Knowledge of the Gods

Notes:

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The world was going black. The ceiling in the Shrieking Shack refused to stay in focus. He’d done all he had to. It was okay; it was time.

He’d lived with regrets for far too long, already.

His nerves screamed in pain, more intense than a crucio, and never ending.

Shouldn’t the pain be fading by now?

Severus struggled to think, to focus. Something seemed wrong.

He was dying. Of course, something seemed wrong. He was being torn from this life and into the unknown.

Only… he wasn’t.

The pain wasn’t going away. He could feel the puncture wounds in his neck pulsing as his blood trickled free. He could feel the venom eating away at his veins as it slithered beneath his skin. It was eating him alive.

Consuming him.

Why was he still alive?

He blinked, and tried to focus on the rough, wooden-planked ceiling.

It seemed closer than it had been a moment ago. He didn’t remember it sloping quite so sharply.

That was odd.

He shivered, and instinctively wrapped his tattered old blanked closer around him.

Blanket?

He didn’t have a blanket in the shack.

He certainly didn’t have this blanket.

A new wave of agony and nausea washed over him, causing bile to rise in his throat.

Lurching to his feet, Severus stumbled over to the steep ladder-like stairs that led to his attic bedroom, and clambered down them.

He burst through his home’s back door, and emptied his stomach onto the hard dirt of the neglected flower beds. He thought he had cemented over these beds, years ago?

His limbs trembled, and Severus could feel a sheen of sweat bloom across his body as he vomited once again.

A whimper escaped him, high and childlike in its misery.

Merlin, he felt like death.

His sleeping t-shirt clung to his thin frame with sweat, making him shiver convulsively.

He needed to make it back to bed.

Back… to his childhood bed at Spinner’s End.

Looking up sharply, Severus groaned and grabbed his head, as the world spun violently around him.

His hand was a child’s hand.

Stumbling back in shock, Severus leaned heavily against the doorframe of his house at Spinner’s End.

He blinked hard and looked around. The vision of his left eye was blurry and swimming in dark shadows. It pulsed with the same pain that radiated from his neck.

Was Nagini’s venom eating his eye? Was he going blind?

That didn’t make sense. Nagini had bitten him when he was an adult. Her attack shouldn’t be affecting him here. Not now.

Was he hallucinating? Was he in a coma? Was he dead?

Was this the ‘next great adventure’ that Albus was always going on about?

Before he’d died. Before Severus had killed him.

He looked down at his left forearm. The tendons in his wrist twitched in pain, but the skin was blessedly clear.

No Mark.

Surely, if there was an afterlife, Severus would remain saddled with the scars of his mistakes. Marked.

He rubbed at the unblemished skin with the thumb of his right hand, so small and frail. So innocent.

Only Severus wasn’t innocent, was he?

This had to be a dream.

Nagini was slowly killing him, and Severus’ mind had been overloaded at the trauma. It was cutting up his memories and piecing them back together in a way that didn’t make sense.

It was the only explanation.

“Severus?” the voice of his mother called from inside the house. “Why’s the back door open?”

Severus swallowed hard. He hadn’t spoken with his mother in years.

Could he face her? Did he want to?

“I’m out here, mother,” he said, his young voice a shock to his ears. “I’m not feeling well.”

“Well get inside before you make yourself worse, you foolish child,” she snapped, exhausted and exasperated. “I’ll get you some medicine.”

Severus winced in sympathy. He remembered hating it when his mother sounded that way, knowing that her passive aggressive barbs would soon dig in deeply to his psyche. Now, though, she just sounded like him. He’d never appreciated her bitter regret, and volatile lashes against the circumstances that kept her trapped, as a child.

Merlin. He had thought he’d done well, to avoid becoming an abusive drunk like his father, but he’d become his mother instead, hadn’t he? That was almost worse.

With a heavy sigh, Severus closed the back door behind himself, and headed to the kitchen, where his mother kept an assortment of muggle medicines and potions disguised in muggle bottles.

He still could not see clearly out of his left eye. He was still in pain. Reaching up, he felt at his neck and shoulder. The skin was unbroken. There was no wound there, but the pain from the venom remained.

It was because he was trapped in a coma. He was still dying. This illusion changed none of that.

“Are you sick to your tummy? Do you have another headache?” Eileen asked as she scurried into the room, her hands full of laundry.

Well, at least she wasn’t depressed and hiding in her room, today.

“I’m feeling intense phantom pain in my neck and shoulder,” Severus said dryly, counting off his symptoms on his clumsy child’s fingers to this manifestation of his own subconscious. “I just threw up. I’m experiencing nausea and vertigo. The vision in my left eye has gone wonky. I have a headache. Oh, and I don’t think I belong in this body.”

“I’ll have none of your sass, young man,” Eileen griped as she rifled through the cupboards. “Let me have a look, then.”

Severus sat patiently, waiting for her to look up. It wouldn’t do her any good. As far as Severus knew, he had no physical damage, not in this body. Still, he indulged her. Indulged himself.

She looked up, and looked him in the eye, letting out a startled gasp. She dropped whatever bottle of medicine she’d been holding, and it shattered on the floor.

“You’re eye! Merlin, what did you do to your eye?”

Severus stared back, startled. “What’s wrong with it?”

“We need to see a doctor. No, Merlin help me, we need to see a healer. Severus, go grab your coat.”

“I’m still in my pajamas.”

“Then change, and go grab your coat. We don’t have time for your backtalk. What did you do?”

“I woke up this way,” Severus said defensively, before scurrying back up the attic stairs to throw on some clothes. “What’s wrong with my eye?”

“It looks infected or something,” Eileen called out from the bottom of the stairs. “It’s all bloodshot and swollen, and the color’s all wrong.”

What?

Well, that was certainly a creative twist for this hallucination to throw his way.

Was his mother really willing to risk taking him to a Wizarding healer over this?

Merlin.

Notes:

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus hated how little his subconscious had made him. His feet dangled off the edge of his chair in the lobby of St. Mungos, unable to touch the ground. Like a child.

People kept staring at him. He wasn’t sure if it was his shabby muggle clothes, his apparently deeply infected and grotesque eye, or the fact that the disowned half-blood Prince was showing his face in polite society that drew everyone’s attention to him, but whatever it was, he hated it.

He scowled back at everyone who so much as spared him a glance, injecting as much hatred and distain as he could muster into his glare.

It was not very effective. He got a mixture of scandalized looks and patronizing smiles, with nary a scent of fear.

Merlin, just how young was he?

He looked down at his hands, trying to gauge their actual size and how long it’d been since his feet had been able to touch the floor.

He already had the little scar on his right thumb. He’d been seven or eight when he’d nicked it on their old, manual lawn mower while cleaning it.

He couldn’t think of any other scars to check for, without looking under his clothes, but he felt at his face under the pretence at prodding at his eye.

His nose hadn’t been broken, yet. At least, not that time. It was still large on his face, but it wasn’t crooked, as far as he could tell, and there wasn’t that odd lump on the bridge of his nose that had never gone away.

It had been around his eleventh birthday when his father had punched him there, the distinctive crack still echoing in his ears, and the sickening crunch of it making him flinch whenever he thought about it.

It was funny, really. He had withstood countless rounds of torture curses with relative stoicism, but that visceral horror he’d felt as a child when his father had disfigured his face never failed to make him squirm.

He wondered if his mind would force him to relive the event in all it’s life-like glory.

“Severus, stop that,” his mother scolded, grabbing at his wrist. “You’ll just make it worse.”

Severus huffed. He wished this hallucination would end, already.

It had already lasted longer than he would’ve thought, transfixed on this single day. He remembered every moment from waking up in the attic to sitting here next to his mother, waiting to be seen.

No missing time. No gaps. No blending together of scenes as his brain jumped from moment to moment.

That was odd.

He pinched his arm, hard, just in case. It was a long shot, considering that the pain from nagini’s venom hadn’t shocked him awake, but it was worth a shot. Anything to get out of this waiting room.

Nothing.

Focusing hard, he tried to take control of the hallucination and make himself float above his chair.

Still nothing.

This wasn’t a lucid dream then, or if was, it was a particularly stubborn one.

It wasn’t a straight memory, either. He knew for a fact that he’d never been taken to a healer for an eye infection at the age of nine or ten.

Wait.

Nine was the age he’d been when he’d first met Lily.

Even if this was a fever dream, a dying spasm of regurgitated nonsense, Severus didn’t want to screw that up.

What day had it been, when Severus had first introduced himself to her in the park?

He couldn’t remember.

What would happen if he picked the wrong day?

He was aware of the butterfly effect theory, but something so small wouldn’t make that big of a difference, would it?

…How much of a difference would this newly inserted Healer’s visit change?

His father would be furious, he knew that much. He’d take it out on both him and his mother.

If he wasn’t eleven yet, Severus didn’t have a wand.

That was a daunting thought.

He did not want to endure his father’s wrath all over again.

What if his father did permanent damage?

What if he exacerbated whatever was wrong with his eye?

It didn’t matter. This was just a dream. A dream that didn’t behave like a dream.

He shook his head. There was no point dwelling on it. He was sure to fade into oblivion soon enough.

At least the pain had finally started to fade. His eye still throbbed, but his neck was merely a tingly, prickly pain rather than the full-blown agony that had overwhelmed him in the shack.

He desperately wished that waiting to die wouldn’t be so boring.

Notes:

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“What happened here, young man?” the healer asked, in a tone that made Severus grind his teeth.

“I woke up like this.”

‘I got bit by a giant snake in the future, and woke up in a body thirty years too young’ was likely to earn him long-term accommodations in the Janus Thickey ward, and hallucination or not, Severus did not want to suffer through that humiliation.

“Does it hurt?”

“It’s as delightful as a hot poker to the eye.”

“Severus!” Eileen smacked his arm.

Severus scoffed. “It’s not as bad as it was when I woke up, but yes, it hurts. Obviously.”

“Have you touched or eaten anything unusual in the last few days? Played somewhere dirty, and forgotten to wash your hands?”

Severus rolled his eyes. Only in the shrieking shack, where the blood on my hands had nothing to do with poor hygiene. “No.”

“Severus, be respectful,” Eileen snapped.

Severus scowled. He hated being a child. He hated it even more than he hated teaching the little bastards.

“Look at me, son. I’m going to do a few diagnostic spells. It won’t hurt, but there will be a bright light.”

“I’ll be sure to head towards it,” Severus muttered, folding his arms petulantly.

I’m a fucking potions master. I bet ten thousand galleons that I could cure myself faster than you can, if I only had access to a fully stocked lab, and my wand.

The bright light did hurt. Severus instinctively blinked against the pain, and a tear trickled, unbidden, down his cheek. “Ow.”

“All done,” the healer said cheerfully. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Severus glared at the man.

The man had the audacity to chuckle as he checked the quick-quilled notes of the diagnosis.

It was like Severus had lost a superpower. He hadn’t realized just how much he relied on being intimidating, until now that it’d been taken away.

Maybe he’d look older and scarier with an eye patch…

“Oh,” the healer said, flipping back and forth between his pages of notes. “This is interesting.”

“What is it, Healer?” Eileen asked, with that simpering, submissive tone that set Severus’ teeth on age.

You’re a grown-ass woman. Act like it, for once.

“It’s curious. Severus seems to be suffering from the secondary symptoms of multiple maladies, including poisoning, infection, and… a dark spell damage.”

“What?!” Severus and Eileen exclaimed at the same time.

“How is that possible?” Eileen asked.

The healer looked at her dubiously, suspiciously. “Perhaps you can tell me.”

Eileen huffed. “I rarely perform magic of any kind these days, let alone anything dark. The boy’s father is a muggle, and magic just doesn’t suit our lifestyle.”

Severus bit the inside of his lip. You mean he’ll beat us senseless if you use magic, even though you could use magic to stop him, if you weren’t such a coward.

“Are there any other wizards or witches living near you?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” Eileen said, wringing her hands. “I don’t socialize with the magical community much, anymore.”

“What about you, Severus?” the healer asked. “Have you come into contact with a stranger in the last few days, or felt strange around an adult you thought you could trust? Have you seen anything strange happen that you can’t explain?”

“No, there’s no dark wizard secretly lurking around our neighborhood,” Severus said.

Both the healer and Eileen narrowed their eyes at him. “Sev, sweety, have you been threatened by anyone? Told to keep a secret? I promise I can keep you safe.”

You can’t even fight off a muggle. Merlin, Severus needed to rethink his mannerisms. Everything that worked so well for him as an adult kept backfiring on him as a child.

“No, mother. I haven’t talked to anyone lately, nor have I seen anything suspicious.”

“Are you sure? It’s okay to tell me.”

“I’m sure, mother. I’m fine.”

Eileen ruffled Severus’ hair, prompting him to duck out of the way.

She smiled at him as if he were an adorable kitten.

It was maddening.

“Hold on,” the healer said, still surveying his notes. “There’s a hint of something else here. I’ll have to run some specialized tests, but there seems to be a trace of temporal magic binding the symptoms together.”

Severus choked. “W-what?”

“Time magic,” the healer said kindly, as if Severus’ distress came from not understanding big words. “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

“What does that mean for my son?” Eileen asked slowly.

“I honestly don’t know. I haven’t specialized in time magic. I don’t know of a healer who has. We may need to consult the Ministry on this one.”

“The Department of Mysteries?” Eileen asked dubiously, wrapping a protective arm around Severus’ shoulders.

“It might be necessary.”

“I don’t want the Ministry poking at me,” Severus pleaded, shoving as much melodrama into the words as he could muster. He could not afford to become a curiosity in the Department of Mysteries. He’d never be seen nor heard from, again!

The healer’s eyes softened. “I’ll see what I can figure out on my own, first, shall I? There doesn’t seem to be any immediate danger. The infection has stabilized, and since there’s no primary source aggravating things, I don’t believe there’ll be another flare-up.”

“Yes, please,” Severus said, his voice shaky and small in a way that was not entirely faked. “Thank-you, Healer.”

“In the meantime, let me put a bandage over the eye, to keep it from getting contaminated, and ma’am, be sure to do a thorough scouring of your home, just in case. Look for anything out of the ordinary, or dirty, or dark. Anything at all.”

“Yes, Healer.”

“Very well, then. Now, onto important matters. Would you like a lollipop, Severus?”

Severus bit back his sneer, and nodded.

Notes:

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Chapter Text

Severus, much to his infinite annoyance, was made to sit and wait in the lobby, alone with his lollipop, while his mother and the healer discussed ‘sensitive matters’ behind closed doors.

It was his life they were talking about. Surely, he was owed the right to listen in.

His legs were still too short, swinging freely as he sucked on his lollipop and idly flipped through some gossip rag or another. He usually had more patience than this.

Wait.

He closed the magazine and searched the front cover. It was the Spring of 1969 edition. There was no guarantee that it was the newest edition, but it did help narrow things down.

It was the spring of 1969 at the earliest, and January of 1971 at the latest.

He had met Lily for the first time in the summer of 1969.

There was a chance that they were already friends, but it was not a guarantee.

If it was the spring or early summer of 1969, that meant Severus would have to go through the motions of meeting her all over again.

Maybe.

If he was still here by then.

…If he remembered when he was supposed to meet her.

It had been a sunny day, hot. Petunia had been with her. She had been wearing a sundress? …Yellow, maybe? He’d never paid much attention to people’s clothing.

Severus didn’t remember. The days of summer had all bled together, when he was a child. He didn’t even remember which month it had been.

How many times had they hung out together, before heading back to their muggle primary school as friends?

Had it been once per week? Every day?

He didn’t know.

It felt like a betrayal to have forgotten.

Still, even if everything went well, and he picked the right day and time to introduce herself, Lily was nine.

Was Severus capable of relating to a nine-year-old child for long enough to cement their friendship?

He would certainly not develop a crush at first sight, this time around.

The mere thought made him feel dirty.

“You into fashion, little guy?” someone asked from Severus’ left, making him jump.

He hated having a blindside.

“What?” he asked, finally realizing that the young woman sitting a few seats over was talking to him.

The woman laughed, soft and gentle.

“Witch Weekly. You’ve been staring at those dress robes for ten minutes, now.”

Severus doubted that very much. It had probably only been two or three. Still…

He glanced back down at the magazine cover, for the first time taking in the young celebrity couple deliberately not-posing for the cameras.

“Sorry,” Severus said. “Did you want to read this?”

The young woman grinned. “That’s kind of you. I would indeed, if you’re finished with it.”

“I… am. Is this… do you know if this is the newest issue?” Severus asked, deciding it would be acceptable to make himself appear dimwitted to this total stranger, if it kept him from making an even bigger fool of himself later, when he had no idea what year it was, or his own age.

“Let’s see, yup! Spring 1969, see? Summer one won’t be out for another week or two, I reckon.”

“Right. Thanks,” Severus said, smiling weakly.

The woman looked around the lobby. “Are you here to see about your eye? Or is your mommy or daddy in with the healer?”

Severus struggled to keep his face blank and polite. “My mother is in with the healer. I’ve already been seen about my eye.”

The woman giggled. “My mistake. You’re very grown up, aren’t you?”

“I have my moments,” Severus drawled, oddly happy that his sarcasm elicited more warm smiling from the stranger next to him.

He liked being intimidating. He liked being feared. But, he liked being appreciated for his humor, too.

It had been a long time since anyone had smiled at him like that.

He smiled back.

Severus kept himself busy by testing how far to the left he could see, with only one eye. He would have to get used to physically turning his head to make sure he stayed safe.

His mother’s meeting with the healer was taking forever.

He started counting stains on the ceiling.

Most of them appeared to be water damage or dirt, but a few appeared to be dried, flaking blood, which was disconcerting to say the least. Didn’t St. Mungos have their own house elves?

“Come along, Severus,” Eileen said, breaking his concentration, and his count.

Hopping off of the chair in as dignified a way as possible, Severus waved goodbye to the young woman who was now engrossed in some article written in the Witch Weekly magazine, and followed his mother out of the lobby.

“What did the healer have to say?” Severus asked, impatiently, as he trotted after his mother with short, child’s legs.

“Not here,” Eileen said, grabbing his wrist. “I need to get supper ready before your father gets home.”

Severus wanted to argue that she could walk and talk, but he supposed it wasn’t worth the fight.

They apparated from the alley behind St. Mungos to a secluded park a few streets away from home, with Severus struggling to keep up as is mother walked briskly down the sidewalk. She was already listing off the things she’d need to get out and chop up for the stew she was planning to make.

“Do you want me to help with the chopping?” Severus asked. “Or the stirring?”

He couldn’t remember at what age his mother had started trusting him to use the big kitchen cleaver. Surely nine was old enough to handle simple cooking, if eleven-year-olds were expected to brew their own potions, right?

Severus felt inordinately clumsy, but surely that was mostly due to his muscle memory being adapted to the 6’3” body of an adult man.

“We’ll see,” Eileen said, distractedly. “You should probably take a nap first. The healer said you had a fever when we came in, and your body is using some of your magic to fight whatever’s in your eye.”

Severus had to admit that he was feeling rather exhausted.

“Will my eye be okay?” he asked, sounding more scared than he wanted to admit. His life had been hard enough the first time around, without being physically disfigured and disabled.

Potter and Black would have a field day with him if this was a permanent ailment. His lip curled into a sneer just thinking about the kinds of things those bullies would do to him, with such a weakness.

“You’ll be fine, Sev,” Eileen said, the endearing nickname doing little to mask the impatience and nervousness in her voice.

“But what if…” Severus started to ask, as he pushed their front door open.

He and his mother both froze, his blood running cold.

Tobias Snape had come home early.

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Chapter Text

For the first time since waking up in the attic that morning, Severus felt like a child. Trapped. Helpless. Small.

Tobias Snape sneered at them. “What’s this, then?”

Severus instinctively hid his bandaged eye behind his hand. His heart was pounding.

He didn’t have a wand. His magical core wouldn’t be developed enough to use wandless magic. Conversely, he didn’t even know if he was capable of accidental magic, anymore. He was an adult and an Occlumens. Wild, emotionally fueled magic might be beyond his reach.

He hated feeling like this.

“Severus has an eye infection,” Eileen said, calmly. It was a forced calm. Severus knew it wouldn’t hold.

Tobias scoffed. “The boy’s faking. He’s always tugging at your skirts for a bit of attention.”

“He’s not faking this. The healer said-“

“The healer, is it? What’s that freak charging us to make up some wishy-woo-woo problems the boy can cry about?”

Severus frowned. Tobias was itching for a fight. This was an overreaction.

“It’s not that much… I made sure to get the medicine the boy needs, so we won’t need to go back. Please, we aren’t going back. It’s fine.”

“It’s not FINE! You keep sneaking around behind my back, consorting with freaks, and spending my money faster than I can earn it. You’re both conspiring against me.”

Tobias was drunk. He only talked like this when he was drunk. Why was he drunk so early in the day?

Had he lost his job around now, last time around?

Severus didn’t think so. He didn’t remember. They had never been a ‘sharing is caring’ type of family though, had they?

Severus had always avoided his home like the plague.

Something was wrong, though. He could feel it.

This wasn’t a normal drunk rage. There was something boiling up beneath the booze, beneath the threat of domineering violence. Tobias was stalking their living room like a trapped animal, a predator gearing up to tear itself free.

Severus had seen this type of thing before, in the actions of Death Eaters decompressing from a particularly difficult raid.

There was blood on Tobias’ sleeve. It was a splatter pattern.

Severus didn’t think it was Tobias’ own.

Something bad had happened.

“Da,” Severus said, as calmly and respectfully as he could manage. Contrite. “There’s blood on your shirt. Are you alright?”

Tobias looked down at his arm as if it belonged to someone else. He stared for a long time, before scratching at his skin, with jerking, frantic motions. “It’s nothing boy. There was an injury at work. A real injury, not whatever you’ve gone crying to your mother about.”

“What happened?” Eileen asked, stepping forward. Severus was careful not to hide behind her, that would set Tobias off, but he didn’t follow her forward, either.

Tobias scowled. He looked down at Severus, hesitated, then decided to say it anyways. “Peter Johnson got his arm caught in the press. It was crushed to hamburger. Had to get it amputated just below the shoulder.”

Merlin. Severus did not remember this. His parents must have hidden it from him, last time. It was a traumatic thing for a child to hear. Even now, he could not stop his mind from conjuring up grizzly images of the horrific injuries. He felt a little woozy, which was odd. He’d seen much worse things first hand, in his real life. He was used to graphic violence.

He needed to sit down.

“Is he alright?” Eileen asked, aghast.

Tobias scoffed, tugging up his sleeve to hide the blood. “Who cares? Shit happens. They had to shut the plant down for the rest of the day, though. Can’t re-open until there’s been a ‘review’. Stupid pansy-arses interfering with an honest man’s work over nothing.”

Severus stumbled over to the wall, and slid down onto his butt, with his knees pressed to his chest.

His father was lying. He wasn’t worried about the unpaid time off. Well… he probably was, he was always worried about money, but that wasn’t the main thing.

Peter Johnson was one of his drinking buddies. He’d been close enough to the accident to get blood on his sleeve. He’d seen the injury. He might have even seen it happen.

And now he was drunk.

Severus would have gotten drunk too, under the circumstances. He hated feeling empathy for his father.

The man could burn in hell.

Still… what a thing to witness.

He’d decided to throw it in Severus’ face, this time, when Severus and Eileen had cornered him on it, but last time… last time he’d kept it hidden, from Severus at least. He had lived under the same roof, eaten meals at the same table, and he hadn’t said a word.

Severus wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Eileen and Tobias were yelling above him, now. He could hear the words, but they didn’t penetrate the buzzing in his ears.

He should get out of their way, in case things got violent. He should go lay down.

He must still have a fever.

Maybe, if he went to sleep, he wouldn’t wake up again. Maybe he’d finally die, and be done with it.

Half stumbling, half crawling, he made his way to the steep ladder-stairs that led to his old, childhood bedroom.

It felt like sentencing himself to life without parole of solitary confinement, climbing up those stairs.

He hated it up there.

He hated it down here, too.

He had sold his soul and allowed himself to be branded like cattle to escape this fate, last time around.

If it hadn’t been for that damned prophecy, he might never have brought himself to regret it, either.

He was in hell.

This was hell.

It had to be.

Severus sighed, and climbed the stairs. He needed sleep.

Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Chapter Text

The nightmare persisted, and Severus didn’t know what to do.

He lay on his back, on his thin, lumpy little mattress on the floor of the attic at Spinner’s End. The low, exposed rafters loomed over him, prison wardens. Guardians of Hell.

His eye throbbed dully behind the white gauze bandages magically sealed over his face. His skin was clammy and cold.

He had dozed off for a while. The angle of the sun had moved through the single small window cut into the angled roof. There were no longer shouts or banging noises coming from downstairs.

Severus could almost feel the tension of the post-fight sullen silence that often pulsed between his parents when they were forced to remain under the same roof after a fight.

He curled morosely onto his side, hiding under his ratty old blanket.

What was he going to do?

If this was hell, so be it. He deserved to suffer through any measure of pain, after the mistakes he had made. He might as well live the worst parts of his life over and over again in a futile act of penance.

If this wasn’t some eternal torment of the afterlife, though, that meant that either he was crazy, he was dreaming, or he was a time-traveller.

If he was crazy, he was in no position to judge his own sanity or lack thereof. He might as well act as if he was still sane, until someone noticed otherwise and intervened. If he was dreaming, then nothing he said or did was of any consequence. He might as well act as if he was awake. If he was a time-traveller, though, then the fabric of reality as Severus knew it was in very real danger of unravelling.

Things had already changed. Severus had not visited St. Mungos at the age of nine, in his original life. He had not walked around Cokeworth with a bandaged eye for at least a week. His parents had not fought over Severus’ medical bills. He hadn’t been privy to the information of the accident at his father’s work.

So, Severus faced a dilemma. Should he act on his new knowledge and circumstances, or should he pretend that nothing had changed? If he tried to force the universe to mold itself back into the shape he remembered, would it rebel against him? Would he do more harm than good?

He didn’t know.

Last time around, Severus had been unaware of the circumstances behind his father’s volatility. Last time around, Severus hadn’t cost his father the galleons needed for a healer’s visit. Last time around, Severus had been unaware of the extent to which his parents struggled to put food on the table.

Should Severus do something about it?

He could forage for food in the forest out back. He could fish in the nearby stream. He could look for odd jobs. Maybe get a paper route? Mow lawns?

He could help.

But he hadn’t helped, last time.

But that medical bill hadn’t been an issue, last time.

Severus knew things that he had not known last time.

His parents knew that he knew about the accident at the factory, this time around.

If he behaved as he did last time around, if he deliberately ignored that which he had been ignorant of, his parents would react differently. They would react to his intentions, not just his actions.

Severus stared at the exposed attic rafters in his little room. There was very little insulation, up here. It would be miserably hot this summer, and dangerously cold when winter came.

He could tack up bits of cardboard, egg cartons, and discarded insulation from construction sites to make it a bit more bearable. Would such a small change matter? What if Severus grabbed the exact piece of cardboard that a homeless person had used as bedding last life? Used as a panhandling sign? What if that homeless person had to spend an extra five minutes searching for cardboard? What if that delay put him on a different street corner? Put him in the path of a drunk driver? What if that homeless man died, when he had originally pulled his life together, and started a family? What if he’d had a child that had been destined to change the world?

On the flip side, though, what if Severus’ eye infection weakened his immune system to the point that the lack of insulation in his room made him sick? Made him miss a day of school, or miss his first meeting with Lily? What if he got pneumonia and died? What would happen to the timeline, then?

He could not possibly account for every change and predict the consequences of his actions to that degree.

So, should he bother to try?

His own life didn’t matter much, in the grand scale of things, but he had touched the lives of a lot of people who did matter. Would Lily Evans and James Potter fall in love, make love, and conceive Harry Potter if Severus’ life played out differently? Would the Dark Lord learn about the prophesy? Would he target the Potters if he didn’t? Would he still hand baby Harry Potter the power to destroy him?

He couldn’t take that chance, could he?

He couldn’t keep the minutiae straight. He knew that. The big things though. The Potters. Dumbledore. The Dark Lord. Those things were too important to change. He would have to try to keep those anchors in the timeline in place, and hope the different ripples around them were too small to make much difference.

He could do that.

He could offer his first best friend up to his erstwhile childhood bully so they could fall in love and get murdered together at the opportune moment… right?

He had enough blood on his hands already, what was a little more?

He could sell his soul all over again for the opportunity to point a sadistic madman at the woman he loved. It was only fitting that his forearm matched his soul, Marked by death and darkness.

Maybe Severus should be in hell.

It would be safer for everyone else if he was, but he couldn’t take that chance.

He scoffed bitterly. He was becoming Albus, willing to destroy lives to keep destiny on track for the ‘greater good’.

He was a monster. He needed to be a monster.

He could do this.

He could work to protect the big events, the ones that had to happen, even if the specifics of them changed, and he could give himself the freedom to do little things to better his own life, in the meantime.

He wouldn't seek Lily out until his eye was healed. She had been so excited to learn that she was a witch, and of all of the magical promise that the wizarding world held. Severus didn't want to taint that first impression with an unexplainable magical malady. She deserved that childhood wonder and joy, naïve as it was.

Hopefully the bandage could come off in a week.

In the meantime, Severus would look for food and work. He was no herbologist, but he had enough knowledge of both magical and mundane plants to ensure that he wouldn't poison himself, and he might be able to find what he needed to make a few rudimentary potions. That would certainly be a comfort.

He would also need to avoid his father. If Tobias was failing to process his trauma and grief, he'd be looking to take it out on Severus and Eileen.

Severus was not hero enough to stand between his father and mother. Eileen was a big girl. She was the one who had chosen this life. Severus hadn't had that choice.

Although… technically he had the choice now, didn't he? He couldn't live independently, running away before he was old enough to rely on his magic would be monumentally stupid, but he could get the muggle authorities involved. They would probably either get Tobias arrested, or Severus sent to live somewhere else.

But no.

If the charges didn't stick, Tobias would be vindictive, and if Severus was sent to a group home with adults that feared or hated magic, or who were abusive in their own right, or who lived too far away for him to maintain contact with Lily… it wasn't worth the risk.

Better the devil he knew.

He could handle Tobias.

Maybe he could handle Tobias.

Adult Severus' default method of glaring problems into submission would only get child Severus beaten up. He would need to remember who he was, where he was.

When he was.

He was getting a headache.

Begrudgingly, he pulled himself out of bed and dressed himself in the most tattered if his clothing.

Go to the forest. Look for food and potions ingredients. Avoid Tobias.

It was a solid plan.

He'd have to stick close to the house, for the first day or two, to ensure he didn't pass out with a fever in the middle of nowhere or, more embarrassingly, get lost. It had been thirty years since he'd last explored these woods, after all.

Plan in mind, Severus crept down the ladder stairs and out the back door.

He could see Eileen in the kitchen, ignoring her own silent tears as she scrubbed at dishes with a sullen ferocity.

Had Severus slept through supper? He hadn't eaten at all yet, since waking up in this nightmare. Well… except for the lollipop.

Begging for food was more trouble than it was worth.

Severus was pretty sure he could still find that little wild orchard that grew sour apples just across the creek. A couple of those would tide him over, and he could hide a few more in his room for a few days, in case his Tobias lingered around the house while the factory was shut down.

He found a narrow stretch of the creek, and hopped over it, scanning the banks for potion ingredients as he went. There wasn't much here, but perhaps down by the fishing hole he'd have better luck.

The trees started close to the creek bank, but were sparse for the first fifty feet or so before they thickened into a proper forest.

Severus found a handful of edible mushrooms, and made note of a cluster of poisonous ones… for future emergencies.

He noticed a couple promising small game trails, and decided to look for some wire thin enough to make into traps.

If he managed to catch a rabbit, he could not only use it for food, but also tan the hide, and make the feet into keychains. Muggles found such ‘lucky' charms trendy in this time period, didn't they?

And for the pelts, if he managed to save enough before Hogwarts started, he could buy a cheap cloak, and line the inside with furs to stay warm.

He did not fancy shivering through another Scotland winter underdressed.

There were some herbs growing in a small clearing, used for both cooking and potions, and he managed to dig out some roots, as well.

The sun was getting low in the sky, the forest floor already deep in shadows, by the time he found the wild orchard.

The apples were a little underripe, yet, but they wouldn't hurt him to eat, just be overly crunchy and sour, so he stuffed his pockets with them, and hurried back home.

He could barely see the creek by the time he made it back, having to jump haphazardly in the darkness. He avoided falling into the cold water, but it was a close thing.

He hadn't taken the time to eat any apples in the forest, as he raced against daylight, and was trembling with hunger and exhaustion by the time he made it back to his ramshackle childhood home.

His mother saw him enter through the back door, and hastily gestured for him to be quiet and join her in the kitchen.

She shoved half of a sandwich and a plastic cup of water into his hands and shooed him upstairs.

He resisted long enough to transfer his mushrooms, a couple apples, and the other ingredients that couldn't be used in potions into their angrily rumbling refrigerator.

Eileen knew too much about potions to risk showing her everything he'd found. Even though Tobias would have no reason to suspect that the mundane plants contained magical properties, Eileen, in her paranoia, might throw them out regardless and Severus was not willing to take that chance.

Eileen was functional for the time being, but there was no telling how long that would last. Severus needed to be prepared for the next time one of her deep depressions hit.

Taking his little half sandwich, water, and hidden stash of goods, Severus climbed back up into his attic room.

He ate the sandwich and two under ripe apples quickly, and then crawled back under his threadbare covers to sleep.

Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Chapter Text

Life continued in a strange yet oddly familiar pattern over the last week for Severus. He foraged for potions ingredients, he set traps for rabbits and he fished. He roamed the neighborhood and offered his services for odd jobs. So far, he'd mowed a few lawns and weeded a couple gardens. He had earned enough to buy a big bag of flour he’d lugged home in an old, rusty red wagon he’d found abandoned in a ditch.

He had avoided the playground where he had originally met Lily. He had used his bandaged eye as an excuse to put off meeting her, but that wouldn’t work any longer.

Today was the day the bandages were supposed to come off. He was nervous that it would still be infected, or that he'd gone blind. He knew his mother wouldn't dare take him to the healer again, no matter how bad it was, nor would she risk taking him to a muggle doctor.

Eileen was taking yet another nap today. The factory had opened back up, and she had crashed into a hard depression once Tobias was no longer looming over her. Severus would have to remember to be home early enough to cook tonight, or none of them would have anything to eat, and Tobias would get pissy.

Looking into the bathroom mirror, Severus braced himself for the worst, and peeled back the bandage. He kept the damaged eye closed, and leaned in close.

Tobias had shut off the water heater again, so Severus used cold water to wash the crusted puss from his lashes. The skin around his eye looked healthy enough, if a little discolored. Hopefully that would fade with time.

Now for the true test.

Opening his eye slowly so he could get used the light through the veil of his lashes, Severus looked at himself in the mirror.

Even with the precautions, his vision was a bright blur.

Severus panicked for a moment, before his eye adjusted.

Everything looked weird. He closed his good eye to confirm.

The vision in his left eye was a bit blurry, and the colors were dull, as if the world could not decide if it wanted to be normal or in black and white. He blinked hard a few times and tried again.

Still fuzzy and washed out.

Oh.

His left eye had changed color. That was odd.

It had lightened from black to golden yellow.

Severus swallowed hard; it looked like a human version of Nagini's eye.

His neck throbbed at the reminder of the giant snake. He could feel her fangs sinking into his flesh all over again, the venom coursing through him.

What could this possibly mean?

Severus had assumed that his eye infection was some form of side effect from being poisoned with Nagini’s venom in the future, but that wouldn’t change his eye. It wouldn’t start to change him into her.

The healer had said there was temporal magic in his eye, along with dark magic. Nagini had been drenched in dark magic, to be sure. And he had possibly… maybe… he had better keep acting like he believed it… travelled back in time.

How were all of these things connected?

There were certain traditions that linked snakes to Seers, but Severus had always assumed those were superstitions, like muggle fortune tellers with long, sharp fingernails and a serpent draped across their shoulders. He had assumed it was aesthetic and nothing more.

Salazar Slytherin had not been a Seer, after all, and neither was the Dark Lord.

Neither had Severus ever heard of a Seer that was a parselmouth.

That being said, not every person who cast a serpent patronus or who became a snake animagus was a parselmouth. Snake affinity was broader than one particular skill.

Surely though, if Nagini had been a Seer, the Dark Lord would have known. He would have used her.

Severus stared at his nine-year-old face in the mirror.

His presence here and now was also temporal magic, but nothing he had ever heard of. Was that all that the healer had detected in him?

Severus reached up to hold his eyelid open, and froze.

He was glowing.

His reflection wasn't glowing. Mirror Severus looked normal, minus the oddly colored eye.

His actual arm, though, was limned in light. It pulsed softly, shimmering between purple and blue, with streaks of white dancing across the surface of his skin.

It was his aura.

Severus was stunned. He closed his injured eye, and the glowing vanished. He opened his eye, and it returned.

He could see magical auras. He was a bloody muggle fortune teller, after all.

To be fair, he only knew that he could see his own. He'd have to look at Eileen, or maybe Lily, before he could prove that he could see other people's magic, too.

Maybe he should go to the park today, just in case Lily was there.

He had spent the last week worrying about their second first meeting. It would be best to get it over with.

It didn't have to be perfect, it just needed to set the stage for Lily's curiosity about magic. The rest would work itself out.

Hopefully Lily would find his discolored eye cool rather than creepy. Should he pretend that it had always been that way?

No, he didn't want to start their friendship off with a lie.

If Lily became as close to him as last time, she would eventually see pictures of him as a baby, or hear Eileen mention his healer's visit, or possibly even overhear some local children gossiping about Severus' looks.

He would downplay the infection’s magical nature to start with, though. No need to worry her over something so obscure.

He wished he had time to boil some water on the stove so he could take a bath, even though carrying a pot of scalding liquid that far was dangerous for his nine-year-old child’s body. He wished Tobias would stop punishing Eileen and himself by shutting off the hot water under the guise of saving money.

Life would be so much easier if he could just use magic. He’d have to keep meditating on his growing magical core, to see if he could learn it well enough in flux to regain his moderate skills with wandless magic. Maybe seeing his own aura would help with that.

Today, though, he was dirty and unkempt. He had probably been greasy the last time he had met Lily too he supposed, so it really shouldn’t matter.

Everything was going to be fine.

Running his fingers through his hair, Severus glared at his underwhelmingly sallow, thin, and grimy self. How had he ever managed to become friends with a girl like Lily Evans last time?

It beggared belief.

It was also an excuse. He had put this off long enough.

He needed to go to the park.

Lily might not even be there. If she was, he had years of friendship with her under his belt. This would be fine.

If anything, he had more social skills now than he had had originally.

Severus tiptoed out of the house and attempted to look casual as he walked to the nearly playground. He nodded politely to every muggle he passed, making an effort to appear responsible and friendly. None of them glowed, which wasn't surprising, given that they had no magic. He kept making himself jump whenever one of his arms swung into view as he walked. Being luminescent was going to take some getting used to.

