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When word of the ships accident had reached London, the entire Ton had been shaken. The Bridgerton’s spared no expense in finding information about Colin’s whereabouts and safety, both Anthony and Benedict even leaving for the coast to see what they could learn themselves. It had taken weeks, horrifying and sickening weeks before word came back. Colin had been found. The shipping accident had happened close to the port and many had been saved, Colin included. He had been under the care of a doctor there, waiting for him to awaken from his coma to find out his identity. Anthony and Benedict had brought him home and he was quickly ensconced at Aubrey Hall. The rest of the Bridgerton’s were also there, headless of the London Season starting for the first few weeks despite it being Francesca’s year to debut. It wasn’t long into the Season that the women returned, leaving Anthony and Benedict at Aubrey Hall.
“He refuses us to be there any longer.” Eloise had told Penelope. “He even refuses to stay at Aubrey Hall. Anthony arranged our cottage for him nearby.”
Part of Penelope understood. While he had escaped the accident mostly unharmed, the blow to his head had caused him to lose his eyesight. The doctors were unsure when or if it would return, but either way Colin was dealing with a life changing and probably terrifying new reality. A world without sight. She was sure the vastness of Aubrey Hall was overwhelming and that his families hovering would prick his ego. Another part wished he would allow someone to help him other than the maid and butler left at the cottage with him. She wished to be the one taking care of him, but that was not to be. So, she wrote him knowing that Dunwoody would read them to him.
After a month of writing and having no return letters and hearing from Eloise that other than the missives from Dunwoody informing them of Colin’s state of being, they hadn’t heard from him either, Penelope began to craft a plan. Truly, it was much easier than it should have been. Her Mama had truly given up on her finding a match, so mostly left Penelope to her own devices. All it took was convincing Eloise they needed to spend a few weeks at Aubrey Hall and to invite her and they were on their way. Getting to Colin in the nearby cottage was a bit trickier, but with Eloise’s help, they made it work. Every afternoon they would head out on a long walk but what Anthony didn’t know was that while Eloise went one way, Penelope went to the cottage.
Her first visit was a bit of a disaster. Dunwoody had met her at the front door and promptly told her that Mr. Bridgerton was not accepting visitors. Cowed, Penelope had left without seeing Colin, but on her next visit she promised to be more assertive and insisted that she would wait on the front stoop until she saw Colin. Dunwoody had sighed and stepped back inside, and she could hear the two men arguing. She raised her voice outside the door so she would be heard.
“I shall return every afternoon and sit here on this stoop until I am allowed entrance, Colin Bridgerton.” She shouted. “I will not be ignored so easily.”
It was two more days before Colin gave in and she was certain it was only because of the rain, but that mattered not. She had gotten her way.
Dunwoody led her into the sitting room where she found Colin sat in a chair near the fire. He did not rise when she entered but waved a dismissive hand at Dunwoody. She took a moment to look him over. He looked as if he always had, as handsome as ever. As he gazed sightlessly at the fire she took in his profile. His hair was in a bit of disarray, his jaw and chin covered in the shadow of a beard, and he wore no cravat or coat. A moment passed and then his face turned towards her, his eyes searching for something he could not see.
“Have you come only to look at me?” he questioned a bit harshly, a far cry from the charming Colin she had always known.
“To look at you, yes.” She moved closer, taking the chair across from him. He followed the sound of her footsteps and the creak of the chair, and she swore he could see her with the brightness of his eyes. “And to try and lull you out of your state of depression.”
“I am not depressed.” Colin scoffed. “I am blind.”
“True.” She conceded. “But you still have your other faculties. You are still able bodied and have a keen sense of hearing. Perhaps I can read to you, and we may even take a small stroll around the cottage.”
“It is raining.” He said blandly. “And I do not wish to be read to like a child.”
“Well, then I shall just regale you with the delicious gossip from London.”
Colin scoffed again but did not argue. Instead, he turned his head back towards the fire. Penelope steadied her nerves and started chatting, headless of his nonreplies. She talked for nearly an hour when Dunwoody came in with a trey for tea.
“Why, thank you Dunwoody.” Penelope rose and took the trey from him with a wink. The older man hesitated, but eventually relented and Penelope took the trey over to the table at Colin’s side.
