You couldn't hate me more than I hate myself

by sugarsniaz

Summary:

"I'm done," I declared, my voice shaking with anger and frustration.

Sarawat lifted his head from the papers he was reading, his eyes piercing through mine with a cold, unreadable expression. It was as if he was daring me to continue, taunting me with his silence.

"If you're doing this just to get me out of your face, congratulations. It worked," I spat, my voice rising with each word. My fists were clenched so tight that my knuckles turned white.

"I'm done with this. I'd rather go back to my old position with lower pay than work under you," I snarled, my hands shaking with rage.

But Sarawat's response was not what I expected. He chuckled bitterly, a sound that echoed around the room and sent shivers down my spine. He slowly walked towards me, every step calculated and precise. I turned to face him, my heart pounding in my chest.

"You think very low of me, Mr. Teepakorn," he said in a low, menacing voice that made my blood run cold.

Chapter 1: Prologue

"I'm done," I declared, my voice shaking with anger and frustration.

Sarawat lifted his head from the papers he was reading, his eyes piercing through mine with a cold, unreadable expression. It was as if he was daring me to continue, taunting me with his silence.

"If you're doing this just to get me out of your face, congratulations. It worked," I spat, my voice rising with each word. My fists were clenched so tight that my knuckles turned white.

"I'm done with this. I'd rather go back to my old position with lower pay than work under you," I snarled, my hands shaking with rage.

But Sarawat's response was not what I expected. He chuckled bitterly, a sound that echoed around the room and sent shivers down my spine. He slowly walked towards me, every step calculated and precise. I turned to face him, my heart pounding in my chest.

"You think very low of me, Mr. Teepakorn," he said in a low, menacing voice that made my blood run cold. "Do you really believe that I'm doing this out of spite towards you? Is it not my position that you're after?" he asked, his eyes flashing with anger.

"I know exactly what you're capable of," he said, his voice dripping with venom. "And it's not much. You're weak, Mr. Teepakorn. Too weak to handle the pressure of this job," he continued, his words cutting deep.

"Do you really think you stand a chance of taking over my position and consistently dealing with pressure from higher-ups?" he sneered. "I'll give you this: if you last a week, I'll be impressed. If you last three days, I'll be amazed," he said, his voice filled with sarcasm.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I refused to let him see how much his words were hurting me.

Already walking away, his voice trailing behind him. "So, if you want to transfer, go ahead," he said, with a cold, dismissive tone. "Running away seems to be your specialty, anyways," he added, his words like a slap to the face.

I was struck speechless, my mouth agape in disbelief. A torrent of conflicting emotions surged through me, and I quivered with rage and apprehension as Sarawat sank into his seat. His words reverberated in my mind, resonating with a raw truth that I couldn't ignore.

Chapter 2: But do I want to say goodbye to all the glowing eyes?

Notes:

it’s been so so long since the last time I have wrote a whole ass chapter so bare with me please ;-;

◈━━◈━━◈━━ Tic ━━◈━━◈━━◈

Today, there was a small event happening at the music club, and my boyfriend kept begging me to be there with him, even though he wasn't performing. He just wanted to spend some quality time together, as we used to do, with each of us wearing an earbud and listening to music while watching others perform. I promised to be there if I got the time, but he gave me a pout in return, and was a bit whiny about it too, but who am I to resist his cute pleas.

Following the directions from their most recent Instagram post, he walked through the hallways and into the open, eventually reaching the location of the event. As expected, the area around the small stage was crowded with mostly Sarawat's fans, leaving no space up front except for the very back where he stood. From his spot at the back, he could see his boyfriend standing nonchalantly on the side of the stage.

It's hard to believe that this tsundere can act like such a baby most of the time, and can even be quite clingy too, huh? I chuckled to myself.

Raising my hand to wave and call out his name, I was interrupted by a random girl beside me.

"Don't they look good together?" Her words caught my attention,

"As one of Sarawat's fans, I hate to admit this, but I can't deny that they look really good together," her friend replied, referring to the girl standing next to Sarawat who was about to perform.

"They're more of a fit than him and Tine, I don't understand what he sees in-," but I zoned out at that point, her last words echoing in my head.

As unsettling thoughts emerge from the depths of my mind, it feels like they're lurking, waiting for the perfect opportunity to surface - like a moth drawn to a flame, eager to reveal themselves at the slightest hint of insecurity.

"Tine!" Suddenly, a voice breaks through my thoughts, calling out my name. 

I turn my attention to the owner of the voice and meet his gaze - looking into the most radiant pair of eyes I have ever seen, filled with nothing but affection and warmth. His charming smile keeps me spellbound, and in that moment, those troubling thoughts fade into oblivion, 

but never truly vanishing.

 

 

◈━━◈━━◈━━ Tac ━━◈━━◈━━◈

Our friends have been pestering Sarawat and me all week to join them for drinks on Friday. Normally, we prefer spending our evenings in the comfort of our own home, either cuddling, listening to music, or fooling around, if you know what I mean,

After finally agreeing to meet their friends at their usual bar, Sarawat offered to go and fetch the next round of drinks, it was actually my turn to get the drinks, as I had lost a game with those crackheads earlier, but Sarawat, being the gentleman that he is, insisted on getting them instead.

While Sarawat was waiting at the bar for our drinks, a guy approached him and began flirting, as evidenced by his suggestive body language and sly smirk on his face. It was no surprise to me, though - it seems like no matter where we go, be it with men or women, Sarawat has a way of drawing people to him like a magnet.

I couldn't help but grin when Sarawat didn't even spare a glance for the guy who was obviously flirting with him. As much as I adore Sarawat, I have to admit, there are times when I'm glad my boyfriend isn't the most sociable.

Despite Sarawat's lack of interest, the guy continued to follow him over to our table as he brought our drinks.

To be honest, I lost interest halfway through the interaction. I've seen this scenario play out countless times before - Sarawat rejects them, and they react with either disappointment, embarrassment, or anger, muttering a few curses as they walk away and call it a night.

But this time, things were quite different. As I was lost in the conversation with the others, I heard Sarawat say something that caught my attention.

"Actually, that's my boyfriend over there," as he gestured towards me with a wide grin on his face, looking at me with such tenderness that he looked so soft and adorable, like a kid proudly showing off his drawings. I couldn't help but smile at the sight.

I could feel the guy following Sarawat's gaze as it landed on me, and his expression turned sour as he scoffed.

"Yeah, sure, and that's Elon Musk over there," he said sarcastically as he snickered.

As soon as the guy made his sarcastic comment, Both Man and Boss burst out laughing, Although I knew they were both tipsy, their laughter still hurt a little, and my smile instantly faded at his response.

Sarawat placed the drinks on our table before turning around to face the guy for the first time that night. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he spat out, his anger evident as he furrowed his brows and squinted his eyes, glaring at the guy.

"Do you really expect me to believe that a gorgeous man like you would be with someone as dull-looking as him?" I was hurt, not by his words, but by how quickly I found myself agreeing with him.

The atmosphere shifted, and I could sense the tension rising. Sarawat was on the verge of of punching the living daylights out of this guy, and that's no exaggeration. But to my relief, before I even had a chance to react, Man stepped in, taking a punch for the team. He did it so smoothly that it was almost as if it never happened, diffusing the situation before it escalated and we got kicked out of the bar. 

I couldn't believe this was happening, especially when we were all just hanging out after so long. It made me wonder if we should have just kept things the way they were. 

Man was wincing in pain and holding his cheek as he turned to face the guy, saying firmly, "He's not interested, just leave."

The nerve of that guy as he said, "If you ever change your mind, my table is over there." I couldn't believe the audacity of this guy. Sarawat shared the same disbelief and scoffed, shaking his head as he took his seat beside me.