He made mental notes of which houses to solicit for odd jobs as he went. It was a nice distraction, but left him feeling unprepared when the playground suddenly loomed before him.

Lily was there.

She wasn't floating off of the swings, like last time. This wasn’t the same day. It would have to do, though. There was no way he could recreate the exact moment from his memory.

Severus would need to think of another way to bring up magic, and let Lily know that she was a witch.

He would just have to introduce himself and go from there.

He walked towards her and her sunflower aura, when something caught his eye.

He stopped short.

Petunia stepped out from behind the slide, and she was glowing.

Her aura wasn't as bright as Lily's, and it was a bogey-colored yellowish green, but it was there.

Petunia wasn't a muggle. She was a squib.

No wonder she resented Lily's magic so much. She must be able to sense it. Muggle-repelling charms didn't work on squibs the same way they worked on muggles.

Petunia had lived her whole life with something fantastical tangibly there but just out of reach.

The petty cow deserved it, but it was still tragic.

“Hey, you!” a painfully familiar voice rang out, full of righteous indignation.

Severus' head snapped up, watching in confusion and dread as Lily stalked over to him. She did not look happy.

“Stop staring at my sister, Perv.”

Severus blinked.

Lily's aura was flashing angrily.

“What? No, I wasn't…”

Lily glared at him. “I saw you, didn't I?”

Severus’ mind stuttered to a halt. He had been staring at Petunia's aura, not at her, but he couldn't exactly tell them that.

He needed to make Lily fall in love with magic, not associate it with creepy stalker boys making odd excuses.

And now he was staring at Lily. Great.

“I'm sorry,” he said to Petunia, who looked as embarrassed as he was by Lily's outburst. “I didn't mean to be weird. I just like your… um, dress.”

It was an ugly dress, but everything about Petunia was ugly, and neither scathing sarcasm nor intimidating glares would dig him out of this hole, so he was forced to get creative.

Petunia smiled at Severus like she just realised he was a diamond in a pile of glass chips, and smoothed down the front of her gown.

“Thanks! I made it myself. Well, mum helped me, but I picked out the pattern and the fabric.”

Severus smiled at her and nodded enthusiastically.

Lily was not impressed. She positioned herself between Severus and her older sister. Ever the warrior, Severus could not help but admire her tenacity.

Severus might be trapped in the body of a tiny person, but Lily was even smaller than she was. To be honest, Petunia could probably take them both on and win, at this point in time.

Severus curled in on himself, attempting to make himself look contrite and pathetic. Lily had almost as much of a savior complex as her future son, and Severus needed to get onto the other side of it. As long as she registered him as a threat rather than a project to protect, he would be unable to nudge her decisions in the way that they needed to go.

“I was just hoping that you'd allow me to play with you. I don't really have anu friends, and you looked like you were having fun.”

He kept his head down, and made a show of scuffing his too big second-hand shoe in the dirt.

Lily softened marginally, but did not move from her guard post in front of get sister.

Petunia looked annoyed. “Lily, be nice to the poor boy. Hey, what's your name, kid?”

“Severus.” He stuck his hand out, and Petunia leaned over and around her sister to shake it.

“Don't mind her,” Petunia said with a huff. “Lily just hates it when she's not the center of attention, for once.”

“That's not true,” Lily protested, glaring over her shoulder.

Petunia rolled her eyes.

This was going horribly. If Petunia decided to advocate for Severus while antagonizing her sister, Lily would dislike Severus out of spite.

That was why she had despised James Potter so hard, for so long. She had been upset with Black for bullying Severus on the Hogwarts Express, and had decided on the spot to hate James by proxy.

Potter, predictably, had reacted poorly to this, and had taken it out on Severus, convinced that it was all his fault.

“Whatever, Lils,” Petunia said. “I'm tired of playing baby games anyways. Let's go home. See you around, Severus!”

Lily glared at Severus as if he was personally responsible for cutting short her fun, then bounded after her sister.

Severus was left standing alone in the middle of a playground like an idiot.

What just happened?

Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Chapter Text

The summer had passed quickly for Severus. Between foraging in the woods, doing work around the neighborhood, and covertly brewing calming draughts and sober-up potions to slip into Tobias' coffee and food, Severus had been very busy, and mostly out of reach of his parents’ dysfunction.

Lily was still avoiding him.

Severus wasn't sure what to do about that. The harder he pushed, the creepier he would seem.

He still hadn't told her she was a witch.

Petunia had been passingly friendly to him, whenever they crossed paths. It was a jarring change, but Severus was beginning to think that Petunia was his in with Lily.

If he could find an anti-muggle ward nearby, and show Petunia that she could see something muggles could not, maybe she would take the initiative to show her little sister.

Because Lily and Severus were not friends.

It was so odd, every time that realization smacked him in the face again.

It would be odd to be friends with a nine-year-old, too. His own fragmented attention span annoyed him, let alone the hyperactivity of other children.

He could only hope that his tolerance for people his own physical age would grow and level out by the time Hogwarts started. If not, he was going to be in for a long, rough second life.

He was, in fact, gearing most of his time and attention towards planning ahead to make his Hogwarts education tolerable.

He had a small tin of savings hidden away in his room, and hoped that it would continue to grow. Other than the odd food item to keep his parents pacified, Severus could get by without spending any of it until Hogwarts. He had a growing list of things he would need that he hadn’t had last time around. New, sturdy clothing. Shampoo and soap that could stand up against potion fumes. New or only lightly used textbooks. Extra notebooks, parchment, and quills. Little things that would portray a casual assumption of non-poverty.

He was going to make an effort to tone down his fascination with the Dart Arts, too.

Severus was just heading back home from the fishing hole when Petunia came running up to him.

“Severus, hi! I made something for you; I hope you don’t mind. I’ve been practicing my sewing, and I had some extra fabric that was too masculine for me.”

Severus blinked, and accepted the tunic that Petunia shoved at him. It wasn’t a style he would have chosen for himself, but it was sturdily made, and the fabric was good quality, too. Severus doubted that the material was extra scraps, as Petunia claimed, but he didn’t make a scene.

It was a surprisingly thoughtful gesture.

“Thanks Petunia,” Severus said, holding the shirt carefully away from his little stockpile of fish. “You’re becoming a really good seamstress.”

“I was about to give up on it before you complimented my dress back at the beginning of summer,” Petunia admitted. “Mum didn’t have much time to help me. I figure I owed you for giving me the push to keep going.”

Severus smiled at her, the first truly genuine smile he’d ever directed at the girl or the woman she’d become.

“That’s kind of you. This feels like it will last a long time, so thanks again. I’ll put it to good use.”

Petunia grinned. “By the way, I’m getting pretty good at telling weeds from flowers in my parent’s garden, so if you are still doing yard work next summer and want to expand, it might be fun to work together.”

“I will consider it. It would be nice to get more houses signed up. I’m hoping I’ll get some word-of-mouth customers next year.”

“Well, let me know. I found some new shoes I want, but my parents won’t buy them for me, because they’re expensive.”

“I’ll keep you in mind.”

Severus watched in bemusement as Petunia skipped away. She was so close to shedding her carefree childishness for good, but it was still clinging to her. It would be a shame if she turned into the pinched, unpleasant woman Severus remembered all over again.

School was starting back up, soon. Severus had a thicker skin this time around, and more confidence, but he knew that kids were cruel, and his new discolored eye gave him something else to be mocked over.

He knew that the opinions and insults of nine-year-olds shouldn’t bother him, but he was only human, and when those kids were the only social circle he was immersed in day after day, it was bound to grind away at his psyche.

It was not too different from enduring Death Eater meetings with a bunch of blood supremacists, really.

They’d just be shorter.

Severus was hopeful that muggle school would afford him the opportunity to study the sciences with an eye for magical compatibility, but he did not dare stop his odd jobs over the winter, and the physical labor was taxing on his little body, so he'd have to wait and see how much energy he had.

The last thing he wanted was to accidentally exhaust himself into stunted growth or an immune deficiency. His emotions were also difficult to wrangle at this age, and he suspected that he was as susceptible to tired crabbiness as the next child.

He had to admit that it was tempting to blow his savings on trendy muggle clothes that would make him blend in with the crowds. He had to prioritize Hogwarts, though.

Far better to suffer the humiliation of ostracization for a single year amongst muggles than to repeat the misery of seven years headlined by Potter and his goons, and buttressed by elite pureblood snobbery within his own house.

A set of new robes and shoes for school would be a much better investment than muggle clothing he’d likely outgrow before Hogwarts even started.

The opinions of muggle children didn’t matter, in the long run.

Just Lily.

Some things never changed.

When he made it home, Severus carefully deposited his fish into the kitchen sink and cleaned his hands before taking his new shirt up to his room.

He didn’t know why he was so excited over the thing, but he could not resist the urge to try it on.

It fit passingly well. The seams were a little uneven, and it was too big in the shoulders, but overall, Petunia had done an admirable job for her age. If she kept it up, she’d become a first-class seamstress one day.

It was hard to imagine her becoming anything other than a first-class bitch, but Severus knew, from looking back at his own first life, that small decisions made early could snowball into large impacts later in life.

Perhaps there was hope for Petunia, yet.

Severus changed back out of his new shirt, folding it carefully and saving it for his first day of school, before heading back down to clean the fish he’d caught and cook dinner.

He cooked more days than not. Once Eileen had discovered that he had a passable skill at the task, and was responsible enough to not burn the house down in the process, she had effectively abdicated the kitchen to him altogether.

She was growing more and more passive and despondent, actually. Severus could not remember if she’d been on one of her down swings at this point last time, or if this was new.

He slipped her simple cheering potions occasionally, but they would lose their effectiveness if taken too often, and Eileen sometimes used her apathy to protect herself against Tobias’ rage, so Severus did not feel comfortable drugging her all the time.

He felt no such restraint with his father.

His potions were all rudimentary, given the ingredients he had access to, but they were enough to take the edge off Tobias’ nastier qualities, and that was all Severus needed.

He could not afford for a stray fist to the face to further disfigure him, or saddle him with a more debilitating injury. His nose had not yet been bent and swollen out of shape, and Severus was vainly hoping he could keep it that way. He would never be an attractive child, but he was fine with average, if he could manage it.

So no, Severus refused to feel guilty that he was drugging his father on a regular basis, and would continue to do so, even if his father eventually withered away into a comatose shell of himself. The bastard would deserve it.

The only hesitation that he felt at all was the prospect of what would happen once he left for Hogwarts. He’d probably have to ween his father off the potions before he left, or the sudden return to violent lucidity would not only give Severus away, but provide Tobias with an additional reason to hate magic and take his hatred out on Eileen.

Severus did not want to be responsible for that, no matter how useless his mother could be.

That was a problem for the future, though.

Tonight, Severus decided to focus all of his attention onto finding the perfect seasoning for his fish and chips.

Chapter 9: Chapter 9

Chapter Text

Severus was eleven years old, and his life was almost unrecognizable from it once had been. It was summer again, and he and Petunia were finishing their last garden for the day.

They worked together well.

Their age difference, and Petunia’s more reserved personality, had kept their friendship from rivalling the intensity of the friendship Severus had once had with Lily, but it was nice all the same.

Lily and Severus had never become friends in this life. Unlike last time, Lily had gotten close with the preppy, popular clique at school. She tolerated Severus as the weird, loner friend of her older sister, but nothing more.

Severus had not opened up to her about being a wizard, either.

Petunia had mentioned magic to her, in passing. From what Severus could tell, Lily suspected, but was not entirely convinced that it was real, but was more concerned about what her popular friends thought of her than whether or not she had special powers.

Her priorities were baffling to Severus. He could not imagine a timeline or universe where magic would not be the most important thing in his life. It had the power to change everything.

Lily, he supposed, was happy with how her life was now, and did not want to risk that change, no matter how spectacular it could prove to be.

The concept of being so content was utterly foreign.

Severus always had a goal he was working towards. Hell, he always had more than one. He had never been satisfied with the hand life had dealt him, not even when he and Lily had been at their closest.

He’d always wanted more.

Wiping his hands on his trousers, Severus helped Petunia load up their repainted red wagon with their gardening tools and began the walk home. Petunia, being older and taller, kept stride with him easily.

They chatted about their plans for the next day’s yards and Petunia excitedly told Severus about her family’s plans to visit the coast for the weekend.

They were almost home when Severus was accosted by a magnificent owl as he approached the ramshackle little house that he still could not help but loathe.

Petunia gasped. “Is that your Hogwarts letter?”

Her dull, muted aura pulsed with excitement.

“I can’t think of anyone else who’d write to me,” Severus said, stroking the bird reverently and retrieving its cargo.

The bird nipped at his ear and held still dutifully for Petunia as she gently stroked its head.

“It’s from Hogwarts,” Severus confirmed, swelling with pride despite knowing his acceptance was a foregone conclusion. Old insecurities died hard.

Petunia’s smile faded. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll write to you,” Severus promised. “I showed you where the Wizarding Post Office is; they’ll accept muggle money for a small conversion fee. Or you could buy your own owl. You have enough magic that it’ll listen to you. I’ll be back for the summer, so we’ll need to keep in touch for business purposes, anyways.”

Petunia sighed. “I just know Lily’s going to get a letter, too. She’s special at everything.”

“You might not have enough magic to use a wand properly, but there are still some magical things you can do,” Severus said. “I’ll look for some introductory books on potions and runes when I go buy my school supplies. Don’t try anything until I get back next summer, though. Potions, especially, can be dangerous, but I’ll help teach you. Your sister can’t hog all the glory.”

Petunia laughed at that. “I suppose that’s something. Potions is a bit like cooking, isn’t it? I’m good at that.”

She was. It sometimes baffled Severus how the Potter boy… Harry… stayed to skinny under her roof. Then he remembered what she’d turned into last life, and it made more sense.

He took a deep breath to forestall his memorized rant about the insult of comparing the mundanity of cooking with the glory of potions, and said, “There are some practical similarities, yes, but also some radical differences. If you think of it like cooking, you’ll form some mental hurdles for yourself later on. Try to conceptualize it as its own thing.”

Petunia rolled her eyes. “Sometimes you’re the oldest eleven-year-old I’ve ever met, you know that?”

Severus stuck out his tongue, just because he could.

“Whatever. Make me something cool with what you learn at magic school. I’d better head home to contain the freak out when my parents get definitive proof that Lily’s a witch. I’ll see you again before you leave, won’t I?”

“Of course! It’s still a month away. Plus, I won’t ditch you for the rest of the jobs we have lined up. You’re… you’re kind of my best friend. I won’t leave without saying goodbye.”

Petunia smiled and nodded firmly. “Good. See you later then, Magic Boy!”

“I’m a wizard!” Severus shouted back, loud enough to skirt the limitations of the Statute of Secrecy.

He didn’t care.

He was going to Hogwarts. He was about to get access to magic again! He ached to hold a wand; his wand.

Would he even get the same one, this time around? Magical cores remained in flux until the age of ten or eleven, and the reasons why remained hotly debated.

Had Severus’ new experiences and different motivations altered his core?

He had watched his skin dance with different colors ever since he’d taken those bandages off his eye, but without knowing what his core had settled on last time, Severus had no way of knowing if he’d changed until he visited Ollivander’s.

Hopefully Eileen would give him a little cash and allow him to visit Diagon Ally on his own this time. As soon as she had realized how self-sufficient Severus had become, she had taken that as an excuse to retreat further into herself.

He had barely seen her since arriving in this time, let alone basked in her motherly affections.

And then there was his father’s reaction.

Tobias had been displeased with Severus attending a Wizarding school last time, but he had also been witness to enough bouts of accidental magic to be relieved that he wouldn’t be living with a faulty ticking bomb under his roof for most of the year.

Severus had changed a lot since last time. He wasn’t as angry. He wasn’t as bitter, or vindictive, or carrying a massive chip on his shoulder. He wasn’t vibrating with a constant helpless rage.

He was calm, focused, and rolled with the punches.

Metaphorical and physical.

At least his nose was still intact. Ha.

He had no idea how his father would react to his Hogwarts letter this time and braced himself to dodge a few blows.

Severus had never considered himself vain, but between his otherworldly eye, the shampoo and soap Petunia had gently gifted him for Christmas that first year, and the fact that Severus had figured out how to re-light the water heater after Tobias left for work, he found himself taking care of how he looked.

It certainly made his life a lot easier to look clean and professional, especially with his eye singling him out already.

The eye had turned out to be a mixed bag.

Some people made fun of him for it, some people thought it looked ‘awesome’, and some people tried to ignore it, but ended up awkwardly avoiding eye contact with him in the process.

Severus put the gardening tools away and made supper. Tobias was late coming home and Eileen was sequestered in her room, so Severus ate alone and did his own dishes before storing the rest of what he’d made in the fridge and retreating upstairs.

It was safer to be out of sight and mind whenever one of his parents made an inevitable appearance.

He double checked the required items list Professor McGonagall had included with his letter and made his own list of what he’d need to buy.

He'd need to visit Gringotts to transfer his muggle money into galleons, and he might as well set up a vault for himself while he was there, if the goblins would allow it.

He had lived in paranoia that Tobias would find his savings and blow it all on gambling or booze. Thankfully the odd coin or small note he’d left lying around as a decoy had been enough to satisfy his father’s compulsive urges.

As miserable as the Slytherin dorms could be at times, Severus was looking forward to not living with an addict for a while.

He… would still be a Slytherin, wouldn’t he? Severus had had so much to worry about regarding the timeline, his new eye, and his own survival that he hadn’t stopped to think about Hogwarts houses in quite a while.

He had been the Head of Slytherin house, for Merlin’s sake. He should be locked in.

As he thought about it, though, he realized that while he was still cunning and was more ambitious than ever, he had also been a spy, which required a blood-curdling amount of courage, and he had become very hard working for his physical age since jumping back in time. He’d always craved knowledge, too, but if that hadn’t been enough to land him in Ravenclaw the first time around, he didn’t see how that’d change this time.

What if he was a hat stall and the hat left the choice up to him?

If he could choose, where would he want to go?

Not Gryffindor.

As tempting as the opportunity to get back on track with Lily was, Severus would never willingly put himself in the same dorm room as the Marauders.

He could be a Hufflepuff, he supposed. Everyone found them inoffensive. An image of Zachariah Smith flashed through his mind, making him shudder.

No, there were dunderheads and arseholes in every house.

Severus didn’t feel like a Hufflepuff. He was loyal and hardworking to serve his ambitions. Once the world was saved and Voldemort was gone for good, Severus fully intended to tell anyone and everyone to piss off while he retired to a secluded potions lab fortress somewhere unplottable.

Ravenclaw had always been his second choice, barring the regret of being separated from Lily, and he supposed that was the safest option for him. He’d be away from the politics and somewhat shielded from the Marauder’s wrath.

Maybe he could be a Ravenclaw.

It was pointless to speculate, though. The hat would do what it willed, and Severus may or may not have a say in where he went.

He had had Slytherin first years brag that they had talked the hat into placing them there and firsties who had been sent to him crying on their first night because they hadn’t wanted to be a Slytherin and were afraid that they were now evil.

It made Severus angry that society had placed that burden on children when he stopped to think about it.

Not that it had been safe to think about it when he’d been an adult and a spy. A stray thought like that could have gotten him killed. He was supposed to encourage his students to grow mustaches long enough to twirl, so long as they still scraped and bowed to a particular madman while they were at it.

Severus really hoped that it would not be necessary for him to play the part of spy in this life. It was exhausting.

He would need to think it through more, when he came closer to having to make the decision.

It all revolved around the prophesy. Was it truly a self-fulfilling prophesy? Would Voldemort still fulfill it if he never heard it?

It was too much to worry about now, when he was already overwhelmed with the anxiety of whether his savings would be enough to buy him decent books and a warm pair of winter books.

He needed to focus on being eleven, or he’d damage all of his future chances to save or change the world by being too weird to be taken seriously by anyone.

Loathed as he was to admit it, his social standing was going to be important this time around.

Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Gringotts looked even more large and intimidating than Severus remembered it. The goblins certainly had a flair for melodrama hidden beneath their surly attitudes and grim expressions.

Severus smoothed down his threadbare muggle clothes and walked into the bank with as much purpose and gravitas as his small frame could muster. He had never dealt with the goblins as a child before, and had no idea how they would react to him. He hoped that they would take him seriously enough to help him, or at the very least to refrain from causing a scene as they refused him.

It was busy in the bank, as the recently dispersed Hogwarts letters had already kicked off a back-to-school shopping frenzy, but thankfully the line moved quickly. He was able to keep his head down and avoid undue attention from any of his future schoolmates, even though he recognized a few of them.

Severus stepped up the counter and up onto his toes. “Hello, Master Goblin,” he said, in what he hoped was a business-like tone. “I’d like to open a vault with you and convert some muggle money into galleons, please.”

“Of course, Young Man,” the goblin said in a snide, bored tone. “Do you have a goblin-certified form of identification on you?”

“No, Sir,” Severus replied, forcefully holding his fingers back from fidgeting.

“You’ll need to submit to an inheritance test then,” the goblin said. “The results of which will be permanently stored within our records. Do you consent to this?”

Severus sagged with relief. That he could live with. “I do.”

“Very well. This way, then.”

Severus followed the goblin into a hallway filled with offices and ritual rooms. He was led into a small, nondescript room with a single desk and a handful of chairs at one end, and a small, blank runic circle etched into the floor at the other.

“Have a seat, Young Master,” the goblin said before lumbering out of the room. Severus did his best to sit still and not squirm as he waited. A large, ornate clock dominated a corner behind the desk, and added to Severus impatience and unease with its loud, decisive ticking.

An older goblin shuffled into the room. “Greetings, Little Wizard. My name is Hoistlift and I will be your account manager moving forward.

“First things first; I will need you to sign these consent forms before we run your inheritance test. Do you have a parent or guardian here with you today?”

“I don’t,” Severus admitted nervously. “This vault will be for funds that I earn myself. My parents won’t have anything to do with it. Will that be a problem?”

“Not at all. It baffles me that more wizards do not encourage entrepreneurship and independence amongst their young. It simply requires a different form. Also, if you ever have more than one thousand galleons in the vault at one time, it will be automatically registered with your Ministry, and may become subject to tax.”

“Death and taxes,” Severus muttered, wondering idly if a snake bite had ever made anyone tax-exempt. He’d cheated Death, after all. It only seemed fair.

The goblin chuckled. “Quite, Young Wizard. Now, if you’d please state your full name for the record.”

“Severus Tobias Snape.”

“And the names of your legal guardians?”

“Eileen Snape nee Prince and Tobias Snape.”

“And are your legal guardians your biological parents, as far as you are aware?”

Severus grimaced. “Yes.”

“Are both of your parents magical?”

“No. My mother is a pureblood witch, but my father is a muggle.”

“Both fully human?”

“I believe so, yes.”

“And how old are you?”

Severus hesitated. “My physical body is eleven years old.”

“Date of birth?”

Severus gave his details, and tried not to be paranoid that the magical test would detect his true age and label him as a fraud. If the goblins thought he was trying to cheat them, his entire life would be made drastically more difficult.

The goblin drew some of his blood with a silver knife and bade him to stand in the middle of the blank runic circle.

Runes flared to life around him, and Severus both felt and saw his magic surge and interweave itself with the goblin magic of the runic caster, and with the magic inherent within the runes themselves.

Severus shivered pleasantly as a feel8ng of warmth and life settled over him.

When the ritual was over, the goblin left the room for a moment, and returned with a large stack of papers floating behind him.

“As you can see,” the goblin said, gesturing to the paperwork, “we have a lot to go over.”

Severus nodded, curious despite himself. In his first life, he had had the proper Wizarding identification by the time he opened his own vault and knew that his mother had been disowned for having him, so he'd never bothered to pursue an inheritance test.

“First, there are no surprises regarding your parentage or blood status. Your mother’s Prince line does contain a trace of Naga blood, but it is negligible. You more than qualify as fully human.

“I am happy to announce that you have qualified as the Probationary Heir to the Prince line, too.”

Severus choked. “What?”

“It means that you will not fully qualify as an inheriting heir until you reach your age or majority with certain conditions in place.”

Severus’ head was spinning. He was disowned outright, wasn’t he?

“What conditions?” he asked.

“There’s a lot of fine print you’ll want to read over, but the major points are that you must demonstrate access to at least one of the Prince family magics, which you already have, you must be in good standing with a fully accredited Wizarding Educational Institution and on track to graduate with an EE average or higher on a minimum of five NEWTS, you must not be bound into a magically binding contract of servitude, you must not have a criminal record, and you must present a letter of recommendation from the Lord or Heir of a member of the Sacred 28, as the Prince line has no standing Lord to make the final decision to accept you.”

Severus was floored. He felt sick. Was his new ability to see magical auras the family magic that was allowing him to be conditionally accepted by his relatives or would he have qualified as heir in his last life, if he hadn’t been so foolish as to sign his soul away as he was branded by a madman? Had he burned his last bridge to the family, name, and lineage that he had always craved in his ill attempt to build a new one for himself? Now that he knew the consequences, could he still bring himself to be Marked as a spy, if it meant forfeiting his familial claim?

Either way, he felt like he was cheating by being offered this chance at acceptance. It wasn’t him they wanted. It was his eye, Nagini’s dark magic that had changed him irrevocably. Or, it was a version of him who hadn’t made the mistakes that he could not scrub from his memory or his soul, regardless of if the consequences of those actions were still magically binding.

“As a provisional heir, you do not have access to the Prince Family Vault, nor do you have full access to the heir’s trust vault, but you are entitled to a monthly stipend, for as long as you continue to qualify as Probationary Heir. You are also entitled to magically certified copies of a few family texts, including the Prince Family Genealogy, the Prince Family Charter, and the Beginner’s Guide to the Prince Family Magicks. These texts can only be read by a blood-related Prince deemed in good standing. They cannot be copied or altered. You will be provided with a charmed journal where you can take and keep notes on these texts, as Family secrets cannot be written down anywhere else.”

Severus nodded. He was vaguely aware that he should be excited by the chance to read up on the family magicks, to understand himself better, and determine once or for all if his new abilities were innate within him, and had been merely unlocked, or if they were foreign to him, infesting his own magic. Instead, he felt mostly numb.

This was too much. This was all too much.

He was meant to be opening a simple bank account, for Merlin’s sake.

He was not prepared for existential crises layered on top of themselves, burying him alive.

“Can I have the stipend deposited directly into my new vault?” Severus asked, instead. He needed to focus on a problem he could understand and solve.

“Of course, Master Prince-Snape. Would you like a moment to review the paperwork alone before we continue?”

Severus swallowed hard and nodded.

He had thought he had adjusted to the changes this life had thrown at him. Apparently, he was wrong, and fate had not finished messing with him.

He was a Prince.

Notes:

Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Chapter Text

Severus stared at the paperwork in his lap, but didn’t really comprehend it. He was still in shock.

He’d need to read it over carefully once he was back home.

In the meantime, it was taking all of his brainpower to process the fact that he was legally and magically recognized as Severus Tobias Prince-Snape, Probationary Heir to the House of Prince.

This was exactly what he had craved in his former life, formalized recognition and an honest chance to prove himself as worthy.

He should be overwhelmed with joy, but instead he was mostly confused.

How had this happened, now that he didn’t truly deserve it?

He was beginning to feel not just like Fate’s plaything, but like her chew-toy.

This changed things.

He hadn’t calculated for this variable at all.

Part of him knew it would be best to avoid acknowledging his status to keep the timeliness as close to its previous incarnation as possible but selfishly, Severus didn’t want to.

He wanted to introduce himself as the provisional heir to a respected house.

He wanted to force those who had ignored and belittled him for his blood-status and poverty last time to show him his due respect.

He wanted to make his Prince ancestors proud.

Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad if he intentional skewed the timeliness in his favour, just a little.

It was one thing to work for enough money to ensure his survival, but openly embracing his heritage was something else.

It would be something just for him.

Something he wanted.

With a sigh, Severus called Hoistlift back into the room to finish up their business. The existential decisions and self discovery could wait. School shopping could out.

Severus left the bank with a shiny new vault key, a fancy theft-resistant wallet that would let him withdraw small amounts of Wizarding or muggle money directly from his vault, and pride in his bearing.

He was an heir.

A probationary heir, sure, but his appearance and countenance still reflected on more than just himself, now. He hadn’t studied the fine print of his inheritance yet, but Severus did not want to risk losing it all by appearing slovenly in front of an influential witch or wizard.

He would need to take extra steps with his appearance, now that he’d be under additional scrutiny.

Dentistry was a foreign concept to wizards, but he was able to find a beauty boutique that specialized in whitening and straightening teeth.

His monthly stipend was generous, but not extravagant, so he knew he couldn’t be frivolous in all of his shopping, but with his odd eye and stubbornly greasy hair, Severus decided that fixing his teeth would be a worthy expenditure, even if he had to fall back on some second-hand items to finish his list.

Tentatively, he entered the high-end boutique.

An explosion of twinkling lights marked his entrance, and a friendly old man called a greeting to him from the back, behind a gossamer curtain of swirling crimson and violets. Dumbledore would love this place.

Odd.

Severus realized it had been months since he’d thought of Albus on a personal level, and in a month, he would be meeting the man for the first time.

He'd have to be careful to avoid eye contact. He knew Albus was not above illegally delving into the minds of his students, and the only thing worse than the old goat growing suspicious of why a child was sufficiently proficient at occlumency to keep him out would be him catching a glimpse behind Severus ‘ shields and learning the truth.

Severus respected Albus as a tactician and a leader, but he was certain that the man would not rest until Severus was indentured to him for life if he knew Severus held so many secrets of the future.

The shopkeeper stepped through the gossamer curtain and greeted Severus properly with a warm smile. Something deep within Severus relaxed when the appearance-oriented businessman did not sneer or scoff at Severus’ shabby clothes or unfortunate features.

“You’re in Diagon shopping for your first year at Hogwarts, I recon!” the man said jovially. “Tell me I’m right. Now, what can I do for you?”

Severus smiled shyly, an odd affectation he had picked up over the last two year when a teacher or customer had given him a particularly heartfelt compliment. “You’re correct, Sir. I was wondering how much it would cost to get my teeth straightened and whitened before school.”

“Come closer then, Lad, and let me see what I’m working with. Ah, yes, your teeth have been living their own little adventure, haven’t they? No matter. There are two major options for the procedure. The first is more expensive, but gradual and less painful. In this option, I would cast some preliminary spells on your teeth to direct the final results, and you would take a potion regimen every day over the next several weeks to slowly realign them.

“The second option is cheaper, but it will cause you some discomfort. In this option, I would give you a fast-acting potion, and then cast spells as the potion works to realign your teeth on the fly. This option is ideal for minor adjustments, but with your teeth as crooked as they are, the pain would not be insignificant, I’m afraid.”

Severus and the man went over the pricing differences and the specifics of the procedures. Using his youth to his advantage, Severus asked the man more questions about the potions than would have been polite if the man knew he was a fully-fledged potions master. Unfortunately, the potions for both options required restricted ingredients and took weeks to brew.

Severus would not have time to finish them and complete the regimen for the gentle option on his own, and would not be able to cast the requisite spells for the second option on himself even if he could complete the potion for that one in time.

He sighed and braced himself for the impending pain. “I’ll take the cheap option, please.”

“Are you sure?” the man asked. “Perhaps we should discuss it with your mother. I do offer payment plans...”

“I can handle pain,” Severus snapped, “and I’m using my own money to pay for this. I’ve worked hard doing odd jobs all year, but I won’t be able to earn much while at Hogwarts, so a payment plan won’t do much to help me.”

This wasn’t technically true, but Severus was not willing to waste his new stipend on something frivolous if there was a cheaper option, and he was hoping that his little sob story might afford him a bit of a discount.

The man gave him a considering look. “I’ll make you a deal. If you can afford half of the gentler option today, I will defer the second half of the payment until September of next year. You can have all of next summer to earn the money to pay it off.”

Severus shifted his weight and bit his lip. “I’ll have to buy all my books and stuff for school first, and see if I have enough left over. Can I have until the end of the day to decide?”

“Your parents aren’t paying for your school supplies, either?”

“No, Sir. My dad works hard, but there was an accident at his factory not too long ago, so money’s been tight. Working for my school stuff was my way of helping out while he recovered.”

Severus tried to ignore his twinge of guilt that he was contorting the truth like a gymnast. There was no guarantee that his stipend would last, and he was going to pinch every knut that he could while it did.

“That’s very noble of you, Son,” the man said tenderly. “Tell you what. I’ll give you twenty percent off the first payment. Hopefully your dad will be back to work and able to help you with the second payment by next year, if you’re still a little short. That really is the best I can do, I’m afraid. Do we have a deal?”

Severus made a show of doing mental math in his head, then nodded. “That’s very kind, Sir. I’ll take it. Thank-you. That second option didn’t sound like it’d be much fun.”

The man chuckled. “No, I don’t suppose it didn’t. Come on to the back with me, and I’ll get you started.”

Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Chapter Text

Severus’ mouth felt funny.

The first round of his treatment hadn’t made much of a visible difference yet, but all of his teeth felt like they didn’t quote fit his face anymore. It was distracting.

The old man, the sentimental fool, had sent Severus off with a pumpkin flavoured lollipop that would help numb his gums, and a note for his niece who worked at an apothecary at the other end of Diagon.

Apparently they had a cross-promotion deal going on, but Severus strongly suspected that the man was simply doing him a favour without being too patronizing about it.

The apothecary was down near Ollivander’s, so Severus purchased what he could in his way there, purposefully leaving his books for last.

He carried the items he could manage, and reluctantly paid the delivery fee on anything too big or heavy to lug around, since he wasn’t able to shrink or lighten anything on his own until school started, and he didn’t trust Eileen to unshrink anything once he got home.

The apothecary was a familiar sight to Severus, as he had sold potions to them on the side as soon as he’d earned his mastery in his last life. He didn’t recognize the old man’s niece, though. She must have moved on before Severus had signed his contract with them.

He hoped her absence was so innocent. It was difficult to remember at times how close this world was to a bloody, deadly war.

The current calm was hypnotizingly deceptive, but Severus knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the storm was coming.

He handed the niece the note and smiled bashfully at her as she read it over.

She grinned at him and rolled her eyes dramatically. “I see you survived my uncle’s pampering.”

She reminded Severus of Tonks, minus the hair. She had just had a baby before he had died, hadn’t she? The mutt’s unholy offspring?

He wondered if they’d survived.

Not that it mattered now.

“He was very nice,” Severus said.

“It seems you charmed him right good. He’s asked me to give you the friends and family discount on whatever you need. So what’ll it be, Hun?”

“I need soap, shampoo, and tooth cleanser for school.”

“That’s easy enough. Am I right in assuming that your hair is always a little greasy, even after you’ve washed it?”

Severus blushed despite himself and nodded. “My skin, too. It’s always been like that, and I plan on working with potions as much as I can at school, and I’ve heard that can make it worse.”

“That it can. Not to worry, though, Hun. We’ve got specialty product that can clear that right up for you.”

“I don’t have much money,” Severus hedged.

“My uncle explained your situation in his note. You’re doing a great thing, helping out your Dad like you are. I’ll give you a discount on top of our back-to-school sale price. It wouldn’t do for a handsome young man like yourself to look less than his best.”

Severus scowled at her.

She laughed. “Oh my, that’s quite the look! You’ll come to appreciate compliments from girls soon enough I’d wager.”

Severus was more concerned about being mocked, lied to, or patronized than about the gender of the source of the ridicule, but he supposed that was just a pitfall of interacting with someone in appearance-based customer service.

“Would you let me style your hair for you?” she suddenly asked. “I won’t charge you, and I’ll show you how to do it yourself. What I have in mind is pretty easy, but I think it’ll complement your face better than what you’ve got now.”

“I don’t want it short,” Severus warned petulantly.

She laughed. “I won’t cut it, I promise. I’ll spell it clean, use a little product in it, free of charge, and then partially tie it back. Super simple.”

“Why’d you do that for me?” Severus asked, wary of a catch.

She grinned at him and winked. “You have pretty hair. And pretty eyes that shouldn’t be hidden behind it. And what can I say? I’m a girly girl and I like to play with hair. Will you let me?”

Severus made a show of his put-upon sigh, but acquiesced. He knew she was lying, but decided it didn’t matter. If he happened to run into any of his future classmates, it would be good to look put together. His shabby muggle clothes were bad enough. He just hoped she didn’t draw too much attention to his freakish eyes. Somehow allowing wizards to see his Nagini-eye was worse than when it was muggles.

He kept expecting someone to recognize the eye and accuse him of something nefarious.

The shop girl made quick work of his hair, and stuck to her word to keep it simple. She spelled his hair clean and massaged a little potion into his scalp, then redid his center part, allowed the hair of his widow’s peak to fall loose, then pulled back a chunk of hair at each of his temples to the back of his head and into a simple braid.

It exposed his face in a way that made him self-conscious, but he had to admit that it was inline with what he remembered of the era’s pureblood wizarding trends.

“There, see?” the girl said as she took a step back to admire her work. “This keeps the soft look of loose hair while emphasizing your cheekbones and letting your eyes be seen a bit better. Once my uncle’s potions finish with your teeth, you’ll need to work double-time to learn as many jinxes as you can to keep the girls at bay.”

It looked better than he had expected, but Severus merely gave a curt nod. He didn’t want to talk about his looks for longer than he had to, regardless of the circumstances.

“Alright, alright, I’ll let you go now,” she said with a laugh. “I’m sure you’re excited to get the rest of your school supplies.”

He payed her and left, relieved that the ordeal was over. He already had to resist the urge to comb his fingers through his hair to reform the curtain of hair over his face. He didn’t like being this vulnerable and open.

A wave of excitement and dread crashed through him as he caught a glimpse of his next stop.

It was Ollivander’s.

What if he didn’t get his wand back?

Chapter 13: Chapter 13

Chapter Text

Steeling his nerves, Severus walked into Ollivander’s shop. It was just as he remembered, burned into his brain as a formative memory, and one almost strong enough to use to conjure a patronus.

It was a memory he was about to overwrite with something new.

Ollivander peered at Severus from behind his counter. “Eileen Prince’s son, isn’t it?” he asked.

Severus nodded, cutting him off before he could recite Eileen’s wand’s specifications. He’d seen the damn thing. He knew what it was. “I’m here for my wand, Sir.”

“Yes, yes, let me see,” Ollivander muttered to himself as he began sorting through wand boxes.

It was a long process, trying and being rejected by wand after wand. His anxiety was mounting with every failure.

It had taken a long time last time, too, but Severus could already tell that his magic was different.

It was tugging him in a different direction, and Ollivander’s wand choices were following its lead.

Severus actually jumped when a wand finally produced the telltale sparks of a good match.

Ollivander paled.

Instinctively, Severus looked own at the stick in his hand, trying to understand the man’s reaction. He recognized that wood type...

