Revolving Back to you

by levimakesgoodtea

Summary:

Now he needs to move on. Grieve for a bit but then heal. It was all for this that he confessed in the first place. He smiled, as fresh tears pooled in his eyes as looked at the dreadful sensation that he will feel when he finally tries to move on and how freaking difficult it will be.
Even though, does he really?
“It hurts so bad, Lim Ju Kyung, but why do I always keep revolving back to you?”

(seojun and jugyeong meet three years later)

Notes:

Hi reader!
I just finished True Beauty and was struck with the second lead syndrome and I just had to write this as an ending for seojun so that I'll be at peace. There aren't many fics about him, and I hope you'll be at ease after reading this too. <3 <3<3<3

Chapter 1

Lim Juyoung’s words were playing on repeat in Seo Jun's mind.

*That it’s easier to let go and move on when you get rejected.*

Since then, he’s trying to confess his feelings to her and get rejected once and for all to finally stop pining and move on. He wants to stop the pain that spreads through his chest whenever he remembers that she’ll *never* be his to call and that she can never love him back.

That he can never be her first love because it’s someone else.

That he did not even get a chance to win her heart because it already reached someone else.

Hah, the most ridiculous thing about unrequited love, according to Seo Jun is that one can never *stop* or control the feelings that one holds even though all the evidence and facts in the world are pointing out that they won’t be reciprocated.

That’s the cruelest part; you can’t stop loving even though you won’t be loved in return.

He *knew* that, of course, he knew when the signs were so obvious.

But he couldn’t help it. *Couldn’t help it.*

Seo Jun scoffed, as his tired, lifeless feet dragged him to the elevator. His jaw was twitching, a sharp ache blooming across his chest.

*Ping*

The lift opened. people got out. But he didn’t take the lift, instead, he went to the stairwell.

Although tired, his feet made quick moments to reach as high as he could cause he couldn’t hold back anymore. Not now, not after he himself let her go, once and for all. A final goodbye, to her, the first girl he liked, *his first love.*

He knew he did the right thing; to let her go freely without feeling pressured to return his feelings because he was her friend. To let her go to the person she truly loves. Just so that she is happy.

Because who knows the pain of a one-sided lover’s heart more than *him*?

His feet collapsed as he plopped down on the stairs, just nearly there to the first floor.

His breathing became rapid as if shortening with every breath he took. He didn’t know if it was his crazy mind playing tricks or if he really was experiencing hell in every breath he tried to take. His heart felt like it was being ripped, and the strong ache stretched all over his chest, making it further difficult to breathe. It hurt. It hurt so much.

His body shook silently as if the dam finally broke after 3 years of unrequited pining. His suppressed hurt and heartbreak, all flowed down his cheeks in the form of tears. Memories of her, their first meet, his fooling around with her, her roar, everything, flooded his brain with one, big, painful reminder written in bright red: *she’s not yours to love anymore.*

He continued to sob, at this bittersweet feeling, her being the sweetness.

He decided that he sent her to be happy. *She is happy.*

Now he needs to move on. Grieve for a bit but then heal. It was all for this that he confessed in the first place. He smiled, as fresh tears pooled in his eyes as looked at the dreadful sensation that he will feel when he finally tries to move on and how freaking difficult it will be.

But when Han Seo Jun decide on something, he does it. He was going to focus on his debut now. He was going to be so busy that he won’t have time to think about her, check his phone, or do anything that revolves around her. Because he had to do it, for *his* sake. No, *For her sake*, because she just wanted her best friend happy and healthy.

Quiet sobs and hiccups echoed through the stairwell and he could only pray that no one hears him. He was being really pathetic, crying there but he had no choice. He was tired. He just hoped that no one heard him.

But he didn’t know that she heard it all.

---

Ju Kyung noticed it. She noticed how distanced he had grown.

She did not blame him, not for one bit. It was what he needed, time and space from her were what he needed to help him cope with his emotions, and she’ll give him, as long as he will get back as he was before; the fun, cheerful Seo Jun, who was her *only best friend.*

She thought that it won’t take so much time, but who was she to think that? She was not the one with unrequited love and although she did not know the detailed pain that is guaranteed with harboring such a feeling, she only knew that moving on would not be easy.

But she hoped that he would be fine, soon. As soon as possible.

She *missed* him. She missed his company, his jokes, their dinners together, and how he always took her to have spicy *tteokbokki* even though he couldn’t handle spice well, she missed having her best friend around.

Although, the circumstances were to blame too. It wasn’t exactly Seo Jun’s doing that he purposefully created such a distance between them, even though the most logical option of moving on would be to do that. He knew he was her only good friend and he wanted to stay by her side as a best friend, his own feelings be damned. She knew he was always like that, treating his own emotions like they were the least important thing in the world, and the emotions of his loved ones whom he cared for, he’ll wear them like a crown on his head.

Ju Kyung used to see him, almost every day when he was preparing for his debut and then it became less frequent. Seo Jun had already risen as a K-Pop star, his music hitting the top 5 in the charts every time. If she had not been on his makeup team staff, she was sure she would’ve never seen him again because he was super busy.

She used to do his makeup quite often, and she heard from the other staff that he always asks if she is available to do his makeup for his stage live. That kind of made Ju Kyung's heart flutter for some unexplainable reason.

But that quickly changed when she was transferred to some other band’s team and he had to leave on a tour. Had she been on his team, she’d traveled with them too but there had been some changes that couldn’t allow her to. This event further increased the rift between them.

