Chapter Text
Lyra was awake. Her mother hadn't given her enough of the tea last time. And as much as she wanted to get up and leave, she could hear her mother in the other room. Right there. And Lyra didn't know any other way out but to go through that very room. So she could only wait.
She had been awake a while. Her eyes still dropped with sleep however and all of her limbs were dead. She could barely move them. But Lyra had to fight off sleep. Sleeping and seeing Roger like that was too much to bare.
So Lyra could only listen and wait.
And then she heard her mother and how she spoke to the visitor. The visitor much to lyra's disappointment wasn't will, it was a girl. She knew that or atleast thought it was as her mother was talking to the visitor as she used to do to Lyra in London.
Lots of 'darlings' and 'dears' not to mention that sickly sweetly voice thanking and Lyra could see shadows now, illuminated by the fire. A hand on the girl's shoulder, rubbing up and down sweetly.
Of course Marisa had to be tactic to get what she wanted and to be sweet and charming to get Ama's trust so then Ama would listen to Marisa and obey. If only it were that simple with Lyra back in London, Marisa couldn't help but wonder.
Then a few minutes later the Shadow grew bigger as Ama's grew smaller and soon Ama's shadow disappeared. Her mother's grew bigger and bigger. Marisa then entered the room.
She hadn't noticed Lyra sitting up at first as Marisa bent down in the corner putting the basket of food delivered by Ama down. It was then when she got up, she met lyra's gaze.
She didn't realise that she gave her too little of the sleeping draft and was annoyed she did so. But none the less she hid that feeling of annyonce into a soft warm smile.
"Hello Lyra, did you just wake? You must be thirsty. Would you like some tea?" This was the way it had to be. She knew her daughter would never just stay with her. In all fairness that past few moments she had and that warmed Marisa's heart.
Marisa walked over to Lyra. Gently sitting down at the end of the bed reaching out stroking lyra's knee. The monkey then jumped to the other side of Lyra, he wanted to hold Pan. Pan just shuddered at the thought and ran under the blankets to hide. The monkey grunted a sad grunt but then jumped down from the bed to go and pout. Marisa ignored her daemon whereas Lyra found it hard not to.
Marisa looked at Lyra, as Lyra stared off just where the monkey jumped away, and kept looking at Lyra until she finally caught her gaze.
"What?" Lyra's tone was sarcastic and angry.
Marisa kept stroking her knee, happy Lyra hadn't moved her leg or flinched, "would... You...like...some...tea?" Marisa's hand moved up, gently stroking lyra's shoulder now and slowly moving her fingers to lyra's hair.
"I'm not thirsty." Lyra found it hard to be so angry when her mother was being so gentle and loving. She found it hard to not leen into her mother's comfort.
"Hmm, if I were asleep for that long, I would be..." She could tell when Lyra no longer met her gaze that Lyra wanted to her attention, therefore slowly her other hand moved and started stroking lyra's cheek and chin. Marisa moved closer to Lyra all while smiling softy.
Lyra kept glancing at her mother. Marisa smiling softy each time. It is hard to not look someone so close and someone who is stroking her cheeks while looking at her in the eye. She thought she had to be stronger and get to the point. Her arm felt so heavy she slowly realised she needed to move it and did.
Marisa although wanting Lyra to sleep was so wrapped up her daughter's features. Lyra was so beautiful and she lost contact with the world around her. The monkey being the only one keeping watch. She was so lost that the only thing that pulled her back to reality was lyra's hand. Lyra with all her strength grabbed at the hand stroking her cheek and pulled away. Rejection from her daughter was not new. Yet it hurt more and more each time. Lyra needed to go back to sleep.
"Stop..." Lyra said under her breath looking at her her mother in the eye. And this time it was Marisa that couldn't meet her gaze.
Then Marisa pulled away and wiping the tears away in her eyes but Lyra didn't see that. She then went over to the fire and busied herself with getting the sleeping draft, water and some tea leaves for favour, ready.
"You know Lyra there's this little girl who has been helping us." That was the breaking point for Lyra. Oh the anger she felt!
"Why are you doing this to me?" Lyra bust out, tears threating to form as Pan beared his teeth. And then the tears did form.