“Yew wand,” Ollivander said with a scratchy voice, “Twelve inches, supple and pliant. Phoenix feather core.”

Yew and Phoenix. Like the Dark Lord’s wand.

Severus nearly dropped the offending thing as he rushed to tamp down his panic.

That could not be his wand.

No.

Nagini had infected him, after all.

She had been sick with Lord Voldemort, and now, so was he.

“That... that is a rare combination for a wand, indeed. I’ve only sold one other Yew and Phoenix in my time. Not the same Phoenix, of course, and this yew came from a sapling, not a mature tree, but still, it is an odd coincidence.”

“And who... who did you sell the other one to?” Severus asked weakly, hoping against hope that there was someone else.

Ollivander gave him an unsettled look. “He stopped using his real name a few years back, from what I’ve heard. I doubt you’d recognize it.”

Severus swallowed and fought to stay calm. You’re a spy, damnit. Act like it.

“So, there’s nothing wrong with this wand, then?” Severus asked innocently, sure that his trembling hands were giving him away.

“Of course not!” Ollivander said, deeply offended, and clutching the wand’s box tightly to his chest. “I would never sell a faulty wand.”

“Maybe... maybe we should keep looking, just in case?”

“The wand chooses the wizard, child. That wand’s claimed you, now. You won’t find another.”

Bloody wand lore.

“There’s really no other option?”

“It’s a good wand. Drawn to power, capable of channelling all types of magic without sustaining damage. Adaptable. It will be reborn as you are, able to maintain its allegiance to you no matter how many times you change. You must possess a vast amount of skill and courage for it to have chosen you in the first place. It won’t abandon you easily.”

No, Severus supposed this wand would stay loyal to him even if his blood was mixed with his enemy’s and he was re-birthed as a disfigured snake monster...

He stared at his new wand in horror.

Unwanted, unloved half-blood boy drawn to power and dark magic. Ambitious. Cunning. Brave. Manipulative. Able to lie to people’s faces and sway them to his cause. Murderer. Uniquely connected to serpent magic. Tangled in a web of life, death, and rebirth.

Why wouldn’t a yew and phoenix wand choose him?

He was more like Tom Riddle than Harry Potter ever had been.

What if he became a monster, too? He was going to be sick.

Chapter 14: Chapter 14

Chapter Text

The rest of Severus’ trip to Diagon Alley passed in a blur. He remembered to get the books he’d promised for Petunia, and he’d picked up the rest of his supplies, but he had paid a fair amount more than he’d intended, because he’d been unable to concentrate enough to haggle or hold out for deals.

He had a full stock of potion ingredients for the first time since going back in time, which was nice, but he was still too afraid to brew anything to complicated or time consuming where Tobias might catch him.

He had also picked up some esoteric books on alchemy and other subjects that he hadn’t taken the time to delve into in his past life, figuring he might as well learn something new as he regained his Hogwarts education. Those books had included everything he could find on time travel, serpent magic, and magical auras, to cover his bases.

He hadn’t touched his new wand since he’d paid for it, opting to put it back in it’s box and pretend it didn’t exist.

All of his joy from finding out that he was a Prince had soured in his mouth. That was another connection he had with the Dark Lord, wasn’t it? He had always been desperate to associate himself with his mother’s pureblood ancestors.

He needed to be careful. Botching up the prophesy to the point that there would be no hero for the wizarding world would be disastrous but accidentally losing his sanity in the process and falling to the status of yet another dark lord would be so much worse.

Severus knew his own worst impulses. If they were unleashed, unrestrained upon the world while Voldemort still lived, nothing would survive.

Was he already sliding into darkness? He hadn’t thought so. He’d been kinder and happier than he’d been in his last life. He’d been socially responsible and accepting all the work of being an adult without any of the freedom, and he hadn’t even been that bitter about it.

He’d made friends with Petunia Evans, for Merlin’s sake.

And that friendship had been going well. They’d really helped each other.

That wasn’t something a dark lord did, was it?

There had to be another explanation.

Severus refused to believe that he was a lost cause, and he didn’t know how to proceed in this life without following through with the choices he’d already made.

He could do a lot of good as a Prince. Fixing his teeth wasn’t going to turn him evil. He would do his best to react to people as they were now, rather than how they’d behaved last life, but he also wouldn’t leave himself open to being stabbed in the back. He’d allow people to earn his trust, but he would make them earn it.

That was fair. That was reasonable.

But his wand remained.

That had to mean something, too.

Ollivander had even said it; yew and phoenix was a rare combination. It was drawn to power and compatible with dark magic.

It was a resurrection wand. The Dark Lord had spent his life seeking a way to cheat death.

Severus had done so accidentally.

No matter how Severus looked at it, the wand was bad news.

Even if the connection was innocent, others wouldn’t see it that way.

Dumbledore wouldn’t see it that way.

At least most of the children his physical age wouldn’t know enough to understand the significance.

The last thing he needed was another reason for Potter and his friends to single him out to be tortured. Retaliating against them would only cement his reputation as a budding dark lord, too. Hopefully he could stay beneath their notice this time around.

Sighing, Severus finished packing away his school stuff in his mother’s old trunk. He made a show of polishing the Prince family emblem to a gleam, and made a note to make a wood polishing potion before summer was over, and then crawled into his bed. He had an early project to do with Petunia tomorrow, and he didn’t want her to think that he was blowing her off or slacking off now that he was going to Hogwarts.

She didn’t deserve that.

He was not looking forward to the heavy labour of sod-laying he’ signed himself up for, but he needed a distraction from his thoughts, and being worked into exhaustion with Petunia there to keep him company would do the trick nicely. It had taken Severus weeks to convince Petunia’s neighbour that he was old enough and strong enough to handle this job and while it was, admittedly, at the far reaches of his capabilities, Severus was determined to leave a good impression.

Focused on the task at hand, Severus settles in to sleep.

Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus looked in the mirror, and barely recognized himself.

He’d done it.

He’d survived Spinner’s End until Hogwarts.

His nose had never been broken. His skin and hair were clean and tidy. He’d copied the style the nice shop girl had shown him. His teeth were white and pristine. He was wearing his nicest muggle clothes with his school robes within easy reach in his bag. He was even fairly certain that he was last scrawny than he had been before. His Nagini eye still stood out, golden yellow and gleaming, but Severus had grown used to it.

He bore very little resemblance to the resentful young boy who had lurked in Lily Evan’s shadow.

There was only one problem.

His father had never come home with the car last night, probably sleeping one off in the back seat somewhere, and his mother was not responding to his knocks on her bedroom door.

He technically had enough money to hire a cab to King’s Cross, but that would be bloody expensive.

He would rather try his luck asking Petunia’s parents for a ride.

Throwing together his last minute things, Severus used his red wagon to haul his trunk the few streets over to the Evans’ house.

Nervously, he knocked on their door.

A haggard looking Mr. Evans answered. “Can I help you?”

“I hope so, Sir. My name is Severus Prince-Snape, and I’m a friend of Petunia’s. I’m headed to Hogwarts today, but my dad got called into work early with the car, and my mum’s in bed sick, and I was hoping I could catch a ride to the station with you. I can help pay for petrol!”

“No, no, there’s no need for that. A friend of Petunia’s you say? Are you that little entrepreneur who’s been charming all the neighbours?”

Severus blushed. “That’s me.”

Mr. Evans extended his hand and offered Severus a firm, manly handshake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Severus. I’ll help you get your trunk into our boot while the ladies finish getting ready.”

He rolled his eyes as he said it, making Severus snicker. He had to imagine that the now popular, image conscious Lily scrambling to get ready for her first day at a new school was what had Mr. Evans so out of sort.

He was struck by just how much he missed the man, from his previous life. Mr. Evans had stepped up to teach Severus how to be a man, when it became obvious that Tobias had no intentions of doing so.

Maybe he could get Petunia to invite him over for Christmas this year. Perhaps him and Lily would become friends at Hogwarts, and she would do it herself.

Severus sat in the back seat of the Evans family car as he waited for everyone else, not wanting to get in the way.

Petunia soon joined him.

“Lily’s driving me crazy today,” she groused immediately as she shut the car door behind her. “She wanted to curl her hair for her grand reveal but keeps whining that her curls don’t look right. Mum’s enabling her, of course, helping her redo everything over and over even though we’re already running late. What are you doing here, anyway?”

Severus shrugged. “Dad went on a bender last night and mum’s in one of her moods. I asked your dad for a ride. He seems nice.”

Petunia snorted. “Any excuse to add more testosterone to the mix today, I bet. Not that he doesn’t like you! I’m sure he does, it’s just if mum and Lily are driving me crazy, I can only imagine that dad’s already one fashion emergency from the looney bin.”

The two continued to joke together in the back seat until Lily finally came outside, wearing a pretty green dress and sporting a hairstyle that risked trying too hard in a wedding party, let alone a train ride full of rowdy teenagers.

Had Lily really changed so much since last life or had Severus’ infatuation merely blinded him to her foibles before?

Time would tell, he supposed, now that he’d be spending more time with her on familiar ground.

“What’s he doing here?” Lily asked as she slid into the car on Petunia’s other side. “Your dumb friend isn’t invited to my special day.”

Petunia’s smug look would have horrified Severus in his last life. Now, he found it very funny.

“Dad invited him to ride with us,” Petunia said casually. “It makes perfect sense, what with him being a wizard and in your class at Hogwarts and all.”

“What?!”

Petunia had never told Lily what Severus was. He bit back his laughter. It was a bitchy move, but inspired.

“Nice to see you again, Lily,” he said politely, as Mr. and Mrs. Evans entered the car.

Lily scowled at him, then at Petunia, but stayed silent.

“So, Severus, forgive my ignorance, but I was unaware that there were any other magical children in town besides my Lils. How long have you known that you’re a… warlock?”

“It’s wizard, Sir, and I’ve always known. My mum’s a witch, although she doesn’t like to advertise that. She’s taught me a little about potions already. I’ve been teaching Petunia.”

“I thought non-magical people couldn’t do potions,” Mrs. Evans said.

“Muggles like yourselves can’t,” Severus confirmed, “but Petunia’s not a muggle. She doesn’t have the type of magic that powers a wand, but she has an aura, and can see past anti-muggle spells and all sorts of things. I think she could be a great potioneer someday, if she decides she wants to.”

Mr. Evans perked up. “Is that so? Sounds like a great opportunity, Tuney.”

“She’s got lots of magical options,” Severus said quickly, not wanting her parents to pressure too hard in a single direction. “And muggle ones, too. It’s very handy to be able to straddle both worlds.”

Mr. Evans nodded pleasantly.

Mrs. Evans turned in her seat to give Severus a closer look. “You sound like a well-spoken, put-together young man. Why haven’t you come around before”

Petunia fidgeted awkwardly beside him.

“I didn’t want to impose,” Severus said smoothly, covering for the fact that Petunia had never invited him. It seemed like she had been very protective and secretive of their friendship. Severus was not going to judge or begrudge her that. He’d never invited her, or Lily last life, over either.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans continued to pepper Severus with questions. Severus answered politely, and bit back his laughter when Petunia happily jumped in to show off what she knew.

Lily was not happy that the spotlight had been stolen from her on her special day. Severus should probably be worried about that. He was pushing her even further away with his mere presence here.

But, seeing Petunia preen under her parents’ attention for once made it hard for Severus to regret this turn of events.

Severus took his time thanking Mr. Evans profusely for the ride when they arrived at the station, and then joked quietly with Petunia while Lily and her parents exchanged their heartfelt goodbyes.

Last time around, such displays had filled Severus with jealousy and bitter rage, but not this time.

He was happy for Lily, and hopeful that this time Petunia could use the time alone with her parents to grow closer to them.

Their good fortune didn’t hurt Severus. He knew where he stood with his own family. He knew that he hadn’t made any real effort to improve his relationship with them since waking in here. He knew he had made that choice for good reason and out of self-preservation.

It was an odd peace that settled over him along with the clarity of this top down perspective.

He wished no ill will against Lily, even though they weren’t friends. Even though she had rejected him.

Notes:

Chapter 16: Chapter 16

Chapter Text

Severus walked confidently past the barrier onto Platform 9 3/4. He could see other first years gawping at the train and the wizarding fashion, and even the pureblood children seemed to be in awe, knowing they were finally going to the famous school.

Severus was entirely unaffected.

Hogwarts had dominated his life for decades, and the experience had, on the whole, been uncomfortable and unpleasant. The promise of things to come held no charm for him.

“Hey, wait up!” Lily called out from behind him.
Severus turned and arched an eyebrow at his once and never friend. She had the decency to blush and overt her eyes. “You seem to know where you’re going, since you’ve been raised all special and magical. I don’t want to get lost.”

Severus couldn’t help it; his heart lurched in his chest at the hope that this bridge could still be mended. He wasn’t about to bend over backwards for her, though. “As you wish.”

She trailed behind him as he stowed his trunk and boarded the train. Finding an empty compartment, he sank onto one of the bench seats and settled in for the long journey.

Lily sat down next to him.

“You can’t get lost on the train, you know,” Severus commented dryly.

Lily glared at him. “I don’t know anyone else.”
“You don’t know me, either, do you? You rather made a point of not getting to know me, in fact.”
“Well, you have to admit that you’re a little weird. You cleaned up nice for today, but normally you look so...”

“Poor?” Severus snapped. “Neglected? Disfigured? I happen to be all of those things. Your sister was nice enough to see past that, but you never have.”

“I never made fun of you,” Lily claimed. “It was my friends...”

“Yes, you have a lovely taste in friends. You don’t have to be mean if the other popular girls can do it for you. You can be one of them and still be the ‘nice girl’, right?”

“It’s not that easy, you know! Being friends with the popular girls is hard work.”

“And worth the little people you have to trample along the way?”

“Oh, don’t play the victim. You’ve never tried to fit in at school. You were always happy that you were different, like it made you better than everyone else... which it doesn’t, by the way!”
Severus blinked. That... had not occurred to him.

The muggle children at the local school were inconsequential to his life and to the fate of the world. He was an adult, not actually their age, and had nothing in common with them. It had made sense to maintain a level of separation from them. He hadn’t realized how that aloofness had looked to people like Lily, though.

“I... I’m sorry for being distant. That was not my intention.”

Lily gave him a long look, smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress. It was a very Petunia-like gesture, and Severus could not remember if she had done it in her last life or not. “I suppose I’m sorry, too. I should have told my friends to be nicer to you.”

“Apology accepted,” Severus said, hoping this line of conversation would die. He had been busy surviving and preparing for the future. He couldn’t feel bad about not taking the time to befriend a gaggle of children.

Then it happened.

The compartment door slid open, and Sirius Black and James Potter strolled in.

“Mind if we sit here?” Black asked with a sickeningly charming smile and a casual shrug.

Lily leaned forward immediately. Black winked at her.

“Of course you can!” Lily said, appearing to regret her decision to sit next to Severus as Black took a seat on the opposite bench. Potter followed behind, his hair just as impractically messy as his son’s.

“What’s up with your eye, Mate?” Black asked, looking closely at Severus’ face.

Severus gave Black a look and purposefully leaned back into an exaggerated slouch. “I got a magical eye infection a few years back. The healers were at a loss.”

Black looked at Severus suspiciously. “Were you messing around with dark magic or something?”
Severus scoffed. “Certainly not on purpose. I live in a muggle neighborhood, and mum scoured the house for anything dangerous after the diagnosis. Never found a thing.”“Muggle, huh?”

Severus shrugged. “I’m a half-blood. Evans here is a muggleborn. That’s not a problem, is it?”

“No, no,” Black quickly backpedalled. “No problem at all. The blood purists can shove it up their arses as far as I’m concerned. I’m just curious. Haven’t had much contact with muggle culture.”

“I could help explain some things to you,” Lily offered eagerly.

Severus rolled his eyes, then noticed Potter doing the same. He froze and Potter smiled at him.
“Sirius and I are both purebloods, but we think magic should be open to everyone, no matter who their parents are.”

“That’s right,” Sirius said smugly, as if this magnanimous attitude qualified him for sainthood. “That’s why I’m going to be a Gryffindor, even though I’m a Black. Less dark-magic-obsessed blood purists there than in Slytherin.”

“I want to be a Gryffindor too,” Lily said immediately, coyly tucking her hair behind her ear.

Merlin save Severus from prepubescent flirting.
“What house do you want?” Potter asked, looking at Severus and still smiling. It was disconcerting.

Severus smirked. “I’m afraid you won’t like my answer. I think I could be brave, but I’ve never really been tested, you know? I like to learn, but always with a purpose behind it. I’m hardworking, but so I can get ahead in life. I want to prove to my mother’s pureblood family that I’m worthy of them, despite having a muggle father. No, that my blood purity has nothing to do with my skills one way or the other. I’m very ambitious about proving myself worthy to people who would otherwise write me off without giving me a chance. So, you see, there’s a decent chance that I’ll become a Slytherin, surrounded by ‘dark-magic-obsessed blood purists’, but I can’t help myself. I don’t want to settle for scraps from the old families.”

Black gave him a considering look.

Severus braced himself for the inevitable fight. This was how it had started last time, after all… house loyalty and affiliation with dark magic. That had been all it took to mark Severus as the enemy.

“That actually makes a lot of sense,” Black mused. “If I sorted Slytherin, I’d be proving the stereotype. If you sort Slytherin, you’d be breaking it. Just promise you won’t start picking on muggleborns or learning the unforgivable and we’ll be cool.”

Severus was stunned. How had this been so easy? Was Severus’ confidence and casual openness really that much of a pacifier?
“What about you?” Severus asked, throwing the question back at Potter. He needed a moment to think.

“Potter grinned impishly. I’d be fine with Gryffindor or Slytherin, honestly.”

Severus choked, and Black shot him a betrayed look.

“What?” Potter asked. “The Potters are always Gryffindors. If you two want to make a point with where you’re sorted, then I can too. Besides, our new friend here could probably use some backup in the Den of Snakes, dontcha think?”

“It’s Severus,” Severus said mechanically, while his mind was still in absolute denial. How was this happening? Potter was surely bluffing, right? Was this a prank? “Severus Prince-Snape, Probationary Heir of the House of Prince.”

“To yours be the glory,” Black deadpanned, reciting the Prince family motto. “I’m Sirius Black, Heir to the House of Black, toujours pur, and this is James Potter, Heir to the House of Potter, morally righteous but not twats about it.”

Potter rolled his eyes. “It’s ‘accepting friendship’s embrace’ actually.”

“Yeah, but those weird house words, Mate.”

“Better than ‘racist, inbred, and proud of it’.”

“Touché.”

“I’m Lily. Lily Evans. My family doesn’t have any fancy words.”

“Most wizarding families don’t either,” Black said, flashing her a smile. “Only the old, pretentious ones.”

“As fascinating as this is,” Severus drawled, “why don’t we talk about something more cheerful, like the Chudley Cannons season prospects.”

Black and Potter roared with laughter, while Lily looked lost and annoyed at being excluded.
That hadn’t been Severus’ intention; he’d just been searching for some common ground with the two boys, to hopefully keep them off his back.

She huffed as she stood. “I’m going to go find some girls to talk to. Watch my stuff, Snape. And it was nice to meet you Sirius!”

“Likewise, Evans!” Black loudly called after her as she left.

Potter didn’t even spare her a glance. He hadn’t, Severus realized, paid her much attention at all the entire time he’d been there.

Merlin, what now? Severus had been toyed with by Fate enough lately. He didn’t need any other big changes.

Potter switched seats to sit next to Severus.

“So,” he said, leaning close. “What was it like growing up in the muggle world? Did they realize your eye was magical? It looks awesome, by the way. What’s your favorite quidditch team?”

Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Chapter Text

It was a very long train ride.

Potter wouldn’t leave him alone, and Black seemed to find it funny that Potter wouldn’t leave him alone so kept egging him on.

Worse, they were both being nice.

It was driving Severus crazy.

He now knew more about the Potter family than he had learned all of his last life combined. Potter had even already offered him a potions internship with his father when he had dragged the details of Severus’ interest in the subject out of him.

Potter never seemed to shut up, and yet somehow he was goading Severus into talking more than he had in months.

Black, too, was acting odd. He was as sarcastic and abrasive as always, but rather than getting offended and worked up by Severus’ barbed comebacks, he seemed to find them funny.
It was as if Severus had been placed into the ‘friend’ category in Black’s mind, and suddenly he could do no wrong.

Severus didn’t know what to make of it.

“So,” Severus said, specifically because he knew it was a sensitive topic for Black, “do either of you have any siblings?”

Black’s countenance fell. “I do. Regulus. I’m worried about leaving him alone with my mother all year. He’s always wanted to please her, and she’s into some dark shit.”

“It’ll be okay,” Potter said softly, showing more sincere concern for the younger Black brother than Severus had ever seen.

What had changed between this point last time and the moment little Regulus was Sorted? Was it really just the color of his robes? Or had Walburga used this year to dig her claws into her youngest son so deeply that they could never be removed?

Regulus had been a blood-purist snob from the moment Severus had met him. He had assumed the boy had always been that way, as arrogant and self-righteous as his older brother, but playing for the other side. Severus had viewed the feud between them as cosmic justice at the time.

Now, it just seemed sad.

“Be my friend,” Severus said, before thinking his own words through. They seemed right, though. “If I get sorted into Slytherin, be my friend. I’m not a blood-purist. There are some dark avenues of magic down which I refuse to tread. Show your brother that he can be a Slytherin without losing you, and maybe we can work together to steer him in a better direction before it’s too late.”

Black’s ink-stained aura flared with hope. “You’d do that? You don’t even know him.”

“I know the kind of misery he’d be signing up for if he thinks he has no other options, and no one deserves that. I can help. Together, maybe we can help a lot of Slytherins.”

Sirius laughed, the bark in his voice present but not as pronounced as it would become, and tackled Severus into a hug.

“Thank-you. I’ve been so focused on proving some dumb point to my mother that I didn’t see a way to save him, but you’re right. I can find a way to reach out without compromising on the important stuff. Maybe that’ll be enough.”

Severus awkwardly patted Black’s back. With Black’s stubbornness and temper, it would not be that easy, but at least now Severus could point back to this moment whenever Black was being a dick.

This certainly complicated his plans, but Regulus was a ten-year-old boy, and if Petunia Evans was capable of change, then he was too, and it felt cowardly and wrong not to try.

“Sometimes you need a bit of a cunning and ambitious plan to the right thing, Black. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Black laughed again, the sound muffled in the collar of Severus' shirt, so he pushed him back before he slobbered all over it.

Potter beamed at him as if he had just singlehandedly saved a legion of puppies.

Chapter 18 Chapter Text

Severus very nearly pushed Potter into the lake on their boat ride to the castle.

Potter kept introducing Severus to all the pure-blooded children as his ‘cool new friend’ and Severus’s eye rolls and quips were doing nothing to deter him.

Black was thankfully more reserved in his creepy friendliness, but he was quick to defend Severus whenever another child brought up his blood-status or probationary heir title in a derisive way.

This, of course, immediately endeared Black to every girl except the hardcore bigots within earshot. Where everyone looked at Severus’ eye, they looked at Black’s face, and swooned.

It had been irritating to witness from a distance last time. This time, it made Severus want to gag, although thankfully this time Severus was not jealous of the attention Black was getting, merely annoyed by it.

Lily, because the universe was going out of its way to mock him, was one of Black’s many fans.

Severus knew she hadn’t acted like this the last time, but she’d jumped to Severus’ defence so early against Potter and Black, that any budding crush would have been stamped out before it had the chance to form. Severus himself had been self-aware enough to acknowledge that Black was objectively attractive back then without having any positive feelings towards the boy, whatsoever.

Without that basis of animosity between them, who knew what would happen? And with Potter inexplicably following Severus around instead of pursuing Lily like he was supposed to, Severus had no idea how he was going to ensure that Harry Potter was actually born.

There was still time, at least. Things could go a little wonky, and still reform into some semblance of familiar reality when it mattered. Severus had no idea how to go about cultivating the future he needed to happen, but he’d simply have to experiment. A little trial and error in how to push people into making the choices he needed them to make would help him to form a plan.

Until then, maintaining cordially friendly terms with half of the marauders would not be the worst thing. He could survive it.

Unless Potter got so clingy that he inevitably choked the life out of him.

Suddenly, Severus had a much deeper level of understanding and sympathy for the unwanted advances Lily had endured.

Minerva McGonagall greeted them just inside the castle and led them to the antechamber outside of the Great Hall. Seeing her again was so weird.

She had been his colleague and rival for decades. Now, she was an authority figure while he was a child and a stranger. He felt a pang of loss.

There was simply no way of regaining what he’d shared with her as friendly equals until after he graduated again, at the very earliest. She was too much of a stickler for the rules to let her guard down around even the students she was most fond of, and she had barely looked at Severus except with occasional suspicion until well after he’d joined the staff.

Suddenly, he felt quite lost.

All around him, children were anxiously excited to be sorted and to get to know each other.

“You okay?” Potter asked.

His sincere kindness rubbed Severus the wrong way.

“I’m going to be a Slytherin,” he snapped. “You and your little friends can pretend like that doesn’t matter now, but we both know it will. It always does.”

Potter frowned. “Well that’s not fair.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “There’s a war coming, Potter, and just like last time with Grindelwald, everyone is going to assume that every single Slytherin has already chosen the wrong side. Even the kindest people with friends in Slytherin will eventually reach their breaking point and cut ties.”

Potter crossed his arms stubbornly and gave Severus a look. “Are you a Seer?”

Severus startled. “What?”

“If you’re not a Seer, then you don’t know that for sure. Sirius is dead set on being a Gryffindor, you’re convinced you’ll be a Slytherin, and I’m going to stay friends with both you, no matter what. You can bet on it. Besides, you already promised Sirius to help with his brother by being friends. Were you lying?”

“Er… no?”

Potter smiled triumphantly. “Then we’ll be friends.”

Merlin help him, Severus could see the Potter stubbornness settle over him.

“I still don’t understand why you even want to be friends.”

Potter looked at him as if he were an alien. “Of course, I do! You’re so cool! You’ve had your own small business for years already, your eye is wicked cool, you’ve proven yourself worthy of being an heir to an Olde Family, despite being a half-blood from a disinherited line, you’re an absolute genius at potions, and you’re so funny! What’s not to like?”

“You can’t possibly know if I’m good at potions.”

Potter laughed. “Really? That’s what you latched on to? You’re a potions genius. I can tell. My dad is one too, and he gets this look on his face when he talks about it. You get the same look. You talk like he does. I bet you could teach the rest of our class everything that’s in our textbook, couldn’t you?”

Severus blushed and shrugged awkwardly.

“I knew it! Well, I’m no genius but I know a bit about potions already because of my dad, so I won’t hold you back if we become lab partners. Okay?”

Severus gave Potter an incredulous look. “You don’t even know if we’ll have that class together, yet. I can’t promise anything until we get our schedules.”

Of course, Severus did know that Slytherin and Gryffindor always shared Potions class, for some ungodly reason, but Potter didn’t know that.

Potter looked at him as if he was missing something obvious. “We’ll see,” was all he said, infuriating child.

They were ushered into the Great Hall.

Severus made a nominal effort to look impressed by the ceiling and floating candles and everything else, but mostly he just wanted to get this over with. It had been a long day, and Severus wanted nothing more than to take a shower and go to sleep.

McGonagall ushered them up to the front where they were lined up to wait for their names to be called.

Severus angled himself so that he could see Dumbledore’s reaction to the sorting while still keeping an eye on the stool.

So far, every change he’d seen in the timeline could be reasonably traced back to him, and it made sense that Severus was the only variable that had kick-started the changes, but he had no proof. If someone else had travelled back here, or if something else was inexplicably different, Severus needed to know, and watching the Sorting would be a good litmus test. Constant vigilance and all that.

The sorting began, going about as Severus expected. The students went where went he remembered them going, and the professors clapped politely.

Black’s sorting caused a stir, as it had last time, with boos and jeers from Slytherin, shocked, confused applause from Gryffindor, and Dumbledore’s eye twinkling madly as if Christmas had come early.

Everything was fine, until Potter sat on the stool.

Awkward silence fell over the hall as the moment stretched on and on, followed by whispered speculations.

Potter had definitely not been a Hat Stall last time. Severus would have remembered if he was.

Abruptly, the Hat broke the silence, shouting a single word into the void. “SLYTHERIN!”

Potter hopped off the stool, looking smug as if he’d just won an argument.

Dumbledore’s geniality evaporated., causing Severus to shiver.

Not good.

Severus startled when his new name was called next. He was still not used to being officially recognized as Severus Prince-Snape, and had expected to be called closer to the end of the list.

Nervously, Severus walked up to the stool.

He had made a big deal out of convincing himself that he still belonged in Slytherin, and then in convincing Potter and Black that he would inevitably sort there.

He couldn’t spend the next seven years with Potter, though. He couldn’t.

The boy was acting suspiciously friendly for now, but that would inevitably change.

He didn’t trust Potter.

“Oh my,” the Hat said. “Two tricky students in a row! I can’t say that I’ve ever met someone quite like you before. Or rather, I have from your point of view, haven’t I? Quite peculiar.

“Your assessment of yourself is correct, child. Slytherin is definitely the House for you.”

“No!” Severus panicked. Not Potter. Not Potter!

The hat chuckled indulgently at him.

“You don’t understand,” Severus pleaded. “I can’t spend the next seven years with Potter. If I do, we’ll kill each other, or hate each other at the very least, and I need to make sure he ends up with Lily Evans. There’s a-“

“Ah yes, the prophesy. Fascinating bit of word-play, that is, and I happen to know a thing or two about word-play. It seems that you’ve overlooked something very important. If the prophesy is still valid in this altered timeline, which is not a guarantee, than the most important clause seems to be that the Chosen One will be whoever The Dark Lord chooses to be his equal. It could be anybody.”

The Dark Lord’s equal? Severus’ wand burned in his pocket like a brand, condemning him with its vicious yew and phoenix design.

They were similar, weren’t they? Eerily similar. Maybe Severus could save everybody if he could get Voldemort’s attention and force him to put a target on Severus’ back.

The hat guffawed in his head, loud and sharp. “That’s quite the ambition you’ve got there, and you doubt that you’re a… SLYTHERIN!”

Damn it all to hell.

Numbly, Severus stood and walked over to the Slytherin table.

Potter grinned at him and gestured him over to the empty seat beside him.

Severus could feel Albus’ scrutiny burning into the back of his neck.

The headmaster was not happy about a Light Family scion like Potter sorting Slytherin, and it seemed he’d found his culprit who was to blame.

This was going to be a very long year.

No, seven.

This was going to be seven very, excruciatingly long years.

Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus was surprisingly popular at the Slytherin table. Everyone was curious about his heir status and with his apparent ‘fast friends’ status with Potter.

Potter, who everyone had expected to be in Gryffindor, happily told anyone who would listen that Severus had convinced him to give Slytherin a try.

He seemed sincere in his assertion, too, which left Severus baffled.

What had he said, exactly?! Merlin, he needed to be more careful with his words around these impressionable children.

Being back in Hogwarts was messing with his mind. More than once, he had to bite his tongue to keep from attempting to take house points from older students who were far too casual about the rules and rambunctious at being reunited with their friends.

If he made that mistake, he would never live it down.

Being the freak with the odd eye was bad enough. Being the loser who thought he was a professor and was an utter killjoy would be social suicide.

The next few days passed in a blur.

Severus spent most of it alternating between being bored in his classes and occasionally being baffled at the useless things first year students were taught, as he clearly hadn’t used it since graduating and didn’t remember a bloody thing.

Foundational knowledge was one thing, but some of these lessons were ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous, Potter was breezing through life with annoyingly little trouble. He was a pureblood, after all, so once the initial reservations were set aside, he was embraced by the traditional elitists who ruled Slytherin House.

He was outgoing, and funny, and even willing to stand up against injustice against Slytherins, now that he was one of them. And he hadn’t once flirted with Lily Evans.

It was maddening.

Severus had thought over what the Sorting Hat had said, and come to the conclusion that suicidally throwing himself into the Dark Lord’s line of sight in the hopes that the psychopath would pick a fight, and in the more desperate hope that he’d survive that fight would he a solid plan C.

Ensuring that Harry Potter was born would be significantly less deadly for Severus and barring that, ensuring Neville Longbottom’s birth would be his backup plan.

He was only eleven-years-old, for Merlin’s sake. His body was eleven, his magical core was eleven, and in his moments of clarity, he’d come to realize that his thought patterns were eleven, too.

Trying to survive Voldemort and puberty at the same time sounded dreadful.

Thus, his current plan of Get-Potter’s-Head-Out-Of-His-Arse-Long-Enough-To-Metaphorically-Smell-The-Redheaded-Flowers was in full swing.

It was a working title.

Potter had somehow roped Severus into a game of gobstones, so Severus decided to take advantage of the situation to further his cause.

“So Potter,” he said, in the world’s smoothest segue, “have your eye on any girls, yet?”

Potter gave a lazy shrug. “Nah, and call me James already. Your move.”

Severus hated this infernal game.

“What about Lily? She’s pretty.”

Potter narrowed his eyes. “Evans? She’s alright I guess, but nothing special. She seemed a bit stuck up on the train, actually, but maybe she’s just shy. Why, do you fancy her or something?”

Severus spluttered. “No, nothing like that! I just thought you two might make a good match.”

Potter wrinkled his nose and looked at Severus like he was crazy. “Why?”

“I dunno. She’s brave, she’s smart. She stands up for others. She never backs down from a fight. She’s sarcastic and witty. What’s not to like?”

A dark cloud settled over Potter’s face. “Are you messing with me?”

“What? No, why would I be messing with you? There’s no way I want to get on your bad side, you bloody menace.”

Potter continue to scrutinize him.

“What?”

Potter rolled his eyes like Severus was being particularly dumb. “You didn’t describe Evans, you bloody moron. You described yourself. She’s nothing like that.”

Severus blinked, then thought back to his shared interactions with the Gryffindors over the last week.

Potter had a point.

Lily hadn’t spoken up much in class. She had found her little clique of friends, and hadn’t made many overtures beyond that, other than to ogle Black at any chance she got.

She had laughed when Black had pranked Avery on the stairs. He hadn’t been hurt but still, that wasn’t like the Lily he remembered.

Had… had Severus really made that much of a difference on her personality when they had become friends early, last time?

His passion for potions had definitely rubbed off on her, but had his sense of humour? His bitter need for justice?

…Was everything that had made James Potter fall for Lily Evans last time from him?

It made sense, he supposed. He was Fate’s bitch after all. She must never tire of laughing at his expense.

What did that mean for his plans, though? How could he push Potter and Lily together if Lily was a fundamentally different person than she had been?

Maybe he was overreacting. This age was notorious for spawning various dubious phases in a child’s life until they settled into the person they wanted to be.

Lily might be floundering and desperate to fit in with the popular kids now, but that didn’t mean she always would be. She would find her magical strengths and settle into a role in this now world.

She didn’t have the benefit of Severus ‘ knowledge to guide her through this first year and first impression with the professors and other students, but she’d figure it out.

Potter’s laugh brought him out of his thoughts. “Did you just now realize how awesome you are or something? You went all spacey.”

“Sorry, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately,” Severus said dismissively. Thank Salazar that Potter was not a Legilimens.

“Anything I can help with?” Potter asked. “I know all about heir responsibilities and stuff, and I bet it can’t be easy figuring it all out on your own.”

Severus was about to reject him, but paused. That would actually be incredibly helpful. The Probationary Heir paper work was dense with archaically worded clauses and exceptions. It gave Severus a headache whenever he spent more than five minutes looking it over. “Yeah, actually. That would be very helpful. Thanks, Potter.”

“James.”

“…Thanks, James.”

Notes:

Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Chapter Text

Severus and James were studying together in the library when Black sauntered up to them with Lupin and Pettigrew in tow.

Severus’ hands clenched painfully, as he fought the urge to strangle the rat and out the werewolf in front of everybody.

Now was not the time.

Black looked at the stack of books in front of Potter dubiously. “I didn’t know you could read.”

“Ha ha,” James deadpanned, throwing Black a rude gesture. “Now that I’m a Slytherin, I’ve got something to prove, haven’t I? Can’t let my fellow Snakes think that I’m pants at magic, just because I come from a Light Family.”

“You are pants at magic,” Black drawled, “but that’s just because you’re a bit dim. Isn’t that right, Prince?”

“His aura certainly isn’t the problem,” Severus muttered, still half focused on his stupid redundant essay and half on keeping Lupin and Pettigrew in his line of sight.

“Wait, you can see auras?” Potter gasped.

Severus’ head snapped up. “What? No, of course not. It’s just a figure of speech.”

“Nah Mate, it’s really not,” Black said, straddling a chair backwards as he invited himself to their table.

Severus glared at him, and was summarily ignored.

“You can see them, can’t you?” James asked, scooting closer. “Is it family magic? Ooh! It’s your eye, isn’t it? Your Magic Eye?”

Severus darted a desperate look to Lupin and Pettigrew who were both eagerly listening in.

“That’s a private question, Potter. I’d rather not talk about any of this here.”

James nodded his understanding, but the gleam in his eye proved that he was not about to drop the matter. Severus knew he would be bombarded with questions later. Potter’s newfound obsession with him didn’t seem to have an end goal in sight, did it?

“So what are you studying?” Black asked in an overly casual manner.

“What do you want, Black?” Severus asked warily.

Black grinned a horror inducing grin.

Not good.

“I was thinking we could have a little fun, if you squares are up for it.”

Potter, the dunderhead, bristled next to Severus as if his mother’s honour had just been questioned. “Of course we’re up for it, right Sev?”

Severus plonked his head down on the table. “I’m surrounded by idiots.”

Everyone laughed, even Lupin and Pettigrew. Hearing the rat’s cackle made Severus feel physically ill. Petunia Evans was one thing, but surely the universe did not intend Severus to redeem this utter, flabby waste of space.

“So what’s the plan?” Potter asked so enthusiastically that it reminded Severus of all the reasons he hated the boy.

“I heard that Professor Slughorn has some poncey little private club with the students he likes, and that they have a meeting later tonight. I think we should sabotage it.”

“This isn’t because he’s the Slytherin Head of House, is it?” Potter asked defensively, his new house pride rearing up in him. “And what do you mean by poncey?”

“I mean he picks the posh kids he can leech off of later in life and makes them feel all special by offering them favours. It’s gross, and I say it runs against our ‘bloodlines and money shouldn’t matter’ stance. Plus, this’ll be fun.”

Severus looked Lupin in the eye. “You really want to bring this much attention yourself?” he asked pointedly.

Lupin paled but merely shrugged when Black tossed him a glance.

Coward.

“We’ll only draw attention if we get caught,” Black said smugly.

“And if we do get caught, James and I will be in deep shit for sabotaging our own Head of House. Slytherins take House loyalty very seriously.”

Black scoffed. “You’re not Hufflepuffs.”

“No, Sev’s right,” Potter said. “We’d get targeted for payback in the dorms for sure. The whole point of sorting Slytherin was to prove our worth to them and offer them something more than blood-bigotry and dark magic, remember?”

