the world is coloured away (it is coloured red) DISCONTINUED

by lovestxy

Summary:

Bang Chan was the luckiest Alpha in the world. His mates, his life, he loved it all.

Except, he couldn't quite place the hollow feeling in his chest, making him feel like there was something...missing.

 

*IMPORTANT STORY UPDATE (ch. 36)*

Chapter 1: Act I, Scene I

Notes:

So this is a story I started writing back in November and didn't upload simply because I hated it. That's literally it. HOWEVER, after a few tweaks and edits...I'm not too mad at it anymore (keyword: TOO)

So here we are *rubs hands together* another multi-chaptered story by yours truly.

I do hope you enjoy <3

(title comes from Stray Kids' WOLFGANG ofc)

 

Act I, Scene I

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Present Day

 

Keep running. 

Keep running. Keep running. Keep running. 

Don’t stop. 

Don’t. 

Stop.

Running. 

Even if it kills you. 

Don’t stop.

Even if it tears your feet to shreds.

Never stop. 

Because the second you do, they’ll sink their teeth in you again.

And then you’ll really wish you were dead. 

 

---

Sweat fell in thin rivulets down his back, through the dips of his muscles and along the curvature of his spine. It wasn’t an entirely unsettling sensation, though, as it provided a very brief reprieve from the uncharacteristically scorching heat of the autumn sun, cooling along the path it left in its wake. 

“I think that’s enough!”

Chan narrowed his eyes, huffing in exhaustion. His body ached with overexertion, bones weary, muscles stiff, and hands chaffed against the worn wooden handle of his axe.

But he wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t. 

“Hyung…”

“I’m almost done, Jisung. Just give me a second.”

Jisung sighed, approaching the elder carefully, making sure that he maintained a safe distance between himself and the very obviously disgruntled alpha.

“You’ve been chopping wood for six hours now. I think we’re set for the next five years.” The young beta laughed breathily, running an awkward hand along the back of his neck. “You should come inside. Minho hyung is making soup.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Rolling his eyes, Jisung took a few hesitant steps towards the man, cautious of the sharp weapon that swung harshly back and forth between the air and the tree stump Chan had been utilising as a chopping board. “You’re always hungry.”

“I think you’ve mistaken me for Changbin, Sungie.”

“Sure, okay. Maybe. I’ll give you that. But still, you need to eat.”

Chan did not respond, lifting the axe into the air before swinging it down in a breathtaking display of strength, effortlessly splitting a thick chunk of wood into perfect halves. The younger shut his eyes, exhaling deeply as he pinched the bridge of his nose. There was no getting through to his stubborn Pack Alpha once he’d set his mind onto something. And seeing as there were still a good few logs left to cut, Chan wouldn’t be joining the rest of the pack anytime soon.

Jisung placed a gentle hand on one of Chan’s bare shoulders, grimacing only slightly at the sweat-slicked tackiness of his skin. He released a few calming pheromones, a soft melody of patchouli with hints of bergamot, hoping that his scent would soothe his mate. “The sun will be setting soon, Channie hyung. Please, come inside. You’ve been working all day.” He seemed wistful, as did the barely-there touch of his lips against the smooth expanse of skin stretched taut over Chan’s shoulder. 

“Just come inside. We miss you.”

And then as silently as he had come, he once again retreated back towards the house, climbing the stairs with a subdued grace before disappearing from sight. 

Chan wiped the sweat from his brow, sighing. Maybe he should take a break. Drink some water. Eat something. Spend time with his pack. In truth, he hadn’t even realised that it had been as long as it had, his mind conjuring thoughts complex enough to hasten the passage of time. Everything was too much–the stress of the oncoming winter, the preparations that seemed to be entirely lacking, the fact that Hyunjin’s rut had begun before it was meant to-only to align with Jeongin’s (which was another hassle in and of itself, especially without the presence of an omega to lessen the burden of their biological needs.) The betas did wonders when it came to some of the more moderate symptoms of their cycles, but even their magical touches weren't enough to abate the extreme ones. Those were especially hard on some of the alphas of the Bang Pack, namely Hyunjin and Chan. 

But their ruts were the last item on his laundry list of responsibilities to see to.  

There was so much that needed doing, so much that Chan felt he was overlooking, so much that he felt he was failing to provide for his pack. 

Jisung’s scent still clung to the air, and he welcomed it with a deep inhale, feeling an immediate sense of relief coat his overstimulated senses. It was a refreshing change from the earthy musk he’d been surrounded by since he’d come outside, light and clean and purely Jisung. The axe fell limp at his side, suddenly filled with a heaviness it hadn’t been before. 

Chan was tired. 

A crisp breeze passed through the air, blowing through the unruliness of his damp curls and mussing the locks more than they already were. Stray leaves that clung to dead trees rustled across the ground, crunching beneath the thick soles of his boots as he shifted on his feet. But paired with the pheromones that Jisung left behind, it felt good. It felt really good. 

Pushing his hair back from his forehead, he let the axe drop carelessly to the soft ground, a barely audible thump resonating upon its impact. The sun was beginning its descent towards the horizon, goosebumps erupting across his skin as the warmth of the sun-kissed afternoon faded into the chill of an orange-tinted evening. 

Autumn was in full bloom, and winter was fast approaching. 

As it were, he could sense that this upcoming winter would be harsh. He could smell it in the air, that distinctly cloying scent of earthy musk that was unique to it. Undoubtedly, it was going to be both unforgiving and severe. He’d been planning for its arrival for months now; mapping huntings paths, charting ruts, ensuring that they had a bountiful reservoir of food and supplies just in case anything happened and their roads to the city were, for whatever reason, blocked. 

After all, they were far from any major cities–their home was tucked away beyond the vestiges of civilization, nestled into the countryside. Perfect for any introvert who sought solitude and the blissfulness of a quiet life. But Chan never used that as a means to restrict his mates from doing whatever they wanted or going wherever they desired going-and that was something they took full advantage of. Even if they hadn't obtained their Pack Alpha's permission, nothing could deter them from making their way inland. In fact, they ventured from the Manor often enough to the point where the hectic hubbub of city life was hardly missed. 

For one, Seungmin was on call at the hospital most nights, which meant that he spent quite some time away from the pack. Hyunjin often had a modeling gig or two to attend to in the week, photoshoots and interviews, too. Minho had a few dance classes to host, Jeongin some courses to attend at university. Sometimes Chan would have to check in on his company and make sure his building hadn't burned down as he preferred working from his studio at home, and he'd drag Changbin and Jisung along with him. And at times they'd even travel to the city together for some sightseeing and pack bonding activities—dates and the like, romantic dinners, shopping, or if they needed to go abroad, then they'd find their way to Incheon Airport. 

But their home, it was paradise. 

A beautiful, grand thing, of that there was no doubt—a centuries-old manor that had been part of the Bang Family for as long as he could remember. One that he’d transformed and modernised as time bled on into a haven for his own family. Complete with a cinema, an indoor pool, a pack room, a grand library. Anything they could possibly imagine possessing, and Chan would make it so. 

For his paradise was not necessarily Bang Manor, but the people within it. 

The Bang Pack.  

Seven individuals unique to themselves, fit with their own personalities, quirks, and interests. If anyone were to ask Chan, he'd say he'd managed to gather the most perfect group of people on earth, and then promptly project into an unending spiel regaling why that was so. 

First, there were the alphas. Chan himself was their pack's leader, the eldest, the strongest. But even with the edge he had given his position, he was kind of heart and gentle of voice. He was righteous and generous, loyal to a fault and the most selfless man anyone could ever know. But more than anything, he was a protector. A saviour for things lost and broken, searching for meaning and purpose. And that is exactly what made him the type of leader any pack would desire having.  

There was Minho, the second oldest. The textbook representation of a tsundere, though his cold, statuesque exterior only served to amplify the even warmer disposition hidden just beneath. With an intellect and wit sharper than any knife, a sense of humour bordering on offensive, and an unshakable adoration and respect for his family, Minho was the pillar that kept Chan going- strong, unbreakable, and versatile. 

Next was Hyunjin. Tall and beautiful, with a penchant for capturing the little things in life; who painted in his downtime and read books every moment in between. Who was somewhat taciturn and soft-spoken, but had an underlying intensity that intrigued anyone he came across, one that belied the fact that he was in fact, an alpha. Hyunjin was ferocious in his conviction to speak his mind, and to ensure the pack’s safety no matter the cost, even if he was a bit…theatrical, at times. 

And thirdly, Jeongin. Both the youngest of their pack and the most newly presented. Jeongin, who was everyone’s favourite, who was a bit savage with his no-nonsense disposition. Who refused the outwardly affectionate gestures of his mates, like Chan’s hugs or Hyunjin's incessant cheek-pinching. But everyone knew that deep inside, he was just as taken by them as they were with him. Despite his avoidance for all things relating to the heart, he’d never ask for a better group of people to call his family. To call his own.

Then, came the betas. 

There was Changbin, loud and rambunctious Changbin, with an appetite as big as his heart (and his muscles, but that was neither here nor there.) Upon meeting the beta, one would very quickly learn that Changbin ought not to be crossed, fiercely protective as he was, though as much as he incited fear he was as big a softie on the inside, if not more so. 

If Minho was the pillar, Changbin was the glue, holding everything together tightly within the palms of his strong hands. 

Changbin was followed by Jisung, the second beta of the Bang Pack. 

Jisung was...Jisung. A literal ball of unbridled energy, ready to lighten a dampened mood or provide a laugh in times that required it. Who was equally as serious as he was playful in situations that had use of solemnity, bright eyes full of consideration and wisdom. Jisung had a mind like no other. It could be seen in the sheer depths of his thoughts, in the keenness of his observations. Because of that, he was the one everyone went to in a moment of need, and he was always more than eager to provide. 

And finally, Seungmin. The unofficially official brains of the pack, with a calculating gaze and a repertoire of knowledge lodged in his mind. Who had a dry, sarcastic sense of humour and a soft spot for the baby of their family. Seungmin was tactical, he was observant, and some would even say, shrewd. But behind that carefully collected persona of his was a heart bigger than anyone could ever imagine. 

Chan loved his mates, his pack, the living pieces of his soul. So, very much. 

He couldn’t live without them. 

He would die for them without even the slightest hint of hesitation. No questions asked.

He would level the earth for them, would plunder empires for their riches so that his mates were adorned with the finest jewels and the most luxurious fabrics known to man.

He would give them anything they could ever fathom having, leaving them wanting for nothing…leaving every desire, every wish fulfilled to the best of his ability. He had to. 

Because…well, because they were his everything. 

And yet…

And yet. 

Something felt–he didn’t want to say missing per se, but that was the only way he could describe it. Missing. Like a puzzle that had every single piece save for one. The one you were left in a mad scramble to find, only for it to not have been included in the box to begin with. 

It was an indescribably irritating itch he couldn’t reach. A wound he couldn’t heal. A problem he couldn’t amend. 

Because it was everywhere. 

In the little, innocuous moments. Like when Chan would gaze at the portrait of the seven of them that he’d commissioned, hung in its gilded frame in their library. It was one of his favourite things in their home, capturing the unique beauty of each and every one of his mates in painstaking detail, as if it were a photo capturing a moment in time. Of course, having been crafted by one of the most renown, most expensive portraitists Chan could hire, it came as no surprise. Yet it made the emptiness that much more apparent, as he absentmindedly noted the way there seemed to be a vacant spot next to him where he stood–diagonal to the expensive off-white upholstered armchair Hyunjin had been situated on. The space left vacant began to seem more and more of a void, and it became something that Chan could envision being filled by an eighth.  

Likewise, it was in the way the manor’s east wing–the one reserved for the pack’s personal uses–had eight bedrooms, one for the each of them. However, that meant that there was one which remained empty at all times. Uninhabited, untouched. 

It struck him in the way there were eight bushels of crimson roses after Jisung spent an afternoon tending to his garden. Blooming beautifully as they reached the peak of their lives, but even then he couldn’t help but notice that the last bushel seemed a bit dull in comparison to its companions.

Or perhaps in the way there were eight chairs situated around the dining table, the last awaiting to be occupied by a body it may never know. 

He shook himself from the thought, shutting his eyes tightly as he collected his things that were scattered about. His jacket, that he’d quickly abandoned once he started building up a sweat, followed by his tools. His axe, a hand saw, a small hatchet. Some gloves. 

He quickly made his way to the small shed next to Jisung’s greenhouse, carrying his items in one, large hand. He placed them back in their respective places, ensuring that the space was organised before walking back out and shutting the door quietly. He stood at the doorstep, gazing at the fast-approaching night, at the orange hues melting into deep navies and purples. The wind blew again. And it felt just as good as it had the first time, almost as if it were carrying away the things that haunted him with it. 

If only it were that easy. 

Sighing, Chan shoved his arms through the sleeves of his jacket, pulling it tight around his body as he began the small trek to their home. The small, white pebbles lining the pathway shifted beneath his feet as he walked on, but he paid them no mind as they settled back into place. 

Sometimes, when the weather was particularly pleasant, the pack would find themselves gathered on their oversized patio. They’d cuddle with one another in front of the fire pit, indulge in Minho's perfectly charred s’mores, drink hot chocolate and tell stories. Sometimes they’d even sing together, and those moments were the ones that reminded him that these six individuals were his home. 

If one travelled beyond the patio, down the stone steps and past the unpaved, sloping hills of neatly trimmed grass, they’d eventually come across the quaint lake nestled behind their home, one that completed the picturesque image of the Manor and its grounds.

He trudged his way up the small incline, regretting overexerting his body now that he was reminded that they lived on top of…something akin to a very small mountain. But for some reason the ache was also invigorating, and so he pushed himself up the steps one at a time until the muscles of his legs screamed in protest. 

By the time his hand made contact with the doorknob, he had to take a few deep breaths in order to reorient himself. But thankfully, due to the advanced qualities of his biology, he didn’t have to do much to feel like himself again. 

Chan swung the door open, a man on a mission as he acted on pure muscle memory. He walked through the sunroom, through the hallway that led to the library, turning left at its threshold, and down another. He all but jogged down one of the marble staircases that made up the imperial staircase in the foyer, ignoring everything around him as he journeyed towards the kitchen, spurred on by the mouthwatering scents of whatever his mates had prepared for supper. 

When he walked into the kitchen, the scent of his family blanketed him in a comforting warmth, and he inhaled it in lungfuls. He heard Changbin and Seungmin arguing over something while sitting around the island–he was sure the younger was berating the elder for being so loud. Jisung sat on Hyunjin’s lap in the small living room off of the kitchen, the alpha overlooking the beta’s shoulder with his arms wrapped around Jisung’s waist, the both of them reading something on his phone with rapt attention.

Jeongin was nowhere to be seen, but the smidgen of panic that filled Chan’s heart was immediately quelled when the alpha in question sauntered into the kitchen through the walkway that led to the dining room, carrying a spoon in his hand while asking Minho, “is this a serving or eating spoon?” 

Chan laughed quietly at that, and then at the way Minho grabbed the spoon from the youngest and whacked him upside the head with an exasperated, “yah, Yang Jeongin, this would only be an eating spoon for a mouth as big as yours.”

The youngest alpha flushed in embarrassment, sheepishly taking the spoon from the elder’s grasp and retreating back into the dining room. 

And that’s when Chan saw the opportunity to soundlessly sashay towards the stove, where the second eldest alpha was stood donned in a frilly apron with cat paws stitched onto it. 

A frilly freaking apron! With cat paws! 

Chan could have named every endearment that came to mind at the sight. 

But the man was entirely focused on the concoction he was mixing masterfully in the pot before him, a deep furrow between his brows and teeth sunk into his bottom lip. Whatever it was, it smelled divine, as everything Minho prepared tended to be, but the scent that Chan found more captivating at that moment was that of his mate’s–the perfect combination of vanilla and black frankincense. 

He wrapped his arms around the younger’s waist, burying his nose into his scent gland. Minho, though Chan couldn’t see, rolled his eyes as he continued to stir the contents of the pot. 

“You’re late.”

Chan hummed guiltily, squeezing tighter. “Mm, I’m sorry.”

Minho scoffed. “You are absolutely not forgiven. I had to handle all of these fools by myself all day long.”

Chan exhaled a breathy laugh into the soft skin of Minho’s neck, closing his eyes as he let his scent envelop him. “But you love those fools.”

Minho tsked, clicking his tongue. “Sometimes.”

“Ah, you know that’s not true. You always love them. You always love us.”

“Hm, maybe.”

A few blissful moments of silence passed between the two, and Chan was certain he could fall asleep right here, with Minho in his arms. But the peace was short lived, much to his chagrin, as he was shoved away by the younger pushing against his hips. 

“Yah!”

“You stink! Go shower!”

Chan pouted, giving his mate his best attempt at puppy eyes so that he wouldn’t be forced to part with him. Minho slanted a hand against the dip of his waist, shaking his head with an unamused expression on his handsome face. “You know that doesn’t work with me, Bang Chan. Up you go. Dinner will be ready by the time you’re done.” 

Whimpering in protest, Chan slumped his shoulders, sniffling in a poor attempt to garner the younger’s sympathy. But Minho was both unconvinced and unmoved by Chan’s childish schemes. He took to anchoring his hands over the pack alpha’s shoulders and all but kicked him out of the kitchen. 

Yet Chan was relentless. He grabbed the edge of the wall and leaned towards the brown-haired man, puckering his lips slightly. “Can I at least get a kiss?” he asked shamelessly, making exaggerated kissy noises at the mean, mean man. 

Minho looked thoughtful, tapping a finger against his chin in faux consideration. “Clean yourself up and then we’ll see.”

The eldest smiled, nothing but pure adoration radiating from the smitten expression on his face. And then he suddenly took Minho’s hand and laid a quick peck against his knuckles. 

“Anything for you, my love,” he whispered against the slightly tanned skin there.  

And then Chan was bounding towards the stairs before Minho could even get a word of protest in. Though if he’d stayed even a fraction of a second longer, he’d see the blush on Minho’s face as he walked back into the kitchen, shaking his head. 

 

---

 

“Come here, little omega. Come out, come out, wherever you are…"

There was shuffling, though it was too dark to tell where it came from. The moonlight barely made any impact on the densely populated forest. Its rays only slightly lighting the way through the thicket. 

“S-stay away from me!”

More shuffling, more sounds of something that was reminiscent of twigs snapping and dead leaves crunching beneath feet. 

“Nuh uh uh, little one. Just come out, come to me. Hm?”

“No! Never!”

The footsteps stopped. In the distance, an owl hooted, once, twice. 

“You won’t like me if I have to ask another time, angel. Just come out. I just…wanna talk.”

“I-”

The footsteps resumed, slow and deliberate. There was an uncomfortable screech of wood splintering beneath sharp claws, the tell-tale inhalation of someone trying to scent an area for a specific smell.  

“I don’t wanna hurt you…just wanna see that pretty face.”

“Please, just-just leave me alone.”

It went quiet again. Mind-numbingly quiet. There was a shuddering breath, the sounds of a heartbeat thumping way too fast beneath a heaving chest. 

A beat of silence ensued, followed by another. And right when the feeling of danger dissipated, everything went to hell. 

“Gotcha!”

“No! No! Let me go! Let me go!”

“Mm, all mine, now.”

“No, no, no, no.”

“Beautiful…”

“N-no…no! No. NO! Please let m-me go!”

“You smell even better up close. I wonder what you taste like…”

“No, stop!”

“Plea-Chan!”

“Chan!”

“CHAN!”

Chan woke with a start in his bed, blankets pooling around his waist and sweat coating the entirety of his bare torso as his chest heaved erratically. He gasped, laboured breaths escaping his lungs in an almost painful manner as the image in his mind faded into mist. 

“...Hyung?”

He jumped slightly, eyes zeroing in on the door of his bedroom, where a concerned Hyunjin stood halfway between the hallway and his room. 

“Jinnie? What are you doing here?”

“I…I couldn’t sleep. Are you–are you alright?”

Chan’s brows furrowed together, still panting quietly as he ran a hand through his hair. “I…yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Crazy dream, I guess.”

Hyunjin nodded, a thoughtful expression plastered onto his handsome face as he mulled over the elder’s words. He was still frozen where he stood in the doorway, suddenly insecure about impeding his alpha’s personal space. 

“Are you okay, Jin?”

Hyunjin’s eyes fell towards the sleeves of his shirt as he played with a loose thread. “I’m–uh, I had a weird dream, too. And I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d come here, but I…I can go-”

Chan shook his head, reaching a hand out towards the younger alpha. “No! No, no. It’s fine, Hyunjin. Don’t go…” he scooched back, pulling back the comforter to make room for the blond on his king sized bed. “Come here…” he gently urged, patting the space next to him. 

There was hesitation in Hyunjin’s crystal blue eyes, though it was quickly stamped down by the waves of calming pheromones released by Chan. He stepped into the room proper, shutting the door behind him quietly. He padded his way through the master bedroom, towards the unoccupied side of Chan’s bed, crawling into the awaiting embrace of his alpha. 

He laid his head on Chan’s bare chest, finding contentment and safety in the circle of his arms. And out of sheer habit, the elder held him close to his body, one hand running along the curve of Hyunjin’s back while the other mindlessly stroked through his soft, long hair. 

Hyunjin exhaled, feeling instant relief flood through his veins.  

“What’s got my Prince so shaken? Hm?” asked Chan in a gentle, soothing voice. 

The younger didn’t respond immediately, almost as if he were trying to figure out what to say. After some time, he took a deep breath, an elegant finger coming to trace patterns against the smooth skin of Chan’s abdominal muscles. “This dream I had…” he began, “it's...it's reminded me of something I had forgotten about. Something I’d…lost.”

Chan listened to him intently, breath catching in his throat.

“In it, there was an omega. They seemed to be in danger, running from someone else…someone who wanted to hurt them. An alpha, I’m certain of it. They were hiding, and they were terrified. But the alpha, they-they wouldn’t stop looking for the omega. Hunting them. And then all of the sudden, all I heard was screaming…”

Chan’s face paled more than it already had. He swallowed thickly, struggling to move past the lump in his throat. “And then…?”

Hyunjin shuddered, shoving his face deeper into Chan’s chest. “They called for me. They called for me to help them.”

Chan’s hands immediately froze in their thoughtless trek. Eyes wide, he gazed down at Hyunjin, though he couldn’t see past the pale curtain of his hair. If he were able to, he'd immediately notice the torment etched onto Hyunjin’s face. 

He did feel something, though. Warm. Wet. 

Tears. 

“They sounded so scared, Channie. And I didn't do anything. Just like before. I couldn’t-” he broke off into a sob, shaking against Chan’s body.

Chan’s grip tightened around Hyunjin’s lithe form, urging the younger to look at him, into his eyes. The scene before him was heartbreaking, all red eyes and puffy cheeks, causing him to release even more copious waves of soothing pheromones to abate the other alpha’s distress. 

“Hyunjin…” he wiped his tears away with his thumbs, cradling his face in his hands. “Hyunjin, it was just a dream, darling.”

Hyunjin merely shook his head, lips trembling. “It wasn’t, though. It wasn't. It was real."

Chan ran his thumb gently along the curve of Hyunjin’s jaw, studying him, admiring his beauty even as he cried. But there was a streak of worry running through his mind. This behaviour was very unlike the level-headed alpha. He was rarely the type to be moved to tears because of a simple dream, but even Chan had to admit that this entire situation wasn't sitting well with him, either. Hyunjin had said it reminded him of something he'd forgotten. But for Chan, it had reminded him of something he could never quite forget.

In an attempt to defuse the tension, he decided that downplaying his concern in favour of abating Hyunjin's distress was the best course of action for now. “Mine felt that way, too," he assured, "it felt like it was actually happening, and I was so afraid...but then you came to save me.” He fondly ran his fingers down the side of Hyunjin’s face, from his temple to the end of his chin, relishing the softness of his unblemished skin. “My Prince. My knight in shining armour.”

Hyunjin scoffed amongst the cascade of tears that continued to fall from his eyes, “so cheesy, hyung.”

Chan only smiled back at him, dimples on full display and nothing but pure love in his depthless eyes. “I’m serious, though. I’d probably be crying like a little pup right now if you hadn’t come when you did.”

Hyunjin blushed, hiding his face again as he halfheartedly groaned a muffled “stop it” into the skin of Chan’s chest. 

The Pack Alpha went back to stroking his hair, luxuriating in its silky texture between the pads of his roughened fingers. He hummed a soft tune, laying his cheek against the top of Hyunjin’s head. It seemed his plan to distract him had worked.

“It was only a dream, yeah? Don’t...don't worry about it too much, it was most likely just your brain trying to freak you out. Nothing more.”

“But what if it isn't?” came Hyunjin’s small voice. "What if there's something I'm overlooking again? And if it's nothing to worry about then why did we both have the same dream?"

Chan tightened his arms around his body, feeling a pit form in his stomach at the implications of again? He swallowed thickly, staring intently at the top of Hyunjin's head. “Then we'll figure that out together, alright? For now, let's just sleep.”

Hyunjin leaned back to face him, tortured, crystalline eyes boring into his almost painfully. "P-promise?"

The Pack Alpha's lips quirked up into the softest of smiles as he nodded, murmuring a gentle, "I promise."

Hyunjin sighed in concession, albeit reluctantly, and nuzzled his head into the space beneath Chan's chin. 

They lapsed into silence, then, leaving nothing for their senses to discern but the distant sounds beyond the Manor. The chirping of the crickets and the hooting of the owls. All the comforting sounds of nighttime, when the world falls into sleep and life can take a well needed rest. 

The room was wrapped in a blanket of subdued unease as Chan reflected on the similarities between his and Hyunjin’s dreams. He didn’t know what any of it meant, why such a phenomenon occurred now of all times, but it left him shaken and uncertain all the same. It was too reminiscent of experiences he's had before, experiences that he was never able to explain despite how many years had passed. 

It was cold, yet another reminder of the burgeoning winter that would soon be upon them. It was cold, but here, in his bed, with the long body of his mate pressed against his side, it was warm. It was warm, and it was quiet, and it was still far too early in the morning to even consider just waking up and starting his day now. So, he’d wait. 

And soon enough, he felt Hyunjin’s breath fanning against his chest, deep and measured. 

Adjusting the both of them into a more comfortable position and ensuring that the blankets covered the entirety of Hyunjin’s body, Chan pressed a lasting kiss against his forehead, inhaling the pleasant scent of his shampoo. He couldn't say he felt any more relaxed now than he did before his abrupt rise to wakefulness, but he did feel relieved once he felt some of the tension recede from Hyunjin's slumbering form, and the sourness that tainted the edges of his scent give way to the usual freshness of frangipani once again. 

Chan closed his eyes, feeling the smile that was still adhered to his lips falter ever so slightly before falling off entirely. He pressed his mouth against Hyunjin's temple and just breathed him in, counted his every breath. In and out. In...and...out... 

“Goodnight, my Prince,” he whispered softly. 

And then, without even realising it, Chan slept. 

And no nightmares plagued him for the rest of the night. 

 

---

 

“I’m telling you hyung, it was crazy.”

“I believe you, Sung. Need I remind you, I saw the exact same thing.”

“But that-that doesn’t make any sense! How can you expl-”

“What’s going on in here?” 

Jisung and Changbin turned around at a comedically fast rate, almost giving the Pack Alpha whiplash. His eyes widened in mirth at the guilty expressions on their faces, as if they had committed some grave sin. 

“Uh…guys?”

Jisung was the first to break, jogging up to Chan to scent him in greeting. The alpha welcomed the gesture gratefully, allowing the younger to indulge himself while he returned the favour. After he was done, he placed a sweet kiss on Jisung’s plush cheek, smiling at him. “Good morning, baby.” 

Then Changbin came, expecting the same amount of attention his fellow beta had gotten, if not more. He eagerly nosed at Chan’s scent glands, breathing in the scent of his alpha's unique blend of fresh mint, lemon zest, and green apple. 

“Hi, Channie hyung.”

Chan’s smile widened, ruffling the younger’s hair affectionately. “Hi, Binnie.”

“Hyuuung! This took me an hour to style!”

“No it did not! ” counteracted Jisung, elbowing Changbin in the ribs, lips pulled into a sickeningly sweet grin. 

Chan crossed his arms over his chest, nodding suspiciously. “Uh huh. So, what were you two talking about?”

Jisung cast a sideways glance to Changbin, who had taken to rubbing the back of his neck at the sudden discomfort brought forth by their alpha’s inquiry. When it became clear neither of them planned on saying anything, Chan raised his brow, a stern expression shadowing his face. 

Jisung, sweet, brave Jisung, cleared his throat, but his eyes darted from place to place, falling everywhere but to Chan’s. “We…we both had this strange-very strange, uh, dream. Last night.”

Chan’s lips parted slightly, belying the shock he felt at the unexpected confession. “What was it about?” he asked, already having an inkling as to what the answer would be. 

“Um, well, like I said, it was very strange. There was this omega, and they were…in danger from someone who was after them, I’m not sure, I-” he shook his head, brows drawing together, “but whoever it was, they were scared of them. Like, really scared. And um…”

Chan sighed, running a hand down his face and walking towards the fridge, throwing it open. “They called for you to help.”

The two nodded erratically, following after him. “How did you know?” asked Changbin. 

Chan took a deep breath, grabbing a mug from one of the cabinets and pouring himself a serving of milk. He put the glass bottle back inside the fridge, leaning over the island with his hands planted firmly on the marble surface. He stared at the unmoving surface of the milk, biting his lip. 

“I saw it, too. And…so did Hyunjin.”

He took a tentative sip.

The pair gaped at him, entirely shocked. “If you and Hyunjin, and me and Jisung saw it…” Changbin looked up at Chan, face drawn into a worried scowl. “Do you think…maybe…”

“That we saw it too? Absolutely.”

The trio turned their attention to the three new additions in the room, each bearing a similar look of confusion and exhaustion on their faces. “Innie and Seungminnie here kept me up all night because of it,” said Minho, stealing Chan’s mug from his hand and taking a large swig of it. 

“Oh. This is good. From the new farm?”

Chan nodded absently, mulling over the new information that had been brought to his attention. It wasn't just him, but the entire pack that faced this affliction. 

So what did any of it mean?

Almost as if he appeared out of thin air, Hyunjin manoeuvred past the group huddled by the island, making a beeline towards the cabinet that housed their pots and selecting his favourite kettle. He filled it with just enough water for a single brew, and then set it onto the stove to boil. Leaning against the side of the counter, he crossed his arms over his chest and was effectively rendered deep in thought. 

“You know…” he began after some moments, “this isn’t a mere coincidence. Coincidences like this don’t just happen.”

Six pairs of eyes looked back at him, silent in their consideration of his words. 

“And…I think I should tell you that-that this isn’t the first time I’ve had that dream. Except…well, they’re always a little different each time.”

Chan tilted his head to the side, crossing an ankle over the other as he leaned back against the fridge. “What do you mean, Jin?”

Hyunjin inhaled a deep breath, eyes fluttering from one mate to the next, before ultimately landing on Chan’s. “It’s always the same omega. At-at least, by the voice, it’s the same omega. But it’s almost like…almost like I get glimpses of a life that isn’t mine.”

“How long has this been going on?” asked Minho. 

Hyunjin shrugged, face slanted downwards, gaze unfocused. “Too long,” he whispered.

Chan’s brows knitted together as he chewed relentlessly on his bottom lip. “What does that mean, Jinnie?” he asked, wholly bewildered. "Too long?" 

Hyunjin only crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly looking so small despite his great stature. He pushed his hair behind his ear, shoved his thumbs into the soft undersides of his jaw and exhaled slowly. “They weren’t as bad…well, no. They were all pretty bad, but-but some of them were nice. There was a beach and...shells and...someone beautiful, but I can't-" 

Chan’s expression softened, a cord of sympathy reverberating through his heart as he watched Hyunjin grasp for words, his struggle obvious to anyone who was there to witness it. “Hyunjin, relax. Take it slow, love. No rush.”

Nodding, Hyunjin rubbed his hands along his arms, warming himself from the sudden icy shiver that ran throughout his body. “O-okay.”

The pack lapsed into silence then, feeling a dead weight fall onto each of their shoulders. 

“These dreams…” started Seungmin after a considerable amount of time, “what were they like?”

Hyunjin pressed his lips together, the furrow between his brows growing deeper as he contemplated Seungmin’s inquiry. “Very much reminiscent of what we all saw last night. The main subject is always the same omega who’s just…always scared. Scared and hurt and-and trapped in a place they can’t get out from. They're desperate, they're...hopeless."

Jeongin frowned, fox-like eyes narrowing in concern. “Why?" he breathed. “Why can't they just leave if they're being harmed?"

The elder alpha swallowed in response, throat going dry and head going dizzy. He suddenly turned around, gripping the edges of the marble that lined the farmhouse sink. He stared down into it, breath shuddering as he turned on the tap and splashed his face with cool water. 

It was freezing. 

“No…” he murmured, voice shaking. “No…No, I won’t. I won’t tell you. I won’t. No.” 

He felt strong arms wrap around his torso, causing him to flinch slightly at the sudden contact. Then came the surge of pheromones that belonged to his alpha alone, and he fell back in his embrace, face pinching in agony as he tried not to cry for the hundredth time this month alone. 

“It’s okay, darling. You’re okay. Just breathe with me.”

Hyunjin slammed his eyes shut, head falling back against Chan’s shoulder as he held tight to the alpha’s hands. He breathed in once, counted to ten and held it before exhaling. He repeated that a few more times in tandem with Chan, until he no longer felt that he would pass out from the sheer intensity of the panic that gripped his heart. 

The kettle began to whistle, further startling Hyunjin as Chan dabbed a paper towel against his damp face. Minho was quick to set the kettle aside and sprinkle the tea leaves Hyunjin had chosen into the water.

The Pack Alpha held him for what seemed like an eternity, quiet and reassuring, an unshakable pillar to help bear his burden while the rest of the pack gave them their space in silent comfort. He felt Chan kiss the side of his neck and nose at his scent glands until he was all but lulled to sleep on his feet. 

“Are you okay, my Prince?”

Hyunjin nodded, turning around in Chan’s hold, staring affectionately into his alpha’s eyes as he leaned down to plant a soft peck against Chan’s plush lips. It was brief, barely counted as a kiss, but it contained the gratitude Hyunjin couldn’t express using words. The Pack Alpha revelled in the small display of affection, knowing that it was a very rare occurrence between him and the generally reserved alpha.   

“Thank you.”

Chan hummed, brushing back the hair stuck to Hyunjin’s mostly-dry face. “Of course, my darling, it's no problem. Are you sure you feel better, though?” he asked again, just to confirm. 

Hyunjin nodded again, more adamantly this time, squeezing Chan’s fingers firmly between his own. “I think so.”

“Okay,” he whispered, gently patting Hyunjin’s cheek before turning around to face everyone else. “Now…I think this goes without saying, but, until we can find a logical explanation for all of this, I think it’s best we don’t dwell on it.”

There was a chorus of murmurs in agreement, heads nodding solemnly as the strained silence continued to penetrate the air around them. 

“But…is there?” 

“Is there what, Innie?”

The youngest alpha sucked in air between his teeth, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared resolutely at Chan, uncertainty tainting his features. “A logical explanation.” 

Chan sighed, running a hand through his hair in contemplation. His gaze fell over each of his mates, at the way they all had an almost expectant glint in their eyes. 

They always trusted him to have the right answers to everything. 

But he didn’t. 

Not this time. 

He bit his lip and sighed again for the upteenth time. “I…the only thing I can come up with is that this is a soulmate bond. Only this time it’s…manifesting a little differently from the way it did for the rest of us when ours formed.”

“Are you saying this is another soulmate bond trying to form?” asked Seungmin. 

Chan nodded, slowly, as if he were reluctant to agree but also wanted to acknowledge that that’s exactly what he thought. In this slow-to-piece puzzle, it was becoming the only explanation that made sense.

“I-yeah.”

“But how? I thought we completed our bonds.”

“I don’t know. I really don’t. Like I said, it’s just a theory I have. Nothing concrete. But it’s the only one I’ve got.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. Would now be the time to mention-

“That’s precisely what it is.”

All eyes fell to Hyunjin again. He looked…jittery. Guilty, almost.

“I’ve been so incredibly stupid. About everything. I…I need to tell you all something.”

They all stared back at him with palpable concern. 

“Hyunjin-”

“I’ve read about these types of connections,” he confessed in a single breath. “And I’ve been told tales and stories all pertaining to their significance. They’re…rare. Terribly so. They occur only a handful of times every few centuries, but, from what I’ve gathered about them, they're more powerful than any other type of bond.”

He moved towards the stove again, relaying his silent gratitude for Minho's adroit nature. He grabbed his favourite teacup and saucer—a white one made of a fine china with scalloped edges and hand painted flowers, and set it aside while he waited a few more minutes for the tea to finish steeping. 

“What does that have to do with the dream?”

Hyunjin sighed, biting his lip as he glanced at Minho. “Everything.”

For a moment, no one said anything. 

They didn’t even know what they possibly could. The blond alpha just seemed so utterly...scattered. 

But then Changbin cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest. “How?” he asked quietly, making sure that his voice was tender and level.

“It confirms that there is a connection,” murmured Hyunjin. "Between us and the omega. But it also proves that we've been ignorant."

"What do you mean?"

"Has there ever been a moment, a time where you experienced something inexplicable? No logical explanation to help make sense of it, no answers to account for it happening. Has there ever been a moment where you were left feeling too much, hurting too much, thinking too much?"

Of course they had. They all did. Many times and in many ways over the years. 

Hyunjin nodded, guilt a permanent etch on his skin. "That was it. The bond. Showing itself in pieces and pinpricks. It was too muddled, though. Too ambiguous. We weren't able to pick up on a pattern because there was none. But it was there, all this time...and it gathered just enough power to converge into a single entity last night. It was able to reach us all at the same time, the same place."

He then refocused his attention towards the kettle, pouring himself just enough to fill half of the cup. His hands shook as he reached for the honeypot, but thankfully he was able to reorient himself before making a mess. 

After taking a tentative sip, he exhaled in something akin to contentment, but the tension lining his body betrayed him. 

They all watched with thinly-veiled anticipation as they waited for him to continue. 

Hyunjin sighed as if to brace himself for the information he was about to divulge. “Before my great-uncle passed away, he took me to the Lycan Archives. I found a book, a sort of…werewolf genealogy type of thing. A collection of records spanning centuries. That’s where I learned of every type of bond known to wolfkind.”

Chan hated how troubled Hyunjin looked. 

Hated how he couldn’t do anything to help him even more. 

“There’s all kinds, as I’m sure you know. Soulmate bonds are special, we know that, too. But there are some kinds of soulmate bonds that are more than that.This kind…it’s called an Ad Lunam Bond. And it basically means that it's a bond that transcends this world, this universe. But like I said, they're exceptionally rare. And yet we are the ones who get to experience it. The bond has been forming for a long time, now, and it's ready to be embraced to its fullest extent. I abhor myself for not connecting the pieces when I went to Chan hyung last night. He'd seen it, too. Exactly then. We all did.”

He tapped his fingers against the teacup with fidgety fingers, staring at the waves that rippled over the surface of the tea. “But I was so distraught that I didn’t think anything of it until I had woken up…” 

He groaned in frustration that was clearly aimed at himself. 

“It’s alright, Hyunjin-ah. No one could have put that together, not even me and my vast intellect.”

Hyunjin’s eyes flicked to Seungmin, who looked entirely too serious despite his attempt at lightening the mood, and he scoffed. “I could have. In fact, I should have, Minnie. That’s not debatable. Both my lack of insight and lapse in judgement inhibited me from seeing clarity, so the anger I feel towards myself is warranted.”

“That’s not true, Hyunjin,” said Chan sternly.

There was an uproar of agreement, muddled words coming from all voices as they relayed to him how unbased his self-deprecatory remarks were. 

Hyunjin smiled wanly, shaking his head and looking two seconds away from bursting into tears. "But it is," he countered softly. "It is true."

Chan stared at him incredulously and suddenly, all of the suspicions he had only seemed like irrefutable truths. 

“So what happens then?” asked Minho, bringing them back to the focal point of their discussion. 

The tall alpha picked at the skin of his lip with his teeth, chewing at the abused flesh relentlessly. 

“Well, based on what I know, the bond will only become more insistent in its desperation to latch onto its missing pieces…”

Minho and Chan exchanged glances, an entire silent conversation occurring through their gazes.

“They have been moments, right? But they've been fleeting. A speck of dust in the blanket of time. Now, they'll be constant. The pain. The mental anguish. Emotions, good and bad. We'll feel all of it. Everything, until it's impossible to separate ourselves from them. And until we don’t find that omega it’ll only build and fester until…until it withers,” he whispered shakily. 

The entire room flooded with a downpour of heartache. 

“How does that happen, though?” asked Jisung. “How is that possible?”

Hyunjin’s eyes drifted up as he leaned back against the counter again “It all depends on the bond,” he began. “Once they begin to form, some connections forge quickly. Like, love at first sight almost. The way it was for me and Jeongin, and you and Minho hyung.” He exhaled heavily. 

“Then, there are those that are like slowly blooming flowers, nurtured over time and…” now, he stared resolutely at Chan, tears glistening in his eyes as he smiled softly. “...And reminiscent of the sun following a rainstorm. Of a warm drink on a cold night, of-of safety from harm and love more indestructible than any-” he shook his head, blinking away the tears and willing the blush that coloured his cheeks away. Chan merely smiled at him, tears glistening in his own eyes, while the others groaned quietly (because they’d rather die than admit to the two that the story of their bond was perhaps one of the most beautiful of them all.)

Hyunjin took a deep breath, his previously serious visage bleeding back into the softness of his features. “Others, however, are more latent. Hidden, I’d say.” 

He took another sip, swallowing carefully. And then he exhaled, looking forlorn.

“An Ad Lunam Bond tends to…unlock during traumatic events or moments of extremely high emotional duress. It’s desperate. It’s forged out of pain and the need for fulfilment and nurturing. But there’s no knowing how long before the bond was released that a person was struggling.” 

The alpha set his cup aside, suddenly feeling nauseous. 

“For the longest time, I was certain that our bonds were complete. I had no doubt of it. But when I started having those dreams, feeling those pains, and that doubt started to become obsolete…even then I foolishly convinced myself that it was nothing. 

I-I know I should have said something when they began, but I was…I was so afraid. I didn’t want to accept what I was seeing because I didn't even know if it was real. And I seemed to have been the only one experiencing them so I just…I just let them happen. Forced myself to be ignorant of their presence.  

It didn’t even cross my mind until this morning, when I checked the records, that it was all so much more than the product of an overactive imagination-” he cut himself off, slapping his hand against his temple and curling his fingers into the roots of his hair. “That omega needs us. Our omega needs us. And it’s all my fault that they’ve been suffering for longer than they ever should have been.” 

He released the hold he had of his hair, purposeless hands falling to his sides.

“They’re out there. Alone, scared, hurt. And they’re searching. For us. For their rightful home. And if we don’t get to them they will die." 

Everyone’s shoulders fell immediately. They fell at the way things took a far more serious, far more deadly turn in the wake of this revelation. 

Hyunjin was crying now, silent trails of tears falling from his eyes as his hands curled into fists. "To the moon and beyond...and back. That's what this bond means. It has to come back. It can't be stranded. Our omega can't be stranded."

Jisung and Jeongin’s eyes were misty, their lips trembling as they held onto each other for comfort. 

Seungmin stared at his feet, his features pulled into a carefully constructed image of calm and collectedness.

Changbin looked sick to his stomach, face pale and hands shaking.

Minho was as unreadable as ever, his hand anchored over Chan’s shoulder, who…

Looked like he just had the breath punched from him. Jaw ticking, lips parted as he exhaled ragged breaths, he was the picture of perfectly restrained chaos. 

“So all of this means…” began Jisung reluctantly, tone belying the disbelief he clung onto even after Hyunjin’s explanations. “The dream that we all saw…”

Hyunjin tucked a lock of hair behind his ear before crossing his arms over his chest, shivering. And then he let his gaze fall onto each of his mates, eyes full of raging conviction. 

“It was never a dream.”

This much was absolute...

He released a shuddering breath, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. 

...Everything led to this moment. 

“It was all real.”

Notes:

A disclaimer: since just a step to take is my main focus right now, this one won't get updated too often but fear not! It's only gonna be a few parts anyhow, so it shouldn't be tooo bad (she says hopefully).

Anywho, you know the drill!!

Lmk if you liked it!

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 2: Act I, Scene II

Summary:

An important discovery is made.

Notes:

Hello! So sorry for being MIA with this story, I kind of just got out of touch with it. BUT we are back! Granted, it is a much shorter chapter (I'm thinking of actually making the chapters 2-3K words from hereon out for my own sanity), but an update is an update in my book! It's also pretty necessary in order to set up the main story, methinks :)

So I hope you enjoy nonetheless. And thank you so much for all of the feedback on the first chapter. It really means a lot and I do so adore reading through the comments-I'm incredibly grateful to those of you who take the time to do that! Much love <3

Without further ado, onto the chapter!

 

Act I, Scene II

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

It’s been four days since the Bang Pack learned of their new mate. 

Four days since a solemn quietude filled the halls of the manor. 

And four days since Bang Chan last slept. 

In all honesty, the lack of sleep was the least of his concerns. 

As it were, he had more pressing matters to attend to. Only, for the first time in his life he was rendered completely and utterly directionless. With not a single clue as to where to begin his search for their lost omega. 

The world was great and it was vast, and the visions they’d received in the days since were of little benefit. They did nothing to help them decipher any sort of landmark or notable feature that could help minimise the broadness of their scope, did nothing to bring them even the smallest bit of hope.

If anything, they just made the world seem even bigger. 

Made the possibility of reaching their omega on time seem like the most beautiful, most unattainable dream. 

It was incredibly disheartening. 

Incredibly disheartening and unceasingly cruel.

Though…there was one thing. A break in the standstill that rendered them immobile. 

They considered it as a silver lining. The stroke of pure luck that they so desperately needed, despite how slight a reassurance it was. 

And that was that their omega was in Korea. At least, that was the Bang Pack’s sincerest hope, considering the fact that the subjects of their visions spoke in their native tongue. Their omega’s thoughts were composed of a messy amalgamation of Hangul and…English, of all things, accented in a way that was painfully familiar to Chan. In a way that reinvigorated memories of a childhood long past. 

He couldn’t get it out of his head. The omega’s voice. The intonation of each carefully pronounced syllable that reminded him of a place he once called home.

It was haunting, yes. But beyond that it was oddly comforting, and what’s more, is that it settled his restlessness. Marginally, much to his dismay, but at this point even the most insignificant amount of consolation was significant enough. It was enough to placate him while he grappled at invisible straws.  

What only worsened his restlessness, however, was the alpha that hunted the lone wolf. Jeongin immediately detected a dialect that he had grown up speaking. The notable curves and accents of the satoori that he and his birth family used back in Busan. The only difference was that Jeongin had never imagined he’d hear the vernacular used in such a disgusting manner against their traumatised mate. 

But still, there was no knowing for certain. It would be a miracle if it were true. A miracle and a blessing, because that would mean that their vast world would become just a little bit smaller. 

Yet they could not allow themselves to feel the full capacity of relief they so desired. Not until they had undeniable confirmation of the information they sought.

They just…well, they just didn’t know when they’d be getting it. 

And Hyunjin-he perhaps had the worst of it all. Chan, with all his acquired wisdom and thorough understanding of his mates, just knew that there was more to this story than Hyunjin was letting on. The only thing that kept him from pursuing that information, however, was simply the respect he had for his mate. He would never pressure anyone to do or say anything they were not prepared to. Still, there was a part of him that hoped Hyunjin would, if only to relieve himself of the torment he was laboriously attempting to conceal. 

But until that time would come, every night was plagued by a new nightmare, a new vision, a new set of anguished screams as their omega fought to make it through another day. A new patch of tears soaked into the pillow beneath his head as he thrashed in his sleep, a new cycle of exhaustion and emotional disequillibrium. 

And every night, Chan and the rest of the pack would comfort him. And while they slept huddled together on his bed, Chan would sit, and in the hours he’d spend in a frazzled wakefulness, Chan would think. 

And then, he’d think some more. 

In truth, Chan felt haunted. He felt as if there was something lingering alongside him, the way it had for the past near-decade of his life. He'd made acquaintances with this entity, whatever it was, but now it seemed more insistent to be seen than ever. 

He was beginning to wonder if he should have done something sooner. He was beginning to wonder if all of this could have been prevented if only he had the foresight to dig deeper and uncover the truth all those years ago. Only, he didn't. He fucking didn't. 

And so, in the time he spent not sleeping, Bang Chan would think. 

And he’d think until his mates stirred in their sleep. 

Until the depthless onyx of night faded into the soft pinks and purples of dawn. 

And then he’d rise, and he’d repeat every agonising moment all over again, reliving the same, torturous cycle that seemed to have no solution in sight. 

It had only been four days since the entire pack had been turned on its head, and yet he’d been existing in this limbo for what seemed like a lifetime. 

Because now that it was certain, the absence of their missing piece settled into something debilitating. He could feel it within his very bones. The ache. The unfulfilled tethers of their bonds. The pain his omega–their omega–felt, every second of every day. 

The first time it happened, it felt like he was being stabbed through his abdomen by a blunt object. One not made for piercing another. Like it was forced into his body even when it could not bear the strain of doing so. 

He had been walking up the stairs when he toppled over, the breath snatched from his lungs as he gripped his side and hissed in pain. 

Fortunately, Jeongin was there to keep him from tumbling down entirely, but the youngest was so aghast by the sight that he could do nothing but guide the Pack Alpha to a chair. 

“What happened, hyung?” he had asked, sharp eyes pinched in concern as he helped him to sit. 

“I don’t-I don’t know-” Chan gasped in return, lifting his shirt only to find perfectly unblemished skin beneath. 

“It’s the bond, isn’t it,” questioned the youngest alpha after a moment’s hesitation, though it certainly sounded more like a statement. 

Chan pressed his palm against the heated skin of his abdomen, nodding slowly, tiredly. “Yeah, Innie. I think that’s exactly what it is.”

Since then, it had only progressed. Everyone felt something or another. Changbin complained of a sudden nausea, Jisung absently commented of an excruciating pain in his feet, Seungmin lay bedridden with a lethargy he couldn’t begin to describe. 

And while Minho tried to hide it, Chan caught the slight wince of discomfort he’d expelled while he was helping him prepare dinner one night, saw him anchor his hand against the base of his spine and massage the area with a quiet hiss of pain. 

All in all, the Bang Pack were out of sorts, which is something they hadn’t been in a very, very long time. 

So it felt strange to experience that again, and even stranger now because they were entirely helpless to remedy it. Entirely helpless to do anything but bear it. For if this was how the bond was manifesting for them, they could only imagine how unbearable it was for their omega. 

Chan sighed, rubbing his forehead with trembling fingers.

“You need to sleep.”

He chuckled softly, completely unfazed by the appearance of the other alpha. 

“So do you. Why are you awake, Min?”

“Because I’m worried about you.”

Chan turned around, his eyes unprepared for the vision of Minho before him, bathed in the azure light of the moon. It was clear and incandescent, shining its silvery rays upon the terrace outside of his bedroom, upon him, upon Minho. Upon the lake that glittered with ripples of deep titanium behind them.

His features glowed. They seemed, almost, to illuminate the unending darkness that stretched for miles around them. Regal nose, pouty lips, chiselled cheekbones. With his robe haphazardly thrown onto his figure, hair tousled from an uneasy sleep, and feet shoved into mismatching fuzzy socks, he looked so beautiful to Chan it hurt. 

For a moment, all the Pack Alpha could do was stare. Wander at his mates’ bewitching radiance, even as he stood looking exhausted, even as Chan withered under the gaze of his sharp eyes, staring at him with poorly concealed irritation. 

Truthfully, he thought, the moon paled in comparison. 

But unlike the moon, Chan couldn’t avoid the wrath of one, Lee Minho. He would have envied it, but then he was reminded of the distinct privilege he had of gazing at the man in front of him. 

Of having eyes. 

Of having a heart that beat like drums in his chest. 

Of having a mind that flooded with oxytocin when he caught even a glimpse of any of his mates. 

Of, well, being a sentient being in his entirety, as it were. 

Nonetheless, Bang Chan was mesmerised. Even though he was more than certain that he should have been paying attention to the words coming from Minho’s mouth. A combination of vowels and consonants slipping past his lips in a heated spiel, only to fall on deaf ears.

“-if their alpha can’t even take care of hims-are you listening to me?”

“Huh?”

“Unbelievable, Bang Chan. Truly.”

Unthinkingly, “you’re pretty.”

Dumbfounded, Minho seemed to be at a loss for words. Which was a slightly comical occurrence to Chan, considering how he practically recited his entire personal dictionary of scolding verbiage to him not moments ago. 

“You…didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”

“Nope.”

Minho sighed. “Hyung,” he began, walking towards the alpha. “You keep doing this, you know? You’re in your head all of the time. You get distracted easily. You can’t focus on anything. You don’t eat, you don’t talk to anyone, you don’t sleep…not that that wasn’t an issue before but, it’s gotten worse. Which I didn’t even think was physically possible, but here we are.”

Chan felt the younger alpha brush the stray hairs on his forehead away. “I’m fine, Min.”

“You’re not,” deadpanned the younger. “And it’s okay not to be. You don’t have to hide it.”

A sudden breeze forced Chan to realise that he was clad in naught but a thin muscle tee and shorts, feet bare, and hair slightly damp from his impromptu shower. He shivered against the cold, or perhaps the sincerity with which Minho spoke to him, he wasn’t entirely certain. Whatever the case, he revelled in the small pinpricks of warmth radiating from Minho's fingers. 

“Sungie cried because he thought you hated him.”

“What?” 

Laughing breathily, Minho nodded. “Yeah, he said you snapped at him when he asked if he could scent you. Came running into the kitchen sobbing his eyes out. I had to tell him that you are just under an immense amount of stress, and to not take anything you say or do to heart. ”

“Oh, Jisung…” 

He was the worst alpha ever. 

Minho wrapped his arms around Chan’s waist and peppered a small kiss onto the tip of his nose. “He understood, though. Alright? He’s not upset with you. In fact–none of us are, because we all know how difficult this entire situation is. Plus, he was totally fine once I let him scent me, so whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”

“But, I-”

“Nuh-uh. Listen to me. Out of us all, I know that this is affecting you and Hyunjinnie the most. I can see the way you’re crumbling from the inside and I wish you would talk to me about it. But since you don’t, I’ll tell you right now that none of this is a reflection on who you are as an alpha.”

Chan shook his head, a deep furrow settling onto his face as his brows drew together. “How can you say that? What kind of Pack Alpha can’t even find a way to locate his mate?”

“It’s been four days, honey.”

“Has it?”

Minho's brows pinched together. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asked.

Chan shook his head. "Nothing. Just...it's nothing."

"Hyung."

"It's nothing, Minho. Just drop it."

God above, Lee Minho was tired. He was tired of his dumbass mates being all cryptic and uncooperative and believing that they could get away with it. He was tired of all the ridiculous self-sacrificial, I need to do this my own way rhetoric that lingered over them like some sort of poorly erected modus operandi. These damn emotional alphas, he thought to himself, sighing audibly. First Hyunjin, now Chan. He wouldn't be surprised if the rest of them began to follow suit one by one. 

He truly was the only sane one in this pack. 

"Is there something you want to tell me?" 

Chan's reply was immediate. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Positive?"

"Minho, please."

If he didn't love this wonderful moron half as much as he did, he would have kept pushing for the sake of his own entertainment (something about watching the most patient man on earth lose said patience was, quite frankly, hilarious.) But alas, seeing Chan like this now was not exactly something he wished to make a jest of. Their Pack Alpha was under a pressure none of them could possibly imagine, and if he knew anything about his selfless mate, Chan was further burdening himself with guilt and shame and self loathing. All things that did not belong on those big, sexy shoulders of his. 

With a shake of his head, Minho pinched the bare skin of Chan's side, eliciting a yelp from the perturbed alpha. He flashed the elder a gummy smile, feigning innocence as he smoothed over the area with his thumb. 

“Yah!”

"Stop that."

"I'm not doing anything?"

"You're thinking way too loudly, hyung."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Chan rolled his eyes, bringing his hand to his forehead as if to rub the worry lines away. "I'm just...I'm just worried," he ultimately confessed with a deep sigh. "I feel like I've failed. I feel...God, I feel so fucking incompetent, Min." 

“If you’re incompetent,” he murmured in turn, curling his arms over Chan's shoulders. “Then there isn’t a single Pack Alpha out there that deserves being one. Because if you’re incompetent,” he repeated sternly, “I can’t even begin to imagine how hopeless the rest of humanity is.”

“Minho, I am being entirely serious right now. I…I’m a failure. A disappointment, a-a loser. ”

Tears pricked his eyes then, stinging his irises and making his nose scrunch in discomfort. He despised himself for his innumerable weaknesses. For his incapability of keeping everything under control. 

Minho, far more attune to Chan's emotions than he could ever fathom, immediately took notice of the faraway expression on his face and clicked his tongue, winding his small fingers into the short hairs at Chan’s nape. 

“Oh, Bang Chan. When will you learn to see yourself the way we do?” 

Chan felt a tear skip down his face. 

Minho kissed it away, and, driven by nothing more than a sympathy-fuelled bout of complete and utter cuteness aggression, decided to nuzzle against his cheek to further commit to his role of mother hen. 

“Four days is not nearly enough time to come up with answers. We didn’t even know about this bond, hyung. Your body, your instincts, they’re still trying to come to terms with the fact that there even is one.”

Chan winced ever so slightly. If Minho wasn't literally two inches from his face he'd have missed it, and he couldn't help but wonder, yet again, what it was that Chan was so adamant about hiding. What was he so afraid of?

“That doesn’t excuse it, though.”

Minho realised that he'd have to stash that particular line of questioning for later. For now, “there’s nothing that needs an excuse, my love. As much as I know you’re going to hate hearing this, not everything is in your control. It’s like believing you can hoist the world onto your shoulders without taking into account that it’ll crush you.”

Chan swallowed, and Minho wrinkled his nose at the sour undertones overtaking the alpha’s scent. He pulled away from his cheek, cradling the other within the palm of his hand. 

“We’re gonna get our omega, alright? Haven’t they proven to us that they are incredibly strong? If they haven’t given up by now, then we can rest assured that they won’t be giving up any time soon.”

The elder nodded solemnly, tears still glittering along the muted gold of his eyes. “I just want to bring them home," he cried, barely maintaining control over his emotions. “It hurts, Min. It hurts so much. Inside.” He gripped at his chest, digging his nails into the firm flesh beneath the soft cotton. 

Minho nodded, the sombre expression on his face giving way to unrestrained compassion. 

“I know, hyung. I feel it, too. But it’ll all be okay soon. I promise.” His eyes drifted to Chan’s hand, and he was quick to unlatch the digits and intertwine them with his own. 

“We just have to be pat-”

Minho jumped when the balcony doors flew open, ricocheting against the brick and somehow managing to not shatter the glass from the sheer force of it all. 

Protective instincts dialled to eleven, Chan shoved Minho behind himself, eyes flashing bright as he prepared himself to fight whatever intruder dared to threaten the security of his pack. 

But the panic left his lungs as he registered the sight of a very dishevelled Changbin. 

“Changbin-ah, what the hell? Are you okay?”

The beta grasped his knees, breathless, unable to string together words as his body heaved with every lungful of air he inhaled. 

“Ha–hyung-” he gasped, “Hyunjin–god, fuck–Hyunjin-”

“Hyunjin? What about Hyunjin? Is he alright?”

The younger man nodded, trying to regain his bearings as he stood to his full height. 

“Hyunjin. Dream. He–ha–he saw. F-forest.”

Chan glanced towards Minho, who looked just as confused as he felt. 

“What?”

“Daedunsan.”  

"Bin, I don’t unders-” 

“Our o-omega,” panted Changbin, “they–he ...” 

Chan could have sworn he wasn’t breathing. 

“...He's in Daedunsan.” 

Notes:

Minchan <3

I'd apologise for the cliffie but I'm not actually sorry 😛

lmk how you're feeling!

till I see ya next, luv you all

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 3: Act I, Scene III

Summary:

The Bang Pack begins the search for their omega.

Notes:

Not me updating twice in one week WHO AM I???

Welp, not someone who's gonna stand in your way of reading, that's for sure!

(but before I do can I just say that I've been over the moon with all the feedback and the kudos and the love :((( you guys are so awesome thank you so much for all of the support <3)

Enjoooooyyyyyyyyy ;)

CW: blood, very, very, very, brief allusion to attempted sexual assault.

 

Act I, Scene III

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

The second the words left Changbin’s mouth, Chan was running past him. And by the time either Minho or Changbin registered what had happened, he was already a ways’ away, making haste of the journey through the entire manor so that he could reach the library. 

He pushed the doors open, chest heaving, eyes zeroing in on the panicked alpha that was pacing about the fireplace. 

“Hyune-”

“Hyung,” sobbed the blond, biting harshly at the nail of his thumb, “he-we have to go now, we…we can’t waste anymore time, there’s no time! Th-there’s no time, if-if we don’t go now, it’ll be too late, I-” 

“It’s okay,” assuaged Chan, anchoring a hand against the back of Hyunjin’s neck and imploring him to meet his gaze. “It’s okay, darling. Breathe, yeah? Tell me what you saw. Tell me everything.”

Hyunjin’s tear-sodden eyes flickered to Chan’s, stuttered breaths slipping past his bite-swollen lips as he blinked rapidly to stave off the moisture clouding his vision. 

“Daedunsan Forest. H-he’s there.”

“How is it you know?”

The sound of footsteps caught the younger’s attention, and when his eyes fell to the doors he saw Minho and Changbin with the rest of the pack in tow. 

“What’s going on?” asked Seungmin. “Is everything alright?”

Swallowing, Hyunjin nodded. Then, he shook his head, brows drawing together as a deep frown settled onto his discomposed face. “I…I know where our omega is.”

The three youngests’ eyes widened, mouths falling open in perfect o’s as they all filtered into the library and circled around the pair. 

“Well that’s a good thing isn’t it?” asked Jeongin. 

“Yes and no,” answered Minho.

All eyes turned to him. 

“Even if what Hyunjinnie is saying is true, Daedunsan Forest is huge. How are we going to find him if all we know is that he’s there?”

After a beat of uncomfortable silence, Hyunjin spoke up. 

“That’s not all we know…” he whispered, gripping onto Chan’s elbow. 

The eldest cupped his cheek, feeling the distinct dreadfulness of anxiety settle into his nerves as his body wound itself taut with tension. 

“Hyunjin. You have to tell us everything.” 

 

---

 

Hyunjin was driving. 

Hyunjin was driving.

Hyunjin hated driving. 

And yet, there he was, speeding through slick, winding roads and patches of mist with little regard to the fact that he was being entirely reckless. 

But he didn’t care. Hwang Hyunjin was a man on a mission; one goal in mind, one target to aim for, one destination to reach. He had no room for thoughts of road safety or driving protocols, no patience for the trivialities of obeying speed limits or traffic signals, because none of it mattered. Not when their omega was just within the clutches of their grasp. 

Then again, they couldn’t do much if his hastiness got them killed.

“Hyun. Slow down.”

He took a deep breath, fingers curling even tighter around the wheel, knuckles going white. 

There was no one on the road. Not a single soul in sight beyond the seven shoved into the vehicle he was driving like a man possessed. 

So what did it matter if he was being a little careless? 

“Hyunjin.”

“I heard you, hyung,” he snapped in return. “I heard you.”

Chan sighed, turning his gaze towards the window. He was aware of the fact that Hyunjin was under an immense amount of pressure, and he knew that his emotions were spiralling uncontrollably beyond consolation. 

But such was the case for them all. 

In a macabre mockery of the dense gloominess that weighed them down, it was raining. The world around them was cold and it was grey, obscuring their vision with thick clouds of overcast and heavy sheets of rain. 

“Almost there.”

It was poetic, really. Nearly cinematic. 

Daedunsan Forest was a beautiful place. Especially during autumn, when the foliage was ripe with hues of red and gold and dusty orange. And though it was reaching the final few stages of the peak season, trees more bare than they were bountiful, the remaining leaves that clung to their petioles reminded Chan of what they were going after. 

The bit of colour in a world leeched of it. 

It was funny. It was funny, how things can shift so drastically in such little time. 

Perspectives and beliefs. Feelings and realities. 

When Chan tried to recall what his life was like not even a week ago, he found himself pondering how he was ever able to live. Everything then seems like such a distant memory, something so far, so detached from the formless shape that his life took now.  

Four days. Technically, five now. 

And the world lost its colour. Food lost its flavour. Laughter felt hollow. Touches against his skin felt cold. 

So strange, Chan thought. So strange, and so unexplainable. 

But from his experiences, from his perceptions and his understanding of the earth and of people, he came to know that Soulmate bonds were just…weird like that. Unexplainable. Strange. 

Wholly fulfilling, still. 

When he had turned eighteen, he felt the ties of his first bond form. 

A few months later, he would come to find that the other part of his soul—his mate forged by the greater forces that created the universe—was none other than Han Jisung. And when he found him, there was a palpable shift to everything Chan had ever known. 

The world seemed a little bit brighter. The emotions he felt went a little deeper. 

But more than that, Chan realised what it was like to love. And was rewarded with what it was like to be loved in return. 

It made him reconsider the meaning of life, its purpose and worth. Made him want to explore its nuances and intricacies in ways that he’d never considered before then. 

And it all started with Han Jisung. The starry-eyed, round-cheeked boy who’d been having an altercation with a squirrel for filching a few of the almonds he’d been snacking on in the park. 

He thought it would end there. After all, most people had one mate which would remain by their side for the rest of their days, and it was fine. It was perfect. He wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

But Bang Chan wasn't like most people. And when Yang Jeongin tumbled into his life with a mouthful of braces and a headful of curly hair, he realised with a resounding clarity that his story was far from completion. 

And when Jeongin was followed by Changbin, then Hyunjin, Seungmin, and finally Minho, he was certain he was the luckiest alpha to have ever walked the earth.

With each bond he created, there was something new in Bang Chan’s life. A new idea, a new standpoint or outlook or point of view. A new lesson to be learned and a new sensation to be perceived. 

With each bond he created, Bang Chan became that much more human, tapping into a part of himself he didn’t even know he had hidden under lock and key. 

And with each bond he created, Bang Chan’s innate need to protect and to nurture grew decimally. 

So it made him wonder, as he stared unseeingly out of the foggy window from the passenger’s seat, what awaited him now. 

What else did the universe have planned for him? For his pack? For their omega who was so close and yet seemed so far still?

What was the last twist lurking in the shadows in the epic of Bang Christopher Chan?

He wished he knew. 

God, how he wished he knew. 

And just as he felt a light tap on his shoulder, pulling him from the thoughts running unrestricted inside of his head, the car stopped. 

Hyunjin had pulled into a small turnout at the side of the freeway, and without even turning the engine off, was hurrying into the downpour outside and rushing towards the treeline just below. 

“Hyunjin, wait-!”

“Let him go.”

Changbin sputtered, managing to catch a glimpse of white fur before it disappeared behind a dense thicket of wood and sinuous branches. 

“But hyung, he-”

“He’s fine. He can handle himself. Besides, I think we’ll have to split up in order to cover more ground. We’re losing daylight, and it's still raining, which means that we’re already at a disadvantage since we won’t be able to fully rely on scent alone. Jeongin, Seungmin, scan the west side. Minho, Jisung, the east. Changbin and I will go south.”

Everyone nodded, taking directions without complaint as Chan assumed his natural role of leader. They climbed out of the van and slammed the doors shut, stretching their muscles from the journey to Daedunsan. 

“Remember what Hyunjin said. He’s freshly wounded. If you catch even the slightest scent of wolf blood you follow it, understood?”

More nods of affirmation. 

“And be careful. I know that a lot of rogue wolves occupy this forest, and most of them will probably be out of touch with their human selves. Just be mindful of where you tread, and avoid anyone as best you can, especially any tourists–though I doubt there will be many considering the weather.” He shucked off his jacket, throwing it onto the ground carelessly. “Howl if anything happens, but also…the link is always open, too, so keep everyone updated. Got it?”

“Got it, hyung.”

Chan inhaled deeply, pushing the sopping, wet mass of his hair from his eyes. 

“Any questions?”

“What do we do about the…the other alpha?”

Chan stared into Seungmin’s eyes with an expression that was fierce and adamant, lined with a vehemence that would have startled the younger if it hadn’t been a reflection of his own sentiments. 

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” It was a promise. 

There was a plethora of reactions to his admission–Minho smirked, Jisung’s eyes widened, Changbin’s jaw clenched, Seungmin scoffed, and Jeongin just swallowed. 

But not a single one of them objected. 

“Anything else?” he asked, eyes scanning over his mates. But they said nothing, and the silence was all the answer he needed. “Alright,” he said, cracking his neck, his knuckles, rolling his shoulders. 

“Let’s go find our omega.”

And then they were all running behind him as he followed the path Hyunjin had taken, and when he shifted into his wolf, felt the first touch of his paws against the muddy landscape, Chan felt an insurgence of power travel through his body. It effluxed through his veins and electrified his nerves. 

His senses became keener–his hearing, his vision, his olfaction. Everything was sharper. Smelled crisper. He could hear the slightest shift in the earth; each distant chitter or squawk, each splash of water against clusters of dead leaves. 

He jumped over a fallen tree trunk, and when he turned around, he saw his packmates divert from one another, sprinting towards their assigned regions in their striking wolf forms. He choked down his nervousness at the sight, whimpering lowly in his throat as he watched his youngest climb up a small incline and disappear into the grove. 

Stay alert, my loves. Stay safe. 

He huffed, blinking the rain from his eyes. He knew that he had to get it together, that he couldn’t let the whirlpool of emotions drowning him take control over his sense of rationality. And there was no doubt that he had faith in every single one of them. In their strength, their intelligence, their abilities. There was nothing for him to worry about. 

You too, hyung. 

He closed his eyes, relishing in the way Minho’s smooth voice poked through the sour narrative in his head. 

When he opened them, dug his paws deeper into the soft, damp ground, feeling the textures and grooves of the soil between his toes, and lifted his mighty head into the air, taking a deep lungful of air, the conviction to fulfil his promise multiplied tenfold. It spread through him like wildfire, until he swore he could almost taste the embers of his rage on his tongue.

I’m coming, sweetheart.

he thought to himself, 

We’re coming.

