cat you can’t trick them or corner them. They’ll fight tooth and nail to get out of a trap. You have to have patience. Wait them out. Earn their trust bit by bit, and then after all that they will either choose you, or they won't.”
Juwon pulls out a chair and sits down. He places his duffle bag on the seat beside him. He’s unsure how he feels about cats. He was never allowed pets growing up. A waste of money his father had said, and when he moved out on his own, well he didn't see the point in having a small animal in his apartment. However, there is a warmth unfurling inside of him as he pictures Dongsik walking around the neighbourhood everyday with treats and food determined to win over this scared lost animal. He can see him in the rain sitting there for hours making reassuring noises to a terrified creature who was trying her best to stay hidden and dry. An absolutely ridiculous scene. A soft smile appears on Juwon’s face.
The kettle shuts off and Dongsik pours the hot water into the teapot. “What about you Han Juwon? Any new hobbies? Pets? What have you been doing with your time?”
Juwon shifts in his seat. “Why don’t you tell me. You’ve been keeping tabs on me after all.”
Dongsik takes a seat and lightly kicks Juwon’s foot. “Are you annoyed with me Lieutenant?”
He doesn’t move his foot away, leaving it pressed against Juwon’s. A small invasion of his personal space. Juwon gives his head a small shake. It was going to take a lot more than that to get to him.
“Yes, I’m annoyed. If you want to know how I’m doing, call, text, email. Don’t spy on me, or mess with my phone.” Juwon waves his phone in his face for emphasis.
Dongsik grins, “What? You don’t like the name. I thought it was cute.”
“That’s not the point. It’s my phone and I don’t give people cutesy nicknames!”
“So you did think it was cute?”
Juwon lets out a frustrated groan and Dongsik laughs. “I have missed you Han Juwon. You’re so much fun to tease.” Dongsik leans in closer, moving his hands across the table stopping just short of touching Juwon. He looks him square in the eyes, penetrating him with his stare. “And what about you? I was locked up for a year. Are you saying you never checked up on me?”
Juwon leans back, “That’s not the same.”
“How is it not the same?”
“You were a cop in prison. Of course I checked up on you, anything could have happened!”
“And you couldn’t visit, or write a letter?”
Juwon roughly unzips his duffle bag and pulls out a stack of envelopes. He throws them on the table.
“I did write to you. All the time. I just never sent them.”
Dongsik pulls the envelopes towards him, and starts leafing through them. These weren’t even all of them. There were some Juwon was too embarrassed to keep. Ones where he poured his heart out, laying it all on the line. Everything he thought, everything he felt. Those he had destroyed.
“Why didn’t you send them?” Dongsik asks.
Juwon looks down at his hands. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want to remind you of…of things you’d rather forget.”
He hears Dongsik sigh, and then there is the sound of paper tearing. Panic shoots through Juwon and without thinking he lunges across the table grabbing for the envelope in Dongsik’s hand, but his old partner has anticipated him and deftly dodges.
“This is mine. It’s illegal to mess with someone’s mail, you know.”
“I never sent them so that law doesn’t apply. Besides, they’re not worth reading. They’re stupid really. Filled with random observations, new foods I tried, bits about my day. You should throw them away.”
Dongsik pulls the letter out. “I’ll decide if they’re worth reading or not.”
