Chapter Text
Castiel just wanted Dean to know. He didn’t even care if the feelings were mutual. He didn’t need them to be. He would be happy with knowing it wasn’t a poorly kept secret anymore. So when he told him and The Empty took him away, he left feeling happiness and peace. He was content with his final moments.
However, when Jack brought him back yet again he was suddenly hit with the realisation that he had to face Dean. He had to look him in the eye after pouring out his heart and soul to the broken man. He was happy before not knowing. He was happy just to tell him but now he wasn’t so sure.
He had been back on Earth for only a few weeks when he felt that something wasn’t right. He had yet to meet up with the Winchesters. He knew it might be selfish to leave them thinking he was still dead but he just wasn’t ready yet. He was starting to think he might never be ready but the moment he felt that sinking feeling he got whenever Sam or Dean were in grave danger he knew it was time. He had to suck it up before his idiots got themselves killed or worse.
He knew he couldn’t just simply locate them and go to their aid. They were protected from that. He had done that himself. He almost regretted that decision as he felt the feeling get worse. Not knowing what else to do he prayed to Jack.
“Jack, I need your help. Please tell me you can hear me. This is urgent. I have reason to believe Sam and Dean are in major trouble and I need to know where they are.” Castiel held the breath he didn’t need for a moment. Simply waiting for something to happen.
After a moment of absolutely nothing, he let out a heavy sigh. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Jack, please. They need you.”
When he opened his eyes he was suddenly outside of a rundown looking barn. He felt a bit disoriented for a moment before realising what must have happened. He looked up towards the sky. “Thank you, Jack.”
He was about to walk forward when he heard a loud scream. It took him only a second to register whose scream that belonged to. Without giving it a single thought he ran into the building. What he saw was the absolute last thing he wanted to see.
Dean was standing against a pole with Sam in front of him, his hand covered in blood. Both of the boys looked directly at him. For a second the room was silent. Just the three of them looking at each other in complete shock. Then a groan fell from Dean's lips. That seemed to break whatever sort of trance they were in. Castiel sped over to them, pushing Sam aside in favor of examining his human. “Oh, Dean.”
Dean’s mouth fell open but not a word came out. He blinked a few times before finally speaking up. “Cas, what the hell are you doing here? How are you here? I saw you-” he cut himself off and took in a shaky breath. “Cas, I saw you die.” Castiel only nodded. He reached up to grab Dean by the shoulders, causing the man to groan. “Stop.” He growled the word out with his teeth gritted together.
Castiel, however, just sighed and gripped him a little tighter, “Dean, this is going to hurt.”
Before Dean had the chance to respond, he was pulled off the sharp object that had impaled him. All he felt was pain. His entire body felt like it was collapsing. He took a deep breath thinking it might just be his last. Then, it was like the pain started to numb. His body felt whole again and his lungs didn’t feel on fire when oxygen flowed through them.
Everything was black and it took him hearing Sam call out his name to realise they were pressed shut. He slowly opened them to see bright blue eyes staring right back into his own. Oh, he thought, he saved me. I'm not dead. Cas saved me.
“Dean, can you hear me? How are you feeling?” Castiel had never felt more worried in his entire existence. He had just gotten back to him, he wasn’t willing to say goodbye again.
“Cas?” Dean's voice, which had previously sounded strained, now sounded completely wrecked. “Yes, Dean. I’m here. You're going to be okay. Can you sit up for me?” Dean closed his eyes once more before attempting to push himself up. It came as quite the surprise to him when his arms gave out beneath him. His head almost hit the barn floor but it instead came in contact with a warm hand.
“Cas, what's going on? I thought you healed him! Why is he still so weak?” Sam’s voice started off powerful but lost all of it’s fire by the end. Leaving only the concern.
“I did heal him, Sam. Unfortunately, there is only so much my grace can do when it comes to fatal wounds. He will be fine. There is no chance of him dying but it may take his body a while to fully recover.” Sam gave out a sigh of relief as his shoulders sagged. It was like you could see the tension leaving his body. He slowly sat Dean upright despite his brother's groans of protest.
“We need to get the hell out of here.” Dean and Castiel both nodded in agreement. “Cas, I'm going to go get the car. It's parked a little further down the road. I need you to take Dean outside and wait for me to pull up.” Castiel nodded along and then got down again to help pull Dean up to his feet. “I’m not dying, Sammy. I can get the damn car.” Sam just shook his head and leaned his brother's body further into Castiel’s, giving him a look, before taking off out the barn doors. Which left Dean to call after him about not getting a scratch on his Baby.
“Cas, man, I’m glad to see you. I really am but what the fuck are you doing here? Did you make another deal? Are you in danger again?” His words came out rushed and pained. Castiel couldn’t believe it, “Dean you were just on your deathbed and you are worried about my safety?” When he didn’t receive an answer, Castiel shook his head and pulled Dean a fraction closer. “You will never change.”