 

---

 

Hyunjin wasn’t sure of where he was going. He just allowed his instincts and senses to guide his movements as trees flew past him in a blurred haze, as rain slid off of his thick fur, as his claws ripped into the earth beneath his paws.

He felt dirty, felt the chill threaten to seep into the deeper layers of his coat, felt lowbound branches slap harshly against his face and long legs.

But he would not stop. 

Come hell or high water, he would not stop. 

Not until his omega was safe in his arms, and the perpetrator that tormented him for far too long dead at his feet. 

So he pushed on–through the sludge, through puddles and fallen branches; across small ravines, over rocky slopes, and down slippery gradients. 

The rain was falling harder now, and the light of day–though practically nonexistent to begin with–was descending into the duskiness of early evening. 

He found himself in the middle of a small clearing, slowly coming to a standstill as he studied the environment around him. Everything was shrouded in the scent of an earthy petrichor. Of wood and geosmin and putrid animal waste. 

But then his nose caught something peculiar. 

He froze, sniffing the air until he was certain of what he thought he was smelling. 

Blood. 

Fresh blood. 

Fresh wolf blood. 

His ears twisted back, and his eyes narrowed in the direction the scent was coming from. 

And then he was bounding towards it. Towards the faint trail that he prayed would lead him to his omega. 

The terrain was becoming more rugged, harsher against the thick pads of his paws and less predictable as he went on, deeper into the forest. 

I have a trail. 

Where? Came Chan’s immediate response. 

Northbound, towards the edge of the forest. I’ve been scent-marking trees along my path. Try to find one and follow it. 

Good work, Jinnie. Jisung. 

Please be careful, darling. If you’re close enough to establish a scent trail, the alpha can’t be too far behind.

I know, Channie. I’ll be fine. 

Don’t do anything rash, chided Minho, wait for us to get there if you get the feeling that he’s particularly violent. 

Can’t make any promises. 

Hyunjin! That was Changbin. 

You know I can’t. 

Do not be reckless, Hwang Hyunjin-

If I have an opening, I’m gonna take it. No one can stop me.

Hyunjin, I swear.

Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin! 

God damn it, Hwang Hyunjin! Answer me!

But the line went dead. Minho growled in aggravation, channelling his frustration and using it to push himself even harder . 

He compelled his body to latch onto the younger alpha’s scent, but like he said earlier, 

Daedunsan Forest was huge. 

He’d be lucky if he could find his way to any one of his mates on time. 

 

---

 

The scent was growing richer. 

Coppery, reminiscent of rust on metal. 

On any other occasion, a normal hunt or frolic in the woods, he’d be drawn to it by hunger. 

As it stands, the scent of blood now only made his stomach churn with apprehension. It was so potent, so thick and heavy the more he travelled the jagged path his nose was leading him down, that all he could think about was what he’d find at the source. 

He hoped with every fibre of his being that he was not being led into a trap. 

Or worse… 

Thankfully enough, the only consolation he had contradicted the terrifying image his panicked brain had conjured. Their omega was still alive. 

If he had died, they would have felt it. 

They would have felt it. 

And while they’ve been feeling his pain, to have felt his death would have been an indescribably excruciating experience altogether. One that they wouldn’t have been able to overcome even through the passage of time. That would leave a gaping hole in their lives for the rest of eternity. 

An unnatural end to a soulmate bond. It was something out of horror stories. Almost taboo, with the way it contradicted everything it stood for. 

But he wasn’t dead, Hyunjin had to remind himself over and over again. 

He’s not dead. 

He’s not dead. 

He’s not dead. 

It was getting darker.

He was almost there. He could feel it. 

I’m gonna save you. I swear upon my life, I’m gonna save you. 

He crouched beneath a log, squeezing his large body beneath the small space in order to get to the other side. 

When Hyunjin pushed through the web of a mossy overhang, he became keenly aware of three things all at once:

One–he had finally made it to his destination. The scent had brought him here, to this place–a large alcove hidden away by a thick sheet of rock. It was much drier in this part of the forest, the rain unable to breach the protective barrier created by the cliff, and the smell of blood was overwhelming to the point he could taste it through the air.

Two–the sight of a massive, chocolate-coloured wolf eclipsing the body of a much smaller one. With golden fur infused almost entirely with ghastly splotches of crimson, audible whimpers escaping from its throat as it struggled beneath the alpha. 

And three–the immediate realisation that the vile, disgusting creature before him was trying to mount his omega. 

His. 

Omega. 

Baring his teeth, snarling and growling as he snapped his jaw, Hyunjin saw red. 

Blinding, blazing, 

red.

Notes:

me 🤝 shitty cliffhangers

aaaaaanywho, need I say anything atp? the drill should be...uh, DRILLED? into your head by now. yeah. uh. that totally makes sense. lol

luv ya darlings! see you soon!!

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 4: Act I, Scene IV

Summary:

Little did the Bang Pack know that obtaining their omega was just the beginning.

Notes:

Hi all. I’m posting this from my phone because I wanna keep the momentum going, so it’s not much but it’s something. I started writing this but then I received news of Moonbin and sort of shut down. And I’m still trying to reboot I guess. Astro was my first kpop group, and I’ve been with them since their debut days so it’s just…it’s been unimaginably difficult. Anywho, please do enjoy. I quite like this chapter <3 much love

CW: self deprecating narratives, self-esteem issues, allusions to suicide/suicidal ideation, mentions of razor blades, violence & fighting, blood, malnourishment, losing consciousness

 

Act I, Scene IV

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

It was no secret that Hwang Hyunjin was a lover, not a fighter. 

Most would say he was soft. That he was taciturn and avoidant. And that he preferred to deal with difficult situations through diplomacy and negotiation, through waxing poetic with the aid of his honeyed voice.  

Which was true, he’d give them that. 

But then they would go on to say that he’s too pretty to entwine himself with such primitive, violent behaviour. Too fragile to handle it. Too weak. 

That’s when he began to doubt himself. 

And because of that small, seemingly innocuous seed planted into the recesses of his mind, Hyunjin’s subgender evolved into something he despised. It became the bane of his existence. The proverbial thorn in his side that had planted itself into the deepest layers of his skin. One he could see and feel the outline of, but could not remove.  

Over time, he, too, seemed to forget that he was in fact, an alpha. 

Not a beta, not an omega. 

An alpha. 

He had developed the debilitating habit of nitpicking his appearance. He was too thin, too lithe. He didn’t have rippling muscles like all of the other alphas he’d known, didn’t have that unique, demanding aura that commanded submissiveness. 

Yet he couldn’t quite be labelled as an omega, either. Male omegas were a rarity to begin with, and while he was gifted with an otherworldly beauty and a rather delicate, subdued scent, he was too tall. His shoulders too broad. And the little muscle he had gained during his time as a dancer eliminated any suspicion in regards to his alignment with an omegan subgender. 

In that way, most regarded him as a beta. The perfect balance between both. Wolven society’s peacekeepers, as it were. And when he would correct them, they would laugh. They would say that he is a liar. 

Then they would call him an attention-seeking whore and walk away, taking another piece of his crumbling self-image along with them. 

It was an agonising way of living. For seventeen long years, he grappled with accepting that he was just…different. That it was okay for him to be, and whatever cruel things were being said about him were nothing more than baseless lies fuelled by envy, jealousy, and hate. 

So it came as a surprise when one day, when he was beaten down and reduced to an emotional wreck, that an alpha with kind eyes and curly hair sat down on the bench next to him, and accompanied him as he cried. An alpha by the name of Bang Chan, who was everything that Hyunjin wished he could have been, and everything he would ever want to be. 

For a while they said nothing to one another. The stranger just sat there in a comforting silence, letting him wring out every one of his sorrows until his reservoir of tears dried out.  

“Can you open your hand for me?”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened as the colour fled from his face. 

“What?”

“Your hand,” the man repeated softly. “Can you open your fist?”

“Wh-why?”

The alpha smiled, charming dimples settling into the deep grooves of his handsome face. 

“I think you know why,” he murmured, and he sounded so kind still. Not an ounce of derision or judgement in the smooth silkiness of his voice. 

Heart in his throat and breath caught in his lungs, Hyunjin slowly unfurled his long fingers, revealing what he had hidden within.  

A small pack of disposable razor blades. 

Chan could smell the way Hyunjin’s scent spoiled and soured. Could feel the way it devolved into something so heavy and burdensome when it should have been flourishing beneath the grandeur of his existence. 

The soft bloom of his frangipani scent rotted into the earth, and Chan decided then and there that he was going to help Hyunjin replant the seeds of the flowers that had died in vain. Replant them so that they’d be more bountiful and resilient than their predecessors, more bold and loud and wild as they should have been from the start. 

The older alpha plucked it from his palm, stood to his feet, and heaved it over the railing with as much strength as he could muster. 

They both watched it disappear into the deep cerulean waters of the Han River, silent and morose. And when Chan turned back, he saw silent trails of tears make their journey down Hyunjin’s pale face. 

His nose was red. 

It was cold. 

Chan sat down again, shucking off his outer coat and laying it over the younger alpha’s shoulders, tucking it around his body. 

“You are so much more than what meets the eye,” he murmured, gentle hands ensuring that the fabric was secure about his shivering frame. 

“If you’ll allow me to, I’ll show you just how much.”

Hyunjin exhaled a wet-sounding sob, a puff of white fanning against Chan’s cheek. 

He didn’t seem to mind one bit. 

But he did lift his eyes to meet Hyunjin’s. 

Soft and brown and warm. 

And without even thinking, Hyunjin surged forward to embrace the man, whispering a reverent, grateful, 

“thank you,” against his neck. 

Chan held him so tight. So close. Even though the way he was positioned was undoubtedly uncomfortable. Even when Hyunjin seemed to have no intention of letting go. 

Just held him. 

Held him until he was sure he wouldn’t unravel once he’d let go. 

And when he did, and Hyunjin didn’t immediately fall apart, Chan brushed away the stray auburn hairs of his bangs from his forehead, and smiled. 

Hyunjin smiled back. It was small, though, a bit dull from the many years he’d spent buried beneath the weight of his pain. 

But he knew, deep inside, that that was the day he was reborn. 

Over the course of the next few months, Hyunjin’s new pack, his mates, worked tirelessly to rebuild the frayed edges that lined his poorly sewn pieces together. 

Over the course of the next few months, Hyunjin learned what it was like to be comfortable with his subgender. What it was like to embrace every quality and facet of being an alpha while staying true to himself. 

And over the course of the next few months, Hyunjin found the cascading radiance of love fill every possible crevice in his body, in his mind, and his soul. 

So when he saw his omega trapped and injured beyond measure, helpless as he whined in agony and fear, he channelled everything Chan had taught him about the innate strength that alphas carried, and brought it to the forefront of his psyche.

He felt it ripple through his body—the rage, the need to protect, the pure, unfiltered possessiveness that coloured his vision with thin branches of red, and let it guide him. 

He didn’t even know he’d started towards the other alpha, only felt the coppery tang of blood on his tongue as his teeth sank into the meat of his neck. 

Hyunjin held on, tight and fast, growling menacingly in the back of his throat as the brown wolf thrashed against him, trying in vain to claw at him with his hind legs. 

But Hyunjin was strong. Deceptively so. 

He shoved him towards the wall, forcing the thicker wolf away from his mate and to the ground. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw the omega frantically limp away. To hide, he hoped. Hyunjin could get to him as long as he was near. If he ran, that would pose another threat to the vulnerable wolf entirely. 

So caught up in his thoughts about the omega was Hyunjin, that he didn’t notice the alpha wriggle himself free from the slackened clutches of his teeth. He felt the oxygen get punched from his lungs as he took advantage of Hyunjin’s distracted state and switched their positions. 

Now he was on the dust and dirt-covered ground, the brown wolf snapping his jaw in his face. Breath thick and cloyingly disgusting. Heady and potent with the scent of rotten flesh and blood. 

Hyunjin attempted to maintain as much distance between the other alpha as he could, but he was quickly realising that his strength was waning. 

All of those sleepless nights, all of those skipped meals…

It was all catching up to him now. Fatigue replacing the fury that burned through his body with an agonising sear. 

Please, hurry. 

I’m on my way, my love. I’m almost there. 

He’s strong, Channie. He’s really strong. I can’t…

Just hang on for a few more minutes, darling . You can do it. 

Hyunjin grit his teeth, using all of the strength in his legs to keep the wolf at bay. Scratching at his face, kicking at his stomach. He was doing everything he could. 

He shut his eyes, took a deep breath. 

I can do it.

And then with a mighty push he was rolling from beneath the other alpha’s body, running to the other side of the cavern and assuming an attack position—front bent low to the ground and eyes narrowed, zeroed in on his target. 

The other wolf snarled at him, unappeased with the turn of events. 

They mirrored each other, circling one another. Taunting. Instigating. Waiting for the right moment to strike again. 

But the brown wolf was injured. Hyunjin had done a number on him during their short altercation. Blood was seeping into his scruff, some of it dripping slowly onto the ground. His face and flanks were scratched grotesquely, legs missing chunks of fur. 

Hyunjin wasn’t hurt, thankfully enough. But losing stamina was a death sentence in the face of an inexhaustible wolf. 

He prayed to every higher being in existence that his mates were close. 

His best bet for now, as it stands, was to stall him until they did. 

So he continued his game. Egged the other alpha on with false attacks. Bared his teeth and growled loudly to establish the upper hand that he knew he had, despite his fading endurance. 

But it appeared that his opponent had reached his limit. He charged forward, barking at the white wolf with an unbridled ferocity. 

Hyunjin panicked, driven by an unknown fear. He took a few steps back, felt his conviction waver and crack ever so slightly.  

He was scared. 

This alpha was feral. He was rabid. And there was very little behind his eyes that belied his humanity. He was driven purely by animalistic instinct and primal impulses. 

Hyunjin whined, lowering his head, giving in to a baseless submission that he should not have been experiencing. 

But just as he felt the hot breath of the brown wolf fan across his face, his vision was eclipsed by a gargantuan blur of black. His ears were filled with the familiar timbre of his alpha’s growl. And his nose discerned the soothing tones of his alpha’s scent. 

He inhaled a breath of relief, willing away the fog of submissiveness that clouded his brain. 

But he felt strange. He felt powerless in his own body. He slumped onto the ground, giving into the weakness if only for a moment, because a moment was all he needed. 

The next thing he knew, the rest of his packmates were filtering into the rocky cavern. Huge forms in shades of grey and auburn and tan standing tall by his side. 

A smaller wolf, fur a brilliant auburn with defined masking on its face approached Hyunjin. Nuzzled against his cheek and licked at the small drops of blood on his snout. 

Are you okay? 

Hyunjin lifted his massive head, licking the other wolf in return. 

I’m okay, Sungie. I just n-need a second. 

Jisung butted his head against Hyunjin’s, releasing all of the calming pheromones he could spare. 

Behind them, there was chaos and bloodshed. The alphas had gathered around the rogue, cornering him. Gnashing their teeth and clawing at the ground. 

Need to find…omega. 

Jisung tilted his head to the side, inquisitive, yet remained silent. 

Hyunjin stood to his feet, teetering slightly. But he shook it away. Shook the unsteadiness and fog and everything undesirable from him like an unwanted tick. 

Stay here. 

Jisung nodded. 

He glanced towards the wolves. Saw Chan, great and imposing, standing directly in front of the rogue alpha. He was flanked on either side by Minho and Jeongin; Changbin situated between them, an anchor that ensured mental clarity and level headedness. 

Feeling secure now that the alpha was in the capable paws of his mates, he ran towards the small gap between large sheets of rock, where he’d seen the omega disappear into. 

Hyunjin followed the scent of his blood, not as fresh anymore. Coagulated and oxidised as it dried along the wounds scattered about his body. 

He leaped into the mouth of its opening, squinting against the darkness, scrunching his nose at the harsh scent of damp earth. 

He pushed his body into the small crevasse, feeling the panic in his heart grow deeper when there was no sign of the omega. 

He could smell him, and he could picture him in his mind’s eye. 

But he could not see him. 

And that’s what frightened him. 

So he ploughed on, refusing to give up. Not when he was right there. Not when he could see small tufts of gold fur peeking from behind a jutting boulder. 

He went still. 

His heart was hammering in his chest. 

…Felix?

He didn’t immediately receive a response; had to fight against a pitiful whine when it remained as silent as ever. 

Hyunjin stepped closer, making sure to keep his footfalls light and soundless while he released small waves of pheromones to soothe the distressed wolf. 

Felix? He asked again. Darling, I’m here. It’s me. 

He held his breath. 

And then, a small voice. 

H-Hyunjin?

Yes! Yes, my love. It’s me. It’s Hyunjin. 

When he rounded the corner, he was assaulted with the sight of his broken and battered mate. Cuts, scrapes, and bruises adorning nearly every visible inch of skin where his fur was worn sparse. 

He was shivering and thin, Hyunjin could see the outlines of his ribcage and hipbones, the line of his spine. 

His heart broke in an instant. 

You found me.  

The golden wolf cried out, the sound impossibly sad, yet relieved. 

Yes, he assured. 

I found you. 

Then, 

I swore I would, remember?

Hyunjin approached him gently, aware of the fact that while Felix was exhausted beyond measure, his brain was still wired to be on high alert. Any small misstep could result in a catastrophic domino effect of triggers that could set him off. And he wanted to prevent that from happening, wanted to prevent anything even remotely harmful from occurring ever again. 

When he was close enough to where he could feel the constant spasming of Felix’s muscles, he saw that the omega had pushed himself as far against the wall as he could. He had his tail curled protectively around his legs, head tucked close to the shadows, ears flat against his skull. 

He was trying to make himself as small as possible, even when there was no way in hell he could possibly get any smaller than he already was. 

In an attempt to get the frightened wolf to trust him, he flattened his body so that he was even lower on the ground than the omega. Head bowed and features laced with a serene calmness. 

From here, he allowed Felix to take control. To move as he pleased and test the waters at his own pace. And Hyunjin, ever so patient, ever so deeply enamoured by the creature before him, laid in wait. 

Hyunjin had to remind himself to breathe when Felix detached himself from his hiding spot and slowly limped towards him. 

He ran his nose along Hyunjin’s snout, towards his ears and then to his neck and throat, inhaling deeply as he went. As if he was seeking confirmation for some fact. 

And perhaps he was. Perhaps he was making certain that Hyunjin was who he claimed to be. 

The alpha was further taken by surprise when Felix then began rubbing his cheeks along his own, infusing their scents into one. 

Are you real?

Hyunjin nodded vehemently. 

Of course I’m real, little one. 

He nuzzled back against Felix’s unsure ministrations. 

We all are. 

The omega pulled away from him at his admission, eyes wide and mouth parted slightly. 

All?

Hyunjin licked over the span of Felix’s forehead, smoothing down the fur. 

Yes, darling. All. We all came to bring you home.

H-home? asked the omega, disbelief apparent in his tone.  

Home. 

Felix said nothing to that, and Hyunjin could sense that there was something terribly wrong when the golden wolf’s eyes glazed over. He began clambering to his feet, but before he even had the chance to voice his concerns, the omega fell in a lifeless heap before him. 

Hyunjin whined, circling around his body and prodding at his pulse points. 

It was there but so, very faint. 

He had to get him to the van and home fast. 

So he manoeuvred himself beneath the omega, pushing his head beneath Felix’s and using it to coax his body to lay over his back.  

The wolf was a dead, practically weightless weight along his spine, unmoving and entirely malleable. 

Hyunjin stood to his full height, ensured that Felix was safe and secure, and began his climb out. He didn’t want to jostle him around too much, even if he was unconscious. Because he couldn’t bear the thought of being the one to further hurt the omega after everything he’d already survived through. 

So he moved quickly and swiftly until he made it out into the clearing, where he was instantly swarmed by a few members of his pack: Jeongin, Seungmin, and Jisung. Fresh blood coating their snouts, eyes glowing. 

Alarm bells rang clear in his head. 

What about the alpha-!

We’ve got him handled, Jinnie, see for yourself. 

And sure enough, when Hyunjin swerved his head in the direction he’d last seen the rogue, all he saw was Chan hunched over the form of a barely conscious wolf. Minho and Changbin watching on from a short distance away. 

The three wolves quickly surrounded him and Felix, sniffing around and analysing their unconscious mate. 

Oh, my god. 

He looks terrible. 

I’m gonna rip that alpha to shreds. 

Numerous overlapping voices filled Hyunjin’s head, and he growled in warning at the younger wolves around him to quiet down. 

They submitted easily to the elder alpha, heads bowed low as they took a few steps back from the two wolves. 

We need to leave. Now. He’s barely holding on. 

A lean, silvery wolf approached their small circle. He was accompanied by a thicker-muscled tawny one. 

Minho and Changbin. 

Agreed, spoke Minho. Night is settling, too. The darker it gets the more dangerous it will become for us. 

The wolves huffed in agreement. 

His scent alone will draw even more wolves to him, so get him to the van as fast as you can. 

Understood, hyung. 

What about…what about Channie hyung? Asked Jeongin. He sounded uncertain. Almost afraid. 

They all looked back at their alpha. He hadn’t moved an inch, but they could hear the throaty growl he directed towards the beaten wolf at his feet. 

He turned towards them, eyes lit a bright, shimmering gold. 

You all go on. There’s something I need to deal with first. 

But-

But nothing. Go. I’ll meet you at the van. 

They all exchanged concerned gazes with one another, reluctance and hesitation clear in their eyes. 

What are you gonna do, hyung? Seungmin braved to question. 

Chan’s eyes flickered. 

He touched what’s mine. What’s ours. 

They all stared at him. Then to the brown wolf that pawed weakly at the ground beneath him. 

After I’m done with him, he’ll wish he never did.  

Notes:

Hope you liked this chapter!!!

And as always, let me know if you liked it <3

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 5: Act I, Scene V

Summary:

Chan makes good of his promise to always protect his mates.

Notes:

Hello.

Thank you so, so much for your continued support. I personally feel like the story is plateauing but I'm not gonna give up on it so with that being said, here is chapter five!

Just an FYI: all wolves can communicate telepathically with each other, but bonded mates/packs have their own sort of...personal link that is unique only to them. Just in case you find yourself wondering how that works, I thought I'd let you know beforehand!

Enjoy <3

 

CW: body descriptions (pertaining to malnutrition and emaciation), possessive behaviour, mentions of forced bonding, demeaning dialogue, blood, death

 

Act I, Scene V

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

Felix. 

The name came like a whisper. A secret, confidential and private, spoken into his ear with a gentle caress. 

He’d never heard those specific syllables and consonants blend together in such a manner. Never heard them, never read them anywhere, either. They were, for lack of a better term, an anomaly, for South Korea was fundamentally a racially isolated country.

Foreigners were, much to his chagrin, something they had very little knowledge of. 

Of course, there was the fair share of tourists and visitors, as well as a considerable population of foreign exchange students and teachers and professionals that resided in the country. But for the Bang Pack, interactions with such people were limited. Not only because of their solitary existence in the countryside, but also because of the fact that Chan had an incredibly difficult time trusting anyone around his mates. Let alone strangers from distant lands. 

However, years ago, in his university days, Hyunjin had many remarkable experiences with students from all over the world. 

He’d met all kinds of people, from all kinds of places. Learned of their stories and lives with rapt interest and soaked them in like a sponge. 

But even then, it was not enough to abate the curiosity within. He wanted to know more. He wanted to immerse himself in all of the earth’s flavours and textures. He wanted it all. Even when he struggled with the language barriers, even when the culture shocks left him gasping in stupefaction. 

So naturally, the obstacles he faced only made him crave it all the more; and that led to countless sleepless nights studying the innumerable intricacies of the English language, grappling with Italian pronunciations, and growing frustrated with French and its many unnecessary letters. And with each milestone reached, each lesson learned and ounce of knowledge obtained, Hyunjin became even more enthralled with the people it all pertained to. Became even more fascinated by his peers and acquaintances, and eventually became something of a campus celebrity with the amount of connections he’d made. 

His horizons had broadened to immeasurable lengths. 

And even then, even then, he’d never met a Felix. 

Not in his life. Not in a fictional one, either.  

So where the name came from, he was not sure. How his mind conjured it, he wouldn’t know. All he could explain was that in the moment between smelling his omega’s blood in the air and seeing him with his own two eyes, the pieces that seemed placeless in the puzzle of his life finally slotted together. 

Felix.  

His omega’s name. 

Their omega’s name. 

How perfect it was. How fitting. 

Felix, for a wolf of golden fur and emerald green eyes. 

Felix, whose very name meant good luck and prosperity. 

Felix, who was even more beautiful in his human form than Hyunjin could have ever fathomed. 

He stared down at him, mesmerised. 

Freckles. 

He has freckles. 

Everywhere. All over his gorgeous face that was marred with bruises and cuts and dried flakes of blood. From the moment he’d gotten to the van, his gaze remained fixed on the omega. On Felix. Their omega, Felix. Their omega. Theirs. 

His. 

It broke Hyunjin’s heart. It broke his heart to see him like this, to see his beauty lined with the consequences of the unimaginable horrors he’d been subject to. It broke further when he remembered how Felix’s body was no longer able to maintain its wolf form. So devoid of energy was he, lifeless in all ways one could be without reaching the point of death, that the last vestige of energy he had was used to bring forth the subconscious shift in order to ensure his survival. When he fizzled back into his worn human, naked and trembling as he remained unconscious, Hyunjin didn’t even feel the transformation. He ushered the both of them into the safety of the vehicle, prepared to lay the unconscious wolf in the trunk so that he would not be confined to the small space of a seat. Yet when he looked down, the gasp that was drawn from his lungs had alerted the rest of the pack. 

He was so small, so small and frail, swathed in the thick blankets Hyunjin had wrapped him in to protect against the cold. Yet to Hyunjin, it felt like carrying nothing more than a bundle of fabric, and the alpha was forced to bear the knowledge that the omega was in worse condition than he’d initially believed. He was painfully thin. Gaunt cheeks, hauntingly pronounced ribcage, sternum, and clavicles. Bony knees. Defined vertebrae, scapulae. Everything. 

When they drew nearer to them, sniffing eagerly and desperate for even the slightest glimpse of the omega, the possessive beast within Hyunjin growled at anyone that came too close to where Felix was huddled against his chest. 

He merely pulled him closer to himself, shielding the blond from prying eyes. 

The rational part of Hyunjin’s brain knew that his display of dominance was unwarranted—that this was his pack and these were his mates—but his animalistic hindbrain was driven by a single, unshakable purpose:

To protect his omega. 

And seeing as Minho and Jeongin–both alpha members of their pack–were present, it only forced him to retreat further into his primal headspace. 

So he shoved himself in the very back of the van; Felix secure in the circle of his arms as he ran his nose along his hairline, whispering unintelligible words of affection against the pale skin there. He’d throw the occasional glare and subdued growl to anyone who came near them, but his wolf was relieved when they left him to his devices. 

He saw Minho lay a placating hand on Jeongin’s shoulder, looking just as forlorn as he felt. Saw Jisung avert his downtrodden gaze when their eyes met. And while guilt threatened the edges of his conscience, he could not bring himself to relent. 

Thankfully, his pack was understanding. They knew that Hyunjin’s attachment to the omega was much more complex than he’d let on, and they’d even prepared themselves beforehand in case Hyunjin’s alpha would retaliate against any of their advances, no matter how innocent they were. 

Still, they all wanted to see their omega. So while they understood the roots of Hyunjin’s behaviour, it stung nonetheless when they couldn’t even approach Felix without the threat of bodily harm. 

The few solaces they had until the alpha yielded was the certainty that their omega was finally where he belonged. Safe. With them. His life force thrumming weakly in the threads of their bond that was stitching itself to completion at last. Weak, but absolute. 

Much like the atmosphere in the van. The quiet tension was strangely…comfortable, as they all sat in silence, radiating calming pheromones and listening to the rain while it continued to thump heavily against the roof and windows. 

Hyunjin pressed his face into the side of Felix’s head, desperate in his search for a scent. But beneath the layer of grime and blood, it was nearly impossible to find one. 

He sighed, willed away the tears of frustration and anguish that stung his irises. 

Chan. 

He had to wait for Chan, because he was certain that the pack alpha was the only one he could trust with something as delicate as this. Because he knew that his alpha would be the only one who could help him the way he needed to be helped right now.

He just had to wait for Chan, and then everything would be okay. 

It would all be okay. 

 

---

 

Talk. 

The brown wolf shifted against the dirt, his sinister laugh reverberating through Chan’s mind as he stood clumsily to his feet. 

I’ve nothing to say to you, alpha, he mocked, voice gravelly and deep. 

Chan snarled at him, baring his teeth. 

I’m going to kill you either way, he said, tone laden with a thinly veiled contempt. Tell me what I need to know before I do. 

Hah, scoffed the other, I’d like to see you try. 

Don’t test me. 

Why not? Won’t you allow me the privilege of seeing what the great Bang Chan has to offer?

Chan hesitated, blinking slowly at the other wolf, eyes narrowed and glinting with murderous intent. How the fuck do you know who I am?

Everyone knows who you are, replied simply the brown wolf. 

Explain yourself, grit Chan in response, barely restraining the waves of rage that swept through his body. 

The rogue alpha began circling Chan, haughtily trotting around him as if he weren’t pathetically limping with each step. As if he weren’t completely at the mercy of the obsidian wolf that watched his every move with piercing gold eyes. 

That omega you’ve claimed as yours…began the rogue, slowing his trot into a predatory stalk as he continued to circle Chan. 

…is my betrothed. 

Chan whipped around to face the other alpha, digging his claws deeper into the earth beneath him, frantic in his desire to harm the offending alpha even more than he already had. 

Liar, he seethed. 

The brown wolf came to a stop, tilting his head in a silent taunt as his cruel laughter filled Chan’s head again. And why would I lie about that? 

I have no reason to believe a wolf who would force himself on an unwilling partner. 

A scoff. Such is my right. He was promised to me. He is mine.

He does not belong to you. He is not an object. 

All omegas are. 

Chan was getting dangerously close to ripping the wolf’s throat out. 

Nonetheless, he continued breathily, nonchalant as if he was discussing the weather and not the blatant dehumanisation of a living person. The little minx managed to slip away from me on the night of our mating ceremony. 

So I hunted him, naturally. Couldn’t let him off that easily, you see. Not when he dared to dream of other wolves in my presence. Not when he cried out the names of other alphas. He called for a…Hyunjin, the most. Minho, Jeongin…and of course…

…Bang Chan, he spat the name with disgust, snout scrunched to reveal ugly, discoloured teeth. 

Chan felt a sliver of panic seize his heart at the mention of his mates. And more for the revelation that brought to light the tangible peril their omega had faced when he’d been forced into a bond he did not consent to. 

You tormented him, snarled Chan, haunted his every step, for far too long. 

Mm, hummed the brown wolf, well, between you and me, that’s what makes it fun. If you’ve never experienced the thrill of hunting an omega, I implore you to seek it soon. There’s nothing quite like it, especially when the omega is as gorgeous as Felix. And oh, is he gorgeous. A rare beauty in both forms.

Though I will admit that he’s most beautiful when he begs and cries…when he bleeds and whimpers and whines like a bitch in heat. 

Chan could bear it no longer. He couldn’t just stand here, allowing such a sorry excuse of a wolf to continue his disgusting, derogatory monologue. Couldn’t just allow him to continue spewing such terrible things about his precious omega. He charged towards the alpha, barking like a rabid dog until he felt his mouth close around his neck.

He threw the alpha to the ground, relishing in the grunt of pain he made upon impact, in the telltale crack of a bone. 

But he didn’t even allow the brown alpha a moment to collect himself, pouncing on top of him, pressing him deeper and deeper into the ground. He didn’t stop, even as he felt all sense of rationality slip from the binds of his composure. He didn’t stop, even as he heard more and more bones splinter beneath the weight of his unforgiving strength. 

Ah, there he is! exclaimed the wolf, voice encumbered by unrepressed joy. Come on, you can do better than that!

Chan’s eyes bled into a deep crimson as he let the full vigour of his wolf take over. 

Show me just how powerful the last remaining member of Clan Bang is…

Chan swiped a mighty paw at the alpha’s face, watching as blood immediately filled the large gashes left in the wake of his razor-sharp claws. 

And maybe, coughed the wolf, just maybe, I’ll forgive you for stealing m-my omega. 

He’s mine. 

Oh? Is that so? I thought…I thought he was not an object. 

He is not.

Then what is this, pack alpha? 

Chan stared at him, their gazes clashing with one another as he measured the wolf with a nigh palpable resentment glowing bright in the depths of his eyes. 

He lifted his head, drawing away from the wolf ever so slightly as he pressed a paw into the centre of his chest.

Your reckoning. 

The other wolf’s eyes widened, a flicker of fear sparking through his black irises. 

He is my mate, whispered Chan with a deadly hiss.

Mine. My own. Ordained to me and my pack by the heavenly Moon Goddess herself. A connection that neither you nor your forced bond could ever hope to overshadow or dispel. 

The wolf swallowed thickly, blood seeping over the bridge of his snout from his wounds. 

You wanted to see the power of the last member of Clan Bang?

Chan forced his claws into the cavity of the alpha’s chest as he lowered his head once more, opening his jaw to slot around his throat. 

Then let it be the last thing you ever do. 

 

---

 

The entire pack felt the exact moment Chan breached the edge of the forest. 

They could see his wolf, as grand and fearsome as ever, sprint towards them, and scrambled to open the door for their alpha as he shifted back into his human mid-run. 

By the time he reached the van, he was panting, soaked to the bone in rainwater and covered in mud. 

If anyone took notice of the blood coating his chin and trailing down his chest in a garish contrast against his milky skin, they said nothing. They simply ushered him into the warmth of the car and handed him a change of clothes after Seungmin wiped as much filth from his body as he could. 

But Chan could care less about the state of his appearance. 

All he cared about was the omega in Hyunjin’s arms. 

He pushed his way towards him, reaching hesitant hands towards the heap of blankets containing Felix. 

His eyes flickered towards Hyunjin’s, and he could feel the way the rest of the pack watched on with bated breath. They didn’t know what to expect would occur between the two alphas. 

Yet Hyunjin’s crystalline eyes were soft as he nodded at Chan, soundlessly relinquishing his death-grip on the omega and surrendering him to the pack alpha. 

Chan gasped breathlessly as he gently hoisted the bundle into his arms and Felix’s face came into view. The surge of emotions swelling within his chest overwhelmed him, and he fell into the empty space next to Hyunjin while his eyes remained glued to his freckled mate. 

How beautiful…

He moved some of the hair from his forehead, the long, blond strands clinging onto his clammy skin. 

Felix…

When he looked up, his tear-filled eyes met Hyunjin’s, and they held each other’s gazes until he went on to look upon the rest of his mates, absently performing a headcount and quick look-over to make sure no one was injured. 

He was unsurprised to see that they appeared to be in a similar emotional state as he was. 

But there they were. 

The Bang Pack. Complete and fulfilled. 

He couldn’t believe it. 

He couldn’t believe it.

The smile on his face was tired and careworn, but the love in his heart was robust and unmitigated. 

He felt a tear slip down his cheek just as Minho nodded at him and turned back in his seat. 

He drove them away from the forest. 

From that terrible wolf that was now scattered across its floor. 

From the horrors encapsulated within its wooded thickets. 

He took them away from all of that, and led them to their home. 

Their home. 

Felix’s home.

Notes:

Thus concludes Act I!!

confused? don’t worry, I promise it will all come together :) see you next week!

let me know if you liked it <3 luv you

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 6: Act II, Scene I

Summary:

The plot thickens.

Notes:

hi hi hi!

so, very sorry for the late update. I decided to completely redo my room, so I've been...distracted.

eheh, anywho! happy reading my lovely darlings <3 thank you so much for everything you guys do

 

CW: branding, (non-graphic) mentions of vomiting

 

Act II, Scene I

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

“Here, take him to my room. I’ll be right there.”

“Please, don’t take too long, I need you-”

“Can I help?”

Jisung’s small voice penetrated the little bubble surrounding Chan and Hyunjin, drawing them from their conversation with how meek he sounded. They gazed at him expectantly, feeling twinges of remorse tinge  the corners of their conscience as he stood there, picking at a hangnail. 

“What was that, Hannie?”

The beta swallowed, lifting his uncertain gaze to the two alphas. 

“Um, can I…can I help? I can draw his bath or-or put together a nest for him or, I-I…” he bit his lip, brows drawing together. “...I just want to do something, anything. I won’t lay a hand on him since I know you two have your weir-uh, your alpha thing, but I just–I want to help him, too. He’s my mate as much as he is yours, you know.”

The hardness around Chan’s eyes softened as he reached towards Jisung, cupping his face and running his thumb over the plush of his cheek. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I know that. We know that,” he assured, glancing at Hyunjin. “And of course you can help. How about you go upstairs with Jinnie and help him give Felix a bath, yeah?”

Brightening up, Jisung nodded animatedly as Chan pressed a kiss to his forehead. When he pulled away, the beta all but ran to Hyunjin, and helped to guide the alpha up the stairs as he carried the bundle of Felix in his arms. 

Chan watched them ascend the stairs until they disappeared, and only then did he release the deep sigh that was lodged in his chest. He pushed his hair from his face. Rubbed his forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache take root at the forefront of his brain, before shaking it away and beginning the small trek towards the living room. 

There, he was met with the sight of Seungmin rubbing antiseptic on Changbin’s elbow, Minho assembling some sort of care package (Chan assumed that it was for Felix), and Jeongin sitting on the couch, staring blankly at his hands. 

“Everyone okay?” he asked softly. 

A quiet wave of noncommittal noises answered him; Minho continued on with his task and Jeongin seemed not to have heard him, so Chan directed his attention towards the elder beta. 

“Bin? All good? What happened?”

Changbin merely shrugged, watching intently as Seungmin unwrapped a large bandaid and placed it gingerly onto his sterilised wound. “Damn rogue pushed me when I tried to hold him down so I got a bit of a friction burn. It’s no big deal, though. Right, Seungmin-ah?” he elbowed the younger with his uninjured arm, eliciting a glare from the other beta as he put away his supplies. “Nothing our brilliant little doctor can’t handle.”

“Lucky me,” drawled the brunet, closing the lid of the first aid kit and setting it aside.

“Yah, Kim Seungmin, what is that supposed to mean?”

“Make a wild guess.”

“Kids these days,” huffed Changbin, turning towards Chan, “so disrespectful. Right, hyung?”

With a fond smile tugging at one corner of his mouth, Chan nodded his head. “Oh yes,” he said, “they really are.”

“See? Even hyung agrees with me.”

“Hyung is an old man. You both are.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, I can get behind calling Chan hyung an old man, because he is, but me? Me? The Seo Changbin? Did you get kicked in the head?”

Seungmin threw the bandage wrappers at him. 

Exhaling a light laugh, Chan crossed his arms over his chest, feeling a keen sense of relief wash over him after seeing that his mates were partaking in their usual banter. They continued on, though he let their conversation fizzle into a soundless blur around him, feeling the warmth that broke through the ice around his heart go cold as Seungmin’s irritation and Changbin’s aggrieved whines faded to noiselessness. 

Not because of them, exactly. No. He was glad that they could easily fall back into their dynamic. But rather, because of the fact that there was something in the air that was inherently off. It was kind of strained, kind of uncomfortable. The telltale sourness of stress and disarrayed nerves polluted the air, even if there was no outward indication of any of it. 

But Chan knew better. 

Nothing was normal. Nothing was usual. 

And it never would be again. At least, for a little while. Until they figured out what to do, until Felix regained consciousness and could tell them, with his own words, exactly what had transpired. That is…if he even could.

Chan felt it again. That abysmal pit in his stomach that was unendingly vast, that seemed only to grow in depth with each reminder of what Felix had gone through. There was a more than probable chance that Felix would want to avoid discussing the severity of his experiences entirely. And no one could blame him. Chan himself had a painful understanding of the effects trauma had on the mind, and the last thing he wanted was to trigger the omega into fearing them, too. 

Or worse.

He forced himself out of his head, blinking away the thoughts that plagued him. While doing so, he made his way towards the sofa, towards Jeongin, who still seemed to be suspended in a numb, lifeless stupor. He sat down, staring at the youngests’ profile, concern trickling through his body with tiny, needle-like pinpricks. 

“Innie? Sweetheart?”

“Is he okay?”

Chan sighed, patting Jeongin’s knee. “He is now,” he replied quietly. 

“When can I see him?”

“Soon, I promise.”

When Jeongin turned his gaze towards him, there was a glassiness to his eyes, anguish all over his face. 

“How soon?”

Chan squeezed his knee, running his thumb over the fabric stretched over the bone in soothing circles, gaze earnest and sincere. “Soon, my love. I’ll take you to him myself.”

“I want to see him now. Please, hyung, let me see him.”

Chan’s brows furrowed together as he sighed, slotting his hands on either side of Jeongin’s neck. “Innie. You have my word that you’ll see him. Hyunjin and Jisung are gonna clean him up, and then we’re gonna send Seungmin to patch his wounds, run some tests and diagnostics, give him some medicine if he needs it, and then we’re gonna let him rest until he’s recovered. But I swear to you that you’ll see him. I’ll make sure of it.” 

Jeongin swallowed thickly, eyes swimming with shimmery tears that he had a painstaking control over. Chan brought his head down, their foreheads meeting in the middle. 

Then, a breathy, frightened whisper of “Hyunjin hyung hates us.”

“What? No. No, that’s not true. Why do you think that?” Asked Chan, pulling away from the younger alpha. 

“He wouldn’t let us get near him. I still don’t even know what he looks like.”

Chan exhaled a deep breath, shaking his head as he tucked a piece of hair behind Jeongin’s ear. “He doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t hate any of you. Innie…”

Jeongin sniffled, lowering his gaze. 

“Let me tell you something. About us. About alphas.”

The pink-haired boy looked back into his eyes, curiosity gleaming between his dark irises as he loosely clasped his large hands around Chan’s wrists. 

“I’m sure you already know this by now, but as alphas, we…have a stronger connection to our wolves. It goes deeper, branches further, than the relationships betas and omegas have with theirs. That doesn’t mean that we’re superior or…more capable of being wolves–quite the opposite, in fact. What it does is help maintain balance between the subgenders. We all have a role to play; alphas are the leaders, the protectors, betas are the peacekeepers, the ones who bridge the gap, and omegas…omegas are probably the best of us all. They’re the reason we can survive in society. The reason wolfkind even exists. 

But the thing about alphas, Iyen-ah, is that with that connection comes the hefty burden of responsibility. Because we are more connected to the primal part of ourselves, sometimes it becomes hard to keep a reign over our emotions. Sometimes it becomes hard to differentiate friend from foe. Even something as simple as sorrow can become debilitating agony. And something like admiration can become…obsession. Anger can become deadly. 

As it stands, that means that our attachments with our mates are inexplicably powerful. When there’s the threat of harm, of danger, or turmoil; when our mates are hurt, be it emotionally or physically, our wolves dial in to every instinctual impulse they have. All in the name of protection and preservation.

It can become overwhelming very quickly, especially if you don’t train yourself to keep a hold over your beast. You can turn out like that…that rogue, that relished in harming not only our omega but many others as well. Yet with the proper guidance, with the proper training, any wolf can be tamed.”

He gently massaged the tense muscles of Jeongin’s neck, urging him to relax even if it was a miniscule amount. “Well,” he murmured, though his voice was airy and weightless, nearly fond, “more or less.”

Jeongin seemed pensive and somewhat…unconvinced.

“When it comes to Hyunjin, he…he’s always been more in tune with his emotions than the rest of us, and that makes him extremely vulnerable to falling into these kinds of headspaces. Plus he’s always been our fiercest protector, to the point where even my efforts pale in comparison to his sometimes. So that only gives me reason to believe that that’s why his bond with Felix began to fester much earlier than any of ours did. And why he was behaving so possessively after he found him.”

He sighed, imploring the younger to meet his eyes with a gentle nudge along his chin. He needed him to see how much he meant his next words. 

“You are young, darling. You haven’t been an alpha for long. I promise, the more you grow, the more it will all make sense. And no matter what, we will always be there to help you when you need it.” The first, traitorous tear that was weak enough to betray Jeongin’s defences slipped down his cheek. “Trust me, I know how hard it can be. Your emotions are all over the place, your sense of self scattered like confetti. You don’t believe that what you’re doing is enough. But never forget,” he whispered, kissing the tip of Jeongin’s nose. “Never forget that to us, you are. You are enough.”

“Hyung…” 

“I love you, Iyen-ah. So much.”

He nodded, sniffling, tightening his grip around Chan’s wrists. “I love you, too.”

Chan smiled, and Jeongin pulled away, wiping the beads of moisture from his eyes with as much stealth as was unnecessary. 

“Yah Yang Jeongin-ssi! We love you too!” 

The subdued affection on Jeongin’s face quickly fizzled into red-cheeked embarrassment as their eldest beta’s voice boomed across the room. 

“Say it back!”

“Okay, okay, yes, hyung, I love you, I love everyone. Everyone loves everyone, we all just love each other!”

“Aw, I’m gonna cry…my precious little baby, come here. Come to hyungie.”

And then Changbin was jumping onto the couch, drawing the youngest into a headlock so that he could ruffle his hair with his free arm, completely uncaring of his complaints and shouts of protest. 

Chan took that as his cue to leave, chuckling quietly to himself, and strode purposefully towards his next target.

Minho. 

Minho, who, while not uncharacteristically quiet, was perhaps a bit…too quiet. 

Minho, who was bustling furiously with the contents of the basket sitting on the counter. Snacks, medicines, energy drinks, first aid. Just about anything, just about everything. He’d add things, then he’d reconsider his choices, ponder and debate a storm in that brilliant mind of his. Then he’d put them back, only to remove everything entirely and replace it all in a different order. 

“What…are you doing?”

“It’s not right.”

“What’s not right?”

“Any of it.”

“It’s fine, love. You’re overthinking.”

Minho groaned loudly, the sound riddled with both disappointment and dissatisfaction, before he frustratedly pushed the offending basket aside. 

“It needs to be perfect. I need it to be perfect. For him.”

“Min…”

“No, hyung. I don’t wanna hear it. If it isn’t perfect then what the fuck am I doing?”

Chan grabbed his elbow, forcing him to meet his eyes as he measured the younger with a glare, opposition adorning his handsome features. This entire situation was upsetting. It was upsetting Minho, it was upsetting Hyunjin and Jisung and Jeongin and Changbin and Seungmin. Chan was upset, too. And it only escalated as he spoke with the second eldest. Though in his opinion, it was entirely warranted–as he was wholly intolerable of the self-deprecatory connotations prevalent in Minho’s words. 

“Where is this coming from?” he inquired, brows drawing together, eyes searching through the walls barring him from gauging the extent of Minho’s emotional turmoil.

He’d always been infuriatingly good at this. At suppressing his emotions until they seemed not to exist. He’d build a mental wall, fortify it through a callously indifferent gaze, and project the image of the most stoic, most unperturbed being in existence. It was one of the many barriers that prevented Chan from getting close to the younger alpha after they’d started courting. The reason why it took Minho the longest to open up to him even after they did.

He sighed, flexing his hand, tightening his hold around Minho’s arm, feeling the keen sting of dismay puncture its way through his unshakeable mentality. “Stop it. Please, Minho. Stop hiding from me. We’ve talked about this.”

Minho pulled away, leaning over the counter, palms flush against the cold marble. Yet Chan noticed the ways in which the foundations of his wall began to fracture. 

“I just…it’s all a mess, isn’t it? A big fucking pile of shit.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“It’s not right. Any of it”

Ah. So that’s what he meant. 

“No, it isn’t.”

Minho squeezed his eyes shut, fingers curling into fists that shook in place, that whitened the edges of his knuckles and emphasised the veins running along his skin. “I wish you’d let me stay with you,” he murmured under his breath. Almost accusatory. Almost scathing. “I would have made him suffer for everything he’s done.”

Chan laid a hand over his shoulder, curling it around the taut muscle. “Believe me,” he answered in return, barely above the sound of a whisper, “he did.”

The younger alpha clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “No. No punishment could ever be enough. We should have brought him back and thrown him in the basement. Starved him and beat him until he begged for mercy, only to set him free and hunt him down for sport. Just like he had done with Felix. With our omega. Our omega, hyung.”

Chan’s eyes widened. “Do you hear what you’re saying, Minho?” he whisper-shouted. “This isn’t like you. Doing something like that would make us no better than him. You know that. I know you do.” He slipped his hand off of Minho’s shoulder, felt his fingers twitch with the sudden loss of contact. The lack of heat.

Minho said nothing, but Chan knew he struck a chord by the way he clenched his jaw in silent indignation, eyes focusing on the sight of Jeongin massaging Changbin’s shoulders while the beta sat at his feet, in between his legs. Seungmin had slipped away, disappearing somewhere in the manor while they were all occupied. Probably to get his medical bag so that he could check on Felix right after he was done with his bath. 

“He tried to hurt Hyunjin, too.”

Chan nodded, following Minho’s gaze to survey the same spectacle of domesticity before them. “I know,” he murmured, “and I swear he paid for it, my love. I swear.”

Minho seemed finally to be at ease, somewhat. The foul tones of his aggravation receding into a neutral aroma. He didn’t say anything else, not for a while. 

Once he felt that the ferocity of Minho’s ire and frustrations had somewhat dissipated, the pack alpha decided to breach the quiet. 

“There’s something I wanted to talk with you about,” he began, licking his lips and running his tongue over the dry skin flaking along their surface. 

The brunet raised a brow, turning his face towards the pack alpha but refusing to meet his gaze.  

“Yeah? About what?” he asked. 

Chan took a breath. It was shaky, uncertain. Kind of laboured, as if his throat had been rubbed raw from the effects of overuse, or he’d just concluded a marathon. Maybe both. Whatever it was–because Minho knew that it wasn’t actually either of those things–it was concerning nonetheless. Chan very rarely let slip the symptoms of his anxiety, preferring to keep them under lock and key because of the hero complex he vehemently denied having. But Minho wasn’t an idiot, and Chan wasn’t nearly as secretive as he likened himself to be.

And since he was seeing it for himself–the tremor of Chan’s hands, the strain in his voice, the slight twitch beneath his eye, Minho knew that whatever he was about to divulge was nothing less than harrowing.

“That alpha…” he began, garnering the undivided attention of his mate. “Something about him was familiar.”

The younger alpha narrowed his eyes in thought, head tilting to the side. “How so?” he asked.

“I…I don’t know, exactly. Something was...like I’d seen his wolf before, or heard his voice. Not in a long time, mind you, but I haven’t been able to shake it ever since.”

“Do you think it could have been someone from the company?”

Chan shook his head, letting his eyes stray towards Minho’s hands. “No. No, this…this struck a memory from my youth. He did, I mean.”

Minho’s brows furrowed together. He tapped his fingers against the countertop, worried his lip between his teeth. 

“Do you remember what I told you about my family? My clan?”

Minho nodded slowly. 

“When I was young, maybe around twelve or thirteen, my father introduced me to this one boy. Choi Hoseok was his name. We never really got along.”

“What are you getting at, hyung?” asked Minho, quiet and hesitant. “You…you’re actually scaring me now.”

Chan lifted his gaze toward Minho’s, eyes filled to the brim with fear and confusion. His scent, once fresh and light and comforting, curdled around them unpleasantly. Minho scrunched his nose in protest, feeling the distinct heaviness of dread settle in the pit of his stomach.

“Minho…” he said, “Minho, I think this alpha was him.”

The younger’s breath hitched. 

“I think he was him. Choi Hoseok. The son of the man who betrayed my father.”

He inhaled deeply, nails digging into the flesh of his palms.

“The son of the man who brought my family to ruin.”

 

---

 

It smelled like eucalyptus. The air was tinged with it, but it wasn’t sickeningly overwhelming. Wasn’t overpowering enough to drown out their own natural pheromones.

It was nice. 

Soothing, as it was meant to be. 

Relaxing, as Hyunjin had hoped. 

With Jisung’s help, he had managed to assemble a detoxifying bath for the omega. With herbs and natural medicines that would help to disinfect and cleanse his wounds, with soft clouds of bubbles and water that was neither too hot nor too cold. It was just right. As things ought to be. 

At least, that’s what Hyunjin told himself as he scrubbed layers of dried blood from Felix’s skin. 

It dyed the water a horrid shade of rusty brown, but with each careful manoeuvre of the rag across the omega’s skin, the affection in his heart grew tenfold. The need, the desire to protect, even more so. 

“Hey, Sungie?”

“Mm?” 

“Can you pass me the sponge, please?”

“Yeah, yeah of course.”

He took the sponge from Jisung’s hand, murmuring a soft thank you as he switched it with the rag he'd been using previously. With one arm splayed across Felix’s back, he moved the sponge down Felix’s chest and abdomen, mindful of the deep, mottled bruises and criss-crossing cuts littering his body. 

Jisung watched on with rapt attention, silent unless addressed, providing aid when called upon. A good, obedient little helper whose company the alpha appreciated. Hyunjin, for his part, was grateful that the beta did not berate him for his behaviour after Felix's rescue. In fact, he didn't mention it at all. Not in passing, not even as a fleeting whisper, which Hyunjin could admit to being confused by. He'd expected tension between him and his packmates, a palpable strain that drew a line between them and him. 

But Jisung just treated him like he usually would. Soft, gummy smiles and deep concern swirling within the depths of his round eyes. And only then did it occur to Hyunjin that Jisung could care less about his hissy fit when Felix was right there in front of him. 

He supposed he had much to thank the omega for, but before he could do that, he knew he owed his mates an apology. 

He was meant to be better. He should have been better. 

“How can someone do this to a person?” asked Jisung, nearly startling the alpha.

Hyunjin gnawed on the inside of his cheek, a sad shrug tugging at his shoulders. “I wish I knew.”

“Wish it wasn’t him.”

The blond paused mid-wash, hand frozen just beneath the surface of the muddied water. He lifted his head, staring intently into Jisung’s eyes as he nodded solemnly. “Yeah, me too.”

He swallowed his emotions down with great difficulty. There was no need to fall into the clutches of his heartache when he had a duty to perform.

“I can feel his pain…” continued the beta, rescuing him from his thoughts. 

Hyunjin hummed. “Explain it to me,” he urged gently, both out of curiosity and the need to find a much needed distraction. 

Jisung sighed, leaning his cheek against the heel of his palm as he shifted his gaze to the slumbering omega. With his other hand, he tapped his fingers along his chest, right above where his heart beat within its cavity.

“Inside. I imagine it’s much more tame than what he feels, a mere charade of it, but I feel it, still. Like a throbbing. Sometimes like…like little pinpricks. Branching through my nerves, from the tips of my fingers to my toes.

Sometimes, though, I cry because it hurts. And I didn't know why it hurt so much but now I do. It was his pain all along. Always has been, in fact. The more I think about it, the harder it becomes to accept. Was any of it even my own? I have no idea. It-it never felt like it belonged to me, which is why I never brought it up. But I guess…I guess it all makes sense now. All this time…”

He trailed off, eyes clouding with a distant, faraway look even though he continued looking at Felix.

Neither of them said anything, letting Jisung’s admission fade into evanescence.

“Don’t be afraid of it, love. I feel it too. We all did, in different ways. So don’t think that you made a mistake by not telling us. None of us had any idea what we were dealing with when the bond began to form.”

Jisung’s eyes cleared as they flicked back to Hyunjin. He smiled wanly, plush cheek dimpling ever so slightly. 

“Just another charming aspect of our bond, yeah?”

Jisung scoffed lightly, “yeah, for sure.”

Hyunjin squeezed the sponge in his hand, wringing from it the bloodied, soapy water. It reminded him with a jostling revulsion that he had to finish bathing Felix. 

So he continued. Gently running the sponge along the expanse of his thin form, relishing in the satisfaction that came with the unveiling of unsullied skin. The injuries were still there, of course, made even more prominent without the cover of grime. Yet the sight of his bare skin beneath it all gave some form of comfort to the alpha. 

He parted the omega’s thighs, delicately, tenderly, wiping the sponge along his legs.

“He’s beautiful.”

Hyunjin felt a fond smile pull at the corners of his lips. He was certain that he’d never get tired of the reminder of how lovely their omega was. How bewitching, even in the wretched state he had been reduced to. But he found that that only solidified his goal of restoring Felix to his rightful state. Of fixing him, healing him, so that he was radiant and lit with the jubilation of life as opposed to the exhausted resignation that resulted from ceaseless pain. Hyunjin was impatient to see what he’ll look like once he’s healthy again, when he’s filled out, skin healed and wounds–both emotional and physical–left as nothing more than a distant memory. He could feel the excitement of the prospect beating just below his ribs, faint but promising nonetheless.  

“He is, isn’t-”

He abruptly stopped.

Jisung’s brows drew together, eyes flying between Felix’s body and Hyunjin’s pale, panic-stricken face. “What is it?” 

The alpha exhaled a shuddering breath. 

“Hyunjin?”

“Jisung, get Chan hyung. Q-quick.”

“Okay, but-but why? What’s wrong, Jinnie?”

But Hyunjin said nothing, staring resolutely at Felix’s right thigh.

He followed Hyunjin’s gaze, bracing himself, fearing for what he’d see that had shaken the alpha so. 

When his eyes locked onto the omega’s leg, he understood exactly why Hyunjin reacted the way he did. 

There, right along the inside of Felix’s thigh, was something Jisung was certain he’d never forget the sight of. 

Something only a monster could be capable of doing. 

Something he never expected to see, never in a million years. 

He felt his blood go cold.

There, in thick lines in various stages of healing, was a brand. 

A brand. 

Or rather, a personal mark of ownership. 

Property of C.H.,

it read, and Jisung felt bile rise to his throat. 

“Oh, my god,” he choked out, fingers trembling unrelentingly as he forced himself to his feet. 

“Oh my fucking god,” he repeated, tears filling his eyes. 

When he looked back towards Hyunjin, he managed to catch sight of the moment the alpha pivoted away from the tub, barely completing a full head turn before promptly vomiting all over the floor.

Notes:

well, well, well. would ya look at that. a plot that makes no sense whatsoever.

it all comes together. just bear with me ;)

let me know your thoughts! <3 luv you

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 7: Act II, Scene II

Summary:

The Bang Pack makes some important decisions.

Notes:

another update? yes!

pretty sure I'm in the middle of a breakdown so that's how I even managed to finish this chapter (love channelling all of the negativity and bad feelings and emotional turmoil and PTSD triggers and all that lovely stuff into getting something done amiright???)

anywho, BMTH (my beloveds) released a new song with Blackbear and SLANDER and I have been listening to it on repeat for hours I totally recommend it (it's called I Wish I Could Forget)

by the time I post this, it will have been one month and one day since Moonbin's passing and honestly, that on top of everything else has just been rough and tough and god, I have a terrible headache. I'm sad and alone and just so inexplicably angry at everything and I don't know what to do. Anyway, I miss him, and I feel like shit, and some silly little part of me wishes that she had a Bang Pack for herself, too. God knows I could use one.

Anywho, my dears, please enjoy this chapter <3 much love for all the support and kind words

 

CW: very brief mention of knotting

 

Act II, Scene II

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

He looked so small in the centre of Chan’s bed.

Small and fragile, but not weak. 

Never weak. 

Following their terrifying discovery, the entire pack was summoned into the pack alpha’s bedroom, worry and concern pasting a thick layer over the atmosphere, suffocating them. Burying them beneath the heaviness of it all as silence lay steadily around the room. 

He looked so small in the centre of Chan’s bed. 

Small and fragile, broken and battered, but now he was home. Home, where he would stay. Home, where there would be nothing but warmth and love and the promise of so many good things that could not be named, but could be felt. 

And felt it, they did. The anticipation running rampant in their vessels of their bodies, invigorating each of their systems as the threads finally settled into place. A perfected tapestry, a varnished painting, a completed puzzle. The ultimate piece settling into its predetermined slots with ease, no resistance to hinder its passage at long last.

In every way, they should have rejoiced in this moment, should have celebrated it as a victory for it was, perhaps, their biggest achievement as a pack. Yet the occasion was tainted. It was shadowed by darkness, made into a sombre affair to mock each of their efforts, to make a laughing stock of all the troubles the omega had undergone. 

Bang Chan should have been able to revel in the euphoria of their success, he should have felt that he had won. Yet he couldn’t help but ruminate on the fact that despite everything, he had lost. Pathetically. Miserably. 

Never did he expect for things to unravel the way they had; the last thing he’d expected was for the ghosts of his past to resurface now so that they could haunt him at his most complete. 

It wasn’t fair. Not really. 

But then again, such was life.

It just bothered Chan that life had to rear its ugly head now, of all times. 

Should have

Should have 

Should have

Is that all that was left for them in the wake of this dilemma? Bad odds and half-baked what ifs? Surely, now that it was certain Felix had escaped from the pack led by a mutinous traitor, it meant that Chan had to face his demons for the first time since his youth.

Like Minho said, it’s all a big fucking pile of shit. 

Heaping. Steaming, even. 

The headache that settled its roots within the soil of his mind began to branch into each little hill and valley of his cerebral cortex. Poisoning the grey and white matter with its toxins and piercing each one of his lobes with a deadly accuracy.

The pain was acute and it was sharp. And yet, running his fingers along the soft, clean skin of Felix’s face was soothing enough to help him forget about the throbbing ache for a while. 

Hyunjin and Jisung had done well in rekindling the dull glow of Felix’s complexion. Really well, in fact. He had been bathed with meticulous precision through the efforts of gentle hands and tender care. Handling him like a rare artefact recovered from ruins.

After the initial bath, wherein the water had run red with blood and had become cloudy with dirt, Chan had helped Jisung run another for the omega while Seungmin tended to Hyunjin, checking him for any signs of illness. Changbin and Minho cleaned his sick from the floor, unfazed and unperturbed by the sight of it even as Hyunjin apologised profusely for making such a mess. And Jeongin helped the elder alpha regain his bearings by brushing his teeth and giving him some water to stave off the dehydration that threatened his consciousness. 

As he washed the omega’s hair, lathering the blond strands with Hyunjin’s shampoo until they were clear of all debris, Chan’s gaze constantly flicked towards the scar on Felix’s thigh. It was red and irritated in some areas, crusted over with scabs in others. But overall, it was just a sick, perverted display of power. An archaic depiction of possession that alphas made on the omegas they had claimed as their own. 

Chan’s first instinct was to check for a mating mark, rationalising that if Hoseok was low enough to brand Felix in such a crude, dehumanising manner, it wouldn’t be above him to mate him against his will, either.

In the form of a small miracle, his neck bore no sign of the telltale scar left in the aftermath of a mating bond. He wagered that their omega had fought with everything he had in order to prevent the alpha from binding them together eternally, before he was ultimately able to slip loose from the binds of his captivity. 

He felt an inexplicably powerful surge of pride run through his veins at the thought. At the undeniable determination and strength their omega portrayed through his valiant efforts to ensure both survival and freedom. It made him pause as Jisung rinsed the shampoo from his hair, making sure to keep the water from his eyes with his other hand. He watched the sudsy water cascade down the slender lines of Felix’s neck and shoulders, plastering the shoulder-length tresses of pale gold to his skin. 

It still felt like a dream–that Felix was here, right in front of them. A tangible human being whose body was warm to the touch with life, whose lungs contracted with every breath, and whose lashes fluttered with every involuntary tremor of his eyes. It felt like a dream but it wasn’t, and with that reminder Chan was quick to lift the omega from the bath and wrap him in the largest, fluffiest towel they owned. 

Jisung dried his hair as best he could, gently wringing the excess water just as Hyunjin returned to their side, ushering the omega into his own arms and walking into the pack alpha’s bedroom from the ensuite. Before Felix was dressed, however, Seungmin did a thorough analysis of all of his bodily functions. He saw to his wounds, stitched and dressed any that required his immediate attention, and applied a plethora of healing balms and salves everywhere else. He hooked the omega up to an IV, mumbling something about how horrifyingly dehydrated the blond was, injected him with a mild tranquilliser so that he may rest undisturbed while his body repaired itself, and then surrendered him once more to the anxious hands of his other mates. 

Hyunjin enlisted the aid of Jeongin, asking the youngest to clothe the omega in soft, loose sleepwear while he brushed his hair. The youngest obliged immediately, taking advantage of the opportunity. Delighting in being so close to Felix for the first time, savouring each second. Jisung, Chan, and Minho stayed back to clean the bathroom, and when they emerged with bloodied rags and dirty towels in their hands, they were met with the sight of everyone else huddled around the pack alpha’s bed. 

Minho gathered the soiled linens from each of their hands, tossing them in a corner to be discarded later, and Chan immediately made for the omega. 

Which brought them to now; Chan’s back was pressed against the headboard as he sat next to Felix, gently caressing his skin and hair with tender, affectionate motions; Hyunjin mirrored Chan's position on Felix’s other side, holding one of his hands as the rest of the pack formed a circle around them. 

“We have to talk,” announced Chan. 

Hyunjin sucked air from between his teeth, lifting his gaze from where it was cemented to the omega’s profile. “What the hell is going on, hyung?” he asked. “Wh-what the actual fuck is that mark?” 

They all seemed to be wondering the same thing, expressions expectant and deeply disturbed as they redirected their attention to Chan.

“We’ll...get to that. But first, Hyunjin…” he looked at the blond alpha, fingers coming to a halt against Felix’s temple before he withdrew completely. “We need to know what happened in Daedunsan. Before we got there.”

Hyunjin looked sick again, his thumb running along the ridges of Felix’s knuckles. “Honestly? Nothing that we didn’t expect would happen.”

Chan opened his mouth to rebuke but Hyunjin went on to say that “I got there just in time. He was trying to, god, he was trying to knot him. And when I saw that my vision just went red, I-I wanted to tear him to shreds.” 

He let the information sink in, could smell the way anger, frustration, disgust, and hatred radiated from each of his mates in dense, swirling clouds. 

“Obviously, there was a skirmish. We goaded each other, I managed to do some damage, tore into his scruff after I bit him, and-and Felix, he…he ran away, to hide.”

His eyes flickered to Minho for a brief second as he swallowed. 

“Did he say anything to you?” asked the alpha, holding his gaze. 

Hyunjin shook his head. “No, nothing. He said nothing. Not one word.”

They lapsed into silence then. Just a scant few moments where there was nothing but unrelenting quiet.

“But there…there was something else…”

Everyone held their breath at the admission. 

“He…I’ve never experienced anything like it. He made me-” he inhaled a shuddering breath, brows drawing together, a deep furrow forming between them. “He made me submit, like-like, forced me into this kind of subspace, I…it was so strange. In that moment I thought he would-” he stopped, voice cracking. 

“What is it, my prince?”

Hyunjin sniffled, lowering his head, staring at his lap. “I thought he’d do to me what he tried to do to Felix.”

“That fucking bastard,” seethed Changbin, fists curling at his sides. 

Chan couldn’t even put into words the depths of his rage as he sat there, simmering in silence, jaw clenched and hands white-knuckled over his knees.

“Who was he, hyung?” asked Hyunjin after a moment. 

The pack alpha ran a trembling hand through his curls, hoping that for once they would cater to his wishes–to no avail. He groaned as one flopped back onto his forehead, and before he could tear it from its roots out of sheer annoyance, he felt a hand curl over his wrist. He turned his head, surprised by the sudden contact, only to see that Hyunjin had reached over the omega to stop him from his unprovoked bout of self-mutilation. 

“Who was he, Channie?” he asked again, pulling his arm down, guiding his hand away from his innocent hair.

“Choi Hoseok.”

There were a number of stifled gasps. Whether they were the result of confusion or shock or both, Chan could not be certain. All of his mates were acquainted well enough with Chan’s childhood and the people it consisted of. 

All but one. Jeongin. Who was, at the time, too young to be exposed to the details of such a grisly tale. 

So surely, they had been able to piece together the implications that came with the information he provided. 

“Wait, what?” questioned Changbin, crossing his arms over his chest. “Choi? As in…as in Choi Wonshik? That Choi?”

Chan bit his lip, nodding. “He was his son.”

The beta paled, mouth falling open. 

“Sorry, who is that?” interjected Jeongin, eyes trailing from Changbin to Chan. 

The eldest stared back at him, inhaling deeply. “Choi Wonshik was my father’s best friend.”

The perplexion on Jeongin’s face did not lessen. “O…kay, and why is that a problem?”

“He killed him.”

Jeongin was rendered silent. 

“He killed my father, my mother…my pack. It was a planned attack, you see. He was…displeased with the way my father and his council were running his own pack. They'd made a promise with one another, you see, when they were young. One that entailed that they'd both run their respective packs with the same traditionalistic ideals. But when it came the time to take up the mantle of Pack Alpha, my father refused. Wonshik was furious. He disagreed with my father's new agenda and liberal sentiments. He believed that he was a spineless coward, weak and foolish for ever thinking that wolfkind could ever be equal. His belief was that alphas were the superior subgender, and that everyone else was leagues beneath them. Made to…supplant them. To serve them.”

Chan felt bitterness coat his tongue. 

“To him, betas were useless. Omegas…were toys for pleasure.”

“That’s...that's terrible,” whispered Jeongin, hands shaking at his sides. 

Chan simply nodded.

“So he killed them. Killed them all. And after he massacred my people he took his followers and ran.”

“Wh-what about…what about you?”

Chan smiled wanly, eyes misting over as he recalled the memory. “My nursemaid helped me escape. Led me into the woods outside of our borders just before she was killed herself.”

Jeongin’s features contorted in heartbreak. “I’m so sorry, Chan hyung.”

The pack alpha clicked his tongue, blinking rapidly to offset the sting. “It’s all in the past, my love. Besides, I have my own family now.”

The youngest looked down, the pack alpha’s words weighing heavily on his mind. 

“So you think it was his son?” asked the eldest beta, refocusing their attention back to the situation at hand.

“Yes, Bin,” confirmed the alpha, “yes, I think he was his son. And any and all suspicions I had are entirely moot. The brand validates that he was.”

“You know what this means, right?”

All eyes turned to Seungmin. Seungmin, who had remained eerily quiet this entire time. 

“This means war, you realise. Not only because they breached the Lycan Code by mistreating omegas and practising outlawed traditions, but also because you killed the successor of their pack. They’ll be coming for you. For us.”

He inclined his head towards the bed. “For him.”

“And we’ll be ready if they do,” supplied the pack alpha. “You know I’ll never let anything happen to any of you.”

Seungmin nodded. “I know,” he replied softly. “That’s what scares me.”

Chan silently implored the younger to meet his eyes, but Seungmin looked away, failing to hide the tremble of his lip and the single tear that betrayed him. 

“What did you do to him?” asked Jisung hesitantly, usurping Chan's attention before he could say anything to Seungmin. “You never mentioned it.” 

