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Scara rubbed his stomach as he woke up and tip-toed to the bathroom, examining the damage. Purple marks lined his neck while teeth marks dotted his skin.
Damn cat had no self-control.
He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the wound start to heal over and scab. A pleased smile graced his lips, satisfied hums echoing in the bathroom.
Together at last.
He felt his tummy, turning to the side and looking into the mirror. There was no bump yet, of course there wasn’t, but that didn’t stop him from imagining it.
“Mmm…Kuni…” Kazuha mumbled from the bed, “Kuni….?”
“Yes?” Scara poked his head out from the bathroom. Kazuha was sitting up and yawning. His hair was a mess, with random strands sticking out and others plastered to his face. His tail flicked lazily around, the ends hanging loosely. Scara chortled.
“Your bedhead is wild,” He said, walking back to the bed. He crawled back in and hugged Kazuha, “Morning.”
“Mmm…Morning,” Kazuha mumbled into his chest.
“Do you have anything you need to do today?”
“You mean ask Kujou Sara for this house back? Then yes.” Kazuha looked up at him, “Will you help me move the rest of my stuff?”
Scara shook his head, “I need to go speak to someone today.” His mate’s ears flattened, obviously displeased with his answer, prompting Scara to chuckle and stroke Kazuha’s hair, “If I have time afterward, I’ll help you.”
“Okay.” Kazuha wrapped his arms around Scara’s waist, “Don’t take too long.”
“Alright.” Scara smiled, “Do you want breakfast?”
“Yes~”
~~~~~~~~~~
It was imposing, is imposing, and Scara was pretty sure it will always be imposing.
Standing in front of Tenshukaku was never easy for him. He never particularly liked his creator all that much after her aloof responses to him, which meant he never visited. But he figured that if he was going to stay in Inazuma for the foreseeable future, he should at least show his face.
“You’re back” Was all she said when he walked into the Tenshukaku. Her tails lay relaxed next to her, unmoving, while she simply meditated.
“I left for 400 years and that’s all you say to me when I come back?” Scara bit.
“I don’t recall your activities being of my concern.”
“You–”
“Pardon me. I’ve been in a pesty mood today for whatever reason.” The Shogun turned to him, her demeanor much softer, “You are well, I see. Are you planning to stay for a while?” Scara looked at the woman, his tails stiffening ever so slightly.
It was her. His creator.
“And if I am?” He mumbled
“That’s nice.” The woman said. Scara stared at her in disbelief.
“Your son says he’s returning home and you don’t even bat an eye?” He asked, “Are you that heartless?”
She blinked, looking down at the ground, “Are you really my son? Am I really your mother?” She looked back up at him, “I don’t really recall raising you.”
Her statement made Scara irate, fury pumping through his blood as he stormed out of Tenshukaku.
Stupid, she was stupid. Fuck, why didn’t he accept it earlier? She was just stupid. Of course she didn’t care about him. He was naive to think otherwise.
Shit, this sucked. He hated this.
“Kuni?” A gentle voice called. He looked over, passing by the police station and Kazuha walked out with a bonsai plant.
“Is everything okay?” Kazuha asked, setting the bonsai plant down on the ground. Upon seeing him, Scara immediately burst into tears.
“Why is she like this?” He sobbed, tears running down his face, “Why did she keep me alive if she didn’t really care about me? Why did she even make me?” Kazuha pulled him into a hug, gently rubbing his back and soothing him.
Once Scara calmed down, Kazuha gently took his hand and pulled him into the police station.
“Hey–” A clerk stood up to stop them.
“He’s my husband. He’s helping me move,” Kazuha curtly said, leading Scara to a holding bay. Scara looked at Kazuha, eyes a little puffy and nose running a bit, as his mate opened the door. Inside, fine china, plants, and other decor were packed against the wall, some covered with tarps to prevent dust from settling.