“If I remember correctly, you take your tea with two sugars and a splash of milk, yes?” she asked, making herself busy by pouring a cup. At her nearness, Colin’s head snapped in her direction, and he inhaled deeply.
“You smell of jasmine.”
Penelope carefully sat the teapot down. “Yes. Your sister-in-law, Kate, left some soap at Aubrey Hall for me.”
“You have always smelled like lemon and sugar.” He frowned and Penelope’s breath caught in her throat.
“Y…yes. I have always been partial to the lemon scented sugar scrub.”
Suddenly, Colin stood, and Penelope straightened from her bent posture. She was unsure if he was aware how close they were, but before she could take a step back, his hand reached out and touched her neck. She sucked in a sharp breath at the contact but held completely still as his fingers traveled up to her jaw and then across her cheek. Her lashes fluttered along with her heart as he traced the arch of her brow and then the line of her nose. Her mouth unconsciously parted when his fingers touched her lips, and it was Colin who gasped this time. She watched his face in shock as he dipped his finger just inside her parted lips, his jaw muscle feathering and lashes lowering. Reaching up, Penelope went to hold onto his wrist when he jerked his hand away and took a step back, causing his chair to nearly tip.
“Leave.” He demanded, sounding angrier than ever.
“But Colin…”
“I said leave!” he nearly shouted. “Can’t you see that I am unfit for company? Get out and do not come back.”
Feeling her eyes sting with tears, Penelope did as he asked. She made it back to her bedroom at Aubrey Hall before she let the tears fall.
-
It took her two more days to get up enough gumption to visit Colin again. Dunwoody met her at the front door with a small sigh and motioned her towards the sitting room. Colin wasn’t sitting next to the fire this time, but he was sitting near the open windows, the rays of the sun upon his face.
“I thought I told you not to visit again.” He said as soon as she entered.
“How did you know it was me?” she asked, and Colin let out a small laugh.
“You are the only one fool enough to continue to come despite my protestations.” He turned his head in her direction. “Besides, your footfalls are much lighter than either Dunwoody or Sally.”
“I have spent my life being cowed by other people.” Penelope came further into the room, delighting as Colin’s face followed her progress. “One gets used to it.”
“I do not mean to cow you, Penelope.” He sighed. “But you being here is not proper, regardless of my eyesight. You are a lady, unwed and unchaperoned, and I am a gentleman.”
“A gentleman, yes.” She took a seat near him on a settee. “And as such, I am sure you are in want of knowing the latest news. I have brought a paper and I shall read it to you.”
Colin shut his eyes for a moment, but nodded his acceptance and Penelope felt like beaming. Knowing that he could not see the smile of happiness on her face, she did her upmost best of reading the paper with as much inflection and intonement as she could. A few pleasant moments had passed before she needed to turn the page and she looked over at Colin as she did so, finding his eyes trained on her, a small frown upon his face.
“What is it?” she asked. “You look upset.”
“I’m trying to remember.” He frowned even more. “It has been nearly a year since I have seen your face. I have a picture of it in my mind, but…might I sit next to you?”
“Of course.” She answered easily, moving slightly as he sat next to her, his body angled towards her. His hands lifted, hovering just in front of her face.
“May I?”
Instead of answering, Penelope took hold of his wrists and guided his hands to her face. She held her breath as his fingers mapped the angles of her brows and jaw and the roundness of her cheeks and chin. His eyes were closed, brows pinched slightly as if he were drawing the picture of her face in his mind. Then his hands slid up to her hair, fingers caressing lightly.
“You smell of lemon and sugar again today.” He remarked, still gently working his fingers across her scalp.
“I thought it might help if I smelled more like what you remember.” She told him and a small smile crossed his lips.
“That is kind of you.” He dropped his hands from her hair and placed them in his lap. For a prolonged moment, neither of them said anything. Then Penelope glanced out the window at the beautiful day outside.
“We should go for a walk.” She turned to him.
“Don’t be daft.” He snapped; all easy happiness that was so very like her old Colin gone. “I cannot see.”
“But I can.” She reminded him. “I will take your arm and lead you. I promise I will not allow injury to befall you.”
“I will need to change my footwear.” He commented. “I am not wearing boots.”