Juwon’s heart pounds in his chest. He knew if he brought the letters Dongsik would read them. He just thought it would be after he left, not right here in front of him. Why did he have to hand them over like that? He should have waited, but he had been so desperate to prove his point. To win. He should have remembered that Dongsik always has the last laugh. “Dear Mr. Lee…”
Of course he has to read it out loud, it’s the best way to torture him. Juwon’s eyes roam the room searching for somewhere to land. He can’t look at Dongsik. Eventually he settles on the table in front of him where the mess his ridiculous lunge made comes into focus. His cup is lying on its side in a puddle of tea that is slowly dripping onto the floor, and the honey jar is overturned. He wants to jump up and grab a towel but embarrassment keeps him rooted to the spot. This visit has gotten entirely away from him. There is no way he can save face now. Jezebel brushes against his leg again. Juwon reaches a hand down and trails it along her back. She lets out a loud purr which he finds oddly comforting
“...Today was a good day. At around noon I received a call about an eighteen year old young woman who had wandered away from home. I went to her house and spoke to her mother and assured her that although she could not officially report her daughter missing I would do everything I could to find her. Luckily the daughter was wearing a red coat and a neighbour had spotted her heading into the hills near her house. I headed out on foot and after about an hour I saw her resting against a tree. She was wary of me at first. I think my uniform scared her. She reminded me a bit of the boy in the rain, do you remember him? I sat on the ground a few feet away from her and tried to start a conversation to help put her at ease. I noticed she was clutching a binder and asked her about it. This was the correct tactic. She opened it up and showed me page after page of Pokemon cards. Eventually she motioned me closer so I could get a better look. She asked me who my favourite starter was. I had no idea what that meant, but she wasn’t offended. She stared at me for a moment, declared me “a Squirtle guy,” and handed me a card with a blue turtle on it. She told me to keep it because it was a double. After that she let me help her home, giving me tips on card collecting the whole way there. I haven’t started my own collection but I did keep the Squirtle card. I put it on my desk at the station in a small frame to remind me that sometimes things do go right. I thought about sending it to you but it’s a silly little thing, and I didn’t think you’d be allowed to keep it.
Anyway, I hope you are well. There are only three months left in your sentence, and you will soon be free again. Hold onto that when things get tough” —Dongsik squints and holds up the letter— “huh, the end is all scratched out, but I think I can still read it.”
Juwon’s stomach drops and he makes a half-hearted attempt to snatch the letter again. Dongsik lightly swats his hand. He stands up and moves to the kitchen window.
Holding the letter up to the light he continues reading, “Once you are out I would like to meet up, if that’s something you would also want. Until then know that I’m thinking of you. I’m always thinking about you. Every single day. There are so many things I want to say to you but I haven’t found the right words, and when I do I should tell them to you in person. I only hope they are words you want to hear. Sincerely yours, Han Juwon.”
For a brief period as a child, Juwon went through a phase of researching paranormal activity. Partially as a way to annoy his father, but also as a way to practice organizing evidence and scrutinizing sources. One of the phenomena he found most compelling was that of spontaneous human combustion. He couldn’t find a satisfying explanation as to how the bodies burned to the degree they did but left the environment around them unscathed. Sitting in Captain Nam’s kitchen feeling Dongsik’s eyes on him, he wonders if he is about to prove the theory right. His face feels like it’s on fire at the very least, so it would be nice if his body could hurry up, burst into flames and put him out of his misery.
“A Squirtle guy,” Dongsik says with a chuckle, “I could see that.”
Juwon risks a glance and sees Dongsik leaning against the counter smiling at him. It’s a soft smile but his eyes are lit up with amusement. Still in on a joke Juwon wasn’t getting. “I still don’t know what that means.”
Dongsik looks back at the letter, scanning it again. “You understood what mattered. Good work Lieutenant.” Juwon’s chest swells with pride. Not everyone thinks he does good work. He’s the nutcase who blew up his life and turned in his own father. He knows that most of his fellow officers didn’t think much of him, he wastes time and resources on cases that don’t matter, but he knew his former partner would understand. He learned it from watching him after all. “I would have really liked to get your letters,” Dongsik says quietly. He looks up before adding, “they would have made my days better.”
“Then I’m sorry I didn’t send them.” Juwon holds his gaze but it’s a struggle. He feels raw and exposed, and there’s a look in Dongsik’s eyes he hasn’t seen before.
“It’s okay, you’re here now.” His eyes travel down Juwon’s face, and continue down his body. He thought his face couldn’t get any hotter but he was wrong. Dongsik cocks his head to the side. “And you’re still making my life a mess I see.”