“I was trying to figure out what things I should keep and what I should throw away. My parents liked to hoard things so we have more stuff than space,” Kazuha explained. He gestured, “Pick the stuff that you like and then I’ll pick the stuff I like; the rest we can sell or give away.”
Scara looked at him before glancing around the room. It was full of belongings that were once in the Kaedehara name, handed over to the police after Kazuha renounced his title, and now here they were, Kazuha letting Scara essentially decide what was important.
“But they’re your family’s—”
“They were my family’s.” Kazuha corrected him, “But unfortunately, they're not here anymore.” Kazuha hugged him from behind, “Rather than trying to appease the past, I’d rather cherish the present, and look forward to the future.” He nuzzled Scara’s neck, “I want that house to be full of your happiness as well, so we’ll decorate it the way we want and be happy.”
Scara looked at him before chuckling.
“You’re going to make a pregnant person do it?” He coyly asked.
“You can carry the light stuff.” Kazuha purred, his tail flitting happily behind him. Scara pulled back and caressed his tail beneath Kazuha’s chin, surprising him.
“I’m not made of glass.” Scara gave Kazuha a wry smile, “I can carry the heavy stuff too.”
Kazuha smiled, “Alright.”
~~~~~~~~~~
A few months passed and a noticeable bump had developed, Scara gently rubbing it. He hummed happily, admiring himself in the mirror.
He was going to be a parent. They were going to be parents.
“Kuni~” Kazuha sang from the kitchen, “Breakfast is ready!”
“Okay!” Scara slipped on his yukata and gently tied the obi around before putting on another haori to keep warm in the slightly colder winter.
He walked along the interior of the house, sliding open the door to the living room.
“I made egg rice and some fish,” Kazuha set a steaming bowl of rice on the table, cracking an egg on top and plating the salmon on the side. He then sprinkled some sesame seeds on top with a little soy sauce, spooned miso soup into another bowl, and placed it next to the rice, plating the table for Scara.
“Thank you,” Scara said, taking a seat. Kazuha finished plating his side, sitting down across from him. Scara took his chopsticks and gently put his hands together.
“Thank you for the food,” He said, eating his breakfast.
“Do you have an appointment today?” Kazuha asked.
“I do.” His mate’s ears flopped a bit.
“Why is it that each time you have a doctor’s appointment, I have work to do?” Kazuha moaned.
Scara chuckled, “It’s just coincidence.”
“Would it behoove you to choose a day I can actually go?”
“It’s not that exciting, to be honest.”
Kazuha looked at him, “You’re giving birth to my children, my offspring. Of course it’s exciting.”
Scara smiled, taking another bite of his rice, “I’ll try next time, but there’s nothing I can do if work comes up.”
“May I take a long vacation then?”
“And who would help Mr. Amenoma rebuild the Gokaden?” Scara gave an amused chortle, “We’ll figure it out and I’ll tell you when I’m scheduled to go in again.”
Kazuha pouted, but his tail flicked happily from side to side, “Okay.”
~~~~~~~~~~
“Hmm….from feeling alone, it’s quadruplets.” The doctor said with a slight grimace. They looked at Scara, “You should be prepared for a difficult delivery.” A difficult delivery? Scara looked at the doctor in confusion. The doctor had said only a few weeks prior that Scara would be fine, what changed?
“Why?” Kazuha asked.
“Four is already an unlucky number, and as they are quadruplets, it is said to be one soul split amongst them.” Oh, this? What was so important about this? It was just a superstition. Scara didn’t care about something like this.
The doctor looked at them, “Your lives from here on out may be difficult for you, and I–”
“We asked for a check-up, not quackery,” Scara sharply bit, “What should I do to keep them healthy?”
The doctor looked at them, sighing, “They should remain healthy if you keep doing what you’ve been doing. Carrying four is a larger burden than carrying one, so please stay vigilant about your health and contact me if you feel any changes.”
“Okay.” Scara stood up, gathering his belongings, “Is there anything else?”
The doctor shook their head, “No.”