“I shall collect Dunwoody, then, and I will meet you at the front door.”
“I do not need Dunwoody to change my shoes.” He glared into space. “I know my way around this cottage.”
“Then, by all means, make haste.” She said joyfully, rising from the settee. Colin grumbled a little but did as well and she made her way to the front door as he made his way to his room to change.
“Miss.” Dunwoody met her at the door, his voice low. “Mr. Bridgerton has refused to step outside of doors, even when his brothers insist. I am thankful for your fortitude in convincing him, but…” the older man hesitated, and Penelope stepped closer.
“Please, Dunwoody, continue.”
“Please be careful, Miss.”
“I will make sure Mr. Bridgerton sees nothing but joy outside.” She assured him. “I will not allow harm to come to him.”
“Of course, Miss.” He nodded. “I was more worried about you.”
Before Penelope could respond, Colin had returned. “Let us get this over with.” He grumbled.
Penelope gave Dunwoody an incline of her head and then took Colin’s arm, leading him outside and off the front stoop. They walked slowly, and Colin’s gate was cautious. Luckily the path was well worn and even so Penelope could often look up at his face. It was in doing so that she saw his face tilted up towards the sky.
“Can you not see anything?” she asked.
“I can see shadows and light.” He tipped his head down towards her. “Nothing of any significance.”
“Are you in any pain?”
“No.” he shook his head.
“That is good, at least, though I am sorry that you cannot see. Would you like me to describe what I see?”
Colin nodded and for a time they walked, and Penelope shared in detail what their surroundings looked like, even embellishing now and then to highlight the beauty around them.
“Here.” She paused in their walk. “Just in the distance there is a pond. It is surrounded by trees and even a gorgeous willow. Can you hear the wind rustling the leaves?”
“I can.” Colin grinned, then inhaled. “I can even smell the water. Crisp and light. My brothers and I used to swim here when we were younger.”
“What a delightful memory.” She gave his arm a squeeze. “I’ve never swam myself.”
“Come, lead me to the ponds edge.” Colin encouraged. “I would like to touch the water.”
Carefully, Penelope led Colin through the longer grass that surrounded the pond and then held his hand while he knelt at the edge. He held onto her arm with one hand while the other stretched out and touched the water.
“It’s perfect, just as I remember.”
“Would you like to swim?” Penelope asked and Colin snapped his attention towards her.
“You are not serious.” He scoffed. “I might be blind, but I do not wish to drown.”
“Nonsense.” She swatted his shoulder lightly. “The water here is clear enough I can see the bottom. It cannot be more than perhaps waist deep for you.”
“That…is true, yes.” He conceded.
“Then let us swim.” She decided. “I never have, and I would very much like to. Besides, it is very warm.”
Standing up, Penelope began working the buttons of her dress loose before shimmying out of the fabric. Once it pooled on the ground at her feet, she stepped out of it and worked to remove her corset. Colin was looking in her direction with such focus and intensity that she had to remind herself that he could not see her. Still, she felt a warm blush working its way up her face.
“Are you undressing?” he asked, voice hoarse.
“I can hardly swim in my dress.” She laughed, pulling her shoes and stockings off.
“Penelope…” before he could say anything more, Penelope rushed into the water, her chemise quickly clinging to her skin. She shouted in delight as the cool water covered her thighs and hips. Turning around, she faced Colin, who was now frantically working on removing his own clothing. She thought to turn away, to give him privacy, but the sight of him pulling off his shirt, revealing his naked torso, sent all thought flying from her mind.
He was beautiful. Strong and lean, golden skin stretched across shifting muscle, a light dusting of hair on his chest. He pulled his boots and stockings off, showing her his strong calves covered in course hair and she nearly fainted at the idea of him removing his trousers. But he didn’t. Still wearing them, he walked cautiously into the water.
“Penelope?” he said her name. “Where are you?”
“Just here.” She called, trying to steady her voice. A grin quirked his lips as he narrowed in on her location and then he dove under the water popping up a moment later just in front of her. She laughed in delight when he shook his head, his hair causing water droplets to fly everywhere. Colin laughed as well, and it caused her heart to swell to see him so happy again. Then his hand reached out, finding her waist under the water.
“You are still wearing your chemise.” He said, his smile fading into a smirk.