Now it had been 2 years since she had seen or heard from Han Seo Jun.

Her relationship with Su Ho (hello sir, sorry for mentioning you so late but can’t help it, it’s a Seo jun-centric fic) was progressing smoothly, but there was this nagging ache that intensified in her heart whenever she remembered him. She chalked it off as a simple feeling of missing his steady presence by her side and did not pay much attention to it.

She only hoped that he was doing well.

After his confession, her heart was slightly confused, she was gutsy enough to admit that herself. She was heartbroken as well when she heard him on the stairs. It wasn’t her intention to intrude, but his cries were so painful that she felt like rushing in and engulfing him in a warm hug, hence it took all her will - power to not do that since she was the cause of his hurt. But later on, as time progressed, she was at peace with Su Ho. She felt that her heart belonged to him, and she went on happily in their relationship.

But that soon changed as just recently, Seo Jun’s new track, *Letter* came out.

She was watching the performance live on TV (Like she did with every one of his concerts) Sometimes, Su ho joined too, but she never missed it live.

Seo Jun, is so different from what he was in high school. Mature, charming, and handsome. Ju Kyung smiled at the screen as he came up, reminiscing about their times in school together, how different they were yet the same. His appearance had changed, he was so much more confident and professional now, which made her feel so proud. So different from the boy who sang at the coin karaoke secretly…

She was all ready to hear him sing, until the lines he spoke before the song, had her heart hit the rock bottom…

(this scene is canon)

*“I’ve had unrequited love before. I loved someone I could never have.”*

She gulped, knowing fully that she was the one he could never have.

*“So this song is written as my last gift, my last letter to her, containing the words I could never say to her. I hope it resonates with all of you here.”*

*“I present you, Letter. My last Untitled.”*

Unknowingly, her eyes had started to moisten, she felt his words hitting her hard, hitting the deepest parts of her heart that she couldn’t fathom him reaching

*Under the flashing lights*

*We talked about our faded memories*

*We sat on some bench*

*And shared small joys*

*At the end of a long day*

*I held your hand*

*Our story shined so bright*

*Under the street lights*

*I close my eyes*

*But I still remain, tangled and alone*

*In that time, in that place*

*The time in the clock has frozen*

*That night we promised forever*

*The stars were silent*

*As we placed them in our eyes*

*And tears spilled out like stars*

*I ended up not sending you my letter*

*Because I had to let go of our story now*

*The sunset page was covered*

*But I’ll leave it as it is*

*Your heavy sighs*

*The welled-up tears in your eyes*
*Forgive me for not knowing*

*The true meaning behind them*

*I close my eyes*

*But I still remain, tangled and alone*

*In that time, in that place*

*The time in the clock has frozen*

*That night we promised forever*

*The stars were silent*

*As we placed them in our eyes*

*And tears spilled out like stars*

*The words we exchanged*

*Became song lyrics*

*The memories we left behind*

*I’ll draw them out like a movie*

The music faded, the loud roar of fans cheering only serving as white noise for her. Her gaze turned blurry, allowing her to see his bittersweet smile before he changed on to a different upbeat song. And before that, she had already switched the TV shut. The memories of his broken cries rang in her ears, as she remembered that time…

*What was the last time she had seen him smiling like that?*

Right, when she rejected him.

She sobbed, curling into a fetal position on the couch, her voice muffled by the pillows.

*She hated it, hated it all. Why did it have to be this way?*

But amidst her confused, chaotic heart, one thing was clear; she did not love Su Ho anymore.

Chapter 2: 2

Seo Jun was waiting down in the lobby, checking his phone for any updates. It had been a long time after all.

He was in America for the tour and today had been the last concert. He was going to fly back home when his phone beeped with a message from a contact that had been buried deep down in the chats for 2 years: Hey, it’s Lee Suho. It has been so long since we’ve seen each other. Want to catch up some time while you’re here in America? Of course, if you’re free.

And after 2 years, Su Ho texted him if he could see him now that he was in America…

*Seojun: Yah, why so formal????*

*we are friends for god’s sake….*

*wait, what are you doing in
America now????!!*

*Su Ho: so I’m coming to your hotel now
wait, send me the location.*

Seo Jun sighed, typical Su ho.

This was what bought him down in the lobby, in his baggy set of black hoodie and cargo pants and a black mask. He wore his usual favorite chained necklace, and a cross-shaped earring (which was given by Ju Kyung).

His mind wondered what Su Ho was doing here in America. He hoped that it wasn’t some emergency, like his father’s critical health the last time he came here. Nevertheless, he was really glad that they were going to catch up. Its been way too long since they've seen each other and it felt like a breath of fresh air amidst all that sparkling life of an idol.

Seo Jun stopped himself from going there, but he couldn't help but think whether Ju Kyung would be there with him. He just assumed that maybe she came with him because they were dating.

He heaved a sigh. So many memories associated with her name. Sure, he felt that he has done a pretty decent job of moving on, since his heart didn't feel like jumping out of his ribcage whenever he talked or listened about her, saying her name became a bit more casual and did not hurt like it used to, she stopped occupying his thoughts the entire day, he didn't follow her on social media, so if he asked himself, he would say that he was proud of himself for sticking the pieces of his broken heart together.

