Self Expression At Its Finest

by Adders

Summary:

It’s not easy dating someone who has no idea how to express themselves. It’s also not easy for someone who has no idea how to express themselves to date someone who constantly expresses themselves.

Chapter 1: Origami Figures

AN: My first Semantic Error fic! The real-life chemistry between Park Seoham and Park Jaechan is so incredible, you can feel it even when they play fictional characters. Anyway, this is a "first-time" fic, which I've never done before, so bear with me on this!

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Jaeyoung had never put so much effort into a relationship. He usually had people throwing themselves at him, but now he was the one chasing (literally) after someone. Sangwoo’s habit of running away when he didn’t know what to say was a great cardio exercise for him. Their neighbors were regularly entertained by Jaeyoung charging after him.

It was happening less frequently now that Sangwoo was working on his communication skills. Jaeyoung was also getting better at recognizing the brief look on his face whenever he was about to take off. 

Unfortunately, Sangwoo figured out that he could squeeze into small places, like underneath a bed or into tiny alleyways that Jaeyoung couldn’t follow him into. Jaeyoung sometimes had to coax him out, which only strengthened Jaeyoung’s argument that Sangwoo was basically a human cat. Jaeyoung preferred to call him “Kitty” or “Cat” more often than “babe,” much to Sangwoo’s dismay.

The artist even had a drawing of him with cat ears and a tail along with a list of actions that supported his statement.

 

Chu Sangwoo avoids people.

Chu Sangwoo hides in small places.

Chu Sangwoo sleeps curled up in a ball.

Chu Sangwoo does not like swimming.

Chu Sangwoo likes being pet.

Chu Sangwoo likes being the first one to approach someone.

Chu Sangwoo likes taking naps.

Chu Sangwoo likes taking naps in the sunlight.

Chu Sangwoo likes being the one to initiate physical contact.

Chu Sangwoo likes to be on soft things.

Chu Sangwoo likes to snuggle.

Chu Sangwoo likes to bite things.

Chu Sangwoo likes to climb things.

Chu Sangwoo likes to sit in laps. Just one lap in particular though.

Chu Sangwoo LOVES his owner.

 

Surprisingly, Sangwoo’s complaint with the last thing on the list wasn’t with Jaeyoung calling himself his owner, but the use of the word “love.” Sangwoo was of the opinion that “love” was an exaggeration of feeling fondness for someone. He felt it was thrown around with no meaning, so he avoided it.

Instead, he would rub his cheek against Jaeyoung, like a cat, and say, “I like you a lot, stupid.”

Jaeyoung would always respond, “I love you too, you robot.”

Once Jihye accepted that she would never have a chance with Sangwoo, she became close to their group. Sangwoo didn’t like the term “friends” and preferred “acquaintances,” so Jihye became his best acquaintance besides Jaeyoung. The two would frequently have lunch together if Jaeyoung wasn’t around.

When she started dating Hyeongtak, the four of them would go on double dates. When Yuna started dating an international student named Hannah, it turned into a triple date. The group knew that Sangwoo was trying his hardest to learn social interaction. They didn’t take his blunt statements that bordered on insults to heart.

Jaeyoung would tap his leg under the table to let him know whenever he said something too harsh. Jaeyoung didn’t mind explaining to him what was wrong with it if Sangwoo was confused. He accepted the fact that his partner processed things differently, and if Sangwoo was willing to learn in order for their relationship to work, Jaeyoung was too.

It didn’t mean it was easy.

Jaeyoung gave him a key to his apartment and the studio within a week of dating. Sangwoo gave him a key two months later after Jaeyoung promised he wouldn’t mess around with anything in his apartment or leave trash anywhere. Jaeyoung understood how big of a deal it was to Sangwoo to put his faith in someone in such a way, so he did everything he could to not betray his trust.

There were times when Jaeyoung’s impatience got the better of him and times when Sangwoo lashed out with words that genuinely hurt Jaeyoung’s feelings. If Jaeyoung raised his voice too loudly, Sangwoo would go silent and mentally shut down. If Sangwoo said something hurtful, Jaeyoung would leave the situation to be on his own.

The ways they apologized to each other were vastly different. Jaeyoung would leave cute little drawings around Sangwoo’s apartment with terrible jokes written on them until Sangwoo would talk to him again, even if it was just to tell him “you’re not funny.”

Sangwoo, a secret master of baking, would make Jaeyoung’s favorite pastries and leave them in his workspace. He’d clean everything and always put a little origami figure next to the pastries. Whatever figure he made and the color of the paper he chose represented his thoughts.

Jaeyoung never knew the exact meaning. There was no way for a normal person to understand Chu Sangwoo’s mind. He did know that Sangwoo never gave an apology he felt wasn’t deserved. If he was saying sorry, he meant it, and that was enough for Jaeyoung.

Jihye was the first person to make Sangwoo realize that the “strong liking” he had for Jaeyoung was indeed love. She sat him down and went through a list, asking him yes or no questions like, “does your heart race when you look at his face?” and “does his laugh make you happy?”

Sangwoo answered yes to almost every single one of them. Jihye put the list down and said, “your system scan has identified a new application under the name ‘love.’ This application cannot be deleted. It requires extra battery power and a secondary download named ‘Jang Jaeyoung’.”

That night, Sangwoo sat in the chair next to Jaeyoung in his studio. He had his arms wrapped around his legs as he rested his chin on his knee and stared at him.

“Yah, Chu Sangwoo, your eyes are burning holes in me,” Jaeyoung peeked at him for a second. Sangwoo didn’t respond, only tilted his head and continued staring. Jaeyoung clicked his tongue and tried to focus on his drawing.

“Hyung.”

“Hmm?”

“I think I love you.”

“HMM?”

Jaeyoung whipped around so fast, Sangwoo was amazed he didn’t break his neck. Before Sangwoo could even blink, Jaeyoung was in his face and gripping the arms of his chair so tightly, the plastic seemed about to break.

“What did you just say?” Jaeyoung asked, a wild look in his eye.

“I… I didn’t say anything,” Sangwoo backtracked.

“No. No, no. You definitely just said something. Say it again,” Jaeyoung leaned even closer, his breathing speeding up.

Sangwoo was struggling to figure out if Jaeyoung was happy or angry. Jaeyoung noticed his glance at the door and quickly caged him between his arms.

“Nuh, uh,” he shook his head with a crazed grin, “no, no running. Chu Sangwoo, you tell me right now what you said.”

“N-no, I really didn’t say anything. I really… I…”

Jaeyoung must have had a moment of clarity where he realized Sangwoo was on the verge of a panic attack.

“Okay, okay,” Jaeyoung took a breath, “please, don’t run. Just… nod or shake your head, alright?”

Sangwoo’s eyes were wide, blinking rapidly as he forced himself to nod.

“Sangie, did you just say you think you love me?”

The younger man swallowed harshly, biting his lip so hard, he was close to drawing blood.

“Did you just say you think you love me?” Jaeyoung repeated his question more urgently.

“W-would you be mad if I said yes?” Sangwoo asked, trying to decide his next course of action and weighing the outcomes of each potential choice.

“Not mad,” Jaeyoung assured, “not mad at all. The total opposite of mad. Sangwoo, please, answer. Did you say, you think you love me?”

Sangwoo looked down, unable to meet his eyes as he nodded.

“I’m giving you a warning in advance, Sangie. I’m going to kiss you now.”

Sangwoo nodded, allowing Jaeyoung to kiss him deeply let out a surprised squeak when Jaeyoung suddenly lifted him out of the chair and wrapped his legs around Jaeyoung's waist, scared of falling.

The artist carried him to the couch, putting him down and climbing on top of him.

“Fucking hell. Chu Sangwoo, do you know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that?” Jaeyoung grinned wide.

“Since when you said it?” Sangwoo asked.

“Since we kissed at the restaurant where you then shoved me and ran away.”

“That makes no sense,” Sangwoo scowled, “that’s not rational.”

“Aish, fuck being rational,” Jaeyoung kissed his neck, biting and sucking marks into the soft skin. He didn’t anticipate Sangwoo’s reaction as he let out a moan and sat up to stare at Sangwoo with a smirk. “Kitty, what was that?”

“Nothing,” Sangwoo quickly said, “it just hurt, you bastard.”

“People don’t typically sound like they’re enjoying it when they’re in pain.”

“Am I a typical person?”

Jaeyoung snorted, “No, but I’ll remember this.”

Sangwoo might be far smaller than him, but he was surprisingly strong. Jaeyoung nearly fell off the couch from how hard he was shoved.

“Yah! What the fuck?! We agreed on no more pushing!”

Sangwoo pointed to the door and Jaeyoung turned to see Yuna looking incredibly amused while Hyeongtak was covering his eyes, scandalized at the sight.

“If we’re interrupting something, we can go,” Yuna said, “I need to grab something though.”

“No, it’s fine. I was just going,” Sangwoo got off the couch and quickly shoved his textbooks in his bag.

“Sangchu,” Yuna called his nickname. When he looked up at her, squinting because he wasn’t wearing his contact lenses or glasses, she tapped the side of her throat. “You’ve got a little something there.”

Sangwoo scowled and walked to the mirror on the wall, tilting his head to the side. He sucked his teeth angrily once he saw the hickeys littering his pale skin. He crossed his arms and turned to stare daggers at Jaeyoung.

“You look good with them!” Jaeyoung attempted to pacify his boyfriend, “honestly, I should have you looking like this all the time.”

“What are my professors going to say?” Sangwoo stomped his foot. Jaeyoung always thought it was one of his cutest habits and couldn’t help but smile. It only made Sangwoo angrier. “I’m serious! What am I supposed to do?”

“Invest in a nice scarf and some high-quality makeup,” Yuna said, “Hannah, Jihye, and I can help you find a good concealer and foundation. We’ll show you how to cover hickeys. Then Jaeyoung can give you as many as he wants.”

“Who says I want them?” Sangwoo put his hands on his hips.

“Considering how you reacted while I was giving them, I’d say you do,” Jaeyoung shrugged.

“Oh, my god!” Hyeongtak groaned, “stop. I don’t wanna listen to this.”

Jaeyoung stood up and approached Sangwoo cautiously, slowly reaching out to hug him. He watched closely to see if Sangwoo was about to run, but Sangwoo made no move. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy’s waist, kissing the top of his head, thankful Sangwoo had stopped wearing his awful baseball caps. 

“I should have asked first if you were okay with it first,” Jaeyoung said.

“Yeah.”

“Sorry, Cat. I’ll ask from now on.”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded.

For any other person, the tone he used would be considered passive-aggressive and an indication that he was still angry. For Sangwoo, the indifference truly was indifference. There wasn’t any emotion involved, he was simply acknowledging what Jaeyoung said.

Jaeyoung kissed his forehead, “I love you, Sangie.”

“I guess I love you too.”

Chapter 2: Female-Directed

AN: I'm a hoe for friends who teach others sex safety.

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“Wait, hold on. You’ve been together for almost five months, and you haven’t gone past kissing?” Yuna gaped at Sangwoo.

“Is that… is that bad?” Sangwoo asked confusedly.

“No, it’s not bad,” Jihye assured him, “it’s a personal decision when or even if someone wants to do anything sexual. Some people wait until marriage. Some people just don’t want sex at all, and that’s completely valid.”

“I agree,” Yuna nodded, “I figured it would be hard for you because you don’t really like people touching you, and that’s in no way meant to insult you. It’s actually Jaeyoung I’m surprised by.”

“Why?” Sangwoo asked.

“I told you that you changed him. I mean, he’s not someone who typically chooses emotional stuff over physical stuff. That’s not to say he would ever pressure someone into doing anything. I’ve seen him knock a guy’s teeth out for grabbing a girl. He’s just someone who usually does hookups or friends with benefits. With you though, he actually cares. I’ve never seen him like this. What the hell did you do to him?”

“I told him ‘I don’t like you. You’re annoying. Leave me alone’.”

“Ah, Jaeyoungie likes a good chase,” Yuna nodded.

“Choo, have you ever kissed anyone before?” Jihye asked.

“When I was thirteen, I had a friend that was a year or two older than me who wanted to… test his technique, I guess. He was trying to ask out a girl in his class.”

“So, you’ve only ever kissed? And just this friend and Jaeyoung?”

“Only kissed, and just them. I want to do more though. I just… don’t know how to.”

“Oh, you sweet summer child,” Yuna sighed, “we have so much to teach you. Have you ever watched porn?”

Sangwoo’s eyes widened, “Noona, is this a conversation we should be having here?”

“If you can’t talk about sex with your friends at a shopping mall food court, are you really friends?” she laughed and clapped her hands, “so! Have you ever watched porn?”

“I tried twice, but it was uncomfortable to see. It didn’t look like anyone was actually enjoying it,” he said, cheeks red.

“Actually, that’s good that you recognize that. Most porn is unrealistic and prioritizes looking nice on camera instead of feeling pleasure in the moment. The mainstream stuff is not a good way to introduce sex. Female-directed is where it’s at,” Yuna said, “let’s go to my place.”

“Right now?” Sangwoo raised a brow.

“Sure, why not,” Jihye shrugged.

“Wait, actually, let’s stop at the pharmacy first. Gonna pick some things up,” Yuna grinned mischievously.

Sangwoo followed her, not anticipating her leading him directly to an aisle filled with brands of condoms. She kept a firm grip on his sweater sleeve to stop him from running while Jihye couldn’t help but snap a photo of his horrified face.

“Just a warning,” Yuna smirked, “Jaeyoung is a big boy.”

“W-wha, uh, how do you know?” 

“I used to share an apartment with him. I had to listen to all the girls he brought over. I had to deal with condom boxes all over the place. He probably still has some, but you should always have more,” she said and Sangwoo swallowed nervously as she selected a box that had “XXL” printed on the side.

She also grabbed a bottle of lube and sore throat lozenges.

“Are you sick?” Sangwoo nodded to them as they headed to the checkout. 

“No, my dear,” she shook her head, “these are for you.”

“But I’m not sick,” he blinked, totally confused. 

“Trust me, you’ll be thanking me down the line. Giving head has its pros and cons.”

“… What does ‘giving head’ mean?”

Yuna turned to Jihye, “we have a lot of work to do with this one.”

Chapter 3: Incognito

AN: Basically just Sangwoo having a full-blown identity crisis. TW: porn-watching, VERY brief porn that contains BDSM, mentions of past bullying, self-esteem issues. Next chapter will have smut, please bear with me <3

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Sangwoo prided himself on his ability to retain information. He could read any book and remember it word for word even weeks later. If he really focused, he could learn a language and speak almost fluently in just a month or two. 

The information Yuna and Jihye gave him was stuff that he would have preferred not to remember.

Jihye tried to keep a straight face, but even she had some difficulty when Yuna talked in graphic detail about how to clean and prep himself for sex. Sangwoo knew it was for his own benefit since he needed new things laid out for him specifically, but the explicit topic had his cheeks on fire.

Jihye showed him how to put a condom on using a banana. Yuna then demonstrated oral techniques on it. Sangwoo drew the line when she tried to get him to attempt it.

“Okay,” she nodded, “you’ve had enough of us for today, huh? Go home. I’m gonna send you videos and stuff. Study that shit.”

“You don’t think this is all a little excessive?” he asked.

“Sangchu, you’re the one always saying you need to know everything about something before you get involved with it. It’s better that you know what you’re getting into instead of going blind and panicking when it’s happening.”

“Yes, it might be crass, but I would’ve loved to know this stuff before I started dating,” Jihye added, “I wish I had had someone explain it all to me like this.”

“Um, obviously, I don’t have any STDs. How do I ask him if he… you know?” Sangwoo shifted awkwardly.

“He doesn’t have any, don’t worry. He’s always been strict about using protection and getting tested regularly. Jaeyoung might’ve been a player, but he values the safety of his partners more than anything. He hasn’t been with anyone since he last got tested, which was right before he met you. Honestly, knowing him, he probably got tested recently just to make sure that you would be safe. Hold on, I can text him right now,” she pulled out her phone and started typing. 

“He’s busy now, it’s okay,” Sangwoo shook his head.

“Too late,” she shrugged. 

Yuna tossed him the condoms and the other things they got at the pharmacy. He put them in his backpack, triple-checking that it was zipped so no one could see the contents as he walked to his apartment.

He checked the clock when he arrived and saw that Jaeyoung would be at work for another two hours. The older man had started a job a few months prior at an animation studio working on tv shows and movies.

Sangwoo was proud of him, but he missed him whenever he worked long days. It did give him the perfect opportunity to see what Yuna sent him. He opened the email to find it full of links. As soon as he read some of the titles, he put his browser on incognito mode. 

He read the articles and blogs first. One was titled “How to Find Your Prostate Like a Pro,” another was “Drive Your Man Wild With These Tongue Techniques,” and the last was called “First Time? All You Need to Know to Lose Your V-Card.”

“…What the fuck is a v-card?” Sangwoo muttered to himself.

He was able to work through them all relatively quickly, mentally storing the information in the spot in his mind designated for explicit things. 

His phone buzzed with a message from Yuna.

Yoochae: I was right. He got tested literally a week ago, just 2 make sure. U don’t have 2 use condoms. He’s totally clean.

Sangwoo smiled at how considerate his boyfriend was. Even when he wasn’t actively showing it, Jaeyoung still took care of him.

Yoochae: Are u studying?

Lettuce: Yes, and it’s horrifying.

Yoochae: What are u on now?

Lettuce: I finished the articles. Please, stop texting like that. Use proper writing.

Yoochae: Never. U need 2 loosen up a bit. I’m sure Jae can help with that tho ;)

“Oh, my god,” Sangwoo facepalmed and put his phone down, unwilling to continue the conversation.

He took a deep breath before he clicked the link to one of the videos and immediately cringed.

There was a naked woman on her knees, smiling at the camera. His discomfort skyrocketed when the video started and there was some awkward dialogue between her and the man behind the camera.

The only way he was able to bear it was by imagining himself on his knees for Jaeyoung. He started analyzing the video, mentally filtering out everything except for the techniques the actress used as she gave a blowjob to the cameraman.

He was not viewing it as porn, he was viewing it as an instructional video, and that made him less uncomfortable.

He stopped the video when the idea to practice on a cucumber crossed his mind. He was more than willing to suck off Jaeyoung, but there was no way in hell he was going to deepthroat a goddamn garden vegetable. 

The second video was a bit more difficult to focus on. While Sangwoo only had eyes for Jaeyoung, he very much appreciated muscles, and the two men on camera were fit.

He didn’t know if they were just actors or were in a relationship. Their visible affection for each other seemed too intimate to be strangers, but Sangwoo wasn’t exactly an experienced judge when it came to such things.

He couldn’t for the life of him see the appeal of porn other than admiring physiques. It didn’t seem rational to him to watch others have sex instead of participating.

Again, he focused mostly on techniques. Once the video ended, Sangwoo was about to watch the last one Yuna sent when a thumbnail on the site caught his eye.

He had heard some things about BDSM in passing, but nothing detailed. He debated for a moment before clicking it.

There was a woman hanging from the ceiling, ropes tied in elaborate designs along her body. From the position she was in, there was no way for her to move on her own.

For some reason, Sangwoo felt envious of her, and that freaked him out more than anything. He closed the computer tabs, making sure there was no browser history that could show what he had been watching. 

He turned off his computer and pushed it away, shaking his head to try and clear his mind. He couldn’t stop imagining what the ropes would feel like on his skin, or what it would be like to be entirely powerless. 

He lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His mind was absolute chaos, thoughts flying at light speed and overwhelming him.

Sangwoo had always struggled with self-esteem. Years of being bullied ruined his confidence, but he had always had the assurance that he knew his mind. His brain processed things like a machine, and he could always count on the outcome.

Jaeyoung burst into the scene and fucked it all up. He loved the man now and was grateful that he came into his life. It didn’t change the fact that Jaeyoung had turned his whole world upside down. Sangwoo suddenly doubted the one thing he felt sure about. He felt like he didn’t know himself at all anymore.

After months of dating, he had finally started rebuilding his sense of self. Now, after seeing one image, his hard work was ruined. 

He was a man of rationality, but what rational person would willingly put themselves in such a vulnerable situation? It seemed far too counterintuitive of survival instincts to put oneself at the complete mercy of someone else.

Not only that, he had no idea how Jaeyoung felt about BDSM. He was terrified the elder would get freaked out at the thought of his partner wanting to be tied down and used.

On the other hand, he was scared that Jaeyoung would start to view his inexperience as a burden, or become frustrated that he was so nervous.

That, of course, led Sangwoo to start spiraling mentally. The very thought of Jaeyoung dumping him made his heart hurt. He couldn’t stop the imaginary scenarios that went through his head, thinking about the different things Jaeyoung would say to break up with him.

He was so caught up in all his catastrophizing, he lost track of time and was only drawn out of his brain by getting the shit scared out of him when Jaeyoung’s concerned face leaned over him into his field of vision.

“You scared me!” he shouted angrily, startling Jaeyoung with his loud voice as he sat up.

“You scared me! I was practically screaming your name. I thought you fainted or something,” Jaeyoung frowned, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Sangwoo nodded, “sorry.”

“You say you’re fine, but you don’t seem fine,” Jaeyoung tutted.

Sangwoo sighed and grabbed Jaeyoung’s hand, bringing it up to his head. The artist got the message and began stroking Sangwoo’s hair. 

“What’s wrong, Kitty?”

“Too fast,” Sangwoo mumbled.

“What is?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo tapped the side of his temple, looking up at the elder with a pout.

“Ahhh,” Jaeyoung nodded understandingly, “how about we watch a movie and order some food? Give your brain a minute to calm down. Sound good?”

Sangwoo made a sound of approval and reached up with grabby hands. Jaeyoung felt like his heart was about to explode as he wrapped his arms around the younger man and picked him up. As much as Jaeyoung loved their playful banter, he cherished the rare moments when Sangwoo showed his vulnerability. 

He considered it one of his greatest accomplishments in life that he had won Sangwoo’s trust. He was the only person Sangwoo would even consider letting his guard down around, and Jaeyoung valued every second of it.

He carried Sangwoo to the couch, sitting down and letting Sangwoo readjust himself. Sangwoo curled up in his lap, resting his head on Jaeyoung’s chest. The artist wouldn’t have been surprised if he suddenly heard purring sounds, considering the way he rubbed his cheek against the fabric of Jaeyoung’s shirt.

Sangwoo always said it was a sensory thing and he liked the way it felt, but Jaeyoung was certain part of it was enjoying being close to him. Jaeyoung turned on the television and scrolled through the options, selecting something he knew Sangwoo would like.

“What do you wanna eat, doll?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo shrugged, “you pick.”

“You’re really gonna trust me with that decision? What if I order something you don’t like?”

“You know what I don’t like.”

Jaeyoung picked up his phone and opened up a food delivery app. “I guess I’ll order you a broccoli smoothie,” he said.

Sangwoo craned his neck to look up at him with a scowl and an adorable little pout.

“Please don’t.”

“I won’t, baby. Don’t worry,” he kissed the pout away, “how about some taro bubble tea and tonkatsu ramen?”

Sangwoo smiled and nodded, sitting up slightly to kiss Jaeyoung back. Jaeyoung squeezed him and gave him a few more pecks before he started the food order. He noticed Sangwoo’s look of disappointment and raised a brow.

“What’s the face for?” he asked.

Sangwoo must not have known he was showing any type of emotion as he seemed surprised.

“I just… like kissing you.”

Jaeyoung grinned wide, knowing Sangwoo would have never admitted something like that just a few months prior.

“I like kissing you too,” Jaeyoung beamed, proving it by kissing him a few more times.

Once Sangwoo’s desire for kisses seemed momentarily satisfied, Jaeyoung added things to the order, stopping every few moments to give him another kiss. What would have normally taken three or four minutes ended up taking over ten.

“It’ll be here in 30 minutes,” Jaeyoung put his phone down and turned all of his attention to the boy in his lap.

“Are you getting bored of this?” Sangwoo suddenly asked.

Jaeyoung blinked confusedly. “Huh?”

“Never mind.”

“No, not never mind. You know I hate when you do that. What do you mean?” Jaeyoung frowned.

“Aren’t you getting bored with what we do?”

“Do you… want me to change the show?” Jaeyoung asked, still confused.

“I mean me. Are you getting bored of me? Don’t you want to be with someone who can give more?”

“No,” Jaeyoung said sternly, “I could never get bored of you, and I sure as hell don’t want to be with anyone else.”

“Why not? I don’t understand why you would want me when you could have someone who could give you more.”

“Chu Sangwoo, you are the smartest person I know, but I swear, you say some of the dumbest things. It doesn’t matter if someone gave me all the money in the world, I’d still choose you. Why are you thinking something like this? Do you want to be with someone else?”

“No!” Sangwoo shook his head, “I just… why do you want to be with a person like me?”

“What kind of person do you think you are, Sangwoo?”

“An uptight one.”

“One: there’s nothing wrong with wanting to stick to rules. Two: you’ve been going out on all sorts of adventures recently,” Jaeyoung said.

“That’s really not what I mean.”

“Then what do you mean?” Jaeyoung sighed.

He was too distracted by the conversation to notice Sangwoo’s “time to leave” look. The kid was out of his lap and halfway out the door before Jaeyoung could even react.

“Goddamn it!” he cursed as he quickly yanked on his sneakers to run after him. “CHU SANGWOO, GET BACK HERE!”

It didn’t take long for him to catch up to the smaller boy a block away considering Sangwoo was running on wet concrete in just a pair of socks. Jaeyoung grabbed him by his hood and hoisted him over his shoulder.

Sangwoo squirmed around, trying to escape his grasp but there was no way to get out of the hold Jaeyoung had on him.

“Let me go!” he shouted.

“Shut up,” Jaeyoung growled, the anger in his tone silencing Sangwoo immediately. He stopped fighting, dropping his head in defeat as Jaeyoung carried him back to the apartment. Despite how mad the man was, he still walked under the overhang of the rooftops to try and shield Sangwoo from the heavy rain as much as possible.

By the time they got inside, they were both soaked to the bone and Sangwoo was shivering.

“Stop running away like a fucking child when you don’t wanna talk. Go take a shower,” Jaeyoung said, jaw clenched tightly in anger as he placed Sangwoo down.

“What about you?” Sangwoo asked, voice small.

“Just get in the fucking shower. I don’t want you freezing to death.”

Sangwoo obeyed but not before tossing a towel to him.

He kept the bathroom door cracked just the slightest bit and stripped off his wet clothes. He waited impatiently for the shower to heat up before stepping under the hot stream. 

Sangwoo closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth. He couldn’t help but think about how cold Jaeyoung probably was.

“Hyung?” he called out, repeating himself louder when there was no response.

“What?” Jaeyoung asked from outside the door. There was a sharp, very annoyed edge in his voice and Sangwoo swallowed nervously.

“Come shower,” Sangwoo said.

“You’re done?”

“No… you can, um. You can join me… if you want to,” Sangwoo mentally slapped himself for his awkwardness.

The door creaked open before Jaeyoung spoke. “You’re saying it’s okay to get in the shower with you even if I’m naked?”

“Y-yes, but you don’t have to if you don’t wan-“

He was cut off by the shower curtain sliding open and he averted his eyes, turning away when Jaeyoung stepped in.

Sangwoo blushed brightly when Jaeyoung got closer to him to get under the water but recoiled when it touched his skin.

“Jesus, do you always have it this hot?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Usually,” Sangwoo nodded, reaching out and twisting the knob to lower the temperature slightly.

Once the water was more like his preference, albeit hotter than he normally would have chosen, he got back under it. He sighed the same way Sangwoo had as he let it warm him up.

Sangwoo turned to face him, making a pointed effort to not look down.

“Can I hug you?” he asked, preparing himself for Jaeyoung to reject him.

“Yes, you can,” Jaeyoung nodded.

Sangwoo leaned forward, keeping his lower body away as he hugged Jaeyoung. The position caused the water to pelt him directly on the side of his face, and he heard Jaeyoung chuckle.

“You’re gonna drown yourself like that.”

Sangwoo shrugged nonchalantly as if it wasn’t a big deal that he could hardly breathe. A hand started cupping his face, shielding him just like Jaeyoung had done before.

“I’m sorry,” Sangwoo said.

“I know.”

“Are you still mad?”

“No, just a little frustrated. I know the relationship stuff is new for you. You’re trying your hardest, and that’s all I can ask for, but fucking hell, we need to stop the running thing.”

“I’m not an easy person to deal with. Thank you for dealing with me, Hyung,” Sangwoo placed a kiss on Jaeyoung’s palm.

“Regardless of what you think, this is the happiest relationship I’ve ever had. The only ‘easy’ relationships are the ones that have no real feelings. We need to work on communication. That’s one of the most important things to make relationships work.”

“Communication doesn’t come naturally to me.”

“No one is born able to express themselves properly. I think people would freak out if a newborn started speaking fluently. Communication is a learned behavior. Some people learn it later than others, and that’s okay,” Jaeyoung stroked Sangwoo’s hair back.

“What if I never learn how to do it?”

“Woo, we wouldn’t be having a conversation like this a few months ago. You would have been completely silent or telling me to piss off. That proves you’re capable of learning. You may not see the improvement, but I do.”

Sangwoo suddenly stood up straight, tilting his head to the side.

“What?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Doorbell.”

“They’re gonna leave it outside the door. I swear, you really are a cat. How did you even hear that?”

Sangwoo shrugged and looked up at him, pursing his lips for a kiss, which Jaeyoung obliged. Jaeyoung got out of the shower first and passed a towel to Sangwoo once the water was shut off.

It was hard for Sangwoo to keep his eyes off of Jaeyoung’s abs when Jaeyoung wrapped the towel loosely on his hips, exposing the v-line of his pelvis.

Despite his own defined abs, Sangwoo couldn’t help his self-consciousness as he secured it under his arms to cover his chest and abdomen after toweling his hair. 

Even though they lived directly next to each other, they still kept an outfit or two at each other’s apartments. When Sangwoo came out of his bedroom, Jaeyoung had a pair of gray sweatpants on and was picking up the bag of food from the front door.

“No shirt?” Sangwoo asked.

“You want me to put one on?”

“… no.”

Jaeyoung grinned amusedly and placed the bag on the coffee table.

“I got your boba hot. You never drink something iced when it’s raining.”

“Huh,” Sangwoo frowned.

“What?” Jaeyoung asked, ready to grab him in case he was about to run for some reason.

“I didn’t know that’s something I do.”

“You don’t drink iced things when it’s raining. You don’t eat tomatoes if they’ve touched something warm. You prefer egg whites to regular eggs, but they have to be cooked all the way through because you don’t like when they’re wobbly. You despise avocado with a burning passion and hate when certain foods touch, but you’ll still sometimes try foods that others would be afraid to, just to see what it's like. You would set kale on fire if you could because bitter stuff is gross. You love spicy things or anything sweet, especially if there’s cinnamon in it, but your all-time favorite spice is cardamom.”

Sangwoo stared at him slack-jawed.

“You’re not the only observer here, Chu Sangwoo,” Jaeyoung held out his drink, “it’s still warm, but we can heat it up if you want.”

Sangwoo’s eyes stayed on his face, analyzing him.

“What?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I love you. I love you a lot.”

Jaeyoung put the drink down on the table.

“Warning,” he said, waiting for Sangwoo’s nod of approval.

The moment he saw it, he grabbed Sangwoo, lifting him off the ground and spinning around.

“God, I love you so fucking much. My gorgeous boy. You’re all mine.”

“All yours.”

Chapter 4: Terminology

AN: I know I said there would be smut in this chapter, but that ended up not happening. It will in the next one though! Anyway, here's a chapter of fluff and feels and Jaeyoung being an understanding partner. I included a link at the bottom to one of the articles I referenced. I thought it might be useful to my fellow neurodivergents who struggle with sensory issues like I do.

---

“There are some extra things in the bag I thought you would like,” Jaeyoung said, taking a sip of his drink and watching Sangwoo’s reactions.

The younger man always arranged containers in a specific way, grouping them by shape and then by size. Jaeyoung was willing to wait a few extra minutes to eat since he knew Sangwoo would stress out if he couldn’t organize it.

He bit his lip in anticipation and was not disappointed when Sangwoo lit up as he opened one of the containers to find his favorite soup dumplings.

“Thank you, Hyung,” Sangwoo smiled at him gratefully.

“There are other things too.”

Sangwoo opened all the containers in a sequence that Jaeyoung couldn’t understand, but his grin kept getting wider and wider. The shorter boy stepped back to analyze everything on the table. 

He turned to Jaeyoung and slipped under the man’s arm to hug him, resting his cheek on his bare chest. 

“I like when you do this,” Jaeyoung said.

“Do what?”

“Show your affection. When you get all cuddly and soft like this.”

“Why?”

“Because I know you feel vulnerable when you do it and it means you’re comfortable enough with me to allow yourself to relax. That and I’m a very physical person. I’d be hugging you 24/7 if I could, but I know that’s not something you would enjoy,” Jaeyoung rubbed Sangwoo’s back.

“I enjoy them a lot more than I used to,” Sangwoo said, “I don’t mind them, as long as it’s not a surprise. I don’t like when other people do it to me though, just you.”

“That’s okay because I don’t like when other people do it to you either,” the artist shrugged, “no hands should be on my Chu except for mine.”

Sangwoo snorted, “jealous bastard.”

“Very much so,” Jaeyoung nodded.

“The food is getting cold.”

“Yeah, I’m starving. I barely had time to eat my lunch. Wait, did you eat anything today?” Jaeyoung asked, knowing Sangwoo’s mind was so busy, he often forgot to eat unless he was reminded to.

“I had something at the mall with Yuna and Jihye earlier.”

Jaeyoung knew that Sangwoo’s definition of “earlier” meant he probably hadn’t eaten in a significant amount of time. He ushered him to the couch before quickly retrieving dishes and utensils.

Just as Jaeyoung respected Sangwoo’s habits, Sangwoo respected Jaeyoung’s habits. Jaeyoung always put on a particular tv series when having a meal at home. 

Sangwoo never used to watch things while eating, but Jaeyoung seemed so excited to show his favorite series, there was no way he could deny him.

The two sat and watched as they ate. Sangwoo was mentally trying to identify the seasonings in the food so he could try and replicate it, but he was also intrigued by the cinematography of the show.

It was no wonder he was frequently mentally exhausted. He had too many browsers open and applications running in his head. It didn’t help that he was also still trying to process what happened earlier.

“Chu Sangwoo, I can hear you thinking,” Jaeyoung muttered after they were finished eating and Sangwoo was curled against his side.

“It’s not possible to hear someone thinking unless they’re saying it out loud.”

“Then say it out loud,” Jaeyoung stood up.

Sangwoo watched with curiosity as the man picked up a chair and brought it to the front door, fitting it under the handle.

“What are you doing?” Sangwoo asked.

“Making sure you can’t run again.”

“I won’t run again.”

“That’s what you said when we were talking about introducing you to my brother and you ended up running three times. So, we’re gonna finish that little conversation we were having before our impromptu jog in the rain,” Jaeyoung said, rejoining him on the couch. "If you try to run again, I swear, I'll tie you to the goddamn bed."

Jaeyoung had no idea how ironic the last statement was.

“I’m surprised you know how to use the word ‘impromptu’ properly," Sangwoo said, trying to stop thinking about the ropes.

“Deflect all you want, Kitty, but we’re finishing that conversation.”

“I’d really rather not,” Sangwoo muttered.

“I know, but this is part of a relationship. You have to have uncomfortable conversations.”

“Why?”

“Because avoidance is not good communication. Now, what exactly do you think I’m getting bored of?” Jaeyoung turned to face him.

Sangwoo bit his lip, hesitant to speak.

“I need my blunt Chu Sangwoo. The one who says things and doesn’t care what people think of it. What do you think I’m getting bored of?”

“Lack of physical intimacy.”

Jaeyoung looked at him closely, “you’re worried I’m bored of our relationship because we’re not having sex?”

“Yes.”

“No, I’m not bored. My happiness does not revolve around sex.”

“But… you like sex.”

“Yes, I like sex. Sex feels good, but it’s not the most important thing. It wouldn’t matter to me if you decide you never want to have sex,” Jaeyoung said.

“You don’t want to be with someone else?”

“No,” the older man answered almost before Sangwoo could even finish the question. “I respect people in polyamorous relationships or open relationships. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It just isn’t for me. I’m a one-person kinda person.”

“You don’t feel like you’re missing out on a significant part of a relationship?”

“No, I don’t. Honestly, after being in this relationship with you, I feel like I missed out on every relationship I had before. Yes, there was the physical part, but there wasn’t any of the emotional part. I realize now that’s what I value more. I value our emotional connection more than any physical connection.”

Sangwoo nodded, unsure of the proper response besides saying, “okay.”

“You seem like you still have a question though,” Jaeyoung quirked a brow.

“H-how do you always know?” Sangwoo scowled, frustrated that Jaeyoung could read him so well.

“I speak Sangwooan pretty well,” Jaeyoung shrugged, nonchalantly, “what’s your question?”

“What do you think about BDSM?”

Jaeyoung blinked at him in surprise. “Of all the things you could have said, that was not what I thought it would be.”

“What did you think I would say?”

“I don’t know. Something like ‘how many people have you been with?’ or something like that.”

“I already know the answer. I told you that I asked Yuna.”

“Uh, okay. Um. Well, I don’t think we should discuss that,” Jaeyoung shifted around slightly. “BDSM isn’t really for inexperienced people. It’s not an introduction kinda thing.”

“I just want your opinion of the topic, for future reference,” Sangwoo said, trying to keep his face blank. “Is it something you have experience with?”

Jaeyoung debated for a moment but decided to follow his own preachings of honesty.

“Yes, I’ve done it and I enjoy it. I enjoy being a Dom and making my partner feel good.”

Jaeyoung saw the brief flash of excitement in his eyes, quickly followed by confusion.

“What’s a Dom?” Sangwoo asked.

“Dom is short for Dominant. It’s the person who is theoretically in charge in a Dominant/submissive dynamic.”

“Why theoretically?”

“Submissives are actually the ones that hold the power. They willingly give control over to the Dom, but nothing happens without a sub’s approval. A sub can stop everything with a single word or even just a gesture. With that kind of relationship, the sub has to trust that the Dom will care for them and keep their well-being in mind, and the Dom has to trust that the sub will communicate to them if something isn’t right.”

“Yuna and Jihye didn’t teach me about that,” Sangwoo said quietly, “they taught other things, but not that.”

Jaeyoung paused, unsure if he should be happy that his best friend was coaching his partner, or pissed that she may be telling him stuff he shouldn’t know. “What kind of things have they been teaching you?”

“I… think maybe you should just ask her yourself,” Sangwoo said, and Jaeyoung could tell by his tone that he was reaching his limit. If he were to continue pressing, Sangwoo would emotionally withdraw.

“Okay,” Jaeyoung nodded understandingly, “I’ll talk to her later. Gotta find out what she’s filling that head of yours with.”

“You’re really not annoyed that we haven’t done anything?” Sangwoo fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

“Look at me,” Jaeyoung directed calmly, waiting for russet brown eyes to meet his own. “I have never and will never be annoyed at you for not feeling comfortable with sex. No one should ever feel pressured to do something they aren’t okay with. I’d rather be celibate for the rest of my life than make you do something you don’t want to.”

“Thank you, Hyung.”

---

“What the hell did you say to him?” Jaeyoung took Yuna’s headphones off, standing over her.

“What do you mean?” she asked, feigning ignorance.

“He said you and Jihye were teaching him things.”

“Yep, we did. Jae, that kid might have studied anatomy like he was a med student or something, but he had no knowledge of how sex actually works. I know he mentioned his family is conservative or whatever and that he hasn’t had contact with them in years, but I expected he at least had some form of sex education growing up. He didn’t even know what giving head meant!”

“Fucking hell. That’s what you’re teaching him? Sex terminology?”

“No. We taught him the important stuff, like safety and hygiene and what to expect for his first time.”

“He was worried I’m getting bored because we haven’t had sex. Did you tell him I would get bored?”

“I told him I was surprised that you two hadn’t gone farther. You’ve never been in a relationship this long without having sex with them,” Yuna shrugged.

“I don’t want him feeling pressured to do something or feeling scared that I’m gonna leave because he doesn’t want sex.”

“That’s the thing though. He wants sex. He wants to be with you in that way. He just had no idea how, and you know how he is. He needs to know everything about something before he does it. Jihye and I gave him the necessary information.”

“He actually said those words to you? That he wants to have sex?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Yes,” Yuna nodded, “we gave him a couple of things to read and some videos to watch.”

“You made him watch porn?”

“We didn’t make him do anything, Jae. He does what he wants. All we did was send it and encourage him to learn from it.”

“Why the fuck would you send BDSM shit?” he grit his teeth, “are you trying to freak him out.”

“… What are you talking about? We didn’t send him anything related to that,” Yuna said confusedly.

“Then why did he ask me about it?”

“I have no idea, but that wasn’t us. Yeah, we gave him some terms, but nothing about kink. He must have seen something about it.”

Jaeyoung plopped down on the seat next to her. “He’s just so innocent. I feel like I’m corrupting him.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like that,” Yuna snorted, “you love the idea of corrupting him.”

“The thing is, he doesn’t react to things the same way other people do. He doesn’t feel things the same way other people do. What would normally be something good to someone else could so easily end up being something bad for him. I don’t want his first experience to be a bad one.”

“Jaeyoung, you can do everything right, and it can still go wrong. You entered this relationship knowing that Sangwoo is different from any previous partner. He told me that he is fully aware that he might end up not liking sex, but he still wants to try it. You need to have the same understanding,” she said. 

“Yeah, I know,” Jaeyoung nodded.

“He’s not the only one I did research for. I found a couple articles you should read about how to help a partner who has sensory and communication issues. I think it would make you feel more confident in your own abilities, and make him feel more confident that he can count on you,” she pulled out her phone and texted links.

“You’re the best, you know that?”

“I will hold the fact you said that against you for the rest of your life.”

---

 

 

 

 

Link to article: https://www.vice.com/en/article/g5vqky/how-to-have-great-sex-when-youre-on-the-autism-spectrum

Chapter 5: Throne

AN: Finally giving a little bit of smutty smut ;). TW: mentions of past neglect, praise kinks, hair-pulling, rough oral, first-time blowjob, subspace.

---

Jaeyoung had never been a particularly studious person. He was more of a “procrastinate until you can’t put it off for a second longer” kinda person. He could count on one hand the number of times he studied for an exam, preferring to trust his instinct and wing it.

He studied the shit out of what Yuna sent him. He even bought a little notebook to write down what seemed important.

Jaeyoung spent an entire night researching and reading. He regretted not doing it sooner as it gave him some insight into how Sangwoo must feel every day. He couldn’t even imagine himself being able to function half as well as Sangwoo did if it was him instead.

When Jaeyoung felt that he had researched a satisfactory amount about intimacy in a relationship with someone on the spectrum, he presented his notebook to Sangwoo. As awkward as it felt to do so, he knew that the list of things he wrote about sensory soothing tactics was something Sangwoo could utilize even outside of sex.

Unsure of how to express his appreciation for Jaeyoung’s compassion and dedication, Sangwoo cooked a massive meal of his favorite foods. He finished it with one of Jaeyoung’s favorite desserts. The older man practically licked his plate clean before devouring the rest of the hand-whipped tiramisu in the middle of the night.

Finding out from the article Jaeyoung read that it wasn’t uncommon for neurodivergent people to enjoy bondage because of the sensory experience made Sangwoo feel less conflicted. He still hadn’t mentioned his desire to try it, but Jaeyoung clearly knew he was interested.

Jaeyoung started testing Sangwoo’s boundaries so subtly, Sangwoo didn’t even notice the intention. The artist would put a hand on him after warning him and trail it around over the course of a few minutes, observing how Sangwoo reacted.

For Sangwoo, an unpleasant sensation was the fastest way to make him angry. It was almost as if the nerves in his skin were connected directly to the part of his brain that felt the emotion of rage.

At the beginning of their relationship, it was hard for Jaeyoung to understand why Sangwoo would suddenly snap. The smaller boy would be calm one moment, then launching away from him and shouting the next moment.

It took him a while to realize there were a few specific triggers. Repetitive sounds, anything scraping or metallic, and most of all: textures touching him.

Sangwoo wore clothing that covered as much skin as possible to prevent ‘bad’ textures from touching him. Jaeyoung started changing his entire wardrobe to try and accommodate, even changing all the sheets and towels in his apartment just in case Sangwoo wanted to stay over. 

The day he bought a giant, fluffy weighted blanket was the first time he saw Sangwoo shirtless. As soon as the younger man touched the material, he practically threw himself on top of it, yanking off his shirt and rolling himself into a blanket burrito.

Jaeyoung nearly fell over when he saw the sculpted abs that were almost as defined as his own. Sangwoo was slim, but his muscles were toned and his tiny waist looked perfect for Jaeyoung to wrap his arms around. 

Throughout all of his testing, Jaeyoung found that Sangwoo preferred full-contact touches with pressure instead of light touches. The moment Sangwoo began scowling, Jaeyoung would back off and move to a different area.

Neither of them viewed it as sexual. For Jaeyoung, it was an experiment. For Sangwoo… he had no idea what it was other than a bit of an annoyance when Jaeyoung’s hand was in a place he disliked.

Jaeyoung found that Sangwoo didn’t mind his left inner thigh being touched, but hated his right one being touched. He didn’t like his shins being touched but was okay with his calves.

Sangwoo had always been skittish with his left shoulder. He didn’t like having any pressure on it and Jaeyoung would often see him holding it with a pained look. He always declined Jaeyoung’s offer to carry heavy things, so the artist usually just picked it up himself before Sangwoo could refuse. 

On a day a few weeks into the “touch tests,” Sangwoo was lying on his stomach on the couch in Jaeyoung’s studio. Jaeyoung was walking by when he noticed Sangwoo rolling his shoulder with a pout. 

“Can I rub it?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo craned to look up at him, debating before nodding slightly and lying back down.

Jaeyoung sat down on the edge of the couch and ran his hand over Sangwoo’s shoulder. He used his fingers to feel around, pressing on the tight muscle. There were several knots, and Jaeyoung frowned when he touched Sangwoo’s collarbone. 

“Did you have an injury or something?” Jaeyoung asked, “It feels like gravel.”

“I got pushed out of a tree when I was younger and shattered it. I didn’t tell anyone for a few days, and it just never healed right, even with all the surgeries.”

Jaeyoung paused, “So… you just… walked around with a broken shoulder? Like nothing was wrong at all? How old were you?’

“Nine or ten,” Sangwoo responded.

“How were you not screaming in pain?” the artist asked incredulously, “how did no one notice?”

“My parents are not the type of people you can go to for help. They saw, they just didn’t care. They only took me to the doctor when my teacher threatened to call child protective services. They didn’t want their image to be ruined.”

Jaeyoung was in shocked silence for a moment. In all the time he’d known him, Sangwoo had only mentioned that his parents were extremely conservative and that he wasn’t in contact with them. He hadn’t said anything about what they were like, and Jaeyoung could understand why now.

“How often does it hurt?” Jaeyoung asked, starting to massage the muscles gently.

“Probably constantly but I don’t notice it until I do something that aggravates it. I usually just make myself focus on something else.”

“Is there any way to fix it?”

“I was supposed to have another surgery to smooth the bone and remove scar tissue right before I started college, but I couldn’t afford it,” he said, “maybe I’ll do it in the future. I don’t really care anymore.”

“You’re just gonna live in pain for the rest of your life?”

“It’s good for me sometimes,” Sangwoo said nonchalantly.

Jaeyoung’s curiosity peaked beyond belief. “Good in what way?”

“It helps ground me sometimes. When I get too lost in my head, if I focus on it, it brings me back. It’s not always a bad pain.”

Sangwoo had no clue he was describing one of the allures of masochism and Jaeyoung felt like the cat that caught the canary.

“You know I interned at a physical therapy center?” Jaeyoung asked, trying to quell his internal excitement. 

“When?”

“The summer between junior and senior year of high school. Yuna says I should be a massage therapist if art doesn’t work out,” he answered, “sit up for a moment.”

Sangwoo did as instructed, facing away from him and sitting with his legs crisscrossed.

“Let me know if it hurts too much,” Jaeyoung said, planting a kiss on Sangwoo’s shoulder before he gently lifted Sangwoo's arm. 

He positioned Sangwoo’s elbow to rest on his forearm, holding up the weight of his arm and keeping it level with his neck. He held his shoulder in place as he used his free hand to press on the muscle.

Sangwoo’s cursing suddenly turned into a sigh of relief as Jaeyoung worked knots apart. When the sigh turned to a moan, Jaeyoung had to will himself not to get turned on by the sound.

“Hyung, Yoochae is right. If you fail as an artist, you would be a satisfactory massager.”

“Masseuse,” Jaeyoung corrected, “thank you for the compliment.”

“Was it a compliment?”

“Yes, it was.”

Jaeyoung reversed the direction he was rubbing, enjoying how Sangwoo leaned into his touch.

“Hyung, what’s your favorite thing about sex?”

Jaeyoung paused before taking a breath and restarting.

“Every time I think I know what you’re going to say, you surprise me like this,” he sighed.

“I’m just curious,” Sangwoo said quietly, “what’s so good about it? I don’t understand.”

“It feels good. It’s called ‘pleasuring’ for a reason.”

“You only like it for physical satisfaction?” the younger man tilted his head to give more access to his neck, moaning again when Jaeyoung moved to a particularly tense area.

“I like it for other reasons too. It’s fantastic stress relief, honestly. I like the feeling of being close to another person. Even if you don’t really know someone, there’s still some type of emotional connection that happens during sex.”

“Does it feel different when it’s someone you do know?”

“Yes,” Jaeyoung nodded, “I mean, to me, it does. Not everyone agrees. I like it more when I’ve already connected with them in other ways.”

“Okay,” Sangwoo said.

He didn’t ask any more questions, closing his eyes and appreciating the massage. Sangwoo didn’t even realize he was leaning farther and farther back until he was resting against Jaeyoung’s chest.

“Comfortable?” Jaeyoung asked, kissing the top of his head.

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo confirmed, eyes closed.

“You’re so cute,” he cooed.

“Don’t be stupid. I’m many things. Cute is not one of them.”

“I patently disagree,” Jaeyoung shook his head, “I think you’re the absolute cutest person in the whole world.”

“What if I’d rather be sexy instead of cute?”

“If that’s what you want, that’s what you want,” the artist shrugged, “personally, I find cuteness more attractive than what most people consider ‘sexy’.”

Sangwoo paused for a few seconds before saying, “okay… maybe I’m not totally against being cute.”

Jaeyoung wasn’t exactly sure if he was technically using reverse psychology or something else, but he was enjoying how fast Sangwoo changed his mind based on whatever he was saying.

“How’s the shoulder feel?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo rolled his arm, eyebrows raising when he realized how much easier it felt to move.

“It’s good. Thank you.”

“Whenever it starts getting tense like that again, you can come to me,” Jaeyoung said, “I like giving massages.”

It wasn’t uncommon for Sangwoo to sit on his lap. Sangwoo would silently point at his lap, looking at him expectantly and waiting for permission. The first time he did it, Jaeyoung thought he had spilled something on himself and couldn’t figure out what he was pointing at. It was only after Sangwoo gestured to the television where the main character of a show was sitting on her romantic interest’s lap that he understood.

It became such a normal thing when they were alone that Jaeyoung would pat his thighs and Sangwoo would immediately sit, snuggling against him and resting his head on Jaeyoung’s chest to listen to his heartbeat.

When he saw Sangwoo glance down, he already knew what he wanted.

Jaeyoung turned to sit properly on the couch and patted. “Climb on up, baby,” he said.

Sangwoo rolled his eyes but did exactly what Jaeyoung said, sitting sideways in the artist’s lap. The older man stroked his hair with one hand, holding his phone in the other so Sangwoo could see it too.

They spent the next hour watching videos and playing a trivia game. Sangwoo won in every category except art history. Jaeyoung suspected he was purposely saying incorrect answers to let him win in a subject he enjoyed. Considering how competitive Sangwoo was, the subtle act had significant meaning and Jaeyoung felt like melting into a mushy puddle of fondness as he held Sangwoo close to his chest. 

---

The week had been the definition of the word “chaotic.” Jaeyoung had a project dumped on him with a deadline that couldn’t be negotiated and spent almost 5 days straight at his office building. Sangwoo was dealing with midterm exams and essays that made their friend group cringe just looking at his notes. They were all worried Sangwoo would pass out from blood loss because of how many nosebleeds he was getting from being so stressed. 

By the end of the week, both of them were emotionally exhausted and in desperate need of downtime. 

They were at Jaeyoung’s apartment, relaxing on the couch and watching a movie. Sangwoo didn’t find it particularly interesting, but he enjoyed being cuddled up against the older man.

At some point, the two main characters began kissing on the screen. Sangwoo lifted his head from his resting place on Jaeyoung’s chest and looked at the artist.

“What’s the face for?” Jaeyoung asked, “Do you want me to change it?”

Sangwoo shook his head and pointed to Jaeyoung’s lap.

“Ah, just trying to claim your throne, huh?” Jaeyoung laughed, “Come on, Princess.”

“Cheesy bastard,” Sangwoo scoffed and gathered up as much confidence as possible before he swung his leg over, straddling Jaeyoung’s lap and facing him.

Jaeyoung’s eyes widened for a split second before he collected himself, not wanting Sangwoo to think he was against whatever the hell was happening.

“I like this way of sitting much more,” Jaeyoung said.

“I do too,” Sangwoo nodded, eyes flickering down to Jaeyoung’s lips.

Jaeyoung took it as his cue to lean forward, kissing him gently. Sangwoo clearly did not have gentleness in mind as he intensified the kiss. With such little experience and never having kissed in such a way, it was uncoordinated, teeth clacking against Jaeyoung’s. 

The artist tilted his head slightly, pursing his lips more, wordlessly demonstrating the proper technique. Sangwoo immediately copied, and it was suddenly as if he’d had as much practice as Jaeyoung. Then again, his darling boy always was a fast learner. 

Sangwoo leaned in more, wrapping his arms around Jaeyoung’s neck. The taller man grabbed the remote control and turned the tv off. 

“Warning,” Jaeyoung mumbled against his lips.

Sangwoo nodded permission, and Jaeyoung grabbed his hips, pulling him closer. The action sent a shiver through Sangwoo’s body, loving the brief display of roughness. 

