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“Jet Manhaver personal log, I have received a solo mission, taking a shuttle from the USS. Cerritos I have made my way to the Ceracan system, the star of the system a bright blue O-type star has long had a Starfleet research satellite orbiting it continuously sending information back to the astrophysics labs of our universities.
Ceracan-IV is the sole inhabited planet in the system, having a civilization that is approximately at an early Iron Age level of development, my mission is to upgrade our scientific satellite so as to prevent any chance of the Ceraceans discovering it and thereby having their culture be contaminated by knowledge of extraterrestrial beings.”
I let the shuttle's autopilot take me in slowly and smoothly into orbit with the satellite, deep scans reveal I am the only ship in the entire solar system, everything is going smoothly and as predicted.
Normally almost all Starfleet missions require at least two officers yet in this case since this mission is so simple, an exception was made.
Initially I would have been accompanied by Ensign Rutherford, yet he made a personal request to Billups to be replaced by someone since he wanted to attend a “New Biotech In Emergency Medicine” seminar which is happening on the ship in parallel with this mission.
With my insistence that I could do this alone, Billups allowed Rutherford to go to the seminar, we both knew (Billups and I) that Sam didn’t care for medicine he only cared for the bright Orion ensign who was leading the seminar.
Still Billups took me aside and mentioned he’s letting me do this solo as opposed to assigning someone else like Barnes because he has faith in my decisiveness and my (heh) self-reliance and independence.
An honor to be told this by your superior officer for sure, I hope Billups will also look favorably at me when the time for an evaluation and possibly promotion comes … and I do enjoy working alone and just thinking out through a problem not needing to slow myself down to explain and guide others.
Yet there’s always the other side of the coin, having others around gives me much needed refuge from a particular set of thoughts, memories and hopes … I realize this as I catch myself taking in the blue beauty of the sun too deeply.
Blue, blue, it could be so many things, so many meanings but for me, for the only one observing it it’s Barb’s blue eyes, her blue Science uniform.
An O-class star, an sun burning too bright, I couldn’t come up with a better symbol for Barb if I tried.
I connect to the satellite enter in the needed security codes and I have access, I use the shuttle’s transporter (since this was a type 12 shuttle) to transport in and start my work.
Entering the satellite despite it’s age it looked to be holding up very OK, that was the problem with these deployed in the field installations you could look at the specs all you wanted and come up with an wonderful solution but unless the reality of the resources matched what was written, it was all for naught.
I mean seriously why Barb? The color blue is so damn universal it can mean so many things why do I need to instantly think of my ex when I see something blue and beautiful?
Or something beautiful and smart …
Or smart and brave …
Or …
In theory the best solution to the problem of this satellite being being discovered by the native inhabitants of this system would be a pseudo-cloak, obviously not a true military cloak as that would violate our treaty with the Romulans but a simple bending of the light and other types of radiation, such a simple bending that the instruments of the natives would not be able to detect it but it would be automatic to be detected by any modern ship passing through the system.
Barb used to love these little tricks of the light, unlike most couples who went to the holodeck for dates we weren’t just users of the holodeck actively programming it was one of our favorite past times.
Barb used to love all the tricks I could script the holo emitters into doing … well she still loves the tricks in theory but with us now being ancient history and her focusing on her careers I never get the chance to show my new stuff for her anymore.
As a scientist Barb could tell you stuff about what light and radiation WAS and HOW it functioned that you’d never believe but I as an engineer I had the type of thinking required to bend the holo emitters (or most type of tech actually) to my will and make them do whatever I wanted.
In theory the deflectors of this satellite could do the bending of energy needed for the effect I was going for I just needed to use one of the tertiary back-up deflectors and allocate a back-up computer core to running the script.
I began doing a check-up of the deflector to see if it was up to snuff.
Happy with myself that I found a solution that used only the materials at hand my mind did like it often did when I was happy and involuntarily took a trip down memory lane.