But he couldn't be so sure because it's been so long since someone has even said the name ‘Lim Ju Kyung’ in his presence and he couldn't be sure whether it would have the same effect on him like it used to, or not.

Still, Seo Jun felt that he had gotten better. A lot.

In fact, he actually felt that he can fall in love again with someone who makes him happy, and that was a huge step for someone who spent a long time being heartbroken and scared of love.

He saw Su Ho enter the lobby and waved at him. He waved back and they shared a brief hug, both smiling, their faces covered with masks but the crinkle near their eyes showed that they had an enormous grin on their face.

Who wouldn't be elated after seeing their high school best friend after years?

They went up to Seo Jun's room, ordered pizza and beer, and both of them sat, engaging in long talks.

They started off with casual topics about how life was going now, especially seo jun's life as a famous star. A few teases and bickers were thrown around, like they used to. Then he asked that what was he doing in America to which he replied that he was here to take a course in music production in one of the famous schools in music .

“I'm glad that you're doing this since you've always wanted to do this.” Seo jun smiled, in a comforting way.

Suho smiled and nodded, all too aware of what was going on in seo jun's mind.

*They both had healed from it and they were growing as people, following their dreams. Se Yeon would be happy.*

Han Seo Jun sipped some beer from his glass, his mind wondering about this one small thing…

“Wait, then you're here for 3 years, what about Ju Kyung?” He asked, the name not causing any discomfort. The intention behind this was just him looking out for her.

Su ho’s smile dropped a bit, “ah…that…” he kept his glass down with a soft clink.

Seo jun's eyes narrowed as he anticipated his next words. He has always been like this when it came to Ju Kyung, attentive and observant, simply because he cared for her. He hoped that the prick hadn't pulled a stunt as he did before. The fact that Ju Kyung was hurting before due to Su Ho, made seo jun feel the deepest fires of hell in his heart.

“What? Spit it out” He asked.

“We're not together. We broke up.” He muttered.

And Seo Jun was so grateful that he had nothing in his mouth because he would've spat all of it out.

“WHAT?” He asked astonished.

Well, anyone would be astonished. Su Ho and Ju Kyung were the ideal, meant-to-be-together couple, right from high school. Seo jun *always* knew that, right from the start. It was a shock to hear that they broke up, they were the epitome of an ideal couple.

“Well, I'm sure she'll get back to you once you've fixed whatever you did. Don't worry, you'll be together by the end of the week…” Seo Jun said, getting over his initial shock. He had experienced this, so it was instinct for him to say that she'll get back to him in a week. *Because she always did.*

*They were meant to be, right?*

That's what he told his suffering heart.

“It's been a year.”

Seo jun's eyes widened and snapped straight to Su ho, “A year? What happened? Su ho, what on earth did you do??”

“It wasn't me.”

Seo Jun couldn't resist rolling his eyes, “Come in, even if it's not you still have to go apologies and try to woo her again. But I'm pretty sure you must've done something stupid…” Seo jun said.

Surprisingly, he didn't feel a major heartache while staying this, maybe because he had said this over 100 times while keeping his own feelings aside that by now he was numb to it? Or maybe he had moved on? Or maybe he was so freaking selfless that he didn't feel hurt when he tried to get his best friend back together with the woman of his dreams?

Whatever it may be, now wasn't the time. He was just glad that it hurt less, that's it.

“She fell out of love with me.”

This was the third time this night that Su Ho’s words shocked Seo Jun to the extent that he was choking and spitting drinks out.

“You're kidding, right? Come on, we both know, since high school. It's Lim Ju Kyung, she can never fall out of love with you… “

*Ouch, man that hurt a bit.* Seojun mused internally.

Su Ho sighed, “I didn't want to discuss this but it's true that she doesn't love me anymore, we grew too distant and it became futile to even try and work for this relationship. Believe it, or not.”

Seo jun just stared, unblinking. Letting the information sink in.

*She doesn't love Su Ho anymore.*

Ignoring that weird glimmer of hope that rose in his shattered heart, he tried again, “But are you sure? Cause the last time that happened -”

“I'm sure.”

He cut him in between and Seo Jun loosened a tense breath that he was subconsciously holding.

“Lim Ju Kyung will be my ex now, nothing more and nothing less. Now, drop the topic.” Su Ho said, grabbing himself a slice of Pizza.

Han Seo Jun gulped, obviously still processing the news and trying to uproot the small seed of hope that got planted on its own there. He wasn’t interested in getting his heart broken again.

“What about you? Don't tell me you still like her…” Su ho muttered, chewing his pizza.

Seo jun's heart froze as the question was thrown at him, his body freezing instantly as he avoided answering, “Don't speak with food in your mouth idiot.”

Su ho smirked, “Yeah whatever, but seriously?”

Seo Jun fiddled with his glass as he muttered, “I've made progress….”

Su Ho nodded, getting the message that Seo Jun wasn’t comfortable with talking about her at this moment, so he dropped it. His case wasn't different either, he didn't want to talk about his ex-girlfriend to his best friend whom he was meeting after years. There were so many better things to talk about.

“So I met Heekyung today and she told me about your next …”

Suho and Seojun spoke for a long time after that, discussing various things, both the past (although both avoided it) and the future until it was time to leave.

Su Ho said goodbye to his friend, wished him all the best, and told him that he'll be there at his next concert.

And all the while Seojun was smiling on the outside, his stupid, treacherous heart, had its focus on only one thing:

*“Lim Ju Kyung doesn't love Su Ho anymore”*

He should not have thought about it in this way. He had moved on, right?