Black frowned.

“We’ll still help,” Potter offered quickly, much to Severus’ exasperation, “but only in the planning stages. I bet Sev’s got some wicked ideas, and we’ll switch roles if you ever decide to prank McGonagall. Deal?”

Black and Severus shuddered simultaneously at the thought.

Nope, Severus would rather challenge the Dark Lord to strip poker than to incur Minerva’s wrath.

“You three dunderheads think you can manage without us?” Severus drawled.

Black grinned. Lupin chewed his lip. Pettigrew looked about ready to faint.

“Easy.”

It was not, in fact, easy.

The joy of watching Black and his two little minions suffer through detention with Slughorn was enough to keep Severus in a good mood for weeks.

Potter also found it funny, and even went so far as to publicly defend Slughorn’s honour to Black in their next shared Potions class, while Severus carefully restrained his laughter beside him.

Lily did not look impressed by James’ teasing.

Finally, something familiar. Never mind that she was offended on Black’s behalf. At this point, Severus would take any glimpse of his old friend where he could find it.

Their plan was working, though. The easy banter between Black and Potter had shaken up the battle lines between Gryffindor and Slytherin, aided by Severus’ own reluctant acceptance of Black and his minions into his fledgling social circle.

Black had Slytherin cousins and former childhood friends making tentative overtures to the Black black sheep, and Sirius, for the most part, was graciously accepting them with minimal proselytizing about his moral and political stances.

In truth, everything was progressing far too smoothly.

Severus didn’t trust it.

Chapter 21: Chapter 21

Chapter Text

Everything was a disaster. The intermingling of Light and Dark families at Hogwarts had reached critical mass, and now there were rumours that parents from both sides had threatened to have their kids pulled if the integrity of their values were not maintained.

That was bad, but Dumbledore had also apparently pinpointed Severus as the source of the social contagion that had lured his perfect little lion into the Pit of Vipers, and that was infinitely worse.

Severus was not about to denounce dark magic as a whole. It was dead useful, when wielded responsibly, and the whole point of his make-shift plan to rescue the Slytherins hinged on him having enough common ground with them that he wasn’t dismissed out of hand.

He was certain that Dumbledore had recognized the make up of Severus’ wand, too.

It looked bad; Severus knew that. To an outsider, it looked like Severus, an intelligent, magically gifted half-blood who was actively flaunting his prestigious magical heritage was systematically recruiting his fellow students to follow him.

He looked like a budding Dark Lord.

He wasn’t, but not only would no one believe him if he loudly protested his innocence, but the misconception would actually work in his favour as Voldemort’s recruitment amped up in the coming years.

Severus needed to be seen as a suitable alternative to not only his fellow students, but to their parents, or most would bow their heads and follow their families into death and enslavement.

He had been so naïve to think he could breeze through his Hogwarts years, making minor tweaks to ensure James and Lily got their perfect wedding, while leaving everything else alone.

These were children.

He hadn’t been able to actively persuade his students away from certain doom when he’d been a professor and spy, in the name of Dumbledore’s infernal ‘greater good’, and now he could not just sit back and watch an entire generation destroy itself.

He needed to be more tactical and more proactive, or he knew the rivers of bloodshed that would arise.

Merlin help him, he was going to have to be a figurehead, wasn’t he?

Maybe he could trick Potter and Black into doing it for him… he always had operated best from the shadows.

Too much sunlight, and he was liable to burn.

James nudged Severus out of his thoughts just as he was about to feed himself to an utterly useless breed of carnivorous plant that could not even be used as a potions ingredient. The bloody things would be better off as compost.

“It’ll be okay, Sev,” James said. “Hogwarts is a traditional institution. I don’t think many parents will actually pull their kids out. The plan will still work.”

“It’s... more than that, Potter.”

“James, Severus. What is it then? Tell me.”

“I can’t.”

“You’re such a drama queen.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“You’re not helping your case. How do you know I won’t understand if you don’t let me try?”

“It’s dangerous. It sounds crazy. And there’s nothing you could do to help anyways.”

“I don’t mind a little danger.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Bloody Gryffindor,” he muttered. “Just drop it, okay?”

Potter narrowed his eyes. “I’ll drop it if you tell me about your eye, and you being able to see magical auras.”

“I can’t-”

Potter silenced him by pressing his gardening gloved finger to Severus’ lips in a shushing motion. Severus spluttered as dirt got into his mouth.

“Don’t lie to me, Sev. I can handle the truth. Your Heirship paperwork mentioned an ancient Naga ancestry, but it doesn’t elaborate. I won’t judge you, if that’s what you think.”

Severus sigh. “Fine, fine. I’ll tell you what I know about the aura thing... and the eye, if you promise to drop the rest. Now stop pestering me. These things are dangerous.”

“You don’t say,” Potter deadpanned, dodging out of the way of his own class assignment.

Severus dodged James’ request to meet at the library together for their shared free period, and instead found a secluded little alcove in which to write an overdue letter to Petunia.

One advantage of her not having direct contact with the Wizarding World was that she was not fully aware of what was considered normal.

He wasn’t comfortable with telling her everything, but she could help him work through a few things that he would only confide to James over his cold, dead body.

“Hey Tuney- A lot has happened here already...”

Chapter 22: Chapter 22

Chapter Text

Severus could only put off Potter’s interrogation for so long. The boy was persistent, and annoyingly resourceful at counteracting Severus’ excuses.

Thus, he found himself cornered in a secluded nook in the library.

“No one can sneak up on us here,” Potter said triumphantly. “There’s only one way in and out, and it’s far enough away that no one can eavesdrop. I even brought something special, to keep us from being seen.”

With that, Potter casually withdrew his bloody invisibility cloak from his bag.

Severus stared at it for a long moment before running his fingers along the liquidy fabric.

Potter puffed up with pride. “This is one of my family secrets. I figured showing you was only fair, and we can hide under it so even if someone else comes back here, they won’t know we’re here as long as we keep quiet until they leave.”

Severus was stunned. “Why would you show me this?”

“You’re my best friend, you idiot,” Potter said, rolling his eyes. “I trust you to keep my secret safe.”

A frown tugged at the corners of Severus’ mouth. “In exchange for one of mine.”

Potter sighed. “Just because we’re Slytherins doesn’t mean we have to think that way all the time, you know. Why is it so hard for you to believe that we’re friends for real?”

“I’m a cautious person.”

“You’re the most paranoid person I’ve ever met, you mean. Don’t worry, it’s part of your charm, but it does mean I get to tease you about it just a little.”

Severus grabbed the cloak and threw it over both of them. “Very well; let’s get this over with.”

Potter snuggled closer to Severus than he was sure was strictly necessary, but the cloak was an awkward size for two, so he didn’t make a big deal out of it.

“So, “Potter said giddily, “has your eye always been like that? You said it was an infection, didn’t you? Did it hurt?”

“Would it kill you to ask one question at a time? Merlin. It was an infection, yes. It happened when I was nine. The healers are still at a loss as to what caused it. And yeah, it hurt very badly at first, but not anymore.”

“Is it the infection that let’s you see magical auras?”

“Yes. Well, and no. I have a theory that whatever infected me had a reaction with something latent in my magic, but I can’t go into specifics on that.”

Potter nodded. “Lost family magic, secrets, and guesswork. Got it. Is seeing auras all that changed for you?”

Severus hesitated. This was an opportunity to convince Potter of the seriousness of what he was facing without telling him the truth like a crazy person.

“Mostly,” Severus said, choosing his words very carefully. “The infection gave me a fever, and the fever gave me weird dreams. They… they haven’t all come true, some of them very much didn’t, but a few of them have.

“It feels like maybe they were all going to come true when I had the dreams, but because I remember them, I can change them, sometimes.

“Sometimes it’s easy to see what I’ve changed, and other times, things just turn out different.

“I know it sounds crazy, but I swear it's true."

"I believe you!" Potter declared, without hesitation. "You're too smart to be crazy."

Severus shook his head. "That's not how it works, but thanks. This scares me, James. Some of those dreams were really bad, and some of them were too big for me to fix, even if I knew what I should try to change them to, which I don’t. I’m always worried that I’m going to make things worse.”

James leaned his head against Severus’ shoulder in a gesture of support that Severus hadn’t experienced since Lily.

Petunia was supportive, but like Severus, she wasn’t the physically affectionate type. Severus mostly preferred it that way.

He stiffened as James made contact with him, but forced himself to relax when he realized the gesture for what it was.

It was still mind-boggling that James would voluntarily treat Severus with such kindness.

It made him feel oddly lonely.

It was a reminder that this wasn’t his world, not really, and that no one else could relate to the memories that he had. Not even now.

Still, the warmth of Potter’s presence against him felt good. It was soothing.

“Something really bad is coming, Potter. You can’t tell Black or anyone else about it. Either they won’t understand, they’ll lock me up in St. Mungo’s, or word will get out to the bad guys, and they’ll see me as a threat.”

“Merlin…” James whispered. “I won’t tell anyone. I want to help though. Tell me what I can do?”

Easy. Marry a girl you apparently don’t like and father a child we can use as a sacrificial lamb for the ‘greater good’.

“I’ll let you know when I think of something.”

“Is this why you were so quick to offer to help Reggie?”

“...Yeah.”

“Okay. Our plan isn’t just a vaguely good idea then, is it? The Slytherins are in unique danger from whatever’s coming.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll make sure I keep an eye out for anyone falling through the cracks, then. Thanks for trusting me with this, Sev.”

Severus scoffed, and rested his head on top of Potter’s, allowing himself a moment of weakness. “You didn’t leave me much choice, Potter.”

“It’s James.”

Chapter 23: Chapter 23

Chapter Text

Dear Severus-

I ordered some magical seedlings that can be grown indoors through winter via owl, and they showed up the same day as your letter!

You said potions was too dangerous to try alone, but I double checked to only get plants that are safe around muggles. I’m hoping to learn enough about magical plants so that I can grow potions ingredients for us to try out together over the summer, and maybe even sell the extras!

About your letter, do you remember how hard that sod laying job was at the end of summer? Remember how much easier it was when we tried lifting everything together?

I know how private you are, and I respect that, but isn’t there someone there who could help d o the heavy lifting with you? Maybe even a few different people you could trust with different things, so your secrets stay safe?

I know that you’re smart enough to figure things out if you stop worrying so much and trust your instincts.

I will help however I can; all you need to do is ask.

Your Officially- A-S quib Friend,

Petunia Evans

Severus paused with a piece of bacon half way to his mouth to read Petunia’s letter over for a second time.

She hadn’t even really added any new advice that he wasn’t already trying to act on, but the mere presence of her thoughts helped to settle Severus’ nerves.

He had been so used to being isolated and alone in his old life, either forced to keep his secrets close or held at arm’s length by others who could not bring themselves to trust him, that the mere fact that he had a confidante willing and ready to hear him out felt earth-shattering.

He was grateful for the change, more than he'd thought he would be.

In his head, he was still very much a lone wolf, but in practice, he was growing more and more reliant on his little pack.

Which brought up another issue.

The full moon was fast approaching.

Not only did Severus not have the time, money, or inclination to slave away to get a batch of Wolfsbane Potion finished in time, but the potion had not even been invented, yet.

He had met the inventor in his previous life, knew that the man’s research had taken over a decade before he had been ready to publish his findings.

At this point, he’d undoubtedly already poured years of his life into the project.

Severus was not about to steal his sweat and tears, nor his glory, by producing a working Wolfsbane Potion before that paper had been published.

To do so would be unthinkable.

That, however, left an untreated hormonal teenaged werewolf loose within Hogwarts unchecked for the next seven years.

Severus’ close call aside, Dumbledore and the entire student body had been lucky that no one besides Lupin himself had been injured last time.

It was stupidly risky.

So Severus had yet another dilemma to solve.

How could he keep the students of Hogwarts safe during every full moon without stealing another potioneer’s magnum opus?

He could make a variation of Wolfsbane, he supposed, but even if what he produced wasn’t the exact recipe as the original, it would still overshadow the inventor’s hard work, and possibly discourage him from completing his own version.

No, Severus could not do that.

He would not.

Even if Severus didn’t advertise his potion, word would get out. Lupin, thoughtless bleeding heart that he was, would leak Severus’ name to another werewolf in need, or Dumbledore would figure out what he’d done, and want to leverage it for the war effort.

So, he needed something that wouldn’t retain a werewolf’s human mind during the transformation, but would still render them inert.

Perhaps a modified calming potion or sleeping potion. Maybe even a variation of a confundus spell?

Severus would need to think on it.

On instinct, he ducked as a breakfast roll sailed over his head and hit Potter in the face.

Behind him, Black barked out a victorious laugh.

Potter and Black had been pranking each other almost nonstop for days, and were both actively recruiting for their respective sides in their little war.

Severus had been incensed at Potter when it first started, but James had pulled him aside and assured him that they were both being very careful to stick to pranks that everyone would find fun.

He claimed that this was a bonding exercise, that good-hearted pranks would break down barriers and bring people together in a laugh.

Severus was hesitant, given his own history with the Marauders’ pranks, but had let it slide, with the promise that he’d keep an eye out, and intervene if anyone took it too far.

Thus far, both Potter and Black’s restraint had held, but he didn’t trust it to last forever.

They both liked escalating and one-upping each other too much.

Severus had to admit, though, that they were both making a conscious effort, more than he would have thought possible a year ago. A lifetime ago.

“Hey Sev?” Potter asked way too innocently. “Did you finish your charms homework already?”

Severus gave Potter a look. “You mean the homework that’s due in fifteen minutes at the start of class?”

“…Maybe?”

“Merlin, Potter.”

“Hey, I was busy improving morale around here. It’s important to The Plan!”

“Good for you.”

“So… can I look over your homework so I can get mine done in time?”

Severus gave a long-suffering sigh. “I swear to Merlin, Potter, if you make a habit out of this, I will wring your scrawny little neck.”

“Thanks, Mom. Don’t worry, I don’t ask again. Not for at least a week.”

“I will kill you, Potter.”

“It’s James, and I believe you. You’re very scary. It’s why I cleverly manoeuvred myself to be your friend.”

“Oh, is that why you’ve been following me around like a lost puppy since the train?”

“Arf.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Aww… you’re my best friend too, Sev.”

“Here’s my stupid homework. If you copy my answers verbatim, I swear-“

“I know, I know, you’ll hang me by my entrails from the Whomping Willow. I won’t. You worry too much.”

“With you involved? Not possible.”

Chapter 24: Chapter 24

Chapter Text

Severus had a problem.

It was the kind of problem he had never expected to have. He was too popular, and he didn’t know how to handle it.

James had invited him to spend Christmas with his family. Petunia had also invited him to spend Christmas with hers.

Severus was torn.

On the one hand, he would much rather spend the holidays with Petunia. She was his best friend, and he hadn’t seen her in months. On the other hand, Lily would also be there, and at this point that would be extremely awkward. He also didn’t want to insult Potter’s family by refusing them and risk James’ friendliness towards him turning sour.

James had told his father that Severus was a potions genius, too, and it would be strategically advantageous to meet the man early and make a good first impression.

As much as Severus was focused on saving the world, he was rather hoping to survive long enough to live in it after it was saved, and that meant planning ahead for his career.

He still hadn’t figured out a way to keep the students safe from Lupin either, and Mr. Potter would probably have some ideas, provided Severus could spin his interest as purely theoretical.

“Okay,” James said, flopping down dramatically onto the Slytherin common room sofa next to Severus, “something is clearly bothering you. What’s up?”

Merlin, with subtlety like that, it was a wonder Potter had managed to evade Slytherin last time around.

“It’s nothing, Potter. Don’t worry about it.”
“James. And if it’s bothering my best friend then it’s not nothing. Tell me.”

Severus sighed heavily. Potter really was a parasite, wasn’t he? And he seemed to feed on Severus’ misery. “Lily’s sister invited me to her place for Christmas.”

“Lily Evans? You sure you don’t have a crush on her?”

“I do not have a crush on Lily Evans,” Severus snapped. It was the truth, too. This Lily was not the girl he remembered, and she was a child besides. Severus was finding it harder and harder to remember that he was supposed to be an adult, but Lily was so firmly off limits in his mind that he knew he would never look at her romantically again.

“Do you have a crush on the sister, then?”

“What? No! Why would you even ask that?”
Potter chuckled nervously. “Well I’ve never met her. Maybe she’s really pretty.”

“She’s not,” Severus said flatly, then felt immediately guilty for badmouthing his friend. “I mean, she’s not ugly I guess, but no. We’re just friends.”

James rolled onto his stomach and looked up at Severus through his long dark lashes. “What’s the problem, then?”

Severus frowned. “You want me to spend Christmas with you… don’t you?”

James grinned at him. “That’s what you’re worried about? You can do both, you know. My dad can apparate you to the Evans’ place for a day or two. Or you could invite the sister over to mine. I wouldn’t mind meeting your other friends.”

“How optimistic you to assume the plural,” Severus muttered, determinedly staring down at the charms essay in his lap.

“You’re funny,” James said. “I bet you were the most popular kid in your old school.”

Severus scoffed, refusing to look up. “Hardly.”

“Really?!”

“Yes, really.”

Potter shook his head. “Muggles are weird.”

“No, you’re weird. I’ve never had so much trouble being left alone before.”

“I guess you’re not the only one who can see things that other people can’t,” Potter said with a cheeky grin. “The sister’s name is Petunia, right? Invite her over to my place for a day or two. My parents won’t mind!”

“You’re sure?” Severus asked. That would actually be an extremely helpful compromise, despite Severus’ desire to get to know Mr. Evans better again in this life. There was always summer. Or maybe he could hang out with them for a little bit before Petunia back to the Potter’s estate with him.

“Positive, Sev. About all of it.”

Severus tucked away his essay and grabbed a fresh piece of parchment.He had a letter to write.

Chapter 25: Chapter 25

Chapter Text

“No,” Severus said as gently as he could manage, even as he rolled his eyes, “add the ground manticore horn first or it’ll explode.”

Travers jolted and reread the instructions. “Thanks,” he muttered.

Severus nodded. He had decided that he was far too reliant on Potter’s friendship, so he’d been making an effort to get to ingratiate himself to the other Slytherins his age, despite knowing the horrible things that most of them had done as Death Eaters in his previous life.

He wasn’t convinced that he could save them from that fate, but he was determined to try.

It was going better than he had expected. His status as Probationary Heir this time around had opened more doors than he had expected, as had his friendship with pureblooded Potter.

Not only did people tolerate his presence and give him a chance to prove himself, but they also tended to interpret his sarcasm charitably, whereas last life, they decidedly had not.

It was messing with Severus’ head. How much had he actually changed and how much had other people’s expectations of him been the only difference?

He had no way of knowing. His own memories were biased, and growing fuzzy with time.

Now that he was at Hogwarts again, his two sets of school life memories were growing muddled together.

He had almost snapped at Avery for trying to borrow a quill without asking when he’d snapped the last one on purpose… only he hadn’t.

That had happened last life, and Severus couldn’t even remember when it had happened last life.

It had him on edge, cagey, and hesitant. He didn’t like second guessing his every word and move.

Severus had to admit that he’d been acting calmer and less prone to snap judgments lately, though. Being forced the sift carefully through his memories before he could tell if someone was about to hurt him or not had already saved him from making an arse of himself more than once.

He had not realized how often he had gotten prematurely defensive in his last life, and even this current one, until he’d been forced to slow down and weigh his options.

He knew, objectively, that is was natural for an abused child such as himself to lash out as a defence mechanism, but it had still shocked him to realize how often he still relied on that tactic as a crutch.

Merlin, he’d reacted that way with Potter’s son when the boy had been a child and he’d been a full blown adult and authority figure.

It was embarrassing to think about. Had he really been so frightened of being bullied by a pre-teen that he’d launched a pre-emptive assault on the child?

A child, Severus cringed to admit, that had carried his own memories of childhood abuse.

Severus had done some serious mental acrobatics to dodge the implications of those stolen memories at the time, hadn’t he?

What a pathetic display from a wasted mess of a man.

Severus needed to do better this time around.

His bitterness had soured everything around him, and he could not bear to allow that to happen again.

He had so many sins to pay for, no matter that no one else could see his ledger.

He could see it. He knew what he’d done.

What was the point of a second chance if not to learn from his past and to rectify his mistakes?

“I got it!” Travers said excitedly. “It’s the right colour and everything!”

It was not, in fact, the right colour, but it was close enough that Severus would have given the potion an A. For Slughorn, it was an EE, easily.

“Well done,” Severus said neutrally.

As so often happened in this new life, Travers read sincerity rather than sarcasm into his tone.

“Thanks, Sev! I owe you one.”

“I’ll remember you said that,” Severus warned with a raised eyebrow.

Travers chuckled. “I’ll see ya later. Save me a spot in Herbology later?”

Severus rolled his eyes. “You’ll have to fight Potter for it.”

Travers grinned. “I can take him.”

Severus waved Travers off and flipped open his notes to his ‘non-wolfsbane-potion-but-still-Lupin-neutralizing-solution’ brainstorming page.

He had a lot of ideas, but no obvious solutions... yet.

He was determined to figure it out and excited for the challenge. After a couple months of attending first year classes and finishing first year homework assignments, it was nice to stretch his mental muscles a little.

A lot.

There was a reason why the invention of the wolfsbane potion had been so revolutionary last time around, and why no competitor potions had ever been invented.

Only a master of masters could even attempt to create a unique tonic to sooth the savage beast.

This was going to take longer than he’d hoped.

He worked at the problem for hours, lost in his thoughts, without making any tangible progress.

He was ready to snap when a set of warm hands settled on his shoulders and began to gently massage away his tension.

“You shouldn’t touch people without their permission, Potter,” he said tiredly, without looking up. With a sigh, he leaned into the touch.

“You missed herbology,” Potter said. “What are you working on?”

“Private project. Difficult one. I can’t figure it out.”

“Can I help?”

“No. No offence, but this is beyond you. It’s beyond me, even.”

Potter snorted. “Potions related, huh? Think my dad could help? Bring your notes over Christmas.”

“I… I might just do that. I may need a second perspective on this. I really missed class?”

“And lunch. Our free period ended ages ago. I was beginning to think Travers murdered you and buried you in the forest.”

Severus scoffed and twirled his wand effortlessly between his fingers. “As if he could. Did I miss anything important?”

“It was a lecture, not a practical class. We have an essay due Thursday. I’ll lend you my notes.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s what friends are for! Are you ready to take a break? We still have Transfigurations. We’re running late already, actually.”

“Shit! Why didn’t you say something? I don’t need to be on McGonagall’s bad side!”

Potter just laughed. “Race you there?”

“You’re on!”

Chapter 26: Chapter 26

Chapter Text

Severus and James were huddled together in their secret nook in the library underneath Potter’s invisibility cloak, looking through books on magical auras, Seers, and soul magic.

Severus wished that he could tell James that the Seer books were worthless, but he’d already explained his past memories to James as a series of fever dreams, and there was no backing out of that now.

He couldn’t exactly admit that he couldn’t see the future as much as he’d come from a future where the two of them had hated each other and where Severus had spent his dying breathes ordering James’ son to sacrifice himself to a sadistic psychopath.

Nope, some secrets needed keeping.

Still, the two of them working together had found enough new information on reading auras that Severus had a lot to practice.

Theoretically, he could recognize magical persons, no matter their disguise, and could read specific emotions and motivations within their auras. When combined with his already advanced legilimency skills, Severus had the potential to read people better than anyone else alive.

It would certainly give him an edge no matter what direction his life tilted.

He just needed to crack the code, first.

Apparently, no two wizards saw magical auras in exactly the same way, so there was no standardized key that could be used to interpret them.

Severus would need to create his own, through careful observation, record keeping, and an exhaustive series of trial and error.

Thankfully James was more than willing to act as Severus’s first test subject. Of course, James wore his emotions so openly that reading him was akin to flipping through a picture book. It was difficult to focus on the minute changes to James’ aura when his entire face and body language changed so dramatically.

How he had convinced the hat to sort him into Slytherin was still baffling.

“What does my aura look like?” James asked, squinting at his own hand as if he could catch a peek.

“It’s hard to describe,” Severus admitted, absently tracing the swirling pattern of gold through orange that emanated over Potter’s wrist. “Right now, it looks like a sunset. It’s pushed off of your skin, taking up space around you. It’s constantly moving, like ink being dropped into water, but without being diluted. It’s bright, but it doesn’t give off light. It’s... energetic but cohesive. I still don’t know what any of that means.”

“It looks cool though, right? My soul isn’t boring to look at, is it?”

Severus rolled his eyes. “You’re a special and unique little snowflake, don’t worry.”

“What about you? Can you see your own aura?”

“Only when I look at myself directly. I can’t see anyone’s aura through a mirror. Right now, mine is blue and green, kind of layered on top of each other. It isn’t moving much, just pulsing a little. I mostly tune it out, like seeing your own nose.”

Potter, the prat, went cross-eyed. “How did I never notice that I could see my own nose, before? Ack! I can still see it now. That’s so weird!”

“No, you’re weird.”

“My brain has been lying to me for my entire life, and apparently that’s normal. It’s weird.”

“Are you going to help me research, or not?”

“I’m helping! Just try not to blow my mind with your insight anymore, and I’ll be the best research assistant ever, I promise.”

“I don’t. There’s no way of predicting what will cause your feeble mind to break.”

Potter stuck out his tongue. “What can I say? I’m fragile.”

“Uh huh. Don’t worry, your big, dumb Potter Luck balances it out.”

James grinned. “Potter Luck? I like that.”

Fuck. James had Potter Arrogance. Harry had Potter Luck. And neither of them had exhibited either Potter trait, yet, in this life. Severus was getting too comfortable and speaking without thinking again.

He pushed Potter away.

“It was just a joke. Don’t worry about it.”

“What happened?” Potter asked, tugging on Severus’ sleeve.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter. I just... I need a break from research for a bit. I’m going for a walk.”

Severus ran away, refusing to feel guilty about the hurt look on Potter’s face and discordant ripple that tugged at Potter’s aura.

Shit, he’d really hurt Potter’s feelings. Soul deep.

And he did feel guilty about it.

Why wasn’t anything ever easy?

Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Chapter Text

Severus was a coward.

Why was admitting fault and apologizing so hard?

He kicked an odd-shaped little rock out of spite as he continued to pace the little courtyard he’d found years ago.

It certainly wasn’t James’ fault that Severus had freaked out over nothing and run away. He couldn’t expect James to mend this fence, when he had no clue why Severus had smashed it to pieces in the first place.

It irked and startled him how quickly he’d come to rely on James’ friendship.

The thought of being left alone again made him feel sick.

Freak. Loser.

Snivellous.

No, he couldn’t do that again.

He needed to fix this, no matter how much he didn’t want to.

It wasn’t even that big of a deal, for Merlin’s sake!

Potter would forgive him. Potter knew about his ‘dreams’ and he hadn’t let Severus’ weirdness stop him from hanging around before.

Incessantly.

Severus had survived as a spy for over a decade. He had faced the Dark Lord on countless occasions and lied to the man’s face. He may never have greeted Death as a friend, but they had been neighbourly acquaintances at the very least.

Utilizing his extensive Professor’s knowledge of the castle, Severus screwed up his courage and visited the kitchens. Bribery was a nice, Slytherin place to start. With a little cajoling and some well-placed compliments, Severus got the house elves to make James a fresh batch of cinnamon rolls with pumpkin glaze and cream cheese icing.

Severus’ teeth hurt just thinking about the amount of sugar crammed into each one, but Potter loved them, so Severus would forebear.

He had also sweet talked one of the elves into tracking Potter down for him, so he wouldn’t have to blindly wander the castle for hours looking for the boy. He was hiding away up in the astronomy tower.

It was not original, as far as melodramatic hiding places to brood went, but Severus supposed that he shouldn’t expect more from an eleven year old.

He made the long trek up the ungodly number of stairs and spotted James sitting with his back to a plain stone wall, staring out at the castle grounds. Severus sat down next to Potter without a word.

Silence stretched between them, focusing and magnifying the awkwardness that Severus had caused.

“…cinnamon bun?”

Potter laughed bitterly and took one.

Severus winced in sympathy as glaze and icing coated his fingers and dripped onto Potter’s robes.

Potter didn’t seem to care. “s’good,” he mumbled to his shoes.

Severus huffed. “I had the elves make them special. For you. Because I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run away like that. Something reminded me of one of my Fever Dreams, one of the bad ones, and I freaked out like a total spaz. It wasn’t your fault. I’m totally mental, but then, you already knew that.”

Potter took another bite of his roll and licked a trail of sticky ooze that had made its way down to his wrist. “Don’t you want one?”

Severus eyed the diabetes-inducing confections dubiously. “Only if we’re friends again. Potter- James- will you please forgive me?”

James finally looked him in the eye. “Of course I forgive you, you dolt. I thought you didn’t like me anymore.”

“Well… I do,” Severus admitted, utterly amazed by the truth of that statement. What had happened to the relentless bully that Severus had loathed?

He'd spent his time competing with Severus over research notes rather than competing with Black over pranks. He had run with his initial impression of Severus again, but this time, it had been a good one. He’d sorted Slytherin and seen the little ways the snakes were snubbed on a daily basis first hand.

“Want to go flying with me?” James asked tremulously.

Severus rolled his eyes. James knew full well that he only tolerated flying to keep James happy.

Because they were friends.

“Yeah, alright. Let’s go flying. No bludgers though! If you get bored flying laps we can chase a snitch or something. I’m sick of bruises.”

James grinned at Severus in a way that made his brown eyes light up brighter than Severus would have thought possible. There was no hint of Lily in these Potter eyes, but there was no hint of malice, either. They were all James. “Deal! Last one to the broom shed is a rotten ashwinder’s egg!”

Severus took off at a sprint.

He had been many things over his double lifetimes, but festering serpent young would never be one of them.

He was going to win.

In hindsight, though, he shouldn’t have given Potter the advantage of a sugar rush.

James was hot on his heels the entire way to the pitch, laughing like an idiot.

They both were.

Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Chapter Text

Severus gave a final stir to his potion with a flourish, and removed his cauldron from the heat.

It was perfect.

It was better than perfect.

He’d managed to make a fully functional representation of the potions Slughorn had assigned, while also making it a viable pain relief potion, too.

As their assignment was a recipe for a toe-enlargement potion, the combination was not overly practical, but these little challenges kept Severus sane as he endured class after class of Slughorn’s subpar potions knowledge and lax teaching style.

It still irked him that students liked the man as a teacher better than they had liked him, despite coming to terms with his own flaws.

He wasn’t going to tell Slughorn about the alterations, either. Let the man mark him based solely on the potion’s stated purpose. If he was too stupid to recognize Severus’ passive-aggressive genius, too bad for him.

It was odd though, in the way that Severus really should stop finding things odd, that Slughorn had already invite hi to his stupid little sycophant club this time around.

Severus had bent over backwards to gain the man’s attention and respect in his last life, and now that Severus didn’t give a shit, his Probationary Heir status was doing all his work for him.

Slughorn did not recognize the entirety of Severus’ genius, but he was still clamouring to get on Severus’ good side and to Make Introductions.

Severus shuddered.

James’ promises to introduce him to his father were genuine and motivated by a desire for Severus to succeed in his own right.

Slughorn just wanted the clout.

It was disgusting.

“You’re way too proud of yourself,” James whispered to him when Slughorn circled to the other side of the room. “What did you do?”

Severus scoffed. “Don’t get too excited; I didn’t pull a prank or anything. I just managed to keep all of the properties and effects of my potion intact what adding a whole new purpose to it on the side. It’s a healing potion, too.”

“That’s brilliant!” James gushed. “How did you manage to figure that out? Adding new effects to an existing potion is one of the hardest things to do, isn’t it? New ingredients tend to mess with what’s already there.”

Severus nodded. “Yeah, it’s a pain in the arse, but this potion was pretty simple, and I didn’t need to constrain myself to a specific complimentary effect, just figure out something that could be added in without reacting badly.”

“That’s still bloody impressive! You have to show my dad what you did over Christmas. He’ll go mental for sure. He’s always looking for people to geek out over stuff like that with.”

“It’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it sound.”

“Stop selling yourself short, Sev. You’re a prodigy. Deal with it.”

“Yeah well, you’re a prodigy at being annoying,” Severus muttered.

James grinned at him and winked. “Darn straight. Wanna work on our transfiguration essay together after class?”

Severus groaned. “McGonagall assigns the most tedious essays. There’s nothing intuitive about Transfigurations, I swear.”

“You just hate it when your genius brain gets bored.”

“I do not! Well okay, I do, but I swear this is worse than that. If we were learning actual useful spells, and enough similar ones in a row to figure out some kind of pattern to how they work, that’d be one thing, but all we do is memorize one useless spell after another in isolation. There’s no theory to it; nothing to breakdown and analyze. I swear Minerva is teaching us this way just to mess with me!”

“Minerva, huh?”

“Er…” How had Severus ever survived as a spy? Forget a werewolf potion, Severus needed to invent a foot-in-mouth antidote.

“Dream thing?” James asked.

“…yeah.”

James shrugged. “Fair enough.”

Merlin, he was a great friend.

Chapter 29: Chapter 29

Chapter Text

Severus jumped when Black slammed down into the seat across from him.

“What’s got your wand all twisted?” James snickered.

Black huffed. “Evans keeps trying to invite herself over to my place for Christmas.”

Severus looked up sharply. “What? Why?”

Black gave him a pointed glare. “Apparently her sister is going somewhere cool over the break and she’s feeling left out.”

The blood drained from Severus’s face. “Oh.”

Black rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow in a move that reminded Severus sharply of Draco Malfoy. “Yeah, ‘oh’. Going after the older sister, by the way?! Nice.”

Why did everyone keep assuming that? “It’s not like that,” Severus insisted. “I could set her up with you if you’d like.”

Black smirked at him. “Me and not Potter?”

That idea sent a twinge of… something up Severus’ spine. He didn’t understand it, but he didn’t like bring made fun of. He scowled.

Beside him, James was trying and failing to catch Black’s attention with a warning stare.

Whatever. Severus didn’t want to get in the middle of it.

He pointedly looked back down at his homework. “Did you need something, Black?”

“Just wanted to give you both the heads up. Evans is being weird about you being friends with her sister, and she strikes me as a bit spoiled. Who knows what she’ll do to try to get her way, you know?”

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew Lily could be stubborn. He knew she was prone to fight tooth and nail against a perceived injustice. He was just used to those injustices being serious matters affecting other people, not simple jealousy involving herself.

Why was everything so messy all of the time?

“Thanks Sirius,” James said. “I wish you could come over for Christmas, too.”

“Merlin, me too,” Black said with a dramatic sigh. “I don’t know how to convince Evans that my mother will not only murder her, but have her stuffed and mounted above our fireplace as a conversation starter piece if she steps foot onto our ‘sacred’ ancient and pure property, but if I don’t make an appearance at that hellhole, I’ll lose my chance to check in with Reg. Maybe next year me and Reg can both claim to need to stay here for the hols and then sneak over to your place, instead.”

James grinned. “Yeah, that sounds awesome.”

“Just be careful,” Severus said, concerned despite himself. He knew firsthand that Black’s mother was a sadistic piece of work. “You don’t need to convince Regulus of your way of thinking all at once, and you will be more likely to succeed if you don’t antagonize your parents too much. Just survive Christmas, don’t make yourself a martyr.”

Black got that stubborn gleam in his eye that spelled trouble, but then the fight sagged out of him. “Yeah, yeah you’re probably right. They just make it so hard! They keep picking at me and picking at me. There’s never a break from it when I’m at home. It makes me crazy.”

Severus distinctly remembered Black’s screaming matches with his mother’s portrait. Yes, it certainly did that. “I know it sucks. I know it’s not fair to have to hide a part of yourself or to lie to the people who are supposed to protect you just to stay safe. It isn’t fair and it isn’t right. It is a choice that you’ll have to make, though, every time it comes up. You need to decide what you’ll prioritize now or it’ll be a disaster.”

Black groaned and collapsed onto his crossed arms on the table. “Thanks Sev. I needed to hear that, I think. I don’t know if I can keep it up forever, though. If I do get myself disowned, you’ll still be my friend, right? It might impact your Probationary Heir status to be seen with me...”

Severus scoffed. “If being associated with my blood relatives comes at the cost of so many strings that I can’t move, then they aren’t worth it. I’m hoping that they were better people than that, and your heir status won’t matter, but either way, I’m not going to let myself be jerked around just to superficially fit in.”

He’d both been there and done that. He could still feel phantom pain in his left forearm from time to time, and that bloody tattoo had never been worth it. Besides, one of the Heir conditions that the Princes had set was that Severus couldn’t magically bind himself to anyone before he reached his majority. That included the Dark Mark, and Severus liked to think that was on purpose.

Maybe he was just being a sentimental fool.

Black’s eyes shone with determination and something suspiciously like respect when Severus glanced his way. “You two want any help with your homework?”

James gave a mock gasp. “Since when does Sirius Black put effort into his homework? Have you hit your head? Does it hurt?”

“Ha ha. You two nerds are always in the library. If I want to hang out with you I guess I have to study once in a while, too. I don’t have to like it, though.”

James rolled his eyes. “You just need the proper motivation. I know you like a challenge. Did Sev tell you what he’s been doing in Slughorn’s classes?”

Chapter 30: Chapter 30

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus winced as Lupin limped into the Great Hall.

He looked rough.

He was a danger to the other students.

Severus was turning soft.

It was dangerous, considering the makeup of his new wand and the Sorting Hat’s interpretation of the prophesy.

Severus could not afford to be soft. He could not afford to be weak. Or naïve.

Constant Vigilance and all that.

Still, it would do everyone some good if he was able to figure out a solution to Lupin’s dangerous furry problem. It would be strategic.

“Watcha thinkin’ about?” James asked cheerfully as he sat down next to Severus and immediately piled his plate high with food.

“Tricky potion idea I can’t figure out,” Severus said distractedly. “Where were you this morning?”

“Sirius needed help with something. I thought about asking you to join us, but you were still hard at work when I went to bed last night. Figured you’d want the sleep.”

Severus nodded. He would indeed have been irritated to be woken up early to go on some blasted misadventure for Black’s sake.

It wasn’t like James was replacing him or anything.

“We were having an argument, though. We need a tiebreaker vote.” James said between bites of omelette.

“About what?” Severus asked, his curiosity piqued.

“Which is better, Halloween or Christmas?”

Severus blinked. “What?”

“Sirius thinks Christmas is the best, but Halloween has always been my favourite. What do you think?”

Oh, wasn’t that a cruel irony?

Severus had to swallow a threatening sob as his old grief over the day Lily had died washed over him. “I like Christmas better. Halloween… I have too many bad memories associated with it.”

Of course, in this life, his memories of Christmas were actually worse.

Tobias was salty about magic, but no one in Cokeworth really did anything on Halloween other than egg the ‘rich’ houses, so he wasn’t an extra asshole or anything. It was just like any other day.