Jaeyoung noticed the response and did it again, so Sangwoo was flush against his chest. Sangwoo reacted instinctively, rolling his hips and drawing a sharp gasp from both of them.

Not quite certain what just happened, Sangwoo repeated the action, enjoying both how good it felt as well as the groan Jaeyoung let out. 

There was no way for Sangwoo to ignore the thing that was starting to press against his ass. It didn’t freak him out nearly as much as he thought it would. In fact, he was pleased with himself that he could wind Jaeyoung up so much. 

Not one to be bested, Jaeyoung used his grip on Sangwoo’s hips to angle him forward. The next time Sangwoo rolled, he squeaked at the pressure on his crotch.

Sangwoo had certainly woken up with erections before. He knew it was a perfectly normal human behavior, and it always went away with time. He had no idea how pleasurable they actually were until Jaeyoung tensed his thighs, rocking Sangwoo against him.

“H-Hyung,” Sangwoo gasped, “let go.”

Jaeyoung’s hands flew off of him like he’d been burned. 

“Are you okay?” he asked concernedly.

Sangwoo nodded, biting his lip nervously.

“We can stop,” Jaeyoung said warmly, not a single sign of disappointment.

The proof that he could end things at any moment if he was uncomfortable and Jaeyoung would respect it assured him beyond what words could.

“I want…” Sangwoo trailed off, not knowing how to ask.

Jaeyoung waited patiently, giving him time to figure out what he was trying to say.

Frustrated that he couldn’t find the right words, Sangwoo backed up, climbing off. Jaeyoung didn’t try to stop him. He moved forward to sit on the edge, watching to make sure Sangwoo wasn’t going to try and run out the door into another rainy night.

The very last thing he expected was Sangwoo slipping down to sit on his knees between Jaeyoung’s legs. His eyes flickered between Jaeyoung’s face and belt, telling Jaeyoung exactly what he had in mind. 

“I haven’t done this before,” Sangwoo said quietly.

“I know.”

“I’m probably going to be bad at it.”

“That’s okay.”

“I… I don’t know how to initiate,” Sangwoo's already scant confidence was quickly fading. “Tell me what to do, please.”

“Take off my belt,” Jaeyoung instructed.

Sangwoo looked relieved to hear the commanding tone and did as he said. His hands were trembling as he fumbled with the buckle.

When he finally got it undone, Jaeyoung tilted Sangwoo’s chin up and leaned down to kiss him. He cupped his cheek with a softness that didn’t match the aura of dominance that was starting to radiate from him.

Jaeyoung sat back, watching him closely. “Unzip,” he said.

Sangwoo pulled down the zipper of his jeans, exposing part of the prominent bulge under his grey boxers. He didn’t know that Jaeyoung had softened a lot after thinking he had hurt Sangwoo. As far as he knew, the large length was as big as it got.

He was visibly intimidated by its size as he pulled Jaeyoung’s boxers, but he thought maybe he could handle it.

He wrapped a hand around Jaeyoung’s dick, his fingers barely able to touch because of its girth. Sangwoo gave an experimental stroke, like from the video he’d seen. When there was no objection, he did it again, twisting his wrist slightly.

“If you’re gonna do that, you need lube,” Jaeyoung said, hissing slightly at the friction.

Instead of apologizing, Sangwoo licked a stripe along the underside. The texture against his tongue was strange, but he was fascinated by the way Jaeyoung responded.

He wrapped his lips around the head and sucked.

“Watch your teeth,” the older man said. “Cover them like this with your lips,” he demonstrated. 

Sangwoo copied and started using his tongue like how the articles he read said to, swirling around the tip. He was already struggling to accommodate the size and had not anticipated the way Jaeyoung grew even more. Yuna was not exaggerating how big he was, in fact, she understated it.

He was focusing everything on the techniques he had seen, switching between all of them. Jaeyoung could tell his mind was preoccupied with what he read rather than what he was actually experiencing.

“Woo,” he said, repeating when he didn’t seem to hear him.

Sangwoo looked up at him questioningly, eyes following Jaeyoung’s hand as it came closer to him. Jaeyoung tapped on the younger man’s temple and said, “You’re too up here. Forget whatever you saw. Just pay attention to my reaction. You’ll know when you’re doing something good.”

He knew that asking Sangwoo to stop thinking was like asking him to stop breathing, but Sangwoo followed what he said. The smaller boy watched him, testing and adjusting based on Jaeyoung’s response.

Sangwoo was surprised by how much he enjoyed exploring and finding out what Jaeyoung liked rather than his typical methodical experimentation. There was something thrilling about making Jaeyoung feel good without the assistance of a tutorial.

While the thought would normally make him wrinkle his nose in disgust, he had no issue in the moment as he let excess spit drip down the length, wetting it. His plump lips were stretched wide, just like Jaeyoung always imagined they would be.

Jaeyoung was content with Sangwoo focusing on the tip. He would welcome anything he was given, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t excited when Sangwoo started trying to work his way down.

“Slow. Don’t rush yourself,” Jaeyoung advised.

Sangwoo slowed and Jaeyoung couldn’t help but feel smug that Sangwoo was obeying his every word. Sangwoo was so stubborn normally, seeing him so obedient and behaving so well all for him went straight to Jaeyoung’s ego.

“I’m gonna touch your hair, okay?” Jaeyoung warned him. He stroked him affectionately, praising him the way he knew Sangwoo secretly loved. 

Jaeyoung couldn’t help the reflexive jerk of his hips when the head of his dick touched the back of Sangwoo’s throat and the smaller boy choked. 

“Shit! Sorry, Sangie. Are you alright?”

Sangwoo looked at him with a scowl, but it wasn’t his “I’m mad at you” look. It was his “I’m mad because I don’t understand” look.

Before Jaeyoung could ask, Sangwoo dropped his head down, pushing Jaeyoung’s cock into his throat again for a second. The artist initially thought it was because Sangwoo wanted to see his reaction again, but when he did it another time, Jaeyoung realized that he was intentionally making himself gag.

Sangwoo looked more confused each time, his frustration at not being able to figure out what was going on building up. 

“It’s not weird,” Jaeyoung assured him, “there are tons of people who like that feeling. Some people actually like giving head more than getting it.”

Sangwoo tried again, this time going even further. Jaeyoung watched in fascination as Sangwoo willingly, and happily , choked himself on his dick.

Jaeyoung threaded his fingers into Sangwoo’s soft hair. He wasn’t pulling, just holding, but Sangwoo hummed an approval. The vibrations made Jaeyoung curse loudly, grip tightening the slightest bit.

Jaeyoung couldn’t tell which one of them was more surprised by the moan Sangwoo let out when his hair was pulled.

“Fuck. Woo, I’m gonna do that again,” Jaeyoung warned. He tugged his hair a second time and watched Sangwoo shiver. “Well, I think we just discovered a kink.”

Normally, Sangwoo would have rolled his eyes or told him to piss off. The only things he could think about were that he wanted Jaeyoung to pull his hair harder and wanted to feel the choking sensation even more.

Sangwoo put his hand on top of Jaeyoung’s, curling his fingers over to make the artist grip his hair tighter. He let go once he felt the prickle of pain on his scalp. He started bobbing his head, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked. Whatever he couldn’t fit in his mouth, he stroked with his hand. 

“Ah, fuck. Just like that. That’s perfect. Fuck, that’s so good, Kitty,” Jaeyoung praised.

Sangwoo didn’t know how to ask for what he wanted, so he tilted his head more into Jaeyoung’s touch and stilled. Somehow, Jaeyoung understood and took over.

“Tap my thigh if it gets too much,” he said before using the grip on Sangwoo’s hair to move him as he slowly began to thrust. 

He watched Sangwoo closely, looking for any signs that he needed to stop. He didn’t have to worry much considering how Sangwoo started squirming, trying to relieve the tightness in his pants.

The more rough Jaeyoung was, the more Sangwoo’s eyes glazed over. He had tears on his cheeks as he gagged every few thrusts, but he gladly accepted the harsh treatment as Jaeyoung fucked his throat.

“God, you’re so pretty like this,” Jaeyoung admired, “being so good for me.”

For one of the first times ever, Sangwoo’s mind went blank. The only thing he was focused on was Jaeyoung’s voice and the floaty euphoria that was sweeping over him. He was loving every moment of it, including the ache in his jaw and the pressure in his throat.

Jaeyoung alternated between fast, hard thrusts and slow, deep ones. Every time he pulled Sangwoo off to give him a chance to breathe, the smaller boy would immediately try to dive back down.

“I’m close,” Jaeyoung said. He should have considered the fact that Sangwoo likely didn’t know what that meant, but he was too preoccupied with the wet heat engulfing him. He thrust as deep as possible, holding Sangwoo in place as he came down his throat. Sangwoo choked loudly, teary eyes wide.

Jaeyoung released Sangwoo, expecting him to shout. Instead, Sangwoo slid back, sucking on the head of his cock and licking up the remaining drops of cum. His nose wrinkled momentarily at the unexpected taste but he still swallowed. 

Jaeyoung grabbed him by the shirt and hoisted him off the floor and onto the couch. Sangwoo was completely disoriented, not even realizing he wasn’t on the ground anymore until Jaeyoung was on top of him.

The older man slotted himself between Sangwoo’s legs, rutting against him. Sangwoo’s thighs clenched around his waist as he fisted the fabric of Jaeyoung’s shirt, holding onto him while the artist kissed him fervently.

Jaeyoung slid his hand between them, unbuckling Sangwoo’s belt as he nipped along his jawline.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Jaeyoung whispered in his ear, feeling him tremble as he kissed his neck.

Jaeyoung trailed kisses down his chest and abs, following an invisible path he created from his touch tests. He slid Sangwoo’s boxer briefs down and the noise Sangwoo made when Jaeyoung licked the head of his dick was pure music. While Jaeyoung’s experience giving blowjobs was limited, he knew what he liked, and he used the same techniques on Sangwoo.

Jaeyoung was beyond relieved about their size difference. His gag reflex was easily triggered, but Sangwoo thankfully didn’t reach the back of his throat and he could comfortably fit the entirety in his mouth. 

“Hyung!” Sangwoo gasped, pulling on Jaeyoung’s hair a little too hard when he hollowed out his cheeks. 

Sangwoo was definitely not aware of the desperate whines he was letting out. He would have been mortified to hear it, but it made Jaeyoung’s dick twitch. Sangwoo didn’t really understand what was happening, he just knew the warmth in his stomach felt good and he trusted Jaeyoung to know if there was something wrong. 

Jaeyoung should have anticipated how sensitive Sangwoo would be, considering it was the first time he was experiencing the feeling and he was already so wound up. Sangwoo’s whole body tensed within a minute, his breath hitching.

“H-help,” he whimpered, not knowing how else to express that he was feeling a weird sensation building. 

Jaeyoung lifted his head, replacing his mouth with his hand so he could speak.

“It’s okay,” he said, stroking Sangwoo’s cock. “You’re about to cum. It’s okay, just let it happen.”

Sangwoo gripped the couch cushion as Jaeyoung took him back in his mouth, sucking more. Sangwoo stopped trying to hold back the feeling, letting out a high-pitched moan as pleasure overwhelmed him and he came for the first time.

Jaeyoung continued sucking through his orgasm, feeling Sangwoo’s abdomen contracting over and over again as he came in his mouth. Jaeyoung swallowed it all and pulled off when it subsided, placing a couple of kisses on Sangwoo’s thigh. He sat up, stroking Sangwoo’s abs and watching as the younger man tried to come back to his senses. He was staring at the ceiling, blinking rapidly as he caught his breath.

Jaeyoung bent down to kiss his still-wet cheeks, using his thumb to wipe away the tears. He could see when Sangwoo started snapping back to himself from the way he was blushing in embarrassment.

“My gorgeous boy,” Jaeyoung kissed his nose softly, “are you okay?” 

Sangwoo tried to speak, but couldn’t seem to make his voice work beyond just a squeak, so he nodded instead, throwing an arm over his face to hide himself. 

Knowing Sangwoo would be grossed out to have saliva on him once he was fully himself again, he asked, “Do you want to take a shower, Doll?”

Sangwoo nodded again, still refusing to look at him. Jaeyoung scooped him up, carrying him to the bathroom. He placed Sangwoo down gently, seeing him cringe for a second as he put weight on his legs and felt the ache from being on his knees for so long. 

Jaeyoung turned on the water and stripped both of them. When the water was as hot as Jaeyoung could withstand (because Sangwoo’s showers were always scalding and Jaeyoung’s “hot” was Sangwoo’s “lukewarm”) he stepped in, holding out his hand for Sangwoo to take. 

Sangwoo accepted, feeling shy about being naked again in front of Jaeyoung, despite the fact that he had just had Jaeyoung’s dick in his mouth and vice versa. 

Jaeyoung was always affectionate, but he was even more so in that moment. He kissed Sangwoo’s cheeks, caressing him and praising him.

“Did I do okay?” Sangwoo asked quietly, voice raspy. 

“You did more than just okay,” Jaeyoung cupped his face, “you did so well. I’m proud of you.”

“For giving a blowjob?”

“For trying something new, even though you were nervous,” he ran his thumb over Sangwoo’s reddened bottom lip.

“I felt weird,” Sangwoo said.

“Weird how?”

“Like I was floating. I stopped thinking. I’ve never felt like that before.”

“Yeah, orgasms tend to do that to you,” Jaeyoung nodded. 

“No, I mean before that.”

It took Jaeyoung a moment to realize Sangwoo was talking about when he was the one giving head. He thought back to the dazed look on Sangwoo’s face and connected the dots. 

“My darling, I’m almost certain you experienced something called subspace,” Jaeyoung said. “Do you know anything about that?” 

Sangwoo shook his head. 

“It’s a kind of calming state of mind that submissives can go into. It can make them feel like they’re high or in a trance because it’s basically a rush of endorphins.”

“Does it happen to everyone?” he asked, tilting back as Jaeyoung started massaging shampoo into his hair. 

“Not everyone. And it’s different for every person who does experience it.”

“Why do I have all the weird things?” Sangwoo scowled.

“None of it is weird, Sangie. It might seem that way, but that’s because it’s all new to you.”

“But what if I like something that you don’t like?”

“That’s likely to happen. It does with pretty much every relationship. We can negotiate or make a compromise, but we both need to respect each other’s boundaries.”

“That’s fair,” Sangwoo nodded, closing his eyes to let Jaeyoung wash the soap from his hair.

“I need you to tell me if you start feeling emotional or sad,” Jaeyoung said.

“Why?”

“There’s this thing called subdrop. Basically, when the endorphins from subspace wear off, it can cause a really severe emotional drop. There are some ways to try and avoid it, but it can still happen. It doesn’t have to be immediately after being in subspace too, it can be a few days.”

Sangwoo was about to say that it wouldn’t happen to him because he could hide his feelings well, but considering how intense his emotions were earlier, he knew that it was a genuine possibility.

He stayed quiet for a while, enjoying Jaeyoung taking care of him before he suddenly said, “I get it now.”

“Why people have sex?”

“Why Yoochae got me sore throat lozenges.”

Chapter 6: The Orchid

Drunk Sangwoo. Very drunk Sangwoo.

TW: discussions of previous child abuse/neglect and homelessness, a very brief mention of non-con groping (someone getting touchy with Sangwoo while he’s drunk but don't worry 'cause he kicks the shit out of them), and vomiting. If any of these warnings may trigger you, please skip this chapter. Your mental well-being is important <3 

---

When Jaeyoung said that some people prefer giving head than getting head, he had no idea that his precious, darling boyfriend would just so happen to be one of those people.

Sangwoo took every possible opportunity to suck him off. The younger man was practically addicted, dropping to his knees as soon as they were alone. Jaeyoung had no complaints, although it was difficult to focus during online meetings when Sangwoo crawled under the table and deepthroated him.

He was amazed at just how rough Sangwoo liked it. There were times that the boy wasn’t satisfied until he started losing his voice. Jaeyoung could yank his hair and facefuck him and Sangwoo would love every moment of it. 

They still hadn’t progressed to sex. Every once in a while, things heated up to the point it seemed like they were about to fuck, but it never happened.

Despite what Sangwoo thought, Jaeyoung wasn’t the least bit frustrated. Every time they went slightly further or when Sangwoo asked directly something, Jaeyoung felt proud of him. He knew how much effort it took Sangwoo to do the things most people would consider insignificant. 

Most people had a specific type of “love language.” They expressed their feelings for others in different ways. Some used physical affection, some used words of affirmation, and some used gift-giving.

Jang Jaeyoung used all of them. 

He wanted to spoil Sangwoo rotten. Jaeyoung gave him all sorts of fidget and stim toys and soft clothing made of fabrics that Sangwoo could calm himself with. Sangwoo was not accustomed to receiving gifts and was unsure how to reciprocate. Jaeyoung assured him that seeing him happy was all he needed, but Sangwoo made it a goal to cook new recipes that he felt Jaeyoung would enjoy.

Sangwoo was trying a lot of new things. He was joining the group on outings more often. Normally, Sangwoo would avoid social interaction like the plague, but he was trying because Jaeyoung was always so happy when he was there. He refused to admit how much he loved Jaeyoung’s goofy smile and the way the older man looked at him with pure adoration.

When they were at bars or busy places, Sangwoo stuck by Jaeyoung’s side at all times. If they somehow got separated, they both panicked. Sangwoo panicked because he was surrounded by a crowd with so many things happening around him when he didn’t have his human anchor. Jaeyoung panicked because he was worried about his boyfriend suffering a sensory overload when he didn’t have someone to take care of him and keep him safe.

Jihye, Yuna, and Hannah started taking Sangwoo out without Jaeyoung more often, much to the annoyance of the artist. The place they visited the most frequently was the shopping mall. It was the perfect mix of busyness while also having relaxed spots to take breaks in.

They were trying to build up his tolerance to human interaction. Every time they visited, they stood in the busy sections longer until Sangwoo started pacing anxiously.

They brought him to their favorite restaurant on the busiest night without Jaeyoung. Sangwoo managed to get through most of the dinner, although he was too distracted by things around him to pay attention to the conversation.

The moment a plate dropped off a table near them, shattering on the floor with a loud sound, Sangwoo nearly knocked a waiter over during his escape. Hannah, a former competitive long-distance runner, managed to catch him a block away.

She held onto the hood of his sweater the entire time they walked him to his apartment as he jumped and tried to jerk away with every loud sound. 

Sangwoo avoided going out again for some time but Jihye managed to convince him to try again. They worked back up to the level they were at, and Jaeyoung had faith they would watch over him during outings.

He regretted giving so much trust one night when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and checked his notifications. He had a text message from Yuna that was slightly misspelled and jumbled, a clear indicator that she had been drinking.

 

Sass Monster: jaee come pickuup ur boi

 

He sighed and responded.

 

Fire Noodle: Where r you and what did he do?

Sass Monster: Orchid & he more drunnk thsn me

Fire Noodle: You brought him to a nightclub ??? R you insane???

Sass Monster: just come get him b4 we get kickedf out

 

“God fucking damn it,” Jaeyoung cursed before telling her he was on his way. He grabbed an extra jacket in case Sangwoo didn’t have one to battle the increasingly cold weather.

He speed walked so fast to The Orchid, he managed to cut the time it would normally take by half. The whole time, he was wondering how the hell they had managed to get Sangwoo within ten feet of the obnoxiously loud nightclub. He could hear it from half a block away.

When he rounded the corner, he saw three people outside the club. His eyes immediately focused on the one that was leaning back against the wall with another figure holding them up.

“Oh, god,” he pinched between his brows when he approached and saw that was indeed his extremely intoxicated boyfriend.

The only thing that was preventing him from collapsing on the ground was Hannah. Jaeyoung realized that she wasn’t just holding him, she had him pinned to the wall. 

He thought Sangwoo must have said something to piss her off until he noticed that Hannah wasn’t angry but amused.

“Finally!” Yuna exclaimed, “what took you so long?”

“I was only 10 minutes,” Jaeyoung tsked, “you don’t seem drunk at all.”

“I sobered up real fucking quick when I turned around for one second and looked back to see this dumbass chugging a bottle of something and some creepo who was following him started getting handsy.”

“What do you mean?” Jaeyoung’s tone darkened.

“There was a guy hitting on him all night and he was pretty much waiting for Sangchu to get drunk enough that he would stop telling him to fuck off. Obviously, he’s pretty fucking drunk now so the guy started grabbing his ass and stuff.”

“Where is he?” Jaeyoung was almost shaking with rage, “where’s that fucker now?”

“Your boyfriend donkey kicked him in the nuts so hard, I don’t think that guy can have children. I wouldn’t be surprised if his dick never works again. Pretty sure he crawled out the backdoor,” Yuna rolled her eyes.

“Child, I didn’t understand a single thing you just said,” they heard Hannah say confusedly.

Yuna shouted, “take your gremlin home and pump him full of water. Whatever thing he drank just now hasn’t kicked in yet, so he’s gonna be even worse than he is.”

Jaeyoung nodded and walked to stand next to Hannah, leaning down until he was in Sangwoo’s view.

Sangwoo did a double-take, trying to figure out if Jaeyoung was real or not. He reach out and missed a couple of times before he finally landed a slap on Jaeyoung’s arm. Once he had the confirmation that it was a corporeal being and not a figment of his imagination, he started flapping his hands around excitedly and making noises.

As soon as Hannah let go of him, Sangwoo launched himself into Jaeyoung’s arms, wrapping his legs around the older man’s waist. He started rubbing his face against Jaeyoung’s cheek in his typical cat behavior, although far more aggressively than usual.

“Hyuuuuuuuungie,” Sangwoo giggled.

“I can’t tell if you have more alcohol on you or in you,” Jaeyoung cringed, the scent of liquor wafting off of the smaller boy.

At a normal walking pace, it took 20 minutes to get from the nightclub to their apartments.

Jaeyoung was having to stop every few minutes because Sangwoo was quite possibly the most flexible person he’d ever met and somehow managed to keep escaping his hold. He could bend his body into crazy positions or go totally boneless. Jaeyoung’s patience was starting to wear thin, especially when Sangwoo began trying to play hide-and-seek. 

When Sangwoo managed to slip out again, Jaeyoung had to stop himself from throwing something in frustration. Sangwoo jumped onto the pole of a street sign, and if Jaeyoung were in a better mood, he would have been laughing his ass off as Sangwoo switched between dancing on it and trying to inch himself up higher.

Jaeyoung had to pry him off and noticed one of Sangwoo’s hands was bleeding slightly.

“See, now you’re gonna have to get a tetanus shot,” he shook his head, catching Sangwoo before he fell.

It seemed like the alcohol was really starting to hit him as he started slumping, not trying to run anymore.

“Get on my back before you pass out,” Jaeyoung crouched down in front of him and Sangwoo flopped forward and wrapped his arms and legs around him. When Jaeyoung stood up, he hiked Sangwoo higher, letting Sangwoo rest his cheek on his shoulder.

“You need to eat more. You feel too light,” Jaeyoung frowned. He realized he hadn’t been checking in enough to make sure Sangwoo had been eating since he often forgot to when he was too focused.

Sangwoo started mumbling something. Even listening closely, Jaeyoung couldn’t tell what.

“What?”

“Are we gonna fuck when we get home?” Sangwoo slurred, stopping Jaeyoung dead in his tracks.

“Absolutely not,” he said sternly.

“Whyyyyyy?” Sangwoo whined.

“Because you’re shitfaced drunk.”

“So?”

“ So , you can’t consent,” Jaeyoung began walking again.

“I’m fiiiiiine.”

“No, you’re really not,” Jaeyoung sighed in annoyance, hiking him up again when he started slipping.

By the time they got to their building, Sangwoo was rambling and shivering despite the extra jacket Jaeyoung brought. The artist had to lean forward more as he unlocked the door, his back protesting.

“You’re turning me old,” Jaeyoung groaned, pushing the door to his apartment open.

He placed Sangwoo down on the bed, cradling his head to keep him from smacking it against the wall.

He unzipped the jacket and went to lift Sangwoo’s shirt, only to have his hand smacked hard.

“Ow! What the fuck?” he cursed. When he tried again, Sangwoo did the same thing.

“N-no,” he mumbled.

“Chu Sangwoo, I’m trying to get you changed. You smell like you crashed into a liquor store,” he tsked, reaching for his shirt another time.

“I h-have boy, uhn, boyfriend,” Sangwoo slurred, slapping his hand again, “doooon’t touch. I love hmm.”

All of Jaeyoung’s anger evaporated immediately. His darling Sangwoo didn’t recognize him and was sure as hell not going to let anyone but his boyfriend undress him. 

“You have a boyfriend?”

“Mhmm.”

“What’s his name?”

“Jang Jaeyoungie.”

“What’s he like?” Jaeyoung asked, sitting down on the bed.

“Stupid,” he said so clearly, he sounded almost sober for a moment.

Jaeyoung snorted, “only stupid?”

“Not only, just very. ”

“All due respect, your stupid boyfriend isn’t the one that drank his body weight.”

“D-don’t call my boyfriend stupid! Only I can,” Sangwoo hit his shoulder.

“Ah, sorry,” Jaeyoung held up his hands in surrender, “what else?”

“He’s smart.”

“You just said he’s stupid.”

“He’s stupid b-because he wants to be with me. I don’t know why. He’s stupid and smart and nice an-and I like his smile. His art is so, so pretty. He’s so good with people. He gets along with everyone.”

Jaeyoung was tempted to record all the sweet things Sangwoo was saying, but he settled for savoring every word. “I heard you didn’t get along with him at first.”

“I don’t… really get along with anyone. I wasn’t allowed t-to have friends when… I, um. My parents didn’t let me speak to anyone without per… per… per-huh?”

“Permission?” Jaeyoung guessed. 

“Yeah, yeah, that. I could only an-answer questions from teachers. I couldn’t talk to anyone else. I wasn’t allowed to talk to my siblings sometimes. Five brothers aaaaaaaand f-four sisters. I’m youngest… I miss Eunu. She was the on-only one who cared. When I- when I got kicked out, my parents had all of them and the exte-extendededed family,” he tripped over his words, “they had all of them cut contact.”

Jaeyoung would have happily punched Sangwoo’s parents after seeing his sad, empty gaze. It also gave him a new understanding as to why Sangwoo avoided the topic of family as much as possible. 

“They wouldn’t like Jaeyoungie. If someone d-doesn’t like him, I don’t like them.”

“Your boyfriend is very lucky to have such a dedicated partner,” Jaeyoung said.

“He’s good. He’s good person. I want him to be happy.”

“I know for an absolute fact, he’s happy with you.”

Sangwoo swung his head over and the biggest grin suddenly appeared. “Hyung! When did you get here?”

“Kitty, I’ve been here the whole time.”

“... Oh.”

Sangwoo blinked at him a few times, his drunk-dazed brain trying to catch up.

“Hyung?”

“Hmm?”

“I missed you.”

Jaeyoung smiled fondly, “you saw me this morning.”

“I knooooooow. I still missed you.”

“I missed you too, Sangie,” Jaeyoung ruffled his hair, “now, please, can you let me change your clothes?”

Sangwoo nodded confusedly.

“Thank you, darling,” Jaeyoung kissed his nose and began undressing him. He would’ve rather given him a shower, but Sangwoo was finicky about when he would let Jaeyoung see him naked. He didn’t want to do anything when Sangwoo wouldn’t be able to express if he was uncomfortable.

Jaeyoung grabbed his softest, long-sleeved shirt and put it over Sangwoo’s head before sliding his arms in one at a time. The shirt had always been slightly tight on Jaeyoung, but Sangwoo was swimming in it. The sleeves went past his hands, giving him adorable sweater paws.

The hem went to Sangwoo’s mid-thighs, and he looked so cute in only the oversized shirt and fluffy socks, Jaeyoung didn’t want to put pants on him. As precious as he looked, Jaeyoung knew he got cold easily, so he dressed him in the fluffy pajama pants he kept in his drawer just for him. 

Sangwoo was starting to fade in and out, struggling to stay awake. Jaeyoung was gently moving him but stopped when something fabric-covered touched his face. He realized it was Sangwoo’s hand.

“Hyung.”

“Yes, Doll?”

“I love you.”

Despite the drunken slurring, Sangwoo said it with so much sincerity, it nearly knocked Jaeyoung off his feet. Sangwoo’s hazy eyes looked up at him, full of all the emotions he typically kept hidden with an intensity Jaeyoung had never seen before. 

“I love you too, Sangie. So, so much.”

Sangwoo pouted for a kiss and Jaeyoung obliged with a soft peck, pulling away before Sangwoo could try and deepen it. Sangwoo started whining petulantly, bouncing on the bed and nearly falling straight off of it

“It’s time to go to sleep,” Jaeyoung said.

“I’m not tired!” Sangwoo protested despite the fact he could only keep his eyes half-open.

Jaeyoung scooted toward the head of the bed and pulled Sangwoo down beside him. The smaller boy wrapped his arms around one of Jaeyoung’s, throwing a leg over his waist. Jaeyoung covered him with a blanket, and Sangwoo was asleep in a matter of minutes.

“God, you’re so cute,” he brushed Sangwoo’s hair out of his face, “I wish I could have seen you kick a guy in the dick though.”

---

It wasn’t more than an hour later while Jaeyoung was drawing on his computer when Sangwoo suddenly clamored out of the bed, stumbling towards the bathroom. He somehow managed to avoid smacking into a wall.

Jaeyoung closed his computer, sighing as he heard Sangwoo retching. The younger man hadn’t bothered to turn on the light, but he had thankfully made it to the toilet in time before the alcohol in his stomach made a reappearance. 

The artist turned on the light and crouched down beside Sangwoo, rubbing comforting circles on his back. “I’m here, baby. It’s okay. You just gotta get it all out.”

Sangwoo was shaking by the time the first round of vomiting started to subside. There was undoubtedly more to come. Jaeyoung spread out a towel behind Sangwoo, who was completely oblivious to what was happening around him. Jaeyoung went into his bedroom and grabbed two pillows and two blankets.

He placed the softer pillow, the one Sangwoo liked more, on top of a towel. When the retching had calmed again, Jaeyoung guided him down to the floor. He put Sangwoo on his side, making sure his head was positioned properly on the pillow so he wouldn’t choke if he got sick in his sleep.

He draped the blanket over him, taking extra care to make sure he would be warm enough. He grabbed another towel and spread it on the floor of the bathtub. Once he tossed the pillow in, he used the switch to dim the lights slightly before he got in and sat down in the tub, pulling the blanket over himself. 

He knew his body was going to be sore the next day. His long limbs were cramped up in the tight space. He couldn’t understand for the life of him why Sangwoo liked sleeping in tubs and tiny areas.

Jaeyoung would have been able to hear everything from the bedroom, but he wanted to be right next to Sangwoo so he could monitor him. Considering the kid’s low tolerance and the high amount of alcohol he’d consumed, alcohol poisoning was something Jaeyoung was watching closely for signs of.

Between Sangwoo waking up frequently to throw up and his own paranoia about missing a symptom, Jaeyoung barely got any sleep that night and his body felt like he’d been stuck in a coffin for days. Once he was sure that Sangwoo wasn’t going to suddenly stop breathing and was just horrifically hungover, he was able to relax slightly.

He stopped himself from groaning as he stood up, not wanting to make any noise that might make Sangwoo’s undoubtedly aching head even worse. He carefully stepped over Sangwoo and grabbed a few room-temperature water bottles, knowing cold water never sat well with upset stomachs.

He brought a bottle of over-the-counter painkillers and took two to deal with his aching muscles as he grabbed his computer and walked back to the bathroom. Having always had issues with swallowing pills, he nearly choked halfway there but managed to get them down.

Jaeyoung cracked the seal on another bottle as he sat down on the floor next to Sangwoo, who was curled up adorably. He had only been drawing for about 10 minutes when Sangwoo jolted straight and started throwing up again.

“I know the last thing you want to do right now is drink or eat anything, but getting some water in will help make you feel better,” Jaeyoung said quietly.

Sangwoo nodded and held out his hand but it was shaking so much, Jaeyoung had little faith he would be able to hold the bottle. Sangwoo always had minor tremors that would intensify when he was stressed, but it was nothing compared to how he was shaking then.

“I can hold it for you,” Jaeyoung said, carefully tipping Sangwoo’s head back the slightest bit as he poured a small amount of water in his mouth. He grabbed the bottle and rattled it. “Do you think you can take two of these? It’ll help with the hangover. It’s-“

“I don’t care if it’s fucking cyanide, just give me it,” Sangwoo held his pounding head.

“God, you’re worse than Yuna when she’s hungover,” Jaeyoung sighed, “open your mouth.”

Sangwoo did as told, and if it were any other situation, the simple command would have undoubtedly led to a blowjob. The only thing on Sangwoo’s mind was making his head stop hurting and his stomach stop churning.

Jaeyoung placed two pills on his tongue and poured water into his mouth, making sure it wasn’t too much for him to swallow.

“Most people feel better after eating something greasy or something spicy. Yuna always goes for greasy and Hyeongtak is spicy. I definitely think you’re a spicy person. I’m gonna order some tteokbokki and that spicy miso ramen you like,” Jaeyoung said.

“Are you insane? Why would I eat something spicy when I’ll just throw it up?”

“That’s the thing. I know it sounds crazy, but it does really help get rid of the nausea. I can send you articles and research studies about it if you want proof.”

“I’m gonna trust you on this, but if I throw up chili oil, I’m going to make the rest of this week hell for you,” Sangwoo pointed to the water.

“Only one more sip for right now. If you fill your stomach too fast with water, you’ll definitely get sick again,” Jaeyoung warned, pouring a small amount.

Sangwoo was clearly dissatisfied with his response, but Jaeyoung had significant experience taking care of people who partied too hard. If there was anyone who knew what they were doing when it came to that, it was Jang Jaeyoung.

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Jaeyoung was right. As soon as the spicy broth hit his stomach, his nausea started to decrease. His throat was on fire, but he had grown accustomed to having a constant minor sore throat ever since he discovered the joys of oral sex. 

“Feel a bit better?” Jaeyoung asked, already knowing the answer considering how Sangwoo looked visibly relieved.

Sangwoo nodded, taking another sip of broth.

“See,” Jaeyoung said smugly, “trust Hyung. He knows best.”

“You were correct in this case.”

“I’m curious about something.”

“What?” Sangwoo questioned.

“Why did you lie to me about where you’re from?”

Sangwoo scowled, “what are you talking about?”

“You told me you’re from Seoul.”

“I am.”

“No, you’re not. I could hear the accent in your voice and you spoke in dialect. You’re from Daegu.”

“Well… you asked the wrong question,” Sangwoo shrugged, taking a small bite of noodles. “You asked where I come from. I came to school from Seoul.”

“When someone asks where you’re from, they mean where you were born or where you grew up. You’ve never mentioned Daegu once in the entire time I’ve known you.”

“I don’t like talking about Daegu. There’s nothing there for me.”

Jaeyoung looked at him closely, seeing the way he was starting to shift around.

“Sangie, you said some things last night.”

“I don’t remember anything. Sorry if I insulted you.”

“You said your parents kicked you out and made your siblings cut contact.”

Sangwoo tensed and put his bowl down, going totally quiet.

Jaeyoung leaned toward him, holding out his hand and waiting for Sangwoo to take it. “I told you all about my family and my life growing up. That’s not to say you’re obligated to share,” he cut Sangwoo off before the younger man could snap. “I’m just saying, you can talk to me. I’m not going to judge you or hold anything against you. I want you to be comfortable sharing things with me.”

Sangwoo looked conflicted. He was someone who kept his secrets as buried as possible and the thought of opening up to someone was terrifying. He had thought the same thing about dating, and it worked out amazingly.

“My parents used to kick me out of the house a lot. More often than not, I was just couch-crashing or sleeping under a bridge or something. They didn’t want any more kids, so they took every opportunity to remind me I’m a mistake and nothing more than a burden to them. When I was thirteen, I got into a really bad fight with my father and I was kicked out for good. I was homeless for two years until a woman named Eunkyung found me freezing on a bench in winter and brought me to Seoul. It was the first time I ever felt like I had a real home, so I say that’s where I’m from.”

Jaeyoung swallowed harshly, trying to keep his emotions in check. “You never mentioned her before. Do you still talk to her?”

“She died in my senior year of high school. So… no.”

“Was it sudden or expected?”

“She was sick for a while but then got better. Well, I thought she got better. She said she felt better and all of her test results looked good, but I came home one day and she was just…”

“How long has it been since you talked to your family?” Jaeyoung asked, running his thumb over Sangwoo’s knuckles.

“My mother called me a couple months ago out of nowhere asking for money. I hadn’t talked to her since the day I was banned from the house. I’ve talked to my brother twice and my sister a few times, but that’s it. No contact other than that.”

“You know, my mom has been badgering me for months to bring you over for dinner,” Jaeyoung said.

“From what you told me, she seems nice,” Sangwoo shook his head, “I don’t want to accidentally say something that upsets her.”

“Woo, she works with people with autism in a rehab center. She was the one who kinda clued me in on you.”

“What the ‘don’t touch me, don’t look at me, don’t make loud sounds, and don’t mess up my schedule’ wasn’t enough?” Sangwoo raised a brow.

“We already established that I’m not the brightest. Although… you did call me smart last night.”

“No, I didn’t.”

Jaeyoung grinned and leaned in, “Yes, you did. You said I was smart and nice and that my art was pretty and you liked my smile. Drunk words are just sober thoughts.”

Sangwoo’s face blushed bright red, the ceiling suddenly becoming a very interesting thing to look at.

“I also found out something pretty interesting too,” Jaeyoung continued.

“Oh, god.”

“I had no idea that my boy is so flexible. I mean, it was impossible to carry you. You just kept slipping through my arms. I bet you’d be an amazing dancer.”

“No.”

“I beg to differ. Especially because I watched you pole dance on a stop sign.”

“NO!”

Chapter 7: Tupperware

AN: Big BIG trigger warning for this chapter for discussions of child abuse and neglect and withholding food. PLEASE DO NOT READ if this is potentially triggering. I worry about the well-being of every reader. <3

---

Every time Sangwoo shared personal things, there was an emotional retreat after it.

As soon as Sangwoo told him about Eunkyung, Jaeyoung knew it would happen. In their time together, Jaeyoung figured out how to handle it.

He needed to give Sangwoo space and wait for him to come back and “test out the waters” to see if Jaeyoung was mad. Then he had to ignore Sangwoo for a little while and wait for him to come back again and apologize.

If Jaeyoung approached him first, Sangwoo would retreat even further. If he tried to talk things out the first time Sangwoo came to him, Sangwoo would assume Jaeyoung was pretending not to be mad. If he ignored him for too long, Sangwoo would start spiraling.

It was a complicated system that, from an outside point of view, seemed unhealthy. However, they had found a balance that worked that gave Sangwoo time to get a little control of the chaos in his brain and gave Jaeyoung time to figure out exactly what he wanted to say when they sat down to discuss everything.

When Sangwoo left Jaeyoung’s apartment after recovering enough from his hangover and hid in his own apartment, Jaeyoung knew it was time to give space.

He hated being away from Sangwoo. If he had it his way, Sangwoo would be in his arms every moment of every day. It was difficult for Jaeyoung, being such a physically affectionate person, to be separated from him, but he knew it was what Sangwoo needed.

It wasn’t as if Sangwoo wasn’t also trying and making compromises. Before they met, Sangwoo would never have been the first to approach and apologize. He would avoid the situation as much as possible and not take responsibility for any of his actions.

He knew that Jaeyoung was driven by emotions instead of facts and he really was trying his best to adjust and take into consideration Jaeyoung’s feelings.

At the same time, Sangwoo struggled to handle his own feelings. His brain was just wired differently, and he couldn’t process things the same way other people did. It was horrifically frustrating and sometimes felt like an impossible task.

Jaeyoung gave him the motivation to try but it was still so difficult, he would always end up feeling drained by the end of it. 

Sangwoo had been dodging him for almost a week, and it was getting on Jaeyoung’s nerves. He was itching to hold Sangwoo and to hear his exasperated sighs whenever he told a bad joke. He missed the little smiles Sangwoo always tried to hide and how he would pretend like he wasn’t enjoying whatever movie they were watching.

Jaeyoung sprawled across the couch in his studio with Yuna, Hannah, Hyeongtak, and Jihye hanging out around the room.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just go talk to him,” Hannah said, “I mean, you live right next to him. What’s the issue?”

“I told you already,” Jaeyoung sighed, “There’s a procedure.”

“Procedure?” Yuna scoffed, “You have to do this every time you fight? Wait, how was this even a fight?”

“It wasn’t a fight,” he said, “It’s really hard to explain. He’s… skittish. When I tell you he’s like a cat, I’m not joking. He has to be the first to approach or he’ll run off. Literally.”

“Hyung, why do you always go for the difficult ones?” Hyeongtak asked, backtracking when Jaeyoung sat up and glared at him. “That’s not what I meant!”

“What did you mean?” Jaeyoung crossed his arms, unknowingly copying Sangwoo’s mannerisms.

“Don’t get me wrong, I really like him,” Hyeongtak said, “I didn’t at first, but he grew on me. I just don’t understand his thought process. Why does he assume that if you forgive him the first time he apologizes, you’re lying? Why can he not just sit down and talk out an issue instead of hiding from it?”

“It’s just the way he is,” Jaeyoung shrugged, “Believe it or not, this is far better than it used to be.”

“He’s a complicated one,” Yuna whistled.

“I know,” the artist nodded, “He’s hard to handle sometimes, but it’s worth it.”

“Would he ever consider CBT?” Hannah asked.

“I don’t think oils are gonna help him,” Jaeyoung shook his head.

“Not CBD,” she laughed, “CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy. It’s a specific type of therapy that’s been helpful for a lot of people, especially neurodivergent people. I’ll send you some info. Take a look when you have a chance and see if maybe that’s something he could benefit from.”

Jihye giggled next to Hyeongtak, drawing a confused look from her boyfriend.

“Oh, sorry,” she said, “I was just checking in on Sangwoo to see how he’s doing.”

“Is he okay?” Jaeyoung leaned forward immediately.

“He said, ‘I stepped on a leaf that looked crunchy but it wasn’t crunchy, so now I miss him AND I’m mad’.”

“God, him and his crunchy leaves,” Jaeyoung shook his head fondly, “He jumps on every leaf he sees. He goes absolutely insane in autumn.”

“That’s kinda cute,” Hannah snorted.

“Well, at least you know he misses you,” Yuna slapped Jaeyoung’s leg.

“I already knew that,” he rolled his eyes, “but I miss him too. A lot.”

“He’s sending chaotic memes now. I give him less than two more days before he cracks,” Jihye said.

Despite the assurance that Sangwoo would give in soon, when Jihye called Jaeyoung to let him know that Sangwoo hadn’t come to class, Jaeyoung knew he needed to do something. Calling him or confronting him directly would make Sangwoo panic, so he did the next best thing and texted a message that was straight to the point.

Freeloader 3: get your ass to school right now or i’ll drag you there

A few minutes later, he heard Sangwoo’s door open. The smaller boy was always light on his feet, but considering the fact that Jaeyoung couldn’t hear a single sound, he could tell Sangwoo was tiptoeing by. In all honesty, it was kinda hilarious the extent Sangwoo would go to avoid him.

Jihye must have told him to get his shit together, but it took a couple of hours for it to sink in because he knocked on Jaeyoung’s door at 3 in the morning.

“Fucking hell, you couldn’t wait a few more hours for the sun to be up before you came back here?” Jaeyoung asked angrily as he opened the door.

“Sorry,” Sangwoo mumbled.

Jaeyoung’s heart clenched slightly, but he knew if he gave in right away, Sangwoo wouldn’t believe it and would hide again.

“You know, it’s pretty inconsiderate to wake someone up just to satisfy your desire for forgiveness.”

“Um, I just- I wanted t-“

“Go to bed. Leave me alone so I can get some sleep, and come back later,” Jaeyoung said before closing the door in Sangwoo’s face.

As pissed as he was for having his sleep interrupted, he hated to be so brusk with Sangwoo. He knew Sangwoo needed the moment of rejection, but he couldn’t stop the guilt he felt whenever he saw Sangwoo’s dejected face.

He struggled to go back to sleep, which only made him crankier when he got up. He was practically drowning himself with caffeine at work to help him stay awake and he crashed into his couch to take a nap the moment he got home.

His growling stomach is what woke him up. It was dark outside, but he could smell something delicious. As if on cue, a knock sounded at the door again.

He opened it, leaning against the frame. Sangwoo had his head hanging down, shoulders hunched as he held a stack of Tupperware containers. He was wearing the fluffy sweater Jaeyoung got him on Valentine’s Day, looking even more like a cat than usual. 

“Well?” Jaeyoung raised a brow. 

“You told me to come back later.”

“Yes, I did,” he nodded.

Sangwoo suddenly thrust the containers in his hands before turning on his heels and retreating to his apartment.

“Aish,” Jaeyoung huffed, annoyed that Sangwoo didn’t stay. He put the food down and went to Sangwoo’s door.

“Come out here, Chu Sangwoo,” he knocked, “I refuse to eat alone again.”

After a few moments, the door opened. Sangwoo had his arms wrapped around himself and Jaeyoung pulled on his sleeve, leading him back to his apartment without touching him directly in case he was feeling too sensitive.

Jaeyoung opened all of the containers, pleased to see some of his favorite foods. He knew that many of them were incredibly complicated and hard to make. Sangwoo had put significant effort into it, even with dishes he didn’t personally like.

Jaeyoung loaded two plates and nodded to the couch to make him sit down. He placed them down on the table and saw Sangwoo bouncing his knee nervously, unable to sit still.

“I’m sorry, Hyung,” he kept his head down.

“I know. It’s okay. I’m not angry anymore,” Jaeyoung said, “How could I be angry when I know this is gonna taste so good?”

Sangwoo sighed in relief, tension draining from his body.

For the first time, Jaeyoung noticed that Sangwoo’s cheeks looked smaller, his jeans a little baggier than usual and dark circles under his eyes. He looked beyond exhausted.

“What?” Sangwoo asked, seeing the scowl on his face.

“When’s the last time you ate?” Jaeyoung questioned.

Sangwoo frowned, thinking hard.

“I… don’t know,” he admitted, “Um. I think Saturday?”

Jaeyoung nearly fell off the couch, horrified.

“Saturday?! It’s Friday night! You haven’t eaten in a week!” he exclaimed.

“I wasn’t really hungry,” Sangwoo shrugged nonchalantly like he didn’t understand what was so bad about it.

Jaeyoung pinched between his brows, taking a breath to calm himself. “Okay, look,” he said, “You can’t not eat. It’s not healthy. Please, promise me you’ll eat regularly.”

“I… I can’t promise that,” Sangwoo shook his head, “Sometimes, I forget to eat or I really don’t feel well and I can’t eat. I can’t make a promise that I know I can’t keep.”

“Alright, I appreciate the honesty. I’m gonna keep reminding you to eat though, even if it’s annoying or if we’re mad at each other and not talking. You cannot go a week without eating. Even if it’s just a couple bites; something is better than nothing.”

Sangwoo hesitated and Jaeyoung suddenly realized that there was a lot more to the situation than he knew.

“Do you not want to eat?” Jaeyoung asked softly.

“I don’t know,” he said, avoiding looking at him. “I’m just… I’m used to not being allowed to eat when I do something wrong. I keep feeling like I’m gonna get in trouble for eating when… I’ve been bad,” he mumbled the last part and Jaeyoung’s anger towards Sangwoo’s family spiked again.

“Your parents punished you by withholding food?”

“Did yours not?” Sangwoo asked confusedly.

“No, they never did that. That’s literally abuse, Sangwoo. Starving a child to punish them is abuse.”

“... Oh.”

Jaeyoung held out his hand, waiting patiently for Sangwoo to take it. When Sangwoo accepted, Jaeyoung ran his thumb over the back of Sangwoo’s smooth knuckles.

“You didn’t deserve for something like that to happen to you. I understand it’s gonna be hard to get out of that mindset, but from now on, just know that you won’t ever be punished for eating,” he said, “I’m so sorry you went through that.”

“I don’t want pity.”

“I’m not pitying, I’m sympathizing.”

“I don’t want that,” Sangwoo said, “I don’t want to change how you see me.”

“It’s not changing anything other than giving me a better understanding of why you behave certain ways. You struggle to open up to people because you never had someone to confide in. You mistreat yourself because no one told you it was okay to make your own decisions as an adult and not experience the same punishments you had as a child.”

“I don’t like being psychoanalyzed,” Sangwoo snapped, “Stop it.”

Jaeyoung nodded, knowing he was essentially playing with lit matches and pushing any further would start a fire. He lifted Sangwoo’s hand, kissing it softly and giving it a comforting squeeze. Sangwoo’s annoyance started to fade, especially seeing the dopey smile on Jaeyoung’s face when he scooted closer.

“This food looks really good, Sangie,” Jaeyoung said, “You feel up to eating?”

Sangwoo nodded, accepting the plate from Jaeyoung. As soon as he lifted a bite to his mouth, his stomach made a loud growling sound. His cheeks flushed bright red as Jaeyoung snorted. The older man grabbed the remote control and turned on the television, upping the volume to cover any sounds and spare Sangwoo further embarrassment. 

Sangwoo almost never finished his plate, so Jaeyoung often gave him smaller portions. Even with the reduced amount, Sangwoo didn’t finish the full plate. After a week of no food, his stomach was unused to being filled, and a tiny amount made him feel full.

Jaeyoung ate everything remaining on his plate and took a second portion. Unlike his boyfriend, the artist was a bottomless pit who could work his way through an entire buffet if given the chance. 

He sat back against the couch and patted his thighs when he saw Sangwoo side-eyeing his unoccupied lap. Sangwoo immediately crawled on, lifting Jaeyoung’s hoodie to slip underneath and rest against his chest. He didn’t realize the taller man wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath, so he was surprised when his cheek met bare skin.

Jaeyoung peeked down at him through the neck hole. “Comfy?” he asked.

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo nodded.

“You know how many of my sweaters and shirts you stretch out when you do this?”

“Do you want me to stop?” Sangwoo questioned.

“No,” Jaeyoung responded immediately, “You look so cute and tiny and you’re always so cold. I like keeping you warm. I’m happy to be a human hot pack.”

“I missed this,” Sangwoo admitted.

“I did too,” Jaeyoung kissed him again, “My arms were so empty. I tried hugging so many things, and nothing felt right.”

“I don’t know why I’m like this,” he said, “I don’t know why I can’t just say how I feel like other people can.”

“You have more than one thing working against you, but you’re trying.”

“But you shouldn’t have to deal with all of my shit and get nothing in return,” Sangwoo said, and Jaeyoung knew exactly what kind of pout he had on his face without even looking. 

“I get more than enough in return. I’m not going to pretend that everything is peaches and cream. You can be difficult sometimes, but it’s worth it.”

“Why, though?” Sangwoo asked. 

“Well, why do you like being with me even though I annoy the fuck out of you sometimes?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“I don’t know. I just feel… whole?” Sangwoo said, “I never really noticed it before we got close. I didn’t know it wasn’t a normal thing to feel empty. I just assumed everyone felt that way but then we got together and it felt different. I asked Jihye and she told me that it wasn’t a healthy thing to be numb.”

Jaeyoung didn’t realize he was unconsciously hugging Sangwoo too tightly until he made a noise. He loosened his grip and stripped off his sweater.

Sangwoo pouted, unhappy about having the warmth of Jaeyoung’s hoodie taken away. The artist lifted Sangwoo and repositioned him so they were face to face with Sangwoo straddling him.

Jaeyoung kept one arm firmly around Sangwoo’s waist while his other hand came up to cup Sangwoo’s cheek. Sangwoo's eyes flickered down to Jaeyoung’s lips, his silent way of saying he wanted a kiss.

Jaeyoung brought him closer, kissing him softly. Sangwoo was surprised by the gentleness as the position usually meant hardcore makeout sessions, but he didn’t try to intensify it. The affection in his touches made Sangwoo’s heart flutter. If Jihye hadn’t told him about that feeling, he would have thought he was having a medical issue.

The artist smiled against his lips, feeling Sangwoo’s heart pounding under the hand he had on the Sangwoo's back. Sangwoo might not have been skilled at expressing his feelings through words, but his body spoke for him.

Chapter 8: Pancake

AN: Sorry for being gone for so long! I've got a big chapter here with some smut to make up for it lol

---

“It’s Jaeyoung’s birthday on Friday,” Sangwoo took a sip of his coffee.

Yuna nodded, “Yeah, I got him a videogame. You get a present yet?”

“The new drawing tablet he was looking at. I got the pro model one because it has better pressure sensitivity than the other and I know he really wants that.”

“What the fuck?” She put her drink down. “How did you get that? Those things are expensive as hell!”

“I got another part-time job at the school,” he said nonchalantly. “I’m just coding and editing things in some of the departments.”

“Hold on, lemme get this straight,” Yuna sat forward. “You took on not one but two jobs while being a full-time student in a stressful major, just so you could buy your boyfriend a drawing tablet for his birthday?”

Sangwoo nodded, blushing slightly now that Yuna had pointed it out. He had always rolled his eyes at anyone who said they got a job just to buy a present for a partner, yet he was now doing the same. 

“You told me you weren’t a romantic,” she said.

“I’m not.”

“You 100% are. You use the little bit of free time you have during the day to work for money to pay for a gift for your boyfriend just to make him happy. That’s romantic!”

“That’s being trapped in an economy that exploits emotional aspects of human relationships. It’s capitalism,” Sangwoo deflected, trying to move the conversation away from his feelings.

“What else are you doing?” she asked.

“The museum has a new exhibit with artists he likes,” Sangwoo said.

“And?” she pressed. 

“I think dinner at the French restaurant Lumiére.”

“And?”

Sangwoo looked both confused and slightly panicked, worried he was missing something important about birthday celebrations.

“Chu, you’ve been saying for months that his birthday is the day you wanna have sex for the first time.”

“… Oh.”

“You don’t have to do it. It’s your decision and you know he’ll never press you to do something. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

“I want to though,” Sangwoo fiddled with the hem of his sweater.

Yuna looked at him thoughtfully, snickering when it seemed to make him shy away more to have attention on him.

“Jae will take care of you,” she said, “He’ll make sure you’re okay and feeling good.”