So why was he feeling…. Hopeful?

Seojun fell flat on the bed, screaming a bit into the pillows, muffled groans filling the quiet room.

“You're…an…idiot…Han Seo Jun….”

He mused, to no one but himself. He didn't want to think that he might still have a chance with her, that she might still consider being with him now that she didn't like Su ho. That she might even fall in love with him…

He didn't want to think about any of these being a possibility because he had done enough. He had hoped enough, cried enough, prayed enough.

He had even decided that he won't entertain such emotions. Especially not that emotion called ‘’hope’.

He was done hoping.

He was done thinking that maybe, just a tad bit maybe, she will love him back.

He was so done with Lim Ju Kyung.

Amidst all this that Seo Jun repeatedly told himself, he was all too aware of that minuscule voice hidden deep in his heart saying:

*“He was still so, so, so much in love with Lim Ju Kyung.”*

---

---

“Yah, did you hear that her son's coming back.”

“oh my god, it's been so long, right mom?”

Ju Kyung could hear her mom and sister discussing something in the background. She had zoned off already, mindlessly scrolling through her phone.

Lately, she was feeling an emotional void in her heart so her usual energetic self was nowhere to be found. It had been a year since she and Suho broke up and she knew that the emptiness wasn't the cause of that. It was…. Something else.

Something else that she couldn't pinpoint yet.

She had been attending her makeup classes, honing her skills to perfection. She was determined to get as professional as possible and it also helped her distract herself from the emotional turmoil she was facing. She worked at move entertainment, and also as Selena’s assistant. This routine was hectic, just enough to keep her busy.

In her free time, she read her horror comic books at Prince's store. At first, she was hesitant on going back since that place held too many memories of her and Suho, but it seemed that her heart had healed enough and Suho didn't occupy an important position anymore.

Then she hung out with Han Go un sometimes, Su Ah sometimes but she was busy on a honeymoon with her boyfriend so she wouldn't have been of much help to her current state.

“Ah, I am so proud of that boy..” She briefly heard Hee Kyung say.

*Who is this boy that they're so passionately discussing?*

She thought, slightly listening to them.

“Right, he used to say that he'll never sing but I knew it was a waste to let his talent go waste so I persuaded him…”

Her eyes widened, ears perking up as a familiar image of someone came very clearly into her mind…

“Yes, he's grown so much now. I still remember how he used to come here, sometimes drop Ju Kyung home…” her mom sighed softly.

*Oh.*

She realized it now

They're talking about *him*.

“Yah, Lim Ju, where are you? Didn't Go un tell you? Seo jun's coming back home.” Her sister said, with a pat on her back, which did the trick of snapping her back from her reverie.

Her brain wasn't coherent at all. She was stuttering, fumbling, and tripping on her way back to her room.

Right, one more thing that she's been doing in her free time, is literally fangirling on Han Seo Jun.

From never missing his concert live to attending whatever live event he's at, following him on social media and secretly watching his pics, and then making excuses like she's studying his markup, or saying that she's proud of him or that pride in her chest after seeing her best friend on stage?

Then she also chalked it off saying that his singing was too good and then her hard-core metal playlist soon got added with his songs, ‘*letter’* being an exception because it sent her stomach into a swirl of unsettling emotions that she hadn't figured out yet.

Ju Kyung was in denial, she knew it. But it was better this way. She was too terrified to accept the fact that maybe… she has somewhere along her simple acts of fangirling started to see Seo jun as more than a friend…

*Rubbish*…

Ju Kyung snorted and fell plop on her bed. She could never, he was her friend and it would be weird. The cherry on top was that she had hurt him so badly that he probably didn't want to see her anymore.

Worse, maybe he had completely moved on.

Ju Kyung heaved a frustrated sigh. This was going to keep her up all night. She really needed to sort her emotions out.

Lying straight down on the bed, she stared at the ceiling, as if some sort of guidance will magically come up there for her current situation.

Her brain started racking her thoughts from the beginning.

She was head over heels for Suho, everything was so beautiful. Butterflies and rainbows.

But he left for America, Seo jun stayed by her side faithfully to her and Suho even though his insides were practically twisting in pain because he liked her. Then, she also felt so happy with Seo jun, he made suho’s absence so much more bearable and helped her stay steady. If it wasn't for him, she would have spiraled back into her grief and wouldn't be standing here today. Thinking back now, her heart fluttered.

This sensation she had felt before, with Su ho. Never with Han Seo Jun…

Then Su ho broke up with her over call, ghosted her, and showed up a year later to have her back. Amidst this, Seo Jun also confessed and her heart was in shambles. But since she hadn't fully moved on from Suho, he was her first love afterall, so she went right back into his arms. Although, she felt really guilty about Seo Jun, apologized a lot until he said it was fine and he'd surely move on.

She sighed.

Then, what happened? Why did she…

She knew that at some point in her relationship with Suho, she kind of fell out of love with him. They grew more and more distant, and he got busy finishing his studies and she was juggling college and her makeup career. Lack of communication, from both sides, then the lack of the swirly feeling in her stomach whenever she saw him. Ju Kyung doesn’t know what exactly happened, but she saw it coming actually.

The drift was so obvious.

She remembers feeling like that for months, not being emotionally happy in their relationship but it was the last straw for her when she saw Seo Jun’s live. The one where he performed *‘letter’*

Her phone beeped, her hands instinctively reaching to grab it.