Juwon’s stomach lurches as he jumps up to start cleaning, but he gets up too quickly. His legs catch on the table and he almost flips over the entire thing. Thankfully it settles but the one cup that was still upright is now on the floor and the tea that he had spilled earlier is now on his pants. Jezebel lets out an affronted yowl and runs from the room. He closes his eyes and wishes for the floor under him to open up and swallow him whole.
“Are you alright Lieutenant Han? I remember you being a little more graceful.”
Juwon lets out a weak laugh. He can’t talk. He can’t do anything but stand there and slowly disintegrate. He feels a clap on his shoulder and a towel placed in his hand. He takes a deep breath, and counts to ten in his head. All he wants to do is leave but he can’t go before helping clean up, so he opens his eyes and starts wiping down the table all the while trying to come up with an excuse that will let him leave with some small bit of dignity intact. He wishes his phone would ring but he gave his partner strict instructions that he was not to be disturbed today and forwarded all his calls to him. Why the hell had he done that?
“The table needed a good cleaning anyway,” Dongsik says. Juwon knows he’s lying. The table, along with everything else in the kitchen, is very clean. The cups even look brand new. He better not have bought them just for him. He had made it clear at lunch that he didn’t need those kinds of accommodations anymore. He sighs and throws his towel in the sink. He really hopes Dongsik hadn’t gone out of his way preparing for his visit only for him to show up and wreck everything. “Now we just need to get you cleaned up,” Dongsik continues. “Come on, I’ll show you where the shower is.”
Dongsik turns and starts walking. Before he steps out of the room he reaches a hand behind his back, grabs onto his collar, and rips his shirt off in one fluid motion. There is nothing underneath but bare skin. Juwon blinks rapidly as he tries to make sense of what just happened. Did he mishear him? Was Dongsik going to go take a shower? And then he started undressing in front of him because prison had broken him of a need for privacy?
We just need to get you cleaned up. We. He definitely said we. He hears the shower start up and his heart rate accelerates. His feet move slowly toward the sound. He doesn’t know what he’ll do when he gets there. He can’t just jump in with him. In what world was that possible. He has never done anything like that in his life. What was Dongsik playing at? Was this some sort of cruel trick because of the letter? No, Juwon didn’t believe that. Dongsik was many things but he wasn’t cruel. He enjoyed the letter. He read it twice. Plus there was that look in his eyes. There was heat in it yes, but it wasn’t anger or disgust, it was something else all together. Juwon swallows. He has made it to the bathroom, and the door is wide open. All doubts are wiped from his mind. This is an invitation.
Dongsik’s words from earlier echo in his head, If you’re trying to capture a cat you can’t trick them or corner them. They’ll fight tooth and nail to get out of a trap. You have to have patience. Wait them out. Earn their trust bit by bit, and then after all that they will either choose you, or they won't.
Juwon takes a deep breath and makes a choice.
His hands shake as he tries to unbutton his shirt. It takes longer than it should but eventually he is able to shrug it off. The rest of his clothes follow until he is standing there naked, trembling from head to toe. His heart in his throat and his stomach is twisting itself into knots. He has the distinct feeling that he is either going to pass out or throw up. He takes a minute to steady himself and take in his surroundings. The interior of the bathroom looks newer than the rest of the house. He wonders if it was one of the last things Chief Nam had worked on, or if it was something that Dongsik had been keeping himself busy with. It's good work whoever did it. The mix of wood paneling and updated fixtures gives the room a welcoming feeling. It isn’t outdated or modern but a harmonization between new and old. Juwon likes it. He especially appreciates the fogged up pane of glass separating him from Dongsik. He doesn’t know if he would have had the courage to undress in front of him. Seeing his frame through the glass is almost too much in and of itself. His heart is pounding and he can barely suck in enough air to remain upright. Part of him, a big part, wants to scoop up his clothes and make a run for it, but he has already come so far. It’s just a little further now. Before he can talk himself out of it he reaches out, yanks the shower door open, and steps inside. Dongsik turns around, pushing the wet hair out of his face with both hands, and for a second everything stops. Time, Juwon’s heart, his ability to breathe, it’s all obliterated by the sight in front of him. Water trickles down a body that is a mixture of strength and softness. He’s the most beautiful thing Juwon has ever seen. He can only imagine the sight he himself makes standing there shaking, wide eyed and hyperventilating, but when Dongsik opens his eyes he only smiles at him.