Meanwhile, Boss, who was already drunk, slurred out, "Why is it so hard to believe that Tine is your boyfriend?" He giggled as he took another sip of his drink. Man chimed in, trying to ease the tension, "Haha, yeah, why is that?" He forced a laugh, but I could tell we were all uncomfortable.

I mustered up a fake laugh, hoping to appear unbothered by the situation. However, I couldn't shake the feeling of being closely watched by certain individuals. Despite my attempts to deceive them, I knew that they could see right through my façade.

Despite this, I decided to push the feeling aside and continued with the rest of the night as if nothing had happened. 

Yet, a particular thought lingered in the back of my mind, safely tucked away from prying eyes.

◈━━◈━━◈━━ Toe ━━◈━━◈━━◈

"Shit" I muttered to myself, clutching Sarawat's favorite takeaway in one hand and checking my watch with the other,

I rushed down the corridors, hoping to catch up with Sarawat, who had band practice earlier, so we could walk home together.

This week, I've been longing for him more than ever since I haven't been able to spend much time with him. My friends and I have been completely preoccupied with our project, we really need to stop doing shit last minute. We've pulled several all-nighters in the past week, either at the library until we get kicked out or at Fong's place, which has become like a second home to us.

I'm on a mission to surprise my boyfriend and lift his spirits. Boss and Man have been urging me to come and rescue them from the gloomy atmosphere that's been brought on by my boyfriend. I would have come to their aid earlier if I could, but now that I'm completely free, I'm determined to make it happen.

As I approached the Music club, I realized they were likely still wrapping up, as it was quiet. However, as I rounded the corner and came into view of the club door, I was met with a sight that left me speechless.

There stood Sarawat, with his charming smile directed towards a boy. It was a genuine smile, not at all forced or fake, and that's when it hit me.

For the past month, I had been ignoring and pushing away unpleasant thoughts. Even though I had moments of doubt, I never truly believed them -  until now, I do, and I should have done it a long time ago.

As our eyes met, his smile grew even wider, and a glimmer of something between longing and adoration lit up his warm, dark eyes that I couldn't ignore.

But despite the intensity of his emotions and my own overwhelming thoughts, I had the audacity and the heart to turn away from all of that and walk back down the path I came from.

As panic set in, I couldn't help but feel sickened by my own actions.

"Tine," a faint voice called out amidst the chaos in my mind.

"Hey Tine," the voice called again.

"Tine, wait!" it called out once more.

A hand caught my arm and spun me around, forcing me to face the person I had been desperately trying to avoid.

"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you ignoring me?" he asked with a frown etched across his face. The worry in his voice was palpable, and his once radiant smile was nowhere to be seen.

He held onto my arm firmly, as if afraid I would try to run away again.

"Oh hey, Sarawat," I said, forcing a smile. "I didn't see you there." I could sense his disappointment with my lame excuse, and his frown only deepened.

"Tine, you literally looked me in the eye," he deadpanned, looking completely unimpressed.

I let out a nervous chuckle and shifted my gaze away from him. "Oh, that. I'm not wearing my contacts today," I lied, feeling foolish as I realized how transparent I must seem.

Sarawat's penetrating stare made it clear that he wasn't buying my excuse. "You didn't even hear me?" he asked knowingly.

I tried to play it cool and forced another chuckle. "Haha, I guess not," I said, still avoiding his eyes.

I heard him release a heavy breath before he gently took hold of my hand, pulling me closer to him. He gazed softly into my eyes, a look of concern etched on his disheveled appearance. I couldn't help but feel a rush of comfort wash over me.

"Look at me," he whispered, and I complied, gazing back into his deep brown eyes. His firm hold on my hand was reassuring, and I felt my worries slowly begin to dissipate.

"What's going on inside that head of yours?" he asked gently, his tone soft and soothing. He reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear with his free hand. Then, he delicately threaded his fingers through the side of my hair, gently rubbing circles into my temple with his thumb. As he tenderly touched me and gazed at me with such care, a sense of peace washed over me.

I let out a defeated sigh. I felt utterly hopeless, knowing that there was no escaping from this situation. Hiding things has never been my forte, especially when it comes to Sarawat. He had a way of breaking down my defenses with just one look, and I was left feeling vulnerable and exposed.

I tried to hide my emotions, but it was useless. Sarawat could see right through me, and his unwavering gaze made me feel like I was drowning. "It's nothing," I murmured, still hesitant to admit the truth.

But Sarawat wasn't having it. "Clearly, it's not nothing," he said, his tone gentle yet firm.

I looked away, feeling ashamed and exposed. "It's stupid," I finally admitted, my voice barely audible.

His touch was soft and comforting, but it sent chills down my spine as he lifted my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. I felt like I was falling, and the only thing keeping me afloat was his warmth.

"If it's bothering you, then it's not stupid," he said, his voice soft and understanding, making my heart swell with a mixture of gratitude and guilt. I felt selfish for wanting him, for needing him, but I couldn't help it.

Guilt churned my stomach, and I knew I didn't deserve someone as caring and understanding as Sarawat. Yet, I couldn't help but long to be close to this incredible man.

My eyes brimmed with hot, salty tears, threatening to spill over at any moment. But I clenched my jaw and blinked hard, refusing to let them fall, I buried my face in his shoulder. His embrace was the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart, I could feel his arms around me, strong and protective, holding me close.

As we sat there in silence, every second felt like an eternity, not a single word passing between us. It was a welcomed respite, giving me the time and space I needed to sort through the jumbled mess of my thoughts. His mere presence was enough to keep me grounded.

Finally, with a deep breath, I found the courage to speak. My words came out muffled, barely coherent. "Hmm, what was that?" he asked gently, as if afraid to shatter the fragile peace that we had created. He held me even tighter, his warmth spreading through me like a comforting blanket.

I tilted my head a bit, trying to make sure he could hear me this time, but still kept it rested on his shoulder. And then, the words spilled out of me like a dam bursting. "I'm not good enough for you," I whispered, my voice barely audible. The weight of my insecurities hung heavy on my chest, making it hard to breathe.

He held me even tighter, as if trying to protect me from my own doubts. "What are you talking about?" he asked, his voice filled with confusion and disbelief. "You're everything to me. You're the light in my life."

Pulling away just enough to look into my eyes, his own filled with love and concern. "Where did that come from, anyway?" Before I even got the chance to respond, he continued, "Was it my fans? Did they talk to you or post about you? I will talk to them--"

I cut him off, realizing how foolish and irrational I was being. "Actually, it's nothing like that," I muttered nervously.

His concerned expression quickly turned to confusion, prompting me to explain further. "It's just...I've been thinking lately..."

Before I could finish, he interrupted me in a teasing tone. “Uh-oh, thinking? That can't be good. You know what-" 

I playfully hit his chest and muttered a Saraleo. He stopped mid-sentence, chuckling as he leaned in to give me a small peck on the cheek.

"Seriously, Tine," he said, cupping both of my cheeks and gazing at me with such tenderness that it made my head spin. "If only you could see yourself through my eyes, you would fall in love with yourself, too."

I felt a blush creep up my neck as he continued, "You are an amazing person, and I don't think you fully realize it. If anything, I'm the one who's not good enough for you."

He brushed his thumb over my cheeks, causing goosebumps to break out all over my body. "I'd do it all over again, you know?"  he said, his eyes glistening with sincerity. "No matter how long it takes, no matter how hard it gets, I'd do it gladly, just to be with you in the end."

He smiled softly, but it slowly turned into a wicked grin that hinted at something mischievous. I raised an eyebrow at his sudden change in expression. "Just avoid using your brain this time, it'll save us some time."