*SeojunHan: Can’t wait to see you all during today’s Vlive <3 <3 <3*

Immediately, her stomach turned giddy, her face splitting into a huge grin that slightly pained her cheek muscles but she couldn’t care less. She had been waiting for this for days…

Suddenly, her eyes widened with sheer realization… The one that told her she wasn’t simply fangirling and being in denial wouldn’t help. The one that sent her hand flying to her wide-open mouth to muffle the gasp.

*She was in love with Han Seo jun.*

Chapter 3: 3

“OPPPPPPPAAAAAA!!!!” A very hyper-excited Go Un tackled him in a hug the moment he
landed and saw his mother and her standing.
“Aish, will you stop?” He feigned, trying to push her away but internally he loved it. He
loved his pretty Go Un very much.
“No, I’m seeing you after so long!!! You don’t even call much!!” Go Un said, her voice
muffled as her face was buried in his chest. He let out a low chuckle, “I missed you so much
too, my pretty Go Un.” He smiled, though it wasn’t visible due to his mask she knew he was
smiling so she returned a wide grin.
Letting go of him, she called their mother over, and then she hugged him, asking all sorts of
questions a mother would ask when she is seeing her boy after so long. They quickly moved
into the car that was waiting for him, to avoid being recognized by any fans.
“Have you been eating well? You’ve gotten skinny…” she remarked
“Ay, no, I’ve been working out!” He grumbled, like a whiny toddler.
“Did you get yourself overworked? I’ve told you not to get overworked…” She said,
caressing his cheeks. Immediately, he leaned in instinctively, craving her contact.
“But seriously, have you been well? When you debuted, you seemed as if your life had been
snatched from you and I was worried. After that, I didn’t get to see you much…” She said
softly, her voice carrying a serious undertone to it.
Seojun gulped, understanding what she was referring to. He was okay, but not fully okay.
There was a certain unerasable, painful imprint that got left on your heart when your first
love was unrequited.
But, he was not the type to tell this to his mom and worry her further. Instead, he put on his
best smile, now lowering his mask because they were in a car, “I’m so much better, eomma,
even better after seeing you both.” He said dramatically, forming a heart with his index finger
and thumb, followed by his wide, cat-like grin.
“Too cheesy, Oppa…” Go Un scrunched up her nose adorably, and he smacked her head
lightly.
He heaved a sigh, he was feeling happy. Happy after months. With two of his favorite
women by his side.
“By the way,” Go un chimed, “There’s a certain person waiting for you at home… I think
you’ll be glad to see them…” Go Un flashed a sincere smile, knowing that he’ll be happy
after seeing Ju Kyung after so long, not knowing his condition when it came to that one girl.
“Who is it?” Seojun’s head tilted to his left adorably, as his brain ran a mental checklist of the
people important to him that’ll be there to receive him.
“Kim Chorong? Pilsoo?” He asked in a tiny, confused voice.
“You’ll see.”
-----------------
Of all things Han Seojun had expected, this was not one.
His jaw slacked, hands dropping to his sides, eyes frequently blinking to ensure that he
wasn’t hallucinating (which he had been experiencing a lot since his heartbreak)
He even discreetly pinched himself to confirm that he wasn’t dreaming.
He winced at the pain which meant that no, he wasn’t dreaming but it was real. She was real.
Lim Ju Kyung, the only woman he had fallen for and had tried his best to move on from, was
standing there in flesh, after 2 whole years.
“Surprise! Welcome back!” She chimed, her lips forming into that toothy grin of hers.
Ju Kyung had given a lot of thought and finally arrived at a conclusion - she found out about
her true depth of emotions when it came to Han Seo Jun, and she wanted to make things
right. She only hoped that it wasn’t too late. She feared that he might’ve moved on, and if he
had, which was most likely, then she’d accept his choice as he did with her. But if not, then
she hoped that he’d give her a chance.
Of course, she was not foolish. She had broken his heart for god’s sake. So she’d understand
if he wanted to keep the distance. Hell, it would be a graceful blessing to her if he even
wanted to be friends with her after what she did.
Considering the situation, she figured that it would be the best course of action to talk to him
like she normally did, before he confessed and all. Seeing him after so long, she wasn’t sure
how to act around him. So she decided to go with the most natural option; her causal,
cheerful demeanor.
And, that moment was when Seo Jun’s heart did a flipping motion, his brain hissed a curse at
his hopelessness…
*“It hurts so bad, Lim Ju Kyung, but why do I always keep revolving back to you?”*
His throat was already dry, eyes glued onto her figure as he gulped. His composure was
already out of the window, but still, he was futilely trying to regain at least a semblance of it.
Which he never could honestly, do when it came to her.
His hands were now sweating bullets and he felt his heart rate spike up.
So much for moving on…
Then, he instinctively forced the feeling down. Deep down in his heart where he locked it up
with the strongest barrier, he could find and force a smile.
That's what he did best: bottling up his pain to be there for those who need him. Seojun swore
he could make a fine actor because of this.
“Hey, Jugyeongie!” He smiled. Now that he was thinking about her as his bestie whom he
hadn’t seen for years, it was easy and he didn’t have to fake it. Seojun really thought of
