Chapter Text
Charlie’s POV
I sighed heavily as I flung myself onto the bed. I took in a couple of deep, yet ragged breaths. The day was too much for me already and I had yet so much on my schedule. Sometimes I truly hated my life.
'Are you ready, Cha-, Your Highness?' asked Nick, my bodyguard as he stuck his head into my room
I looked up slightly to look at his gorgeous face. His face was neutral, as always, but I saw something in his eyes, some emotion.
'Give me a minute more, please' I answered heavily as I laid back down
'Of course' he said so softly that it made my heart skip a beat
None of my bodyguards have been as kind to me as he was. He was quite new and just a year ago he got upgraded to being my main bodyguard. He was kind to me, he actually listened to me when I asked for a few minutes of peace and he was very good looking. He caught my breath the first time I met him. He had big, strong arms that were always engulfed in a suit, that I just knew he hated wearing. His face was covered in small freckles, but you could only see them if you stood close to him, which I had the pleasure to do a few times.
I was startled out of my thoughts, when I felt his hand shaking me gently.
'We need to get going, Your Highness' he said softly
'I can't do this' I whispered as my voice broke a little
'Char-' he began, but as realization hit him, he gasped
'It's okay' I reassured him before he could spiral and apologize for calling me by my name
'I'm so tremendously sorry' he said anyway
I sat up on the bad, laid my hand holding onto his and as I looked into his eyes I said
'It's okay. You're forgiven. It actually makes me feel human when you slip up and call me by my name'
'I still am not allowed to do so' he said sheepishly
'No one's around and I want you to say my name' I said softly
I realized how weird and sexual that sounded a tad too late though. Nick's cheeks got red and I'm sure I looked the same. He then coughed awkwardly and helped me up.
'Let's go. We've got a few more things left on the schedule. Let's get them over with' he said with a small smile
'Thank you' I said as I squeezed his hand and then I made my way to the car
'We can get through this' he reassured me as he led me to the car
I had butterflies all day whenever I looked at Nick. He caught me staring a few times and I saw him swallow hard. I really hoped that he wasn't weirded out. We had one too many loaded moments for it to be only one sided though.
I was exhausted when we came back to the palace. I didn't eat a lot and my blood sugar was dropping fast. I felt dizzy from the moment I got out of the car. Nick was walking a few steps behind me, telling me something that I simply couldn't comprehend at the moment.
'Are you okay?' I heard faintly as I stumbled
He caught my arm to steady me, but that didn't do much good since moments later I felt myself drift away.
'Charlie?' I heard his panicked voice as I came to it
I was on the ground in Nick's arms. He was holding onto me tightly as he propped my feet upwards on his knee.
'What happened?' I asked a bit disoriented
'You fainted' he said worriedly as he brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes and then he stroked my cheek gently
'I didn't mean to scare you' I said sheepishly as my cheeks turned pink
'I don't care that you scared me. I just want you to be okay' he said heavily
'Are you okay to stand up?' he asked as he helped me sit up
I was still too dizzy to get up and he noticed, so without so much as a warning, he scooped me up in his arms and carried me back to my room.
He laid me gently on the bed, took off my shoes and only then he let himself look at me.
'Don't ever do that again' he whispered shakily
'I'll get you something to eat' he added and he simply left
I undid my tie and sat up to undress and get comfy. Just as I was unbuttoning my shirt, he came back with a tray of food. He looked at me and paled, but moments later his cheeks turned bright red.
I was still so dizzy, but I didn't want him to know that. I couldn't undress myself though, that required too much of me. Finally I caved in and decided to just ask for help.
'Could you help me?' I asked as I stared him dead in the eyes
He sat the tray down and came over without a word. He kneeled in front of me and began unbuttoning my buttons. His hands were shaking slightly, which melted my heart. I gulped when he got the the lower buttons. Seconds later I was shirtless in front of him and he was beginning to undo my belt. I held my breath as he did that. He then unzipped my pants and took them off.
I was getting dizzy again, but I didn't know if it was from earlier or from the emotions. He helped me into a fresh pair of pajamas and then he laid the tray with food on my laps. He was awfully quiet and very red as he stood next to the bed, unsure of what to do next.