“There you are,” he says, gently taking a hold of Juwon’s wrist. He guides him closer and then switches their places so Juwon is under the shower’s spray. He grabs a bar of soap and starts lathering it up his arm and then across his chest. Dongsik’s hands are rough in places thanks to calluses and scars, and Juwon can tell he is trying to be careful as he works his way down his body, but it doesn't matter how careful he is. Every small touch sends a jolt right through him. Juwon doesn’t remember anybody caring for him like this before. Somebody must have, back when he was too small to wash himself, but that was a very long time ago and no memory remains. In fact It has been so long since anyone has touched him at all that this tenderness is almost painful. Not in a bad way. It’s the kind of pain that leaves quickly and is immediately followed by relief.
Dongsik rests his hand on Juwon’s chest. “Your heart feels like a hummingbird.” He slowly grabs Juwon’s hand with his free one and places it over his own chest. His heart rate is steady and strong. “Do you trust me Han Juwon?”
“Yes,” Juwon answers without hesitation.
Dongsik smiles widely. “Then trust that I’ve got you. That I will take care of you. All you have to do is keep breathing.”
Juwon breathes in and out before answering, “I’ll do my best.”
For a moment all they do is stand there with their hands on each other’s chests feeling the heartbeats beneath until eventually Juwon’s slows to match his partner’s. Only then does Dongsik move his face closer and Juwon has to remind himself to take in a breath before their lips meet. It’s not his first kiss. There were rare times at boarding school, and college when he wanted to know what all the fuss was about and had allowed someone to pull him close, but he had never really felt the thing he was supposed to feel. Not until now. Dongsik’s lips are a gentle caress against his, and yet he can feel it all the way down to his toes. As Dongsik moves a hand up his neck he shudders as a trail of goosebumps is left in its wake. Juwon has never felt anything like this, his body responds to every touch. It is intoxicating. Dongsik entagles his fingers in his hair and pulls him closer. He eagerly follows along, opening his mouth to allow Dongsik to deepen the kiss. His tongue is a whole new sensation. It’s like there is an electric current moving between them. Heat pools in Juwon’s middle, and his knees go weak. Dongsik maneuvers him so his back is against the shower wall, and he uses that to hold himself up. Dongsik’s mouth moves to Juwon’s neck. He leans in closer loving the feel of it, he can’t get enough. Dongsik's hand moves down his chest and lands between his legs.
“Is this okay?” he asks.
“God yes,” Juwon answers.
“God? I could get used to you calling me that,” he says with a smirk.
That smirk still drives him crazy. Juwon pulls his mouth back to his and shuts him up with a kiss. He can feel laughter rumble in Dongsik’s chest. Juwon smiles against his lips. His own laughter turns into a moan as Dongsik's hand starts stroking. Almost immediately he can feel himself start to tumble over the edge. He holds himself still trying to make this last as long as possible.
“Don’t hold yourself back,” Dongsik’s voice is a low rumble. “I've got you.”
Juwon hesitates for only a second before he grabs onto Dongsik’s shoulders and starts pushing himself into his hand. Dongsik lowers his head and kisses his chest. When his teeth graze a nipple Juwon jerks his head back and hits it off the wall. If there’s pain he doesn’t feel it. All he can feel is Dongsik, everywhere. He’s not sure how long he lasts, but it doesn’t matter. Time has lost all meaning. Dongsik and the fall of water are the only things that exist in the world as far as Juwon’s concerned. As the wave inside him finally crashes all he can think is that the French have it right. It really is a little death.
***
Dongsik enters the bedroom holding a plastic shopping bag wearing nothing but a grin.