“Alright, thank you.”
They left the clinic, walking gently towards their house when Kazuha stopped him.
“Are you alright?” Kazuha asked. Scara looked at him before looking at his stomach.
“I just…want them to be healthy.” Scara rubbed his belly, “I honestly never thought…I’d be in a situation like this. I just want them to be healthy, and loved, and cared for.” Scara smiled down at his stomach, “I want them to have the things I couldn't have.” A tear fell onto his clothes and before he knew it, he was crying, looking at Kazuha. His mate smiled at him, pulling him into a hug.
“We’ll be okay.” He soothed, gently rocking Scara, “We’ll be alright.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Kazuha shook out his nerves as he approached the Tenshukaku. Walking up the steps never got less intimidating, especially with what he wanted to ask.
“Mr. Kaedehara,” The Shogun simply said, “To what do you need my presence for?”
Kazuha kneeled down, bowing into a dogeza.
“Please, give me your son.”
Silence stretched time as what was supposed to be minutes felt like hours. Sweat beaded on Kazuha’s forehead, his back cramping the longer he held the position; there was nothing more he wanted to do than get up but to risk disrespecting the Shogun thrice was something he didn’t have the confidence to survive.
“Raise your head,” She simply said. Kazuha did so, the Shogun sitting down and smiling in front of him, “Before I give you my answer….can we talk about him a little?”
Kazuha stared at her in shock before nodding.
“Sure,” He replied, sitting back on his ankles, a perfect seiza, “Where would you like to begin?”
She adjusted her clothes, “....Does he go by a name?”
Kazuha nodded, “He goes by many names, and several different people know him differently. As for what I call him, he goes by Kuni.”
“Kuni….” The shogun looked down, ears flattened against her head, “People have mentioned that my inability to communicate with people has caused many misunderstandings. I don’t talk about what I’m thinking, according to them. And it seems the actions I didn’t explain hurt Kuni.” She took a deep breath, looking at Kazuha, “I’m sure he’s talked a bit about his past.”
“Only bits and pieces.” Kazuha looked at her, “He only mentioned you created him.”
The Shogun chortled, “Well, he isn’t wrong.” She cleared her throat, “I created him with the intent of ruling in my place, but the very moment he woke up, he started crying. I knew at that moment that I could not ask him to do such a cruel thing as ruling an entire nation for eternity. The only logical answer was to allow him to grow and discover the path he deemed best for himself.”
“But you abandoned him….wouldn’t it have been better to raise him?” Kazuha asked. The Shogun nodded.
“Had I been more equipped, yes, I would’ve. But in some aspects, I was also a child, and it would basically be asking a child to raise another child and forcing that child to grow up in an uncertain, unfulfilled household.” The Shogun crossed her hands on her lap, “Even I could see the cruelty in such an environment, so I put him to sleep in a domain, set to wake him up when I had become a better ruler and possibly a better parent.” She laughed, but Kazuha could hear the regret in her tone, “But instead, he woke up early and I turned him away, unable to confront my own creation.”
“Do you regret it?” Kazuha asked. The Shogun shrugged.
“The feeling has long numbed itself. The only thing I know is that it’s still there. But I don't know what I’m feeling.” She smiled painfully at the ground, “He asked me if I was heartless. I’m not but…at that moment, I wondered if I could really say I was his mother. I didn’t rear him, I didn’t care for him…all I did was put him to sleep and leave him.” She looked at him, “Could I even be called his parent?”
Kazuha's breathing hitched as he shifted in his spot. It was traumatizing to be essentially orphaned but at least for Kazuha, he was already almost an adult, his parents were alive for most of his adolescence.
Kuni had no one. There was no one there when he woke up, no one to show him how to live, how to survive.
How to love.
Unlike him, who had been showered with love and affection growing up, Kuni had to teach himself those things. Was that why he was so angry when the doctor mentioned how hard life would be? Was he scared he wouldn’t be able to provide those things?
