Chapter Text
Peace was a tentative, fragile thing. Sometimes, how easily it broke made Amaya wonder if people- humans, elves, dragons- were simply more comfortable being at war. She certainly felt at home on the battlefield and in combat, heart beating in time with the rhythm of the fight, but a soldier adapted to environmental changes and overcame the subsequent challenges. She would adapt to this, too, in time. Not to mention, there was a particularly compelling reason for her to embrace the peace.
In the aftermath of the Battle at the Storm Spire, the last ditch defense to protect the Dragon Queen from Lord Viren’s misguided, corrupted army, the defenders were left to figure out the next step with only the nebulous concept of peace. Queen Aanya would take her forces back to their borders, King Ezran would return to Katolis, and Queen Janai would… find somewhere for the Sunfire elves to call home for the moment. The corruption of dark magic still tainted Lux Aurea, preventing her people from returning to their home, but they had land and ruins and a drive to one day reclaim their abandoned city. Somewhere in all that, there would be peace talks and trade agreements and policy after policy- necessary paperwork and administrative concerns and tedious minutiae.
Thankfully, Amaya didn’t have to concern herself with that. She kept her focus on the simple and practical: securing supply lines, and supplies, to aid the Sunfire encampment. With the breach sealed- and the only beings capable of bearing the heat of the lava firmly in the ‘allies’ category- her presence at the Breach was no longer necessary, allowing her to devote her time and energy to helping the Sunfire elves. King Ezran had given her explicit permission to do exactly that, hoping to foster an era of true, strong peace.
Thankfully, he’d also left her with her own soldiers to help oversee the aid mission, and the Standing Battalion followed her orders with the exacting professionalism she expected of them. That meant she spent less time attending to the smaller details and could focus on some of the ‘big picture’ aspects.
Today, her only major concern for the day was checking the latest shipment of tarps so they could continue building tents to accommodate everyone. Between her soldiers and the relatively comfortable temperature of the season, there wasn’t much complaint at sleeping under the stars, but even the most hardened soldier appreciated a bit of privacy, a chance to come ‘home’, even if that home was a temporary one. The sooner they could get a proper tent for every person, the sooner they could turn their attention to purifying Lux Aurea of the dark taint and returning the Sunfire elves to their proper home.
Amaya walked through the burgeoning encampment with Gren a step behind her as always, surveying the progress while trying to ignore the nagging thoughts at the back of her mind. Her priorities were, as always, dictated by the situation before her, even when it went against what she, personally, desired. The mission came first.
She stopped and turned, looking to her friend and second-in-command and began signing. ‘We’ve made good progress. But it feels… cramped.’
Gren responded in kind, signing without speaking, as he was wont to do whenever there wasn’t a third party present. ‘This is a larger encampment than we would normally build. Between us and the Sunfire elves, it’s almost triple the people.’
‘I understand,’ she replied, pressing her lips into a thin line briefly. ‘But not what I meant. This is not a military encampment; we are not a marching army. But it feels like that. This is supposed to be a temporary city.’
It was difficult to put into words. The best she could describe it was the distinct lack of paths wide enough for a cart to pass; even within the protective walls of the castle, buildings were spaced out enough that wagons could get nearly anywhere, even if that meant going around a line of buildings. Here, there was enough space to walk and that was about it, except near the stables where necessity prevailed.
‘It’s easier to keep things tight and contained.’ Gren frowned. ‘Keeping guard and moving supplies is easier when it’s a smaller perimeter.’
‘So is spreading disease, among other things,’ she countered, then looked towards a few young Sunfire elves not too far away, attempting to play some manner of game in the tiny space between tents. ‘Rigid practicality is fine for soldiers, but there are civilians here. Stifling leads to frustration, which breeds worse things.’
Gren’s expression then changed to one of sympathy. ‘You don’t want to make things more difficult for J-a-n-a-i.’
He spelled out her name carefully, the motions not quite second nature yet. He left out her formal title now, between the two of them, though he never did so when speaking aloud as far as she could tell, regardless of their audience. She appreciated his understanding and discretion more than she would ever be able to articulate.