'Can you stay with me?' I asked as I ate a little bit of soup
He looked very troubled.
'You don't have to' I added sadly as I continued to eat the soup
He sighed heavily before sitting down next to me at the foot of the bed.
'I don't know what you want from me' he said after a moments thought
'I don't want anything from you... I just... I'm just very lonely' I said a bit embarrassed
His face softened at that.
'I'm sorry to hear that' he said sadly as he rubbed my leg through the duvet
'So it's not all glamours being a prince?' he asked with a chuckle
'We both know that it's far from that it' I said sadly
We both sighed heavily as I finished my soup. When I was done, he sat the tray on the table and to my surprise he came back to me.
'I care about you, but this... us... I don't feel the same way' he said shakily
'W-what?' I stuttered out as my heart pounded loudly in my chest
'You're an amazing person and I love my job, but I'm not... I'm not gay' he said, still not looking at me
'I never said you were' I managed to find my voice
'Fuck. Did I read this wrong? I thought... weren't you trying to kiss me the other night?' he started to rant now
'Oh... well, you weren't wrong, but a kiss is nothing. I just... I was and still am very lonely and I was hoping you'd want to fool around, but I'm sorry. I crossed a boundary' I said as I sat up in bed and coughed uneasily
'Oh, God, no. I'm sorry. I just... I'm not... it's not that I am prejudice... I'm an ally, but... that's just not me' he said uneasily
'I'm so sorry Nick. Please forgive me' I said terrified that I could have forced myself onto him when he clearly wasn't interested
'I thought you might have been interested otherwise I wouldn't have even tried... I'm so terribly sorry. It won't happen again, but I understand if you'd rather work with someone else in the family than the gay screwup' I said shakily as I fiddled with my hands
'No, Charlie... I mean, Your Highness, I want to work with you. I like being with you and doing this job. I just... I wanted to make sure our feelings and pride wouldn't get hurt' he said softly and I felt his eyes bore into me, but I didn't dare to look up at him
'I'm so sorry. This will never happen again, now that I know how you feel' I reassured him
'Please, let me be now' I squeaked out
'If you need my forgiveness, you have it. I don't blame you for that and it didn't make me uncomfortable, just unsure' he said uneasily as he got up, took the tray and left
I cried myself to sleep as I berated myself for everything I've done and said to Nick since I realized my crush on him. The night wasn't an easy one, so at 4 am, I decided to just give up and go for a run.
I got dressed and I left my room. Nick was most likely still asleep, so I exhaled as I walked out of the palace. I made my way to the forest on the outskirts of the grounds and I just ran.
I ran as far as I could and as far as my lungs let me. I needed to burn off the food I ate last night and I needed the memories to go away. I fell to the ground as bile rose up in my throat and I threw up. I don't know how long that lasted for, but by the time I was done, I was exhausted. I shakily stood up and as my knees buckled I grabbed onto a tree. The world was spinning and I was tired of this constant joke. Why couldn't I do anything right? I took a couple of deep breaths and then I made my way slowly back to the castle on my shaking legs.
What seemed like years later I finally arrived at the doorstep to my part of the palace. I sighed heavily, feeling proud that I managed to get back here by myself. I opened the door slowly and I was met with chaos.
'We need to find him!' yelled Nick as he basically flew down the stairs
He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. I saw him swallow hard as he stood still and just took me in.
'Where the fuck have you been?' he yelled angrily as he engulfed me
'You have no right to speak to me this way' I muttered cooly as I threw his hands off of me and I walked past him into my room
'Or I'll have you fired' I added before shutting the door loudly
I left him standing in the middle of the hallway, stunned and confused. I immediately felt guilty about that.
I went into a shower and cleaned all the sweat and the smell of puke off of me. I scrubbed until my skin was red and raw. I then got dressed and ready for the day.
I opened my door and I saw a worried Nick standing a few meters from the door, fiddling with his hands. When he realized I was standing in front of him, he stood up straighter and then he curtsied.
He hasn't done that in a long while. I told him to stop it, yet here we are.