No. Kazuha had faith in Kuni. Kuni learned all those things and was able to fall in love with him. He had faith Kuni would adore his children.
“Would you like my opinion, ma’am?” He offered. She nodded.
“Please.”
“It might be true that at this stage, you can’t be called his parent but…I’m a firm believer in thinking it’s never too late to start.” Kazuha looked at her, “You might not get to that parent-child relationship and he might not want that, but at least being there and letting him know you support him and will be there when he’s feeling down or afraid will be enough.” He smiled at her, “Slowly, but surely, you’ll begin to build a better relationship, and someday, he may want his children to meet their grandmother.”
The Shogun looked at him before chuckling, shoulder’s relaxing a bit.
“He’s chosen a good partner,” She mused, glancing at him, “Please take care of him, dear son-in-law.” She bowed her head.
“Thank you for your blessing.” Kazuha bowed his head and raised it, smiling at the shogun.
“Speaking of children, he’s already expecting?” She asked. Kazuha flushed red with embarrassment. No holds barred, she went straight for it.
“How–”
“The scent.” She pointed to her nose, her tails flitting happily, “Nekomata give off a different scent when they are with child.” She stood up from her spot, “When you two feel ready, please bring them to Grand Narukami Shrine. I want to meet my grandchildren.”
Kazuha nodded, bowing his head again, “I will, Ma’am.”
The shogun chortled, “Just call me Mother-in-Law.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Scara’s stomach was hurting a little bit more than usual and it was a pain to move around, to the point he couldn’t do anything without sitting down after a few minutes.
“Are you alright?” Kazuha asked, popping into their room. Scara looked at him, shaking his head.
“No, my stomach hurts a little. I don’t know what’s going on.” Then a cramping pain struck Scara, prompting him to grab onto Kazuha.
“Kuni?” Kazuha looked at him in surprise.
“Ow! Ow! Ah!” Scara moaned in pain, gripping Kazuha’s shoulder.
“Is it a contraction?”
“I don’t know!” Scara cried. The pain only lasted a short while, Scara calming down as it went away.
“It might’ve been a contraction,” Kazuha said. Scara looked at him, unamused.
“I don’t think it was.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Apparently, though, Kazuha was right
Five minutes later, it happened again. And again. And again. Each five minutes apart. Scara looked at Kazuha as the hour mark approached.
“Help me to the clinic?” He asked weakly, steadying himself against a wall, “I think…I’m….”
“Yeah.” Kazuha smiled gently at him, “Let me get your stuff.”
~~~~~~~~~~
It was the most painful 10 hours of his life.
Scara had been through a lot before, suffered injuries regular humans would’ve absolutely died from, and managed to come back essentially brand new.
This? This fucking hurt.
“Push!” A midwife yelled, gently soothing Scara as he pushed the kitten out. He gripped Kazuha’s hand, relieving the pain as best as he could.
“Three more, you can do it!” A doula said, helping him prepare to push again. Scara grit his teeth, looking at Kazuha, his mate seemingly unfazed.
“You’re doing amazing. You’re amazing,” Kazuha soothed, despite the bone-crushing grip Scara had on his hand.
“You’re goddamn right I’m amazing!” Scara screamed as another contraction ripped through him. He screamed, yowling in pain.
“Push!” The midwife shouted. Scara pushed, the second kitten coming out with more ease than the first. A second feeling followed it, the midwife gasping in surprise.
“They both wanted to come out at the same time!” The doula laughed, “One more!” Scara nodded, tears and snot from pain, shock, and whatever else he was feeling trailed down his face. He pushed, the last kitten leaving with ease. The doula helped Scara clean up, Kazuha gently kissing his hand once he finished.
“You did great,” Kazuha cooed, gently stroking Scara’s head. Scara smiled, head lolled to the side from exhaustion.
“Are they…healthy?” He croaked. Kazuha looked over, only a smile on his face.