I couldn't help but feel a blush creep up my cheeks. As if on cue, he let out a hearty laugh, which I loved so much - one that never failed to make my heart skip a beat.

Just as I was about to playfully hit his chest. He caught my hand and brought it to his lips, My breath caught in my throat as he planted a soft kiss on the back of my hand, his eyes never leaving mine. I felt a flutter in my stomach, and I knew that I was falling for him even more.

I couldn't help but groan, "Saraleo," the word slipping out more like a soft whine. Memories of the past flooded me with embarrassment and shame.

As his signature smirk faded, I noticed a tenderness in his expression that I had never seen before. My heart raced as he leaned in, his warm breath tickling my skin, and I found myself holding my breath in anticipation.

His lips brushed gently against mine, and I responded eagerly, melting into the kiss. The taste of his lips was intoxicating, and I felt myself getting lost in the moment. As the kiss deepened, I felt his hand slide around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

His tongue teased my lips, seeking permission. I parted them instantly, granting him access. Our tongues danced in a slow, sensual rhythm, sending a rush of pleasure through my body. A soft moan escaped from the back of my throat as he explored my mouth, his touch setting my skin on fire.

The sudden end of our kiss left me breathless and yearning for more, tempted to chase after those plump lips. But I knew better than to engage in a make out session in the middle of the hallway like some horny couple.

"Yes, nuisance?" He said in a hushed tone, his breath still heavy from our brief make out session moments ago. His words felt like a secret that only I was allowed to hear.

I almost missed his quite response, but his proximity made it impossible to ignore. "Should we go home?" I asked, voice low and hesitant, as if afraid of breaking the spell.

He met my gaze and I could feel his hot breath fanning my lips. "Yeah, let's do that," he replied, his voice just as low.

Despite agreeing to leave, we found ourselves unable to break away from each other. Our eyes locked in a mesmerizing stare, the rest of the world fading away into obscurity. It was as if time had stopped, and in that moment, it felt like we were the only two people in existence, and nothing else mattered.

 

 

After everything that had happened, Tine's mind was still in overdrive.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, but the thoughts never ceased.

He couldn't ignore them or brush them off.

He didn't even try anymore.

That's when it hit him.

"I can't do this anymore," he said to himself, defeated.

Those words marked his breaking point, the point of no return.

He was beyond saving.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

I have no clue what I’m doing and I don’t even know what type of writing was that T-T

so yeah, any feedback ?¿

Chapter 3: The way you laid your eyes on me, In ways that no one ever could

Notes:

yay update! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 

 

Tine's POV:

"You can't be serious, Tine," Fong said, trying to remain calm despite the worry in his voice.

"Then what should I do, Fong? I'm scared. I'm so scared he'll wake up one day and leave me for someone else, someone who is good enough for him. If that day ever comes, I won't be able to handle it. I can't live without Sarawat." I replied, voice trembling with fear.

"And you think he could?" Fong asked, giving me a serious look.

"He'll manage somehow. I know him," I said, avoiding his gaze.

"Well, you clearly don't know him as well as you think," Fong sighed. "God, he spent an entire year searching for you, Tine. He didn't even know your name, and still, he wrote you a damn song." Fong's disbelief was evident in his voice.

"He'll lose his goddamn mind if you ever leave him" Fong continued, giving me a hard look.

"Fong, I can't keep up with the fear that one day he'll realize he's too good for me," I said, my voice raising with frustration.

"So, you're thinking of ending things before he even has a chance to?" Fong asked, clearly bewildered.

I nodded slowly, feeling ashamed and foolish as I heard the words out loud. "I know he can find someone way better than me who deserves him more. And that someone is not me," I said, looking down at my hands, just now noticing how badly they were shaking.

"Have you considered that what he wants is to be with you, not someone else?" Fong inquired as he firmly held onto my hands, in an attempt to calm their nervous tremble.

I glanced up at him, not knowing what to say.

"Listen, the best way to put your mind at ease is to talk to Sarawat and be honest with him about your thoughts and emotions, even if you think they're silly. I promise you, Tine, he'll understand," Fong softly voiced, trying to reassure me.

"Trust me, Tine. He loves you so much, it's crazy to watch. He'll even go to the moon and back if you asked him to," Fong added with a chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood.

"He's had enough of my shit this past month. I don't want to be a burden to him, more than I already am," I said, more to myself than to Fong.

"Sarawat will never see you as a burden, Tine. He truly loves you. He values every part of who you are, even your insecurities," Fong spoke in a gentle tone, nearly causing me to miss his words. "He will go to great lengths to bring you back to him whenever you wander, to comfort you when you doubt yourself, and to constantly show how deeply he loves you. And he will never tire of doing so," Fong continued, his words resonating deeply within my heart.

"But then again, you can be quite a handful for me, Ohm, and Ph-," he jokingly began, only to be interrupted by my playful swat on his arm. "I could keep naming more people, but let's just stick with the three for now," he ended with a lighthearted laugh.

His expression becoming serious once again, "Tine, when it comes to love, honesty and trust are of the utmost importance," Fong stated, looking me dead in the eye as he held my hands.

"If you don't trust Sarawat enough to have an open and honest conversation with him, then maybe you're not ready for a relationship. And if you don't believe that he loves you for who you are, then maybe you don't truly understand the depth of his feelings for you." earnestly said.

He gently squeezed my hands, offering me comfort, "It's crucial to remember that love involves embracing each other's imperfections and uncertainties. It's about being a source of support and being there for one another, no matter the circumstances. If you're afraid of losing him, then communicate with him openly about it."

Fong released my hands and looked at me with a soft smile, "You two are meant to be together, Tine. Don't let fear and insecurity ruin that. Have an open and honest conversation with him, I promise it will make all the difference in the world."

I was aware that Fong was correct, but my thoughts were overshadowed by self-doubt and anxiety. Despite my best efforts to heed Fong's advice, my uncertainties only intensified. I sighed heavily.

"Fong, will you help me or not?" I inquired, growing increasingly restless.

"You're letting your emotions get the best of you," Fong explained. "You're jumping to conclusions and imagining scenarios that don't exist. And making decisions without consulting the other person is not right."

"I can't let my fears hold back what could be a great relationship. It would be unfair to him, and I wouldn't want to do that to someone who deserves so much more," I said with a heavy sigh. "He deserves someone who won't hold him back."

"You're not doing him justice," Fong pointed out.

I knew Fong was right, yet my uncertainties remained. "So, are you going to help me or not?" I asked, frustration creeping into my voice

"You're being ridiculous, Tine," Fong said, shaking his head.

"So what?" I asked.

"So what? Do you even hear yourself? You're making up things in your head and deciding on your own, without even talking to Sarawat. You're being selfish," Fong said, looking at me in disbelief.

"Fong, I can't keep tying him down because of my insecurities," I said my voice breaking.

"Tine, that's not your decision to make. You need to talk to Sarawat and work through these insecurities together. Don't make a hasty decision based on your fears, that you will regret for the rest of your life. That's not fair to either of you," Fong said, his voice softening.

I sighed, feeling drained from this conversation. "Fong, for the last time, are you helping me or not?" I asked, almost pleading.

"I'm here for you, Tine" Fong replied, his tone gentle. "but I can't support your foolish decision that will only end up hurting Sarawat. He deserves better than that, and you know it" Fong said firmly.

I felt anger rise within me. "Are you my friend or his?" I asked, standing up from my seat.

"If doing the right thing means being his friend, then I choose to be his friend," Fong replied, his resolve unwavering.

"Fine," I said, heading towards the door. "It was nice knowing you, Fong," I said, opening the door and storming out, slamming it behind me.

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As I walked onto the football field, I couldn't help but feel my heart drop. I knew if I spoke to him, I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears, so I chose to observe Sarawat from a distance instead.