“It didn’t seem appropriate to take it off.” She responded and Colin laughed.
“Because swimming in just your underthings with a half-naked man is appropriate.”
“There is no one about to see.” She reminded him. “Besides, you are not just some man. You are Colin and I know that I am safe with you.”
“Do you?” he asked, voice soft and low, his other hand alighting on her waist as well, pulling her closer to him. “You are so certain your virtue is safe with me?”
“I know you, Colin.” She placed her hands on his chest, his bare chest, and fought the urge to play with the hair there. “And despite the fact that you cannot see me now, you have seen me before. You know that you truly do not desire me.”
“Let me refresh my memory.” He grinned, his hands smoothing up her sides. “You are quite short in stature. The top of your head just reaching my chest.” He pulled her closer still, dipping his head to nuzzle his nose into her hair. “The perfect height for this.” He murmured.
“Your hips flare in an enticing curve.” He went on, hands sliding down to cup her hips, giving them a squeeze. “And while your dresses might have hid it, I was always well aware of how lush your bottom would be.” As he spoke, he reached around and cupped her bottom, successfully pulling her flush against his body.
“My god.” He groaned. “You feel even better than I imagined.”
“Colin.” She gasped, fingers digging into his skin. He let go of her bottom with one hand, taking hold of her chin with his fingers to tip her head back, his lips brushing her nose as he spoke.
“Do you want me to stop?”
Did she? No, not at all. This was all she ever wanted and even if it was just her being the only one around and him needing something to distract himself, it mattered not to her in that moment. At almost thirty, Penelope was content being a spinster, but she found she was not content to never know what it felt like to be touched by Colin Bridgerton.
“Kiss me, please.” She said in lieu of an answer. Colin breathed out heavily, the warmth of his breath across her face.
“I haven’t finished refreshing my memory just yet.” He teased, “I haven’t yet spoken of how your waist cinches in, begging for my hands, or how the advantage of my height has driven me to distraction time and time again because I have always had the most perfect vantage point of your breasts.”
“You have never looked before.” She pouted, angling her head to try and reach his lips.
“I must have been very covert in looking, because believe me, Pen, I have done plenty of looking..” Colin grinned. “I have always wondered what they may look like, and now that I shall never know, I would at least like to know what they feel like.”
“But you have yet to kiss me.” She scolded teasingly.
“That I shall rectify soon.” He ghosted his lips across hers. “Because your lips I remember well. Full and pink and begging to be kissed.”
She was about to beg, but he gave her what she wanted, pressing his lips against hers and kissing her. Soft, leisurely pulls of his mouth, hot licks of his tongue, needy bites from his teeth until she was kissing him back just as fervently with all the passion she had ever felt for him. It was bliss, finally being able to kiss him, and she could not stop the noises that were spilling from her throat, or the way her body arched into his. Colin grasped at her body, his hands on her bum and her hips, rubbing over her belly and up to her breasts. There he cupped her flesh, squeezed appreciatively, his own groans vibrating against her lips.
“Christ, you are perfect.” He breathed against her mouth before moving down to kiss and nip at her throat and shoulder, his hands still on her breasts. “Hell and damnation, but the way you overfill my hands drives me mad.”
“The way you touch me does.” She panted back, absently raking her fingers down his chest.
“Yes, Pen.” He grunted. “Touch me.”
“Where?” she asked, “How?”
“Anywhere.” He groaned when she squeezed his hips. “Everywhere.”
“Here?” she asked coyly, cupping the hardness between his legs. Colin let out a startled moan, his hips surging into her hand. With the water soaking his trousers, they were molded to the shape of him and Penelope could clearly feel every vein and ridge and she traced her fingers over each.
“Here.” He desperately grabbed at her thigh, pulling her leg up and around his hip. “Allow me to touch you between your thighs.”
“Yes, yes please.” She panted, knowing that he would be able to ease the ache that was pounding there, a wetness far thicker than the water slicking down her thighs.
“I cannot see your face to gage your expressions.” He reminded her, gently trailing his fingers up her thigh. “You have to tell me if you like what I am doing, or if you do not. I need to hear your voice, Pen.”
“I will tell you, Colin.” She promised.
With that, his fingers found her sex, gently tracing the seam of her before pressing between. They both groaned in unison.