“Why did you never get with him?” Sangwoo suddenly asked, “I know you said you had a girlfriend for a while, but surely you both were single at the same time at least once.”

“I had a crush on him for a few days after I met him. At the time, he was a player. He was hopping from girl to girl. We had gotten close emotionally, and I didn’t want to potentially ruin that if he was just gonna move on to someone else right after. I told him that straight to his face when he got too flirty and we made an agreement to never get involved sexually,” she said.

“You don’t think… You don’t think he’ll move on to someone else if I have sex with him?” Sangwoo asked. 

“No,” Yuna shook her head, “You’re stuck with him. I’ve known him for a long time now. This is the only time I have ever seen him truly happy in a relationship. And the way he looks at you. Man, so many people would die to have someone look at them like that. You’re lucky.”

“I want to be as good of a partner to him as he is to me,” Sangwoo said, and Yuna couldn’t help but feel a little bit of pride that Sangwoo was being vulnerable. He certainly tested her patience sometimes, but she had started viewing him as a younger sibling months ago, especially after he called her “Noona” for the first time.

“I actually think you’re the perfect person for him,” Yuna tapped his leg with hers.

“What?” Sangwoo looked at her skeptically.

“He’s loud and extroverted and you’re quiet and introverted. When you two are together, you balance each other. He chills out and you come out of your shell. He’s so soft with you. I never would have imagined you two would be like this considering the way you guys started,” she laughed, “I’ve never seen him that mad before. He went full psycho-mode. Do you ever feel bad that you delayed his graduation?”

“I didn’t delay it. The school did,” Sangwoo shook his head.

“Yeah, but they only did that because you pointed out that he didn’t work on the project.”

“He should have contributed to it then,” Sangwoo shrugged, “I don’t feel bad for calling out poor work ethic.”

“Do you ever feel guilt?” Yuna asked curiously.

“Yes. I just feel it differently and for different reasons.”

“What do you feel guilty about?”

“Lots of things. I have a lot of guilt and a lot of regret,” he said, and Yuna stopped questioning, seeing how he was starting to lean away from her.

“I want bingsu,” Yuna slapped her legs, apologizing when the sound made Sangwoo jump. 

“The place I usually go to closed down for the season,” Sangwoo said.

“I know a year-round place,” Yuna stood up.

“You really want shaved ice in cold weather?” Sangwoo asked.

“It’s bingsu day every day.”

---

“I can’t believe you took him to a shaved ice place in the middle of winter,” Jaeyoung shook his head.

“Why is it such a big deal? He liked the bingsu. He only had like 3 bites anyway,” Yuna shrugged. 

“Yeah, and he had chills for the rest of the day,” Jaeyoung said, “He’s sensitive to temperature, Yuna.”

“I’ll bring a blanket for him next time,” Yuna rolled her eyes, “Jae, he’s an adult. Let him make his own decision on what he eats.”

“If I let him make his own decisions on what he eats, he wouldn’t eat at all,” Jaeyoung reminded her.

“That’s still going on?” Hannah questioned, sitting down beside Yuna and offering popcorn to both of them. 

“It’s a bit better than it was,” Jaeyoung sighed. “I mean, the fact he even had one bite let alone 3 is really good.”

“You’d think that someone who likes strict schedules would have a consistent time set to eat,” Yuna said.

“I’ve been messaging him at the same times every day to remind him to eat. It seems to be helping a little. Sometimes, it just needs to be brought to his attention that he hasn’t eaten. Other times, it’s a full-on battle to get something in him.”

“Why?” Hannah asked. 

“Sorry,” Jaeyoung shook his head, “I can’t tell you. It’s a personal thing, and I don’t have his permission to talk about it.”

Yuna’s eyebrows shot up. “I never thought I’d see the day when Jang Jaeyoung could actually keep a secret. You always spill the T immediately.”

“He’s the type of person that if you betray his trust, it’s nearly impossible to get it back,” Jaeyoung said. “I’m not willing to risk that.”

“When is Sangchu back?” Yuna asked.

“He’s got late classes tonight. He’s not out for another five hours,” Jaeyoung checked the time on his phone.

Yuna whistled, “Man, I do not miss school.”

“How are things with that coworker?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“She’s such a fucking bitch,” Yuna took a swig of her drink, “She tried to steal my design and pass it off as hers. I walked in while my boss was praising her for how beautiful it was and saying that it would sell well. She denied it was mine until I told our boss to flip it around and it had my signature on it.”

“What did your boss say about it?”

“Well, that bitch got demoted on the spot,” Yuna smirked, “I wish I had a picture of her face when she found out that she has to answer to me now.”

“Make sure she doesn’t try to sabotage you,” Hannah warned.

“I’m having a friend supervise her to make sure she’s doing what I order her to do,” Yuna assured her girlfriend. “Jae, it’s your birthday on Friday.”

“Yep,” Jaeyoung nodded.

“You doing anything for it? I know we have a party on Thursday because some people are working Friday night, but are you doing anything on the day specifically?”

“Woo has been dropping some not-so-subtle hints that he wants to bring me to a new museum exhibit that has pieces from some of my favorite artists. I can’t believe he actually remembered them though because I only mentioned their names in a conversation so long ago that I didn’t even remember talking about it.”

“Aw, that’s really sweet. He always acts like he’s not listening or he’s uninterested, but he does actually pay attention,” Hannah said, “Bet he’s planning birthday sex though.”

“Yeah, right,” Jaeyoung rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious,” she insisted, “He really wants to have sex but he’s so awkward, he doesn’t know how to ask for it properly.”

“I don’t want him to feel pressured to do something just ‘cause it’s my birthday.”

“Bro, he’s not feeling pressured anymore. How many times do we have to tell you? He’s nervous, but he always is when doing something he’s never done before. Birthday sex is a common thing for couples, he probably thinks it would be the best opportunity to go for it without having to explain why that day.”

“Just don’t get your hopes too high,” Yuna cautioned, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he backs out.”

“I’m not expecting it to happen at all. If it does- it’s a huge step for him. If it doesn’t, that’s fine with me.”

“Huge step for him and you,” Yuna said.

“Me?” Jaeyoung raised a brow.

“Yeah, you too. You’re not gonna panic after it, are you?” 

“Panic?” he looked confused, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Because it means it’s serious . You’ve always backed out of any relationship when it started even looking like it could possibly get serious.”

“Yuna, it’s been serious since it started,” Jaeyoung said, “He is the only person I’ve ever imagined spending my life with. He’s mine. I’m never backing out from this.”

Hannah looked at him thoughtfully, “Would you marry him?”

“Yes,” Jaeyoung responded without hesitation, “I know our country doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage yet, but others do.”

“Where would you do it?” Yuna asked.

“France,” he answered, “I already have it planned in my head.”

“Are y- are you serious?” Yuna sat forward, “Like, for real?”

“Yes. Someday, I’m gonna marry Chu Sangwoo at Le Domaine de Brés. It’ll be in May because that’s his favorite month. I have connections in France. I met the wife of the CEO of the company I work for. She likes me and as soon as I told her about Sangwoo, she immediately said that she would get me any venue I wanted when we were ready.”

“... Holy shit,” Yuna said quietly before abruptly standing up, “Holy shit. Holy. Shit. HOLY SHIT!”

“What?” Jaeyoung asked, confused as she began pacing.

“Jang Jaeyoung MARRIED?! I can’t imagine Playboy Jae getting fucking married. I’ve seen you go through dozens of people without blinking an eye. You said you were never gonna settle down. NEVER.”

“That was before I met him,” Jaeyoung shrugged, “He’s it. He’s the one.”

Hannah clutched her chest, “Oh, my God. That’s so adorable. Fuck, man. I didn’t know you before you two started dating, but I never would have believed you were a player from the way you dote on him.”

“He challenges me. He makes me think through things in an entirely different way. He is the most infuriating person I’ve ever met, and I love it. I never know what to expect from him. As soon as I think I’ve figured him out, he switches things up. I’m never bored when I’m with him,” he said.

“Dude, you are whipped,” Yuna laughed, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so down bad for someone.”

“God, I am,” Jaeyoung admitted, “I finally found the best way to give him gifts without him feeling guilty. I’m gonna fucking spoil him.”

“You’re so lucky that your job actually pays well,” Hannah sighed.

“I mean, for the amount of work I do, it better pay well. Especially with how often people take credit or rip my shit off and I have to stay quiet. It’s frustrating.”

“What’s Sangwoo gonna do when he graduates? He’s only got a semester left, right?” Yuna asked.

“He’s already got a job lined up as a database architect.”

“Sounds fancy,” Hannah said.

“I think it’ll be good for him. He loves organizing things and coding, so it’s the perfect combination,” Jaeyoung nodded.

“Bruh, I can’t get over the fact that you actually want to get married,” Yuna suddenly said, unable to move past that part of the conversation. 

“Not immediately but eventually,” he shrugged.

“Has he met your family yet?” Hannah asked.

“I’ve been trying,” Jaeyoung sighed, “He’s absolutely terrified they’re not gonna like him. My mom is used to personalities like his because of her job. My dad is just happy that I’m happy.”

“What about your siblings?” Yuna questioned.

“My sister is dying to meet him. I think my brother is gonna be super jealous though. He really hates when I pay more attention to someone else than to him.”

“He’s 11 and you’re his big brother. What do you expect?” she asked. 

“I’m Seoyun’s big brother too and she also doesn’t like when my attention is on someone else, but she’s not saying she’s going to intentionally make Woo uncomfortable.”

“There’s no chance of ever meeting Sangwoo’s family?” Hannah asked.

“Highly doubt it,” Jaeyoung shook his head, “Even if I did meet them, I don’t think I’d be able to control myself. I’m not the best at staying level when it comes to people who hurt someone I care about. Based on how he talks about them though, they’d probably be the ones to start a fight.”

“You’d definitely be the one to finish that fight though.”

---

On Friday morning, after a night of heavy drinking and cake, Jaeyoung woke up to the scent of vanilla. 

He stretched in his bed, reaching to turn off his alarm. He specifically spread his alarms 15 minutes apart so he could doze for a little while longer.

He groaned as he hit his alarm again, wishing he could just sleep for the rest of the day.

“Hyung,” a soft voice called from the doorway.

Jaeyoung looked to see his darling boyfriend wearing a familiar muscle shirt. It was far too big on Sangwoo, reaching his mid-thighs with his shoulders bared.

“The closet thief strikes again,” Jaeyoung smiled lopsidedly.

“I feel naked,” Sangwoo rubbed his upper arms.

“Oh, I’m not opposed to you actually being naked,” the older man joked as he slowly got out of bed. 

“I wasn’t gonna cook naked, Hyung,” Sangwoo scowled, not understanding the joke. “Come eat before it gets cold.”

Jaeyoung followed him into the kitchen and his jaw dropped when he saw the feast on the table.

There were soufflé pancakes, omelets, bacon, precisely cut fruit, and various juices along with fresh coffee.

He laughed when he saw a candle sticking out of an orange. “What’s that?”

“The pancakes are too soft to hold a candle and I didn’t know if you’d want an actual cake first thing in the morning after you ate a whole one last night,” Sangwoo nervously rubbed his knuckles, waiting for Jaeyoung’s response. 

The artist took a moment to make a wish before he blew it out. 

“It’s perfect,” Jaeyoung smiled, “It suits us. It’s unconventional. I think we should always do it like this.”

“What do you mean?” Sangwoo asked.

“Putting candles in things that aren’t cakes. Make it a tradition to surprise each other with different things to put them in,” he explained. 

Jaeyoung was not expecting the way Sangwoo turned giddy, smiling and bouncing before he hugged Jaeyoung tightly.

“What?” Jaeyoung questioned confusedly.

“I don’t know,” Sangwoo admitted. “It just makes me feel happy.”

Jaeyoung held him by his waist and kissed him deeply, smiling into the kiss when he felt Sangwoo also smile.

“I remember when you couldn’t stand being in the same room with me,” Jaeyoung whispered. “Now, you’re wearing my clothes and making me birthday breakfasts.”

“To be fair, you were intentionally annoying and very red,” Sangwoo leaned into him.

“Do you still not like red?"

“I’m not as opposed to it as I was,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“What’s that?” Jaeyoung pointed to the white cream on top of the pancakes.

“Vanilla bean crème brûlée filling,” Sangwoo said.

“How long did this take you to make?” Jaeyoung questioned.

Sangwoo shrugged again, not giving him a direct answer. Jaeyoung didn’t press him to answer, instead taking him by the hand and leading him to the seats. 

Sangwoo poured him a cup of coffee, adding the exact amount of creamer and sugar that Jaeyoung liked. It was a small detail, but it made Jaeyoung’s heart warm as he watched his boyfriend trying so hard to keep his hands steady to make sure it was the correct amount. 

Knowing the cup was filled too high for Sangwoo’s tremors to hold it without spilling, Jaeyoung reached over to take it, squeezing the smaller man’s hand.

The moment Jaeyoung took a bite of the pancake, he genuinely considered proposing to Sangwoo then and there. He must have made a face to show how much he enjoyed it because Sangwoo started giggling. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Kitty. This is amazing. Thank you for all of the work you did,” Jaeyoung put a hand on his chest. 

“Happy birthday, Hyung,” Sangwoo smiled. 

Jaeyoung stuffed himself, eating pretty much the entire table. He loved the fact that Sangwoo seemed to know the exact amount that he would eat, which is why he made so much. He understood that Jaeyoung was practically a vacuum when it came to food and didn’t mind the extra work as long as Jaeyoung was happy. 

Jaeyoung pulled on a new shirt and was surprised when he saw Sangwoo standing with a big box in his hands.

“What’s that?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo didn’t say anything, a blush on his cheeks as he held the box out and waited for Jaeyoung to take it.

“How do you wrap things so nicely?” Jaeyoung questioned, inspecting the meticulously wrapped gift with crisp edges. 

“You don’t have to open it now if you don’t want to,” Sangwoo said quietly.

“The anticipation is too much,” Jaeyoung sighed dramatically, kissing his boyfriend who looked beyond confused.

Jaeyoung nearly screamed when he tore off the wrapping and saw the brand name of his favorite tablet. When he saw the model it was, he placed it down gently.

“Warning,” he said before whirling around and nearly tackling Sangwoo with the strength of his hug.

“Is it the right one?” Sangwoo asked nervously when Jaeyoung put him down. 

“Yes!” Jaeyoung kissed his cheeks. “This is exactly what I wanted! I know we were about to leave, but can I just try it out real quick?”

Sangwoo nodded. “I already downloaded the necessary software on your computer. The tablet just needs to be calibrated when it connects for the first time.”

Jaeyoung handed him the computer, waiting for Sangwoo to figure out that he wanted the younger man to do it. It wasn’t that Jaeyoung was completely technologically illiterate. He just liked watching his boyfriend get so immersed in something. 

Since meeting Sangwoo, Jaeyoung had pivoted from playing video games to watching Sangwoo play them, especially on the computer. He had never seen anyone type commands so fast, fingers flying across the keyboard. 

Sangwoo had a habit of pouting his plump lips when focused. Jaeyoung would sit on the opposite side of the computer, admiring Sangwoo’s intense look of concentration paired with his adorable pout. 

He never understood why Sangwoo liked watching him draw until he watched Sangwoo game. It was all about seeing each other enjoying things.

Sangwoo held the tablet delicately, inspecting it to make sure it was completely intact before he began setting it up.

After a few minutes, Sangwoo gave it back. “You should do this part,” he said. “It calibrates pressure. You can do it to your preference.”

Jaeyoung excitedly started, awestruck by the precision of the tablet.

“Okay, don’t move,” Jaeyoung said.

“What? Why?” Sangwoo frowned.

“I’m gonna draw you,” the artist smiled. 

“You don’t usually draw real people,” Sangwoo said.

“I’ve got the most beautiful model right in front of me. It would be a crime if he wasn’t the first thing I drew with this.”

Sangwoo blushed, biting his lip to try and stop himself from smiling, so Jaeyoung wouldn’t know how much he enjoyed the compliment. Of course, it was poorly hidden, and Jaeyoung was fully aware of how flustered he was making Sangwoo. 

“You can move your hands if you need to,” Jaeyoung said, noticing that Sangwoo was struggling as he tried to keep stone still.

The smaller man sighed in relief, instantly fidgeting with one of the sensory bracelets Jaeyoung got for him. 

“Question,” Jaeyoung said.

“Answer?” Sangwoo tilted his head before immediately correcting to the previous position, so he wouldn’t mess up the drawing. 

“You don’t mind fitted things around your throat as long as it’s a good texture, right?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I… think that’s okay?” Sangwoo blinked, unsure of his answer.

“Have you ever worn a choker necklace?”

“I don’t really know what that is, but the name sounds bad,” he responded.

“It doesn’t actually choke you,” Jaeyoung assured. “It’s called that because it’s directly on the skin rather than loose like a chain.”

“Okay,” Sangwoo accepted the answer. “Why?”

“I’m just thinking about how cute you’d look in one,” Jaeyoung shrugged, eyes flickering between Sangwoo and the tablet.

“I’m not entirely opposed,” Sangwoo said. “I’ll try it, but I can’t promise I won’t ask for it to be off as soon as it’s on.”

“That’s okay,” Jaeyoung nodded. “It’s all trial and error, right?”

“And if there’s a lot of error?” Sangwoo asked.

“Then we’ll just keep doing trials,” Jaeyoung smiled. “Your hair looks extra fluffy right now.”

“Messy?” Sangwoo frowned for a moment, hating the idea of anything being out of place.

“Not messy,” Jaeyoung assured. “It just looks super soft. It’s fun to draw.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can hold still,” Sangwoo said.

“I’m almost done,” the artist said. “You can move your legs. Just try to keep your head still, if possible.”

“Okay,” Sangwoo mumbled, immediately kicking his legs to relieve the tension from having stayed in the same position for too long.

After a few more minutes, Jaeyoung waved him over and proudly showed the screen. Jaeyoung’s ego was boosted when Sangwoo’s jaw dropped, amazed that the artist had created something so detailed in such a limited amount of time.

Sangwoo seemed genuinely speechless, his lips moving to say “wow” without making any sound. When his eyes finally met Jaeyoung’s, they were full of admiration and it was almost intoxicating.

If they didn’t have somewhere to go, Jaeyoung was sure Sangwoo would be getting on his knees and sucking him off. He was almost tempted to cancel whatever plans they were going to do, so they could just spend more time messing around. He knew that Sangwoo had put effort into the plans though, and he didn’t want it all to go to waste or stress him out by changing his schedule. 

As Jaeyoung predicted, Sangwoo brought him to the museum. Jaeyoung had to hold back a squeal when he noticed that Sangwoo wasn’t just looking at the paintings, but appreciating them.

“Which one do you like best?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo immediately pointed to a large oil painting of an old woman staring up at a stormy sky, surrounded by birds.

“Why?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“I don’t know,” Sangwoo shrugged. “I just like it.”

Jaeyoung hugged him from behind. “Look closer. What catches your eye the most?”

Sangwoo quickly glanced around to make sure no one was watching them. “The blue feathers,” he said. “Her expression too.”

“What is her expression saying?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Hyung, I’m not good at interpretation.”

“That’s okay,” Jaeyoung said. “Just give your best shot. What is her expression saying?”

“Well, she doesn’t look happy,” Sangwoo said. “She doesn’t really look sad though. I don’t know what it is, Hyung. I’ve never read faces very well.”

“Why are some birds flying in the one direction while others are flying in the opposite direction?”

“Migratory patterns?” Sangwoo shrugged.

“That’s a fair guess,” Jaeyoung chuckled. “This artist said that the birds represent luck. Luck comes and goes.”

Sangwoo turned to face him, an indiscernible look on his face.

“What?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I don’t see it,” Sangwoo said quietly.

“That’s okay, my love,” Jaeyoung kissed his cheek. “I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t read it. Everyone interprets things differently.”

“Which is your favorite?” Sangwoo asked. 

“That one,” Jaeyoung pointed to one with overlapping shapes of different colors and Sangwoo couldn’t hide his disgust. He wrinkled his nose cutely, looking at Jaeyoung like he was crazy.

Jaeyoung snickered quietly, “I’m joking. I hate that one too. That one in the corner with the raindrops is my favorite.”

“That one isn’t bad,” Sangwoo nodded. “I really don’t like those ones on that wall there.”

“Huh. That’s interesting. I thought you would be into the geometric stuff,” Jaeyoung said. 

“Only when there’s symmetry and not colors that look like a clown vomited on it,” Sangwoo shook his head. “It makes my brain hurt.”

“What do you think about this one?” Jaeyoung walked him to a painting.

There was a man staring out of a window. His suit was made of dozens of small squares of silver and varying shades of grey.

“I like this one a lot,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung grinned wide, hugging him tightly.

“Hyung?” Sangwoo asked confusedly.

“Sorry, I was just really hoping you’d say that.”

“Why?”

“Ever heard of Gustav Klimt?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“Heard of, yes,” Sangwoo nodded. 

“This is similar to some of his things, although he tends to use gold more than silver. Would you ever want to see his work in person?” the taller man asked.

Sangwoo paused for a moment, “Isn’t the museum in Austria?”

“It is,” Jaeyoung nodded. “I’m saying, we should go to Austria together.”

“We don’t have the time or money, Hyung,” Sangwoo said.

“I can do my job anywhere, as long as I have a way to draw and send it online. I have plenty of money. You have a whole month between graduating and your job starting. Let’s spend that time traveling. I mean, you already know German and a dozen other languages. What’s stopping us?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Viennese German is different from normal German. Also, I’ve never been out of the country,” Sangwoo whispered as a couple walked by. “I’ve never even been on a plane. I don’t think I’d handle it well.”

“That’s where your well-traveled, doting boyfriend comes in,” Jaeyoung said, not bothering to keep his voice down. “I’ll be there the whole time. You might end up loving it. You can’t tell me you don’t want to go see the Museum of Natural History with all of the dinosaur things.”

“I mean, I do want to see it, but the United States kinda scares me. It seems a bit crazy there.”

“Yeah, okay. We’ll put a pin in that one,” Jaeyoung agreed. “How’s your Spanish?”

“Spain Spanish or Latin American Spanish?”

“Spain Spanish,” Jaeyoung said. 

“It needs work,” Sangwoo admitted.

“What about Italian?”

“Better than my Spanish and about the same as my Swedish. Hyung, how many countries do you want to visit?” Sangwoo asked nervously.

“As many as you’re willing to go with me to,” Jaeyoung held his waist. “I’m happy anywhere when you’re there.”

“Can we do a trial?” Sangwoo asked. “One place with a short flight, just to see if I can handle it?”

“You don’t have school next Thursday, right?”

“Right.”

“You don’t have classes on Fridays. How about we go to Jeju Island? The flight is a little over an hour, and we’d still be in Korea. You like orange-flavored things too, and they have hallabongs there. They’re sweeter than normal oranges too, so you’ll definitely like them,” Jaeyoung said. “We could fly there Wednesday night and come back on Sunday. How does that sound?”

“I…,” Sangwoo paused, weighing the options before finally saying, "Yeah. Let’s do it.”

Jaeyoung grinned like a maniac, kissing him deeply. They momentarily forgot that they were in public until they heard someone pointedly clear their throat and saw an older woman watching them disapprovingly.

Sangwoo hid his face, embarrassed as hell while Jaeyoung was too giddy to give a shit. The amount of pride he felt was too immense. The fact that Sangwoo was willing to try so many new things that he would have shot down instantly before had Jaeyoung beaming at the personal growth that Sangwoo was making.

Sangwoo was quiet for a while, listening to Jaeyoung explain painting techniques and the backgrounds of the various artists. It was clear that he was mentally bouncing between focusing on Jaeyoung and thinking about how to prevent a meltdown while traveling.

“Listen,” Jaeyoung turned to him so they were face to face. “I promise, I will take care of you. I’ll do everything I can to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible. I just need you to trust me, okay?”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded, relaxing slightly.

Jaeyoung petted his hair and kept a hand on the small of Sangwoo’s back for the rest of the museum trip, guiding him around the exhibit. Jaeyoung noticed Sangwoo continuously checking his watch and the time on his phone.

“When do we need to leave?” Jaeyoung asked.

“In 21 minutes,” Sangwoo said.

“Let’s check out the gift shop,” Jaeyoung led him by the hand. 

Sangwoo didn’t argue although the giant wall of colorful books and novelties made him a little dizzy. He mostly kept his head down, either nodding or disapproving of whatever Jaeyoung moved into his view. 

Eventually, Jaeyoung decided on a small pocket-sized sketchbook, intent on using it to draw whatever they saw during their travels as well as a pen that had a textured grip. He liked the idea of Sangwoo using something Jaeyoung had bought him on a regular basis, like taking notes for his classes.

“Ready to go, my love?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo nodded. “Five-minute walk.”

“Lead the way, Captain,” Jaeyoung held the door open for him.

Jaeyoung held his arm out, letting Sangwoo take hold and link them together. With the short winter days, the sun was going down earlier. The temperature had dropped significantly since they entered the museum, and Sangwoo was shivering the very moment they stepped outside.

“Can you last the walk?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Yes,” Sangwoo nodded, although it was clear he was already struggling to withstand it. 

Jaeyoung paused and took off his overcoat, wrapping it around Sangwoo. Considering the fact that the coat was long enough to reach below Jaeyoung’s knees, it almost touched the ground on Sangwoo. Jaeyoung snickered, folding some fabric in the back and wrapping the belt around it to shorten the length.

“What about you?” Sangwoo asked, eyeing the thin sweater Jaeyoung was left in.

“I don’t get cold often,” Jaeyoung said. “I’m happy to be a personal heater for you.”

He linked their arms together again, leaning down to kiss Sangwoo’s cheek as they continued walking.

“Aw. So sentimental,” Jaeyoung smiled fondly when he saw the name of the restaurant, knowing the reason Sangwoo chose a French place was because they had first started bonding during their French lessons. 

“You like French food,” Sangwoo tried to deflect.

“Do you wanna try escargot?” Jaeyoung questioned. 

“What’s that?”

“Snails,” Jaeyoung grinned wickedly.

Sangwoo stopped in his tracks and looked up at Jaeyoung. “Hyung, I love you and I know I’m usually okay with trying new foods, but that is an absolute no-go.”

“Understandable,” Jaeyoung said. “Let’s get inside before you freeze.”

“Reservation is under your name.”

“Don’t like giving your name out on the phone?” Jaeyoung raised a brow as they entered the foyer.

“I just like your name more,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“You don’t like your name?” the artist asked.

“Don’t want my family name, and I’m agnostic about my given name. Your name just sounds nicer to me,” Sangwoo said.

“Well, I like your name.”

“I think you’re slightly biased,” Sangwoo bumped him, going quiet as the maitre d’ approached them.

“Reservation for two for Jang Jaeyoung,” he said.

“Right this way,” the grey-haired man led them to a table. He placed menus in front of them along with a wine list.

After a few moments of scanning, Sangwoo looked at Jaeyoung, slightly distressed.

“Do you want me to pick for you?” Jaeyoung questioned.

Sangwoo nodded, relieved that he didn’t have to ask for help because Jaeyoung just knew what he needed.

“Do you want to try a wine?” Jaeyoung asked. “A sweet one like a rosé or champagne?”

Sangwoo shook his head, not wanting to risk getting drunk during Jaeyoung’s birthday celebration. Although a glass of wine had far less alcohol content than the things he had consumed in recent times, he was a lightweight who could get buzzed from half of a hard cider.

When their server brought a basket of freshly baked bread to the table and introduced herself as Maya, Jaeyoung ordered.

“We’ll have some gougéres for appetizers, please,” he said.

“Okay,” she wrote it down. “Would you like more time to decide on entrees?”

“No, we’re ready. He’ll have the potato leek soup and I’ll have the coq au vin.”

“The soup is an appetizer portion. Would you like an entree portion?” she asked Sangwoo.

“Uh, um,” Sangwoo shook his head, caught off guard.

“Appetizer size is fine,” the artist said. 

“Any drinks?” she asked Jaeyoung, either noticing Sangwoo’s discomfort of being questioned or assuming Jaeyoung would answer it anyway. 

“Seltzer water for him and a glass of Pinot noir for me,” Jaeyoung said.

“Alright, I’ll get your orders in immediately,” she smiled.

“Thank you,” Jaeyoung responded and Sangwoo quietly repeated it as well.

Jaeyoung selected a piece of bread and ripped a tiny piece off, smearing a small amount of butter on it.

“Try,” he held it out to Sangwoo.

He expected Sangwoo to take it from his hand, but Sangwoo simply leaned forward and opened his mouth, waiting patiently.

Jaeyoung silently thanked the inventors of tablecloths as it hid his crotch. Sangwoo’s obedience always made him feel slightly feral, and having him quite literally eating out of the palm of his hand went straight to his dick.

“You know, they probably think I’m a controlling boyfriend,” Jaeyoung said. “First I’m ordering for you, then I’m answering questions for you, and now I’m feeding you.”

“That’s what I need sometimes,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“What do you do when I’m not there and you want to order something?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I go to self-serve places or places you can just order on a tablet. I just try to avoid social interaction as much as possible. I have to do enough of it at school. I don’t want to do even more,” Sangwoo said. 

“What about with me?” Jaeyoung asked, already knowing the answer but just wanting to hear it from Sangwoo. 

“That’s different,” Sangwoo said. “I like being with you, and you know when to back off and give me space now. You’re the only person I actually like being arou- stop that look. Don’t get a big ego, Hyung.”

Jaeyoung snorted amusedly, not having realized that his face must have shown how much he was enjoying it. 

“I can’t help it,” Jaeyoung resting his cheek on his knuckles, looking at Sangwoo fondly.

Sangwoo blushed under his gaze, suddenly becoming very interested in the weave of the bread basket to avoid Jaeyoung’s stare.

Maya returned with their drinks and the gougéres, promising that their entrees would be out soon. 

“What’s that?” Sangwoo asked as Jaeyoung ripped one in half.

“Open,” Jaeyoung instructed, feeding Sangwoo a piece when he immediately complied.

“Oh, that’s good,” Sangwoo said.

“Yeah?” Jaeyoung smiled. He offered the other piece and was amazed when Sangwoo actually accepted, although he did refuse another. 

Jaeyoung lifted his glass to a toast position, which Sangwoo copied.

“To one of the nicest birthdays I’ve ever had, and the first one with my favorite person,” Jaeyoung said, clinking their glasses together gently. 

“To you getting old,” Sangwoo said mischievously.

“ Old ?” Jaeyoung scoffed. “I’m only a year and a half older than you.”

“Yeah. Old,” Sangwoo smirked. 

“Yet I still manage to catch you every time you run.”

“You have a height advantage,” Sangwoo pointed at him.

“Wouldn’t that cause drag with aerobics or whatever? How is that an advantage?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Aerodynamics,” Sangwoo corrected. “Longer legs, longer stride. You can cover more distance with a step than I can. Plus, extra strength means you can better withstand drag.”

Jaeyoung placed his elbows on the table as he grinned. “Oh, you’re admitting that I’m stronger than you?”

“I never argued about that,” Sangwoo shrugged. “You pick me up all the time. Also, that Quickst guy went flying when you pushed him.”

“Ugh, I wish I could have thrown him out of the window,” Jaeyoung sighed.

“I’m surprised you didn’t throw a party when he was arrested.”

“He was arrested?!” Jaeyoung exclaimed, drawing the attention of the table next to them. “What happened?” he lowered his voice.

“Public intoxication. He walked around a park without pants and asked random women if they wanted to drive sticks.”

“Drive sticks?” Jaeyoung asked confusedly before realizing what Sangwoo was trying to say. “Oooooh, drive stick. As in drive stick shift.”

“Surely he would be arrested for driving under the influence, right?” 

Jaeyoung nearly cooed at Sangwoo’s naivety. “Darling, I think he was referring to the gearshift in his pants.”

“Why does he have a gearshift in his pants? That makes no sense,” Sangwoo scowled, not understanding.

“He was referring to his dick.”

“Oh, it was a euphemism. That’s… ew. That makes it so much worse than asking random people to drive a manual car.”

“I knew he was an asshole, but I didn’t think he was such a creep,” Jaeyoung shook his head. “He deserved that arrest for sure but they probably just let him off with a warning, huh?”

“Yes, but he released a statement that he’s stepping down as CEO and won’t be facilitating any classes.”

“Oh, holy shit!” Jaeyoung laughed. “I’ll cheers to that. That’s the best karma I’ve heard of in a while.”

“The dart you threw at him wasn’t enough?”

“If it had hit his hand, that would have been different. I mean, I probably would have gotten charged with assault, but it would have been worth it considering he was about to hit you,” Jaeyoung said, not missing Sangwoo’s smile. “What?”

“Just thinking about that night. I think about it a lot.”

“The start of your awakening?” Jaeyoung asked. “When you realized that you didn’t actually hate Jang Jaeyoung?”

“I still hated you at that time, or… I guess I thought that I hated you. I was really confused,” Sangwoo admitted.

“To be fair, you had me confused as well. I wanted to dislike you but I just couldn’t. I mean, I was frustrated as hell, but I couldn’t make myself hate you anymore. Funny considering I absolutely wanted to kill you at first,” Jaeyoung said.

“That’s most people’s initial response, though they usually continue to have those feelings,” Sangwoo nodded.

“Does it ever bother you that you have so many enemies?”

“I don’t consider them enemies,” Sangwoo said.

“Then what are they?”

“Obstacles,” he shrugged, “Inconveniences.”

“My god, I wish I could be that unbothered when someone doesn’t like me. I can’t stand it. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I just couldn’t give up on pursuing you,” Jaeyoung said.

“That sounds exhausting, Hyung. I’m thankful for it though. Now at least. I despised it at the time.”

“I feel bad about that. I thought I was just annoying you and making you frustrated. I didn’t realize how important schedules are to you and that it was legitimately stressing you out.”

“Oh, you didn’t know about my autistic need for structure? That’s shocking,” Sangwoo shook his head. 

“You have no idea how hot it is when you use sarcasm properly,” Jaeyoung suddenly said, bringing the blush back to Sangwoo’s cheeks.

“I still don’t understand when other people do it,” he took another sip of his drink, nodding to Jaeyoung when he saw Maya approaching with plates in her hands.

“The coq au vin,” she placed the dish in front of Jaeyoung. “And the potato leek soup.”

“Thank you,” they both said.

“Let me know if you need anything else,” she smiled before checking on the table next to them. 

“Do you wanna try this?” Sangwoo offered the artist. 

Jaeyoung smiled, “Yes. Have some of mine too.”

He held out a bite of his dish, surprised that he didn’t have to prompt Sangwoo to have it, although he had a feeling that Sangwoo was only being agreeable because it was Jaeyoung’s birthday. 

“Like it?” Jaeyoung asked.

“It’s good. Do you want me to make it for you?” 

“As long as you wear that cooking outfit you had this morning,” Jaeyoung winked. “You look cute in muscle shirts. I like your plaid, but you look so good wearing my things. I don’t know if I’d be able to keep my hands off you though. I mean, if I walked into the kitchen and you were there wea-”

“Hyung,” Sangwoo glanced around the room, looking to see if anyone was listening. “Stop.”

“Okay,” Jaeyoung agreed immediately, recognizing the pleading tone. “Let me try your soup.”

Jaeyoung kept his hand under the spoon that Sangwoo held out for him to keep any from dripping.

“Damn, that’s good,” Jaeyoung lipped his lips, catching the stare of the woman across the room who looked scandalized to see two men sharing their food. Rather than ignoring it, Jaeyoung stared straight back until she became too flustered and looked away.

Sangwoo glanced at him questioningly but didn’t ask, assuming whoever was receiving such a look from his boyfriend deserved it.

As expected, Sangwoo barely made a dent in the bowl before he said he was full. Jaeyoung had a few more spoonfuls and then said they could take the rest home to have for lunch the next day.

Sangwoo was so distracted by the way the light reflected off of the crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling, he didn’t notice Maya approaching and accidentally kicked Jaeyoung’s ankle when her voice startled him. 

Sangwoo mouthed the word “sorry” to Jaeyoung when the older man winced. 

“How was everything?” Maya asked.

“It was great, thank you,” Jaeyoung responded while Sangwoo did an awkward thumbs-up. “Can we get the rest of this to go please,” he pointed to the soup.

“Of course! Would you like any dessert?” Maya asked.

“The raspberry champagne sorbet,” Jaeyoung nodded.

“Alright, I’ll get this wrapped up for you,” she took the bowl back to the kitchen.

“Damn, Sangie. I’m gonna have a crazy bruise,” Jaeyoung sighed.

“I didn’t mean to do that,” Sangwoo awkwardly patted Jaeyoung’s hand on the table. “I didn’t see her.”

“It’s okay, honey,” Jaeyoung chuckled. “I’m just playing with you. It’s not that bad.”

Maya returned soon after with a plate holding a martini glass that had perfectly shaped scoops of a maroon-colored sorbet. She put it in the center of the table and placed two spoons on the plate.

“Enjoy!”

Jaeyoung ate a spoonful and groaned. “I know you’re full, but please just try one bite of this. It’s sooooo good,” he tapped his foot against Sangwoo’s calf under the table until Sangwoo agreed.

He used the spoon to scoop a small bite and held it out for Sangwoo.

“I’m amazed they managed to prevent big ice crystals in a sorbet that has champagne in it,” Sangwoo licked the red juice from his lips.

“It’s good, isn’t it?”

“Very,” Sangwoo nodded, eyes flickering down when he heard Jaeyoung’s phone buzz. 

Jaeyoung ignored it in his pocket for a solid five minutes before Sangwoo snapped at him to just pick it up, unable to handle the quiet humming sound any longer.

“Fuck,” Jaeyoung cursed when he read the texts.

“What is it?” Sangwoo’s stomach started sinking.

“Ah, it’s nothing terrible. I have to go back to the office to fix something quickly. It shouldn’t take super long but it might be an hour or two. Do you wanna come with me?”

“No, I’ll do some work at my place and then stay in your apartment till you get back,” Sangwoo said, not keen on interacting with any of Jaeyoung’s coworkers, especially when his mind was preoccupied with the final plan of the night.

“I’m gonna call us a cab. It’s too cold to walk back. I’ll have the driver drop you off first.”

Jaeyoung raised his hand slightly to catch Maya’s attention when she walked by.

“Can we get the check please?” he asked.

“Sure! I’ll be right back.”

A few moments later, she returned and placed the check facedown on the table. Sangwoo managed to snatch it before Jaeyoung could.

“Yah, Chu Sangwoo, give it here,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo shook his head, placing his card in it before handing it back to Maya.

“You didn’t even look at the cost!” he exclaimed as she walked away. “It’s gonna be expensive as hell. I ordered all those extra things because I know I can pay for it.”

“Hyung, it’s your birthday, and you always pay. I got it this time,” Sangwoo said. 

“I’m paying all of the next ones,” Jaeyoung stated sternly. “And before you say you don’t wanna be indebted, you’re not. I don’t want you to pay me back, I want you to let me spoil you, pleaaaaaaase.”

“Oh, you say I’m dramatic?” Sangwoo cocked a brow. “I am letting you spoil me. Didn’t we just make plans to go to Jeju?”

“Yeah, but you’re gonna try and keep track of how much is spent because you want to pay it back. I don’t want it back.”

“So, you want me to be your Sugar Baby?” Sangwoo asked.

“Okay, I don’t like that Yuna told you what that is, but yes and no.”

“Yes and no?”

“Yes in the sense that I want to pay for you but no because I don't want our relationship to be based on monetary shit,” Jaeyoung said. He didn’t need to explain any further as Sangwoo’s scowl made it clear that he hated the idea of their relationship being just about money as much as Jaeyoung did. 

Maya returned with the check and placed it down in front of Sangwoo, giving him his card back and letting him sign the receipt.

“Ready to go?” Jaeyoung asked as he got out of his seat and picked up his jacket, holding it up to let Sangwoo slip into it again.

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo nodded, triple-checking to make sure they weren’t leaving anything behind. 

Jaeyoung used the app on his phone to request a ride, making Sangwoo stay in the foyer to keep him warm until the car arrived. He held the door open for Sangwoo to climb in first as they greeted the driver, or more accurately, Jaeyoung greeted the driver for both of them so that Sangwoo didn’t have to speak. 

When they reached the apartment complex, Sangwoo kissed Jaeyoung’s cheek before getting out and hurrying to try and get out of the cold. As soon as he walked through the door to his apartment, Sangwoo put his plan into action.

It was no secret that Sangwoo was slightly germaphobic. He liked things being as close to sterile as possible. 

He took a long shower, scrubbing every inch of his body. He was absolutely mortified as he followed the steps Yuna listed to clean himself properly, even though no one was around to see. 

Considering how uncomfortable it felt to clean himself with just his own thin fingers and a douche, he couldn’t imagine anything feeling good shoved up his ass.

Then again, he hadn’t thought an orgasm would feel good, and he’d been proven wrong, so he tried to keep an open mind. 

He tried to avoid thinking about what would happen if he ended up hating it. He knew Jaeyoung wouldn’t be mad at him, but Sangwoo would be mad at himself. He did enjoy how squeaky clean he felt after the shower, but it didn’t assuage his nervousness.

Sangwoo paced around for a while, waiting for his hair to air dry before he returned to Jaeyoung’s apartment. 

Sangwoo was waiting on the couch, typing an assignment to distract himself when Jaeyoung finally came back. 

“How’d it go?” Sangwoo asked, putting his computer away and standing to greet him. 

“Wish you had been there,” Jaeyoung sighed. “There was a coding issue on top of someone not knowing how perspective works. The whole thing was wonky, and the program started freaking out. Our IT department kinda sucks and they ended up calling someone else to help them. I wish you would go work there when you graduate instead.”

“Hyung, you’ve seen how bad my phone call skills are. Not to mention the patience issue. I don’t think I would handle that very well,” Sangwoo said.

“You could do the thing you’re planning on doing. The database architecture stuff. It’s a huge company, so they would definitely need something like that. We could visit each other whenever we wanted, and I’d have my cute tech genius to show off to everyone in my department,” Jaeyoung pulled him in by the loops on his jeans, kissing his neck.

“I-I’ll think about it,” Sangwoo said shakily as Jaeyoung nipped just below his ear.

“Good,” Jaeyoung nodded, and Sangwoo could feel his grin against his throat. 

“Hyung, can we…,” Sangwoo trailed off, unsure how to phrase it.

“Can we, what?” Jaeyoung asked, although he already had a pretty good idea of what Sangwoo was saying based on his nervous tone. He moved away from Sangwoo’s neck to look at his face. 

“Um,” Sangwoo blushed so brightly, Jaeyoung wouldn’t have been surprised if he passed out from the blood rushing to his head. “Never mind,” Sangwoo backtracked, confidence gone.

“Baby, what do you want us to do?” Jaeyoung asked, kissing his forehead.

After a moment of quiet, he eventually blurted, “Can we go all the way?”

“Don’t feel like we have to do anything because of the whole ‘birthday sex’ trend,” Jaeyoung said.

“I-I know,” Sangwoo nodded, “but I want to… I mean, unless you don’t want to. In that case, w-“

Jaeyoung pressed a finger to his lips, stopping him before his panicking began spiraling.

“Take a breath,” he said. “Of course I want you, but there’s nothing more important than your well-being. Is this something you actually want to do, or is it something you’re suggesting because you think it’s what I want?”

“… I want it,” Sangwoo said. 

Jaeyoung looked at him thoughtfully before he nodded, leading Sangwoo to the bedroom. 

“Warning,” Jaeyoung said, waiting for Sangwoo’s nod of approval. 

He slowly undressed Sangwoo, trailing his hands along Sangwoo’s body and avoiding the spots he knew Sangwoo didn’t like.

Jaeyoung would be lying if he said he wasn’t obsessed with Sangwoo’s tiny waist. He loved the fact that just one of his hands could cover the majority of Sangwoo’s abdomen. Sangwoo wasn’t short, but compared to Jaeyoung, he was small. It was easy for Jaeyoung to pick him up and throw him around like a doll. 

Jaeyoung kissed him deeply, moving back down to his neck and enjoying the moan Sangwoo let out, especially when he trailed his tongue on the thin raised scar along his collarbone. 

Sangwoo pulled on the hem of Jaeyoung’s shirt. “Off, please.”

“I love how polite you get,” Jaeyoung snickered, indulging his request and stripping himself.

He laid Sangwoo down on the bed, fitting himself between the younger man’s legs. Jaeyoung slid a hand along Sangwoo’s chest before lightly pinching one of his nipples, playing with it until it was red and Sangwoo was begging for something more. 

Jaeyoung leaned over to his bedside table and retrieved a bottle of lube. He poured some on his fingers, coating them before rubbing a circle around Sangwoo’s hole. He saw the way Sangwoo’s nose wrinkled at the slick feeling.

“Gonna put one in now, okay?” Jaeyoung asked and Sangwoo nodded. 

Sangwoo cringed at the initial intrusion, again wondering how anyone enjoyed it. Jaeyoung’s fingers were significantly bigger than his own. Just one of Jaeyoung’s fingers felt like two of his and if it wasn’t for Jaeyoung stroking his dick, he likely would have softened. He was debating whether to ask Jaeyoung to stop until the artist’s finger started pressing against something that sent a shock through his body.

Jaeyoung barely managed to keep himself from laughing at the wide-eyed expression on Sangwoo’s face.

“Found it,” Jaeyoung smirked, moving his finger in a circular motion to rub against his prostate. He stopped stroking him and started pumping his finger in and out, brushing against the bundle of nerves every time he did until he was able to work a second finger beside the first. 

“O-oh,” Sangwoo grabbed at the sheets.

“Stop?”

“N-no,” Sangwoo shook his head. “Please, don’t stop.”

Seeing how sensitive Sangwoo was, Jaeyoung knew he could make him cum just by fingering him. He hooked his fingers upwards, adding more pressure. 

Sangwoo started seizing up, latching onto Jaeyoung’s shoulders. The feeling building inside him was different from everything they had done before. It was as if his whole body alight, every single nerve firing on overdrive. 

Jaeyoung watched him closely, looking for any signs that he was in distress rather than just feeling the intensity. Jaeyoung started stroking him again and Sangwoo arched off the bed, throwing his head back and cursing loudly. 

Sangwoo’s nails dug into Jaeyoung’s shoulders, but to the artist, it was 100% worth it to see the way the pleasure crashed over the boy beneath him. 

“Cum for me, baby,” Jaeyoung whispered.

Sangwoo cried out as he came between them, clenching around Jaeyoung’s fingers. His whole body shook, the sensations overwhelming his hypersensitive system and causing his brain to momentarily blank out. 

“Fuck,” Jaeyoung groaned, waiting until Sangwoo untensed before he withdrew his fingers. He spat in his hand to add to the lube already on his fingers and wrapped it around himself.

Sangwoo was watching him through hazy eyes, cheeks flushed and hair messy. The vision of Sangwoo looking so blissed out was enough to fuel fantasies for a whole month.

Despite his impressive endurance, making Sangwoo fall apart at his hands had Jaeyoung so worked up that he only needed a minute or two before he was cumming, spilling onto Sangwoo’s stomach and chest and adding to what was already there. 

After a few seconds to catch their breath, Sangwoo looked up at him completely debauched. 

“It would have been too much for you to go from zero to one hundred,” Jaeyoung said, assuming he was wondering why they hadn’t fucked. “You needed to see a little of what it feels like. I didn’t want you to get too overwhelmed. Let’s get cleaned up, okay?” 

Jaeyoung scooped him up, kissing him to keep him distracted as he turned the water on. He waited for it to warm up closer to Sangwoo’s preferred temperature, even though it felt like his skin was going to burn.

“Sangie, touch the water. Tell me if it’s alright,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo reached out and nodded after feeling it. The younger man leaned against him, letting Jaeyoung clean him. Jaeyoung knew that Sangwoo would never let him be so physically affectionate in public, so he savored every second of it.

“Baby, you okay?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo nodded, rubbing his cheek on Jaeyoung’s pec.

“I take it, you enjoyed it,” he snickered.

Sangwoo tilted his head back to look at him, and Jaeyoung could see that his pupils were still blown wide and glazed over. 

“Oooh, my sweet darling,” Jaeyoung caressed his face, observing how Sangwoo tilted into his touch. “You’re still up here, aren’t you?” He tapped Sangwoo’s temple.

As endearing as it was to have Sangwoo being so cuddly, Jaeyoung fully understood that Sangwoo was going to be someone who would need a significant amount of aftercare if he was still so deep in subspace.

Jaeyoung ran his thumb over Sangwoo’s plump bottom lip. “My beautiful boy,” he smiled.

Sangwoo whined quietly, pouting for a kiss that Jaeyoung immediately gave him.

Jaeyoung knew Sangwoo’s tolerance for physical sensation was probably at its limit, so he opted to skip using a loofah or anything textured to clean him.

Once he felt that he had washed Sangwoo to his high standards of cleanliness, he helped Sangwoo step out of the shower. 

Jaeyoung used one of the soft towels he had bought just for Sangwoo to dry his hair, ruffling it gently before drying the rest of him. Once he had dried himself, he brought Sangwoo to the cabinet that Jaeyoung had recently half-filled with clothes and blankets of Sangwoo’s favorite textures.

“Kitty, pick what you’d like,” Jaeyoung kissed his cheek.

Sangwoo patted around, eventually selecting exactly what Jaeyoung expected. He pointed at a pair of thick, fluffy socks and a soft long-sleeved shirt.

Jaeyoung dressed him, slipping boxer briefs up smooth legs before the socks as Sangwoo held onto him.

“Arms up, my love,” Jaeyoung instructed.

Sangwoo complied, his left arm not raising quite as high. Jaeyoung was especially careful as he slid the shirt over Sangwoo’s head, directing his arms into the sleeves.

Jaeyoung brought Sangwoo to the bed, setting him down gently and positioning him so the younger man was sitting up in front of him. He slid his hand along Sangwoo’s shoulder, searching for the knot of scar tissue. Once he found it, he gently started rubbing the muscles around it.

“Too much?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Mm mm,” Sangwoo shook his head, leaning back towards him.

“Good,” Jaeyoung kissed the other side of Sangwoo’s neck gently. 

The artist always enjoyed caring for subs, but there was something exceedingly special about doing it for Sangwoo. Sangwoo was so stubborn, rarely expressing his deeply buried desire to be loved. 

Jaeyoung wanted nothing more than to dote on him. Sangwoo was like putty in his arms, relaxed entirely with his eyes closed.

Jaeyoung knew that Sangwoo would likely panic when he snapped back to himself. Sangwoo was normally terrified to be vulnerable around others, only dropping his guard slightly when he was with Jaeyoung. 

Even though it was with the person he trusted the most, Sangwoo was still going to be scared to know how defenseless he was.

Jaeyoung continued massaging Sangwoo’s shoulder until the smaller man was so relaxed, he couldn’t sit up any longer without support. 

“Come here, baby," Jaeyoung gently laid him down. Sangwoo immediately snuggled against him, throwing an arm and leg over his body. From the happy sigh Sangwoo let out, Jaeyoung wouldn’t have been remotely surprised if he suddenly heard purring.

Jaeyoung kissed the top of his head, stroking his slightly damp hair.

“Love you, Kitty,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo wiggled himself as close as possible, nuzzling his cheek on Jaeyoung’s chest.

“Love you, Hyung.”

Chapter 9: Snowflakes

AN: I’m pretty sure most people will recognize the mukbang video I refer to in this chapter. I’ll link it at the end because it’s genuinely one of the funniest videos I’ve ever seen and I really enjoy Tasty Hoon’s content.

This chapter contains a subdrop. I thankfully have only experienced relatively mild drops, so please remember that everyone feels it differently. In the same vein, Sangwoo’s description of sensory overload is based on my experiences. I obviously cannot speak for the entire community, just my own feelings as a person on the spectrum.

TW: oral sex, subdrop, sensory overload, mentions of religious trauma and child abuse, a creepo in an ice skating rink, and mentions of the classic American pastime: the Wet T-Shirt contest.

---

Jaeyoung anticipated chaos in the morning. 

He expected Sangwoo to be anxious and flighty. He expected Sangwoo to lash out with words. He put a chair to block the front door before they went to bed in case Sangwoo tried to run and was ready to tackle Sangwoo if he needed to because he really didn’t want Sangwoo to go out into the cold again. 

What he was not anticipating was Sangwoo being more affectionate than ever before. It was as if something unlocked in his brain and any reservations he had about letting Jaeyoung take care of him flew out of the window. 

Sangwoo had a strict sleep schedule of when to get out of bed, regardless of whether he actually slept or not. The morning after Jaeyoung’s birthday, the artist woke up to find Sangwoo cuddled against him, his head resting on Jaeyoung’s chest and his leg thrown over him while scrolling on his phone.

“Holy shit,” Jaeyoung rubbed his eyes, trying to figure out if he was imagining things.

“Hmm?” Sangwoo peeked up at him, enjoying Jaeyoung’s gravelly morning voice.

“You’re always out of bed before 8 on weekends. It’s like 11.”

Sangwoo put his phone down and shifted so he was straddling Jaeyoung before lying down on top of him.

“Warning,” Jaeyoung said before he stroked Sangwoo’s back, running his fingers along his spine.

Sangwoo hummed happily, relaxing and absorbing Jaeyoung’s body heat.

“What do you wanna do today?” Jaeyoung asked.

“You choose,” Sangwoo murmured against Jaeyoung’s bare chest.

“Hmmm,” Jaeyoung ran through ideas in his head until one struck a lightbulb. “Kitty, have you ever gone ice skating?”

“No,” Sangwoo said.

“How do you feel about trying it?”

“Aren’t ranks busy on weekends?” Sangwoo asked.

“Rink,” Jaeyoung kissed his head. “They can get busy on weekends, but I know one that’s not likely to be crowded. If it does get crowded, we can always go somewhere quiet.”

“I don’t know how to ice skate,” Sangwoo said.

“I can teach you,” Jaeyoung rubbed his back. “I played hockey for years.”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded.

“No push-back? No bunch of questions?” Jaeyoung asked.

“No,” Sangwoo shook his head. “Just tell me what to do, and I’ll try.”

Sangwoo had no idea that his words would go straight to Jaeyoung’s dick. Having Sangwoo so ready to follow his lead was such a turn-on that Jaeyoung had to take a deep breath to try and get his body under control.