The feeling of loss grew stronger as I saw him laughing with Man, his smile shining brighter than the sun. The thought that this would be the last time I would ever see him laugh, talk, and smile, was too much to bear, that the tears threatened to spill over.

I was so caught up in my head that I didn't notice Boss pointing at me, nor Sarawat's gaze shifting to look in my direction with a smile.

Before I knew it, he was jogging toward me, still wearing that beautiful smile that I adored so much, my heart skipped a beat. I rubbed my eyes quickly, hoping to hide the remnants of my tears, and forced out a smile as he approached.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have cheerleading practice? Or did you miss me too much?" he teased with a playful smirk. Again, I forced out a chuckle, trying to hide the sadness that was consuming me. "It got canceled."

Sarawat's eyes narrowed as he looked at me closely. "Did you cry?" he asked softly, his voice filled with concern. My heart raced and my anxiety levels rose as I felt the pressure of his gaze.

Sarawat gently brushed his thumb across my red, teary eyes as I stammered, "N-No, nothing like that." Despite my attempts to sound convincing, the high pitch of my voice betrayed me as I added, "I'm just feeling a bit chilly."

Although my excuse was flimsy, Sarawat remained unconvinced. He took my freezing hands in his own and rubbed them gently to warm me up, tugging at my heartstrings with his tender touch. Despite knowing that I was lying, he did it anyway.

"Really, Tine, what's going on?" he asked again, eyes searching mine for answers. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves, knowing that Sarawat wouldn't let this go easily.

"I'm just worried about my midterms," I finally admitted truthfully – or at least, half truthfully. I was indeed worried about my grades, but that wasn't my main concern at the moment.

A warm smile spread across Sarawat's face, causing his eyes to crinkle at the corners. "No need to worry," he said, his voice soothing. "You probably did great; you always do, Tine. Just like everything else," He said, trying to reassure me. But the words only served to remind me of what I was about to lose, and my heart ached with a sadness I couldn't express.

My emotions overwhelmed me, and I wrapped my arms around him, unconcerned with the people nearby. He staggered slightly but then let out a hearty laugh, seeming to find my sudden outburst of affection both amusing and endearing, as it was a rare occurrence outside of our home.

My face nestled into the curve of his neck as I fought back tears. I inhaled his scent, wanting to commit every detail of him to memory. The way he smelled, the feel of his embrace, the sound of his laughter - I wanted to hold onto it all before I had to leave.

I made sure to brush away any tears before gazing at him face-to-face, all the while keeping him tightly in my embrace.

"You sure yo-" Before he could finish his sentence, I silenced him with a kiss, pouring all my emotions into it. It dawned on me that this might be the last kiss we ever share, and with that realization, a wave of sadness and fear washed over me.

Despite his surprise, I didn't stop - I needed him to know just how much he meant to me.

He was taken aback, not just because I had initiated the kiss, but also due to the public setting.

Yet, he eagerly responded with equal intensity, our kiss was charged with emotions and unspoken thoughts, a million sentiments of love and promises that we silently made to each other in that moment.

I poured my heart and soul into the kiss, longing for him to feel the depth of my love.

As we broke the kiss, still embracing each other, we gasped for air, cherishing every moment in each other's arms.

"I'm not complaining, but is everything alright?" Sarawat asked, still catching his breath from the kiss.

"You're not one to show affection in public." I couldn't help but smile, though it was tinged with sadness, knowing he was right. I regretted not showing him the love and affection he deserved sooner.

But for now, I wanted to make the most of the time we had left and show him just how much he meant to me, even if it was for the last time.

"Can't I show my boyfriend some love every now and then?" I said with a playful smile, momentarily forgetting that I would be breaking this man's heart the very next day.

Sarawat's grin was wide and wicked. "I'd actually love it if you did that more often," he teased, before pulling me into another deep kiss. My heart ached with love for him, even as I knew I was breaking it.

As much as I wanted to continue, I knew I had to put a stop to it. "Your teammates are probably waiting for you," I whispered against his lips, trying to catch my breath.

Sarawat shrugged indifferently. "They can wait," he said, his lips moving over my face in a slow, tender dance. He kissed every inch of my skin, savoring each moment.

When he reached the spot just behind my ear, I knew what was coming. His breath tickled me and I couldn't help but let out a genuine giggle. I felt him smile against my skin before he placed another sweet kiss on the very same spot.

"Come on, Wat," I said, feeling flustered by the attention of the audience that had formed on the football field and was now whistling. Sarawat, however, was oblivious to their presence due to his back facing the field. "We can continue this later," I added, though deep down, I knew that 'later' would never come.

"Promise me you'll wait for me," he said in a hushed tone, hope shining in his eyes as he pressed his forehead to mine. Despite the weight of his request, I couldn't bring myself to deny him, and my heart sank with the knowledge that this promise was likely to be broken.

"I promise," I whispered, barely audible, feeling suffocated and unable to say anything more.

"I love you," He said with that blinding smile of his, a smile that had captured my heart from the very beginning. He gave me one last kiss on the corner of my lips before running back to the field, not even waiting to hear my response.

As he walked away, tears streamed down my face, and I knew in my heart that I was shattering his. With a heavy heart, I turned to leave, painfully aware that I was leaving behind the person I loved more than anything in this world.

◈━━◈━━◈━━◈━━◈━━◈━━◈

Fong's POV:

As lunchtime rolled around, my mind was consumed by the memories of the fight I had with Tine the night before. I couldn't help but feel guilty for letting him leave in such a state. I knew that I should have talked to him and helped him calm down, instead of getting caught up in the heat of the moment.

Lost in thought, I didn't notice Ohm and Phuak approaching our usual table.

"Oh, Hey Fong," Ohm said as he sat beside me, breaking my train of thought. "Have you seen Tine? I've been trying to reach him since this morning."

"He's probably still sleeping," I replied absentmindedly, trying to ignore the thought that Tine might be avoiding us because of our argument.

"Wasn't he staying at your place last night?" Phuak said looking at me with curiosity in his eyes.

"Yeah, he was, but he left--" I began, but the realization hit me like a truck, and I stopped mid-sentence. My eyes widened in shock, and my mind raced with worry. No, Tine, you didn't.

I stood up abruptly, causing both Ohm and Phuak to startle. Without uttering a single word, I made my way to the admission office to confirm my suspicion.

After getting the confirmation I needed, I muttered, "Tine, you idiot" as I dialed his number and cursed him with every swear word I could think of.

Just then, I heard a familiar voice calling out my name from behind me. I cursed under my breath, knowing exactly who it was, before turning around with a forced smile.

"Hey, Sarawat," I said, trying to keep my composure despite the growing sense of panic inside of me.

"Have you seen Tine? He's not answering my calls, and I haven't seen him this morning. I was wondering if you knew anything since he stayed over at your place," Sarawat asked, attempting to remain composed but failing as frustration overtook him. My palms grew sweaty as I gulped, cursing Tine internally for putting me in this shitty situation.

Tine Teepakorn, I've never hated you more than I do right now,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

not sure if its worth continuing though, but office drama coming soon (¬‿¬)

Chapter 4: Nobody said changing could be this exhausting

 

5 years later

 

 

Tine's POV:

"Ugh, seriously? I'm already running late," I muttered, frustration mounting as I rummaged through the living room in search of my glasses, but they were nowhere in sight.

 

"Where in the world did I put them?" I muttered, feeling my patience wearing thin. My tired eyes strained, desperate for a glimpse of those elusive frames.

 

Rubbing my eyes, I wracked my brain, trying to recall where I might have left them. Suddenly, my gaze landed on the kitchen counter, and there they were, next to the coffee machine. A sigh of relief escaped as I hastily slipped them on.