Chan resumed his mindless trek along Felix’s skin, relishing in the softness beneath the pads of his fingers. He said nothing for a few minutes, choosing instead to bask in the sensation of warmth against his icy digits.

“I tore off his limbs,” he admitted eventually, absently. “Scattered the pieces of his body throughout the forest. A feast for crows. For the earth.”

“Jesus, hyung.”

“That’s still better than what he deserved,” mumbled Minho, rolling his eyes. 

“Be that as it may,” said Hyunjin, “as Seungmin said, it puts a target on our backs.”

“Let them come, I’ll shove my foot so far up their asse-”

“Enough.”

Minho scoffed, narrowing his eyes in faux contempt as he muttered something about old men being killjoys under his breath.

“So what do we do, then?” inquired Hyunjin. 

Chan observed the room, letting his gaze linger over each of his mates before settling onto their omega, unconscious and oblivious to the world in his bed. 

“For now, we wait.”

“But, hyung, they-”

“We have time. They won’t be finding us any time soon, I promise you. We will wait until Felix is better because right now he is our priority.”

There were hums and nods of agreement. 

“So now we wait.”

“Yes, Jin. Now we wait.”

Notes:

see you in the next one! as always, any comments are more than welcome (please be nice tho I am sensitive)

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 8: Act II, Scene III

Summary:

The Bang Pack experience their first night with Felix.

Notes:

This chapter ended up in a completely different direction from my plot map and I just hope I made the right decision here lmao.

Thank you for 10.7k hits I'm actually floored that this silly little story has gotten such a big reach. To all of you reading, thank you so much. To all of you reading, bookmarking, commenting, sending kudos, I hope your pillow is cold on both sides and I love you.

Also, a shoutout to all of you who commented comforting words last week. I really needed that and it was beyond amazing to have so much support outside of the realm of storytelling. You guys are truly amazing <3

This chapter is dedicated to you all who have kept me going with this story, without you I wouldn't have gotten this far with it. That being said, do enjoy this chapter as well!

 

CW: nightmares, Chan's Hero Complex and Low Self-Esteem (yes that's a warning bc he's an idiot who frustrates me), mentions of therapy

 

Act II, Scene III

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

He was summoned from his infant slumber with the sounds of quiet, muffled whimpers. 

At first, he thought that perhaps they were mere conjurings of his mind, the byproduct of a dream conceived by a debilitating combination of exhaustion and stress. In all honesty, he was about to wave them off until he realised, with a startling clarity, that those sounds were very much real. 

His eyes shot open, and the first sight he was able to register through the misty haze of sleep was the blond hair obscuring the full scope of his vision. 

The second was a panicked Hyunjin, rushing from the direction of the ensuite before scrambling onto the bed and taking Felix’s hand in his.

After that, it took less than a second for Chan’s brain to catch up with his surroundings.  

Felix. 

The sounds were coming from Felix. 

He could feel sheer agony seep into the bond, could feel the way the omega trembled against the mattress with every harsh inhalation of breath. 

He stared wide-eyed at Hyunjin, arms acting on their own accord as they drew the omega close to his chest, tightening around his petite frame while a hand carded through the sweat-dampened hair at his nape.

“Nightmare,” is what Hyunjin had murmured, his handsome face contorted in despair as he ran his hand along the curve of Felix’s spine. 

“I thought the sedative was supposed to keep him under,” he whispered in return, to which Hyunjin only shrugged. 

“Not even medicine can keep the monsters at bay, Channie. And his…his are undoubtedly the worst.” He crawled next to the pack alpha so that he could lean against the headboard, fingers immediately stroking over Felix’s hair with gentle ministrations. 

With a heavy heart, Chan lowered his gaze down to the omega. His face was scrunched as if in pain, hollowed features sharp and angular against the shadowed light of the moon streaming past the curtains. There was sweat dotting along his temples and soaking into his hair, soaking into the fabric at his neckline, at the small of his back. Soaking into Chan’s shirt, even, intermixed with the tears that forced their way from his eyes. His lips were pulled into a grimace, small hands curled against his chest as his body caved in on itself. 

“No, no, no…”

Chan felt entirely powerless. He looked to Hyunjin for help, for guidance, for anything, yet the younger alpha appeared to be just as lost as he. 

“P-please, it hurts…”

“Should I call for Seungmin?”

Chan shook his head as he sighed. “No. The best he can do is give him another injection. But clearly, it did nothing, and I-I don’t want him pumped full of drugs. I don’t think his body could handle it.”

Hyunjin nodded sagely, pulling his hand from Felix’s head. 

Chan had sent the others off to bed hours ago. Save for Hyunjin, that is. They had denied, vehemently, refusing to leave the omega’s side and whining in protest against the fact that the blond alpha was allowed to stay when they were not. But Chan had reasoned with them that, upon Felix’s waking, it would be best if he had a familiar tether to ground him to his unknown surroundings. 

That tether being Hyunjin, of course. The only member of the pack who had physically interacted with the omega before he had fallen into his comatose-like state. So naturally, Hyunjin would be the first person to help Felix adapt to his new home. 

That, coupled with the fact that it had been an extremely long day for everyone. They were exhausted and filthy, and while they were all too stubborn to admit it, Chan knew his boys. He could see the weariness lining their faces, could see the blatant overexertion and sluggishness in their movements as the evening bled into night. 

With great reluctance, they acquiesced to their alpha’s order, and went about their way to shower, eat something, and get some much needed rest. But only after Chan had assured them that Felix would be here, waiting for them, when they woke in the morning. 

The pack alpha had made his customary rounds after Hyunjin had fallen asleep, snuggled close enough to Felix without disturbing any of his wounds or the IV in his arm. He smiled at the sight, leaning down to place a chaste kiss on both of his mates’ foreheads before slipping out of bed and making his way out of the bedroom. He wasn’t surprised to see that none of the others were in their rooms, but rather slumped together in a puppy pile in their den. 

His heart swelled at the sight of Jisung and Jeongin cradled against Minho’s chest, of Seungmin and Changbin tangled together with the elder beta’s head tucked beneath the younger’s chin. He quietly padded over to his pups, draping blankets over their slumbering forms and dimming the lamps. 

“Hyung?”

Chan’s eyes flicked towards the sound of Minho’s voice, the alpha squinting against the tiredness in his eyes. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked, voice groggy. 

Chan nodded, smoothing a hand over Minho’s soft, brown hair. “Yes, everything is fine, my love,” he whispered, “just came to check on you and the pups.”

“Is Felix okay?”

“Yeah, he’s okay. He’s with Jinnie. Finally fell asleep about twenty minutes ago.”

“Oh,” murmured Minho, “that’s good. Jinnie needs to sleep. You too.”

The pack alpha hummed, hand still poised affectionately atop Minho’s head. “Thank you for taking care of the babies,” he said, still keeping his voice low. 

Minho smiled lazily, tightening his arms around the two wolves in his arms. “Of course, Channie. It’s my job.”

“What would I ever do without you?”

“Lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out,” he yawned, eyes slipping shut just as his head lolled onto Jisung’s. 

Chan grinned fondly, exhaling through his nose before pressing a kiss to each of their heads and taking his leave, knowing that his mates were in good hands. 

“Sleep well, my loves,” he spoke to the room at large, shutting the door softly behind him. 

He then retreated back to his bedroom, flexing his fingers as he padded towards the bed. Felix and Hyunjin hadn’t moved an inch, which was in and of itself a relief to the alpha, indicating to him that their slumber was steady and deep enough to not be perturbed by his coming and going. Their breaths were measured and even, their skin lit with an ethereal glow from the moonlight. 

Moon Goddess above, they were beautiful. 

Without another moment’s hesitation, Chan slid back beneath the covers, laying on his side so that he could admire his mates up close. His eyes followed the curve of Felix’s nose, the contour of his slightly parted lips. Even in the dim lighting, he could make out the spattering of freckles along his cheeks, the wispy lengths of his lashes. Letting his gaze stray further, he was met with the sight of Hyunjin, body turned towards him so that they mirrored each other’s position on either side of Felix. He had his arm tucked beneath his head, his pretty face pinched in worry even as he slept–if the deep furrow between his thick brows was anything to go by. 

Chan reached over, tucking the piece of hair that fell onto his face once more behind his ear. 

And then he continued his silent vigil, intermittently shifting his gaze from one blond to the next, until he, too, fell unwillingly and unknowingly into the alluring embrace of dreamland.

He’d been asleep for a scant two hours when he felt the bed dip slightly, his eyes creaking open to see Hyunjin soundlessly make his way to the bathroom. 

He doesn’t remember when he drifted away again, but when he was pulled a second time from his restless slumber, it had been Felix's whines and Hyunjin making a hasty exit out of the en-suite that did it. 

Chan hated himself for being so weak. He shouldn’t have slept. He shouldn’t have fucking slept. 

If he hadn’t fallen asleep, he could have done something to stop Felix’s nightmare from progressing. He could have held him, and he could have whispered reassurances into his ear before the demons in his head could even begin to spew their poisonous drivel.

But he had. He had, and now he had to deal with the consequences of his actions. 

Hyunjin could smell the self-contempt in the air, brows knitting together as he curled his fingers around Chan’s chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. “Stop that.”

Chan’s gaze softened, the taut tension of his shoulders easing just a little as Hyunjin’s pheromones washed over him. 

“I fell asleep,” he said, as if it hadn’t been obvious. 

“So what?” retorted the blond, “you haven’t slept in days. You can’t possibly think that you could go on like that, do you?”

Chan remained silent. 

“Do you , Channie?”

“He needs me.”

“And he has you.” 

“I could have-”

“Hyung, I love you, but please shut up. He needed you, and you were right here for him,” he tapped Chan’s cheek with his fingers, a woefully fond expression on his face. “And frankly, that’s all you had to do. It’s all you could have. Look,” he whispered, pointing towards the omega with his eyes, “he’s not even shaking anymore.”

Chan followed his gaze, lips quirking into a soft smile as the omega in his arms nuzzled closer to his chest, rubbing his cheek against the fabric of his shirt as he fell back into his slumber. 

“I know you want so badly to take away everyone’s pain and make it your own. But you can’t. Trust me, I wish I could, too. I'd take it from him in a heartbeat. From him and you and everyone else. But I can't. We can't. And until you don’t come to terms with that, it’ll destroy you piece by piece until there's nothing left…” he pinched the elder’s cheek, cooing affectionately, before his hold on Chan’s skin tightened, forcing a pained wince from the brunet. “Aish, if I had known that I’d be having to deal with such a self-destructive alpha, I would have sent you straight to therapy before even thinking of dating you.” 

“Too late for that, now. We’re mated. Practically married.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, releasing the flesh of Chan’s face from in between his forefinger and thumb before smoothing it over. “It’s never too late for therapy, honey,” he murmured encouragingly. 

“Maybe you should start seeing Seonghwa hyung again? His sessions helped, right?”

Chan shrugged, and Hyunjin could tell by the impassive expression on his face that he wasn’t too keen on having this discussion right now. Not when they had someone who needed even more emotional and mental support than he did. 

Which, fine, he could understand that. But that didn’t mean that Hyunjin was going to drop the discussion entirely. He’d just have to table it away for now. A conversation for the near future. Hopefully. 

He sighed, shifting his attention to their precious omega. “I think he’s okay now. At least, as okay as he can be. He seems to likes your scent, too. How darling.”

Chan nodded absently, stare fixated on the freckled angel tucked against him. 

“Sing for us?”

Hyunjin gasped, mouth falling open as he began shaking his head in denial. But when he saw the tired, careworn look on his alpha’s face, the silent pleas pinning him in place through those depthless eyes he adored so much, and the tiny body of his omega held safely in the arms that had saved him, too, he cracked. 

No, scratch that. He completely and utterly shattered. 

“Alright,” he exhaled, ushering the pack alpha to lie down in bed. He tucked the comforter around their supine forms, ran his hands through their hair as he gazed upon them with so much affection in his eyes he was sure it would set the world aflame. 

And once Chan had let his eyes flutter shut, he began his song, the soft, smooth tones of his voice washing over the pair huddled next to him as they slept.  

That star

I hope my voice reaches to that star

No matter how much I scream

You have no idea how beautiful you were

 

---

 

Lee Minho was not an idiot–contrary to what his packmates like to teasingly believe from time to time. 

Nonetheless, he was very much not an idiot, and anyone with a working brain could see it. If anything, he considered himself the brains of the Bang Pack (and hopefully Seungmin would continue to remain ignorant to Minho’s personal beliefs on that matter). He was the sole reason none of them had died via their stupidity or worse. The sole reason as to why they could even function as a whole. He cooked for them, cleaned for them, took care of their wounds and babysat them like a good alpha wife would do. He was their shoulder to lean on, their knight in shining armour, and one of the pack’s go-to members during ruts. In any case, he knew his boys like the back of his hand. And perhaps even more than that. But not more than Chan. He wasn’t quite there yet, considering he was the last to join the pack before Felix.  

With that being said, it didn’t take Minho long at all to realise the severity of what was happening. 

Though, he did owe it to Chan. Their alpha–bless his heart–tried valiantly to conceal the depths of his concerns in regards to the brewing pack war that was to come. Brushing it off like an irritating piece of lint, assuring their mates that it was nothing to stress about, to just focus on Felix and his recovery. 

But Minho was Minho, and he was able to pick through Chan’s bullshit like peas from a pod with unprecedented ease. 

Chan was worried. And moreover, he was afraid. 

And if Minho knew anything about Bang Chan, it would be that very few things struck fear within him. 

One, when a packmate was hurt, be it emotionally or physically. 

Two, when a packmate was beyond his sight. Especially when he couldn’t feel their presence within their bond. 

And three, when he was reminded of his past and the demons that plagued it. 

Choi Wonshik had terrorised him since his youth, a constant reminder of all that he had lost, and all that he had to overcome when he was forced to grow from a boy to an adult in a matter of days. 

He’d taken everything from him. His family. His legacy. His birthright.  

But most of all, he’d taken away the person Chan was. Shaped him callously and uncaringly into the man he was now. Gone was the carefree, self-assured, and untroubled young teen who had his entire future dictated for him. In his place, was an anxious, overprotective, and self-ridiculing man. 

Though Minho and the others wouldn’t trade him for the world. Never, ever, ever, for no one could hold a candle to their alpha. Because despite everything he hated himself for, he was the kindest, bravest, most loving human in existence. Beautiful, inside and out. Generous to a fault and intelligent to the T. 

And who could ever replace that? Who would ever want to?

Not the Bang Pack, that’s for damn sure. 

Still, it was hard sometimes. It was hard to see how Chan’s heart longed to be that child again and yet, couldn’t. Wouldn’t, because he’d never allow himself to just…let go. He’d taken it upon himself to carry the weight of the world, and expected no one to help him. Which is exactly why Minho could even tell he was lying in the first place. 

And just like so many other times, he wished Chan would open up to him. He wished he’d just let them help. He wished that he could see that he wasn’t in this alone. That he had an entire pack behind him, ready to support him through any hardship and difficulty. That would love him, come what may. 

After all, that’s how packs were supposed to operate. Instead, they were left with a pack alpha that had an insufferable saviour complex. 

Maybe Bang Chan couldn’t save the world, but Lee Minho could sure as hell save Bang Chan. 

And that’s exactly what he’d do. 

With that thought, he held the pups–now freshly showered and fed–in his arms a little tighter, and settled himself for bed, shutting his eyes and letting the warmth of their bodies bleed into his own. 

Notes:

i love hyunho 💔

lmk if you liked it!! till next time,

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 9: Act II, Scene IV

Summary:

Minho reminisces on his past, Chan and his pack have a moment, and Felix...wakes up?!

Notes:

Hi hi hiiiiii

long time no see, so many apologies for that. June has been one hell of a month. two months since my Moon's passing, and of course, all of the other chronic issues yours truly deals with. nonetheless, I have returned, with a slightly longer chapter in the hopes that I can earn your forgiveness. I do hope you enjoy <3 we get a weeeee bit sentimental :') not toooo happy with the flow of this chapter, but I feel like the more I edited it the worse it got, so I had to force myself to just let it be and here we are!

 

CW: (past) child abuse, childhood traumas, tooth-rotting fluff, and the Bang Pack being generally adorable and sickening pls I love them so much

 

Act II, Scene IV

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

Cooking had become one of Minho’s favourite activities. 

Combining different flavours to create a new one, selecting ingredients, the process of chopping, searing, mincing…it was all a welcome escape from the stresses of his daily life. Allowing him to hone his skills and allocate all of his attention and mind power to a single task. 

But most of all, Minho enjoyed the control it gave him. He enjoyed being the purveyor of new meals for his pack, relished in trying new things to invigorate their palates. From taking the bones of nothing to creating a full, complex skeleton of textures and tastes and smells. 

It was grounding, in its own way. Therapeutic, in another. In any case, Minho was the pack’s designated chef, and while everyone partook in helping the alpha where they could, he was always the one to have the final say when it came to preparations. Everything had to be perfect, and if it wasn’t, it meant that he had failed. 

Failure was one of the few things that Minho did not tolerate. He had always been meticulous, it was a facet of his personality that bore both bountiful fruits and severe consequences. A permanent and unshakable trait–the result of a rigid childhood commandeered by overbearing, overprotective parents that strived for perfection through their strict, no-nonsense policies.

His life had been planned for him before he had even been conceived, and for the longest time, he had considered that to be normal. He never questioned it, believing it to be a standard that all families were governed by. Feeling as if he was well beyond his years, that was nothing out of the ordinary. Feeling as if it was his duty and responsibility to bear the marks of perfection, he thought nothing of it. 

That is, until he began to. Until the pieces of his puzzle didn’t align with those of his peers. Until he realised that to them, fun was ice cream on the beach and toes in the sand, not studying until their eyes were bloodshot and their brain felt as if it had been stuffed to the brim with cotton.  

When he turned ten, he asked his parents if they could go to Jeju Island during his break from school. 

In response, he cradled a stinging cheek and received a scolding that had etched itself into his skull. One that stuck with him as he grew and aged like feathers to tar. 

After that, never again did he ask to see the ocean. Never again did he even dare to dream. 

When he turned fifteen, he ran away from home. 

It was a decision that was neither difficult to make nor required a second, fleeting thought weighed down by hesitation. It was clearer than his mother’s treasured crystal trinkets that in order to live the life he truly deserved, one he truly wanted, he had to cut himself free from the binds that smothered him. 

He knew that if he stayed, he would die. 

So he left, taking a train from Gimpo to the first place that came to mind. And through his aimless wanderings in Gwangju, he eventually found himself at the doorstep of his dearest friend, Lee Juyeon.

Minho had met Juyeon at an academic retreat his parents had sent him to when he was eight. The two clicked instantaneously, finding comfort in their similar experiences as reserved, quiet introverts who tended to blend into the background. Who much preferred existing as wallflowers that observed and studied, who went on as shy children that shared knowing glances and exchanged small smiles. Yet the main difference between the pair was that Juyeon came from a loving household, where the warmth of a mother’s affection was ample and the devout pride of a father was palpable. And though they parted ways at the end of the summer, the two promised to maintain contact, exchanging emails until they received their first phones and could upgrade to texts and calls. They even managed to visit each other often during the summer holidays.

Juyeon was one of the very few of Minho’s friends that his parents approved of. He came from a good family, was intelligent and scholarly, and above all, was respectful and obedient. He had also, much to Minho’s relief, presented as an alpha when he had turned of age. It had been a relief, because he knew that if Juyeon had presented as anything else, his parents would have demanded that he terminate their friendship. 

But when he was around Minho, Juyeon was…fun. He was energetic and playful, sarcastic with a sharp wit and a cunning sort of humour that Minho appreciated, mostly because it was similar to his own. 

He even helped Minho discover his latent passion for dance. The two would spend hours creating choreographies to their favourite K-Pop songs, laughing until tears stung their eyes and their limbs were aching with exhaustion. 

If his parents ever found out, he was sure it would not bode well for him. Minho wasn’t even allowed to listen to anything that wasn’t classical, he didn’t want to think about all that he’d suffer through if they’d discovered he enjoyed something as uncouth as pop music, let alone the fact that he was rather gifted with dancing. To them, it would be akin to throwing away his future. Everything he worked for. Everything they forced onto him. 

When he had arrived at the Lees’ home, the one to open the door was Juyeon himself. After a scant moment of pure shock, he took one look at his friend and drew him into his arms, held him as he broke down in loud sobs that shook his entire body. He was then quick to usher him inside, taking from him the small suitcase he’d packed with a few of his meagre belongings. 

Juyeon’s mother, Haneul, was the very antithesis to his own. Her face was more often than not adorned with a gentle smile that lit her delicate features. Her hands were soft and comforting, her presence a healing balm, and it was moments like those when Juyeon’s resemblance to her was almost uncanny. 

He had her smile, but he had his father’s nose. He had her eyes, but he had his father’s chin. 

His father, Youngjae, was similar in that way. His countenance was weathered not by anger or contempt, but by the natural carvings that result from a happy disposition. His crow's feet lined the near-permanent eye-smile that crescented his gaze, and the bridge of his nose was indented eternally by the metal frame of his eyeglasses. 

They didn’t even hesitate to take Minho under their wing, didn’t even hesitate to offer him a home. 

He stayed with them until he turned eighteen, when he insisted on getting a job and saving up for a place of his own. The two had denied, vehemently in fact, assuring him time and again that he could stay with them as long as he needed to. 

But Minho knew that this was the next step he needed to take in order to continue building his own life. 

He’d found a job at a cafe while he finished his last year of high school, spent the summer working his ass off, and just before he began his freshman year at university, moved into his very first apartment. 

The Lees were supportive throughout the entire process, helping him during the apartment search, furniture shopping, decorating. And he found that when it was time to say goodbye, he couldn’t.

He looked upon the two people who became the parents he’d never known, and then to his best friend, and when they all looked back at him with the same encouraging, loving smile, he threw himself into their arms and he cried and cried and cried. 

They reciprocated immediately, holding him tightly against their chests, sobbing and laughing wetly as they whispered to him how proud they were of the man he’d become, that they’ll always be there when he needed them, and how much they loved him. 

Minho felt as if he had flipped a brand new page that day. He almost felt as if he had been reborn. Tabula rasa, as John Locke had once said. A blank slate for new beginnings, for a new life. He had a family who loved him for who he was, a best friend that was going to the same school and studying the same major as him, his own apartment, and a stable job to keep him afloat while he completed his degree. 

For the first time in his life, everything was perfect. 

And then…Lee Minho met Bang Chan. 

Shortly after Minho and Juyeon had graduated from university, Juyeon had gotten married. He’d met his mate in the beginning of their sophomore year, a beta by the name of Jaehyun, though everyone called him Hyunjae. 

Hyunjae was a year older than them both, a junior studying biomedical engineering. Wickedly intelligent, unbelievably handsome, and one of the campus’ provincial it boys , Hyunjae had a healthy social life. Which is exactly how he had met Juyeon, and how he had realised that the quiet boy was his soulmate. 

Technically speaking, Minho had met Chan once before, at a post-finals party hosted by Hyunjae and his roommates. By that time, he and Juyeon had already started dating, and seeing as Minho was Juyeon’s best friend, there was no question that he’d be dragged to his boyfriend’s loud, alcohol-ridden party. 

Right. 

Truth be told, Minho was out of his element. The large penthouse apartment was packed to the brim with people, colourful lights flickered about the glass walls and tall ceilings, and the building practically shook with how intense the bass was. 

What’s more, the drunk college students that were dancing around and sweating buckets as they pressed against each other. They screamed and hollered and released a nauseating amount of pheromones into the air as they allowed all of the stresses of their academic careers to melt away with lukewarm cups of soju. 

He wanted to go home. 

Juyeon had said that he’d be arriving shortly, mumbling something about needing to help Hyunaje with an important matter–as if Minho couldn’t see the blissful, fucked-out expression on his best friend’s face when he finally decided to show up. 

Important matter, indeed, Minho had scoffed to himself, a small smirk dancing on his lips as he raised a knowing brow at his friend. Juyeon simply rolled his eyes, punching his arm. 

A few moments later, Hyunjae strolled through with a practised ease, swerving and manoeuvring through the crowd in his living room like he’d done it a million times before–which, he probably had. His eyes lit up once he caught sight of his boyfriend, though, and his arm settled naturally around his waist as he laid a chaste kiss against his temple. 

What Minho was focused on, however, was the shorter, dimpled brunet at his side. He had a blinding smile on his face, a cup in his hand filled with some kind of fruity-smelling beverage. He was handsome, that much was obvious, yet what intrigued Minho the most was how he could detect no scent from the man. Almost as if he was wearing…scent blockers?

How utterly fascinating. 

Hyunjae introduced the scentless man to Minho and Juyeon as Bang Chan, a fellow junior who was minoring in music production, of all things. 

The wonders never ceased with the peculiar man, it seemed. 

Minho had bowed lightly in return, now equipped with the knowledge that the brunet was, in fact, a sunbae, relaying his own name to the elder in a hurried, panicked murmur that he was pretty sure got drowned out by the god-awful EDM music blasting through the penthouse. 

Yet Chan had heard him, his plump lips curling once more into a charming grin as he grasped his hand and said, a beautiful name for an even more beautiful man. 

Minho blushed. He blushed. If one thing was for certain, it was that Lee Minho does not blush. Yet the gorgeous man in front of him managed to do all of that and more with a single sentence. And there was also something…strange, about the way his touch felt against his hand. Like sparks, shooting up his arm. And the bright, almost knowing glint in his sincere eyes…

Yet before Minho could question him, there was the ringing of a phone, and the elder quickly pulled the device from his pocket and excused himself as he went in search of a quiet place to receive his call. 

Minho didn’t see him again, though, because by the time Chan had returned, he was long gone. And after that night, Minho refused all party invitations, even when Juyeon begged him to reconsider. 

What shouldn’t have come as a surprise, however, was seeing the man at Hyunjae and Juyeon’s wedding. They were, after all, close friends and classmates. Yet Minho supposed his shock stemmed from the fact that time had done wonders for the elder. He’d always been attractive, with strong features and captivating eyes, but now he was graced with corded muscle and a chiselled physique that could rival that of Michelangelo’s David. His hair was longer, too, curling around his ears and falling over his forehead as if he were some kind of prince. 

Minho was enamoured. By the physical aspects, yes, but more so by the intellectual ones. The man spoke with a poetic grace, listened with an undivided attention that was nigh penetrating, and provided stimulating company that drew Minho out of his introverted shell with an unprecedented proficiency. 

Soon enough, the pair were discussing the prospects of their futures, their favourite books and least favourite movies, delving into realms that went far beyond superficial smalltalk. Chan had learned that Minho still hadn’t seen the ocean–which was a blasphemous discovery for the Australian native, and Minho learned that the brunet was an alpha like himself, though he had deduced as much considering the man practically oozed alpha qualities. 

Yet all the while, the two refrained entirely from speaking of their past. They spoke very briefly and vaguely about their childhoods, but nothing concrete nor solid enough was divulged through the many topics they explored. 

Minho thought it was interesting how he made acquaintance with a kindred spirit, but he was grateful that Chan didn’t push him for information all the same. 

They spoke at length with one another, and before they knew it, the wedding ceremony was drawing to a close. Minho, for the first time in his life since meeting Juyeon, was reluctant to leave Chan’s side, and sensing the younger’s hesitation, Chan offered him a reprieve. 

A date. He asked if he could take Minho on a date. 

Dumbfounded, like a fish out of water, Minho gaped at him. 

Chan laughed good naturedly, tilting his head to the side as he ran his thumb over Minho’s knuckles. 

Yes, he had eventually choked out. I’d love that. 

He was further rendered speechless when the elder leaned up to kiss his cheek, whispering to him how he’d text him the details. And then, with another press of his lips against Minho’s hand and another dazzling smile, he was gone.  

Unbeknownst to Minho, Juyeon and Hyunjae had caught the entire exchange, affectionate grins plastered onto their glowing faces as they watched Minho cover his mouth with his hand and giggle excitedly into his palm. 

Minho was happy. The blush on his face was positively endearing and the smile carved into his cheeks was contagious. The fact that Chan was the one who made him feel that way was all Juyeon needed to know that his dearest friend was in good hands. He knew Chan through Hyunjae. He knew that the alpha was one of the most genuine people he would ever know. And he knew he could trust him with one of the most important people in his life. 

Their first date was, for lack of a better term, perfect. Simple, as to not be overwhelming, yet impactful even with its lack of grandiose gestures. Chan had taken him to a lovely restaurant which he dared not to pronounce the name of, where the cuisine was of the French variety and riddled with delicious carbs. Then, he led the way to Olympic Park, where he bought Minho an ice cream cone with three whole scoops–each a different flavour.  

He didn’t get one for himself, however, claiming that he couldn’t afford the extra calories, which earned him a classic Minho Glare and smack to his arm. The elder cried out in faux protest, massaging the abused limb, dimpled grin making another heart-melting appearance on his gorgeous face.  

Minho couldn’t help but shake his head affectionately as he cast a sideways glance to the elder, yet he ultimately insisted on sharing the ice cream. It was too much for him to finish by himself, anyway. 

They concluded their evening with a stroll through the park, marvelling at the flowers, the lights, the weather. 

It was…it was perfect. And after Chan slotted his fingers between his own, Minho could have sworn he’d never be happier. 

But then one date turned into two, which turned to three and then four, and on their fifth date, Chan took Minho to the beach. 

The second he saw the cerulean waters of the ocean, he cried. He didn’t think he would cry, but then he was assaulted with the image of ten year-old Minho, who had begged his parents to let him eat ice cream on the beach and stick his toes in the sand.

When he forced the memory away, all that was left before him was Chan. Beautiful, kind Chan, who had a heart made of the purest gold. Who looked ethereal in the golden light of the setting sun, with his soft curls and depthless eyes. And he felt it. 

He wasn’t just Chan, the successful music producer despite having been in the industry for only a little over a year, or the alpha who became friends with every single person he met, no. He wasn’t just the man who he’d met once at a college party only to see him again at the wedding of his best friend. It wasn’t that simple. 

He was his mate, Chan. 

His mate. 

And it all made sense. It all came together. A connection forged by the universe, ordained by the Moon Goddess herself. 

He kissed him then, rendering the elder a mass of unbalanced limbs that forced them to topple onto the sand. Messy and uncoordinated, it had been, and Minho was certain he knocked his forehead against Chan’s nose a time or two, but just like everything else in his life that Bang Chan had touched, it was perfect. 

And needless to say, Minho was certain that he was in love. 

“A thousand won for your thoughts.”

Minho recoiled, hand flying to his chest and causing the ladle he’d been holding to fall into the pot of simmering stew. 

“Shit, Min!”

“Chan hyung?”

The pack alpha gently pushed him aside, grabbing a pair of tongs from the drawer and fishing the ladle out from the bubbling liquid. “You gotta be careful, love. Could have burned yourself.”

“I…”

Chan placed the ladle onto the spoon rest, replaced the lid onto the pot so the stew could finish cooking, and then turned around to fix Minho with a concerned gaze.

“Everything alright?” he asked, fingers coming up to graze Minho’s cheekbone. 

“Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Thinking about life?”

Minho hummed, thumbing along the hem of Chan’s sweater. 

“Thinking about you.”

Chan raised his brows at the admission, eyes going wide. “Oh? Good things I hope,” he chuckled, eyes crescenting in a way that pulled at Minho’s heartstrings so hard he thought they’d snap. 

But Minho just stared at him and said nothing; he stared at the dimples nestled into his cheeks, the pearly brightness of his teeth, the crinkling of his perfect nose. Chan was a bit older now–they all were–but not enough to appear obvious. They were still young, Chan himself was only twenty-seven, barely scratching the surface of a wolf’s lifespan. But Minho could see the changes through the slight creases at the corners of his eyes, the beginnings of smile lines forming into the expanse of his flawless complexion. It was unbearably endearing. 

And all it did was serve as a reminder that his alpha had fought through a life riddled with hardship. With pain, and suffering, and loss. So much, he thought. Too much. And yet, not once did he let that mould him into a beast, not once did he lose his tenderness to the horrors of his past, or succumb to the grief of a life that had robbed him of peace. 

Bang Chan remained a pillar of strength and love for them all, unshakable and unbreakable, with a searing conviction to match. And while that did not mean that he had survived through the trials of life entirely unscathed, it did entail that he was a rarity that the Bang Pack was beyond fortunate to have. In that sense, Minho was hit with a wave of overwhelming respect for the man in front of him, and his heart pounded with the unmitigated affection that coloured his blood red.  

“I love you,” he blurted, a tear sliding down his cheek. 

The smile on Chan’s face slowly faded as he registered the veil of mist over Minho’s eyes. His brows knitted together, worry coated his features, and his hands quickly slotted around either side of his face. 

Fresh mint, lemon zest, green apple. 

It filtered into the air, smoothing over Minho’s unchecked emotions. Chan’s scent had easily become one of his favourites once the alpha had stopped wearing scent blockers, it never failed to console them when they most needed it. 

“Min…what’s wrong?”

Minho shook his head, sniffling lightly. God, he hated being emotional. Hated how weak and vulnerable it made him feel. “Nothing, I just-” he sighed, wiping his eyes with the heels of his palms.

“I just…the entire situation with Felix,” he began, blinking the moisture from his eyes. “It puts everything into perspective.”

Chan cocked his head to the side, “how so?” he asked, tapping his fingers against the underside of Minho’s jaw. His wolf almost purred at the gesture, but last time he checked, members of the canine species did not purr. 

Minho felt his throat close up again, felt himself choke on the words he wanted so desperately to voice. 

“Darling, are you sure you’re alright…?”

The younger alpha exhaled shakily, letting his gaze trail to Chan’s neck, where their mating mark was scarred beautifully into the milky skin at its base. He basked in the warmth radiating from the elder’s hands, letting it fill the sudden, icy abyss that dug a hollow in his stomach. “It could have been me.”

“I don’t-I don’t understand.”

“I could have been in Felix’s place. I could have been in a pack that sought to do nothing but harm and ridicule and oppress me. One that wanted to take advantage of me, or ostracise me because of my past. I could have been in a pack that marginalised me, that repressed my freedom, that controlled every aspect of my life and could care less about what I wanted. What I needed.”

He was crying now, and he didn’t care. 

He didn’t care. 

“It could have been m-me, hyung. It could have been me or any of the pups. It could have been any of us. But it-it’s not. It’s not because we…because we have you.”

Chan’s lips trembled as he fought his own bout of tears.

“We have y-you. You, who gave us a home, a safe place, a sanctuary. You, our biggest supporter, protector, and advocate, who loves us unconditionally and fully despite all that we put you through. Despite everything you’ve been through yourself. You respect us and treasure us and dote on us, you teach us how to be better, but you also show us how to embrace who we are, and to not only love each other but ourselves, too. 

You’ve never made us carry the burden of anything. You put all others above yourself. You do everything you possibly can to ensure that our lives are easy. Even if it’s at your own expense. You gave me a family, hyung. You gave me a family that I have never had and I-I-I love you. I love you so much, hyung. And I don’t say it nearly as often as I should. I love you, and the boys love you, and we are so, so grateful to be a part of your pack. We are so lucky that you are our alpha.”

“Minho…”

“Thank you, hyung. Thank you, for loving us. For loving me.”

He sobbed, openly and uninhibited, wrapping himself tightly within Chan’s awaiting embrace. He sobbed into his neck, holding onto the soft fabric of his sweater, clutching it between his fingers so that he wouldn’t slip away. He sobbed until he felt the alpha’s tears soil his own clothing, until he felt he couldn’t breathe, until Chan forcefully extricated himself so that he could look into Minho’s eyes when he said:

“You all make everything worth it. Every single thing. Minho, you are all the greatest loves of my life and I would walk through hellfire, time and again, if it meant keeping all of you happy and safe. I would do it gladly, a thousand times over. Because you forget, my love, that each one of you saved me, too. I would not be alive if it weren’t for you, or Hyunjin, or Seungmin, or Changbin, or Jeongin, or Jisung. And now Felix, too. I would have given up long ago if the universe didn’t bestow upon me the greatest gifts in existence. 

You are the reason my lungs draw breath, the reason I want to wake up to another day, the reason why life is worth living. And everything I do…everything I do is because I love you.”

He suddenly turned his head slightly to the side, his tear-lined face glowing with a serene, yet knowing smile. 

“Because I love all of you, my nosy pups.”

Minho gasped, red-rimmed eyes widening as he looked over Chan’s shoulder to see the rest of the pack shoved into the threshold of the kitchen’s entrance. 

“Come here, my darlings,” beckoned Chan, opening an arm for his mates. 

Hyunjin was the first to break free from their little horde, all but running into Chan’s arms, sniffling thickly against his chest. The others were soon to follow, crowding into the alpha’s hold, weeping silently and exchanging tear-stained kisses on tear-stained cheeks. 

“You are all my forever,” murmured Chan, “and I need your help to make sure that Felix learns what it’s like to feel that way, too.”

There was a chorus of agreements, of hands carding through hair and stroking along spines. Of happy pheromones leaking into the air and arms holding tight to each other. 

It felt as if it had been an eternity since they were together like this, and Minho wanted to relish in the familiar comfort for as long as he could.

But it seemed as if dinner had other plans. The pot hissed as its contents spilled past the seam of the lid, falling onto the stovetop. Minho groaned in annoyance, unwinding his arms from Chan’s waist before turning off the stove and removing the offending cookware.

“I can fix this,” he said, hand falling into the dip of his waist as the other scratched at his nape. 

“We’ll help,” Chan supplied, face flushed with devotion as everyone turned their attention towards the second eldest. 

“Alright then, let’s get to it. If we’re lucky we’ll have dinner before ten.”

The Bang Pack shared one final embrace before cleaning the remnants of their tears from their faces and falling into their designated roles.

Chan, naturally, took the mantle of the meat handler. Yet before he could begin, he let his gaze wander to his greatest joys in life. To Hyunjin and Jisung chopping vegetables, to Jeongin preparing a fresh broth in a clean pot, to Changbin and Seungmin gathering all of the herbs and spices. And finally, to Minho, who was bustling about the kitchen in his frilly apron embroidered with cat paws. 

He felt his chest constrict with fondness, lips quirked into a dimpled grin. 

A well-oiled machine, he thought to himself. 

His well-oiled machine. 

He retrieved the knife, eyes crinkling as his smile widened, and got to work. 

 

---

 

It was soft. Too soft. And warm, warmer than anything he’d felt in a long time. 

Where am I?

A twitch in his right hand, another in his left, and soon he could feel the silkiness of an unnameable fabric beneath the pads of his fingers. 

His eyes felt too heavy, his body felt too relaxed, and he was left to wonder, once again, 

Where am I?

It smelled clean, like freshly laundered clothes left to dry in the sun. But underneath that, there was…mint, and lemon, and…flowers? Subtle enough that it didn’t irritate his sensitive nose, yet perceptible to the point where he knew that the scent was not his own. 

He doesn’t even remember what his scent was, and yet, he knew. He knew it did not belong to him. 

Still, it’s…nice, he supposed. Whoever’s scent it was that surrounded him. It was comforting, in one way. Familiar, strangely enough, in another. Though he was certain he’d never been exposed to such delicate smells. 

The tingling in his legs subsided, and he could once again feel their weight against the fabrics he was tucked into. There was light dancing behind the thin skin of his eyelids, and his mind begged for the relief of sight. 

He swallowed. It was thick and gravelly against the soft lining of his throat. He needed water. Yes, water. But more importantly, he needed to know where he was. 

His hand moved, coming up to lay against his stomach, which he discovered was covered in another soft fabric–different from the one that swallowed him whole, but comfortable nonetheless. He dragged his hand up, weakly drummed his fingers along his sternum, and ensured that beneath it there was a heartbeat. 

Ensured that he was not dead. 

His eyes danced beneath their lids, wild and uncoordinated as panic bubbled within his chest. His heart palpitated almost painfully, but he was so, very close–

His lashes fluttered, vision hazy and blurred from the lack of use, trying in vain to focus on something, anything, until they once again succumbed to fatigue and fell shut. 

He exhaled shakily, felt his hands tremble and his body shudder as he acquainted himself with his unknown environment. He forced his senses to cooperate, pleaded with himself to get out get out get out. 

His eyes finally shot open, and the first thing that he could make out beyond the sounds of his uneven breathing was the wide expanse of a ceiling, a grandiose, unlit chandelier at its centre. It took a few more moments for his brain to register that he had no recognition of the sights before him, 

but when it did, 

Felix screamed.

Notes:

THEYYY 🥺

hope you liked this chapter!!! let me know if you liked it <3

also, just a disclaimer, I know absolutely nothing about tbz but I do know that Lee Know is friends with Juyeon irl so I took that and ran with it. so please don't come for me for any inaccuracies 😭

see you soon!

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 10: Act II, Scene V

Summary:

They knew it wasn't going to be easy, but they didn't know it would be this hard, either.

Notes:

WELCOME BACKKK

okay so, here is the chapter you've all probably been waiting for since the story began so I won't bore you with a lengthy AN. WOOHOO!!!

without further ado, enjoyyyyy!!!! (I am so sorry for this)

 

CW: panic attacks, blood and injuries, descriptions of wounds, mild self-harm, hyperventilating, crying (lots of crying), forced headspace, needles/injections

 

Act II, Scene V

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

It was moments like these where Hyunjin despised the sheer massiveness of their home. 

They had been situating themselves around the dining table when they heard it. The sound was muffled, difficult to fully ascertain since it seemed to have travelled a considerable distance before it was breaching their ears, forcing them all to do a double-take as their worst fears were realised. 

The bowl in Hyunjin’s hand shattered as it made impact with the marble floor of their dining room, smothering their casual chatter and the jingle of cutlery with a thick, uneasy blanket of silence.

The jjigae they had just finished making spilled across the stone, the homemade kimchi and ridiculously expensive beef they’d put into the dish mocking him as he stared at the mess with wide, panicked eyes. 

“Felix.”

And then he was running, barely managing to avoid slipping on the broth and shards of ceramic that decorated the floor. The corridors flew past him in a haze, the marble cold against his sock-clad feet, his heart hammering against the cavity of his chest.

The manor felt thrice the size it was, for as fast as he was sprinting, his destination seemed just as far. He could barely perceive the rumbling footsteps behind him over the blood pumping in his ears, the anxious breaths and murmurs of his pack as they followed in his path. 

A near-torturous amount of time later, he was finally turning into the east wing, all but slamming into the wall before righting himself and continuing on. Running and running, tunnel-visioned, driven by a gargantuan desperation to get to his omega. He ran until he felt his lungs would collapse. Until he reached the end of the corridor where the pack alpha’s bedroom was located. 

He pushed the doors open, breathless, chest heaving, sweat dotting his brow, and scanned over the entire expanse of the room–first, to the bed, to the rumpled sheets that were pushed off of the mattress, and when there was no sign of the omega the pit in his stomach grew tenfold, crushing him from the inside out. 

“Felix?”

There was nothing to answer him. 

“Felix?!” 

He entered the room on unsteady feet, legs feeling unnaturally wobbly as his hands trembled at his sides. His heart was in his throat, fear knotting deeply into his veins as he was inundated with the sight of a few splotches of blood smeared along the linens.

“Where is he?” asked Minho, the timbre of his voice cracking beneath nervousness. 

Hyunjin continued on, featherlight steps absorbed by the thick area rug, past the bed, letting his eyes sweep over every visible inch of the bedroom, and that’s when he heard a muffled thump. He swerved his head towards the sound, and that's when he saw him.

There.

He was right there, huddled behind the edge of the wardrobe, shoved into a corner that should not have been able to harbour the occupation of a body. 

He stopped, features softening impossibly, turned to look at his mates and offered them a placating hand in reassurance that their omega was conscious and– seemingly unharmed. 

“Felix?” he whispered, taking a minuscule step towards the blond. 

“S-stay away from m-m-me!”

The alpha, once again, halted where he stood. Retracted his steps so that there was a safe distance between them, unthreatening and unimposing.  

“It’s just me, darling,” he whispered, “just Hyunjin.”

There was a deep mistrust in Felix’s eyes. A flicker of doubt, a wave of unrelenting fear. 

“D-d-don’t come any-any cl-closer-“

“Okay, okay,” assured the alpha, maintaining eye contact with the blond. “I’m gonna stay right here, alright? And everyone else is gonna stay over there, yeah? Is that okay?”

Felix’s gaze flew to the bedroom’s threshold, and it was clear that the blatant reminder of the other wolves only exacerbated the omega’s panic. The sight of them was enough to trigger a full-blown attack. 

He pushed himself even closer to the wall, uncontrollable tremors wracking his thin frame. 

“Al-alph-alphas gonna…alphas gonna hurt omega.”

Hyunjin’s eyes filled with tears. “No, Felix. We’d never hurt you, angel.” 

Felix expelled a sob, scratching at the bandages around his arms. “Alphas gonna hurt omega!” He cried, ripping them from his wounds. “Alphas gonna hurt omega, alphas gonna hurt omega, alphas gonna hurt omega-” he repeated, over and over, rocking his body against the wall until all they could hear was the sound of bone against concrete. 

They all flinched in time with each impact. 

“Alphas always h-hurt omega,” he murmured, picking at the barely-healed scars on his newly uncovered skin, staring unseeingly at the floor. 

Hyunjin blinked the tears away. 

“We don’t want to hurt you, Felix. We want to help you.”

“L-l-l-lies. Alpha lies.”

“I’m not lying, my love. Remember I said I would? I promised, didn’t I? I promised I would find you, and I did. I promised I would save you and I will. But you have to let me, darling. Will you let me?”

A hazy form of recognition dawned on Felix’s face. “Hyunjinnie pr-promised omega.”

Hyunjin nodded, smiling as kindly as he could given the overwhelming anguish he was feeling, the fresh tears misting over his irises, stinging his sight with a pain that paled pathetically in comparison to the one overshadowing his heart. 

But then the small gap of clarity on the omega’s face was eclipsed by thunderous clouds again, and he dug his fingers into the reopened wounds on his arms, slathered them in the newly flooded craters of blood. 

Hyunjin winced as if he was feeling the pain himself, yet the omega seemed entirely unfazed. 

“N-no. No. No, no, no …y-you’re not Hyun-you’re not Hyunjinnie…” 

“Felix…sweetheart. It’s me.”

The blond shook his head vehemently. “Not Hyunjinnie…not Hyunjinnie. Hyunjinnie white.”

And that’s when it occurred to Hyunjin. 

Felix had only ever seen Hyunjin in his wolf form. 

Even in their mind link, even in their shared dreamscapes…he’d only ever seen Hyunjin in his wolf form. And while voices remained the same no matter what form a werewolf took, he understood completely that Felix's frazzled, traumatised mind simply latched onto the representative aspects of Hyunjin'a wolf.

He turned towards the pack, helplessness settling into the furrow between his brows as he brought his teeth between his lips. 

What do I do? He asked. 

They seemed equally as uncertain as Hyunjin. One on one hand, he could show Felix his wolf, prove to him that he was who he claimed to be and render his disbelief and mistrust entirely baseless. On the other, there was no knowing what the limits of his already fragile mental state were. There was no knowing what repercussions they’d face if he was met with the sight of a fully grown alpha wolf. 

But then again…if Hyunjin’s wolf was all Felix had seen, perhaps that was the form he’d be most comfortable with. 

Do it, spoke Chan. 

Hyunjin nodded. Then, he took a few more steps back. 

Usually, there were rules against phasing in the manor, Chan and Minho practically forbade it unless it was required during a state of emergency. 

Surely, this qualified as one, and Chan himself encouraging him to do so was the last form of confirmation Hyunjin needed in order to let go of any irrational fears he was consumed by.

The shift was seamless. In the place of Hyunjin’s tall, lithe body, was the hulking form of a beautiful white wolf. The blue of his irises was even more profound in this state, though the gentleness, the sincerity and love was all the same. 

They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and Hyunjin’s were wide open for Felix to peer into. 

The omega whined lowly, choking through another bout of sobs. 

“Hyun…jin.”

The wolf nodded. 

It’s me, angel. It’s always been me. 

Felix gasped, slamming his palm against his mouth. His eyes glossed over with tears, filling them to the brim before they could no longer bear the volume, and ultimately spilling over his lashes and dousing the pale expanse of his face in a thin sheet of iridescence. 

For a brief moment–a brief, wonderful moment, Hyunjin thought that they were beginning to make some progress. That Felix was relinquishing some of the apprehension that wound his body tight with tension, that maybe the tears he shed were borne of relief. The clarity, Hyunjin found, waxed and waned like the phases of the moon, bright and all-encompassing for one breath, dark and foreboding in the next. The instant some small glimmer of lucidity sparkled within his eyes, it was once again snatched by a conditioned fear. 

It was not natural. It was not instinctual. 

It was learned. 

Felix’s fear was a learned response. One that not even the comfort of their soulmate bonds could overcome and soothe. It ran so deep within the omega’s subconscious, was woven so tightly into his very being that he could no longer distinguish friend from foe. 

Could no longer distinguish those who loved him from those who sought to bring him harm.  

And the sheer volume of tremors that shook his very foundations spoke volumes about his corrupted psyche; fingers a wild flurry of uncontrollable spasms against his hollow cheeks, legs wobbling beneath his nonexistent weight, and suddenly, he was falling to his knees in a cacophony of pained cries and harsh thuds. 

Hyunjin’s wolf whimpered as the omega latched onto the roots of his hair and began to tug, began to wail and heave and hyperventilate as he was left with a deficit of oxygen to his lungs.

He moved forward, slowly, unhurriedly, his large body contorting itself so that he would appear smaller. Releasing a potent wave of pheromones as he went along to smooth over as much of the emotional disarray that he could.

But the omega screamed the closer he got. Face coloured an unsightly shade of crimson with the severity of his sobs, eyes puffy and red-rimmed, lips shiny with dots of blood from the torn, flaky flesh.

“No!”

Felix, please-

“No! Alphas-” he pulled his legs towards his body, pyjamas tinted with blotches of pink from his aggravated injuries, “hurt omega!”    

And then he was slamming his head against the wardrobe. 

Over and over and over until a fissure formed at his temple and blood seeped down his face, curving along his brow and pooling into his eye, running over the bow of his mouth until it dripped from his chin. 

The pack flew into action, flooding into the room, and Hyunjin was back to his human form in the blink of an eye. 

“Felix, please stop-” he cried, crawling towards the distraught omega and squeezing his hand between the wardrobe and his head. “Please my love, stop this…please…”

Chan appeared next to him, his scent wafting over the sobbing alpha. 

“Channie, please, make him stop-”

The pack alpha’s brows drew together, reaching trembling hands towards Felix, securing them around his shoulders so that he could physically restrain his movements. 

“Darling, please. Listen to me,” he implored, grimacing as his fingers sank into bony flesh. “Listen to me, we do not want to hurt you. We will never hurt you. I swear to you, to the Moon Goddess herself, that I would rather die than hurt you, my love.”

Felix appeared to be deaf to his words, thrashing against Chan’s hold, bawling, shrieking a wretched, breathless babble of “letmegoletmegoletmego-” as he kicked his legs and threw his head around so hard it seemed it would snap from his neck. 

Hyunjin stood to his feet, tear-sodden face blanching as he searched his mind for an outlet, scouring over every possible solution that would remedy this terrible turn of events. He was breathing heavily, sweat plastering the long strands of his blond hair to his neck. So many thoughts running amok in his mind, swirling through his conscience in a merciless, discordant harmony that his ears felt as if they would bleed. And then a lightbulb went off, and he turned on his feet and made a beeline towards Seungmin. 

“Seungmin. Tranquiliser. Now.”

The beta doctor’s eyes widened, “no way,” he denied, shaking his head, “I can’t administer a tranquiliser in this state! His heart rate is already too hig-”

“I don’t fucking care, Seungmin! If he keeps going the way he is now, he’s going to go into goddamn cardiac arrest. Do you understand? Get the damn tranquiliser.”

The younger wolf cowered beneath Hyunjin’s extremely rare use of his alpha voice, “Hyunjin-”

“If you won’t, I will,” he seethed, already pushing past him. 

“Okay, wait! Wait. I’ll get it. I’ll get it, just…stay with him. Try to lower his heart rate as much as you can.” 

Hyunjin nodded, hurrying back to Chan’s side before Seungmin had even finished speaking. 

“We-we need to lower his heart rate. Get him to calm down somehow, I don’t-I don’t know how…”

Chan made a noise of affirmation, pushing himself closer to the omega, until his knees were flush with the floorboards, and he felt suffocated in the confines of the corner Felix had shoved himself into. He stared at him, at the hairs sticking to the blood on his face, the tears that were practically glued to his cheeks. 

He hated himself for what he was about to do. But there was no other way. 

He inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. Spoke a quick prayer to the Moon Goddess for forgiveness. 

There was no other way. 

“Felix, look at me,” he murmured. “Look at me, omega.”

The blond froze instantly. 

“Look at me,” he commanded, feeling sick to his stomach, “look at alpha.”

His eyes flew open. 

When they met Chan’s, they flashed nearly white in submission. 

“There we go. Such a good omega, hm?”

Felix nodded. “G-good omega?” he questioned smally, sniffling harshly. 

“Mhm. The very best omega, you are. So good. So perfect for alpha.”

The blond nearly preened at the praise, and if he wasn’t painted in streaks of his own blood, if Chan hadn’t used his alpha voice to force the younger wolf into complacency, he would have been mesmerised by the sight. 

Felix was so beautiful. So beautiful and so tormented. 

It made nausea simmer in the pit of his stomach. 

“Will omega be good for alpha?” he asked, manoeuvring his hands, flattening one against the blond’s pulse and curling the other around his elbow. "You have to be good for alpha."

Again, Felix nodded. His wolf desperate to appease Chan.

“Good, so good,” reiterated Chan, pressing circles into the flesh of his neck. “Omega is so good. Omega makes alpha so happy. But you know what would make alpha even happier?”

“H-happier?” 

“Yes, sweetheart, even happier than omega’s making him feel now.”

Felix’s eyes sparked with newfound determination. “Yes, omega wants…m-make alpha happier.”

Chan smiled, all warm and soft, “come out from there, hm? Will you come out for alpha?”

There was an instant panic that seized him, body going rigid with anxiety at the prospect of abandoning his safe space. 

“It’s okay. Alpha’s here. And look, so is Hyunjinnie Alpha,” he gestured to Hyunjin, tone laden with encouragement and patience. “Omega likes Hyunjinnie Alpha, right?”

The blond exhaled shakily, eyes fixated on the blue-eyed alpha at Chan’s side. He knew him, he did. The pretty alpha with the pretty wolf. He’d seen him in his dreams, spoke to him in his mind. 

He’s the one that rescued him. He's the one who'd abandoned him.

He pointed towards him, whispering a quiet, barely perceptible, “Alpha.” 

Hyunjins breath caught in the back of his throat. 

“That’s right. Our omega is so wonderful, isn’t that right, Hyunjin?”

The long-haired alpha hummed in agreement, extending his own hand towards Felix, letting it rest atop his knee. “The most wonderful omega there is. Not a single one like him in the world.”

Chan shot a grateful look towards Hyunjin, one that was reciprocated in its intensity through striking, crystalline eyes. 

“Now,” he said, focusing his attention back to Felix, “omega will come out from the corner, and we’re gonna go back to bed. Together. Okay?”

Felix still looked unsure, but the alpha’s voice, paired with both of the alphas’ pheromones, was enough to cloud his brain with a haze of warmth. All of the panic muddled together into a faceless blob of incoherency, present but…not as debilitating. He could feel it, could feel that he was having some kind of meltdown, could feel it simmering just beneath the surface. 

His head, too, it-it was throbbing. And his entire body ached and seared with pain and discomfort. 

His face felt hot and sticky, the edge of his right eye’s vision vignetted with a mist of red. 

Everything hurt. It hurt terribly. Unbelievably. 

But with the two alphas in front of him, it…

It made him nod his head, made him want to acquiesce to their every wish, their every command. 

It made him want to be a good little omega. Even if he was in pain. Even if he did not have his wits about him. 

“Perfect,” beamed Chan, “good boy, Felix. Such a good boy. Here, hold my hand…” 

Felix eyed the appendage warily. 

“Take my hand, Felix,” he said again, a touch more sternly. 

The omega obeyed. 

Chan was going to vomit. 

He effortlessly ushered the blond to his feet, coaxing him gently out of the corner. 

They took a few steps together, shaky and a little unbalanced as the numbness in Felix’s legs and feet slowly receded. But then Felix stopped entirely. 

“Alpha,” he said, glancing towards Hyunjin.

“What’s that?” asked the pack alpha, anchoring an arm behind the omega’s shoulders. 

“Want Alpha…” he whispered. 

Chan’s eyes widened, “you want Hyunjinnie?”

Felix started to nod, but then he ceased all movement, biting his lip. “W-want b-b-both.”

The eldest’s eyes watered, “of course, darling. We’re here.”

And to prove it, Hyunjin immediately slotted against Felix’s other side, reciprocating Chan’s gesture of holding the omega’s hand securely as they guided him away from the wardrobe. 

When Hyunjin shifted his gaze to the bed, he was surprised to see that the linens were no longer stained with blood. His eyes flickered instantly to Minho, who was holding a bundle of white fabric in his hands. Jeongin and Jisung at his side, Changbin nowhere to be seen. 

When did they do that?

But just as the thought passed over his mind, hell broke loose for the second time that evening. 

Because with the thought, it seemed, came Felix’s ultimate undoing. For the second Hyunjin’s attention was usurped by gratefulness for the quick thinking of his mates, Felix was keenly made aware of them.

More alphas. 

More wolves. 

Alphas hurt omega.

Alphas hurt omega.

Alphas hurt omega-!

He wrenched himself from Hyunjin and Chan’s unsuspecting grasps, scrambling onto the bed and crawling away from them, refusing to let his eyes stray from the trio of unfamiliar wolves. He landed unsteadily on his feet, his breathing erratic and scarily turbulent. But then, in a split-second decision, he was making a mad dash towards the doors in his haste to get away from them. 

Fuck, exclaimed Hyunjin into their link, he’s gonna run!

Yet he didn’t get far. The moment he stepped into the corridor, there were strong arms wrapping around his waist. 

He thrashed again, cried and sobbed and screamed until fresh drops of blood splashed against the floor and his throat went raw. 

And then Seungmin plunged a needle straight into the side of his neck.  

The omega’s eyes widened, viridian depths swimming with terror and betrayal before he slumped in Changbin’s arms, prompting the beta to lift his lifeless body into a more secure hold. He was weightless. Like air. Like the feather of a dove. 

He exhaled a heavy breath, cradling Felix's body close to his chest. 

Seungmin stumbled back, bracing his hands on his knees as the injection tumbled to the floor, emptied of its contents. 

Chan sighed, defeated and heartbroken, holding a distraught Hyunjin in the circle of his arms as he and Minho made eye contact. 

“What are we gonna do?”

And the thing is, not a single one of them knew how to answer Hyunjin’s question.

Notes:

poor baby 😞

things are gonna get a lot worse before they get better, so apologies in advance

lmk if you liked it! till next time, dear readers <3

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 11: Act II, Scene VI

Summary:

The Bang Pack discusses their next steps. New tensions arise.

Notes:

Hello. I offer you all a new chapter. Many apologies for the late update, I'm not doing so great. But enjoy! The plot thickens just a teeny bit.

 

CW: mentions of hyperventilation, crying, outbursts

 

Act II, Scene VI

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

“I think we should call Seonghwa hyung.”

The pack was gathered in the library. The fireplace was lit, filling the room with a pleasant warmth. 

Yet no one felt it. 

“I think we should call Seonghwa hyung,” Hyunjin repeated, and this time it was clear that they had heard him over the blaring loudness of their own thoughts. 

“He specialises in pack trauma,” he further explained, “and he’s an omega. He’ll be able to relate to Felix in ways we fundamentally cannot.”

“Hyunjin-”

“Look,” he interjected, “he recognised me. He knows who I am now, and Chan hyung used his alpha voice. This means that Felix’s omega regards us as his alphas. That's a step in the right direction, right?”

“Hyunjin…” started Chan, his voice both painfully stern and unwaveringly clear. “He only submitted to me because I used it on him. I-I never want to do that to him again. Ever. He barely managed to escape from an environment that did nothing but take away his free will. I do not want to reinstitute that here, not in a place where he should feel safe and protected. But,” he paused, letting his gaze sweep over his packmates, “even I have to admit that after seeing the way he reacted, we may have to take drastic measures.”

The younger alpha gasped, face contorting in offense. “That's not what I'm saying at all. I’m not saying that you have to keep him constantly subdued under your wolf’s control. I abhor that you think I would even suggest such a thing…I abhor that you're even considering it.”

Chan couldn’t bear the flash of hurt on Hyunjin’s face. 

“...I know that that’s the last thing you want to do to him. You know I do,” he intoned desperately, hands gesticulating wildly. “But...drastic measures?  That seems neither realistic nor logical.”

He leaned against a bookshelf, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“We don't need to enact drastic measures when we can achieve the same outcomes with patience and fortitude. Until he can get to a point where he is capable of his own rational thought, it’s simply up to us. We have to be patient with him. We have to be the ones who help him stand on his own two feet, the ones who take matters into our own hands, the ones who have to make some decisions for him until he can do it for himself. You saw it with your own two eyes, even before your intervention he was practically stuck in an impenetrable subspace. Something has to give.” 

There was a palpable weight around his words, pulling them down until they settled uncomfortably on their chests. 

“And I hate that it has to be this. I hate it. I hate it,” he whispered, eyes misting involuntarily. “I wish we could just...snap our fingers and wish him better, but it has to be this way. Slow and steady. At least, for a little while, until the dust settles, or-or until he can breathe without having a fucking panic attack. Whichever comes first.”

He took a seat, sandwiching himself between Jeongin and Chan, sighing deeply as he absentmindedly fumbled with the thought of how he would kill for a relaxing bath right now. His eyes strayed to the flames that crackled in the fireplace’s hearth, and his hands pulled mindlessly at the woven fabric of his cardigan.

His head was throbbing. 

Chan forced him to meet his gaze, fingers latching delicately beneath his chin. When crystalline blue clashed with golden brown, Hyunjin made the immediate observation that the pack alpha looked tired. No. No, he looked…positively exhausted. Worn thin around the edges, locked in a war between the desires of his heart and the demands of his mind. 

“You said you’d do anything for him,” he murmured to the pack alpha. 

“And I will. Anything.”

“So then what’s stopping you? What’s stopping you from going about this the right way?”

Chan’s Adam’s apple bobbed uncomfortably in his throat as he straightened his posture, letting his hand fall from Hyunjin’s chin.

The younger alpha seemed…disappointed, at his lack of response. His lip trembled, his eyes narrowed imperceptibly, and he abruptly turned away from him. 

“Hyunjin...it's not that simple.”

All heads turned to Seungmin, who, after their long silence, looked pensive. 

“Hear me out,” he said, splaying his hands in a gesture of good will. “From a medical perspective, patience and fortitude will do very little to help him without the aid of an incentive. It will be more beneficial to Felix’s omega if he establishes a connection with an alpha–or in this case, two. The way it ought to have been established from the beginning. With pure intent, love, and protection.

In any case, if his omega realises that its true alphas do not want to harm him, it’ll be easier to bridge the gap between the fragmented pieces of his psyche. Right now, he’s running on nothing but pure survival instinct. He’s retreated into his wolf. He wants to embrace the bond, I can feel it. But he’s too distrustful, too terrified to let anyone in completely.”

He took a deep breath. 

“Essentially, what we need to do first is reconcile his omega. Provide him with everything he needs so that he can begin to associate the bonds with positivity. We need to rebuild his trust, repair his emotional, mental, and physical wounds. Nurse him back to a level state of mind that hasn’t been commandeered by fear and adrenaline. Then, and only then, can we even hope to approach him without his omega taking over.”

“That’s easier said than done,” remarked Minho, an impatient sort of agitation lining the usually soft-spoken timbre of his voice. “Are you forgetting that he attempted to escape after simply seeing me and Jeongin?”

Seungmin ran a hand through his hair, ruffling the caramel strands until they looked like an unkempt mass on his head. “No, hyung. I’m not forgetting.”

“Then how are we supposed to convince his omega that we’re not like his old pack?”  

“Start small,” supplied the youngest beta. “Obviously, his reaction was indicative of the conditioning he’s undergone having lived with the Choi Pack.”

The others bristled at the reminder. 

“But we don’t operate that way. With the alphas' help, he’ll see what a healthy pack dynamic is supposed to be like. His wolf, in turn, will learn how to adapt to it.”  

Hyunjin stared at the beta with bated breath, the ache in his head growing tenfold. 

“So for now,” continued Seungmin, “it’s up to Chan hyung and Hyunjin to kickstart the process. Start chipping away at the walls, so to speak. He’s incredibly fragile, his omega is desperate. And I don’t like saying this but…it’ll be easier to do that while his wolf is vulnerable. Because while Felix may not exactly acknowledge us as his pack, his omega knows it. We can use that to our advantage.”

“Chan hyung,” he announced, turning to the pack alpha. “When he wakes up this time, we need to be ready. The both of you,” he flicked his gaze towards Hyunjin, holding it for a moment, “are essential pieces in this. I don’t mean to scare you when I say this, but if you fail…” the beta swallowed, “...if you fail, the consequences will be dire.”

The pack alpha’s breath hitched, his brows furrowed. “How dire?”

Seungmin flexed his fingers, exhaling deeply. 

“How dire, Seungmin?”

In a quick, hushed whisper, the doctor spoke the nightmarish truth. “He’ll die.”

There was a collective gasp from the entire pack.

“No…”

“If he rejects the bonds, he will die. That’s simply the fact of the matter. The use of an alpha voice, though advantageous, can only do so much. It can force his brain to believe that you are his alphas, that we are his pack…but if he doesn’t embrace the bonds on an emotional and physical level on his own volition…” he cut himself off, squeezing his eyes shut, swiping a hand down the side of his face. 

“...he’ll wither, then he’ll fade entirely. And our pack will never be complete. And we will feel the void of his absence for the rest of our lives.”

Hyunjin brusquely shot up from the couch, face pinched in disbelief, pink from the unrestrained tears cascading down his cheeks. He looked utterly distraught and unforgivingly livid, like he was one fuse short of imploding. 

“Do you hear yourself right now, Kim Seungmin? You speak of him as if he’s on death’s doorstep, as if he’s a cause that’s irreversibly lost! ”

The beta blanched considerably, shaking his head, “Hyunjin, that’s not-”

“Using his vulnerability, his desperation, as a means to control him? Forcing beliefs upon him? Are these truly the things you believe will aid in his recovery? When I said we need to take matters into our own hands, that we need to make decisions for him, I-I meant choosing a proper diet plan for him, or…what clothes he wears or when he bathes or how often he needs to be exposed to us. I meant setting up appointments with mental health professionals and-and doctors and support groups-”

He was beginning to hyperventilate.

“Never did I intend for you to interpret that as an opportunity to enforce your own will upon him. To dismiss his autonomy entirely in favour of…what is it you said, kickstarting the process? Are you serious? Even if those efforts are in the name of helping him it would make us no better than the Chois. He needs to know that he is in control of his own life, that he can think for himself, and learn how to function again on his own time, at his own pace. You speak of getting him accustomed to a healthy pack dynamic while suggesting that we take advantage of his fragility? Of tricking his brain into accepting us? Is that what a healthy pack does?”

He surveyed the room, breathless and spent. 

“Am I the only one who sees how inherently wrong this is?”

When his query remained unanswered, he scoffed incredulously. 

“Not even you?” he asked, directing his attention towards the pack alpha who wouldn’t even meet his eyes. 

Chan said nothing. 

Hyunjin took a few steps away from the couch, shaking his head, mouth falling open slightly as tears filled his eyes again. 

“I can’t believe this,” he whispered, shaking his head even more. “I can’t believe this…” he repeated in a dyspneic murmur, continuing to step back until a pair of hands curled around his elbows. 

His body seized with panic as he ripped himself away from their grasp, “don’t touch me!” 

Minho and Jisung gasped at the intensity of which he yelled, careening back against the couch they’d been situated on. 

“Hyunjin-ah…calm down,” the older alpha assuaged, though the plea fell on deaf ears as Hyunjin continued his shaky retreat, jumping at the sudden sensation of his back meeting the doors. 

“I…I can’t believe any of you.”

He chanced a glance towards Chan, who was now watching him with ill-concealed concern. His mouth was parted as if he wanted to say something, but when the silence persisted and only the crackle of flames filled the atmosphere, Hyunjin lost it. 

“Fine, then! Fine. You can all do whatever the hell you want. But I will have no part in it. Not one.”

“Jinnie, please-”

His hands grappled for the handles, nearly impossible a task through the blurry film over his eyes. Yet once they’d made purchase against the polished brass, he wasted no time in pulling the doors open and sprinting down the hallway. 

“Hyung!”

“Hyunjin-ah!”

“Hyunjin, wait!”

Chan, his brain having finally caught up with what his eyes had seen, rushed towards the doors. 

“Chan hyung, just hold on a second.”

“I need to talk to him.”

Minho shook his head. “If you go after him now, it’ll only make him more upset.”

The pack alpha deflated. “Min, I can’t just let him go. He’s hurting.”

“You have to,” implored the second eldest. “Just give him a moment to himself. Let him calm down a little.”

“But, I…he-”

“Sit down, my love.”

Chan pinched the bridge of his nose, allowing himself to be led back to the couch by the gentle guidance of their youngest mate. 

He fell onto the cushions heavily, hunching over to immediately bury his face in his palms. Jeongin moulded himself to his side, draping an arm over his shoulders and rubbing soothing circles into the disturbingly tense muscles lining them.

They all sat in an uncertain, viscous silence. Encumbered unbearably by the discomfort left in the wake of Hyunjin’s outburst. 

It was so rare for the alpha to lose his composure in such a way. Chan couldn’t help but feel it was all his fault.

His hands carded into the hair at the top of his head and pulled. 

There was a stifled sob that expelled from his chest. Dry and rough against the delicate lining of his throat. Jeongin held him tighter.

He didn’t even feel the tears when they came. 

But when they did, they struck like a maelstrom. 

 

---

 

It was an hour later that Chan found himself at the doors of Hyunjin’s bedroom. 

He’d first checked on Felix, relieved to see that the omega was still slumbering peacefully in his bed. Then, he went for a walk in the gardens, mindlessly trekked through the small hedge maze until he found himself at its centre, at the fountain that Hyunjin had designed. 

He stayed there for a while, reflecting on his thoughts like the water that cascaded from each tier. 

Yet he envied it. 