Seeing Lyra so upset, about what Marisa thought was the tea, was so hard to bare for Marisa. So she stopped what she was doing and sat down at the chair right next to Lyra. "Oh darling don't cry. Shh. I'm here I'm here." She reached out to stroke lyra's hair only for Lyra to flinch away.
The girl needed to sleep, Marisa thought. So the monkey reappeared and was busing himself with what needed to be done with the tea. Marisa angled herself In front of Lyra to stop her daughter seeing the monkey and getting upset over the tea. Except that wasn't exactly why Lyra was upset. Marisa didn't know this. But she did know she would do anything for Lyra to stop crying it was too painful.
Marisa, slightly scared of rejection, reached out to stop the tears with her thumb. "Shh Lyra I'm here. Darling don't get upset."
Marisa said darling the same way she did with Ama earlier on. Lyra bust out sobbing now, and turned around and lay her head down on the pillow. Marisa thought she was being comforting. She then left the chair to go to the other side of the bed. Marisa was motioning to get into the bed when Lyra looked up and asked bitterly, "what are you doing?" Most of the tears were dried by the pillow however new ones were threating to form. Lyra turned her head around and stared at the fire. "You're supposed to be my mother..." Lyra mumbled.
Marisa sighed. She was about to explain to Lyra that she needed to and that there were dangerous people coming for Lyra. When Lyra mumbled something else. Marisa couldn't exactly hear Lyra but she thought she misheard her. What she heard was exactly what Lyra mumbled. What she heard was, "not hers..."
This confused Marisa. She didn't know what Lyra meant she thought she misheard her but she soon realised she hadn't by the way her daemon stopped what he was doing and stared up at Marisa in confusion. Her daemon had prepared everything and was waiting for the tea to heat up and after sharing a look with Marisa, he walked away to the corner to play with his pinecone. She lent out to gently stroke lyra's hair as Lyra flinched away. "What ever do you mean dear?"
Lyra then looked up at Marisa anger in her eyes, pan hissing, "That... That girl.. why are you treating her better than me? You're drugging me and yet she gets all the nice attention from you. You're not her mother." It came out so accusingly yet it shocked Marisa to the brim, infact the monkey even dropped its pinecone.
"Lyra....,darling,... You're.... You're not..." Marisa was so confused. "You're not.. jealous are you?"
Lyra when realising her mother was right turned around muttering a "go away and be her mother for all I care.'' before settling her head down into the pillow.
Marisa laughed to herself quietly and couldn't help herself, her lips formed into a smile, a smug smile. She was grateful towards Ama but felt nothing else towards. She certainly didn't feel motherly towards the girl only to Lyra and the fact that Lyra wanted her attention made Marisa ever so proud.
Eventually Lyra realised her mother was laughing at her and spoke up about it, "why are you laughing about me?"
"I'm sorry darling it's just... It's just I don't feel anything of the sort towards the village girl. I do feel for you. And I love you Lyra. Why would I love some random village girl more then you Lyra my daughter?"
Lyra looked up at her. "You don't?"
"No... And I never will." Marisa reached out and stroked lyra's hair and Lyra let her. But then the tea was ready. This was perfect. But it would be better if Lyra was asleep. There was still night and since lyra was an escape artist, Marisa couldn't simply trust her. Those tears were real but was this all a tactic? Lyra let her eyes close and leen into the soft touch of her mother. This was certainly a tactic Marisa thought. Her emotions would not get the best of her this time. She looked over at the monkey who was playing with his pinecone once more. She wanted him to pour the tea now...
"Lyra..."
"Hmm?"
"Let me hold you? I would never hold Ama, only you.." soon Lyra was in Marisa's arms, pan next to them. And soon the monkey handed Marisa the cup. "Here have some tea... Oh darling you've been so confused and upset it will make you feel better."
That's when Lyra knew she would be drugged again. She tried to move out of her arms but Marisa's left arm tightened at her shoulder. "No Lyra. You must drink the tea."
Lyra shook her head, "no..no..no." To think she actually wanted and craved this before was a crazy thought to Lyra. Her mother couldn't be trusted. Soon Lyra was in a deep sleep still in her mother's arms, as Marisa still chuckled slowly at the thought of Lyra being so jealous before.