With my glasses back in place, I grabbed my keys and rushed out the door, determined to make it to the office on time.

 

 

◈━━◈━━◈━━◈━━◈

 

 

I didn't make it on time.

Unfortunately, punctuality wasn't on my side.

 

The moment I stepped into the office, Ohm peered up from his desk with a smirk. That fucker!

 

Ohm and I had been working together since we both landed jobs at the same company. Meanwhile, Phuak worked elsewhere, forging his own way in the world.

As for Fong, after my abrupt school change, my inbox overflowed with his messages, each one a silent plea for connection. Afraid to confront the pain his words might inflict, I hesitated to read them, succumbing to fear and impulsively deleting them all. In a rash decision, I blocked him, Stupid move, I know, shutting him out of my life. A foolish move, I realized almost immediately, a regrettable act born out of cowardice. The next day, I attempted to undo my mistake, to rekindle the fragile thread of our friendship.

But it was too late. When I reached out, I discovered the roles had reversed: I was the one who had been blocked, cut off from any chance of reconciliation.

 

Although, I'm pretty sure Ohm and Phuak kept in touch with Fong, but my shame and guilt kept me from asking about him.

 

As I headed to my desk, Ohm couldn't resist making a scene.

 

"Morning, Sleepyhead! Chief wants to see you ASAP," Ohm announced loudly to the entire floor, reveling in it. I sighed.

 

"What trouble did you get into this time?" Ohm teased, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

 

"Besides being late? Nothing," I replied in a bored tone. I was weary of the routine lectures.

 

I dropped my bag on my desk and headed to the chief's office. Knocking on the door, I heard a muffled "come in" and pushed it open.

 

The chief gestured for me to come inside and take a seat as he continued talking on the phone.

 

"Relax, I'm not reprimanding you for the tardiness, although I probably should," he said reassuringly after ending the call, pausing briefly before continuing, "It's potentially good news—well, I hope it is." He took a moment before elaborating further, "The headquarters is facing a shortage in their department, and it's quite urgent as they're keen on avoiding a lengthy recruitment process. I suggested your name to them. Do you realize what that means?" he explained eagerly. "This could finally be the promotion you deserve, but, of course, you'll need to show them how capable you are, not just take my word for it."

 

I sat there, stunned, my shock evident from the expression on my face.

 

Noticing my uneasiness, he adopted a more gentle tone. "Hey, you don't have to accept the transfer if you're not ready for it," he said reassuringly.

 

"I genuinely believed it could be an excellent opportunity for you to display your skills, learn, and grow, rather than staying tucked away here," he earnestly added.

 

"Thank you, chief," I bowed, grateful. "I truly value the opportunity and the trust you've placed in me. However, could I have some time to think things over? It's rather unexpected"

 

"Of course! Mull it over the weekend, and get back to me" he replied, understanding.

 

"If that's all, I will be taking my leave" I said, excusing myself.

 

He nodded, before his phone rang and that was my que to get out of his office.

 

Returning to my desk, Ohm bombarded me with questions that I tried to dodge.

 

"Let's talk it over lunch, yeah?" I pleaded with my eyes.

 

Which took Ohm by surprise, nodding slowly before returning back to his desk.

 

 

◈━━◈━━◈━━◈━━◈

 

 

"Are you kidding me? this is what it was all about? I thought you got fired" He exclaimed, nearly shouting in disbelief, drawing attention from everyone around us. I glanced around with an apologetic smile and a slight bow.

 

"Could you lower your voice? no need for the whole place to know" I whispered sharply, glaring at him.

 

"If you saw the look on your face, you literally looked like a kicked puppy, you got me worried for nothing!" He said more quietly this time. I glared at him.

 

"I don't see what the fuss is about. This is such a good opportunity. Besides, Fong works there. Maybe he can show you around" He added, mouth full of food.

 

My face paled, eyes widening in horror. "W-What?" I stammered, unable to believe what I heard.

 

"I don't know what happened between you two, but you're both adults now. Move on already," he advised. "It can't be so terrible that you can't grab a drink and talk it out," he pressed, studying me closely.

 

I glanced around, avoiding his gaze. "I... I don't know... I just..." Before I could stumble further, Ohm interrupted, sparing me from my own awkwardness. "It's not too late to mend things, you know?" His words were deliberate, gentle, not wanting to unsettle me. "Perhaps there's a purpose behind all of this, a chance to finally resolve whatever was left unresolved between you two." I met his eyes, uncertain.

 

"Don't overthink it, Tine," he reassured, locking eyes with me before returning to stuffing his face with food again.

 

Perhaps Ohm was right. Despite my fear of change, I can't deny that this is an incredible opportunity. I shouldn't let it slip away just because of my past.

 

 

◈━━◈━━◈━━◈━━◈

 

 

Fast forward, OHM WAS ABSOLUTELY WRONG! I REPEAT, ABSOLUTELY WRONG! Fuck, this was such a terrible decision!

 

 

Notes:

well… i’m back ig…? ૮꒰ ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ྀི꒱ა

Chapter 5: You were my life but life is far away from fair

 

 

The elevator ride felt like an eternity, each floor taking me closer to a moment I had spent years avoiding. My stomach churned as I stared at the sleek metal doors, my reflection showing a pale face trying to keep calm. It was too late to back out now. The decision had been made, and Ohm’s words replayed in my head,

 

"Perhaps there's a purpose behind all of this, a chance to finally resolve whatever was left unresolved."

 

The doors slid open with a soft ding, My pulse quickened as I stepped out, my mind still trying to grasp around the whole thing.

 

“Tine, welcome!” A woman greeted me with a bright smile. She introduced herself as someone from HR, though her words blurred as my thoughts raced. She gestured to someone standing nearby. "This is Fong. He’s in the same department as you, and he’ll be showing you around today."

 

His familiar figure sent a jolt of recognition—and anxiety—through me. Time hadn’t changed him much. He still had that calm, steady presence, though his hair was a little shorter now, his posture a little more confident.

 

I swallowed hard, standing just a few feet away with a clipboard in hand, looking as though he’d rather be anywhere else. Fong met my gaze, his expression carefully neutral.

 

“Hello” he said, his voice polite but distant. He didn’t extend his hand for a handshake. Instead, he simply nodded, the tension between us as thick as ever.

 

I forced a smile, nodding slowly, feeling my nerves surge.

 

The HR woman gave a quick nod. “I’ll leave you in Fong’s capable hands, then! He’ll get you up to speed on everything. Any questions, feel free to ask!” And with that, she walked away, leaving me alone with Fong in the middle of a place that suddenly felt much too small.

 

“Let’s get this over with,” Fong muttered, just loud enough for me to hear, before he started walking toward the office space.

 

I fell into step beside him, the awkwardness between us weighing down every footstep. As he walked me through the rows of desks and offices, his voice was cool and professional, as if we were strangers.

 

“This is the general workspace. Everyone has their own stations, but we share resources. Break room is over there, conference rooms are down the hall.”

 

He moved quickly, barely giving me time to process what he was saying. It was like he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, and honestly, I didn’t blame him. I could feel my own nerves bubbling under the surface, a constant reminder of everything left unsaid between us.

 

We stopped near the workspace, where my new desk was located. “That’s yours,” he said, gesturing to an empty desk beside his. Of course. The universe apparently found this hilarious.

 

I nodded, taking in my new workspace but not really seeing it. My thoughts were too preoccupied with him, with how surreal this all felt. Working together is a one thing but sitting right next to each other? really?

 

As if he can see right through me, He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before continuing. “Look, I’m just doing my job, okay? They thought it’d be a good idea for me to show you around since we’re the same age and in the same department. It’s nothing personal."