“I thought you were getting food.” Juwon says. The idea of eating in bed didn’t thrill him but Dongsik had been insistent on grabbing something from the kitchen.
Dongsik reaches into the bag, pulls out a small rectangular package and throws it at him.
Juwon picks it up and rolls his eyes. “Seriously?”
“It’s ramen.”
“It’s not cooked.”
Dongsik jumps on the bed and straddles him. “You’ve really never had dry ramen as a snack before?”
“No, and I can’t believe anyone but you eats it like this.”
“I forgot you were deprived of a childhood. Here I’ll show you what to do.” He grabs the ramen package and starts crunching up the noodles. After breaking up the noodles he opens it up, pulls out the flavour packet and pours the seasoning inside. Then he holds the package closed and shakes it.
“You are going to make a huge mess,” Juwon protests.
Dongsik pulls out pieces of ramen and holds it between his fingers. “Better eat it before I drop it then.” He pretends that his hand is very heavy and drops it lower and lower. It’s clear that if Juwon doesn’t eat it, it’s going to end up all over the place. He sighs before grabbing Dongsiks hand and bringing it to his mouth. Juwon puts his fingers between his lips and licks the noodles free.
It’s actually not half bad. Juwon chews carefully pretending to really consider the flavour profile of the crunchy salty ramen. Dongsik watches him closely, his dark eyes filled equally with amusement and lust. “Well,” Juwon finally declares, “I’ve had worse things in my mouth.”
Dongsik laughs. “Just admit that you like it.” He shoves some into his own mouth dropping little pieces onto the bedspread.
“You’re getting crumbs everywhere.” Juwon snatches the ramen from him.
“See you want it all to yourself.”
Juwon huffs, trying to hide a smile. “You did that on purpose.”
Dongsik shakes his head. “Tsk tsk Lieutenant, always with the accusations.”
Juwon’s smile falters. The gut punch of shame is immediate. What was he doing here? He didn’t get to be here like this, not after everything. He knows it’s just a dumb joke but the last thing Juwon wants is to be a daily reminder of the past. A walking relic of all the things he did, and worse, all the things his father did. Eventually resentment will grow between them. It’s inevitable. He hangs his head, unable to maintain eye contact.
“Hey, I was only teasing. I did drop some on purpose.”
“I know, it’s not that. It’s getting late. I should go.” Juwon attempts to get up but Dongsik pushes him back down.
“What are you talking about? It’s four in the afternoon, and you’re on vacation, remember?”
“I have some things to wrap up that I forgot about. I’m supposed to go meet a witness, and I’m late.” Juwon tries to get up again but Dongsik pushes him firmly back against the headboard. “Just let me go.”
“No. Not until you tell me why you’re trying to run away.”
He has to know why, so why is he forcing him to say it out loud? He had said it himself once. Yes, it was in a moment of anger but Juwon knew better than anyone that words said in anger always held a kernel of truth. Maybe Dongsik was cruel after all. “Because…because when you look at me, you’ll always see him.”
Dongsik’s grip on him lightens as he lets out a long breath. “That’s not true.” He takes Juwon’s hand between both of his, bends his head, and presses a kiss onto the back of it. “I promise you, that is not true.”
Juwon shakes his head in disbelief. “How can it not be?”
“Besides the fact that you’re nothing like him?” Dongsik puts his fingers under Juwon’s chin and tilts his face upwards. He waits until Juwon finally meets his gaze. “When I look at you all I see is my Juwon. The lost prince who rode into town filled with righteous indignation ready to slay a dragon. Only to find out that the dragon wasn’t a monster after all, he was only cursed. After learning the truth the prince didn’t falter. He took it upon himself to save the dragon. Walked into hell itself to break the curse. Against all odds he transformed the dragon back into the man he might have been had his life gone differently.”
Juwon can feel heat behind his eyes, and moisture gathering in the corners. Honestly it was embarrassing how many times he’s cried in front of this man.
“You are the hero of my story, don’t you know that?”
Juwon shakes his head again. “I’m not.”