‘She lost her sister, her home, and became Queen all in the space of a few hours. She bears it well but I want to lessen her burdens where I can.’ Amaya shook her head slightly, more frustrated by her own helplessness than anything. Given an enemy to fight, she would be far more effective, but this was peace and she hadn’t been trained for this. ‘We must do what we can to help.’
Gren gave her an encouraging smile. ‘I think you help her more than any of us could hope to, but I will see what can be done.’ He turned his head, either catching motion or hearing something, then looked back at her. ‘And to prove my point- you should go.’
He then pointed somewhere behind her and, when she turned to look, she saw Janai, walking between the tents with a severe furrow to her brow and stiffness to her shoulders that spoke of the heavy, invisible burden she carried. Amaya nodded towards Gren, effectively dismissing him. It was the sensible course of action but it did send a small ball of anxiety to settle in her chest; he could begin searching for other options to help the encampment feel more like home but that meant she would be without her ‘voice’ in a sense. It put her on the backfoot.
Not that Kazi wasn’t a good translator when they were present, of course. But Gren had a better feel for the particular ways she signed, and what that meant- plus, he was more willing to translate her coarse speech into… something approximating it with a bit less punch. Kazi just found polite ways of conveying similar sentiments.
Shrugging off the anxious feeling, she strode towards Janai with confidence, lamenting the lack of Kazi anywhere in sight. It just meant she’d have to get a little creative with how she communicated and made that little ball of anxiety just a bit bigger.
“Ah, Amaya, good morning,” Janai said upon catching sight of her, inclining her head. “I trust the supplies from yesterday’s shipment are being put to good use?”
She nodded, not bothering with the little details at present.
“Excellent.” Her expression faltered briefly, looking elsewhere. “At least one thing is going to plan.” Amaya frowned, setting a hand on the woman’s shoulder. “I apologize. I’m simply… frustrated.”
‘Talk?’ While Janai wasn’t fluent in Katolian sign language, she was learning, with Kazi and Gren as her teachers. Why she hadn’t asked Amaya to teach her was a mystery but she assumed there was a sensible reason for it.
“Yes… but not here.” Frankly, Amaya rarely concerned herself with those around her when she spoke- with the exception of her nephews. Sarai would’ve turned her into a scarecrow herself if she’d caught her younger sister introducing the boys to foul language, so she made sure to stay mindful when around them. Others, though, she didn’t show as much concern for, mainly because Katolian sign language wasn’t as well known as it could be; she had little fear of being ‘overheard’, so to speak, and thus rarely held her tongue. Janai, though, seemed perpetually concerned about being overheard. “Come.”
Amaya followed Janai on a winding path through the encampment, watching as the woman stopped briefly to either talk to various Sunfire elves or acknowledge others. She hadn’t quite learned all the customs of the Sunfire elves- she could barely tell commoners apart from nobles in Katolis, nevermind another kingdom altogether- but she could gather a few details. Most of her acknowledgements were out of politeness, a response to the royal salutes directed her way- something she’d noticed the previous Sunfire Queen didn’t always do. Then again, she’d only met the late Queen once, and it was her sister giving the salute; Sarai would’ve thrown something at her if she’d given a salute like that every time they talked. Honestly, part of her wished she’d come up with something like that. The resulting bruise would’ve been worth being able to annoy her sister.
Absently, she considered that Sarai was on her mind a lot as of late. She often thought about her sister, of course- she thought of her every time Callum tried lying or Ezran snuck a jelly tart, when the boys laughed and played, because she could see her sister in them so easily then- but now… perhaps it was a special, grim sort of empathy she shared with Janai now, understanding the pain and agony of losing an elder sister in battle.
She’d gotten sidetracked. Somehow, she found herself not only willing but also actively allowing herself to be distracted when around the Sunfire Queen. Perhaps it was because she felt she could let her guard down a little; although Janai had technically never defeated her in single combat, Amaya wasn’t so foolish as to claim she won any of those altercations. Her hypervigilance wasn’t strictly necessary because anyone catching either of them by surprise would sorely regret it, if they accomplished it at all.