Christmas always devolved into a fight.

Still, Christmas was better.

It made Severus sick that James Potter had been murdered on his favourite holiday, and Severus hadn’t even cared that he had died.

He’d been such a horrible, petty person.

Bitterness had nearly destroyed him entirely.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” James said contritely. “I didn’t know that. Want to talk about it?”

“No,” Severus said sharply, then sighed. “Sorry. No, I don’t want to talk about it. Thanks for asking though.”

Potter grinned. “You’re welcome. I even forgive you for liking Christmas best. Maybe after this one, I’ll change my mind too. You think that’s possible?”

Severus rolled his eyes. “You are not subtle. Are you about to ask me for a specific gift or something? You know I don’t have much money for presents.”

Potter looked affronted. “I don’t care about presents. Well, not from you anyway. I just want to have fun with you. I can show you around the manor, and we can go flying together, and I can show you my room, and you’ll love my parents, and they’ll love you, and we can go into town to look at all the decorations, both the muggle ones and the wizarding ones, and we can bake cookies together!”

“You are so exhausting.”

“You love it. And you’ll love it! I won’t let you get bored.”

“Oh, I’ve no doubt of that. And you’re still okay with Petunia joining us for a couple days?”

“She sounds cool, yeah. I didn’t know muggles even could be squibs! I’m not sure anyone knows that, actually. She could write a research paper on herself and become famous!”

Severus laughed despite himself. Potter was too much.

“I’ll tell her you said that.”

“It’ll be great, you’ll see.”

“Just please remember that I still need sleep, even on holidays.”

Notes:

Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Chapter Text

Wandering the halls between halls so he had a chance to think, Severus realized something depressing. Severus was stuck in a rut.

It wasn’t a bad thing per se, things were going well, he just wasn’t making any new progress on any of his special projects.

He was civil to casually friendly with most of the Slytherins, he had firmly protected himself against becoming a target of the Marauders, he had a long list of ideas to investigate regarding a werewolf solution, and neither Dumbledore nor Voldemort were currently out for his blood.

It was just frustrating to be stuck in a holding pattern. He wished he could be out there in the world making a real difference, with unfettered access to a fully stocked lab and the reputation and respect of a Mastery to bolster his inquiries.

Being a child sucked.

Maybe he could risk a potions ingredient gathering foray into the Forbidden Forest to stifle his cabin fever.

It should be safe enough.

He had his wand and wouldn’t be arrested for using magic so close to school grounds, so long as he didn’t use anything dark.

If he did get in trouble, he was close enough to help that a quick Patronus would see him rescued in no time.

His Patronus.

He hadn’t cast it once in this new life. Hadn’t cast it since he had been fully and utterly in love with Lily Evans.

He didn’t even know what it’s natural form looked like, when his soul wasn’t dominated by his attachment to someone else.

For some reason, he was afraid to find out.

Catching indecipherable glimpses of his own aura was one thing, a Patronus was something else. The form it took said a lot about a person.

A flash of movement caught his eye.

It was Black, ducking behind a suit of armor.

Severus groaned.

“What are you up to, Black?”

“Quick!” Black whispered, tugging in Severus’ arm, “get out of sight.”

Severus complied, figuring that he was in a better position to stop whatever his was before it got out of hand if he was involved. “Who are we hiding from?”

“Evans. She’s driving me crazy.”

“Lily? Why?”

“She won’t stop following me around. You sure you can’t just get James to invite her over for Christmas with you?”

“Absolutely not,” Severus said firmly. “Not only has she made no effort whatsoever to be my friend, or Potter’s, but she gets to go to Hogwarts, her sister doesn’t. I’m not going to steal the one special thing that Petunia gets to have on her own away from her.”

Black pouted but seemed inclined to drop the subject.

Severus didn’t get it. Black was always chasing girls, in this life and the last, and though Lily had changed this time around, she wasn’t that different. She was still very pretty and charming when she wanted to be. “Black… you do realize that Lily has a crush on you, right? She doesn’t just want to spend time at a wizarding house over the break. She wants to spend time with you.”

Black looked dismayed. “No… no, I can’t possibly be as blind as you and James are. I refuse to believe it.”

Severus frowned. Him and James? “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“My point, exactly. You’re sure I’ve got a shot with Evans? Really? I’m pulling the friend card here. Don’t mess with me.”

“I’m serious. She hasn’t stopped mooning after you since we met on the train. Any nanny could see that.”

“First of all, I’m Sirius, not you. Secondly, thanks Sev. I don’t want to be gifted her skin as a cloak by my mother for Christmas so I still can’t invite her over but maybe… maybe I can work something else out. I’ve gotta go. Bye!”

Severus watched him tear off in bemusement.

What had that all been about?

Black was so weird at times.

It took him two more corridors to realize that he had practically given Black the go ahead to date Lily.

That should concern him, shouldn’t it?

Wasn’t getting James and Lily to eventually fall in love still Plan A?

Not that Severus thought for a second that Black could actually make a romance of any kind last, even without a dementor-addled mind.

But still.

That end goal hadn’t crossed his mind at all.

Neither Lily nor Sirius were mature enough to commit to anything, yet, and if watching Black fawn all over a girl happened to make a certain werewolf jealous, that would be an added bonus.

Severus had suspected things between them last life but had never stumbled upon any proof.

Perhaps it had always been one-sided.

Black had been a notorious womanizer before getting himself hauled off to prison, after all.

Yeah, everything would probably still be fine, in the end.

No need to worry.

He wondered if there was time to meet up with James before his next class.

Chapter 32: Chapter 32

Chapter Text

Severus regretted everything.

He should know by now not to run his mouth in front of impulsive idiots.

Sirius Black had taken his flirtation with Lily to a truly obnoxious level. They both seemed overly pleased with themselves, and everyone else seemed happy for them both, but Severus’ cynical black heart could not help but notice that they each seemed more happy to be seen with each other than to actually hang out.

It was like each of them represented some kind of status symbol that the other needed to validate themselves.

Maybe all pre-teen relationships looked like that.

Maybe Severus was just looking for evidence that this annoying turn of events would fail.

Maybe he should mind his own business for once.

Even if Severus decided that it was paramount for Lily and James to get together tomorrow, his interference would only make things worse.

Lily would be angry at ‘James’ friend’ for ruining her chances, and James would probably be too busy fulfilling his role in the bro code and consoling Sirius to pursue Lily anyways, even if Severus could somehow convince him that he wanted to.

He would just have to trust that this crashed and burned on its own… hopefully before he lost his last shred of sanity.

Speaking-of-the-dementor, Sirius slid onto the bench at the Slytherin table across from Severus and James.

He was always doing that, the nuisance.

“You are aware that you have your own table over there to feed you, right Black?” Severus drawled without looking up.

Lily huffed in annoyance as she delicately sat down next to the mutt.

Oh good, now the ‘blood traitor’ was bringing a ‘mudblood’ over to the Slytherin table.

This should be interesting.

Not that Lily had any less right than the rest of them to sit wherever she liked, but good luck convincing the children of the Olde Families that.

Despite the prejudice that inclined children to stick with their own houses at meals, Severus sometimes missed the days when Slytherins were expected to intermingle only amongst themselves.

“You don’t have to be so mean, Snape,” Lily said tartly.

Yes, she was still upset that Severus was stealing her spotlight and sharing it with her sister.

Not his problem.

“Sev’s not mean,” James said, frowning. “He’s funny. You just need to get to know him better.”

Lily narrowed her eyes at James. “Snape picks on Sirius all the time. We’ve all seen it. Why are you so keen on defending him, anyways Potter? You in love with him or something?”

Severus rolled his eyes as James turned bright red and spluttered incoherently. Hell had certainly dropped a few degrees in this timeline but it hadn’t completely frozen over!

Sirius looked thoroughly amused, the bastard.

“Black knows I mean well, Evans,” Severus deadpanned. “Don’t you, Black?”

Sirius flashed his trademark crooked grin that made all the girls swoon. “I’m aware, Sev. Honestly, if you follow through with Reg, I’ll let you punch me in the face, if you want. I still pity anyone stupid enough to get on your bad side, though!”

“Your face might look better after a good punch,” Severus mused. “It’d add character. Differentiate you from ‘generic pureblood pretty boy number thirty-seven.”

Sirius smirked. “You hear that James? Sev thinks I’m pretty.”

James scowled.

“Pity your personality ruins it, Black,” Severus snarked.

“Hey!” Lily said, “That right there is what I’m talking about. Siri’s got a great personality! He’s super sweet. And funny, without having to be mean about it, unlike some people.”

Severus couldn’t help himself; he simulated gagging. Honestly, Lily’s overenthusiastic defense of her boyfriend’s character was pathetic. How could Black stand to be around it?

“Well, now that my appetite has been thoroughly ruined, I’m headed to the library. You coming, James?”

James shoved the entirety of his remaining food into his mouth and nodded.

Severus snorted at James’ antics. “Good luck finishing your meals in peace at the Slytherin table without us!” he called loudly out over his shoulder as he left.

Sirius just flipped him the bird.

Chapter 33: Chapter 33

Chapter Text

Severus could hardly believe that it was already Christmas break. He was excited but nervous about meeting James’ father and making a good first professional impression.

He didn’t notice that his leg was jumping with jittery restlessness until James stilled it with a hand. “You okay, Sev? You know my parents will love you, right?”

Severus scoffed. “I’m not worried,” he lied. “I’m just sick of being stuck on this stupid train.”

“I can’t believe you get to see Lily over the hols while I can’t,” Sirius complained.

Merlin, Severus had created a monster.

“You’re the one who turned her down for a visit,” James laughed.

“I prefer her alive, thank-you-very-much,” Sirius said, crossing his arms in a pout.

“That must be why you’re spending the train ride home with us rather than with her,” Severus quipped.

Sirius blushed. “She’s with her friends. She gets weird when I pay attention to them.”

“Just like you get weird when she looks at either of us?” James asked helpfully, “even though you know we’re not interested?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Sometimes I think I know that better than you two do. It’s just… she’s so pretty, and she likes attention, and I just worry that once it finally clicks just how bat-shit my family is, she won’t want anything to do with me.”

“I still don’t get why she’s put up with you this long,” Severus drawled.

Sirius just gave a goofy grin. “I know.”

“So…” James said, “other than being pretty, what do you actually like about her? Sev thought I should like her too, right after we were Sorted, and I still just don’t get it.”

Sirius floundered trying to answer. No, the idiot wasn’t shallow at all.

In his first life, Severus could have spent hours reciting Lily’s best qualities to anyone who had been unfortunate enough to ask.

Of course, according to James, those qualities were all his, so maybe he was just a raging narcissist.

Severus was drawn from his musings in time to witness James flick non-existent long hair over his shoulder and bat his eyelashes. “Oh, Siri. You’re ever so wise. My eyes do shine like the Caribbean sea, don’t they?”

“Shut up!” Sirius groused, looking far pinker than usual.

“Black… have you ever even been to the Caribbean?” Severus asked.

Black groaned. “Merlin’s saggy tits it was just a stupid metaphor.”

“It was brilliant,” James insisted in falsetto. “Siri, don’t you agree that my hair gleams like fire reflecting off the facets of a ruby?”

“Fuck off, James,” Sirius laughed.

“Sirius Black, I am not that kind of girl!”

Severus could not help but laugh as their compartment transformed into an impromptu wrestling arena. As a point of fact, his sides ached with his unfettered mirth by the time the two idiots wore themselves out.

They had just retaken their seats when a knock sounded.

“Lady Love?” James asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes but jumped up enthusiastically to slide open the compartment door. Then his shoulders sagged.

“Oh. Hi Remus. What’s up?”

“Hello Sirius. Potter, Prince. Mind if I sit with you for a bit?”

“No problem,” Black said, easily recovering from his disappointment and ushering Lupin in, “just don’t expect to get any reading done. Sev’s been staring at the same page for half an hour now.”

Severus blinked and glanced down at the book that he had entirely forgotten was resting on his lap. With a melodramatic sigh, he stuffed the book back into his bag and resigned himself to socializing the rest of the train ride home.

Lupin was even more subdued than normal.

Severus could honestly not recall any details about the wolf’s home life to know if that had something to do with it or not.

Now that Severus thought about it, he’d been extra quiet and withdrawn ever since Black and Lily had gotten together.

A small, vindictive part of Severus hoped he’d been the one to cause the wolf’s distress, but a larger, more James-Potter-influenced part of himself could not help but be concerned.

Severus knew what it was like to be an unwilling loner. Whether Lupin was craving simple friendship with Black or something more complicated than that, it had to be isolating to have that one point of companionship become preoccupied with someone else.

Especially when the only dorm mate alternative was fucking Pettigrew.

“You visiting your parents for the hols then, Lupin?” Severus felt compelled to ask.

Lupin nodded stiffly. His damned wolf senses had always been able to pick up on Severus’ wariness. On his dislike.

“They near London?” Severus asked, when it became clear that Lupin was not going to carry the dying conversation.

“Near enough,” Lupin said evasively.

Fuck that; Severus had tried being nice. He wasn’t a conversationalist, and he wasn’t a saint.

“And you,” Severus said, turning back to Black, “be patient with your brother. Remember that your mum’s had months alone with him to tell him all about how you’ve betrayed the family or whatever. You’re going to have to show him that you’re still his loving brother through your actions. No yelling and for Merlin’s sake no pranking!”

Black snickered at Severus’ chastising tone but nodded his understanding while Lupin looked at him like he’d grown a second head.

“Are you nervous about meeting my dad?” James asked.

“I wasn’t until you reminded me about it, Potter,” Severus said.

Potter, the menace, just winked at him. “Don’t worry, Sev. I’ve already told him that you’re better at potions than he is, and that you can prove it.”

Severus paled. He needed an ally, not competition. He certainly didn’t want to embarrass the man. “You did what?”

“Oh yeah,” Potter said, nodding seriously. “He’s agreed to a formal challenge in front of the Board of Masters and everything. Didn’t I mention that already?”

Severus scowled. “You’re messing with me.”

James grinned. “Serves you right for making such a big deal out of it. They’re just my mum and dad. Once they see that you’re a good friend, that you’ve strong-armed me into actually studying, and that you want to use your skills to help people, they’ll love you forever. You don’t need to go out of your way to impress them.”

Severus scoffed. “I need a Lord to vouch for me, if you recall. And I need a potions master to sponsor me. A lot of my future is on the line.”

“Sev, we’re eleven. Making a perfect impression now won’t matter much by the time we graduate. It’s more important to be yourself and show them what you’re made of in Itty bitty pieces. Like Sirius with Reg.”

“When did you learn how to fake being so fucking wise, Potter?”

James beamed. Sirius snorted. Lupin looked scandalized by the foul language.

Severus just rolled his eyes at the lot of them.

Chapter 34: Chapter 34

Chapter Text

By the time the Express pulled into King’s Cross, Severus just wanted to take a nap. Being so tightly confined with hyper children for so long was entertaining but draining.

The hustle and bustle on the platform through the train’s window as Severus grabbed his things made him sneer.

It never failed to intrigue and appal him that individually intelligent people could turn into such dumb herd animals just by being tightly packed together. Merlin help him keep a hold of himself as he ventured out into that mess.

“I don’t see my parents, yet,” James commented, scanning the crowd. “Wanna wait on the train until the crowd thins a bit?”

“Merlin, yes!” Severus said, feeling fonder for James Potter in that moment than he ever had before.

James just laughed and settled back into his seat to people watch.

Lupin wandered off, but Black lingered behind with them.

“Don’t see your parent either?” Severus asked, “Or just avoiding them for as long as possible?”

“Both,” Black deadpanned. His mood was already souring.

“You’re on a mission, Black. Don’t get surly now. Give Reg a warm welcome.”

Black huffed. “I’ll put on my happy face when I need to. Let me sulk a minute.”

Something caught Severus’ eye.

It was the Evans family, Petunia included. He had never seen her wearing all black before.

Odd.

“Hey Potter, the Evanses are here. Want to go meet Petunia?”

“Yeah, sure!” James said excitedly, hopping to his feet. “You coming Sirius? You can meet your future in-laws.”

Black rolled his eyes at James, then gave Severus an odd knowing look that Severus had no idea how to interpret. “Sure, why not. Just don’t embarrass me, okay?”

“Us,” James gasped, hand to his heart, “never.”

Black just smiled sweetly. “You know I’ll get my revenge with interest if you do.”

James’ melodramatic pearl-clutching morphed into a serious salute. “Aye-aye, Your Sadisticness.”

Kids.

“Come on,” Severus said, brushing past the idiots.

They wound their way through the crowd until Petunia spotted them with a subdued, very Petunia-like smile and a small wave. “Hi Severus!”

“Hey Petunia. Hello Mr. and Mrs. Evans. It’s nice to see you again. I’d like to introduce you to my… friends. This is James Potter and this is Sirius Black. James is the one who invited Petunia to stay with us for a few days and Sirius is in Gryffindor with Lily.”

“It’s very nice to meet you both!” Mr. Evans said warmly, extending all three boys a warm, sturdy handshake.

“How are you boys enjoying school so far?” Mrs. Evans asked.

“It’s great!” James said. “Severus even convinced me to study.”

“James and Severus have been inseparable,” Black drawled. “It’s quite sickening, really.”

“At least we don’t make googly eyes at each other like you and Lily,” Severus said.

Black smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand. “Are you sure you don’t need glasses, Sev?”

Severus frowned; he didn’t get the joke. He hated not getting the joke. It made him feel stupid and like he was being mocked.

Petunia jumped to you the rescue. “Do you like my new outfit, Severus?”

“It’s nice,” Severus said distractedly, then caught himself. “Did you make it yourself?”

Petunia’s face lit up with pride. “I did! I wanted to wear something that hinted that I have a little magic, without breaking the Statute of Secrecy.”

Black scrutinized the outfit. “It doesn’t look like wizarding robes. What makes it magical?”

Petunia spun around to show the dark skirt off better. “It’s kind of a punk gothic look, or as close to it as my parents would let me get. In muggle culture, magic is stereotypically associated with either hippies or pentagrams.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t choose hippy,” Severus commented. “They’re more colorful.”

Petunia rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Severus. I’m named after a flower; I can’t possibly be a hippy, or I’ll never be seen as anything else.”

Severus had forgotten how crazy girls, even the sensible ones, could be at times. “If you say so.”

“Besides,” Petunia continued, “Lily is better at the girly-girl look than I’ll ever be. I wanted to try something different.”

“You look really nice,” James said politely.

“You look wicked!” Black interjected with a wink. “These two idiots are known to be a bit dense, so don’t mind them. It’s very rebel-chic.”

Petunia blushed. “Thanks! Sirius, wasn’t it? Mum wouldn’t let me do the full look because she says I’d look like a delinquent, but I think this gets the point across. I’m a muggleborn squib, and that makes me different, but special too. I refuse to be ashamed of it.”

“It makes quite the statement,” Black said, “and even more so that you made it yourself. Do you take commissions? My mother would blow a gasket if she knew I had any muggle clothes and that makes it even better… no skirts though.”

Petunia giggled. “Yeah! Yeah, I can make you something. Owl me your measurements and requests and we’ll work out a price.”

“Brill.”

Severus shook his head. Black was digging his own grave by sucking up to Lily’s sister, but Severus was not about to get into shrapnel range by attempting to intervene.

Plus, Petunia deserved to earn a customer. She really was getting quite skilled.

“There you are!” a warm, deep voice called out from behind them.

James broke into a grin and practically tackled the man in a giant hug. “Hi dad! This is Severus, and this is the Evans family. Petunia is the one staying with us after Christmas for a few days.”

Severus gave a formal bow. “It’s nice to meet you, Sir.”

“Ah, so you’re the young Prince heir who lured my son into the snake’s den,” Mr. Potter said, so kindly that Severus knew beyond a doubt that it was meant as a friendly joke and not an insult or complaint.

“Neither of those things were intentional, precisely,” Severus said nervously, running a hand through his hair. He still forgot that he wore it partially tied back these days, and almost got his fingers tangled up. “But not entirely unwelcome, either.”

Mr. Potter chuckled. “Good to hear. This young man can be a bit of a handful at times, but I wouldn’t have him any other way.”

“You’re not upset that he’s a Slytherin, then?” Severus asked, needing to know for sure.

Mr. Potter smiled sadly at him. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with being ambitious or clever, so long as you keep your head on straight. I’m sorry if someone has made you feel otherwise.”

Severus shrugged awkwardly.

“Severus has a great speech on the subject, actually,” Black said. “You should hear it sometime. I’m glad I’m a Gryffindor, but he singlehandedly convinced me not to be a prat about it.”

“Did he, now? I’m sure all of Hogwarts must owe you a debt, Mr. Prince-Snape.”

It was easy to forget, sometimes, how well the pureblooded community knew each other, if only by reputation. They were their own little club, even when they weren’t trying to exclude anyone.

Hell, Mr. Potter probably knew more about the Prince Family than Severus ever would, even with his family books.

“I’m hungry,” James said, tugging at his father’s robes like a child.

Mr. Potter snorted. “What an utterly shocking revelation. Would your family like to join us for dinner here in London? My wife is around here somewhere catching up with friends, but she’ll be here soon. She’s been saving up hugs for this one ever since we dropped him off in September.”

“That would be lovely,” Mrs. Evans said. “It would be nice to get to know the family who will be housing our Petunia a little bit before we hand her over.”

“Excellent. Did you boys want to say goodbye to anyone else before we head out?”

Chapter 35: Chapter 35

Chapter Text

Severus could tell that Lily was annoyed that they were all going out to eat together, but he honestly could not bring himself to care. This was a good trial run to make sure that Petunia and James actually got on together before Severus brought her back to James’ house for a few days after Christmas. The last thing he needed was to be caught up in the middle of a childish feud.

Speaking of which, Lily was currently glaring at him as if this entire thing was all his fault.

Merlin, he wished she’d just grow up already.

He missed the person she used to be, even after realizing that she’d never been as perfect as he used to think.

“So, Severus,” Mr. Potter said as they sat down at a nice Indian restaurant, “my son tells me you’re something of a potions prodigy.”

“It’s my best subject, Sir,” Severus said. “I’m hoping to make a career of it, one day.”

“How many new hybrid potions have you invented in class now, just because you’re bored?” James asked innocently.

Severus coughed as a soft blush painted his cheeks. Dunderhead. “Er… it’s not ad impressive as it sounds. They aren’t exactly useful.”

James scooted forward in his seat as he excitedly sang Severus’ praises. “Dd, he’s been making potions that maintain the properties and function of what we’re supposed to be making while adding additional effects to each brew, just to test if our professor has noticed. He hasn’t.”

Mr. Potter’s eyes widened. “That’s incredibly advanced, my boy. Have you been keeping track? I’d be interested in reading your notes, if you brought them.”

“Monty, you’re embarrassing the boy,” Mrs. Potter chastised kindly. “Let him look at the menu for more than two seconds before pestering him.”

“Now, potions is one of the things that our Petunia can do, too, isn’t it?” Mr. Evans asking, shooting his oldest daughter a proud smile.

Severus nodded. “Yes. She’s a natural at herbology, and I’m hoping Mr. Potter will grant us use of his potions lab during our visit long enough for me to go through the practical elements of potioneering with Tuney. If that’s alright, Sir,” Severus quickly added, turning to Mr. Potter.

James’ dad gave a mischievous smile worthy of his son. “I’m sure that will be just fine. Maybe you can teach me a thing or two while you’re at it.”

“Oh he could!” James gushed much to Severus’s chagrin. “I’d bet you then thousand galleons that Sev earns hos mastery before he even graduates.”

“So Lily,” Severus said loudly, “what had been your favorite subject so far?”

Lily sniffed. “I like charms best. It requires delicate wand work and doesn’t involve anything squishy.”

Beside Lily, Petunia dramatically rolled her eyes and pantomimed obsessively checking her nails.

Severus barely maintained his straight face, but James cracked under the pressure, giggling madly.

Lily glared at him. “What’s your best subject then, Potter? Kissing Snape’s butt all day?”

“Lily!” Mrs. Evans exclaimed sharply. “I am so sorry, everyone. She knows better than to speak like that.”

James just shrugged. “I can’t help it if I have awesome friends. Between Sev and Sirius, I got pretty lucky finding people worth my time.”

“Pity Sirius couldn’t join us for dinner,” Petunia said. “He seemed fun.”

“Oh, he is!” James said, “but his family isn’t nearly as openminded as he is, so they never would have allowed it. Besides, he’s been real worried about his little brother. That’s why he’s spending Christmas with them in the first place, to make sure he’s okay and not turning into the bigoted little monster their mother wants them both to become.”

Mr. Potter coughed. “James, I’m not sure that’s the kind of information about your friend that you should just drop on people like that.”

“Is it muggleborns that his family is bigoted against?” Petunia asked.

“That and muggles, yeah,” Severus confirmed. “I’m not a fan of airing out other people’s laundry, but you should know that they’re dangerous. Sirius’ parents are the type of people who would seriously hurt your family if they got the chance.”

“But Sirius isn’t like that?”

Severus sighed. He hated to admit Black’s virtues, but this was definitely his biggest one. “No, he’s not. He doesn’t judge people based on their magic or their bloodlines. He has worked really hard to set himself apart from that mindset. His parents would even consider a friendship with me to be beneath him, and I’m both a Slytherin and an heir… probationary.”

“So… I can still milk him dry selling him clothes?”

Severus laughed. “Please do. Prat deserves it.”

“Wait, what?” Lily asked. “What makes you think Siri would want anything from you?”

“Lily Evans, that is no way to speak to your sister! What has gotten into you today?” Mrs. Evans said, staring her daughter down.

Lily just glared.

“I met Sirius on the station,” Petunia replied calmly. “He liked my outfit and when he found out that I made it, he asked if I could make him some muggle clothes, too.”

“Siri doesn’t like dark colors,” Lily said. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yes, he does,” James and Severus replied in unison.

Lily just huffed.

“You weren’t planning on forcing him to wear matching outfits with you, were you?” James asked innocently, “because that’s a terrible idea.”

“It is not!” Lily snapped. “He’ll look great in pastels.”

“He’ll look great with another girl hanging off his arm, you mean,” James said, rolling his eyes. “He hates now controlling his mother is. He’s never going to change just because you say so, and if you try to force him to, he’s going to break up with you.”

“Break up?” Mr. Evans asked. “What do you mean break up? Lily isn’t allowed to date until she’s fourteen.”

Lily slammed down her menu and stormed off to the loo.

“It’s nice to see you again, Severus,” Petunia said casually. “I can’t wait to hear all about what you and your friends have been up to.”

Well, that went well.

Chapter 36: Chapter 36

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When the food finally arrived, Severus tucked into it like his life depended on it.

Lily was still pouting and upset with James, Petunia clearly wanted to speak to Severus, but not where anyone else could hear, and as odd as it was to admit, when the parents started in on adult conversation, Severus found it too dull to properly follow, let alone join in.

Even James was awkwardly quiet, likely realizing that his petty revenge against Lily might have cost Sirius something that he couldn’t repay.

So butter chicken, lamb vindaloo, and garlic naan became the sum total of Severus’ world.

The food was good, at least.

Really good.

Severus had forgotten how much he enjoyed this kind of spicy.

As the plates were cleared away and the bill was settled by the adults, Petunia kicked Severus’ shin under the table and cocked her head towards a private little alcove.

Severus nodded and excused himself, waiting for Petunia to join him.

“So,” Petunia said as she sidled up to him, “you’ve made some good-looking friends in my absence. James is a cutey, and Sirius? Damn. He’s going to be gorgeous when he grows up.”

Only if you’re into walking skeletons with haunted eyes and stinking dog breath.

Severus just rolled his eyes. “Really? That’s what you wanted to talk to me about?”

Petunia huffed and crossed her arms in an I’m-older-and-wiser-than-you pose. “Severus, I love you, but you’re an idiot. “

Severus balked. “Me? What did I do?”

“Absolutely nothing, and that’s the problem, you moron.”

“I don’t…”

Petunia sighed. “Okay, answer me this. Are you or are you not aware that your best friend is head over heels in love with you?”

Severus paled. Well, this was awkward as fuck. “Petunia… I’m flattered, but…”

Petunia punched him in the shoulder. “Not me! God, you really are dense sometimes. James!”

Severus blinked. “James what?”

“Hopeless. Okay, look at me. Severus Tobias Prince-Snape, your best school friend James Potter has a massive crush on you. Got it? Now what do you plan to do about it?”

Severus gaped at her. “That’s not funny.”

“I’m not joking, Sev. So are you going to turn him down gently before things get even more out of hand or are you going to give it a shot?”

“I… what? How could you even ask that?”

“How could I not? You two would be so cute together! I think you should go for it.”

“We’re friends,” Severus insisted. “I don’t want to make it weird.”

“Listen, this is the perfect time to think it over. You’ll be alone with him for most of the next few weeks. You can work it out without having a whole bunch of school kids lurking about. Personally, I think you should give it a shot. You’re both young enough that if it doesn’t work out, chances are your friendship will still recover. He probably only wants to hold hands right now, anyways. You can chalk it up to a ‘childish crush’ thing, later, if you need to. Trust me, once you reach my age, romance gets a lot more complicated.”

Ah yes, the definitely-very mature and serious love lives of thirteen-year-olds.

Still, could she be right? Could James really like him that way?

It was bizarre to even imagine.

They’d been enemies for so long, both obsessed with Lily and at each other’s throats.

That was a different lifetime, though.

This James had always wanted to be Severus’ friend.

He’d always thought that Severus’ eye was cool, and that he was funny and smart.

He was always leaning close to Severus, invading his personal space, and asking for his opinion on everything.

Sweet Merlin, Petunia might be right.

In that case… what the hell was Severus going to do about it?

Notes:

Chapter 37: Chapter 37

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus was quiet as the Potters led the way to an approved apparition point. He still did not have the slightest idea of what he should do.

Maybe he didn’t need to do anything. Maybe Petunia had been wrong.

You’re not describing Evans. You’re describing yourself.

Quite unexpectedly, tears began stinging at Severus’ eyes.

It was so stupid, but he never thought he’d ever, ever be seen like that.

He was a flawed and broken man, bitter and jaded, slimy and greasy, and at odds with the world and everyone in it. He was a traitor and a murderer and a coward. He was weak and reviled and unworthy, good only to be held to a magical vow to mitigate the damage of the wrongs he had already caused.

He didn’t deserve to be looked at the way James Potter looked at him.

He didn’t deserve to be seen for his positive qualities and innocent potential.

He didn’t deserve to be loved.

He should reject Potter for that reason alone.

But the chasm of loneliness and longing that threatened to split his soul in two at the mere thought of walking away from James’ warmth and acceptance nearly brought him to his knees.

He couldn’t.

He needed James.

He needed that reassurance that he could do something right, make something good of his life.

That he mattered.

He wasn’t an isolated man with his guard up and a mission set before him, anymore.

He was a child, lost and floundering, and unable to face the uncertainties of life alone.

Already broken, yet in danger of falling apart.

And what about the prophesy?

What about…

“Sev, are you okay?” James asked softly. “Did Evans say something to you at the restaurant?”

Severus swallowed hard. “No, it’s… It’s…”

“Can I help?”

Severus shook his head, denying the help, denying the need for help.

When James reached out for him, Severus collapsed into his arms despite himself, clinging tightly to the other boy. “I don’t deserve you as a friend.”

“I know,” James said sadly, making Severus stiffen. “I’m trying, Sev. I know that you’re dealing with so much, with your dreams, with helping Siri, with the Slytherins. I know you have to be a grown up when you’re at home, fend for yourself and help your mum and dad with stuff. I know how much pressure you’ve put on yourself to become successful right away, and how much you keep putting off your own success in order to help others instead. I want to be there for you, to help you however I can, but I’m just a kid. I don’t always know how. Sometimes, I need you to tell me what I can do, okay? I’ll do whatever it takes, but I’m not perfect. I feel so helpless sometimes, watching you suffer alone.”

Severus’ jaw nearly hit the floor. “You think… you’re unworthy of me?”

“Of course, I do!” James said hotly. “Any idiot could see that. I don’t know why you’ve put up with me this long, to be honest, but I want to help! I can be there for you if you let me.”

“You’re a bloody idiot,” Severus murmured, tightening his hug, transitioning it from clingy to comforting. “You’re my best friend. I need you. I… I can’t imagine a version of the future without you by my side.”

“You never have to.”

Such an innocent and heartfelt lie.

“Is everything alright?” Mr. Potter asked, sounding concerned. “We’re about to apparate. Do you two need a moment? You can both talk to us if you need to. My wife and I will listen to anything that’s on your mind, Severus. No judgment.”

“I’m fine,” Severus said, pulling back from the hug and straightening his clothes. “Thanks, Mr. Potter. You’re a really good dad. I hope you know that.”

Mr. Potter smiled at him in a way that was both warm and sad. “I do my best, Severus. Something tells me I’ll be seeing a lot of you in the years to come, so I want you to know that I’ll be here for you, if you need me. Please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“I’m okay, now. I just had a bit of a moment, I guess. Holiday nerves or something.”

“Very well. Why don’t you grab my hand and I’ll apparate you to Potter Manor. James can go with his mother.”

“Yes, Sir.”

The familiar tug of apparition barely even registered; Severus’ mind was still so far away.

“Welcome to our home, young man. We’re happy to have you.”

Severus had to fight down another damn lump building in his throat.

Notes:

Chapter 38: Chapter 38

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Potter Manor was impressive. It was not as large or imposing as Malfoy Manor by any stretch, but it was grand in a warm, inviting way.

It spoke of generations of generosity and supportive love, where tapestries and antiques were either sentimental or an afterthought, rather than the purposeful focus of each room.

Severus breathed a sigh of relief.

Yes, he could spend a few weeks here without going completely mad.

“Would you boys like some desert before bed?” Mrs. Potter asked mischievously, sharing a wink with her son.

“Yes, please!” James said, bouncing up and down in a way that should have convinced any casual observer that he should not be handed more sugar.

Mrs. Potter just grinned. “I made brownies, just for you Jaimie. Would you like one, Severus?”

“Just a small one, thanks,” Severus replied, not feeling comfortable enough yet to turn down the offer entirely.

“Add the rest of his to mine,” Mr. Potter called out from down the hall where he’d gone to put away some odds and ends that had been left lying about.

“You need to watch your weight, Monty,” Mrs. Potter replied, but doled out a generous portion for her husband anyways.

“We’ll be right back, mum,” James said. “I’m going to show Severus where he’ll be sleeping and put my stuff away.”

“You just want to change into your comfy pjs.”

James grinned. “Muggle clothes always make me feel itchy. We’ll hurry, I promise!”

James barely waited for his mother’s response before dragging Severus off down the hall.

“What are you up to, Potter?” Severus asked warily.

“I got an early Christmas present for you,” James said, digging out a little box from his school bag.

“You didn’t need to do that,” Severus said, exasperated by Potter’s generosity. He had enough to think about already, without worrying that he was being too cheap or impersonal with his own gifting efforts.

Severus opened the box. Inside lay a simple little Slytherin pin. It was nice enough, he supposed, but he completely did not understand the urgency.

“Er…”

“It’s a code,” James said seriously. “For you. I know you like your privacy, and I know you like to be polite, especially to adults you want to like you. So, if you wear this, I’ll know that you need some time alone. Once I see it, I’ll make excuses or distract my parents or whatever, and let you retreat to your room for a while without worrying about being rude.”

Severus stared at the pin.

It was the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever given him.

It spoke volumes to just how well James had already gotten to know him, in just a few short months.

“It’s perfect,” Severus whispered, tracing the edge of the little silver snake. “Thank-you.”

James grinned at him. “Remember to only wear it when you want to be alone, or you’ll start thinking I want to ditch you, when I don’t.”

“I will,” Severus promised, closing the lid on the little box and slipping it into his pocket.

“Excellent. In that case, we might as well do the actual tour. This is my room! You can come in whenever you like. If I need privacy, I’ll lock the door, so no need to knock or anything. Your room is this one,” James said, leading Severus to the next door down the hall. “Our house elf already unpacked for you, so if you can’t find anything, just call for Krusty. Bathroom’s just across the hall, with towels in the linen closet next to it. I actually am going to change into something comfy, now. Feel free to do the same if you’d like! My parents won’t mind if we dress casual for anything but Christmas Dinner. They like to get a little fancy for that, but school robes will be fine, if you didn’t pack anything else.”

Severus nodded absently, looking around his temporary room. It was friendly and inviting like the rest of the house; like the people who lived here.

This was shaping up to be his best Christmas ever.

And he had a brownie waiting for him!

Suddenly, he regretted asking for only a small piece and scrambled to change into some old muggle athletic wear.

He wondered if the brownies tasted as good as they smelled!

He wondered if Mrs. Potter would mind if he asked for a second one after making a fuss about only wanting a little.

Idly, he wondered when he had stopped worrying about cavities.

“Race you to the kitchen!” James called from outside his door.

It was on.

Notes:

Chapter 39 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“What I like to do when starting a long day in my lab is to begin with a simple potion, as warm up,” Mr. Potter said, ushering Severus into his impressively stocked workspace. “It helps get the cobwebs out and, in this instance, it will allow me to get a feel for your process before we move on to the exciting stuff.”

Severus nodded and accepted the generic recipe that Mr. Potter handed to him.

He could make this in his sleep. He was pretty sure he had, back in his old life when Hogwarts had been out of stock leading up to exams. It was getting harder to remember the details of that life. He supposed that was for the best, with the obvious and nerve-wracking exception that he needed to remember enough to see Voldemort destroyed

He worked quickly and efficiently, preparing his ingredients and mixing them into the brew. He didn’t overtly change the recipe for this warm-up, but did tweak things here and there to compensate for the small size of a particular leaf, or obvious potency of the pickled eye of newt.

When he finished, he was left with a picture-perfect potion… but a boringly plain one.

He was surprised at how much he had gotten used to his immature experimentation. Following a simple recipe and only making small alterations to refine the process and account for quality variables had once been relaxing for him. Hadn’t it? He had almost forgotten that sometimes a potion should simply be as advertised.

Now, it just made him antsy.

He wanted a challenge. Even an impractical challenge would do.

“You look bored,” Mr. Potter noted amusedly.

Severus flushed. “Sorry, Sir. I do enough of the basic stuff in class, you know? I’ve been itching to stretch myself.”

“Oh?” Mr. Potter asked. “Did you have something specific in mind?”

“Actually yeah, but I can’t quite figure it out,” Severus said. “I want to start a line of potions that will help magical creatures integrate into wizarding society if they so choose. I thought I’d start out with werewolves, since they are born human and their human physiology remains intact most of the time, the learning curve for adapting potions to suit them should be relatively low. The curse is strong, though, and I can’t quite crack it. I was thinking of making a sleeping potion strong enough to help a werewolf sleep through their transformation without incident, but not only is creating a potion strong enough to work all night without killing the subject tricky, but from what I’ve read, werewolves need to let their primal side out and unleashed or the curse will start attacking them internally in between full moons. I’m hoping that inducing hunt-dreams will satisfy the curse, with maybe a mild paralytic to ensure the subject stays immobilized.”