“You’ll see,” He simply said. Scara looked up, the midwife handing him two of his children and placing them on his chest.
“Look,” They sang, “They’re healthy.”
“And for the father, the other two,” The doula said. Kazuha took them, swaddling them as best as he could.
“We’re parents now,” Kazuha cried, tears flowing down his cheeks. He smiled at Scara with the biggest grin he’d ever seen, “I’m a father.”
Scara smiled, gently caressing the other two as he cried along with him, “I know.” He reached his hand out, touching the other two children, “I know.”
A place to call home, a life he could call his own.
A family filled with love and warmth.
He had everything he wanted. Everything he wanted.
~~~~~~~~~~
Scara knew to some degree that parenthood wasn’t easy but since Kazuha was the sole breadwinner, it was on Scara to keep the house.
Four children were harder than any of them anticipated and it started to put a strain on their partnership.
Scara didn’t need sleep in the conventional sense, so he volunteered to take the night shift and watch them if they ever woke up. Kazuha agreed to help them in the morning while Scara could at least get some rest before going off to field customers for the forge. Scara would then watch them while completing any chores he could for a few hours before Kazuha got home and then he would take care of them for the rest of the night before they were put in bed.
In theory, it was a good plan. But the constant reminder that they were each only one person against four children weighed on them as time went on. Scara became increasingly aware that he and Kazuha weren’t spending as much time together. They only saw each other for some meals and maybe when Kazuha went off to bed, but otherwise, they hardly spoke to each other.
It was daunting. The separation that started to grow between them scared Scara a little bit, but he didn’t dare ask Kazuha for help since he was the only one making money. He needed to do everything he could to make sure they had everything they needed.
“Are you okay for the night?” Kazuha asked, handing him a blanket. Scara nodded.
“Yeah.” He settled on his seat with a book.
“Are you sure?” Kazuha looked at him, “I can watch them for the night if you’d rather rest.”
“It’s fine.” Scara opened his book, “Get sleep. You have work tomorrow.”
Kazuha stared at him before turning on his heels to go back to their room. Scara closed his book and set it down next to him on the table.
Kazuha’s unreadable expression didn’t escape him, the way his ears twitched ever so slightly, his tail stiff with either anger, annoyance, or frustration. Scara saw it all, unsure of what to say to him.
He looked at the babies across from him, sadness and melancholy welling up inside of him the more he watched them. Tears burst forth, Scara silently sobbing as he lamented his weakness.
Could he really give these children what he never had? Could he make them happy? Did he really love them? He did, right? Then why was he so sad? What had they done to make him sad? What was making him sad and angry and frustrated? Why?
He covered his face with his hands, muffling the sobs that did escape and wishing he had been a stronger person.
He cried and cried until the sun rose, Kazuha walking into the room with a candle and a solemn expression on his face.
“Are you okay?” He gently asked, rubbing Scara’s shoulder. Scara looked up at him, eyes puffy and nose red from crying so hard.
“Yeah…I’m fine.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Depression swallowed him whole. Self-hatred and doubt rotted him from the inside out. The days started to meld together and he saw Kazuha less and less.
They weren’t having meals together, and the next thing Scara knew, he no longer could respond to the children crying.
They were right next to him, babbling and crying and reaching for him but he simply couldn’t find it in his body to move. He would sit there in his chair, watching them play amongst themselves. He’d feed them, burp them, change them, but he’d do those things without care, without intention.
He was listless, unable to find the will to grow with them. He was tired, unable to find the motivation to play with them.
He was empty, unable to find the energy to love them.
Sometimes, they’d make him so anxious he’d start shaking in his seat. They were relying on him to survive, could he keep them alive? What if he was a bad parent? Why were they crying so much? He’d done everything, why were they still crying? Stop, just stop crying! Please!
He didn’t know what they wanted, stress building up in his body rapidly. He got colder more easily, got irritated more easily, got tired more easily.