Amaya refocused on watching Janai, how she responded to her people, showing each as much consideration as they seemed to expect. Those who gave their salute as a brief break from their other duties returned to them the moment they were acknowledged; those who seemed to seek conversation were given it, though brief. Personally, Amaya had worked rather hard to avoid the stuffy, pretentious meetings of nobles whenever she could, attending only the meetings that required her attention when military expertise or her particular brand of stubbornness was useful. While there were sure to be some differences, Sunfire royalty seemed to operate by similar principles.
But once they reached the edge of the encampment, being permitted to leave with a mere nod to the patrol standing watch, Amaya watched the woman transform. She’d seen Janai as the smug and fluid ambusher at the Breach, the blazing Golden Knight of Lux Aurea, and the steel nerved, ferocious defender of dragons at the Storm Spire. Many in the encampment had seen those sides of her, and they feared or respected her for them. But every now and then, Amaya was given the opportunity to see this side of Janai- the unsure, the worried, the hesitant. Off the field of battle, without the pounding of adrenaline thudding through her veins, she was… soft.
Amaya wished she could see this side of her more often, if only because it was when she was softest that Janai was most prone to sporting a wide smile that reached into her eyes and made them shine in a way completely different from the dancing fire of the Light or the burning lava of heat-being. It reminded her of their shared Crackledrake meal, of the tentative first steps into something… different. Something new. Them talking to each other not through combat or interpreters but to each other.
Slow, simple, gentle- it was not the typical way of a soldier, but they didn’t need to be mere soldiers around each other, crystallized forms of their respective homelands’ ideal version of honor and deadly combat proficiency. They could be soft, slow, gentle, around each other, with each other.
Amaya noticed Janai’s shoulders moving, as if she was talking. Sometimes, the Sunfire elf forgot that Amaya couldn’t hear her, but she usually caught herself- like now, whirling around with an apologetic expression, quickly mouthing an apology. “I should know better by now.”
‘You’re fine,’ Amaya signed with a kind smile.
“I’m just… frustrated.” Amber eyes clouded over with annoyance as she began to pace, being more mindful to stay turned towards Amaya so her lips could be read and trying to keep herself from speaking too quickly. She didn’t always succeed but Amaya could fill in the blanks and appreciated the attempt. “Lux Aurea remains tainted, just on the horizon; at first, I thought resettling the ruins would bring my people hope, a reminder that we have triumphed before and will again, but now, I’m not so sure.” She stopped, her shoulders sagging slightly. “I… do not like being unsure.”
Amaya stepped forward, trying hard to find a way to convey what she wanted. First, she tried signing. ‘It’s normal to feel like this. You are a soldier, a warrior- even as war remains ever changing, there is certainty in knowing your armor, your blade, yourself, your mission. That’s what you need to do now: remember your mission.’
It’s clear by the way Janai’s brows pinch that she didn’t catch all of it- probably not even enough to fully understand what was said. At various points throughout her life, Amaya had been in this exact position: trying to communicate and unable to, because she couldn’t ‘speak’ in a way they understood. It was alienating, frustrating, and- more than anything- it made her feel like she didn’t belong , and she hated that feeling.
Then Janai stepped forward and mimicked some of the motions. “Remember? My? … mission?” Amaya nodded, that feeling sliding away, because while she was slowly learning, Janai was learning. She was trying. “What is my mission?” Then, understanding seemed to dawn as she repeated the question, this time to herself. “What is my mission?”
Amaya put a hand on her shoulder and pointed towards the horizon, towards the sickly taint covering Lux Aurea.
“Reclaiming Lux Aurea… that’s part of it.” Janai frowned, putting a knuckle to her chin. “But reclaiming our city will be meaningless if we take no lesson from losing it. Khessa was too quick to judge Lord Viren- it made her vulnerable. I must find a way to honor our past without repeating those mistakes, and find a way to build for a new, brighter future.”
The Sunfire elf looked back at her, as if needing reassurance, so Amaya nodded. ‘Big task.’
“Big task? Perhaps. But a necessary one.” Janai’s expression turned pensive. “What about you? What is your mission?”
She faltered, for a second, not anticipating the question. Try as she might, no answer she formulated in her head seemed to be entirely the truth… until she accepted that they were all facets of one truth. So, she pointed. ‘You.’