“You feel so wet and warm.” He breathed against her lips. “Have you touched yourself before?”
“I…um, yes.” She tried to focus on speaking while his fingers traced delightful patterns on her swollen skin.
“And does it feel good when you do?” he pressed. “Have you brought yourself to release before?”
“I have.” She decided to be honest, to be bold.
“How?” he licked at her lips, causing her to gasp.
“There is a spot, just at the top, that swells and hardens. I rub it until my release comes.”
“Never with your fingers inside?” he asked, finger tracing down her slit to her opening, pressing in to the first knuckle.
“I, oh, I have tried, but it doesn’t help much.”
“Will you let me try?” he asked, swirling his finger in a small circle just inside of her.
“Yes, Colin.” She nodded. “Please.”
His finger sliding into her felt much different than her own ever had. Longer and thicker and just knowing it was Colin that was inside of her some way drove her mad with want. But then his other hand was tugging her chemise down so her breast spilled out, and his mouth was on her nipple and it was so much more than madness that Penelope forgot any sense of decorum and cried out his name, her hips undulating into his hand.
“Is it good?” he asked around his mouthful.
“Yes.” She panted, pressing her face into his hair. “Can you angle your wrist down, press your palm flush against me.”
When he did so, his palm provided the perfect friction against that wonderful spot and she shamelessly ground herself against him while he added another finger, thrusting in and out in tandem with her movements.
“Gods, Pen.” He bit at her nipple, causing her to cry out again. “Touch me, please.”
Realizing that her hands were now clenched at his hips, Penelope fought through the fog of pleasure coursing through her and found his hardness again, rubbing him through his trousers.
“Here.” He reached his free hand between them, frantically tugging at the laces of the fall of his trousers until they were undone, then he took her hand and guided it inside the open placket. She was surprised at the feel of him. How he was almost burning hot and so very hard, yet the skin was as soft as velvet. Going back to her breast, Colin left her to her own devices on touching him and she matched the rhythm of his fingers inside of her with her hand. Closing her eyes, she tipped her head back and tried to pretend that it was actually his member inside of her instead of his fingers and that he was making her his wife. That he loved her as much as she loved him and that this was nothing more than an act of that love.
It was the first pulse of his release and the nearly feral noise he let out that tipped her over the edge. She cried out his name, clutching tightly to his back with her free hand while they both moved against each other through the aftermath of pleasure. Eventually she released his softening member and Colin slipped his fingers free of her. He lifted his face from her breast and Penelope took a moment to look at his beautiful face, slack and flushed with pleasure.
“Penelope, I…” not wanting to hear whatever he was about to say, worrying that it would be regret or an apology, Penelope quickly kissed him silent. And it was during that silence that she heard it. Anthony and Benedict calling Colin’s name from just down the path.
-
Penelope decided to put a pause on her visits to Colin’s cottage. What had passed between them was beautiful and had her tingling all over at the memory of such pleasure, but she didn’t want to hear what Colin had to say about it.
When they had heard Anthony and Benedict coming, Colin had urged Penelope to run for her clothes and hide in the trees nearby. He simply pretended to be swimming alone when Anthony and Benedict found him. Penelope sat behind a tree with a hand covering her mouth while they spoke, realizing that Dunwoody had elected not to mention that Colin was out with Penelope. The elder Bridgerton brothers expressed how happy they were that Colin was venturing out and that perhaps the could start going for an afternoon ride. Colin tried to protest, saying that walking was much different than riding, but Benedict reminded him just how much he enjoyed riding and how well mannered his mount, Homer, was. Colin agreed, but made some comment about needing to get back to the cottage and the brothers all left. Penelope took the chance to hurry back to Aubrey Hall.
That was nearly a week ago, and even though Eloise was constantly on her about going to see Colin, Penelope steadfastly refused. She was sure his awkwardness and regret and apology would be her end. Yet the choice was taken from her when one afternoon while she and Eloise were sat out in the back gardens, the three brothers came riding up.
“Colin!” Eloise shouted, jumping up from their table and rushing off the veranda. Penelope slowly followed, her heart hammering while Anthony and Benedict dismounted their horses, Benedict standing close to Colin as he did the same, though he needed no help.