“You said that you trusted me, so trust me now.”
“Then why haven’t I heard from you? You must have kept your distance for a reason.”
Dongsik sighs. “After you arrested me, I thought it would be better for you if I left you alone. I had already dragged you down so low, I needed to give you a chance to rebuild your life in peace.”
“What changed?”
“I heard you had cut yourself off from everyone again. Not returning calls and texts, spending all your time working, and that made me realize that I was being an idiot. Too many people had left you alone for far too long. That’s not what you need.” He brings Juwon’s wrist to his lips and leaves a trail of kisses down the inside of his forearm before continuing. “However, I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I messed with your phone to pique your curiosity, and when you didn’t take the bait I sent some more.”
Juwon remembers how angry and annoyed he was when he got here, thinking he was about to get a lecture. “I can’t believe I fell for that.”
“Well, clearly it’s because you wanted to.” Dongsik’s smile turns smug.
Juwon grabs Dongsik’s hands and yanks him forward. He uses the momentum to flip him onto his back and rolls on top of him, switching their positions. “Yes I wanted to,” he says before smothering Dongsik’s surprised laughter with his mouth. He puts his whole body into the kiss, trying to show his devotion without words. However, words are sometimes necessary, so he pulls himself back and looks into his partner’s eyes.
“I was cursed too,” Juwon begins, “but my curse was self-inflicted. I was alone for a very long time, and I thought it was better that way, easier. I put a safe around my heart and locked it up tight so nobody could touch me, but heart’s can’t survive like that. Alone in the darkness my heart broke anyway, and I carried around those shattered pieces inside of me until the day I met a very annoying man.” Dongsik smiles and points at himself. “This man invaded my personal space, and drove me absolutely crazy. He also broke down all my defenses, and even though we met under the worst circumstances, the shattered pieces of my heart slowly began to mend.”
Dongsik places his hand on Juwon’s chest. “And then that annoying stupid man left you all alone, I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, for everything.”
Dongsik leans forward and kisses him on the forehead. “That’s enough apologies between us. Every choice we made led us here, so let’s be grateful for what we have.”
“I’m still not sure if I deserve this. You and me.”
“This world isn’t a fair place Juwon. Most people don’t get what they deserve, but if they’re lucky, they get what they need.” He caresses Juwon’s cheek. “What I need is you here with me, and I think maybe you need me too.”
Juwon nods. “I do need you.” He takes a deep breath, unsure if he should say the words that are on the tip of his tongue. Maybe it’s too soon, or maybe it’s too late, but it is the truth. Going forward he wants everything between them to be the truth. “Dongsik, I love you.”
Small crinkles form at the corners of Dongsik’s eyes as his face lights up. “You know, I had a hunch that you might.” He takes Juwon’s face between his hands, “I love you too.” He kisses him and another piece of Juwon’s heart slots back into place.
He gently pushes Dongsik away from him. “Now it’s my turn to take care of you.”
Dongsik raises an eyebrow. “Oh really?”
“Yes really,” Juwon attempts to sound stern. “So behave yourself. Don’t make me get my handcuffs.”
Both eyebrows are raised now. “Handcuffs huh? We can work our way up to that, but I do think they’ll look much better on you.” Dongsik puts his hands behind his back and leans back grinning.
A thrill goes through Juwon. He ducks his head to try and hide the blush that must be spreading across his face. “We’ll see about that.” He will do absolutely anything this man wants but it wouldn’t be any fun if he didn’t try to put up a fight. Juwon bends down and drags his tongue up Dongsik’s torso starting at his naval, he lets out a gratifying groan in response. This is a first for Juwon, but he prides himself on being a quick study and Dongsik isn’t shy on letting him know what feels good. They would have time later to figure out exactly what they liked, and how their bodies would slot together, but for now it was enough to just touch him. To worship him the way he deserves. Judging by the way Dongsik’s back is arched and how his hands are fisted in the bed sheets, he’s doing a good job. Juwon grabs one of Dongsik’s hands and entangles it in his own hair. “Don’t hold yourself back.”