“What?” Janai tilted her head, confused, the light of the day catching on the gold bangles around her horns. “Me? What do you mean?” Before Amaya could try to answer, she shook her head and her mouth moved but barely- perhaps a smothered curse- before she straightened. “Come here.”
Then, Janai grabbed her hand and led her back into the encampment, striding quickly and purposefully. Amaya was along for the ride at that point, unable to hide the slight smile on her lips. The Sunfire Queen must’ve been making at least a little noise, as those in her path were alerted and moved clear so as not to impede either of them. Having seen how dignified and regal Janai was on their journey out of the encampment, their trip back into it firmly reminded Amaya that she was still the Golden Knight of Lux Aurea, the same woman who’d quite nearly killed her at least three times.
Finally, Janai seemed to find what- or, rather, who- she was looking for, bringing them to an abrupt halt in front of both Gren and Kazi, who seemed to have been engrossed in a casual conversation up until that moment. With the grip on her hand released, Amaya stepped around so she could get a better view of everyone’s lips.
“I need your help. Both of you,” Janai said, directing her words at Gren and Kazi. “I need to understand what she means.”
“Well, what did she say?” Kazi ventured, a bit of a quiver to their voice, while Gren merely raised a brow in Amaya’s direction.
Now with a voice Janai could readily understand, Amaya chose to answer the original question in full while settling some of the confusion she could see in her interpreters’ eyes. Gren did the speaking, as usual, while Kazi nodded along, as if to confirm his translation. ‘I spent so much of my life on the battlefield or not far from it; it is easiest to think in certain terms. I asked Queen Janai what her mission is, to help her focus on what’s important. Then, she asked me what my mission is, and the answer is… complicated.’
Janai crossed her arms over her chest. It might’ve come off as intimidating to one unfamiliar with the woman but Amaya understood this as a defensive stance- an attempt to keep her emotions in check. “What makes it complicated?”
‘There are many answers I could give but none are quite right.’ Kazi seemed to be paying earnest attention to her motions and they seemed happy to let Gren do the talking for the moment. Though he didn’t let a hint of it out in his voice, she’d known him long enough to be relieved she was finally being honest about this particular subject. ‘The obvious answer is: help establish a new home for the Sunfire elves, to foster peace between Xadia and Katolis. This is what my nephew, King Ezran, expects of me. But, his order came after I asked for it.’
“You… asked for this?” Janai was letting her guard down again. “Why?”
‘Because we are friends,’ Amaya replied simply. ‘But we were enemies, once. We fought each other hard and honorably. And when I could’ve let you die- or killed you myself- there was no reason. Bloodshed would not have helped then. So, I helped you up, and submitted to being your prisoner. My own people thought me dead; there would be no rescue. I understood that.’ That last part made Gren glance away briefly in shame. He had confided in her that he was embarrassed that he’d even considered, for a moment, a mere explosion amongst several tons of rock and lava was enough to kill her. She promised not to tease him about it too much. ‘But my honor demanded it- just as your honor demanded you plead for my life to your Queen, your sister. You could’ve let me die there. You didn’t; you told me how to survive. We were even then.’
“So… it’s because I still owe you a life debt.” The Queen frowned slightly. “I would’ve certainly been killed by the Dark Mage had I been able to charge. You stopped me. You saved my life- and injured yourself in the process.”
‘And you, so soon after losing your home and your sister, marshaled your forces and brought them to the Storm Spire.’ She looked to Gren, inviting his appraisal of the situation. ‘If not for them, and your strength guiding them, my nephews…’
“While I would rather not entertain the idea that we would’ve arrived too late to save the Dragon Prince or King Ezran…” Gren winced. “General Amaya has a point.”
‘And when I was not strong enough to keep fighting, when I needed a moment’s respite, you fought in my stead.’
“If you think that means I hold you in a life debt, you are mistaken.” Janai made a motion with her hands- not a sign, but it conveyed her point well enough. “We’re even.”
‘Of course we are,’ Amaya replied with a smirk. ‘Because we are friends.’
“Has she answered the question yet?” Janai’s patience was wearing thin, turning from Gren and Kazi back to Amaya. “Have you answered the question yet?”