considering acting; he made a mental note of trying for
the auditions later on.
She jovially skipped towards him, and god, she looked so happy at this moment, looking at
he and Seojun wanted nothing more than to just lift her, twirl her a bit and -
*Ah.*
He smiled (the only mechanism he had to hide his pain) the corner of his lips downturned, as
he lifted his hand to pat her head.
“You missed me right?” He asked, his voice coming in a deep huff.
“I would say yes but that would just make you more self - absorbed won’t it? So I won't say
it.” She huffed, with that adorable pout of hers.
Seojun’s eyes sparkled, with hope and mischief, or both, “Ha! So you did miss me!”
Christ, why was it so easy to talk to her? So easy to fall back into their rhythm of comfortable
teasing…
“Whatever you want to believe, Jun” She trotted off.
His heart soared a little, a fluttering sort of sensation blooming in his stomach at the pet
name. It had been so long since she had called him that and he missed it. Badly.
“Hah, still the same, Jugyeongie…” He smiled
“But prettier!” She turned around, smiling around to face him, cupping her face from her
hands at either side.
*you already have my heart, what more do you want by looking at me like that?*
Seojun wanted to say something like “You’re beautiful” but like always, even though the
words danced on the tip of his tongue, he never said them out loud. Instead…
“Nah, you got uglier…” He commented, to which she responded by making that annoying
little face
“Yah, Han Seo Jun!” she frowned, hitting him on his chest and pushing him back to which he
only laughed.
“I’ll ruin that face of yours if you keep saying stuff like that!” She screamed, half-heartedly
of course, and hitting him on his chest, shoulders to which he only laughed.
“Gosh, sorry okay? I am kidding…” He said, between bouts of laughter. She was still looking
at him with an annoyed expression, her hands still on his chest.
“Actually it’s the entire opposite,” He said, his gaze turning serious as he looked at her. He
had controlled his emotions too well, he could've done it easily now too. But there was
something about Ju Kyung that made him lose every single control he had over himself, and
that terrified him. He was impulsive around her, his control snapping as he decided to go for
it. Her eyes had changed too, looking at him with an emotion he couldn’t yet make out, but
he could sense her anticipation.
“You look - “
“Yah!!! Oppa!!! Unnie!!! Come here both of you or else I’ll get started on the dinner!” Go
Un’s voice called and she rushed into the kitchen, leaving an open-mouthed Seo jun in the
middle of his bravest of efforts to make a statement.
“Aish, why does it - argh!!! Go Un you little…” He huffed, ruffling his hair a bit, as he
steadied his heart rate. He could feel the heat on his cheeks and he hoped that he wasn’t
blushing. It was good in a way. It is best for both of them that Go Un interrupted, otherwise he
would've been a lovesick idiot who impulsively tries saying potentially risky statements.
But still, a part of him wanted to tell her.
------------
The dinner went by really smoothly.
By smooth he means that it was a heart-warming feeling. To be back home with his family.
Ju Kyung’s family had also joined them, so her parent’s praises and frequent affectionate
gestures to dote on him, her brother’s requests about whether he could have a few of his t-shirts
so that he could show them to the public and say that they were ‘The Han Seo Jun’s
shirts’, everything was so familiar. So messy and chaotic, but felt so good.
He had to admit he felt happy. After a long time.
And when Han Seo Jun is happy, he smiles widely like an idiot.
The dinner came to an end, Ju Kyung’s parents bid goodbye and said that they’ll see him
again tomorrow and made him promise to visit them every day until he was here, to which he
happily complied. Ju Kyung and Ju young decided to stay back and spend some time
together.
Of course, Ju young’s main focus was Han Go Un, so that boy happily scampered off to her
room, followed by Seo Jun’s unspoken threats like “I’m right outside, it won’t take much to
kill you”
His threats didn’t affect him though, he only smiled and made a heart out of his index finger
and thumb before shutting the door.
“Yah!! Don’t close the door!!” Seo jun marched angrily to the door when his mother smacked
him on his back and said, “You don’t worry, they’ll be fine. How many times have I told you
don’t be so overprotective?”
He rolled his eyes, to which Ju Kyung slightly chuckled. He had forgotten that she was in the
same room, too engrossed with Lim Ju Young. In reality, if you ask him, he wasn't really
worried. He knew JuYoung was a good guy, his sister seemed to like him enough and trust
him enough, so he really didn't worry about that. Although, he still was against the idea of
him being in her room alone, and it turned on his brotherly instincts but that's a story for another
time. As of now, his brain was desperately searching for any sort of interaction that'll save
him from talking to her.
“Anyway, I was thinking we should go out for a while.” Ju Kyung said, “if that’s alright with
you…”
Great. Just what I needed.
He really didn't think he could handle being alone with her after all this. But, it wouldn't be
that bad, it was her after all. Seojun's best friend before everything else, and if he self-proclaimed that he had moved on, then it shouldn't be a problem. Actually, it would be a
perfect chance to test that (he knew it was risky since it's kinda digging his own grave)
Anyways, when in his right mind he could ever refuse Lim Ju Kyung?
“yeah, that’s fine…” He said, grabbing his jacket and mask.