He started walking them towards the exit. He was practically carrying Dean with how little weight the man was holding up for himself. “Jack brought me back. He brought me here. I could feel that you were in danger but because of the Enochian Sigils I wasn't able to locate you. In truth, I hadn't planned on letting my presence be known but I couldn't ignore the feeling.” His voice was lacking its usual strength. Dean could practically feel the nerves radiating off of him.
“Hey, Cas, buddy, I'm okay. You saved me. I'm not in danger anymore.” Dean wanted to reassure the angel but he felt as if his words were untrue. Maybe to some extent they were. He was ready to die. He hadn't wanted to be saved but on the other hand with Castiel back that statement felt a little less truthful.
“I know, Dean. I know but you almost died. I’m aware of all our near death and actual death experiences but I’m not ready to lose you again. The world isn't ready to lose you.” The words felt heavy in the crisp night air. They both just let them sit there. Neither party made an attempt at speaking again.
Soon enough headlights could be seen. Dean’s body sagged even more against Castiels. The car pulled up right next to them and Sam was out and helping Dean into it within seconds. “Cas, would you mind sitting back there with him? Just in case.” Of course Castiel agreed. If only to ease the younger Winchesters racing mind.
Dean looked as though he wanted to protest but stopped upon seeing his brother's sullen face. Sometimes you just had to pick your battles and this just wasn't one worth fighting. Besides, having Castiel next to him for a car ride after almost dying wasn't the worst thing in the world.
Sam had turned the music down so low it was more of a hum. He could more so feel it than hear it. It had a level of comfort to it. The silence felt a lot more comfortable than the previous one. They all knew there was a very lengthy discussion that needed to be had but right then in that moment, they were content with just letting the unknown stay unknown.
Sam was mostly keeping his eyes trained on the road but occasionally he’d throw a look back at Dean. Castiel knew exactly how Sam was feeling as he himself was feeling the same. It was hard to not worry about Dean. Even when he wasn’t set on dying at every turn. He was just someone who warranted concern. Castiel mused once that it was probably due to the lack of concern he had for himself. It made others around him want to fill that void themselves.
Castiel wasn’t sure where they were or where they were heading. He was hoping for the bunker but was also willing to put up with a gross motel room if it meant Dean would have a more comfortable place to rest. Although the man beside him wasn't complaining he knew the position he was currently in could not be very pleasant.
His legs were spread across the seat with his feet placed on Castiel's legs. His head was propped up by his hand and he was leaning against the cool window. He had barely made a move during the whole car ride thus far but the steady rise and fall of his chest was a good indicator of life.
His eyes were closed and he looked to be at peace but Castiel knew that was not actually the case. He could feel that something was off. He couldn’t figure out exactly what the older Winchester was feeling but he knew it couldn't be anything close to peace. He had felt that come from the man's body before, usually during those rare nights of dreamless sleep, so he was more than capable of sensing that emotion. This felt more like fear but not exactly.
Castiel began to get frustrated with himself so he decided it was time to focus on another topic. It wasn't like he was short on things to worry about. One of the first to come to mind was how this event was going to affect Sam. He knew the man had witnessed his brother die far too many times to count but for some reason this time had felt different. It wasn't hard to see that. He knew many things were bound to change after tonight. He also knew that Dean's death wasn't the only thing weighing the other man down. He had a lot of issues that Castiel didn't think he was even capable of comprehending. He was pulled out of his thoughts when the car started to lull to a stop. It was then that he realised where they were. Shivers went down his spine as he took the entrance in. It had been far too long. He rubbed his hand over Dean's ankle to draw his attention. It worked and the man threw him an unreadable look. Their location then seemed to occur to him as well as he sat up fully and let out a yawn.
“Finally. Home, sweet home.” They all got out, Dean once again leaning against his brother and Castiel. It took longer than it normally would but they eventually made their way inside. The door shut heavily behind them. It all seemed to look the same, just as they had left it. It felt a little bit different though. Not the bad kind either. It actually felt like the home Dean had jokingly referred to it as when they arrived. When he looked at his companions it seemed to him that they had felt that change too.
“Well, I don't know about you two but it's been a long and exhausting day so I think I'm going to call it a night.” He walked sluggishly down the staircase, holding on tightly to the railing and the angel's shoulder. “I do not require sleep.” This statement drew a laugh from both of the humans in the room. “Yeah, Cas. We know.”
Sam then walked down the stairs as well. While the brothers headed to their rooms together, the angel decided to go into the library. When he sat down he let out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding. Looking around at all the dusty books, he felt calmness wash over him. He never knew how good the scent of old books could be.
That's how he spent the rest of the time he had waiting for the Winchesters to wake up. Simply looking around at all his surroundings. Taking every last thing in. Committing it all to memory. He didn't want to ever forget this moment. He got his life back, his best friends and his home. He didn't think he could ever ask for more.