“Well then,” Mr. Potter said, dragging a stool over and pulling out some blank parchment. “That’s quite the ambitious project. I suppose I shouldn’t have imagined anything less from a Slytherin, eh? Let’s workshop this. Was there a sleeping potion you’ve been using as a starting point?”

Severus launched into an explanation of which potions he’d used as a template, why he’d abandoned each, and his thought process behind his from-scratch variations, which had all still failed. IT was impossible to know for sure, of course, whether any of these ‘failures’ were actually viable without testing them on live subjects, but Severus was not so unethical as to put the wolves and the innocent bystanders around them in danger by rushing into that stage.

He needed a solution that worked on paper, backwards and forwards, before he tested it against the might of a full moon.

Mr. Potter listened patiently and attentively. He listened like he was conversing with a fellow potions master and not a child. Severus had not realized just how much he missed being treated both seriously and like an expert in his field.

Taking a risk, Severus decided to hold nothing back. Well, nothing regarding his skill, knowledge, or desires for what to create. He didn’t out Lupin.

He brought up the most complex of the issues he was having, and the myriad of potential solutions he had already mapped out and discarded. He allowed himself to become frustrated, passionate, as he spoke.

“I can see why my son speaks so highly of you,” Mr. Potter mused, putting down his quill. “You’ve certainly done your due diligence. When I get stuck like this, rather than continuing to bash my head against the problem head on, I like to skirt past it, and approach it from the side.”

Severus smirked. “That sounds very Slytherin of you, Sir.”

Mr. Potter smirked back. “If I had not been quite so reckless in my youth, I believe the Sorting Hat would have considered Slytherin to be my next best option. Don’t get me wrong; I loved my time in Gryffindor, but I am not averse to being sneaky. Most Gryffindors aren’t, actually, if cunning and ambition come with a side of adventure. Just as, I imagine, most Slytherins are not opposed to a little danger and excitement if it serves their ambitions and has a clever use.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Severus said, thinking of James. Apart from him latching onto Severus and avoiding the volatile explosion that had been James Potter and Sirius Black one-upping each other’s ‘pranks’, James was more or less the same person as he had been in first year, as well as Severus could remember. He remembered James following Lily around with his puppy-dog eyes and clumsy attempts to both impress her and ingratiate himself to her, just as he was now doing with Severus. He remembered James being dastardly clever and bending every last rule in the book to breaking point. It had never struck Severus as particularly Slytherin behaviour at the time, but that was largely because Severus wanted absolutely nothing to do with Potter and even less in common with him.

Now, he could see that they had been quite similar, even then. They had both been driven and ideological, with a flare for dramatic cruelty when it suited them.

They were both kinder this time around.

Had Severus really changed that all on his own?

Had taking the first step towards peace been all that had been needed last time, too?

Severus couldn’t think like that. He had enough guilt and doubt weighing him down as it was.

“You look like you’ve just had an epiphany,” Mr. Potter teased, “but nothing potions related, or I’m sure you’d be yelling ‘eureka’.”

Severus started at the muggle reference but merely shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing potions related. What Slytherin approach did you have in mind to try with the wolfy potion?”

“Let’s brainstorm the opposite for a while, shall we? If we wanted to make a potion that would keep a werewolf awake all month, where would we start?”

Severus blinked. “You want to invert a stimulant? Do you really think that will work?”

“I think stepping through the process might twig our imaginations and help us come up with something creative. Are you willing to try?”

“Yeah,” Severus nodded. “Alright. The first place I’d start would be to brew something that could simulate the moon’s mystic energy.”

“Very good.”

Notes:

Chapter 40: Chapter 40

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus sat close to James at dinner that evening, the emergency pin tucked safely into his pocket.

He had had a great time talking potions with Mr. Potter that afternoon, but technical problem solving was one thing and idle small talk that could devolve into family questions at any moment was something else.

The smell of the pot roast and roasted potatoes had Severus’ mouth watering as he and everyone else dished up.

“Have you boys done much exploring at Hogwarts yet?” Mrs. Potter asked with a mischievous glint in her eyes as she passed the bread rolls.

The question startled Severus, largely because he had always assumed that reckless curiosity was an inherently Potter trait, not given to James through his mother’s line.

“A little,” James said proudly. “I’ve been using dad’s cloak with Sirius mostly, and with Sev when he wants to join in.”

“You aren’t much of an explorer?” Mrs. Potter asked Severus.

Severus shrugged, almost spilling the gravy in the process, but recovering from his adolescent clumsiness just in time. “I’m not much of a prankster, ma’am. I’m too focused on my studies.”

“You should still take a peek around,” Mrs. Potter said, shooing off her husband, who was visibly rolling his eyes. “Hogwarts has many secrets that will help aspiring young minds to grow.”

“Like what?” James asked excitedly, no doubt already planning his next after-hours excursion.

“Honey, are you sure about this?” Mr. Potter asked, shooting his wife an amused look. “I think Severus’ studiousness is a good influence on James, and I’d hate to see them throw that away in favor of delinquency.”

“I’m just giving them a tiny hint is all,” Mrs. Potter insisted. “Lighting the fire. Finding it is all on them, and with your cloak, they should have no trouble at all staying out of… well… trouble.”

“Finding what?” James asked, squirming with anticipation.

Mrs. Potter leaned forward conspiratorially. “The Come-and-Go Room.”

Severus nearly choked. He had completely forgotten that that was the Room of Requirement’s other name. Merlin. Wizards had no sense of euphemism at times. Then again, with a castle full of teenagers, perhaps the room was very aptly named. Gross.

“What’s that?” James asked, nearly vibrating out of his seat in excitement.

“Oh, it’s nothing, really,” Mr. Potter drawled, giving in to his wife’s shenanigans. “It’s just a secret room in Hogwarts that can give you almost anything you want.”

James gasped. “Like a wishing well?”

“More like wizarding-space on demand. And no more hints from me. You’ll have to find it to see what I mean.”

Severus pretended to look intrigued, while James was already rattling off guesses and plotting future scouting missions.

“How old were you when you found it?” Severus asked.

“My best friend Dorea and I found it when we were both fifteen,” Mrs. Potter said. “She was a Slytherin and I was a Gryffindor, and we were looking for somewhere quiet and private to talk about Charlus and… no! That would be telling. I’ll tell you the rest of the story once you’ve found it for yourselves. I’ve had too many Slytherin friends to fall for that one!”

Severus smirked at the woman, and she winked back at him.

It was surprising but nice to know that James’ mother was comfortable around Slytherins. He wondered what had happened to James last time around make him so closed minded.

Had it been the war? Had it been him?

That was a surprisingly painful thought.

It was irrelevant, though. This James was a proud Slytherin and was solidly on Severus’ side. That was all that mattered.

“I wasn’t certain how you both would react to James being a Slytherin,” Severus said mildly. “It’s nice to know you’ve got some previous experience.”

“Some of my closest friendships are with Slytherins, even to this very day,” Mrs. Potter confirmed with a sharp nod. “What about you, Severus? What do your parents think about your sorting?”

Severus tensed and his hand tightened around the pin in his pocket, but he didn’t put it on. Not yet. “My mother was a Slytherin herself, and my father is a muggle who doesn’t understand the big deal about the different houses.”

Evasive, but truthful and seemingly forthcoming.

Mrs. Potter either bought the ruse or understood that Severus did not want to talk about hos parents because she let the matter drop.

“I’m excited to meet your friend Petunia properly, Severus,” she said smoothly. “She has a very… interesting fashion sense, and I’m curious to see how well she takes to potions with you and Monty. Do you know if she likes to bake? I was thinking we might make a fresh batch of gingerbread men together and decorate them while she’s here.”

“I think she’d like that,” Severus confirmed with a curt nod before digging wholeheartedly into his food.

It was as delicious as it smelled.

Notes:

Chapter 41: Chapter 41

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus stayed in his room late on Christmas morning, pouring over his potions notes and adding new ideas in the margins. He was getting close to a breakthrough, he could feel it, and he wanted to give the Potters some quality Christmas time as a family before he intruded.

When a knock sounded at the door, Severus rolled his eyes. “I’m fine, James! Go hang out with your parents for a bit.”

“Severus?” a distinctly female voice sounded through the door, “it’s Effy. Can I come in?”

Severus blanched and scrambled to throw a dressing robe over his pajamas. “Come in, Mrs. Potter.”

Mrs. Potter opened the door slowly and slipped inside, sitting at the far edge of Severus’s bed. “Are you feeling alright, dear?”

“I’m fine, Mrs. Potter, just working on some potions theory.”

“You don’t want to come out and join us?”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“Severus dear, if you were intruding, we would not have invited you here. We would all like to share our family Christmas with you. Do you think you could bring yourself to indulge us in this? We’ve been waiting for you.”

“You… have?”

“Of course, you sweet, silly boy! It’s tradition for everyone to open presents together. That includes you. Come on.”

Reluctantly, Severus followed Mrs. Potter out of the room.

“There you are!” James said excitedly. “We were getting worried. Are you feeling sick?”

“I’m alright,” Severus hedged.

“Severus has been exhausted by all the fun things you’ve been showing him James,” Mrs. Potter interjected. “He just needed a bit of a lie in, is all. I hope you like omelets, Severus. It's tradition around here for everyone to puck their own toppings for a super special Christmas breakfast.”

“I got mum to buy those fancy mushroom you like,” James said. “And we have turkey bacon, too. I’m still having the real stuff, though.”

“That’s fine, dear,” Mrs. Potter chuckled. “You can each have what you want.”

Hogwarts was spoiling Severus with it’ pre-cooked meals. He had to look over the little piles of ingredients and ponder which flavor combinations he wished to indulge in for several minutes before he decided.

James had grabbed a handful of everything, to the point where there was hardly enough egg to coat everything. Severus supposed it was up to the copious amount of cheese to hold it all together for his friend.

There was a metaphor there somewhere, but Severus was too hungry to find it.

The food smelled amazing and by the time it was all cooked and ready to eat, Severus was salivating.

The Potters surprised him by doing a small ritual to Lady Magic as a nod to the old traditions surrounding winter solstice, and then everyone dug in.

The food was amazing and Severus felt only slightly out of place as he watched this happy family celebrate together.

Mrs. Potter was a very accomplished hostess and while Mr. Potter was a little more awkward, he could strike up a potions conversation with Severus whenever the silence threatened to stretch on for too long, and the tension would immediately break.

It was nice.

Gifts were exchanged. Severus had never been one for physical trinkets, but he was grateful for the potions equipment and warm winter wear that he received.

Either James knew him way too well, or Severus was very easy to read.

He supposed it didn’t matter.

He had gotten some practical gifts that he genuinely appreciated, and James had proven yet again to be a reliable friend.

It was a win-win.

Somehow, he just knew that tomorrow’s visit with the Evans family was not going to go as smoothly.

Notes:

Chapter 42 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus was oddly reluctant to leave James’ side when he was dropped at the Evans family house in Cokeworth. He had always been independent, even in his previous life fever dreams, but somehow facing Petunia’s family without backup seemed incredibly daunting.

Swallowing hard, Severus stepped up to their door and knocked.

He was expecting Petunia to open the door, so was a little startled when Mr. Evans was the one to greet him. “Come on in, Severus,” the kind man said, ushering Severus in out of the cold.

“Thank-you, Sir,” Severus said, handing over the cheap bottle of wine he’d asked Mrs. Potter to procure for him.

“Oh, you didn’t have to get us anything,” Mr. Evans said warmly, setting the bottle down with utmost care so he could take Severus’ coat and scarf.

Merlin, this already felt like the world’s most awkward pre-teen date.

He thought again of what Petunia had said about James, about what Severus had horrifyingly thought she was saying about herself, at first.

Nope, he did not have the time, space, nor energy to unpack any of that right now.

If the Evans were anything like the family they’d been last life, Severus was in for a day full of monopoly, scrabble, and charades.

Plenty to occupy his mind.

No need to light a fuse underneath his most precious friendships by thinking too hard.

Petunia and Lily were sitting amicably in the living room next to the family Christmas tree, with Petunia studying her herbology book and Lily flipping through some fashion magazine.

“Look who’s here!” Mr. Evans said, gesturing for Severus to make himself comfortable.

“Hello Severus,” Lily said politely, glancing up at him. “That sweater looks good on you.”

“Thanks, Lily,” Severus said awkwardly before sidling closer to Petunia, who was still engrossed in her book.

“I’m pretty sure we can grow these next summer,” Petunia said distractedly. “They only turn feral in direct sunlight, and we get good shade on the north corner of the house.”

Severus peeked at the page she was studying. “We could, yeah. There’s a better variant, though, if you want to sell them for potion ingredients. The care is the same for both, but the leaves stay potent longer after they’re defanged.”

“Yeah? Let’s do that, then. Might as well make some extra cash, right?”

“Precisely.”

“You two are exhausting,” Lily piped up from her perch across the room. “It’s okay to just be kids once in a while, you know?”

“’Being kids’ doesn’t put food on the table,” Severus muttered.

Lily looked up at him. “Don’t your parents worry about stuff like that?”

Severus shrugged. He should have kept his big mouth shut. “They work hard and do what they can, but money’s tight, you know? And Dad’s never been quite the same since that accident at the factory a few years back. I think he saw something that shook him up bad. So I like to help out when I can.”

“Your dad was there when that worker died?” Petunia asked. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, well he doesn’t like to talk about it,” Severus hedged. “I probably shouldn’t have said anything.”

“We won’t tell,” Lily promised, a glimpse of his Lily shining through her determined gaze.

Severus smiled at her. “Thanks.”

“Did James get you anything nice for Christmas?” Petunia asked, the unasked implications of her question hanging heavy between them.

Severus scowled at her. “I’m not big on presents. He got me some nice, warm clothes and rare potions stuff.”

Petunia just smirked at him. “Sounds like James knows you really, really well, then.”

Severus idly fingered the Slytherin pin in his pocket. Yeah, he really did.

“Alright, everyone,” Mrs. Evans said, carrying in a large tray of sweets and freshly baked good. “Come get your sugar rush and we’ll start a game of charades.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Mr. Evans said with a wink and a kiss on Mrs. Evans’ cheek. She swatted at him playful as soon as the platter was safely on the coffee table.

“Oh you,” she said in fond exasperation.

“Don’t be gross in front of our guest,” Petunia deadpanned, reaching for a biscuit.

“I think it’s romantic,” Lily said smugly.

Petunia rolled her eyes. “You think everything’s romantic. I swear fairytales and romance films have rotted your brain.”

“Just because you’ve never had a boyfriend…”

“Girls!” Mr. Evans said sharply. “Be nice to each other. And you don’t have a boyfriend either, Lily. You’re not old enough.”

Lily huffed but didn’t argue. “Sorry, Dad. Do you think I’ll find a husband who will make me as happy as you make mum one day?”

“I’d bet my life on is, Lils,” Mr. Evans said. “But you bring them to me, first. I might need to scare the piss and vinegar out of them before they’ll be worthy of my little girl. That goes for you too, Pet.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Petunia said, rolling her eyes.

They played games all day, and while Severus was exhausted and in desperate need of some time alone to regain his sanity by the end of it, he had definitely had fun.

Petunia really was a good friend, and when Lily dropped her guard and stopped trying so hard to be the pretty, popular girl, her likeable qualities began to reveal themselves.

He was also glad that he’d gotten the chance to get to know Mr. and Mrs. Evans again, in this life. They were such genuine people. Mr. Evans, especially, had always looked out for him, and Severus was determined to return the favor this time around.

All in all, it had been the best Boxing Day he’d ever had. The fact that it followed on the heels of the best Christmas Day he’d ever had left his head spinning with his good fortune, and his paranoia prickling that it surely wouldn’t last.

Notes:

Chapter 43 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus was just as excited as Petunia as they apparated back to Potter Manor with James’ parents. The look on her face when she saw the enchanted fountain in the front yard was everything he’d hoped for.

“Cool, isn’t it?”

She nodded, eyes gleaming. “I’m gonna have a yard like this one day.”

“I don’t doubt it. I can help you set up charms to keep muggles from seeing any of the magic bit you add to it, while still making it look pretty.”

“Wicked.”

“James and Monty spend all day yesterday turning the back yard into a toboggan course for you to play in,” Mrs. Potter said with a fond smugness they made Severus’ heart ache.

“Are they magic toboggans?” Petunia asked excitedly.

“They are,” Mr. Potter said. “And they’re fast.”

Petunia squealed in the most un-Petunia display of exuberance that Severus had ever seen. “Can we try them now?” she begged, tugging on Severus’ arm.

“Oh, I think we’d better!” Mr. Potter exclaimed. “If I’m not mistaken, James is already waiting for us there, getting things set up.”

And with that they were off, running through the snow around the side of the manor house to see what madness the Potters had in store for them.

Severus had to admit that he was curious. He’d never been on a magical toboggan, before.

He’d nearly broken his nose on his father’s rickety old muggle one when he was six and then gotten a black eye when Tobias realized he’d used it without permission.

He'd never seen the ugly thing again after that.

This was bound to be better than that, if nothing else.

“Morning, Sev!” James shouted gleefully. “You have to try this!”

Severus eyed the rickety contraptions dubiously.

Shit like this was why he was not a Gryffindor; he had a functional sense of self-preservation.

“Is that… safe?” Petunia asked, hesitancy overriding her excited bravado. “Does the magic keep them from falling apart or something?”

“Magic can do anything,” James said with all the naïve confidence of a child. “Getting these thing working is a piece of cake. You’ll see!”

“Yes,” Severus drawled, eying the sled, “magic is great at mending broken bones and healing concussions… if you don’t die before the spells can be administered.”

James snickered gleefully. “You’re hilarious. Who wants to race me first?”

“I’ll try,” Petunia said bravely. She looked terrified, but stepped up to the purple toboggan with determination.

It seemed that Gryffindor instincts ran in the Evans genes, after all.

James winked at Severus. “You’d better cheer for me, Sev.”

Petunia’s eyes sparkled with a knowing joyfulness that made Severus blush.

For Merlin’s sake, he and James had to share a room for another six and a half years. He did not want to make it awkward by overanalyzing potential crushes.

He didn’t have time for that nonsense.

He didn’t.

Mr. Potter explained to them how the toboggans worked, how the magic that held them together and pushed them forward around the track was inherent to the sleds themselves and wouldn’t give James an advantage despite Petunia being a squib.

It was useful information to have, but Severus hoped that Petunia wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with her position between both the muggle and wizarding worlds being pointed out so directly. She was a practical girl, but once she took offense, it became a grudge for life.

Or, at least that was how it had seemed in their last life.

Perhaps that was yet another assumption that he had gotten wrong.

Thankfully, Petunia didn’t seem upset. She seemed, in fact, to adjust to her place in the world rather well. She knew she’d never measure up to Lily in raw magical power or talent, but she had already picked out which skills were available for her to nurture.

She had not let her inability to attend Hogwarts get her down either. She was seeking out mentors and studying on her own. Severus had once, long ago, wished that his own students would take such initiative.

Merlin, that seemed like a dream, now. Had he ever really been that old?

It was difficult to fathom.

Petunia and James took off around the track at a terrifying speed.

James whooped loudly and Petunia couldn’t seem to make up her mind about whether she wanted to laugh or scream. It was a sound of fun, either way, and it made Severus smile even as he dreaded the inevitability that James would make him take a turn next.

The whole thing was a death trap.

But, apparently, it was a very fun death trap.

“Severus, you have to try that!” Petunia said excitedly after losing her first race with James. Beside her, James nodded enthusiastically.

Severus let out a heavy sigh and stepped forward. There was no getting out of this, not with those two working together to see him enjoy himself. It was best to get it over with and charge Mr. Potter for the hospital bill if necessary.

Taking the sled from Petunia, Severus set it down and laid down carefully on his stomach on top of it. James flopped down onto his next to him.

“Ready?” James asked.

“No,” Severus replied shortly.

James just laughed. “On your marks. Get set. GO!”

And just like that, they were off.

It was every bit as terrifying as Severus had thought it would be.

It also activated his competitive side.

Soon, he was pushing away his fear just to catch up, leaning forward and accelerating his toboggan until it rattled dangerously beneath him.

He could hear Petunia and Mr. Potter cheering them on.

In the final stretch, Severus pushed his sled to the brink in one last desperate attempt to overtake James.

It almost worked.

They were practically neck and neck, but James still crossed the finish line ahead of him.

It was close, though.

Next time, Severus was going to win.

Notes:

Chapter 44 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Petunia, Severus was surprised to realize, had honest-to-Merlin social skills. Where had those been in her previous life?

She and Mrs. Potter had bonded right away over their shared interest in fashion and aesthetic design. She and Mr. Potter had become engrossed in her Potions lessons and how techniques and ingredients could be substituted to make them safe for brewing in a purely muggle environment. Her and James had become co-conspirators over… well, Severus.

One the one hand, it was nice that Severus had two children about his age who genuinely cared about him and his wellbeing.

On the other hand, that caring also extended into prying into Severus’ home-life, being ‘helpful’ in offering suggestions to loosen Severus up, and in Petunia’s case, priming Severus for a whirlwind romance with an eleven-year-old.

Severus had lasted three whole hours before yanking out his Slytherin pin and retreating to his guest room.

With haste.

In hindsight, this had probably been a tactical catastrophe. Now, Petunia was free to plot with James and to push James into certain directions without Severus there to rein them in.

Desperate to take his mind off of the possibilities, Severus dived wholeheartedly into his and Master Potter’s werewolf treatment. They had made good progress with it.

It was amazing, depressing but amazing, how much a different mind of similar acumen could help one’s own thoughts to crystalize. Iron sharpens iron and all of that.

Anger swelled within him in an unexpected attack of bitterness at being trapped within Hogwarts in a thankless position during what should have been the formative and networking phase of his career as a Potions Master. So much of his potential had been squandered.

He made a few minor breakthroughs, despite his sour mood, and was just about to join the rest of them for lunch when there came a violent, desperate knocking at the front door.

Severus frowned. Who could that be?

Curious despite himself, Severus crept down the hall and peeked around the corner so that the front door was just barely in view.

Mrs. Potter also looked confused at the violent knocking and approached the door with grim caution.

Silently, Severus gripped his wand, ready to use in case this turned out to be an emergency.

He was not prepared to see Sirius Black standing there when Mrs. Potter opened the door. “Hello, dear. Are… are you one of my son’s friends?”

Sirius nodded frantically. “Yes, Ma’am. Hello, Ma’am. Sorry for barging in on your hols, like this. Is James here? Or Severus?”

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. What now?

“I’m here,” he drawled as he dramatically turned the corner and came into view. “What are you doing here, Black?”

Sirius scowled. “I screwed up.”

Severus quirked an eyebrow.

“With Reggie, I mean. Or, I think I did. Mum kept picking at me and I kinda snapped. I don’t think I did any permanent damage, but I need a strategy before I go back there. Please?”

“What’s this about?” Mrs. Potter asked, looking perplexedly back and forth between Sirius and Severus.

Sirius blinked. He looked at Mrs. Potter as if he hadn’t actually registered that the was there until now. “I, er…”

“Black is attempting to stand up against the bigoted views of his parents without alienating his younger brother in the process,” Severus drawled.

“Yeah,” Black said, nodding. “I want Reggie to know that he’ll always be family and I’ll always love him, and to show him a better way than what my bitch of a mum, er sorry Ma’am, has been feeding to him all his life without downplaying or excusing the hateful things he parrots and without starting a fight so big I get kicked out entirely.”

“Goodness,” Mrs. Potter said, ushering Sirius inside. “That’s an awfully mature approach you’re attempting to take.”

Black shrugged. “It was Sev’s idea. I think it’s a good one, but I’m pants at following through. My mum just gets me so angry, you know? And all she does is scream, so then I start screaming, and then either Reggie starts screaming or he runs away.”

Mrs. Potter frowned at that. “Your mother screams at you a lot?”

Sirius nodded emphatically.

Old memories of a dusty old portrait, ill-tempered and spitting fire, filled Severus’ mind. Yes, he could attest to her proclivity of raising her voice. Not that he could tell anyone that.

“Well come on in, Dear, and I’ll make us some hot chocolate. James and Monty are entertaining our other guest in the other room. Are you comfortable with them being a part of this conversation, or should I send a house elf to ask them to stay where they are?”

Sirius hesitated. “Who’s the other guest?”

“Ah. It’s Severus’ friend, Petunia.”

“Oh, Lily’s sister? Yeah, she seems cool. Might be handy to hear another older sibling’s opinion, too. Do you think they’d mind stopping whatever they’re doing to help me?”

Mrs. Potter patted Sirius on the shoulder as she showed them to the kitchen. “Not at all. They were just introducing Petunia to Exploding Snap. It can wait. Are you hungry, Dear? We were about to have lunch together, anyways.”

Sirius grinned sheepishly. “I’m starving.”

Mrs. Potter chuckled at that. “I suppose that is a silly question to ask, at your age. Take a seat, then. We have plenty.”

And that was how Severus Snape found himself eating turkey sandwiches and potato soup in between Petunia Evans and Sirius Black in the Potter family kitchen as a welcome guest and loudly proclaimed friend.

Baffling.

Notes:

Chapter 45: Chapter 45

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The food was delicious, but Severus could barely taste it as he waited for Sirius to slow down between bites enough to explain what exactly the dunderhead had done to have him running off to the Potters and him looking for guidance.

Severus had learned never to underestimate Black’s capacity for making things worse.

What had the idiot done?

James was equally impatient, shooting concerned, curious glances at Sirius, Severus, and back again.

Petunia kept sneaking looks at Black, too, but Severus had a sinking suspicion that those had nothing to do with his family drama at all.

What was it with the Evans sisters and their taste in men?

Mr. and Mrs. Potter were more discrete than the children, but they too looked curious to hear what Sirius would say.

Sirius, oblivious as ever, blindly reached for seconds. He refilled his plate to heaping and dug in as if he hadn’t eaten in a month.

Severus very much doubted this was the case, though. He knew what true hunger looked like, and Sirius Black didn’t fit the profile.

Beginning to suspect that Sirius was dragging this out for the attention, Severus struck up a conversation with Mr. Potter about their latest line of inquiry into the werewolf potion.

Mrs. Potter allowed it, despite normally eschewing ‘shop talk’ at the dinner table.

It helped that James and Petunia had been involved enough in the research earlier to follow along and ask questions, if not offer any substantial suggestions themselves.

All while Sirius ate.

Finally, Severus had had enough. “Black, you’re stalling. I’ve never seen you eat this much food in my life, not even on a dare. Tell us what happened.”

Sirius sighed and set down his fork. “It was all stupid, really,” he began.

Wasn’t it always?

And with that, Sirius explained to them how he and his mother had gotten into a fight over the nature of Gryffindors and blood purity and the innate right to magic and a whole host of other arguments that had been bubbling up since September started. Factual arguments had given away to loud insistence which had devolved into screamed insults.

Sirius, lost in the moment and meaning to hurt his mother, had insulted the Black family and it’s members.

Reggie had witnessed the fight and run of the room in tears.

Walburga had convinced Sirius that he’d made his brother see the ‘ugly truth of him’ this time and Sirius had panicked and run away without confronting his brother to explain and apologize.

It was a mess, but it wasn’t a particularly egregious mess.

“So that’s why you didn’t let Lily spend Christmas with you,” Petunia said, breaking the tension on the room and getting a wry chuckle from everyone.

Sirius nodded. “I can’t get her to understand how bad it is. My mother would literally kill her if she could get away with it. Fuck, Kreacher would gladly take the blame and the punishment to make his mistress happy. Er, pardon my French.”

“Is that why you’re dating Lily?” Petunia asked. “To stick it to your mum?”

Sirius flushed and looked uncomfortable. “I’m not sure how to answer that. You’re her sister.”

Petunia rolled her eyes. “If my mum was that much of a bigot against magic, I’d date you in a second, just to prove she doesn’t own me.”

“Anyways,” Severus cut in pointedly, “I believe you came here for advice, Black. You ready to hear it?”

Sirius made a face. “Yes, but I’m not going to like it, am I?”

“It involves patience so probably not.”

Sirius huffed. “Okay then. Lay it on me.”

“Very well,” Severus said. “You’re an idiot.”

Sirius flushed and looked away. Mr. Potter nearly choked on his food. Petunia kicked Severus’ shin under the table.

Severus ignored them and continued. “You’ve made a catastrophe over a spilled pepper-up potion. When the smoke clears, I think you’ll see that you would have been better served to merely grab a rag and wipe it up.”

“Meaning what?” Sirius asked tetchily.

Severus leaned across the table and flicked the center of Black’s forehead. “Talk to your brother and explain what you meant and where your boundaries lie. Be honest and don’t make excuses, but make it clear that you will not abandon your brother for daring to have thoughts that differ from your own. Explain your reasoning, listen to his, and tell him that you hope he comes around when he’s ready. Be calm and reasonable. That’s the only way he’ll see your mother’s bluster for what it truly is.”

Sirius sighed and scraped his fork across his plate distractedly. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m just no good at that.”

“The only way to improve at something you aren’t naturally gifted at is through study and practice,” Severus said simply. “You’ll get better at it and, as long as you aren’t a complete arse, your brother will still be there when you do.”

“That was quite profound, Severus,” Mrs. Potter said, “despite your colorful language. I can see why James and Sirius have become accustomed to seeking you out for wisdom.”

“It’s nothing, really,” Severus said awkwardly. “I just sometimes forget to use a filter. I’m sure everyone was thinking the same thing.”

“There’s something about the way you talk that cuts to the heart of the matter though,” James said with a stubborn nod. “No one else can make so much sense so quickly.”

“I highly doubt that’s true,” Severus murmured.

“Mrs. Potter?” Sirius asked, shifting everyone’s attention back on him. “Would it be alright if I stayed here for a while? I know I have to go home and make everything right, but I’m still a bit wound up. I promise I won’t be any trouble.”

Petunia and James both seemed thrilled by the idea, looking at Mrs. Potter with big pleading eyes.

Severus was just glad to have escaped all the scrutiny.

“I’ll have to ask your mother, Sirius,” Mrs. Potter said firmly. “I know you two just had a fight, but she’s still your mother. I can’t keep you here without her knowing where you are.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said warily, “alright. Can I at least go see James’ room while you ask her?”

“That seems fair,” Mrs. Potter conceded. “Go on, then.”

“Thanks for inviting him in,” Severus said softly after James and Sirius had bounded off, with Petunia close behind them. “I know it was unconventional for him to show up unannounced and everything.”

“He’s a good kid,” Mrs. Potter said simply. “And so are you. I am very glad that James has chosen you to be his friend.”

Severus smiled shyly at that and took off after his friends.

Notes:

Chapter 46 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus decided to let his guard down and enjoy the rest of the day, despite the fact that Black was intruding. He’d been decent enough this time around and Severus was in a charitable mood. He could take this risk.

And it did help to take the pressure off of him; both James and Petunia could get caught up in Sirius’ antics and let Severus retreat into himself for a little space.

He had to admit, he was having fun.

A lot of fun, actually.

It was nice to cast aside his worries and doubts for a day and just embrace that chaos and unbridled joy of youth.

So, they played games.

Severus had never been one for games. Most games, in Severus’ experience, contained an element of randomness and also a tangible risk of some form of humiliation.

He still refused to play exploding snap.

He probably should have refused to play charades, too, but somehow James had talked him into it. It was almost worth it, to witness James’ goofy antics and hear Sirius’ increasingly wild guesses.

He had barely needed to be prodded into playing partner’s chess. Black was surprisingly good at the game, both at his own strategy, and at guessing what Petunia was attempting with her moves and backing her up.

Severus and James were not nearly so in sync, but they both enjoyed themselves, regardless. Severus found himself intrigued by the way that James thought, the way he strategized. It was so different from Severus’ own thought pattern, but it was clever, just the same. They could likely learn a lot from each other. He would have to play against him more once they returned to school. It would make him a better player; Severus had no doubt.

When chess had grown too sedentary for them, they had bundled up and headed outside to play a snowball fueled game of tag.

By the time night fell, they were all exhausted. Mrs. Potter brought them all hot cocoa and they huddled together in front of the fireplace, telling each other ghost stories.

“…and then,” Petunia said, raising her hands into imitations of vicious claws, “the escaped prisoner leapt from the shadows and GRABBED ONE OF THE CHILDREN!”

Without warning, she launched herself at Sirius and grabbed his arm with a shout.

Sirius jumped and yelped, before dissolving into riotous laughter.

Severus inched closer to James’ body heat under the blanket they both shared and reached for another handful of popcorn.

James smiled at him and pressed their shoulders together.

Severus smiled back.

This really had been his best Christmas, ever.

“Alright,” Mr. Potter said, “It’s time to take Sirius and Petunia home.”

“Already?” James whined. “Can’t they stay just a little while longer?”

“It’s already late, son. Say your goodbyes.”

“Can Sev and I come with you?” James asked, hopefully.

Mr. Potter shook his head. “If it was just Petunia, that would be fine, but I’m dropping her off and heading straight to the Black residence. It would be best if Severus was not with us, for his own safety, and for Sirius’.”

James scowled. “Yeah, okay. I’ll stay here with Sev, then. For the record, I think Mrs. Black is stupid.”

Mr. Potter snorted. “I would normally chastise you for not respecting your elders, young man, but in this particular instance, I believe you are correct. Both Petunia and Severus have been utterly delightful, and her dismissing them out of hand due to something as arbitrary as their lineage is very foolish, indeed.”

“Thanks for coming over, Tuney,” Severus said quietly, reaching out to shake her hand.

Petunia shook it firmly. “It was my pleasure, Severus Snape. Don’t forget what I told you at the restaurant. I’m definitely right.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Are you going to tell Lily that you spent all day flirting with her boyfriend?”

Petunia scowled. “I was just being friendly. And no, I’m absolutely not telling her that Sirius was here, so you’d better not, either!”

“Uh huh. Fine, fine. I won’t say a word. Now that you’ve met Black, though, it should be obvious that he can’t keep his big mouth shut. Lily’s bound to find out sooner or later.”

Petunia shrugged, unrepentantly. “Well, I’ll just hope it’s later. I don’t feel like dealing with any more of her drama this hols.”

“Is she really still that bad?”

“She’s my baby sister, Sev. I’m contractually obliged to find her annoying. I won’t be mad if you and her become friends, though. If she keeps dating Sirius, she’s bound to be hanging out with you and James more often. Just don’t replace me, yeah?”

“Not in a million years,” Severus promised, before remembering with a jolt that he once would have promised Lily the exact same thing, and meant it just as much, then.

He supposed there was no such thing as certainty.

“I should head to bed,” Severus said, once Mr. Potter, Sirius, and Petunia had gone.

“Mind if I hang out in your room for a little bit longer?” James asked. “I have another ghost story I wanted to tell.”

Severus made a show of sighing. “I suppose I could listen to one more. I swear to Merlin, though, if you end up scaring yourself so much that you can’t sleep, don’t come whining to me.”

James just laughed and tugged Severus along to his guest room, leaving their half-empty mugs and partially eaten snacks strewn over the carpet by the fireplace for the house elf to clean.

Notes:

Chapter 47 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Christmas break was over, and for the first time in his entire life, either of them, Severus was excited to see Remus Lupin.

Excited and incredibly nervous.

He had done it.

Probably.

He and Mr. Potter had concocted a potion that would help a werewolf stay asleep during the entirety of the full moon while providing their inner wolf vivid dreams of running free to prevent any unbalance from building up long-term.

It should work.

If he could convince Lupin to take it.

They weren’t exactly friends.

Severus didn’t want to out Lupin, either, not even to Sirius or James. It wasn’t his secret to tell, but it would make things so much easier if he could get either of them to convince Lupin to take the potion in his stead.

He could try to slip the potion to him, but even barring the ethical issues with that, it would be both tricky and potentially dangerous.

He had no idea what else Lupin would ingest leading up to the full moon.

Merlin, he should have put more effort into befriending the wolf, if only to gain his trust.

Every full moon was a potential disaster waiting to happen though, with innocent lives at risk, so Severus was unwilling to hold off on testing the potion until he had time to build up a rapport.

It was a moral conundrum, but he was Severus Snape. When had his life ever been as simple as black and white?

He sat next to James and across from Sirius and Lily with nervous anticipation as the train pulled out of King’s Cross with a rumbling jolt.

Even here, nothing was simple.

Lily did not know that Sirius had spent the day with Severus, James, and Petunia after Christmas, and the lie of omission was eating at him. He had no idea what Petunia had said to Sirius, if anything, to get him to keep quiet, but Severus was certain that the secret would not hold, and that the longer they kept it from Lily, the worse she would be hurt when the truth came out.

But it wasn’t exactly like Severus could judge. His entire life was a secret, bordering on a lie. James knew more than anyone, and even that was not much.

He closed his normal eye, punctuating his own point as everyone’s auras overwhelmed his vision. He still needed to figure out what had happened to him and what it meant. What the possible side effects or consequences might be.

He needed access to more obscure books if he was to have any hope of figuring it out before it snuck up on him and bit him in the arse.

Like the rest of his miserable existence.

James elbowed him lightly before offering him some candy.

Severus took a Tingling Toffee and sucked on it morosely as he pondered his plight.

He wondered how long he would be able to keep his secrets intact. Mr. Potter had already pulled Severus aside during the break to ask him some pointed questions about his eye and about his ‘prophetic dreams’, which James had apparently told his father about. That had been an awkward conversation, and Severus had been very tempted to be angry with James for spilling his secrets, but after seeing how close their family was, the absolute trust between them, Severus could see why he thought it would be safe to tell his father.

He was not sure if Mr. Potter believed his vague explanation, but he had not been shipped off to the Janus Thickey ward of St. Mungos, so he supposed it didn’t matter much.

A sudden thought came to him, then. He knew of a massive, unguarded repository of rare and illicit books, artifacts, and other magical knowledge that might be able to shed light on what had happened to him, the Room of Hidden Things.

That was his best bet for finding answers about his condition and would be an effective way of keeping Dumbledore from growing too suspicious about him, either.

“What are you thinking about?” James asked. “You just got a weird smile.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “You think my smile is weird?”

James blushed. “What? No, no I like… well, anyways, what are you thinking about?”

“I just got an idea,” Severus admitted, glancing over at Black, “call it an exploration and adventure, if you will.”

“What is it?” James asked, excitedly.

Black was looking interested, too, and even Lily seemed to be waiting to hear what he had to say.

“Have any of you heard of the Room of Requirement?”

“You think it’s real?” James asked dubiously.

Severus nodded. “I do, and I’m going to find it.”

Sirius grinned. “We’ll help you look for it! Just think of how handy if would be!”

“What’s the Room of Requirement?” Lily asked, frowning.

“It’s a rumor,” Sirius said sagely, “of a hidden room in Hogwarts that can change itself to become whatever you need it to be.”