Sangwoo lifted his head to look at him curiously, confused as to why Jaeyoung was suddenly so tense.

“Hyung?” Sangwoo asked.

Jaeyoung slid his hands to Sangwoo’s hips, moving the smaller man until Sangwoo could feel the hardening length in his boxers.

Sangwoo blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out what exactly had Jaeyoung heating up so much. He couldn’t understand it, and Sangwoo typically became stressed when he couldn’t understand something.

Instead, Sangwoo leaned down and kissed Jaeyoung, wiggling his hips.

“Mm, fuck,” Jaeyoung mumbled against his lips.

“Can I… um,” Sangwoo blushed, but Jaeyoung knew exactly what he was asking.

“Go ahead,” Jaeyoung nodded, holding back his snicker when Sangwoo immediately moved back and tugged Jaeyoung’s boxers down.

The artist moaned as Sangwoo wrapped a hand around his cock and took the head in his mouth.

“Oh, fuck. I wouldn’t mind starting every day like this,” Jaeyoung threaded his fingers into Sangwoo’s soft hair as he started working his way down to the base.

Sangwoo hummed, seemingly approving of the idea. It was only a matter of moments before Sangwoo was slipping into his headspace, happily letting Jaeyoung fuck his throat.

“God, you’re so good at this,” Jaeyoung groaned. “Fucking perfect for me.”

Sangwoo was never going to admit how much he loved the praise, but Jaeyoung could see it in his teary eyes. 

With Jaeyoung’s stamina, he could go for a long time. Many of his previous partners were frustrated when they’d blown him for a significant period and he still hadn’t cum. 

Sangwoo was different. Sangwoo would stay on his knees or any position Jaeyoung wanted him in for as long as needed without a single complaint. Sangwoo enjoyed it when his knees hurt or his jaw ached or his throat burned.

Jaeyoung’s cute little masochist was completely lost in the feeling. Sangwoo didn’t know how much time had passed, and frankly, he had lost the mental capacity to even think. Jaeyoung was speaking, but Sangwoo didn’t hear anything besides the praise. He figured Jaeyoung must have warned him he was about to cum, but Sangwoo was far too distracted.

Jaeyoung came down his throat, moaning his name as Sangwoo dutifully swallowed. His head was spinning slightly as he sat up, wiping his wet cheeks.

Jaeyoung pulled Sangwoo back into his lap, dipping his hand into Sangwoo’s pajama pants. The artist loved listening to Sangwoo’s keening whines as he stroked him, enjoying the fact that he made Sangwoo feel good to the point where he couldn’t control his sounds.

“Hyung!” Sangwoo gasped, hips jerking as Jaeyoung brushed his thumb over the slit.

Sangwoo clutched at Jaeyoung’s wide shoulders, hiding his face against Jaeyoung’s neck.

“Cute,” Jaeyoung cooed, flicking his wrist the way he knew Sangwoo liked. 

He felt Sangwoo tensing with his breath hitching as he held onto Jaeyoung’s biceps.

“Fuck, the sounds you make. I’m the only one who gets to hear them. So fucking hot,” Jaeyoung bit Sangwoo’s ear. 

Sangwoo moaned, shaking as he came. Jaeyoung stroked him until Sangwoo weakly pushed against his chest. Jaeyoung wiped his hand off but knew Sangwoo still wouldn’t like to be touched with it, so he used his other hand instead. 

“You okay?” Jaeyoung asked, running his thumb over Sangwoo’s swollen lips. 

Sangwoo nodded, tilting his head so his cheek was against Jaeyoung’s palm. It was an objectively small action, especially considering Sangwoo just had his dick in his mouth, but Sangwoo initiating physical affection was something Jaeyoung always cherished.

Jaeyoung stroked Sangwoo’s flushed cheek with his thumb. He held Sangwoo for a while, not willing to risk stressing him when he was vulnerable. He waited until Sangwoo was moving on his own before he finally got out of bed.

He had planned to bring Sangwoo to a nice cafe for lunch since it was a little late for breakfast, but considering the fact that he was already planning on bringing Sangwoo to a place that might have a lot of sensory stimulation, he didn’t want to overload him with social interaction.

“Gonna get some food delivered. We can eat and chill for a while before we go,” Jaeyoung said. “Do you want to choose or do you want me to choose?”

Sangwoo pointed at him, letting Jaeyoung know that he was going to have to take over as the main decision-maker for the day. He had no problem doing it since he was usually the one to make choices for his friend group, but Sangwoo was stubborn as hell and usually did whatever he wanted to do on his own.

Jaeyoung eventually picked a place with good pastries, knowing that if Sangwoo for some reason didn’t like the taste of what he ordered for him, he would at least have a muffin and coffee cake. 

As soon as Jaeyoung sat on the couch, Sangwoo climbed into his lap and ducked under the artist’s shirt. Jaeyoung could feel him shivering despite his fluffy pajamas and grabbed the blanket hanging off the back of the couch.

“What do you normally do in winter to stay warm?” Jaeyoung asked as he put the blanket over the bundle in his arms. 

“Electric heating pads under carpets, heating blankets, hand warmers for pockets, fleece-lined clothing, layers, and staying inside unless absolutely necessary,” Sangwoo said, voice slightly muffled by the fabric covering him.

Jaeyoung immediately started searching on his phone for a heating pad he could keep in his apartment for Sangwoo to use if Jaeyoung wasn’t there to cuddle him.

He could hear Sangwoo tapping on his phone and poked him through the blanket.

“Whatcha doing?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Sangwoo said, unconvincingly.

“Oh, really?” Jaeyoung grinned fiendishly, sneaking his hands underneath to try and grab Sangwoo’s phone. “Ah, hey! No biting!”

“Don’t put your hand in front of my face then,” Sangwoo retorted, moving the blanket to peer up at Jaeyoung through the neck hole of his shirt.

“God, you really are a cat,” Jaeyoung shook his head, inspecting the teeth marks on his fingers. “Show me.”

Sangwoo pouted before he turned his screen to show the charcoal drawing set, and Jaeyoung looked at him curiously.

“You drank a lot at your party,” Sangwoo said.

“Yes, I did,” Jaeyoung nodded, confused as to why he was bringing it up.

“You said you wanted to try charcoals, and then you and Yoochae started throwing cake at each other.”

Jaeyoung let out an “aw” and hugged the smaller tightly. “Oh, my sweet boy,” Jaeyoung squeezed him hard.

“Shoulder, shoulder,” Sangwoo suddenly said. 

Jaeyoung immediately released him. “Shit, sorry, baby. Are you alright?”

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo nodded.

“Sore today?” Jaeyoung asked.

“It was just a weird angle,” Sangwoo rolled it, and Jaeyoung grimaced when he heard it pop loudly.

“Sangie, how much would the surgery cost to fix your shoulder?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Well over 5 million won,” Sangwoo sighed as Jaeyoung rubbed it.

“What’s the recovery time?”

“Long,” he said. “Four weeks in a sling and 3 months of physical therapy.”

“Jesus,” Jaeyoung whistled. “That’s way longer than I thought it would be. I really think it would be good to do though. I know you’ve been living with the pain for a long time, but I worry about long-term effects.”

“Change,” Sangwoo said sternly, an indication to switch topics immediately.

“What’s the best kind of coffee?”

“Mocha,” Sangwoo said. “Coffee and chocolate. Two of the best things combined.”

“What about white mocha?” Jaeyoung asked, rubbing Sangwoo’s shoulder. 

“Eh,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“Peppermint mocha?”

“Do you really have to ask? You know how much I like mint choco.”

“Yeah, you and your chocolate toothpaste ice cream,” Jaeyoung rolled his eyes.

“I like it,” Sangwoo pouted.

“I’m not judging you, I’m judging the flavor,” Jaeyoung clarified. “I mean, I love avocado, but you won’t go anywhere near it.”

“That’s not a taste issue, that’s a texture issue,” Sangwoo responded. “It probably tastes good, but just looking at it makes me nauseous.”

“I still remember the guacamole fiasco that one time in Hongdae,” Jaeyoung laughed.

“God, that was so embarrassing.”

“Well, Yuna and Hyeongtak understand your boundaries now and they know not to try and pressure you to eat something you don’t want to or they’ll end up covered with it.”

“That was fast,” Sangwoo said.

“What was?”

“The food’s here.”

“I didn’t hear the bell,” Jaeyoung shook his head.

Sure enough, a few moments later, the doorbell rang. 

“What exactly is it that you hear? I didn’t hear footsteps or anything,” Jaeyoung questioned as Sangwoo mournfully got off of his lap.

“I don’t know,” Sangwoo retrieved plates and utensils as Jaeyoung opened the door and pulled the bag in. 

Sangwoo opened the boxes in his specific order while Jaeyoung put on his show before they sat down together.

“Like it?” Jaeyoung asked when Sangwoo took a bite of his meal.

Sangwoo nodded, “Wanna try?”

Jaeyoung opened his mouth, waiting for Sangwoo to feed him.

Sangwoo kept his hand under the chopsticks as he fed a giant bite to Jaeyoung.

“Yum,” Jaeyoung gave a thumbs up.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Sangwoo tsked but there was no annoyance to his tone.

“Says the one who doesn’t care about social norms,” Jaeyoung said fondly.

“It’s not about norms. I just don’t like the sound of chewing.”

“What do you think about those ASMR things?”

“The mukbang stuff or those cooking videos?” Sangwoo questioned.

“Mukbang,” Jaeyoung said.

“Hell,” Sangwoo shook his head emphatically. “That is my personal hell.”

“Why do they always have to have cheese sauce? Or just sauce in general, I guess. They drown their food in it, I swear. My sister watches mukbangs all the time. She would play it out loud to mess with my dad because he also hates the sounds. I’d come home and it was just aggressive slurping noises,” Jaeyoung laughed, grinning wider when he saw Sangwoo crack a smile.

“Have you seen that one video of the guy who tried to put cheese in a chocolate fountain but it wasn’t thinned enough and it started slapping him?” Sangwoo asked.

“What do you mean it ‘slapped’ him?” Jaeyoung sat forward.

“I don’t know how else to explain it,” Sangwoo said. “It starts spinning around and slapping him.”

“I need to see this. I need to understand,” Jaeyoung snatched his phone off the table, handing it to Sangwoo to search for the video.

By the end of the video, Jaeyoung was holding his stomach, pained from having cackled so hard while Sangwoo was dabbing the tears of laughter from his eyes.

Their breakfast took far longer to eat than anticipated because they had to stop every once in a while because one of them would start giggling while thinking about the video and accidentally set the other off as well.

When they Jaeyoung washed the dishes, handing them to Sangwoo to dry. He could see Sangwoo wrinkle his nose when he touched a wet part of the towel.

“Do you know what a wet T-shirt contest is?” Jaeyoung suddenly asked.

“Is this a segue to splash water on me?” Sangwoo immediately stepped back.

“No, honey,” Jaeyoung shook his head. “I don’t feel like getting punched.”

“What is the contest?”

“It’s apparently a thing they do in the U.S. where they wear white shirts and get wet so the fabric turns see-through to show off their bodies.”

Sangwoo blinked at him, twitching his head slightly like he was glitching. “I… why not just take it off? Why do that?”

“I don’t know,” Jaeyoung shrugged. “Public nudity laws?” 

“It sounds so stupid.”

“I mean, we have the Waterbomb festival. A lot of people wear white shirts, knowing it’ll turn see-through,” the artist said, holding out another clean plate.

“I wouldn’t know,” Sangwoo shook his head as he took it. “I’ve never gone to Waterbomb.”

“Really?!” Jaeyoung exclaimed.

“Loud crowds with no personal boundaries, getting blasted by plastic-smelling water, and being in wet clothes all day? Does that sound like a ‘me’ thing?” Sangwoo raised a brow.

“Yeah, okay. That’s understandable,” Jaeyoung nodded. “Last year was a little crazy, even for me.”

“Do you always go?”

“Every year since it started. Have you ever gone to a festival?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Small-town stuff that the church hosted,” Sangwoo said. “The whole congregation heard me screaming outside when my brother tried to drag me in.”

“Jesus. No pun intended. Did anyone say anything?”

“The priest yelled at me for ‘delinquent behavior.’ I got in so much trouble with my parents, but it was worth it to hear a priest curse. I had to hold a ginseng root in my mouth during every festival after that though.” 

“I can’t even a priest cursing at a child. That’s so fucking wild,” Jaeyoung shook his head. “Wait, is that why you hate ginseng?”

“I already didn’t like it. Someone told them that ‘ginseng cures autism,’ so that was basically all I ate for a year until they decided it was too expensive. That’s why they chose it as a punishment because they knew I hated it.”

“God, I’m so glad you’re away from that,” Jaeyoung kissed the top of his head.

“I’m… hesitant but not entirely opposed to going to a festival if it’s something a bit more chill than Waterbomb,” Sangwoo said.

“I think you might like something similar to a Renaissance fair. You like history a lot. People dress up like Medieval Europe, or they make their own mythological creatures to dress as.”

“That sounds cool,” Sangwoo nodded, drying the last plate.

“I’ll take a look and see if any are happening sometime soon. Rinks are less likely to be busy for the next few hours during this time of day. If we wanna go, you should get dressed,” Jaeyoung said. 

Sangwoo cringed at the idea of stepping outside to go into his own apartment as he pulled his shoes on by the front door. Jaeyoung wrapped a heavy coat around him.

“I’ll go with you,” he said.

“Thanks,” Sangwoo nodded, bracing himself against the chill as he opened the door. While it was certainly not as cold as on previous days, Sangwoo was still sensitive to the temperature. Jaeyoung hugged him from behind to try and block the wind as he unlocked his apartment and stepped inside, holding the door open for Jaeyoung.

“Layers,” Jaeyoung said. “Something that’s gonna keep you warm.”

Sangwoo brought him to his closet, glaring at the man when he snorted.

“What?” he asked.

“This is basically a flannel warehouse,” Jaeyoung laughed.

“Fuck off, it’s comfy,” Sangwoo huffed.

“I’m not hating on it, Kitty,” Jaeyoung held his waist. “I can see exactly when I came into your life, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s all flannel and dark or neutral colors until here,” he pointed to a slight gap on the perfectly hung rack. “Then, you start wearing solids and other colors. That only started after we met. Still no red though.”

“No, I’ll leave the red to you,” Sangwoo shook his head, cheeks blushing when he realized that Jaeyoung was completely right.

Sangwoo selected a black, long-sleeved shirt that was fleece-lined. Jaeyoung sat on Sangwoo’s bed and admired the smaller’s lithe body as he changed shirts.

“You’re staring,” Sangwoo said as he pulled it over his head.

“It’s hard not to,” Jaeyoung sighed. “You’re just too pretty.”

Sangwoo sucked his teeth in annoyance, raising a brow until Jaeyoung sighed and looked away. He laid down, staring at the ceiling and jumping slightly when Sangwoo was suddenly next to him.

“Fuckin hell, you’re too quiet,” Jaeyoung said.

“Are we going or not?” Sangwoo asked.

“People typically apologize when they accidentally scare someone,” the artist took his hand.

“Why? It’s not my fault. I’m just walking,” Sangwoo scowled.

“It’s just a polite thing to do that society expects.”

“That’s annoying,” Sangwoo shook his head, tossing his other shirt into the hamper to wash later. “Are we going?”

“Yep,” Jaeyoung nodded, not pushing the subject further. He knew when to pick his battles. Sangwoo didn’t really care about the nuances of politeness since it was more emotion-based and he needed an actual reason for something. Saying “Do this because it’s polite” meant nothing to Sangwoo, especially when he used apologies sparingly. 

Jaeyoung held up a soft scarf, “Do you want?”

“Yeah,” Sangwoo nodded, hating the thought of his throat being cold.

Jaeyoung placed it over Sangwoo’s neck, wrapping it around. The smaller man was staring up at him, watching him closely as he adjusted the fabric.

“Whatcha lookin' at, Kitty?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I just like your face,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung smiled, cupping Sangwoo’s cheeks. “Aw, sweet boy,” he pecked him on the lips.

“I wish I could draw like you,” Sangwoo suddenly said.

“Really?” Jaeyoung raised a brow. “What would you draw?”

“You.”

“Warning,” Jaeyoung said before he lifted Sangwoo up, kissing him deeply. He only put him down when he realized he was riling Sangwoo up too much. If they went any further, they wouldn’t be leaving.

He let Sangwoo collect himself and take a few breaths as he called for a car.

During the ride, he explained things as best as possible, but without a visual example, it was hard to describe.

Jaeyoung practically cheered when they entered the building that had the ice rink and saw that there were only about 10 people. 

“Where do you get the shoes?” Sangwoo asked quietly.

“Skates,” Jaeyoung said. “At the booth right there. You say your shoe size, and they give you a pair.”

He saw Sangwoo pull a face and looked at him questioningly.

“You put on something that someone else has worn?” Sangwoo wrinkled his nose.

“You’re literally wearing my jacket,” Jaeyoung bumped him.

“That’s completely different, Hyung,” Sangwoo scowled.

“They disinfect the skates, Doll. I’ll ask them to clean them again though, just for you,” Jaeyoung put an arm around him after holding it up and waiting for Sangwoo’s nod of approval to touch him.

“I know I’m difficult,” Sangwoo pouted as Jaeyoung walked him over.

“I think it’s entirely understandable in this case, but this rink is known for its cleanliness. Every two hours, they have someone go around the rink and wipe the areas that people touch the most,” Jaeyoung said.

“Good afternoon!” the older man behind the booth greeted them.

“Hello,” Jaeyoung smiled.

“Have you been here before?”

“I have but he hasn’t,” Jaeyoung gestured to Sangwoo, who tensed slightly when the attention was put on him.

“Ah, welcome! Ever skated before?”

Sangwoo shook his head, “No.”

“We got a first-timer!” the man clapped suddenly, making Sangwoo jump at the sound. “So, how we do things around here is that you tell me your shoe size. I get you a pair of skates and trade them with what you’re wearing now. You’ll have a little ticket with a number corresponding to a locker where your shoes are. Any bags you have will go into that as well. Hold onto that ticket, and when you’re done skating, bring it back, so we know which locker is yours.”

They gave their shoe sizes, and when the man brought skates, Jaeyoung quietly asked him to give Sangwoo’s a wipe-down. While he looked slightly annoyed, he did as Jaeyoung asked before handing the skates over as they traded.

Jaeyoung led Sangwoo to a bench and demonstrated how to properly lace up the skates.

“For you, you should make the laces tighter around the front right here and up your ankles,” Jaeyoung pointed to the areas.

“Why? Is that what beginners do?” Sangwoo asked.

“It’s what people with ‘delicate ankles’ do,” Jaeyoung sang the words, feeling Sangwoo’s glare burn into him as he laced his left skate. 

“Not delicate,” Sangwoo grumbled.

“Darling, the amount of times I’ve seen you roll your ankles or trip is incredible. I don’t know how you manage to stay off the floor most of the time.”

“Fuck off. You try walking properly when it feels like someone is taking a jackhammer to your brain when there’s too many things going on around you,” Sangwoo pouted.

“I’m not making fun of you, love,” Jaeyoung clarified. “I’m just telling you why you need to have more support there. Does it actually feel that way, when you get overstimulated?”

“Sometimes,” Sangwoo nodded. “It’s like being put in a room where all of the walls are movie screens and it’s playing things that are too bright and moving too fast and blasting loud sounds. It makes it feel like anything touching me is on fire and I just want to get out of my skin.”

“Fucking hell, I can’t even imagine that,” Jaeyoung shook his head, horrified to know that his partner endured that frequently as Sangwoo was prone to sensory overload in social situations. 

Jaeyoung could see Sangwoo getting frustrated with threading the laces but knew he couldn’t offer to help as Sangwoo would immediately reject it. It was only after he threw his hands up in the air with a growl that Jaeyoung said, “Let me lift your leg.”

Sangwoo nodded and Jaeyoung lifted the younger man’s leg to rest across his lap, taking extreme care to avoid the blade. He tied it, tucking the laces into the sides to keep them in place.

Sangwoo was watching the people in the rink, a look of apprehension on his face. Jaeyoung could tell he was nervous as he fiddled with the fidget bracelet around his wrist.

“Other leg,” Jaeyoung said, and Sangwoo turned himself sideways to obey.

“That lady just fell really hard,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung looked over his shoulder to the area Sangwoo was watching and saw a woman slowly standing up, wiping her knees. 

“It happens,” Jaeyoung shrugged. “She seems okay.”

“I don’t want to smash my face onto the ice,” he whispered nervously.

“Kitty, I’m not gonna let that happen,” Jaeyoung said. “Just trust me, okay?”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded, shocking Jaeyoung with the fact that he hadn’t argued.

“Alright, Sangie,” Jaeyoung gently placed his leg down and stood, holding his hands out for Sangwoo to take. “Try and center your balance. It’s easier to walk on the padding right there than the carpet.”

Sangwoo looked like a baby deer trying to take its first steps. He was holding onto Jaeyoung’s arm like it was the only thing keeping him from kissing the floor with a fall, and in all honesty, it probably was.

Jaeyoung kept a firm hold on Sangwoo’s waist as they stepped onto the ice. It was a good thing too because the moment his skate made contact, Sangwoo slipped and nearly fell on his ass, only being saved by Jaeyoung’s strength. He looked up at Jaeyoung, both terrified and relieved.

“I told you, I won’t let you fall, okay?” Jaeyoung said, lifting him back onto his feet.

Sangwoo nodded, trying to stand up straight. Jaeyoung had to widen his stance slightly to balance out his weight and make sure he wouldn’t be knocked over too.

“Hyung,” Sangwoo said uncertainly as a woman raced across the middle of the rink.

“Don’t worry about them,” Jaeyoung kissed the top of his head. “You see that guy in the green over there. Watch how he’s moving. He leans onto the forward foot while using the other to push off from.”

“Wait, wait, don’t let go!” Sangwoo panicked when Jaeyoung moved behind him.

“I’m not,” Jaeyoung assured him calmly. He wrapped one arm tightly around Sangwoo’s waist while holding Sangwoo's bicep with his other hand. 

“I’m scared,” Sangwoo admitted quietly.

“I know, my love,” Jaeyoung kissed his neck. “It’s okay. We can stop, or we can try to get to that little sign right there before we call it. It’s entirely up to you.”

“You promise you won’t let me fall?”

“Chu Sangwoo, I promise, if we somehow go down, I won’t let you hit the ice,” Jaeyoung said.

“... Let’s go to the sign.”

“Good boy,” Jaeyoung grinned. “We’re gonna start on our left foot. Lean your weight into it and push from the right.”

Sangwoo nervously did as instructed, following Jaeyoung’s lead. 

“Perfect, Doll. Now, we’re gonna do the right,” he leaned down to kiss Sangwoo’s cheek.

Sangwoo heard the sound of skates coming close before he did, but as soon as Jaeyoung heard it, he quickly pressed Sangwoo against the side of the rink, instinctively using his body as a shield.

A man skated past them at high speed, far too close for the unspoken rules of a rink. Considering the pointed look he sent their way, especially when he made eye contact with Jaeyoung, the artist knew it was intentional. 

“Asshole,” Jaeyoung muttered.

“Are you okay?” Sangwoo asked.

“I’m fine. Are you?”

“Yeah,” Sangwoo nodded. “Is that a normal thing?”

“No,” Jaeyoung shook his head. “We’re gonna stay away from him.”

“He’s gonna fall in about three seconds,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung snorted, “God, I wish.”

His jaw dropped when the man suddenly hit the ground face-first with an impressive thud, exactly when Sangwoo said it would happen.

“What… What the actual fuck, Sangwoo?” Jaeyoung looked at his boyfriend like he was magic.

“I didn’t know that was gonna happen,” Sangwoo seemed just as surprised.

“Why is it always so hot when you predict the future?” Jaeyoung whispered. “It’s not the first time you’ve done that. It’s sexy as fuck.”

Sangwoo shook his head, still watching the man who was now trying to staunch a nosebleed.

“Do we help him?” Sangwoo asked. “Like, that’s the ‘moral’ thing to do, right?”

“Technically, yes. But we’re not gonna. He’s a dickbag,” Jaeyoung shook his head.

“You sound like me.”

“Well, they say that couples tend to take on aspects of their partners,” the artist smirked.

“I don’t think Yoochae can deal with two of me,” Sangwoo shook his head. “I don’t think you could deal with two of me either.”

“No, I only want the one, original Chu Sangwoo,” Jaeyoung nuzzled his cheek. “You ready to try and reach that sign?”

Sangwoo paused for a moment, looking over at the man on the ground. If Sangwoo was in the rink with anyone else, he would have called it quits immediately. He knew for a fact that Jaeyoung would keep his promise. Jaeyoung would take care of him.

So, Sangwoo nodded.

Jaeyoung moved behind him again, holding Sangwoo tightly. 

“See, you’re doing well,” Jaeyoung smiled, even though they’d barely made it even a fourth of the way there.

“Hyung, how the fuck do people go fast on these things?”

“Practice,” Jaeyoung said. “It takes a while. The first time I went skating, I sprained my ankle and cut my eyebrow open.”

“That’s not comforting in the slightest,” Sangwoo said, and Jaeyoung could hear his pout.

“Well, I didn’t have a big, strong Hyung taking care of me,” Jaeyoung whispered into his ear, feeling Sangwoo shiver.

“Don’t,” Sangwoo said sharply, warning Jaeyoung not to key him up and turn him on.

Before Jaeyoung could even respond, Sangwoo’s skate caught on a groove in the ice. Sangwoo flew forward, his feet lifting off the ground with a shout. Jaeyoung was thankful that his grip was around Sangwoo’s waist and not his chest because he likely would have broken the petite man’s ribs from how tight he squeezed him.

They were both quiet for a moment as Sangwoo dangled in the air between Jaeyoung’s legs.

“You okay?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I-I think I’m done,” he responded shakily.

Jaeyoung lifted him back into an upright position but didn’t place him down back on the ice.

“I can either carry you or I can sit you on the board here, and you wait for me to get to the other side,” Jaeyoung offered.

“Please, do not leave me alone until I’m out of this rink,” Sangwoo shook his head.

“Okay,” Jaeyoung nodded. “I’m gonna princess-carry you because I’d really rather not get clipped by your skate.”

“Hyung, I don’t care if you drag me by a rope, just get me out of here.”

Jaeyoung lifted Sangwoo, putting one arm under his legs as Sangwoo wrapped his arms around his neck.

“I know you didn’t like it, but I’m glad you tried it,” Jaeyoung kissed his cheek as he skated to the rink’s exit.

Sangwoo looked down at the ice, amazed by how smoothly they were moving considering what it had been just a few minutes beforehand.

“Hyung, you can keep skating without me, if you want,” Sangwoo said quietly.

“Is that your subtle way of saying you wanna watch me?” Jaeyoung questioned amusedly.

“Shut up,” Sangwoo blushed as they reached the exit.

Jaeyoung placed Sangwoo down on the carpeted floor, keeping a firm grip as he led him to an elevated bench that had a direct view of the rink. He didn’t want Sangwoo even attempting to jump up while wearing skates, so he picked him up and put him on top.

“You’re blushing even more now,” Jaeyoung leaned in between Sangwoo’s spread legs. “What’s that about?”

“I don’t want to say.”

“Oh, we’re going back to that?” Jaeyoung’s brows shot up. “Been a while since you pulled the ‘I don’t wanna tell you’ thing. Makes me even more curious. What’s making my Kitty so shy?”

Sangwoo rolled his eyes before looking in any other direction. “I like it when you carry me,” he mumbled, cheeks flaming red.

“My god. You’re so cute,” Jaeyoung nearly squealed.

“Hyung,” Sangwoo groaned, hiding his face.

“Well, it works out perfectly because I love to carry you. You fit in my arms perfectly.”

“You said it was terrible carrying me back from the club.”

“I never said it was terrible. I said it was difficult, and the only reason is because you decided to go boneless and try to escape. It’s hard to carry someone when they’re so flexible, they can pretty much turn themselves into a liquid,” Jaeyoung kissed his nose. “You can secretly do a split, can’t you? I’m still not over you dancing on the street sign”

Sangwoo tilted his head and leaned forward to whisper directly in Jaeyoung’s ear. “If you ever wanna find out if I can do a split, you’ll never bring up the sign again.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” Jaeyoung sighed. “Deal. Lips sealed. Not a word about your pole dancing adventure.”

Sangwoo looked at him in a way that told Jaeyoung, that if the younger man wasn’t wearing skates, he would have kicked him.

“I’ll stop now,” Jaeyoung said.

“Good idea,” Sangwoo nodded.

The smaller man jumped slightly when a booming voice came over the loudspeaker, frustrated by constantly being startled by sounds. 

“Clear the ice in fifteen minutes for the Zambonis.”

Sangwoo tapped Jaeyoung’s arm when he groaned.

“What does that mean?”

“A Zamboni is a machine that smooths out the ice to get rid of grooves and all the snow that comes from the ice being shaved by skates,” Jaeyoung explained. “Everyone has to be off the ice when they start and some of them take a really long time to finish.”

“Well, you should go now then,” Sangwoo poked his chest.

“Yes, I need to provide my baby with some nice entertainment,” Jaeyoung kissed him again before going to the rink.

He saw Sangwoo’s shocked expression as he sped around the rink in the classic hockey style. Sangwoo was watching him intently, not bothering to hide his amazement, and Jaeyoung wasn’t bothering to hide how much he enjoyed showing off. 

What he did mind was the man from earlier who had stuffed tissues in his nose to stop the bleeding getting onto the bench and sitting directly next to Sangwoo.

Sangwoo leaned away, visibly uncomfortable as the man started talking to him. Jaeyoung practically ran across the rink to get to him when Sangwoo looked at him with pleading eyes, silently begging for help.

“Hey, ready to go?” Jaeyoung asked and Sangwoo nodded so hard, he almost fell out of his seat.

“Didn’t you just go on the ice?” the man questioned with a patronizing tone.

“Yes, and I did the laps I wanted to do. I assume you’re gonna wait for the ice to be smoothed so you don’t bust your face up even more, although it might be an improvement,” Jaeyoung snapped, not liking how the man had moved even closer to Sangwoo.

The guy looked like he was about to grab Sangwoo’s arm and Jaeyoung practically growled, “You touch him, and I’ll break your fucking hand.”

The man blinked in surprise and Jaeyoung lifted Sangwoo off of the bench.

Sangwoo kept his head down, shoulders hunched as they walked to the booth. Jaeyoung gave the worker their tickets before sitting down and helping unlace Sangwoo's skates.

“What did he say to you?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I’ll tell you when we get home. He’s still looking,” Sangwoo whispered.

“If he comes anywhere near you again, I’ll knock his goddamn lights out.”

He didn’t miss the way Sangwoo shivered and the tiny smile he tried to hide.

“Didn’t think threats of violence revved you up,” Jaeyoung smirked. 

“Did we not talk about when you scared the Quickst guy just the other night?”

“Yeah, but you didn’t say it got you hot under the collar.”

Sangwoo scowled, “I don’t know what that means but I don’t like violence specifically.”

“No?” Jaeyoung raised a brow. 

“No, but I don’t know exactly what I like whenever…” Sangwoo trailed off.

“Maybe,” Jaeyoung lowered his voice, “Maybe, you like it when your boyfriend is possessive, which is good because I’m a jealous bastard. I think that was pretty clear from when Jihye and I were fighting over you.”

It was like a gear clicked in Sangwoo’s head and he let out a little “ooooh.”

“What?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I didn’t think that was you being jealous. I thought you were just trying to be annoying.”

“Well, that’s how it started. It quickly changed though. It drove me crazy to see her flirting with you.”

“She wasn’t flirting,” Sangwoo said confusedly.

“Oh, Kitty. Yes, she was. She was hardcore flirting with you,” Jaeyoung pulled off Sangwoo’s skates and gave him his shoes.

“I didn’t know.”

“If you had known before you caught feelings for me, would you have dated her?” Jaeyoung asked, biting his cheek as he unlaced his own skates while still crouching in front of Sangwoo.

“No,” Sangwoo said instantly. “She’s nice but I had no intentions of being in a relationship. I was completely content with the idea of being on my own. I never even considered the idea of being with someone else.”

Jaeyoung had the widest grin on his face, beyond satisfied with Sangwoo’s response.

“So, I made the most stubborn person in the world change his mind?” 

Sangwoo let out an annoyed sigh, flicking Jaeyoung’s forehead, but not using any force.

The artist abruptly stood up, practically growling out the words, “Back the fuck up unless you want to end up in a hospital.”

Sangwoo looked over his shoulder and saw the man from earlier standing a distance away from them, staring directly at Sangwoo. At Jaeyoung’s threat, he immediately moved away but kept looking at Sangwoo every few seconds. 

“Hyung, let’s just go, please,” Sangwoo grabbed Jaeyoung’s hand.

As much as Jaeyoung wanted to knock the guy on his ass, it was clear that Sangwoo just wanted to get as far away as possible. Jaeyoung kept his eyes on the man as they returned their skates.

They walked a few blocks down the street until they came across a nice cafe for Sangwoo to warm up in. Jaeyoung bought him a peppermint mocha and a regular hot chocolate for himself.

Sangwoo was anxiously rubbing his knuckles, waiting for Jaeyoung to come back to the table. He moved his chair as close as possible to Jaeyoung’s when he sat down, pulling the artist’s arm around him to feel more secure. 

“He didn’t follow us,” Jaeyoung said, noticing the strange lethargy to Sangwoo’s movements despite his evident nervousness. 

“I know he didn’t,” Sangwoo nodded. “I’m just… I don’t know. My brain isn’t working well. I don’t feel good.”

“Mentally don’t feel good or physically don’t feel good?”

“Both,” Sangwoo responded.

“I know it might be hard to put into words right now, but can you try to describe it for me a little?” Jaeyoung asked, already starting to suspect what was making Sangwoo unwell.

“I’m really tired but also anxious at the same time. Headache. I don’t feel lonely exactly. I just feel kinda… low? If that makes any sense?”

Jaeyoung was cursing internally although he knew that it was inevitable that this would happen.

“Okay, I’m gonna get you home. We’re gonna have a quiet night in.”

“Didn’t you want to do other stuff today?” Sangwoo asked, and Jaeyoung’s heart clenched knowing that his boyfriend was willing to try and push through what he was feeling to do what Jaeyoung wanted.

“My love, you’re having a subdrop. I wanna get you somewhere safe and comfortable where I can take care of you.”

“Wait, what? We didn’t do anything different though,” Sangwoo said confusedly.

“It can happen randomly, Woo. Even with stuff we’ve done a bunch of times, it’s still a possibility,” Jaeyoung stroked his hair, pulling the Sangwoo's hood on to give him a bit more privacy from people looking as Sangwoo rested his head against him.

Jaeyoung ordered a taxi on his phone, talking calmly to Sangwoo the whole time.

“Hyung,” Sangwoo mumbled.

“Yes, honey?”

“I’m- can I- I need to just-,” Sangwoo started stammering, unable to get his mind focused. Jaeyoung tried to understand what he was saying but it made no sense until Sangwoo started gesturing to his lap.

“Yeah, come here,” Jaeyoung gently pulled him to sit in his lap where Sangwoo immediately wrapped around him like a distressed koala. “The taxi is 4 minutes away. Hold on just a little while longer, baby. You’re doing good.”

Obviously, the sight of Jaeyoung comforting him was easily misinterpreted as a public display of affection. The moment Sangwoo was in his lap, they started receiving stares. Jaeyoung’s death glare was the only thing keeping anyone from coming up to confront them. 

“I wanna go home,” Sangwoo whined, his voice muffled by the fabric of Jaeyoung’s jacket.

“Soon, Kitty. I’ll get you to your apartment, and roll you up in your favorite blanket.”

Sangwoo shook his head. “Your place,” he said. “Home. I wanna go home, Hyung.”

Notes:

Link to the mukbang video I mentioned. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ_FJ-LqEHg

Chapter 10: Flightless Bird

AN: This whole chapter is pretty much just Sangwoo having a really hard time because I live vicariously through characters and I’m projecting the stuff I’ve been dealing with the past few weeks lol. 

So, yeah, this whole chapter is Sangwoo losing his mind Jaeyoung being a supportive boyfriend because we all know that Jang Jaeyoung would be the kind of boyfriend that will tease his partner but would also go to the ends of the earth for them. The first part is dealing with subdrop and then later on getting overstimulated at an airport. Props to anyone who can find the subtle reference to the musical Les Misérables!

TW: Subdrop, mentions of religious trauma, very minor self-harm (Sangwoo unknowingly scratching himself), homophobia, ableism, fear of heights, and burnout.

---

Jaeyoung did everything he possibly could do to comfort Sangwoo. The younger man swung between needing to be as far away from another person as possible and needing Jaeyoung to lie on top of him and practically crush him with his weight.

Jaeyoung searched his apartment for every fidget toy he had to try and give Sangwoo something to distract him when it looked like he was seconds away from tearing his hair out. Jaeyoung had to step in when Sangwoo started clawing at his chest as if he was trying to physically rip the emotions out.

Jaeyoung had seen a few people in subdrops before but never a neurodivergent person. Sangwoo was unpredictable. The signs that Jaeyoung could usually rely on were completely inaccurate and Sangwoo looked like a caged animal, ready to lash at anyone and anything that came near unless he approached first.

After a few hours of hiding himself under his weighted blanket, Sangwoo’s agitation morphed into depression. He crawled onto Jaeyoung’s chest, staring into space while Jaeyoung hugged him tightly.

At some point, Sangwoo fell into an uneasy sleep. Jaeyoung could feel every time he woke up from the way Sangwoo’s muscles tightened as the sense of emptiness rushed back into him.

“He told me I was going to hell if I didn’t repent and ask for forgiveness,” Sangwoo suddenly said.

Jaeyoung tensed under him, knowing full well Sangwoo’s sensitivity when it came to sexuality and religion.

“I shouldn’t have left you alone,” Jaeyoung stroked his back. “I’m sorry.”

“You can’t be with me 24/7,” Sangwoo shook his head. “It… made me think of my parents. It’s exactly what they used to say to me. It felt like my father telling me he was going to send me to a camp to change me.”

“I hope this doesn’t offend you, but seriously, your parents are pieces of shit,” Jaeyoung said. “I’m happy you’re away from them.”

“I’m trying to feel happy right now but I can’t,” Sangwoo pressed his cheek against Jaeyoung’s chest, the frustration clear in his voice.

“It’s gonna take some time, my love,” Jaeyoung kissed the top of his head. “How about we take a nice shower? It might relax you a bit.”

Sangwoo nodded, hoping that some hot water might be able to wash away the awful feeling under his skin.

With Sangwoo’s earlier confession of enjoying when Jaeyoung carried him, the artist picked him up and brought him to the bathroom. He turned on the water, letting it heat up as he stripped both of them.

“My god, you bruise so easily. I’m changing your name to ‘Peach’ on my phone,” Jaeyoung said, noticing the wide bruises on Sangwoo’s sides from where Jaeyoung had grabbed him to stop him from falling on the ice rink.

Considering how mentally checked out Sangwoo still was, Jaeyoung knew he couldn’t let himself get turned on, but seeing marks on Sangwoo’s body that he caused made possessiveness flair up.

He took Sangwoo’s hand and directed it under the water, waiting for Sangwoo to approve of the temperature.

“Good?” he asked. Sangwoo nodded, and Jaeyoung lifted him into the shower. He held onto Sangwoo’s waist, massaging shampoo into the younger man's hair with his free hand. Sangwoo’s eyes were closed, trying to focus on the physical sensations rather than the mental turmoil he was experiencing.

“I love you,” Jaeyoung kissed his cheek as he gently tilted Sangwoo’s head back into the stream of water to wash away the soap.

Although Jaeyoung couldn’t hear him over the sound of the running water, he could see Sangwoo’s lips moving to say, “I love you too.”

Sangwoo was quiet for the rest of the shower, too tired to hold a conversation. Jaeyoung was fine talking for both of them. Most of the time, that’s how it was anyway. Sangwoo was just a quiet person in general, preferring to stay silent and keep to himself. 

“Sangie, you’re crying,” Jaeyoung said. Sangwoo opened his eyes, confused to find tears in them.

“I-I don’t know why,” he frowned, raising his hand to wipe them away.

Jaeyoung gently took his wrist, stopping him. “It’s good to cry every once in a while, my love. Just let it happen.”

The permission to let himself be emotional set something off, and the tears flowed free, pouring down his cheeks with shaky, broken breaths.

Jaeyoung held him close, letting Sangwoo release all of the feelings that were built up until he cried himself empty.

---

Sangwoo spent the rest of the weekend recovering. When he went back to school on Monday, Jaeyoung messaged Jihye and Hyeongtak to watch him closely and call him if anything seemed off. He didn't explain why, but they did as he asked anyway. It was a full four days before Sangwoo leveled out.

Jaeyoung expected Sangwoo to avoid any sexual contact out of fear of another subdrop but he was surprised to find that Sangwoo was just like before. Sangwoo was still taking every opportunity to get on his knees, and he was more than happy to let Jaeyoung finger him.

In fact, Sangwoo seemed more at ease now that he knew what to expect from a drop and that his partner would take care of him, no matter what. 

Sangwoo was more openly affectionate around close friends, inching closer to Jaeyoung over time until he was fully in the older man’s lap. He didn’t bat away Jaeyoung’s hand when the artist had it on his thigh, as long as it was in an area that didn’t set off any sensory issues. If they were out in public, Jaeyoung kept a firm around him, making sure Sangwoo knew that he would always protect him.

Sangwoo knew he was safe with Jaeyoung. It was the reason why when Jaeyoung talked Sangwoo through what to expect at an airport and gave him the option to back out, Sangwoo still wanted to go. 

“So, most airlines allow one carry-on suitcase and a personal item. Carry-on bags have to be small enough to fit in the overhead compartments. Since we’re only going for a few days, we could probably keep it to backpacks instead. That makes it less of a hassle. There’s also a limit on the size of bottles of products you can bring in carry-ons. I have some approved travel-sized bottles if you want to bring any skincare or something.”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded.

“The security is where we might have an issue,” Jaeyoung said. “They have you put your bags, belts, devices, and shoes on a tray they send through an x-ray machine.”

“Shoes?” Sangwoo asked confusedly.

“They have to check and make sure you’re not trying to sneak anything through them.”

“What would you even try to sneak?”

“I think they’re mostly looking for drugs. I guess some people probably try to cut a compartment in the sole and put stuff in it,” Jaeyoung shrugged. 

“Okay.”

“While they scan your stuff, they have you step into a machine and raise your arms to scan you and make sure you’re not carrying anything. Usually, the scan is enough, but every once in a while, they’ll do a physical pat down if they can’t see something clearly on a scan.”

Sangwoo made a face as he thought about a stranger touching him.

“How do I avoid that?” he asked.

“Turn out your pockets, don’t wear baggy clothing, and try not to look too nervous.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“For them, nervousness can be suspicious, like you’re trying to hide something,” Jaeyoung sighed.

“I’m nervous now. What am I going to do then?” he questioned.

“They might be understanding if we tell them that it’s your first time ever in an airport. If there’s an issue, do I have your permission to tell them you’re on the spectrum?” Jaeyoung asked and Sangwoo nodded, appreciative that the artist was taking into consideration that he hated disclosing personal information. 

“What’s it like on the plane?” Sangwoo asked.

“Since it’s only a short flight, it’ll probably be a smaller plane. Usually, they’re really big with three seats in a row, but small planes typically only have two in a row. Because of the altitude, a lot of people get pressure on their ears, but yawning or deep breathing can help. Sometimes, there can be wind or weather that causes something called turbulence that makes the plane shake. It can be scary but planes are meant to withstand it, and pilots are trained to handle it,” Jaeyoung said.

Jaeyoung man could see that Sangwoo was getting stressed and held out his hands, palms up, waiting for Sangwoo to place his smaller hands on it.

“I told you the important stuff, so leave everything else to me. Trust Hyung, okay?”

Sangwoo nodded, sitting up on his knees and turning to fall straight into the artist’s arms. 

“I didn’t expect a trust fall like that,” Jaeyoung laughed, hugging him tightly.

“A what?” Sangwoo craned his neck to look at him.

“A trust fall,” Jaeyoung repeated. “Basically, you drop yourself against someone without warning and they have to catch you.”

“What if they don’t catch you?” Sangwoo asked.

“Then you fall,” Jaeyoung shrugged. “I didn’t let you fall at the ice rink, did I?”

“I don’t know if I’d be able to catch you,” Sangwoo said.

“That’s understandable,” Jaeyoung laughed. “I’m 193 centimeters while you have hollow bones.”

“... Huh?” Sangwoo looked at him so confused after a moment of silence while he tried to compute what Jaeyoung said.

“Birds have hollow bones.”

“Okay? But I’m a human,” Sangwoo scowled confusedly.

“Yes, you’re human, but you’re super light,” Jaeyoung said, kissing Sangwoo’s forehead. 

Sangwoo pouted for a kiss, settling against him once Jaeyoung gave him enough kisses to satisfy him.

“How’s school?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I hate being in groups. I’d rather do the paper on my own. I suck at visual presentations, but research papers are easy for me.”

“I bet no one is trying to freeload though. You have a reputation for calling it out,” Jaeyoung said. “Am I still Freeloader 3 in your phone?”

“When you call me, it is but when you text on Kakao, it’s Fire Noodle or something like that.”

“That’s Yuna’s doing. She changed my username because of all of the red I was wearing.”

“It was accurate,” Sangwoo nodded.

“What would you do if I dyed my hair red?”

“Please don’t.”

“I won’t. But what if I did?”

“I’d probably ask you to wear a hat or I’d try to make myself get used to it,” Sangwoo cringed.

“I think you’d look pretty with blonde hair,” Jaeyoung said, making Sangwoo scoff loudly.

“Yeah, right,” Sangwoo rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious! You with bright blonde would look so cute, especially with your hair like this,” Jaeyoung played with the loose curls. “Your hair gets so wavy when you let it air dry. It’s adoraaaaaaaable.”

“It looks messy like this,” Sangwoo looked at him like he was crazy.

“No, it doesn’t. It’s perfect. Some people would kill to have their hair curl like this. Embrace the waves, baby,” Jaeyoung leaned down to kiss his neck and murmured against his soft skin, “Yuna taught you how to cover hickeys, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Sangwoo said, already getting riled up, which wasn’t exactly a surprise considering his neck was one of the most sensitive areas for him.

“Do you have everything you need to cover them?”

“Yes,” he gasped, tilting his head to give more access.

Sangwoo felt Jaeyoung’s teeth graze him as the older man smiled and said, “Perfect.”

---

When Jaeyoung booked the tickets, he tried filling out a form indicating one of the ticket holders had a disability. He was redirected to a page that instructed him to call the airline and inform them. 

Jaeyoung was hellbent on making sure things went as smoothly as possible. 

“Good afternoon! My name is Choi Dahyun. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

“Hello, my name is Jang Jaeyoung.”

“Hello, Mr. Jaeyoung. How can I help you today?”

“I’m trying to fill the passenger assist form for passengers with disabilities.”

“Is this for you, or someone else?”

“Someone else.”

“May I please have the name and age of the passenger?”

“Chu Sangwoo and he’s 22.”

“Will there be any physical accommodations necessary?”

“No, I don’t think so?” he said uncertainly. “It’s going through security that I’m worried about. He’s on the autism spectrum, and he’s never been in an airport before.”

“I see. May I have the ticket order number?”

“LM24601.”

“I will create an alert on your tickets. When you arrive at the check-in kiosk, an employee will assist you once you scan your tickets.”

“Thank you! I really appreciate the help.”

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?”

“No, ma’am. I think that’s it.”

“Have a wonderful day, and enjoy your trip!”

---

Even with how much Jaeyoung had prepared him for the airport, it was still a shock to Sangwoo’s system. 

Sangwoo was silently panicking the moment they walked in. He had a death grip on Jaeyoung’s arm, keeping his head down and letting the artist lead him around. Even though it was a weekday, the airport was still busy. People running late to their flights weren’t paying attention to their surroundings, clipping others with their suitcases.

At the kiosk, as soon as Jaeyoung scanned their tickets, a slim woman with her hair in a tight bun appeared.

“Hello, my name is Kim Nari. I’m here to assist,” she introduced herself.

“I’m Jaeyoung. This is Sangwoo,” Jaeyoung said as Sangwoo hid his face against the artist’s jacket.

“Delighted to meet you. I’ll bring you to the security checkpoint.”

Jaeyoung tapped Sangwoo to let him know they were starting to walk again. Jaeyoung leaned down to speak next to Sangwoo, knowing the only way the Sangwoo would be able to hear him through his noise-canceling headphones was if he was speaking close.

“Remember what I said about security and the X-ray machine? They go really fast, so while we’re waiting in line, untie your laces, take off your sweater, and open your backpack,” Jaeyoung instructed, and Sangwoo nodded.

Nari brought them to the express line at the security point. Although it was significantly shorter than the main line, there was still a small crowd.

“Allow me one moment, please,” Nari bowed, approaching one of the TSA workers by the scanner. After a minute or two, she returned and said, “I’ve informed the agents. You should have no problems going through.”

Jaeyoung was praying she was right and that no one would ask Sangwoo any questions because the younger man was so stressed out, he became nonverbal. Sangwoo tried to copy Jaeyoung’s speed when they reached the conveyor belt with the bins for their belongings, but his hands were trembling.

“Empty pockets and turn them out. Computer, headphones, and phone in this bin, okay? Take a deep breath, Kitty. Watch when I go through the scan.”

Sangwoo looked horrified, pointing to his headphones with a confused face.

“Yes, honey. Headphones too. I’m sorry. It’ll only be for a few moments.”

As soon as his headphones were off, Sangwoo physically started locking up. It was as if he turned into a robot that didn’t have enough oil to move at the joints. Jaeyoung had to inch him along, hearing people behind them snickering, likely assuming Sangwoo was claustrophobic and didn’t want to go into the scanner. 

When they reached the front of the line, Jaeyoung was called into the large machine and he stepped onto the yellow footprint outlines. Considering his height, it wasn’t even shoulder-width apart. He raised his arms, matching the diagram on the wall. After a few seconds, he walked to the other side once he was approved.

“You can stand here and wait for your passenger as long as you stay behind this line,” the agent said.

Jaeyoung waved Sangwoo into the machine, but Sangwoo was completely frozen.

“Can I just bring him in? I won’t stay in the scan. He’s not gonna walk in on his own.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” the agent nodded.

Jaeyoung went through the scanner again. “I’m gonna take your hand, okay?”

Sangwoo didn’t respond but he didn’t fight when Jaeyoung interlaced their fingers. The artist could tell that he was silently losing his shit, stumbling slightly as Jaeyoung led him into the scanner.

“Stand on these outlines,” he pointed to the yellow prints. 

When Jaeyoung tried to step out, Sangwoo made a strained hum sound as he shook his head, unable to speak but trying to convey that he didn’t want Jaeyoung to leave him.

“I promise you, baby, I’m right here. I’m right outside here.”

Jaeyoung stood behind the yellow line but spoke to him reassuringly the whole time. Even from a distance, he could see Sangwoo shaking. The poor kid looked like he was about to faint as he was scanned.

“You’re good to go!” a woman said in a fake cutesy voice, the way someone would speak to a child. If Sangwoo wasn’t so stressed, Jaeyoung knew he’d be rolling his eyes because Sangwoo couldn’t stand when people infantilized him. 

As soon as he was through the scan, Sangwoo ran straight into his arms.

“It’s okay,” Jaeyoung squeezed him, petting his hair.

Jaeyoung sat him down on one of the benches while Nari carried the rest of their things over. Jaeyoung put Sangwoo’s sweater on him, apologetically prying off one of his hands that was desperately clinging to Jaeyoung’s shirt so he could thread his arm through the sleeves before doing the same to the other.

Jaeyoung turned on Sangwoo’s headphones, quickly placing them on Sangwoo as he pulled Sangwoo’s hood over his head, hoping to tamp down some of the stimuli around them. Sangwoo was basically vibrating from how hard he was shaking, and Jaeyoung could tell that anything more would cause a meltdown, especially once he started humming to self-soothe.

Jaeyoung tugged the cuffs of Sangwoo’s sleeves down to make sure all of the smaller man’s skin was covered and no bad textures would touch him. It was a little difficult for Jaeyoung to see past Sangwoo’s arms where his fists were still firmly latched to Jaeyoung’s shirt as he tied Sangwoo’s shoes.

“We’re going to gate 43,” Jaeyoung said to Nari. “How far away is that?”

“It’s on the other end of the terminal.”

“Alright, I guess we’re going for a bit of a walk,” Jaeyoung squeezed Sangwoo’s thigh. The artist helped him up, kissing his cheek, close to his lips. 

Until that point, their relationship wasn’t exactly clear to Nari. Obviously, they had a close bond, but it wasn’t outwardly apparent that it was anything more than a strong platonic relationship. She tried to hide the surprise on her face, but Jaeyoung caught it. Her smile grew wider, and Jaeyoung relaxed slightly when he realized it was entirely genuine.

The three of them began walking, although Sangwoo was struggling to make his legs move. Someone rushed by them, and Jaeyoung felt Sangwoo slipping slightly. He managed to catch Sangwoo just as his knees buckled.

“Woah. Alright, I gotcha,” Jaeyoung pulled him back upright.

“Would you like for me to call for a wheelchair?” 

Jaeyoung knew for certain that Sangwoo would probably kill him if he rolled him through the airport. “No, it’s okay. We’re gonna do it this way instead,” Jaeyoung positioned him in front, somewhat similar to how he held him at the rink. He kept one arm tightly around his waist and carried their bags with his other arm.

“I can carry those if you’d like,” Nari offered.

“If you can take this one, please,” Jaeyoung slid his bag down, keeping Sangwoo’s because he knew his boyfriend despised random people touching his belongings.

“Of course,” Nari carried the backpack along with two water bottles.

They received a number of stares but Jaeyoung’s attention was on keeping his partner safe while Sangwoo’s body was running on a malfunctioning auto-pilot with his brain on fire. By the time they got to their gate, Sangwoo wanted to fade out of existence and Jaeyoung was getting annoyed by people pointing and whispering.

Jaeyoung sat Sangwoo down on the chair closest to the corner and as far away from others as possible. Without a bar separating the chairs, Jaeyoung was able to press himself against Sangwoo and hug him tightly.