'Your Highness, the car's waiting to take you to the Children's Hospital. After the visit we only have one more appointment with Sir William' he said tightly, yet I could hear the shakiness he was trying to hide
'Thank you' I said with a nod as I started walking towards the car
We drove in silence. He didn't even put on any music. He didn't talk to me, try to easy my mind or even look at me. He was like a robot and I hated that I was the reason why.
'We're here. I'll just go make sure that everything is clear. Please, wait here for a moment' he said without any emotion and he left before I could even register what he said
It didn't take long for me to spiral into my dark thoughts, but before I got too deep, my door was opened.
'Let's go' he said as he stood by the door
He led me into the hospital and then to the children cancer ward. I took a shaky breath and I put on the best smile that I could muster and I started meeting the kids. I read to them, played with them and I took so many pictures. I loved their smiles and I was baffled how they could be so happy when they are so sick. My heart broke for them and I needed to take a few bathroom breaks just to calm myself down.
I was in a bathroom, tears were falling down my cheeks freely as my heart pounded loudly. I hated not having control and not being able to help them. I let myself cry freely for a moment, but then I knew I had to be brave for them and pull myself together.
A knock startled me out of my spiral. I needed to get my shit together. I was getting worse. I couldn't afford that.
'Your Highness... we need to wrap it up here' said Nick a bit on edge
'One moment' I stuttered out
I splashed my face with cold water, took a few deep breaths and went out. Nick looked me over and I just knew that he knew that I wasn't okay. His face softened for a moment before he schooled his face and he was back to being the robot that I realized I hated.
'Sorry' I said as I went past him and began saying goodbye to the children
We were back in the car and driving for a good half an hour before he spoke to me.
'Sir William asked if we could reschedule. His wife has fallen sick' he said tightly
'That's no problem. Let's go back to the palace' I said unsurely
It's been a few weeks since I threatened to fire Nick. He's been cold towards me and I don't blame him. I missed him like hell though. I didn't know how to approach the subject though.
We were driving back after an appointment when I said
'Can you take me to Tori's?'
That startled him, but he recomposed quickly.
'Of course' he said with a small nod as he stared into the distance
I caught his eyes in the rear view mirror and I saw concern flash across his face.
I didn't go to Tori's often without a reason, when I did it was usually when I wasn't okay and I needed some support.
'Of course' he said as he turned right and started driving the other way
We sat in silence for a half hour more before I spoke.
'I'm sorry, I was harsh the other day' I said uneasily as I stared out of the window
'No, I was out of line. I'm so sorry. It'll never happen again' he said tightly
'You weren't... I liked to think of us as friends and now we're back to what was when you first started working here' I said with a heavy sigh
'But we're not friends. I'm in charge of your schedule and safety' he said sternly
'Okay' I whispered as silent tears started falling down my cheeks
He hated me now. He was my only friend that was working with me and here I destroyed it in a moment. My heart ached.
'We're here' he said quietly as he shook me gently awake
'T-thank you' I said groggily as I stumbled out of the car
'I'll wait for you in the car, Your Highness' he said sheepishly as he closed the door behind me
'Don't be absurd, you can come in. I'm sure Tori has baked something for you like she promised the last time' I said with a small smile
He was weighing his options. He was clearly very confused and I hated that I was the reason why.
'Please' I practically begged him
He sighed heavily
'Okay' he said as he followed me inside
Tori was waiting for us in the hall and immediately embraced me when we came in.
'Nick! So nice to see you! I baked you something I'm sure you'll enjoy' she said excitedly as she hugged him
He was a bit stiff at first, but after a few minutes we fell back into our old selves. He was actually laughing with Tori. He even stole a few glances at me.
'Charlie... why are you here, love? You only come unannounced when something's wrong, rarely when you have some good news' she said uneasily as she drank her tea
I looked at her, then at Nick and then down at my hands. I sighed heavily as a jumble of thoughts ran through my mind.
Nick suddenly stood up and let us be. He always knew when I needed my space. He knew me too well.