The USS. Erasmus was both my and Barb’s first posting initially as cadets during our last year at the Academy and then as newly minted ensigns.
I’ll never forget meeting Barb for the first time, it was only the two of us in that mandatory on-boarding series of lectures, we listened to one of the ship’s doctors, a Vulcan named Syrran, go on and on about the dangers of cross-species STD both of us stuck between being embarrassed and trying not to laugh at the Vulcan’s peculiar mannerism or his obvious barely concealed horny-ness when he got to the chapter on Andorian women.
We decided to eat together in mess-hall afterwards to compare notes on the surreal experience for the follow up evaluation and that’s how everything started.
Secondary deflectors are up to snuff for what I need them.
Computer has enough processing power to run the extra adaptive algorithm.
Isolinear memory core holding the tertiary back-up procedures which I’ll need to modify …
Drat! It’s corrupted … it must have gotten a short burst of radiation when they were setting up the satellite initially and no one noticed since it’s tertiary back-up and the primary and secondary never failed to necessitate it being given load.
My engineering instincts told me this was going too smoothly!
And I don’t have a compatible core in the provisions with enough memory for what I need it for, it’s going to be one shuttle flight back, explain everything hope my plan doesn’t get peer-reviewed into a monstrosity, get the core, replicate it if they’re not at hand, fly back maybe with another engineer I have to explain everything too …
The worst thing about unrequited love is your instincts will never NOT be wrong.
I’ll have a victory, I’ll turn to Barb to share it, she won’t be there.
I’ll need counsel or comfort, I’ll turn to Barb and she won’t be there.
I’ll find a particularly funny joke, Barb will be too busy to send it to her.
I’ll fantasize about a partner who understands me, Barb did she really did, and she also walked away.
An idea comes to mind, I transport back to my shuttle and start looking in my own personal toolbox, OK it’s not my own it’s Starfleet property but it’s the toolbox I use most often and … whatever … it’s where I keep a lot of odds and ends specifically because they might be useful.
Among the toolbox is a collection of isolinear rods which are compatible enough to act as a core to run the program off of and one of them has a program that is 99% what I need already.
It’s dangerous though.
Not technically dangerous, or in reality dangerous, but dangerous if you’re lovesick and stuck in the past like I am because.
Because I’m keeping these old programs around since they’re reminders of the good old days with Barb on the Erasmus.
As friends we worked together so that we could use our differing strengths, being in Science Barb needed to do all kinds of advanced visualizations and use virtual laboratories and virtual instruments, that’s where I came in I could program the holodeck, the internal field emitters to do anything she needed or wanted, I could give her lab more power, provide a second opinion on the statistics etc …
Our commanders saw we worked well together so we started getting assigned more and more together.
When Barb got her promotion to lieutenant junior grade, the first of our generation of ensigns to do so I might proudly add, she invited me to the holodeck as her co-worker and friend, there was something in the air then and taking my chances I confessed I felt we could be more than just friends ...
Barb, my Barbosaurus Rex, said yes that she felt the same and made me the happiest man on the ship.
Barb kept stressing how lucky she was that there had been a lieutenant junior grade position on our ship, the Erasmus, in hindsight she was trying to subtly prepare me for the possibility we would need to part ways.
With not many options for date locales, we spent a lot of our time in the holodeck I would always come in early and program something unique for the two of us to explore together, a field of roses each bearing the scent of another planet, randomly generated escape rooms which we would need to figure out together, sometimes it was just a city where she had planned to go to college if getting into Starfleet had not happened we would just take the buss through it and pretend to be normal people our age just students who didn’t need to think about the other dying on a mission or getting sent to another ship or etc.
One of Barb’s old high schools friends had a wedding Barb couldn’t make it because the USS. Erasmus was on the other side of the quadrant, so I painstakingly recreated the wedding from the images she sent Barb. Barb got to wear that dress she’d picked out, I got to go to the wedding and dance with the most beautiful woman there … the bride be damned it was Barb all the way.