He envied the water for having the clarity that he did not. His mind was a cesspool, clouded and murky; foul sewage created by the messes he seemed to be making everywhere he went. 

He was, in every way, the complete antithesis to the cool, crystalline water that carried on entirely unawares to his turmoil. 

He despised it.

And then, he walked away from it, opting to confide his troubles in the moon and her stars instead.  

It was only when it had become bitingly cold that he retreated back into the manor, and subconsciously made his way to the blond alpha’s domain. 

Chan debated knocking. His fingers furled and unfurled constantly against the fine grains of the wood. 

However, in the end, he forewent it entirely, pushing the doors open and padding soundlessly into the room. In an instant, he was embraced by his mate’s pleasant scent, subtle tones of flora and citrus swirling together in a single, harmonious blend that was uniquely Hyunjin. 

He stood there for a few moments, letting it smother him. Letting it fill his nostrils and lungs until he felt that the frayed ends of his nerves had been restored. 

The alpha wasn’t in his bedroom. A quick peek at the balcony doors told him that he wasn’t outside, either. 

Yet the faint sound of a splash alerted the pack alpha that Hyunjin was in his ensuite, and he wasted no time in closing the distance between them. But just as his hand grasped the doorknob, he paused, mind filling with static, and let it fall back to his side. 

Hyunjin most likely locked it in an attempt to ensure his solitude.

So this time, Chan was grateful for having the foresight to knock. He lifted his hand again, bending his fingers ever so slightly as he brought them to the door. It was a quick rap of his knuckles against the surface, loud enough to be heard but not so loud that it would startle the younger. 

Chan was unsurprised when the gesture remained unacknowledged, though he was able to detect the slight souring of Hyunjin’s scent as it wafted through the cracks between the two doors.  

“Hyunjin?” he called. 

Nothing. 

“Hyune, I’m coming in,” he declared, bracing himself to force his way in. 

The doors gave way to his entrance effortlessly, and he stumbled past the threshold. 

So it wasn’t locked, as he had assumed, after all. 

He suddenly felt like an idiot. 

Righting himself, he walked towards the clawfoot tub at the end of the room, where Hyunjin was sitting in chest-deep water, staring unblinkingly at its bubbly surface. 

“Hyunjin…”

The blond turned his head away, letting it rest against his knees as he curled his arms tighter around his legs.

“Darling,” Chan whispered, settling onto his knees next to the tub. He lifted a hand to the back of Hyunjin’s head, threading his fingers through the slightly damp strands of pale gold. His heart ached. Hyunjin looked so, so small. In ways that someone of his size never should. “Is it okay if I talk to you?”

“Leave me alone,” he mumbled apathetically in response.  

“I’m not gonna do that, love. I need to talk to you.”

“Well I don’t want to talk to you, hyung.”

“Please, Hyune. It’s important.”

Hyunjin lifted his head, measuring Chan with a halfhearted scowl. “I don’t care,” he rebuked weakly. 

Chan twirled a lock of his hair around his index finger. “That’s too bad,” countered the elder with a soft voice. “I can’t have you feeling like this. Can’t let you go to bed, knowing that you’re hurting.”

Hyunjin’s throat bobbed. He blinked rapidly.  

“I understand why you’re upset,” he began. 

The blond rolled his eyes, scoffing lightly. “You have a funny way of showing it. You just sat there, letting him drone on and on about-” he slammed his mouth shut, hoping that it concealed the slight tremble of his lips. 

“About Felix, as if-as if he’s incapable of getting better. As if he needs to be reduced to a mindless… fuck-” he cursed, wiping harshly at his eyes with the back of a hand dripping with water. 

Chan pulled his hand down, replacing it with his own and clearing Hyunjin’s tears away with dry fingers. “Hey, relax,” he whispered, brows drawing together because he worried that the younger would get soap in his eyes. “Breathe.”

Hyunjin sniffled, involuntarily pressing his face deeper against the alpha’s palm. 

“Darling,” murmured Chan once the ragged quality of Hyunjin’s breathing had waned, “I promise you that wasn’t Seungminnie’s intent. He’s always been a little blunt and clinical with his words. I reckon it’s the doctor in him.”

“But that doesn’t excuse it, hyung. Felix isn’t some-some random patient of his. He’s…he’s our mate. Our precious little omega. And he spoke of him like he’s some goddamn science experiment.”

Chan shook his head, running his thumb over Hyunjin’s cheek.  “No, my prince. I swear, he didn’t mean anything by it. He wants to help him as much as we do, it just sounds a little different coming from him.”

Hyunjin looked sceptical. 

“Consider this. Seungmin always sees things from an entirely rational perspective, right? He’s no-nonsense, he’s straightforward and direct–almost painfully so. He doesn’t particularly care for sugar-coating a situation after he’s gauged the severity of it. He reacts accordingly, appropriately by his strict standards, and seeing how he handled this…darling, he’s just as scared as we are.”

Hyunjin’s eyes pooled with tears. 

“I know that it made him sound like he didn’t care, or that he wasn’t aware of how bad his suggestions sounded. But Hyunjin, he’s a doctor. He’s wired to view things from a biological perspective so that he can enact a foolproof recovery plan for the people that depend on his expertise. That’s his whole life.”

He cradled Hyunjin’s face in his hands, “I know, my love. I know what you’ve been through yourself, I know why you reacted that way. And I know that that’s why you're upset with me, too. I know all of that, darling."

He brought their foreheads together. 

“But I wouldn’t be worthy of being a pack alpha if I only saw things in black and white.”

Hyunjin sobbed quietly against him. 

“This entire situation with Felix is extremely delicate. It’s uncharted territory for all of us, and we’re trying our best to make things right in the ways each of us knows how.”

The younger alpha shook his head, “no, hyung. Th-that’s not what this is…”

Chan pulled away from him, gently slotting his hands around his neck instead. “Then what is it, Hyunjin?”

“E-even…” he inhaled deeply, “even if he’s coming from a professional standpoint, what he’s saying is wrong and you know it!”

The elder regarded him with a hybrid mix of confusion and distress. 

“Felix needs time, hyung. He needs time and space and-and to know that he’s far away from a place like that. If we take advantage of his frailty, we’ll be just like him. Just like th-them.”

Chan thumbed away the fresh tears from his eyes, now red-rimmed and puffy. 

“We can’t just reduce him to a-a fucking puppet. We can’t just…dehumanise him like that. I don’t want a mindless puppet, Channie. I don’t want a mate that’s stuck in a perpetual state of submission. I want…I want Felix. I want Felix when he’s the best version of himself. When he’s happy and healthy and loves us because he-because he wants to.”

His body heaved with the weight of his sobs, rippling the water around him, making it splash against the ceramic walls. He clasped onto Chan’s forearms, letting his head droop and his tears fall into the bath. 

“Not…” he cried, “not because he has to, hyung. Channie…”

“Hyune,” Chan uttered brokenly. “Baby…”

“I just want Felix. Channie. I want Felix.”

Chan nodded, fighting against the second wave of tears for the evening. Then he lifted the younger from the bath, pulling him into his lap and wrapping his arms around his quivering body. He didn’t care that he was getting wet. He didn’t care that he couldn’t feel his fucking knees or that Hyunjin’s hands were winding mercilessly into the fabric of his shirt, his hair. 

He simply manoeuvred the both of them until Hyunjin felt more secure in his arms. He guided his face into his throat, letting the younger alpha expel his sorrow and heartache against the pillar of Chan’s unwavering affection. 

“I do too, my love” he murmured into his hair, rocking him in his lap. “I do too.”

“I jus’ wan’ Lixie.”

He buried his nose into Chan’s scent gland, whining frustratedly when he realised that his own tears had dampened his alpha’s smell. 

“I know, darling.”

“Jus’ wan' Lixie...”

“...Jus' want my omega.”

Notes:

Team Hyunjin Reacted Appropriately, As He Should or Team Hyunjin is an Overreacting, Overdramatic King? sound off below, I'm curious 🤔

poor Hyune's really going through it, huh? I wonder why he's so adamant about this...

till next time, lovelies

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 12: Act II, Scene VII

Summary:

Jisung makes a discovery. Felix does, too.

Notes:

hello my lovelies, this chapter is coming to you from the psych ward bc i made mother bringeth me mine macbook

can't stop listening to 3rd eye and criminal love. enha ATEEEEE omg (tbh they've been slaying the game lately) and 3rd eye has always been and always will be my breakdown anthem lolololol

anywho, this chapter is a bit on the shorter side, but since i have nothing better to do in here but rot and cry, i think i'll be writing more until i get discharged.

slay.

enjoy! not beta'd as per usual bc i'm TIRED oml. it's nearly six am and it seems my brain has no intention of shutting the fuck up. leaving it up to the lord and praying this chapter makes sense lololol

 

CW: discussions of therapy, antidepressant medication, Bang Chan's self-hatred (what else is new)

 

Act II, Scene VII

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

The new day began with a crisp, morning chill. 

As per his established norm, Jisung would use such a morning as an excuse to sneak into Minho’s bed, making the alpha yelp when his frozen feet ran up and down the lengths of his legs. He’d giggle and relish in the elder’s temporary suffering as he nuzzled into his boundless warmth, and he’d even treat himself to a few sleepy kisses. 

Then he’d melt entirely in Minho’s embrace, tucking his head beneath his chin and falling, once again, into a peaceful slumber for just a little while longer. 

Yet for whatever reason that escaped him, this particular morning found Han Jisung at the gazebo overlooking the lake behind the manor, nursing a hot cup of chamomile tea between his hands. 

The tips of his fingers and nose were pink from the cold, yet the rest of his body was passably insulated. He’d bundled up in one of Hyunjin’s oversized puffer jackets, practically swimming in the padded outerwear, covered his legs in a thick pair of sweatpants, and wrapped Jeongin’s favourite Burberry scarf around his neck. His feet, first shoved into a pair of fuzzy socks, were haphazardly laced into a pair of boots he’d found in the back of his closet. 

It felt that autumn had flourished just last week, though he knew it had been at least a few. It was evident now that the beginning of winter was upon them. The days were becoming even shorter, the average temperatures even cooler. The lake will freeze over soon enough, and maybe in time the ice will become thick enough to skate on. 

He hoped to experience the first snow with his mates. 

With Felix. 

Truth be told, Jisung was struggling with the new addition to their pack. Not because it was Felix, an omega, but because he felt entirely powerless to help him adapt to his new environment. As a beta, he felt that he should have been better equipped with handling the transition. Felt that he should have known how to make it seamless.

Yet it was obvious that he wasn’t, and that he didn’t. 

Perhaps that was why he ventured into the frosty, blue-tinted morning instead of hiding away from it; perhaps that’s why he pulled himself out of bed and spared no thought when speeding past Minho’s door; and perhaps that’s why he chose to set the kettle on the stove and prepare a pot of tea to rid him of the grogginess that came from his restless slumber.

But for what, exactly? 

Jisung had a vague idea. To be fair, his actions were more instinctual. There was less of a conscious awareness to them and more of an innate drive. 

He imagined it was all done to gain a new perspective, to see the world from a different point of view. Perhaps that’s the enlightenment Jisung sought in order to obtain mental clarity. 

And he did. 

It was beautiful, he realised. The crunch of grass beneath the soles of his boots, the crisp air whistling quietly in his ears, the picturesque still and the delicate silence and the impenetrable calm. 

Now that he sat in the company of the cold, he didn’t understand why he’d spent so long avoiding it. The world seemed more tranquil, the atmosphere more balanced. And even though he was relying on his clothing for warmth, there was something innately grounding about it.

There was something grounding about being acutely aware of his surroundings. And something more grounding still about seeing his breath mist with every exhale, about feeling his numb fingertips melt against a hot cup of tea. 

It smelled like new beginnings. Like the end of one era to allow the passage of another. The trees were mostly bare, most of the fauna had migrated towards warmer regions, and the earth was settling down after ridding itself of all things old. 

Jisung thought it poetic, really. The burgeoning of winter just as their pack was metamorphosing through a transformation of its own. 

Peculiar. 

But he tried not to dwell too much on it. 

He took a sip of the tea, sighing contentedly as it warmed his insides with a slightly honeyed sweetness. 

His eyes widened in awe when a small herd of roe deer emerged from the forest, fanning out along the edge of the lake. He set the teacup to the side, standing to his feet.

The beta smiled, curling his hands over the guard rail.

How cute.

They were spearheaded by a single buck, and Jisung noticed instantly how he remained behind the does, watching, observing, monitoring their every move as they gently ushered their young towards the water to sate their thirst.

He was reminded of his pack alpha. His endearingly protective and unceasingly kind alpha. The similarities were almost uncanny. 

Though, Jisung was surprised that they were still here, that they hadn’t moved on to escape the oncoming harshness of a full-fledged winter. But then again, the season was in its infancy, which meant that in due time, they would. And while Jisung wasn’t particularly educated on the social and behavioural patterns of deer, he could at least come to the conclusion that the herd was bound together by some familial aspect or another.

He watched, entirely fond, as the little family continued to forage along the lakeshore. The buck continued to monitor his herd’s safety, and the does gathered what they could as the fawns teased and played with one another after having filled their bellies with water. 

Suddenly, one of the babies fell, rolling over on her spindly little legs and landing unceremoniously on her spotted behind. Jisung gasped, a hand slapping against his mouth while his grip on the polished wood tightened infinitesimally with the other.

But then, the most miraculous thing.

The buck lifted his head, dark eyes glittering with curiosity. He lowered his chin, nigh appraising, and began to walk towards the fallen fawn, abandoning his post from which he’d been surveilling with the utmost attention. He walked with purpose, his stride powerful and strong, and once he’d reached the young fawn, the fawn outstretched her neck so that she could greet him. 

Their noses touched, they let their eyes flutter shut as they basked in the contact.   

Jisung’s heart melted into a gooey puddle of heartwarming agony. It was too much to bear, the preciousness of the exchange. 

He heard a soft bleat vibrate from the buck’s throat, encouraging, almost–albeit a little scolding. 

The fawn rubbed her snout against his, and then the stag was pulling away from her, retreating a few steps. 

That’s when the other fawn approached his companion, nudging at her side until she was shifting her shaky legs and lifting her body from the cold ground.  

Her legs wobbled beneath her and down she went again, only this time, her friend was there to catch her. The other fawn had anchored himself beneath her neck, offsetting the trembles her small body was wracked with by his own sturdiness and bringing her, successfully, to her feet–or rather, her hooves. 

Jisung lowered his hand from his mouth, eyes widening in realisation. 

The fawn stayed by her side, stuck to her like feathers to tar. He playfully nipped at her ears and jaw, as if to assure her that he wasn’t going anywhere. 

That he’d be with her until she could stand without falling beneath the strain of her impermanent weakness. 

The beta couldn’t look away. 

The buck, similarly, observed her as she took small, tentative steps. Studied her readjustment process and his unwavering guidance until the pair were once again chasing each other through the grass. 

Jisung felt his breath hitch. Of course. 

Without a second thought, he was collecting his drinkware and all but leaping out of the gazebo, making haste of his journey back to the manor. If his sudden departure alerted the herd to an outward presence, startling them back into the safety of the forest, he’d have no idea.

Because now, he knew what they had to do. 

 

---

 

Park Seonghwa.

An established psychiatrist, an intelligent and selfless individual, and most importantly, an omega.

His pack–the Kim Pack–was a veritable anomaly. Not because it was strange or unnatural or morally indecent, but because of the fact that it had not one omega, but two. 

Seonghwa and Wooyoung. 

For as long as he had known them, Hyunjin had always been a bit…envious. 

To have one omega in a pack of their size was enough to draw curious, awe-inspired gazes. To have two was. Well, it was enviable indeed. A surefire method of garnering jealousy from packs that were not as blessed, depicting their unabated fortune and good luck in the most sacred manner possible. 

The Moon Goddess’ blessing. 

But while it painted a sliver of envy in Hyunjin’s heart, he couldn’t help but feel that if there were ever a pack to deserve such a thing, it would be them. The Kim Pack surely deserved every breath of abundance and prosperity the Moon Goddess had to offer, there was no denying it. 

And of course, so did his. His wonderful pack deserved them, his wonderful pack alpha deserved them. But he feared admitting such a sentiment would make him appear selfish. Greedy. So he supposed that he could let the thought simmer in his mind, and pray that it didn’t boil into catastrophe. 

He’d first met Seonghwa and his mates during a dinner Chan had hosted for the New Year, a few weeks after Minho had officially joined the Bang Pack. His first impression of the elder was that he had a way about his words, with a soft, gentle voice to match. Almost matronly in disposition. Maternal and warm. The perfect omega. The perfect mate. 

Strangely enough, he greatly reminded Hyunjin of Minho. Generous and altruistic to a fault. Yet the only major personality difference between them was that Seonghwa was the extrovert to Minho’s introvert. He was the saccharine sweetness to Minho’s piquant spice. 

It was interesting to see them come together. Hilarious, even, to witness the otherwise composed and borderline stoic Minho blush and stutter over Seonghwa’s persistent, good-natured flirtations. 

And just as it was interesting, it was easy to fall for the elder’s charms. And to fall for his mates, too. 

Kim Hongjoong was their pack alpha, a dear friend of Chan, as it was. He’d made their acquaintance during his freshman year of university, and that acquaintance quickly delved into a lifelong friendship. 

The Bang and Kim packs were as close as two packs could get without being bonded to one another. 

But all packs had their secrets. 

Chan’s, for a long time, was the fact that he was seeking therapy without having informed his mates. 

And of course, as fate would have it, that meant landing in the seat right across from Doctor Park’s.

Doctor Park, who specialised in the assessment, diagnosis, and subsequent treatment of mental, behavioural, and emotional disorders stemming from pack-related trauma(s). And while Chan was never overly explicit in recounting the horrors of his past to the omega doctor, it was safe to say that Seonghwa probably knew the most about his troubles. 

Without knowing anything at all, really.

It was only when Changbin had rifled through Chan’s bedside table for the headphones the alpha pilfered from him that the pack discovered he’d been undergoing therapy. 

“Hyung, what are these…?” Changbin had asked tearfully, holding up a bottle of pills. 

Chan paled instantaneously, the smile fading from his face as he registered the sight. 

“Wh-what–where did you-”

“I found them in your room.”

The pack alpha bit his lip, looking perturbed and distrustful as he uncoordinatedly manoeuvred around the kitchen island to retrieve the bottle from the beta. Changbin let it slip from his grasp without so much as a hint of a struggle.

“It’s nothing…” he insisted, curling his shaking fingers around it. 

Hyunjin was quick to snatch the pills from Chan’s hand, running to the other side of the kitchen while reading aloud the prescription. “Sertraline, two-hundred milligrams. Prescribed by…”

His eyes flicked towards Chan, brows furrowing slightly as he trailed off. 

“...by Park Seonghwa.”

Minho stared at Hyunjin’s profile, mouth going dry as he realised that Chan was on, “Zoloft? Honey, you’re taking antidepressants?”

The pack was rendered silent. Chan wanted nothing more than to be swallowed by the earth. 

“You’re going to therapy?” he asked when Chan just stared at the floor. 

“Hyung?”

The pack alpha sighed, nodding smally. “Yes,” he whispered, pulling at the skin of his cuticle. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Jongin's voice was soft. 

“I…” Chan pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. “I didn’t want you to think that I was…that I was weak.”

“Weak?” parroted Hyunjin.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” continued Minho. “Channie?”

“Yes! Yes, I do, Minho-ya! I do,” he exclaimed, voice crackling with the sheer amount of desperation lining his words, pulsing and shattering with every stunted breath. “Fuck, I do. Because what kind of fucking pack alpha has to go to therapy to deal with his problems?” 

“A human one,” the younger alpha replied almost instantly. 

Chan lifted red-rimmed, tearstained eyes to be met with the sight of his mates, each in his own bubble of sadness and disbelief. 

“Well that’s not good enough,” he said in response, feeling a tear slip down his cheek. 

“It’s good enough for us,” murmured Hyunjin. “More than.”

“I need to be better than enough ,” was all Chan rasped in return. 

Suddenly his vision was usurped by the presence of an aggrieved Minho. “And you are, hyung.”

“I’m not.”

“You are,” he reiterated, gripping Chan’s biceps and jostling him as if to shake some sense into his ridiculous brain. “Do you know the strength it takes to seek help?”

“It takes an immense strength, Bang Chan. Immense. To admit that you’re struggling is already so hard, to take the initiative to help relieve yourself of some of the burden is…darling, it’s not something just anyone can do.”

Chan sniffled, laughing derisively. “Seonghwa said the same thing.” 

“And don’t you trust his word?”

The pack alpha nodded slowly, reluctantly. 

“You thought we’d judge you?” questioned Hyunjin, joining him by his side. “You thought we’d judge you for seeing Seonghwa hyung?”

“I just…I don’t know. It’s been months and I just…I just don’t know. I was afraid, I think. I didn’t want to let you all down.”

Hyunjin seemed contemplative. Thoughtful. Doleful, even. “You could never do that, you know.”

Chan made a disgruntled noise in protest.

“I mean it. Is it helping, though?”

Chan raised an inquisitive brow, cocking his head to the side. 

“The sessions. The medication. Are they helping?”

Another nod. “Yeah. Yeah, they are, actually. Seonghwa is…he’s really good at what he does.”

“Then that’s all that matters,” assured the blond, a gentle smile on his lips. “Your wellbeing, the fact that you’re feeling better…that’s all that matters. We would never judge you for that. Ever. In fact, I wish you had told us before, so that you wouldn’t feel so alone and afraid during all of this.”

The boys crowded around them then, gazing at Chan with so much affection and admiration that he thought he’d drown in it. 

Hyunjin ruffled his hair fondly. “We’re always with you. And we will be, forever. Every step of the way.”

Changbin hummed in agreement. “We are so proud of you, Chan hyung,” he gushed. “So proud.”

Minho kissed the side of his head, pulling him to his chest. 

“That better version of yourself you’re trying to make? He’s already here.”

 

---

 

The memory fizzled from his brain like the bubbles from a fresh can of soda, and he was suddenly catapulted back to the present. Thumb hovering over Seonghwa’s contact, eyes misted with confliction.

“Do it.”

Hyunjin jumped, throwing his head over his shoulder to see a breathless, red-faced Jisung.

“Sungie, what…?”

“Do it. Call him.”

Hyunjin looked down at his phone again. 

“Trust me.”

Well, he did ask for a sign. And while Hyunjin wasn’t exactly expecting it to come barrelling through his doors in the physical manifestation of Jisung, he realised there couldn’t possibly be more of an obvious sign than that.

He took a deep breath.

He pressed call. 

 

---

 

Felix could feel the pull of consciousness tugging at the corners of his mind. 

His eyes fluttered rapidly beneath his lids, his brows knitted together, and suddenly he was pushed out of the land of dreams and into the razor-edged embrace of the earthly hell he was bound to. 

He felt…heavy. Like his brain was weighed down by some unnameable force. He wouldn’t say it was stifling or suffocating. Quite the contrary, in fact.

It was warm and, dare he say, comfortable. So vastly different from a majority of the things he’s felt upon waking before. 

“You’re awake.”

His head swivelled to the side, eyes blowing wide in panic. 

It was him again. The white wolf from earlier. The pretty alpha. 

Hyunjin. 

He was sitting in a chair by his bedside, hair pulled into a haphazard half-up, half-down style, a few pieces framing his face. 

“How are you feeling, angel?” he asked, toying with the ring on his forefinger. 

Felix swallowed, uncertain. 

How strange, he thought. I’m not afraid of him. 

Nothing appeared to be too out of place. Everything was…fine? Well, as fine as could be, considering that he was wired to some weird machine that made odd beeping noises, had white, pink-stained cloth taped all over his body, and all kinds of aches and pains filling everything in between. 

But it was fine, he supposed, pushing himself up from his supine position with the pretty alpha’s aid. Everything was fine.

“Alpha…?”

Hyunjin smiled. “Hm, yes. It’s me, darling. Chan hyung went to get some water for you. He should be back soon.”

The omega nodded, letting his gaze stray towards the giant floor-to-ceiling windows. 

It was light outside, though the world was tinted a soft shade of blue. Not like the intense indigo of a sunset, or the mysterious slate of a mountain range, but like the delicate blue of a robin’s egg. 

Hyunjin’s presence felt just as delicate, too. Refreshing, like the water from a glacial stream.

“How are you feeling, darling?” He asked again, the lovely little grin of his twitching in genuine concern. Felix shifted under the covers, exhaling shakily. It was back again, the strange, unnameable feeling. He couldn’t remember a single thing.

“Heavy.”

The alpha’s brows rose, “oh, shall I remove some of these blankets from-”

Felix shook his head, “no.”

“Heavy,” he repeated, pointing towards his head. 

Hyunjin blanched, throat going dry and muscles tensing. 

Oh. 

Does he know…?

“Um…”

Felix stared at him with owlish eyes, though the rest of his expression was painfully blank. 

“I…”

“Oh! You’re awake!”

Oh, thank the Moon Goddess for Bang Chan. 

Hyunjin deflated in his seat, sighing in relief. 

The pack alpha hurried to Felix’s side, hands encumbered by a pitcher and a few glasses which he placed on the table. He poured some water into one of them, immediately bringing it to Felix’s lips and urging him to take a few sips. 

The omega gulped them down greedily, downing the entire thing in a matter of seconds.

“Do you want more, baby?”

Felix bit his lip, eyeing the pitcher of water, then the glass still poised in Chan’s hand. 

He nodded. 

Chan beamed at him, refilling the cup until it nearly overflowed. 

Felix didn't finish it all this time, pulling himself away from the drinkware when it had about a quarter left, but Chan was both appeased and proud of the little omega for drinking as much as he did. 

 He wiped the stray drops that slid down his chin with a handkerchief, and took the moment to admire Felix’s flushed face and bright eyes. 

“Better?” he asked. 

The omega nodded again. 

“Alpha,” he murmured. 

Chan slotted Felix’s hand between his own. It felt so small he nearly cried. 

“Yes?” he breathed, staring listlessly into those gorgeous green eyes.

Felix lowered his gaze to their hands, allowing his eyes to trace the veins and tendons branching beneath Chan’s skin. “Chan.”

“That’s me, love,” he murmured reassuringly. 

He let it carry to Hyunjin, that inquisitive gaze. His eyes narrowed slightly in quiet contemplation, as if he were wracking his brain for some input. Then, 

“Hyunjin.”

Said alpha smiled beautifully in return. “Yeah.”

Felix’s face remained emotionless and impassive, but he nodded to himself nonetheless, having received confirmation for at least a few of his swirling thoughts. 

“Felix,” whispered Chan, and the omega whimpered solemnly at the kindness through which his name was uttered. 

“Felix, there’s someone we’d like you to meet.”

The omega recoiled as if he was hit, backing against the headboard and shaking his head in reckless abandon. “No. No, no, no….”

Chan and Hyunjin released an abundance of pheromones, filling the atmosphere with a thick cloud of their combined scents. It worked a little too well, Felix melted against the upholstered fabric, eyes glossing over in content. “Easy love, you’re okay. Everything is alright.”

They withdrew the second he was under, unwilling to push him into a subspace from which there was no return. 

“He’s a good friend of ours. An omega, just like you.”

“Me. Omega. Omega l-like me?”

“Mhm,” hummed Chan, rubbing circles into the back of Felix’s hand. “Just like you.”

“He can help you,” chimed Hyunjin. “He’ll know how to make you feel better. How does that sound?”

“Better,” mumbled Felix. “I can…be better?”

“Of course, my love. We want to help you get better.”

Felix withdrew into pensiveness. His face was scrunched in reflection, and he looked so…so confused . So confused and just a little apprehensive. But when he nodded his assent the tension in both alphas’ bodies was eased into a tolerable strain. 

“Brilliant,” marvelled the pack alpha. “Is it okay if you meet him now?” 

Another uneasy nod. 

Chan spared a glance towards Hyunjin. He took a deep breath. 

“Okay, darling. Hyunjin and I are gonna get him. Can you stay here for a couple of minutes?”

“Y-yes, alpha.”

Chan smoothed a hand over Felix’s hair, smiling. “Good boy. Good omega. Alphas will be back soon,” and then the two were standing, readjusting the blankets around Felix’s body, and making their exit. 

The doors clicked shut behind them, leaving the omega to his own devices for however long a couple of minutes took. 

Then, and only then, did Felix feel just how deep the pit in his stomach was.

 

---

 

“He’s waiting for you.”

“Are you sure you want me to do this, Chan?” 

He really fucking hoped so. “Yes.”

Seonghwa nodded, lifting a hand to squeeze the anxiety-ridden pack alpha’s shoulder. “Okay,” he murmured considerately. “If it’s any consolation, I think you’re doing the right thing. And I promise I’ll do everything in my power to help your omega.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes misted at the conviction in the elder’s voice. “Thank you so much, hyung. Really, I-”

The psychiatrist clicked his tongue, patting the side of Hyunjin’s head. “Don’t even mention it, Hyunjin-ah. I’m glad I can help.” 

Chan nuzzled briefly against Hyunjin’s cheek, his own heart placated by Seonghwa’s reassurance. 

“Is there anything you need to know?” he inquired.

The omega shook his head. “No,” he said, “I’d rather go in with an impartial perspective on everything, you understand. I want things to be as unbiased and unskewed as possible. Need to hear it straight from him.”

Chan gripped Hyunjin’s hand in his, so tightly he was afraid he’d break his thin fingers. “I understand,” he intoned restlessly. 

With another reassuring squeeze to the alpha’s shoulder, Seonghwa gathered his files and turned towards the doors, twisting open the knobs. 

 

---

 

The doors gave way to a new figure, and the first thing Felix did was panic. The air was suddenly unfamiliar. It felt and tasted and smelled different. 

He stared at his trembling hands over the bedding, breaths coming out as shallow pants from his exhausted lungs. 

Oh no, oh no, oh no…

His eyes screwed shut, and he fisted the downy fabric of the comforter in his hands until his knuckles ran white and the tape around the pointy thing shoved beneath his skin lifted at the edges. 

But then the air shifted again, and he stilled. His breathing stilled, his quivering and his thoughts. 

No…

His eyes flew open again, landing once again on the sight of his hands. 

It’s not possible. 

Vanilla and jasmine and almond. 

He was almost too scared to look, dreading the possibility that his mind was playing yet another one of its cruel tricks on him. 

Vanilla and jasmine and almond. 

Felix’s eyes snapped to the doors, to the omega that his alphas had spoken of. 

Vanilla and jasmine and almond. 

His gaze was downturned, he was looking at something in his hands. 

When the painfully familiar features blended into an image Felix knew far too well, he choked on a sob. Tears welled along his lash line, slipped down his face like a flash flood. 

They were a bit different, now. Matured and refined. His hair was longer, styled. He wore fashionable clothing and had a ring on his finger. 

But it was undeniably him. 

It was his-his

“...H-Hwa?”

The omega gasped, lifting his head.

The something he had been engrossed in fell to the floor in a fluttery heap of papers. 

His eyes widened, then glossed over. His mouth fell open and his lips trembled as he exhaled a breathless, shaky,

“Lixie?”

Notes:

oof cliffhanger.

rip like my (and Chan's) mental health

lowkey feel like i've lost the ability to storytell 🧍oh well

till next time <333

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 13: Act II, Scene VIII

Summary:

One tension subsides, another rears its head.

Notes:

hello sweet little angels

i am absolutely FLOORED by your comments and kudos and hits and bookmarks 🥺 i know i'm literally the worst when it comes to responding to comments, but i do read every one, and they're seriously helping me get through this terribly drab hospital stay, i luv you all so very muchly <3

the cliffie had its intended reaction and for that i'm beyond overjoyed. i hope that the revelation took you by surprise and that your timbers were shivered accordingly. hehehehehehe can't wait to keep going with this story

also, i'd just like to say that the narrative IS, in fact, nonlinear. i hope that it's not too confusing to keep up with, because somehow even when i try to write a chronological story, it always ends up bouncing all over the place. sigh. i annoy myself.

 

CW: slightly suggestive jokes towards the end. i think that's it

 

Act II, Scene VIII

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

In the aftermath of Hyunjin’s outburst, the Bang Pack was left in a bona fide conundrum. 

Because Hyunjin doesn’t…Hyunjin doesn’t have outbursts. He rarely gets angry at all, if ever. Sure, he’ll throw someone the occasional (or more-than-occasional) judgmental side-eye, or an overly dramatic exclamation of ew! when he’s especially disgusted. But the most Hyunjin will ever do to outwardly display his anger is glower menacingly and hope that the object of his ire goes up in flames from the intensity of his gaze.

Such was not the case when it came to discussing Felix’s Recovery Plan, however. 

No, it was evident to all that Hyunjin’s emotions had gone haywire, exacerbated by some inner turmoil or sense of heroic chivalry that the alpha had imposed on himself. And it made him, for lack of a better term, explode. 

He didn’t speak to anyone for three days following the incident, not after he’d further broken down in Chan’s arms. He just planted himself next to Felix’s bedside and waited for him to wake up again. And when three days had passed, and Felix remained as unresponsive as ever, Hyunjin made a decision. 

If his mates weren’t going to do this the right way, then he would. 

So he snuck out of the pack alpha’s bedroom, tiptoed his way to his own, to his balcony, and pulled out his phone. 

Yet as he stared down at Park Seonghwa’s name on his screen, he was hit with a sudden wave of uncertainty. 

What if he was wrong?

What if he was wrong about all of this?

What if calling the psychiatrist made him exactly who he feared being? A selfish and inconsiderate person–because he was going behind his mates’ backs to do something he wanted, all without their approval?

But then he thought of Chan. He thought of how much he benefited from therapy, from simply talking to someone and receiving medication to supplant and bolster its effects. 

He wanted the same thing for Felix. He wanted to believe that it was right. That he was right.  

Hyunjin begged the Moon Goddess to give him a sign, a clue, a hint– any type of indication that he was on the right path. That he wasn’t selfish and inconsiderate. That he wasn’t one of those alphas who controlled every aspect of their omega’s life. Like Hoseok. Like Wonshik. 

What he hadn’t expected was for the Moon Goddess to send her regards by way of Han Jisung. 

And stars above, was he grateful to see him. 

 

---

 

It went like this.

Han Jisung is a man with a plan. 

He always is, actually. He’s just a little quieter about it than the rest of his mates. 

You see, Jisung is the type of individual who retreats into his mind when a particularly gruelling dilemma arises. He likes to weigh every single pro, and every single con to counter it. In the simplest terms, he morphs into something of a scientist when it comes to problem solving. His is the silent approach: don’t say anything until you know exactly what it is you’re trying to say. 

And he could go on and on about his many noble qualities, but in any case, Han Jisung is someone who is deceptively thorough with everything he does. And it’s something that he uses to his advantage.

Ergo, Han Jisung: the man with a plan. 

A wereman with a wereplan, if you will. 

Turns out, Han Jisung is also the comedic genius of the Bang Pack, if one simply ignored how his mates would roll their eyes and shake their head in disappointment at his amazing sense of humour. Unfortunately, that’s neither here nor there, because right now, all that mattered was that his pack got out of this strange, awkward, and unbearably uncomfortable impasse. 

So he dragged a kicking and screaming Hyunjin to their media room, disregarding his stubborn whines of “I don’t want to see anyone!” as he was pulled from his balcony and taken to where Jisung had established neutral ground. Minho was rather put out, having been in the middle of a particularly comforting dream involving cats and Japan before he was roused and rudely abducted by the beta; and Chan was little more than utterly perplexed, letting the younger guide him through the halls with furrowed brows and sluggish limbs, the result of yet another sleepless night at Felix’s side. 

Jeongin, Changbin, and Seungmin were, much to Jisung’s surprise, already awake when he’d gone searching for them. The youngest pack members had made home in front of the giant OLED television, tuning into some baseball game that the beta had been anticipating for weeks. It was helpful that they were there, because that meant two less packmates he had to herd and corral. 

Changbin was in their gym, building up a sweat to boost-basted techno music, torso bare and all. Jisung winced at the loudness and plugged his ears with his fingers, forever grateful to Chan for soundproofing the entire room. 

He could only imagine how mind-numbingly excruciating it would be to hear those beats resonate through the corridors of Bang Manor. Especially given how often the insufferable gym-rat was in there. 

Nonetheless, with the promise of a hearty, protein-filled breakfast, Changbin was drawn from his little cave and deposited thusly in the room where members of the pack were slowly beginning to congregate. 

Hyunjin was the last piece of the puzzle. Well, technically speaking , Felix was. But seeing as Jisung had gathered the pack because of him–not to mention that he was still asleep and deathly afraid of anyone who wasn’t Chan or Hyunjin–his participation was superfluous. 

“Jisung, what the hell is going on?” seethed Hyunjin, sitting as far away from everyone as he physically could. 

The beta mimed zipping his mouth shut, pacing in front of the sofa he’d forced them all onto, a hand on his hip and the other travelling up to push his hair back. “Nuh-uh. I’m gonna talk, and you all are going to listen, so zip it.”

He smiled, sickeningly sweet, and measured each of his mates with a stern finger. 

“Capiche?” 

“Capiche,” they repeated in tandem, heads bobbing in agreement like obedient little puppies. He’d think it cute if he didn’t have more serious matters to attend to. 

“Splendid. Now,” he prefaced, slotting both hands on either hip. “Before I get to the main reason why I have brought you all here today, we need to address another concern. Regarding a certain pair of stubborn, boar-headed wolves in this family.”

Seungmin opened his mouth to retort.

“Shut it, Kim Seungmin. And I won’t ask you again because you are half of the equation here. This-this tension you two have got going on?” he barked, vaguely gesturing towards Hyunjin and Seungmin, “it needs to end. Right now. You know why? Because you’re both right. The deer told me so.”

Everyone looked mildly concerned. 

Did he just say deer?

Jisung ploughed on with his spiel as if there was nothing strange about his statement at all. 

“It’s been three whole days since that night, and you’ve been avoiding each other like the goddamn plague. You won’t even look, let alone speak to one other, and I’ve just about had enough of hearing Hyunjin cry himself to sleep and Seungmin pace about his room like a raging lunatic. Keep it up and I’m gonna switch rooms with Innie.”

The youngest alpha looked offended. 

“In the entire time I’ve been part of this pack, things have never been so strained. Why is it, that in the moment we need most to be a united front, we’ve crumbled like one of Minho hyung’s failed cookie recipes–no offence, hyung.”

Minho shrugged, nonplussed. 

“That’s not how family works. That’s not how we work. So I want us all to just…take a deep breath, and acknowledge that we are all doing our best. Let’s not forget that our ultimate goal is the same: to help Felix. And if there’s dissonance between us then we’ll never get anywhere, and he’ll suffer even more than he already has for it.”

The silence following his solemn words was thick, but contrary to how it had been before, it was not tense. Nor was it strained. 

Instead, it was filled with thoughtful reflection. 

After a number of minutes, no one knew exactly how many, someone cleared their throat. 

“I’m sorry.”

Jisung turned to see that it was Seungmin . He’d lifted himself from where he was seated to crouch before the alpha, pulling his hands from his elbows and grasping them tightly in his own. 

“I’m so sorry, Hyunjin-ah.”

The alpha seemed seconds away from another bout of tears. “Seung…”

“I’ve been thinking about it ever since, and I realise I should have been gentler.”

“Seungmin-”

“You were right. He’s not just another one of my patients. He’s our mate , and I should have considered him as such. I should have considered you , too. I wasn’t thinking of how callous I sounded, everything that came to my mind I didn’t hesitate to say.” 

A tear escaped Hyunjin’s traitorous eye. 

Seungmin brought his hands to his lips and laid a tender kiss against his knuckles. “I’m sorry, Hyune. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just wanted to help as someone who’s sworn his life’s work on the Hippocratic oath.”

“I know, Minnie,” exhaled Hyunjin, tightening his grip on Seungmin’s fingers, nodding gently. “I know. I’m-I’m sorry, too…” he let his gaze fall down to where their hands were joined. “I guess I’m too sensitive. My emotions got the best of me, and I…”

He took a deep breath. 

“...I let my anger cloud my judgement. I know we all want the same thing, and I know we all have different opinions and perspectives on how to make good of it. I should have considered that, too.”

Seungmin tuttered. “Your sensitivity is a gift, Hyunjin, not a flaw. You have a heart that’s rare. And…you’re worried for our mate. You’re scared. That’s not something any of us could ever hold against you. I’m sorry I made you feel that I did.”

Hyunjin blinked the ache from his eyes. “I love you, Seungmin,”

“I love you, too,” he murmured in return, reaching up to cup Hyunjin’s cheek. “We’re okay, yeah?”

He leaned into the touch, smiling wanly. “Yeah. We’re okay.”

He stared at Seungmin until he turned to the side, swallowing thickly. “I should apologise to all of you, actually.”

The hyungs clicked their tongues in disapproval, Jisung and Jeongin shook their heads, clearly disagreeing. “There’s no need, love,” said Minho softly, the voice for them all.

But there was something in his eyes that Hyunjin managed to catch just before it was veiled. 

He chose to ignore it. 

“Fantastic,” segued Jisung, clapping his hands together, “now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about Felix.”

Seungmin shifted back onto the sofa, and the pack’s undivided attention was once again allotted to the restive boy.

The beta sucked in air from between his teeth, chewed on his bottom lip for a few seconds before clearing his throat. 

“As I was saying, you’re both right. And that only became clear when I saw the deer. No, don’t look at me like that–just, just let me explain.”

His cheeks puffed out as he exhaled. 

“I went outside earlier, just as the sun was rising, to sit in the gazebo and have a cup of tea. To enjoy the weather, the scenery, and…to think, really. About everything that’s been going on.

Suddenly, out came this little herd of deer, from the forest. It was such a precious sight, that at first I was simply enamoured by their cuteness. Their pack reminded me of ours, just a smidge, so I watched them for a little while. And as I did, it occurred to me that they were showing me everything I needed to see.”

He began pacing now, borderline manic strides spanning from one side of the room to another. “One of the babies fell. I thought, for a moment, that maybe she was hurt because it drew the attention of the herd’s buck. And, I mean–I don’t know much about deer dynamics but I don’t think the males particularly care for the fawns. So when he approached her, I assumed the worst…

But then he comforted her, nuzzled against her little nose and said something to her before he backed away. I was confused, because…well, why do all of that to just leave her there? Right? It made no sense. And as she tried to get up she almost fell again.

Only she didn’t. Because she had a companion who kept her from falling. He helped her to stand, stayed by her side until it was certain that she was alright. And then they started playing again, and it was so…it was so perfect.”

He trailed off, fondly reminiscing in the memory.

His mates, however, still appeared to be dazed and doubtful. He glanced at the pack alpha, and was relieved to see a diluted form of comprehension brightening his face.

Jisung groaned, flicking his gaze back to everyone else. “Don’t you understand?” he asked, gesticulating ferociously. “We’re going about this the entirely wrong way! We were far too polarised when we didn't need to be. Like, at all! You have some of us thinking that this requires a strictly biological approach, some that believe we need to revert to mother hens, while others have no idea what to do at all. But now I know!” 

His excitement was nearly palpable, voice rising an octave as his words tumbled out in a rapid breath. 

Chan interjected with a hesitant “I agree with you there, Jisung. But what does that have to do with helping Felix?”

Jisung beamed at that, eyes sparkling with renewed vigour as he clambered onto the ottoman in front of the sofa. “I am so glad you asked, hyung! What I’m trying to get at is that we don’t need to take any sort of drastic measures. What we need is to be his support, that much we’ve all agreed upon. But more than that, we need to treat him like a person. He’s been seen and regarded as nothing but an object. As just another…thing. For who knows how long.   

And if we go about this from a wholly clinical perspective, it’ll simply continue to make him feel that way. Less than human, like a creature under a microscope. That being said, the same thing will happen if we exploit his vulnerabilities. Even if it’s in his best interest, it’ll only be more detrimental to his mental faculties in the long run.

The initial change that has to be enacted starts with our own mindsets. He’s our mate, yes. But I think we’ve kind of let that…get to our heads. In such a way that while we may not even be aware of it, we’re treating him as an anomaly. As a fragile piece of glass that has to be kept away in a box so that it doesn’t shatter.”

Realisation dawned on them all then. 

“If we want him to grow accustomed to being a member of a fully-functioning pack that doesn’t adhere to age-old customs, we need to let him spread his wings. We need to get him used to being around people, to using his own voice–being his own voice. We can’t just…we can’t just keep him sheltered for the rest of his life. 

We get him the help he needs mentally, the help he needs physically. We help him reacquaint himself with–or even introduce himself–to his own abilities and talents and likes and dislikes. Teach him how to live. And I don’t doubt that soon enough,” he smiled, eyes glistening, “he’ll be the best version of himself there’s ever been. We can do that for him.”

“The first step is as Hyunjin said. He and I already spoke to Seonghwa hyung. He said he’ll be here first thing in the morning.”

Jisung looked each of his mates in the eye when he said, “we can really do this, you guys. I know we can. Together.”

He wiped at his eye then, ridding himself of the small buildup of moisture collecting beneath his lashes. 

Minho reached forward and kissed Jisung on his forehead, resting his hands against his nape. 

“You are brilliant, Han Jisung. Absolutely brilliant.”

The Bang Pack couldn’t agree more. 

 

---

 

It was two days later when Hyunjin was forced to bear the consequences of his actions.

in hindsight, Hyunjin should have known that that seemingly innocuous something in Lee Minho’s eyes ought not to have been ignored. 

He should have known that. Really, he should have. Because he knows Minho. He knows that the alpha was one of, if not the most, persistent men he’s ever known. Persistent and annoyingly perceptive. 

But he didn’t, because Hwang Hyunjin made the innocent mistake of forgetting. He made the mistake of walking into the pack den for a quick nap, oblivious entirely to what awaited him as it locked him into the room and stared at him with piercing eyes. And he made the mistake of feigning ignorance when he damn well knew what he was being cornered for. 

“Hyung…if you wanted to have me to yourself, you need only ask,” he teased, waggling his brows. “Though I’m not entirely opposed to this kind of foreplay…”

Minho seemed unamused, crossing his arms over his chest. 

The smile slowly dissipated from Hyunjin’s face. He could feel the tension thickening around them. 

It was not the type of tension he wished it was. 

“Hyung?”

“I’m not in the mood for games, Hyunjin.”

“Then…what are you in the mood for?” he asked quietly in return. 

“Getting answers.”

He took a few steps in Hyunjin’s direction. 

“Answers to what?”

“Why you’re lying,” deadpanned Minho.

Hyunjin blanched, “l-lying?”

The elder hummed, now face-to-face with the blond. “Yeah, that’s right. Lying.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I think you do.”

The younger swallowed, eyes darting between Minho’s auburn irises. 

“What are you hiding, Hwang Hyunjin?”

The man in question furrowed his brows. “Nothing.”

“What is it you’re not telling us?” he went on to ask, refusing to give in to the younger alpha's poor attempt at evasion. 

“There’s nothing I’m not telling you. I’m an open b-book.”

Minho thumbed at the corner of Hyunjin’s mouth, lowering his gaze to stare at his lips with an unrestrained intensity. “Yeah, you are, aren’t you?”

In a breathless whisper, Hyunjin uttered a shaky, “what are you doing, hyung?” 

The alpha’s eyes flew to his, narrowed ever so slightly. “You’re an open book, Hyunjin-ah…”

His gaze became scrutinising. 

“...so I simply took the liberty to read.”

Notes:

ayo minho dawg whatchu on about 🤨🤨🤨

lowkey so unhappy with the way this chapter turned out. ughhhhhh.

anywho stan jisung for clear skin

i'm getting discharged tomorrow #slay #i miss my cat so much

see you soon <3

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 14: Act II, Scene IX

Summary:

Minho had an affinity for pushing buttons, but what he hadn't considered is that some buttons ought not to be pressed.

Notes:

YOU GUYS!!!

are...actually crazy, wow. 23k hits, almost 200 bookmarks, 900 kudos....just, WOW!! i am so grateful to each and every one of you who has taken the time out of their day to read my silly little story. when i first wrote chapter one, it sat in my google docs for MONTHS before i thought to just post it and see what happens. never did i expect that this would be the outcome. my most successful story, and to think it would have just been collecting dust, never to see the light of day. i am so glad i kept going with this story, even though at times i find that i'm unhappy with certain elements or regret a certain plot point. in all honesty, the plot has completely segued from my initial story outline-it was supposed to be a short one, done and dusted in five or so parts, but you all have made me fall in love with my characters, you have made me want to delve deep into this world i've created, you have made me want to better my writing and you have made me want to keep going. i want to give you all a story worthy of not only your time, but even a little piece of your heart. and with every update i hope i can continue to do that.

so thank you. thank you so much.

all of the love from me and the Bang Pack <3

NOW, that being said, this chapter is...a DOOZY. we learn a little more about Hyunjin's mysterious past and it's not rainbows and sunshine, but there's also a bit of much needed fluff :') please just try to keep an open mind and don't forget! my madness has both rhyme and reason, so for all of the things that don't make sense now, rest assured that soon they will

 

CW: ANGST!!! mentions of scars, childhood trauma, adult trauma, mental illnesses, depression, self-harm, relapse, Minho being kind of an idiot out of love and concern, Hyunjin's gargantuan guilt complex, breakdown

 

Act II, Scene IX

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

 

There were many times in Hyunjin’s life where he found himself highly inconvenienced by Lee Minho’s keen astuteness. 

This was another one of those times. 

All he wanted was to take a short, rejuvenating nap in the little corner where the light refracted perfectly onto the floor cushions. That’s all. He didn’t think it too ostentatious a desire, seeing as he himself had been deprived of quality sleep for the past few days. And really, truthfully, he did forget that Minho had practically pinned him in place without having even said a word. His eyes and that stupidly knowing gaze of his said everything his mouth never would. It’s just that Hyunjin was tired, and his brain felt as if it had been processed in a blender and poured into a glass. 

He just wanted to take a nap, hoping that by the time he woke, he’d have a bit more clarity and awareness of his thoughts. 

But apparently, Lee Minho had other plans. And while he may not have been in the mood for games, Hyunjin was equally not in the mood to partake in the argument that was, without a doubt, soon to follow.

“Perhaps you’re reading between lines that aren’t there, hyung,” he remarked nonchalantly, an attempt at abating the prickly tension around them.

Minho hummed, bobbing his head from side to side. “Or perhaps it means that you’re trying to hide them.”

Hyunjin sighed, aggravation creeping along his veins. “If that's the case, can you just tell me what I’ve done so that we can move on?”

“I just want your honesty.”

“About what, hyung? Jesus.” 

“You disappeared for three days, Hwang Hyunjin. No one besides Chan hyung saw you, no one besides him spoke to you. You locked yourself into his room during the day and into your own at night. You shut us out completely. If we didn’t know any better, we’d have thought that you didn’t even exist.”

The blond frowned, “and I explained to you why that was.”

Minho shook his head, “no. You didn’t.”

“What?”

“You didn’t. At least, not fully. Don’t think for one second that I believe your half-assed explanations.”

Hyunjin scoffed, brows drawing, “you really think that I’m hiding something?”

“I know you are. You can tell us that you’re overly sensitive, that you let anger take control of your emotions, but don’t think that I’ve overlooked the fact that you have the most control over them out of us all. The way you blew up, Hyunjin? That wasn’t because you’re ‘too sensitive.’ ”

Minho saw the way Hyunjin’s jaw clenched, saw the fire blaze in copious waves behind his opalescent eyes. He knew he was pushing him, fully aware of the fact that with enough of his tenacious stubbornness he’d break through the frustratingly high walls the younger alpha had barricaded himself behind.

It was just a matter of time before the bricks that made up his secrets toppled to his feet. 

“What are you so afraid of?” he whispered then, wrapping a hand around Hyunjin’s wrist. “What’s the reason you’re being so erratic? Is someone threatening you? Blackmailing you? What is it, Hyunjin? Are you hurt? Is-is someone hurting you? Has someone-”

“No, hyung! Goddess, no. I-” he paused, panting unrhythmically, “I…no, none of that is true. No one’s hurting me, no one’s–no one’s doing anything to me. I’m fine.”

He wasn’t.

Minho could feel his pulse skyrocket beneath his fingertips. He could smell the beginnings of a floral rot. 

“If it isn’t anyone else then-” his eyes widened, falling to Hyunjin’s clothed arms. “Are you-have you been-” he grasped his arms tightly, all but tearing the fabric of his sleeves as he rolled each of them upwards with a manic sort of desperation. 

There was nothing but a smooth expanse of skin. Littered and flawed only by silvery scars in varying lengths and widths. Hyunjin snatched his arms away, choking on a violated noise that lingered in the back of his throat. 

“Hyung, what the fuck?!”

Minho just stared at Hyunjin’s arms as he hurriedly replaced his sleeves, coloured red with shame and wracked to the bone with guilt. “I-I’m sorry, Hyun, I-” his gaze flickered back to the blond’s, now pained and distrusting, swimming with tears. “I’m so sorry, I just. I had to make sure you didn’t…”

Hyunjin scoffed. “What? That I didn’t fucking relapse? After nearly six years of being clean? Is that what you thought? You thought that you could chalk my behaviour up to rehashing old habits? Old coping mechanisms that nearly got me killed? Is that it, hyung? Were you worried that I’m back to being eighteen year-old Hyunjin who had no fucking idea how to deal with his emotions in a healthy way? That everything I’ve been doing can only be attributed to a goddamn chemical imbalance in my brain?”

The elder grimaced, shaking his head. “Baby, no, that’s not what I-”

“Really? It’s not what you were implying? Because Goddess help me that’s exactly what it sounds like. I’m telling you, over and over, that I’m fine, that there’s nothing wrong and you just–you just keep pushing and pushing and pushing-”

“Because I’m worried about you,” Minho cried pathetically. 

“Well don’t be!” exclaimed Hyunjin, laughing hysterically in a disturbing combination of uneven cackles and broken sobs, tears slipping from his eyes one by one. “Don’t be worried about me, hyung!” 

Minho righted his posture, wholly resolute when he said that “I’ll never stop worrying about you.”

The change was instantaneous. It was as if a switch had been flipped. Hyunjin’s face was suddenly blank, suddenly devoid of the frenzied anguish that forced him to laugh in reckless abandon. His nose was red, and his eyes were pink, and the smell of putrid roses and decaying gardenias burned through their nostrils. “Right now I’m begging you to.”

And if Minho was any less of the righteous wolf he commended himself on being, he would bow his head and let it go. He would fold immediately beneath the hefty weight of Hyunjin’s solemn gaze, he would turn around, he would pursue an alternate route that led him out of the hedge maze that was Hwang Hyunjin’s mind. 

He’d do all of those things and more, most probably. 

But he wasn’t. He was stubborn and headstrong and fit with an indestructible moral compass, and even when he was plagued with the bitter infection of guilt, Lee Minho would not give in. 

“I can’t,” he murmured. 

He curled his hands around Hyunjin’s elbows, surprised that he was allowed the contact. “I can’t do that.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Is there a difference? Can’t or won’t, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you tell me your truth. The farther you retreat, the more I’ll dig. You know I will.”

The blond narrowed his eyes in distaste. “Is that a threat?” he spat from between his teeth. 

“Interpret it as you will. The both of us know that I’ll get my answers. Though I’d prefer sooner rather than later, for your sake as well as mine.”

Hyunjin stared at him then, the kindled flames of irritation squashing into rippling embers of something akin to hate. Minho knew it wasn’t directed towards him, knew that while Hyunjin’s emotions ran deep, he’d never impress such a heinous one upon any of his mates. 

Though he was curious to know what had inspired such a powerful sentiment.

“Your sake as well as mine?” repeated Hyunjin, tone laced with incredulity, slathered in a thin coat of venom. “What right do you have to demand such a thing from me?”

Minho was taken aback. “Excuse me?”

Hyunjin shook his arms from Minho’s grasp, “you,” he murmured, “you think you can demand answers from me, and when I’m unwilling to give them you think you can just force them from my tongue?”

The elder bit the inside of his cheek. 

“Did you miss Jisung’s point entirely? Or do the actions of a healthy pack apply only to Felix’s care? What happened to boundaries and trust? Respect and…and common decency?”

“What about honesty, Hyunjin?”

“I have full jurisdiction over the things I tell you and the things I keep to myself. No one is entitled to my business but me.”

Minho’s eye twitched. “I’m entitled to any of my mates' business when it becomes apparent that they are suffering because of it.”

Hyunjin’s jaw all but dropped. The furrow between his brows deepened, marring the space in the centre of his forehead, belying the shock that electrified his nervous system. He flinched almost imperceptibly as Minho approached him again. “That is a dangerously selfish opinion, hyung,” he breathed lowly. 

“I don’t care. I’m worried about you, Hyunjin, because whether you believe it or not, this isn’t just about Felix. This entire fucking thing is impacting all of us and I don’t-” his breath hitched, “I don’t want you–or anyone–to think they matter any less right now. So yes, Hyunjin. I’m selfish. And I’m making your business my own even if it makes you despise me, I am making it my own because as your elder, and as your mate, I am responsible-”

“Responsible.”

“-For–what?”

“Responsible,” he said again, “you want to talk about responsibility? Fine.”

“The hell are you on about, Hyunjin?”

And that was the moment the frayed little thread keeping Hwang Hyunjin’s sanity intact snapped right in half. 

“You want to talk about responsibility, hyung? You want to talk about my lack of honesty? My secrets and lies? Fine. You want to make my business yours? Then have it.”

“Hyunjin-”

“What are you going to do, huh? What are you going to do, hyung, when I tell you that I’ve been lying to your faces this entire time? What are you going to do, when I tell you that I hadn’t been seeing those visions for weeks, but years? Ever since I presented at sixteen?”

Minho’s face paled. 

“What are you going to do when I tell you that it wasn’t Chan hyung who was my first bond, but Felix. When I tell you that I’ve been feeling agonising pain. For years upon years, not knowing why, not knowing how. But it sat on top of mine like a fucking deadweight that I couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard I tried.”

Hyunjin heaved a painful-sounding breath, gasping through his words as he held tight to himself, the greatness of his height reduced to the snivelling, broken form of a frightened young boy. Tears fell down his face, unrestricted, unbound, and for a fleeting moment Minho was convinced the younger would plunge headfirst into a heart attack. 

“It exacerbated every single bad thing in my head, drove me to madness, drove me to wanting death. And I didn’t know why, I didn’t understand a damn thing because in case you forgot, my parents didn’t believe in soulmates. They told me that my mind was ill, that I was sick, and that everything I was feeling was nothing more than a feeble attempt to–seek–attention.

They didn’t help me when I couldn’t get up from the floor, curled against myself in pain so great that I could feel it in my bones and my blood and my every nerve. When I felt so cold and afraid and alone that I thought I would die without even knowing I had. When every single day they voiced their contempt for me, their alpha son who should have been an omega like they’d wanted. Who was so...so ashamed for having been born the way he was that he cut himself open just to make it hurt the tiniest bit less-

They didn’t help me when I begged them to. When I told them that something was wrong, here, inside,” he sobbed, clutching at his chest, “that I felt like I was–like I wasn’t just my own and that I-that I belonged to someone else just as they belonged to me…

The only thing I had was my grandfather's reassurance. I never knew him either but he left me a letter. He told me about soul bonds about-about soulmates. He made them sound so beautiful and wonderful and-and...the first time I formed a connection with Felix it felt like that but I didn't know. I had no fucking idea that it could hurt so much, but it did. It hurt so bad, hyung, all of the fucking time. He hurt all of the fucking time. I didn’t even know him, I didn’t even see him, but I knew him through his pain, hyung, and I did nothing. I did nothing, hyung, I did nothing. For years and years I did piles upon piles of nothing until that’s exactly what it became. Nothing. 

And I forgot. I forgot how to distinguish between the two. I forgot where my pain began and his ended. And just like that…just like that he had to bear the consequences of my incompetence. 

Because I did nothing. I did nothing. And the guilt is, is, it’s eating me alive, hyung, it’s-it’s tearing me apart because every-everything that happened to him is all my fault. It’s my fault, hyung, it’s my fault because for years and years I did nothing, it’s my fault, it’s my fault it’s mine-”

Minho gasped, shaking his head as Hyunjin unravelled in a way he'd never seen before. he couldn’t even begin to string together a coherent sentence, mind racing with a torrent of thoughts that had no beginning, middle, or end. 

Yet by the time he could, Hyunjin had fallen into unconsciousness, barely missing the floor as Minho caught him, pale and shaken to the core, 

wondering when everything had become so complicated, and whether he’d pushed a little too hard. 

 

---

 

Two Days Ago

 

“Lixie?”

Felix still couldn’t believe it. “This can’t be r-real…” he whispered, pushing himself out from beneath the comforter, onto trembling legs.

Seonghwa stilled, wide, teary eyes contemplative as he lowered his things to the floor. 

He stared at Felix as if he was seeing a ghost. And all things considered, perhaps he was. He should be dead. Felix should be dead. 

He hadn’t made it. Their plan had failed. 

Felix should be dead-

He felt his heart stutter in his chest. His life had ended that night, too. Ripped away from him just like his little flower had been. And he had never been the same. 

But life continued on nonetheless, uncaring of the fact that his world had ended right as it had begun to turn. It ticked by like the impatient hands of a clock, ticking and ticking away until one day, with the heaviest of hearts he had to force himself to accept that his sunflower had truly perished in that fell place he’d left behind, never to return to his arms. Never to be kissed on the cheek or tucked against his side as he slept.  

Very few omegas were fortunate enough to obtain their freedom from the Choi Pack. Even fewer their lives. For so long, Seonghwa had believed that Felix was just another innocent soul lost to the treachery of Choi Wonshik and his belligerent kin. He never thought he’d see him again in this life. Held onto the promise that he’d join the omega in the sweet hereafter. In the fields where the Moon Goddess’s most beloved children roamed, where there was no pain, no suffering. Just peace in an endless valley of flowers and grass. 

He swallowed, letting his eyes roam over that beautiful face, so gaunt now, and pale. But it was all as he’d remembered; the same tapered brows, the same bowed lips, and curved nose. Those same, endlessly viridian eyes. Those precious freckles he’d spent so many nights trying to count. 

“Hwa?” he breathed, “is it-is it really you?”

Seonghwa nodded, a fresh wave of tears stinging his irises. Goddess above, how he missed that voice. “It’s me, petal. It’s your Hwa.”

But Felix was still streaked by a line of uncertainty. His omega wanted desperately to surrender his inhibitions, begged to be allowed the comfort of familiarity. Of trust and friendship. Yet he was frightened. Unwilling to become, once again, the victim of his mind’s cruel concoctions. 

The elder omega could smell the fear permeating the air around him like thick, impervious clouds. He scrunched his brows, eyes narrowing slightly as it suddenly occurred to him that that was the only scent he could distinguish. 

Felix’s omegan scent was…it wasn’t there. Not a single trace of orange blossoms, not a hint of the lavender it was interspersed with.  

He’d learned of this phenomenon through his studies. An omega could lose their scent because of a number of factors: malnourishment, stress, wolf-form repression, repeated uses of medicines made to suppress natural bodily functions, among others. If he didn’t have his scent then that meant…

Seonghwa couldn’t even begin to fathom the horrors he’d undergone in his absence. 

His darling Lixie, radiant as the sun, as beautiful as the stars belonging to her sister. Diminished. Abused. Traumatised. 

But alive. 

Felix was alive. Lungs drawing breath, heart pumping blood. 

He wiped the tears from his eyes and approached him cautiously, slowly. His scent oozed from him in serene waves, placating and warm. He inhaled until his chest was full of oxygen, exhaled just as he decided what he’d next do to prove his realness. 

“Looking for star,” Seonghwa began to sing quietly, somehow managing to overcome the tremble in his voice, the heartache. Felix sobbed, covering his mouth with both hands. “Looking for love…”

He kept walking, maintaining eye contact, letting the familiar words swirl around them like wisps of a memory long forgotten.

“So that no sorrow can come here,” he continued, face slick with tears that he’d fruitlessly attempted to quell. “I will protect you forever…”

When he was close enough to Felix that he could feel his breath against his chin, he lifted a quivering hand, searching for permission in the boundless depths of Felix’s glassy eyes. 

It fell in place against Felix’s cheek, fingers barely threading into the hair at the side of his head. He took a moment for himself, imploring his mind to overcome the surrealness of it all, when Felix stiffened beneath his palm. 

He thought he’d overstepped, he thought he’d made a grave mistake, and moved to retract the offending appendage.

But then through the haze of tears that made Felix’s eyes glimmer like emeralds, there was the light of recognition. 

He launched himself into Seonghwa’s arms, curling his own around his shoulders and weeping against his throat. 

Seonghwa held him close, held him tight as he should have done all those years ago, threading his fingers into soft threads of golden-blond. 

He buried his face into his hair, eyes fluttering shut. He felt like he could breathe again, all those years spent mourning paling miserably in comparison to the joy of having his little omega back in his arms. He held him close, relishing in the pounding of Felix's heart against his chest, in the tears dampening his skin. He breathed through his mouth a quivering breath and with it, the final verse of their lullaby.

“Forever you are my star.”

Notes:

FYI: hwa sings to felix in korean (all conversations, unless explicitly stated otherwise, are in korean) so for the sake of continuity i wrote the english translation of the lyrics. if you know what atz song those lyrics are from just know that my decision to insert it into seonglix's dynamic was one i've been wanting to make for a while. and yes, i cried

i really like this chapter (call it my knack for making skz suffer, what can i say), and i hope you enjoyed it, too!!

till next we meet, lovely darlings

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 15: Interlude: Sacrifice

Summary:

Life in the Choi Pack was far from easy, especially for Seonghwa and his omegas.

Notes:

hello lovelies,

welcome to the next phase of The World is Coloured Away! from here on out, things will be a little different, but nothing major. really, the only major differences will come in the form of the chapter titles. don't look into them too much, though, they're nothing more than basic hints. trust me.

that being said, we are about to delve into extremely rough and dark territory. as the chapter summary says, life in the Choi Pack is not easy, and i will not be sugarcoating or glossing over the horrors felix and the others faced while living there. part of me really wants to put in a dead dove warning, but i'm still on the fence about it. so please, let me know if i should. this preliminary chapter introducing felix's past is rather tame compared to what is to come (still hard to swallow, if you ask me), but i'm simply trying to conceptualise the best course of action for me and my readers. i want this to be a comfortable transition for everyone despite the severity of the topics that are going to be addressed, and i just want everyone to be safe. it will be like this for a little while, but i swear, this story DOES have a happy ending for our beloved Bang Pack. that is my promise to you.

also, for those of you who may find themselves wondering what the ages are in this story, here's a little guide:
in present time, Chan is 27, Minho is 26, Changbin and Hyunjin are 25, Jisung, Felix, and Seungmin are 24, and Jeongin is 23 (pretty much the same age-gap as they have irl, they're just aged up a tiny bit in this setting)

in past/flashback time, Wonshik is 39/40, Hoseok is 20, Seonghwa is 19, Wooyoung is 18, Yeonjun is 19, and Felix...well you'll find out about that. the number of years in which the flashbacks take place will always be at the top of the chapter, so you can adjust their ages based on that if that's something you want to keep up with.

 

CW: abuse, caning, punishments, wounds, sexual topics regarding UNDERAGE characters, mating, mentions of knots, slightly vulgar language, bigotry, domestic violence, domestic abuse, non-explicit sexual abuse, emotional abuse, trauma, power imbalance, AGE DIFFERENCE, discussions of seeking intimate relationships with a minor, infertility, references to mpreg

i told you, it's a lot. please proceed with caution and care, and please, please, please, let me know what you think about adding a DD:DNE warning (or any other tags! tysm!!)

 

Interlude: Sacrifice

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

“Where is Seonghwa?”

“The Omega Wing, Alpha.”

“Bring him to me. Now.”

“As you wish.”

 

---

 

Felix’s hair was getting long. It was well past his shoulders, settling against the small of his back. Beautiful, really. And soft like threads of gossamer silk, dyed with the golden hues of the sun. Seonghwa had never met any other wolves whose hair was blond like his, not unless they had it altered by chemicals or dyes. It made the little omega all the more special in his eyes. All the more unique. 

“Mini carnations or daisies, petal?” he asked, brushing through the long strands as Felix sat on the floor between his legs. 

“What colour?”

“He requested white for today.”

Felix hummed distractedly, shoulders slumping once he’d relinquished the breath held captive in his lungs. “Carnations,” he mumbled at last, placing his chin onto his knee. 

“Very well,” the elder agreed, beginning to divide a section of his hair into three. 

The quiet filled the void between them again. Felix stared unblinkingly at the embroidery along the carpet’s edge, fingers absently fidgeting with a loose bundle of threads next to his foot as Seonghwa took to plaiting the pieces together in the French style. 

There was a slightly harsh tug against his scalp and he winced, hissing between his teeth. Seonghwa gasped, whispering apologetically while laying a tender hand against his head and rubbing the sore spot with his thumb, but Felix said nothing. He simply let his eyes slip shut and prayed that his brain wouldn’t do what it always does. 

And like always, it made sure his every prayer went unanswered. 

Hoseok grabbed the hair at his crown, pulling him back against his chest. Felix thrashed against him, whimpering in pain, the sharp, shooting pain that traversed down his head and to his neck, all the way to his feet. “Father tells me you misbehaved in front of the Kims.”

Felix inhaled shakily, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “That’s not true, I-”

The alpha tugged harder on his locks, clicking his tongue. “He said you refused to submit to their pack alpha. You spat in his face.”

“He-he t-touched me. He tried t-to-” 

An annoyed sound fell past Hoseok’s lips and he dragged his nails through Felix’s scalp. Not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to tell the omega that this was his warning. 

“I don’t care if he wanted to fuck you in front of his entire pack. You do as he says, exactly how he says, because they are our pack’s most advantageous ally and we cannot afford to lose them. If he wants you to warm his cock then you do it without complaint. If he wants to pass you around like a flesh light you do it with a goddamn smile on your face, understand?” 

The omega wriggled against his merciless hold. 

“Do you understand, Felix? Don’t forget that I am your alpha. You listen to me.”

“You are not my a-alpha.”

Hoseok’s jaw clenched tightly at the omega’s words. “You keep telling yourself that, doll.”

Felix’s eyes filled with tears.  

“But I will say,” he murmured, tone switching to something akin to affection, “Doyun was rather taken by your beauty. So much so, in fact, that he agreed to let bygones be bygones. In a strange way, that makes me proud. At least you’re good for something…”

A tear slipped down the side of Felix’s temple, sinking into his hair. He hoped with every fibre in his being that Hoseok didn’t see it. 

