Chapter Text
"Who the hell is this woman?" Quaritch muttered angrily. They were in one of the ship's bathrooms, and he'd just left Spider alone to his face link with Janine. He may be pressed about it, but he wasn't going to invade Spider's privacy.
Wainfleet made a noise of agreement from where he was leaning against the hand dryer. "She's getting too involved, that's her problem. It's nothing to do with her."
Quaritch nodded vigorously. "Spider is fine. He doesn't need some random lady sticking her nose in."
"She's too attached," Lyle agreed.
"Do you think I made the wrong call?" Quaritch asked suddenly. Perhaps allowing them to talk wasn't a good idea. "What if it makes Spider worse?"
Lyle grunted. "I don't think you need to worry about that, boss. The kid's already pretty screwed up."
It was true. For the past few days, Spider had retreated into himself more and more, barely responding when talked to, not eating, and preferring to spend his time just staring out at the ocean. He hadn't interacted with anyone or anything unless forced to. It was starting to concern the whole squad.
"Hmm," Quaritch said noncommittally.
Wainfleet eyed him carefully. He knew what the colonel was thinking. "She's at Bridgehead... You are here. He knows he can talk to you."
Quaritch didn't look convinced. "Does he? The kid hates me."
Lyle frowned his disbelief. "That's not true. He hates what you're doing, sure. But it sounds like you're the first person he's ever had that's gonna put him first. He's not an idiot, he knows that."
Quaritch sighed, placing his hands on either side of the sink and staring at his recombinant reflection. "He better. The last thing I need is some Na'vi-sympathiser medic whispering lies in his ear." He turned to look at Lyle. "You know he's never even asked about Paz?"
Lyle took this in, trying not to react evenly. "He's been through a lot recently..." he responded rationally.
"For Christ's sake Lyle, that's his mother! Don't you think he'd want to know something about her? That he'd be even the slightest bit curious?"
"Maybe the human traitors told him about her?" Lyle suggested.
"No," Quaritch turned back to the mirror, adamant. "He's projecting, that's what he's doing. He wants a female influence and he's getting it from her."
A moment passed before Lyle responded next. "Do you think that would be a bad thing?" he asked carefully.
Quaritch closed his eyes, groaning. "I don't know, man."
"Look," Wainfleet began, hoping to offer some solace to his best friend. "This Janine has taken a liking to Spider, and he's clearly done the same back. They're friends, and we ain't gonna change that. So what if the kid wants a female influence? It doesn't change how he feels about you. You're still his old man whether he likes it or not."
"Yeah," Quaritch said, to reassure Lyle he was listening. He ducked his head lower, pressing his chin to his chest over the sink.
"You got this, boss. He's gonna be grateful you let him call her. So go out and ask how it went. He'll come around."
Quaritch stood to his full height, and turned to Lyle - his best friend for years. He nodded.
"Thanks, Corporal."
*********
He took another deep breath to try and get himself together as he approached the bathroom. He halted when a familiar voice floated through the crack in the door - he knew that voice.
"-too involved, that's her problem. It's nothing to do with her."
That was Wainfleet. Spider looked around as if to confirm that the recom wasn't just stood behind him. No, the voice was definitely coming from the bathroom. He paused, holding his breath. He decided after a moment to risk it. He edged as close as he dared, his ear pressed close to the hinges of the doorframe.
"Spider is fine. He doesn't need some random lady sticking her nose in."
Fuck, that was Quaritch. And they were definitely talking about him. He bristled at the insinuation that Janine was just some 'random lady'. Of course Quaritch would think that. The man had never shown an ounce of kindness to anyone in his life, before Spider arrived on the scene.
Jealous much? Spider smirked to himself.
He pressed closer.
"She's too attached," came the quiet reply from Wainfleet.
"Do you think I made the wrong call?" Quaritch asked suddenly. "What if it makes Spider worse?"
Spider's breath caught. It felt strange to hear his own name spoken without him there. Especially the way that Quaritch said it - in the same soft tone he used when Spider was actually there. Spider couldn't remember ever being talked about before for something that wasn't negative.
How interesting that Quaritch appeared to be worried about him though. Of course, he was probably only concerned for the integrity of the mission. With Spider unable to translate for local clans the recoms' chances of finding Jake grew slimmer.