Kazuha’s absence, or lack of presence, made it worse. Most of Scara’s healing was done with Kazuha next to him, serving as Scara’s anchor in reality. Now his anchor was gone and he was drifting around in the sea of chaos that was his mind. How long had it been since he saw Kazuha? Spoke to him? Slept with him? When was the last time they spent time as a family together?
Scara ran his fingers through his hair, grabbing the strands as stress settled into his body, anxiety and paranoia speaking straight into his mind.
You thought you could change. You’re exactly the same. You suck. You’re stupid. You don’t know anything. You’re naive. Kazuha doesn’t love you anymore. He’ll leave you someday. You’re a bad parent. Good parents don’t let their kids cry this long. You’re doing it wrong. Just give up.
Just leave. You’re useless here.
The world around him began to warp, his head pounding, heart beating out of his chest as everything started spinning around.
His chest hurt, his head hurt, it was getting hard to breathe, his palms were so sweaty and everything was sticking to his skin. It was like a living nightmare.
He was dying, he was going to die. He needed to run, he needed to leave. He needed to be somewhere else but here. It was too cold here, he wanted to go somewhere warm. He was scared, and felt sick to his stomach as nauseating thoughts poured into his mind.
Help! Help! Somebody help! He wanted to run away, he needed to get away from here. Someone get him out of here. Please, someone, get him out of here!
“Kuni!” A voice shouted, placing a blanket around him. They squeezed him tight, Scara’s breathing relaxing a bit as the pressure enveloped him, time slowly passing. The world straightened out, his head relaxing a bit and his muscles going limp. Exhaustion washed over him as he could finally process what was happening.
“Kazu..ha?” Scara croaked after some time, voice hoarse. Kazuha gently pulled away from him, pushing the blanket back, and caressed his cheek.
“Do you feel a bit better?” He asked. Scara nodded, leaning into him.
“Don’t you have work…?”
“I closed the shop for the day.” Kazuha turned his head towards him, gently wiping the tears that trailed down, “Can you come with me?”
Scara looked at him, “But the kittens….
“Lady Ayaka and Yoimiya are taking care of them at the moment.”
Scara stared at him in disbelief. They had come in earlier? Why hadn’t he noticed? “But–”
“It’s okay. They’ll be okay.” Kauzha smiled sadly at him, “Please?”
Scara bit his lip, nodding, “Okay.”
He led him out to the living room, Scara gasping when he saw who was sitting there.
“Hello, Kuni.”
~~~~~~~~~~
A Week Prior
“That was quite a loud sigh,” Thoma said. Kazuha looked at him before setting down the hammer.
“It’s nothing,” He answered.
“That sigh was too loud to be nothing.” Thoma leaned against the wood post, “What’s going on?”
Kazuha glanced at him, crossing his arms, “Kuni and I…”
“Not spending time together?”
“Yes but not that….” Kazuha looked down at his hands, “I wonder if I’m an incompetent mate.”
Thoma raised a brow, “What makes you say that?”
Kazuha glanced at him, his ears flopping down a bit, “I can tell he’s getting stressed but each time I ask him if he’s okay, he keeps saying he’s fine. I can tell he isn’t but I also don’t want to overstep.” Kazuha looked at Thoma, “He’s my mate. I want to help him.”
“But…?”
Kazuha snorted, “As perceptive as always.”
“All problems have a ‘but’ to them.” Thoma smiled apologetically, “Work is getting in the way, right?”
Kazuha nodded, “Money’s not an issue, we have enough to sustain us for a while but at the same time…I can’t simply stop working because, at the moment, I’m the one who makes money. I want to spend as much time with them as possible but that means putting in more work and working a lot now so I can spend time later.” Kazuha sank into himself, “But that means that Kuni is by himself taking care of the kittens….I just don’t know what to do.”
Thoma hummed, “So I’m hearing that you’re having trouble with balancing your work, which is your family’s sole source of income at the moment, with providing Kuni the support he needs to help maintain the home.” Thoma smiled at him, “It’s at times like this where it’s okay to lean on your friends for help.” He stood up, wiping his back, “Let me talk to the Commissioner. We might be able to help you.”