She gave a cheeky grin. ‘Yes and no.’
“You’re impossible,” Janai grumbled, and she would’ve missed it if not for Gren dutifully signing to ensure she understood.
‘You must remember, I, too, share some of the blame for Lux Aurea’s fate.’ Her mirth disappeared. ‘Viren’s descent into darkness- I saw the signs. I thought I had him under control. I was wrong. I did not stop him when I could’ve.’
“By that logic, do I not share the blame as well?” Amber eyes, warm and rich, looked so sad then. “I led him to my sister, watched as his corruption was revealed, and what did I do? Turned my back, thinking the high priests would be able to handle it.” Her shoulders sagged. “It does not ease the pain much… but we made sensible decisions in the moment. We could not have known how things would go.”
Amaya nodded, a smile on her lips. ‘You want my answer. This is why it’s complicated. It would be easy for me to say that my mission is to help you as much as I can because that is what my King wants, or because I wish for peace, or because we fought so hard for it, or because it is my duty to set right all of Viren’s wrongs for failing to stop him. All of these are true. But they are not my mission.’ Then, she shrugged. ‘My mission is you, Janai, whatever you want to build, the future you envision, I want to help you achieve it. Because we are… friends.’
She hesitated on the last sign. Gren noticed, Kazi noticed, Janai noticed, but she refused to look sheepish for it. Amaya had kept to a simple rule thus far: assume nothing had changed until Janai said so. She was Janai’s prisoner until the woman had said they were friends over the burning crackledrake meal and that’s where their relationship would stay until… if… Janai chose to change that.
Her heart had already made its choice. Perhaps foolishly, because falling in love in the heat of battle was an objectively poor decision, but she hadn’t let her heart interfere with her duties or delude her into thinking things might change. That they had was a pleasant surprise, no doubt, but darkness lingered not just over Lux Aurea and she didn’t have a penchant for unchecked optimism.
And she was a soldier, first and foremost. No matter how things played out, she would adapt and overcome.
“Friends.” Janai signed for herself, looking between Gren and Kazi before her gaze drifted back to Amaya. She looked at her hands and straightened, seeming to collect herself. “Friends. Is that what we are?”
‘Well, we could go back to when-’
“You do not need to translate that part, I know what that means, she’s done it enough times -” Although she couldn’t hear the rising irritation in Janai’s voice, she could see the way the woman became more animated and Gren fought to hold back laughter while Kazi looked like they wanted to run for cover. She would never let the woman forget that brief period of time when she was a prisoner, and she would keep bringing it up until Janai started teasing her back. Really, the fact that the first words Janai understood from Amaya was a ‘way to accommodate her sword’ would never stop being hilarious. Again, the Sunfire Queen seemed to take a moment to collect herself before sighing, clearly exasperated. “Sometimes, you are an impossible woman to love, Amaya.”
That stopped her amusement in its tracks. She might’ve misread Janai’s lips… but Gren was dutiful. He wouldn’t mistranslate now but she decided to make sure. Tentatively, she made the gesture. ‘Love?’
“Yes.” Janai nodded, her expression softening as her arms crossed over her chest tightly. “Love.” Her gaze darted back towards Gren and Kazi for a moment before she signed for herself while speaking. “I love you, Amaya.” That, however, seemed to be the extent of her signing- that, or nervousness had taken hold. “I am not familiar with your customs for courting- neither am I in a position to offer… much… but… I appreciated your challenge when we were enemies. I have enjoyed your companionship over the past several months. And I would like… to… love you. At least the chance…”
‘I would like that, too.’ She ignored the light blush on Gren’s cheeks as she could imagine hers was ten times worse. ‘All I ask for… is you,’ Amaya signed with a gentle smile as Janai relaxed and returned the expression. ‘That’s all you need to offer.’ Then, she pressed her lips into a thin line and looked directly at Gren and Kazi. ‘Queen Janai and I need to speak alone. We have much to discuss.’