Nari spoke to the attendants at the gate, letting them know the situation. When she came back to them, she said, “I’ve alerted the attendants. If there’s anything you need, they are happy to help.”

“Thank you so much,” Jaeyoung bowed his head to her.

“It’s been a pleasure meeting you both. Please, enjoy your flight,” she bowed elegantly. 

After a few minutes, one of the attendants approached them and said, “We would like to have you board the plane first. The gate will open at 7.”

“Thank you,” Jaeyoung nodded.

Jaeyoung had factored extra time into their arrival in case any issues arose. It meant they had two more hours to wait before they could board, but it at least gave some time for Sangwoo to calm slightly in his arms. 

Of course, with their luck, just as Sangwoo started to relax the slightest bit, a grating voice broke the momentary peace.

“Excuse me, can you not do that? There are children around. They don’t need to be seeing something like this.”

“Ma’am, please just leave us alone,” Jaeyoung said. While he knew people didn’t understand that it wasn’t a public display of affection, he hated homophobic assholes. If he unleashed the words he really wanted to say, he’d probably be kicked out of the airport. 

“This is not appropriate. You shouldn’t b-”

“Ma’am, this is called pressure therapy. Look it up on your phone before you start judging,” Jaeyoung said through gritted teeth, not wanting to deal with any more bullshit as Sangwoo was seemingly trying to blend himself into the chair.

Before the lady could say anything else, one of the attendants stepped in, placing herself between the woman and Jaeyoung and Sangwoo.

“Madam, please, take a seat.”

“You’re really going to allow this?!”

“Madam, I would suggest that you follow his advice and search ‘pressure therapy.’ I’m certain you would feel differently.”

The lady scoffed, wanting to say more until the second attendant also approached and she realized she was outnumbered.

She said down, whipping out her phone and furiously typing. Jaeyoung nearly laughed when he heard a quiet “oh” after a few seconds. She looked at them sheepishly before she quickly got up and moved to a seat farther away.

Jaeyoung snorted, satisfied that she was thoroughly embarrassed by her own shitty behavior. 

After a few more minutes, Sangwoo tilted his head back, resting against Jaeyoung’s shoulder.

“How we feeling?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Tired,” Sangwoo mumbled, and Jaeyoung was amazed that he actually spoke. He expected Sangwoo to make some sort of sound or hand gesture. It was a good sign that he had calmed down enough to speak again.

“I don’t know if you’ll relax enough to sleep on the plane, but you can sleep as long as you want when we get to the hotel,” Jaeyoung nuzzled him.

Sangwoo nodded, staying quiet while Jaeyoung talked about things he was looking forward to on the island. He was excited to see Sangwoo try a hallabong and other things specific to Jeju. Sangwoo wasn’t able to pay attention to what he was saying, but he listened to the older man’s calming voice until it was time to get on the plane.

“Excuse me, the gate is now open. You may board first,” one of the attendants said.

Jaeyoung stood up, putting both of their bags on his back before he helped Sangwoo up. He kept Sangwoo in front of him, wanting to be able to catch him in case he fell as well as giving him the security of protecting him from behind.

The artist scanned their tickets, thanking the attendants for clearing the way for them. 

Jaeyoung walked him down the jetway but Sangwoo paused at the open door of the plane. It was like he had a moment of clarity where he realized he was about to go into a giant, winged metal tube that would be thousands of feet in the air.

“It’s okay, honey,” Jaeyoung said, and the surety in his voice convinced Sangwoo that it was true. Sangwoo nodded and stepped on, keeping his head down as the flight attendant greeted them. 

“We’re on row 16, seats C and D,” he directed Sangwoo. Jaeyoung hated being in a window seat because of a very specific reason: he didn’t like seeing how high in the air he was. He had his fingers crossed when he asked Sangwoo which seat out of the two he wanted and was overjoyed when Sangwoo pointed to the window.

He assumed that Sangwoo felt more secure having Jaeyoung shielding him from people walking up and down the aisles, but then, Sangwoo asked him if he wanted him to pull the cover over the window.

“You don’t want to see?” Jaeyoung asked. “We can switch if you want to.”

“You don’t like heights,” Sangwoo said, and Jaeyoung’s heart absolutely melted.

“You chose the seat so I wouldn’t have to look out?” Jaeyoung questioned, cooing when Sangwoo blushed and turned away.

As more people boarded the plane, they got a couple of scrutinizing looks as people searched for any visible reason why they were allowed to board first. Sangwoo didn’t often feel self-conscious. He normally didn’t give a shit what strangers thought of him. For some reason, he felt extremely exposed as people looked him up and down.

It was no secret that Jaeyoung was sometimes a bit overly protective (and possessive.) However, he felt it was entirely justified in this case. His partner was uncomfortable with how many judgmental eyes were on him, and Jaeyoung was not okay with that. He leaned forward to block any clear view of Sangwoo, glaring right back at people until they looked away in embarrassment.

It was another 45 minutes before the door to the plane was closed and everyone was settled in their seats. A flight attendant stood in the aisle as the speaker overhead began listing safety precautions. The attendant demonstrated how to put on an oxygen mask, as well as a life preserver. 

As the safety briefing continued, Sangwoo was fidgeting more and more.

“Baby, it’s okay. It’s just in case,” Jaeyoung said. “Flying is safer than driving.”

“Unless there’s something faulty with the plane. Then we’re screwed,” someone behind them said, and Jaeyoung nearly got whiplash from how fast he turned around. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he hissed. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Just being honest,” the man shrugged.

“I’d appreciate it if you kept your ‘honesty’ to yourself, or we’re gonna have a problem,” Jaeyoung said, and his deadly tone made it clear that he was not playing around. 

The guy held his hands up, apologizing.

Jaeyoung was fuming. He’d traveled so many times and never once had he dealt with so many people being absolute shitheads. Of course, it just had to happen during Sangwoo’s first time traveling, and Jaeyoung was struggling to explain to him that it wasn’t typical.

The plane started rumbling as the engine powered up. Sangwoo pulled Jaeyoung’s sleeve until the artist was squeezing his thigh comfortingly while Sangwoo hugged the older man’s arm against his chest.

“Deep breaths,” Jaeyoung instructed calmly when he felt Sangwoo’s racing heartbeat. 

Sangwoo kept his eyes squeezed shut, hiding his face against Jaeyoung’s shoulder as the plane began moving.

“Keep yawning once we take off,” Jaeyoung said. “It’ll help with the pressure on your ears.”

“Hyung,” Sangwoo anxiously knocked his knees together as the plane turned onto the runway. The engines revved loudly and they began speeding forward. Sangwoo covered his mouth as he yawned, putting as much mental effort as possible to stop himself from screaming when the plane lifted off.

They steadily climbed to their cruising altitude and when Sangwoo noticed how relaxed everyone else seemed to be, he looked out the window.

“Woah,” he said quietly.

“High?” Jaeyoung asked.

“It’s… pretty,” Sangwoo said, choosing his words carefully so he wasn’t setting off Jaeyoung’s acrophobia. For someone who only a few months ago was completely oblivious to other people’s feelings, Sangwoo had become very perceptive- only for Jaeyoung though.

Sangwoo was glued to the window the whole time, amazed to be in the clouds. When he looked back at Jaeyoung, he had a smile on his face before he immediately returned to staring out of the window in awe.

Jaeyoung couldn’t help but snap a few pictures. With his headphones on, Sangwoo couldn’t hear the sound of the camera. When he turned his head to look forward toward the wings, Jaeyoung got a photo of the side of Sangwoo’s face. 

His plump lips were parted, and his eyes were wide as he tried to take in the sights. The orange-streaked light from the setting sun peered through the clouds, casting a golden halo around him.

Jaeyoung immediately set it as his phone background and vowed that he was going to draw the image as soon as possible.

The artist was just as entranced by Sangwoo as Sangwoo was by the view. The momentary calm was broken as the plane started shaking, and Sangwoo flailed, grabbing Jaeyoung and knocking his phone out of his hand.

The speaker “Attention, passengers. We’re experiencing a bit of turbulence. We expect it to continue for the remainder of the flight. Please, remain seated, and ensure your seatbelts are fastened. Our estimated time of arrival is 25 minutes.”

Jaeyoung only had to bend down slightly to reach his phone with his long arms, which was beneficial because Sangwoo was holding onto him so tightly, he wouldn’t have been able to move more. 

He could see that Sangwoo was right back to being on the verge of a panic attack and tried to comfort him. 

“It’s normal, baby. Just a little bit of turbulence. Hold onto me. There’s about 30 minutes left,” Jaeyoung held his hand, using his other to reach over and stroke his hair.

Every time the plane shook, Sangwoo pulled his legs up to his chest and covered his eyes. When it stopped shaking, he went back to looking out of the window, although he never let go of Jaeyoung’s hand.

The plane dropped slightly, and Sangwoo was already freaked out, but the gasps of the others around them made the anxiety worse.

“H-hyung?” he stuttered.

“We’re landing soon, so we’re descending. It was just a bit more sudden than expected,” Jaeyoung said.

“Wrong?” 

“No, Kitty. Nothing is wrong,” Jaeyoung squeezed his hand.

If Sangwoo could take off his belt, he would have climbed onto Jaeyoung’s lap. Instead, he leaned over as much as possible so Jaeyoung could hold him.

Jaeyoung used his free hand to hold the back of Sangwoo’s neck, a technique that frequently calmed Sangwoo. It only worked slightly as Sangwoo’s breathing became a little less irregular, but any improvement was still an improvement. 

“Attention, passengers. We will be landing in approximately five minutes. Please ensure your trays are closed, your seats are in an upright position, and your belts are fastened tightly. The temperature is 6º Celsius with clear skies. You’ll be able to see the stars.”

“My love, I need you to sit up,” Jaeyoung said quietly. 

Sangwoo obeyed, whining when Jaeyoung let go of his neck for a moment. Jaeyoung immediately put his hand back on him, stroking his thumb along the tight muscles.

“When the wheels touch down, it’s gonna be bumpy, okay?” he warned Sangwoo. 

As Jaeyoung expected, the plane bounced a few times as the wheels made contact with the runway. Sangwoo was humming again to try and calm himself as the brakes engaged and caused them to jolt forward.

The most impatient people stood up before they even stopped moving, but at least no one clapped because that was a huge pet peeve of Jaeyoung’s, and the sound likely would have made Sangwoo jump out of his skin. Jaeyoung let everyone pass first, preferring to wait rather than rush Sangwoo and stress him more.

When Jaeyoung realized they would have to walk down a metal staircase to the runway, he held Sangwoo even tighter than normal, hoping he wasn’t causing any pain when he was just trying to make sure Sangwoo wouldn’t fall. They reached the pavement and were directed toward an area where a shuttle would be returning after dropping off the first batch of passengers.

The idea of being crowded again had Sangwoo wanting to bang his head against something. Jaeyoung could practically see him contemplating it as they stepped onto the shuttle. He quickly pulled Sangwoo close, firmly holding the smaller man’s head against his chest.

Sangwoo was too tired to fight it, instead resting his weight on Jaeyoung. It once again earned them a couple scornful looks but Sangwoo had his eyes closed and Jaeyoung looked out of the window to see any turns in the road so he could brace the two of them. 

Once they reached the airport, Jaeyoung followed the signs to the exit, pausing only to take a picture of a pretty living plant wall surrounding white letters that said “Jeju Island.”

Sangwoo was so mentally exhausted, it seeped into his physical being as well. Jaeyoung knew he was going to have muscle pain after being tense for so long, but Sangwoo could hardly stand up from the bench to get in their taxi because there was no way Jaeyoung was going to subject him to public transportation after having to be around crowds all day.

Their taxi ride was about 25 minutes, and Sangwoo was dozing off almost as soon as they began moving. Jaeyoung was praying that Sangwoo could hold on just a little longer because he knew that being tired plus continuous overwhelming stimuli was a recipe for Sangwoo to lash out verbally.  

“Woo, we’re here,” Jaeyoung spoke softly. The side-eye Sangwoo gave him was enough to have Jaeyoung apologizing profusely, rubbing his hands together in a prayer position. 

Jaeyoung felt like he was standing next to a powder keg as he checked them in at the front desk. The woman behind the counter was moving slowly, and Sangwoo’s shifting from side to side was an indicator that he was on his last ounce of self-control.

“You’ll be staying on the third floor, room 305,” she handed the key cards to them. “Please, enjoy your stay!”

The elevator was thankfully empty and Jaeyoung led him down the halls, following the signs.

As soon as they got into their room, Sangwoo yanked off his clothes and got into bed only in his boxer briefs without even exploring the room. As much as Jaeyoung would have rather not disturb Sangwoo, he knew Sangwoo was probably physically uncomfortable with the texture of the sheets but was just too tired to dress himself. 

Jaeyoung went through Sangwoo’s bag, pulling out his charger to plug his phone in and finding his soft pajamas. Sangwoo let out a sound of protest, almost like a growl, when Jaeyoung slowly pulled the blanket off of him.

“You don’t have to get up or do anything,” Jaeyoung said. “I’m gonna dress you.”

Sangwoo was deadweight, letting Jaeyoung manipulate his body to put the pajamas on him. As soon as Jaeyoung tucked him back in again under the blanket, Sangwoo curled up and was asleep in seconds. Jaeyoung couldn’t help but admire the sight. Sangwoo had been scowling for so long, it was a drastic difference to see his face relaxed, even though he knew it was caused by exhaustion. 

Being a bottomless pit with an exceptionally expandable stomach, Jaeyoung was too hungry to last the whole night. The room service hours had already closed, so he ordered food to be delivered. 

He tried to be quiet as he opened the styrofoam packages before he realized Sangwoo was sleeping so deeply, he was essentially dead to the world. It was a little unnerving considering that Sangwoo was the lightest sleeper he knew who usually woke up at the slightest sound.

While Jaeyoung ate, he looked at the list of things Sangwoo had found online that seemed interesting. One of the things he listed was a tea house relatively close by. Jaeyoung figured going to a calm place first would be a good way to start the day after such a hectic day. He made a tentative plan, knowing Sangwoo preferred having a schedule.

Jaeyoung had intended on keeping some leftovers but his high metabolism and lack of leptin led to the containers of food emptying within a matter of minutes. He watched a few videos on his phone before he brushed his teeth and got into bed.

Even with how deep asleep Sangwoo was, he was like a magnet, unconsciously scooting closer until his back was pressed against Jaeyoung’s side.

Jaeyoung read about more places until he started feeling his eyelids getting heavy. He placed his phone on the bedside table and settled down, spooning Sangwoo. The smaller man fit perfectly, almost like he was specifically made to be held by Jaeyoung.

“Love you, Sangie,” Jaeyoung kissed Sangwoo’s cheek before resting his head on the pillow. 

Chapter 11: Earl Grey

AN: Adventures on Jeju Island! I'm basing some of this on my own experiences there- particularly at Love Land. If you ever have the opportunity to go, I highly recommend visiting. It's hilarious, interesting, and impressive to see all of the works.

There aren't many trigger warnings in this chapter, mainly a moment where Sangwoo eats something that reminds him of a childhood punishment and some good ol' rough oral.

---

Jaeyoung woke up around 10 and realized Sangwoo was still completely asleep. It was the first time in their relationship that Jaeyoung woke up before Sangwoo, which told him that his boyfriend was absolutely exhausted from the day before. Sangwoo wasn’t even curled up in his usual sleeping position, he was completely sprawled out on his stomach like a starfish with an arm and leg thrown over Jaeyoung.

The artist let him sleep for a while longer but he also knew that Sangwoo hated getting up late because he didn’t want to “waste the day.” After another hour or so, Sangwoo started shifting around more, a sign he was starting to wake up. Jaeyoung turned on his side slightly to stroke Sangwoo’s hair.

Sangwoo cracked an eye, peaking up at Jaeyoung.

“Hi, my love. Did you sleep well?” Jaeyoung asked, smoothing Sangwoo’s messy curls. 

Sangwoo hummed, playing with the thin necklace resting on Jaeyoung’s chest.

“How are you feeling?” 

“Sore,” Sangwoo mumbled.

Jaeyoung slid his hand down, rubbing the area between Sangwoo’s shoulder blades.

“I think we should start the day pretty calm,” Jaeyoung said. “That teahouse you wrote on the list apparently has some really good food. After that, I think we should go to one of the hot springs.”

Sangwoo wrinkled his nose, undoubtedly imagining having to be naked in a tub with other people.

“I found a bathhouse with private hot spring rooms,” Jaeyoung said. “It’s meant for just one or two people, it’s clean, and the rooms are enclosed, so it’s completely private. It’ll definitely help with this,” he rubbed the tense muscles of Sangwoo’s shoulders.

“Okay,” Sangwoo said quietly.

“Really?” Jaeyoung raised a brow, having expected Sangwoo to ask more questions.

Sangwoo nodded, slowly sitting up and rolling his neck. 

“Shower?” Sangwoo asked.

“You have to take a shower in the bathhouse before going into the springs,” Jaeyoung said, scrolling on his phone. “They have a reservation open at the teahouse at 12:30. Should I save it?”

“What time is it?” Sangwoo rubbed his eyes.

“It’s 11:42,” Jaeyoung said. “It’s about a 20-minute ride to get there.”

“Yeah, save it.”

Jaeyoung nodded and scheduled the reservation, adding their information.

“Hyung, is it cold out?” Sangwoo asked. 

“No, it’s really nice,” Jaeyoung pushed his phone over to show his weather app. “Still a bit cold for you, so definitely wear your jackets. I have extra hand warmers for you.”

Sangwoo leaned over and rubbed his cheek affectionately against Jaeyoung’s bare shoulder. He placed a small kiss on the artist’s bicep. 

When Sangwoo started to get off of the bed, Jaeyoung bear-hugged him, dragging him down to pepper kisses all over him.

“You’re so fucking cute,” Jaeyoung awed, rocking him around while Sangwoo giggled.

The smaller man reached up, petting Jaeyoung’s cheek. “You’re all stubbly.”

“Is my stubble too prickly to kiss you?” Jaeyoung asked, wary of his sensitivity to textures. 

“No,” Sangwoo blushed. “It’s not bad.”

“Oh?” Jaeyoung raised a brow. “You like it?”

“I don’t mind it,” Sangwoo avoided answering the question directly. 

“Should I not shave today?” Jaeyoung rubbed his cheek against Sangwoo’s.

“You’re on vacation,” Sangwoo shrugged, shivering from the sensory feeling. “You can do whatever you want.”

Jaeyoung hummed, “I think… stubble is the look today. I’m so jealous that you don’t have to shave. You’re so sooooooooft.”

“Kiss, please,” Sangwoo turned his head, pouting his lips.

Jaeyoung immediately complied, giving him little pecks and squeezing his cheeks. Considering how against physical contact Sangwoo was in the beginning, Jaeyoung never expected to be able to use his main love language of touch. As long as Jaeyoung gave warnings before touching him and stuck to the areas that didn’t set off sensory issues, Sangwoo allowed him to do what he wanted and even enjoyed it sometimes.

“We should get going,” Sangwoo said.

“Ugh, okay,” Jaeyoung sighed, releasing Sangwoo from his hold. 

Jaeyoung brushed his teeth first and dressed before sitting in the large cushioned chair by the window and looking out on the courtyard. He was surprised when he looked over and saw Sangwoo staring at him.

“What?” he asked.

“I… you look good,” Sangwoo said before ducking back into the bathroom.

Jaeyoung grinned like a maniac, realizing the combination of a leather jacket and unshaven face was something Sangwoo liked on him. It seemed that his clean-cut boyfriend apparently liked a rugged look.

“No flannel?” Jaeyoung asked when he saw Sangwoo go for a plain black long-sleeved shirt.

Sangwoo shook his head and pointed to Jaeyoung’s suitcase. “Can I wear one of your sweaters?”

“Yes,” Jaeyoung said with no hesitation because seeing Sangwoo in his clothes had become a huge turn-on for him. 

Sangwoo selected a dark grey hoodie with a design on it that Jaeyoung had made. For Jaeyoung, he was looking at a piece of art wearing a piece of his art.

If they weren’t running low on time to make their reservation, Jaeyoung would have drawn him. He could also see that Sangwoo desperately needed some caffeine. It was clear the Sangwoo was starting to get a headache because he could only go a certain number of hours without caffeine before he started feeling withdrawal symptoms.

They took a taxi to the teahouse. When Jaeyoung gave the name of the reservation, the server brought them to a table in a corner. It was a booth, providing some privacy from the rest of the patrons, even though there were only a few. 

Sangwoo was still trying to rally after the draining day before, and without any caffeine in his system, he was struggling to function properly. He took one glance at the tablet screen displaying a portion of the large menu and looked at Jaeyoung.

“I can pick if you want,” Jaeyoung offered, immediately recognizing Sangwoo’s overwhelmed expression. Sangwoo nodded, giving him the tablet as he took a sip of water.

Jaeyoung selected a number of drinks, pastries, and foods. It seemed more like an order for a table of four or five rather than two, but Jaeyoung could probably demolish a whole buffet on his own if he was given enough time. When it came to coffee and energy drinks though, Sangwoo could name the caffeine content of practically any brand or type of espresso roast, so Jaeyoung made certain to select drinks that he either knew or had a strong suspicion Sangwoo would enjoy.

Two servers brought out the food, almost filling the table. Jaeyoung pushed the drink he knew for sure Sangwoo would like in front of him. Sangwoo tilted his head curiously, inspecting the intricate design in the foam.

“It’s a vanilla Earl Grey latte,” Jaeyoung said, internally fawning over the happy noise Sangwoo unknowingly made. 

Once Sangwoo had a few sips and the small amount of caffeine warded off his headache, Sangwoo was a lot more relaxed. The teahouse was traditional with carved wood and a lovely aroma. Sangwoo liked aesthetics that were more tech-oriented while Jaeyoung liked color or graphic-oriented but they both appreciated a traditional style. 

The calming atmosphere was exactly what Sangwoo, and Jaeyoung for that matter, needed. Sangwoo had been trying his absolute hardest to keep it together despite intense, repeated overstimulation. Jaeyoung was proud beyond belief because he knew the reason Sangwoo was trying so hard was for him. The artist would always protect Sangwoo, but it was frustrating sometimes when there was nothing he could do but watch Sangwoo struggle with his own brain.

Sangwoo put the mug down and moved it towards Jaeyoung to let him taste it. Despite sharing food, kissing, and doing other things, Sangwoo was still a bit finicky about sharing drinks. For him to offer Jaeyoung a sip, especially with the mug facing the way that would have Jaeyoung place his lips on the same place Sangwoo’s were, was an unexpected development.

“That’s really good,” Jaeyoung said after taking a sip. “This one is a strawberry matcha. This is a barley. This is the house special. It didn’t have an explanation of what was in it though,” he pointed to the different drinks. 

Jaeyoung started eating a quiche, enjoying the unique mix of flavors. Sangwoo took one sip of the house special and tensed up. He immediately pushed it far away as he made a hissing sound. 

“Oh, not good?” Jaeyoung chuckled. 

Sangwoo shook his head, going back to the Earl Grey to get rid of the taste in his mouth. Jaeyoung’s curiosity was piqued by the intensity of Sangwoo’s reaction and he lifted the mug to take a sip. The very first thing he tasted was ginseng, which was surprising because he hadn’t smelled the distinctive scent at all.

Sangwoo had instantly reverted to a negative headspace, being reminded of the ginseng punishments he endured in his childhood. 

Jaeyoung cautiously wrapped an arm around his waist, gauging his reaction. When Sangwoo leaned into his touch, Jaeyoung knew it was alright to hold him tighter. It gave Sangwoo an anchor to bring himself out of whatever dark place his brain had taken him to.

“You okay, my love?” Jaeyoung asked after a few moments.

Sangwoo nodded, “Hyung… who actually likes the taste of ginseng?”

“I’m not a huge fan but I also don’t hate it,” Jaeyoung said.

“It tastes like dirt and tree leaves to me,” Sangwoo shuddered.

“Are you going around just eating leaves?” Jaeyoung joked.

“Isn’t that what some teas are? Boiled tree or plant leaves?”

“I mean, yes, technically. But I feel like you’re talking about non-tea-related trees.”

“You can’t tell me you’ve never put something in your mouth just to find out what it tastes like,” Sangwoo rolled his eyes, not understanding why Jaeyoung snickered. 

“That sounded naughty, Woo,” Jaeyoung giggled when Sangwoo started becoming annoyed from not knowing what was happening.

“Eating leaves sounds naughty?” he asked confusedly.

“No, but putting something in your mouth to taste it sounds naughty,” Jaeyoung whispered in his ear, earning a smack on his arm.

“Shut up and eat,” Sangwoo pointed at the dishes on the table, cheeks red.

Jaeyoung liked savory food more than sweet, but after the tea incident, he wasn’t going to give anything to Sangwoo until he tasted it first. He took a bite of a chocolate raspberry cake and instantly knew Sangwoo would go crazy for it. He scooped up some and held out the spoon, loving the way Sangwoo trusted him entirely and let him feed him.

The younger man’s eyes widened the same way they always did when he tasted something he liked, and it never failed to melt Jaeyoung’s heart. The artist placed the plate in front of Sangwoo, knowing it was likely the only thing he was going to fully eat.

Throughout the rest of the meal, Jaeyoung fed him pieces of things once he tasted them to make sure there was nothing in it that Sangwoo didn’t like. Jaeyoung had a mental list of foods or ingredients that were entirely off-limits for his partner: ginseng, raw onions, avocados (also known as “the texture from hell”), boiled eggs, broccoli, cilantro (because it tasted like soap for Sangwoo, which Jaeyoung still didn’t quite understand), and Campari (which Sangwoo always called “dirt-flavored alcohol”).

As expected, Sangwoo stuck to his raspberry dessert and drank the teas with the highest caffeine content as well as a double espresso, and Jaeyoung ate everything else on the table. 

Sangwoo didn’t even notice until the very end that everything was gone and saw the shocked looks on the faces of the servers.

“Vacuum hyung, you should be a pro-mukbanger,” Sangwoo said. 

Jaeyoung snorted, taking a sip of the barley tea. “Like you wouldn’t lose your mind hearing me chewing loudly,” he rolled his eyes.

“I enjoy the sound of the food with the initial crunch, just not the sound of the chewing after it,” Sangwoo explained.

Jaeyoung hummed, intrigued by how specific his auditory preferences were. He remembered when he first noticed Sangwoo’s anger when hearing chewing and took advantage of it when he was still trying to take revenge on Sangwoo. He still felt some guilt, knowing that it wasn’t just a mild annoyance, but a full trigger.

Jaeyoung snatched the tablet from Sangwoo when he saw him subtly trying to pay with his debit card.

“Nope, no, absolutely not,” Jaeyoung shook his head.

“Hyung, you paid for the flights, the hotel, and the taxis,” Sangwoo protested.

“Shush, let me spoil you,” Jaeyoung said.

“But I-“

“Shhh, I want to spoil you,” he leaned in, lowering his voice, “I love providing for my boyfriend.”

“What, you get off on paying for me?” Sangwoo raised a brow, blushing when Jaeyoung immediately nodded without an ounce of shame. “I’m dating a pervert. How the hell am I supposed to reciprocate this? I can’t let you pay every single time. That’s not a sustainable practice.”

“My love, I don’t think you know how much I’m getting paid in my new position,” Jaeyoung grinned. “I have more than enough. So, call me Hyung, and let me pay for you.”

“Do you get satisfaction from other people calling you Hyung?” Sangwoo suddenly pouted.

“Nope, just you,” Jaeyoung assured him, petting Sangwoo’s hair and feeling overjoyed that Sangwoo was finally the jealous one.

Jaeyoung paid, slipping out of the booth and waiting for Sangwoo to follow him out. Instead of taking a cab, they used buses. It was surprisingly quiet, with the two rides having only a few people. It gave them space to sit down during the bumpy rides, and Sangwoo snuggled against Jaeyoung, holding the taller man’s arm and resting his head on his shoulder.

Sangwoo didn’t seem stressed or overwhelmed at all. He was showing physical affection completely of his free will, and Jaeyoung nuzzled his soft hair, giving him a few kisses.

When they arrived at their stop, they walked a few minutes until Jaeyoung led Sangwoo to a large, tiered building. The artist was so caught up in admiring the architecture, he would have walked straight into a pole if Sangwoo hadn’t pulled him to the side. Jaeyoung petted his hair as a thank you, keeping his hand on the back of Sangwoo’s neck to calm him when a large, obnoxiously loud group walked by them. 

They went through the front entrance to a large desk with elaborate paper figures decorated around it.

“You’ll be in room 23. Outside and to the left. The rules will be posted on the wall. We ask that you please respect them,” the man handed them a set of keys once Jaeyoung gave the number for their booking and paid.

The two of them stepped outside and walked down the alley, looking for the room numbers.

“He was a bit gruff, huh?” Jaeyoung spoke quietly to Sangwoo.

“Was he?” Sangwoo asked. “I thought he was just being clear with instructions. I prefer it when people speak clearly and concisely. It’s much easier to understand.”

“Oh, wait, it’s right there,” Jaeyoung said when they accidentally walked past room 23.

Jaeyoung used the key to unlock the heavy door and pushed it open, pulling the chain to turn on the dim lantern lights.

“Hyung… this looks like a dungeon cave,” Sangwoo looked around.

“It is a cave,” Jaeyoung said. “It’s a natural hot spring.”

There was a large metal sign that had rules listed in both Korean and English. 

 

“Please wash thoroughly before entering the bath. 

Please do not chip at the rock formations. 

Please do not urinate in the bath. 

Please do not drink water from the bath. 

Please do not engage in inappropriate or sexual contact.”

 

“The fact they need to post this is disturbing,” Sangwoo said. “You don’t think people have actually done that in here, right?”

“You’re the one with the quote ‘Stupid people will be stupid’,” Jaeyoung shrugged. 

There was another sign with instructions.

 

“Use soap to ensure body lotion is removed.

Wash hair oils and products out.

Use caution when entering the spring.

Submerge to neck level.

Limit time to 40 minutes.”

 

Sangwoo reluctantly stood under the water from the shower head, hating how cold it was. Even for Jaeyoung, it was a bit chilly. They washed themselves quickly, but thoroughly. Jaeyoung knew that Sangwoo’s hair would dry into the wavy curls that he adored.

Sangwoo was shivering as they walked to the bath, and Jaeyoung stepped in first, surprised by the intense heat.

“You’re gonna love this,” he said, holding his hand out for Sangwoo to take as he also joined him on the top stair. 

They went into the deeper area where they could lie down. It was a little too hot for Jaeyoung’s preferences, but it was exactly what Sangwoo liked. Sangwoo settled with his back pressed against Jaeyoung’s front, tilting his head back to rest on the artist’s collarbone.

“Comfy?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo hummed, relaxing in the warm heat with Jaeyoung holding him.

After some time for the heat to release some of the tension in his muscles, Jaeyoung slid a hand down and rubbed the areas he knew Sangwoo had the most pain.

“Too hot,” Sangwoo said.

“You’re too hot?” Jaeyoung’s brows shot up because it was his favorite temperature.

“No, for you. We can get out early, if you want,” Sangwoo offered.

Jaeyoung squeezed him tightly, leaning down to kiss his cheek with butterfly kisses.

“God, I fucking love you. You’re so sweet,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo snorted, “You’re the first person to say that.”

“Well, I’m the only person you show this side to,” Jaeyoung kissed his shoulder. “I’m sure if they saw how you are with animals, they would feel the same way.”

“I much prefer being around animals than around people. Besides you, I mean,” Sangwoo quickly clarified. 

“I have something to add to the list of date-night ideas,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo hummed inquisitively, curious about his idea.

“Cat café.”

“Yes,” Sangwoo agreed immediately.

“I’ll find a good one. One that really takes care of their animals. I know that’s super important to you,” Jaeyoung said, and Sangwoo squeezed the hand on his abdomen to silently show his appreciation. 

“Dogs or cats?” Sangwoo said.

“There are a couple dog cafés too. I heard there’s a Samoyed one. Definitely can’t wear black clothes to that one.”

“I mean to have as a pet. Dogs or cats?”

“Hmm,” Jaeyoung pondered for a moment. “I think it depends on their personality. Cats are less work because they don’t need the regular walks, although they need to be played with so they don’t get bored. A lot of cats I’ve met have been pretty solitary. I love cuddling, so I think I would go with whatever would show the most affection. What about you?”

“Anything and everything. It doesn’t matter to me what kind of animal it is, I just appreciate their existence,” Sangwoo said. “I think I’d like to work at a rescue or sanctuary at some point.”

“See, that. That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about when I say you’re sweet. You go the subtle route when showing love to me, and you’d happily dedicate your free time to caring for animals that need some affection,” Jaeyoung hugged him. “My cutie.”

They enjoyed the spring for a little longer, but Sangwoo was enjoying it a bit more than Jaeyoung was. Eventually, the artist couldn’t handle the heat any longer.

“I’m a little too hot, Woo,” Jaeyoung said, feeling sweat beading on his forehead. Sangwoo moved off of his lap, letting him up.

When they got out of the bath, Jaeyoung grabbed the towels hanging and gave one to Sangwoo. There was a separate shower on the other side, and it was significantly warmer than before. It had the same mineral smell as the hot spring, and their skin felt so soft, it was like they had bathed in moisturizer.

They got dressed, and Sangwoo cringed as they stepped outside, getting hit with a cool breeze.

“There’s a shopping district nearby,” Jaeyoung said. “We could spend a while walking around. There’s supposedly an outdoor movie screening tonight if you feel like seeing it.”

“You pick,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“I want to make sure we’re also doing things that you want to do,” Jaeyoung sighed. “Okay, look at the list and point to the thing you want to do most, and we can do it tomorrow.”

Jaeyoung handed his phone and Sangwoo pointed to something without skipping a beat.

“The aquarium?” Jaeyoung asked for confirmation and Sangwoo nodded.

“I’m a terrible swimmer but I think the ocean is pretty,” Sangwoo said.

“We can definitely do that. I love aquariums.”

“What do you want to do most?” Sangwoo scrolled through the potential list.

“Well, I just thought of a place we could go tonight instead of the movie,” Jaeyoung pointed to something.

“Love Land? The sex park?” Sangwoo asked confusedly.

“I like that you call it that. It’s a bunch of statues from artists celebrating sexual freedom. Apparently, the park is pretty at night, and there won’t be any groups there,” Jaeyoung said. 

Sangwoo looked up at him like he wasn’t quite sure if Jaeyoung was being serious or teasing him. 

“Hyung, won’t it look strange to just be staring at… whatever we’d be staring at? Especially in the dark!”

“The only other people who would be there are artists who enjoy the works, weirdos, and people who just didn’t want to deal with crowds,” Jaeyoung said.

“Well… where do we fall on that list?”

“Maybe a little bit of all three,” Jaeyoung leaned in with a grin.

---

Sangwoo kept his head down as Jaeyoung paid for the tickets, and Sangwoo nearly turned on his heels when the very first thing they saw as they walked through the entrance was a giant stone penis that was as tall as Sangwoo’s chest.

“Wait! Wait! Look! It’s so detailed, it has veins!” Jaeyoung laughed.

“Oh, what the fuck is that?” Sangwoo pointed to a statue nearby.

“That, my darling, is a vagina with wings,” Jaeyoung threw an arm around Sangwoo’s shoulders and started walking him forward.

The statues became progressively stranger and Sangwoo’s face showed confusion, embarrassment, and horror all at the same time. 

Meanwhile, Jaeyoung was having the time of his life. He both appreciated the artistry and the hilarity of the various positions, characters, and the personality of each piece.

He snapped a couple photos of Sangwoo, mostly because he just wanted to keep a picture of Sangwoo’s adorable curly hair but also because the look of mortification on the smaller man’s face was hilarious. 

When they reached the collection of older male statues of different statures, Jaeyoung noticed faucets attached to the genitals. 

“Oh, my god. It’s a fountain,” he said. “Step back, Sangie. I want to turn it on.”

“Hyung, please don’t touch the dick fountain,” Sangwoo shook his head and Jaeyoung snorted.

“I should start an out-of-context quote book. You really don’t want to see how far the water can go?”

Sangwoo must have realized that Jaeyoung already made up his mind and stepped back as Jaeyoung went to the tall, green statue on the left and turned the faucet.

The water shot out from the tip with surprising pressure, reaching all the way to the other side of the stone patio and directly above a drain. Jaeyoung was cackling as Sangwoo pinched between his brows, thankful that no one was around to watch his boyfriend’s shenanigans.

“Have you seen how many cameras are around here? Do they think people are going to do inappropriate things to the statues?” Sangwoo asked.

Jaeyoung looked around but only saw two. “There’s not that many,” he said.

Sangwoo started pointing each of them out, and Jaeyoung realized he was right- the entire park was full of cameras.

“How did you even see them?” Jaeyoung asked. “You can barely see 10 feet in front of you without glasses or contacts.”

“The lamps are reflecting off of the lenses,” Sangwoo said, “but, seriously, why are there so many?”

“I think they want to make sure people aren’t touching the statues but also aren’t fucking in the park.”

“Who would have sex in a public place?” Sangwoo asked, scandalized at the very idea. 

“There’s a whole kink for that, honey. Obviously, they know that the majority of people don’t want to see random naked couples dogging when they’re just walking around, so it’s usually kept in secluded areas that are still technically public, but not in plain view,” Jaeyoung explained.

“‘Dogging’ is the weirdest way of describing sex I’ve ever heard,” Sangwoo wrinkled his nose.

They continued walking through the park until they reached another large bronze statue of a dick. It was horizontal with a naked woman sitting by the head. A sign said, “Interactive statue.”

“What does that mean?” Sangwoo asked.

“It means you can touch it or get on it,” Jaeyoung explained. “Pleaaaaaase, can I take a picture of you on it?”

“No,” Sangwoo shook his head sternly.

“Okay,” Jaeyoung said, not about to try and push Sangwoo into doing something he made clear he wasn’t comfortable with.

“I can take a picture of you if you want,” Sangwoo offered.

Jaeyoung nodded and went to the other side, standing behind it in a position to pretend like it was his own dick. Sangwoo snorted as he took photos while Jaeyoung changed poses. 

“Is it because of the security cameras?” Jaeyoung asked when he rejoined to look at the photos, wondering why exactly Sangwoo didn’t want to pose on it.

“No. I’d prefer the first and only dick I’m on be yours,” Sangwoo said, so nonchalantly, Jaeyoung nearly fell over.

“Fucking hell, Kitty,” Jaeyoung groaned, focusing every ounce of self-control to not get a boner out in public.

They walked into the building and found several statues in various poses of oral sex. Sangwoo gave him a side-eye that was a dead giveaway that he would no doubt want to do one of those positions. 

The building turned out to be a gift shop. While Jaeyoung was amusedly looking at colored pencils with dick-shaped erasers, Sangwoo walked around to see everything. Jaeyoung heard Sangwoo let out a quiet sound and the younger man quickly returned to his side, cheeks flaming red. 

The artist traced back Sangwoo’s steps to where he had just been standing. There was a wall that was covered floor to ceiling with various collars, ropes, restraints, toys, and gadgets. Even though Sangwoo had his head down, Jaeyoung could tell he kept looking up at a specific spot. When he did it again, Jaeyoung followed his line of sight and was shocked to see a slim, black collar.

It was absolutely the last thing that Jaeyoung expected Sangwoo to like, but it would be a lie to say it wasn’t something he had imagined.

Jaeyoung bent down to whisper in his ear, “If you want a collar, I’ll have one made for you.”

Sangwoo looked like he was malfunctioning, staring up at Jaeyoung and blinking as he tried to say something to refute any implication that he wanted one. The only thing was that Sangwoo had specific movements he made when he lied, and every single movement was happening at the same time, leaving no doubt.

“Just for your information, I think you would look gorgeous in one,” Jaeyoung winked at him.

Sangwoo flailed slightly and tried to displace his conflicting emotions by grabbing one of the chocolate bars on the other wall and bringing it to the check-out to escape the conversation. He clearly didn’t read what was on it because he froze in place when he looked down after buying it only to see explicit jokes and drawings.

Jaeyoung looked through everything on the wall and was disappointed by the selection. Most of it was overpriced stuff that was easily available online. Eventually, he decided to buy a good-looking box of chocolates that had flavors Sangwoo liked because Sangwoo despised milk chocolate while Jaeyoung avoided dark chocolate. They never had to worry about hiding chocolate snacks because they always bought such drastically different types.

“Are we done?” Sangwoo asked, reaching his emotional limit after so long feeling embarrassed.

“Yeah, we’re good,” Jaeyoung squeezed his hand. “There’s a restaurant nearby that looks pretty good. How about we have some of that famous Jeju pork belly?”

Sangwoo nodded, heading straight for the door to avoid looking at the worker at the register. Jaeyoung couldn’t help but mess with him, loudly bidding the woman goodnight to announce their departure. 

Sangwoo was cursing under his breath until Jaeyoung gave him a kiss on the cheek. It was only a short walk to the restaurant, and they sat down at a table with a grill in the center. They worked together to handle the barbecue, with Sangwoo timing and flipping the meat while Jaeyoung cut them into individual pieces. 

Once Sangwoo deemed it cooked through, he put pieces on Jaeyoung’s plate. Jaeyoung moved two pieces to Sangwoo’s plate, urging him to try it first. 

“How is it?” Jaeyoung asked, watching Sangwoo’s face as he took a bite.

“It’s really good, Hyung,” Sangwoo picked up a piece with his chopsticks and fed it to Jaeyoung.

“Oh, holy shit. This is delicious. We may have to come back to Jeju just for this.”

Jaeyoung also ordered a bunch of other dishes, putting some on Sangwoo’s plate while he ate everything else.

“Do your siblings eat like this?” Sangwoo asked, looking at Jaeyoung’s plate when it was empty for a third time.

“Yep,” he nodded. “My whole family does. Everyone is tall with high metabolisms. My mother basically cooks for an army when it’s only five people in total.”

“What’s it like only having two siblings?”

“Well, I’m the oldest, so I had to take on a lot more responsibilities than them. I prefer being the oldest though because I like taking care of people. I feel weird when I’m with a group where I’m the youngest. What was it like for you being the youngest with so many siblings?”

“10/10 do not recommend,” Sangwoo said, a phrase Jaeyoung used often.

“Was that a pun about you being the tenth child?” Jaeyoung asked after a moment to think it through.

“It felt fitting,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“God, that’s sexy,” the artist leaned in and Sangwoo looked at him in shock.

“What?”

“You making puns. It’s hot.”

“What th- why are you so wild today?” Sangwoo covered his face.

Jaeyoung shrugged, “Ugh, I can’t help it. Maybe it’s the excitement of traveling and doing new things.”

A nearby table made a loud cheering sound, making Sangwoo jump. He scooted close to Jaeyoung, head bent down while he waited for his heart rate to calm. Jaeyoung had learned over time that Sangwoo preferred silent comfort when he had a sound scare, so he simply rubbed Sangwoo’s back until he relaxed enough to continue the meal.

Once all of the food on the table was depleted, Jaeyoung asked, “Ready to go back to the hotel?”

Sangwoo nodded, double-checking to make sure they didn’t leave anything behind. It’s a good thing he did because Jaeyoung’s phone was on the chair, blending in with the color of the vinyl. He picked it up and gave it to Jaeyoung with a slightly judgmental look.

“Oh, like you’ve never left your phone,” Jaeyoung rolled his eyes, patting Sangwoo’s butt as he walked past him. Jaeyoung paid at the front while waiting for the taxi since it was fairly late and most of the bus lines were down for the night.

They got back to the room and took a shower together because Sangwoo didn’t want to get into the bed without being clean like he had the night before. Jaeyoung had to bend down to get underneath the water since he was taller than the showerhead.

The hair dryer in the room wasn’t particularly effective, so it took a long time to dry properly. Sangwoo kept blowing cold air in Jaeyoung’s face, testing his patience. Jaeyoung picked him up and threw him onto the bed, getting on top of him. He straddled Sangwoo, pinning him down as he turned up the settings and blew the air on him while Sangwoo squealed loudly.

Sangwoo started trying to pinch his thigh, too close to Jaeyoung’s crotch for comfort. For the sake of his dick’s safety, Jaeyoung put the dryer to the side and held his wrists down.

“Hyung!” Sangwoo whined, struggling under him.

“Shh, shh,” Jaeyoung said. “I’ll let you go if you promise not to retaliate.”

“No,” Sangwoo shook his head.

“Thank you for your honesty,” Jaeyoung grinned, moving to put a thigh between Sangwoo’s legs, pushing them open so he could settle between them. Sangwoo’s protesting immediately died down the moment Jaeyoung started kissing his sensitive neck.

“I don’t want you to cover these tomorrow,” Jaeyoung said before he started sucking hickeys onto the soft skin.

“W-why do you like marking me so much?” Sangwoo asked, tilting his head to the side to give more access.

“I like everyone knowing that you’re mine,” Jaeyoung kissed his jawline.

“Why did you put your shirt back on?” Sangwoo pouted. 

“You really like seeing me shirtless, huh?” Jaeyoung laughed.

“Yes.”

“Would you ever go to the gym with me?”

“No. Ah, well… if it’s not busy and it doesn’t smell bad, maybe,” Sangwoo said, internally debating as he cringed at the idea of being surrounded by sweaty strangers. 

Jaeyoung knew that Sangwoo definitely was not thinking about other guys going shirtless in the gym, but the idea of his boyfriend’s eyes on any man other than him had Jaeyoung’s jealousy raging. Sangwoo obviously had no idea why Jaeyoung was suddenly so intense as the artist pinned him tighter, biting his neck with a little more teeth than expected.

Sangwoo was still trying to understand his sexuality, so it wasn’t a surprise that he was utterly confused about the pain feeling so good. The moan he let out told Jaeyoung that it was definitely something they would do again.

“Hyung, please, can I…” Sangwoo trailed off, still embarrassed to verbalize when he wanted to use his mouth. Jaeyoung lifted his head to look at him. 

“My love, I’m worried about you getting too overwhelmed,” Jaeyoung said, concerned about having a potential subdrop when he was far away from the comfort of his apartment. Once he saw Sangwoo’s eyes, he realized Sangwoo was already in his headspace.

“Please,” Sangwoo pouted.

Jaeyoung knew that their friend group would never believe it if he told them that Sangwoo was secretly a cockslut who would happily be used as a warmer all day if possible. The artist briefly wondered, if they ever did graduate to intercourse, if Sangwoo would be the same way- snatching up every opportunity to fuck. 

“Knees,” Jaeyoung ordered, sitting up on the edge of the bed. Sangwoo slid off of the mattress and dropped to the floor, settling between Jaeyoung’s legs.

Sangwoo wasted no time in pulling off Jaeyoung’s boxers, and even less time to get Jaeyoung’s cock in his mouth. The artist was already half-hard, reaching the back of Sangwoo’s throat. Jaeyoung thanked the universe for blessing him with a partner with an oral fixation who liked choking himself while giving head.

Sangwoo had always been a fast learner, but in the span of a few weeks, he had fine-tuned his skills. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say that Sangwoo gave the best blowjobs Jaeyoung ever had- mostly because Sangwoo actually enjoyed doing it. 

Jaeyoung pulled harshly on Sangwoo’s hair, the way he knew Sangwoo liked. Sangwoo let out a moan, tracing his tongue around the tip to reciprocate the good feeling.

Sangwoo leaned into his touch, giving the signal that he wanted Jaeyoung to take over. Jaeyoung used the grip on his hair to force Sangwoo down to the base until his nose was pressed against Jaeyoung’s pelvis. Sangwoo choked loudly, holding onto Jaeyoung’s thighs as the older man started fucking his throat.

“Fuck, Kitty. I think your mouth is magic,” Jaeyoung groaned, admiring the image of red lips wrapped around him.

Sangwoo let Jaeyoung have full control to dictate the pace. He hollowed out his cheeks every time the artist withdrew slightly before plunging in again. He had tears on his cheeks from his eyes watering, and that only turned Jaeyoung even more because he was a shameless dacryphiliac. 

Jaeyoung was rough, watching to make sure Sangwoo was okay. He gave him a few seconds to catch his breath every so often, but Sangwoo liked the burn in his lungs from lack of oxygen. The smaller boy’s head was spinning and he loved it. He was squeezing his legs together to try and get some relief from the tightness in his pants.

Jaeyoung threw his head back, letting out a long moan as he came down Sangwoo’s throat. He gasped when Sangwoo swallowed around him, squeezing his sensitive dick. 

Sangwoo slurped as he pulled off, looking at Jaeyoung like he wished he could keep going but knowing his partner didn’t enjoy overstimulation like he did. 

Jaeyoung lifted Sangwoo off the ground, yanking his clothes off as he kissed Sangwoo’s neck.

He reached down and wrapped a hand around his cock. He stroked Sangwoo, running his thumb over the slit. He kissed down Sangwoo’s chest, stopping to bite one of his nipples. 

He traced the outlines of Sangwoo’s abs, nipping his sharp hip bones.

He took Sangwoo into his mouth. Even with how often they messed around, Sangwoo’s endurance was still short. Jaeyoung took his time, being gentle to try and make the experience last longer. They’d figured out relatively early on that Sangwoo could usually have multiple orgasms, but Jaeyoung loved edging him.

He pinned Sangwoo’s hips down, not letting him buck up. He pulled off with a pop every few seconds to let Sangwoo calm, but the intervals in between got shorter and shorter.

“H-Hyung!” Sangwoo gasped, “Please!”

Jaeyoung hummed, not expecting the slight vibrations to immediately push Sangwoo over the edge. The smaller man’s back arched off the bed as he came with a shuddering moan. 

Jaeyoung swallowed, and after a few moments, Jaeyoung asked, “You okay?”

Sangwoo nodded, staying quiet as he tried to get his brain functioning again. It was always hilarious to Jaeyoung how Sangwoo could go from generally quiet during the day, to moaning louder than any previous partner, to completely silent after cumming.

They cleaned up and settled down to watch a movie, tired but not quite enough to actually fall asleep. They shared some of the random snacks they had picked up throughout the day. Sangwoo loved the orange hallabong sour gummies (although it stung his raw throat) but disliked the artificial flavor of the mini marshmallow rice bar that Jaeyoung was eating. 

Sangwoo held something out to him and Jaeyoung realized it was the empty wrapper of the chocolate bar.

“Can’t reach the trash?” Jaeyoung asked, taking it from his small hand. 

“Read,” Sangwoo urged, voice rough.

Jaeyoung looked down, expecting to see some sort of joke.

“Give to someone you want to see naked, and your lucky number will be 69 until November.”

Jaeyoung started laughing, “Kitty, do you even know what these things mean?” 

“I should pick number 69 for things but choose something else in November?” he guessed, distracted by Jaeyoung’s abs.

“Do you know what 69ing is?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Not really.”

“Do you know what No Nut November is?”

“No? Do you just not eat almonds or something?” Sangwoo looked confused.

Jaeyoung smirked, “Do me a favor, my love. Open your phone and search up something called ‘Urban Dictionary’ and put those words in.”

Sangwoo did as he instructed and Jaeyoung couldn’t hold back his laughter as he watched Sangwoo's reaction. 

“Okay, I get the 69 thing. I can understand that being a good, reciprocal sex position. What’s the point of the November thing?” Sangwoo asked, shaking his head disapprovingly.

“Self-control, I guess,” Jaeyoung shrugged. “Seeing if you can abstain from cumming for a whole month.”

“Wait, what’s a Rusty Tr-”

“NO! Nope. That’s enough Urban Dictionary,” Jaeyoung took Sangwoo’s phone before closing the tabs and giving it back to him.

10 minutes later, while Jaeyoung was brushing his teeth, he heard Sangwoogag loudly and knew that his Kitty’s curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he had looked up more Urban Dictionary definitions.

Chapter 12: Moonflower

AN: Sorry for the long wait but now there’s a BIG chapter as a thank you for your patience and support! I’ve been traveling for a little while and doing a summer study, so it’s been a bit hard to find time to write. 

TW: Sangwoo has a full meltdown on the flight back. I want to make it clear that this is an individual experience, and not every person with autism has meltdowns or moments of overstimulation. Please don’t invalidate a person with ASD because they don’t fit what people “expect” a person with autism to be like. 

Hope you enjoy the chapter, and sorry for the delay!

---

When Jaeyoung started waking up on Saturday morning, he instinctively reached next to him, searching for Sangwoo. When his hand touched only the mattress, his eyes snapped open. He shot up in the bed, looking around for his partner in a panic. He relaxed once he saw his boyfriend curled up under a blanket in the big chair by the patio door, looking out of the glass window. He had a book in one hand and a coffee mug in the other hand.

“You know, this bed is cold without you. Especially since you took the other blanket,” Jaeyoung said, lying back down.

Sangwoo got up, the blanket still firmly wrapped around him as he walked over. He placed the cup down before climbing into the bed and snuggling against Jaeyoung.

“You been up long?” Jaeyoung asked, hugging him.

“Two hours or so,” he shrugged. “A car alarm went off.”

“Where’d you get the coffee?”

“Room service. I didn’t want to go to the breakfast without you and I didn’t want to make a delivery driver travel in this,” Sangwoo said.

“This?” Jaeyoung raised a brow, still in the process of waking up.

“Bad weather,” Sangwoo said. “Freezing rain. I got food for you. I don’t think it looks very good though.”

“It’s okay,” Jaeyoung yawned. “Maybe we should just sleep for a bit longer. I’ll set an alarm for 12:00.”

Sangwoo nodded, settling down and throwing a leg over Jaeyoung. The artist felt something fluffy brush against his hand and grabbed it. Sangwoo yelped, and Jaeyoung realized he had grabbed his ankle.

“Ah, where’d you get the fluffy socks?” Jaeyoung asked.

“They’re my reading socks.”

“Huh?”

“I wear them when I’m reading,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung lifted the blanket to get a better look. They were thick blue flannel socks with a fleece lining.

“Are they for reading only?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Reading only, but cold weather reading only,” Sangwoo explained.

“Are there warm weather reading socks?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Of course,” Sangwoo said as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Cute,” Jaeyoung cooed, petting Sangwoo’s hair. “What were you reading?”

Sangwoo reached behind him and picked up the book, showing the title, which was written in English.

“Cloud… I don’t know how to pronounce that word.”

“Atlas,” Sangwoo said.

“Cloud Atlas? That’s a movie, isn’t it?” Jaeyoung questioned. 