“You’re riding!”
“Seems like most of it was muscle memory, anyway.” Colin grinned, accepting her hug, though his sightless eyes glanced around. “My brothers tell me you and Miss Featherington have been here for a few weeks now.”
“Yes.” Eloise turned to Penelope. “Pen, come. Say hello to Colin.”
“Hello, Colin.” Penelope stepped up next to Eloise and blushed when Colin’s attention turned towards her. “It is nice to see you out and about.”
“Yes, well, I had a constant nagging reminder that I couldn’t very well stay in that cottage forever.”
Eloise, knowing very well that Colin and Penelope had been seeing and speaking to each other, gave a curious look between them.
“Colin agreed to have dinner here tonight.” Anthony explained. “Said he would even stay the night.”
“The darkness matters not to a blind man, but my horse would do better in the daylight.” Colin said and Penelope felt both giddy and nervous at the idea of spending all day with Colin after what they had done with his family present.
The afternoon and evening, it turned out, passed very pleasurably. Penelope tried her hand at the pianoforte, though she never was very good at it, while Eloise cajoled Colin into a dance. They told stories and shared in laughter, and everything was far from being awkward. She did, however, find Colin’s attention always turned towards her. He was always tracking her movements, tilting an ear towards her voice or laughter. While he could not see her, he always seemed aware of her presence and where she was in the room.
Dinner was a small affair seeing as it was just the five of them, but the food was delicious and she was happy to see Colin eating with gusto, though he had declined the soup. She could tell he was unsure of his ability to eat something that could quickly turn into a mess.
“It was potato soup anyway.” She leaned towards him where he was sat next to her. “I know how that isn’t a favorite of yours.”
Colin’s face turned in her direction, a curious look on his countenance. Almost like he was pleased at her knowing his preferences when eating.
After dinner the men went to Anthony’s study and Eloise and Penelope went to the drawing room.
“Colin seems much improved.” Eloise remarked.
“He does.” She agreed.
“I wonder, though, what it was you said or did to make him willing to come out of his isolation.”
“I think I just reminded him that there was life yet to be had, regardless of his new perception of that life.”
“It is odd,” Eloise went on. “That even though he cannot see, he always seems to be looking at you. Thrice tonight he mixed up Anthony and Benedict, but never once did he mistake you for me or me for you.”
“Anthony and Benedict both share the same inflection and tone of voice.” Penelope tried to reason.
“True.” Eloise nodded, eyeing Penelope. “But he was always aware it was you, even when you did not speak.”
“Yes.” Penelope shifted, clearing her throat. “Well, regardless, I am happy to see him gaining confidence. I gather it will not be long before he finds a new normalcy in life. I think we have succeeded in our endeavor, do you not?”
“Yes, I suppose we have.”
“Then we should be heading back to London soon. My mama has requested my return several times already.”
“Did you say you were heading back to London?” Benedict asked, causing Penelope to jump, turning to see the men coming into the drawing room, Colin’s hand on Anthony’s arm as he led him into the room.
“So soon?” Colin asked, taking the chair that Anthony guided him to.
“It has been a lovely stay, and I thank you, Lord Bridgerton.” Penelope looked at Anthony. “It was a nice reprieve from society, but my mama is not willing to spare me any longer.”
They talked a while longer, about travel plans and the like, but Colin was more subdued and never added to the conversation. He sat with his face pointed in her direction, a scowl upon his brow. Eventually, Eloise announced she was for bed. Penelope elected to stay up with the men for a while longer, unwilling to be parted from Colin’s presence knowing that it wouldn’t be long before she left. The time came, however, when she said her goodnights and made her way up the stairs towards her room. She had just reached the top landing when Colin said her name and she turned to see him finish the last few steps until he was stood just before her.
“Why are you leaving?” he asked.
“It is late, and I am tired.”
“I don’t mean tonight and you know that.” He frowned. “You haven’t come to see me since our time in the pond.”
“We both know what you would have said, Colin.” She sighed. “I don’t need to hear it.”
“Hear what?” he glared in her direction. “What is it you think I would have said?”
“You would have apologized or something of the like, or god forbid, you would have done something foolish out of honor and propriety.”
“Like propose to you.”