Chapter 4: 4

They walked silently, on those very streets where they used to walk in high school. Shoulders
and arms slightly brushing against each other, Seojun tried to create a distance. The only
difference was the silence surrounding them, which wasn’t the case in high school. Back
then, they used to bicker and tease a lot.
Nevertheless, the silence wasn’t tense in any way, it was rather comfortable.
Just existing together.
Seojun sighed, he wished he could get more of such moments with her. He missed this,
terribly. Right now, if you'd ask him what he wanted, it was that he could spend a few hours
with her every day, just simply best friends, he'd be satisfied with just her platonic company,
rather than not seeing her for years.
As for Ju Kyung, her brain was ticking off with anxiety, how should she tell her feelings to
him? Why was she feeling this nervous? It wasn’t like he was the first guy she wanted to
confess to romantically, she had done it before so why was it making her nervous? It wasn’t
like this with Lee Su ho…
This nauseating yet thrilling feeling of nervousness in her stomach, she had never felt for
anyone but Han Seo jun.
Had he felt the same pangs of nervousness when he confessed to her?
That night when he gave her yellow tulips and said that he wanted her to feel uncomfortable
and nervous around him like he does with her. She remembers it vividly.
She understood him now. The feeling of being nervous and uncomfortable around your love.
The meaning of yellow tulips - which she found out later when she was still going out with
Su ho and Han Seojun slowly started to disappear from her life. That time, she was
hanging out with Go Un at her place, and she’d been cleaning Seojun’s room, especially his
high school things.
There, in his drawer, Ju Kyung had found that crumpled letter
Of course, when she read it a stab of guilt passed through her chest. He never said those
things to her, but he was definitely planning to, which explains why he’d written this in the
first place. Ju Kyung’s heart thumped as she then realized that the cool and composed Soejun
whom she knew, was reduced to a begging, nervous guy who needed to write a script of his
feelings for her.
Which she could probably never return.
Not until today, Ju Kyung sighed. She was going to tell him today, no matter what. She was
going to go for it, or else she knew she'd spend the rest of her life in regret and guilt.
It was a risky step, a lot of things were at stake including both of their emotions, but she
decided to go for it anyway. It’d be better than forever beating herself up over her feelings.
“Are you cold?” He asked, seeing her sigh for the 100th time.
“No…It’s just, I want to take you somewhere…” She said, finally gathering up her courage.
She had taken the first step, now there was no backing down.
“Where?” He asked, curious
“Just come with me…” She said, grabbing his jacket sleeve and tugging him along. She
walked as fast as she could, her heart thumping against her chest, with a very confused
Seojun getting dragged behind her.
“Where are you taking me? Why the alleyways?” He said, his heart beating in anticipation so
as to why would she drag him to such deserted places in the evening? Not that it was the first
time anyway. She always dragged him to deserted alleys.
She did not answer, nor turned around. Just kept pulling him by his sleeve when they finally
arrived.
She stopped, let go of his sleeve, and faced him fully.
Her small, button-shaped nose and the
apple of her cheeks had turned pinkish, perhaps the cold.
“Do you remember this place?” She asked, looking at him.
“Obviously, this is where you stole my helmet.” He grinned, trying to lighten up the tension
cause it was making him feel things he didn’t want to.
“Gosh, I didn’t steal your helmet!” She whispered - yelled, “Besides, that’s not the point.
That’s not why I bought you here…” she shook her head, looking at the ground below,
seemingly muttering things to herself.
Now Seojun was completely baffled, tilting his head in confusion, looking down at her. Ju
Kyung was never this nervous around him, not even with Su ho. She had her own confident
way of interacting, and she never reacted like this.
That alone was enough to send a weird sensation in his stomach.
“I wanted to clear things up… I just -” She said, still shaking her head
“Hey, what’s this about?” He asked carefully. Of course, he knew what she was referring to,
how could he ever forget? Just for the sake of his remaining sanity and emotions, he decided
to play dumb.
“I met you right here, it was such an unexpected event. Just like your appearance in my life
was so unexpected…” She said, her eyes darting between the ground and him.
Seojun blinked, not completely understanding the direction of this conversation.
“You just popped here, then in my life, in my daily routine, so unexpected. I’d never thought
I’d never find someone like you, who’s been beside my side through every single thing I’ve
been through, even when you yourself were hurting…” She said, her eyes shining with some
sort of emotion.
Seojun gulped, his heart had already started acting on its own, by doing that crazy ba-dump.
Stupid, traitorous heart.
“I’ve realized that I’ve never been good to you Jun, not even a good friend. While you were
such a perfect friend anyone could ask for, and I took it so casually. hell, I did not even
realize the impacts my actions had on you and I just carried on with my problems, not
bothering to ask you about yours…”
“Why are you bringing this up? I told you it's not your fault and now I’m fine anyways….”
He wanted to say this, say this now, and just lighten up the atmosphere but his throat seemed
to have gotten dry like the Sahara at the very moment.
“I’m sorry Seojun, I’ve been a very bad friend to you…” She said, her eyes turning misty.
He just crookedly smiled that bittersweet smile of his and looked down at the ground.
Words seemed impossible at the moment, even though he wanted to say something, just to
erase the mistiness forming in her eyes.
“I feel even more shameless now that I'm even trying to tell you this, but that's not how I feel
now…” She said, tugging at her bottom lip and finally looking him in the eyes.