"I don't think you need to worry about that, boss. The kid's already pretty screwed up."
That stung. Spider didn't expect that. Why did those words hurt so much? He wasn't screwed up. He was screwed over. He closed his eyes, trying not to let the phrase get to him, but it was like a knife in his heart. Fuck.
After a moment, Wainfleet spoke again. "She's at Bridgehead... You're here. He knows he can talk to you."
"Does he? The kid hates me."
Spider smiled with his eyes still closed. So Quaritch wasn't completely clueless after all. He tried to focus on the sick satisfaction that settled in his chest, rather than the faint glimmer of sadness that was fighting to be felt too.
Wainfleet spoke next. "That's not true. He hates what you're doing, sure. But it sounds like you're the first person he's ever had that's gonna put him first. He's not an idiot, he knows that."
Spider gasped as though physically slapped. The words cycled through his brain on repeat, but he couldn't make any more sense of them than the first time he'd heard them.
You're the first person he's ever had that's gonna put him first.
How... how dare Wainfleet? Anger coursed through his blood now, sweeping away whatever else he'd accumulated over the coarse of this short but illuminating conversation. He balled his hands into fists to stop them shaking. He was gonna act out in a minute, he could feel it.
"He better. The last thing I need is some Na'vi-sympathiser medic whispering lies in his ear."
Spider took steadying breaths, repressing the trembles that were beginning to wrack his body.
"You know he's never even asked about Paz?"
He opened his eyes, but he wasn't seeing. His shaky breathing stopped. An icy fist had gripped his heart and was pressing... squeezing tightly, too tightly... it was going to crush him... His feet couldn't support him. He slid down the wall desperately and sat on the cold floor.
Paz.
Quaritch said he hadn't even asked about Paz. Suddenly, wetness sprang behind his eyes. He couldn't stop the tears falling as he stared, unblinkingly at the wall opposite.
Paz. Mom.
It was crushing because... it was true. He hadn't asked about her. He didn't want to. He didn't want to hear Quaritch's warped perspective on his mom, he didn't want to know what he thought of her. Spider knew who she was, he already had his image of her in his mind. Nothing Quaritch could say would change that. Did the man think he'd forgotten about her? Did he not realise that she was the one person who left a hole in his heart every single day? That he had stared at her photo and said goodnight to her every night for sixteen years?
The memory of his mom weighed on him as nothing else had so far. What would she think of him, of she could see him now? Crying on the floor as a prisoner of his own father? He knew she'd snatch him away if she could. His heart bled rivulets of grief through his body.
"He's been through a lot recently..."
"For Christ's sake Lyle, that's his mother! Don't you think he'd want to know something about her? That he'd be even the slightest bit curious?"
"Maybe the human traitors told him about her?"
Yes, yes they had, asshole.
"No. He's projecting, that's what he's doing. He wants a female influence and he's getting it from her."
Spider barely cared what they said anymore. Their words didn't matter. He let them wash over him, uncaring in the onslaught of emotions.
"Do you think that would be a bad thing?" Wainfleet was asking.
"I don't know, man." Spider had never heard Quaritch sound so defeated before.
"Look. This Janine has taken a liking to Spider, and he's clearly done the same back. They're friends, and we ain't gonna change that. So what if the kid wants a female influence? It doesn't change how he feels about you. You're still his old man whether he likes it or not."
"Yeah," Quaritch replied, with an air of finality. Spider brought his head up, realising they were nearing the end of the conversation. He should scarper before they saw him. His body sluggish with grief, he moved to a crouch, pressing his ear against the door one last time.
"You got this, boss. He's gonna be grateful you let him call her. So go out and ask how it went. He'll come around."
Shit, that was it, they were moving out. Spider couldn't stay any longer. He scampered down the corridor, back to the rec room where he'd had the call, still clutching the tablet close to his chest. He threw himself down on the couch and brought his knees up to his chest, thinking.
Quaritch thought he didn't care about his mom.
Quaritch hated Janine.
Quaritch wanted Spider to like him.
All of these pieces of information were too much to handle together. His heart pounded as he waited for Quaritch to come and find him.
Jesus, how was he going to get through this?