“But even though you may have a pretty face, my little omega, don’t think for one fucking second that it’ll stop me from bashing it in.”

Felix cried, small hands wrapping uselessly around the alpha’s wrist. “Please, Alpha, I-I’m sorry-”

“Always the same with you. So many apologies and yet you continue to disobey and disrespect me. I’m starting to think you enjoy being punished. Is that right? Like being a pretty little pain slut for me?”

“N-no-!”

“Mm,” the alpha hummed in return, nosing along Felix’s hairline, fingers tightening, drawing another gasp from the omega. “Your fear, it….” he inhaled deeply, pressing his body deeper against Felix’s, “...it smells divine. I wonder…”

He turned Felix around in his arms, pulling his head back and forcing him to bare his neck. He ran his nose along his scent gland, moaning obscenely like a wolf in rut. “I wonder what it tastes like.”

Felix sobbed, struggling in vain to push the overbearing alpha away as he felt his tongue lave over the sensitive gland. “P-please…” he breathed, digging his blunt nails into the delicate skin of Hoseok’s wrist. “L-let me go-”

Hoseok smirked, using his other hand to wipe carelessly at Felix’s tears. “Oh, pretty. I’ll never let you go. And you know I can’t let your transgressions go, either.”

He kissed Felix’s temple, so tenderly like a lover would. So softly. 

“Strip.”

Felix opened his mouth to beg for the alpha’s reconsideration, but Hoseok’s eyes were as cold as steel, and just as unrelenting.

He swallowed the crumbling remnants of his ill-begotten pride, beginning to undress with pathetic, trembling fingers. He had to force himself to remember how to breathe, feeling the way a choppy amalgamation of his breaths festered and bubbled in his chest. His body quivered, and his breathing was stuttered as it spilled from his lips in heaving gasps. 

As Felix felt the first impact of the thin, rattan cane against the bare skin of his back, he couldn’t help but think of how that kiss stung more than any punishment ever could.

A fresh tear slipped from the crevice between his lids, soaking into the fabric of his trousers. 

His scalp was still sore and tender to the touch, his back numb from the burning ache. It radiated through the raw welts criss-crossing all over his skin, like ice against salt. And yet, that pain was nothing compared to the one in his heart. 

He sighed, biting his lip so that he would not cry again, surrendering himself to the benign ministrations of Seonghwa’s delicate fingers.  

“What is it, my sunflower?”

Seonghwa never failed to prove how attune he was to Felix’s emotions, and there were times Felix resented his intuition. “Nothing,” he whispered. “Just tired.”

“You know I can tell when you’re lying,” rebutted the elder omega. “Tell me what happened.”

“Hoseok happened.”

The hands in his hair stilled. “What did he do?”

Felix inhaled deeply, aware of the fact that it would be both imprudent and useless to lie. “Alpha Wonshik told him about Alpha Doyun. He was upset with my behaviour towards him.”

Seonghwa made haste of fastening the braid with a neat bow before lowering himself to the floor next to Felix, tucking his bangs behind his ear. “What did he do?” he breathed, worry knitting into his words, brows pinching together. His scent soured along the edges, unpleasant like an old pastry left to rot, and Felix knew he was doomed.   

Felix’s glassy eyes met his, and he blinked rapidly to stave off the tears that threatened to spill. “He…tied me to the bedpost and caned me twelve times.”

The elder gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

The blond smiled brokenly, sighing. “What could you have done, hyung?”

Tears pricked Seonghwa’s eyes as he cupped Felix’s cheek. “Show me, please. Knowing you I’m certain you didn’t get them checked.”

Felix hesitated for a moment, uncertain gaze lingering on the necklace around the base of Seonghwa’s throat. One that was similar to his own, permanent and irremovable unless by the hands of the alpha who’d put it there. A symbol of ownership, twisted into a facsimile of elegance by the use of expensive jewels and metals and fabrics. 

Seonghwa’s was simple, made of white-gold and inlaid with small diamonds. Felix would think it pretty, had it not served as an active reminder of their insignificance as omegas of the Choi Pack. But then he tore his gaze away, and moved to his knees as he grasped the hem of his sweater, pulling it up to reveal his injuries. “He said I wasn’t allowed to,” the younger omega admitted in a breathless whisper of defeat, shifting uncomfortably. He felt Seonghwa’s fingers ghost along the raised wounds, heard a quiet hiss from the other omega’s lips. 

“Lixie, darling, this is…this is more than twelve. So much more. Some of them, they-they’re-they’re bleeding…”

Felix made a noncommittal noise, shrugging just enough so that the elder would recognise the motion. “I can barely feel them now.”

Seonghwa spared a final glance towards the horror painted across Felix’s petite body, before rolling his sweater back down with a shaky breath. 

“Everything is just numb,” and then he was replacing his chin atop his knee, curling his arms around his legs. He could feel the elder’s stare burning into the side of his head, but he was too exhausted to acknowledge it. He just wanted to melt into the floor, and disappear into the cracks between the panels of hardwood. 

“Petal-”

Suddenly the doors flung open, drawing both of their attention. An alpha from Wonshik’s inner circle, Junseo, walked through the threshold, hands folded behind his back and a bored expression on his face. “Omega Seonghwa,” he addressed, “Alpha Wonshik requires your presence.”

The omega in question straightened his posture, inclining his head. 

“Now, omega.”

He glanced towards Felix, whose wide, emerald eyes stared back at him with poorly concealed apprehension. The desire to comfort the young wolf was great, but he knew he couldn’t, not when they had the watchful eyes of an alpha on them.

“I’ll be back soon,” he whispered under his breath, squeezing Felix’s hand before standing to his feet and following Junseo through the doors. 

Felix watched him leave, feeling a heavy sense of dread pool into the pit of his stomach. 

He just hoped Seonghwa was right. 

 

---

 

“Ah, there you are.”

Choi Wonshik was many things. One of those things, unfortunately, was that he was an incredibly handsome man. He was as tall as he was strong, and with his charming features and dark hair streaked with grey and silver, he’d have been the object of many omegas’ desires. 

But he was cruel, and his ideals reeked of bigotry. Traits he’d lovingly passed onto his son in full. 

“Alpha Wonshik,” addressed Seonghwa, bowing before the alpha, “you called for me.”

The man hummed as he stood from his chair, scrutinising eyes appraising Seonghwa’s appearance from head to toe. Seemingly appeased, he let his gaze settle unnervingly onto the omega’s once he’d righted himself. 

“Indeed. There is a matter I wish to discuss with you.”

“Of course, Alpha. How may I be of use?”

Wonshik tilted his head to the side, toffee eyes aglow with mirth. “Your omegas,” he drawled, “tell me when next they’ll undergo their heats.”

Seonghwa swallowed, hands curling into loose fists at his sides. The alpha stared at him with a terrifying combination of amusement and condescension, forcing his inner wolf to cower in submission. For Wonshik to explicitly ask after his omegas’ heats was unsettling in and of itself, for it did little to conceal the alpha’s malicious intentions. “Because of the suppressors they take,” he began, masking the panic in his voice with careful indifference, “and their daily…treatment, their heats have been reduced significantly. Where they are usually to experience four or even five heat cycles in a year, some of them barely have two. They’re lucky if they have one.”

The alpha was obviously displeased with the information. 

“Though, Wooyoung is due within the next two to three days. His preheat symptoms have begun and he’s been pulled from his pack duties thus. And according to the results of his medical examination, Yeonjun should have his in three weeks. Though I have very little faith that he will. Not after…” he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. “However-”

“What about Felix?”

Seonghwa’s breath caught in the back of his throat. No. “F-Felix is…he’s fifteen.”

Wonshik raised his brows, entirely unfazed. “And what of it?”

The omega spluttered in indignation, blunt nails digging into his palms lest he lash out in a bout of physical aggression. “He’s a pup. He hasn’t even experienced his first heat, let alone any subsequent ones.”

The pack alpha, callous and heartless, was unmoved by the knowledge still. “That’s even better then. Unmarked and untouched. A virgin.” He strode past a frozen Seonghwa, a sinister grin pulling at the corners of his lips, to pour himself a glass of whiskey. 

Seonghwa dared not move, the implications of the alpha’s words far too paralysing. 

“Your little omega has caught many eyes, Seonghwa. He has grown to be very beautiful, indeed. Beautiful and troublesome.”

That caught the omega’s attention and he swerved around, eyes blown wide, “Alpha, he’s a child. He’s barely matured, he-he is innocence personified. He has no understanding of these things.”

“Is that not your job, then?” spat the alpha, slamming the crystal decanter onto the table, “as Head Omega, is it not your job to teach your wards of their roles in our pack?”

The omega bit back a snarl. “I do. And my omegas understand their roles well. But you cannot expect Felix to have acquiesced to the desires of a wolf thrice his age-”

“I can, and I will. He should be grateful that Doyun is an old friend of mine and that his poor behaviour did nothing but entertain him. Should he have taken offence, I am certain that your precious omega would be unmarked and untouched no longer.”

He downed the amber-coloured liquid from his glass, watching Seonghwa out of the corner of his eye. The omega appeared to be deeply perturbed, lost in thought, fixated on the threat that lingered above his head like a reedy vine. He could see the way his body became overwrought with angry tremors, could see the bitter tears, reflecting like small diamonds from the firelight, as they gathered in his eyes. 

How pathetic, thought Wonshik. Omegas and their overly emotional tendencies.  

“Nonetheless,” he continued nonchalantly, “your omegas have failed to fulfil their duties to the pack. They have failed to provide pups. If they can’t do something as simple as that, then I have no need for them. And if Wooyoung does not fall pregnant during his cycle, then consider these days his last.”

“His body cannot handle that stress, Alpha, please-”

“If not him, then Felix,” Wonshik interjected smoothly, running a finger along the lip of his crystal glass. He spoke as if he were reciting the weather forecast, and not as if he was condemning a young wolf to a life of grief and suffering. “In fact, that is a wonderful idea. A young, ripe omega like him ought to take well to a knot. After all, is that not why omegas present at such a young age? To bear pups when their bodies are at their prime?”

Seonghwa could not believe his ears. But maybe he could, and he just didn’t want to. “Bearing pups? Prime? How can you say such a thing when the omega you speak of is a child himself?”

Wonshik stormed up to him then, all alpha rage and potent pheromones that had the younger’s senses seizing in overstimulation. He grasped Seonghwa’s biceps, tightly, painfully, until the omega whimpered and whined lowly in discomfort. “I don’t fucking care, Seonghwa. I want pups. And since you won’t give them to me, I’ll find an omega who can.”

A tear slipped past his lashes. “Not Felix, please. Please, Alpha. Not him,” he begged, “he’s just a boy.”

The alpha clicked his tongue, “your fondness for the pup has spoiled him. He is an omega of my pack, and will do as I see fit.”

“No, no, no. Please, he can’t–he’s hurt, he–Hoseok, he hurts him terribly. All of the time, I-I need…I need to look after my pups. I’m all they have.”

Wonshik pushed him away, making him fall against the floor with an involuntary cry. 

“He is Hoseok’s intended. He may do with him as he pleases.”

Seonghwa scrambled to his knees, clutching the fabric of Wonshik’s trousers in desperate hands. “If he keeps doing that, Felix will never bear pups. An omega’s body is fragile, it is delicate. It needs to be handled with care and tenderness because if it isn’t….if it isn’t it’ll wither. It will fall apart. I know because that’s what happened to m-” he choked on his words, sniffling as he redirected his thoughts. “Hoseok rejoices in torturing him, in reminding him of his inferiority-”

“As is his right. He is an alpha, and the future of this pack. He is simply doing his duty in reminding Felix of where he stands. And if Felix is the object of his desires then that is even more beneficial to me. He shall mate the boy upon his first heat, and if he’s not as useless as he’s proven to be thus far, he’ll bear his heir. He'll bear my grandchild.”

The omega sobbed in abandon, pressing his forehead against the alpha’s shin. 

“Unless…unless you take his place.”

When Seonghwa looked up again, he was met with the sight of a sardonic grin on Wonshik’s face. Mocking. Ridiculing.

“If I could, I’d do it in a heartbeat,” he hiccuped in return, eyes narrowed in resentment. The alpha scoffed, pursing his lips in faux sympathy, “aw, my sweet omega, my sweet, barren omega.” His hand slipped between the strands of Seonghwa’s pink-dyed hair, settling against his scalp, and he relished in the fear and shame that rolled off of his trembling frame. “I should have gotten rid of you long ago, when I first discovered your treacherous truth. Your infertility has proven to be a hindrance, Seonghwa. The only reason I even keep you around is because your omegas look up to you. They need the guidance of a devout, maternal figure. And that’s exactly what you are, aren’t you?”

The alpha’s voice was artificially sweet. Saccharinely poisonous. 

“Head Omega of the Choi Pack. Such a prestigious honour, an honour that he has tainted with his incapability.” he stroked his hair, tilting his head to the side. “Head Omega…that could not even provide me, his Pack Alpha…his husband…a son. Such a pity.”

Seonghwa exhaled shakily. “You have no n-need for an heir…”

“You are right about that. And Hoseok is, indeed, a formidable alpha. But he is unpredictable. He is volatile and, dare I say, simple minded. At times. He gets those qualities from his mother, I fear,” and the sentiment was relayed with distaste and revulsion. 

“But you, Seonghwa. You are wise and you are intelligent, not to mention lovely of face. And while those respectable traits have unfortunately been bestowed upon an omega, and while you may inherently be little more than a brood bitch, I don’t doubt that you and I could have made something the Moon Goddess herself would envy.”

The omega’s brows furrowed together, hands loosening their grip on the alpha’s leg. 

“A pity, is it not?”

His hand paused in the cotton-soft of Seonghwa’s hair as he smiled, and it was ominous and baleful. “How fortunate, then, that he has an ethereally beautiful, fully-functioning omega in his care, waiting to be bred. To be pumped full of pups. To fulfil the single purpose he was born for.”

The Head Omega was shocked into a breathless silence. His lungs scrounged for air, but he was too afraid to alleviate their discomfort. Because it suddenly occurred to him, with a startling clarity, that Wonshik no longer spoke of Hoseok to make true of his desires. 

“And how fortunate it is that I, ever the gracious alpha, am more than willing to oblige him.”

 

---

 

It was hours later when Seonghwa returned to the Omega Wing. He’d left Felix in the infant hours of the afternoon, made-up like a doll, and appeased with the promise of his quick return. Yet by the time he was facing the familiar set of doors again, it was well into the night. 

He was a mess of barely-dried tears and frayed nerves. His body ached and his face was numb from the mental and physical anguish he’d been served. 

After Wonshik had turned Seonghwa’s world onto its head, he then turned to his body as a means to expel his frustrations. He took him brutally and without rest, and the only reprieve the omega had was that despite his fervour, the alpha would never succeed in impregnating him. A dour thought, one that his younger self would be disheartened by, for his dreams of becoming a mother have been with him since he’d first presented. 

And yet, in moments like those he was grateful that his dreams would only ever be dreams. 

But more importantly, when Seonghwa returned to the Omega Wing, walking past the living quarters and towards the bedrooms, he found his little flower tucked away in bed, asleep as soundly as he could given the circumstances of his hellish life.

The sight was enough to tear the strings holding together his heart to shreds. Because while Seonghwa may never be a mother in his own right, he was the closest thing to one for his omegas.

And for all intents and purposes, the closest thing to a mother Felix has ever known. 

His darling sunflower. His radiant little star. 

As he gazed at his tiny form huddled onto its side, buried beneath thick comforters, he was overcome with another bout of tears, and wasted no more time in minimising the space between them. 

He clambered into bed, wiping listlessly at his eyes, and settled in front of Felix. He stared at him with the help of the Moon Goddess’s light filtering through the curtains. Stared at his freckles and precious nose. His cat-like eyes and bowed lips. But then his brows cinched together as an unpleasant sight reached his gaze. 

There was a bruise on his cheek that wasn’t there when he’d seen him last, red and angry. There were tears crusted into his long lashes and the corners of his eyes. His hair was falling out of its plait, petals of the carnations he’d gingerly placed into the strands curling sadly against one another. A few missing, a few littering the pillow on which his head lay.

He felt his lip tremble as he reached towards him, letting his hand graze the boy’s swollen cheek. Felix whimpered quietly in his sleep, a distressed sound slipping past his lips that struck Seonghwa like a merciless blow. His back was arched in a meagre attempt to alleviate the severe ache that tormented him and he twitched, ever so perceptibly, burdened by a pain that no one should ever know with such intimacy. 

Seonghwa slid closer to him, tears now soaking into his own pillow as he cradled Felix’s head in his arms. He pressed a kiss into his silken hair, staying mindful of his wounds. 

And then, Seonghwa wept. 

He wept, silent as a mouse, until he was spent and could no longer bear the creation of more tears. Subconsciously, Felix nestled into his hold, settling his head against his chest to draw from his familiar warmth. Seonghwa let his eyes fall shut, squeezing the last few tears from them like water from a rag. 

He laid his cheek against the top of Felix’s head and willed his grieving heart to calm to the rare sounds of Felix's contented chirps. Though broken and crackly from the lack of use, they were enough for Seonghwa to relinquish the last few fragments of control he had. His heart shattered and fell into a pile at the bottom of his chest, and the tears he'd tried so desperately to vanquish returned with renewed vigour.

“I promise, my little flower,” he whispered, voice stuttering with sobs anew, “I promise to get us all out of here one day.”

Notes:

i am so sorry.

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 16: Interlude: Foreboding

Summary:

Felix becomes aware of Wonshik's intentions.

Notes:

hallooo

welp, considering that the last chapter flopped horrendously, my confidence in this story has gone 📉. lol. it's fine, tho. i'm just someone who needs constant validation and didn't get it and now i believe i suck at writing. it's fine. it's fine. you win some you lose some. but that means i still don't know what to do about the warnings/tags so if anyone can help me this time around, it'll be much much appreciated ayeeee

also, i feel that i should mention that hoseok is NOT the hoseok from bts jpakaifhiopweh, idk how but it completely slipped my mind that there was a hoseok in bts but it's not him so please don't picture jhope lmaoaoaoaoao (but this did prompt me to consider making moodboards on pinterest with like fancasts for my characters and like visual reps for certain things in each chapter...hmmm....perhaps i'll do it, we'll see)

anywho, here's the next installment. i'm so thankful for all the hits. it's actually insane like, mind go boom kind of insane hehe

 

CW: uncomfortable exchange between an adult and a minor (NOT SEX-it's just a very uncomfortable situation for Felix), non-consensual touching, non-consensual scenting, non-consensual kissing, i think that's it

 

Interlude: Foreboding

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

There was a certain tranquillity that came with being part of the kitchen staff. 

For one, an endless stream of unhindered sunlight. It came through the many windows, casting rays of golden light upon the room in the likeness of a heavenly painting. Warm, it was. And bright. And it brought a sort of animated quality to the kitchens, livening the scents in the atmosphere until they filled his lungs with memories he didn’t have, but felt that he could, in another life. It smelled like fresh pastries and hand-whipped cream. Like braised beef and stir-fried vegetables, and the peaches and apples and berries harvested from the gardens. It smelled like the breads he’d kneaded with his own hands, the muffins whose recipes he’d curated, the tarts and tortes and cakes he laboured over until they reached perfection. 

It was his little bubble of peace in a place forever shadowed by torment. His own little haven. And, as it stands, the only place where he could exercise the barest minimums of control. 

Well, it was until it wasn’t. 

This particular morning found the omega of fifteen struggling with a finicky batch of sourdough. It stuck to his hands in messy, gooey strings–which was inherently strange because he’d mastered the recipe to make it entirely foolproof. He supposes, while wiping a spot of flour from his brow, that he’d made the amateur mistake of under-proofing the dough in his haste to get everything done in time for the evening. 

And now that mistake was costing him a beautiful loaf of sourdough bread. 

He groaned in frustration, throwing the sticky mass of flour and yeast and salt onto the counter. He glanced at the clock, and as if it were prompted by a timer, his stomach grumbled. The clock read 2:25, which meant that not only had he been locked away in the kitchens for eight whole hours, but also that he hadn’t eaten anything for twice as long as that. 

It was 2:25, and Felix still had a number of things to prepare for the banquet Alpha Wonshik was hosting tonight at the Estate. If Wooyoung were here, his workload would have been a bit more tolerable, but he and Seonghwa were doing alright considering his absence. Without Seonghwa, though, there was no doubt that Felix would have come undone by the stress alone.

Not to mention that the ache in his back had increased tenfold by the time he had woken. It was searing, almost, like the flash of lightning against a hollowed wood. When the Head Omega had checked his wounds, he’d barely made it to the bathroom before expelling the contents of his stomach. 

The deeper injuries were most definitely infected, and the rest an amalgamation of mottled, irritated flesh. 

And still, he was forbidden from seeking medical attention. He’d overheard Hoseok’s conversation with Seonghwa while he bathed in the morning, heard as Seonghwa implored him to see reason, as he begged him to cease this inhumanity. Yet the alpha would hear nothing of it, and his stubborn cruelty was of no surprise to Felix at all. 

Felix had taken to easing the severity of the pain by telling himself that it could have been much worse. And while his abilities have become somewhat latent, not as fast-acting or effective as they should be, being a wolf still has its perks. Once his body realises that it will not be receiving aid from any outside force, it will have no choice but to heal itself posthaste, and then he’ll be as good as new in no time. A blank canvas for Hoseok once again, if he could tolerate a few more marks and scars scattered about it.

He rolled his shoulders, a regrettable action because it immediately caused him to wince. There was a deep ache in his muscles, exhaustion in his bones. And he was so goddamn hungry he couldn’t distinguish one thought from the next. 

But omegas weren’t allowed to eat unless granted explicit permission by an alpha. 

And he hadn’t been in contact with a single alpha all morning. Really, it was a blessing in disguise. Or…no, perhaps not. It was simply a blessing, and nothing more. And Felix, knowing better than to look a gift horse in the mouth, took the opportunity of having this limited freedom in stride. 

His tasks for the day had been delivered by one of the pack’s betas, a young man in his mid-twenties that Felix had never spoken to in his five years with the Choi Pack. Not a single word was exchanged, not an untoward glance nor piteous look; he simply placed the list in Felix’s hands and left in the same manner he’d arrived in. A quick once-over of the Pack Alpha’s extensive demands had him rubbing his forehead in despair, prompting Seonghwa to peer over his shoulder to see for himself. 

“Should keep us busy for a while,” he’d said. But then he flicked his gaze towards the younger omega and smiled a soft little smile. “Let’s get to it, yeah?”

Felix nodded, turning to look at Seonghwa, who simply kissed the side of his head and ruffled his hair. Felix thought he looked just about as tired as he felt, and it reminded him of the fact that the elder hadn’t returned to the Omega Wing until sometime after midnight. He opened his mouth to question him about it, but was silenced when the pink-haired man gently moved past him to retrieve an apron.

“Don’t forget to tie your hair back, petal.”

“Never do, hyung.” 

Which brought them to now, eight hours in with a little less than a quarter of their list remaining. If they keep pace, they’ll be done just in time before dinner, and then hopefully Felix will be able to eat something before retiring to bed. 

But it was wishful thinking. A fool’s hope. 

“Teatime, Lixie.”

The blond looked over his shoulder, eyes widening. “Should I-”

Seonghwa waved his hands, “oh no, love. It’s fine. I’ll take it to them, don’t worry.”

“Are you…are you sure?”

“Absolutely. I’ll serve them their tea and their snacks and be back in a jiffy.”

Felix pouted. “That’s what you said yesterday.”

Seonghwa sighed, feeling immensely guilty for having lied, even if it wasn’t his fault that he couldn't keep his promise. “I’m sorry, flower. But I swear today will be different. They’re in a meeting, they’re busy, so they’ll have no need to acknowledge me in any way. I’ll be in and out.”

But Felix was untrusting. He was sceptical and most of all, eternally afraid. “They always find a way to acknowledge us.”

Seonghwa walked up to him, lightly grasping his elbows as he stared deeply into his eyes. “They won’t,” he whispered. “Not today.”

He brushed some hair from Felix’s eyes. “Trust me.”

The younger omega nodded weakly. “Of course I do,” he assured quietly. “But if you’re not back in twenty minutes, I’m-I’m coming to search for you.”

“Fair enough,” Seonghwa murmured in return, grinning warmly, and then he was pulling away and walking back to the cart they’d filled together. He pushed it out of the doors and just like that, Felix was all alone, standing next to the island with sticky, dough-covered hands and a deep frown on his face. 

There was an uneasiness in his belly following Seonghwa’s departure. The solitude was unsettling in a way, unused to it as he was. And for a moment, he pictured Hoseok barging through those very doors to continue what he’d started last night. He touched his cheek, letting his dirty fingers ghost over the bruise the alpha had so generously bestowed upon him. 

But then he shook his head, forcing himself out of the uncomfortable headspace. He had work to do, and he couldn’t afford to get distracted. He tossed the dough into the bin, grimacing at having wasted precious ingredients, then buried the sorrow away with the rest of his grievances. 

There was no time. 

He wiped the counter, washed his hands, and began to gather ingredients for the lemon tart that Alpha Wonshik had ordered for dessert. 

Felix loved the scent of fresh lemons. Loved the tartness, the acidity. The odd sort of sweetness. It reminded him of the short life he had in Australia, before he was brought to Korea and made to forget. And he did, in the grand scheme of things, forget the taste and feel and scent of Australia. But he could never forget the summer heat or the freshly squeezed lemonade that his grandfather would buy him after an afternoon spent swimming in the ocean. 

He didn’t remember much, but he remembered that. And maybe that explained why he loved the scent of fresh lemons so much. Because it reminded him of the only thing he ever knew as a home. 

But now, Seonghwa is home. And Wooyoung and Yeonjun, Beomgyu and Sunoo. And the other omegas, too, even if he didn’t really know them as well. 

Seonghwa told him once, that home is not a place, it is a people. And he didn’t understand it then, he was too young, too unaware of the world around him. Yet over time, and through the muddied course of his new life, it began to make more and more sense. Now, he couldn’t help but think that the Head Omega had been right all along. 

Home is not a place. It is a people. 

And maybe one day, the people he called home could have a place to call home, too. 

One day. Maybe. 

A nice dream, he thought. A perfect one. 

The knife in his hand sliced through the lemons with ease, narrowly missing his hand. He blinked, once, twice, brows knitting together as his brain registered the fact that he’d nearly chopped off his fingertips. He glared at the cutting board, at the pool of juice surrounding the blade on the wood. 

This much was certain: he was far too deep in his head and it was now affecting his focus. 

“Get it together, Felix.”

He shut his eyes and willed his body to relax. With a deep exhale, he resumed his task, slicing, dicing away; squeezing the juice from the flesh and setting it aside. He procured a final lemon from which he’d gather the zest, and then moved on to prepare the filling.

First came the eggs. He separated a few yolks, added them into a bowl. 

As he was in the middle of combining the butter, sugar, and lemon juice in a saucepan over the stove, the door opened. Thinking it to be Seonghwa, he smiled, turning to face the omega when his breath caught in his throat, and the smile fell from his lips. 

“A-Alpha Wonshik.”

What is he doing here?

“Felix.”

Shouldn’t he be in the meeting?

The omega’s eyes widened as he felt shocks of terror flood his veins, cold and icy and distinctly discomforting. Something about the Pack Alpha had always terrified him to no end. It was his gaze, Felix is sure, because the man looked at him like he was a prize mule at an auction, a priceless gem held within the confines of a glass case. 

Or worse yet, he looked at him as if he was his next conquest. 

Somewhere in the time he spent gaping at the alpha, he remembered that he had to bow before the elder, and the gasp that escaped his lips belied the panic that rendered him a mass of stiff, uncooperative limbs. The wounds on his back screamed in protest, and his eyes watered instantly in retaliation, but he did not let that deter him. He couldn’t. 

The Pack Alpha chuckled as he stepped into the room proper, shutting the door behind him. 

Felix stared at the floor as he blinked away his tears, unable to move, heart pounding in his ears. 

“No need for that, omega. Get up.”

He slowly stood to his full height, allotting his back the time it needed to adjust to yet another change in position. His gaze stayed downcast, still focused on the space next to his feet. And he contemplated whether or not he should say something, whether he should spark up some painfully strained conversation to fill the silence. But ultimately, Felix chose to remain quiet, leaving it in the hands of the alpha. Just as he was taught to. 

“I see preparations for the banquet are going well.”

Felix swallowed, “y-yes, Alpha. Everything is proceeding on schedule.”

“Good,” hummed the alpha. “Very good.”

“...Thank you, Sir.”

Wonshik inclined his head ever so slightly. “Actually,” he began, walking towards the omega with his hands folded behind his back. “I came to see you.”

Felix’s brows cinched together. “M-me…?”

“Yes, indeed,” he glanced towards the whisk in Felix’s hand, the small fire lit beneath the pan in front of him. “You can continue your work, I simply wanted to…talk.”

He…wanted…to talk. To him. Felix. 

Alpha Wonshik wanted to talk to Felix.

Oh Goddess help me. 

He gave a slight bow before doing as instructed, returning his attention to the half-combined mixture he’d left in the saucepan. He breathed a sigh of relief to see that it hadn’t burned while he was distracted, but inwardly reprimanded his hands for shaking as badly as they were when he began stirring again. 

Felix couldn’t help it. He was nervous.

And having the alpha’s keen eyes on his every move did nothing to help abate the fear beating drums in his chest. 

Once it had reached its first boil, he began to add the beaten eggs, slowly, as to not curdle the lemon solution, and nearly failed due to the sheer amount of tremors wracking his body. 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He-he wasn’t some…some novice baker who’s never handled a simple lemon curd. He’s made this dessert a hundred times before, without fail or struggle, yet Wonshik’s presence in and of itself was enough to usurp the precision of his abilities. He was so focused on the Pack Alpha that everything else simply blurred into the background. All he could ascertain was the overwhelming scent of mahogany, all he could feel was those terrible eyes boring holes into his very soul.

But somehow, Felix managed. The curd was…it was fine, all things considered. Smooth and creamy and fragrant. In any case, it should have felt like a small victory, but the too-good feeling of accomplishment was quickly overshadowed by the looming figure of his unwelcome guest. 

He removed it from the stove and set it to the side so that it could cool. But it was when he began gathering his dirtied dishes that he became aware of the fact that the alpha had moved, and was now a scant few centimetres away from him. 

Wonshik was tall. A good couple of heads taller than himself, the very definition of alpha brawn and might. It never failed to remind the omega, who was petite by nature, granted with a short stature and a lithe frame, that the man could snap him in half with the barest of efforts. 

He felt the oxygen leave his lungs. 

He felt the alpha’s breath against his hair. 

And he heard as he inhaled deeply. 

“Do you remember when you first came here?” It was posed as a question, though Felix knew it wasn’t. 

But yes, of course he did. Felix was hard pressed to believe that he could ever forget that day.

“You were so young. Barely ten years of age, if I recall correctly.”

He lifted his hand, grasping a lock of golden hair that had escaped from Felix’s messy bun. He rubbed the strands between his fingers, noting the angelic softness and the way it smelled of the omega’s sweet pheromones. 

“Certainly were a charming little pup. Though I must admit, your maturity becomes you,” he went on to say, letting his gaze slip to the obscured vision of Felix’s profile. “Truly, you are…one of the most beautiful omegas I have seen.”

Felix blanched. What do I say to that- “th-thank you, Alpha,” he breathed, finding that he had the courage to do little else. 

Wonshik smirked, a devilish gleam sparkling within the depths of his eyes. He let Felix’s hair fall from his grasp in favour of bringing his fingers to his chin, where he then forced the omega to meet his gaze. 

That was when the alpha saw the discolouration on his cheek. His brows rose in something that wasn’t necessarily surprise, but rather…intrigue? And he turned Felix’s head this way and that to assess any more damage that may have evaded him. 

“My son harms you.”

The omega fought to maintain eye contact. “Alpha Hoseok does what he must when I…when I’m d-disobedient.”

“Hm,” murmured the Pack Alpha, “it gladdens me to hear you say that.”

Felix’s resolve was fast crumbling. 

“Still,” added the alpha, “he ought to stay mindful of your face. Your beauty is to be preserved, not marred.” His thumb caressed his cheek almost reverentially, wiped away the remnants of dough stuck to his skin. 

The omega nearly recoiled in disgust.  

“Such a precious thing,” he marvelled, trailing his fingers over the jut of his cheekbone, down to his jawline, “so frail and delicate. Like a flower.”

“Why do you call me petal, hyung?”

The Head Omega smiled as he gazed at the teeny little pup sitting in his lap. 

“Because,” he explained, tucking Felix’s hair behind his ear, “in this garden of thorns, you are my pretty little flower.”

The alpha swooped down, pressing his nose into Felix’s scent gland. He forced himself to stay quiet, to stamp down the sob that churned a storm in his chest. His body was pulled so taut with tension that he felt it would shatter, and his hands were balled into fists at his sides, knuckles white, nails crescenting the skin of his palms. 

“You will accompany me to the banquet tonight,” the alpha breathed into the skin of his neck. 

Felix felt him press a kiss to the underside of his jaw. 

What the actual fuck? cried his panic-riddled brain. 

“Yes. You will join me.”

Another kiss. A tear tore its way out of the confines of Felix’s eye and skipped down his cheek. 

“That is final.”

Suddenly the door opened, and through the haze of the terror and disbelief that sprung from the alpha’s blatant violation, Felix finally felt that he could breathe. 

Seonghwa’s voice was like a reprieve from this nightmare.

"Lixie, I-"

But it was no less outraged. 

“What are you doing to him?”

Notes:

next chapter is gonna be rough and honestly i'm not looking forward to it.

luv ya muchly, thank you for reading <3

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 17: Interlude: Culmination

Summary:

Like a ragdoll, Felix felt he was being pulled in all directions.

Notes:

hello!

so so sorry for the very late update. it's been crazy. bad head days and then a hurricane followed by more bad head days. oof. anywho, we're back with a longer chapter to make up for my absence! also, tysm for 30,000 hits?? dawg my mind is actually blown. and i love your comments, they make my day. you guys are awesome :(

I made a pinterest board for some visuals in regards to certain elements like outfits and facecasts for my characters and all that, so you can check that out here if you want! i'll be adding to it as we go on

https://pin.it/2IAFL6S

 

CW: obsessive & possessive behaviour, non-consensual scenting, objectification, non-consensual touching, groping, starvation, uh...please lmk if i missed anything

 

Interlude: Culmination

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

A number of things happened at once. The alpha growled against Felix’s throat and it was something commanding, something dominating and what’s more, possessive. Seonghwa, despite his efforts, could do nothing but concede to the alpha’s clear demand of stay away, and Felix himself felt his omega loosen the binds of control he was battling to maintain. Now rooted to his spot, able to do little more than watch as the alpha detached himself from Felix only to circle behind him, Seonghwa felt an unbidden panic pierce through his every sense. 

Wonshik’s eyes were ablaze with pure, alpha instinct. He was scent drunk. High off of Felix’s scent and overrun with rapture. And that alone was terrifying to the Head Omega. Scenting was intimate, it was personal, it was-

A shudder tore its way through his body, fear for his omega flourishing in a raucous concoction of adrenaline and rage, and he found that it was enough for him to break out of the alpha’s submission. He found himself growling in return. Quietly and lowly, but it presented a challenge to the alpha, however ineffective it may have seemed. 

“Get away from him,” he seethed through gritted teeth. 

The alpha snickered darkly, curling his hand over the base of Felix’s throat, fingers resting right underneath the lace of Hoseok’s claim collar. He lowered himself to the omega’s height, nestling his chin onto his shoulder. 

Seonghwa didn’t miss the tear that escaped Felix’s eye, or the way his body went entirely rigid with fear. 

“What was that, omega?” goaded the Pack Alpha. 

“Get away from him,” repeated Seonghwa with a strained quality to his voice. “Please. Alpha.”

“And what if I don’t want to?” he asked in return, snaking his arms around Felix’s slight waist. He pressed his nose once more into the soft flesh of his neck, eyes trained on the Head Omega as he inhaled again. 

Felix slammed his eyes shut and God, he wanted to throw up. He felt so sick. Sick and faint and intolerably lightheaded, because beyond the emotional discontent he was dealt, the alpha’s pheromones worked in tandem with his omega’s submission to cloud his cognition. It felt like a thick, cloying haze of ash and dust had been stuffed into his brain and nostrils and throat. The scent of mahogany was so potent in the air that it was overwhelming him, overriding his faculties until he feared the possibility of never regaining his own ability to function. It was making his skin prickle with an uncomfortable heat, made his belly feel as if it had been filled to the brim with lead. The feel of Wonshik’s arms around his body, the feel of his hardened planes against his sensitive back, the feel of his breath against his scent gland–it was all too much, bordering torturous. Sensations too foreign and too unwelcome to be considered even remotely natural. 

He wanted to go home, he wanted to go home, he wanted to go home-

“Help me,” he mouthed to the elder omega, tears running rivers down his colourless cheeks. “ Help me, hyung. Please help me.”  

Seonghwa held Felix’s gaze, pouring as much reassurance and comfort as he could muster into the gesture. He took a step forward, eyes then flickering to the alpha. “You’re frightening him,” he said, outstretching his hands in the hope that his omega would be summoned to his side like a magnet. “Please, Alpha. You’re frightening the pup. Just let him go.”

Another growl rumbled from deep within Wonshik’s chest. “I don’t want to.” 

His hold on Felix tightened, eliciting a pained wince from the omega as his wounds were rubbed raw through the contact. 

“You can stay,” Seonghwa then said in an attempt at compromise, desperation tightening his features, “just let him go.”

He took a few more steps towards them, never once letting his gaze stray from Wonshik’s. “Just let him go, Alpha. You can stay right there, just let him come to me.”

His hand slotted into the juncture of Wonshik’s elbow, and with no little effort he was pulling the alpha’s arm from Felix’s waist. His refusal to relinquish the omega was adamant, his hold tight and unforgiving. But Seonghwa was persistent, and his need to protect his own far outweighed the sick, twisted possessiveness through which Wonshik was beginning to covet Felix. 

Seonghwa managed to unfurl the young pup from the alpha’s clutches, pulling him quickly into his own arms, holding him against his chest. He shuffled back on his feet, creating a necessary boundary of distance between them and the alpha. A blanket of calming pheromones was quickly released to soothe the troubled wolf, and his hand found its way against the back of Felix’s head as he continued to stare at the alpha. Felix sobbed silently into his blouse, fists sandwiched between their bodies as he grasped the silken material.

The manic glint in Wonshik’s eyes seemed to dissipate considerably, the effects of his high weakening as they gave way to the physical separation. Yet the disappointment behind his narrowed gaze was biting. It was admonishing.  

“You promised,” Seonghwa cried venomously, accusatorially. “You promised me you wouldn’t do this.”

“I lied.”

Seonghwa recoiled as if he had been slapped. “Why?”

“I told you, Seonghwa. Your little omega has drawn many eyes…”

No. 

No, no, no.

“...Including my own.”

“You mustn’t-”

“I don’t care! ”

The Head Omega gasped soundlessly. 

Felix whimpered, pushing himself deeper into the safety of Seonghwa’s embrace. He hated it, he hated it all. He hated not knowing what they spoke of, hated being unaware of matters that pertained to himself. He hated the scent of an angry alpha, the way his voice echoed in his ears, loud and deafening. He hated the way his body gave into the alpha’s mere presence, his commands and his words and his aura. But most of all, he hated the way his hyung was now entirely vulnerable to the full capacity of the Pack Alpha’s wrath, and how he was the reason for it. 

“You think I care for your opinions? For your ridiculous notions on morality and ethics? Don’t be so stupid, Seonghwa, it’s unbecoming for an omega of your status.” He straightened his posture, righting the sleeves of his suit jacket. “You may be my omega, my bonded, but do not presume for a single moment that it grants you any privileges or leniency towards disrespect.”

Seonghwa felt the strength of his gaze falter in the face of such heavy ridicule. He was quiet for a painfully unending moment, ridden with shame for being…what? For being human? “My apologies, Alpha,” he murmured in bitter defeat. 

Wonshik sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I’m disappointed, really. I’m beginning to think that your duties as Head Omega have clouded your judgement. Your affections for your wards have instilled within you a sense of rebelliousness, have given you a false sense of ownership. Do you need a reminder on who you belong to? On who you all belong to?”

“N-no, of course not. Alpha.”

Seonghwa felt cold now. Inside. Like all the fight and its voracious flames had been leached out of him through a vacuum. Now all that remained was a sense of endless emotional destitution, and the crumbs of a nonexistent self-worth.

The alpha scoffed, turning his gaze back towards Felix. His eyes lingered on the exposed skin of his neck. His unmarked neck. Smooth and pale and elegant in its frailty. 

“Felix is to accompany me to the banquet tonight.”

The Head Omega’s eyes widened, “but-”

“I will hear nothing against it. My decision is final.”

Seonghwa frowned, swallowing his words. 

“Make sure he’s dressed on time. I’ll have his attire delivered promptly.”

He then strode towards the door, bypassing the omegas that were huddled together without a second glance. 

“And for fuck’s sake, get his wounds checked.”

The doors slammed shut behind him, and both Seonghwa and Felix flinched at the sound.

The silence he left behind was stifling, and the disordered chaos from his vastly contrasting emotions made their minds run amok with befuddlement.

A few seconds later, Seonghwa was blinking the mist from his eyes, refocusing his attention on the omega in his arms. 

“Lixie,” he intoned gently, “look at me.”

Felix shook his head. 

“Look at me, petal, please.” He slotted his hands on either side of Felix’s neck, urging him to lift his head. He brushed back the strands of hair plastered to his cheeks by tears, swept his eyes over every centimetre of skin available to his sight. 

“Did he hurt you? Anywhere?” he questioned in a flurry, the furrow between his brows growing deeper. “How are you feeling? Is your head fuzzy? Are you sick? How is your back?”

The blond choked on a sob. “Hyung,” he wailed, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip to stop the quivering. 

Seonghwa’s face fell. He brought Felix back to his chest, threading his fingers into his hair, hoping that his touch could provide the solace his words could not. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against his head, “I’m so sorry.”

He felt the younger’s little fists grab onto the fabric at his back, tight and unyielding. “I was so worried when I got to the Council Room. He wasn’t there, he–instantly I had the feeling something was wrong but I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t leave until I’d served them, I couldn’t–but the second I was done I came running…”

He inhaled a shuddering breath. “I am so sorry I didn’t get here fast enough. I am so sorry, petal. I am so sorry, my love.”

Felix cried harder. 

“I should have taken you with me, I should have–fuck, fuck, I am so stupid, this is all my fault…” 

The younger’s voice was a muffled snivel against his chest. “N-no, hyung. No…”

Seonghwa sighed, choosing to ignore the itch in his nose that signalled the beginnings of more tears. 

But he could say nothing more. 

He simply lacked the words. 

 

---

 

Each drop of water was like sandpaper against his skin. 

Seonghwa’s hands were gentle, though. Tender. As if they were preening the feathers of a delicate hummingbird. Yet even those careful caresses and touches seemed to maim him.

He tilted his head back against the lip of the tub, allowing the Head Omega the clearance he needed to wash the shampoo from his hair. The water was warm along his scalp, and he thought, for just a minute, that if he closed his eyes he’d wake up to the light of a new day as it filtered through the curtains of their quarters. 

Even now, he held onto the hope that this was all a nightmare. A farce, borne from the visceral fear that had taken the heart of him, manifested into a near-tangible object. As another unfortunate companion to his suffering.  

There was no possible way that he was being prepped and primed at this hour to be brandished like a puppet on the Pack Alpha’s arm.  

There was no possible way that he was to be draped in clothing that could hardly be considered as such, chosen by the Pack Alpha’s own hands. 

And there was no possible way that he was being sent into the wolves’ den unchaperoned and alone. The sole omega of the Choi Pack who had been granted the auspicious privilege of having received an invitation to attend. 

But there was. Somehow, somewhere. There was a way that all of this was happening. 

An invitation? No, it was more like being walked off a plank at knifepoint. Doom and destruction awaited him no matter what side he turned to. Whether he wanted to plunge into an endless abyss and drown, feel the fire in his lungs as they filled with water, or lose himself to mutilation and blood loss, it was all up to him. But Felix knew that if he chose to resist, not only would he bear the consequences of his disobedient insolence, but the other omegas would be punished as well. 

Seonghwa would be punished, and Felix would be damned if he let any more harm come to the elder because of him. 

He was so sick of being the reason for Seonghwa’s perpetual stress, his insurmountable hurt. He was so sick of being such a burden, such a liability, such a fucking nuisance-

“Stop that,” chided the Head Omega softly. “I can practically smell your thoughts, Lix-ah.”

Felix leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his legs. “Sorry, hyung.”

“Don’t apologise, flower. I just don’t want you to be even more worked up than you already are.”

The blond hummed, sounding faraway and absent, waving his hand through the bubbly water. Seonghwa stared at the back of his head, pulling his lip between his teeth. A silent Felix was a Felix in tremendously deep thought, and that thought could carry along his conscience in many ways. At times he’d be filled with memories of old, honey-coloured and warm. At others, the blue-tinted frost from a debilitating combination of the trauma he’s acquired and the traumas he knows are to come. So young a wolf, yet his story was dense, carved out of a number of mismatching, winding roads that more often than not had neither a beginning nor end.

A silent Felix was dangerous, in his own right. 

With a heaving sigh Seonghwa retrieved a sponge, gathering Felix’s hair and laying it over his shoulder. He dabbed the sponge along his wounds, barely putting any pressure, keeping an eye on any physical reaction to the touch. He swept the sponge over the narrow line of his back, cleaning his skin as he went, wiping away any remnants of sweat and medicine that clung to him.

He was relieved to see that Felix no longer winced from pain, but there was something else that made him tense and shudder. It wasn’t hard for Seonghwa to deduce the cause, and dwelling on it only served to stir the uneasiness in his stomach. 

But he was no longer in agonising pain, and for now that’s all that mattered. 

Upon Alpha Wonshik’s orders, Seonghwa had taken the omega to the pack’s resident doctor. But not before enlisting the aid of Sunoo, Yeonjun, and Beomgyu to complete the few items left on their list. The trio agreed without an ounce of hesitation, bestowing gentle hugs and wishing the youngest omega a quick recovery, even if it came at the Pack Alpha’s behest. 

The doctor was a beta that, contrary to the one who had delivered their list of chores, Felix had an acute familiarity with. A man in his thirties, always kind, always treated the omegas like people, and not like the objects the alphas had reduced them to. 

“Beta Garam,” Seonghwa had addressed, bowing slightly before the elder. The beta bowed in return, a gentle, inviting grin on his face, before turning his attention to the omega at his side.  

“Felix,” he’d murmured then, smile dropping, concern pinching his features. “It’s not been three days since last I saw you.”

The blond said nothing, face downcast and hands drawn into fists at his side. Seonghwa glanced at the omega, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “He…he’s hurt. Badly.”

Garam’s eyes flooded with sympathy as he offered a hand to the young omega, guiding him towards the examination table. “Come then, little one. Let me have a look.”

Which brought them to now. Garam had properly cleansed the wounds and applied a numbing salve that would reduce the pain and hasten the recovery process. He gave him a few antibiotics for the mild infection that had begun to spread, and then sent the pair off once he’d advised on how to tend to them. 

They still looked a bit unsightly, but anything was better than nothing, and anything was certainly leagues better than the state his wounds had initially been in. For that, they were grateful. 

Although, owing gratitude to a system that was built upon the dehumanisation and belittlement of omegas seemed rather counterproductive. They supposed that in its stead, they’d shovel their gratitude onto the Moon Goddess, who had made them both resilient and, as it was, unbreakable. 

But Felix felt that his resilience was slipping through his fingers, and that his unbreakability was shattering into pieces.

It was a pitiful way of living. He was almost ashamed to have let her down as pathetically as he had, convinced that he had failed in not only being a human being, but at being an omega as well. Perhaps in a different life, far from this one–in another universe, maybe–he shines bright like a star worthy of twinkling in her night sky. Brilliant and luminescent. 

But not in this one. 

Not in this life. 

“Okay, sweetheart,” breathed Seonghwa, “all done.”

He helped Felix to his feet, guiding him out of the tub and wrapping his body with a fluffy towel. He scrunched the water from his hair, carefully patted his legs, arms, and shoulders dry, then led him to the vanity, where he ushered the shivering boy to sit. 

His skin immediately erupted in goose pimples, the fine hairs on his arms standing in alarm at the sudden cold. And yet he remained quiet and amenable, a moldable puppet for the hands of the Head Omega to manipulate at his will. 

For Seonghwa, it was undoubtedly disconcerting. And the fact that Felix was getting worse as the days went on only exacerbated the deeply rooted concern he felt for him. Like a boulder set upon his heart, the reluctance to continue weighed heavily on his conscience. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to send his omega to that place, to those people. Those vile, disgusting people. He wanted it to be like any other night, where their routine would then take them to the bedroom, and Seonghwa would tuck Felix into bed, hold him until he fell asleep in his arms. 

But Seonghwa never got what he wanted and it wasn’t like any other night. So he carried on. He blow-dried his hair, rubbed lotions and balms into his skin; brushed a thin layer of sparkly, peach-coloured shadow onto his eyes and a rose-tinted gloss to his lips. He applied a fresh layer of the numbing salve to his wounds, and dabbed a mild scent-blocking oil onto his wrists and behind his ears. 

His hands shook and tears stung his eyes. If Felix noticed, he didn’t say anything, and Seonghwa was glad for it. Yet the periodic, worried glances the blond was casting through the mirror his way told him that he had. 

He couldn’t meet that gaze, though. That piercing, emeraldene gaze that reeked of innocence and an indescribable pain. What kind of Head Omega was he? Can’t protect his own pups, can’t even protect himself. So what purpose did he serve? Outside of being a hole for his Pack Alpha, and a glorified punching bag for his entertainment, what purpose did he serve–did he even have one?

His purpose, it became clear, was to fail. 

A failure is what he is. He is a failure-  

“Can you sing for me?” 

Seonghwa’s brows rose, lips parting in surprise as Felix’s small voice fluttered into his ears. His eyes finally connected with the reflection of Felix’s, staring back at him with unconcealed anticipation.

Life as an omega in the Choi pack meant that there were very, very few things left untainted by the alphas’ strict rule. 

Singing was one of them. 

His lips involuntarily pulled into a smile. “What would you like to hear, petal?” he asked, combing his fingers through Felix’s hair. 

“You know. The one,” replied the younger omega earnestly. 

Seonghwa’s face softened. Ah. The one. Their special lullaby. 

“Very well,” he acceded, gathering the boy’s hair to begin styling it. “I spend my day thinking of you,” he started softly, letting his voice adapt to the dulcet tones of the lullaby’s harmony. 

He began to braid the section of hair at the centre of Felix’s hairline, incorporating smaller pieces into it as he went. 

“That’s the greatest happiness for me.”

Once he reached just behind his ear, he stopped adding more hair, continuing the plait before securing it with a simple tie. The same was done to the other side, plaiting, adding, more plaiting, tying. Watching as Felix’s composure slowly unravelled along with his. He loosened the braids, giving his hair a softer look to accommodate the springful youthfulness of his countenance. Then, he tucked both of them together around the back of his head, settling them into place with little pins made of pearls. 

At times like these, Seonghwa considered Felix’s beauty a curse. He was so lovely, his pulchritude outlined by such an elegant delicacy that it seemed picturesque, almost. Like he was right on the cusp of being a work of art himself. Inhuman, with his fairy-like traits and features. A thing of fantastic tales, and of those stories of old. 

It was difficult to ascertain how one could embody the essence of omegan allure so effortlessly. And yet here was this little pup, not yet fully matured, and still perhaps the most beautiful sight Seonghwa has ever beheld.

So lovely, his flower, and having to witness that loveliness wilt with each passing day was akin to someone driving a knife through his chest. Felix was, Felix has been, and for the indefinite, foreseeable future, Felix will always be a prisoner. Locked away and coveted as if he were the treasure horde of a dragon. Or rather, in this case, multiple. 

Seonghwa’s hands fell from his hair once the final pin had been inserted, fingers curling at his sides as he stared at his beloved starlight. His pup , in every way but blood. His throat felt tight, and he felt the pressure of an invisible noose constricting around his trachea. Threatening, threatening, threatening to stifle the life from him. To take the breath from his lungs. 

His throat was tight, but the feeling in his heart was tighter. The stinging along his irises was sharp, but the pain in his heart was sharper.  

“Come to me as a star,” he rasped at last, letting his head fall just as the shame of bearing such incompetence flooded through him in full force. It was a dark, mottled spot on his soul, that incompetence. Gnarly and unsightly and so impossibly heavy that it was a wonder he could even muster the strength to carry it. 

“Hwa…hyung?” 

The Head Omega cleared his throat, shifting his gaze back to Felix’s. “I’m alright, petal.”

He manoeuvred the younger omega’s bangs to sit prettily on his forehead, brushing some to the side, others towards his ears. “I’m okay.”

Felix seemed thoughtfully sceptical, though, a small furrow forming between his brows. “You’re not,” he denied softly. “I can see that you’re not.”

Seonghwa smiled ruefully, “I’ll be okay, flower, I’ll be okay. We all will.” He stared at Felix, swallowing that singularly funny feeling that blossomed in the pit of his heart down so that it could resurface at a later time (hopefully not in the presence of his perceptive little pup). “I promise,” he murmured, more to himself than anything, a trembly exhale that he felt he was unworthy of releasing. 

“Alright,” he spoke aloud, offering the blond a hand. “Let’s get you dressed. We shan’t consider for even a moment to keep Alpha Wonshik waiting.”

Felix opened his mouth to say something, and Seonghwa was prepared to take on whatever words fell from it. Yet at the penultimate moment, the freckled omega decided not to. Instead, he nodded stoically, steeling his nerves with a deep breath before following the elder into the bedroom. 

 

---

 

It was beautiful.

Felix ran his fingers over the downy fabric, letting them drift along the wide, lace brocade spanning from the shoulders, down the front and to the bottom hem of the cropped outer blouse. The same lace was stitched onto the cuffs of its bishopped sleeves in layers of ruffles, soft and elegant.  

The inner shirt was sleeveless, with a collar that tied off in a bow at the middle, and made of a simple cream-coloured chiffon to match the high-waisted trousers it was paired with. Off-white, shin-length combat boots appliqued with a matching lace completed the ensemble. 

It was beautiful. 

And yet, Felix felt more and more unwell the longer his gaze remained affixed to it. 

Luxurious, certainly. Expensive, without a doubt. Choi Wonshik had a taste for the finer things in life, a knack for the grandiose and the opulent. These clothes, akin to everything else beneath the watchful eye of the Pack Alpha, were no exception. His name was practically scrawled all over them in thick, black ink. 

But what they seemed oblivious to, much like Felix himself, was the fact that they would play a sinister part in his grim fate. 

He just didn’t know it yet. 

“Ready, my sunflower?”

He swallowed thickly, shedding the towel still wrapped around his body. Quivering hands reached toward the swathes of fabric, and once his fingers had made adequate purchase around each article, that grim fate was sealed once and for all. 

Felix sighed. He felt as if shackles had been tied to his wrists and ankles. 

“As I’ll ever be.”

 

---

 

Felix was used to the hungry, salacious stares of which he was a target. He was used to the weight behind those cruel gazes, full to the brim with terrible intent. It was apparent that the company Wonshik kept was composed of different versions of himself. Reflections of lecherous, vile, and unbelievably archaic individuals, with a penchant for belittling others–namely anyone who wasn’t an alpha–in the name of immortalising the pedestal on which they stood. 

But if there was anything that separated Wonshik from his associates, it was the small sliver of familiarity he provided. A sliver that Felix latched onto with every fibre of his being. He clutched the sleeve of his Pack Alpha’s suit jacket with anxious hands, huddled into his side like an obedient pet and hoped, and prayed, and beseeched the Moon Goddess to let the evening pass without incident. 

The stares he could tolerate. 

The touches, not so much. 

And they were there, fleeting, ghostly. Some bolder than others, some more daring. A squeeze to the flesh of his ass, a lingering graze along his shoulder. A caress to his hair, a hand on his head, against his cheek; even the small of his back. Foolishly, he’d thought that his Pack Alpha would come to his rescue, offering a safety net that would protect him from the brunt force of those unwanted violations. After all, seeing as the way he had behaved earlier, it wasn’t too far a conclusion for Felix to make that the man was incredibly possessive. 

It was petrifying entirely to see that he only seemed to embolden their advances. Upon his handsome face an encouraging smile, and in his sharp eyes a glimmer of mirth that sparked with every minute flinch and shudder that Felix could not repress.

Still, he mustered enough courage to hold his head high enough to exhibit a faux sense of fearlessness. If they see that he is afraid, if they catch even the slightest scent of the terror running rampant in his veins, he’ll be torn apart. He’ll be ripped to shreds, and no matter what obstacles were thrown his way, he could not let that happen. 

That is, until he came face-to-face with Kim Doyun. 

“Well, well, well,” he intoned suggestively, a flute of deep, red wine held aloft between his thumb and forefinger. “A sight for sore eyes, indeed. Hello, pretty little thing.”

The man snatched Felix’s hand, laying a kiss against his knuckles that lasted far too long for comfort. “G-good evening, Alpha Doyun.”

Doyun smirked against his skin, pressing his lips against the ridges of bone a second time before letting the omega’s hand fall to his side. 

“Oh, what’s this? A proper greeting?” mused Doyun, a perfectly arched brow raised in a derisive sort of fascination. “So unlike our last interaction.”

Felix blanched at the reminder, curling his fingers tighter into the Pack Alpha’s sleeve.  

Wonshik’s gaze seemed almost fond as he loosened the omega’s hold on his arm, opting to wrap it about his shoulders. “Yes, well, he’s been made aware of his misconduct. My son has graciously seen to that. In fact,” he pushed Felix towards the other alpha, “I do believe Felix has something he wishes to say…”

The omega stumbled pathetically over his feet, barely managing to regain his balance and save himself from plummeting headfirst into Doyun’s chest. He turned his head back towards Wonshik, but found no gentle reassurance in the steel of those cold eyes. He swallowed, facing the other Pack Alpha once again. 

He bowed. 

“I…apologise for my poor behaviour when last we met, Alpha,” Felix began shakily. “As an omega of the Choi Pack, and as property of Alpha Wonshik, I ought to know better than to defy those who are-who are superior to me. If you will find it in your heart to forgive me, I will ensure that I do not repeat any of my past o-offences.”

The alphas exchanged knowing looks with one another, smug and horrifically endeared. And yet they remained silent. Wonshik took to studying the omega’s perfected posture, eyes travelling along the lines of his back, the flawless ninety-degrees of his stance. Doyun fixated on his hair, and the way it cascaded around his shoulders in golden waves and curtained his face, shielding it from view.

Felix, left in the uncomfortable limbo of waiting, started following the veins of gold in the marble floor with his eyes. His back was beginning to ache through the continued lack of action on either alphas’ part, and it was then that he realised that the display had garnered an audience. 

Humiliation gripped his heart, and fear accompanied it. 

There was the sound of a few low whistles, murmurs of what a lovely sight, and even a few booming hollers of now put him on his knees. 

Someone clicked their tongue in clear disappointment. Felix surmised that it was Doyun, and the voice that came after only served to confirm his suspicions. “That’s enough, everyone. Felix here is simply trying to make amends for refusing my affections, like a good little omega.”

A hand threaded into the hair at his crown, heavy and burdensome. Long, sturdy fingers wove their way to his scalp, where they settled in place like pointed daggers. “And what an eloquently relayed apology it is. You must be proud of your omega, Wonshik.”

“Mm,” hummed the man in question, “quite. Though he is young, he is both mature and intelligent. Qualities that all of my omegas possess.”

Doyun scoffed derisively, voice saccharine-sweet when he said, “I dare say you’re right about that.” The fingers against Felix’s scalp flexed, pulling harshly at a few strands and eliciting a wince from the omega. “Then I suppose there is nothing more to do than accept his wonderful apology. How say you?”

“Oh, you may do as you please, Doyun,” replied airily the Choi patriarch. “We all know that you cannot be swayed once your sights are set on something. Forgive him or don’t, it matters not to me.”

Felix felt bitter, stinging tears prick his eyes. 

“Though, I implore you to come to a decision soon. My omega is, indeed, wounded.”

“Ah,” smirked Doyun, “Hoseok’s way of seeing to it, I presume?”

Wonshik did not reply. 

“Well then,” he declared, untangling his hand from Felix’s hair and grasping his arms, guiding the omega to stand to his full height. He brushed his knuckles across the jut of his cheekbone, pushing aside the hairs that had fallen into his eyes. “You are forgiven, Felix.”

The omega felt a weight lift from his shoulders, though some of it clung to him like a stubborn taffy lodged between teeth. He didn’t like the way his name sounded as it rolled off of Doyun’s tongue. There was something eerie about the quality of it. It sounded wrong, it sounded unnatural. 

He felt himself bristle at the notion that there was a concealed sentiment the alpha was withholding. 

Yet in any case, Felix could relax a fraction knowing that Hoseok will be relieved to hear the news, seeing as he had taken the entire ordeal of Felix’s impropriety very personally. So personally, in fact, that Felix would be scarred for the rest of his life because of how great Hoseok’s shame was. 

But…but where is Hoseok? Surely he must be here, somewhere. Mingling amongst the crowd, imbibing expensive, imported alcohol, and charming his way through their circles. 

“Thank you, Alpha,” Felix relayed gratefully, quietly, forcing a smile onto his lips. “You will not regret it.”

The elder cooed, trailing his gaze over the entire expanse of Felix’s face. “Oh, I know,” he muttered ominously, and that sinking sensation settled into Felix’s chest again. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Though what, exactly, he wasn’t sure. Doyun had always been a louche individual, with a sharp wit, a morality that was undoubtedly questionable, and a greed that rivalled even Wonshik’s. Yet there was something else in his eyes tonight. Something that went farther, deeper. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand. 

But thankfully, by the time the unease in Felix’s gut festered into sheer terror, Doyun refocused his attention to Wonshik, ignoring the omega as if he wasn’t even there, going so far as to turning away from him. They seamlessly fell into a conversation whose topic held no interest to him, and so their voices filtered through one ear and out the other. He wasn’t addressed again, wasn’t acknowledged with a sideways glance or prolonged leer either, and that was that. 

Felix counted it as a blessing, and decided to treat it as such. He slunk back into his Pack Alpha’s side to observe his surroundings in a way that he couldn’t before. His gaze swept over the other attendees briefly, knowing that it would be improper to stare, and that if he were to be caught ogling an alpha that wasn’t his Pack Alpha, there would be hell to pay. So instead, he opted to allot the full breadth of his curiosity towards the beta servants carrying trays of crystal wine glasses and platters of hors d'oeuvres. Towards the elegant decor and the small string quartet that the Pack Alpha had hired for the evening. He watched them for a few moments, mesmerised by the way their fingers moved so swiftly along the fingerboards of their respective instruments, the way they danced between the strings. He was enthralled by how gracefully they held themselves, and how devoted they were to their craft as they seemed to almost play the music with not only their hands, but their bodies as well. The sounds they were creating were nothing short of beautiful, and somehow they had the power to transport him to another realm entirely. 

If only they really could.

If only it were that easy.

The warmth that had begun to spread in his chest shrunk back into an icy numbness, the melodic tunes grew into a ragged shrill in his ears, and he turned his head away from the musicians, sighing soundlessly as yet another innocent thing crumbled into a heap of dust onto Choi Wonshik’s immaculate floors. He flicked his gaze to the other side of the hall, to the large windows that showcased a star-studded evening sky.

But perhaps he shouldn't have. Perhaps he should have just settled for staring mindlessly at the floor, or counting his own fingers until ten became twenty and then thirty and then forty, fifty, sixty…Because the second he looked past a horde of alphas gathered in a circle by the windows, he was met with the sight of an enraged Hoseok charging his way towards them. The omega immediately panicked, pushing himself against Wonshik’s back in an attempt to draw his attention. But then he felt a hand close around his slender bicep, pulling him away from the Pack Alpha. 

“What the hell are you doing here, Felix?” seethed Hoseok, rage lighting a fire in the amber of his eyes. 

“I-” he gasped, hissing quietly through his teeth as Hoseok’s grasp only tightened. “I-Alpha, I-”

“Hoseok. I will ask you to unhand the omega immediately.”

The younger alpha clenched his jaw, staring daggers into Felix’s tearful gaze. “Father,” he spat venomously, snapping towards the man, keeping his hand where it was. “What is the meaning of this?”

Wonshik sounded entirely nonplussed. “Felix is my companion for the evening.”

“Com-companion?”

“Yes, Hoseok. My companion. Every alpha needs a pretty omega on his arm, especially on such prestigious occasions. Would you not agree?”

The Choi heir’s eye twitched, “not when it’s my omega on your arm. Where is Seonghwa?”

“I didn’t want Seonghwa.”

Hoseok’s eyes narrowed. “You have no right to bring what’s mine into a place you forbade me from bringing him.”

Wonshik smirked, bringing the omega back into the circle of his embrace, pressing a hand to the small of his back. Felix couldn’t decide on whose touch he preferred, though if anyone were to ask him, he’d prefer none at all. For now, however, he would take Wonshik’s gentle–albeit overbearing–manoeuvres over Hoseok’s brutish manhandling any day. “I do believe you’re mistaken, my son,” Choi Senior rebutted, “every omega in this pack is first and foremost, mine.”

“That’s hardly fair-”

“Gentlemen! If you would please make your way to the dining hall, dinner is served.” The beta’s voice was a nice intervention for the storm brewing between father and son, and a much needed reprieve for Felix, who was beginning to suffocate beneath the intensity of their clashing scents and thickening pheromones. 

Wonshik ushered a disoriented Felix towards the dining hall, hand still flush against his back.

If he simply looked up, he’d see the triumphant gleam in the Pack Alpha’s eyes as he led him away from Hoseok, and the wicked grin he’d sent his son before taking Felix’s hand with his unoccupied one. 

Felix had no idea what he was forced to be in the middle of, but whatever it was, he didn’t like it. 

Not one bit.

 

---

 

Dinner was a tedious affair. 

But it was a quiet one. And while there were no other physical altercations, Felix could practically feel Hoseok’s eyes on his every move, persistent and unwavering. Not to mention, positively irate. He could have sworn that if looks could kill, he’d be six, maybe seven feet under, depending on how merciful Hoseok was feeling. So he avoided even glancing in the alpha’s direction altogether.

He was situated to the right of the Pack Alpha, who, as it were, occupied none other than the seat at the head of the table. To his left was Doyun, and a few chairs down from him, sat Hoseok. 

The meal itself was extensive, a full six courses, but Felix found it odd to be at the receiving end of his efforts from slaving away in the kitchens. Omegas were never permitted to eat any of the meals they prepared for the alphas, told instead to eat whatever scraps were left while preparing them. It was an obvious control tactic. One that not only guaranteed that the omegas remained in line, but also ensured that they remained thin. And thinness was both a standard of beauty within the Choi Pack and a means for the alphas to maintain physical superiority over them. If they were weak, they couldn’t fight back. Simple as that.

More often than not, Felix went to bed hungry. And while he was accustomed to the hollowness in his stomach, having the knowledge that every aspect of his life was controlled was no less disheartening. More than anything, he wished for equality between the subgenders. 

He wondered if it was the same outside of these walls. He wondered if the world was any different from the one Choi Wonshik created within the confines of his estate. 

He pushed bits of rice around his plate, finding that even though he could afford to have an appetite tonight, he didn’t. 

Felix felt too sick. His stomach too unsettled by nerves and anxiety and trepidation. He’d managed a few bites for appearances’ sake, terrified that Wonshik would consider his behaviour an impertinence if he saw that he wasn’t eating, but that was as far as his limits reached.

He lowered his fork onto the plate, going to reach for the gaudy water goblet in front of him with shaky hands. No one noticed, thankfully. At least, he didn’t believe that anyone did, but the fleeting panic of being caught with uncooperative limbs was quickly pushed down when he took a large gulp of water. 

The omega almost choked on it when he felt a hand grasp his thigh. He flinched gracelessly, eyes widening as the hand began to travel upwards. He lowered the goblet onto the table, almost spilling the remaining water as his body went stiff with panic. 

His throat bobbed, his breathing fell into shallow territory, and yet the hand continued its blasphemous journey. It landed at the juncture of his crotch, uncomfortably close to his most intimate region, and lingered there for an agonisingly long moment; just sitting, the heat of it burning through to his skin. And right as Felix braced himself for the worst, it trailed down, back over his thigh until it settled at his knee. 

Felix’s eyes darted all along the surface of the table in a flurry, his own hand curled into a white-knuckled fist at the side of his opposite thigh, while the other continued to grasp the neck of the goblet so tight he was sure it would shatter in his hold. 

He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to get up from his chair and declare that the man next to him was yet another sick pervert. 

He wanted someone to fucking help him-

“Jinwoo, do not antagonise my omega. At the very least, not while he’s trying to eat.”

The owner of the hand grumbled in dissatisfaction, but the hand fell from his knee nonetheless. Felix released a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding, and the tears that had unwittingly collected at the corners of his eyes were blinked away. 

He lifted his head to meet the Pack Alpha’s gaze, mortified when he saw, for the first time that evening—for the first time ever, really—a genuine flicker of concern. 

But a flicker is just a flicker, and before he knew it, it was gone. 

Wonshik turned back to his dinner, Jinwoo to his, and Felix was once again, left abandoned in the unending space between gratitude and dread. It was such an out-of-body experience, to be saved even as the implication remained. 

At the very least, not while he’s trying to eat.  But any other time, he was welcome to. 

He was welcome to-

Felix stared at his nearly-full plate and felt bile rise to his throat.

He pushed it away from him, swallowing the bitter taste down with more than a little effort. 

The evening was not even halfway finished. But surely, it couldn’t get worse than this. There was no way. 

In an attempt to distract himself from his dreary thoughts, he turned into the alphas’ conversation, keeping his gaze downcast and his expression oblivious.

“How goes your little situation?” asked Doyun with no small amount of curiosity. 

“It is being monitored accordingly,” Wonshik replied easily, wiping the corner of his mouth with a serviette. 

“I hear that he’s paving quite the way for himself. He attends Seoul National, as I’m…” he smirked against the rim of his wine glass, “ha, well, as I’m sure you already know.”

“It’s no surprise, really. The irritating little bastard always was a know-it-all. But I can assure you it’s nothing. He’s nothing.”

Doyun seemed thoughtful. “Clearly you don't believe that if, as you say, it is being monitored accordingly.”