“Movie adaptation from the novel,” Sangwoo nodded. “It’s one of my favorite books. This version is the original English one and I like it better than the translation.”

“What’s it about?” Jaeyoung asked.

“It’s… complicated. There are six stories in one and it switches between each of them. They’re all connected in some way but entirely different at the same time.”

“Can you read some to me?”

Sangwoo sat up slightly to look at him face-to-face. “Are you asking me to read you a bedtime story in the morning?”

Jaeyoung nodded, “Yes. I like your voice.”

Sangwoo blushed slightly, “W- uh. It won’t make any sense. It’s three-quarters in and it’s in English.”

“Just read the first few pages,” Jaeyoung said.

“I can’t restart the book when I’m partway through,” Sangwoo pouted.

Jaeyoung nodded, knowing that messing up a linear trajectory for Sangwoo stressed him. “It’s okay if it doesn’t make sense,” Jaeyoung said. “You can read to me from where you are. I just wanna listen to you.”

Sangwoo opened the book to the page he was on and started reading. English words rolled off of his tongue effortlessly, and Jaeyoung felt a pang of guilt, knowing the difficulties Sangwoo had in their French class were due to the stress Jaeyoung put him through at the time because Sangwoo was normally gifted with learning languages. 

Even for a native English speaker, the book looked complicated but Sangwoo was reading it out like it was an easy children’s book. The sound of Sangwoo’s voice was so soothing, Jaeyoung fell back asleep in a matter of minutes.

When Jaeyoung woke up again to his alarm, his chest was warm but the room was slightly chillier than before. He loved having a cold room, so it was the perfect environment for him, but Sangwoo’s temperature sensitivity meant he was freezing. The reason Jaeyoung’s chest was warm was because Sangwoo was on top of him with the blanket over his head.

“Woo?” Jaeyoung said softly. “You okay?”

“Why is it so cold in here?” Sangwoo whined quietly.

Jaeyoung slid his hands under the covers to rub the smaller man’s back. He bit his lip to stop from squealing when he realized Sangwoo was curled up in a ball, exactly like a cat. He peeked under the blanket, his heart melting when he saw Sangwoo’s hands bundled up in the fabric of his shirt like kitten paws.

“Should we get ready now?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo sighed, and even though Jaeyoung couldn’t see his face, he knew Sangwoo was pouting.

“What?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“You’re comfy,” Sangwoo said, uncurling so he could sprawl on Jaeyoung.

Jaeyoung rubbed up and down Sangwoo’s back, trying to warm him up.

“Don’t you wanna go out and do something fun?” Jaeyoung asked.

“... We could do something fun here,” Sangwoo said, his hand starting to slide down toward Jaeyoung’s crotch.

“Oh, baby. If you get me riled up, we’ll never leave, and we don’t have a lot of time during this vacation,” Jaeyoung snorted, but he did nothing to stop Sangwoo’s hand from traveling.

“It’s only 12:00,” Sangwoo said, his fingers on the waistband of Jaeyoung’s boxers as he waited for Jaeyoung’s permission.

Jaeyoung nodded, not one to turn down the offer of a blowjob from his darling partner. Jaeyoung could feel Sangwoo shivering from the cold as he shuffled back to sit on his knees between Jaeyoung’s legs. The blanket was over his head, and when Jaeyoung tried to lift it, Sangwoo batted his hand away.

It was an almost comedic sight to see the blanket bobbing up and down as Sangwoo deepthroated him. There was something incredibly hot about the fact that Sangwoo couldn’t see anything, completely blind but choking himself on Jaeyoung’s cock. The artist wondered if Sangwoo would ever allow him to use a blindfold on him.

“Fuck, Woo. You keep getting better and better at this,” Jaeyoung moaned, “So good.”

Sangwoo hummed, listening keenly to the praise. Jaeyoung held his head down, fucking his throat until cumming with a low moan.

Sangwoo pulled off with a small cough, catching his breath.

Jaeyoung got under the covers, pushing Sangwoo on his back and settling on top of him. He pulled the front of Sangwoo’s pajamas down, nipping along the v-line of his hips before taking the head in his mouth. Jaeyoung wished he could see Sangwoo’s reactions, but he had no view under the blanket.

“Hyung!” Sangwoo moaned. 

Jaeyoung loved how sensitive and responsive Sangwoo was. Jaeyoung enjoyed breaking his usual put-togetherness, reducing him into a moaning mess.

Even though they fooled around regularly, Sangwoo was far more sensitive than the average person and it wasn’t long before he was cumming, trembling as he held onto Jaeyoung. 

Jayoung lifted the blanket to see Sangwoo before pulling him back toward the headboard. He let Sangwoo snuggle against him. He wanted to give time for Sangwoo to come back to himself, seeing the glazed look in his eyes. He wasn’t going to have Sangwoo walking around in public if he was bordering on subspace.

After some time, he asked, “You okay?”

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo nodded.

“Do you want to get ready?” Jaeyoung questioned.

Sangwoo sighed, “Yeah. Okay.”

Jaeyoung climbed out of bed but noticed Sangwoo was pouting, annoyed that his personal heater had left him in the cold. Sangwoo pulled the blanket tighter around him, shivering. He laid down on the bed to soak up the little bit of warmth left.

“What do you want to wear?” Jaeyoung asked, quickly eating the pancakes to stop his stomach from growling.

“You pick,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung took a breath to stop his mind from wandering because the idea of dressing up Sangwoo however he wanted was such a turn-on for him. If he had it his way, he’d have Sangwoo dressed as a pastel catboy 24/7. He would draw Sangwoo like that if he wasn’t certain his boyfriend would throw an absolute fit, and there was no way he could hide a file well enough to prevent Sangwoo from finding it.

Eventually, Jaeyoung picked a heavy long-sleeved black undershirt and then one of his own t-shirts that was white with black designs on it. He paired it with the grey jeans Sangwoo brought. Sangwoo was watching him from under the blanket, only his wavy hair and eyes peeking out.

Jaeyoung whipped out his phone and took a picture, unwilling to let the adorable image be forgotten.

“Hey!” Sangwoo frowned.

“You look so fucking cute right now,” Jaeyoung clutched his chest. He knew, if Yuna was there, she’d be teasing him about how “whipped” he was. Jaeyoung brought the outfit to him to show it. Sangwoo rarely wore clothes with graphics on them, only accepting them if they were Jaeyoung’s designs, so the artist expected him to refuse the shirt. 

Instead, Sangwoo let the blanket slide off and lifted his arms. Jaeyoung grinned so wide, it almost hurt his cheeks as he jumped at the opportunity to dress Sangwoo.

“My little doll,” Jaeyoung cooed.

Sangwoo looked at him curiously, picking up on the tone in his voice. “Are you… into dolls like that ?” he asked.

“Only you as a doll,” Jaeyoung shrugged. “Does that bother you?”

Sangwoo thought about it for a moment, shivering slightly as Jaeyoung pulled off his sleep shirt and quickly replaced it with the long-sleeved shirt.

“No. I feel like it should freak me out, but it doesn’t,” Sangwoo said, conflicted with his own thoughts and rationality.

That little dark part in the back of Jaeyoung’s brain was grinning like a maniac. He couldn’t deny that he had a bit of an innocence kink when it came to Sangwoo. He loved watching Sangwoo experience new things, feeling new sensations for the first time.

Jaeyoung dressed Sangwoo the rest of the way, adding a black beanie hat and a thick scarf.

“Cute,” he kissed Sangwoo’s cheek, adjusting the scarf to cover the younger man’s nose to keep him warm before they stepped outside.

Jaeyoung brought him to a cafe known for its sophisticated coffee so Sangwoo could load up on caffeine. The pancakes Sangwoo had gotten him from room service weren’t enough to satisfy him, so he ordered a platter, urging Sangwoo to take a few bites.

Sangwoo was people-watching again, sipping on his drink.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?” Jaeyoung asked, mouth full of bacon.

“How do I get along with others like you do?” Sangwoo asked.

Jaeyoung put his fork down, surprised by the question.

“What brought this up?” Jaeyoung raised a brow.

“That man sitting over there,” Sangwoo nodded his head in the direction he wanted Jaeyoung to look.

The man looked to be in his 80s with a book in his hands, adjusting his glasses. He looked like an average old man.

“What about him?” 

“I want to know the story of the picture he has on the table,” Sangwoo said. “He keeps picking it up and looking at it. He looks sad and happy at the same time. It’s confusing me. I want to understand.”

For someone who was mostly blind without glasses or contacts, Sangwoo was incredibly observant. Jaeyoung watched the man, and after a minute or two, he lifted a photo and kissed it before placing it down again.

“Let’s ask,” Jaeyoung said, and Sangwoo grabbed his arm.

“Are you crazy? You can’t just go up to a stranger and ask them!” Sangwoo hissed.

“And that is exactly the reason you’re asking how I get along with people so well. You can’t socialize without socializing, Woo,” Jaeyoung said.

The man stood up, tidying up his table before he started walking towards the door.

“Sir,” Jaeyoung called out as Sangwoo shrunk down, covering his face in embarrassment.

“Yes?” the man raised a brow.

“May I ask you something?” Jaeyoung questioned.

The man came to their table, leaning on his cane.

“We couldn’t help but notice that you have a photo. We were wondering if you felt comfortable sharing the story behind it,” Jaeyoung said.

“Ah, this is my wife,” he pulled the photo from his pocket. “For 17 years, we came here every Saturday for brunch. She passed away 2 years ago. I carry on the tradition, so we can always have a meal together at our favorite place,” he said.

“That’s a very sweet tradition,” Jaeyoung said. “Thank you for sharing. I hope you had a good meal.”

“We always do. I recommend the sausage and potato pancakes. You can never go wrong with those,” he smiled. “Enjoy your day.”

“You too,” Jaeyoung smiled back while Sangwoo silently nodded in agreement. 

“He didn’t get mad,” Sangwoo said confusedly as the man exited. 

“People often enjoy talking about their loved ones.”

“I’d get annoyed if someone asked me something personal like that,” Sangwoo frowned.

Jaeyoung shrugged, “It’s all about preference. What might upset you to talk about is something someone else would love to talk about.”

“How do you tell the difference?”

“Sometimes, you just have to take the chance. Most of the time, people will just let you know they don’t want to answer it,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo hummed, stirring his drink and watching the foam swirl.

“Did you not like the answer he gave?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Well, it’s not like a photo can eat. I don’t… I just don’t really understand it. Is it just cathartic or something for him?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what ‘cathartic’ means, but it’s a good way to honor a loved one who’s passed away,” Jaeyoung said.

“I think ‘passed away’ is a terrible term,” Sangwoo said.

“Why?”

“It doesn’t make any sense. The word ‘passed’ already implies something is moving away. The whole thing doesn’t seem related to death in any way. I don’t get why people don’t just say ‘She died’,” Sangwoo shifted in his seat.

“Because it’s harsh,” Jaeyoung explained. “Death is something that has to be approached with sensitivity. Being blunt when someone is mourning can be really hurtful. ‘Passed away’ is a much lighter term.”

“I guess,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“Still not convinced?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I would rather say things how they are, but that’s a personal preference. If you say it’s better to use a ‘lighter term’ for it, then I assume I’m probably in the wrong,” he said

The statement immediately caught Jaeyoung’s attention, and he turned his body to look straight at Sangwoo.

“Why do you assume you’re wrong?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Because you know how people work,” he mumbled. “Computers are simple. They can be programmed. I can write codes and know exactly what the outcome will be. I can’t do that with people. They’re too unpredictable. Even when I try to be good, I’m not good.”

Jaeyoung heard the way Sangwoo’s voice trailed off at the end and knew it was going far deeper.

“Look at me,” Jaeyoung said, and Sangwoo immediately obeyed. “You don’t have to be sunshine and rainbows to be a good person. I see how hard you’ve worked to get along with our friends, and I see all those little things you do for me. When you imagine what a ‘good person’ is, what do you imagine?”

“You, obviously,” Sangwoo said without hesitation.

Jaeyoung’s heart fluttered slightly and he ruffled Sangwoo’s hair. “My sweet boy,” he cooed. “I wouldn’t say I’m a good person. I’d say ‘decent’ instead. You don’t like revenge, and you don’t actively wish ill on anyone. I have a list of people I despise. We don’t have to be perfect to be good.”

Sangwoo was listening intently, leaning into Jaeyoung’s touch.

“Whatever’s going on up here,” Jaeyoung tapped Sangwoo’s forehead. “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

They walked through Stone Park, stopping in various places every once in a while to let Sangwoo warm up. 

They visited various shops and tourist attractions with Jaeyoung leading the way. The artist listed off different activities they could do, wanting Sangwoo to choose something, but Sangwoo simply went along with whatever Jaeyoung said. Jaeyoung started to have a sneaking suspicion when Sangwoo said “sure” to a remark about going to an indoor water park someday because he knew for certain that Sangwoo had an aversion to public pools. 

“Maybe we should try diving off the coast sometime,” Jaeyoung said, testing because he knew Sangwoo couldn’t swim in tides.

“Okay,” Sangwoo said, shrugging.

Jaeyoung stopped in his tracks, horrified. Sangwoo was agreeing to things he did not actually want to do but was copying Jaeyoung’s mannerisms to make it seem like he was interested. Jaeyoung immediately pulled him into the closest cafe to sit down and talk it through because he was absolutely not going to let it continue.

He hadn’t expected to have so many deep conversations during their vacation, but they were important conversations that couldn’t just be put off for later.

“Woo, please, don’t say ‘yes’ to things you don’t want to do,” Jaeyoung said sternly.

Sangwoo quickly grew frustrated, slumping back against his chair.

“Everyone is telling me to try new stuff and make compromises to do things my partner wants to do, and now you’re telling me that’s not correct. What am I supposed to do?” Sangwoo asked. 

“There’s a difference between making a compromise and forcing yourself to do something because you think it makes me happy,” Jaeyoung said, trying to word things clearly. “A compromise doesn’t mean agreeing to do what your partner wants to do. A compromise is doing something that fits both of our preferences in a way that doesn’t go against personal boundaries.”

“I don’t understand, Hyung.”

“Okay, let’s just imagine a scenario for a date. I want to go to a music concert while you want to go to a cafe. A compromise would be to go to a jazz club that has live music, so I can see musicians playing and you can be in a less chaotic place.”

“But I don’t want to stop you from going to a concert that you want to see,” Sangwoo scowled.

“That’s the thing. I could see that concert on my own at another time. The point is that the compromise is a mutually beneficial agreement, so for the sake of a good date, we find something that we can both enjoy. It also doesn’t mean that everything has to be a compromise. There’s nothing wrong with saying ‘no’ to things.”

Jaeyoung could practically see the gears in Sangwoo’s head turning as he tried to compartmentalize the information. It was the equivalent of a computer updating its software, and of course, a loud sound just had to happen in the middle of the update, startling Sangwoo and causing a malfunction as he tensed up.

Jaeyoung knew that the conversation was over and that anything more would completely overload him. He would have to pay closer attention to Sangwoo’s body language and ask him things directly, bluntly, the way Sangwoo needed.

The artist placed his hand on the table, not making any gestures to persuade him, simply letting Sangwoo decide for himself if he wanted to take Jaeyoung’s hand. After a minute or two of anxiously kicking his feet under the table, Sangwoo took Jaeyoung’s hand, letting the older man warm up his cold digits.

Jaeyoung ordered a hot latte for him, ignoring the look the server gave to their linked hands. When it arrived, she placed it on the table a little too hard, making Sangwoo lean away from her so far, he nearly fell off of his chair.

“Thanks,” Jaeyoung said pointedly through gritted teeth.

As soon as she walked away, Jaeyoung moved to sit beside him, encouraging him to drink the coffee.

“Are you mad?” Sangwoo asked quietly.

“No, but I am worried. I need you to be honest with me about things, okay?”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded, automatically taking a sip when Jaeyoung held the cup in front of him.

“Do you wanna go back to the hotel?”

Sangwoo shook his head.

“Honest?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“Honestly. I don’t want to go back.”

“Do you wanna see some flowers?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Yeah, but it’s winter.”

“I’ve heard that the botanical gardens here are beautiful. I doubt there’ll be a ton of people there. It might be a nice thing to visit,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo nodded, “I’m good with that. Do you want to go?”

“I’m more than happy to go,” Jaeyoung kissed his cheek, glaring daggers at the server when he heard her tsk at the action.

As upset as Jaeyoung was about Sangwoo not being fully truthful, he also understood that it was not coming from a place of malice. He wasn’t outright lying by saying he wanted to do things, he was withholding his feelings and passively agreeing.

Sangwoo had spent his entire life surviving on his own. Growing up in an extremely abusive household, being bullied throughout school, and losing his adoptive mother, the only person who had ever shown kindness to him meant that Sangwoo had to focus on himself. Now, he had another person to consider.

Jaeyoung had the benefit of experience while Sangwoo was entirely new to it, learning as he went. He was doing everything he possibly could to be a good boyfriend. Jaeyoung couldn’t be angry when Sangwoo was trying his hardest, putting more effort into their relationship than any partner before.

It terrified him what would have happened if Jaeyoung hadn’t picked up on what was happening and something happened that damaged Sangwoo’s mental or physical health. 

Sangwoo picked up on Jaeyoung’s emotions and it made him anxious. When Jaeyoung was calm, Sangwoo knew everything was okay. If Jaeyoung was uneasy, Sangwoo would start panicking.

Jaeyoung took a moment to compose himself, getting his emotions under control. He reminded himself that Sangwoo was safe and that nothing bad had happened. 

When they arrived at the gardens, Sangwoo immediately became entranced. Jaeyoung had noticed his admiration for plants and flowers at the beginning of their relationship. He bought a rose bouquet, but Sangwoo told him not to do it again, upset that they would inevitably die without their roots.

When they went into the tropical area, Jaeyoung immediately started overheating and stripped off his coat. Sangwoo was still bundled up as he crouched down, staring at a fern.

“Did you know these were some of the first vascular plants? They appeared sometime during the Devonian Age.”

“Are they your favorite?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Second favorite. My number one is Marmalade Skies. I was thinking about maybe getting a tattoo someday. If I do, I think it would be a fern.”

Jaeyoung looked at him wide-eyed. It was the first time Sangwoo ever even mentioned tattoos let alone talked about considering getting one.

“Where would you get it?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I’d really like to cover the scar on my shoulder and collarbone but I think it would be too visible. You can barely see the scar anyway, it’s just that I know it’s there. I get annoyed when I see it. Maybe I’d get the tattoo on my thigh?” he shrugged. “Your favorite flowers are lily pads, right?”

“R-right,” Jaeyoung said, surprised that Sangwoo remembered something so specific, but he was still in shock.

Sangwoo looked up at Jaeyoung from his crouched position. “Hyung, if I get a tattoo, can you design it?”

Jaeyoung gaped at him, “Wait, what? You’d trust me to draw something that would be on your body permanently?”

“I know it would be tattooed by another person, but I’d want the art to be from my favorite artist,” Sangwoo said.

If Jaeyoung had a ring, he would have proposed to Sangwoo then and there. There was no possible way anyone could ever make him feel as appreciated, or as talented , as Sangwoo made him feel regularly because he knew for a fact that his partner never gave false compliments.

Jaeyoung held out his hand, helping Sangwoo up.

“You have no idea how much I love you,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo was confused about what caused him to say that, not understanding how much his words had affected Jaeyoung.

“I love you too,” Sangwoo said, letting Jaeyoung lace their fingers together as they continued walking.

“What flower do you think represents me?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Huh?”

“When you think about me, what flower do you associate with me besides lily pads?”

Sangwoo paused, thinking too hard to be able to walk without tripping.

After a minute or two of thinking, he said, “Orchids.”

“Orchids? Why?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“They’re used in happy celebrations. They’re beautiful but require attention and care to make sure they thrive. I like orchids,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung almost swooned, hugging Sangwoo close.

“I thought you were gonna say ‘humans and plants are completely different and they can’t be compared’ or something like that,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo shrugged, “Comparison is different than association.”

“Well, you remind me of a moonflower,” Jaeyoung said. 

“Why?”

“They bloom at night. Most people aren’t around at the time they open up. I think it’s fitting because you light up in private,” Jaeyoung said. 

Sangwoo suddenly pulled on his hand, leading him to the edge of the bridge. Jaeyoung was confused until he looked out and realized the pond was covered with lily pads, and Sangwoo wanted to show him.

“Why do you like them so much?” Sangwoo asked, “Is it because of Monet?”

Jaeyoung smiled, happy that Sangwoo had made such a connection. “Partially,” he said. “Monet was one of the first artists I remember seeing works from. The main reason is that my Grandpa used to take me fishing at the pond next to our house, and we used to play a game of counting the frogs on the lily pads. He made up stories for them, giving them names and voices. It was always the best part of fishing trips.”

“Is your grandfather still alive?” Sangwoo asked.

Jaeyoung snorted at the bluntness before nodding. “I’m lucky. All of my grandparents are alive and kicking. Pretty sure my Grandma could compete in a weightlifting competition. What about you?”

“Never met my grandparents. My parents brought my siblings to see them but I wasn’t allowed to go,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“My grandparents are gonna adopt you for sure,” Jaeyoung said, hugging Sangwoo close.

The younger man’s head snapped toward him. “You want me to meet your grandparents?”

“I want you to meet my whole family, Woo. They’ve been dying to meet you. They keep asking when I can bring you over.”

“I don’t think they’ll like me,” he shook his head.

“If they don’t like you, they’ll keep it to themselves because they’re just happy that I’m happy,” Jaeyoung said. “They kinda already know a bit about what to expect because they know about the freeloading situation.”

“Oh, fuck. Their first impression of me has already happened? Do they blame me for the delay?” Sangwoo asked nervously.

“Nope. They laughed and told me I deserved to repeat because only hard workers should be allowed to graduate. You actually earned their respect because it shows your work ethic. They’re old school when it comes to authentic shit like that,” Jaeyoung explained. 

“What if I’m accidentally rude to them or I say something wrong?” Sangwoo bit his lip.

Jaeyoung frowned, worried about the sudden wave of self-consciousness as it was the second or third time that day that Sangwoo had expressed concern about how he was perceived. Sangwoo had rarely cared about it before except for a few times but he was now mentioning it frequently. 

“They’ll understand,” Jaeyoung said. “They’re not the type of people to hold slip-ups against someone, especially when it’s someone important to a member of the family. You’d have to do something really fucked up for them to get upset.”

“But your siblings already don’t like me and they haven’t even met me.”

“They’re kids, Woo. They get jealous of everything. It’s nothing against you personally. They just hate when my attention isn’t on them but they’ll get over it eventually,” Jaeyoung kissed the top of his head, rubbing circles on his back to try and ease his anxiety.

He turned Sangwoo to face him and said, “I promise, it’ll be okay. My family is super chill. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Sangwoo nodded but was still a bit nervous at the prospect of meeting Jaeyoung’s parents, partially because he wanted them to like him but also because he had no idea how to properly interact with a parental figure. 

For the rest of the garden visit, Jaeyoung talked about the personalities of his family members, their hobbies, and funny stories. Sangwoo couldn’t even imagine a supportive family. It sounded too good to be true, but the way Jaeyoung was smiling meant he wasn’t lying.

Sangwoo was slightly envious but he wasn’t bitter. He was happy that Jaeyoung had grown up in such a loving household, but the more he talked about it, the more Sangwoo noticed signs of wealth.

“Hyung, your family sounds rich,” Sangwoo said. 

“Ah, well,” Jaeyoung rubbed the back of his neck. “They are rich. Like… really rich. They live in Gangnam.”

Sangwoo paused to look at him at the mention of the most expensive neighborhood in the country. “Hyung, is your family chaebol?” he asked, referring to the conglomerate groups that dominated the economy.

“They work with them,” Jaeyoung admitted.

Sangwoo looked horrified. Jaeyoung thought it was because Sangwoo felt very strongly about the socio-economic gap in the country but the younger man said, “What the fuck am I supposed to say to them if they ask where I’m from? I was homeless, Hyung. They’re gonna think I’m a gold digger!”

Jaeyoung nearly laughed but he knew it would upset his partner if he did. “Chu Sangwoo, you just found out. You got with me when I was making minimum wage. It’s not like you’re dating me for money.”

“You pay for everything,” Sangwoo shook his head. “You can’t keep paying for everything.”

“It’s my money. All of that is what I worked for. I have funds if I need but I don’t touch them unless absolutely necessary. What I spend is what I make, so it’s entirely my decision how to spend it. I want to spend it on you. You’re not taking advantage of me, Kitty. I love being a provider. I love seeing you wear things I got you. It makes me happy to take care of you.”

Sangwoo pinched his brows, torn between accepting the fact that Jaeyoung was right in the sense that he could spend his money on what he wanted and his own personal morals about self-sufficiency. 

Jaeyoung slid his hands to Sangwoo’s waist. “You’re not indebted to me, baby. I do not want any sort of repayment. All I want is to see you happy and healthy.”

“I’m happy with you. I don’t need money,” Sangwoo said.

“I know,” Jaeyoung nodded. “I’m happy with you too, but I also enjoy money and what we can do with it. I know that sounds vain or whatever but if I can use it to have you live more than just comfortably, I want to do it. Pleaaaaaaase, let me spoil you. I don’t want you to pay me back, I want you to accept what I give.”

Sangwoo rolled his eyes but squeezed Jaeyoung’s hand as a silent way of saying, “Fine. Whatever.”

At some point, it started drizzling again and the cold rain made Sangwoo’s joints painfully lock up. Jaeyoung started making jokes of course about how despite the fact he was older, Sangwoo was the one acting like an old man.

The shorter man pouted, crossing his arms and sulking. It probably wasn’t the best time to tease him because Sangwoo couldn’t change the fact that his health was garbage and it was clear he was starting to hurt significantly. 

Jaeyoung turned around, crouching to let Sangwoo get on his back. Sangwoo wasted no time getting on him, happy to get off of his feet and steal any warmth he possibly could. 

Sangwoo tried to keep his legs outstretched so his shoes wouldn’t get Jaeyoung’s shirt dirty. Jaeyoung reached back and patted his butt to acknowledge the thoughtful gesture before hiking him up higher. 

Sangwoo enjoyed their ventures far more with Jaeyoung carrying him. Jaeyoung was more than happy to continue because Sangwoo was like a little human backpack that would kiss his cheeks and massage his shoulders. The smaller man was so light, he was practically the same weight as a backpack.

He fed pieces of food to Jaeyoung as they (Jaeyoung) walked, making sure the artist was sated. 

The last treat of the day, after having another stunning dinner, was hallabong tanghulu. The exceptionally sweet oranges dipped in a hard sugar coating had them both closing their eyes to savor it. 

“Would you come here again?” Jaeyoung asked, and Sangwoo nodded with his cheeks stuffed like a chipmunk.

Jaeyoung saw the immediate discomfort when juice dripped onto Sangwoo’s hand and made it sticky. He held the stick between his teeth as he grabbed one of the towelettes the fruit stand had given them, opening it and wiping Sangwoo’s hand clean.

Sangwoo offered him one of his strawberry tanghulu as a thank you. Jaeyoung accepted, groaning when juice dripped down his chin. Sangwoo snorted as he copied what Jaeyoung had done, using the towelette to dab his mouth clean. 

“You’re a good travel buddy,” Jaeyoung said.

“I’ve never heard you use that word before,” Sangwoo laughed.

“I know,” Jaeyoung agreed. “I never say it, but my Dad always says, ‘Whoever you travel with is your travel buddy. Make sure they’re a good one.’ I definitely think I have a good one.”

“I… guess I like being a travel buddy.”

---

Flying back was horrendous .

Jaeyoung called ahead like before and was told that someone would assist them at check-in. When he scanned their tickets at the airport, they waited but no one arrived. He flagged down the first person he saw wearing a vest but it was a security guard.

The man called over the radio for someone, but whoever answered said, “Tell them to just go to the security checkpoint.”

Sangwoo was more nervous than before without an assistant, and his behavior flagged the security. Jaeyoung could see them eyeing Sangwoo as they went through the line. 

“He has a disability,” Jaeyoung said as he stepped into the scanner. “We’re supposed to have an assistant here.”

“Face forward,” the large man operating the scanner said.

Sangwoo got in the scanner after him, terrified but trying to stay calm.

“Step aside, arms up,” a woman said, and Sangwoo looked to Jaeyoung in confusion, not understanding what was happening. 

“Wait, wait! He has a disability. We called ahead and it’s marked on his ticket,” Jaeyoung tried to show the ticket.

“Sir, step back,” another female agent said gruffly.

Sangwoo froze up when a man grabbed his shoulder and pushed him into a yellow square. “Arms up and spread your legs.”

“No, just look! Don’t touch him!” Jaeyoung tried to push past the officers.

“Sir, I told you to step back,” she said aggressively as two more agents crowded him.

Jaeyoung shook his head, “He has autism. It’s marked on his fucking ticket. Do not touch him!” 

“Hey, maybe we should call in a manager,” a younger agent said, looking in Sangwoo’s direction and seeing how scared he was.

“Yes, call someone right now,” Jaeyoung said. “None of you understand what this is doing to him.”

“Finish the search,” the senior agent said. 

“Stop!” Jaeyoung shouted as they started patting Sangwoo down. He pushed past the guards only to be forcefully shoved back. 

“Sir, do you want to be arrested?”

“Do you want to have to explain that you broke guidelines and arrested the companion of an autistic passenger for trying to protect them?” Jaeyoung shot back, not willing to back down.

“Turn around and put your hands together,” one of the officers said, pulling handcuffs from his belt.

Jaeyoung was fighting against them, fully accepting that he was likely to be arrested but he was going to do everything he could to protect his boyfriend. 

Sangwoo had his fists clenched tightly up by his collarbones, locking his arms against his chest. One agent was trying to pull his arms while the other patted down his legs. 

Jaeyoung was throwing his weight against the officers, using his height as an advantage. He was aware that he was likely a minute or two away from being tased, but he was almost to Sangwoo. 

Other passengers were starting to shout, telling the agents that they needed to stop what they were doing and let the two go. Anyone could see that Sangwoo was not in a safe state of mind and Jaeyoung looked desperate to help him.

Jaeyoung’s stomach dropped as he watched the officer slide his hand down Sangwoo’s inner thigh, right on one of his no-touch areas, sending him straight into sensory overload.

Sangwoo immediately collapsed to the ground, almost knocking the agent over as he curled up in a ball and started hyperventilating. 

All of the agents froze, realizing the gravity of their fuck-up as the room went silent beside the strangled noises Sangwoo was making. 

The man who had been trying to force Jaeyoung’s arm behind his back let go in shock, allowing him to rush over to Sangwoo. Sangwoo was pulling at the collar of his shirt and yanking his hair, overwhelmed with feelings to the point where it was manifesting as physical pain, fire beneath his skin.

“I’m here, I’m here,” Jaeyoung said, taking hold of Sangwoo’s sleeves and trying to pull his arms away to stop him from injuring himself. 

Sangwoo blindly reached out in the direction of Jaeyoung’s voice, grabbing his jacket to try and anchor himself somehow but his meltdown was intensifying with every moment he was still surrounded by the people who triggered it and underneath the bright fluorescent lights.

A woman appeared next to them, calmly saying, “Come with me. I’ll take you to a safe area.”

Jaeyoung tried to pick up Sangwoo as gently as possible but Sangwoo's muscles were reacting involuntarily, jerking and pulling away. He had no control of himself, including his voice as he shouted and wailed in a way that had Jaeyoung’s heart breaking. 

The artist had to manipulate Sangwoo’s arms to go around his neck, prompting Sangwoo to latch onto him like a terrified koala bear.

She led them to a private room near the bathrooms, bringing their belongings along.

“I’m so sorry this happened. How can I help?” she asked when Jaeyoung sat down on the metal bench with Sangwoo.

“Get some water and then file a fucking report,” Jaeyoung snapped, holding Sangwoo who was shaking so severely, Jaeyoung was genuinely concerned he was headed towards a stress seizure. 

Sangwoo was completely inconsolable, crying so hard, he couldn’t see anything, even directly in front of him. He couldn’t hear anything Jaeyoung was saying, only following the sound of his voice. He was kicking his legs wildly and Jaeyoung’s grip on his wrists was the only thing stopping him from pummeling his own chest. 

Jaeyoung did exactly as Sangwoo had instructed him to the last time they discussed the possibility of a meltdown in public. He told Jaeyoung to take him to a private area and give him antihistamines. Sangwoo was a lightweight in every sense, and just one allergy pill was enough to make him sleep for an entire day. 

Jaeyoung whipped it out of Sangwoo’s bag, breaking the pill in half to cut the dose. He tried to ask Sangwoo to open his mouth, but Sangwoo couldn’t comprehend it. Jaeyoung felt terrible as he grabbed Sangwoo’s chin, making the younger man panic even more to have something touching his face. Jaeyoung used his thumb and pointer finger on either side of Sangwoo’s cheeks to press down on the joint of his jaw, forcing his mouth open.

The cold water being poured into his mouth only shocked his system even more, and Jaeyoung had to cover Sangwoo’s mouth to stop him from instinctively spitting out the pill. At some point, Sangwoo had bitten his tongue or cheek and there was blood on his lips. Jaeyoung tried to keep him clean and prevent it from staining his white shirt.

The only thing Jaeyoung could do afterward was hold Sangwoo, rocking him back and forth and waiting for the pill to kick in enough to make him tired. He was still making distressed sounds, although they were slowly becoming less intense.

The young security agent who had been the only person to suggest calling for help cautiously entered the room, staying by the door to not intrude.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, “I’m new here. I don’t know where I am on the food chain. I don’t know what the procedures are, but… my little sister has autism. I know I wouldn’t want her to go through that. I, um, I have a radio if you want to play some music that might be calming.”

“Thank you,” Jaeyoung said appreciatively. “I finally got his headphones on. My jacket over there next to the bag has some hot packs in the pocket. Could you grab them, please?”

“Of course,” the man nodded, crouching to pull the packs out.

“What’s your name?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Yongsun,” he answered. He looked to be a year or two older than them but he had a soft demeanor.

“I’m Jaeyoung and this is Sangwoo,” he said as he shook one of the hot packs to activate it, holding it lightly against Sangwoo’s clenched fists. With his perpetually cold extremities, Sangwoo immediately latched onto the heat, grabbing the pack.

From the angle of his view, Jaeyoung couldn’t see if there was any blood on his hands, but from how tightly Sangwoo had had them clenched, Jaeyoung wouldn’t be surprised if he dug his nails in too deep.

The rhythmic motion of the rocking, the warmth from the hot pack, the exhaustion of the overstimulation, and the antihistamines starting to take effect all had Sangwoo getting drowsy. Jaeyoung could tell the lights were bothering him, likely exacerbating the migraine he undoubtedly had. The artist raised a hand to shield Sangwoo’s eyes, smiling when Sangwoo nuzzled against him.

The motion didn’t go unnoticed by Yongsun, “I-I’m sorry if this is forward and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but are you a couple?”

“Yes,” Jaeyoung said, tightening his hold around Sangwoo’s waist just slightly.

“I’m about to celebrate my five-year anniversary with my boyfriend,” Yongsun said.

“Aw,” Jaeyoung grinned. “We’re coming up on eight months.”

“You take care of him really well, and there aren’t many people willing to fight TSA or get arrested at an airport. Seems like you’ve got a bright future together, if you don’t mind me saying,” Yongsun chuckled.

“I would do anything for him. He’s a good kid. I wish more people could see that but I’m also glad I get him all to myself.”

“That’s how my partner is too,” Yongsun nodded. “Cold in public but the opposite in private.”

“What’s his name?” Jaeyoung asked, using his sleeve to wipe the blood from Sangwoo’s chin because the black fabric hid the red.

“His name is Cameron. He’s from England, and we met when I was studying in London. It was very much ‘love at first sight’ for us. What was it like for you?”

“Oh, we were the opposite of love at first sight. We hated each other,” Jaeyoung shook his head.

“Ah, enemies to lovers?” Yongsun raised a brow.

“I take it that you’re a fan of romance novels?”

“Cheesy romance movies,” he corrected. “We like making fun of them together.”

“Sangwoo likes finding continuity errors in movies. He’ll watch the movies I want to watch, even if it’s a genre he doesn’t like, and count all of the errors. At the end, he’ll tell me about them and then we’ll rewind to watch them together,” Jaeyoung smiled, thinking about all the hilarious moments of their movie nights.

Sangwoo’s head was starting to loll, sagging against Jaeyoung as his noises reduced to an occasional quiet whine. The artist lifted Sangwoo into his lap, letting Sangwoo curl up and rest on his chest.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Yongsun asked.

“Eventually,” Jaeyoung nodded. “I just need to get him home as soon as possible. He’s gonna knock out soon, but I still hate having to keep him here and then put him on a flight. This was his first trip. Probably gonna be his last now too.”

“Which is your flight?”

“The 10:15 to Seoul,” Jaeyoung said.

“I can see if there are any empty seats on the 8:50. They’ll be boarding any moment,” Yongsun offered.

“That would be great,” Jaeyoung nodded.

“I can’t promise anything, but I’ll take a look.”

Yongsun was gone for only a few minutes while Jaeyoung continued rocking Sangwoo. When he returned, he held up slips of paper. “Two tickets, next to each other, on the 8:50 flight.”

“How’d you do that?” Jaeyoung asked.

“They’re freaking out about being sued,” Yongsun said before lowering his voice. “Honestly, I think you should still sue, or at least file a report. They need to change things here.”

They quickly exchanged social media handles so they could stay in contact.

“Woo?” Jaeyoung stroked his hair, and Sangwoo made a small noise in response. “We’re gonna get on the plane now, okay?”

He knew Sangwoo would refuse a wheelchair if he was able to speak but there was no way he could walk. It was a little difficult to get him into the right position, but he was able to carry Sangwoo piggyback while Yongsun carried their bags.

The staff in the airport all looked nervous, staying out of their way. Yongsun escorted them onto the plane, putting their bags overhead while Jaeyoung got Sangwoo settled in his seat.

“Thank you,” Jaeyoung said.

“Of course,” Yongsun nodded. “Have a safe flight home. I hope he feels better soon.”

Sangwoo was asleep almost as soon as Jaeyoung sat down next to him. He barely even stirred when the engines roared as they took off. Jaeyoung kept his hand on Sangwoo’s upper thigh, mostly for his own sake than for Sangwoo’s. He was on edge, ready to go into fight mode at any moment. When they got home, if Sangwoo was okay with physical contact, Jaeyoung was going to keep him locked up in their room and hold him for as long as he could.

Jaeyoung was thankful Sangwoo was asleep because the turbulence was worse than on the way to the island. Every minute felt like an hour, and Jaeyoung was dying to get Sangwoo away from everyone. He hadn’t been lying when he said he enjoyed having Sangwoo all to himself. 

Jaeyoung would never deny that he was possessive of things he cared about. When it came to Sangwoo, it reached new levels. It should probably have concerned him how intense his feelings were, but if Sangwoo wasn’t complaining, Jaeyoung wouldn’t either.

The airline in Jeju must have contacted their workers in Seoul because an associate came to assist them when the plane began deboarding. They carried the bags to the taxi that was waiting for them.

“Your fare is fully covered,” the woman said. “Our sincerest apologies for your experiences. We hope that you will allow us an opportunity to make things up to you during your next trip.”

Jaeyoung would have laughed in her face if he weren’t focused on getting Sangwoo safely in the cab. He settled for saying, “Not a chance.”

Jaeyoung had thought Sangwoo was exaggerating how tired antihistamines made him. He couldn’t understand why Sangwoo wouldn’t take it if it would keep him calm in public. Jaeyoung didn’t realize that the “tiredness” meant Sangwoo was practically unconscious. 

He was out.

Jaeyoung had to carry him inside from the cab. He knocked a heavy book off of the desk, and Sangwoo didn’t even twitch. He was in such a deep sleep, Jaeyoung couldn’t even imagine what would have happened if he had taken a whole pill instead of half.

Sangwoo was usually such a light sleeper, he woke up multiple times a night despite his strict sleep routine. He was lucky to get more than 4 hours of sleep collectively, which explained his caffeine dependency pretty well. Jaeyoung was certain that Sangwoo was getting the best sleep he had had in a long time because he was pretty sure even a full rock concert wouldn’t wake him up.

Jaeyoung felt horrendous, consumed by guilt. Sangwoo was covered in bruises from where he had come in contact with the metal bench during his flailing. What upset Jaeyoung the most were the fingerprint bruises on his jaw from how harshly he pressed. He knew it was a necessary action, but he felt horrible for injuring his partner, even though it was a relatively minor injury.

The guilt plus the emotional toll of witnessing something so awful was tearing him up inside. He did the thing he always did when he needed support: he called his mother.

She picked up on the second ring, her gentle voice coming through the receiver, “Hi, sweetheart.”

Jaeyoung immediately broke down, crying as he told her everything that happened. Watching the person he loved most suffering in such a way, and adding to that suffering while trying to help had him irrationally angry at himself.

“Honey, I’m so sorry this happened. I know firsthand how terrible it is to see a meltdown, but it’s never been someone I’m extremely close to. I can tell you though, as horrible as you feel about it, it would have been significantly worse if you hadn’t stepped up. You should be proud of yourself. You did everything right, and you protected him as best you could.”

“I-I hurt him,” Jaeyoung said through his hiccups.

“He was already hurting himself. It’s like breaking ribs when doing CPR. It’s a very real possibility, but the CPR is necessary. You had to do what you had to do. It’s okay, baby. Even if you’re not proud of yourself, I’m proud of you.”

“You would have handled it so much better than I did.”

“Honey, I was trained for it. I went to school to learn how to handle it, and I was terrible at my job in the beginning. You did a great job, sweetheart. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. If you need some support, I can call Lena. She’s a therapist at my facility.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jaeyoung sniffled. “I just needed to talk to you.” “It’s okay to be upset, JJ. It’s a traumatic thing to see something like that. You’re allowed to have feelings about it,” she said, making sure he wasn’t invalidated in any way.

“I can’t lose him. I can’t lose him, Mom. What do I do? He trusted me to keep him safe, and he’s never going to do it again.”

“You DID keep him safe. I doubt he’s going to blame you for the actions of the employees.”

“You don’t know him, Mom. He can hold a serious grudge and he has terrible trust issues.”

“You’re convincing yourself that it is absolutely going to be bad. You don’t know that for sure. Please, don’t stress yourself so much when you may be completely misinterpreting it. For all you know, he may trust you even more because you handled the situation and didn’t abandon him. Take a deep breath, think positive, and be there for him when he wakes up. Make sure you drink some water and maybe draw for a bit. It’s gonna be okay, baby.”

She sounded so certain, it almost convinced him, and he nodded even though she couldn’t see it.

“Call me tomorrow. I want to hear about the good things from your trip! Love you, baby.”

“Love you, too,” Jaeyoung said, wiping his cheeks and taking a deep breath after he hung up the call.

He drank water, picked up his tablet, got into bed, and scooted next to Sangwoo. He checked on him over and over again, like he was scared Sangwoo would suddenly vanish into thin air. He put another bottle of water and some painkillers on the table for when Sangwoo woke up.

It was almost nine hours before Sangwoo started stirring slightly.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” Jaeyoung said softly as Sangwoo cracked open an eye. He clearly spoke too soon because Sangwoo promptly fell back asleep as soon as he realized he was home with Jaeyoung.

He was asleep for another hour and a half before he groggily tried to sit up but the ache in his body was so intense, he couldn’t support his weight. He still wasn’t in a headspace to speak, but he weakly tugged on Jaeyoung’s shirt.

“Can I help you sit up?” Jaeyoung asked. Sangwoo gave a thumbs up, unable to nod his head from how tight the muscles in his neck were.

Jaeyoung gently lifted his upper body, letting Sangwoo lean on him.

“Take this,” Jaeyoung said, holding the painkiller.

Sangwoo tried to lift his arm but immediately dropped it, cringing as his shoulder spasmed.

“Can I help?” Jaeyoung asked, receiving another thumbs up.

He brought the bottle of water to Sangwoo’s lips, tilting it for him to drink a sip and filling his mouth. He dropped the pill in, biting his cheek as he remembered holding Sangwoo down to force the antihistamine in earlier.

He was drawn out of his thoughts when Sangwoo kissed his hand. Jaeyoung leaned around to see his face. “Are you not mad at me?” he asked.

Sangwoo squinted, looking at Jaeyoung with just as much confusion as Jaeyoung looked at him. It was like he was unsure why Jaeyoung would even think he was mad at him. The artist breathed a sigh of relief, knowing his mother was right. Sangwoo wasn’t angry at him at all. 

Sangwoo had to stay home from school the next day because he could barely move. Jaeyoung worked from home so he could watch Sangwoo, massaging his sore muscles. As much as he hated seeing Sangwoo in pain, he was more than happy to provide acts of service since it was one of his favorite love languages.

Sangwoo reciprocated with affection, sitting in Jaeyoung’s lap and kissing him softly. He left small kisses on Jaeyoung’s neck when he rested against the older man’s collar.

“I’m sorry that the trip ended like that,” Jaeyoung said.

“It’s okay,” Sangwoo mumbled. “Are you okay?”

“I am now,” Jaeyoung nodded. “I was so worried about you, and I thought you would be mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad? You helped me. I don’t know what I would have done without you there but I’m sorry that you had to deal with it. I know I was kicking. Did I hurt you?”

Jaeyoung hugged him, kissing his cheek. “No, baby. You’ve got terrible aim, thankfully.”

“I’d go on another trip,” Sangwoo suddenly said.

“What?” Jaeyoung asked, surprised.

“Being there was fun and I got to spend time with you. It was just the airport that sucked,” he said.

“You would actually go again?” Jaeyoung asked. “You’re not just saying that because I want to go?”

“ I want to go,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung cradled him as he covered Sangwoo in kisses, delighted that the younger man was not only agreeing to travel more but showing that he trusted Jaeyoung entirely.

“Where would you wanna go?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I don’t think I’d be able to handle a direct flight, but I’d eventually want to go to Denmark,” Sangwoo said.

“Denmark? That’s so specific. Why?”

“The architecture in Nyhavn is pretty and I’d like to see the lights in Tivoli Gardens,” he explained.

“Can I see a picture?” Jaeyoung nodded.

Sangwoo pulled out his phone and typed in the locations before showing him.

“Oh, wow,” the artist admired. “That’s gorgeous. How did you even find out about this?”

“Danish has a pretty similar vocabulary and pronunciation to German, so I learned a little bit when I was working on fluency with German.”

“How many languages do you speak?”

“Fluently?”

“Fluently and semi-fluently,” Jaeyoung said.

“I’m fluent in English, German, Dutch, Japanese, Korean Sign Language, and American Sign Language. Mostly fluent in Italian, Swedish, Mandarin, Malay, Thai, Cantonese, and Portuguese. Semi-fluent in Indonesian, French, Danish, Hindi, Urdu, Bengali, and Arabic,” Sangwoo listed off. “I’m a polyglot that doesn’t like speaking to people.”

“How the fuck do you do that?” Jaeyoung gaped at him.

“Languages are all about patterns. Once I can detect the pattern, it’s easy to understand. Reading is a lot easier than speaking. Tonal languages are difficult because I’m not good at identifying or mimicking vocal changes,” Sangwoo said.

“I swear, you are the most incredible person,” Jaeyoung grinned.

“I don’t think so,” Sangwoo shook his head.

“I know so,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo shushed Jaeyoung with a sweater paw before the artist could continue.

“Stop,” he said.

Jaeyoung took his hand and kissed the back of it. “Let me sing your praiseeeeeees,” Jaeyoung sang.

“You’re so weird,” Sangwoo shook his head.

“I know,” Jaeyoung nodded. “Weird is the new fashion trend.”

“... What?” Sangwoo looked at him in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“It means I would rock Fashion Week,” Jaeyoung shrugged.

Sangwoo was still confused, blinking at him, but he didn’t keep asking questions. He laid his head back down on Jaeyoung’s chest, closing his eyes and listening to the artist’s heartbeat.

“Thank you, Hyung,” he said quietly.

“For what?” Jaeyoung asked. 

“Everything.”

Chapter 13: Whisper Whisper

AN: This is it y'all. The moment everyone has been waiting for: Sangwoo loses his V-card. Sorry for making everyone wait 13 chapters but I hope it lived up to expectations!

---

Jaeyoung momentarily reconsidered his mother’s offer to get him in contact with a therapist. He took a nap when he got home from work and had a nightmare about the airport. No matter how hard he tried to get to Sangwoo, he was just out of arm's reach.

Sangwoo could tell that he was upset, but he had no idea how to comfort Jaeyoung besides physical affection. 

It took several days for Sangwoo to recover. He had pulled so many muscles in his body, it was like someone had battered every inch of him with a hammer. He looked like it too because more bruises appeared the day after, marring his skin with bright purples and blues that faded to green and yellow.

It took Jaeyoung weeks to recover emotionally. 

There were a few more occasions of Sangwoo becoming overstimulated (not nearly to the extent of the airport) but Jaeyoung became more confident in his ability to handle getting his partner to a more isolated area to let him calm down. Once he was more sure that he could properly help, his nightmares stopped. There were still moments when he doubted himself, but Sangwoo always made sure he knew how thankful he was.

Jaeyoung knew what he was getting into with having Sangwoo as a partner. As soon as he found out about his autism, Jaeyoung deep-dived into research. He was well aware that committing to Sangwoo meant committing to all parts of him. Sangwoo was an independent person who could handle himself, but since Jaeyoung was the one inviting him to try new things, Jaeyoung felt responsible for making sure he was safe.

The artist enjoyed caring for people. It was something he willingly, and happily did for the people he loved. It didn’t change the fact that there were times when Jaeyoung sometimes struggled. Sangwoo brought a sort of happiness to Jaeyoung’s life that he had never felt before, but he also tested Jaeyoung’s patience like no one else.

Sangwoo trusted Jaeyoung with everything. For so long, he had believed he could only trust himself in the world, but now, he trusted Jaeyoung even more than himself. He knew the artist had his best interest in mind. Even if he didn’t understand Jaeyoung’s decisions in the moment and grew frustrated, he knew it was for a reason. 

Jaeyoung kept him in check. The older man didn’t let shit slide. Often, Sangwoo didn’t even realize he was being unintentionally rude until Jaeyoung pointed it out in a gentle way that didn’t make him self-conscious. Other times, Sangwoo’s attitude got the best of him, and he let his mouth run a little too much.

Jaeyoung didn’t treat him like a child. It was never like a parent punishing a misbehaving kid. Jaeyoung called out his behavior, making him address it immediately instead of avoiding it and trying to wait for it to blow over.

They had a few small arguments and occasional bickering, mostly caused by miscommunications. They could settle it quickly once they talked it through, and Sangwoo very rarely had an emotional pullback like he used to have in the past. 

As much as Sangwoo disliked having to face consequences sometimes, he appreciated the reality check. He appreciated Jaeyoung. The man had done so much for him, taking care of him and treating him like a precious, yet equal partner.

Sangwoo took every opportunity to try and show how much he appreciated him. Of course, how it sounded in his head didn’t always translate in reality, but Jaeyoung knew that he was trying his hardest.

Reciprocity was important to Jaeyoung. He never wanted monetary repayment from Sangwoo, he wanted emotional repayment. He couldn’t stand being ignored although he did recognize the moments where Sangwoo wasn’t in a proper headspace to interact. Jaeyoung got him an indication bracelet that could be flipped around with one side meaning he was okay to talk and the other meant he needed space. If he couldn’t talk or handle physical contact, he would send videos or memes over text.

When their eight-month anniversary passed, Sangwoo started thinking more about the possibility of sex. With their nine-month anniversary arriving, marking being together for three-quarters of a year, Sangwoo started thinking about it more often. Yuna’s constant talking about it definitely didn’t help, but she did bring up good points.

They loved each other and were both 100% in it for the long haul. It was absolutely certain that Jaeyoung would take care of him and make sure he was safe because the artist had proved it time and time again. 

When they went to a group hangout at the studio, Sangwoo didn’t complain about Jaeyoung showing affection in front of others. He allowed the artist to sit him in his lap, hugging and kissing his cheek. Yuna kept wiggling her eyebrows until she realized Sangwoo didn’t know it was meant to be suggestive.

“Oh, wait. I have a question for you,” Hannah said to Sangwoo.

“Hmm?”

“How did you already complete your military service? Did you take time off from uni?” she asked.

“I was taking early college courses online through an international university during high school. By the time I graduated, I had enough credits to be a sophomore. I did one semester to take the courses I needed for upper levels and then went to service. Came back, took summer courses, and went into junior year. So, technically, Jihye’s been at the university longer than I have,” he explained.

“How did you even get through it, man?” Hyeongtak asked, earning a scowl from Jaeyoung. “Uh, I mean, no offense!”

“I just did what I was told to do,” Sangwoo shrugged. “You’re given an order or a task and a specific time to do it. You don’t ask questions, you just do it. Everything is on a schedule. I like not having to make the decisions.”

Jaeyoung wasn’t particularly surprised since Sangwoo liked when Jaeyoung took control and made decisions for him.

“What about the training? Was it hard? Did you get along with people?”

“Why are you asking so many questions?” Sangwoo looked at them confusedly.

“We’re just curious,” Hannah shrugged.

“Training is… brutal,” Sangwoo said. “No sleep, marching for hours carrying heavy bags, sleeping in tents in cold weather for days in a row, and going into a room with gas. I hated it but I was bunking with guys who wanted to have the military as their career, so everyone was really strict. I made myself useful by keeping track of tasks we were assigned and reminding them, so we didn’t get in trouble.”

“Hyung, what are you gonna do when you go in? You can’t keep track of stuff,” Hyeongtak bumped Jaeyoung’s arm.

Sangwoo’s shoulders dropped, like he was just then realizing that, at some point, Jaeyoung would leave him for over a year.

“We’ll figure it out,” Jaeyoung whispered. “Aren’t there day passes to leave the base? We’ll find a place nearby, so we can see each other.”

Sangwoo pulled Jaeyoung’s arms tighter around him, pouting for the next hour until the shot of soju hit him.

On the day of their nine-month anniversary, Sangwoo made up his mind that he wanted to lose his virginity. 

He prepped himself, scrubbing every inch of his body. Jaeyoung had used his fingers a few times since the first experimentation but was always cautious about the potential for another subdrop. Sangwoo was hoping that he’d be able to properly relay the fact that he wanted to go further, not stopping at just fingers. 