“Like what?” Lily asked.

“Like if you want to brew a potion for a prank, it would become a potions lab,” James said. “Or if you wanted a cozy, private room for a romantic date, it could become that, too.”

“I’ve heard that whenever anyone needs to hide something, the room always becomes the same place; that if you can get the room to take that form, you’ll find a massive stash of prank and joke items, stolen property from ages ago, and books and artifacts that have become banned over the years.”

Sirius frowned. “You mean like books on dark magic?”

Severus nodded. “That would be part of it, yeah. That scare you, Black?”

Sirius huffed. “Hardly. I just know firsthand that it is dangerous to mess with that stuff. Promise me you won’t go around trying out random dark spells if we find anything.”

“I won’t,” Severus promised. “I’m just hoping to find some rare tomes about… particular family magicks.”

Sirius frowned. “You don’t have access to the Prince library, then?”

Severus shook his head.

James kept glancing at Severus’ magical eye. The boy wasn’t stupid. “We’ll help you find it, Sev. Promise.”

Severus nodded in thanks. “Black… you think Lupin would be interested in joining us?”

Notes:

Chapter 48 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus was nervous as hell, despite this being his third time indulging in this particular insanity. He and James were hiding together near the dungeon stairs under James’ infamous cloak, waiting for Sirius, Lupin, and possibly Lily to join them.

When he noticed how badly his fingers were fidgeting, Severus clasped his hands together harshly.

This was no time to let his nerves get the best of him.

He was risking drawing Dumbledore’s attention by being a Slytherin sneaking around after hours, and he was risking James or Sirius figuring out too much about his parchment thin cover story if he ‘found’ the Room of Requirement too quickly.

But…

He was also still wary about being so close to a werewolf, full moon or not, and there was no way he could convince Lupin to try out his unsanctioned, experimental potion without manufacturing some camaraderie between them first.

For the greater bloody good.

Plus, the potential insight he could gain on his heritage, time displacement, and ability to see auras could be invaluable.

At least he knew that he was leading them on a physically safe adventure.

The Room of Requirement was exactly the kind of mystery that would drive the Marauders wild, while not necessitating that they traipse through the Forbidden Forest or anywhere else overtly dangerous.

Severus had been steering them clear of the second-floor girl’s bathroom, though, just in case parseltongue turned out to be a Potter family trait.

Severus flat out refused to fight a bloody basilisk at eleven years old, especially when flaming birds, nosy hats, and heirloom swords were not likely to come to his aid when he was in distress.

Finding the room on their third excursion together was probably unrealistically hasty, but Severus had full confidence in the hubris of children. They wouldn’t think too hard about the ease of their discovery, only of the glory of having done so.

“Sev? James? You guys here already?” came Sirius’ tentative voice from around the corner.

“We’re here!” James called out, too loudly for the empty, echoing halls, and tugged off his invisibility cloak.

Severus shot him a warning scowl.

James, naturally, just grinned.

Spending time in the snake pit this time around had clearly not dampened the boy’s addiction to harebrained, ill-conceived adventure.

“Stop pretending like this wasn’t your idea, Sev,” James chided him as Sirius, Lupin, and Lily came into view. “We all know you’re the ringleader here.”

What an utterly damning indictment.

And, unfortunately, a true one.

“Well, we’ve searched the lower floors of the castle twice, now. Let’s switch it up and try somewhere near the top.”

“Yes, Sir, Fearless Leader, Sir!” Black said with an exaggerated salute.

Severus rolled his eyes. “Don’t be an idiot, Mutt.”

Sirius gave him a confused look.

Damn.

Severus needed to stop slipping like that. This boy had no idea that his animagus form was that of a gigantic, shaggy black dog.

Worse than Sirius’ confusion, Lupin actually flinched at the insult.

Double damn.

He was meant to be gaining the werewolf’s trust and here he was, throwing around canine-related insults without provocation or discernable reason.

Severus swore he had once been an actual competent spy.

Once upon a time.

“Sorry,” Severus muttered. “A few of the older Slytherins have called me that. It’s probably a half-blood dig, now that I think about it.”

Black bristled. “Those bastards. Who was it?”

“I can fight my own battles, Black. Don’t worry about it.”

Sirius put his hands up in surrender. “I won’t step on your toes. Just know that I’m here for you, if you need a little back up. If Reg sorts Slytherin next year, those pricks will probably give him a hard time about being ‘the traitor’s brother’, too.”

Severus nodded sharply.

“We’re going to get caught if we just stand out in the open, talking,” Lily said impatiently.

“No one made you come,” James said, pressing himself against Severus’ side.

Severus pinched the bridge of his still-unbroken nose. “Lily’s right. We can talk safely once we find the room. Until then, I have an idea. Everyone, take a biscuit and don’t eat it. The Room is said to take the form of whatever you need, right? So, if we want to find The Room of Hidden Things, we need to need to hide something. Like a biscuit.”

“Isn’t having the desperate desire to hide a bit of food a bit lame?” Sirius asked dubiously.

“Well, if you have something else on you, feel free to use that, instead. I just grabbed something handy at dinner.”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Lupin said timidly.

“It’s going to be a tight fit under my cloak,” James grumbled.

“I was invited,” Lily huffed. “You are not subtle, James Potter. If you don’t want me here, just say so.”

James smiled falsely. “I would never say something like that to one of my best mates’ girlfriend, in front of his face.”

“Let’s just go,” Severus snapped. James’ protective streak was starting to get very grating.

Severus wanted Lily here. He wanted her to ease up and become comfortable around him. He wanted a chance to regain even a hint of the friendship they had once shared.

But James, more and more often, was acting like Lily wanted to steal Severus from him.

Insufferable.

Taking a deep breath to clear his mind, Severus led the cramped-shuffling-way up to the seventh floor, doing his best to ignore the quibbling and elbowing going on behind him.

In the end, it was James’ excitable energy and constant need to pace that revealed the Room to them.

Thank Merlin.

The last thing Severus needed was yet another discovery, blemish, or rare skill that made him stand out as different.

Severus did his best to emulate the hyper excitement of his friends as they entered the Room of Hidden Things. It turned out to not be too difficult. It truly was an impressive array of stuff, some of which was clearly rare and valuable.

Hell, Severus could probably nick just a couple of items and sell them to pay for all of his school supplies for the rest of his years at Hogwarts.

And the knowledge hidden away here. It was a very good thing that Severus had never found this room during his first go around as a student, because he was certain that there was some obscenely dark magic interspersed within the myriad of mountains of books.

Once he had taken several moments to gawk at the overwhelming bounty, Severus sidled closer to Lupin, looking for a way to broach the subject of his potion in a friendly, non-threatening way.

Floundering for something, anything to say, Severus glanced helplessly around when something caught his attention from the corner of his eye.

Something in the room was glowing oddly. Unnaturally.

Inching closer to investigate, Severus frowned at the pulsing, colorful light.

It was coming from a crown, of all things. A delicate, ancient looking tiara.

Gazing closer, Severus noticed that the light, while shining prominently, was not illuminating the objects around it.

It looked, in fact, exactly like the magical auras that Severus could see, only more jagged.

Torn.

Severus paled, backing away.

He had never laid eyes upon the Dark Lord since gaining his Sight, but Severus knew, he just knew, that this tiara housed fragment of Lord Voldemort’s magic, of his soul.

It was a horcrux.

Severus could see horcruxes. He could see Voldemort’s horcruxes.

Bloody hell.

Notes:

Chapter 49 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus was dangerously close to hyperventilating, as he stared blankly at the pulsing, glowing horcrux sitting right in front of him, mocking him.

Holy shit!

What was Severus supposed to do?

He couldn’t just leave it here, but it was dangerous to take it with him, too.

What methods could destroy a horcrux, again?

All Severus could remember was that it was supposed to be exceedingly difficult.

“Sev?” James asked tentatively, laying a hand on Severus’ arm. “Are you alright?”

Severus swallowed. “I…”

What was he supposed to say?

His mind had gone entirely blank, with the sole exception of his instincts screaming danger, danger, danger at him in an unending cacophony.

“Is that a crown?” Lupin asked, reaching for it.

“Stop!” Severus cried out. “Don’t touch it!”

“Why not?” Sirius asked, crowding closer. “What is it?”

“What do you see?” James asked. “Why is it dangerous?”

“It… it has an aura.”

Everyone gave Severus a blank, puzzled look.

He should keep this a secret. This was too dangerous to get out.

These were his friends.

“It’s an object that is housing someone’s soul fragment.”

James, Lily, and Lupin still looked lost, but Sirius looked like he was going to be sick.

He stumbled backwards, completely pale, and clumsily wrapped his arms around himself. “It’s a horcrux?”

Severus gave him a weak smile. He should have guessed that the Black heir would be one to grasp the significance. “I believe so, yes.”

“I don’t get it,” Lily said, glancing nervously between the tiara and her boyfriend. “What does that mean?”

“It means that someone performed one of the Darkest rituals imaginable, committing ritualistic murder in order to intentionally split their soul and store it here. Supposedly, making a horcrux makes you immortal. It’s sick and unnatural.”

“It’s in Hogwarts,” James said warily. “That has to mean it was a student or a staff member who did, right?”

“I don’t know,” Severus lied. “I don’t know how to destroy it, and I don’t know if whoever owns it will know if we try. This is so dangerous.”

“Do you think you could tell?” James asked, scooting closer to Severus until he could feel the other boy’s body heat radiating between them. “If someone’s aura had a chunk torn out of it? Would their aura look different?”

“Maybe,” Severus admitted. “The tiara’s aura is kinda… jagged. The way it pulses makes it look tattered. Incomplete. But James, anyone who was willing to murder someone to split their own soul will have absolutely no problems killing a bunch of nosy eleven-year-olds. We can’t just rush into this like it’s some kind of adventure.”

“Aren’t you curious, though?” James asked, a spark of mischievous excitement lighting up his big brown eyes.

“No,” Severus said flatly. “Think about it, James. It could belong to Grindelwald, or Ivan the Terrible, or You-Know-Who. Whoever it is is still alive, thanks to this object if not naturally, and they are evil. If someone like that finds out we know about this, if someone finds out that I can see them, we’re all dead. Me especially. You think a tyrant wouldn’t murder me to keep his or her secrets?”

James paled at that. “Yeah, okay. We should got to Dumbledore, though. Someone as evil as all that should not be allowed to stay immortal, right?”

“What if it’s Dumbledore’s horcrux?” Sirius asked darkly.

“What? Don’t be stupid. Dumbledore wouldn’t do that,” James protested indignantly, fists clenched.

“Wouldn’t he?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m serious. Everyone says he’s a great wizard, but there are rumors… rumors about him and Grindelwald. They say power corrupts, and Dumbledore is one of the most powerful wizards of our age. What proof do we have that he got that power naturally?”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Lupin reiterated firmly. “He’s a good person.”

“How do you know, though?” Sirius pressed.

Lupin flushed. “I… I just do. But I’m sure of it.”

“Well, that’s helpful,” Sirius drawled, rolling his eyes.

Lupin glared at him, even as he shrunk in on himself and fidgeted his hands.

“I’m inclined to agree with Remus,” Severus said gently, towing a delicate line, “but I see no harm in being cautious. Between this treasure trove of knowledge, the library’s restricted section, and your family library, Black, maybe we’ll get lucky and figure out how to destroy the thing on our own… without letting its owner know what we’ve done. It’s worth a bit of research to find out, I think, and I’m sure we’ll find some interesting non-evil tidbits of magic along the way, too.”

“Bet we can find some fun prank stuff,” James said coyly.

Sirius smirked. “Well if you’re going to twist my arm that hard…”

“Really?” Lily asked. “Research sounds like boring book stuff. I thought we were going to have some fun.”

Sirius slung his arm around Lily’s shoulders. “That, my dear, is where you are wrong. It’s all about the anticipation, you see. We do the ‘boring book stuff’ now, while choosing our targets and tailoring our plan, imagining the future joy of prankage, if you will, and then later, we get to make our dreams a reality.”

Lily tried to huff indignantly, but her blush at Sirius draping himself all over her ruined the effect.

James caught Severus’ gaze and rolled his eyes.

Severus smirked back. “Let’s get to work, then.”

They settled into a routine fairly quickly, using Black’s family knowledge for how to test if books were dangerous to handle to their full advantage, and then splitting off to flip through the pages of the ones that were safe to touch to see what they could find.

Severus was sure that everyone else would get quickly side-tracked on their own juvenile pursuits, but he didn’t mind. It was better that way, really. Severus could do the heavy lifting in the horcrux department.

He still felt guilty and foolish for letting his discovery of the tiara slip to his friends. He should have kept it secret. It would be safer for everyone that way.

But, in the end, Severus felt a little pleased that he was not alone in shouldering this burden, even if he was carrying the dragon’s share of the weight.

James predictably, stuck close to Severus’ side for most of the night.

Severus was already struggling to keep his eyes open when he found an opportunity to slip away and check in on Lupin.

“How goes the research?” he asked softly.

Lupin startled, as if his wolf senses had not picked up on Severus’ arrival. “What? Oh, it’s fine. Well, actually, I haven’t actually managed to find anything useful, yet. I’m still not completely sure what I’m looking for, and it’s not like these books are categorized in here, are they? These two mention soul magic in passing, but don’t go into much detail, and certainly don’t mention horcruxes by name, or describe anything close to what Siri said about them. Sorry.”

“I’m impressed that you haven’t gotten sidetracked on finding obscure prank spells, yet,” Severus admitted. “I’m pretty sure the other three veered off track within the first fifteen minutes.”

Lupin shrugged. “This sounded important. I don’t mind helping out.”

Severus sighed. Lupin could be so helpful and reasonable when he wanted to be.

When it wasn’t the full moon.

He needed to rip the plaster off.

“Remus, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

“Oh?” Lupin asked nervously, a hunted look flashing in his eyes.

“I’ve been trying to find the right time to bring it up delicately, but I am becoming more and more convinced that there isn’t one. So here it goes. I made you this potion.”

Lupin took the vial that Severus had fished out of his pocket tentatively. “What is it?”

“It’s something I made with Mr. Potter over Christmas hols. He doesn’t know why I made it or who I made it for, I promise. It hasn’t been tested, yet, but we both think it will help.”

Lupin looked wary and ready to flee. “Help with what, exactly?”

Severus took a deep breath and looked Lupin directly in the eye. “I haven’t told anyone, yet, and I promise I won’t. The potion is for the full moon. It’s supposed to help you sleep through it, so you don’t injure yourself. If it works, I’m hoping that it can help more than just you. I’m hoping that it can help everyone with lycanthropy rest a little easier. I swear I haven’t told.”

Lupin looked white as a sheet. He backed away, shaking so badly that he almost dropped the vial.

Almost.

“I…”

Severus smiled at the werewolf sadly and pointed to his eye, stretching the truth to ease the other boy’s fears. “I can see it in your aura. As far as I can tell, you haven’t said or done anything to give yourself away. Your secret’s still safe. I won’t even tell James or Sirius if you don’t want me to, but I honestly think they wouldn’t treat you any differently. They’re good friends. If you trust me, take the potion between one to three hours before the full moon. And let me know what happens. Like I said, it’s still experimental, but I can adjust it, if it doesn’t work properly.”

Lupin stared at the vial in his hand for a long, silent moment. “I… I need to go to bed.”

Severus watched as the cowardly wolf ran.

Merlin, he hoped he had just done the right thing.

Notes:

Chapter 50 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Scouring the Room of Hidden Things for forgotten knowledge had become a nightly routine for Severus and the not-quite-Marauders.

It was fun, despite the existential terror lurking behind the innocent searches.

They had been doing it without fail for about a week now, with the only exception being Lily, who had skipped a couple of days to hang out with the other Gryffindor girls.

That would change tonight though, as it was the eve of the full moon.

Lupin had been avoiding Severus, which he honestly expected, but still left him feeling on edge.

He didn’t even like the wolf, but he felt the cold shoulder keenly.

Severus didn’t know what to do about it, though. He could only hope that Lupin trusted him enough or was desperate enough to take his potion before the moon rose tonight, and that it worked.

When Sirius had arrived alone to their rendezvous just outside the Room, explaining that Lily had ‘girl stuff’ to do and that Remus wasn’t feeling well, Severus had played along, noting that Lupin had looked a little sick to his stomach during lunch.

Severus, Sirius, and James had spent several hours flipping through pages, before giving up for the night and exploring some of the more interesting artifacts, instead.

The tiara remained the only horcrux Severus had spotted, thank Merlin.

One was bad enough.

Severus swore he could feel it leeching off of them if they lingered in its vicinity for too long.

It made him about as irritable as having to put up with Harry Potter in his potions classes had made him, and wasn’t that a line of thought that Severus was desperate to avoid?

He scowled at the assortment of junk that littered the table in front of him.

Who in their right mind would desperately need to hide what appeared to be a normal, half-eaten sandwich under a stasis spell? Had it been poisoned? Was it an illusion concealing something dangerous? Had it been stolen from a crush in some ill-conceived stalkerish attempt preserving precious memories?

Severus vanished the sandwich, too creeped out by the possibilities to want to investigate it further.

The sandwich didn’t have a soul; that was all he needed to know.

“You seem agitated,” James said, poking at set of muggle dice.

“I’m fine,” Severus snapped.

James gave him a look. “Oh yeah, you sound bloody brilliant. Come on, Sev. What’s wrong?”

“I’m just tired,” Severus said evasively. “We’ve been staying up late a lot, lately.”

“Mum says that means you’re about to go through a growth spurt,” James said, stretching his arms above his head. “Have you been thinking tall thoughts lately?”

“You are, by far, the strangest person I have ever met.”

James grinned at him like an utter loon. “Does my strangeness make you feel better, though?”

Severus smirked. “Oddly, yes. I am still tired, though. Would you be offended if I went to bed early tonight?”

“Nah, I could probably use a break too,” James admitted. “It’s going to take us months to go through all of this anyways. Maybe even years.”

For once, Severus did not the think the childish hyperbole was an unrealistically inflated estimate. The Room was massive and filled with a truly impressive amount of junk amidst its mountain of treasures.

“You wanna grab some hot cocoa from the kitchens and play a game of exploding snap before bed?” James asked, grabbing his invisibility cloak.

“Yeah, alright.”

One game had turned into three, and by the time they had shuffled off to bed, Severus wasn’t sure if they were getting any more sleep than they had been, but he had to admit that it had been fun.

It even distracted him from the full moon enough that he had not had a single dream about jagged teeth and bloody fur.

Severus followed James up to the Great Hall for breakfast with droopy eyes but the tiniest bounce in his step. He was sure that his tiredness was nothing that a strong cup of tea could not solve.

And bacon.

James was a firm believer that bacon solved everything, and Severus had to agree.

It was expensive enough that he did not have the opportunity to eat the stuff often at home, so he loaded his plate high with the strips of deliciousness and stirred a little honey into his tea, just because he could.

He wondered how Lupin had fared last night; wondered if he had trusted Severus to try the potion.

It would be disappointing if the wolf refused his help outright, or if the potion had yielded some unintended side-effects, but Severus did his best not to dwell on the dire possibilities.

He and Mr. Potter had been careful.

They had been thorough.

He and James had finished eating and were just leaving the Great Hall to add some last-minute touches to their latest transfiguration essays when Lupin walked in.

Severus stiffened, all of his doubts flooding back as he looked the wolf over for injuries.

Lupin walked over to him with grim determination.

Had it not worked?

Did Lupin assume that it was some kind of cruel prank?

Was he going to attack?

Lupin closed the remaining distance between them quickly, accosting Severus into a crushing grip.

It took him a moment to register the air being squeezed from his lungs as what it was, a hug.

Lupin clung to him tightly and whispered into Severus’ ear. “Thank-you.”

“I didn’t do it for you,” Severus admitted awkwardly in a quiet voice, aware of James watching them warily. “And it’s not a cure.”

“I know,” Lupin said. “I know that. I’ll always have to be careful. But… Severus, I don’t have to be afraid of myself anymore. I… what do I owe you? I don’t have much money, but I’ll do whatever you want. Anything.”

“That’s a dangerous thing to offer to a Slytherin,” Severus said, even as he knew that he would not take advantage of the offer. Keeping everyone safe from an attack was too important.

Lupin pulled back slightly and looked Severus directly in the eye. “I trust you.”

Beside them, James cleared his throat awkwardly.

Severus gave Lupin’s shoulder a quick squeeze and offered a curt nod. “We’ll talk later. I’m glad you’re feeling better, Remus.”

The moment they were out of earshot, James rounded on him. “What the bloody hell was that about?”

Notes:

Chapter 51 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus’ mind went frustratingly blank as he stared into James’ indignant eyes.

“I, uh… I offered to help Lupin with something is all.”

“Help with what?”

Severus scowled, flashes of other James refusing to take no for answer and prying into Severus’ personal life to find ammunition to use against him invaded Severus’ mind for the first time in ages. “It’s none of your business, Potter! I mean… it's Lupin’s secret to tell, not mine. Sorry.”

James looked inordinately hurt by Severus’ outburst, his eyes shining with betrayal.

Severus sighed. “Lupin’s your friend too. Why don’t you ask him? I would tell you if it wasn’t something private. I promise.”

James shrugged dejectedly. “Lupin is Sirius’ friend, and now yours apparently, not mine. He barely talks to be about anything.”

That made Severus pause. He thought back to all of their recent group outings and, sure enough, Remus had been a lone wolf the majority of the time, and hiding behind Sirius’ skirts for the rest.

Were he and James really not friends this time around?

That struck Severus as wrong.

He had had time to come to terms with the fact that he and Lily were not close, but he still mentally packaged the Marauders together a great deal more than he’d realized.

“Lupin’s just shy,” Severus said slowly. “I think you’d like him, if you gave him a chance.”

For some reason, that made James glare at him harder. “Oh, I’m sure he’s just dandy.”

“What’s your problem, James? I’m just trying to be nice!”

“It’s nothing. Never mind. I’m going to go study on my own.”

Severus watched helplessly as James stormed off without him.

Now what was he supposed to do?

With a sigh, Severus made his way to a quiet little alcove to touch up his transfiguration essay on his own.

It wasn’t like he actually needed the library to get an O on it anyways.

He had gotten in the habit of leaving some little things out so that he and James could problem solve them together.

It only took him a few minutes to fix his essay up to his standards of precocious preteen excellence, so once he was finished, he pulled out some fresh parchment and began a letter to Mr. Potter.

He would need to find a private moment to get better details on the potion’s success from Remus, but he had enough time to get a head start on his status report before class.

He did his best to keep it short and professional, explaining that the initial trial had achieved positive results and, making a bit of a safe assumption, that the test subject was willing to continue testing the potion through the refinement stage.

Once he got a detailed account from Lupin, and perhaps cast some subtle diagnostic spells of his own, he would add that in and have a better idea of how to proceed. He was under no illusions that it had worked flawlessly and without side effects, but he was very pleased with how well this first attempt seemed to have gone.

Now, if only Potter Jr. would stop being an arse about it.

Severus felt cheated, achieving a significant victory without his best friend celebrating it by his side.

He wanted to share his joy and pride with James.

He wanted James to be happy for him and happy with him.

He wanted James to trust him when he said that it wasn’t his secret to share.

He wanted…

Well, Severus was not entirely sure what he wanted.

He was very confused.

Independence and loneliness had been staple hallmarks of his existence for so long, that it still felt jarring and wrong to want to let someone else into his personal, private life so deeply as James had managed to worm.

Even his past life’s version of Lily, as dear and supportive as she had been, had been separated from Severus by House, gender, and awkward youthful expectations.

Severus had not been able to separate his love for Lily into a clean, definable category, and his confusion and indecision about exactly how he felt about her had driven a wedge of shame and resentment between them.

Petunia had been rather convinced that James had a romantic crush on Severus.

Was James also struggling to know where their friendship boundaries should be drawn?

Was he even aware of how he felt?

If he was aware, was he okay with feeling such things about another boy?

Severus was fairly certain that his social class was not a concern for James, nor his looks. Severus’ make-over in Diagon Alley combined with his father not disfiguring his face in this timeline had done wonders for Severus’ appearance… and his confidence.

Should Severus confront James about his crush?

Should he gently but firmly let the other boy down easy, in hopes that the crush would fade with time but their friendship would endure?

Severus was uncomfortable with the notion of pursuing anything romantic with anyone just yet.

And not just because his mind, brain, and body were stuck in disparate states.

Severus did not want to risk exposing himself in such a vulnerable way, when he knew how much puberty and teenaged trials and peer pressure could change a person.

Like it or not, James was the most important person in Severus’ life. He did not want to lose that.

He did not want to lose James.

How had Lily managed Severus’ own moody clinginess and contradictory desires when it came to her? She had managed to make Severus feel accepted and valued, despite never acquiescing to Severus’ more… romantic whims.

But that balance had not lasted, had it? They had both been prideful, stubborn, and poor at communication.

Their friendship had burned to ashes after Severus had lashed out in shame and rage.

After he had aligned himself to a cause that devalued her, out of his own selfish need for protection and validation.

Were Severus and James doomed to suffer a similar falling out?

Not over Voldemort, of course.

Severus was never treading that path again and he was certain that nothing could drive James Potter into the arms of the Dark Side.

But Severus did not know how to make his relationships last.

He knew how to serve Masters for a cause, but no clue how to stand as equals with someone through disagreement or strife.

Quite simply, Severus did not know what to do.

Notes:

Chapter 52 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus did his best to not be hurt by James’ cold shoulder as he waited for an opportunity to ask Lupin about the specifics of how the potion had affected him.

He didn’t need to wait long; Remus had clearly been able to see how antsy and excited Severus was about discussing the matter.

“Can we meet in the Room after class?” the wolf asked Severus in a whisper as they passed in the hall.

Severus gave a curt nod and kept walking, a smile tugging at his lips. He did love compiling notes after a successful experimental brew bore fruit.

Even if it did require voluntarily socializing with the wolf.

Maybe it would be good to talk so someone else without James hanging off of him for once.

Severus just needed to relax and remember how loyal and persistent James Potter could be. They’d be fine.

Hopefully.

In the meantime, Severus should probably put some thought and effort into expanding his social circle. It was not healthy to rely on one person for the bulk of his entertainment and validation.

Severus needed friends.

He scowled down at his brightly polished shoes.

He might look the part of someone with social skills and socially acceptable coping mechanisms this time around, but that did not mean that Severus knew the first thing about making people like him.

James was an accident, just like Lily in his previous life had evidently been.

His friendship with Black felt somewhat more earned, but he had cheated by already knowing Black’s future insecurities and regrets.

Same with Lupin, not that Severus would consider the wolf a friend, exactly.

He had earned Petunia’s friendship all on his own, though. Sure, he had been able to see her aura and had introduced her to the Wizarding World, but their bond had grown beyond that.

They had worked hard together and helped each other out, despite Lily’s pushback.

Severus was proud of his friendship with Petunia.

Although… was his introduction to her really all that different from his first encounter with James?

James was an obsessive leech who had not given Severus a choice in becoming friends but they had built a real friendship in top of that.

Hadn’t they?

James was just being silly.

He wouldn’t throw Severus away over some stupid misunderstanding.

He wouldn’t force Severus to spill Lupin’s darkest secrets, just to keep him around.

Right?

Severus wished that Petunia was here at Hogwarts. He needed someone to talk to, and trying to get his jumbled thoughts spelled out coherently in a letter was not going to cut it.

Then again, Petunia was still stuck on the idea that Severus should kiss James.

But that was gross… wasn’t it?

Severus had not thought much about the innocent flavor of carnal or romantic pleasures since waking up in this timeline, and did not have much first hand experience with such things in his previous life, bit he knew that the person who had most tempted him last time around had been Lily.

He frowned, trying to remembered his own thoughts and feelings from that distant, muddled time. It was getting harder and harder to remember clear details and sequences of events.

Had Severus liked Lily because she was a beautiful girl? Or because they were friends?

He certainly had not wasted much effort chasing skirts in the way that Potter or Black had.

Or Barty.

Although he had favored skirts and trousers equally.

Had Potter?

He did not remember the James from his previous life indulging in a dalliance with another boy, but then again, all of his trusts had been tainted by the goal of making Lily jealous.

Perhaps he had figured that dating a boy would not have the desired effect.

It was frustrating that Severus didn’t know.

Still, if James did like Severus in that way… was that something that Severus could ever reciprocate?

He remembered being grudgingly aware that both Potter and Black were objectively attractive, in hos last life.

But he hadn’t dwelled on it.

He had also known that Barty, Evan, and Lucius were handsome, too, and had dwelled on that… well not much, but more.

Perhaps his capacity to be physically attracted to a person was tied to how he felt about them.

He was grateful that his current body was not primed to worry about such things, while he figured it out, but he was all too aware of the hormone bomb that was looming in his future.

Merlin, he did not want to go through puberty again.

It had been hell enough the first time around.

Perhaps he could calculate a specifically constructed dose of Draught of Living Death that would allow him to skip those unfortunate years and reawaken after he’d turned twenty.

It was a tempting option, despite the overwhelming risks.

Severus rubbed at his face and let out a heavy sigh, supposing it would be embarrassingly anticlimactic if he were to die in his bid to evade a necessary and temporary hormonal imbalance of growing up after having survived his own death to relive his life over again.

He knew vital facts about what was to come that no one else could possibly imagine and had already changed things just enough that the world’s original hero might never be born.

It would be selfish and pathetic to not at least try to change things for good.

Or at least maintain the status quo as much as was still possible.

Giving werewolves an alternative to throwing themselves upon Lord Voldemort’s mercy was probably a good place to start.

Hopefully his talk with Remus would allow Severus to move forward with plans to mass produce his lycanthropy treatment.

And maybe, just maybe James would forgive him once he did.

Notes:

Chapter 53 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“I owe you my life,” Lupin said the moment Severus shut the door to the Room of Hidden Things behind them.

Severus rolled his eyes. “That is a little dramatic, is it not? I just helped you catch some sleep once a month. Assuming the potion worked as expected.”

Lupin gaped at him. “Dramatic? Snape, do you have any idea how painful it is to transition? How dangerous to myself and others it is to be trapped in the body of an agitated, aggressive predator?

“Werewolves live shorter lives than muggles, Snape. By a large margin. Even the ones who avoid being hunted or executed tend to injure themselves over and over again until their body isn’t strong enough to heal anymore. Not to mention the mental toll of losing oneself on a regular basis, and keeping a human identity while being stuck with base animal instincts and being shunned from society. I know this isn’t a cure, but just being able to stay relaxed and asleep through the transition is a very big deal.”

Severus swallowed, pushing down a rising sense of guilt. “I was more focused on keeping everyone else safe, to be honest.”

Lupin laughed, his amber eyes soft and sad. “And that’s the best part of all! The stress and terror of losing control once a month, never sure if I’d wake up a murderer… and a cannibal… I just, I cannot thank you enough.”

“I assure you that you can,” Severus drawled, adjusting his robes. “I do not handle compliments well. Or thanks.”

“I’ve noticed that,” Lupin said with a shy smile. “I’m surprised you’re not used to it by now.”

Severus huffed. “Because of James?”

Lupin blinked. “Because of you, Snape. Potter is just dramatic about stating the obvious.”

Struggling to decipher the insult, Severus tensed. “And which truth, precisely, is that?”

Lupin blushed and gave the world's most awkward shrug. “That you’re really cool. You, er, you wanted to hear about the potion’s effects in more detail?”

Allowing the previous subject to drop, Severus nodded. “Yes. Walk me through what happened, from the moment you first took the potion to after you woke up… and any lingering effects after that.”

Lupin gave his account, explaining that he had started feeling drowsy right away, but that he had not fallen asleep until right before his transition normally started. He was anxious as he list consciousness, but admitted that that was likely his own fear of what might go wrong rather than the potion itself. He had blacked out entirely for the entire night, and had woken up with some stiffness and sore muscles, but that his inner wolf had seemed more at peace than it ever had when he’d caged himself and left the wolf to scratch and bite and throw itself at its enclosure all night long. The potion had left a bitter taste in his mouth, and he had remained groggy for the whole next day, in a way that felt more like a potion effect than a result of natural exhaustion.

Overall, they were very promising results.

Severus already had a handful of adjustments that he would like to try to improve the brew, and he was certain that he would think of more once he consulted with Mr. Potter, but for a first trial, Severus was very pleased.

Lupin was pleased too, and would not stop gushing over Severus’ intelligence, compassion, and skill.

It made him want to punch the wolf in his nose.

“I’m not that special,” Severus insisted, “and I didn’t do it alone. I had adult help, even though he doesn’t know the potion was for you.”

Lupin, damn him, was not deterred.

It was odd, really. In his previous life, Severus would have taken smug satisfaction from prying an earned compliment from the lips of any one of the Marauders, but now that he was not looked down upon and despised, Severus found that he had no taste for the spotlight.

“It was your idea though, right?”

“It was,” Snape conceded hesitantly. “To keep everyone else safe.”

“And you did the initial research? Wrote up the initial test recipes?”

“I… yes.”

“And your initial findings were promising enough to secure the attention of a competent adult? Enough to take you and your work seriously?”

“…More or less.”

Lupin grinned. “Then, thank you Severus. I owe you a life debt, and then some.”

Severus tensed. “You do not. You don’t mean that. Life debts are dangerous and exacting. You don’t know what it means to be under the yoke of one. You owe me nothing of the sort.”

Lupin squeezed Severus’ arm. “Agree to disagree. You’re a good friend, Snape. And an even better person. Someday, I hope you’ll realize just how special you are.”

Disconcerted and off-balance, Severus glanced down the isles of Hidden Things to where his master had stashed a piece of his murderous soul, before he practically fled from Lupin and the Room, unsure of how to confront the lies hidden within Lupin’s blind praise.

He was not a good person. Lupin didn’t know the things he’d done, the people he’d gotten killed.

No one knew.

Not anymore.

But that did not erase the tarnish of those deeds from his tattered and threadbare soul.

He had gotten too comfortable, living the life of an innocent child, caught up in the illusion. He didn’t belong here.

All of a sudden, Severus could see this potions experiment for what it really was, a watered down of cheap white-wash paint he had been using to hide from the sins of his past. He didn’t deserve the respect, kindness, and affection that was so casually sent his way.

Murderer.

Severus shivered. For the first time in ages, he brushed his fingers along his throat where Nagini’s fangs had torn him open in what should have been a gruesome, permanent, and fitting death. He couldn’t even remember the pain of being ripped open anymore.

He barely remembered the terror of knowing that he was dying; that he still had unfinished business to prepare Potter for his own impending death.

The details of his past life were getting fuzzier by the day.

They were an ancient memory, an unpleasant dream that he desperately wished that he could shake off now that he was awake.

Only he couldn’t.

It had been real.

His brain might not be developed enough yet to fully process what had happened to him, what he had done, the way he had as an adult, but he remembered enough to feel the rightful shame of his crimes.

He was wasting so much time, tinkering with potions and indulging in the fantasy of having friends.

He knew where a horcrux was located. He knew that The Dark Lord had made more than one.

He should be hunting them down.

That was the only act of penance that could even come close to balancing his karmic scales.

Maybe James’ cold shoulder was a blessing in disguise.

It would be easier to devote his time to hunting down soul fragments without any clingers on. More efficient.

It was better this way; he had wasted too much time already.

Running his fingers through his too-clean hair, Severus felt the vicious urge to cut it all off.

The hair, his robes, his never-broken nose, they all marked him as a fraud.

They had all led him astray, temptations to a life that had never been meant for him.

Dungeon Bat. Death Eater.

Snivellous.

He could never afford to forget who he really was.

Notes:

Chapter 54 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus ignored James’ sad puppy dog eyes as he stalked across the library to where the information about former alumni was shelved.

James had been avoiding him all week; Severus had every right to ignore him right back.

And Severus had a mission; he could not afford to waste time indulging in petty, childish drama.

Dumbledore had always been tight-lipped about his knowledge of The Dark Lord, but he had been open enough that his real name had been Tom. Tom Riddle, Severus was relatively certain.

…If his memories of his past life were still clear enough to point him straight.

He needed to dig up everything he could find on Tom Riddle; it was the only starting place he had.

It became quickly apparent that Riddle was not a defunct pureblood family name. Severus had had suspicions about The Dark Lord’s lineage, but he remembered it being one of those things that none of his followers dared to discuss, or even hint at too overtly.

Surely, the older generation of Death Eaters had known that their Master was a half blood… right?

Had that knowledge not rankled against their blood supremacist pride? Had they not lived in shame at their own hypocrisy?

Just as Severus had lived in shame at willingly swearing himself to an ideology had had marked him as irrevocably inferior?

Severus frowned at the stacks upon stacks of meticulously curated genealogies. He had been ashamed of his own bloodline, had raged against any association he was forces to bear with his abusive muggle father, but he had become adept at pushing that knowledge away.

At ignoring the inconvenient truths.

Could he really judge the fathers of his housemates for brushing shoulders with terrifying greatness and deciding to do the same?

Perhaps the more pressing question was, why hadn’t Dumbledore publicly exposed The Dark Lord’s true name and parentage?

Surely his word would be enough to sway the public zeitgeist on the topic. If the proud old families had to publicly and openly declare their own servitude to a half-blood with a muggle name, that would have given them pause or weakened their own rhetoric for the next generation.

What was Severus missing?

Oh.

Did the Headmaster already suspect that The Dark Lord had horcruxes in this time?

Severus had not been privy to the horcrux containers or their hiding places last time around, but he had known enough to suspect that they all held come kind of connection to Voldemort’s personal life and ambitions.

Perhaps exposing The Dark Lord’s past would prompt the paranoid psychopath to move them.

Ah ha! Severus leaned closer over the page he had flipped to as the name Tom Riddle jumped out at him. It was a self-updating list of Hogwarts prefects, not much to go on, but it proved that Tom Riddle had indeed attended Hogwarts, and the exact years that he had been in fifth through seventh year.

Frowning, Severus strained to remember something he had held onto as important from his last life, the dates when the Chamber of Secrets had been previously opened.

They lined up perfectly.

Tom Riddle had been the Heir of Slytherin, and had framed Hagrid for hos crimes.

Had the other Slytherins of his time known? Had they been alright with publicly acknowledging a half-giant as their precious heir in order to protect the half-blood rising through their midst?

Or had that deception rankled?

How had Tom Riddle gained his first batch of loyalty?

It seemed unlikely to be won through fear alone. The purebloods ran the Ministry even more in those days than they did now. Or twenty years from now.

An outsider upstart threatening their heirs would have united the old family lords into removing the threat before it fully manifested.

They could have had young Tom locked away in Azkaban without breaking a sweat.

Could it have been genuine admiration that compelled Lord Voldemort’s early followers?

“What are you reading?” James asked from over Severus’ shoulder, making him jump. Merlin, he had really allowed his espionage instincts to lapse, hadn’t he? Potter wasn’t even using his blasted cloak. “Is that part of what you’re doing with Lupin?”

James sounded hurt but trying to be optimistic and friendly.