The one she loved the most was the Godzilla/Dinosaur sim she would stomp around it, playing at being a kaiju that’s how I started calling her “Barbosaurus Rex”.
I started digging through my isolinear rods trying tot decide which pre-trained model would best fit in with the system and act as the brain for the “cloak”.
There always a danger in engineering when using a piece outside of it’s intended (designed and tested for, usage conditions) even if there’s a pressing need, why it’s like an up and coming lieutenant junior dating an ensign.
Yeah it might not seem like a big gap especially if they’re the same age but the little things can start to pile up, you’re not sleeping in the same general area anymore, she gets different tasks, more away missions.
With the chosen rod in hand I start the dangerous work of re-coding it to protect the satellite from prying eyes, it’s only dangerous in that it causes me to get more and more stuck in the past.
And not just the good parts, the brief golden age when it was just me and Barb, friends and then lovers, there’s also that twilight era when cracks are starting to form.
Barb’s mentor starting to drop hints about the great things she can achieve but which are not here on the Erasmus.
Barb’s father suddenly dying in that accident, it’s a horrible thing to think so I only admit it to myself but I think things would have gone so differently if he had been with us, he liked me in those few times we crossed paths and he always helped Barb live her life not be so focused on perfection.
I remember that time around his death, Barb shouldering the hurt admirably, me being able to offer only words of encouragement that rang empty and powerless.
The algorithm would need to focus on being adaptive, not perfect … adaptive in it’s duties, it can grow, why can’t we just accept our flaws and grow? Why isn’t love and devotion enough?
Eventually subtly, something changed in Barb, she would begin to ignore my messages, she would be distracted during our dates eventually canceling a great number of them because she had to work extra on her projects.
In the end I confronted her and she admitted that she was offered an position on the USS. Vancouver still only as a lieutenant junior grade but with much greater responsibilities, much greater possibilities for her career, her time on the Erasmus with me was already finite since she had accepted the position and was just waiting to be called to her newer, better ship.
To be fair to her she had tried to explain all of this to me with the utmost kindness always going out of her way to try and avoid hurting me.
After she got on the Vancouver, it was a kind of fog for me, objectively I knew some months passed, eventually Barb reached out and we reconnected.
We tried a long distance relationship.
TRIED
That’s the key word, the poisoned word (the poisoned keyword got to avoid GOTO it’s considered harmful in programming this cloak) besides the other problems pulling Barb away now there was distance.
In a way I was happy I could provide strength, comfort … love … even from a distance, even as I could see long distance wasn’t working for Barb, it wasn’t working for me either.
I tried getting a transfer to the Vancouver, in my youthful folly I assumed the Erasmus was a good posting so I wouldn’t have trouble getting a transfer to the Vancouver.
No room for more engineers they said, we already have too many of you lot.
There were a number of Command positions open though.
Barb tried to warn me not to go for those.
“Too eager to please, not combative enough.”
“Too technical minded, not enough emphasis on people.”
“Not determined enough.”
“Voice shakes when giving commands.”
“Physique barely up to standard to remain in Starfleet.”
A lot of their points (the physique, the confidence) hurt because I knew I could work on them.
I think these attempts of mine combined with the distance were what finally convinced Barb we were not meant to be, she had agreed with the assessments even if she was more diplomatic and tried to spare my feelings.
It was a long painful and slow dying of our relationship, not like an dying ember fighting against the cold darkness … to be honest, I didn’t help at all … I’m an engineer my instinct is to repair what is broken even if in this case my attempts only made it more painful for us.
The post relationship time was one where I tried to draw what lessons I could from my hurt and better myself, I started going to the gym and discovered I could handle a bodybuilding regime,I spent so much time working on my voice, appearance tried to have true self-confidence and if not at least present the appearance of doing so.
People weren’t machines but we still worked in systems and we were still mostly black boxes, if I presented a high self assurance even if I didn’t feel it … it still helped my system/theme.