“Yes.” She whispered. “I am not ruined, Colin, and no one is the wiser of what happened between us. You needn’t worry about that.”
“I am not worried about propriety or honor.” Colin nearly hissed. “If I were to propose to you, it would have nothing to do with either of those things. As it is, however, I have no intention of proposing marriage to you.”
“Oh, well thank you.” She scoffed. “I know you do not care for me in that way, Colin, but you needn’t say it so cruelly.”
“No, you infernal woman.” He raked a hand through his hair. “That is not it at all. I will not ask you to be my wife because I cannot be the husband you deserve. I am not even a full man.”
All of Penelope’s annoyance and hurt faded away, washed over by her heart reaching out to him.
“That is not true.” She said earnestly. “You are still very much a man. I have contented myself with a life as a spinster, so I will not dwell on what type of husband I deserve, but I can assure you, Colin Bridgerton, you are the husband any worthy woman deserves.”
“But not you?” he frowned. “You talk of my worth, but what of yours, Penelope?”
“I have plenty of worth. I find that worth in my friendships and my hobbies, in my writing and in my love that I share, regardless of if it is returned or not.”
“Your love?” he repeated, eyes wide and face flushing. “Penelope, do you mean that…”
Before he could finish his sentence, one of the staff dropped a trey on the first floor, the porcelain of the dinnerware shattering loudly. Colin turned at the noise, but had not gaged just how close he was to the steps behind him. Penelope watched in horror as he fell backwards, arms reaching out for something to grab just as she reached for him, but it was all for naught. She screamed as he fell, the sickening noise of his head cracking into the banister ringing loudly in her ears.
-
Being back in London was surreal. Life was carrying on like normal, and Penelope felt almost numb to it all. She followed her mother and sisters to balls and gatherings, promenaded with Eloise and the other Bridgerton ladies, and tried to get on with it all like normal. But her mind was always preoccupied by thoughts of Colin.
Of his beautiful blue eyes. The way he smiled. The sound of his voice whispering in her ear. The way his body had felt against hers and the pleasure they had brought each other. Quickly, all of that would be overshadowed by the sound of him falling, of the blood that warmed her cold fingers as she held his head, the way he lay silent and still in bed.
Blinking those thoughts away, Penelope tried to focus on happier things. Things like how the doctor said Colin would recover very well. That word had reached London a few weeks ago that Colin was up and walking and eating and seemed very much back to normal. The way Violet Bridgerton had returned to London as well, signaling that all must truly be well for Colin. Eloise had even told her that Colin was beginning to regain his eyesight.
All that was wonderful news, of course. The Ton was all in a tizzy over the latest news that Colin would be returning to London soon and the society mamas were all in a rage over throwing their daughters at him now that it was a known fact that he would not be traveling again.
Yet, Colin hadn’t written to her. She had received not a single note or missive from him in her time home. All of her information had come from Eloise. Penelope tried not to let that dampen her joy at his recovery, but it still stung. Regardless of his lack of romantic feelings for her, she would have thought he would write her out of their longstanding friendship. But perhaps their tryst in the pond had ruined that as well.
Going to yet another ball wasn’t something Penelope was looking forward to, but since her mother had stopped trying to marry Penelope off, she was left to pick out her own dresses. Tonight would be a simple yet elegant midnight blue. The moody jewel tone matched her mood, she thought, and it also complimented her skin and eyes. It might make her a bit less apprehensive about this ball, since it was being hosted by the Bridgerton’s themselves to welcome Colin back home.
Staying on the sidelines and out of sight had always been a talent of Penelope’s and she was determined to use to her advantage tonight. She blended seamlessly in with the blue backdrop of the Bridgerton ballroom, and she stayed that way, watching the dancing couples and other milling about. She even saw Colin when he entered. He was dressed immaculately, his hair styled back to perfection. There was naught a hint of stubble on his jaw, and his cravat was tied tightly. Back to being the posh and polished gentleman of the Ton. She smiled to herself as she moved closer to the potted plants, watching him as he scanned the ballroom, artfully dodging the debutants and their scheming mothers. He was always good at that, deflecting and rejecting with charm. He eventually moved off to the side, and she watched as he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath that stretched his waistcoat across his chest. Then his eyes opened and it was like she was a beacon in a storm because they immediately landed on her.