 

The last part stung, even though I knew he didn’t mean it that way. But of course it was personal. Everything between us was personal.

 

He cleared his throat and moved on. “Here’s where we’ll be working most days. You’ll have access to all the systems by the end of today. If you need help setting up, ask someone from IT.” He paused, glancing at me, then added reluctantly, “Or me.”

 

I looked down at my desk, trying to process everything without letting the awkwardness swallow me whole. “Thanks,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

 

Fong nodded, seeming to relax just a little now that the tour was nearly done. “There’s a meeting later today to introduce you to the rest of the team,” he said, his tone more matter-of-fact. “I’ll make sure you get the details.”

 

I nodded. “Okay.” I could feel the words building in my chest, the ones I’d never said back when everything between us fell apart. But now wasn’t the time. Not here. Not like this.

 

Before I could say anything, Fong straightened up and turned to face me directly, his gaze sharp. “Tine,” he said, his voice steady but with a touch of frustration, “we’re going to be working together whether we like it or not. I don’t know what happened to you after we stopped talking, but I’m not here to make your life harder. Let’s just... keep things professional, alright?”

 

I blinked, caught off guard by his straightforwardness. He wasn’t trying to sugarcoat anything. It stung a little, but I knew he was right. I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. Professional.”

 

He stared at me for a moment longer, as if debating whether to say something else, but then he just nodded and turned to leave. “I’ll see you later at the meeting.”

 

As he walked away, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. I collapsed into my chair, feeling exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster I’d been on since I stepped out of that elevator. Ohm’s words replayed in my head—about how this might be a chance to mend things—but right now, that felt like an impossible task.

 

But Fong was right about one thing—we’d be seeing a lot of each other. Whether we liked it or not.

 

 

◈━━◈━━◈━━◈━━◈

 

 

The week had dragged on endlessly. Between getting used to the new office and the unspoken tension with Fong. Yet, beneath all that, there was a deeper unease, like something looming just out of sight. Every morning, I braced myself, waiting for something—anything—to happen. But each day passed quietly, and I convinced myself I’d been worrying over nothing.

 

Until today.

 

I was called into an all-hands meeting, a chance for the executive team to address everyone and talk about upcoming changes. It was supposed to be routine—a presentation, a couple of speeches, then back to work. I wasn’t really paying attention as I walked into the large meeting room, distracted by emails on my phone.

 

The room was buzzing with chatter, but I found a seat in the middle and settled in, avoiding any eye contact with Fong, who was seated a few rows away.

 

Then I heard the door open, and the room grew noticeably quieter.

 

I glanced up, my heart instantly stopping in my chest.

 

Sarawat.

 

He stood at the front of the room, wearing a fitted navy suit that only amplified his commanding presence. He looked just as I remembered—sharp, controlled. But those eyes… his eyes were still the same, dark and piercing, and even from across the room, they had the same effect on me.

 

I felt the world tilt on its axis.

 

No. This can’t be happening.

 

I stared, frozen, as Sarawat scanned the room, not seeing me yet. My pulse quickened as the reality of the situation sank in. Sarawat. Here. He worked here. And worse, he was standing at the front, looking every bit the powerful executive he had become. My stomach twisted.

 

When he finally spoke, his voice was calm, composed. “Good afternoon. I’m Sarawat Guntithanon. As some of you might know, I’m overseeing the cross-departmental integration project starting this quarter. We’ll be working closely with multiple teams, so I’ll be directly involved.”

 

I swallowed hard, my palms suddenly clammy. He was going to be involved with my team? Of all people…

 

Sarawat’s eyes continued scanning the room, still not landing on me. I could feel my pulse quicken, each second stretching into eternity. Then, as if drawn by some invisible force, his gaze shifted—and locked onto mine.

 

The air was sucked out of the room.

 

For a brief moment, time seemed to stop. His eyes widened in shock, his professional demeanor cracking just for a second. I saw the flash of disbelief, followed quickly by something darker—anger. Betrayal. It all flickered across his face before he quickly masked it.

 

Sarawat’s lips pressed into a thin line, and he straightened, his entire posture hardening. He looked away, turning back to his presentation as if nothing had happened. But I knew better. I could feel the tension radiating from him, and my own anxiety spiked.

 

The rest of the meeting passed in a blur. I barely heard a word he said. I couldn’t focus on anything except the pounding in my chest and the horrible, gut-wrenching realization that I was trapped. There was no escaping this now.

 

As soon as the meeting ended, I bolted. My legs moved faster than my brain could process, the shock still settling in, a storm of emotions as I shoved past people in the hallway. Sarawat works here? How did I not know?

 

Ohm. Ohm knew.

 

The realization struck me like a bolt of lightning. My hands shook as I pulled out my phone, furiously scrolling to find his number. He must’ve known and didn’t say a word!

 

I dialed, my heart racing as I hurried toward a secluded part of the building. My mind was spinning, panic rising as I replayed the last few minutes in my head. Ohm, you absolute bastard—

 

“You…”

 

The word cut through the air like a knife, sharp and cold. My phone slipped from my fingers, crashing to the floor as I turned around to find Sarawat standing there, his eyes locked on me with a deadly calm.

 

“You work here now?” he asked, his voice cold, quiet, but laced with an edge that sent a chill down my spine.

 

I swallowed, trying to find my voice, but nothing came out. His eyes bore into mine, and the intensity of his gaze made it impossible to move. He stepped closer, each slow, deliberate step making the air feel heavier, suffocating.

 

“I asked you a question” Sarawat pressed, stepping closer, his tone was still calm, but it held a dangerous edge, a warning that I knew better than to ignore.

 

“I—” My voice cracked, my throat dry. I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t process the fact that he was standing here, right in front of me, after all this time. “I just started... last week.”

 

Sarawat’s lips pressed into a thin line, his jaw tight as he took another step toward me. His presence was overwhelming, the space between us shrinking, making it harder to breathe. The calm in his voice only made the tension more unbearable, like a storm brewing under the surface.

 

“You ran,” Sarawat continued, his voice calm but laced with venom. “You left without a word. And now, you just show up here like nothing happened?”

 

“Sarawat, I didn’t know you—” I started, but he cut me off.

 

“Didn’t know? Didn’t care, you mean,” he snapped, taking a step closer. His eyes blazed with anger, and I could feel the weight of every word, every unresolved emotion between us. “You didn’t bother to explain. You didn’t bother to face me. You just... disappeared.”

 

The intensity of his voice was like a punch to the gut. I flinched, the guilt washing over me in waves. I had run. I had been a coward. And now, standing here, faced with the man I had hurt the most, I realized just how much damage I had caused.

 

“I didn’t mean for it to happen like this” I whispered, my voice shaky as I tried to focus on anything but how close he was. “I didn’t know how to deal with us.”

 

His eyes darkened. “Deal with us?” he echoed, his voice dripping with bitterness. “You didn’t even try to deal with us. You ran away like a coward.”

 

The insult hitting harder than I wanted to admit. The calmness in his voice made everything worse, made every word feel more deliberate, more lethal.

 

“You don’t understand—” I tried again, but Sarawat stepped even closer, cutting me off.

 

“I don’t understand?” His body towering over mine now. The cool, measured way he spoke made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “I don’t understand why you left without a word? Why you couldn’t face me after everything?”

 

His eyes were cold, but beneath the surface, I could see the hurt, the betrayal still lurking there. He wasn’t yelling. He didn’t have to. The calm, controlled fury in his voice was far more dangerous.

 

“I didn’t plan—” I whispered, barely able to form the words.

 

Sarawat’s eyes narrowed, his lips curling into a bitter smile, cutting me off “No, of course not. You never plan anything, do you? You just run when things get hard. You leave me to pick up the pieces.”