“But–”
“Kazuha.” Thoma smiled, “You’ve done a lot to help us in the past before. Let us return the favor.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Present
“You brought them here?” Scara asked. Kazuha shook his head.
“No. They came here and told me they wanted to speak with us,” He said. Scara looked at the Shogun, the woman gently smiling at him.
“I wanted to talk to you again,” She said. She bowed into a deep dogeza, Kuni staring at her in disbelief, “And apologize for abandoning you when you had needed me most.”
“Wait, Shogun, uh–”
“It’s alright, Kuni-chan,” The fox envoy next to her cooed, “Like mother like son, thinking they have no one around to rely on when in reality, there are people who love you dearly and wish to see you live a long life.” Miko smiled, “Please let her explain herself and what she has in mind for you.”
Scara looked at Kazuha, his mate smiling.
“Shall we?” He asked. Scara looked at the room, everyone smiling gently and reassuringly at him. He stepped forward, sitting down on a pillow.
“Okay.” He looked at the Shogun, “Let’s talk.”
He listened to her explain the reasoning behind her actions, why she did what she did, what she was thinking when everything happened. He was angry, annoyed that it had happened but there was a part of him that knew she was right.
A child raising a child….was he the same? Was he a child raising his own children?
“That time you visited me…I don’t know if it was happiness, but I felt somewhat relieved that you were okay.” She smiled, “The creation that I had sent off on a journey had returned alive and well.” She glanced at Kazuha, “And I was more relieved when I discovered you were spoken for and started building a family.” The Shogun smiled at him, “Already, you were able to do the things I couldn’t do, move on from the past in ways I struggled to understand.” She bowed again, “And for that, I’m grateful. You're much stronger than I was and I hope that your children will grow up with love and warmth around them.” She gave him a melancholic smile, “I had just wondered to myself whether I was worthy of calling me your mother after refusing to support you for so long, and whether I deserved to be in your life again.”
“That’s a decision I make,” Scara murmured.
“I know.” The Shogun bowed her head again, “I’d understand if you didn’t want to allow me back in. I just wanted to explain myself.”
Scara looked at her before looking at Miko, his body relaxing.
“I had always wondered why my mother would simply abandon me with a half-hearted reason. Even if I know now that such a reason had much more complexity than I understood, the pain doesn’t go away after festering for so long.”
The Shogun nodded, “I know.”
He chuckled, “But, a certain traveler once told me it’s never too late to start.” He looked at her, “So…thank you.”
She smiled before looking at the Yashiro Commissioner, “There was a baby shower gift I wanted to give you, though perhaps I should’ve given it to you much earlier.” The Yashiro Commissioner cleared his throat.
“I’m proposing the Kaedehara family become a vassal of my family again,” He said. Kazuha and Scara gasping in shock.
“Sir, I–” Kazuha fumbled for his words.
“You’ve done more than enough work laying the foundations for the Gokaden, and the Yashiro Commission has agreed to help now support the Gokaden’s growth with manpower. Amenoma Smithy survived the initial incident and gained prestige but the other schools need help with gaining the heads for such a task.” Ayato looked at Scara and Kazuha, “If Kaedehara joins as a vassal, he would have more resources to employ people and Kuni would have another support system to help with the kittens.” He smiled, “And you’d be able to spend more time together as a family.”
Scara glanced at Kazuha, his mate tearing up and smiling.
“I think it’s a good idea, but I am only half of the Kaedehara family.” He looked at Scara, “What do you think?”
Scara blinked before looking at everyone in the room, heart pounding out of his chest. The air was full of kindness, the overwhelming kindness he thought only Kazuha could give him.
People loved him. People cared about him. People wanted him to live.