Wonshik gulped down a hefty serving of his own wine, measuring Doyun with an unenthused glare. “Do not test me, Doyun. You know the reasons why I keep a watchful eye on him. Do not mistake my actions for folly.”

The other alpha nodded. “Of course not,” he denied with faux offence, “that would be rather silly of me.”

“Is it true he’s reclaimed the old estate?” chimed in a new voice, another one of Wonshik’s closest associates, Kim Jaesung, who was sitting right next to Doyun. “He’d been abroad for a number of years prior to returning, if my information is correct.”

Wonshik hummed, “You are, in fact, correct. Upon his return, the manor had been reclaimed and reinstated under his name, seeing as he is the last remaining member of the bloodline.”

Jaesung’s brows drew together, “and you let him?”

The Pack Alpha shrugged noncommittally, running his finger along the lip of his glass. “Why not?”

The other alpha scoffed, shaking his head. 

Doyun chuckled heartily, pouring himself a bit more wine. “Why not indeed. Don’t you know, Jae, that our Wonshik certainly does enjoy a good show?” 

“Naturally,” the man muttered dryly. 

Doyun then turned back to Wonshik, hand swirling the contents of his glass. “What did you say the boy’s name was, Wonshik?”

“What? Oh,” he murmured, staring at Felix’s side profile, fingers tapping languidly against the finely-woven tablecloth. 

“Bang Chan.”

Notes:

oh, how i missed my cliffhangers...

last AN i said this chapter would be the really bad one, but i changed my mind last minute and decided to save that for the next one 😅 i got to writing it and uh, let's just say i needed to take a step back from THAT ahakjdhsjahs. so, i cut that part out and added it to the next chapter, which, hoping i don't shut down completely, should be up sometime next week

thank you for reading my lovelies, i missed you

till next we meet,

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 18: Interlude: Catastrophe

Summary:

Death. Death would be better than this. Death would be better than having to live through this nightmare.

Notes:

hi.

you guys would not believe the past two weeks i've had. i'm so drained.

anywho, this is the one. this one is...rough. and decently graphic. and honestly i felt really sick while writing it (personal experience/trauma how lovely) and had to step away for a few days so please please PLEASE proceed with caution. also, be aware of the additional tags, the updated rating, and archive warnings. this chapter is not for the faint of heart.

 

CW: non-consensual drug use, explicit rape of a minor*, gang rape*, sexual assault, sexual abuse, physical/mental abuse, violence, blood, dissociation, injuries, derogatory language, Felix's genitals are referred to as hole/cunt/pussy, oral knotting, double penetration, forced blowjobs, there's so much, you guys. so much.

*stars (***) will be used to denote when it occurs

 

Pinterest board:
https://pin.it/6Sdltdo

 

Interlude: Catastrophe

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

Bang Chan. 

A muffled sort of silence filled his ears as the name slipped from Wonshik’s mouth. It was spoken through a disinterested nonchalance, but the context of the conversation was enough to tell Felix that whoever this was, they were not a friend. And that, in and of itself, piqued the omega’s interest. Felix had never heard it before this very moment, not in passing or anything akin to it. In fact, he was certain that it was the first time he’d even been made aware of such a family name. Bang. And whoever this Bang Chan person was, he was a veritable thorn in Choi Wonshik’s side, no matter how vehemently he may deny it. Felix hadn’t even considered the fact that Wonshik could have enemies, really. The man seemed so untouchable. But then again, the alphas seldom spoke of their business matters in the presence of omegas. 

It appears that Felix would be the first. 

Bang Chan. 

Chan…

Strange. Peculiar. And even though it was the first time he’d heard of such syllables and consonants joined together, it seemed familiar. He imagined that if he spoke the name aloud, he would have no trouble forming the sounds that it created with his voice. He imagined it would fit perfectly around his lips, curl seamlessly over his tongue. 

Bang Chan. A name that, while Felix could not have had any way of knowing, would stick with him for a very long time. 

“Ah, yes. That’s it.” Doyun finished off the rest of his wine, sighing contentedly once he’d swallowed it down. 

Felix glanced towards the Pack Alpha once more, only to find that he’d already been gazing in his direction yet again. Though, he wasn’t entirely…looking at Felix. Rather, it was evident that he was looking through him. The omega tilted his head to the side just a fraction, an entirely innocent gesture that helped him to feign ignorance towards having eavesdropped. Yet Wonshik said nothing, and the only indication he gave of being mentally conscious was the periodic tap of his fingers against the surface of the table. 

“Alpha?” he asked quietly, testing the waters. Wonshik remained blissfully unaware. 

He bit his lip and tried again. “Alpha? Are you alright?”

When the Pack Alpha’s eyes seemed to fade back into focus, he blinked. “Felix?”

“Are you alright, Alpha?” he reiterated, laying a hand over the Pack Alpha’s larger one. 

Wonshik’s gaze snapped towards the touch, hand tensing, and Felix feared that he’d overstepped. He went to withdraw his hand, but was quickly stopped when the alpha flipped his palm over and grasped Felix’s fingers with his own. 

Felix’s lips parted in a breathless gasp. 

“Worried for me, are you, little one?”

Goddess, no, is what he wanted to say. But then a slight furrow formed between his brows as he was suddenly consumed with confliction. 

Well, maybe…I don’t-I don’t know what to feel…or how… 

“Always, Alpha,” he supplied obediently instead, smoothening his features. 

The eldest Choi smiled then, running his thumb over Felix’s knuckles, relishing in the petite contours of his fingers and the babe-like softness of his skin. “Good boy,” he praised, and it was like all of the prickly annoyance he’d felt while discussing Bang Chan had all but dissipated. “I quite like it when you worry about me.”

Felix stared at him, thousands upon thousands of thoughts running wild in his mind. Some had obviously been commandeered by his inner omega, who absolutely beamed at the praise from his Pack Alpha; others were more reserved, feeble and timid as they attempted to shield his innocence from how wrong this was. But the vast majority of them were overwrought with suspicion and mistrust, for there was undoubtedly an ulterior motive hidden amongst the alpha’s simple words. 

And there was one that stood out the most. 

This is your way out, Felix. 

“Of course I worry for you, Alpha. It is my duty.”

Take it. 

Wonshik seemed to soften even more at the confirmation. “Such a good omega,” he murmured, “my omega…”

Felix felt his heart fall in his chest. He smiled.  

A flurry of beta waiters circled the table, gathering the used tableware and shuffling back into the kitchens in an impressive display of quiet fluidity. A short while later they returned, bearing the final course of the evening: dessert. 

The omega felt another wave of uneasiness wash over him when his gaze fell onto the lemon tart that one of them carried. The unsavoury memories from earlier in the day hit him with a force so great he could have doubled over in agony. He remembered the discomfort he’d experienced as Wonshik watched him work, touched his hair, commented on his…maturity. He remembered the helplessness, the terror, the resignation, as the Pack Alpha violated him and his senses; as he scented him against his will, took advantage of his fear and submission until he was literally drunk off of it. 

The beta placed it onto the table, right in front of Felix, causing him to internally groan. He didn’t want to look at it, and he’d be damned if he ever made another lemon tart again in his life. He lowered his gaze to his lap, where he was then assaulted by phantom sensations made by the hand that had tormented him not moments ago. 

He slammed his eyes shut. Took a deep breath to steady the increasingly erratic stutter of his heartbeat. 

You just have to get through this and it’ll all be over. Keep him happy and you’ll be fine.

His eyes fluttered open and travelled down the table, taking in the sights of the other desserts. Of course, he continued to keenly avoid meeting the gaze of a certain alpha who’d remained uncharacteristically nonverbal the entire dinner. But something told him that the sudden flare of angered pheromones in the atmosphere was directed towards him, and more specifically, towards Felix’s hand in the hand of said alpha’s father. 

Somehow, it was comforting. It was comforting to him that the Pack Alpha continued to hold onto his hand, even as he was served the confections and brought into another drab conversation by Doyun and Jaesung and a number of other nameless alphas. Maybe the feeling was ill-obtained, maybe Felix was so desperate for a safe haven that his brain had rewritten Wonshik into the role of a saviour, or maybe he really was just another foolish omega. 

A foolish omega who didn’t know better than to mistake abuse for affection.  

He shivered. Whether that was from the cold or the realisation that what he truly yearned for was love and validation, he didn’t know. He just knew that he felt like he’d been thrown into an ice bath and held under the surface before being dragged back out and thrown onto the floor. 

It was true that alphas tended to run much hotter than omegas, though, which meant that the estate was on the cooler side at all times. The sheer quality of his clothing did little to maintain any body heat, too, and he pondered if the Pack Alpha had done that on purpose. So really, the shiver that raked through his nerves and limbs and everything else could be attributed to a number of things. Or to all of them, even. Simultaneously. Synchronously. All at once. 

But as his body was cold, his hand was warm. Wonshik’s hand was warm, and the heat of it pulsed through Felix’s fingers, radiated into his palm and up, up, up, into his arm. 

He never wanted to relinquish that warmth. 

Unconsciously, he sought more of it from the alpha, fingers squeezing those that held his so reverently. Wonshik continued to stroke his thumb along the omega’s knuckles, yet upon feeling Felix’s grip tighten, he paused. His eyes broke from Doyun’s as he spoke, falling to where their hands were conjoined instead. 

Felix watched as the man’s features contorted in deep thought, then all but felt his eyes bulge from their sockets as he lifted his hand to his lips, and laid a kiss upon his knuckles. 

His lips were warm, too, and soft, and he couldn’t help but compare them to Doyun’s. Doyun, whose kiss felt like acid on an open wound. This didn’t feel like that, though. Deep inside, he knew that it should have, that it was just his biology overriding his rationality. That it was nothing more than an omega seeking the attention and acceptance of an alpha. 

But he was so tired. Hoseok does nothing but hurt, maim, and injure him. He does nothing but ridicule and gaslight and belittle. And perhaps the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. But he was looking at the tree right now, and it was looking back at him with fondness and admiration glimmering in eyes that seemed to know a little too much.

Just another foolish omega. Just another desperate child.

Wonshik gazed at him through his lashes, Felix felt it sweep over every centimetre of his face, felt it linger on his lips that he’d unknowingly chewed on until they were raw. He’d stopped breathing, because between the alpha’s show of affection and the intensity of his piercing stare, Felix felt that there had been a sudden, tangible shift in their dynamic. Everything he thought he knew, everything he thought he felt for the alpha became obsolete. 

Snap out of it, you fool!

And then Wonshik was pulling away, departing from the omega’s skin as encouraging whistles filled their ears. Felix flushed beneath the weight of everyone’s combined attention. He’d almost forgotten they weren’t alone. 

The omega dropped the alpha’s hand as soon as he’d straightened his posture, shaking his head slightly. He felt so unlike himself. So...powerless to control his own thoughts and actions. 

What the hell was that?

He brought his hand back to his lap, where he then fiddled with the edge of his thumbnail and refused to meet anyone’s eyes. Much to his relief, the Pack Alpha did not question his sudden change in behaviour, choosing to turn back to his companions and re-engage in another exchange of politics.   

The blond wolf sighed, peeling some of the flaking skin on his lip with his teeth. Since Wonshik had been served, the others were now allowed to indulge in the mouth-watering display laid before them. Soon, the dining hall was filled with the sounds of cutlery against fine china, full-bellied laughter, and animated dialogue. 

Felix took advantage of the alphas’ distracted state, capitalising on the fact that he’d once again been reduced to an extra in the background. He resumed observing the extensive spread as it spanned across the large table, almost as if he was taking inventory, tasking himself with quality control. There were a number of other sweets besides the godforsaken lemon tart. There were cakes and pastries, a trifle, croquembouche, three separate types of puddings. There were small cups of chocolate mousse, mini soufflés, and a sizable platter of fruits and nuts…all things that his own hands had a part in making. And the feeling was so strange, still. So foreign. To be on the receiving end. To be here, amongst these people, wearing these clothes, sitting next to the Pack Alpha as he conversed with his friends and delighted in the fruit of his and his fellow omegas’ labours. 

He sighed. He did not reach for anything, did nothing that would draw any unwanted attention.

He stared forlornly out of the windows, letting his thoughts blur into nothingness. It was fully night now, the sky a deep navy, almost black, in colour. The stars were still there, though. Bright and twinkling. 

They made Felix think of his hyung. Of his Hwa. And his beautiful voice as it sang their song. And the way he called him so lovingly by the name of petal and flower and star.

Oh, how he wished he was here with him. Or rather, he supposed, he was there with him. Cuddled in bed together. Tucked away safely. 

Warm. 

He let his eyes flutter shut. He couldn’t afford to cry, not now.  

He just needed a moment of quiet, and a moment to reorient himself, rid himself of that uncomfortable feeling of veneration he’d felt for the Pack Alpha. 

Dinner was a tedious affair, he ultimately decided.

And as fate would have it, so was dessert. 

 

---

 

They convened in the smoking parlour after dinner had concluded. 

It was the first time Felix had stepped foot in this part of the estate. Usually the east wing was completely off-limits to the omegas. The only one allowed here was Seonghwa, and that was simply because he was the Pack Alpha’s wife. 

He wandered in awe at the decadent quality of the furnishings, at the rich tones of wood, plush leathers, and high ceilings. The lighting was rather…moody, in a sense. Moody and, oddly enough, heavy. As if the chandeliers and sconces themself held secrets. As if the shadows housed monsters that feared the light. 

In any case, the room exuded a uniquely alpha appeal. Dark and masculine and strong. 

Felix felt extremely out of place in his delicate, cream-coloured outfit and head of golden hair. His hands curled into fists at his sides as he let the Pack Alpha guide him deeper into the parlour with a hand around his elbow. 

The alphas shuffled in thereafter, gathering in the seating area. The fireplace was lit, surprisingly enough, and Felix so desired to go sit next to it and bring warmth back into his numb body. But he simply followed Wonshik’s lead, and was brought to a single armchair that was situated at an angle to the hearth.

As taught, he immediately went to sit on the floor at the alpha’s feet, but was stopped by a hand. 

“Not there,” commanded the Pack Alpha.

He stared at the hand, at its snaking veins, prominent tendons, and manicured nails. His breathing was suddenly filched from his lungs as he slowly lifted his gaze to the alpha’s arm, to his shoulder, and finally, to his eyes. 

Surely, he wouldn’t make him stand the whole time?

“On my lap.”

The omega’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed past the lump in his throat. He inhaled a deep breath, steeling his nerves with as much courage he could spare. He knew it was running thin. It was sparse to begin with, and with the overuse of his reserves in this single evening alone, he was beginning to think that the courage he relied on now was running on a deficit. 

“I…”

“On my lap, omega. Quickly now.” 

Felix’s eyes flicked back to the hand, and he shakily lifted his own to slot into it. The Pack Alpha ushered him effortlessly back onto his feet, before letting go and lowering himself into the armchair, spreading his legs wide for the omega to settle onto one of his thighs. 

He didn’t know what to do. 

Wonshik gazed at him expectantly, eyes narrowed as if to goad the young wolf into denying his demand. Felix was tempted, truly, to refuse. It couldn’t possibly be in the Pack Alpha’s best interest to-to baby him so callously in front of his company. He wasn’t some pup that needed to be monitored, for Goddess’ sake. 

But he was a pup, wasn’t he? Felix was just a pup. 

Try as he might, Wonshik couldn’t exactly erase that fact. Despite his many compliments and jests, the treatment brought forth by his peers, the constant litany of praise in regards to his maturity and beauty and grace…in the end, Felix was just a child. And…

Wonshik knew that. He knew that and still, he…

Felix’s face contorted in anguish. He was not safe here. Not with this man nor anyone else in his vicinity. 

He had to leave. He had to find a way out, somehow. He couldn’t stay here anymore, he wasn’t safe, he wasn’t safe-

The Pack Alpha patted his thigh impatiently, eyebrow raised, and Felix could tell that the man would not be asking a third time. He choked down his panic, laid to rest his nonexistent pride, but could not retain the tear that betrayed him. It slid down his face, fell from his chin and soaked into the lace of his blouse, leaving a dark splotch on the fine fabric. 

“Alpha, I-I can’t possibly…”

“You can, and you will.”

Felix withered. The room was silent now, he could feel dozens of pairs of eyes on him as he became the main attraction. He delicately relayed his rejection to the elder, voice quiet and gentle as to not bruise the man’s ego, and for some reason the palpability of his discomfort had become an exhibit for every other man around them to marvel at. Another tear joined the fray. He was so afraid right now, so terribly afraid. In a way he hadn’t been all evening. “It would be i-imprudent, Alpha. I’ll just sit here on the flo-”

Wonshik growled, grabbing him by the waist and forcefully pulling him onto his lap. The omega cried out, body going taut as a bowstring as he was made to sit on the alpha’s firm thigh. Every muscle in his body went rigid in protest against the foreign sensation. His spine snapped to attention until it was ramrod straight, the wounds embedded into his skin spiking with little pinpricks of pain, and he fought against the alpha, refusing to settle the full capacity of his weight atop the man’s legs. 

His own legs bore the majority of it as best they could, though it was obvious that Wonshik was not entirely pleased with his actions. He pulled Felix back until he was flush against his chest, legs draped over his own. An arm snaked its way around his back, digging into the curve of his waist. The other anchored itself over his legs, hand curling around his thigh, fingers resting unbearably close to his bottom. 

“There we go,” murmured the alpha. “This is much better, isn’t it?”

Felix stared at Wonshik’s tie, hesitantly planting his hand over his shoulder. 

“I asked you a question, omega.”

He lifted his gaze to meet the alpha’s, nodding slowly. “Y-yes, Alpha. Thank you.”

Wonshik smiled, lifting a hand to cup the omega’s cheek. “Don’t ever disobey me again,” he threatened lowly, voice barely above a whisper. “If I ask you to do something, you do it, and you do it happily. Understood?”

Felix nodded again, eyes blinking rapidly to repel another buildup of tears. Hoseok had spoken those exact words to him. 

Apple. Tree. 

“I understand,” he breathed, pushing a shaky exhale through the small gap between his lips. 

The Pack Alpha’s smile widened as he patted his cheek. “That’s a good omega. Now,” he said, turning his attention to his colleagues and friends. “What would you all like to drink?”

 

---

 

An hour passed in that manner. 

The alphas had been served their drinks and cigars, filling the room with the potent scent of expensive alcohol and clouding the atmosphere with a thin layer of haziness from each consecutive puff of smoke. 

Felix was growing tired. And despite his reluctance to do anything that would give the Pack Alpha a sense of smug satisfaction, felt his head loll onto his shoulder. His blinks were slow, his mind even slower. If he could, he’d have given in to the sleep pulling at the corners of his consciousness. Right here, right in the midst of all these strangers, on the Pack Alpha’s lap, with the heat of the fireplace melting the stiffness from his joints and bones. 

But he couldn’t. Like an obedient omega, he remained quiet and unmoving. Only spoke when he was spoken to, only shifted if it was by Wonshik’s hands. In the moments in between, he took to counting the number of leaves the plant in front of him had, or staring into the fireplace until his eyes burned. He didn’t understand why he was still here, it was getting late and yet the alphas seemed not to give any indication of leaving. They were relaxed as ever, having imbibed on the quality libations in Choi Wonshik’s extensive collection. 

There were at least ten of them. Maybe twelve. Felix wasn’t entirely sure. But they all sat around the coffee table, littered with empty and half-empty crystal glasses and ashtrays, and conversed congenially with one another. They spoke of politics, of some upcoming election in the National Assembly, and how Doyun’s elder brother was running for President. Wonshik himself was a member of the Assembly, though his incumbency would not come into question for another three years. The alphas relayed their best wishes to Doyun, however, voicing their desires for a fair and successful campaign, and an advantageous outcome. 

Maybe Felix should have paid attention. Not that it would affect him in any way, considering that he hasn’t even stepped foot out of the estate in all the time he’s been here. His life was these walls, his universe was these people. The goings on of the outside world had very little effect on his life as he knew it. As such, if Doyun’s brother was anything like him, the fate of the election would most assuredly be a grim one. 

The alphas moved through a number of topics, each ranging in degrees of blandness and unrelatability, the lowest degree being mildly confusing, and the highest barely tolerable. They debated their way through social reform, commenting frequently on how horrendously the modern omega had devolved , or how the alphas of today were losing touch with their masculinity. Wonshik mentioned how he was seeing less and less shifter registrations being processed, because apparently the newer generations of werewolves weren't very keen on maintaining their wolf forms. Something about barbarity in the face of civilization, he’d said. Fewer and fewer packs were being formed, and those that were diverted entirely from traditional pack dynamics. Gone were the beliefs that all packs needed a Pack Alpha, that omegas and betas were, by nature, inferior to alphas, and that traditions ought to remain steadfast and unchanging even as time ploughed on and wolven society progressed. 

“It’s ridiculous, really,” drawled Jaesung, “even birth rates have plummeted.”

“Of course they have. Alphas nowadays prefer sticking their cocks in one another,” Minjun supplied in explanation. The group broke out in an uproar of contemptuous laughter. 

“Fools, the lot of them. You think they’d be swayed if they got a taste of omega cunt?” asked Rowoon.

Felix bristled at the crudeness. 

“Oh please, today’s omegas have been brainwashed into believing they have autonomy. They think that they have control over their bodies and minds. That they don’t need an alpha to provide for them.” The man took a drag from his cigar, blowing the smoke off to the side. “It’s this entire, how do they say, progressivist ideology. They’re straying from the ways of our ancestors.”

There were murmurs of agreement. 

Rowoon snickered. “They can try. But we all know what they really want. They’re nothing but desperate, attention-seeking whores who have little awareness of what’s actually good for them. Fill them up with a big alpha knot and it oughta set them straight.”

More laughs. Felix was utterly petrified. 

“Oh yeah?” questioned Minjun. “Are you offering yours to those poor, misguided omegas?”

“If I have to. I‘ve no qualms against satisfying my needs in any manner possible. A hole is a hole, I say. In fact, the more unwilling the bitch is, the more fun it is for me.”

“You’re right about that,” chuckled Doyun. “I do love when they fight back.”

“Cute, isn’t it? They think they can prevent it. They scream, they cry, they beg. But when they feel a real cock they shut right up.” 

Wonshik scoffed against the rim of his glass, his other hand rubbing circles into the dip of Felix’s waist.

The parlour lapsed into silence soon after. The fire crackled in its hearth, glasses clinked against the wooden surface of the coffee table. Then, 

“Wonshik.”

Felix felt the answering hum as it rumbled through the Pack Alpha’s chest. 

“How fares Seonghwa?”

That got Felix’s attention. His ears perked at the mention of his hyung, but he didn’t do anything that would outwardly display his interest in the conversation. 

“He is well.”

“No pups?”

The Pack Alpha inclined his head, staring Rowoon down with disdain. The man had the gall to smirk, and to stare back at his host with a knowing glint in his eyes. “My son is sitting right next to you.”

Rowoon laughed breathily, tapping his cigar against the lip of an ashtray. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean, Rowoon? We all know that my wife cannot bear pups. It is not something I hide, nor is it something that I am ashamed of.”

“Why keep an omega that can’t even provide you heirs?”

Felix held his breath.

“Because he’s a good fuck,” Wonshik replied smoothly. “He’s young, pretty, and intelligent, takes care of his wards in ways I cannot be bothered to, is a good role model to them. Would you like for me to continue, or are you quite finished with being a thoughtless imbecile?” 

Rowoon smiled, “not quite.”

Wonshik sighed, brushing his fingers through Felix’s hair. “Out with it, then.”

“Surely you want pups,” he remarked bluntly, eyeing Felix. “You’ve expressed as much to us many times. So then why is it that you haven’t taken another omega? One that you actually can impregnate.”

The Pack Alpha took a sip of his bourbon, measuring the other alpha with an expression of astute irritation. “Because unlike yours, all of the omegas in my pack are bonded. And while I have full authority to do as I please, out of respect for the alphas in my pack, I do not touch them. Not that I want to, mind you. Though…” His gaze flickered to Hoseok, who glared back at him with narrowed eyes, then to Felix, resting comfortably against his chest.

He made sure that his son heard him when he said, “there is one that I have a…particularly vested interest in.”

It was clear who he spoke of. The only omega in the pack that hadn’t been forcefully bonded to an alpha. The only omega in the pack that hadn’t experienced his first heat. The only omega in the pack that was fortunate enough to find himself here, in the lap of Choi Wonshik, Pack Alpha of one of the strongest wolven conglomerates in all of South Korea. 

Felix paled considerably, blinking the exhaustion from his eyes. His mind finally shed the cobwebs that had grown in the absence of thought, and suddenly everything was laid out for him to see. 

It all made sense now. All of it. Every single thing.

The sudden interest. The compliments. The scenting. 

The possessiveness. The affection. The rivalry with Hoseok. 

Wonshik didn’t bring Felix here to flaunt him as meaningless arm candy, no. 

He brought Felix here to officially announce him as his. 

“Every omega in this pack is first and foremost, mine…”

“Jinwoo, do not antagonise my omega…”

“Such a good omega,” he murmured, “my omega…”

That’s why Hoseok’s claim collar wasn’t a part of his ensemble. That’s why Hoseok had been so enraged by his mere presence. And that’s why Wonshik had kept him by his side the entire night, refusing to let him out of his sight, or to so much as look upon another alpha without his consent. 

He had been staking his claim, and did everything in his power to make a spectacle of it. Through every threatening growl, every intimate touch against his neck, his wrists, his back. Through all of the endless stares, the backhanded commentary, the-the kindness. No matter how little. 

Felix swallowed, feeling the hairs on his arms stand, skin prickling with goose pimples. He slowly lifted his head from the alpha’s chest, terrified gaze meeting a wicked one. It can’t be true, he thought to himself in a panic. 

“Ah, I see…” concluded Rowoon, eyes brightening as he watched the pair. “Saving the best for yourself.”

The omega felt the blood in his veins turn to ice. 

No. No, no, no. It can’t be-

“A good move, if I do say so myself,” interjected Doyun. “The younger they are, the tighter their cunt and the more nurturing their womb. I am happy for you, my friend.”

Felix let his hand fall from the alpha’s shoulder. Wide, terrified eyes unable to look away from the man he’d been leaching a false sense of comfort from. He straightened his posture, pulled his head as far away from him as he could without completely dislodging it from his neck. 

“You promised,” Seonghwa cried venomously, accusatorially. “You promised me you wouldn’t do this.”

“I lied.”

He suddenly found himself on his feet, breathing heavily. 

“Alpha, I…”

He inhaled a trembling breath.

“I would like to use the bathroom.”

Wonshik regarded him with impassivity, though his eyes belied the fact that he was enjoying this turn of events.

“Is that so?” he asked.

The omega nodded stiffly. 

“Please,” implored the blond, already taking a few steps away from the alpha. 

“I told you, Seonghwa. Your little omega has drawn many eyes…”

“...Including my own.”

He had to get out of here. He didn’t know where he could go that the Pack Alpha wouldn’t be able to follow, but he had to try. He had to do something. 

“It shouldn’t take–” he whimpered, nearly tripping over his feet as he continued to lengthen the distance between them. “It should take no longer than-than a moment…”

And then he was running. 

He heard footsteps thunder raucously behind him, but his focus was solely placed on the doors at the entrance of the room. He just had to get there, and then he could-could what? Run? Hide? He had no idea, he hadn’t thought that far. He didn’t even think that he’d get here, he just–he just ran. Saw his chance, saw his opening, and went for it, like a shark drawn to the scent of blood. 

The doors. They were right there. Right there, his fingers had just brushed over the top of the brass handle when he felt arms circle his waist. 

“No!” he cried, kicking manically and clawing at the hands that dragged him away from his freedom. “No! Let me go!”

“You little bitch.”

Hoseok. 

The alpha turned him around, slamming him against the doors. Felix screamed, eyes immediately welling with tears as the ache in his back returned with an unwavering ferocity. His head swam, vision going unfocused as a new pain bloomed at the back of his skull. It hurt, Goddess it hurt-

Hoseok grabbed his face, forcing him to meet his gaze. Felix groaned, pulling listlessly at his wrist, tugging and tugging with so little effort, that his small hands made no difference to the relentlessness of the alpha’s grip. 

“So this was your plan all along,” he seethed darkly.

“What are you-”

“To seduce my father and become his mate.”

Felix’s eyes widened. “N-no,” he gasped, “no, that’s not-I swear, that’s not–I had no idea, please-”

The omega winced as Hoseok’s fingers dug deeper into his cheeks. “I swear, Alpha, I didn’t-” he took a deep, wheezing breath, “I didn’t know.”

Hoseok stared at him with disgust. But there was a spark of something else in his murderous eyes. Just a tiny little spark of belief, tucked away and hidden between the wisps of ire and resentment . 

“Help me,” Felix whispered, hoping to appeal to that spark. “Alpha. Help me. Please.”

The younger Choi scoffed, pressing his tongue against the inside of his cheek. “Help you?” he asked derisively. 

Felix’s lips trembled. 

“And why should I do that?”

He had to think quickly.

“B-because,” he started, coaxing the words through the lump in his throat, “you’re my alpha.”

Hoseok laughed. He laughed. Open and uninhibited, lighting his face with mirth. And then it was gone, as quick as it had come. His expression morphed into coldness, apathetic and hateful, and his words were made to sting when he said, “well then you should have thought of that before humiliating me.”

Felix felt the ground slip from beneath his feet.  

Hoseok seized his arm in a grip so harsh it cut the circulation to his hand, then began pulling him back towards the other alphas. Felix shook his head, sobbing, panting, digging his heels into the floor to deter the alpha’s advances. But he trudged on, heedless to his objections.

“They can do whatever the fuck they want with you now.”

The omega began to hyperventilate. 

“I don’t give a damn anymore.” And then Hoseok threw him onto the table. Glasses toppled over, spilling their contents, shattering on the table, on the carpet-covered floor, scattering their shards all over.  

“Congratulations on your courtship, father,” he spat through gritted teeth, turning to the Pack Alpha. “I hope he serves you well.” 

He started to walk away. 

Felix scrambled to his knees, reaching for Hoseok’s arm, whimpering when pieces of glass dug into his knees and palms, but the alpha snatched it away from him. “Don’t leave me-” he wailed, ignoring the blood seeping into his trousers, beading on his hands. “Don’t leave m-me…”

The alpha made a disgruntled noise, peering down his nose at the distraught omega. 

For a blissful moment, Felix thought that he would listen. He stared at Hoseok with bloodshot eyes, pleading, imploring, and Hoseok stared back with naught but indifference in his.

Felix was reminded, yet again, that he was just another foolish omega. Keep putting faith in the wrong people, keep getting hurt, keep questioning your worth and importance. Keep crying yourself to sleep, keep nursing your wounds. Keep accepting abuse as the only form of love you’ll ever receive. 

He wept. He wept for his life. For Seonghwa’s life, for Yeonjun and Sunoo and Beomgyu’s. He wept for his fate, for the crumbling remnants of his innocence, for every drop of blood spilled because of the people who were supposed to protect him.  

Hoseok rolled his eyes, exhaling loudly through his nostrils, and resumed his journey to the exit. 

“No, no–stop-'' Felix begged as he felt hands all around his body, as he felt himself being lifted into the air, only to be laid down onto his back. “Stop, please –Alpha!”

Those same hands restricted his arms, his legs, holding down his wrists and ankles even as he fought them, as he floundered and struggled in vain. 

“Hoseok!”

Just as he reached the doors, Choi Hoseok paused in his tracks. He swallowed thickly, staring unseeingly at his hand poised on the handle. Something inside of him seemed to recoil at the unadulterated desperation in the omega’s voice. Never had Felix uttered his name in such a manner. 

Usually, he’d revel in it. Bask in the glory of being the curator of Felix’s many reactions. But it wasn’t the same this time. It wasn’t by his hands that the omega suffered. Wasn’t by his touch that the omega cowered. Or his words that the omega fought against with the minimal bravery he had. His omega–yes, even now he considered Felix his–sought him for safety, called for him, cried for him, and yet he was abandoning him. 

He looked over his shoulder, met Felix’s broken gaze one final time. 

“Please,” the omega mouthed, his voice having abandoned him, too. 

Hoseok sighed. 

Then he turned the handle, opened the door, and let it click shut behind him. 

Felix felt his heart shatter. Felt it burst into flames. Felt it turn to ash. He felt as it was ripped from his chest and tossed onto the floor, felt as it was stomped on until it was nothing more than a pulpy lump of flesh. 

“How unfortunate,” cooed one of the alphas that confined him. Doyun. “Whatever shall we do with you now?”

Felix felt a hand caress his cheek, swipe through his tears. 

“Wonshik?”

The Pack Alpha, who’d been a silent observer all the while, stood from the armchair. He placed his glass onto the side table, shucked his coat from his frame, and laid it over the back of the chair. He unbuttoned his sleeves, rolled them to his elbows, removed the tie from his neck, before finally, finally approaching the table. 

He looked down at his omega. His poor, pathetic omega, who was so incandescently beautiful even as his face was splotched with tears and flushed with agony. He crouched down, tilting his head to the side as he brushed Felix’s bangs from his eyes. 

They fluttered to him weakly, emerald irises encapsulated in pools of pinkened sclera. 

“Alpha…” he lamented breathlessly. 

Wonshik smoothed a hand over his hair, “yes, my love?”

Felix looked so defeated. So downtrodden. 

“Hurts.”

“What hurts, little one?”

“Everything.”

The alpha nodded sympathetically, “I know.”

The omega swallowed, and even that action seemed a great task. 

“It’ll hurt for just a little while longer.”

Felix frowned, brows drawing together. “What?”

“Shh,” murmured Wonshik, laying a kiss on his temple. “Everything will be alright now. Alpha’s here.”

He glanced at the alphas around them, nodding once towards Rowoon and Doyun. They removed their hands from his ankles, bringing them up to the laces of his boots. 

“Alpha, what…?”

“It’s okay, little one. They’re gonna help you. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

The omega’s frown deepened. “H…help?”

Wonshik hummed, running his nose along the side of Felix’s face. “Yes, that’s right. They’re going to make things better.” He waved his hand, and Jaesung appeared with a small cordial glass. The liquid inside of it was clear, like water. 

Felix hoped it was. He was unbelievably parched. 

The Pack Alpha ushered him to sit, dismissing the other alphas who’d been restraining his wrists. He situated himself behind the omega, holding him in his arms, pulling his hair back over his shoulders. He kissed the side of his head. Inhaled the delicate scent of his shampoo. 

Jaesung handed him the glass, and Wonshik dutifully brought it to Felix’s lips. 

Instantly he could tell that it smelled off. There was an unfamiliar fragrance to it, a bitterness. As if it were a tincture of some sort. 

Felix’s nose wrinkled in distaste. He turned his head to the side, away from the offending beverage. 

“Don’t do that,” chided the elder. “Drink it.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Felix.” His voice had taken a sharp edge. 

“What…what is it, Alpha?”

Wonshik brought it back to Felix’s lips, pressing it against the seam of his mouth. “It’s medicine.”

He’s lying. 

“I-I don’t need it.”

“You do.”

Felix pressed his lips together, shaking his head. The alpha sighed, lowering the glass. His other hand curled around Felix’s chest, and the next thing he knew, his jaw was being pried open by the alpha’s hand. 

He sputtered, sinking blunt nails into Wonshik’s hand, tightening the muscles of his masseter so as to not grant the elder access to his throat. Felix knew, and his instincts knew, that he could not ingest whatever the hell Wonshik was demanding him to drink. It was a blaring red flag, equipped with sirens and alarms and flashing lights. “N-no-” he stammered, nearly choking when the alpha’s fingers latched over his bottom teeth and forced his way through his meagre defences. 

He pressed down on the omega’s tongue, nearly unhinging his jaw entirely. The contents spilled into his mouth then and he gagged, and he kicked his legs and he dug his nails deeper into the alpha’s skin. 

Wonshik tipped Felix’s head back, forcing every last drop into his mouth. He held his face captive at that unbearable angle until Felix had no choice but to swallow.  

“There we go, good boy. Good omega.”

Felix stared at him with pained, tear-sodden eyes. The alpha removed his hand, wiping the moisture of Felix’s spit on his cheek. He rubbed the omega’s jaw with languid, circular motions, perhaps to relieve the ache, perhaps to watch as the effects of the tincture-drug-medicine-thing took hold. 

The omega felt the energy seep from his body like blood from an open wound. His limbs fell lax, and he realised belatedly that his boots and socks had been removed, feet now bare against glass-littered wood. His once-magnificent outfit had been defiled by ghastly stains of crimson, trousers torn at the knees, delicate sleeves smudged with ashes. And the outer layer of his blouse had been displaced during his struggle, falling over his bare shoulders and pooling around his elbows. 

That seemed to be the worst of it. Lifeless arms and legs, a body like that of a ragdoll’s. He imagined it could be a lot worse–ever the deluded idiot to see the silver lining–so maybe the alpha had been telling the truth about the nature of the bitter-tasting liquid. This was a medicine of some sort, made to rectify the aches and pains scattered throughout his being. Felix could feel that the pain was still there, still present, just…duller. He felt the throbbing in his back, but now it didn’t pound with such intensity. He felt dizzy, but not in the way he had five minutes ago. And he felt the stinging in his palms and knees, but it was nothing more than an irritating itch. With his remaining strength he pulled his legs towards himself, before his body fully slackened in the Pack Alpha’s arms. 

It was quiet. 

He almost fell asleep to the crackling of the fire. His mind felt so…heavy. Thoughts muddled into one, indistinguishable and indecipherable from each other. Wonshik smoothed a hand over his head, untangling the knotted strands of gold, and pressed his lips against the omega’s temple. 

“Everything will be okay now,” he said, though his voice sounded muffled, as if he was far away.  

Felix’s eyes fell shut. 

 

---

 

It started in his core. 

Reminiscent of the carbon dioxide gas in champagne, the feeling bubbled deep inside of him, little spheres of an effervescent unfamiliarity boiling and boiling until they toppled over into the next system. At first, he attributed the new sensations to nausea, if the unsettling in his stomach, the cold sweat along his brow, and the uneasiness in his chest was anything to go by. But then it exacerbated tenfold, grew hotter, became an unrestricted fire in the pit of his belly.

His face twisted in discomfort, brows furrowing, mouth drawing into a grimace. He was sweating profusely now, and his mouth flooded with pools of saliva. He shoved his face against the alpha’s neck and moaned quietly, breathing shallowly into his skin. 

Felix felt like he was going to vomit. 

His hands crawled up the Pack Alpha’s chest, fisting into the pristine fabric of his dress shirt. His fingers clenched and unclenched incessantly, palms damp with sweat and blood, leaving pink stains in their wake. If the alpha was bothered by it, he gave no indication of it. He simply allowed the omega to do whatever he pleased as the heat travelled through every single corner, every single nook and cranny, of his body. 

“Alpha…” he breathed shakily. “Alpha, Alpha…”

“Hm?”

“Hot,” he said, rubbing his cheeks against Wonshik’s throat. “‘S so h-hot…”

Wonshik ran a hand along Felix’s spine. “Patience, darling. It’ll pass soon.”

Felix whined, suddenly feeling the need to seek the comfort of the alpha’s scent. When he found it concentrated at his scent gland, he sighed, nudging his nose even closer. 

He smelled like mahogany and aged leather. Scents that Felix had never considered to be particularly comforting. 

But right now, they were the only things tangible enough to soothe the ferocious storm brewing in his gut. He wanted to smother himself with the alpha’s scent, wanted it all over his skin, permanently etched into his nostrils. 

With a breathless groan, he tentatively licked at the alpha’s scent gland. It was a miniscule action, nothing more than a kitten lick. Explorative, if anything, done to gauge the man’s reaction and appraise the limits of his boundaries. Felix did it a second time, and his inner omega relished in the contented sigh the alpha released, then all but purred in joy when he bared his neck ever so slightly for the omega to continue his ministrations. 

So he did it again. More boldly this time, laying his tongue flat against the gland and dragging it over the smooth expanse of his skin, closing his mouth over the trail of wetness left in its wake. He wanted to–hell, he wanted to bite the Pack Alpha, right where his mouth had made purchase at the juncture of his neck. Gnaw on it until it bruised, until the skin broke, until he could taste the mahogany and leather in Wonshik’s blood-

He shifted in Wonshik’s arms unknowingly, so very desperate for more of that heavenly reprieve, lifting himself up to straddle the alpha’s lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. The elder’s hands easily found their way to his slight waist, moving up to stroke his sides, before ultimately resting just beneath the base of his spine. 

Felix gasped as he subconsciously rolled his hips, brows knitting together when an entirely new sensation rippled through his body. He felt…wet. Sticky. In a place he’d never thought he could experience either of those things. 

And that’s when it occurred to him. 

His eyes flew open, wide with realisation and utter revulsion. 

Slick. He was slicking. 

It wasn’t medicine. 

Stupid fucking omega.

It was never medicine. 

Stupid. 

Fucking. 

Omega. 

It was an aphrodisiac. 

When Felix’s body froze, Wonshik’s deep chuckle reverberated through his ears. He continued his journey to the curve of the omega’s ass, cupping the petite roundness of his cheeks with hands that practically eclipsed them. 

“Smell that?” he murmured against the side of Felix’s head, kneading the flesh of his bottom through his trousers. “Smell how wet you are?”

Felix felt his eyes glaze over with frightful tears. He dared not move an inch nor a muscle. Not that he could, even if he tried. Rooted in place by a fear so palpable, it replaced the mindless heat surging through him with veins of frost. 

Wonshik inhaled deeply, “fuck, you smell so good, little one.”

The omega forced his way out of his terror-induced paralysis, squirming in the alpha’s lap. “L-let me go,” he beseeched, swallowing thickly. 

“Good enough to eat.”

“Please, let me–let go o-of me.”

“Wouldn’t you like that?” asked the alpha, ignoring his pleas, dragging one of his hands down the back of Felix’s thigh. “Wouldn’t you like it if I just…ate you up?”

“No. No.”

“I can only imagine how sweet you are,” he nearly moaned. “So sweet, so soft. I just have to know, my love. Can you do that for me?”

Felix shuddered. 

“Can you let alpha have a taste of your sweet, little cunt?”

Tears fell down his cheeks. “I-I-I don’t like this…” he cried through stuttering breaths. 

Wonshik tutted condescendingly, “but your body does. You can feel it, right?”

Felix felt a hand snake back around to his front, felt as it flattened against his abdomen. “Here. Feel that heat?”

The omega nodded unwillingly. 

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” cooed the alpha, “you want it to stop hurting, don’t you?”

His eyes stung as he stared into the fireplace over the Pack Alpha’s shoulder. Hues of orange and yellow flickering like blurred lines of watercolour in his clouded gaze. “N-not like this…”

“But you’ll feel so good, sweetheart. So good.”

“I don’t,” he stammered in return. “I don’t fe-feel good.”

“You will.”

Somewhere behind him, Felix heard the crunching of glass beneath shoes. 

“But first,” the Pack Alpha said, sounding almost disappointed, “I must make true of the promise I made to my friends.” Wonshik extracted the blond from his body, pulling at his arms until they unlatched themselves from his neck. Felix was reluctant to let go, but he was boneless, he was void of energy, and could do little more than voice his protests. With a muted cry of dissent, he was brought into the arms of another, who accepted him from the alpha like an offering.  

He was lowered to his feet, and the plush fibres of the rug were polluted with shards of crystal that dug into his soles. The sound that fell from his lips was a confused one, intermixed with a hint of discomfort as he attempted to dodge the hands that wound themselves around his frame. The scent that hit him now was neither that of mahogany nor leather, but of a rich sandalwood that scraped against the delicate lining of his nose. 

It was overwhelming. Overpowering in ways that his Pack Alpha’s wasn’t. Instead of calming the tumultuous storm of his overwrought nerves, it only exacerbated the malaise that had colonised his body for itself. 

“About damn time, too,” declared the alpha behind him. “I’ve waited all evening for this.”

Felix felt his features distort in perplexity. His eyes found their way to Wonshik’s through the veil of uncertainty that obstructed his senses, and he wondered, for the briefest of moments, if this was all an extremely elaborate joke. 

“I see that you are confused, little one,” he commented offhandedly, settling back into the armchair. “Allow me to explain.” The alpha stared back at him intently, eyes lit a brilliant shade of gold from the sheer depth of enthusiasm that galvanised him. “You see,” he began, “as the host for the evening, I need to ensure that my guests are properly taken care of. Not only does that entail ensuring that their bellies are filled and that their minds are unburdened, but also, it is my responsibility to see to it that they’re sated in…other ways as well.”

Fingers fell to the button of Felix’s trousers. It snapped open with ease. 

“I thought to myself that perhaps I’d let them have their way with the other omegas. They’re a bit older…more mature. And suffice it to say, they know how to please an alpha. So it seemed almost counterintuitive to even consider anything else.”

The fingers found their way to the zipper. Slid it down at a rate that was torturously slow.

“But then it occurred to me; what better way to host my guests than by letting them have a taste of my most prized possession?”

Felix sobbed as his trousers were lowered down the lengths of his legs. “B-but I-you…I thought-”

“Thought what? That you’d make it through the evening untouched?”

Wonshik raised his brows, mouth slipping into a sinister grin. “Oh, I see…” he said, “you thought that because you’re my omega I would be the only one to touch you?”

He was lifted off of his feet, bare legs erupting with goose pimples as the fabric pooled around his ankles was torn from his body. He felt the breath leave his lungs, the panic increase tenfold, the fear, the anxiety, the-

The heat. 

But the hands on his skin burned like acid. The fingers trailing down the smooth canvas of his thighs and calves seared him like a brand. 

“I-I don’t under-understand,” he breathed, lips trembling, limbs locking in terror. “Wh-why?”

Wonshik seemed pensive, but the response that came so painlessly from his mouth was thoughtless.  “Because I want to.”

A hand carded itself into the bow at his throat. It pulled at the knot until it gave way. 

“I want to see how they defile you. And I want to see the look in your eyes when they do.”

“Why?” he agonised, flinching so hard when he heard the delicate fabric of his blouse tear down the middle, when he felt that it was ripped to shreds and thrown haphazardly elsewhere. “Why m-me?”

“Don’t you know, Felix? It’s good manners to share.”

Share. 

Like a toy. 

Like a fucking toy.

His breathing stuttered erratically in his lungs. He could almost feel as the oxygen wove itself in and out of the fibres of spongy tissue and branches of blood vessels. Could almost feel the way it was blocked at every corner, led into dead ends and forced into inescapable outlets. Like it was trapped and fighting its way to the surface. 

Cold. 

It was cold. Even the heat of the fireplace did little to abate the chill. It was cold and Felix was bare. He was bare save for the miniscule scrap of fabric that covered the remnants of his modesty. Hands circled his arms, caressed his skin, gently, as a lover would. 

“The boy hasn’t had his first heat, you said?”

Wonshik nodded. “Yes, but bear in mind my only rule.”

“Remind me,” the voice behind him gibed.

The Pack Alpha rolled his eyes, reaching over to grab his abandoned glass. “Do not, at any moment, even think of knotting my omega…”

Nausea crept up Felix’s throat. 

“...that’s a privilege reserved solely for me.”

Laughter. Felix could feel the deep rumble of it against his back, heard it echo in his ears. And perhaps that was the moment he realised with full clarity that this was neither a joke nor a jest. They weren’t going to just…push him around, make him bleed, watch him cry. They weren’t going to simply revel in his suffering, impose their superiority in ways that are meant to demean, or force him to stroke their impossibly massive egos. 

They were going to flay him open, gut him, remove the fleshy bits of his insides. They were going to scatter them about, tear into them like ravenous predators, spit them out. And then, maybe, if he was lucky, they’d piece him back into a facsimile of what he once was. But those pieces would no longer fit together, warped, missing, and stretched beyond their means as they would become. After that, there’s no knowing what they’ll do. They may just sew him together even when every one of the fibres of his being fell apart, frayed worse than a poorly-wrapped skein of yarn. Enough to where he was binded into the form of Lee Felix, but only just. 

Only just. 

Because Lee Felix knows that after tonight, he will never be whole again. 

 

***

He is manoeuvred like a puppet in the arms of Jeong Rowoon, fondled like a shiny new toy, inspected like a microscopic anomaly. There are hands on his thighs, his calves, his feet. There are hands on the flesh of his ass, the small of his back, the blades of his shoulders. They thread through the gossamer silk of his hair, bring locks of it to eager noses, wind it around cruel fingers. They tug along his scalp, searing, burning, stinging, until his neck is bared and he feels the sharp point of incisors digging into the side of his throat. Lips slither up the sturdy column of it, the slender slope of it. They lay harsh kisses against his skin and suck, suck, suck, leaving mottled, purpling bruises as the only witness to their destruction.

Fingers smear the tears that fall from his numb eyes in continuous, iridescent streams. They’re collected on the pads of index fingers, brought to hungry mouths and licked from voracious tongues. He hears unabated moans of ecstasy as his cheeks are spread and his hole is bared, glistening with slick, as his undeveloped cocklet is teased between roughened digits and squeezed until he cries out in pain. 

They’re everywhere, those hands. On his chest, pinching the small nubs of his nipples so hard they swell, they inflame. There is an unfathomable sensitivity lining the delicate nerves of his intimate regions, and paired with the aphrodisiac, that sensitivity is dialled to eleven, twelve, thirteen. It’s dialled to infinity, unbearableunbearableunbearable, and he squirms. He writhes and twitches uncontrollably just to get away from those hands. 

But they don’t grant him any form of reprieve. There’s an arm around his waist inhibiting the majority of his movement, pressing against the bottom of his ribcage, cutting into the soft flesh of his hips. His body is no longer his own, his muscles having relinquished their control to a new master. Masters. They’ve abandoned him. Like his parents had, like his grandfather had. 

Like Hoseok had. 

They’ve abandoned him and left him to fend for himself, only he can’t. There’s a film of blessed static playing in his mind, numbness laying thickly over his senses. White noise drowns out the lewd squelch of slick as fingers breach the tight ring of muscle surrounding his hole, but it isn’t enough to eclipse the agony. The sharp, shooting pain of being split open on their thick girth. 

Felix sobs.

He sobs as he’s hunched over, as his ass is brought to the forefront of everyone’s gaze. A pair of hands grasp the tender flesh of his cheeks, pulls them apart so that the hands that continue to violate him can go on without the worry of obscurity. Fingers pump in and out of his weeping hole, their passage slackened by slick and blood. Oh. He’s bleeding. They’ve begun to tear into him. 

Felix sobs. It stings. 

Knuckles catch on his rim, and he screams. It stings. The slick is not enough. The blood is cloying and drying and only adding to the viscous drag that those unforgiving fingers continue to deliver. It stings. 

His body, though no longer belonging to him, knows that it doesn’t want this. It pushes against every intrusion, fortifies itself from every imposition. His virgin cunt is stretched beyond that which it can handle, and yet it tries to accommodate its assailants. It tries to lessen the blow, tries to coax them into gentleness. But they break through his defences, lay waste to his hastily constructed barricades. He’s not ready, he’s not ready-

And they don’t care. They take and take and take until he’s snivelling and keening and wailing. Until he’s convulsing in Rowoon’s arms and gasping a nonsensical slew of nonononono when his first ever orgasm is ripped from him. His cunt throbs painfully, constricting against the three fingers buried into his heat. Slick gushes from him despite his protests, despite his objections and oppositions. It slides down his legs, making it to his knees before it is scooped up by another hand and licked clean from pale fingers. 

His head is swimming, his vision is blurry. 

It stings. 

Felix sobs. 

He can’t breathe. Not in a manner conducive to reinstating the oxygen his brain so desperately needs, at least. His lungs are contracting in his chest but their wares are sparse. And the little oxygen they expel is leached from his throat before it can even begin its ascent to his skull. His blood is rushing through his arteries, desperate, determined to aid their struggling kin, but there’s a hand around his neck. It’s pressing against his trachea, restricting the involuntary need to swallow against the sandpaper plastered to his oesophagus. 

He’s pushed onto the table. Tumbles once more into shards and chips of glass. It cuts into the skin of his cheek, leaving a streak of red against his tear-logged skin. When he attempts to lift his head it’s shoved back onto the wooden surface. He winces, eliciting a gasp so great it could pass as a sob. 

The static is back, and suddenly it’s not just control that he’s lost. 

It’s everything. 

His body isn’t simply under the occupancy of another, but removed from him entirely. He’s not just a bystander in a commandeered vessel. 

He’s outside of it. He’s outside, above, looking down, recoiling in horror at what he sees, hands slamming against his mouth. 

It can’t be true. This can’t be happening. 

He’s repositioned so that he’s on all fours, presenting himself to the alphas gathered around his slight presence. Most of them are still seated, watching, studying. An amused smirk on their lips or an intrigued glint in their eyes. Sometimes both. Their slacks are tented with obvious arousal, palms kneading against the clothed bulges of their cocks. 

Felix feels the sudden urge to vomit. 

Because while those who are seated seem to pick him apart through the silence of their provocations, there are those who have an active hand in his undoing. Doyun and Rowoon. Jaesung and Minjun. He feels their presence everywhere. In his mind, on his body. Around him. Inside of him. 

Belts are unfastened. Words are exchanged. But Felix is too far below the surface to decipher them. He’s drowning in pools of alpha gold, choking on swarms of rich sandalwood and spiced cinnamon. Of smoked cedar and citrusy bergamot.  

Of mahogany and leather.

When he tilts his head upwards, he’s met with an unbridled intensity. There’s something in the Pack Alpha’s eyes but he doesn’t know what it is, he’s never seen it before. It’s unfamiliar and disconcerting and dark. It’s frightening, and Felix immediately tears his gaze from him. There’s no saving grace there, not anymore. The miniscule sliver of comfort Alpha Wonshik provided was nothing more than a farce, a concoction of chaos and deception. And the moment of ill-begotten security lasts but a fraction, however, for in the next second the breadth of his vision is overshadowed by the figure of Doyun. Felix seizes in panic, red-rimmed eyes flying to the alpha’s.

He’s smug, condescending, when he slots his fingers beneath Felix’s chin and coos. He taps his thumb against the omega’s bottom lip until it gives way to the intrusion, spares no hesitation before shoving it into his mouth.

Felix gags. Fresh tears spill from his lacrimal glands and cast a glossy sheen over his irises as Doyun pushes his thumb deeper into the wet abyss, only stopping once he comes in contact with the spongy tissue lining Felix’s throat. 

The muscle constricts against the foreignness, tightens in discomfort and exacerbates the indelicate sounds of choking that stumble their way from his lungs. Spit falls from the corners of his mouth, spills down the line of his chin and farther, still. To the curve of his throat, where it settles into the hollow between his collarbones. 

Filthy. Felix feels irrefutably filthy. Indecent. 

He feels used. 

Doyun pulls his own zipper down, reaching in to free his cock from the confines of his slacks. It’s pulsing and red, leaking pre-cum as if it can bear the thought of being untouched no longer. He strokes it with a few languid pumps, slathering the spittle from Felix’s mouth along its length, gritting his teeth and hissing at the immediate relief. 

Felix can’t decode his next move, he appears to be content with pleasuring himself while the omega watches, but Felix knows better. 

He almost expects it when Doyun slams his cock past his lips and begins to fuck his mouth. He expects it, but that doesn’t mean he’s prepared for it. His lips burn from the unnatural stretch, his throat bulges from the sheer girth of an alpha cock, and it hurts so bad that he cries and he cries. 

He can’t do it. 

He can’t breathe. 

He can’t do it. 

His face deepens into a concerning shade of rouge, then further into an alarming shade of purple-blue. 

He can’t breathe. 

Doyun is unfazed, curling his hands into Felix’s tresses to control the speed at which he takes advantage of the omega. He’s moaning and panting, there’s sweat dotting along his forehead and brow. 

“Can I at least knot his mouth?” he asks in a breathless exhale of urgency. 

Wonshik doesn’t say anything for a while, observing Felix with keen eyes. His eyes flick to the three alphas behind him, and he raises a brow. He sees Rowoon fisting his cock as he watches Doyun defile Felix’s mouth and throat, sees Jaesung roughly knead the skin of Felix’s hips, eyes fixated on the wounds along his back. And then he sees Minjun, four fingers deep in Felix’s sopping wet cunt. There’s blood-tinted slick leaking from his abused entrance, pooling around his knobby, injured knees.

“Go ahead,” he says eventually. 

Doyun rejoices, quickening his pace, driving into Felix’s mouth without remorse or consideration. Then he expels a stuttered gasp, ceasing all movement entirely. 

Felix’s eyes widen in paralysing fear as the alpha’s knot swells past the seam of his lips. The stretch is too much, it’s beyond unbearable, intolerable. 

It’s impossible. 

The corners of his mouth tear and blood immediately pools in the ravines they leave behind. He scrunches his eyes shut and flails his head but he can’t fucking move. Doyun’s hands in his hair are tight like a vice, immovable like a slab of stone. 

“Fuck,” groans the alpha, pulling Felix’s face closer to his pelvis. “Fuck, yeah. Take it. Take it all.”

Felix chokes again, and this time he’s certain he’ll faint with the way his nose is pressed against the alpha’s skin. 

“Take my knot you fucking slut.”

And then he’s spilling down Felix’s throat. It’s hot and sticky against his tongue, salty with a hint of bitterness. It’s disgusting. It’s disgusting and seemingly endless, coating the insides of his swollen throat with thick sheets of white. 

The alpha is breathing heavily, sated and high off of his release. His knot eventually deflates a few minutes later, and his cock slips from the omega’s mouth. He tucks it back into his slacks, and for some reason unbeknownst to him, the action makes Felix flinch.

“Swallow,” the alpha demands, collecting the rivulets of cum that escaped with a finger and pushing it back into Felix’s mouth. 

He gags because of the taste but chokes it down nonetheless, and when he’s done Doyun forces his mouth open to ensure that he’d obeyed. He pats his uninjured cheek in a macabre display of pride, wipes his tears with his thumb, and leans down to kiss the omega’s forehead. 

“So beautiful,” he muses, stroking Felix’s cheekbone. “Knew your mouth would feel good.” He then shoves his nose against his throat, inhaling deeply the tacky skin. With the amount of sweat and fluids covering his body, there was no doubt that the scent-blockers Seonghwa had applied to Felix’s scent glands had washed away, leaving his scent of orange blossoms and lavender entirely exposed. 

He shudders as he feels the alpha lick up the side of his throat, leaving a few marks of his own in the form of discoloured bruises along his Adam’s apple. With a final press of his lips against the fresh wounds, Doyun pulls away, standing up and retreating back to the couch that he’d been sitting on. 

Felix can’t feel his face. 

He can’t feel much of anything.

But he does feel the moment Rowoon’s cock drives into his oversensitive cunt. 

He gasps, falling to his elbows. 

A new world of pain is unlocked as he’s pushed up the table, knees sliding pathetically along the pools of his own bloodied slick and sweat. Rowoon’s hands slot into the dip of his waist, bruising and unforgiving, fingers melding into the bones of his ribcage. It’s a monstrous agony that unleashes itself, clawing its way through his body until there’s nothing left but a hollow. 

A hollow that Rowoon fills with merciless thrusts and unrelenting force. The alpha’s cock drives in and out of him, punching uneven, ragged breaths from his lungs. He feels so full it makes him sick, makes nausea and bile creep along the edges of his composure until it fills his mouth with a potent pungency. The lightheadedness returns with a vengeance and he loses all willpower to keep his head up. It falls into a puddle of Doyun’s seed intermixed with droplets of his own blood. 

But he doesn’t care. His body clenches in agony, muscles rigid and stiff and aching. His ass burns from the sting of Jaesung’s hand against his skin. It falls once, twice, thrice more until Felix can feel it throb in time with his pulse. 

The tears are never ending. 

This torture, too. 

Never ending. 

Rowoon mumbles something about how hot he is. How fucking tight and wet his virgin pussy is. He says something about how he wants to breed him, fill him with his cum and his pups. Goes on to say that he’d make such a pretty mother.

Felix wants to tell him that he’d rather die. But his voice is scarce and his words even scarcer. The best he can manage is pained grunts and gasps and whimpers. 

The drag ignites a fire along his sensitive walls. Rowoon is big, and Felix is not. His cock is thick and long, stabs the omega’s insides with an acute pain that can’t be relieved unless the alpha stops. But he doesn’t. He keeps going, and soon enough Minjun’s fingers join him in his efforts. The added stretch is maddening, and Felix reaches back to grab the alpha’s wrist, but Rowoon simply clasps his hand in his and holds it down against the small of his back. 

Felix writhes, arm bent at an uncomfortable angle, a cock and a hand forcing their way into his hole. His face is pressed into glass and cum and blood, hair a tangled, matted mess about his shoulders and head. 

Death, he thinks.

Minjun’s other hand curls around his front, finds its way to Felix’s limp, omega cock. He strokes it in conjunction with each of the alpha’s thrusts, and Felix’s vision blurs. A new wave of tears effaces the previous one, slides across the bridge of his nose and down, down, down until it soaks into his hair. 

“I’m gonna cum-”

Minjun snickers at the desperation in Rowoon’s voice, but he says nothing. Only when he finally gets his thumb to breach Felix’s rim does he commend the omega for being such a good boy.  Now with his entire fist rammed into Felix’s cunt, the two alphas waste no time in alternating their thrusts. They establish a rhythm that’s meant to overwhelm and incapacitate the omega. To make him bleed and cry. 

They revel in it. 

They revel in the pained gasps that spill from his lips. In the tears that fall endlessly from his swollen eyes. 

They revel in his whines, in the way his body twitches and convulses, in the slick and blood that coats their skin.

Rowoon swears under his breath again, and through the haze of static in his brain, Felix feels the beginnings of a knot form against his ass. The alpha continues to mindlessly rut into his worn body, hips snapping wildly, pace growing more and more uncoordinated. For a second, Felix believes that Rowoon will defy his Pack Alpha by knotting him, but at the penultimate moment he’s pulling out and releasing all over Felix’s puffy hole. 

His moans are vulgar and uninhibited, and his words are filthy and crass as he wrings out every last drop of cum from his cock. It’s thick and viscous as it slides down the abused skin of Felix’s rim, over the cleft of his ass, his taint, and down his legs. 

Death would be better than this. 

He thinks it’s over now. 

But then he feels another spatter of heat against his back, and realises with a startling consternation that Jaesung, too, had finished with the other alphas.

The only difference was that he had taken the initiative of rubbing his cum into the wounds scattered across Felix’s skin. 

The hands fall from around his waist and he plummets to the table, boneless and spent. The impact is hard, and he’s certain that he’ll feel the effects of it in the morning, but for now all he feels is relief that it was finally over. 

Everything else is numb.

***

A knee cracks, and a hand brushes the hair from his face. 

“You did so well, my love,” the accompanying voice murmurs reverently. “I am so proud of you.”

Felix cracks his eyes open, sticky and heavy with tears and discharge. Wonshik is staring down at him, fond and infatuated. The fingers traverse the messy planes of his face, the cuts and scrapes and sweat and blood. The touch is almost healing. Almost. 

His eyes flutter shut again. 

Death would be better than having to live through this nightmare.

Notes:

i just want to make it clear that i am in no way glorifying sexual assault or rape. im not using it as a flowery plot device, not incorporating it into my story for baseless shock value or to demean those who have been through anything similar. as someone who has been SA’d and raped multiple times in her life with no healthy outlet to manage the trauma or learn how to cope with it, i have found that writing has helped me immensely. this story is so much more than a silly little tale of wolves and packs. it means so much more to me, too.

as i’ve said before, this story will have a happy ending, and i know it doesn’t seem like that now, and we still have plenty to get through until we get to that moment, but i just want you to know that it is so special having the privilege to create a story that can see so much pain and suffering and anguish and darkness, but still finds the light in the end.

i think, in that way, it was crucial for me to write about this, and i needed it to be real and feel real, the fear, the hopelessness, the pain-which is why i suddenly switched tenses, you may or may not have noticed that. but it was done on purpose, to make it visceral. as someone who knows exactly the things he felt. because not only does it humanise my characters, and shed light on very real and terrible issues in the world we live in (in fact, the conversation the alphas have in the parlour is based off of a real conversation i overheard), but it gives me the opportunity to gain control over a narrative. i didnt have any control over any of my experiences, i didnt have anyone to save me, nurse me back to health, love me unconditionally despite it. i never got a happy ending despite everything that happened to me, but felix will. and while it may seem hopeless for felix right now, he will overcome this. as we know, he’s found his true family, his true mates, and i promise you, with them by his side he’ll be exactly who he was meant to be all his life. an omega loved and cherished, protected and doted upon…

if any of you have struggled with this, please know that you are never alone. and just know, that even though i dont know you, have never laughed with you, or hugged you,

just know that i love you

and i am so proud of you.

Chapter 19: Interlude: Aftermath

Summary:

The omegas of the Choi Pack face their biggest hardship yet: Felix's recovery.

Notes:

hiiiiii

i was gone for longer than planned. now i am ungone, coming to you with the dawn of a new year.

you'd think in three months' time i'd make a comeback with a beautifully written, 10k+ word chapter, but alas, i suck. truth be told, i can count on one hand the amount of times i have opened my laptop in that time, and there was no spark for writing. i had to force myself to write, to get this chapter out, to keep this story going, and i am glad to say that upon this chapter's completion that spark was renewed.

so expect more consistent updates from me again :)

missed you dearly, can't wait to continue this journey with you all

now without further ado, enjoy!!

 

Interlude: Aftermath

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

Some miles away, 

Seoul

He woke up screaming. 

Tangled in the sheets were his long legs, dripping down his chest and back were rivulets of sweat. His shirt clung to him like a sticky second skin, heavy and damp, and his hair was plastered to the back of his neck, tingling against his nape. There was a lightheadedness that he couldn’t explain, followed by a sudden wave of nausea, and then he promptly fell over the edge of his bed and expelled the contents of his stomach.

There wasn’t much. His appetite had been particularly nonexistent for the past week or so as it were, but his stomach forced it out nonetheless, the muscles clenching and contracting against the nothing that filled his belly.

“Eomma!” he sobbed, pulling himself to his knees, hunching over his puddle of sick. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and groaned in disgust at the bile that coated his skin. “Eomma!”

The door slammed open and he flinched, fingers spasming, grazing just barely the edge of the puddle. 

“What is it, aegi-ah? Oh, god,” his mother gasped in turn, running to his side. She smoothed the pale hair from his tacky forehead, held his face between petite hands. “What happened?” she asked, surveying him in the dim light of his room.  

“I-I don’t know,” he whimpered, wrapping an arm around his stomach. “So much…it hurts so much.”

“What does?” she asked, warily eyeing the mess on the floor. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

He furrowed his brows, thoughtful. 

Phantom pains coursed through his body, immense pressure burgeoned behind his eyes. He’d liken it to flashes of lightning followed by the rumble of thunder. Only it rippled through the branches of his nerves instead of the static in the sky, and perhaps that’s why he felt the intensity of it was tenfold. 

What was wrong? 

Nothing, not really. 

Physically sound. Mentally, well…for the most part. 

There were no wounds or injuries. No indication of any sort of altercation or squabble. He’d gone to bed feeling perfectly fine, so why…?

“Honey.”

His mother’s voice was soft. 

He lifted his gaze to meet hers, and there was naught but concern for her only child in her eyes. He swallowed, ignoring the spasms of pain and whispers of discontent that ricocheted from one corner of his being to the other. 

“Nothing,” he breathed, blinking the tears from his eyes as his father’s stern voice reverberated through his conscience, reminding him to forget all about his silly notions regarding supernatural connections; as his mother’s lessons on organically curated relationships followed his words in a blurry haze. All of the things they ever told him, all of the beliefs they shovelled onto him, all there. Ever present. Suffocating. 

It’s not real, Hyunjin.

His mother seemed doubtful as she frowned. 

He exhaled shakily, shoulders heaving. Tremors wracked his frame from the aftershocks as he stared at nothing but felt everything. 

“It’s nothing,” he repeated. A deceitful confirmation. 

None of it is real. 

“I’m fine.”

 

---

 

“You need to breathe, hyung.”

“They have my baby, Wooyoungie. My baby.”

The Head Omega fell onto the couch and buried his face into his palms. He was a mess, unravelled at the seams and distraught beyond measure. Tracks of tears long dried sat atop the skin of his cheeks, eyes coloured a permanent red and burdened by a perpetual strain. 

“It’s been hours,” his muffled voice agonised to the room at large. 

Yeonjun sat by his side, wrapping an arm about his shoulders and rubbing his hand along the elder’s back. “He’s strong, Hwa. Whatever they’ve got planned for him…he’ll make it through.”

Seonghwa lifted his head, throat thick with tears when he measured the younger omega with a troubled gaze. “And what about after?” 

Yeonjun’s lips parted in a soundless gasp, features pinching in despair as a heaviness settled deep into the pit of his stomach. 

“I don’t think I can bear to see him like that…” he sobbed, “I can barely make it through a normal day, when he-when he’s bruised and beaten. But this…”

He inhaled a shuddering breath, haphazardly wiping the tears from his eyes. “I’d rather die than see what they’ve done to my pup.”

Wooyoung fell to the floor before him, reaching forward to grasp his hands. “It’s not your fault,” he promised woefully. “Hyung, none of this is your fault. Our alphas, they…” he broke off, furrowing his brows. “They’re cruel,” he murmured at last, quietly, so that even the walls couldn’t hear his mutinous admission. “Unceasingly cruel. And above all, selfish. They take and they take until there’s nothing left, and all they know is to please themselves.”

Seonghwa smiled ruefully, squeezing Wooyoung’s fingers. “You don’t understand, love. It is my fault,” he whispered. “It’s all my fault.” 

The other omegas frowned, and when the Head Omega did not elaborate, their fears only deepened. 

“Hyung,” started Wooyoung reluctantly, casting a wide-eyed glance to the other omegas, “y-you don’t mean…”

But the tight expression on Seonghwa’s face was telling enough. They all blanched, some brought a hand to their mouth, others’ eyes filled with tears. Beomgyu’s face fell even more, the grip he had on his sweater sleeves tightening until the knitted fibres began to separate. Wooyoung refused to believe it, his unblinking stare plastered to the Head Omega’s forlorn countenance in utter horror. 

“No,” he stammered, “say it isn’t true.”

Seonghwa pressed his lips together. 

“Say it isn’t so,” begged Wooyoung. 

With a stunted exhale, Seonghwa snuffed out the tiny bit of hope in Wooyoung’s heart. “I can’t.”

“But he’s just a pup,” declared Yeonjun, desperate for a way out. “He can’t…he can’t mate a pup.”

“Felix has yet to experience his first heat,” Seonghwa answered lifelessly. “In a few months’ time, when he reaches maturity he will, and my husband will see to it that it becomes an experience he will never forget.”