 

His words hung in the air, the coldness of his tone sending another shiver through me. The tension between us was unbearable, suffocating in the small space. My body felt frozen, locked in place as his gaze bore into mine, unrelenting.

 

“You’re not going to run again,” Sarawat said quietly, stepping so close I could feel the heat radiating from him. “Not this time.”

 

The way he said it made my heart skip a beat, the weight of his words sinking in. He wasn’t just angry—he was furious. But the calm, measured way he spoke made it all the more terrifying. It felt as though he had complete control of everything around him... including me.

 

“I’m not trying to run,” I managed to whisper, though my voice wavered with uncertainty. “I just…”

 

Sarawat leaned in, his breath ghosting over my skin. “You don’t get to make excuses,” he murmured, his voice dangerously low. “Not after what you did.”

 

I looked up at him, my chest tightening as the weight of his words pressed down on me. The anger in his eyes, the calm fury in his voice—it made the tension between us feel unbearable. And beneath it all, there was something else. Something simmering, dangerous, that neither of us could ignore.

 

Sarawat’s gaze never left mine, and as much as I wanted to look away, I couldn’t.

 

He leaned in closer, his breath hot against my ear. “You don’t get to run this time. You work here. You’re going to see me every day. And I promise you, I won’t make it easy.”

 

Sarawat pulled back slightly, his eyes still locked on mine, searching for something.

 

As I met his gaze, I felt the weight of everything we hadn’t said, everything left unresolved between us. It was suffocating, and for a moment, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to fight him or pull him closer.

 

“Consider this your warning,” he muttered, his voice low and dangerous. “You’re not getting away this time.”

 

And then, without another word, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there, breathless, my heart hammering in my chest. My body trembled, leaning against the wall for support as the reality of the situation sank in.

 

 

Ohm… Ohm, you were so wrong. This… this is a disaster.

 

Notes:

yall it’s happening! they finally met!!
◝(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) ◜♡

Chapter 6: But everything is shattering and it’s my mistake

The silence after Sarawat’s exit was suffocating.

The hallway felt smaller by the second, pressing in from all sides. My back stayed glued to the cold wall like peeling myself off it might send me crumbling to the floor. My chest burned, each breath scraping. Every word he’d thrown at me was still ricocheting in my head, louder, sharper, crueler in the echo.

He’d looked at me like I was nothing.
Like he could crush me without even raising his voice.
And the worst part? I knew he could.

My phone buzzed on the floor, the sound shattering the air like a gunshot. Ohm.

My fingers fumbled for it, knuckles white, and I hit redial before my brain could catch up.

He picked up instantly, too cheerful for the weight sitting in my chest.
“Tine! What’s up? Wanna—”

“Did you know?” My voice came out like a blade.

“Uh… what?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me.” The words trembled but still cut. “Did you know Sarawat worked here?”

Silence.

“Ohm.” My voice dropped, dangerous. “Don’t you dare lie to me right now.”

A nervous laugh crackled through the speaker. “Okay, fine! Yes, I knew. But I didn’t tell you because—”

“What the hell, Ohm?!” My voice broke into a yell before I could stop it. I was pacing now, my pulse tripping over itself. “You knew. You knew and didn’t say a word?!”

“Because I know you!” he snapped back. “If I told you, you wouldn’t have taken the job!”

“I had the right to know!” Panic was bleeding into my voice, too hot, too fast. “You can’t keep something like that from me—it’s Sarawat!”

“That’s exactly why I didn’t!” His voice was climbing too, the both of us teetering on the edge. “You’d have run for the hills before even trying, just like you always do!”

“I am not scared of him!” I spat, though my shaking hands betrayed me. “He’s furious, Ohm! You didn’t see him, he looked at me like he was ready to tear me apart!”

“You almost didn’t take the job when you found out Fong worked there,” Ohm threw back. “So yeah, I’m not sorry I kept my mouth shut.”

“This isn’t just about work,” I snapped. “He’s not just angry, he’s…” I trailed off, struggling to breathe. “You didn’t see his eyes. You didn’t hear him.”

Ohm scoffed, but there was hesitation in his voice. “No, Tine. He’s hurt. You broke his heart and then disappeared. And now you’re shocked he’s pissed? Really?”

“That’s not fair—”

“Fair?” His voice cut in, sharp. “You vanished without a word. You think you get to walk back into his world like nothing happened? This was always going to blow up in your face.”

I pressed a trembling hand to my chest, trying to keep the panic from clawing its way out. “You think I deserve this?”

“I think you need to stop running.” His tone had gone cold, final. “You made this mess. Now you’re staring it in the face, and you’re scared because you can’t slam the door and disappear again.”

My throat tightened. He wasn’t wrong, but I hated him for saying it.

“I didn’t want this,” I snapped, the words spilling too fast to control. “I didn’t want to hurt him. But you don’t get it, he’s going to make this impossible.”

“Oh, I get it,” Ohm said, and I could hear the irritation in the way he breathed. “You want a way out. But there isn’t one. You deal with it. You don’t get to run again.”

“I’m not running!” I yelled, my voice cracking under the weight of it. “I just— don’t know how to face him. Not when he’s looking at me like that.”

A beat of silence. Then his sigh, heavy enough to press down on me through the phone.

“Then maybe this is exactly what you need, a reminder that Sarawat’s not the one who’s going to ruin this for you. You are.”

The words lodged deep, twisting like a knife.

I hung up without another word.

I stayed there, phone still warm in my hand, like hanging up hadn’t really ended anything. The silence wasn’t quiet anymore, it was thick, buzzing in my ears like the room itself was holding its breath.

My legs felt heavy, but I forced myself off the wall. One step. Then another. The floor felt unsteady under me, like I’d forgotten how to walk in a straight line.

Voices drifted from somewhere down the hall, laughter, casual conversation. I flinched like they might have seen through the walls, seen me standing here like a cornered animal.

I needed air.
I needed distance.
I needed time.

But time was the one thing I didn’t have. Not with him here.

I could still see Sarawat’s eyes in my head, steady, unblinking, promising that this wasn’t over. Not even close. And maybe Ohm was right. Maybe this was about me. About the way I’d run before. About the way I was still looking for an exit now.

And yet, no matter how fast I moved, I knew I wasn’t going to outrun him this time.

 

 

◈━━◈━━◈━━◈━━◈

 

 

“Tine?”

Fong’s voice slid down the hall like a thin wire, calm, steady, impossible to ignore.

Perfect. Just who I needed right now.

“You weren’t at your desk,” he said, voice even, almost too even. “Left some work for you”

“Right. Thanks.” I didn’t slow, didn’t meet his eyes. Just kept moving.

But he didn’t move.

His gaze tracked me like a shadow, holding for just a beat too long. I knew that look. It meant he’d noticed something, even if he hadn’t decided whether to bring it up yet.

“You look…” He let the words hang, eyes scanning my face in a way that felt far too familiar. Then, with a faint shake of his head, “Never mind.”

“What?” It came out sharper than I intended.

A lazy shrug, his attention drifting for all of a second before snapping back. “You just… look stressed.”

I forced a tight smile. “Long day.”

“Sure.”

One syllable. Flat. Heavy. Disbelieving.

His eyes glanced over, studying me like he used to when he was trying to figure out if I was lying, back when that kind of thing was still followed by a joke or a rescue. Now it just felt like a slow peel, layer by layer.

“You’ve got that look again,” he said finally, voice quieter, sharper. “The one you get right before you bolt.”

My jaw tightened. “I’m not going anywhere.”

One eyebrow arched in that infuriatingly slow way that always used to mean yes, you are. “You sure? Because I heard Sarawat’s back from his trip.”

The words were casual. The look wasn’t. It was deliberate, watching every flicker in my expression.