“Amaya,” Janai said, and while she couldn’t hear the woman’s voice, the look in her eyes spoke to a warning. “I don’t know-”
‘Wait.’ She understood that sign, at least, and allowed herself to be led back to Amaya’s tent, where she quickly grabbed a bit of parchment, a quill, and some ink. With the supplies in hand, Amaya gave her a nod, hoping it would be enough to convey that they could go wherever the woman wished to continue the conversation.
The Sunfire Queen seemed to think for a moment before gesturing towards the tent. It was modest for a General of her standing but Amaya had never liked an overabundance of space. It would accommodate them both, though, so they ducked inside, pulling up a chair for Janai while she dragged her travel chest over to act as a seat. Although Gren didn’t claim credit for the idea, her battalion had decided to pack up her things and bring them on the march, attaching her war gear to her horse and having it near the head of the column; it was a way of having their missing-in-action commanding officer marching alongside them.
She gave Gren a good natured lecture on wasting time and resources on a theoretical corpse but thanked them for the honor regardless.
“What makes you think I can even read Katolian?”
Amaya gave the woman a flat look before rolling her eyes, scribbling an answer on the parchment and turning it so the other woman could read. ‘You’re royalty, a commanding general, formerly stationed at the biggest hot spot between two warring nations, and you can speak to others without an interpreter. You can read Katolian.’
Janai’s eye twitched. “By that logic, you should be able to read my script.”
‘New stuff, yes. Can’t read ruins.’ Then, Amaya turned to lean her elbow on the field desk, just to add a bit more sassiness as Janai read the next line. ‘Now, done stalling?’
“I’m… not sure what is left to talk about.” Janai looked away, though she allowed her gaze to be redirected with gentle fingers on her chin. “What do you want me to say, Amaya?”
She thought about that for a moment, then turned her attention to the parchment. Amaya was a soldier, and a damned good one at that, but she was no poet. She read often, though. It took extra time for her to think through her words, to write them as one who would speak, but she hoped it would help.
‘It is not what I want you to say. It’s what I want you to know. I love you. I think it started when you were clinging to the cliff’s edge, looking up at me. The defiance in your eyes, the refusal to beg mercy or help, the pride- I respected it, yes, as a fellow warrior, but it was more than that. I knew for sure since the moment you ushered me away from the Light. I wouldn’t have admitted it then, but now, I see it for what it was. You showed me compassion- compassion I don’t think I earned. I have seen your ferocity in battle, your strength, your cunning, and I love these parts of you, but it is the softness in your heart that I love most of all. I want to protect it. I want to be your shield. How public or private that is, whether I stand by your side for all to see or only when there are no eyes, that is for you to decide. My mission is you. Whatever you want, however you want. I will do it. I am a General of Katolis. But I am also a General of Janai.’
When she finished, she leaned back, read through her words, then nodded and slid the parchment towards Janai. It was difficult, waiting for her response, her reaction, but Amaya had spent her whole life watching and waiting, compensating for a sense she never had. But she’d learned patience, and to withhold judgment until understanding dawned.
Many would probably call it treasonous, and she wouldn’t put Gren in the position of choosing between speaking those words or letting Kazi be the one to translate. Ezran, though, her king and nephew, he would understand- perhaps best of all, despite his youth. He wouldn’t understand the emotion as she felt it but he would understand what it felt like to straddle two worlds which had been at odds for longer than he could remember. And if put in the position where she had to choose, her duty would be to Katolis, and he would give her a sad smile and a hug, and mourn with her what was lost.
But Janai would not make her choose. Amaya believed that more than anything.
Eventually, the woman finished reading, and turned watery amber eyes towards her. Amaya couldn’t begin to guess what prompted the tears, whether they were good or bad, until three fingers slid along her cheek and guided her into a kiss.
It was soft, and gentle, and all the things Amaya could’ve hoped for- and she felt reasonably certain those were tears of joy accompanying them, for the way Janai pulled at her.
When they parted, Janai had a smile on her lips even as tear tracks gleamed on her cheeks. “Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be annoyed with someone who says such sweet things?”
Not one to disappoint, Amaya quickly scrawled out a response. ‘No. That’s your job.’
The woman laughed, and though she couldn’t hear the sound, seeing the joy that came with it was enough for her.