Yeonjun shook his head rapidly, “no, no that’s-that’s illegal, he can’t do that, he just can’t!”

“He already has!”

Like the crack of lightning, the silence left behind Seonghwa’s fatal cry was petrifying. No one dared to move, no one dared to breathe, as the Head Omega’s grave admission rumbled through their minds. The thunder that follows. 

Wooyoung’s grip on Seonghwa’s hands faltered, going lax as the disbelief in his eyes grew decimally. “W-we…” he shook his head, biting back the tears that fought their way to his eyes, “no. No, we’ll take this to the Court, we…we’ll report him to the Council, he-he can’t do this.”

“Wooyoung,” Seonghwa cried, “we can’t even leave this fucking place. And even if we could, the Council, the Court, the entire fucking government is controlled by corrupt, power hungry alphas. Wonshik himself has written more than half of the bylaws. You think they’d care about a single omega pup? Or any omega for that matter? Don’t be mistaken, my love. We are, and have always been, alone.”

The younger tore his gaze away, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand, sniffling to himself. He didn’t want to be reminded so blatantly of his inferiority as an omega.

“Maybe not, though.”

It was the first time Sunoo spoke that entire evening, and he appeared nervous when their gazes swept to him. 

“We may be alone here, in this place and in the eyes of the law. But maybe we’re not entirely alone.” he said, curling in on himself against the armrest of the chaise, fiddling with the gems on his claim collar. “Alpha Wonshik’s brother.”

“What about him?” implored Yeonjun. 

“He’s always been kind to us. And…and I don’t think he holds the same beliefs as his brother. Perhaps…maybe, I don’t know. Maybe he can help.”

Seonghwa sighed, exhaling heavily through his mouth. “Be that as it may, kindness does not equate to action. Besides, it’s been many months since Hyunshik last visited. Who knows how many more will pass before he returns…I can’t even begin to imagine how much damage Wonshik can do in that time. It fills me with a kind of dread that I cannot even begin to fathom. ”

It goes quiet for a moment. 

“Sunghoon speaks highly of him, though,” rebutted Sunoo. 

“And you trust your Alpha?” questioned Seonghwa in turn, distrustful and sceptical, though there was genuine curiosity poking through the dulcet tones of his voice.

Sunoo inhaled deeply, a faraway look in his eyes. 

They all knew that the relationship between Sunoo and Sunghoon was…complex, to say the least. But the young alpha was reserved and well-mannered, had never lifted a hand to the younger wolf, and had even hand-chosen Sunoo when he’d come across the omega in an auction, rescuing him from a fate he’d rather not envision.

“I do,” he eventually confessed, meeting the Head Omega’s eyes. “I do, and that’s why I believe that he is a viable option that we ought not to disregard so hastily, hyung. We have no other choice.”

Seonghwa took immediate notice of the glint in Sunoo’s eyes. Where before there was indifference and apathy towards the alpha he had been bonded to, there was now a subdued fondness. A newfound respect, even. 

He’d have to ask the omega about that another day.

As it stands, they had more prevalent matters to attend to. “That’s…” another sigh, heavy and downtrodden. “You must understand, I can’t put my faith in maybes and what ifs. Maybe he can help, and maybe he’s not like his brother, but there’s also the probability that he may not be able to do anything despite it. It would be unwise to believe he’ll do anything if he doesn’t make his willingness to be an ally apparent himself.”

They knew Seonghwa was right, deep down. But to be an omega of the Choi Clan was to be hopelessly optimistic, even in the face of eternal damnation. 

“We have to try,” assuaged Yeonjun, smoothing a hand along Seonghwa’s arm in the hopes of calming him down. “Alpha Wonshik’s birthday is fast approaching. He always attends the celebrations with his son, right? That seems like our best chance.”

That’s right. Wonshik’s annual birthday soirée, for lack of a better term. It was but a few short weeks away, and always guaranteed the younger Choi brother’s attendance. Just a few weeks and…maybe…

He forced the thought away, a despaired groan crawling up his throat at yet another reminder of a blessed, unobtainable maybe. 

“In the meantime, we need to keep Felix away from Alpha Wonshik. I-I don’t know how we’ll do that, if it’s even possible, but we’ll find a way. We have to.”

Seonghwa raised a hand to cover Yeonjun’s, and he almost relaxed against the taller omega as he continued to comfort him in the small way he could. “Okay,” he sighed, squeezing Yeonjun’s fingers. But despite being the pillar of strength that Yeonjun was, Seonghwa could not relinquish the unforgiving tension in his body entirely. 

The hours grew, and yet his pup still hadn’t returned to his side. 

The anxiety in his bones turned to lead, weighing him down until he fell into the bitter depths of despair. He felt sick, constricted. His head pounded in agony and his heart fractured with each passing second. 

And Felix…Goddess knows what his delicate little flower had gone through this night. Was going through at this very moment. 

He chanced another fateful glance towards the clock on the mantle, swallowing thickly past the permanently set lump in his throat as it occurred to him that it was well past three o'clock in the morning.  

He wiped the drops of tears that had accumulated at his chin. 

Then, he waited. 

 

---

 

Another hour passed. The omegas were growing increasingly nervous as the clock ticked away with no sign of their youngest. Exhaustion threatened them, pulling at the edges of their consciousness, and the fight against it was a battle hard won as they blinked past dry, bloodshot eyes and cast away ghastly, nightmarish thoughts.

Suddenly, the doorknobs rattled, and the heavy oaken doors creaked open. They were all on their feet within seconds, gasps and quiet cries of surprise falling from their lips. Exhaustion evaporated into thin air as they awaited with bated breaths and wide eyes the sight that would appear before them. Seonghwa, despite his every thought being consumed with the inherent need to run to his pup, found that he could not move. Cemented into place as he was, unwilling to believe that the Felix who was about to walk through those doors was the one that he’d dressed and embellished with his own two hands.

Part of him wished that it wasn’t Felix after all. But the greater, more desperate part, did. It wanted nothing more than to gather the younger in his arms and never let go. Never again.

As it were, that part had to work extra hard in order to crush the scream that threatened to deafen them all, when the youngest omega of their pack pushed through the doors and revealed himself. Seonghwa felt the strength leave his legs, felt the breath disintegrate in his lungs as he propelled forward, falling gracelessly into an equally panicked Yeonjun’s arms. His eyes raked over Felix– this was Felix, right? –at the tattered remains of lace and cream-coloured chiffon tarnished by garish stains in various shades of bright red and burgundy, at his hair in utter disarray, and his face. 

His face…

The vision was disturbed by a sudden blurriness in his irises, stinging and insistent, until his surroundings were nothing but blobs of colour and light. 

Crying. He was crying. Again. 

“Felix-ah,” Wooyoung murmured, and his voice was a cross between a gasp and a sob. 

Felix didn’t say anything. Instead, exhausted eyes tinged pink with overuse fluttered across the room, barely taking note of the omegas that were present. It seemed that even in their weariness they sought something, and settled in their path only once they’d reached the sight of the Head Omega, hunched over in Yeonjun’s arms. Their gazes locked and Seonghwa felt the agony in his heart flourish anew as a fresh trickle of blood leaked from Felix’s nose. 

“Hyung,” he breathed, lifting a trembling arm towards Seonghwa, and it was the only action his body could bear before it crumpled to the floor in a lifeless heap. 

Everything happened in slow motion. Seonghwa saw the exact moment Felix’s head made contact with the hardwood floor, ricocheting off of the hard surface before going eerily still. Saw the way his hair fanned around him like a macabre mimicry of a divine halo, the way his arms bent at an odd angle and his legs folded abnormally underneath him. 

Seonghwa couldn’t move, no. But he felt something strange. Like an out of body experience. Something that felt detached and fragmented, cast off to the side, into another vessel, perhaps. 

He felt it in his throat. Raw and shrill as it bubbled through the cavity of his chest and festered until it filled every crevice in his body. 

And that’s when the realisation dawned on him. 

He was screaming. 

Wooyoung spun on his heel, eyes filled to the brim with terror and alarm as they fell onto Sunoo, who’d been shocked into a statuesque silence upon seeing Felix. 

“Sunoo, Sunoo—g-get Garam hyung, now!”

Sunoo’s glassy eyes snapped to Wooyoung. He swallowed once, twice, and was out the door without a single word spoken. 

Beomgyu had scrambled towards the fallen pup as Yeonjun attempted to placate their hysterical Head Omega, imploring him with a stern voice to gather his wits and attend to Felix. “Yah,” he admonished, “come on. Get up, hyung.”

Seonghwa merely babbled incoherently, cheeks shiny with tears and lips trembling with the sheer amount of devastation that he’d been overcome with. 

“He needs you. He needs you, Seonghwa. Felix needs you.”

But Seonghwa continued to sob in reckless abandon, shaking his head and heaving chestfuls of broken gasps and breaths. “N-no, he-he’s—this is all my fault, it’s all my fault, Jun, he-he’s like this because of me, me, me, it’s all on me-”

“Snap out of it, Hwa! It’s not your fault. It’s never been your fault, so get that shit out of your head or so help me god.”

“But I-”

“No. You think Felix wants to see you like this? You think he wants to know that this is what his condition did to you? Hasn’t he been through enough already?”

Seonghwa whimpered. 

“He needs you, hyung. He will always need you.”

“Felix n-needs me….”

“Yes. Felix needs you. So you need to get it together. Alright?”

Seonghwa nodded vehemently, gripping tight to Yeonjuns’s forearms as the taller helped to lift him to his feet. The next thing he knew he was scrambling towards Beomgyu, who had been cradling Felix’s limp body against his chest. The younger omega seamlessly shifted the blond onto the Head Omega’s lap, caressing his hair and laying his hand atop his chest, where he could feel the faint drum of his heart beneath their entwined fingers. 

With a trembling hand, Seonghwa smoothed Felix’s hair from his face, wiped the rivulet of blood from his nose with a gentle brush of his thumb. 

He inhaled a deep, shaky breath. 

“Garam hyung is on his way now,” Sunoo confirmed breathlessly. No one had even noticed that he’d returned. “He’s just getting his supplies.”

Seonghwa’s eyes stayed glued to Felix’s face. “L-let’s take him to the—to the bedroom.”

Yeonjun and Beomgyu nodded, making way for the Head Omega as he hoisted Felix into the air with all the care in the world, shielding him from any more harm that would dare to befall him in his presence. Wooyoung charged forward, opening the doors that led to Felix and Seonghwa’s quarters, hurriedly ushering them towards the bed. 

“Lay him down here, hyung,” Wooyoung directed softly, pulling back the comforters and sheets. Seonghwa measured the younger with a grateful look, sinking one of his knees into the mattress so that he wouldn’t jostle the wolf in his arms as he lowered him to the plush surface. 

“We need to remove his clothes.”

Garam’s voice was like a saving grace, melting through the dense fog in Seonghwa’s brain.

His breath caught in the back of his throat as his gaze fell to the elder, lodging itself in place and adamant in its refusal to leave. “R-right,” he stuttered, brows pinching, swallowing the panic that once again reared its ugly head. He stretched stiff arms and reluctant hands towards Felix’s slumbering form, willing himself to regain control over his uncooperative limbs. 

A hand wrapped around his wrist, gentle, cajoling. Garam’s skin was warm, contoured to the repetitive ministrations relating to his career, but it wasn’t rough, nor was it worn. It was perfectly human. Seonghwa breathed heavily through his nose, teeth embedded into the flesh of his bottom lip, despair written into every crevice of his features. 

“It’s alright,” murmured the beta, with a voice as kind and warm as the expression on his face. “I’m here to help you.” 

He joined Seonghwa at Felix’s bedside, patting his shoulder and smiling reassuringly, just enough that it barely lifted his cheek. Then, he turned towards Felix, slipping on some gloves as a shadow passed over his eyes. It didn’t take a genius to discern that seeing Felix like this was difficult for their friend, too. 

“I’m here to help you both,” he said with finality, steady, expert hands beginning their long journey ahead.

Seonghwa expelled a sob, heart aching in his chest, and could do nothing more than nod.

Notes:

i realise now that the chapter summary may have been misleading. his true recovery begins next chapter (if you couldn't tell i suck at summaries, free me)...hehe...

anywho, till next we meet

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 20: Interlude: Upheaval

Summary:

Felix isn't okay, and frankly, Seonghwa isn't either.

Notes:

hihihihihihihi

okay so, bear with me as i shovel out these shorter chapters before getting back to the thick, juicy chapters. really, as important as these are, they're simply building up to the moment i've been waiting to write since before i began writing this story. and as much as i'd like to deliver longer chapters, i've left you all dry for so long i think it's only fair that you get more updates more frequently, as my apology gift to all of you wonderful people. but again, just need to get these few shorties out of the way before we get back into the thick of it. RAHHH

anywho i CANNOT WAIT FOR WHATS COMING YOU GUYS OMG
things are about to get very interesting. very soon.

also, i would like to thank you all for your comments. i have never and probably will never be good at responding to them, but i do read them and they are, quite literally, the things keeping me going with this story. they mean more to me than you could ever know and i am forever grateful to those of you who take the time to share your thoughts or wish me well. i couldn't do it without you <3

without further ado,

enjoy!!!

 

CW: descriptions of injuries, mentions of rape (non-graphic, it's mentioned in a piece of dialogue), depression, seonghwa's gargantuan guilt complex

 

Interlude: Upheaval

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

There was one silver lining. 

One tiny, miniscule silver lining: Felix could not fall pregnant until he reached maturity. 

But that was as far as his luck had run. Everything else, well…

Seonghwa sighed, trailing a feather-light finger along Felix’s temple, skirting around the edge of the bandage affixed to his forehead. His tears had long since been cleared from their reserves, leaving his eyes burning and dry with the sting of heartache. 

Three fractured ribs. Fractured wrist. Broken ankle. 

A cracked clavicle. Slightly perforated left lung. 

Severe concussion, innumerable cuts, scrapes, lacerations. Bite marks all along his throat, thighs, hips, even his chest. 

Contusions, bruises, erythema, discolouring his skin. Shades of deep purples and blues. Swelling around his eye, jaw, neck. In his throat.

Tissue torn, ripped to shreds, in the areas surrounding his most vulnerable parts. On the inside, too.

Internal bleeding, ruptured rectum. 

Broken nails. Pieces of hair ripped clean from his scalp. 

There was more that Garam had relayed to him in great detail, but Seonghwa couldn’t bear hearing any more, choosing to tune him out as the list continued on and on, no end in sight. 

The small blessing was that he could not fall pregnant, even with all of the sticky, white seed stuffed into his body. Traces of it found in his hair, his mouth, his underdeveloped womb. Seonghwa had vomited at the sight as Garam painstakingly cleaned it out of his body, brought to his knees as he dry heaved until it sounded as if his heart would come catapulting from his throat. 

Garam shooed the other omegas away immediately thereafter, shoving them out the doors not unkindly, for he knew that it wasn’t even the worst of it. To have gone through such a traumatic experience in and of itself was unbearable, but to see the effects of such a dastardly deed reflected on a mere pup, a child by all means, was something he had the power to spare the omegas of their pack the grief of. Though he himself could barely stomach the sight, it was his sworn duty to heal and aid the sick and broken. 

So he tended to Felix with the aid of another beta doctor his age, a colleague that he’d known since his time at medical school. 

They worked tirelessly for hours, having finished only when the light of a new day filtered through the curtains and filled the room with a dull, grey overcast. Garam wiped at his brow, exhaling heavily as he looked down at the comatose pup, studying the eerie stillness of his supine form.

The only tell that he was even alive was the somewhat unsteady rise and fall of his chest. The constant beeping from the EKG that he’d been hooked up to. He’d be out for a week, two weeks tops. But there was a part of Garam that hoped Felix would sleep until better circumstances could welcome him back. A home that was a true home. A pack that was a true pack. 

If it was within the bounds of his control, he’d have helped the omegas himself, would have taken them far and away, free to begin a life they’d deserved to live from the beginning. But Seonghwa had made him promise to never do such a reckless thing, knowing that Wonshik would find a consequence worse than death for the beta. A punishment fit for the crime. 

“How is he?”

Seonghwa said nothing for a while, even as Wooyoung’s voice echoed in his mind. The query was innocent, harmless. But it was so complex, so loaded, all the same. There was so much to be said, and yet he could say nothing at all. Nothing about anything that they themselves couldn’t see, at least. In a way, the simple words made a mockery of everything. Of Felix and his tortuous reality. His insurmountable, incomprehensible pain. His newly acquired lifelong traumas. It was all laid bare for them to see, behind bandages and casts and marred skin, so why did he feel the need to ask? 

Why did he have to remind Seonghwa of how this was all his fault?

The voices in his head were cruel and they were vicious, spinning tales of self deprecation in which he was the main character. Bitterness and self hatred narrated the truth of his shortcomings and failures, of his inability to protect his omegas, the ones he’d been entrusted to look after. 

How is he, Wooyoung had asked, and Seonghwa didn’t know what to say. He could disclose the depth of his injuries, do an entire rundown of the physical remnants of his ordeal, name them from the worst to just okay. He could describe his bruises and cuts, the consistency of his congealing blood, the shape of the teeth marks embedded into his skin.

He could tell them how he…how Felix, how he’d almost–no. No. He could not. He would not. 

But he could say nothing about how he really was. Physical wounds…physical wounds will heal and scars will lighten with time, but those carved into his psyche will not. And Seonghwa had no idea just how deep they ran. 

But Wooyoung, like many others, knew what it was like–to an extent, that is. He knew what it was like to be abused and taken advantage of, to be silenced and unheard. So Seonghwa was quick to realise that it was rather unfair of his irrational, tormented mind to twist the younger’s words into a narrative they most certainly never belonged in. It was an innocent question. Wooyoung was innocent. 

Felix was innocent. 

He removed his hand from Felix’s face, lowering it until it fell into place on top of his hand, where it rested atop the duvet. His thumb swept over bruised and scraped knuckles, across pale, nearly colourless skin. He exhaled breathily, closing his fingers around that hand. That small, precious hand.

“He will recover.”

A truth that seemed like a bitter lie. 

The bed dipped slightly beneath Wooyoung’s weight as he sat down at the foot of the bed, and Seonghwa could almost smell his hesitation to get close, threatening the edges of his otherwise pleasant scent of black orchids and vanilla. Almost as if he was afraid that a single touch would maim Felix. Or maybe even Seonghwa. 

“And…you?”

Seonghwa lifted his gaze to meet Wooyoung’s, cracked lips parting. 

“I wish it had been me.”

There was nothing Wooyoung could say to that, because the fact of the matter is…

They all did. 

 

---

 

Three days passed just like that. 

The omegas had adapted to a new routine. Garam would visit in the mornings, afternoons, evenings, and nights, every day, without fail. He’d perform thorough evaluations on Felix, painstakingly undress his wounds, clean them thoroughly, redress them with the utmost care. He’d monitor him like a hawk, writing down any changes–improvements, regression, deterioration. Then he’d fill the concerned Head Omega in on any vital information, provide encouragement, reassurance. Even a much needed embrace. 

And then he’d take his leave, surrendering Felix once more to the capable hands of his fellow omegas. They’d bathe him with a sponge, brush his hair, rub balms and creams into his skin with soothing ministrations. They never took their eyes off of him, going so far as to rotate every night at bedtime, so that the unease and anxiety of being parted from him again could be relieved by his presence. 

But Seonghwa never slept. On nights where another one of his packmates would accompany Felix in the peaceful realm of slumber, he’d sit in the corner, watching over both of his omegas restlessly until the birds chirped and they were summoned for their duties. 

Seonghwa did not sleep. He did not eat. He barely spoke. 

So it was a shock to them all when Yeonjun woke up next to Felix on the morning of the fourth day, no Seonghwa in sight. 

It had taken him a moment to register the elder’s absence, as used to it as he’d gotten. But when he blinked away the blurriness of sleep and Seonghwa still wasn’t seated silently in the armchair with exhausted eyes and rumpled clothing, he knew there was something terribly wrong. 

He slipped out of bed swiftly, ensuring that he hadn’t disturbed Felix, and with a quick once-over of his unmoving form, fled from the bedroom.

Sunoo was just leaving his own quarters that he shared with Beomgyu when he halted in his path, nearly running into the taller omega. His face was stoic, unreadable. His expression hidden carefully beneath a practised veil of concealment. But his eyes were strained, they were panicked. He swallowed.

“Where is hyung?” 

The panic in Sunoo's eyes grew tenfold. 

“He went to speak with Alpha Wonshik.”

 

---

 

“What the hell did you do?”

He shoved against the alpha’s chest. 

“What the hell did you do, huh?”

Another shove. 

“How fucking could you?!”

He punched and kicked and scratched his way past Wonshik’s meagre defences, screaming, shouting, void of breath but overflowing with an inexorable fury. 

“He’s–just–a–child-!” 

More punches, more kicks, more screams. Even in the midst of his torrent of rage it was surprising to him that the alpha was not fighting back. He simply took the omega’s hits in silence, seemingly passive to his continued abuse even as blood welled to the surface of his skin from a particularly nasty scratch to his cheek. 

“You goddamn demon, spawn of satan–evil, cruel, horrible man!”

A slap to the alpha’s unmarred cheek, and it was the last force of opposition he could muster before all the fight left his body. He collapsed against the alpha’s chest, face red and wet with tears. Screams and shouts turned to sobs and heaving breaths. “He’s just a child…just a child…my pup…my little baby…how could you…”

He babbled mindlessly for a few more minutes, a spiel of woe and heartbreak and betrayal. 

Wonshik hadn’t even moved, and he remained dutifully silent until the worst of Seonghwa’s cries had passed. 

“Are you done?”

Seonghwa lifted his head, sniffling, rubbing his nose with the hem of his sleeve. There was no warmth in the alpha’s voice. Just a thinly veiled irritation. 

“I don’t know what all the dramatics are for. I made you aware of my intentions.” He sounded bored and appeared even more so as he carelessly wiped the blood from his cheek with a handkerchief. 

“I wasn’t made aware that you had arranged to have my pup gang raped in lieu of-of entertainment.”

Wonshik rolled his eyes. “Oh please, Seonghwa. You’re not that stupid, are you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You can’t possibly be deluded enough to think he’d come out untouched.”

“Untouched,” he parroted in astonishment. “Untouched? Was there even a centimetre of space on that boy’s body that you didn’t touch? You tore him to pieces from the inside out, destroyed his innocence in the most inhumane manner possible, and still, you have the audacity to demean his suffering at not only yours but the hands of your…friends.”

“You should be grateful that I did not allow them to knot him.”

Seonghwa was in utter disbelief, mouth agape and fingers curling into the fabric of his sweater. “After what I’ve seen, I think I’d rather you did.”

Wonshik smirked, looking disgustingly handsome despite the wound on his face. It made the Head Omega feel sick to his stomach, how someone so rotten could look so pristine. “I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

Seonghwa felt his blood boil. “How dare you-”

The alpha lifted a hand to silence the omega, and Seongwha hated that his first instinct was to flinch. 

“I tire of your tantrums. I was gracious enough to let you have your way–I had expected it, even, knowing that you’d eventually seek me out in order to dole your unwarranted opinions on the matter. But I will be your punching bag no longer.” He took a deep breath, fixing the lapels of his jacket. “He is my omega, just as you are. And just like you, I will do with him as I please. That means I can share his cunt with anyone I want, I can fill him with however many knots I deem fit. And you cannot do a single thing to stop me. How many times do I have to say this before it sticks, Seonghwa?”

The Head Omega trembled with rage, bloodshot eyes nearly alight with the sheer depth of the dangerous emotions swirling within him. “You almost killed him,” he seethed between clenched teeth. “Has it not registered in your brain that he could have died?”

And there it was, the dastardly truth that he’d kept hidden beneath lock and key, the unbelievable reality, spoken to him in secrecy by an incredibly morose and glossy-eyed Lee Garam. One that he couldn’t dare to repeat to his omegas, let alone himself. 

Felix could have succumbed to the severity of his injuries and died, and it would have been no one’s fault but his own . If only he wasn’t barren, if only he could bear the Pack Alpha’s child, if only, if fucking only….

“And yet, he is alive.”

A wretched tear fell from the omega’s lashes. The Pack Alpha’s blatant dismissal of his actions, his inability to take accountability for the harm he’d dealt to a soul who had never deserved such a fate…it was all too much. 

“Instead of regaling your grievances to me, you should take pride in the fact that your pup is strong. And he is, Seonghwa.” He strode past the omega, knocking into his shoulder. Stopping in his trail, he turned his head to the side, stared at the back of Seonghwa’s head with a lecherous grin on his lips. “Oh, yes. Very strong.” 

He walked to the door of his office, but before he could leave, he paused once more. 

“If he is to become my mate, and by proxy the future of this pack, the future Head Omega, he needs to be.”

And then he was gone, slamming the door shut behind him, and shattering what was left of Seonghwa’s heart along with it. 

 

---

 

“He’s wasting away.”

A week it’s been. Felix was…slow to recover, but recovering all the same. He still hadn’t regained consciousness, hadn’t opened his eyes or moved a single muscle. It was disheartening, to say the very least, but Garam said this would happen. His body was put through an unimaginable ordeal, it was only natural that it would take time to come back to itself. 

But, he was alive, and the omegas had taken to counting their blessings, however small they were. Though admittedly, there were times where the omegas felt that he wasn’t, not really. His skin was pale and colourless, thin branches of veins criss-crossed beneath bruised eyelids and scarred hands. His chest appeared unmoving unless they actively searched for its rise and fall. But it wasn’t Felix whom they whispered of, not this time. 

It was their Head Omega. 

“When’s the last time he ate something?”

Yeonjun bit his lip, leaning against the doorframe as he, Sunoo and Beomgyu watched Seonghwa cradle Felix’s hand in between his own, bloodshot eyes affixed to the pup’s profile for any sign of life. “I don’t even know anymore.”

“He’s gotten so thin,” observed Sunoo, voice laden with sadness. “He doesn’t sleep, either. At all.”

A deep sigh. 

“He’s been even worse since he spoke with Alpha Wonshik,” remarked the eldest of the three. “Has he mentioned anything?”

The omegas shook their heads. “Not one thing,” confirmed Beomgyu, “I feel like I’m starting to forget what his voice sounds like.”

Yeonjun pinched the bridge of his nose, making a quiet, dispirited sound. “Felix would hate to see him like this.”

Sunoo clicked his tongue, crossing his arms over his chest, digging his fingers into the covered flesh of his arms. “I think hyung is gonna be like this until he can. Until Felix wakes up and makes him realise that he’s not only doing us all a disservice, but himself, too. Especially himself.”

The trio stared at the pair–at one who looked like he was dying, and the other who looked like he already did. A painting of sorrow, of grief. 

“He blames himself. For all of it. Every last thing.”

The younger omegas snapped their gazes to the eldest, brows furrowing pitifully.

“What do we do now?” Sunoo asked, eyes trailing back to their packmates.

They stared, and the Head Omega was none the wiser to the fact that they’d garnered a dejected audience. 

“Oh, Sunoo," he lamented.

"I wish I knew.”

Notes:

me: feeling immensely depressed and sad about their circumstances and lives in the choi pack

also me: is the reason for their circumstances and lives in the choi pack

until next time, lovelies

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 21: Interlude: Fate

Summary:

Seonghwa makes a decision.

Chan relives the past.

Notes:

hiiiiii

it was my birthday yesterday and it was very lonely, but it would have been worse if i didn't have my best friend to sit with me on facetime for hours on end, even though she was at work.

that being said, a bit of an easier chapter today. one that, dare i say, might even feel a little...good. certainly a break between the never ending shitstorm that i have been putting everyone through (but don't get used to it) and finally!! a 19 year old chan pov :')

so without further ado,

enjoy

 

Interlude: Fate

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

“Good news,” began Garam, addressing the omegas that he’d gathered in their living quarters. “Most of his superficial wounds have healed. So we can finally remove his bandages and let them breathe so that they can heal fully.”

A unanimous sigh of relief.  

“And…and when will he wake up, do you think?”

It had been nearly four weeks. Four entire weeks since they’d last heard Felix’s voice, saw the brilliant viridian of his eyes, the blinding incandescence of his smile…

Close to an entire month. And what a month it was. If anyone was to ask the omegas of the Choi Pack, they’d say it was hell, and nothing more. Because there was nothing more to be said of it.

It was hell. 

And four weeks were certainly more than they’d expected, yet in a slightly concerning turn of events, the doctor didn’t seem fazed about the longevity of his recovery at all. Nor the fact that it far exceeded the estimate he’d initially set. Yeonjun thought it strange, Wooyoung thought it peculiar. And everyone else was more or less perturbed by the out of place calmness that the beta was conveying. What was more surprising to them, however, was that the very same calmness was reflected by their frazzled Head Omega.

It didn’t make sense, did it?

A battlefield of calamity brandished by a sword of tranquillity. It was disconcerting, to say the least, and had done nothing but convince the omegas that there was an underlying truth that hadn’t been disclosed to them. 

Their Head Omega was keeping a secret. 

From them, for them, it seemed to make no difference. Because the reality of it was that Felix was in a fucking coma. And while he was beginning to look a little less…dead, it didn’t change the fact that his state counteracted the very details they had been told. 

The stories didn’t match. And the excuses that were made to fill the gaps only served to widen them. So what was Seonghwa hiding? What was Garam?

“Well, his vital signs show vast improvement. Heart rate, blood pressure, all steady. I imagine he’ll open his eyes any day now.” There was a gentle smile on Garam’s face, but there was an undeniable exhaustion pulling at the corners of his features as well. Like the beta hadn’t slept restfully in a fortnight–which seemed plausible enough. An unfortunate side effect that the omegas could surely empathise with. 

“What then?”

Seonghwa had been even quieter than they thought possible. Sullen and morose, he stared down at the Estate grounds from the window of his and Felix’s quarters, feeling a chill creep up his spine as the thick fog swept in wispy clouds along the cobblestone pathways. 

He swallowed, curling his arms tighter around himself. “What then? Hm?”

No one answered him. And it wasn’t that he was seeking one, either. So he continued.

“He wakes up. Opens his eyes…”

The Head Omega inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. “...and then he relives it. Over and over again. Every day, for the rest of his life–it will follow him like a shadow. It will haunt him like an unrelenting ghost.”

“Seonghwa…”

“I’ve had enough.”

The omegas exchanged a wary glance between themselves and the doctor. It was frightening, the sudden conviction with which he spoke. Barely contained beneath his permanently gentle demeanour. So vastly different from the numb hollowness that had been his constant companion for weeks.

“Hyung?”

Seonghwa turned around, the sclera of his eyes stained pink with enraged tears. 

“I’ve had enough,” he repeated, voice breaking free from its restraints. “No more.”

His gaze swept across the room, thoughtful and intent as it came in contact with the members of his pack. It lingered on Felix, silent, calculating, but there was something in his eyes that was different this time. The heartbreak was still there, the pain, the torment. Yet whatever it was, it was something more, as if some lost sentiment had been…reinvigorated. 

Reborn. 

It flourished beneath the waves of sadness that drowned them in a sea of despair. Beneath the unbearable burden of grief and of sorrow. It came rumbling through the chasm like a winter storm, sharp and debilitating, but oh so beautiful in its chaos. 

It was hope. 

“Sunoo.”

The omega in question startled slightly at the sudden mention of his name. “Yes, hyung?”

“You said that you trust your alpha.”

The younger wolf nodded slowly. “I do, hyung.”

“And you trust his judgement?”

Another nod. “Yes.”

Seonghwa’s stare was relentless, burning with the strength of a thousand suns. So bright it was difficult to believe that this was the same man who’d fallen into the deepest pit of depression they’d ever had the misfortune of witnessing. 

“Then let us hope that you’ve put your faith in the right people.”

Yeonjun was the first to question the elder with a hesitant, “what does that mean, Hwa?”

The Head Omega approached the people he called family with even, determined strides. He curled his hand around the taller man’s shoulder, squeezing it assuringly between his fingers. 

“It means, my dear Yeonjun,” he declared, eyes flickering to Garam for but a second before their focus returned to the other omega.

“It means that I would like to speak with Choi Hyunshik.”

 

---

 

He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. 

“Fucking hell,” he cursed, settling the other on his hip as he stared at the mess around him, panting slightly. Scraps and slats of wood stacked in piles all around, a workbench scattered with tools and unfinished projects shoved into the corner, tarps and sawdust and nails all over the floor. 

It was only week one of demolition, and he was just barely scratching the surface of all that needed to be done. 

Bang Manor was beautiful, and it was home to him as it had been for generations of Bangs, but it had fallen into ruin in the time he’d spent away from it. The disrepair was almost unimaginable, the scope of it, the depth. Overwhelming to anyone, let alone a previous inhabitant.

Twelve years. 

Twelve entire years had passed since he’d last stepped foot in his childhood home. Twelve entire years since his pack was slaughtered, since Choi Wonshik murdered his parents, and the Bang Pack had, in every way, been eradicated.

Twelve years since he fled from its walls and was forced to begin an entirely new life. One without guidance or direction. Alone, with nothing left but memories of times well-spent with laughter and joy. The comfort of his mother’s hugs, the warmth of his father’s voice. The fulfilment of family. Of legacy. 

All that was left of the grandeur of the Bang Pack were peeling walls and soot-covered marble. Shattered glass and splintered wood. Books burned to ash, photos and art lost to the elements. Ransacked from top to bottom, the manor had been. Forgotten. Left to rot in the silence of the picturesque Korean countryside. 

It had been twelve years and yet it felt like a lifetime. 

So when Chan walked into the Manor, he felt exactly the way his home looked.

Empty. 

As he walked through its halls, its many rooms and overgrown gardens, he felt it. Roaming through what once was like a woesome ghost, or perhaps a vengeful spirit. Hollowed flickers of golden-hued memories bathed in light played across his eyes. A silent film accentuated by the echoes of things long past.

He had deserted his home when he was a boy, and was returning as a man. A man with his father’s silhouette, chiselled and strong, but his mother’s face, soft and kind. The walls no longer recognised him, the foundations no longer knew him. But he knew them, fully and thoroughly. 

Debris crunched beneath his feet as he climbed up the weathered stairs, and muscle memory led him to his bedroom. He felt faint. Anxious. His heart stuttered wildly in his chest, and a sudden terror overcame him. He had nothing to fear, in all reality. It was just him right now, in this moment. In the hallway of the manor’s east wing. Just him and his golden reel of film. He lifted a hand to the door, palm flat against the discoloured surface. With a gentle push, it creaked open. 

He froze in the threshold of his bedroom. Pale streams of light filtered through the broken windows, trails of dust particles floated around aimlessly, freely. The air was stale. It smelled old, and fainltly of mildew. Frail, tattered curtains blew gently in the much-needed breeze of fresh air that pushed through the cracks between glass and wood, whistling gently through the quiet. But his bed was exactly where he’d left it, his bookshelves, dresser…all in their place, as if they simply waited for his return. 

He inhaled deeply, taking a few steps into the room. The floors creaked beneath his weight, and for a moment he feared he’d fall through. But then the creaks settled into nothingness, and as quickly as the panic had come, it was gone. 

It was a mess. All of it. Nothing like the way he remembers it being. Drawers emptied, shelves upturned and their contents misplaced, their worth reduced to nothing. Leaves and dirt and pieces of glass scattered all over the floor. Lived in, it had been. But he always kept his space spotless. Neat and organised and as clean as a seven year-old boy could keep his bedroom. It was his retreat, his personal haven, his second home. It was the place where his mother tucked him into bed and the place where he read books with his father. Where he learned how to play the piano and discovered his love for music. 

A smile fluttered onto his lips as he stared at his old piano. A few of the keys were missing, and a thick layer of dust obscured the brilliant stain of wood grain beneath. He turned away, doing a double-take as his eyes swept over his bed before snapping back. 

He chuckled in disbelief as he approached it, reaching a hand towards the object that had caught his attention. He wiped the grime away, patted clear the dirt. And, oh, he’d almost forgotten. 

A quick rap of knuckles against the doorframe drew a startled gasp from him, but the scent that accommodated the presence confirmed that the intruder was a welcome one. 

“Oh, hyung. There you are,” said Jisung, making his way towards the elder. “I was just checking out the grounds. You were right, once they get cleaned up, the gardens will be stunning.” Chan merely hummed in response, still enamoured by the sight of his old companion. “Who’s that?”

Chan laughed breathily, holding the plush out to the beta and wiggling it between his fingers. “Wolf Chan.”

An incredulous giggle bubbled past Jisung’s lips as he took the small toy into his own grasp. “Wolf Chan? Very original. He’s cute…”

“I almost forgot about him,” Chan remarked absently, flicking one of the plush’s large ears. “Couldn’t even sleep without him at night when I was a kid.” 

Jisung made a thoughtful noise, brushing some more dirt from his little white belly with his thumb–at least he assumed it was white, he couldn’t really tell because of how filthy he was. “I’m sure we can clean him up,” he murmured, staring down at the wolf’s smiley face with a smile to match. “He looks just like you.”

“Mum said that, too. That’s why she got him for me.”

Jisung handed him back to Chan, fondness in his eyes when he confirmed that “we’ll clean him up.”

“So,” he breathed, looking around the room as he tucked his hands into his back pockets. “This is Bang Manor, huh?”

“Yeah. This is Bang Manor. What’s left of it, at least.”

“It’s beautiful, hyung. I love it.”

Chan’s eyes widened as he turned to face the beta. “Really? You think so? You do?”

Jisung nodded, “of course I do. it’s your home, Channie. The place where you grew up. How could I not love it?”

The alpha felt a sudden sting in his eyes, felt the telltale onslaught of tears burgeoning behind his irises. Jisung loved it. He loved his home. 

Wrapping an arm around his waist, he pulled the younger towards him and kissed the side of his head. 

“Then how would you feel if I said I wanted to make it ours?”

Jisung slung his arms over Chan’s neck, a similar sheen in his eyes when he said, with resounding love and affection, “I’d love nothing more.”

 

---

 

Hiring the right contractors was an impossible task when you were one, Bang Christopher Chan.

Unsurprisingly enough, he was someone who struggled immensely with the possible threat of not being the one in control. He wanted to do everything himself. From demolition to renovation to everything in between. And his attempts to convince Jisung that he could do it, that he’d just need time which they could most certainly afford him, were in complete and utter vain. To him, it just felt right that he should be the one to restore the physical manifestation of his family’s legacy, and the idea that strange, foreign hands would taint the fragile remains of it was inconceivable. 

And while the foundations of Bang Manor were strong and nigh impenetrable, having withstood the passage of time for centuries, the destruction and decay required more than he was equipped with, and it was simply too much a task for one person to undertake. Even for someone as unwavering and determined as Chan. 

So needless to say, the hiring process was perhaps the most tedious aspect of it all. But once everything was set and done, and the contracts had been signed, the blueprints acquired, the restoration of Bang Manor had officially begun. 

Yet that did not mean that Chan had relented his control entirely, no. He micromanaged the entire process, provided his enthusiastic aid whenever he could, gave his input in times where it probably wasn’t needed. But there was an understanding between them. A stroke of empathy reflected in the eyes of the alpha whose services he required, for even he knew what it was like to be young and to be lost; but trying to find a way. So even as Chan’s eagerness to help and to partake in every aspect became more and more overzealous, not a single person said anything to him. They helped him, in fact, teaching him new skills and showing him proper methods of carpentry. 

And it really did help, because there were a number of things that he would not budge on no matter what. A number of things that he could not relinquish from the safety of his own two hands. Things that he could not allow another’s interference to hinder, no matter how kind or talented or skilled they may be. 

Which brought him to now, standing in the room that would become their pack den. It was a wonderful space with gorgeous, two story windows that flooded the room with light and dark, hardwood flooring. The most spectacular canvas for his most spectacular vision. Though it would certainly be a task to see that vision through. 

But it was worth it. 

It was all so, very worth it. 

Sweat slid down the line of his spine, making his shirt stick to his skin–the result of hauling boxes of supplies up and down the grand staircase. Week one of demolition and Bang Chan had never felt more exhilarated in his life, so much so to the point where even his exhaustion seemed like boundless fuel. 

He itched to see progress, to see the endless mess around him flourish into polished perfection. 

He couldn’t wait. He couldn’t wait, he couldn’t wait…

He couldn’t wait to bring his family home. 

That night, as he returned to his quaint, studio apartment, he was met with the sight of Jisung curled up on his couch, fast asleep. An unbearably endeared grin plastered itself onto his tired face, and he walked towards the beta after untying his boots and slipping his feet into his house slippers. 

He gazed at his face, a plush cheek pushed against the top of his forearm, a tiny little dribble of drool falling from the corner of his open mouth. Chan carefully maneouvred his arms beneath Jisung’s body and lifted him into the air, cradling him against his chest. Then he trudged upstairs to his bedroom–which was nothing more than a tiny loft, equipped with a bed, a small side table and dresser. He laid Jisung onto his bed, pulled the covers over his still slumbering form, and kissed his forehead before grabbing a change of clothes and heading to the bathroom for a shower. 

But as he washed his body from the sweat and the grime of the day’s efforts, he felt a sudden tightness in his chest. At first he chalked it up to the soreness he was undoubtedly going to experience, but when it persisted, and it pulsed and radiated through his body, he could no longer say that that’s what it was. 

He massaged his muscles, taking advantage of the soothing hot water, then suddenly hissed when the pain only got worse, flooding his entire being, and filling his vision with fuzzy specks of black. He keeled over, bracing himself against the wall as he attempted to blink the dizziness away. 

“What the hell…” he gasped, screwing his eyes shut. 

Chan stayed there for a few minutes, using his breathing as a guide for relief–in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Repeat. Repeat again, until he could feel the pain ebb away.  

He shut the water off, haphazardly dried himself, and threw his clothes on. 

When he slipped into bed next to Jisung, pulling the beta into his arms, it was as if all of the fatigue had evaporated from his body. He stared into nothing over Jisung’s head, eyes narrowed in confusion and doubt. The pain was a memory now, gone as if it had never existed. But he felt it. He felt every one of his nerves seize in agony, felt the pressure behind his eyes and in the deepest parts of his soul. It was real. It had to be. 

But it wasn’t his. Whatever it was, it wasn’t his. He’d felt something similar when his soulmate bond with Jisung formed, only it wasn’t like this. Jisung had fallen, he’d scraped his knee rather badly, and even though Chan had been on the other side of the city he immediately knew he’d been hurt. He could feel it, not only as a phantom ache on his knee, but in the very bond that tied them together. It didn’t feel exactly like this, but it was damn well close enough. 

He had to think. He had to think about what all of this meant. 

And in his musings, he couldn’t help but wonder whether it was, yet again, another sign.

Notes:

apologising in advance for everything that's about to go down in the coming chapters...

till next we meet, my dearest, loveliest readers

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 22: Interlude: Awakening

Summary:

Felix hears a voice.

Hyunjin discovers that he is one of the lucky ones.

Notes:

long time no see. i'm sorry, i have no valid excuse save for the usual-life sucks and it makes it hard to enjoy doing the things you like. nonetheless, welcome bAck!

we about to get into sum THICCCC plot points, besties, so BUCKLE UP 😛😛😛

enjoy and i luve yew <3333

 

CW: Trauma, almost-panic attacks, Hyunjin's parents suck

 

Interlude: Awakening

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

There was darkness all around. Endless, deep as obsidian. And in that darkness, bursts of light. Iridescent, like fireworks behind his eyelids, passing through in streams of brilliant, bright luminescence. Orbs and swirls of all colours and sizes, flickering back and forth, there one second and gone the next. A kaleidoscope of wonder. A show curated solely by the complexities of his mind. A show curated solely for him.  

He wanted to see the light. The real light. The way it refracts through the glass windows, bounces off of Seonghwa’s lovely hair and reflects in his eyes. He wanted to feel it. Wanted to feel its heat against his skin, bask in its comfort. 

Open your eyes. 

A twitch. 

They felt so heavy. 

Everything felt so heavy. 

Open your eyes.

It’s too heavy. 

I can’t.

You can. You can, try again. 

Another twitch.  

Don’t give up. 

The fireworks had dissipated. 

His eyes fluttered erratically beneath the thin skin of his lids. Restlessly, from one side to the other, back and forth and back and forth. 

The light. The light. Just there, so close. So close, he could almost see it again. Real and true. So close he could almost feel it again. Warm and comforting. 

Don’t give up. 

His heart drummed rapidly in his chest, adrenaline surged through his veins, and his fingers trembled against something soft. 

So close. 

Don’t give up. 

Felix opened his eyes, and there was light. 

Never give up.

 

---

 

“Have you spoken to Jeongin?”

“Mm, no. He’s still in Busan, I think. Visiting his parents. I’m pretty sure Jaemin hyung and Jungwon are there, too”

“Oh, right,” Chan spoke dumbly, “well, the little rascal won’t answer my calls.”

“He’s probably busy, hyung. Pretty sure this is the first time he’s seeing them all since Jaemin hyung got married.”

Chan grumbled under his breath, continuing to spread the coat of stain he’d been applying to the door he was refinishing. “He should still call back. Or send a text. I’d even take a letter via raven at this point.”

Jisung scoffed lightheartedly, shaking his head. “I see what the problem is,” he remarked knowingly. “Somebody misses their precious little baby wolf. Just admit that you miss him.”

Chan froze, hand coming to a halt as he righted his posture. “I miss Jeongin,” he said plainly, blinking his eyes, a sad pout on his lips. 

“He’ll be back in a couple days,” reassured Jisung, “so don’t worry so much, it’s bad for your skin.” 

The alpha rolled his eyes, resuming his work. Just beneath his feet, he could hear the distinct rattle of a jackhammer bleed through the thick floorboards, and muffled voices carry through the Manor as they barked out instructions. Three weeks in, and the progress they’d made was remarkable. And though there was still much to be done, the good feeling in his chest did nothing but blossom. 

If only that good feeling wasn’t shadowed by a weird one. 

A heavy one. 

“Impossible,” he murmured. 

“I’ll never stop worrying about you.”

His chest felt uncomfortable. 

“Any of you.”

 

---

 

Hyunjin was losing his mind. 

That is, if he hadn’t already lost it. 

“Come on,” he implored, leg bobbing incessantly beneath the surface of his desk. “Come on, come on…” 

He slammed his book shut, groaning into his hands. 

Why won’t it work?

Why couldn’t he hear anything?

He groaned, rubbing his hands down his face, staring out of the window in his bedroom. “What am I doing wrong?” he asked no one in particular, relaying his frustrated thoughts aloud. 

Some weeks had passed since the night he woke up in excruciating pain. He wasn’t sure how many, exactly, for time seemed to have melded into one, indecipherable entity. No beginning, middle, or end to his impending insanity. There was a voice in his head that refused to leave, a feeling in his bones he couldn’t shake. Where there was once pain, there was now nothing more than a nameless heaviness. Weighing him down so harshly he was permanently forced onto his knees. 

He dared not speak of it again to his mother, even when her persistence continued in the form of ceaseless questions and concerns. And frankly, he’d rather stick his hand in a tub of acid than broach the subject with his father. 

Gruesome but true. 

Because the fact of the matter is that Hyunjin was alone in whatever–well, whatever this was. His parents, like a fair percentage of the lycan population, were the result of an arranged marriage. An exchange of goods, more than anything. A contracted relationship. His maternal grandparents were neither wealthy nor poor, but after tragedy struck the Jung family, robbing his mother of her own, their lives had changed in unforeseeable ways. She died young, leaving behind a teenage daughter and a heartbroken husband. And so, for a while, it was just her and her father. They became incredibly close with one another, and his efforts to take on the mantle of both sire and dam went beyond the roles dictated by traditional wolven society. 

So naturally, as her sole guardian, he wanted nothing more than to secure a comfortable life for his only child. After all, unaware to Hyunjin’s mother, he was incredibly ill. He was dying. 

Hwang Hyunjae was an alpha from a wealthy, well-bred family–a respected one, at that. They had made quite the name in the biomedical field, as some of the country’s top engineers in biomedical technology. For decades, they dominated the ranks, and with Hyunjae as the heir to their empire, there was no doubt that that legacy would only continue. As it turns out, Hyunjae and Hyunjin’s mother, Hwayoung, attended the same university. But as their field of studies differed, their paths never crossed. 

In fact, they met each other for the very first time when they were twenty-three years of age, and got married an entire three weeks later. 

Hwang Hyunjin was born on the twentieth of March, exactly nine months to the day his parents had wed. They had certainly wasted no time in securing an heir, but one thing their haste had ensured was that their beautiful, healthy baby boy was able to be held in his grandfather’s arms. 

Jung Bomin passed shortly after Hyunjin’s third birthday. He was only forty-seven years old. 

Perhaps it was the trauma his mother sustained from losing her parents, knowing they had so much life left to live, and perhaps it was the rigid structure of which his father was raised by his own, but Hwang Hyunjae and Hwang Hwayoung did not believe in soulmates. In fact, they believed in very little at all. 

Not even their own son, who, following his presentation as an alpha, was seen as nothing short of a disappointment. A waste of his uniquely delicate and omega-like beauty and fragility. A waste of his marketability to young, successful bachelors who sought a well-read, obedient, and physically appealing mate. 

Hyunjin was tall, like his father, and remarkably lovely, like his mother. His disposition was gentle and meek, and his tongue soft-spoken. In truth, much of what Hyunjin embodied was reflective of some of the most desired omegan traits in society, which only aided in fortifying his parents’ confusion when he presented as the literal opposite. But Hyunjin didn’t understand. He was an alpha, so wasn’t that a good thing? Considering he was now the heir to Hwang Industries–and his parents’ only heir, no less–was it not opportune that he follow in his father’s footsteps?

His parents didn’t think so. In fact, they wanted him as far from the family business as he could physically get. Hyunjin didn’t understand that, either. He didn’t understand a damn thing. 

What baffled them further, however, was the peculiar shade of their son’s hair. It was neither the dark ebony of his father nor the rich chocolate of his mother (which it had been when he was born) but white–like freshly piled snow on a mountain’s peak. 

His mother told him that he took after his grandfather in that regard. 

Hyunjin remembers next to nothing about his grandfather, his toddler memory having stored nothing more than the blurry facade of a handsome, albeit careworn, face or the echo of a warm, lively laugh. Yet he was grateful, at the very least, for the fact that he was fortunate enough to carry that piece of his grandfather with him for as long as he lived.

But there was one thing. A small, but precious thing that had latched itself onto his mind in a voice he’d only met in his dreams. 

Always stay true to your heart, my little star. 

He knew those words came from his grandfather, whispered into his ear as they played on his lap, as he read stories to him before bed, as he told him about his grandmother, and how his features were so reminiscent of hers. 

Hyunjin remembers the sheer love in his grandfather’s voice. So even though he could not recall the exact details of what was spoken to him so fondly, he knew that love. He felt it. 

It came as no surprise to him that upon his thirteenth birthday, he discovered that his grandparents were soulmates. His mother had given him a book about the history of werewolves, and inside he found a letter addressed to him. 

It was from his grandfather. 

It explained so clearly why his health began deteriorating following his wife’s death, and why he never sought another mate. It detailed his beliefs on love, reflected deeply on all of the things that denoted its rarity in the world, and how it was bestowed only to those blessed few who truly deserved it. 

He also expressed his regrets when it came to his daughter. How he should have done more to help her believe in the idea that there could have been someone who was made for her, too. Someone special, one of a kind, the way his wife had been for him. He liked Hyunjae, he truly did. But he wasn’t stupid enough to believe that his daughter’s relationship with her husband was little more than a glorified label, stuck onto two people who knew nothing of each other. It hardly fulfilled her need for affection and companionship–something that everyone desired, soul bond or not. They got along, and they respected one another as husbands and wives ought to, but that was about it. 

Even after she married, he liked to believe that his daughter was one of the lucky ones. But he knew, deep down, she wasn’t. Never had been, and never would be. Maybe if he kept telling himself that, he wouldn't be so overrun with guilt for not having done more for Hwayoung, or crippled with the belief that he had failed her. 

So he hoped, in her stead, it would be Hyunjin that was. Hyunjin, who found his soul in another, Hyunjin, who found love that was fated in the stars. 

Soul bonds were extraordinarily exceptional, Hyunjin had learned that day. They weren't something that could simply be desired and obtained. They were written into fate itself, ordained only to those who could bear their immense power. There was no other feeling like a soul bond, his grandfather had said. Nothing that could compare to that feeling of completion, of wholeness. Of knowing that no matter what, you were never truly alone. That no matter how long it took, how gruelling the road or impossible the odds, there was someone waiting for you. Someone who loved you. 

Someone who could feel your every emotion–your joy, your pain, your anger. Someone who could bear your burdens and triumphs with you. Someone who would know you, inside and out, while also ensuring that your independence remains intact. 

A soulmate bond was a singular connection that could never be replicated. Each was special, unique to those they were forged between. Permanent and irreversible. 

Hyunjin hoped to one day experience such a bond. It would, in his belief, make all of this worth it. All of his pain, his suffering. It would all be worth it, if it meant that somewhere in the world there was someone who accepted him for who he was. No conditions. No restrictions. 

His parents didn’t. Hyunjin had known that from the minute he became consciously aware of the world around him. He would know that for the rest of his life. 

But maybe…

Come on…

He screwed his eyes shut, focusing everything he had on that little spark in his mind. 

Come on, come on…I know it’s real…this is real…

He grit his teeth so tight that it was hard to believe his teeth hadn’t ground to dust. 

I can feel your pain. Come on, come on…

Open your eyes.

He felt breathless. Fireworks burst beneath his eyelids. 

Open your eyes. 

He felt them, then. They were trying so hard to fight. They were in so much pain-

His heart seized in his chest, clenching tightly within the cage of his ribs. 

I can’t.

Tears slipped past the tight seam of his eyelids.  

You can, he implored, voice alight with encouragement. You can, try again. 

They felt so close. So close. So, very close. There, just a little more and they’d breach the surface-

Don’t give up. 

The fireworks shifted into beams of light. 

Don’t give up. 

The pressure relented. 

Don’t give up. 

So close. 

Light pulsed in brilliant waves, and Hyunjin’s eyes shot open. Chest heaving heavily, breaths departing his lungs in ragged streams as tears slipped down his cheeks in pure wonderment. 

His grandfather was right. 

Never give up. 

 

---

 

Seonghwa gasped. 

He felt it. 

He felt it.

“Hwa?”

With wide eyes, he stared back at Yeonjun. 

“He’s awake…” he breathed. 

Yeonjun furrowed his brows. “What?”

“He’s awake…Felix is awake.”

“What?”

Seonghwa shot up from the loveseat, sparing no time as he sprinted towards their bedroom. Everyone followed suit, murmuring amongst themselves. But Seonghwa couldn’t process what they said as he shoved the doors open. He didn’t even flinch when they smacked against the wall, ricocheting in their hinges from the impact. 

When his eyes landed on the bed, he was certain he stopped breathing. Tears flooded his vision until his surroundings were nothing but shapeless blobs of colour and light. He wiped at them hastily with trembling hands, rushing towards the bed. 

“Petal?”

Felix’s eyes fluttered at the sound of Seonghwa’s voice, wild and rapid beneath his lids.

Seonghwa entwined their hands. “Lixie?”

The fluttering stopped. 

He drew a deep breath. 

His eyes opened. 

Seonghwa watched with bated breath as he blinked against the brightness. His brows furrowed together, lips pulling into a frown in a clear display of discomfort. After a few seconds his vision focused, and when it did, he seemed to finally register that there were other people in the room with him. His gaze drowsily travelled to the side, where Seonghwa stared at him with unmitigated concern. 

The tightness in his chest was unbearable. Felix’s eyes, those very eyes that he’d longed to see for what felt like an eternity stared at him with so much…so much relief. In the furrows of emerald green and viridian, there was relief, and there was light. 

He was struck with the reminder that he could have been living in a world devoid of that light. Devoid of Felix. His little flower. His petal. His star. That light could have been snuffed from him like the flame of a candle, extinguished in the blink of an eye and never to be seen again. He smoothed a hand over Felix’s beautiful head of hair, so soft, sniffling as the ache inside of his body pricked his eyes in the form of tears.

Seonghwa could not bear to live in a world without Felix. He would much rather cease to exist himself.

A lone tear skipped down his cheek. Felix was here, he was warm, he was alive. Felix was here, he was warm, he was alive-

And his beautiful eyes were full to the brim with life and light. So much light, that Seonghwa pondered over its brilliance. How could they stand to be so bright after the storm he faced? After the treacherous waters he’d weathered all by his lonesome?

His flower, his star, his warrior. 

His little warrior. Brave and strong. Stronger than himself, he was sure. Stronger than any of those men that dared to call themselves alphas. 

He trailed his fingers along the hollow concave of Felix’s cheek. “Petal,” he whispered, “can you hear me?”

Felix’s mouth cracked open, and in his attempt to say something, nothing but a croak tumbled out. He hadn’t spoken in almost a month and a half, it was only natural that his vocal cords needed to be reacquainted with the action of speaking. 

“Take your time, sweetheart,” murmured Seonghwa, signalling at Wooyoung to pour a glass of water for him. He was handed the glass not five seconds later, and he quickly helped Felix to an upright position so that he could drink. 

“Easy, now,” he encouraged, guiding the water to his lips. 

Felix drank greedily, messily. Like a newborn pup just learning to suckle. Seonghwa was glad he had placed a hand beneath the omega’s chin, but he could honestly care less about a little bit of water if it meant that Felix was even capable of making messes. Because that meant that he was awake, that this wasn’t just an extremely vivid dream. The omega turned his face away when he was done, cheeks coloured the tiniest bit with life. But they were so gaunt, still. And his freckles contrasted starkly against his sickly complexion. 

Wooyoung relieved him of the empty glass, prompting the Head Omega to wipe Felix’s chin dry with a handkerchief. He then grasped Felix’s hand between both of his own, brought it to his lips and kissed his fingers, his knuckles. Nuzzled his cheek against his flower’s soft skin. Tears threatened his composure once again, and it was the strength of his will alone that kept them at bay.  

Felix opened his mouth to speak again, eyes desperate. 

“Hy…hyung…”

Seonghwa nodded, scanning every facet of Felix’s haunted countenance. “Yes, my love. How do you feel?”

“H-how long…?”

Seonghwa inhaled deeply, thumbing along Felix’s knuckles. “Over a month. Almost two.”

Felix gasped, bottom lip trembling as he sucked in a shuddering breath. “That can’t be–that can’t b-be possible.”

The Head Omega sighed despondently, “you…” he seemed to hesitate, the furrow between his brows growing deeper as he contemplated his course of action. “Felix,” he started again, eyes sincere and gentle as they stared into Felix’s. “How much do you remember?”

The omega swallowed. How would he even begin to answer that? Everything. Every last thing. Pain, for one. That’s what he remembers. Immeasurable pain. And darkness. He remembers the hopelessness, the demoralisation. The belittlement and the torture. He remembers the feeling of being held down against his will, forced to do unspeakable things, witness unnameable horrors. His throat went dry as the memories flashed across his mind like pages of a flipbook, each worse than the last. 

He felt the panic, then. As he recalled the terror and suffering, the…the scents and the feelings and the sounds, he felt the panic bloom from the deepest chasm of his soul until it bled into everything. Until it overrode his senses and shrouded it in nothing but agony pain suffering agony pain suffering stop stop please make it stop please stop it hurts-

He shook his head wildly, whimpering pitifully as tears invaded his eyes. “No…” he whispered, blinking rapidly against the stinging. “No, no…no.”

Seonghwa rushed onto the bed, pulling the pup into his arms. He cradled his head against his chest, held it there like a fragile piece of glass. He rocked them back and forth, soft whispers of love and affection spilling past his lips in an attempt to dissuade the burgeoning panic attack that threatened Felix’s consciousness. “Breathe, my love,” he murmured into his hair, stroking a hand along the too-prominent curve of his spine. “Breathe, petal. You’re safe, now. You’re safe.” 

Felix clutched the fabric of Seonghwa’s cardigan between frail fingers. “They can’t hurt you anymore.” 

“But th-they-”

Seonghwa kissed his forehead. “I promise.”

Felix cried against his neck. 

“I promise. I promise, Lixie. I promise. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

And he was pulling him even closer, no longer capable of withstanding the strength it took to evade his tears. He sobbed, now, open and unrestrained against Felix’s hair. 

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m so sorry, my flower. Please forgive me, please forgive me…”

Felix only cried harder at his hyung’s words. 

And if he had the courage to look at the others, he’d see that they were, too. 

 

---

 

“Hyung…”

Chan’s hand stilled in its path along Jisung’s scalp. “Hm?”

“I have to tell you something.”

The alpha pulled his head back so that he could see Jisung’s face. “What about? Everything okay?”

Jisung nodded, “yeah, yeah. Everything is fine, I just…there’s something that’s been kind of bothering me, I guess.”

Chan trailed his index finger down Jisung’s temple. He didn’t say anything, but the intensity of his gaze was enough for Jisung to know that he had his undivided attention. 

“When…our bond formed. What did it feel like? For you?”

The expression on the elder’s face turned pensive. He hummed thoughtfully, brows knitting together. 

“Well,” he started, a slight smile ghosting over his lips, “the first physical manifestation of it was when you fell and scraped your knee. I remember the way it stung, like, I was so confused. And I remember feeling your pain, wishing so badly I could make it stop. I could almost hear your crying.” His gaze was fond as he studied the face he’d practically burned into his mind. “But I really felt it when I saw you for the first time.” He laughed then, “when that squirrel stole your almonds, and you almost fought him.”

Jisung scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I still have beef with that little rodent. Seriously, who does he think he is? If I ever see him again, it’s on sight.”

“Poor squirrel,” snickered Chan, rubbing Jisung’s arm with his other hand. “What was it like for you?” he asked in return. 

The beta bit his lip, reflective. “There was…” he took a deep breath. “There was this one instance, some time ago, where I felt this sudden bout of just…anguish. I knew it wasn’t mine. I was at Lotte World–I mean, logically speaking it couldn’t have been mine. I was having the time of my life.”

He drew invisible patterns on the bare skin of Chan’s arm. “I guess a part of me already knew what it meant. But it worried me all the same. Why was my mate so… sad? And how could I make it better?”

“You couldn’t,” answered Chan quietly. 

“Not then, no. But maybe now?”

Chan smiled, heart practically melting at the hopeful, wide-eyed expression on Jisung’s face. He couldn’t help but reach forward to peck the younger’s lips. “Of course, baby. You make me so happy. You and that other little menace that still hasn’t returned my calls-”

Jisung’s laugh was a sound that Chan wished to hear for the rest of eternity. 

His laughter died out soon after, and in its place stood an exceptionally loud silence. “But what if…what if there’s someone else?”

“How do you mean?”

Jisung swallowed. “There’s been such a heavy weight on my chest. I can’t explain it. But it just sits there, overbearing and all-consuming and it just–it feels…it feels wrong, almost.”

Chan’s eyes widened. “Jisung…” he spoke warily, “when did this start happening?”

“Not too long ago,” confirmed the beta. “I didn’t bring it up ‘til now because I thought, I don’t know. Maybe it was just a fluke or something. Why?”

There was a moment of quiet following Jisung’s confession. One riddled with endless possibilities and causes for concern. 

“Because I’ve been  feeling it, too.”

Notes:

and i-OOP

I've missed you my dears :( truly. i'm gonna try to get better about responding to all of your comments!! i feel like i haven't been doing enough as an author, and i wish to change that

anywho, thanks for sticking with me for so long, let's do this!!! #letsgetfelixhishappyending

in the meantime, if you grow bored, i posted TWO other stories, so go check em out if you want hehehehehehehe (shameless self promo)

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 23: Interlude: Endurance

Summary:

Seonghwa and Wonshik have a very important discussion. It seems to go in circles.

Until it doesn't.

Notes:

hiya!

uh, let's just say this chapter goes from 0-100 REAL QUICK. seonghwa kind of loses it but ykw, GOOD FOR HIM #slay #girlboss #saveseonghwa #noseriouslysaveseonghwa

all jokes aside, this chapter IS a lot, and we learn weee tiny bit about his past, but really we just learn even more of how wonshik is a complete and utter arsehole. literally why would anyone make a character like this. gross.

(it's me i made the character. it's ok tho i hate the guy too frfr)

disclaimer 1: this was very lightly beta'd, so i really hope any mistakes made aren't too terrible and that by the time i can go back and do a more thorough edit, the chapter will still have been a decent read! 😅

disclaimer 2: this chapter is a reupload bc the archive was down and it SCREWED ME OVER RAAHHHHHH

 

CW: death of a very very minor character via suicide, sexual abuse, abuse in general, Wonshik being a nasty pervert again, non-consensual touching/kissing, mating bites, blood, mentions of domestic violence, rape, infertility, toxic masculinity, possessive behaviour, suicidal ideation, thoughts of death, severe depression, unhealthy weight, eating disorder?, i think that's all but please lmk if i need to add anything

 

Interlude: Endurance

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

Seonghwa knew something was wrong the minute he was summoned to Wonshik’s quarters. 

Truth be told, he was afraid of what awaited him. Deathly afraid. Not only because an invitation to Wonshik’s quarters ensured an unsavoury evening for him, but also because of the fact that now, the alpha knew that Felix was conscious. 

He was afraid of what having that information would mean in the grand scheme of things. Particularly the area where it would nestle into in the scope of the Pack Alpha’s agenda. He was afraid of what Wonshik would do with it, and with Felix, who, despite having awoken, still had yet to recover in full. 

Physically, at least. 

The sick feeling in Seonghwa’s stomach persisted whenever he thought about it, and the guilt he felt was immeasurable, perpetuated by the constant reminder of his inability to protect his pup. 

It was a burden he’d be carrying for the rest of his life. If anything, he considered it to be his punishment. And as part of it, he was cursed to bear that burden alone for as long as his lungs drew breath.  

He hesitated once he’d reached the doors to Wonshik’s quarters, hand poised in the air as if it was hindered by an invisible barrier. Seonghwa supposed that barrier was simply fear, so great that it made the blood in his veins run cold. 

He really didn’t want to go in there. But luck was not on his side, it seemed, as the door opened just as he’d mustered the courage to knock. Suspended in front of his face, his fist looked as if it were enroute to strike the Pack Alpha, but all he did was stare wide-eyed as the man received him–freshly showered and topless. 

Seonghwa immediately averted his gaze and bowed. “You called for me,” he said. 

“Indeed I did,” murmured the alpha, “I could smell your nerves from a mile away. Come.” He stepped aside, prompting the omega to brush past him and into the room. He tried not to flinch when he heard the door lock behind him. 

Seonghwa could practically feel the heat of Wonshik’s gaze on the back of his head. It all but burned through him, cementing him into place despite the fact that he couldn’t even see the man, much less his sinister gaze. 

The first touch of the elder’s fingers against the sliver of bare skin at his nape made him shudder, and he couldn’t help the way his own curled into fists at his side. Any touch made by the alpha was unwelcome, but Seonghwa had learned very early on not to react–because a reaction is exactly what the alpha desired. 

“Garam tells me your little pup has awoken.”

Here we go.

Seonghwa nodded slowly, “yes, Alpha.”

“How is his condition?”

The omega floundered. “He-” forcing the words through his uncooperative throat was a task in and of itself. It was as if his body in its entirety was protesting against divulging any information to the man who’d brought his pup to that state in the first place. “He is not yet healed.”

The alpha hummed in consideration. “Yes, Garam told me as much. But that does not answer my question. How is his…condition?”

Truly, Choi Wonshik’s cruelty knew no bounds. 

“He does not speak of it.”

A perverse chuckle rang in his ears. “How darling,” he mused. “Your ward is a good boy, Seonghwa. A very good boy, in fact. To know when he should speak and when he should remain silent. I shall bear in mind to pay him a visit soon.”

Seonghwa could say nothing against him. He wanted to voice his dissent, forbid him from ever doing as much as lay eyes on his flower, but he could not. He would not, because inciting the alpha’s rage would only cause more harm, and the target on Felix’s back would only grow more obvious. 

“I don’t believe that’s what’s keeping him from being open about his troubles, Alpha,” Seonghwa whispered. 

After a few moments of silence, a hum. “Assuredly not.”

The fingers at his nape moved to the buttons of his high-necked blouse, unfastening them one by one. It was slow, deliberate. Every caress against each bared centimetre of skin, every action of his deft and practised digits–made to exacerbate the tight coil of dread that was curled around the Head Omega’s gut. 

Seonghwa had braced himself for this. As always, the mental barriers were erected and his emotions turned off. He surrendered himself to his most basic omegan instincts, allowing his inner wolf full control over the reigns so that dissociating could be a little bit easier. But it never really got better, no matter how many times, no matter how many ways they would dance this terrible tango.

“I’ve said before that he is strong, Seonghwa. I know your faith in me is practically nonexistent, but I assure you it was not a comment made in jest.”

His fingers paused once Seonghwa’s claim collar was bared. 

“I also have full awareness of the fact that my actions were unfavourable and crass. I understand the repercussions of what such an experience can do to one’s psyche, especially to someone so young.”

What the fuck?

His entire body almost seized with tension when he felt the alpha’s lips against the base of his neck. He laid a kiss there, soft yet deep. Reverent, in a twisted way, and if Seonghwa was a fool he’d consider it a gesture of affection. 

“But he is strong, my dear. If he can survive that, he will survive anything.”

Seonghwa’s brows drew together. 

“Are you insinuating that-that all of that, everything, it was a…a test?”

The alpha hummed again, hands pushing the fabric from Seonghwa’s shoulders until it pooled around his wrists and waist. His lips trailed along the edge of his collar, up along the side of his throat until they caught against the scar of his mating mark. 

“Consider it what you want,” he murmured, breath fanning over the incredibly sensitive skin, “because we both know that I never do things without reason.”  

Seonghwa turned his head to the side so that he could look into the alpha’s eyes. He was utterly perplexed, horrified at the implications of his husband's words. “Do you have any idea of what you’ve done to him?”

“To him? No. For him, yes,” countered Wonshik, caressing the omega’s bottom lip with his thumb. “In due time, you’ll thank me. Right now it’s nothing more than a…slight hiccup. A learning curve, if you will. He’ll recover, and in turn become even more adept at being a proper omega for his pack. Especially if he is to take your place.”

The Head Omega sighed dejectedly, “but he’s just a child, Wonshik. I understand that you have duties as an alpha to ensure order and structure within your pack, I do. I’m your Head Omega, our roles are aligned.” He tried not to flinch as Wonshik’s hand fell to his throat, circling the base but remaining loose. “But he’s just a child. He deserves to be as much and yet you took that away from him in the most brutal manner possible. You threw him to the wolves, Wonshik, and you rejoiced in his pain.”