'I just needed my sister' I said a tad shakily as I looked up at Tori
'Oh, sweets' she said softly as she got up and hugged me tightly
I couldn't hold it in, I sobbed in her arms as I told her about my relapse with my eating disorder. I told her about my dark thoughts and how I screwed things up with Nick. I admitted that I fell for him and that the thought itself terrified me.
'I'm so proud of you' she said happily
'What? You're proud? I relapsed! I made a mess with Nick and you're proud of me?' I cried in disbelief
'Yes, I am, because you came to me and asked for help. You're not pretending that you're okay and what you're doing is normal' she said softly as she wiped the tears away
'Can you help me?' I asked shakily
'Yes. I'll help you, but... you need to tell Nick as well. He's with you basically 24/7 and he'll be there with you when I can't' she said softly
'I can't tell him' I said terrified
'You can and you have to. He cares for you... not only because he works for you. You need him and we both know you trust him' she said as she stroked my cheek
'I can't do this' I said sadly
'You're stronger than you think' she said proudly
'You came to me when you realized you needed help. This is huge. You'd never have done that a few years ago. Just tell him, please' she added
I nodded my head shakily as she exhaled in relief.
'Nick? Can you come in here?' yelled Tori
'Of course' he said as he walked back
He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. His face softened and before he realized what he was doing he came up to me and just held me. He seemed just as surprised as I was.
'I'm here' he whispered as he held onto me tighter
When I calmed down, he sat next to me and held my hand as I told him everything about my eating disorder history. I told him how the first time went when my family found out. I told him when I relapsed and how I've been getting worse lately. He listened closely and held my hand until I was done.
'How can I help you?' he asked unsurely
'First of all, can we go back to how we were? I didn't mean it when I said I'll have you fired. I'll never fire you. You're my friend and I need you in my life' I said sadly
'I missed you' he said fondly
'And I've missed you' I said shakily
'I'll clue you in on what has worked for Charlie in the past and how you can help when he spirals' she said softly
'I'll go for a walk in the garden' I said as I got up and let them talk
I truly didn't want to hear anything she'll tell him. I've heard it too many times before. I needed a break from this as well.
I sat on a bench as I stared at my favorite flowers. They were blooming gorgeously.
'Are you okay?' asked Nick softly, but it still startled me
'Yeah' I croaked out
'Why didn't you tell me before?' he asked sadly
'It's not something I'm proud of' I said with a sigh
'Well, I'm here for you. I'll help you as long as you'll let me' he said softly
'Are we back to talking because you feel sorry for me?' I asked sadly, afraid of the answer
'No. I missed you like hell. I just felt like I've overstepped and I wanted to give you space. I didn't want to get fired either' he said sadly as he reached out his hand and waited for me to take it
I grabbed his hand into mine and kissed it.
'Thank you' I whispered
He hugged me tightly and then he leaned me onto his shoulder. We stayed like that, fingers intertwined and we just sat in silence, enjoying each other's company.
Fuck. I missed him so much.
'It's getting late, we should go home if you want to be well rested for the fitting' said Nick as he looked at his watch
'I don't want to leave this beautiful and peaceful place' I said softly
'I don't want this perfect moment to end' I added after a moment
'We'll have more perfect moments' he promised me as he squeezed my hand
'Promise?' I asked hopefully as I stared into his eyes deeply
'I promise' he promised me as he brought my hand to his lips and kissed it
My heart fluttered badly as he did that. Oh, my crush has not gotten any better.
'Okay, five more minutes and then we can go' I said with a huge smile
Nick and I were back to normal. We were even better than before. Nick and Tori were also in close contact regarding my health and he's been so thoughtful and careful with my recovery. I even caught him reading articles about eating disorders a few times. I couldn't believe how lucky I got that he was hired.
'Charlie? Are you decent?' Nick asked as he knocked on my door
'Yeah, come in' I said happily
Nick came in and I suddenly forgot how to breathe. He smiled brightly when he saw me. He came up to me with a tray of various food and coffee and he sat it down on the table.
'Eat up' he said as he grabbed my hand and led me over to the table
I sat down and he followed suit. He pulled the tray towards us and poured coffee for both of us. I picked up a piece of toast and ate a few bites, which earned me a big smile from Nick. I ate a bit more as Nick rambled on about a rugby match he watched. He used to play rugby in college until he got hurt, but he still loved watching it.