I hesitated for half a second too long.

“Guess you’ve already seen him, then.” His tone didn’t shift, but there was something in his eyes, not quite pity, not quite satisfaction. Just knowing.

I didn’t answer.

“Good.” He pushed off the wall, brushing past me with that same steady pace. Over his shoulder, he let it drop,  calm, precise, almost kind. Almost. “Wouldn’t want you running off and leaving another mess behind.”

The words slid in clean and deep, no need to raise his voice.

I stood there a moment, the echo of his footsteps fading.
Sarawat’s voice was still in my ears, sharp as glass.
Now Fong’s was layered over it, quieter but somehow heavier.

Fong’s footsteps had nearly faded when his voice floated back, maddeningly casual. “Oh, right, you don’t wanna miss the meeting.”

I blinked. “What meeting?”

“They called in an urgent one. Just started.” His tone was all offhand, like this wasn’t information I should’ve had five minutes ago.

I straightened. “You should’ve started with that.”

One shoulder lifted in a lazy shrug. “You looked busy.”

The retort was right there, sharp and ready, but I swallowed it down. I turned on my heel and headed for the stairs, pace quickening. My chest still felt tight from before, but now the tightness had an extra edge, the dread of walking into a room already in motion, knowing every pair of eyes would follow me in.

The corridor stretched out longer than it had any right to. I could hear muffled voices bleeding through a half open door before I even reached it, overlapping sentences, the low thump of someone’s hand on the table for emphasis. Words like strategy, timeline, deliverables drifted to my ears, each one carrying the weight of work I wasn’t caught up on yet.

Perfect.

I stopped outside the door, fingers curling around the handle. Took one deep breath.

And pushed it open.

The room was packed, A half circle of heads turned toward me at once. My pulse tripped.

“Sorry,” I muttered, forcing my voice low and even. “Apologies, I—”

The rest of the sentence died in my throat.

Sarawat was at the head of the table.

He wasn’t even pretending to look at his notes now. His gaze lifted to meet mine, slow, deliberate, like he’d been counting down the seconds until I walked in. He didn’t blink. Didn’t say a word. Just… looked.

The kind of look that pinned you in place and peeled you apart at the same time.

I forced myself to move, sliding into the only empty chair halfway down the table. My legs didn’t seem to want to fold under me properly; I nearly clipped the chair leg on the way down.

“Continue,” Sarawat said finally, though the word wasn’t aimed at me, or maybe it was. His eyes dropped back to his papers, the faintest shift of his jaw the only sign I’d even entered the room.

A low murmur resumed around the table. The conversation picked up, but I couldn’t catch half of it. My focus was stuck on the way the back of my neck prickled, the burn between my shoulder blades like his gaze had left a brand there.

I fiddled with my pen, eyes darting to the screen in front of me, nothing but bullet points and project notes that suddenly looked like another language.

Then, without looking up, Sarawat’s voice cut through the room.
“Tine. Thoughts?”

Every head turned toward me.

My stomach dropped.

The weight of their attention pressing in like the walls had just closed a little tighter.

“Uh—” My mouth was dry. I scanned the screen again, willing the bullet points to rearrange into something coherent. “I… think the proposed rollout is fine, but the timeline might be a little… ambitious.”

A couple of people looked back at their notes. Someone coughed.

“Ambitious?” Sarawat repeated, his voice all smooth steel. “Or impossible?”

Heat crawled up my neck. “I just mean— there’s a lot to coordinate, and with the resources—”

“That’s why you’ll handle it.”

The words landed like a dropped weight. For a second, I thought I’d misheard. “Sorry— what?”

He didn’t even glance up from his notes. “The high-priority integrations. You’ll lead.” He flicked a hand like it was nothing. “You’re the newest, so you’ll have a fresh perspective.”

That earned a couple of nods from around the table, the kind that said good luck with that more than they said great idea.

I sat there frozen, the pen slick in my grip. “I— wouldn’t it make more sense for someone—”

“No,” Sarawat cut in. “You’ll do it. Consider it an opportunity to prove you belong here.” His eyes finally lifted, catching mine across the table, holding there just long enough to make it clear: this wasn’t about opportunity.

This was about watching me squirm.

“Right,” I said tightly, forcing my pen to stop tapping against the pad. “Got it.”

“Good.” He shifted his attention away as if I’d already been dismissed, and the meeting rolled on without me.

Except now, every word blurred in my ears. All I could hear was the blood rushing in my head and the echo of his tone, not loud, not cruel. Just certain. Certain that he’d just set a clock ticking on how fast I’d break.

 

 

◈━━◈━━◈━━◈━━◈

 

 

Chairs scraped back, papers shuffled, and the hum of voices swelled as the meeting broke apart. I stayed in my seat a beat too long, the thud of my pulse still loud in my ears. By the time I stood, most of the team had already drifted out in small clusters, their conversation fading down the hall.

I headed for the door, eyes fixed ahead, and nearly walked straight into him.

Sarawat was waiting just outside, one shoulder against the wall, folder tucked under his arm like he’d been standing there for a while.

“You’re going to have to talk to me eventually,” he said, voice low enough to slide under my skin.

My throat tightened. “I have work to do.”

I tried to step past, but in one smooth shift, he moved, not blocking me outright, just there, in my way. Close enough that the faint trace of his cologne stirred a memory I didn’t want. Close enough that the air between us felt heavier.

“Move,” I said, sharper than I meant.

He tilted his head, eyes sweeping over my face in a way that felt invasive and intimate all at once. “Still avoiding the hard parts, I see.”

I gritted my teeth, refusing to bite. I shifted again, and this time he let me pass but not before leaning in just enough to speak the words only I could hear.

“Let’s see if you last longer here... than you did with me.”

His footsteps receded in the opposite direction, unhurried, almost lazy. But the echo of his voice stayed lodged deep, the shape of his words pressing like a bruise against something I didn’t wanna touch.

The hallway blurred at the edges. My focus snagged on the sound of his voice, the cadence, the weight behind it, too familiar, too sharp. And before I could stop it, the present slid sideways.

It was late.

The kind of late where the city outside was nothing but a low hum under the window, headlights dragging slow, lazy arcs across the ceiling. I was sitting cross-legged on the floor by the coffee table, half-absorbed in folding laundry. Warm cotton in my hands, neat stacks of shirts by my knee, the faint scent of detergent still clinging to the fabric.

Sarawat was on the couch, legs stretched out, one ankle hooked over the other, a book sat half-open in his hand, though his eyes kept flicking to me over the edge instead of staying on the page.

“You’re not even listening,” I’d said, glancing up with a small laugh, tossing a balled-up sock at him.

“I am.” He caught it without looking down, his fingers curling lazily around it. “You’re talking about dropping that class again.”

I rolled my eyes, smoothing the hem of a T-shirt. “Just… it feels like a waste of time”

The couch cushions shifted. Then a hand reached down, warm and sure, catching me by the wrist. In one easy pull, I was up and onto his lap, my knees bracketing his hips, laundry forgotten on the rug.

“You think running early keeps things clean,” he said, his voice low, close. “It doesn’t. It just leaves things undone.”

I looked away, mumbling, “Better than staying and watching it fall apart.”

He smiled then, small, tired, like he’d already heard every excuse I’d ever make. His thumb brushed over my hip absentmindedly. “Or you could stay… and prove yourself wrong.”

The memory dissolved as quickly as it had come, leaving the faint ghost of his touch lingering like heat in my skin.

I was still walking, but my chest felt tighter, my steps slower. The walls of the office seemed taller somehow, the hallway narrower. Closing in. Just enough to make me wonder if Sarawat had been right back then, and if he still was now.

 

 

 

 

Notes:

hi~ (,,¬﹏¬,,)