Her heart skittered as he strode across the room, never taking his eyes off her. When he got to her, she thought he might offer a dance or simply say hello or maybe even apologize for his lack of correspondence. Instead, he held out his hand and she unconsciously took it without question.
“Come with me.” He said lowly, grasping her hand and easily leading her out of the ballroom and to a back hall. He didn’t let go of her hand as he led her through a few turns of the hall and then up a set of stairs that she was certain were servant stairs, but they led up to the familiar wing of the family quarters. She thought for a wild second that he would take her to the room that had been his, but instead he led her into the drawing room where the fire was lit.
“What are we doing, Colin?” she asked once he closed the door behind them.
“We’re talking.” He turned to her. “And this time, there will be no misunderstandings or falls down a flight of stairs.”
“Please, Colin.” She shook her head. “You really do not have to explain. I understand, truly. With your eyesight restored, surely you can see what sort of life you can have without attaching yourself to me out of a false sense of honor.”
“My blindness, Penelope, ended long before I could properly see once again.” He stepped closer to her. “It ended when you forced your way into that sitting room at the cottage. I might have perceived only shadow and light, but I saw you for the first time in my life. Truly saw you.” He reached for her hands, grasping them with his own.
"It is not merely friendship that has endeared you to me for years. It is love, Penelope. The scent of sugared lemons has haunted my dreams day and night for years, but I never truly realized that it was you. I love you, Penelope. I think I have for most of my life, but it took me losing my sight to truly understand. I will not apologize for what happened in the pond because it was quite possibly the best moment of my life, but I will apologize for taking such liberties without having confessed to you my true feelings first.”
“You love me?” she whispered, full of awe and surprise. She searched his face, his beautiful, lovely face, and saw only open honesty.
“With all of my heart.” He tugged her closer by their clasped hands, lifting one to cup her cheek. “I know you might not love me in return, but I think if you give me the chance, I can prove to you what a well-suited match we could be.”
“Colin.” She laughed, giving a little shake of her head. “I already know how well suited we are. I don’t need to give you a chance to prove anything, because I love you dearly already. I have since I was almost six and ten and knocked you into the mud.”
“And you’ve had me falling ever since.” He chuckled, but the mirth was silence when they kissed. Colin backed them up until his knees hit the sofa and he collapsed back, pulling her down with him until she was sprawled out on top of him. His hands were everywhere, kneading her bottom, running up her thighs, caressing her back and sides, pushing between them to cup her breasts, all the while kissing her senseless.
Or almost senselessly.
“Colin, wait.” She pushed herself up against his chest. “We need to stop. The ball, your family, they will be wondering where we went.”
Colin groaned, head falling back onto the cushion. “Why must you be sensible in a moment like this?” he asked, peaking an eye open to look at her.
“Because one of us must be.” She dropped a quick kiss to his lips before standing up, smoothing her dress and straightening her hair. Colin watched her for a moment before standing up and doing the same.
“Wait.” He caught her wrist before she could open the door, turning her to face him. He guided her back towards the fire and held her face in his hands, his eyes tracing over her face.
“What is it?” she whispered.
“Nothing.” Colin smiled. “I just cannot believe how beautiful you are and that I get to see such beauty.”
She smiled, letting him have his fill of looking at her. Then he pressed a kiss to her lips and guided her back down to the ballroom. Anthony saw them enter together, a scowl on his face that Penelope thought might be trying to mask an expression of relief.
“Please tell me you have not caused a scandal in my home?” Anthony said under his breath when he reached them.
“Of course not.” Colin said jovially, still holding Penelope’s hand.
“So, there is no need of a special license?” he questioned, eyeing their intwined fingers.
“Lord Bridgerton!” Penelope flushed but Anthony just met her shock with a level gaze.
“Well?”
“Brother, please.” Colin sighed. “At least let me properly propose to her first?”
Before Anthony or Penelope could say anything, Colin was on his knee before her, looking up at her so lovingly and earnestly that it stole her breath. The entire ball seemed to fall silent, all eyes on them, but she saw nothing but Colin.
“Well, Penelope.” He grinned. “Are you going to marry me or not?”
Penelope laughed, tears of happiness brimming her eyes. “Yes, of course.”