'I'm so proud of you' said Nick happily as I finished my breakfast
'Thank you' I said softly
'Don't thank me, Charlie. I just want you to be okay' he said fondly as he stared into my eyes
I started to lean in and so did he. He looked terrified, but that didn't stop him. We were millimeters away and the butterflies in my stomach made me almost sick. I was finally going to kiss Nick and this time it was clear he wanted this too. I barely felt his lips on mine, when my phone started to ring. We sprang apart, both feeling overwhelmed.
'Hello?' I asked annoyed
It was Oliver, my younger brother.
'Mom's throwing a fit about the event. She decided that I am incapable of doing the speech today. Will you be okay to do it?' he asked just as annoyed
'For fucks sake. What's her problem? She's unbelievable' I muttered
Nick studied me and somehow his hand found it's way into mine. He held it tightly. Only then I realized that my legs was shaking badly and so was my voice.
'I'm sorry Charlie. She's going to throw a fit soon if either you or Tori don't step up and we both know Tori is pretending to be away to avoid her' he said impatiently
'Okay. I'll do it. Tell her I'll be there in an hour' I said with a sigh
'Thank you. You're a life saver. Love you, Charles' said Oliver happily
'You owe me. Love you too' I said as I hanged up
'You okay?' asked Nick as he studied me
'Not exactly. We need to be at my mom's event in an hour and I need to give a good speech. She's given Oliver an earful and I need to fill in' I said as I got up
'Char- lie. Stop' said Nick as he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back into him
He held me tightly until I relaxed in his arms.
'Take a deep breath' he asked me as he massaged my shoulders
I did as I was told. I took a few deep breaths.
'Okay. Now go get dressed and I'll get you a speech written. I'll see you in the car' he said with a wink as he left
I changed into a more appropriate suit and concealed the bags under my eyes. I sprayed some cologne that I knew Nick loved and I went to the car. Nick was already waiting for by the car. He opened my door and he handed me a stack of index cards with a written speech.
'You're a godsend' I said happily as I got into the car
I started reading my speech as we drove off, as Nick's favorite radio station hummed low in the background.
We arrived sooner than I wanted to. I didn't really have time to prepare myself mentally for my mother.
'You'll be okay. She can't break you' he said to me as he helped me out of the car
We went through the back door and way too soon I was met by my mother. She made a few snide remarks and adjusted my appearance a few times before telling me to just go on stage and read the bullshit speech that was written for me.
'You'll do great. I'll be waiting for you here the moment you're done' he said quietly as he squeezed my hand in reassurance
I took a deep breath and went on stage. I saw a lot of young people in the crowd and I relaxed a little. At least there were no old bigots in the first row.
I started reciting my speech, when I noticed the security talking into their earpieces rapidly. Before I could say much more of my speech, I heard a few gunshots and then all hell broke loose.
I was thrown or maybe I fell to the ground. I don't really know. All I knew was that it's hard for me to take a breath.
'Charlie!' I finally registered that Nick was on top of me and shaking me badly
'I'm okay' I stuttered out as he hovered over me
'You're not' he said shakily
He wanted to caress my cheek, but he stopped himself when he realized that his hand was covered in blood.
'Are you hurt?' I asked feeling dizzy
'No. You are' he said shakily as he pressed his hand back onto my abdomen
I grunted in pain and I saw how Nick's face changed. He looked as if he was in pain. He looked terrified as well and there was something else, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
'You were shot' he said shakily as a tear rolled down his face
'I'm tired, Nicky' I whispered as I felt myself get more groggy
'Don't you dare close your eyes!' he yelled panicked
'I love you' I whispered, when I realized that I might not wake up
'Don't say that. Just don't close your eyes, love' he said shakily
His face changed at that. I couldn't tell what he was feeling anymore. My thoughts got too much and I was just too tired. I just needed a nap.
'I love you Nicky' I whispered once more as I started to drift off
'Charlie!' he yelled and that was the last thing I heard before the world went completely dark