Tears streamed down his cheeks as he nodded, sobs and cries echoing in the room as Kazuha soothed him, chuckling happily. Scara smiled, unsure of what he was thinking but what he was thinking didn’t matter.
He was thankful. He was hopeful.
He was happy.
~~~~~~~~~~
Years Later
“Come in! It’s dark out!” Kuni yelled from inside the house. The children ran from the hill back home, Kuni washing the dirt from their feet and fur as they approached the house, “Playing in mud when I tell you not to…”
“But it’s fun!” They cooed, shaking the water off.
“But it tracks dirt into the house. And some of you have white fur, what happens if it just becomes cream-colored?” Kuni sighed, “Go wash your hands before you eat dinner.”
“Yes!”
“I’m home!” Kazuha sang, the children running to greet their father.
“How was work?” Kuni asked, taking his mate's belongings. Kazuha smiled.
“It was good,” He replied, gently caressing Kuni’s cheek, “They weren’t too rowdy?”
“Most of the chores were done so I let them play outside.”
“That’s good.” Kazuha sniffed the air, “Fish, eggs, rice, and…..tea? Chazuke?”
Kuni grinned, “Yes~”
Kazuha smiled back, his tail flicking happily, “I can’t wait.”
They ate dinner, preparing the kittens for bed before retiring to their own room.
“I’m grateful they sleep so easily,” Kazuha mused. Kuni hummed, tucking himself into bed.
“They have been deep sleepers since they were young, which is odd because neither of us are deep sleepers.”
“Maybe that was a product of traveling for so long.” Kazuha smiled, “I'm glad they feel safe enough to sleep though.”
Kuni nodded, “Yeah.” He squeezed Kazuha’s hand, “Remember a little after they were born, when we weren’t spending time together?”
Kazuha nodded, “I remember. I remember not knowing what I could do to help you with the situation we had.”
Kuni nodded, “Yeah.” He looked at Kazuha, “For a moment….I thought about leaving.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Kuni gulped, “I felt so inadequate, so useless. I felt like I was a bad parent but I didn’t know what to do and who to ask for help. I didn’t want to ask you since you were so busy with work and I…I was just tired. I couldn’t do it anymore.”
Kazuha hummed, pulling him into a hug, “Do you still feel that way now?”
Kuni chuckled, “No. When the Commissioner came to us with that proposal, it was like a huge weight lifted off my chest. I realized that I could ask them for help, I could ask the shrine.” Kuni looked at him, “I could ask my mother, and they’d support me.”
Kazuha smiled, kissing his forehead.
“There are people around you who love you and wish the best for you. It’s okay to lean on them when you need help.” Kazuha hugged him a little tighter, “It’s okay to rely on me when you’re feeling down or sad. I’m your mate, I’ll be there for you when you need it.”
“Yeah.” Kuni kissed him, gently cupping his face as he did. Kazuha rolled them over, deepening the kiss and moving Kuni’s hands around his neck.
“It’s been a while…you smell amazing,” Kazuha murmured. Kuni laughed.
“It’s been a while since my heat came,” He mumbled. Kazuha hummed a response.
“What are your thoughts on having another litter?” He asked, looking at Kuni.
Kuni smiled, gently pushing his hair from his face, “I want girls this time.”
Kazuha laughed, “I’ll try my best.” Kuni chortled, covering his face at Kazuha’s response. Kazuha gave him a puzzled look, “Something funny?” Kuni shook his head.
“No, not that. Just thinking about how much I love you.” Kuni kissed him, “Thank you for staying with me.”
“Always.” Kazuha kissed him again, peppering kisses along his neck, “I love you.”
Kuni smiled, tears trailing down his face, “Yeah. I love you too.”
In this never-ending cycle of sorrow and hurt shines a light, no matter how dim. It is this light that strives to break from its never-ending prison.
It’s painful to leave, it’s painful to put an end to what one has known their whole life. But it’s worth it, for outside this never-ending prison is a world so warm, so colorful, and it shines so brightly with joy and happiness.