Unfortunately first impressions do really lock you in in people’s perceptions, my mentors on the Erasmus still saw even the new Jet as engineer first and didn’t give me opportunities to flex my Command qualities only my Engineering skills.
So even if my accumulated time on the Erasmus and the credibility I built up there were having me right at the edge of being promoted to lieutenant junior grade, I left.
I wanted a new ship, a new opportunity to show off the new me, I wanted to be away from the Erasmus and the constant memories of my time with Barb (that one didn’t work).
That’s how I ended up on the Cerritos.
Yes I ended up still an ensign while I could have been one rank higher but I was OK with it, I’m still young, most people my age are ensigns.
The Cerritos was a chance to show the world (and Barb) a new Jet, a less nerdy engineer Jet, a more mature, more decisive more command-like Jet.
As fate would have it I would cross paths with Barb again.
She had entered into a long distance relationship with a fellow ensign on the Cerritos, a certain Bradward Boimler …
That whole day was a rollercoaster.
I had been thinking if I would see Barb again since Billups told me I would be working with crew from the Vancouver days prior.
I imagined scenario after scenario in my head about us seeing each other again.
Barb had kept in touch with me on our social media so she did know at least in theory I had shaped up but I was hoping to show off the new more cool, more decisive more commanding Jet.
Then I learned she was with Boimler, my heart raced, I could hardly breath, my mind kept thinking up different odds and scenarios, would Barb and Brad make it? Would they split up like I and Barb did?
I should have been more evolved, I should have not wished that they would break up.
Boimler was on to me, I could tell, he knew I still desperately wanted to get back with Barb from the very first moment.
To my great shame every success I had with her on that day was more motivated by Boimler’s jealousy and Mariner’s paranoia than my own actions and flirting.
When I learned about the parasite I couldn’t stop myself from shouting in victory, Barb has never wanted to date Boimler she’d just been influenced by the pheromones, even as I knew it was a hollow victory.
Was Barb back with me? No.
Was she with someone else? No.
Was this healthy? Helllll no!!!
Still it felt like the difference between being dead and being alive and with the possibility to heal from my grievous injuries.
Ironically after Boimler had gone to the Titan for a promotion and a new position my shift and duties were changed so that I basically became his replacement.
Barb still followed me on social media, we both subscribed to the ‘not un-following your ex” school of thought, she seemed very … insistent … that she was happy I would work with Mariner who she praised as beautiful and smart and kindred spirit to herself, she also found the time to talk positively about Tendi’s brilliance and her beauty.
The subtle undercurrents of jealousy and the confirmation she still cared gave me not a small measure of life.
Sadly Boimler came back and the very enticing possibilities from working with Mariner evaporated.
What did came about was the finished program that I wrote over me and Barb’s old holo scenarios and pictures, which was now ready to serve the Federation in this satellite.
Not all of the space was used up though, a small, very small space remained unoccupied remained with memories and photos of me and Barb.
It would be unprofessional of me to leave them, I should just delete it, leave the empty space … no use in traces of me and Barb remaining.
I mean even in the scenario me and Barb would cross paths … and more again … I couldn’t go back here and alter these old memories, these old feelings, they’d just remain here a silent tribute.
That once there was a boy named Jet.
That once there was a girl named Barb.
And that once upon a time they loved each other and meant the world to each other.
I finished my coding and “forgot” to delete those old memories, the satellite would work just as per my orders and none would be the wiser.
I really doubt Billups would ask me “Hey Jet did you symbolically sacrifice a part of yourself for this mission?”.
But even if he were to ask, was I sacrificing?
Was I letting go?
Barb wants me to be healthy and not caught up in the past that much I know.
The past is the past I can’t change it, no matter how much I want to but the past can be one brick in building the future ... I’m not even sure if I did OK in not deleting that last photo, if the sacrificing is complete.