But then the moment of joy passed, and though there was still happiness in her eyes, there was also a dark cloud. “Khessa was wrong about you. She called you worthless. She could not see you as I do. As a beast.”
It wasn’t the first time Amaya had been called something similar to that, though it did make her raise a brow in askance. Usually, it was not intended as a compliment.
“A noble beast.” Janai elaborated. “Tenacious, vibrant, vicious- a force of nature. Not to be destroyed or cast aside but to be revered- from a safe distance.” Amaya had to admit, she rather liked that description. “I didn’t want you to die. You deserved a warrior’s death at the very least, not an execution. But then…” She reached out, gently taking hold of Amaya’s hand and turning it over, softly tracing the edges of newly healed skin. “Losing Khessa… the fury I felt… I was blinded by rage. When you tackled me, tried to hold me down… why didn’t I assume you’d lied to me? That it was all a ruse? That you were taking advantage of my distraction to kill me?” She shook her head. “Because I knew in my heart, even through the pain, that you wouldn’t do that. I already trusted you. I don’t know when it happened; I can’t define it as neatly as you. But suddenly, you were not just an enemy I respected. You… were something more. And you understood my pain.”
Amaya did. The passing of years dulled the ache but it would always be there. And when it was raw, fresh, and angry- she didn’t think she had the sort of compassion Janai did, nor the sense to see past the pain. In many ways, Janai was a better person than her, and she loved that about her as well.
“Fighting beside you was when I could admit it to myself. That it was not hate burning a hole in my chest. And standing at your side in front of Queen Zabei… I was proud to earn that.” Then, she straightened up, suddenly resolute. “I am proud. And I will not hide what makes me proud. At my side is where I want you, because at your side is where I want to be.” Her expression softened ever so slightly. “I do not like uncertainty. But I love you, Amaya. I am certain of that.”
Amaya reached out and drew her into another kiss, smiling softly and holding one hand in hers as she wrote a simple reply. ‘Then this beast will give you her leash, and be all the happier for it.’
Almost immediately, Janai’s expression pinched in annoyance, her other hand going to cover her face- the upper part, though, so Amaya could still see her lips. “This is going to be like the ‘prisoner’ thing, again, isn’t it?”
She considered it… but instead shook her head and smiled. This one, she decided, would be between them, not a tease to be thrown about where anyone could see or hear. A pet name, of sorts- no pun intended.
Amaya turned the hand in hers and lifted it to her lips, kissing Janai’s knuckles. Then, she took up the quill again. ‘I don’t know the courting traditions for Sunfire elves. I don’t really know them for Katolis royals, either. I’m not a fan of ceremonies. But share your burdens with me, your pain and your joy, and that is enough.’
Janai nodded, her shoulders shaking with a little laugh. “I do that already, no?”
‘You could stand to do it more. Lean on me. Let me be your rock.’
“My rock, my shield, my noble beast.” Janai’s eyes sparkled for a moment as she smiled. “Very well. There is… one thing.” She glanced down. “Your armor… you have not repaired it.”
That was true. At first, it simply wasn’t a priority for her- for the most part, it was still serviceable, and she didn’t anticipate any more hopeless battles against dark magic anytime soon- but now that they were at least starting to truly set up camp and establish themselves… she just hadn’t gotten around to it.
Well, that technically wasn’t true; with a considerable amount of Lux Aurea’s goods and processed resources abandoned within the city, Amaya had done the courteous thing and abstained from having her armor mended so the high grade metal they did have could go to forging Janai’s crown and royal vestments. While she didn’t always see eye-to-eye with royalty, Amaya could understand the symbolism and sentimentality of losing the tactile things that represented people and hope; part of her still hated that she didn’t know what happened to Sarai’s spear. Even a replica- there could be comfort in that. And Janai and her people needed comfort right now.
Amaya had become distracted, looking up when she noticed Janai’s mouth moving and gently signing for her to start again, which she did. “When you repair your armor… please add this.” She gestured towards the golden scales of her armor now incorporated into her regal vestments. “This design… it is reserved for the Golden Knight of Lux Aurea. As well as whoever the Knight deems worthy of wearing it.”