Sangwoo was anxiously waiting on the small loveseat in the living room for him to come back from work, but whatever it was he had been about to say immediately faded when he saw Jaeyoung’s expression. 

Sangwoo looked at him closely, squinting when he dropped his bag down. 

“What?” Jaeyoung asked, noticing his gaze. 

“You’re not happy right now,” Sangwoo said.

“No, I’m not.”

“Why?”

Jaeyoung sighed as he collapsed onto the couch, “I’m just stressed with this work stuff. I finished the project and submitted it. I’m waiting to hear if it’s been approved, or if I have to do it all over again.”

Sangwoo was quiet for a moment, playing with the hem of his sock in his cross-legged position before he asked, “Can I help at all?”

Jaeyoung smiled and opened his arms. “I could go for a hug,” he said.

Sangwoo immediately complied, crawling onto the couch to flop down on him. Sangwoo didn’t complain when Jaeyoung squeezed him and rocked him side to side. 

“You know, a couple months ago, you would have just told me to take a nap. Now, yu’re asking how you can help when I’m stressed.”

“I’m trying to think how you think,” Sangwoo said quietly, rubbing his cheek against Jaeyoung’s chest. He lifted his head and leaned forward, pouting for a kiss that Jaeyoung happily obliged.

“Should I get more of these shirts?” Jaeyoung asked, “You seem to like this fabric the most.”

“I like you shirtless more, but if you have to wear something, then this one,” Sangwoo nodded.

“My God, you’re getting so good at flirting,” Jaeyoung laughed, “I created a monster."

“I… didn’t mean to flirt. I was just telling the truth,” Sangwoo looked confused.

They stayed in the same position for a while, half-heartedly watching a rerun of an episode of a show on the TV. Sangwoo was more than enjoying how warm Jaeyoung’s chest was. He slipped his hands between them, warming his cold fingers up.

“You were trying to say something to me earlier, right? When I came back from work?” Jaeyoung asked. 

“Oh,” Sangwoo said, surprised that Jaeyoung had noticed.

“What was it?”

“It… doesn’t matter. I just want you to feel better,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“I feel much better, baby. Don’t worry about that,” Jaeyoung said. “I just needed a good cuddle with my favorite person.”

“Hyung?” Sangwoo called him quietly, the nervous tone in his voice immediately drawing Jaeyoung’s attention to him.

“Yeah?”

“I really… um,” Sangwoo blushed, tapping his middle finger and thumb together to try and calm himself.

Jaeyoung slowly sat up, positioning Sangwoo to straddle his lap. The smaller man tried to hide his face in Jaeyoung’s chest, debating just running away from the whole situation because he had lost all of his confidence. 

Jaeyoung waited patiently, petting Sangwoo’s hair. “I’m not gonna judge you, Woo. Whatever you want to say, you can say it or we can wait for another time when you’re more comfortable saying it.”

Of course, Jaeyoung already knew what Sangwoo was trying to bring up. When he walked through the door, Sangwoo had that nervous/excited/determined look he always had when he wanted to do something new. 

“Hyung, can we go all the way?” Sangwoo asked, voice shaking. “I want to try it.”

“Look at me, my love,” Jaeyoung said, cupping Sangwoo’s blushing cheeks when he obeyed. “I want you to be sure about this. Has anyone said something to you to make you feel like you have to do this?”

“No,” Sangwoo said. 

“Yuna didn’t say anything?”

“She asked me how I was feeling about it and said that she’s happy I’m with someone I can trust,” Sangwoo said. “I already know I can trust you. It’s something I want but only if… only if you want it too.”

Jaeyoung pulled him closer, kissing him softly. Sangwoo leaned into the kiss, holding onto Jaeyoung’s hoodie.

“I’ll take care of you, okay?” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo nodded, knowing that Jaeyoung was telling the truth. 

“My room or your room?” Jaeyoung asked, wanting Sangwoo to be as comfortable as possible.

While Sangwoo liked having his space neat and orderly, his bedroom now felt lifeless if Jaeyoung wasn’t there. Jaeyoung’s room always made him feel safe and like he was being hugged. The choice was easy for him.

“Your room,” Sangwoo said. 

The artist lifted him, letting Sangwoo wrap his legs around his waist before carrying him to the bedroom. He gently placed him down on the mattress, kissing the sensitive areas of his neck.

Jaeyoung took off his shirt first before Sangwoo’s, not wanting him to feel too exposed if he was the only one undressed. 

“Lie back, baby,” Jaeyoung said. 

Sangwoo obeyed, allowing Jaeyoung to strip him. Jaeyoung hovered above him, kissing him and doing everything he could to soothe his nervousness.

“I’ve got you, Kitty,” Jaeyoung kissed his cheek.

“I know,” Sangwoo nodded, fully believing him.

Jaeyoung spread Sangwoo’s legs, squeezing his right thigh comfortingly while avoiding his left thigh so as not to accidentally brush against any sensory no-touch area. Jaeyoung took a moment to admire him. Sangwoo truly was beautiful. Even the various faint scars on his body from his upbringing were beautiful.

He trailed his hand along Sangwoo’s chest, up to his throat, and then to his plump lips. Sangwoo was looking at him with that innocent shyness that drove him wild.

Jaeyoung poured lube on his fingers, kissing Sangwoo to distract him from the feeling as he pressed one finger in. The first one was always the most uncomfortable for him, and Jaeyoung could feel him wrinkle his nose.

As soon as he started rubbing gentle circles on the bundle of nerves, Sangwoo began letting out tiny moans and gasps. He added a second once Sangwoo adjusted to the first, scissoring his fingers, and taking his time to work Sangwoo open. 

Jaeyoung debated whether it would be better to let Sangwoo cum so he was more relaxed, or if it would end up making him too sensitive. He eventually decided against it, knowing Sangwoo’s sensitivity was already cranked up to 100%. He added a third, alternating between three and two until he could more easily pump his fingers in. He avoided Sangwoo’s prostate because he was pretty certain Sangwoo was already on the verge of an orgasm.

Once he felt like Sangwoo was prepped enough, he pulled out his fingers. He kissed Sangwoo while grabbing the lube and pouring far more than necessary. 

“Woo, it might hurt a bit at first,” Jaeyoung said. “It’ll take a little while to adjust. Try to keep your body as relaxed as possible.”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded.

“I’ll go slow. If it’s too much, tell me. Tap me if you don’t think you can talk,” he added at the end, knowing that Sangwoo was likely to become non-verbal if he got overwhelmed.

He leaned down to kiss Sangwoo again, trying to alleviate some of his anxiety. As he expected, Sangwoo tensed immediately when he felt Jaeyoung’s dick brush against his hole. The older man made no move to continue, waiting patiently for Sangwoo to relax slightly.

“Deep breaths, alright?” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo nodded again, trying his hardest to make his body untense. He trusted Jaeyoung entirely, but he couldn’t deny that he was scared to try something so new.

Once Sangwoo relaxed again Jaeyoung took ahold of himself and lined up. He started pressing, pausing when there was too much resistance. Despite how thoroughly prepped Sangwoo was, his anxiety had made him tighten up again slightly. Jaeyoung switched back to his fingers for a moment, wanting Sangwoo as open as possible. 

Once he could pump three fingers in without too much difficulty, he lined up again. Sangwoo yelped as the head pushed in past the ring of muscles, clenching his fists at the burning feeling. 

“God, you’re so tight,” Jaeyoung breathed, amazed by the feeling. He didn’t push any further, letting Sangwoo adjust. 

“I-I’m dying,” Sangwoo gasped quietly. 

“You’re not dying, baby. I’ve never killed anyone with my dick,” Jaeyoung shook his head. 

“Be a fir-first for both of us then,” Sangwoo said through gritted teeth. 

Jaeyoung stroked Sangwoo’s abs, “Doll, don’t hold your breath.”

Sangwoo was trying to take a deep breath, but it kept getting caught in his chest. Jaeyoung was ready to pull out any moment if it looked like Sangwoo was headed towards a panic attack. After some time, the pinched look on Sangwoo’s face started relaxing slightly, and he could take a few shaky breaths as Jaeyoung continued comforting him.

“You ca- you can keep going,” Sangwoo said quietly.

Jaeyoung nodded, pushing just slightly more. He was barely more than a quarter of the way in, but as much as he wanted to plunge into the unbelievably tight heat, he would never risk Sangwoo’s safety. Sangwoo looked confused that he had stopped and seemed to have no intentions of going any further.

“Let’s just stick with this for now,” Jaeyoung kissed his cheek. He already knew Sangwoo was going to be sore the next day, and he didn’t want to do anything that would make Sangwoo regret what they were doing.

He stayed completely still for a few minutes, praising Sangwoo and letting him become accustomed to the sensations.

“Still hurt?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo shook his head, “No, it just feels… weird?”

“I’m gonna start moving, alright?” Jaeyoung said, and Sangwoo nodded.

The artist started with slow, rocking movements. He knew the moment things started to feel enjoyable because Sangwoo let out the most pornographic moan Jaeyoung had ever heard. 

“Good?” Jaeyoung asked, trying not to grin.

“Y-yes. Oh, my god. Why is it s- fuck, why does it feel so good?” Sangwoo gasped. 

It was understandable for Sangwoo to be confused about why it was so pleasurable because it was his first time, but he had an experienced partner who knew what he was doing. 

Jaeyoung was wondering the same thing. He had pretty much lost count of the number of people he’d taken to bed, but he had never been so “in the present” before. Every sensation felt more intense than usual. Normally, he would have chalked it up to not having had sex in a significant time, but he knew it was because there was an emotional connection to his partner. 

Jaeyoung lengthened the thrusts slightly instead of rocking but didn’t add any strength to it or go any deeper, continuing his gentle pace. Sangwoo didn’t know what to do with his hands, gripping at the sheets. Jaeyoung slid his hand into one of Sangwoo’s, interlacing their fingers. He always considered it a cheesy move used in romance movies, but he realized it felt incredibly intimate and he leaned down to kiss Sangwoo.

“You okay?” Jaeyoung asked, checking in. 

“God, y-yes,” Sangwoo nodded, his free hand coming up to hold onto Jaeyoung’s shoulder. 

The little breathless moans Sangwoo was letting out sounded so pretty, Jaeyoung wished he could have a recording of them to listen to over and over again. Sangwoo’s eyes were tearing up, the pleasure building and intensifying. 

“I love you,” Jaeyoung whispered, kissing Sangwoo’s wet cheeks. “You’re so good for me. Perfect. You’re so good, Sangwoo.”

Sangwoo tried to speak, tried to tell Jaeyoung how much he loved him as well, but he couldn’t form words. His body and mind were overloaded with pleasure and so much affection for his boyfriend that he felt like he was short-circuiting. 

Jaeyoung wasn’t remotely surprised that it was only a minute or two before Sangwoo started tensing. The constant, slow stimulation against his prostate and the overwhelming emotions, plus Jaeyoung’s praise had Sangwoo rapidly approaching an orgasm. Jaeyoung could feel him tightening around him when he thought there was no possible way for Sangwoo to be even tighter.

“It’s okay,” Jaeyoung nodded.

As soon as he was given permission, Sangwoo’s back arched and he clamped down on Jaeyoung, forcing him to still. Sangwoo let out a sob, clinging to Jaeyoung as he trembled through his orgasm, cumming onto his stomach.

The sight of Sangwoo in ecstasy was almost enough to push Jaeyoung over the edge, but not quite enough. He wasn’t about to push Sangwoo’s limits during his first time, so he slowly pulled out. 

Jaeyoung tried to will his body to calm down. As hard as he was and aching to cum, his focus was on Sangwoo. He was more than willing to sacrifice an orgasm to take care of his partner.

Sangwoo looked like he was in a different universe, but he was somehow able to recognize that Jaeyoung hadn’t cum yet. He reached down between them, wrapping a hand around Jaeyoung’s cock. He didn’t have the mental capacity to actually move his hand, but he allowed Jaeyoung to fuck into it until he came, adding to the mess on Sangwoo’s abs.

Sangwoo had already started shivering, his adrenaline levels dropping rapidly. As soon as Jaeyoung caught his breath, he gently lifted Sangwoo up, bringing him to the bathroom and turning on the shower. He wanted to get Sangwoo warmed up but also wanted to clean the cum and lube off of his body.

Jaeyoung kept his arm around Sangwoo’s waist, holding him up as he washed him. Sangwoo was hugging him, arms wrapped around Jaeyoung’s midsection.

When Jaeyoung started washing his hair, Sangwoo tipped his head back to look up at him. His eyes were glazed over but the amount of emotion in them almost knocked Jaeyoung over. Jaeyoung knew for certain that no one else in the world was lucky enough to have Sangwoo look at them in such a way.

“I love you, Woo,” Jaeyoung said, leaning down to kiss him.

Sangwoo couldn’t respond yet but he hoped that Jaeyoung could see that the feelings were reciprocated.

Jaeyoung wrapped him up in the soft fiber towel he had bought specifically for Sangwoo, drying him off gently while being mindful that he was more sensitive than usual. He dressed Sangwoo in pajamas while throwing on a pair of boxers.

Jaeyoung brought him back to bed, lying him down on his front and using a blow dryer on the quietest, lowest setting to dry his hair. Sangwoo watched him with heavy-lidded eyes, especially as Jaeyoung stroked his back to continue giving him physical comfort while he dried his own hair. He pouted, waiting patiently for Jaeyoung to lean down and kiss him.

Jaeyoung felt such an intense wave of adoration for his partner. Sangwoo, a person who had never been able to trust anyone, just trusted him enough to allow Jaeyoung to take his virginity.

“Are you okay, Kitty?”

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo nodded, making grabby hands for Jaeyoung to lie down with him.

“I want you to drink some water first,” Jaeyoung said, reaching under his bed where he kept his mini-fridge (because he was usually too lazy to get out of bed and go to the refrigerator) and grabbed a small bottle.

Jaeyoung didn’t want to make Sangwoo sit up, so he used one of the “silly straws” that he had drunkenly purchased. He picked the blue one because it was one of Sangwoo’s favorite colors, and angled it so Sangwoo could sip without moving from his position.

Sangwoo took a few sips before he made the grabby hands motion again, wanting to cuddle. Jaeyoung obliged, pulling Sangwoo to his chest, loving how their height difference made Sangwoo fit so perfectly against him. The smaller man slid a leg over Jaeyoung’s waist, trying to get as close as physically possible.

Sangwoo let out a small, content sigh, nuzzling against him once he settled into a comfortable position.

---

Jaeyoung was certain Sangwoo would retreat after realizing he had done something he couldn’t take back.

He was partially correct in assuming he would act differently because Sangwoo was quiet, way more than usual, but he was also clinging to Jaeyoung. Sangwoo followed him everywhere around the apartment like a shadow. He said nothing, but he didn’t seem to be upset or stressed. After a few hours of Sangwoo silently holding onto him, Jaeyoung started getting concerned.

Jaeyoung cupped his face, making Sangwoo look at him. “Are you okay?”

Sangwoo nodded, pouting his lips for a kiss that Jaeyoung obliged.

“Up here?” Jaeyoung tapped his temple.

“I’m okay,” Sangwoo said softly.

“You’re so quiet,” Jaeyoung said.

“I feel good,” he assured. “I just wanna stay with you.”

“Are you sore?” Jaeyoung asked.

“A little,” Sangwoo admitted.

“Come here,” Jaeyoung waved him to the couch, directing Sangwoo to lie across his lap. He rubbed the small of his back, massaging the base of his spine. If it was physically possible, Sangwoo would be purring. He closed his eyes, a little smile on his lips as he soaked up Jaeyoung’s body heat.

“My cute little Kitty,” Jaeyoung cooed, using his free hand to stroke Sangwoo’s hair.

It wasn’t a surprise that Sangwoo started dozing lightly, especially considering the fact that he had only had one or two coffees instead of his usual obscene amount of caffeine.

He opened one eye to peek up at Jaeyoung every once in a while, just admiring the artist and feeling comforted by the sight of him.

Jaeyoung turned on the television on a low volume, but neither of them was particularly interested in it. They were mostly just relaxing and focusing on each other's presence until a character on the screen said a line that cut through the calm.

“You think this is what God would have wanted?!”

Jaeyoung cringed, feeling Sangwoo tense. It was a slap to the face, reminding Sangwoo about something he didn’t want to think about. 

Jaeyoung was raised by parents who told him that he could explore whatever faith he felt drawn to. Sex wasn’t vilified. Safety was the only thing his parents truly stressed the importance of. For Sangwoo, he was taught that pre-marital sex was an express train to hellfire. Losing his virginity before marriage, let alone losing it to a man was far more emotionally complicated for him with the amount of religious trauma he had. 

Sangwoo sat up to look at Jaeyoung, twisting himself to sit sideways in Jaeyoung’s lap.

“I don’t regret it, Hyung. At all. I don’t care if someone else doesn’t approve. I’m happy.”

Chapter 14: Mother Dearest

AN: Thank you guys for being so patient. It's been a long couple weeks, and I'm sure many are also feeling the stress of November 5th. I have so much rage in my body. I need to channel it into creative things so I don't implode. Please, find ways to channel your emotions in a healthy way. Journal, learn a new skill, read, volunteer in local organizations, participate in peaceful (safe) protests, or do something that sparks joy. Please, keep your heads held high. We will get through this shitstorm.

I'm gonna try to provide as much escapism as I can for you, so there are a lot of wholesome moments in this plus a lot of smut.

---

It took several days for reality to fully sink in.

Sangwoo still didn’t regret it, but the self-doubt slowly crept in. He’d spent his childhood being told that he was destined for hellfire, and the only way to prevent it was to pray and obey his parents and priests. He sat through services that condemned people for just being themselves. He was punished for shit that he had no control over. He was punished for smiling, for crying, for asking for help.

The entire concept of virginity equating to purity was something he had always disagreed with, but he had it practically drilled into his brain that sex was evil unless it was between a married husband and wife. He was taught that a person’s worth was based on whether they were a virgin before marriage. Even though he now knew that both things were not true, it was hard to reverse the sort of mental damage it did. 

Sangwoo emotionally retreated slightly, wearing his indication bracelet to let Jaeyoung know that he wasn’t in a mental state to speak but still wanted to be around him. 

Jaeyoung could practically see the emotional conflict going on inside of his head. He tried to support Sangwoo as much as possible, but he didn’t quite know how to handle it since he grew up without religion. He didn’t understand exactly what was happening but he did understand that Sangwoo couldn’t just erase years of trauma in an instant.

Hannah was the one who was able to relate to Sangwoo about it.

“I know what it’s like. My parents are religious, and I grew up going to Sunday School. The first time I kissed a girl, it solidified what I was feeling. I knew I wasn’t straight. When I came out to my parents, they didn’t want to talk to me for weeks. I’m lucky because they decided it wasn’t worth losing their oldest daughter over, and now my parents carry around pride flags at parades.”

“My parents are never going to do that,” Sangwoo said. 

“I know,” Hannah nodded. “But I know the kind of feelings you’re feeling. That first time, when I kissed that girl, I thought my life was over. I thought I was going straight to hell. I felt so much guilt over who I am, but I realized I can’t try to fit myself into a box that wasn’t built for me. Are you happy with Jaeyoung?”

“Yes,” Sangwoo said. “I mean… I think. I don’t remember ever feeling like this before. The closest I can recall is when my guardian officially took me in. I haven’t felt like this though.”

Hannah smiled sorrowfully, relieved that Sangwoo found someone who brought fulfillment to his life but sad that he had been through so much that he couldn’t even recognize what true happiness felt like. 

“We are who we are. We should enjoy life as much as we possibly can, regardless of what comes after. If there is a hell, I doubt loving someone would send us there. So, let’s just love them as much as we can,” she said.

“Every time I’ve enjoyed something, something happens to take it away. I don’t… I don’t know what I would do without him. I feel like I can’t breathe when I think about him not being in my life. It scares me to rely on someone so much.”

“Our partners can be a source of happiness but they can’t be our only source. I think what you two have is amazing. You push each other to do better but never force change. You respect each other and your boundaries. It’s important that you don’t form too much codependency,” Hannah said.

“That’s hard when you have no prior experience with human connection,” Sangwoo shrugged.

“I’m sorry,” Hannah sighed.

“Why? It’s not like you were the one that made that happen,” he said.

“I’m sorry that it happened to you and that you went through what you went through.”

“Don’t,” Sangwoo snapped. “I hate when people do that. I don’t want pity. I’m not a little kid.”

“I know you’re not,” she said calmly, understanding she had struck a nerve. “All I’m saying is that I’m glad you’re here, I’m happy that you’re in a healthy relationship, and I think you two are great for each other,” she said. 

“You, uh, you and Yuna are good too,” Sangwoo gestured with his hand, not looking at her.

“Thank you,” she smiled. “Are you down for dinner with them tonight? Yuna’s been dying to try a new restaurant and I’m sure she’s trying to drag Jaeyoung too.”

“If Hyung goes, I’ll go,” Sangwoo nodded. 

Of course, Yuna didn’t have to do much to get Jaeyoung to have a meal, so Sangwoo joined the outing. He didn’t eat much besides a bite or two after Jaeyoung kept waving a fork in his face. He sat as close to Jaeyoung as possible, letting the older man keep an arm around him.

Sangwoo looked less stressed than before, so the rest of the group assumed that whatever conversation he and Hannah had was productive. He did seem exhausted, likely mentally taxed after talking about emotional topics.

Jaeyoung pulled him close, making sure Sangwoo’s headphones were in place as the restaurant started becoming slightly more rowdy and loud. 

Jaeyoung gently pinched one of his soft cheeks to get his attention. Sangwoo looked up at him questioningly. 

“Tired?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded. 

“We can go home now if you want,” Jaeyoung stroked his hair.

“No, I’ll wait till you’re done,” Sangwoo said quietly, moving Jaeyoung’s arm down between them so he could wrap his arms around it to lean against the artist and rest. He was zoned out, watching the bartender across the room making drinks.

Jaeyoung kept an eye on him, making sure there were no signs of a subdrop. Sangwoo was completely lost in thought, and Jaeyoung could only hope it wasn’t too negative. 

When he was done eating, Jaeyoung gently tapped Sangwoo to draw him out of his mind.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo nodded, threading his fingers between Jaeyoung’s as the artist led him through the clusters of people. He huddled against Jaeyoung the moment they stepped outside, feeling as though he’d just been hit by an ice-cold truck from the freezing wind.

Jaeyoung lifted his jacket to let Sangwoo underneath, covering as much of him as possible.

“Can you last the walk?” Jaeyoung asked, searching his pockets for the hand warmers he brought. He shook them to activate them, putting them in Sangwoo’s shaking hands. 

“Yeah,” Sangwoo said quietly although there was a hint of uncertainty. 

Halfway through the 10-minute walk, Sangwoo’s limbs started locking up. Jaeyoung took off his jacket and put it on Sangwoo before bending down to help him get on for a piggyback ride for the rest of the way. 

“Thank you,” Sangwoo mumbled, placing a little kiss on Jaeyoung’s neck. 

The taller man rubbed Sangwoo’s legs, trying to warm him up. Sangwoo was the most cold-sensitive person Jaeyoung had ever met. It wasn’t often that Sangwoo got hot like Jaeyoung, but even a slight chill had Sangwoo bundling up. 

As soon as they got into the apartment, Jaeyoung was fetching blankets and heating pads. 

“Why does this feel like the longest winter ever?” Sangwoo pouted. 

“It started super early this year,” Jaeyoung sighed, pulling the blanket tighter around Sangwoo. “I think we should move to a place that’s warm year-round.”

“You like the cold though and you’d overheat,” Sangwoo shook his head, pressing his cheek to the soft fabric.

“I like the cold in moderation but not for this long. It’s way too hot in the summer and cold in the winter here,” Jaeyoung said as he plugged the pad into the wall. “Where would you move that has good year-round temperatures?”

“I used to think about San Diego in California in the USA because I’ve heard it’s pretty consistent temperatures but I think that’s off the list for a while,” Sangwoo said. 

“Maybe we should just pull a bird move and change locations with the weather. You know, like, flying south for the winter?” Jaeyoung hugged him from behind, placing his chin on Sangwoo’s blanket-covered head and holding him for a moment.

“Hyung?” Sangwoo called.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for taking care of me. I know it’s a lot sometimes,” he said.

Jaeyoung turned him around, cupping his cheeks. “There’s no one else I’d rather spend my time with. I love taking care of you. I wish you’d just let me spoil you. I want to give you the full princess treatment,” Jaeyoung said.

“You’re crazy,” Sangwoo snorted

“Why is it so crazy that I want to pamper you?” 

“I don’t think I’m worth all that effort. It’s taking advantage of you.”

“Sit down,” Jaeyoung tutted, pointing to the couch. Sangwoo was slightly confused but did was Jaeyoung said.

He pushed Sangwoo until he was lying down and placed the heating pad on his abdomen before adjusting the blanket. He crouched next to Sangwoo and said, “You are worth everything and more. I like being a provider. I want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted because seeing you happy is the most gratifying thing ever.”

Sangwoo reached out, patting Jaeyoung’s head tenderly. “I really do love you, Hyung. I know… I know I don’t say it enough. You’re my favorite person.”

Jaeyoung practically squealed as he placed kisses all over Sangwoo’s cheeks.

“I love you so fucking much,” Jaeyoung cooed, overwhelmed by cuteness aggression. He laid down on Sangwoo, making sure he wasn’t crushing him. He knew the heating pad would make him too hot in a matter of minutes, so he enjoyed cuddling him as long as he could. 

---

The next day, Jaeyoung heard a knock on the door and immediately knew that it wasn’t Sangwoo. The younger man had a distinct, rhythmic three-tap knock before using his key. It was just a way to let Jaeyoung know he was coming in because Sangwoo despised people who didn’t knock.

Jaeyoung looked through the peephole and ripped the door open.

“Mom!” he grinned, hugging her so tightly, he nearly knocked her over. 

Both of Jaeyoung’s parents, as well as his grandparents, were physically affectionate people, so it wasn’t exactly a surprise that he developed such an appreciation for it. He was called a “Velcro baby” because he was constantly holding onto people as a child.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she hugged him back just as tightly.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I was passing by and realized I’ve never seen your apartment. Is it not a good time?”

“It’s a perfect time. Come in, come in,” he waved her in from the cold.

She took her shoes off at the front door and briefly wandered around, inspecting everything.

“Are you sure you live here?” she asked.

“Huh?”

“It’s clean . Your room always looks like a tornado came through,” she said.

“Ah, well, Sangwoo can’t stand messes. You should see his apartment though. You could eat off the floors if you needed to but he’d probably lose his mind. We found a good balance here where it doesn’t feel like a hospital for me or a pigsty for him,” Jaeyoung explained.

“You look great, honey,” she said.

“I feel great,” he nodded. “I’m really happy with where I’m at. I’m on my way to becoming the lead designer in the art department, I’m completely financially self-sufficient, and I have a partner I love. He drives me fucking insane sometimes but I wouldn’t change it.”

His mother grinned, reaching up to pat his cheek. “All I’ve ever hoped for is that you find happiness. I’m glad to see that you have.”

They sat down on the couch and talked for hours. His mom unloaded all of the drama in the other elite families, particularly everything she knew about a secret affair in which the husband and wife were both sleeping with the same mistress. Jaeyoung was so absorbed, he didn’t hear the knock on the door.

He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and saw Sangwoo freeze in the doorway like a deer in headlights as soon as he saw another person. Sangwoo backtracked so fast, he nearly tripped himself, hiding behind the wall.

Jaeyoung raced to grab him before he could put his shoes back on and run.

“Please, please come meet my mother,” Jaeyoung said.

“ Mother? Are you kidding me? I didn’t prepare for social interaction, Hyung!” he said shakily, visibly panicking. 

“You don’t have to have a conversation, just come meet her,” he pleaded. “She’s absolutely not gonna judge you.”

Sangwoo took a deep breath to try and calm himself. He didn’t want to disappoint his boyfriend but he was completely terrified as he nodded and let Jaeyoung excitedly lead him into the living room.

“Mom, this is my boyfriend, Chu Sangwoo. Woo, this is my mom, Park Jia,” Jaeyoung said, grinning so hard, his cheeks hurt.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” she smiled gently.

Sangwoo bowed his head, unconsciously squeezing Jaeyoung’s hand painfully tight. The artist pulled him to sit down next to him, putting an arm around him to try and give him a bit of comfort.

Sangwoo looked at him wide-eyed, tilting his head toward Jia.

“She’s fine with it,” Jaeyoung assured him, knowing Sangwoo was likely expecting to get yelled at for openly showing affection.

Sangwoo stayed quiet, fidgeting every once in a while. Jia could see how nervous he was and didn’t ask him direct questions, so he wasn’t forced to answer.

Realizing Jia wasn’t expecting him to hold a conversation put Sangwoo more at ease. He was listening to everything intently, learning more about Jaeyoung’s family. Jia started telling stories about Jaeyoung as a child, and Sangwoo found himself feeling almost relaxed as his boyfriend loudly complained about how embarrassing it was.

“Do you… want tea?” Sangwoo asked, shocking Jaeyoung with the fact he spoke.

“I would love some,” she nodded. 

Sangwoo went to the kitchen but Jaeyoung realized he was waving him over.

“Can you ask her if she wants decaf?” he whispered.

Jaeyoung ruffled his hair, kissing his forehead because he knew Sangwoo had just used up the rest of his social battery after being at school all day solely to offer his mother a drink.

“Do you want caf or decaf?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Oh, decaf please.”

Sangwoo gave Jaeyoung a pitiful, awkward look.

“What’s wrong?” Jaeyoung asked.

“We don’t have any decaf…” Sangwoo said.

“There’s so much tea and coffee in this apartment and we don’t have any decaf?” Jaeyoung questioned, keeping his tone playful so Sangwoo knew he wasn’t upset.

“You barely drink tea, so it’s just the stuff that I drink,” Sangwoo whined, starting to panic again.

“It’s okay,” Jaeyoung hugged him. “Hey, Mom, we don’t have any decaf but we have a shit ton of Earl Grey. I don’t think we have a single drink in this place that doesn’t have caffeine in it besides water and juice.”

“Regular is fine then,” she nodded. “I thought you don’t drink caffeine though?”

“I rarely drink it but this one is a caffeine fiend,” Jaeyoung said, and Sangwoo turned bright red. 

Sangwoo made a cup of tea and poured a glass of orange juice for Jaeyoung. He opened two packs of instant coffee for himself, making it impossible for Sangwoo to argue against the “caffeine menace” allegations. 

Sangwoo pointed to the sugar, wanting Jaeyoung to ask if she wanted any.

“She doesn’t like sugar but she’ll have some milk,” Jaeyoung said, already knowing his mother’s preferences.

Sangwoo’s hands were shaking too badly to carry them, so Jaeyoung put them all on a plate and brought them to the coffee table.

“Thank you,” she said to Sangwoo. 

The smaller boy tucked his legs underneath him, leaning against Jaeyoung while cradling his cup of energy fuel. Jaeyoung could tell he was trying to make it seem like he was calm, but he felt the tension in Sangwoo’s body.

Sangwoo was quiet for the rest of the time Jia was there. Jaeyoung was amazed (and a bit proud) that he hadn’t tried to retreat to the bedroom at any point.

Sangwoo waved goodbye to Jia as she left, feeling awkward for unintentionally staring at the warm embrace between her and Jaeyoung. He realized that it was one of, if not the first time he saw firsthand genuine affection from a parent. 

“I’m so happy I finally got to meet you. I would love to get to know you. Please, feel free to come visit any time,” she said.

Sangwoo was trying to get the words “thank you” out of his mouth but he stumbled over it and instead gave a thumbs-up.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Sangwoo completely deflated, leaning against the wall for support. 

Jaeyoung scooped him up, squeezing him and planting kisses all over him. 

“Sorry,” Sangwoo said, latching his arms around Jaeyoung’s neck as the artist carried him to the couch. 

“Why are you sorry?” Jaeyoung asked, sitting down and positioning him in his lap.

“I didn’t do well,” Sangwoo said, focusing all of his attention on forming words because his brain was still in a stressed state.

“I didn’t expect you to speak at all and you didn’t have any heads-up before walking into it. You did a great job, baby. My mom likes you. She told me when we were saying goodbye,” Jaeyoung stroked his hair. 

“I said four words,” Sangwoo scowled.

“Yes but she saw how happy I am when you’re with me and how hard you were trying,” Jaeyoung said. “It was very sweet of you to offer to make her tea. My gracious host.”

Sangwoo tilted his head, pouting for more kisses that Jaeyoung immediately gave. He started moving his hands downwards and Jaeyoung lightly grabbed his wrist.

“Hey, I don’t know what kind of headspace you’re in right now. I feel like doing anything is gonna push you into a bad place,” Jaeyoung said, kissing his cheek. 

After a moment, Sangwoo nodded, realizing Jaeyoung was right. It was almost a certainty that he’d get overstimulated. He hugged Jaeyoung tightly, being reminded that the artist always had his best interest in mind. 

---

Jaeyoung’s workload increased significantly as the deadlines for projects rapidly started approaching.

The artist was stressed, having difficulty juggling different things. Sangwoo once again organized all of his tasks in lists that were clear, color-coordinated, and ordered by importance.

Sangwoo was also being negatively influenced by the winter weather, making him feel tired and drained all of the time. He struggled to build enough energy to even get out of bed, let alone go to class. His already messed up circadian rhythm was even more unbalanced, and his brief sleep was not restful unless he was near Jaeyoung. 

Jaeyoung was also way more relaxed when Sangwoo was with him. It didn’t take long for them to work out the perfect solution.

Sangwoo would sit in Jaeyoung’s lap, straddling him and resting against the older man’s chest. He would sometimes fall asleep or at least have a moment to relax, hugging Jaeyoung and absorbing his body heat. The position allowed for Jaeyoung’s arms to be completely free, so he could draw on his tablet while Sangwoo rested. 

Sangwoo wore fluffy, warm pajamas almost constantly when he wasn’t in public. Jaeyoung joked over and over that it really felt like there was a cat taking a nap on his chest.

Since the first time they had sex, they’d been experimenting. If Sangwoo had an orgasm during foreplay, he would be relaxed enough to take Jaeyoung all the way. Being on all fours had a slightly higher chance of causing a sensory overload, but it also was an intensely pleasurable position for both of them. 

The best position was undoubtedly when Jaeyoung fucked him from behind and pressed him down flat against the mattress, pinning him with his weight. Not only did it play into Jaeyoung’s desire to control and Sangwoo’s desire to be controlled, but it was also the perfect full-body pressure therapy for Sangwoo. 

The issue was that they could only do it when Sangwoo didn’t have school and Jaeyoung didn’t have to go to work the next day. It put Sangwoo so far in subspace, he was at a heightened risk for a subdrop, and Jaeyoung had to watch him closely. 

Missionary was their go-to because they both liked being able to see each other’s faces and kiss easily. Jaeyoung also noticed that Sangwoo was more calm and in the present if there was music playing, which worked perfectly because Jaeyoung had the ultimate “sexy-time” playlist.

Jaeyoung had been extremely cautious with introducing new things but he finally got his answer to the question of if Sangwoo would be wanting sex as frequently as giving blowjobs. If Sangwoo had taken a shower, it was pretty much certain that they’d be messing around.

Sangwoo wouldn’t admit it, but he loved it when Jaeyoung manhandled him. Sangwoo liked it rough, just as rough as oral. He liked it when Jaeyoung pinned him down and took full control. He enjoyed the ache in his body every time, and it took a while for him to accept that he didn’t have to rationalize why he enjoyed it. 

One thing that Sangwoo had been hinting at that they hadn’t tried yet was bondage. Jaeyoung was skilled with ropes, and although he felt it was something Sangwoo might like, the younger man’s sensory issues made things complicated. 

Jaeyoung considered maybe starting with padded cuffs, but Sangwoo’s unsubtle hints were mostly rope-centered. 

Jaeyoung searched online for a private workshop with an experienced rigger. He sent a message to the instructor about the specifics of their situation, and she responded quickly, assuring him that they were not the first couple with such requirements to seek her out. 

He knew Sangwoo would probably not be comfortable doing anything in front of another person, but he wanted to give the option of getting an expert opinion first. 

He didn’t expect Sangwoo to say yes, but Sangwoo was full of surprises, and they scheduled it for the end of the next week. 

In the meantime, Jaeyoung was more than happy to indulge his partner however he wanted. 

When Jaeyoung walked into his bedroom after a long day of work, Sangwoo was lounging on the bed. His shirt was lifted slightly, revealing just a little hint of his abs. His hair was slightly damp, letting Jaeyoung know that he had taken a shower. There was already a blush on his cheeks, which piqued Jaeyoung’s curiosity. 

As soon as Jaeyoung was in his field of vision, Sangwoo put his phone down, and all of his attention was on the artist. For Jaeyoung, having Sangwoo focus entirely on him always made him giddy. Considering how Sangwoo’s mind was racing 24/7, it felt special to have his attention. 

Jaeyoung got on the bed, taking Sangwoo’s textbook and moving it away so he could settle between Sangwoo’s legs. He stroked the smaller boy’s cheek for a second before leaning down and kissing him passionately. 

Sangwoo was surprised by the intensity but matched it. He tugged at Jaeyoung’s shirt, wanting him to take it off. The artist was so aware of the no-touch zones, that he was able to avoid them easily as he stripped Sangwoo as well. 

Jaeyoung immediately realized why Sangwoo was already flustered when he dipped his fingers between his cheeks and felt something hard. He paused, looking at his partner’s bashful expression. 

“Chu Sangwoo, are you wearing a plug?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded shyly, cheeks bright red. 

“When did you get it?” Jaeyoung grinned, tapping the plug lightly and watching Sangwoo shiver.

“A-awhile ago,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung held the flared end and slowly started to fuck him with it. Sangwoo’s jaw dropped slightly, brows furrowing as he gasped.

Jaeyoung sat up and pushed Sangwoo’s legs to his chest, exposing him entirely. Sangwoo squeaked, instinctively trying to close his legs but Jaeyoung held him firmly, taking advantage of Sangwoo’s extreme flexibility. 

“Hyung,” Sangwoo whined, looking around as if someone would walk in. 

“Door’s locked, baby,” Jaeyoung assured. “No one is getting into this apartment. Only I get to see you like this.”

Sangwoo’s breath hitched slightly, eyes widening for just a moment but Jaeyoung saw it.

“Oh? Like a bit of possessiveness, huh?”

“You already knew that,” Sangwoo pouted.

Jaeyoung smirked, leaning down to kiss him. Sangwoo tried to lower his legs again but Jaeyoung pushed them back to where he wanted them.

“Hold them like this,” he directed Sangwoo’s hands to hold the back of his knees. 

Jaeyoung gripped the base of the plug, tilting it slightly as he started moving the toy again. He wasn’t sure if it was the plug giving Sangwoo so much pleasure or if it was the fact that Jaeyoung was using something on him.

“What’s your safeword?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Red.”

“And if you can’t talk?”

“Three taps or snaps,” Sangwoo bit his lip as Jaeyoung pulled the toy out just the slightest bit before pushing it in again. 

“Good boy,” Jaeyoung grinned.

“Wh- fuck. Why do you ask every time?” Sangwoo questioned. 

“Reinforcement. Also, consent and communication is sexy,” Jaeyoung winked, angling the plug up as he trailed a finger along the smaller boy’s cock.

Sangwoo bit the side of his hand, muffling himself and giving something to keep his mouth occupied to satisfy his oral fixation.

“Come here,” Jaeyoung grabbed his waist, manhandling him into the position he wanted. He put Sangwoo on his hands and knees so the younger man was sideways on the bed, facing Jaeyoung’s lap. 

Sangwoo immediately leaned down, taking Jaeyoung’s dick in his mouth. The artist slid his hand down Sangwoo’s back to between his cheeks, playing with the plug again.

Jaeyoung held Sangwoo’s head down, letting him choke a few times before releasing him. Sangwoo coughed, taking a quick inhale before Jaeyoung repeated it.

The artist was hyperaware of anything related to breathplay. He knew how easy it was for things to go awry, and he never risked Sangwoo’s safety. Even the smallest indication that Sangwoo was having difficulties would make Jaeyoung stop everything.

Sangwoo was squirming slightly, the pleasure starting to build up. 

“Cum,” Jaeyoung said, noticing the telltale signs of an impending orgasm from the way Sangwoo was kicking his feet. 

Sangwoo obeyed, squeezing his thighs together as he came. He gripped Jaeyoung’s knee, shuddering through it until the artist released him.

Jaeyoung pushed him back into his previous position, admiring the sight as he slowly pulled out the plug. It was smaller than he thought it was from how intense Sangwoo’s reactions were, but he wasn’t exactly surprised considering how sensitive Sangwoo was.

Jaeyoung lubed his fingers and pushed two in, scissoring them and stretching him. Even if cumming relaxed Sangwoo, Jaeyoung still wasn’t about to hurt him by being impatient and not prepping him enough.

“Hyung,” Sangwoo pouted, eager to continue.

“Shh,” Jaeyoung cut him off. “Let me take care of you.”

The older man crooked his fingers, adding a third. He watched all of Sangwoo’s expressions and the way his eyes fluttered when he added slightly more pressure to his prostate. “Hyung,” Sangwoo whined, and Jaeyoung’s “Hyung kink” immediately reared its head, going straight to his cock. The pleading tone only made it better because Jaeyoung loved it when he reduced Sangwoo to a begging mess. Frankly, hearing Sangwoo beg was music to his ears.

“Fuck, Woo. You know how to rile me up, huh?” Jaeyoung laughed, grabbing the bottle of lube and pouring some on his dick.

He slowly pressed into Sangwoo, watching him take short, clipped breaths as he tried to adjust to Jaeyoung’s size.

The artist paused halfway, waiting until Sangwoo untensed slightly before continuing. Sangwoo let out a breathy moan as Jaeyoung bottomed out, so deep, it felt like it was in his stomach. 

“Okay?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded, looking up at him with that soft-eyed, innocent look that had Jaeyoung wanting to absolutely ruin him. 

He held Sangwoo’s tiny waist as he slowly fucked him, mesmerized by the sight of his long length disappearing with each stroke.

“You take me so well,” he said, reveling in the tight heat around him as Sangwoo keened. 

Sangwoo’s dick twitched between them, reacting to the fact that he was making Jaeyoung feel good. Jaeyoung noticed and realized he was playing directly into Sangwoo’s desire for praise.

“You’re such a good boy for me, Woo. So pretty. I’m the only person in the whole world who gets to see you like this,” Jaeyoung ran his hand over Sangwoo’s abs as he kissed him.

The blush on Sangwoo’s cheeks intensified and he bared his neck for Jaeyoung to kiss, leaving hickeys and small bites. 

“How does it feel, having me inside you?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Big,” Sangwoo gasped.

“Yeah?” Jaeyoung grinned. “Do you like it?”

“Ye- fuck!” Sangwoo was cut off as Jaeyoung tilted his hips just slightly, causing the long, slow strokes to press harder on the bundle of nerves. 

Jaeyoung suddenly pulled out, and Sangwoo didn’t even have time to protest before he was being turned around. He immediately arched his back to give easier access as Jaeyoung grabbed his hips, pressing into him again. 

Sangwoo let out a string of expletives as Jaeyoung started moving, adding more strength to his thrusts. Sangwoo’s upper body collapsed on the bed but Jaeyoung’s grip kept his ass in the air. 

The change in angle had Sangwoo reaching down to grab the base of his dick to stop himself from cumming again so soon. 

Jaeyoung grabbed Sangwoo’s hair, pulling exactly how he knew Sangwoo liked. 

Sangwoo moaned and started rocking back against him to meet his thrusts, clutching the sheets.

“H-Hyung, fuck !” Sangwoo cursed.

Jaeyoung pushed on the small of Sangwoo’s back, forcing him flat on the mattress and pinning him down with his weight as he fucked him roughly. 

The reaction was instantaneous. There was no warning before Sangwoo let out a sob and tightened around him, cumming hard enough that Sangwoo’s entire body shook. 

Jaeyoung stopped moving, letting Sangwoo calm down. Sangwoo was trying to catch his breath for a moment, trembling under Jaeyoung’s touch. Jaeyoung was about to pull out when Sangwoo began whining, wiggling as much as possible with Jaeyoung’s weight on him.

“You want me to keep going?” Jaeyoung asked, needing clarification. 

Sangwoo nodded, clenching around him to try and prompt him to continue.

“Tap your hand three times,” Jaeyoung instructed.

Sangwoo was confused but he did what Jaeyoung said, tapping his hand against the bed three times. It let the artist know that, although Sangwoo was deep in subspace, he was still able to use his safe signal if necessary. 

Jaeyoung started at a slow pace, watching closely for any signs that Sangwoo was getting too overwhelmed. 

“God, you feel so good,” Jaeyoung groaned. “How are you so perfect?”

Sangwoo craned his neck for a kiss, panting against Jaeyoung’s lips. 

“So good, baby,” Jaeyoung reached around, holding Sangwoo’s chin as he kissed him. Sangwoo’s eyes were rolling back, the overstimulation of multiple orgasms sending him into a realm of pleasure he hadn’t experienced before.

As deep in his own pleasure as he was, Jaeyoung was still paying attention to Sangwoo, monitoring every moment.

“Ha-harder. Please go harder, Hyung. Please, ” Sangwoo pleaded.

The begging went straight to Jaeyoung’s cock. The tight heat spurred him on, fucking Sangwoo hard enough that the bed started squeaking. The sort of sounds Sangwoo was making were driving Jaeyoung almost feral, wanting to hear more and more of them. 

Jaeyoung felt Sangwoo tense under him, letting out a broken wail as he somehow came again. 

It brought Jaeyoung to the very edge and he pulled out, squeezing one of Sangwoo’s cheeks and jerking himself. He groaned as he came across the smaller boy’s back. He almost collapsed on top of Sangwoo but managed to stop himself, holding onto the headboard as he caught his breath. 

He tentatively stroked Sangwoo’s shoulder, trying to make sure he wasn’t too oversensitized to touch. 

“You okay?” Jaeyoung asked softly. 

Sangwoo didn’t seem to understand what Jaeyoung was saying so the artist held his hand in front of his face, gesturing a “thumbs up” and “thumbs down” to indicate how he was feeling. 

Sangwoo sluggishly lifted his thumb up to let him know he was alright.

Sangwoo was in a daze during the entirety of the shower Jaeyoung gave him. He barely reacted to the sound of the hairdryer as Jaeyoung dried his hair and dressed him. Jaeyoung put him in his fluffy pajama pants and socks but slid one of his own shirts over Sangwoo’s head, threading his slim arms through the sleeves. 

It was huge on him, and it had Jaeyoung biting his knuckle to not scream about how adorable he looked with his curly hair and heavy eyes as he tried to unsuccessfully fight the feeling of sleepiness. 

Sangwoo was barely able to stay awake as they brushed their teeth. Jaeyoung stood behind him, holding him up but Sangwoo’s head was lolling.

Eventually, Jaeyoung scooped Sangwoo up and carried him to bed. As soon as Jaeyoung got in, Sangwoo snuggled against him. Jaeyoung stroked his hair, feeling Sangwoo’s body slowly start to go lax as the smaller boy fell asleep.

It always amused Jaeyoung that Sangwoo got so sleepy after sex. Sangwoo had tried all sorts of medications to help his insomnia, but they always made him nauseous. Meditation didn’t help him. It seemed like the only healthy way to tire him enough was sex. 

 

It seemed like a pretty good remedy.

Chapter 15: Teacher, Teacher

AN: Sorry for the long wait! I bring you a chapter with miscommunications, riding, an accidental creampie, and kink discovery.

---

“Hyung, can I be on top?” Sangwoo asked.

The question completely caught Jaeyoung off guard, but his body reacted even before his brain fully registered it. “No,” Jaeyoung instantly shook his head. 

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded, immediately accepting Jaeyoung’s answer. 

“There’s a lot of things I’m willing to do but I definitely don’t want a dick in my ass,” Jaeyoung said.

“I know,” Sangwoo looked at him curiously, almost like he was unsure why Jaeyoung said it.

“So, why did you ask?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“It seemed like something we would both like,” Sangwoo said.

“But you just acknowledged that I don’t want to get fucked,” Jaeyoung’s brows furrowed.

“Yes. I know you don’t want to do that . I don’t know why you’re bringing it up though,” Sangwoo tilted his head.

“You brought it up first,” Jaeyoung said.

“No, I didn’t,” Sangwoo scowled as he quickly became frustrated. “ You brought it up.”

The two of them stared at each other, both of them just as confused as the other but with Sangwoo being slightly aggravated.

“Okay, so, we need to talk this out. We’re having a miscommunication here. I think we’re talking about two different things,” Jaeyoung said. Sangwoo immediately eased up, realizing that the miscommunication wasn’t actually Jaeyoung trying to ‘prove him wrong.’

“What exactly are you asking?” Jaeyoung questioned, breaking the silence. “What are you envisioning with this? What position?” he waved his hand in a “go on” motion.

“Like how we sit on the couch,” Sangwoo said. “When I’m on your lap. It was in one of the videos Noona sent me. They were kind of… bouncing? I don’t know what else to call it.”

It took a few seconds for it to click in Jaeyoung’s mind and he blurted “RIDING!” a little too loud, startling the younger man, who almost stumbled back.

Jaeyoung grabbed his sleeve, steadying him while breathing a sigh of relief. “Fucking hell. You scared me. I thought you meant you wanted to top and for me to bottom.”

“No, no,” Sangwoo shook his head. “That… makes me uncomfortable to think about.”

“Glad we’re on the same page about that. You’re asking to ride me. Oh, hell yes,” Jaeyoung nodded.

“Are you sure?” Sangwoo asked cautiously, worried about crossing a line after Jaeyoung had said no previously. 

“Absolutely. One hundred percent, I’m for riding,” Jaeyoung assured but he was also delighted that Sangwoo was taking his consent as seriously as Jaeyoung took his. The fact that Sangwoo hadn't questioned Jaeyoung’s refusal even slightly comforted him beyond words.

Sangwoo wasn’t in the right headspace to try it right away since he was mentally going over their conversation. Jaeyoung hoped it didn’t put Sangwoo off of expressing his wants, remembering how long it had taken for Sangwoo to start feeling comfortable voicing things. 

Sangwoo was a bit skittish the next day, hesitating to touch Jaeyoung. The artist looked over his shoulder to see Sangwoo standing with his hand outstretched, hovering and wanting to touch, but wary of stepping over a boundary.

Jaeyoung picked him up, swinging him onto the couch and unceremoniously flopping on top of him to cuddle Sangwoo for as long as he could. 

The next night, when they met in Jaeyoung’s apartment after the artist finished work and Sangwoo finished his assignments, Sangwoo asked if they could try riding. 

Jaeyoung took extra time to prepare him, knowing the position would likely make his muscles more tense than normal.

Even though Sangwoo could be very impatient, he understood that Jaeyoung was experienced and knew what he was doing. As someone who relied on facts and skills, having a partner who was practically an expert made him feel more secure. If Jaeyoung was doing something, it was for a reason, so he didn’t object when the prep went on for what seemed like the longest time.

He wasn’t complaining because being fingered by such skilled hands felt heavenly but he had his mind set on experimenting. Sangwoo wouldn’t be able to take the long length unless he already had an orgasm to relax him. 

Jaeyoung slowly started rubbing circles against his prostate before adding a hand to stroke his cock until Sangwoo arched off the bed as he came. 

Jaeyoung continued moving his fingers as Sangwoo caught his breath but avoided the sensitive spot, not wanting to make Sangwoo too oversensitized before they even started. He needed Sangwoo to be as relaxed as possible. 

Once Sangwoo’s brain fog cleared enough to give a nod, Jaeyoung kissed him affectionately. 

“Ready, Kitty?” Jaeyoung asked and Sangwoo nodded, sitting up. 

Jaeyoung laid down on his back, resting against the pillow and slicking himself up with lots of lube. Sangwoo slid a leg over him, straddling his pelvis. Sangwoo leaned forward as Jaeyoung positioned his cock at Sangwoo’s hole, gently lowering the smaller man down.

Jaeyoung’s assumption that the position would make him more tense was right because Sangwoo had to pause with just an inch or two in.

Jaeyoung waited patiently, using his thumb to stroke the soft skin comfortingly. 

Sangwoo lowered inch by inch, pausing frequently to let him properly adjust without any rush. 

The artist couldn’t help but be amazed as Sangwoo finally settled, seated beautifully on his cock. The fact that Sangwoo could take him all the way when many of his previous partners had to stop halfway was just a bit more fuel for Jaeyoung’s “delulu” pondering that Sangwoo was crafted specifically to pair with him. 

He fully understood that it was not the case, but he still indulged his little fantasies every once in a while. 

Jaeyoung was drawn out of his thoughts when he noticed the grimace on his partner’s face. Jaeyoung immediately recognized that it wasn’t just from being stretched.

“Where is it hurting?” Jaeyoung asked, and Sangwoo pointed to his hip joints. 

Jaeyoung bent his knees, which lifted Sangwoo the slightest bit, and took the pressure off.

“Better?” Jaeyoung asked and Sangwoo nodded. Before Sangwoo could do anything, Jaeyoung held his waist. “Hold on. Take a minute and catch your breath, okay?”

Sangwoo obeyed, taking a sharp intake of breath when he suddenly felt Jaeyoung twitch inside him.

“W-why?” Sangwoo asked.

“I like giving orders and I love the way you react. It’s so hot.”

“Is this that Dominant and submissive thing?” Sangwoo questioned, trying to steady his breathing while feeling so full. 

“Mhmm,” Jaeyoung nodded. “I love when my pretty boy lets me tell him what to do.”

Sangwoo blushed even brighter because he enjoyed it when Jaeyoung took control. 

“What… what do I do now?”

“Put your hands on my thighs,” Jaeyoung said, snorting and stopping Sangwoo when he started turning his entire upper body. “No, no,” Jaeyoung shook his head fondly. “Put them behind you so you can lean back.”

“Oh,” Sangwoo cringed with embarrassment. 

“It’s okay,” Jaeyoung assured him. “I should have been more clear.”

“Okay…,” Sangwoo said.