Those eyes, so unique in shape, she was used to seeing them with glittering eyeshadows in
his concerts. But this, these raw, unfiltered eyes of his, were absolutely beautiful.
Seojun's gaze snapped back up, looking at her. To say that he was curious, was an
understatement. And her eyes, christ, they looked so breathtaking, looking at him with such a
deep emotion which he always hoped for.
“That's not how I feel. Actually, I realized it two years ago, and since then I've been waiting
to tell you this.”
Seojun's breath hitched, as he waited…
“I don't expect anything from you, I just wanted to tell you one. Then, whatever you're
reaction might be, I'll accept that since I agree that I've hurt you too much and I'll completely
understand your reaction to this…. I've been wanting to tell you this…”
Seojun was sure that he wasn't even breathing at this point, his eyes transfixed onto her as he
waited to bated breath - and, dared to hope that it might be what he's been praying for it to be.
“I think I love you, Han Seo Jun.”
There. She said it, holding his stare for a moment, before blinking and looking down, her
cheeks tinted in a shade of baby pink.
Silence hung in the air as she waited for his response. She had mentally prepared herself for a
kind rejection.
“You - what??” He asked, voice raspy.
“I said I love you.” She said it loud, again, her cheeks turning a shade darker.
“Really? No, is this a prank? “ Seojun said, his own cheeks turning pink, his eyes darted
everywhere but her. He himself couldn't believe it, years of pining had taught him that.
However, she didn't miss the shimmer of hope that danced in his eyes, the hope that he was
trying to mask it with humor and disbelief.
“I mean it. I am sorry that it took me so long to realize I kept you waiting, but I mean every
a single word.”
Seojun's eyes widened now, looking very similar to a puppy's eyes as he asked in a very
a small voice, “You really mean it?”
Again, she didn't fail to notice the faint hints of hope, mixed with eagerness and intense
longing in the undertones of his voice.
“Yes. I do. I love you Han Seo Jun.”
She watched him go rigid, eyes widened and his cheeks turning red which had no relation to
winter.
“It's not a prank, right? It's not funny…” He said, his own eyes starting to feel moist as he
desperately tried to come down his rapid heart. A tiny part of him hoped that she meant it. A
major part of him was afraid of the upcoming hurt that was the result of hoping, again, and
hence he tried to hide it by using humor as a coping mechanism.
But, Ju Kyung just looked straight into his eyes and nodded.
“It's no prank. I really do love you.” She shyly looked to the ground, feeling embarrassed to
have repeated it out loud for the fourth time.
“I love you. Please don't make me repeat it further.” She muttered, eyes frantically darting
from his misty ones and the pavement.
“I think my stomach just turned into glitter.” He said, eyes still fixed on her, unblinking and
teary.
She chuckled, “That's called butterflies, stupid.” She blinked, slightly in relief.
“Yeah whatever it is, it's only happened with you…” He said, his hands scratching his mullet,
which was now a little longer and a few strands were dyed in rose gold. He tightly shut his
eyes, trying to reduce the possibility of him crying.
Lim Ju Kyung, smiled softly, “You mean, you still…” she trailed off, unsure how to pose the
question.
“I never stopped.” He said, unable to control his fresh tears any longer, as a few of them
trickled down his cheeks.
Now it was her heart which did a backflip, the intensity of emotion behind his statement
melting her.
“Ju Kyung, can I -” he was cut off by her jumping into his arms, wasting no time in pulling
him forward and pressing her lips to his.
His eyes widened in momentary shock. Not in his wildest dreams had he imagined that she'd
kiss him, not just kiss him, but initiate a kiss with such fervor.
Her hands found the back of his head, playing with the hairs on his mullet and he found
himself tugging her closer. Closer until there were just clothes separating them.
She broke apart for a moment, eyes glazed and cheeks flushed when she said, “Wait, I have
to ask, since when did you start liking me?”
“Tarzan’s ten-cent underwear,” he said, till breathless and adoring her “when you rawred at
me in the school courtyard”
She pursed her lips, “That… that long huh?”
“Yeah”
“I'm sorry I took so long… but I won't now…” She said, leaning in for a second kiss.
“Mhmm” He just smiled, 'cause when Han Seo Jun was happy, he smiled like an idiot, “you
have a lot of making up to do you know?” He said, feeling on cloud 9 when he felt her smile
against his lips.
“mhm, I'll spend the rest of my life making for it.”
They kissed, years of suppressed emotions and unrequited pining, being transformed into an
intense passion as he pulled her closer.
She suddenly felt something wet against her cheeks, and she realized he was crying.
Pulling apart gently, and cradling his face in her hands, she looked at him and he hastily tried
wiping his tears away…
“I'm sorry, I'm just very, gosh, I'm so happy right now…” he said, blinking and wiping his
eyes, at the same times smiling, a big, toothy grin, accompanied by a few soft laughs of
residual disbelief.
She smiled at him, softly, her smile alone conveying how much he meant to her and how late
she realized it.
It wasn't her fault, but she was going to make up for it. She was going to love him so much,
that he'd forget what unreciprocated feelings feel like.
Her thumbs caressed his warm cheeks, as she touched their forehead together, “I'm really
happy too, Jagi - ah.” She smiled, her own tears cascading down her pink cheeks, adding a
glow and shimmer to it.
Seojun's eyes widened, his blush turning a shade darker as his brain processed what she had
just called him.
It took him a second, but once he realized that she had just now called him “Jagi” he couldn't help
but feel a tenfold burst of glitter in his stomach, as he smiled giddily, trying to blink back his
another set of newly formed tears but failing.
He hugged her tightly, burying his face in the crook of her neck and shoulders as he said,
“I've never experienced happiness like this ever before, Jagi -ah…”
Needless to say, two empty voids were filled today.