She raised a brow at the ‘deems worthy’ part, but the way Janai looked away briefly, the light blush in her cheeks that was oh-so-hard to see due to the shade of the tent and rich color of her skin, led her to believe that there was probably a word that summed it up better. Perhaps ‘betrothed’ or ‘partner’ or ‘lover’- in the end, she decided, it didn’t matter. She had a word of her own, and she wasn’t afraid to use it.
Amaya set her right fist against her cheek and drew it down to her chin, then alternated her hooked fingers.
Janai’s brow furrowed briefly. “Girl… friend? Girlfriend?” Amaya nodded and she smiled in response. “Yes. Girlfriend. I believe the proper term would be ‘consort’ but… I like girlfriend, too.” A pause, a brief look away before marshaling her strength. “I would… like you to add gold to your armor, that all Sunfire elves may see you as I do.”
Amaya couldn’t help but tease. ‘As a beast?’
Rather than falling for the bait, Janai smiled wider and laid her hand on her chest. “As mine.” Amaya couldn’t help but chuckle soundlessly, amused by the rejoinder, though things turned serious again swiftly. “Amaya. I am serious. If not adding gold to your armor, then some other way- some way to show people without words.” Her brows knit together as she reached out and cupped Amaya’s cheek, her touch gentle. “I do not like uncertainty, ambiguity- this is not the time for discretion. I will not tolerate anyone mistaking your importance to me. You call yourself my General and there is truth in this; you command my heart. Let others see that.”
In any other circumstances, the tightness in her chest would be highly concerning, but at present, she understood the cause. The whirlwind of emotions winding her so tight until she could feel herself bursting at the seams- unbridled happiness, overwhelming pride, and love above all- and she couldn’t help but move, leaning forward for a kiss, until she was pressing Janai against the back of her chair and threatening to tip the damn thing over. Some small thought in the back of her mind pointed out that two sensibly armored women crashing to the ground, one atop the other, couldn’t possibly be comfortable, but that it was not winning the battle as the Sunfire Queen pulled her close.
And then, somehow, they ended up flat on Amaya’s back, and she distantly figured out that it was because Janai had surged forward and unbalanced the both of them.
Two women in armor- one in full plate and the other in what accounted as medium armor- laying one atop another was, in fact, very uncomfortable, but neither seemed to care, because Janai was now hovering over her, burnt red dreadlocks cascading down, like rays from her own, personal sun.
Carefully, Amaya worked her arms between them. ‘I love you.’
In reply, Janai gave her a soft look that said everything, then leaned down and kissed her again.
Eventually, they got back up and dusted each other off, because they still had duties to attend to, and Amaya acknowledged that her back would likely be a bit sore come the morning, but that was fine. Well worth it, in fact.
Janai took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Perhaps I’ve failed to mention but… I sense you may understand. It’s been very difficult to sleep at night.”
Amaya’s brows pinched in concern. ‘Why?’
“My position demands that I sleep in the finest of accommodations, with a luxurious bed. It’s very uncomfortable for one accustomed to a soldier’s lodging. Too big, too… empty.” Janai looked away, briefly, a bit of a blush creeping into her cheeks. “I think, perhaps, it would bother me less if I could share it. Wouldn’t you agree?”
With a smile, she nodded, gesturing around to the contents of her tent. ‘Gren and I will start moving.’
A frown touched her lips and Amaya worried, briefly, that she’d misunderstood. But then, Janai took a step over, knelt down, and grabbed a box filled with cleaning equipment for her armor. “I may have been born a princess and crowned Queen, but I was a soldier just as you were. I can still carry quite a bit of weight.” Then, she smirked. “It goes both ways, Amaya. I share my burdens with you; you share yours with me.”
She couldn’t imagine how goofy the smile that spread across her lips must’ve looked to the casual observer as she signed her assent. She grabbed the chest that had acted as her seat and nodded, and then the two made their way back to the temporary palace. They earned a few curious looks- a few guards attempted to take the Queen’s burden but she refused them; the Katolian soldiers were wise enough to not even try offering- but continued on proudly, side-by-side, step-for-step.
Peace was a tentative, fragile thing. But if she could find home in rich amber eyes and warm arms, then it was worth fighting for peace.