Maybe I’ll bring this up the next time me and Barb talk, maybe we will laugh about it and she’ll have some insight like she normally does.
…
The imagers stopped recording and I shook the hoof of my host, our discussion had been watched by all three southern continents, where the rioting was the worst, hopefully I managed to restore some confidence in the Central Clan Assembly.
When I had been selected out of all the top scientists to be the face and the horns of the so called “Warp Project” our experimental engine that would allow us to go out into the galaxy at speeds greater than the speed of light I knew the eyes of an entire planet would be on me.
But I was thinking that it would be an short intense period and then the stress would fade, either the engine worked and I could declare success or it didn’t and I had to admit defeat.
The flight had been a success our ship had gone farther than ever before and came back, safely with it’s crew intact and with speeds matching what we promised.
Among the celebration the fact that the ship’s sensors had detected a small anomaly in our solar system was just one extra data point for further analysis.
The data had been analyzed.
A non-warp ship had been sent to investigate.
A seemingly empty patch of space had been revealed to contain a hidden obviously alien structure.
Debates about whether we were alone in the universe or not have obviously been raging for centuries and with the warp project had become more frequent but nobody (sane) had expected the aliens were right in our solar system the entire time.
After tense debates and after waiting to see if ships would appear due to our tampering with the satellite we eventually began to really study it, everything from the materials to the sensors to the communication protocols to what seemed to be writing on some of the parts.
Entire new technological horizons appeared before our eyes.
Eventually someone leaked to the public.
And my life since then has been a 24/7 tour of duty assuring everyone that we didn’t know about the aliens, that we know what we’re doing (we don’t) that we will not get invaded (not clear) that our cosmos was not some large dark forest with only us and a horde of predators just waiting for us to reveal ourselves as juicy targets.
Of course 1 full minute after the show was done I was called with another revelation from the alien satellite, which we are 90% sure is purely scientific in nature and has been observing our star for at least centuries indicating that if the aliens had any intentions to invade they would have done it by now, not to sound jaded but we get at least five revelations from it per day.
I was quickly shoved in a military vehicle and taken to the main research site, apparently this revelation had an PR angle and they wanted to get me in the loop as soon as possible.
“What field is this discovery in?” I ask.
“… computer science theoretically …” the professor who uncovered this, whatever this was, a rather young fellow with only one set of horns, spoke with a great deal of hesitation.
“I was told this could help quiet the general public’s fears? No offense but most of our population will not be impressed by a new algorithm or a slightly better specialized AI.”
“The algorithms and how the aliens process and store data is indeed centuries more advanced but what is really fascinating is that in the procedure that ran their chameleon capability, the processing unit was not fully used up by the algorithm.”
“Was there something else on it or was the empty space somehow enlightening?”
The professor finally showed the image of two beings.
They were … much more similar to us than we expected, indeed add ridges and horns to them and you could easily think they were two of our youths.
And their pose …
“Are they … kissing?”
“Our linguists warned us not to over-reach since they’re working from a very incomplete sample of their language but they think the message attached to this picture reads ‘Jet and Barb, forever and always.’ … “
“Ahha assuming ‘Barb’ and ‘Jet’ are their equivalent to names … it’s a rather basic proclamation of love and they must be doing their version of a kiss.” I mused.
“High poetry it is not.” the scientist said rather dryly.
But then again this was what I’d hoped for, everyone was so on edge what if the aliens come back, what do they want, what if we angered them? But now this man is snarky and more importantly at ease, familiar with these foreign beings through shared earnest symbols of caring.
We will use these images, these words to introduce the aliens to our people, our culture (I am willing to bet most cultures in the galaxy) has tales of lovers and it is going to get another one a tale of love that will help build a bridge instead of burning it down.
Everyone loves a lover, who knows is these two beings are still alive or still together but once we send out this image, everyone from our species will feel at least a bit of connection to them and maybe the universe won’t feel like a dark forest where we are all alone.