“Lean your weight on your hands. Use it as leverage to help lift yourself so there’s not so much strain on your thighs,” Jaeyoung said, holding Sangwoo’s hips as the younger man experimentally lifted slightly and lowered back down, drawing a moan from Jaeyoung. 

Sangwoo repeated the action but the artist stopped him again when he saw that Sangwoo was clearly not enjoying it.

“What’s your color?” Jaeyoung asked.

“… Yellow,” Sangwoo said quietly. 

“Okay. Let’s just pause for a minute. What are you feeling right now?” he questioned.

“Uncomfortable,” Sangwoo answered. 

“Emotionally or physically?”

“Physically.”

Jaeyoung nodded, “Do you know where?”

Sangwoo was quiet for a moment, trying to figure out where exactly he was feeling most of the discomfort. It was difficult for him to pinpoint sometimes with the way he processed sensations. It didn’t help that the massive cock inside of him was making him struggle to focus. 

Eventually, he gestured to his lower back. 

“Give me your hands,” Jaeyoung said. Sangwoo held them out, and Jaeyoung positioned them so that Sangwoo’s hands were on his chest and he was leaning forward instead. 

Jaeyoung could see the immediate relief on his face.

“We’ll cross that position off the list, okay?” Jaeyoung stroked his thigh. “Do you wanna stop? We can just relax instead.”

“I wanna keep trying,” Sangwoo said with his trademark determination.

“What’s your safeword?” Jaeyoung asked. 

“Red,” Sangwoo answered.

“If it’s too much, use your safeword, okay?”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded. 

“Lean your weight forward and lift your hips,” Jaeyoung instructed. 

“I’m not gonna hurt you?” Sangwoo asked concernedly, looking at where his hands were placed.

“Doll, I bench press more than double your weight when I’m at the gym. You’re light. I promise you won’t hurt me,” Jaeyoung said.

“I haven’t seen you lift weights,” Sangwoo said shyly and Jaeyoung grinned like a maniac when Sangwoo’s dick twitched between them.

“You wanna watch your strong Hyung?” he asked, wiggling his brows.

“Are you flirting when you’re in me right now?” Sangwoo asked.

“Oh, baby. I will take every opportunity to flirt with you. You’re just too pretty when you blush,” Jaeyoung grinned.

Sangwoo pouted his lips, unknowingly blowing up his cheeks as he always did when sulking because he had no response. Jaeyoung never wanted to intentionally upset him, but Sangwoo’s sulky face was one of the most adorable things to him, and it was a stark contrast to the fact that the smaller man was currently clenched around his dick. 

Jaeyoung ran his hand up and brushed against Sangwoo’s nipple, seeing him shiver.

“Go on, pretty boy,” Jaeyoung prompted.

Sangwoo tentatively leaned forward, following Jaeyoung’s instructions from before. He slowly raised himself, lowering down just as slowly.

“O-oh,” Sangwoo let out a shaky breath, doing it again.

“Better?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded, lifting and dropping down again a bit faster. 

“How does it feel?” Jaeyoung questioned, biting his lip because fuck it felt good for him but he needed to make sure Sangwoo was okay.

Sangwoo stuttered over his words, trying to express how he felt but his brain couldn’t run two programs at once. It was either talking or riding, but not both at the same time.

Instead, Sangwoo gave a thumbs-up, which felt completely out of place during sex but very in character for Sangwoo.

“Try to roll your hips,” Jaeyoung said.

“Huh?” Sangwoo looked confused.

“Try to do a body roll, like you’re dancing.”

Sangwoo couldn’t really understand but attempted it anyway, awkwardly jerking his body.

Jaeyoung held back a laugh because he knew Sangwoo was doing his best. Jaeyoung held up his hand and made a wave motion, giving Sangwoo a visual of the way he meant.

Sangwoo copied it, moving his body the same way. It immediately sent a shiver through both of them, and Jaeyoung got to enjoy the sight of Sangwoo’s abs. 

“That’s it. Good boy,” Jaeyoung nodded, squeezing Sangwoo’s slim thighs to feel the toned muscles flexing. He truly felt Sangwoo would be a good dancer. He could memorize a dance easily, and his flexibility was unrivaled. Jaeyoung stored the idea of a dance class date in the back of his mind.

Sangwoo rolled his hips again, and although it felt good, he couldn’t find the right pace. He grew more and more frustrated with the inconsistency of pleasure. Jaeyoung was letting him try to figure it out on his own, knowing that Sangwoo wouldn’t appreciate him interrupting while he was attempting to learn. 

“Help, please,” Sangwoo eventually said, frustration overpowering his stubbornness.

Jaeyoung immediately grabbed a handful of Sangwoo’s ass, using the grip to guide a slow, consistent pace. He lifted and lowered him over and over, bouncing Sangwoo on his cock.

“Color?”

“Green,” he panted. 

Sangwoo held onto Jaeyoung’s forearms as the artist started speeding up. He threw his head back as he felt Jaeyoung so deep, he wouldn’t have been surprised if he could press his hand on his abdomen and feel him moving. 

“My god, you feel so good,” Jaeyoung groaned. Sangwoo was so tight, Jaeyoung felt like his dick was being squeezed. 

“Harder, please,” Sangwoo pleaded. 

Jaeyoung sat up, holding Sangwoo around his waist as he fucked into him. Sangwoo flailed, wrapping his arms around Jaeyoung’s neck.

The older man yanked his hair, pulling his head back so he could bite Sangwoo’s sensitive throat. 

“Hyung!” he gasped. 

Jaeyoung leaned back on the bed and pulled Sangwoo down onto his chest, holding him in place as he thrusted up into him.

Sangwoo let out a shout, clinging to him as the angle sent him straight into an orgasm with no warning. Jaeyoung held him so tightly, he knew Sangwoo would have bruises all over.

He slowed momentarily until Sangwoo prompted him to continue, wanting to be fucked even after cumming so hard. The noises escaping Sangwoo were driving Jaeyoung wild.

“ Hyung ,” Sangwoo whimpered breathlessly, and it went straight to the heat building in Jaeyoung’s abdomen. 

“Oh, fuck,” Jaeyoung grunted, pounding into him until he came.

Sangwoo gasped, whining loudly and shuddering. He made a strange sound, clenching his thighs around Jaeyoung and balling his small fists up. 

It was only after Jaeyoung’s mind cleared slightly that he realized his dick was still extremely warm because he came inside of Sangwoo. 

“Oh, god. Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Jaeyoung immediately apologized, shocked that he had been so caught up in the feeling, he forgot to pull out. He fully expected Sangwoo to panic, either grossed out by body fluids in him or being sent into a sensory overload.

Instead, Sangwoo stayed still, resting on Jaeyoung’s chest. 

“Stop moving please,” Sangwoo murmured.

Jaeyoung did what he asked, not moving a muscle.

“Are you okay?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded, pressing his cheek against Jaeyoung’s pec.

“That felt… weird,” Sangwoo quietly said. 

“Bad?” Jaeyoung questioned.

Sangwoo shook his head, but Jaeyoung could feel Sangwoo’s cheek burning from the intensity of his blush. He wasn’t mad, but Jaeyoung couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or if his body was just reacting to an unfamiliar sensation.

The smaller man started shivering soon after, his adrenaline rapidly dropping.

“I need to get you warmed up,” Jaeyoung said softly. “Let’s go shower.”

Sangwoo nodded. Jaeyoung held his hips and started slowly lifting him off. Sangwoo suddenly grabbed his wrist in a death grip, looking at him wide-eyed with panic. Jaeyoung quickly realized he was scared about dripping cum.

“It’s okay,” Jaeyoung said. 

“No!” Sangwoo shook his head. “I-it won’t just…? It, um… go away, if we stay like this?” drew his brows together.

It took Jaeyoung a moment to understand what Sangwoo was asking. “You’re not a sponge, Woo. You can’t just absorb cum. It’s going to come out.”

Sangwoo kept shaking his head, looking distraught. 

“My love, I promise you, it’s okay. It’s not gross to me. Plus, there’s an entire kink for creampies,” Jaeyoung assured him.

“Don’t talk about food now!” Sangwoo whined, scowling deeply.

“It’s not about food,” Jaeyoung said. He momentarily lowered Sangwoo back down, drawing a hiss from both of them because of the oversensitivity. Jaeyoung reached over and patted around the nightstand until he found his phone. 

He quickly typed in the term and turned the screen around for Sangwoo to read. 

The younger man squinted, trying hard to understand when his mind was so overwhelmed. 

“Are you into this?” Sangwoo asked.

“A little bit. I’ve thought about it a lot but I’ve always used condoms with partners in the past,” Jaeyoung said. “I swear to you though, this was a complete accident. I would never intentionally do something without asking, and I’m so, so sorry.”

“But I don’t… I don’t wanna make a mess,” Sangwoo admitted.

“We can always clean up,” Jaeyoung said. “It’s technically my mess anyway. It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve cleaned up. Remember when I accidentally ruined a couch pillow?”

Jaeyoung had cum on Sangwoo many times before mostly on his stomach, his ass, his back, and one time on his face but it sent him straight into a sensory overload, so they crossed that off of the list. Jaeyoung was certainly no stranger to wiping down, especially with a partner who needed things neat, orderly, and sparkling clean. 

“It’s alright, Kitty,” Jaeyoung said with enough certainty in his voice, it convinced Sangwoo. The younger man nodded, allowing Jaeyoung to lift him off.

Sangwoo squeezed his thighs together, covering his face with his hands. 

Jaeyoung refused to allow himself to enjoy the sight of cum dripping down Sangwoo’s legs. He had imagined it over and over but his boyfriend was uncomfortable and they hadn’t discussed or agreed to do it beforehand. 

Jaeyoung scooped him up and carried him to the bathroom. He placed Sangwoo on his feet in the shower and blocked the spray of the cold water when he turned the faucet.

Sangwoo still had his face covered, so Jaeyoung bent down and kissed each of his fingers. As soon as the water was warm enough, Jaeyoung turned them around so that Sangwoo was underneath it.

Sangwoo peered up at him between his fingers as Jaeyoung started using the soft cloth to wash him with his favorite soap.

“My good boy,” Jaeyoung smiled, holding Sangwoo close. “Are your legs sore?”

Sangwoo nodded slightly.

Jaeyoung let out a sympathetic sound, kissing the back of his wrist. Sangwoo moved his hands to the sides of his face instead. He still looked absolutely mortified. Jaeyoung kissed his lips softly.

“I’ll give you a massage after this, okay?” Jaeyoung said. “We can have the rest of the cake in the fridge and watch that new movie we were talking about.”

Jaeyoung dipped down between Sangwoo’s cheeks as he spoke, knowing Sangwoo was focusing all of his attention on listening to the point where the smaller man hardly even noticed the action.

He did notice when a finger rubbed against his hole.

“Hyung?” Sangwoo asked confusedly.

“Either I can clean you, or I can look away and let you clean yourself,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo looked horrified but eventually said, “Turn around, please.”

Jaeyoung did as he asked but kept a hand out behind him in case Sangwoo needed something to hold onto. 

After a few minutes, Sangwoo let out a quiet, “Okay.”

The younger man had a blush on his face for the rest of the shower. Jaeyoung tried to alleviate his embarrassment, but he was also mentally beating himself up. 

When they got out of the shower, Jaeyoung towel-dried Sangwoo first, petting the curls in his hair that began to form almost immediately. 

They stood next to each other as they dressed with Jaeyoung throwing on a pair of boxers and Sangwoo selecting boxer briefs, fluffy socks, and one of Jaeyoung’s oversized long-sleeved shirts.

Sangwoo’s blush somehow managed to intensify when he saw the bed and the cum stains on the sheets.

Jaeyoung started stripping the bed, rolling the sheets into a bundle and tossing it into the hamper like a basketball. He pumped his fist in celebration when it landed perfectly and then started putting a new fitted sheet on the bed. 

“You’re really not bothered by that?” Sangwoo asked.

“No, my love,” Jaeyoung said. “I’m not remotely bothered by clean-up. I am bothered that I accidentally did something without your permission.”

He didn’t hear Sangwoo walking but he didn’t jump when arms wrapped around his waist, hugging him from behind. Sangwoo rested his cheek on Jaeyoung’s shoulder blade, leaving a number of soft kisses.

“You didn’t hurt me,” Sangwoo said.

“I hurt you mentally. You were stressed out,” Jaeyoung stopped fiddling with the sheets.

“I’m a perpetually stressed person, Hyung. You’re the only person I’m comfortable around. I just didn’t know what to do. Now that I know, I can handle it better in the future,” Sangwoo said.

“Do you actually want to do that again?” Jaeyoung asked confusedly.

“I’m not so sure about riding but the other thing… I’m okay with maybe trying again,” Sangwoo said quietly, and Jaeyoung turned around to look at him. He was avoiding eye contact, shifting on his feet the way he always did when he was shy or embarrassed.

“Is that what you want to do, or are you just saying that because you think that’s what I want to do?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I wanna try it,” Sangwoo bit his lip. “It felt… weird but good. Is it weird that I liked how it felt?” 

Jaeyoung shook his head, “No, baby. It’s not weird. Some people like it and some people don’t.”

“I didn’t like after it though,” Sangwoo admitted.

“There are ways to work around that,” Jaeyoung pet him. “We can get into details later. I’m sorry I put you in that position though. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that with no warning. You came out of your headspace really fast. I’m worried you’re gonna have a subdrop. How are you feeling emotionally?”

“Stable and happy,” Sangwoo answered. 

“Really?” Jaeyoung raised a brow.

“I get to spend another night with the one person I actually enjoy being around. I’m happy,” Sangwoo nodded. “You don’t seem okay.”

“I hate that I lost control like that. What if it had put you into an overload? Or what if it was something that could have seriously hurt you?” Jaeyoung pulled him close, unable to bear the thought of injuring the person he loved more than anything.

“But that didn’t happen,” Sangwoo said. “You always say not to fixate on hypotheticals. Listen to your own advice, okay?”

Jaeyoung cupped his cheek, “When did my boy become so good with talking things out?”

“I have a good teacher,” Sangwoo said, leaning into Jaeyoung’s touch.

“Let me finish making the bed. I promised you a massage, and I’m gonna make damn sure it’s a good massage.”

Chapter 16: Threads

AN: Thank you for waiting! Sorry about the delay. I give you the bondage workshop. Smut and deep talks. TW: mentions of past abuse (pretty much every chapter in this story because Sangwoo needs a hug)

---

Sangwoo was fidgeting during the entire ride to the workshop. It was a mix of nervousness and excitement. He had been wanting to try bondage for months, and he was slightly worried that maybe his expectations were too high.

Jaeyoung was equally as excited and nervous. He missed using ropes. Bondage was by far one of his favorite things to do with a partner. The only thing that gave him pause was his concern that it would be too much for Sangwoo and trigger a sensory overload. He made sure to bring extra medication in case Sangwoo started having a meltdown and wanted something to sedate him.

They arrived at a building that looked entirely unassuming. They ambled the perimeter, looking for any indication of where they were supposed to go. Jaeyoung finally spotted the small logo on a door down a short flight of stone steps to a sub-basement door.

Sangwoo didn’t say anything, but he was certainly thinking that it looked sketchy as hell. It was the perfect place for something that would end up on a true crime podcast. The only thing that stopped him from turning on his heels was the fact that he had Jaeyoung with him. His boyfriend was a loving giant, but he would fuck someone up beyond belief if they messed with anyone he cared about.

“We can cancel if you want, Woo,” Jaeyoung said.

“I know,” Sangwoo nodded and shrugged. “Let’s try it out. Jihye has our location. If we go missing, she knows where we’re at.”

“That’s a cheery thought,” Jaeyoung sighed. He held out his hand, waiting for Sangwoo to accept it and interlock their fingers. He kept Sangwoo shielded behind him as they descended the stairs and knocked on the door.

“Do we have to use our real names?” Sangwoo asked as they waited.

“No, we can use other names if you’re not comfortable,” Jaeyoung said. 

The door opened, and they were greeted by a tall woman. She had intricate, beautiful tattoos on her tan skin, and her hair was neatly pinned in a bun. She had an intense yet welcoming aura. 

“Please, come in,” she smiled, moving aside to let them enter.

“My name is Hayoon. This is my partner, Willow. She’ll be helping as my model,” She said, gesturing to the woman beside her.

Willow was a foreign woman in her early 30s with long, reddish-brown hair that was neatly braided. She was wearing all white, her clothes fitting tightly to show the curves of her body. 

Willow had similar mannerisms to Sangwoo down to the way she was swaying slightly, shifting weight from one foot to the other. Sangwoo’s brain seemed to recognize a fellow neurodivergent person, saw that they were calm, and in turn, calmed down as well.

“This is Bonnie. I’m Clyde,” Jaeyoung said, grinning when Sangwoo shot him an exasperated look. Of all the names he could have picked, he decided to choose the outlaw couple. 

“Fun names, but for the sake of this lesson, I’ll be referring to you by your roles. Who will be doing the tying?” Hayoon asked.

“Me,” Jaeyoung said.

“I’ll be referring to you as the rigger. It is interchangeable with the term rope top. As for you, it's your choice if you’d prefer to be called rope bottom, bunny, or model,” she said to Sangwoo.

Sangwoo’s brows drew together. “Bunny? What does that mean?”

“It’s a more affectionate term for rope bottom,” she explained.

Sangwoo didn’t like the idea of anyone besides Jaeyoung using an affectionate name for him, but he also didn’t want to be called a bottom. He was still dealing with some self-judgment that he was working on.

“Model,” Sangwoo eventually decided, but he knew for a fact that Jaeyoung would be calling him a bunny in private.

“Will we be practicing today over clothing or on skin?” Hayoon questioned.

“Over clothing,” Jaeyoung answered immediately because there was no way in hell he was about to make his intensely shy and private partner take off his shirt in front of strangers. Plus, he didn’t exactly want anyone getting to see what was meant for only him to see. 

“I know you have experience with rigging,” she said and turned to Sangwoo. “Do you have any experience being bound?”

“Not like this,” Sangwoo shook his head. The strangeness of the statement didn’t register for Hayoon or Willow, but it certainly did for Jaeyoung. He would have to ask Sangwoo later in what scenario he had been tied.

“Some people like to have music in the background, but it can be overwhelming for others. It’s a trial-and-error sort of thing,” Hayoon said.

Jaeyoung noticed Sangwoo’s little smile, no doubt remembering the conversation they’d had months ago about all things in a relationship being trial and error.

Hayoon gave the basic safety rules and then brought them over to a large selection of ropes. 

“What is the material you typically use?” she asked Jaeyoung.

“Hemp mostly, but I think he’ll like bamboo the most, with silk as a close second choice. Nothing rough or scratchy like sisal,” Jaeyoung said. 

“I have bamboo right here and silk here if you would like to test the feel of it,” she indicated.

Sangwoo hesitated slightly, looking to Jaeyoung for instruction. Jaeyoung held out his hand, and Sangwoo immediately placed his hand on top. Jaeyoung gently directed Sangwoo’s fingers to the silk first, guiding him to touch it. Sangwoo blinked rapidly, trying to process the sensation against his skin.

Jaeyoung moved his hand to touch the bamboo. He could see right away that Sangwoo preferred it and gave himself a mental high-five for his correct prediction.

“Wanna use that one?” he asked.

Sangwoo nodded, suddenly flushing with embarrassment as he accidentally made eye contact with Willow for the briefest moment. He turned away to avoid seeing them as Jaeyoung picked up the bundles and led him to where Hayoon directed them to stand.

She started explaining the bight, the center point of the rope, and how to create anchor lines to serve as the base point for the designs. 

“Can you lift your arms just a little bit for me, Doll?” Jaeyoung asked. Sangwoo obeyed, shivering as Jaeyoung wrapped a column around his waist. “Feel okay?” he questioned.

Sangwoo nodded, shifting his weight to see how it felt when he moved. He found that he very much enjoyed the slight pressure. 

“You want to be able to fit two fingers underneath the ropes. For some models, the sensation of fingers sliding under can be overstimulating. I recommend keeping two fingers under the rope as often as possible as you bind,” Hayoon said.

“Why?” Sangwoo asked quietly.

“To make sure it’s not too tight and that circulation is all good,” Jaeyoung explained.

“If there are any areas you know for a fact are uncomfortable for your model, you can work the ropes to avoid it. As much as we love symmetry, our models’ safety is more important. Willow doesn’t like to be touched here,” Hayoon gestured to a place on Willow’s outer right thigh. “To make sure she’s comfortable, I will attach this rope up here first, slide it over, and then go back to her leg in a different area.”

Hayoon slid the rope under the one on Willow’s waist, pulling it taut to move it over toward the front of her pelvis. She then moved it down to reach just above Willow’s knee, wrapping it and creating a design that looked almost like a flower.

Jaeyoung hooked his thumb under the rope as he wound it around Sangwoo, making sure it didn’t slip down and brush against a no-touch zone. He had a look of concentration but was simultaneously watching Sangwoo’s reactions.

He bent slightly, his face close to Sangwoo’s. The younger man snatched up the opportunity to place a kiss on Jaeyoung’s cheek. The artist blinked in surprise, grinning from ear to ear and kissing Sangwoo’s forehead.

“My good boy,” Jaeyoung whispered.

As nice as Hayoon and Willow were, Jaeyoung felt more like they were a distraction to him than a help. He was in his element, forming the ropes to work with the planes of Sangwoo’s body. Now that he was actually doing it, he was 100% certain he could handle binding Sangwoo, even with sensory issues. It was as if his brain was instinctively avoiding no-touch zones, and Sangwoo was, for once, staying perfectly still. 

Jaeyoung stepped back slightly to inspect his handiwork, keeping a hand on Sangwoo’s shoulder to maintain physical contact. Sangwoo looked not just relaxed but content as well. The ropes felt like a more pointed pressure therapy. 

Jaeyoung stroked his cheek, admiring the light blush and seeing how Sangwoo’s eyes were slightly glazed. He was right on the precipice of subspace- held back only by being around strangers. 

“Feel okay?” Jaeyoung asked again. 

“Mhmm,” Sangwoo nodded.

Hayoon peered over, inspecting closely.

“Well done,” she nodded approvingly. “I love seeing a rope top who can adapt so well.”

Sangwoo smiled, happy that his boyfriend’s skills were being acknowledged. It was a dopey smile that had Jaeyoung giddy because it meant that Sangwoo felt he deserved the praise.

“My love, do you wanna try it directly on your wrist?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded, offering them both. Jaeyoung lifted Sangwoo’s right hand, kissing his inner wrist softly. He delicately brushed the wrong against his skin, watching his reaction closely. Sangwoo shivered but didn’t pull away or give any indication of discomfort.

“Okay?” he asked.

“Mhm,” Sangwoo nodded.

Jaeyoung did a square knot double column tie on his wrists just to see how he would respond, as he knew it would likely be the most common binding they would do if Sangwoo was comfortable with it. Sangwoo pulled against the ropes the slightest bit to test the strength. He flushed even brighter, giving Jaeyoung the look that told him that he was enjoying it. 

At some point, Sangwoo started unconsciously tuning out Hayoon, his focus settling on Jaeyoung. The taller man listened to what she was saying so that he could relay it to Sangwoo when he was more alert.

By the time the two hours were up, Sangwoo had ropes crisscrossed around his entire body and looked like he was just barely stopping himself from dropping to his knees and kneeling. 

“Very good. Our time is coming to an end. Do you have an aftercare routine?” Hayoon asked.

“Yes. May we use some of those items?” Jaeyoung nodded to the table in the corner, which had aftercare materials.

“Absolutely,” she said. 

Jaeyoung slowly untied the knots, keeping an arm around Sangwoo to hold him up. He kept whispering little reassurances, kissing his cheeks every time he switched sides to undo a knot.

Willow was smiling, taking little peeks at them.

She whispered something to Hayoon in a language Jaeyoung didn’t recognize, but Sangwoo immediately responded with another foreign word, almost on instinct. Willow giggled, hiding her face on Hayoon’s shoulder.

“Huh?” Jaeyoung tilted his head.

“She said we’re very cute,” Sangwoo said, feeling almost like he was drunk.

“What language was that?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Swedish,” Sangwoo leaned on him.

Jaeyoung stroked his hair, hugging him tightly as the last knot came apart. He checked Sangwoo over, making sure he wasn’t hurt in any way.

“Any pain?” he questioned.

Sangwoo shook his head, pouting for a quick peck that Jaeyoung happily obliged.

Jaeyoung brought him to the table and wrapped him in one of the soft-looking blankets. He gave him water and kept a hand on the back of his neck the whole time, rubbing soothing circles.

At first, Sangwoo didn’t think it was necessary. They hadn’t done anything “sexual,” but then he realized how slow his brain felt as he watched Jaeyoung’s hands move, gently massaging his arms. 

Jaeyoung didn’t really learn anything that he hadn’t already known, but it was in-depth learning for Sangwoo (for the time he was aware), and that made it worth the cost.

Once Sangwoo looked more alert, Jaeyoung called a taxi. They said their goodbyes to Hayoon and Willow, who were in the midst of their own aftercare routine. 

During the whole ride home, Sangwoo was wrapped around one of Jaeyoung’s arms, rubbing his cheek against Jaeyoung’s shoulder affectionately. 

Seeing Sangwoo in ropes had done something to Jaeyoung, and now Sangwoo was being touchy and affectionate. Jaeyoung was physically holding himself back from trying to ravage Sangwoo in the backseat of the taxi. 

Jaeyoung kept his sweater in his lap, covering up his hard-on because the poor driver did not sign up to see that. Sangwoo was confused as to why Jaeyoung was right behind him, practically pressed against his back as they got out of the taxi. Jaeyoung shepherded him inside the apartment. 

“Hyung?” Sangwoo asked, letting out a sound of surprise as Jaeyoung lifted him up, pinning him to the door and kissing his throat.

“Do you want me to stop?” Jaeyoung questioned, mouthing against his jawline.

“N-no,” Sangwoo tilted his head to give him more access, wrapping his legs around Jaeyoung’s waist.

“You look so good in ropes,” Jaeyoung slid his hand under Sangwoo’s shirt to trace where he had tied him. “So pretty. I wanted to draw you.”

“Hyung,” Sangwoo moaned.

“Did it feel good?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded, his words getting tangled as Jaeyoung pressed him harder. Jaeyoung kissed him breathless, loving the little keening sounds Sangwoo was letting out.

“Bed?” Sangwoo panted.

“It’s not too much?” Jaeyoung asked, wary about pushing him too far after the workshop.

“No, no. Bed. Bed is good,” Sangwoo said between kisses and pointed to the bedroom.

Jaeyoung carried him in, stripping him bare. He imagined all of the designs he planned to eventually bind Sangwoo in.

Jaeyoung spread Sangwoo’s legs, pressing a slick finger inside. As impatient as he felt, wanting to be in him as soon as possible, it had been two or three days since they last fucked, so he made sure Sangwoo was thoroughly prepped and opened.

“Wanna try something fun?” Jaeyoung questioned once he deemed him prepped.

Sangwoo nodded, trusting him entirely. He was surprised when Jaeyoung picked him up again, bringing him to the bedroom wall.

“Okay?” Jaeyoung asked, pinning him.

“Yes?” Sangwoo looked at him curiously as he held onto him. “What are we doing?”

“Wall sex,” Jaeyoung grinned.

Sangwoo locked his legs around Jaeyoung’s waist, moaning as the artist lined up his cock and slowly pushed into him. 

“Hyung!” he gasped, the new angle they had never tried making him shiver.

Jaeyoung stayed still, letting him adjust.

“Move,” Sangwoo squeezed his shoulder.

Jaeyoung started thrusting slowly, watching Sangwoo’s eyes become unfocused.

“So good, baby,” Jaeyoung kissed him.

Sangwoo tilted his head to the side, baring his throat. Jaeyoung sucked the soft skin, biting lightly.

“H-harder,” Sangwoo panted.

Jaeyoung sped up, fucking into him with more strength. Sangwoo slid his fingers into Jaeyoung’s hair, pushing him down slightly against his neck.

“ Harder , please,” Sangwoo said breathlessly.

Jaeyoung nearly blew his load then when he realized what Sangwoo was asking for.

Jaeyoung bit the junction between Sangwoo’s shoulder and throat, not deep enough to break skin, but enough to give Sangwoo the pain he wanted. Sangwoo arched against the wall, crying loudly as he came between them.

Jaeyoung pounded into him, using his body weight to keep Sangwoo pinned while he ran his hands down to Sangwoo’s ass and squeezed. 

“Fuck, Kitty. I’m close. I’m gonna cum,” Jaeyoung reached down to pull out but Sangwoo suddenly locked his legs tightly around his waist.

“I-I want it,” Sangwoo said, barely audible. 

“Are you, ah, are you sure?” Jaeyoung asked, barely holding back.

Sangwoo nodded, and it was the shy look with glazed eyes and blushing cheeks that sent Jaeyoung over the edge, cumming deep inside of him.

Sangwoo unconsciously clenched around him as he felt warmth flood him, drawing a groan from the older man. His hips twitched, rocking into Sangwoo. The younger man started whining, panting against Jaeyoung’s lips.

Jaeyoung finally stilled, unable to continue with the overwhelming tight heat on his cock.

Sangwoo buried his face against Jaeyoung’s throat, kissing his collarbone. His limbs were still wrapped loosely around Jaeyoung, the tiredness slowly taking over. 

“You okay?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded, letting out a contented sigh.

“Shower,” Jaeyoung said, not pulling out until they were under the water.

Sangwoo grimaced as he felt cum dripping down his thighs before Jaeyoung positioned him under the stream. The smaller man was shaky, his legs trembling as they always did whenever they had sex.

Jaeyoung had no trouble keeping him up. He had become exceptionally skilled at holding Sangwoo and washing him at the same time. Jaeyoung peppered his face with kisses, tilting his head back as he washed the shampoo out of his hair.

“Should I let it grow and stop straightening it?” Sangwoo asked.

Jaeyoung held himself back from immediately shouting “YES!” Instead, he asked, “What brought this up?”

“You like my curly hair, and Noona and Jihye keep telling me it would look good longer. They also said I should go blonde, but I don’t know about that,” Sangwoo said.

“You stopped wearing hats when I said you looked better without them. My love, you’re so stubborn, but you get swayed easily sometimes. Is it what you want? Do you want your hair longer and curly?” Jaeyoung asked.

“I think… I’d be willing to try. If I don’t like it, I can go back to how it is now,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung grinned ear to ear. It delighted him whenever Sangwoo experimented, especially when it came to his routine. Styling his hair to lie flat was something he did every morning, and he diligently trimmed his hair to keep it the “proper” length. 

When they got out of the shower, they dried off and dressed in pajamas. Sangwoo yet again stole one of Jaeyoung’s shirts. It was like he intended to rob Jaeyoung’s entire wardrobe, but the artist didn’t mind if it meant he was able to see Sangwoo wearing his clothes. 

Jaeyoung pulled Sangwoo into bed, hugging him against his chest. 

“How did you feel about earlier today?” Jaeyoung asked, wanting a more in-depth conversation. 

“I liked it,” Sangwoo blushed. “I… wanna do it again. Just us, though. They were nice, but it was weird being around other people.”

Jaeyoung nodded, fully understanding what Sangwoo meant. He was vulnerable when he was in subspace, and he didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of anyone except Jaeyoung.

“I promise, it’ll just be us from now on. I’m proud of you. I know that was hard for you,” Jaeyoung kissed the top of his head.

“Did a part of you like being in front of someone else?” Sangwoo asked.

“Yes and no. You looked so pretty, I’m sure many people would have been raging with jealousy, and I think I kinda enjoy that. I want people to see how gorgeous my boy is and know they could never have him. At the same time, I don’t want anyone else to get to see you submit. That’s just for me ,” Jaeyoung said, pulling him as close as possible. 

Sangwoo shivered. He never thought he would enjoy a possessive partner, but it made him feel wanted. He felt that he was actually important to someone for the first time in his life. 

“I liked how it felt. I thought I would panic being restricted, but it was good,” Sangwoo said.

“How did it feel on your wrists? Any discomfort or sensory issues?” Jaeyoung asked.

“It felt… reassuring?” Sangwoo said, confused by his own emotions.

“Was it grounding?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“That’s a better description of it than ‘reassuring,’” Sangwoo nodded. 

“So, my rope bunny happens to be a rope kitty,” Jaeyoung grinned.

Sangwoo wrinkled his nose, cringing at the cheesiness of his words. “Ew,” he said.

“Why ew? It’s true!” Jaeyoung laughed.

“Why don’t I get to call you something stupid?” Sangwoo pouted.

Jaeyoung gasped dramatically, “How is ‘Kitty’ stupid?”

“No, not that one,” Sangwoo blushed. “The rope one.”

Jaeyoung’s smirk widened, and he leaned in, “Have you finally embraced that nickname?”

“You’ve been calling me it for months,” Sangwoo shrugged, but the blush stayed on his cheeks.

“You know, you really would look adorable with cat ears. I think I know what we should do for Halloween since we didn’t celebrate last time.”

Jaeyoung saw Sangwoo’s annoyed face and poked his soft cheek, “I know you were sick. I’m not blaming you. We still had a good time, right? Besides the sick part, obviously.”

Sangwoo nodded. Although he had been mostly bedridden, Jaeyoung took care of him, and they ate pumpkin pie while watching Halloween-themed movies.

“So, no Rope Kitty. Hmm, I’ll have to come up with something else,” Jaeyoung said.

“I wanna call you something too,” Sangwoo said, a whiny tone in his voice that he wasn’t even aware of, but it always aroused Jaeyoung a little. He secretly enjoyed when Sangwoo was a little bratty because he loved how easily Sangwoo fell apart and obeyed when he started giving orders. 

“What do you want to call me?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo stared at him for a moment, trying to think of something. “I don’t know,” he admitted.

“Would you be adverse to trying ‘Sir’?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Hesitant but not entirely against it,” Sangwoo said.

“How about ‘Master’?” Jaeyoung questioned, but with a far more teasing tone.

“Hard no,” Sangwoo shook his head. “That’s what I called my father.”

Jaeyoung spluttered, looking at him wide-eyed. “Are you serious?” He asked. “You called your father Master ?”

“I wasn’t allowed to call him anything else,” Sangwoo said.

“What did you call your mother?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Mistress, but I usually wasn’t allowed to speak to her,” Sangwoo said. “I lost speaking privileges when I was four. I was only permitted to say something if it was important.”

Jaeyoung held back the scream he felt bubbling in his chest. Knowing Sangwoo wasn’t even allowed to talk broke his heart. 

“Why can’t I think of a stupid nickname for you?” Sangwoo pouted, continuing the conversation as if he hadn’t just mentioned something that was undoubtedly horribly psychologically scarring. He seemed desensitized to his own trauma, and all Jaeyoung wanted to do was keep him warm, fed, safe, and happy. 

“You’ll come up with one eventually,” Jaeyoung assured him.

Sangwoo hummed, plopping his head down on Jaeyoung’s chest as he started settling. Jaeyoung reached over and pulled the blankets more on top of Sangwoo, making sure he was covered entirely.

“Night, Hyung. I love you,” Sangwoo said.

“Good night, Woo. I love you, too. Always.”

Chapter 17: Bound Bonds

AN: Thank you guys for waiting! Sorry for such a long pause. As an apology, here's a chapter that's pretty much pure rope bondage smut! TW for discussions of past abuse. I think it is kind of a given at this point. Sangwoo deserves hugs, and Jaeyoung is happy to provide them. Next chapter, Sangwoo meets the rest of the fam!

---

“My love,” Jaeyoung called him softly.

“Hmm?” Sangwoo looked at him as he pulled his book out of his backpack. His heartbeat always fluttered a little whenever Jaeyoung called him that.

“You said something during the workshop, and I think we should talk about it,” Jaeyoung patted the couch next to him.

Sangwoo froze, rerunning everything he said to try and figure out what it was.

“Come sit, Kitty,” Jaeyoung prompted, drawing him out of his racing mind.

Sangwoo obeyed, sitting down next to him with a deep scowl on his face.

“When Hayoon asked if you’ve ever been tied before, you said, ‘Not like this.’ I need to know what that means,” Jaeyoung said.

“Oh… that. I, um, you’re gonna get mad again,” Sangwoo bit his lip.

“I’m not gonna get mad at you,” Jaeyoung frowned.

“Not me,” Sangwoo said quietly. “Mad at my parents, and I think you’re already still upset from last night.”

Jaeyoung blanched, “Fucking hell. Of course, I’m angry, but I need to know. Your parents tied you up?”

“When I had meltdowns or if I wouldn’t sit still, they’d tie me to a chair in the closet until I stopped. If I was misbehaving, I had to stay there and recite scripture by memory since there were no lights. It’s why I sometimes get nervous when it’s too dark to see,” Sangwoo started fidgeting, but he opted to climb into Jaeyoung’s lap.

Jaeyoung hugged him tightly, stroking Sangwoo’s hair. It was as much for Sangwoo’s comfort as his own. He couldn’t bear the thought of his beloved boy being tied up and crying all alone in a cold, dark little room.

Every time he thought he understood the depths of the cruelty of Sangwoo’s family, he learned more information that made him question the entire concept of humanity.

Jaeyoung decided he would ask his mother how to approach bringing up the topic of therapy again. The first time Jaeyoung mentioned it, Sangwoo expressed his discomfort. His experiences with therapy consisted of being berated by religious leaders telling him he was the cause of all of his family’s hardships, which had Jaeyoung’s blood boiling.

Jaeyoung knew he couldn’t be both a therapist and a boyfriend, especially when Sangwoo’s trauma was so intense. Sangwoo made it clear that he didn’t want Jaeyoung to act as a therapist, only telling him the necessary things rather than exploring the emotions surrounding traumatic events. 

Now, having Sangwoo cuddled against his side, Jaeyoung was willing to give Sangwoo the whole world if he asked for it. 

“I trust you, Hyung. I know I’m safe when I’m with you,” Sangwoo said, and Jaeyoung felt his throat tighten. It was almost overwhelming to know that someone who so deeply feared and distrusted others felt safe and comfortable with him. 

---

Sangwoo was, by far, the most experimental partner Jaeyoung had ever had. It was an absolute shock considering how important stability and routine were to him. He usually needed to know something would be good, like a restaurant they hadn’t tried yet, but he was open to all sorts of things when it came to sex.

Sangwoo liked it rough. He finally accepted the fact that he was a masochist, and that it didn’t mean he was broken. He didn’t need to have a reason to like what he liked. Jaeyoung knew exactly how to handle him. They solidified more boundaries after the workshop, and Jaeyoung couldn’t have been happier. 

It was already clear that Sangwoo loved praise, desperately craved it. Yes, he certainly leaned far more to the “brat” category, but he wanted to please Jaeyoung. Humiliation was a hard limit for him, which wasn’t a surprise in the slightest. 

One of the things that certainly elevated sex for them was that Sangwoo had an almost non-existent refractory period. He could cum multiple times quickly. Sangwoo enjoyed both overstimulation and denial, though he favored the first. There was a very fine line while edging Sangwoo when his desperation turned to anger, and it took some time for Jaeyoung to be able to identify it.

A week or so after the workshop, when Jaeyoung knew they were both free the following day, he asked Sangwoo, “Do you want to try the rope on your skin?”

Sangwoo looked to see Jaeyoung standing in the doorway, shirtless, holding black rope. He had one end wrapped around his hand, tugging to test the give. It made his biceps bulge. The sight of him had Sangwoo swallowing harshly, eyes shifting between the rope and Jaeyoung’s face.

He stood up from his place on the couch and nodded, face blushing bright red as he walked to Jaeyoung. He dutifully followed Jaeyoung to the bedroom. 

Jaeyoung stripped him, kissing his cheek softly. He gently dragged the rope across Sangwoo’s abdomen. Sangwoo shivered, feeling the texture of it against his skin directly.

“Color?” he asked.

“Green,” Sangwoo said.

“Because you haven’t had good experiences with ropes, I’m going to be checking in with you more frequently than usual. If you feel like you can’t talk, I want you to raise one finger for green and two for yellow when I check in. Three taps or snaps for red. If, at any time, you feel uncomfortable, signal to me, okay?”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded. 

“Good boy. I would like to tie you up and use the vibrator wand on you. How does that sound?” Jaeyoung asked, grinning when Sangwoo’s eyes went wide.

“It sounds good, but… I want you too,” Sangwoo looked away, embarrassed to admit it.

“You may be a little too tired for it. We’ll play it by ear, okay? Can you interlace your fingers and put your arms up as high as you can? I want to make sure it won’t hurt your shoulder,” Jaeyoung said, giddy that Sangwoo was actually telling him what he wanted. 

Sangwoo locked his fingers and raised his arms, holding still as Jaeyoung inspected.

“Any pain?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo shook his head. It relieved a little bit of the tension in his shoulder. 

“Good. You can lower them, Doll. I have a pair of scissors right here. I can cut the ropes easily,” Jaeyoung held them up before placing them down on the side table. “I’m gonna create a harness first, and then I’ll tie your wrists, okay?”

“Okay,” Sangwoo nodded, allowing Jaeyoung to position him and adjust him however he needed.

Jaeyoung carefully avoided no-touch zones, working the ropes around Sangwoo’s body. He could see Sangwoo’s eyes slowly glazing over. The comforting feeling of pleasant restriction was lulling him into a calm, head lolling in Jaeyoung’s direction as the taller man moved around him.

By the time Jaeyoung was satisfied with it, Sangwoo had diamond patterns along his chest and abdomen. The black color was stunning against his skin, matching the color of Sangwoo’s pupils, which were blown so wide that hardly any color could be seen.

He bound Sangwoo’s wrists together, created a quick-release tie on the side that would unravel the bonds if pulled. He threaded the end through the wooden slats of the headboard. Jaeyoung had tested their strength before to make sure it would be safe.

“Give a little tug,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo did so, pulling on the ropes. He let out a breathy moan, a shiver of pleasure running through him when he realized that they didn’t budge.

“Good?” Jaeyoung grinned.

“Yes,” Sangwoo said quietly, cheeks blushing.

Jaeyoung made sure he was wearing his softest sweatpants as he straddled Sangwoo’s thighs, pinning his legs down. Sangwoo tried to wiggle underneath him, but found he was unable to move with Jaeyoung’s weight on top of him.

“Feel alright?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded, letting out a shuddery breath as Jaeyoung ran a hand over Sangwoo’s chest.

“God, you look gorgeous like this,” Jaeyoung admired, rubbing Sangwoo’s sensitive nipples. He made a note to show Sangwoo nipple clamps at some point, considering his partner’s predilection for pain. 

Curious to see Sangwoo’s reaction, Jaeyoung turned on the small vibrator and brushed it against Sangwoo’s nipple. The smaller man gasped, eyes widening.

“Whoa,” Sangwoo blinked in surprise. 

“Liked that?” Jaeyoung raised a brow.

Sangwoo eagerly nodded, arching as Jaeyoung trailed it along the rope to his other nipple, circling the bud. 

Jaeyoung started moving lower and lower until he was running it over the curves and planes of his pelvis. 

“Ready, Kitty?” Jaeyoung asked, giving him a warning rather than just abruptly touching him. 

“Yes, Hyung,” Sangwoo nodded. 

Jaeyoung experimentally dragged the vibrator along the underside of Sangwoo’s cock, loving the keening whine that came out of him.

“Color?” Jaeyoung asked.

“Green,” Sangwoo bit his lip, moaning as Jaeyoung repeated the action.

The artist was absolutely rock hard in his pants. It had been a long time since he had done something like this. He enjoyed giving pleasure. He enjoyed his partners handing control to him. It was all the more intoxicating when it was Sangwoo willingly giving him that sort of power. 

For someone who felt so out of control when things didn’t go exactly as planned, Sangwoo seemed more than happy to hand Jaeyoung the reins. He was content to let Jaeyoung decide what pleasure he should receive. 

Jaeyoung circled the vibe around the head of his cock, adding slightly more pressure. He brushed it right over the slit, and Sangwoo let out a shout. 

Just as he started moving it again, Sangwoo gasped, “Wait, wait!” Jaeyoung took his hands off right away, lifting himself enough so he was no longer on Sangwoo’s thighs. He gave Sangwoo a moment to collect himself without touching him. 

“Sorry,” Sangwoo muttered.

“You alright?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo nodded.

“Too much?” Jaeyoung questioned.

“No, it just… It was too good,” he blushed.

Jaeyoung grinned, leaning down to kiss his cheek when he realized Sangwoo had stopped him because he almost came.

“I didn’t anticipate this turning into edging, but if you don’t want to cum too soon, tell me when you’re close. I’ll let you calm down, and then we can keep going. How does that sound?” Jaeyoung asked.

Sangwoo held up one finger for green, not trusting his own words. Jaeyoung settled down again, carefully avoiding brushing against the spot on Sangwoo’s thigh that he hated being touched.

“Wiggle your hands. Feeling any numbness?” Jaeyoung checked.

Sangwoo moved his hands and shook his head to let him know he was alright.

Jaeyoung patted Sangwoo’s hip and asked, “Ready to try again?”

Sangwoo nodded, and Jaeyoung turned the vibe on again, trailing it along the places he knew Sangwoo liked. 

Sangwoo was writhing, moaning as he pulled on the ropes. Whenever he felt himself approaching the verge of his orgasm, he’d gasp out “Close!” and Jaeyoung would stop. 

The time in between each pause shortened as Sangwoo’s sensitivity increased. Eventually, Sangwoo couldn’t even tell him he was close, only able to make sounds that Jaeyoung could easily recognize. 

“Color?” Jaeyoung asked.

“G-green,” he gasped.

Sangwoo started pleading to let him cum, trembling under Jaeyoung’s careful ministrations. The sound of Sangwoo begging had Jaeyoung painfully hard, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the beautiful sight of Sangwoo bound and crying for relief.

Jaeyoung paused, letting him catch his breath. “My doll, do you want to keep going or do you want to cum?” he asked.

Sangwoo took a couple of breaths and held up one finger to let Jaeyoung know he wanted to keep being edged. 

Although Sangwoo was begging, he was enjoying Jaeyoung being in control of his orgasm. Despite how his mouth was blurting out words, he didn’t actually want it to stop just yet. It was exactly why Jaeyoung had taught him about safewords- to differentiate between things said in the passion of the moment and genuinely needing to stop. 

Jaeyoung continued to tease him, edging him as he babbled pitiful attempts to persuade Jaeyoung to let him cum.

During the next round, Jaeyoung could see him getting close and held the vibrator on just a little longer, right until he was at the very verge, before pulling away. Sangwoo thrashed under him, crying out and cursing as he was denied again.

Jaeyoung had to squeeze himself to relieve some of the pressure on his aching cock. Sangwoo had tears on his cheeks, frustrated and so close. He looked utterly wrecked, desperate to the point where he would give anything just to find release. 

Jaeyoung could tell that his patience was about to reach its limit after the next round. Any more and he would risk Sangwoo shifting from enjoyment to anger. He pressed the vibrator just below the head of Sangwoo’s cock and used his free hand to pull on the crossed ropes at the center of his chest, drawing the ropes tight around his body.

The restriction and the vibrations on one of the most sensitive areas had Sangwoo letting out sounds that would play on repeat in Jaeyoung’s mind. 

After being edged for so long, Sangwoo’s orgasm was strong enough to make him see stars. Jaeyoung was certain Sangwoo had fainted for a few seconds, going completely lax for a moment.

As soon as he started coming back to his senses, he pouted with glazed eyes. 

“You okay, my love?” Jaeyoung asked, though he knew exactly why Sangwoo was whining. His boyfriend was usually very easy to read during sex.

“Please. I want you,” he said quietly.

Jaeyoung reached up to untie his wrists, but Sangwoo shook his head.

“Woo?” Jaeyoung looked at him closely.

“Not yet,” Sangwoo said.

Jaeyoung was relieved that Sangwoo was still mentally cognizant enough to speak and to react, but Jaeyoung was worried about pushing him even more when he’d already been pushed so far. 

Jaeyoung backed up slightly, climbing off of Sangwoo’s thighs and pushing his legs open. Jaeyoung kneeled between them, tracing his thumb over Sangwoo’s sharp hip bones.

He gave Sangwoo a bit longer to recover, giving him the opportunity to figure out if he could actually handle anything more. Sangwoo gave an impatient huff, hooking a leg around Jaeyoung’s waist, trying to pull him close.

“ Hyung ,” Sangwoo keened in that tone he knew drove Jaeyoung wild.

“Oooh, that’s not fair,” Jaeyoung leaned down, nipping Sangwoo’s collarbone, but it certainly worked as Jaeyoung quickly grabbed the bottle of lube.

Jaeyoung coated his fingers, circling the tight hole before slowly sliding one inside.

“Should’ve used the plug,” Sangwoo muttered, annoyed that his own lack of foresight led him to have to wait longer to be fucked.

Jaeyoung snickered, leaning down to kiss him. “Always so impatient,” he shook his head fondly.

“I won’t break, Hyung. Come on,” Sangwoo urged.

“No,” Jaeyoung said sternly. “I’m not rushing this just because you don’t want to wait. I will not risk hurting you. You are far too precious, my love.”

That certainly shut Sangwoo up. His cheeks turned a delightful pink as he shivered from the intensity of Jaeyoung’s words. “Precious” was an adjective he had never associated with himself, but he loved the way Jaeyoung said it.

He moaned as Jaeyoung added a second finger, and eventually a third finger as he scissored them. Sangwoo didn’t protest at all for the rest of the time that Jaeyoung prepped him.

“Color?” Jaeyoung asked as he withdrew his fingers.

“Green. Very green,” Sangwoo eagerly spread his legs wider.

Jaeyoung slicked his cock and slowly began pressing in, holding Sangwoo’s hips. Sangwoo’s back arched, brows drawn up as he tried to make his body relax enough to take all of Jaeyoung. The artist paused halfway, letting him adjust before going any further. 

Once Sangwoo nodded, Jaeyoung continued until he was finally buried all the way inside of him. Jaeyoung ran his hands over the ropes and Sangwoo’s soft skin, listening for any sounds of discomfort.

Sangwoo started rocking his hips, trying to urge Jaeyoung to move. He went to wrap his arms around Jaeyoung only to be reminded that he was still bound. 

He was hit with simultaneous feelings of helplessness and arousal. The thought of being at someone else’s mercy should have terrified him, but he instead felt as if he was about to cum again already.

Seeing his desperation, Jaeyoung started drawing back and sinking in with slow, languid thrusts. He continued the same agonizingly slow pace until Sangwoo started loudly begging him to go harder and faster. 

Jaeyoung obliged such a lovely request, groaning as the sound of skin on skin rang out. Sangwoo went silent for a moment, arching as he clamped down hard around Jaeyoung’s cock. He came over his stomach, adding to the mess already there.

Jaeyoung reached up and pulled the release loop, disconnecting Sangwoo from the bed frame. He took Sangwoo’s still-bound arms and placed them around his neck as he pulled the smaller man onto his lap.

Sangwoo buried his face against Jaeyoung’s throat as the artist thrusted into him roughly, pulling him down each time to fuck him as deeply as possible. The sounds Sangwoo was making spurred Jaeyoung on, wanting to give everything Sangwoo was pleading for.

“S’ good, Hyung,” Sangwoo panted, tears on his face from the overwhelming pleasure.

“How are you so perfect for me?” Jaeyoung asked.

Jaeyoung pulled the cross sections of the ropes on Sangwoo’s back, drawing them taut around him again. The constricting sensation paired with a cock buried so deep inside of him dragged Sangwoo over the edge once more. 

The artist slowed momentarily, ready to stop if Sangwoo needed after back-to-back orgasms. Sangwoo tried to roll his hips, biting Jaeyoung’s neck. Jaeyoung wasn’t sure if it was intentionally harder than necessary. It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time Sangwoo tried to provoke him into being rough.

Jaeyoung pulled his hair, forcing his head back to look at him. He caught the faintest tug of Sangwoo’s lips as the younger man tried to hide his smirk, and it answered his question.

“You’re a menace,” Jaeyoung snorted, kissing him hard as he started using the grip on the ropes to bounce him. Each thrust punched a sound out of Sangwoo. His whole body was shaking, flooded with pleasure as Jaeyoung continued to plunge into him.

Jaeyoung moaned, gripping Sangwoo’s hips as he came deep inside of him, rocking through the waves. Sangwoo’s legs clenched around him at the feeling before his body went lax against Jaeyoung.

After a quick check to make sure Sangwoo hadn’t fainted, they both stilled for a few moments to catch their breath.

Jaeyoung gently laid him back down, not pulling out quite yet. He began untying him, and Sangwoo looked as if he’d been through a sex marathon, well and truly fucked out. Jaeyoung softly kissed his reddened wrists, admiring the indents the ropes had left across his body.

“Beautiful,” Jaeyoung smiled. “You have no idea how much I want to draw you like this.”

Sangwoo shivered, but Jaeyoung couldn’t tell if it was interest or dislike. He certainly wasn’t about to ask since he knew Sangwoo would likely make no sense at all. Sangwoo looked like he was in another universe, but he was still able to listen to Jaeyoung speak.

Jaeyoung picked him up, carrying him to the shower. Once the water was heated, Jaeyoung stepped in and slowly pulled out, feeling Sangwoo shudder as cum trickled out before being washed away. Jaeyoung tried to place him down, but Sangwoo refused to let go, keeping his arms and legs wrapped around him like a koala bear.

Sangwoo was light enough that all he had to do was keep an arm around his waist to hold him up. It was a slightly strange position, but Jaeyoung managed to get them both mostly clean without nearly drowning Sangwoo under the showerhead. 

Sangwoo let out an alarmed sound when Jaeyoung tried to put space between their chests, but the artist shushed him with a calming voice, assuring him it was just so he could clean them properly.

The difficult part came with drying off. Jaeyoung did his best to towel them both, but they were still soaking wet.

“Kitty, I have to set you down for just a moment. You can still hold onto my neck, but I need you to stand for a second,” Jaeyoung said.

Sangwoo huffed and unwrapped his legs from Jaeyoung’s waist. Jaeyoung kept his head bent low enough that Sangwoo didn’t have to stand on his tiptoes to hold on as he dried them both off.

Sangwoo was pressing soft kisses on the junction of Jaeyoung’s neck. The gentle affection had something stirring in Jaeyoung’s chest. There was no one else in the world who would get to experience that softness from Sangwoo. That treatment was reserved for Jaeyoung only, and God, there was nothing he cherished more.