He gives Juwon’s hair an experimental yank, and tiny sparks of pleasure dance down his scalp. Yes, this was a definite like. The look on his face encourages Dongsik to pull harder. Juwon lets out a satisfied gasp as his head is pulled down towards Dongsik’s cock. He takes him into his mouth eagerly, using his lips and tongue to slowly undo him. Dongsik warns him when he’s about to come but Juwon doesn’t pull away. It’s not until Dongsik’s body stills that he resurfaces, bringing their faces back together. Letting Dongsik taste himself in his mouth.
The world may not be fair or kind, but sometimes you get damn lucky. Juwon hopes his luck holds out for a long time.
***
Jazz music plays softly in the living room. The sun has long since set, and the only light in the room is from a single lamp. Juwon thinks they should make their way back to bed but he can’t move. His stomach is full, and his limbs are heavy with contentment. Besides, he doesn't want to disturb Dongsik. Who looks happy and relaxed sitting on the couch in his soft black t-shirt and gray sweatpants reading a book. He is also quite comfortable himself with his head resting in Dongsik’s lap and his long legs slung over the armrest. He just hopes if he falls asleep Dongsik won’t sit up all night in an effort to not wake him.
“Oof,” Juwon exclaims as a small ball of fur lands on him. Jezebel kneads his shirt, purring loudly, as she makes herself comfortable.
“Traitor,” Dongsik says affectionately. He gives Jezebel a scratch between her ears.
She curls up in a little ball on Juwon’s chest. He rests a hand on her and the purring intensifies. The corners of his mouth tug upwards. He’s still not sure how he feels about all cats but he decides that he likes this one. As Dongsik turns the pages of his book, Juwon gets another look at the cover. It’s a bloody chalk outline surrounded by evidence markers. “Why are you reading that?” he can’t help asking.
“What? I enjoy mysteries. They exercise the mind. Plus it’s fun counting how many pages it takes me to put things together. My record is five.” He looks to be about a third of the way through the book. “This one took a little longer but I’ve definitely cracked it.”
Juwon is far too tired to point out the many reasons why Dongsik’s choice of reading material is ridiculous. “What’s it about?” he asks instead.
“Well there is a loose cannon detective from Seoul who doesn’t play by the rules. After his latest catastrophe he is banished to a rural substation, where he is partnered up with a straight laced rookie who always follows the law to the letter. After the mayor is murdered they have to put aside their differences and bust the case wide open.”
Juwon lets out a soft laugh at the familiar sounding story. “So, who did it?”
“I can’t tell you that. You’ll have to read it and figure it out for yourself.”
He groans. “Fine then, what about the two detectives? Do you think things will work out between them?
Dongsik nods. “Yes, I’ve got a good feeling about those two.” Juwon tries to suppress a smile. “Here,” Dongsik says, and flips the book back to the first page, “I’ll start over, and then we can figure things out together.” He clears his throat and begins to read aloud, “Kim Hyun-woo stands outside of the police substation in Daejin-ri and yawns loudly. If his supervisors wanted to punish him he doesn’t understand why they sent him to the beach. The next six months would be a nice vacation.”
Juwon’s eyes start to close. It feels like there are weights attached to his eyelids. Try as he might, he can't keep them open.
“Hey, are you falling asleep on me?”
“I’m just resting my eyes,” Juwon mumbles.
Dongsik chuckles but keeps reading. “A young officer approaches Hyun-woo and starts shouting, ‘Hey, this isn’t a tourist destination. You can’t loiter here!’ He resists the urge to put his finger under his eye and stick his tongue out at his new coworker. The shouting was not helping with his hangover…”
Juwon loses track of the words, but the rhythm and timber of Dongsik’s voice remain as his head lulls to the side and his breathing evens out. A cocoon of warmth and safety wraps itself around him, and there is no tension left in his body. He wants to stay awake and hear the story, but he can’t fight the sleep over taking him. He has one last thought before he fully drifts off — for the first time in his life he is finally home.