With great effort, Severus curbed his impulse to sigh heavily and pinch the bridge of his nose. “No, this isn’t about Lupin. This is about something else.”

James perked up. “Is it about your dreams? Can I help?”

“No!” Severus snapped angrily. He regretted the harshness of his words immediately. When had James perfected that wounded puppy look? It was terribly bothersome. And effective. Taking a deep breath, Severus tried again, calmly. “No. This is something I need to do alone. I can’t afford for the information I’m seeking to be spread to anyone. For any reason. Too much is at stake.”

James looked crushed. “Oh.”

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake. Some things are too dangerous. I don’t want to risk you getting hurt. I trust you, but there are too many meddling wizards around that are proficient at legilimency for me to risk sharing more than I absolutely must. It’s nothing personal, alright?”

“Yeah,” James said morosely, scuffing the floor with his polished uniform shoe. “I get it.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Look… what if we played some exploding snap or something equally as asinine later tonight? I’ll let you choose.”

James looked at him suspiciously. “Just the two of us?”

“Yes, you paranoid prat. Just the two of us. You’re my best friend. And you’re the one who shut me out, remember? You can’t act all… ‘victimy’ now that you’ve gotten over yourself.”

James laughed. “You’re funny.”

“I am not. I am, however, very busy. If you want to help, would you mind steering people away from this isle until I’m done? Avoiding suspicion is bothersome when people keep trying to catch a peek at what I’m reading over my shoulder.”

Blushing guiltily, James nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’m sorry for being paranoid. But I… I am your only best friend, aren’t I?”

Severus flicked the nuisance squarely in the forehead. “Oh for… yes, you dunderhead. You’re my only best friend.”

James grinned brightly and moved to flick Severus in return. Severus neatly dodged the attempt. “You’re my only best friend, too, Sev.”

“Good to know,” Severus deadpanned, shooing James off. “Go stand watch.”

Notes:

Chapter 55 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus idly pushed his scrambled eggs around on his plate, lost in thought and de facto ignoring James’ chattering. It was hard to keep one’s resolve when one had James Potter permanently attached to one’s hip and constantly whining for one to take a break and have fun, and breakfast was one of the only times when James allowed Severus to ignore him until he fully woke up without complaint.

Through extensive trial and error, Severus had come to the conclusion that it took far more effort to attempt to ignore or push James away than it took to play along with his best friend’s impulsive ideas and easy affection and then find the time alone to do his most dangerous research alone.

Lupin’s earnest gratitude and helpful spirit made it difficult to ignore his pursuit of a refined werewolf potion, too, especially after Mr. Potter had written him back to congratulate him on such a successful first trial.

Was this for the best?

Should Severus work slowly and in the shadows until he was older and until the world proceeded to a point where he remembered strategic information about The Dark Lord’s forces and positions?

He knew very little about the specifics of Voldemort’s cause for at least another few years, even if nothing major changed.

A part of him wished that he could trust Dumbledore enough to lay his burden’s at the old man's feet and trust him to take care of everything, but he remembered too clearly his disgust when Dumbledore had explained his plans to use Harry Potter as a sacrificial lamb.

Led to the slaughter on a leash woven from intricately layered fibers of shame, guilt, and obligation.

No, even if Dumbledore did take everything Severus had to say at face value, he could never trust the man to act in Severus’ best interests.

At the end of the day Severus, as always, stood alone. It was safer that way, for himself and for the children he now called friends.

Frowning, Severus contemplated the known futures of his friends and of his fellow Slytherins. Severus could keep them safe now by keeping them ignorant and at arm’s length, but he knew that many of them came from Death Eater families.

If he intervened too soon and attempted to sway them from their families’ cause, he risked putting a target on his back and losing his advantage of foresight. If he stood back and did nothing though, he was essentially condemning many of them to a future horrific death or branded enslavement to a madman.

Not to mention Azkaban.

As much as he would like to shirk responsibility by claiming that by the time they made that choice they would be of-age and perfectly liable for the consequences of their choices, but Severus knew all too well that grooming was a long, insidious process.

Many Slytherins had taken the Mark right at their seventeenth birthday, or even before, and the promises, pressure, and psychological manipulation had started years in advance.

For the older students like Lucius Malfoy, if was undoubtedly happening now.

Severus knew he couldn’t save them all, knew that pride, family loyalty, and hatred shackled many of them to the Dark Lord more firmly than whispered promises alone, but did that really absolve Severus of the responsibility to try?

Was it worth sacrificing a single generation of young purebloods to the meat grinder of war in order to maintain his advantage and hopefully secure an early and decisive victory?

Or would he be bolstering his enemy’s ranks and condemning the souls of his classmates for nothing?

When a non-descript barn owl delivered a sealed note to Severus with the breakfast mail, he was suspicious.

When, after checking the parchment and seal for jinxed and hexes, the flowing script of the summons turned out to be a personal invitation from Dumbledore, he was downright paranoid.

What did the old man want now?

The headmaster had not paid Severus any attention in his first life until well after the Death Eaters had already begun grooming him.

…apart from downplaying Severus’ misery in order to make excuses for hos favorite Marauders, of course.

Severus sighed and crumpled the note in his fist but didn’t vanish it.

Running away from Dumbledore’s summons would only draw more unwanted attention to himself.

His appetite ruined, Severus pushed away from the Slytherin table, ignoring James’ curious look as he escaped the Great Hall.

He would rather wander around aimlessly than sit in view of the headmaster while they silently tried to figure each other out.

“Sev?” James called out, chasing after him.

Apparently, Severus had overestimated his best friend’s willingness to leave him alone in the mornings.

“Hey,” Severus replied dully, handing James the note.

James’ eyes went comically wide. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything,” Severus scoffed, successfully avoiding choking on the lie.

Severus had done nothing but earn Dumbledore’s eyre since starting Hogwarts this time around, luring the son of one of the staunchest light side Gryffindor families to the dark side of Slytherin prime amongst them.

“What does he want?” James asked, instead. “And what’s with that last line? Does he want you to bring him candy? You can’t even visit Hogsmeade, yet.”

“It’s the password to his office,” Severus explained automatically, “er… probably.”

“That’s a stupid password in a school,” James said cheerfully. “It should be something that kids don’t know much about; don’t you think? Or maybe he changes the password whenever he asks a student up to meet him, to make sure they can remember how to get in. That’s probably it, right?”

“You’ll maintain your sanity longer if you stop trying to apply logic to Dumbledore’s actions,” Severus drawled, rolling his eyes. “That man is a menace.”

James grinned. “Your dreams showed you that he’s crazy, huh? I guess that makes sense. People always say that genius and insanity go side by side.”

Severus raised a brow. “You are constantly prattling on and on about how much of a genius I am.”

James snickered into his hand. “That is true. You must be a bit mad, then. It’s only logical.”

“I am friends with you,” Severus muttered teasingly, “so I suppose your hypothesis had supporting evidence behind it.”

“I guess that makes me a genius, too. What do you think Dumbledore wants to talk to you about?”

“I have no idea.”

“Wanna take a nap before the meeting to see if you can find out?”

“That’s not how the dreams work, you idiot. Shut up.”

“Can I come with you?”

“That’s not a good idea,” Severus said automatically and then paused. Dumbledore would be less likely to attempt Legilimency on Severus if he had a witness, and it was not like Severus was willing to tell Dumbledore more than he’d already told James, anyways. The boy’s presence might help to remind him of that when the headmaster inevitably got up to his slippery ways. “Actually, you know what? Why not? The more the merrier, right?”

James grinned. “Always.”

Notes:

Chapter 56 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“I still think I should use my invisibility cloak,” James said, bouncing along beside Severus as they headed to the headmaster’s office.

“Absolutely not,” Severus said sharply. "That is an advantage I would rather not waste too early. Besides, the whole point is for you to be there as a witness to keep Dumbledore in check. I don’t need someone to file an auror report after the fact, I need someone there as a deterrent.”

“You make the headmaster sound like a criminal.”

“As someone who acts as if he is above the law, I assure you that he would disagree. That does not make him any less dangerous.”

“What do you think he’d do to you, though, if I wasn’t there?”

“I’d rather not find out.”

James rolled his eyes. “You must have your suspicions or I wouldn’t be here. I like being your body guard, by the way.”

“Oh, yes… you are very intimidating.”

“Are you going to tell the headmaster about your dreams?”

“I… don’t know.”

“Why not?”

“It is complicated.”

“Why?”

“Merlin James, are you five? It just is, okay? I have no guarantee that I’ll keep having dreams like that, and if I change too much too quickly, then I will lose my advantage.”

“Huh, that does sound complicated. Dumbledore could help though, couldn’t he? Wouldn’t that be worth it?”

“It would be if I could trust the man,” Severus murmured, running his fingers down his face. “I fear he would see you and I as mere pawns to his greater good. Or worse, obstacles.”

James halted and gripped the sleeve of Severus’ robes. “He wouldn’t hurt you, would he?”

“Probably not directly,” Severus admitted with a sigh, “but I doubt he would put much consideration behind my happiness, goals, or wellbeing either… or those of my friends. I am not willing to give up that much control over my own destiny unless I grow truly desperate. Promise you will not volunteer any information to him that I have not already said.”

“I promise,” James said easily, crossing his heart. Severus… believed him. James Potter had been a lot of things between the two lives he’d known him, but he had never been a snitch.

“Good. Hurry up. If we’re late, he’ll use that as leverage.”

“You know an awful lot about him,” James pointed out. “Do you dream that much about everyone in school?”

Sweet Merlin, James actually sounded jealous of the old man. “Some more than others,” Severus admitted. “In my dreams, you turned out to be quite the insufferable prick.”

James grinned. “I guess that’s proof that things can change, then.”

Severus flicked James’ forehead, squarely between the eyes. “That particular proof is yet to be determined.”

“Nah, I’m pretty awesome. You love me. Er… as best friends and all.” James flushed scarlet and averted his eyes.

“For the love of Merlin, please stop talking. I need to be focused for this meeting.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“I suppose it is too much to ask that you already know some Occlumency.”

“I mean… I’ve heard of it…”

“Just avoid looking in Dumbledore’s eyes. To be safe. Chocolate Frogs.”

The stone gargoyles that guarded the headmaster’s office swept aside, allowing them passage.

“Woah, that’s pretty cool. I want my house to be guarded by a password and secret entrance someday.”

“That would help to prevent unwanted visitors,” Severus allowed.

“You and Sirius will always know the password, of course. And my parents. No one else, though.”

Severus rolled his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath before knocking on Dumbledore’s office door.

“Come in,” came the annoyingly jovial response.

Doing his best not to grind his teeth before the meeting had even bloody started, Severus opened the door and moved directly to take a seat.

“Would you…”

“No, thank you,” Severus cut Dumbledore off. “I’m in no mood for sugar.”

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled as he offered his ever-present stash of lemon drops to James instead, who readily indulged. “I see you brought a friend.”

“Indeed.”

“It is wise to keep one’s friends close, well done.”

“Why am I here, Headmaster?” Severus asked pointedly.

Dumbledore smiled. “I wanted to congratulate you, my boy.”

Severus blinked but refused to take the bait and asked. By the way James was fidgeting in the chair next to him, it was causing him physical pain to refrain from cutting in and asking on Severus’ behalf.

Albus soaked in James’ enthusiastic anticipation as if it were Severus’ own. “I got a letter from Mr. Potter’s father last night. It came with this.”

Severus accepted the proffered parchment warily, looking it over.

That couldn’t be right.

Breath catching in his throat, Severus read it over again.

Sweet Merlin, James’ dad had published their preliminary werewolf potion findings… and he had listed Severus as his apprentice and as the primary potioneer on the project. He had listed himself as merely attending supervisor and had even given Petunia an assistant’s credit.

This was… this was huge.

As an official apprentice, Severus would have access to academic journals and restricted potion stocks. As the listed primary potioneer, he was entitled to the largest share of the profits of any future licensing and sales. Severus was the patent holder. He was the one who held exclusive rights to this current version of the potion, and to any future iterations and improvements, as long as he was involved in their creation.

It was unheard of for an established potions master to grant an apprentice the title of primary potioneer, let alone a brand-new apprentice. Let alone a pre-teen brand-new apprentice who had not paid an apprentice’s fee or signed any official documents.

Infuriatingly, Severus found himself blinking back tears.

“What happened?” James asked anxiously. “Are you okay?”

Severus shook his head. He couldn’t speak. He…

“This potion is going to improve a lot of lives,” Dumbledore said gently. “I could not be more proud.”

“I…”

James perked up at that. Severus wordlessly handed him the parchment.

“Mr. Potter has asked that we accommodate you with a private potions lab as befitting your new status as a published apprentice so you might continue your research. You will be responsible for keeping your lab secure at all times. You will be permitted an assistant, but the lab is not to be used as a private hideaway for socialization. It is a privilege granted to you for professional purposes only. As your master, Mr. Potter will be responsible for keeping your lab stocked. He can arrange for deliveries to be made to the school on your behalf and we will see them given to you, but we will not place orders directly, and you are not permitted to use ingredients from Professor Slughorn’s stores. Are you willing to accept these stipulations?”

Severus’ head was spinning, struggling to keep up. He nodded shakily.

“I am afraid I will need your word, Mr. Prince-Snape. This is a very big responsibility.”

“Yes… yes, Sir,” Severus finally managed.

“I can be Sev’s assistant, right?” James asked.

Dumbledore chuckled warmly. “That will be up to him. I would advise an older student to take on the role, as they would have more experience and expertise, but that is up to Mr. Snape.”

James turned his puppy dog eyes on Severus. “Can I, Sev? I’ll be the best assistant ever. Promise.”

“…I’ll think about it.”

Notes:

Chapter 57 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus could murder Mr. Potter for being so damned altruistic and generous. His life had been complicated enough before, but now it was an absolute nightmare.

Overnight, Professor Slughorn had decided that Severus was worth ‘collecting’, with Dumbledore hot on his heels, the older Slytherins were watching Severus like a hawk, the younger Slytherins all wanted something from him, Lupin had started avoiding him as if any measure of proximity would out him as the werewolf test subject that had proven the potion effective, and James flat out refused to accept that he was not suited to the boring, repetitive requirements of being a potions assistant.

Severus had a sick feeling that the Dark Lord now knew exactly who he was, too.

He could feel his precious control slipping away and he hated it.

The irony that, last life, Severus would have killed for such an opportunity was not lost on him. He knew that Mr. Potter had meant well and had been exceedingly generous, to both himself and to Petunia.

An assistant’s credit on a published potions creation would open a lot of doors for her that would otherwise have remained tightly closed to a muggleborn squib. As far as Severus knew, most of the Wizarding World did not even realize or acknowledge the existence of muggleborn squibs, so she would need all of the help she could get if she wanted to make inroads into the magical community.

It was Sirius, much to Lily’s annoyance, who was touting Petunia’s accomplishment the loudest, boasting to everyone he saw about how he knew the world’s first ‘officially recognized’ muggleborn squib and confirming that he had spent time with her over Christmas and could vouch for her budding herbology and potions theory skills.

Severus was happy for his friend, truly he was, but it had come at a heavy cost.

It had been years since he had felt the crushing dual burdens of obligation and notoriety so intensely.

Suddenly, everyone wanted something from him again, tearing at pieces of his soul so they could wield him for their own pet causes.

He was torn; part of him wanted to retreat into himself and shut out the outside world entirely, focusing on his selfish desires and the necessary steps needed to secure a safe and prosperous future for himself and nothing else, but he had come to rely on the help and input of his friends despite the fact that they were mostly still children, and he knew that cutting off all outside points of view would leave him with exploitable and glaring blind spots.

No part of him actually wanted to give up his new, private lab.

This was more brewing freedom than he had ever had before, not beholden to Dumbledore or The Dark Lord to mass produce wartime potions and not condemned to ‘learn’ under the tutelage of Masters who wanted to pass off Severus’ genius as their own.

He could do anything he wanted within the bounds of the law.

He could play around with concepts that had been niggling at the back of his mind for decades.

He needed to use this invaluable resource strategically.

A potion potent enough to dissolve a Horcrux would be a good place to start. One that could sever the Dark Mark’s bond of servitude would also be invaluable.

Or something that guarded one’s mind against all forms of mind control, be it an imperius, amortentia, or Legilimency inception.

“Severus,” the insidiously silky voice of Lucius Malfoy intruded upon his thoughts as the older boy slid gracefully onto the sofa next to him.

Merlin, Severus needed to work on his situational awareness. He had been so consumed with his worries and ambitions both that he had completely lost track of the fact that he was sitting in the common room staring into the fireplace’s crackling blaze, let alone who or what was going on around him.

“What do you want, Malfoy?” Severus asked warily.

Lucius, damn him, seemed amused by Severus’ terseness. “As your prefect, it is my responsibility to ensure that all Slytherins have what they need to reach their full potential. It seems that I’ve overlooked your needs, Snape. I knew you were talented and ambitious, but I had no idea how far-reaching both skills extended. It seems you’re destined to add a great deal of value to the magical world in your lifetime. I want to make sure you do not face any undue hindrances.”

“And what will that cost me?” Severus asked in a bored drawl.

Lucius smirked. “Oh, I like you. I wouldn’t ask for anything unreasonable, I assure you. The occasional potions order that I would pay for, of course, and an overture of friendship. In exchange, I can offer you my family’s vast professional network, political backing, provided our goals are sufficiently aligned, and funding, to be negotiated on an as-needed basis.”

“I reserve the right to refuse to accept any order request, no questions asked, and my ‘overtures of friendship’ do not entail blind loyalty or sycophantry. If you want a friendship as peers and equals, I am willing to put in as much effort as you do to make that happen, but I will not be bought and paid for. Not under any circumstances.”

Lucius’ nostrils flared in that subtle way that showed he was annoyed but trying not to show it. “It is quite presumptive to assume a first year, even an exceptional one, could be close to capable of meeting me on equal terms.”

Severus smiled blandly. “Especially a half-blood with a merely probationary heir status and no wealth to speak of?”

“You are very blunt.”

“I find it saves valuable time, especially as my terms on this matter are non-negotiable. The quaffle is in your hands, Malfoy. Let me know what you decide.”

“Indeed,” Lucius said contemplatively. “Indeed. I shall consider your terms. You surprise me, Heir Prince-Snape. I am not surprised often.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Severus replied cooly, turning back to the fire. “Enjoy your evening, Malfoy.”

“Likewise.”

Severus could not help himself from peeking after Lucius as he walked stiffly away. Now, that was a nuclear bomb just waiting to go off. Lucius did not handle sleights gracefully, but he handled his cowed minions even worse.

Severus had needed to make it abundantly clear that he did not fit into that latter category or there would be no end to the trouble Lucius would cause.

Bloody hell.

Worse, Severus knew with absolute certainty that this was only the beginning to his newfound woes.

Lupin’s bloody potion had better be worth all this mess.

Notes:

Chapter 58 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus and James were sitting together in one of Hogwarts’ courtyards, amiably arguing over the ethics of transfiguration when someone barged in between them and plopped down, uninvited.

Barty.

“Think you’re hot shit at potions, eh?” Barty asked, a manic gleam in his eye. “My dad won’t shut up about you.”

Severus arched his brow, thinking fast. The future Death Eater had not approached him yet in this lifetime, and Barty’s father always had been a sore subject, just as Barty had always been a touch unstable. He needed to tread carefully. “One would think he’d have more important issues to occupy his mind.”

Barty laughed, sharp and humorless. “Nothing is as important as finding new ways to point out how I never measure up; it’s his favorite hobby. Did you really invent a brand new potion all on your own?”

Keeping his face carefully blank, Severus allowed himself a shallow nod. “I had a potions master supervising, but yes. It was probably just a fluke that it turned out.”

Flicking at the expensive cufflinks that were magically affixed to his under-robes dress shirt, Barty scowled. “I fucking hate false modesty, Snape. Almost as much as I hate stupid child prodigies. It’s disgusting.”

“What do you want, Crouch?” James snapped, poking the Ravenclaw hard in the ribs. “Sev and I were in the middle of something.”

“I bet you were. I was curious, Potter,” Barty admitted with a shrug. “And I got bored.”

“No one wants that,” Severus quipped dryly, rolling his eyes. “Something tells me random things find themselves spontaneously on fire when you get bored.”

Barty’s eyes flashed, his hand twitching towards his wand as if the mere mention of fire made him want to start one.

He always had been a bloody menace.

“Things always look the most beautiful right before they die. Maybe you should invent yourself a poison next time, Snape. Fucking live a little.”

Severus bristled, utterly annoyed with the veiled threats and silent pleas to treat the Ravenclaw as an awe-inspiring edgy little prick. Severus had stared down The Dark Lord at the height of his power without flinching; Barty Crouch Junior didn’t scare him in the slightest. “You think I haven’t, already? Just because the werewolf slumber potion is my first publicly accredited potion doesn’t mean I haven’t dabbled in other areas already. Don’t push your luck.”

“About fucking time you let your mask slip a little, Snape. I’m on to you,” Barty said, pointing right in Severus’ face. “It was nice talking to you both. Enjoy canoodling or whatever; I’m off to find someone more interesting. Ta.”

“What’s his deal?” James asked in a huff after Barty had sauntered away. “You okay, Sev?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Thanks. And I don’t know what his deal is, but if I had to guess, he’s looking to start a fight in hopes that word of it will get back to his father.”

“It’s kind of lame to have daddy issues that bad, isn’t it?” James scoffed.

Severus frowned. “Depends on how bad the father actually is, I suppose.”

That brought James up short. “Oh. Sorry, Sev. I didn’t mean that. I was just venting. Crouch really rubbed me the wrong way. Sorry.”

“In my dreams, he broke my nose before I ever started Hogwarts. It never healed correctly, and I got picked on a lot for being ugly. My father, I mean. Not Crouch.”

“Well, I’m glad you changed that dream from coming true. You deserve better than that.”

“I can handle a few cruel words from children, James.”

“I meant the bit about your dad beating you. You don’t deserve that. Was… was it just the once? Just in the dream? Or… does he do that kind of thing a lot?”

“I can take care of myself, don’t worry about it.”

“That isn’t what I asked.”

“Well, it’s the only answer you’re going to get, Potter. Drop it.”

“For now. It’s important, though. My family can help you.”

“I’m not some charity case, you prick. I don’t need your pity or your help. Leave me alone.”

“Where are you going?”

Severus glared at James from the edge of the courtyard where he had been dramatically storming off. “To ask Black to be my potions assistant. At least he knows that family business should stay private sometimes.”

Don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel guilty.

James’ devastatingly heartbroken face haunted Severus all the way to Gryffindor tower.

Worse, it took almost an hour before any of the stupid lions capitulated to Severus’ insistent knocking and told Sirius that he was waiting outside their common room.

Was he making a mistake, asking Sirius to be his assistant while he was still angry?

It made more sense than James helping, true, but he was picking Sirius not only because his temperament and skillset was better suited to the task but also because he knew it would piss James off and make him stupidly jealous.

Which was stupid.

The whole situation was stupid.

Why did James have to keep poking and poking about Severus’ home life?

He didn’t want to bloody talk about it.

James, with his perfect family and his perfect life, had no right to judge Severus’ living situation.

Just because Severus had decided to let James in on some of his secrets did not mean that he had a right to all of them.

“So,” Sirius said hesitantly as he climbed out of the portrait hole, “do you need my help killing someone, or just burying the body?”

Severus blinked. “What?”

Sirius smirked. “You look murderous. What’s up?”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Fair enough, but I can get my hands on a shovel in under five minutes if you change your mind. What did you want to ask?”

Basking in Black’s easy acceptance of Severus’ boundaries and secrets, he took a long, deep breath. “You heard that I have access to a personal potions lab now, right?”

“Of course! Sounds bloody brilliant, that. Just think of all the pranks you could brew in there.”

“So, I was thinking… how would you like to be my official potions assistant? I’m allowed to have one.”

“I’d love to! Surprised you’re not asking James, though.”

Severus scowled. “James does not have the patience nor the caution to handle delicate potions ingredients for hours on end.”

“Uh huh. Well, if you’re sure, I’m in. If you change your mind, just let me know. No hard feelings.”

“I won’t.”

“Okay. Wanna give me a tour?”

Severus smiled gratefully. “Sure.”

Notes:

Chapter 59 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Working with Black was surprisingly easy.

Without Potter around to impress, the boy seemed perfectly happy to show off his actual brewing competence rather than how destructive and disruptive he could be. He was still evidently a first year, but he was a coordinated and well educated first year with good instincts and a quick memory.

Severus found himself lapsing into the rare mentoring mode that he had always spared for his most promising students.

And Black did not seem insulted by the tutelage at all.

In fact, he had started asking relevant questions at a respectful rate and engaging in topical conversation as they worked together.

It was downright pleasant, which made Severus feel unaccountably guilty.

It was stupid.

He was making good progress on his research, creating potions and formulating ideas that would save a lot of lives. He had a right to excel in a space without James Potter hanging on. He was allowed to have other bloody friends.

“You’ve helped me a lot, you know,” Black said quietly, keeping his eyes fixed on his work.

Severus shrugged uncomfortably. “Not really. You understand the basics already.”

“Not the potions, you tit. Life stuff. I was dead set on hurting people when we first met, remember? I wanted to fight against the way I was raised at any cost, you know?”

Oh, Severus knew. He knew both what it felt like to burn down his own life in his blind rage and what it was like to be the target of Black’s.

“I’m sure you would have come around on your own eventually,” Severus lied, desperately wanting to change the topic but drawing an utter blank.

“I’m not so sure,” Black said softly. “Anyways, I wanted to say thanks. I owe you. And… I’m here for you, whatever you need.”

Severus rolled his eyes. “Don’t be a sappy dunderheaded idiot.”

Sirius smirked, the mirth not quite making it to his eyes. “Why are you mad at James, anyways?”

The shutters in Severus’ mind slammed abruptly shut. “I’m not,” he snapped.

“Uh huh. Fine. Just remember that I’m here to listen if you want to talk about it. Or if you want advice or something, for whatever that’s worth.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Well, good then. Just keep it in mind if that ever changes. Anyways, I was thinking about pranking Peter with a stink bomb potion in his bed. Do you think bubotuber puss or salamander bile would be a better bonding agent so the stench really sticks to his skin?”

Sirius was snickering as he explained his plan, his eyes gleaming as if he would already envision Pettigrew’s inevitable freakout.

Severus frowned. He should have known better than to hope that Black’s bullying tendencies had disappeared forever in this timeline.

Even if it was only against Pettigrew.

“Are you sure you want to antagonize someone you sleep next to ten months out of the year?”

Black scoffed. “He’s too cowardly to really retaliate. Merlin only knows how he sorted Gryffindor.”

“Back anyone into a corner for long enough and they’ll lash out,” Severus insisted warningly. “The more helpless they truly feel, the uglier it’ll be.”

“I'm surprised you care. You feel more like my… like my sponsor than my friend half the time, and it’s obvious to everyone that you don’t like Peter. Even Peter’s clued into it.”

“I don’t trust him. I can’t really explain why; just a gut feeling I suppose.”

“So, help me prank him. It’ll be fun.”

“Will he find it fun?”

“Of course not!”

Severus smacked Black upside the head. “It’s only a prank if everyone can laugh about it afterwards. Otherwise it’s just bullying.”

“You say that like you have personal experience. I can’t imagine anyone having the nerve to piss you off.”

“I’m only intimidating when I have magic at my disposal,” Severus admitted uncomfortably.

Sirius paused, absorbing what Severus had just said. “Ah.”

“And anyways, I’ve been on both sides of the equation before. It never ends well for anyone in the long run. Trust me.”

“Fine. Fine, what do you think Peter would find funny, then?”

“How the bloody hell should I know?”

“You're an uncanny judge of character, you dunce.”

“I guess. But why do you want to make Pettigrew laugh?”

“I figure icing him out is just as much bullying him as picking in him, don’t you think? If he’s really untrustworthy then it’s better to stay on his good side, right?”

“You’re insufferable, Black.”

“You like me anyways. Come on, help me prank Peter. Make it fun for everyone. Please?!”

“I’ll try, I suppose,” Severus hedge, “but I don’t know him. I don’t know what he’d find funny.”

Sirius’ brow furrowed as he began chopping a few sprigs of rosemary. “I think maybe something done in private would be better. He seems like the type to not want to look foolish in front of a large crowd, even for a second.”

Miracles never ceased; Black was capable of empathetic critical thinking.

“Okay. Your bed idea is probably a good place to start, then, just with something easily reversible or hidden under clothes.”

Sirius brightened at that. “Yeah! We could do temporary stink bombs?”

“No,” Severus said flatly. “Not until you know him better. He might think you’re saying he always stinks.”

“Wouldn’t it be redundant, if I did?”

“Cruel jokes often are, Black. I… I used to have fairly greasy hair. Someone I used to know liked to point it out at every opportunity and even dumped cooking oil over my head ‘to help me out’. It made me feel like shit. The bastard knew I was poor and had an unpleasant home life, so framing his bullying as charity made things so much worse. …If you ever use that information against me, I will murder you, Black. I mean it.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid enough to get on your bad side, Sev. So, if not anything smelly, then what?”

Severus pursed his lips. “I know a potion that will change someone’s skin color on contact. It only lasts about fifteen minutes, and there’s an antidote too, if Pettigrew can’t afford to wait or gets more offended than expected.”

Black jumped up on his toes like an idiot child, clapping with glee. “You’re the best.”

“Am I?” Severus asked dryly. “You’re letting the newt eyes dry out.”

“Right. Sorry.”

Notes:

Chapter 60 Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Severus was in a mood. He hated being confronted with the consequences to his actions.

…and these consequences were potentially dire.

Annoyingly obvious in hindsight, but dire.

While Severus had been playing potions with Black, James had been left all alone in the Slytherin common room with blood purists and future Death Eaters.

Across the room, James laughed at something Barty said.

He was pretty sure it had been Avery who had let the slippery Ravenclaw into the Snake Pit, not James, but that did not make the betrayal sting any less. James was probably all chummy with Avery now, too.

Bastards.

Severus bit his lip to keep from yelling at them even as he bristled. Nothing could prevent him from glaring holes into Crouch’s skull, though.

He could not believe James was falling prey to blood purists’ charms through jokes.

Severus should have spent more time learning how to be funny.

He should have let James be his Merlin damned lab partner, no matter how much better suited for the job Sirius had turned out to be.

Suddenly, the Slytherin common room felt incredibly lonely.

What if James abandoned him forever?

What if this second chance at life devolved back into Severus being an outcast and a loser?

What if he could not stop James from tumbling down a dark path and ruining his future while damaging his soul?

“You seem strangely invested in Barty’s choice of friends,” Lucius said amiably, sitting uncomfortably close to Severus and scooting even closer.

“What are you doing?” Severus snapped.

Lucius smirked. “Making Potter jealous that you have your own influential friends. That’s what you really want to be doing, rather than impotently sulking, isn’t it?”

“No,” Severus lied.

Lucius laughed as if Severus had just said something exceedingly charming and witty. “Oh Severus, it’s working already.”

Indeed, James had looked up at the sound of Lucius’ laughter and was now frowning deeply at the two of them.

Severus squirmed. “Why are you ‘helping’ me?”

“You look like you could use a friend.”

“You look like you are recruiting minions. I am still unavailable.”

“We’ll see about that. Oh, and look. I’ve made you uncomfortable and Potter’s on his way to the rescue. You’re welcome, Heir Prince-Snape.”

Severus scowled as Lucius flounced away.

“Was he bothering you?” James asked awkwardly, looking a little lost after he’d been denied a fight.

“Yes. He, er… he’s gone now, though.”

James was crestfallen. “Do you want me to leave you alone, then?”

Severus sighed. “No. Sit down, like a normal person. I don’t like you hanging out with Crouch.”

“What’s wrong with Barty? He’s funnier than I thought. And someone had to keep me company while you’ve been off brewing.”

“He is not funny. And I know. I don’t… I still think Black is a more suitable lab partner for experimental brews, but I didn’t mean to exclude you like that. I’m still not used to having people want to spend time with me. I’m sorry.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too, you git. Don’t make it weird.”

James grinned. “Can’t help it. I am weird. It’s part of my charm.”

“No, being annoying is part of your charm. Being weird is baked into your DNA.”

“My what?”

“Oh. It’s a muggle science term. You’d probably find the explanation tedious.”

“No, I wouldn’t. Not if you’re the one explaining it.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not going to stop hanging out with Barty. You know that, right? We both have other friends, now.”

“He’s dangerous.”

James frowned. “From your dreams?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe we can save him?”

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. “We can’t save everyone. I’m in over my head, as it is. I just… just be careful, alright?”

“I will. Promise. Can we stop fighting and hang out together this afternoon? Please?”

Severus smiled softly. “Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.”

He really hoped this did not constitute being indebted to Lucius Bloody Malfoy.

“Are you making any progress with your potions?” James asked.

“A little. Not as quickly as I would like.”

“Oh. Do you think Barty’s dad hurts him?”

“For Merlin’s sake, James. You can’t just ask questions like that in the common room.”

“You do though, don’t you? I think he needs our help.”

“I’ve picked up enough strays. Help him, yourself.”

James smirked. “It might be dangerous, though. Standing up to a ministry official on my own. It would be so much safer if you helped me. Especially if you’ve already dreamed what to expect.”

“You know I don’t get nightly updates after we’ve changed things, right? My dreams are outdated information, and I don’t know if I’ll ever have anymore.”

“You still have some ideas though, right? Nothing you’ve done since having the dreams would have stopped Barty’s dad from being a piece of shit. People don’t change that easily.”

“In another lifetime, I would have believed you.”

“So, there is hope for Barty, then.”

“There is also the very real possibility of making things worse. For him or for everyone else.”

James frowned at that. “He followed You Know Who, didn’t he? In the dreams? That’s why you think he’s dangerous.”

Severus shrugged helplessly.

“Did I?”

“What?!”

“You didn’t want to be friends with me at first, either. Did I turn into a Dark Wizard? Is that why it’s dangerous for me specifically to hang out with Barty?”

“No, no it isn’t like that. It wasn’t like that. I shouldn’t be talking about this.”

“I’m happy that you’re talking to me, again. Talk about something else, then, if you want. Just don’t shut me out again. Please?”

“You’re giving me a headache.”

“Yeah, well you’re giving me an existential crisis. Fair’s fair.”

“Where did you learn such a big word?”

“From hanging out with you. I’ve learned a lot from that big brain of yours.”

“I’m still just a kid,” Severus admitted softly. “I keep making mistakes, and I don’t have any idea what I’m doing.”

“You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”

“I wish I could be so certain. The human brain doesn’t stop developing until the age of twenty-five, did you know that? It’s like my thoughts are too big for my head. In my dreams, I was older. I could be rational. Well… more rational. Do you have any idea how scary it is to know that you can’t physically process information as well as you used to, anymore?”

“But it was still your brain dreaming the dreams, Sev. You’ve got this. I believe in you.”

Severus smiled bitterly. “Still my brain. Yeah…”

My fully developed, PTSD-riddled adult brain.

And even adult brains rewrote their own memories every time they recalled them. How faulty had Severus’ memories of a previous lifetime become, in a brain that was not yet equipped to handle the complexities of them?

James leaned against Severus’ side. “One day, you’ll trust me enough to help you with the things that really bother you. Promise.”

Notes:

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Comments

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Theo_Longbottom on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 01:03AM UTC

Cant wait for more. Not enough gime travel fixits with severus

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 11:15PM UTC
  
  💚💚 I'm glad you're on board with the multiple directions my brain is being pulled in, lately 😅😇
  
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ValeriaC on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 01:57AM UTC

More, please.

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 11:15PM UTC
  
  Your wish is my command 💚
  
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2. 1. ValeriaC on Chapter 1 Tue 31 Jan 2023 12:02AM UTC
    
    💚
    
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Mr_Customs_Man on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 02:15AM UTC

An interesting start! I'm excited to see where this goes.

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 11:16PM UTC
  
  Thanks so much 💚
  
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ploytatchi on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 04:28AM UTC

Lets wait and see what and how things will change in this lifetime.
Hope its good for Severus! :D

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 11:16PM UTC
  
  💚💚💚
  
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greenmegsnoham on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 07:12AM UTC

This is going to be so fun. I can't wait to meet James. 😍

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 11:17PM UTC
  
  💚🤗
  
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Caterine2403 on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 08:00AM UTC

Realmente interesante 😀

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 11:17PM UTC
  
  Thanks!!
  
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Type5 on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 08:40AM UTC

Interesting concept! I wonder what happened to his eye?

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 11:18PM UTC
  
  💚 Thanks for reading!
  
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leyliu on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 02:51PM UTC

Me: no more reading wips until you’ve finished the others
Also me: is that a James/Severus pairing 👀 with a Slytherin James tag 👀🤣
I’m so excited to keep on reading!

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 11:19PM UTC
  
  😅🤣 this was exactly my mindset when starting to write this 💚😇
  
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Shibushi on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 09:42PM UTC

Sounds intriguing, can't wait for more!

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jan 2023 11:19PM UTC
  
  Thanks so much!! 💚
  
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Dopeqff on Chapter 1 Wed 08 Feb 2023 07:44PM UTC

Ahh here I am again I love this concept time travel fix its so excited to read this

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Sat 18 Feb 2023 05:03PM UTC
  
  Haha there is something iddly compelling about the concept. I hope to do something fun and unique with it!
  
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Aga (Guest) on Chapter 1 Sat 25 Feb 2023 11:56PM UTC

You surprised me with the first chapter. I thought Severus had returned to another world where he was happy. He had a child and a husband . I can't wait for the next chapter

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1. PreciousLadyAthena on Chapter 1 Tue 21 Mar 2023 11:34PM UTC
  
  Glad you're liking it!!
  
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schoolmarm on Chapter 1 Wed 29 Mar 2023 07:28AM UTC

How interesting!

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inconspicuous_moth on Chapter 1 Tue 11 Apr 2023 01:34AM UTC

Just started and it’s already looking pretty good and really interesting!!!!!!!! I wonder what happened to his eye 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

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lolomoody on Chapter 1 Mon 17 Apr 2023 05:31PM UTC

I've read this exact story like five times before and I still fall when I see it again. It's a great start!! I love the way you write, so simple yet so beautiful <33

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clear_has_an_account_now on Chapter 1 Wed 26 Apr 2023 08:01AM UTC

Your writing is so good! Instantly hooked

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kagasaki6 on Chapter 1 Fri 23 Jun 2023 02:16PM UTC

This is hilarious!!!😂

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Peilin on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Aug 2023 02:03PM UTC

Oooh, such an interesting beginning!

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KiraTheSpacebunny on Chapter 1 Wed 13 Sep 2023 12:06AM UTC

amazing start, i'm looking forward to this :D

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Shaniac_gee98 on Chapter 1 Fri 06 Oct 2023 08:02AM UTC

"Your* eye"

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The_Peep_Behind_The_Slaughter on Chapter 1 Sun 19 Nov 2023 02:20PM UTC

Good soup!

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