He grasped the alpha’s wrist, “he has his entire life to dedicate to you, and the few years he was owed to be-be careless and free and…and happy, will be forever tainted because of your pack politics. Even when this passes–if it ever does…he will forever remain a child who never got the opportunity to be one.”

Wonshik stared into Seonghwa’s desperate eyes. For a blissful moment, he thought he’d appealed to something even remotely human inside of the alpha, nestled deeply within his stone heart. 

But he knew better. He always knew better. 

“I thought that perhaps you of all people would allow him that much,” he continued nonetheless. “You’re the one who found him, scared in that horrendous place. You were the first to learn of what happened to him, his family…you knew he was lost and afraid and alone, and you offered him a way out. You offered him a new family. A home. Only to…what? Lure him into a trap. Exploit him. Take advantage of his innocence and vulnerability. Why?”

The alpha breathed deeply through his nose.   

“As you will continue to remind me of how your word is law, how your wishes will always be the pack’s priority…I will never stop fighting for my pup. I will never stop, Wonshik, because even now a part of me wants to believe that you will do what’s right. You have a pack full of wolves that are loyal to you, that bend to your every whim, that respect and honour you as their leader and yet you harm my wards. You harm…me.”

Seonghwa swallowed. He had no fucking idea where this courage was coming from, but he wanted to ride on its wave for as long as it supplied him. He wanted to inhale every last drop. Until it was a husk just like him.   

The next words on his tongue were as dangerous as they were painful. But for Felix, he would say them. 

For Felix, he would say anything. He would do anything. 

“You beat me on our wedding night. The night of our mating ceremony, a night that every omega dreams of from the moment they present. A night where their alpha is to dote upon and worship them, seal their mateship with love. But you didn’t do that, did you? You sealed it with anger and with malice. You sealed it with force. You remember that, right?”

Wonshik’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly. Seonghwa exhaled a shuddering breath, and prayed that the tremors didn’t reach his voice. 

“Do you remember when I begged you to stop? I couldn’t feel my body, I couldn’t feel anything but pain, agonising pain…and you kept going. You kept going, Alpha. You strangled me, kicked me, pushed me…you bit me and scratched me and bruised me. You raped me, over and over. Garam thought I was dead.”

He felt the tears, then. Felt as they stung his irises. 

“I know you’ve never admitted this to yourself but…you know exactly what you did that night, don’t you?”

His nails dug into the alpha’s skin. 

“You took it away from me. You took my ability to bear my own pups from me.”

He curled his hand around the alpha’s arm and used his grip to pull the man to his eye level. 

“And it haunts you, doesn’t it?” he breathed against the alpha’s lips. “You blamed me, you imparted my barrenness to me, claiming it a result of my own negligence. That’s what you said, time and again, because you didn’t want to admit that it was you who robbed yourself of the ability of conceiving an heir with me.” It hurt, oh it hurt, to admit this aloud, this terrible truth that he’d been nursing all by himself like an open wound. But as much as it hurt it also empowered him, filling his veins with an unquenchable fire that burned its way through every single one of his reservations. 

“But you know what? A part of you regrets what you’ve done to me, because now you’re desperate for another heir. You’ve realised that Hoseok is a catastrophe in the making and it terrifies you that he’ll unravel your empire once he becomes Pack Alpha. That’s why you’ve fixated on Felix. That’s why you're obsessed with the fact that he is unmated and reaching maturity. Your plans care less for him and more for the fertility of his womb.” He spoke matter of factly, because he had finally put the pieces together. Scattered as they were, laid out haphazardly before his eyes to decipher and unravel. “And while you’ve claimed them as yours, you dare not approach any other omega because you’ve paired them off with your alphas–your alphas whom you have much more respect for than my omegas.”

The elder’s throat bobbed. 

“You know…there are times where I’ve considered taking a page from your first wife’s book. Perhaps she was onto something when she freed herself from you forever. I know you hated her, you hated her even as you claimed to love me. But you never loved me, Wonshik. You just wanted someone you could control. Someone who could be your living puppet.”

He didn’t stop even as he felt the blunt of his nails sink into Wonshik’s flesh, drawing blood.

“You tried to control her but you couldn’t. You couldn’t control her, Wonshik, and look where it got her. Six feet under.”

A vengeful tear fell from his eye. “Is that what you’ve planned for me, too? To groom my pup into becoming the next Head Omega, and slaying the previous one where he stands?”

Wonshik ripped his arm from Seonghwa’s grasp with a loud growl. He could smell the rage emanating from the alpha’s scent, thick and potent as it filled his nostrils and slid down his throat, threatening to choke him. 

“You know nothing of what you speak,” he seethed. 

“Don’t I?”

“No, you don’t. If you think you’re anything like Hana then you are much more dim-witted than I ever believed you to be.”

“You never fail to remind me of how stupid I am,” countered the omega. 

“I love you, Seonghwa.”

Seonghwa stared at the man, entirely speechless. 

“I have loved you from the moment I chose you. You are the very antithesis to everything that woman ever was. I’ve told you as much before, many times in fact.”

The omega truly was at a loss for words. With his lips parted for the expulsion of no sound, he resembled a fish. But the more he scrambled for words, the farther they strayed from him. 

Until, “this is not love. You don’t do the things you’ve done, the things you continue to do, to someone you profess to love.”

Wonshik took Seonghwa’s arms in his hands, and the omega was almost startled by the manic conviction in his eyes. “No, you…I-” he swallowed, seemingly in an attempt to realign his thoughts as his gaze flicked towards Seonghwa’s lips. “I know…I know I can be volatile, I know I-I can be cruel and harsh, but I swear, I swear-”

His hands found their way to the sides of Seonghwa’s neck, thumbs cradling the vulnerable, soft undersides of his jaw. “I swear,” he repeated a third time, and Seonghwa could have sworn to the Moon Goddess herself that he saw a lick of fear in his eyes. “If you even think about killing yourself I will only become worse.”

Seonghwa gasped quietly.  

“You. Can’t. Die.”

He kissed him, then. But it was barely a touch of his lips before he was pulling away. 

“I need you.”

He delved back in, this time with an insistence that was both uncomfortable and unwanted. Seonghwa pressed his hands against the alpha’s bare chest, making an affronted noise in the back of his throat, and with all the power he could muster tried to push him away. 

“I need you, Seonghwa. My mate. How dare you threaten your life in a semblance of that wretched woman.”

The lathered a hot trail of kisses down Seonghwa’s throat, open-mouthed and sloppy. 

“You bear my mark,” he murmured, scraping his teeth over the scarred skin on his neck. “You bear the legacy of this pack. Every day, my peers convey their envy towards my omegas, their propriety and mannerisms. They rave over their beauty and the grace of their training, the way they have assimilated so seamlessly into the construct of my pack, how they embody the very definition of what it means to be a perfect omega.”

He sank his teeth into the mark, eliciting a pained wince from the omega. “Stop-” he gasped, curling his hands around Wonshik’s forearms. He felt lightheaded the moment his incisors pierced his skin, a distinctly sharp kind of pain that throbbed through his entire being. His wolf felt helpless against the alpha’s display of dominance, as it clawed and whined against the forced intrusion, desperate for a way out. His blood pooled into Wonshik’s mouth, and the droplets that escaped from the seam between his lips and Seonghwa’s neck soaked into the velvet of his claim collar. 

“Wonshik,” he cried, eyes scrunching shut.

“They wish my omegas were theirs,” he said once he’d unlatched himself, sounding unbearably possessive. “But they’re not. They never will be, because they’re mine. They’re mine because you’re mine. You made them the way they are.”

“Let go of me,” begged Seonghwa, pulling away as far as he was able to within the alpha’s iron grasp. 

“I will never let go of you.”

Seonghwa flailed in his arms, snarling quietly in opposition but Wonshik was adamant. He held onto Seonghwa like a vice, spinning him around so that his front was pressed against the omega’s back. He immediately crossed his arms over Seonghwa’s chest and waist, leaving no possible room for escape. 

“Felix is who he is because of you, my beloved.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Seonghwa stuttered in response, cringing against the heat of the alpha’s skin against his own. “How can you say these things…and how can you possibly expect me to believe them when you continue to belittle and berate me to my face on a daily basis? It doesn’t make sense-”

“I am a selfish man, Seonghwa,” interjected the alpha. “I want everything. I want the best. The most beautiful, the most obedient. I chose you because I desired you, my wolf desired you. It knows the type of omega you are, and so I treat you the way I do because I know you can handle it. I know you can bear it. Hana was wasted as an omega, her time as Head was wrought with disorder and chaos. But when you came you righted every one of her wrongs. And you passed your commendable traits onto your omegas. To Felix. Gorgeous, radiant Felix, who considers you the closest thing he’s had to a mother.”

Seonghwa went lax in his arms. 

“You’ve done terrible things,” he began with a trembling voice. “Horrible, unspeakable things. Declaring your ill-conceived love for me does not excuse any of it. It does not make it right, nor does it make your transgressions forgivable.” The breath he took got stuck in his lungs and he panicked, scared that his body had turned against him in his haste to repel the elder. “You may voice your honey-coated affections but that does not atone for the fact that with the same tongue you lash me and my omegas until we are left bleeding and broken. Until we are reduced to something less than human. Less than the dirt at the bottom of your shoe.”

The blood on his neck began to coagulate, making the velvet stick to his skin. It felt damp and uncomfortable, cold and sticky against the overheatedness swarming beneath the surface. He swallowed thickly, eyes darting rapidly from one side of the bedroom to the other. 

“I am afraid of you,” he admitted in a breathless whisper. “I am afraid because you have done nothing but torment me and those you’ve sworn to protect. I am nothing but a warm hole for you, an obedient cocksleeve, a toy for your entertainment. And in your eyes, their existence is to supplant those ideals. They are human toys, their pain is your joy, their suffering is your fuel.”

A hand slid to his hip, to the button of his trousers. He knew what was coming next, and he braced himself all over again. Ran through the motions on autopilot. Though, in a sardonic realisation, he figured that the damage had already been done for tonight. He didn’t have to get fucked to feel like he’d been violated and used. 

“If you loved me as you claim, you would never do these things.”

He felt so drained. The exhaustion was rampant. His bones felt like lead.

The hands lowered his pants to the floor, his undergarments. They traipsed over his bare skin, leaving trails of ice in their wake. 

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t hurt me.”

He gasped as he felt his blouse tear from his body and fall to the floor in a heap of fabric. 

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t orchestrate the rape of a child.”

He felt his emotions seep out of him like the blood on his neck. 

“And if you loved me, you would view the people I hold dear as equals.”

He was so tired. He was so tired because every facet that made him human was overexerted to the point of impotence. Stretched to their limits until they lost their elasticity as a whole. He felt with every passing day that he was losing more and more of it, and the resilience he was known for by his omegas was waning critically. His mind was a highway of scars and unhealed wounds. Packed from one centimetre to the very last, so full it threatened to burst at the seams.  

Seonghwa was fading. The constant back and forth that defined his life, the constant dissonance between the things he was told and the things he witnessed and experienced firsthand. He was tired of it all, he was tired of fighting. 

It was times like these where he was plagued with thoughts of Hana. Hana, who, while he was loath to admit, was never a particularly favoured member of the pack. She was considered too free spirited. Directionless and lawless and negligent of her duties as Head Omega. Wonshik had made his sentiments about her character clear from the very beginning. He believed that she lacked the discipline needed to be his partner, and the only thing keeping him from discarding her entirely was the fact that she’d fallen pregnant with his heir well before they’d even bonded legally.

Seonghwa didn’t know how they met, didn’t know when they met, or where. The story of Wonshik and Hana predated Seonghwa’s existence entirely. Though, he imagined it was an arrangement borne out of convenience once it was confirmed that she was with child. Accepted only because she hailed from a formidable pack. The details are murky, and even as Seonghwa grew to eventually take Hana’s place, his questions remained unanswered. All he knows is that they’d officially gotten married when Hoseok had turned six years old. Seonghwa was four or five himself. 

After her death, the defamation only worsened. She had been labelled an immoral coward for what she had done, and her memory was nothing more than an ugly, mottled smear on the long-reigning prestige of the Choi Pack. No one was permitted to speak of her, Hoseok remained ignorant of her existence entirely. But sometimes, Seonghwa felt that she was one of the bravest people he’d ever been acquainted with. She’d endured, for years and years, as Head Omega of their clan. Birthed and raised a son with a loveless alpha, watched as he turned into a monster before her very eyes. 

He envied the courage she had to free herself from a lifelong sentence of suffering. He envied the strength it took to abandon everything. But he didn’t envy her. She’d been married to a man who despised her, a son who renounced her, and a pack that had cast her out as a pariah. Choi Hana had nothing to live for. 

But Seonghwa did. 

Seonghwa did. 

And all of those things were waiting for him in the Omega Wing. 

So even if there were moments he found his thoughts darkened by ideas of death, he’d never live up to them. Never. Not as long as he had those things to live for. Those people. His family. 

The hands on his hips were as cruel as the man they belonged to. With a merciless squeeze, fingers prodding into the jut of his bones, Wonshik leaned down to whisper into Seonghwa’s ear. “I stand by everything I’ve done,” he said, “and nothing will change that.”

Seonghwa scoffed, unsurprised. This was Wonshik. Depraved, selfish, controlling Wonshik. Who would send those who opposed him to the gallows in a heartbeat if it meant solidifying his absolute authority. Who would use the guise of love to pacify his ironclad heart while knowing nothing of it. 

“I know you do, Alpha,” returned Seonghwa, not resisting as his body was manhandled to the floor. 

“That is why you and I will never stand as one.”

 

---

 

His spoon landed with a loud clink next to the bowl of broth he’d been served. He pushed it away from him, hissing quietly as it sloshed around the sides and spilled onto the table, and in turn his fingers. 

“Lix-ah…you need to eat, love.”

“I’m full.”

“You barely had four mouthfuls. Eat some more, just a little bit. Please.”

“I’m full, hyung. I promise.” He wiped his fingers with a napkin, inspecting the slightly irritated skin of his index and middle fingers. Thankfully there hadn’t been enough exposure of the hot liquid to leave a burn, but there was still a discomforting tingle at the surface level. 

Wooyoung sighed, looking down at the bowl that was still steaming, practically untouched. Knowing that it would be fruitless to argue, he took the bowl and placed it back onto the tray.

“We’ll try again later,” he conceded softly. 

Felix’s answering hum was both noncommittal and unpromising, so Wooyoung already knew that they most certainly would not be trying again later. Felix leaned back in the chair, turning his head to gaze out of the window. 

“When will Hwa be back?” he asked, eyes following a constellation of birds that created pretty little patterns in the sky. The sight made something in his chest tighten, and if he hadn’t been convinced he’d lost it, he’d believe it was his heart. 

Felix loved birds. They were beautiful and intricate in ways that the forces of nature often seemed to be.  So small in a world so large, and yet entirely aware of their purpose and role in life. 

Felix loved birds because they were free in ways he was not. Free to roam, free to explore, free to see. Free from tyrannical regimes and overwhelming expectations. Free to do what they were born to do. And what they were born to do was fly. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” said Wooyoung, sounding forlorn. “He won’t be back for a while, I’m afraid. He’s with Alpha Wonshik.”

The younger omega bristled at the mention of the Pack Alpha, paling even more than Wooyoung thought possible. He chose not to mention it, though–and he never would, because the haunted expression on Felix’s face was more than enough to warrant his silence. They all knew that Felix’s relationship with the Pack Alpha was complicated , to say the very least, different from their own but no less uncomfortable. And after seeing what he had seen, and learning what he knows, Wooyoung couldn’t even begin to fathom just how much the parameters of their dynamic shifted. To what lengths, exactly, he was reluctant to consider. 

Felix said nothing more, simply brought his legs to his chest and curled his arms protectively around them. The birds had flown off, and it was yet another reminder of the fact that his own wings had been clipped and he was trapped in this gilded cage. But his distant focus remained on the world outside those windows despite it. He planted his cheek on his knee, and departed into the depths of his mind. 

The door opened, and soon enough they were joined by none other than Yeonjun. He smiled softly at the blond, bringing a hand to the top of his chair to watch him from above. “It’s curfew,” he announced, turning towards Wooyoung. 

The younger glanced towards the clock and nodded. “Where’s Sunoo?”

“Sunoo is staying with Sunghoon tonight. Beomgyu and the others are already in bed, I checked.”

Wooyoung hummed, “it was a hard day for everyone. They need their rest.”

Yeonjun looked uneasy. 

“Are you alright?” asked Wooyoung. 

“Yeah,” breathed the elder omega. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, gaze straying towards the tray of uneaten food. “No luck, then?”

Wooyoung sighed, shaking his head. “No. His appetite is nonexistent. He got a few bites in though, and something is better than nothing, but still. He needs to eat if he’s to get better. He’s all skin and bones right now. Just looking at him breaks my heart.” 

“After what he’s been through, I don’t blame him.”

“Of course not. But I can’t just sit back and watch him destroy himself. It’ll take time, I know it will. And he’s already taking small steps towards his physical recovery, but I fear for him. I fear for the inevitable.” He watched Felix as he spoke, feeling a number of things swirl a nasty storm in his gut. For one, relief that Felix was so far in his head that he wasn’t registering their conversation. And for another, unmitigated terror because of the fact that Felix was so far in his head- 

“He’s doing his best, and that’s all we can expect from him,” reasoned Yeonjun. “He needs to know that he is in control of his recovery, that’s it’s in his own hands. If he feels that we’re pushing him even the slightest bit, it’ll only be more detrimental to his mental wellbeing as a whole.”

He swallowed, staring down at the little omega who bore an unimaginable weight on his shoulders. “We’re not even close to making it out of the woods yet. But we’ll be there for him, Woo. That’s all we need to do. Just be there for him. Be with him.”

The tears came suddenly then. Wooyoung felt them drip down his cheeks and onto his lap. He leaned forward, burying his face in his hands to muffle his sobs. 

“What are our lives, Yeonjun?” he wept, gripping the hair at his temples. “How can we live like this?” Belittled, demeaned, tormented. From the first waking moment to the last. Taken advantage of, abused, humiliated. From one day to the next. Living in a world where alphas raped and beat children, where they enforced their will with ruthless conviction, considered themselves supreme in every way.

Yeonjun placed a placating hand on the distraught wolf’s shoulder, fighting off his own wave of hot, embittered tears. 

“Because we endure, Wooyoung.” he murmured in return. “We survive because we endure.”

Notes:

i'd like to thank you all so much for 52k hits. that is genuinely so unbelievable to me, and i want you to know that i am eternally grateful for all of you who've clicked on and read this silly little story

much more to come! more history. more lore, more wanting to break lovestxy's neck!

hehe til next we meet,

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 24: Interlude: Inception

Summary:

Preparations for Wonshik's birthday celebration are underway, and Felix finally has something to look forward to.

Notes:

hi. i am so bad at chapter summaries literally HELP ME

anywho. hiiiii

first of all, 54k hits AND almost 1400 kudos...what the actual fish??? y'all are INSANE!!! i adore you guys so much, literally so grateful for each and every one of you :')

this chapter is veeeery important (and she's a longer one finally!!) lots of history, and new character introductions!!! woohoooo (disclaimer: i was so excited to get this chapter up that i didn't really edit. so it may or may not be different in the upcoming days. nothing too crazy, a few grammatical/formatting changes at most, but i guess we'll know for sure once i revisit this chapter when i'm NOT sleep deprived. yuh)

that's all i'm gonna say...

have fun and stay safe

xx

 

CW: i mean, just look at the tags fr

 

Interlude: Inception

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

“As we all know, Alpha Wonshik’s birthday is next week.”

A pit formed in his stomach at the mere mention of the alpha’s name. It sat heavily amidst the nothing that had already made its home there, catalysing the sudden influx of nausea that crawled up his throat. Felix could practically smell the tension in the air, nose wrinkling at the amalgamation of rotting flowers, acidic vanilla, and burnt sugar. If anyone else noticed, they took special care to seem unaffected, but Felix was easily becoming overwhelmed. He wanted to leave. 

Seonghwa sighed deeply before continuing, as if to steel himself for whatever he was about to say. He seemed exhausted and worn out, eyes lined with bags and complexion tinged with a sickly grey pallor. Felix’s eyes narrowed in contemplation–the Head Omega’s behaviour had been strange ever since he came back from Wonshik’s quarters a few nights ago, peculiar. He seemed particularly detached and, dare he say, apathetic. But the worst part was that Seonghwa was trying to maintain the facade that everything was normal. Felix could only tell something was off because Seonghwa’s eyes always betrayed him, always retaliated against every single handcrafted artifice that he draped himself with. That, and he liked to believe that he knew his hyung more than he’d ever be credited for. 

It was business as usual, only this time Felix felt as if he was actively being kept out of the loop. He’d first been made aware of it when he happened upon a gathering of all the omegas after curfew. His throat had gone dry and he’d all but inhaled the glass of water at his bedside. Confused when he realised that he was the only one in bed, he’d decided to venture out and get another glass himself. 

What he saw, however, made the confusion turn to bitter paranoia. They were all there, gathered around the fireplace in the drawing room, speaking in quick, hushed whispers. Seonghwa was gesticulating wildly as he responded to Yeonjun, eyes wide as his mouth formed around an endless stream of words. The tendons in his neck drawn so tight Felix thought they’d snap, eyebrows furrowed so close he feared the crease between them would be permanently carved into his forehead. 

He watched through the crack between the doors for several minutes, hidden away in the darkened corridor, and prayed that his scent remained close to him. The last thing he’d want was to be discovered eavesdropping on a conversation he was clearly not meant to be privy to. 

With a heavy heart and silent footsteps, he retreated back into his and Seonghwa’s bedroom. Sitting on their bed, he stared at the empty glass held loosely between his fingers, feeling the beginnings of a headache form at the forefront of his mind as it ran amok with explanations that accounted for his exclusion–each worse than the last. 

He didn’t know when sleep overcame him, but when he next came to, he was cradled against Seonghwa’s chest. And, while his sleep-addled brain was completely alarmed, could do nothing but listen to the sound of the Head Omega’s quiet sobs. Drowsy and disoriented, exhaustion took him once again and he succumbed to sleep for a second time.

When the meeting was called in the morning, Felix was reacquainted with the discomforting feeling that had taken residence in his chest the night prior. He shouldn't have been, because this was just another one of their regular morning debriefs. Where their daily tasks and chores were distributed, important announcements were made, and everyone silently prayed for a day without incident. But he felt it nonetheless, and felt it exacerbate tenfold at the mention of the Pack Alpha’s birthday. 

His birthday. A holiday, for all intents and purposes, within the Choi Pack. It was a commemorated day, honouring their esteemed Pack Alpha with great feasts and ostentatious decor, attendance from near and far, grandeur for the ages, opulence unlike any other. Everything, really. It was a time for everything. 

Which meant that the omegas of the Choi Pack were in for an immensely stressful week. Felix was already dreading the workload ahead, and knew that there was nothing he could do to get out of it. If anything, he was certain that the expectations lined up against him increased in number following his…initiation. 

He hadn’t seen the Pack Alpha–nor any other alpha from the pack for that matter–since he woke up. Seonghwa had managed to convince Wonshik to allow him some more recovery time while he was conscious, which made Felix only dread to consider the measures his hyung had to take in order for that to happen. 

If the bruises scattered around Seonghwa’s neck were anything to go by, he had a pretty good idea of what they entailed. If he thought about it too much, though, he feared the spiral that would follow. His mental state was already hanging on by a single fibre of a thread, and any more blatant reminders of the hellish lives they lived would undoubtedly push him over the edge. 

As if he hadn’t been catapulted over it already. 

Nonetheless, despite the turmoil swirling over their heads in thick clouds of stress and tension, there was one good thing about the impending celebrations. 

He’d be seeing his friend again. 

 

---

 

“Those are lovely, petal.”

Felix hummed quietly, carding his fingers through a loop of ribbon to secure a bow around the bouquet he’d just crafted. 

“Is it enough?” he asked, eyeing the flowers warily. 

“I think so. Once they’re all complete it’ll look better, I’m sure. How many do you need to make?”

“Fifteen.”

“And how many have you made?”

“T-two...”

Seonghwa frowned. “Felix,” he said, “it’s been three hours.” 

The blond flinched at the elder’s tone. While it was neither accusatory nor angry, and had no real edge to it that would make him believe the Head Omega was upset with his lack of progress, he felt ashamed all the same. 

His face flushed and he looked down at his fingers. His fucking fingers, which had begun to ache so horribly that it made the finesse he required to handle the delicate task impossible to maintain. He was struggling terribly, yet he was too afraid of being a nuisance to ask for help from the others. Not one omega was idle, each attuned to their designated tasks with no room for distraction. In that way, he couldn’t be upset with them for not noticing his hardship. He was only upset with his own incompetence. 

He felt tears of frustration sting his eyes but he refused to let them fall. 

“Darling…” murmured Seonghwa, lowering the pots he’d been hauling onto the island counter. Felix heard more than saw the elder approach him, and even then, he winced when Seonghwa’s fingers touched his chin. 

“Can you look at me, love?” he asked with his saccharine voice, smooth like golden honey, warm like the pastries Beomgyu was removing from the ovens. 

Felix couldn’t. 

“Please?”

He lifted his head, swallowing past the soreness in his throat. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were in pain?” 

Felix opened his mouth to retaliate, but the look in Seonghwa’s eyes told him that any sort of lie would be foolish to say. 

“Everyone was busy,” he admitted in a dejected whisper. 

“Petal, that’s nothing. Any one of us would have dropped what we were doing, especially if you were in pain.”

“I-I know, I–I’m…I’m sorry, hyung.”

Seonghwa smoothed his thumb over Felix’s cheek. There were still traces of bruising around his face. On his cheekbone, circling his eyes. Parts of his lips were scabbed over, and the swelling around the scrapes and cuts on his cheeks had finally gone down. 

“Never apologise to me, my love. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

Felix’s brows furrowed slightly. Seonghwa was doing that thing again–the one where his eyes took on a faraway look and he appeared to be lost in the maze of his head. 

He shook himself out of it before Felix could question him, but traces of it lingered in his gaze.

“I should have considered that you wouldn’t have full control of your hands yet. I’m so sorry.”

Felix went quiet. He stared at Seonghwa for what seemed like an eternity, almost as if he were seeing him for the first time again. It was true his hyung had been distant as of late, disconnected. They hadn’t had much of a chance to discuss what had happened, and while he had remained a constant pillar of support at his side, it was obvious that he had placed the blame solely on himself.

For the first time since he woke up, he felt that he had an opportunity to absolve his hyung of the weight he was never meant to carry. 

“It’s not…it’s not your fault, hyung.”

He hoped Seonghwa understood what he was saying. 

The sudden sheen of tears in his eyes told Felix that he did. 

“It never was. So you have nothing to apologise for, either. I promise.”

He reached forward to wrap his arms around Seonghwa’s neck, embracing him as tightly as he could with his weak limbs. There were moments in his life where it occurred to him that Seonghwa needed reassurance, too. That behind the veil of unlimited strength and endurance was a man who’d been wronged his entire life. Who was, at his core, just as afraid and beat down as the rest of them. 

This was one of those moments. 

He knew he couldn’t do much to alleviate his pain or struggles entirely, not while they were still captives in this pack, but he could be there for him. Like Seonghwa always was for them all. Whether it was by offering a comforting embrace, a shoulder to help bear the burdens, a listening ear. Whether it was that or any other small gesture that proved to the Head Omega that he wasn’t alone in all of this, and that he didn’t have to be so perfect all the time–Felix would do it. He’d do it because Seonghwa has done everything for him. Everything and more. 

Through everything he dealt with, Seonghwa’s presence remained grand–and not merely in the physical sense. Yes, he was tall for an omega, and while he wasn’t overly brawny or muscled, he had a litheness about him that belied the “lesser” qualities of his subgender. A delicate strength which attested to the rigorous aspects of his harsh life. 

It was in the resolve of his aura as well. A glimmering strength and perseverance that remained as steadfast as his efforts to be the best role model and protector to his wards that he could be. 

But sometimes Felix wanted Seonghwa to know that he didn’t have to be that way. Sometimes he wished that his hyung would allow himself the liberty of being human, and of knowing that all of the world’s burdens didn’t fall solely on his capable shoulders. But most of all, he wanted him to know that the actions of others were not a reflection of him, because he knew that the guilt Seonghwa carried for what had happened to him was immeasurable. 

“I promise,” he whispered against his neck, ignoring the pain that shot up his arms. A little pain didn’t matter when his hyung was crumbling beneath the weight of his burdens, and so he used that pain to fuel the love he had for the elder. “I promise, hyung. It’s not your fault.”

And then Seonghwa cried. He wrapped his own arms around Felix’s back, shoved his face into his shoulder, and held him as he cried. 

The kitchen had gone eerily silent. Maybe, because there was also a good chance that the quiet existed only in the bubble around them. 

“I love you so much, my flower.”

“I love you too, hyung.”

When Seonghwa pulled away, the action seemed reluctant, as if he didn’t want to let go. His nose was red and so were his eyes. Fresh tears lined them, and when they became too full spilled over the threshold of his control. The hand on the back of Felix’s head was warm and solid, and the gentle smile on his face was careworn but comforting. 

Seonghwa may not have forgiven himself entirely, but it was a start. And a start was better than nothing at all. 

“When did you get so big, huh?” he asked, tucking a strand of hair from Felix’s head. “Looking after your hyung so well.” Absently, he noted how quickly his hair had grown back in the areas it had been ripped from, and for that he was grateful. Felix may not be vain, but his hair was something he could not hide, and the less physical reminders he had of that traumatic ordeal, the better. If only the wounds on his face harboured the same sentiments. 

“I have a good role model.”

Seonghwa exhaled a shuddering breath, nose wrinkling to stave off another wave of tears that were borne from his little pup’s words. 

He brought Felix’s forehead to his lips, leaving a lasting kiss on the soft skin along his hairline.

“So do I.”

 

---

 

Two days had passed since Felix’s heart-to-heart with Seonghwa. It was decided thereafter that he still needed a bit more rest before he could resume his activities. And even though he objected, fully aware that they needed as many helping hands as they could possibly get, it was clear to everyone that he just wasn’t ready. The barely healed fractures of his fingers were simply too bothersome, and he hadn’t anticipated the severity of the pain that would follow upon putting them to use again. 

It was all yet another reminder that his fellow omegas were the most selfless and kind people he’d ever known. And so his task of assembling bouquets was then delegated to Sunoo, who accepted without a single word of protest. In fact, he’d hugged the younger omega and bandaged his fingers for him, commending him for a job well done for what he did do. 

And then Seonghwa escorted him back to the Omega Wing, where he tucked him into bed and drew the curtains, laid another kiss to his head and implored him to get some sleep, petal. 

Sleep, he did. Nodding off for who knows how long until he’s awoken by the sound of knocks on their bedroom door. 

Wiping the tiredness from his eyes, the last person he expected to see when he opened the door was his alpha. 

All thoughts of decorum left his mind as he stared wide-eyed at the man who had abandoned him. The man who had, quite literally, left him to the wolves. Defenceless and terrified beyond measure. Desperate for a hero, a saviour, only to learn the lesson that life was far from a fairytale. There were no heroes. There were no knights in shining armour. There was no one to save him. 

He abandoned me…

He was all but petrified, too afraid to move let alone breathe. Too afraid to make a single noise in fear of retribution. 

He abandoned me. 

“Felix.”

He left me to die.

The omega remained painfully silent. 

Hoseok looked virtually unchanged. Same shoulder-length hair, same cold eyes and regal features. Same rotten soul beneath a perfectly polished exterior. There were no bruises on his face, no cuts or scrapes. No torn flesh or fractured bones. Nothing. 

He was fine. Untouched. Unharmed. Unaffected. 

Next to Felix’s beaten and battered form he probably appeared a god, and if he wasn’t so preoccupied with being as soundless and motionless as humanly possible, he could have laughed at the picture they made together. 

In any case, he had become something of a statue, once again at the mercy of another man who believed that he owned him. 

“Omega,” he enunciated, irritation seeping into his tone. 

Despite his mind screaming at him to say something, his mouth took a stand against cooperating. 

In response to the silence, Hoseok took a moment to let his gaze scan over Felix’s face, undoubtedly cataloguing the mess his father had left behind. Part of Felix wished that the alpha had seen him when everything was fresh. When his wounds were raw and bleeding, when his body had shut down and forced itself into a coma. But the greater part wished he didn’t have to see him at all. After all, it wouldn’t have changed a single thing. The man’s heart was carved from solid ice. 

It was an inevitability, of course, that the alpha would eventually seek him out. But still, he could dream. And in this place all he had were his dreams. It was unfortunate that oftentimes they were what hurt him the most. 

“A-Alpha Hos–Hoseok.”

His eyes narrowed slightly at the pathetic tremor in the omega’s voice. “Surprised to see me?” he asked, a wicked smirk on his lips. 

Felix swallowed. Was this another one of his sick, twisted jokes?

“I…”

“Father informed me that you’d regained consciousness about a week ago,” he continued, unaware of the turmoil churning a storm in Felix’s mind. “I would have come to visit sooner, but apparently he’d made a promise to our Head Omega that no alpha was to approach you while you…finished recovering.”

Felix could have sworn he felt phantom pains course through his body. 

“Truth be told, you look a right mess. However, I must admit that there’s something rather… arousing, I think. Seeing you like this. A proper omega now, hm? I hear you took many knots like a good little bitch.” He trailed the back of his hand down Felix’s cheek, eliciting a wince and terrified gasp from the omega. “Truth be told, it angered me at first, what my father had done. But the more I thought about it, the more apparent it became to me that it was all for the good of the pack.”

His thumb dragged along the scabs on his lips. 

“Seeing as I am to be Pack Alpha someday, it is important that our alliances remain strong. If that means having to share my omega in order to ensure a seamless transition from my father’s reign to my own, then I suppose I have no choice but to accept it. I’ll let them have their fun, I’ll let my father believe he has control, because the moment I mate you once and for all, you’ll belong to no one but me.” 

He lifted a tendril of Felix’s hair to his nose, inhaling deeply. “So lovely,” he murmured. “Kind of makes me sad to know that eventually those marks will fade.”

Felix shuddered, certain that his heart was about to explode with how fast it was beating within his chest. 

“Nonetheless,” he chirped, “I would prefer if you didn’t look like this when my uncle and cousins arrive. Which, by the way, if you weren’t aware already, their plans have changed.”

He was not, in fact, aware of any such thing.

“They will be arriving in two days’ time.”

Felix’s eyes widened. 

“Make sure they are received well.”

And then he was gone.

 

---

 

If there was ever a person who tested Wonshik’s patience on a daily basis without inciting his usual ire, it would be his little brother, Hyunshik. 

Choi Hyunshik, who, funnily enough, was unlike his brother in every fathomable way. 

Of course, they shared similarities in the foundations that governed their existence, having been raised by the same principles and tenets by their sire. And, it goes without saying that they shared a likeness in their appearances–generations of refined alpha genes ever present in their tall statures and handsome countenances. But what set them apart from one another is what they chose to do with the things they were given. For as far as temperament and personalities went, there had never been a more opposing pair. 

Wonshik, as the eldest son and rightful heir to their family’s pack, is what one would describe as a traditional alpha. He commanded respect, demanded loyalty, and most of all, incited fear. His values were based on the belief that alphas were the superior subgender–the judge, jury, and executioners of wolven society, and that everyone else was, by proxy, beneath them. To him, betas were useful enough, but could easily be overseen. And to him, omegas were nothing but vessels of pleasure, and could easily become nuisances.   

He was quick to anger, violence was his closest confidant. Little trivialities hardly mattered when things like power, prestige, wealth and position existed. They hardly mattered when there was such a thing as control. That much became clear to him from the moment he was consciously aware of his existence. From his youth, and especially in the days before his presentation, Wonshik had gained a very specific, very privileged perspective of life. The bigger picture was always more important than the pieces it was made of. 

It’s what brought him so much success in life. Selfishness and self preservation, cruelty and malice–all in the name of becoming the best of the best. If the world burned, Wonshik would provide the kindling it needed so long as his skin remained unscathed. 

Hyunshik, younger than his brother by a mere three years, decided very early on in his youth that everything his brother and father believed in was a load of tosh. His father hadn’t appreciated that, and as a result Hyunshik had spent many nights in the dark cellar of their home as punishment, but it never changed his opinions on the matter. In his belief, everyone had a role to play, and what that role was depended on the person. It made no one subgender better or inferior to another–and meant that everyone was equal, that everyone was in balance with not only one another but their wolves as well. A perfect harmony conducive to a flourishing society. 

While his father doted upon his elder brother, Hyunshik was the light of his mother's life. He had always been teased for being gentle and soft-spoken, for having inherited their mothers kind heart. That didn’t mean that Hyunshik was a feeble, weak-willed pushover (the way both his father and brother perceived him to be.) But rather the opposite; he was incredibly intelligent and quick-witted, strong and sturdy in both resolve and disposition. He was never one to back down or shy away, but where Wonshik was loud and boisterous, Hyunshik was quiet and observational.  

What he accomplished was through silent perseverance and dedication. He found it worked better that way. Besides, the more attention that was placed on his brother, the more Hyunshik could get away with from the sidelines. 

It certainly worked in his favour. 

As he grew older, Hyunshik graduated with the most prestigious honours from the most prestigious university in South Korea. He secured a well-paying job and worked his way up until he became CEO, married the love of his life, and had two wonderful sons. 

His relationship with his family remained congenial. He was, of course, near and dear to his mother, and he was more than certain that his life would have been much worse if she was not the buffer he needed between himself and his father. 

His father, well…let’s just say they existed as two strangers beneath the same roof. He was proud of him in the way that a father ought to be of his son. Of his accomplishments and achievements. Of having married into a formidable family with exceptional breeding and social standing. But more than that, Hyunshik knew his father harboured a deeply rooted hatred towards him for the way he chose to live, and for the beliefs that he did not share. 

That’s where Wonshik came in. 

He and Wonshik were an interesting pair. Brothers bound by blood and little more. There were a few things that they could relate to, a few ideals that they could see eye-to-eye on, but for the most part they remained as separate entities. 

Yet despite everything, Hyunshik could begrudgingly admit that while he may not always like his brother, he did love him. He respected him for as much as he could, because no matter what, nothing could change the fact that the relationship they had was beyond complex. Wonshik was cold and callous, heartless to most, but there were moments where Hyunshik saw the humanity inside of him. Nestled deep as it was, but it gave him enough hope to believe that his brother was redeemable. 

Call him a hopeless optimist. 

The first time he saw something human in his brother was when their father passed. For the most part, he was calm and composed–he’d made all the arrangements for the funeral, and greeted the attendees with the utmost respect and dignity, for their circles were respectable and his father had many important friends. Friends that would come in handy now that he was officially Pack Alpha of the Choi Clan. Which meant that he’d be needing them to tie a few…loose ends. Vanquish some foes, eradicate opposition…

But when all was said and done, and their father was finally laid to rest, Hyunshik witnessed for the first time in the twenty-three years of his life his brother cry. Granted, he believed that he was in the company of himself and no other, yet Hyunshik saw it. He saw everything. And for a moment, his brother wasn’t entirely the person he’d made himself to be. 

The second time he saw something human in his brother was years later, when he’d rescued a frightened, helpless little omega from an orphanage in Seoul. The omega was a child, a boy, born and raised in Australia, and brought to Korea with his grandfather–after his parents had been killed in a deadly car crash. But then his grandfather had died, too, of old age and a broken heart, and he was left entirely alone in a new country. With no one to turn to, and nowhere to go, he believed that he would spend the rest of his days trapped in that soulless place.

As a benefactor of the orphanage, it was pure happenstance that Wonshik was due for a visit to the institution right as the omega had been processed. Reporters followed him as he ascended the stairs, a rapid fire of questions and comments about his impending reelection swarming around him in an indecipherable blur, coupled with the blinding light of camera flashes. He was used to it, seeing as most people were convinced he was some A-list actor (what with the security detail and entourage of sleek, black SUVs that accompanied him), but more than that it was because he was well-known among his constituents and non-constituents alike. Everyone knew about Choi Wonshik, the President and Prime Minister’s most favoured representative in the National Assembly. 

Hyunshik had watched his brother, only mildly irritated with the slight detour–they were on a tight schedule after all–watched as his insufferable charm was dialled to eleven, watched as he answered their queries with an attractive smile and charismatic appeal. Anything for his image, anything to secure his position, even if on the inside he was disgusted by their greedy antics and bleeding hearts. Hyunshik knew that, but the people didn’t. They didn’t know a damn thing. 

Not soon enough, they were being ushered inside, where they were met with the sight of an unfamiliar face. Immediately, Wonshik became enamoured by the boy’s unique visuals, some of which were a rare sight to the alpha. Pale hair and shining eyes, freckled skin and a small, dainty nose. And beneath that, a scent sweeter than the most potent flower. 

An omega. He was an omega.

“Welcome, Wonshik-ssi, Hyunshik-ssi,” greeted the head matron, bowing deeply before the alphas. Hyunshik reciprocated the gesture, while Wonshik remained standing with a tight smile on his lips. Clearly too distracted by the unknown boy to bother with social etiquette. “We are delighted to see you again.”

“As are we,” affirmed the younger Choi, grinning brightly. “It’s been far too long.”

“Indeed it has, there is much to show you.”

“And who is this?” Wonshik had asked the head matron, uncaring of the small talk being exchanged between his brother and the caretaker. 

“Ah, he’s our newest addition, Sir.”

Wonshik approached the timid boy, chuckling lightheartedly when he’d taken to hiding himself behind the woman’s skirt. The next thing Hyunshik knew, his elder brother was kneeling before the omega, a soft, uplifting smile that he never thought the man was capable of producing plastered onto his face. 

“What is your name, little one?” he asked. 

The boy only cowered more at the sound of the alpha’s voice. 

“Lee Felix Yongbok,” answered the matron. “I apologise, he is still learning to adjust. Though I have reason to believe that his shyness is part of his nature.” She gazed down at the boy with an affectionate smile. 

“Felix…” he murmured, staring fondly at him. 

Hyunshik, too, was endeared by the precious little pup, and his heart ached for the circumstances that could have possibly brought him here. 

Wonshik’s knees cracked as he stood to his full height, letting his gaze settle onto the woman. “May I speak with you in private?”

“Of course. Yongbok, darling, please go to Miss Jisoo, she will take you for a snack, how does that sound?”

The omega seemed to panic for a quick moment, terrified at the prospect of being separated with the kind omega woman he’d latched onto, before the aforementioned Miss Jisoo took his hand and softly guided him from the room with encouraging words. 

“What happened?” asked Wonshik, watching the boy as he walked away. 

“Very nasty business, Sir,” she admitted sadly. “Terrible accident involving a semi truck. Parents died at the scene, and he himself was barely hanging onto life.”

Hyunshik covered his mouth with his hand in shock. 

“When was this? I was not made aware of such an incident.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t have. This was in Australia.”

Ah. The foreign name made sense, now. 

“So then how is it he’s here?”  inquired Hyunshik.

“He came with his grandfather, Sir,” replied the matron. “To my knowledge, he was overtaken with grief by the loss of his daughter and son-in-law. The only solace he could find was returning to his homeland.”

The brothers went quiet, considerate of her words. 

“But the poor man was old. He did his best caring for his only grandson, giving him all the love and affection he held in his heart. But their time here was short, and after a mere two years, he died. Just two weeks ago, in fact.”

Hyunshik’s heart broke. Having two sons of his own, he couldn’t even imagine leaving his children behind in such a horrific manner. And yet here was Felix, younger than them both, and having suffered so much in the short span of his life…

“It’s been…incredibly difficult for him. He is only ten years old, but it’s like he has the soul of someone who’s lived ten lifetimes. It is my sincerest wish to find a good home for him, where there is an abundance of warmth and love. It’s the least he deserves.”

“Of course,” reassured Hyunshik. “We will do our best to find him a family that suits his needs.”

Wonshik snapped his head towards the younger, eyes narrowed in contemplation. 

“Just a moment,” he said, turning towards his brother. The matron nodded, taking it as her sign to allow the brothers some privacy to discuss. 

“Seonghwa would love him,” he said. 

Hyunshik sighed, “hyung…” he started, “this is not something you can just jump into.”

“I can’t just leave him here.”

“And what about Hana?”

“To hell with her.”

Hyunshik inhaled deeply. “Hyung,” he began again, “you need to think about this objectively. He needs a family, he needs–he needs a mother and a father. You and Hana can barely stand to be in the same room with one another, the last thing he needs is to be put in that kind of environment. You heard it yourself, he has known nothing but pain and loss and tragedy.”

“Seonghwa will take care of him.”

“Seonghwa is a child himself, hyung. He may be mature for his age but he’s only fourteen. You can’t ask a child to raise another.”

“I need him.”

“He is not a toy,” reprimanded Hyunshik, brows drawing together in anger. “He is a living being with needs far beyond what you can provide. I mean no offence when I say this, but I know exactly how you run your pack, and that is no place for a child as delicate as Yongbok.”

“You are incredibly liberal with your words, little brother. I would watch my tongue if I were you.”

“Is that a threat?”

Wonshik inclined his head, “it is a reminder.”

“I will not allow it,” seethed Hyunshik, feeling rage build in his chest. 

“It’s fortunate then, that I don’t need your permission. I do what I want, I get what I want, and what I want is him.”

Hyunshik snapped his mouth shut. 

“Do you really think life with my pack could possibly be worse than this?” he argued, gesturing to the facility as a whole. “People don’t want ten year-olds, let alone one who’s as traumatised as he is. He will rot here, without anyone to call his own, until he’s of age and they kick him onto the streets. Is that what you want for him?”

“No, of course not-”

“I don’t know what you think I’ll do to him, Hyunshik, but I assure you that whatever you’re thinking is not true. All of my omegas are healthy and taken care of. It will be no different with him. They will dote on him, cherish him as if he was theirs.” With a squeeze to the younger’s shoulder he drove his point home. “You said he needs a family, my pack is a family. It’s different from yours, sure. But it’s no less a family. We will treat him as one of our own, he will want for nothing.”

His talent with persuasion is what made him such a good politician, because without even realising it, Hyunshik was nodding along to his brother’s promises.

“Put your trust in me, brother. He will be in good hands. My hands.”

But that’s what scared him. 

“You have to swear to me, hyung. Swear to me that you will never let harm befall him. That you will protect and respect him, help him grow to be someone who lives a full life despite all of the agony he’s been through.”

“I swear it.”

Hyunshik stared at his brother, distrust lingering in his eyes and hesitation in the lines of his face. 

Yet he had no choice. Could he have offered the boy a place in his own home he would, absolutely. But he knew he couldn’t be what Yongbok needed. His pack was limited to his wife and sons, there was no one else to offer Yongbok companionship. It would have been different if Iseul was a stay-at-home mother, but they were both working people, and with their hectic schedules he knew that neither he nor his mate would be able to give the pup the attention he needed–the attention he deserved. 

And while their hearts were overflowing with love, and while he knew for certain that it would be easy to allot the little omega a place in them, love could only go so far if his other needs were left unfulfilled.

He was frustrated with the circumstances, especially now that his brother had a vested interest in the boy. If he did anything that could be misconstrued as an act of retaliation, the situation would only become more dire.  

It was a double-edged sword either way, so he had to choose the lesser of two evils. And, as much as he hated to admit it, the lesser of two evils was his brother. 

Or so he thought. 

“Very well,” he finally agreed, even though he felt sick by simply uttering the words. 

But his brother looked so…so happy, and the conviction in his voice was positively riveting. The optimist in him, ever the deluded fool, grappled with the idea that maybe, just maybe, this could be a good thing. Wonshik’s home was grand and full of life, he had a number of omegas in his pack, as well as betas and alphas. It was the pack that he’d obtained through his birthright as firstborn, the one that Hyunshik had renounced in favour of starting his own. 

The Choi Pack was a family. But it was a very strict, very traditional one. He just prayed that Felix would find his place in it, and flourish from there. 

The adoption process was quick and painless. Lee Felix Yongbok was now a full-fledged member of the Choi Pack, ward to Choi Wonshik himself. The Pack Alpha of all Pack Alphas. 

And when they walked out of the orphanage with a pretty omega pup on Wonshik’s hip, the crowd went wild. 

 

---

 

The day was finally upon them. 

Hyunshik and his sons were arriving. 

Felix hadn’t seen much of the omegas since he’d been sent on yet another leave of absence (not that he had much of a choice for the first one–he was comatose for fuck’s sake.) And while he completely understood why, it did little to abate his growing concerns because the painful reality is that he was struggling. 

Of course, he’d never tell them, already irritated with himself for being such a nuisance to everyone no matter how much they denied it as is. He’d never tell them how every little sound made him jump, how every little whiff of alpha pheromones filled his veins with ice, or the way he felt so disgusting in his own body that he took to scratching at his skin until it bled. 

He’d never tell them about the nightmares, about the way he was abruptly stolen from his slumber in the dead of night, drenched in cold sweat and heart hammering in his chest, with a scream on his lips that he managed to quell before it could awaken his hyung, sleeping soundly next to him. About the way he felt their hands and cruel touches even though they were no longer there, or of the way he could feel everything as if it was still happening. 

He’d never tell them about the way he could not keep a meal in his stomach. Everything made him feel sick, nauseous, from the plainest broth to something as simple as water. Until eventually he’d find himself hunched over the toilet, expelling everything that was never even there. He’d lost a considerable amount of weight, which was worrisome since he was already slight of frame, but he was able to conceal it with oversized cardigans and sweaters.  

And he’d never tell them how utterly alone he felt. Even in the moments he was surrounded by his packmates–which was more often than not–and especially in the moments he was certain he should not be feeling that way. 

He knew that his fellow omegas could empathise with the pain he’d gone through–with the pain he was going through, for they all had. In more ways than one, he was sure. But there was some part of him, bitter and deprecating, that told him that they could never imagine the depths of suffering he’d experienced that night. 

After all, they’ve been through horrors, but none of them had been raped by a group of men on their Pack Alpha’s orders. 

None of them. 

Which is why, despite his losing battle with his struggles, he was looking forward to Alpha Hyunshik’s arrival. 

Hyunshik was a breath of fresh air, so different from his brother that it was a marvel they were related at all. And his sons…so kind, so unlike Hoseok. So unlike everything he’s known. Even though he hadn't seen them in a while, he knew exactly what he was going to get.

For once, Felix was excited. For once, he had something to distract him from his tortuous life. Something good. 

And the feeling was unlike any other. 

 

---

 

Everyone was in position to receive their guests. Omegas to the side, betas surrounding them, alphas in the front. 

Felix was practically buzzing with anticipation, so nervous that he could probably vomit from the anxiety alone. But he forced himself to remain calm, and to keep a neutral expression on his face–lest he get caught and then interrogated for being so giddy about the arrival of other alphas. 

Wooyoung squeezed his hand, a silent vow of support as he could undoubtedly feel the tremors that wracked Felix’s entire body. 

Do not let them see how you feel. 

Quite frankly, he would rather die than face another alpha from his own pack. Except, perhaps, Sunghoon. But he rarely had any contact with the young alpha in the first place. In any case, it would be in his best interest to stay in his lane and avoid any unnecessary confrontation. 

The doorbell rang. 

“Best behaviour, everyone,” chided Wonshik, dusting invisible lint from his lapel. 

He opened the doors with a wide smile, greeting his brother with a hug and hearty clap to his back. 

“Little brother,” he laughed, “welcome, welcome.”

Hyunshik reciprocated the gesture, grinning at his brother’s overly dramatic ministrations. “Hyung,” he said, “it’s nice to see you.”

Wonshik pulled away, sweeping his gaze over his kin. “You’re looking good, Hyunshik-ah. And so are you,” he said, turning to his nephew. 

“Look how strong you’ve gotten. In just two years, no less. An alpha through and through, hm?”

“But of course,” laughed his nephew, leaning in for his own hug. “I have your and father’s genes to thank for that. How are you, uncle?” he asked into his shoulder. 

“I am quite well,” he answered, drawing back. “But where is…” he looked past both men, brows furrowing. “Where is Soobin?”

“Ah, he’s currently having his final examinations, so he took the time to study. He sends his regards, however, and told me to assure you that his replacement will do just as well on his behalf.”

Wonshik chuckled, shaking his head. 

Hyunshik then turned to the room at large, bowing slightly. 

“Everyone,” he acknowledged, an uncomfortable smile on his lips upon realising that there was a crowd surrounding them. He received bows from the omegas and betas in turn, and firm handshakes from the alphas. “It’s been a while.”

“For those of you who do not remember, this is my younger son,” he explained, pulling the young man to his side. 

“Hello,” greeted the handsome alpha. “It’s wonderful to see you all again. You may not recognise me,” he laughed breathily, placing a hand on his chest.

There was a murmur of welcome and a wave of hushed, intrigued hums. 

“I’m San.”

Notes:

yes. THE choi san and THE choi soobin.

i love hyunshik, i really do.

if you find yourself wondering, "how is hyunshik any better than his brother if he's condoned all of the atrocities he's committed?" then i'll quickly resolve your concern by saying that not everything is at it seems, especially when you're left in the dark. in other words, hyunshik doesn't know everything that his brother's done, which makes him just as much of a victim as everyone else. and you will see more of that soon. and why.

we are finally where i was so excited to get. from hereon out, it's gonna be absolutely insane (as if it wasn't already). i cannot waittttt

much love,

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 25: Interlude: Affliction

Summary:

Hyunshik makes a horrifying discovery.

Notes:

hi i'm crying as i post this bc i can't move my neck and am in extreme pain send help

that goes without saying that there may or may not be a few grammatical errors, so please forgive me in advance for any such mistakes

i shall return once my neck decides to cooperate

much love xx

 

CW: no one is having a good time

 

Interlude: Affliction

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

 

It was the next morning, and the Choi family was sequestered into the dining hall for a spectacular breakfast. 

It was a mere five minutes after being served, that Wonshik decided to make things uncomfortable for everyone. 

“How fares my sister-in-law?”

“Iseul is well, hyung,” answered Hyunshik. “Though nowadays she’s been extremely busy at the hospital. Practically on call every other night.”

Wonshik hummed in turn, blowing lightly on a spoonful of haejangguk before swallowing it entirely. He wiped the corner of his mouth with a handkerchief, though there was absolutely no reason to considering his meticulous eating habits. 

“I certainly hope you’re not allowing your mate to overwork herself, Hyunshik-ah. She is, as we all know, of a more delicate biology. Surely overexertion cannot be conducive to her overall wellbeing.”

Hyunshik paused where he sat, hand poised around his glass of water. “Ah,” he began, laughing quietly to conceal the sudden bout of awkwardness that resulted from his brother’s words. “Of course not. She rather enjoys her work. And now that Soobin and San have grown she’s finally able to get back to doing what she loves. I could never discourage her from her passions, you see.”

Wonshik’s eyes shone with a dangerous glint that did not go unnoticed by his guests. 

“Frankly, I don’t think anyone could stop mum from doing what she wants,” supplied San, smiling widely to cut through some of the tension. “And truth be told, I would advise anyone against it. She can be quite fierce.”

“For an omega,” Wonshik stated plainly, a tight-lipped grin on his lips. 

The implication was clear. Despite Iseul’s noteworthy success in her field, it was clear Wonshik didn’t consider her anything even remotely close to a force to be reckoned with. It was clear that in his eyes, she was nothing more than an omega who wasn’t held on as tight a leash as she ought to be.  

His own omegas would never dare to enter society in such a way. In fact, they didn’t dare to enter society at all. They had been trained that way–raised since birth to take seamlessly to their roles in the household, where they belonged. 

“Yes, hyung. For an omega. An incredibly intelligent and self-sufficient omega who helped me to raise two amazing sons. I wouldn’t be the man I was today if it weren’t for her.”

“Oh, I know,” countered the elder, taking a sip of tea. “How…lucky,” he spat, almost as if it pained him to say the word, “we are to have her.”

San swallowed uncomfortably, circling his finger around the rim of his teacup. 

“Nonetheless, I do hope you’re taking your own advice, hyung-nim. Seeing Seonghwa was a complete and utter shock. Never have I seen him so thin, he looks ill. Worse for wear, as much as I hate to say, which leads me to believe that the one overexerting their mate is you.”

Wonshik chuckled, though it lacked mirth entirely. “You know how he is. He never sits, never rests–always doing something or another. Taking care of everyone, of the Estate. My perfect Head Omega, hm? So very different from our lovely Iseul.”

“Is it not in your best interest to ensure his health, then? If he’s so busy that he cannot even find the time to feed himself, is it not up to you as his partner to help him when he needs it?”

Wonshik smirked, tilting his head to the side in a manner most condescending. “Like yours, mine is self-sufficient, too. He doesn’t need me to hand feed him like a pup.”

“You miss my point completely.”

“I wouldn’t if you had a point to make.”

Hyunshik sighed. Always the same, his brother. Like speaking to an immovable brick wall whose only purpose was to be an inconvenience to others. He couldn’t even count how many times they’d had this exact conversation, so often it was had, and how each time it seemed that his brother only devolved more into his age-old beliefs on, well, for lack of a better term–everything.  

It was infuriating, to say the very least. How tightly Wonshik held onto that archaic dogma. And how he used it to antagonise him and speak ill of his wife while disguising his offences with honeyed words. 

But Hyunshik and San were here for another week, which meant that he had to pick his battles wisely–lest the remainder of their stay become steeped with tension and hostility. Wonshik’s birthday was a mere four days away, and the less unwarranted confrontations between the siblings the better. 

If only for the sake of his sanity. 

Besides, the more he provoked his dearest hyung into voicing his opinions, the more he’d have to work in order to deflect them. Because the last thing he wanted was for San to be exposed to such things. Neither he nor Iseul raised their children to be bigoted in their ideals, which is why he always dreaded visiting his brother and his pack. It was like night and day–the differences between their packs, that is. And some things were always left better in the dark. 

Of course, being as insightful as they were, San and Soobin learned very early on how to handle things with their uncle. How to navigate the twisted hedge maze of his ideologies with grace and dignity. Family had always been an important factor in the Choi family, and family was something that San and Soobin had been raised to appreciate and respect since they were pups. 

Even if it meant having to put up with their uncle and the like-minded people he surrounded himself with. 

There was one good thing to their visits to the Choi Estate, though. 

The omegas. 

And with the thought of spending time with them soon, breakfast became a bit more of a tolerable affair. 

 

---

 

“Here, move a bit for me? Just a bit more.”

Felix angled his head away from Seonghwa, allowing the elder full access to the side of his face. 

“There we go. Thank you petal.”

He carefully dabbed concealer on the discoloured areas, thankful that the bruising was almost gone. It took so long to get here, to this point, where they’d finally reached the tail end of his physical healing. While it would take some more time for him to get back to…back to normal–to the effect that he’d be able to continue with his tasks and chores with little to no issue–to have gotten to this point was a huge accomplishment in and of itself. 

It definitely took long enough, that’s for damn sure. 

Nonetheless, the omegas of Choi Wonshik’s pack had an image to uphold. And as it stands, that image does not encompass unsightly omegas, bruised and battered to the point of ugliness. 

“All done.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

Seonghwa squeezed his shoulder. Then, he stopped. Brows knitting together, he let his gaze snap from his hand on Felix’s shoulder to the younger’s unfocused eyes. 

“Felix…”

The blond made the mistake of playing dumb. 

“Hm?”

Seonghwa’s eyes narrowed in thought, hand trailing down to his bicep. Squeezing and squeezing along the flesh, studying, mentally documenting his observations. Appearing more and more perturbed by his findings.

“You’ve lost weight.”

It wasn't a question.

“H-have I?”

“Felix.”

“I’m fine, Hwa. I feel fine.”

To prove how un-fine he was, Seonghwa wrapped his entire hand around Felix’s arm. “This…this is not fine, petal.”

In a childish bout of retaliation, “you’re one to talk, hyung.”

Seonghwa gasped. 

“You think I haven’t noticed you?” continued Felix, pulling his arm from the Head Omega. He readjusted his sleeve, blinked his eyes a few times and inhaled deeply–feeling the beginnings of a panic attack take root. He offhandedly noticed the way his hands trembled, and in an attempt to ignore the severity of it, curled them into fists. He relished in the pain his blunt nails were causing to the skin of his palms, favouring the physical ache to the one in his brain. “Think I haven’t noticed the way you skip every meal?”

Felix tried to remain unaffected by the expression on his hyung’s face. Seonghwa stared at him, mouth slightly agape, looking like he was about to cry .

But Felix was stupid. He was stupid, and he was in pain. 

“You care about everyone but yourself, hyung. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

Seonghwa shook his head. “No, of course not,” he whispered. “Selfishness is not a virtue.”

“But self destruction is?”

After a beat, “flower…where is this coming from?”

Felix shut his eyes, inhaling sharply through his mouth. “It’s what we’ve all been thinking,” he said. “I’m just the only one bold enough to say it.”

“Bold?” murmured Seonghwa. “Respectfully, my love, this isn’t boldness. I think it’s deflection.”

“What do you know?”

“I know you.”

Felix refused to open his eyes. He knew the second he’d open them, the dam would burst and flood him from the inside out. Drenching him until he was doused head to toe in every one of his sorrows. Why was he being so volatile? Seonghwa didn’t deserve to be the victim of his ire, not by any means. But he was just so–so angry. Angry and hurt and…and with no outlet to release the storm brewing within.

He was spiralling uncontrollably. He could feel it, raging through his blood vessels, surging through his nerves. He was spiralling uncontrollably, and the only thing that made sense was the resentment. 

“You don’t know a damn thing,” he spat, eyes snapping open. The glare he aimed towards Seonghwa was riddled with frustration and annoyance, and he knew, he knewheknewheknew that Seonghwa didn’t deserve this but he couldn’t help it, he couldn’t fucking help it-

His brain was on fire. It was on fire and he couldn’t control it. He couldn’t control it. He couldn’t control anything– not his life, not his thoughts. Nothing. 

“Felix,” Seonghwa reached towards the younger, desperate to just bring him into his arms and keep the remnants of his composure intact. Seeing Felix like this was bordering on unnatural. A sight so rare, so inconceivable it was impossible to believe that it was his flower who was responsible for it. 

But it was no less heartbreaking to witness. He could have sworn that his heart positively shattered when Felix flinched away from him. 

“Felix, please…” he begged. “Talk to me…talk to me, petal…”

“Just-just leave me alone!”

Seonghwa gasped, wildly shaking his head. “No,” he tried again,” teetering on the verge of crying now. “No, my love. Please, don’t say that. Don’t…don’t say that…”

“S-stay away from me,” Felix sobbed, stumbling away until his back impacted harshly against the doors to the Omega Wing. “Stay away…”

He turned around, hastily opened the door. 

And then he was running away. 

 

---

 

Felix flew down the corridor. No destination in mind, only feeling. Only instinct. 

He had to get away from there. He had to leave, to escape. It was too suffocating, like the walls were closing in on him and his lungs were filling with water. He needed to get away. He needed to breathe. 

When he turned the corner he slammed into a wall of–of flesh?

He pushed back, gasping loudly once his lethargic senses deduced the presence of alpha pheromones. 

There were hands on his elbows–let go of me–a scent he couldn’t place–get away-!

“Yongbok?”

Felix immediately eased at the foreign use of his Korean name. There was only one person who–

“Alpha Hyunshik…”

The man’s eyes were wide with concern, brimming with worry. “Are you alright?” he asked, scanning over the omega’s pale face and panicked visage. 

Felix’s eyes filled with tears. Despite his efforts, his lip wobbled, and his hands shook as he grasped the alpha’s forearms. “A-Alpha…” he whimpered, choking on the air that refused to reach his lungs.

“Felix? What’s wrong, little one?” he implored, stroking the inside of the omega’s elbow with his thumb in an attempt to calm him. “What’s happened?”

“I-” he whimpered, cursing the tears that blinded him. He carelessly wiped them away with the hem of his sleeve, unknowingly wiping the concealer from the bruises on his face as well.

The alpha’s eyes widened even more. 

“Oh, goddess…” he whispered, cupping the omega’s cheek, using his fingers to remove what was left of his makeup. Even though he was staring right at it, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He couldn’t. There was no way…

But before he could question it, the little blond omega–the very omega whose life he played a part in creating–was throwing himself into his arms, and wailing uninhibited against his chest. 

All he could do was hold him as he wept, and hope that his presence could soothe him in ways that his words could not.

 

---

 

San knocked on the door, then he took a step back and began to rock back and forth on his heels while he waited to be received. 

The door opened to reveal a surprised–albeit slightly dishevelled–Seonghwa. “Alpha San!” he greeted, bowing slightly before the younger man. “How nice of you to stop by. Please, come in.”

He moved out of the way, inviting the alpha inside before he quickly shut the door behind them. 

San loved the Omega Wing. It was everything the rest of the Estate was not. Homely and warm, comfortable, cosy. It was clean and well-kept, but it was lived-in. Had that human element that everywhere else in the home was devoid of. The unique scents of each omega lingered in the air–notes of honey and spun sugar, of flowers and ambrosia and fresh fruits. Soft enough that they neither overpowered his senses nor clashed with one another, but prevalent enough for them to to each be discerned from the harmonious symphony of scents. 

He loved it. 

What he didn’t love, however, was the silence. 

His gaze swept over the room, noting how devoid it was of occupants, and that the doors that led to their bedrooms were shut. It seemed that only Seonghwa was present in the living quarters. No other omega in sight. 

“Where is everyone?” he asked, settling onto one of the sofas. 

“Seeing to their duties,” replied Seonghwa swiftly. “Wooyoung is with Alpha Yunseo, I believe. And Yeonjun is in his bedroom. Resting. His pre-heat cycle has begun, you see, so he’s a bit..weary. In any case, they’re all around and about. Tending to their masters. Cleaning, cooking, entertaining…I was able to steal a couple of moments for myself, to check on Felix-” Seonghwa abruptly stopped, swallowing thickly. “Well, he left only a short while before you arrived.”

“Ah,” murmured San, watching as the Head Omega sat down across from him. “I was hoping to see everyone. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Bokkie…and Wooyoung. Is he–are they alright?”

Seonghwa nodded stoically, plastering a noncommittal smile onto his face. If San noticed how he had to practically force his neck to carry out the gesture, he didn’t say anything. “They’re perfectly splendid.”

“That’s good to hear. I suppose if not today, then I shall see them tomorrow.”

“Of course, Alpha. Until then, is there anything I can get you? Water? Tea?”

San’s brows drew together in clear dissatisfaction. “Please, you don’t have to call me that. I’d rather you didn’t actually. Besides,” he said, a good-natured grin on his face, “you’re my hyung, right? I owe you that respect.”

Seonghwa felt the smile fall from his lips as he clenched and unclenched his fists atop his lap. “I’m an omega. I…I don’t qualify to speak with such familiarity to my superiors.”

“Not…that’s not true,” San denied gently, “I’m not your superior because I’m an alpha. And you aren’t inferior to me because you’re an omega. I respect you despite your subgender. I respect you because you’re family, because you’re incredibly inspiring and a truly genuine person. If anything, you’re my superior. I really look up to you, you know. I always have.”

At that moment, the Head Omega appeared even younger than his nineteen years. So frail and vulnerable. It made San wonder if the elder had ever been told such a thing by someone who wasn’t one of his wards–more specifically, by an alpha. 

“How about this?” he suggested, gazing intently into the Head Omega’s eyes. “How about, when it’s just us, or when it’s just us and the other omegas…you allow me to call you hyung, and I’ll allow you to call me San. The younger pups could call me hyung, too, if they wanted. I’d love that. I just…” he sighed, “I just want to bridge the gap a little bit, make it a more comfortable space for everyone. One that doesn’t have to be so-so formal. Where you all can just relax, and not have to worry about any gender roles or codes of social etiquette.”

“It seems like a wonderful fantasy, Alpha. But that’s all it’ll ever be.”

“It doesn’t have to, though! We can try. That’s the least we can do. And if it doesn’t work…if it doesn’t work we’ll drop it. But I believe we owe it to ourselves to try.”

“Maybe we do, but…we can’t.” Seonghwa rebuked smally. “It isn’t right. My husband would be incredibly cross with me if he came to know that my omegas and I addressed his nephew so disrespectfully. It would be different if you were an omega, but you’re not, and as long as we’re the omegas of Choi Wonshik’s pack, we all have our roles to play. We all have our rules to follow.”

“I wish you didn’t have to, though. It’s no way to live.”

“It’s the only life we’ve known. Wishes…wishes are folly.”

“Not always,” San countered wholeheartedly, “sometimes they’re the difference between surviving and living.”

Seonghwa hummed thoughtfully. “Perhaps. But here–this house, this place…this is where a wish comes to die.” 

San reached over the centre table to grasp the elder’s hands. “What’s going on, hyung? I’ve never heard you speak like this.”

Seonghwa let the words sink into his skin. He went quiet–quieter than he already was, as it were–and seemed to be overtaken by the thoughts in his mind. 

“I’m tired,” is what he ultimately confessed. “Sannie…”

Sannie. He hadn’t expected that at all.

But he liked hearing it from the elder’s mouth all the same. 

“I can’t protect myself,” he went on to say. “I can’t protect my omegas. I’ve failed in every way I could ever imagine failing. I’m just…I’m just tired.”

“Hyung, you’re the strongest person I know. It pains me to hear you say this.”

Seonghwa smiled, but it looked worn and haggard. “I’ll be alright. I-I always am. Somehow, some way. I just want what’s best for my omegas, and I feel like I haven’t been able to do that.”

San stood from the sofa and manoeuvred around the table, surprising the omega when he came to crouch before him on the floor. 

“Hyung…” he started, “you are what’s best for your omegas. I can say that because I’ve seen it. They look up to you, they respect you. They love you. I know a little of what my uncle puts you all through, and I’ve seen the way you come out of it every time. It’s not easy, and still, you never give up. Ever. You’re doing the best with what you have, and while it may not seem like it to you, that’s more than enough.”

Tears glistened in Seonghwa’s eyes, but his resolve was at least strong enough to keep them at bay. “It isn’t, though.”

“It’s not fair to hold yourself to such unattainable standards.”

“You don’t know what it’s like, S-San. They’re wasting away in front of my eyes. And Felix-” he cut himself off with a strangled cry, bringing up a hand to cover his mouth. 

“What about Felix, hyung? What is it?”

Seonghwa’s eyes were bloodshot as he stared into San’s. He had no idea how he’d missed it, but now that he was even closer to the elder, it became so obvious. Seonghwa wasn’t just dishevelled, as he’d previously assumed. No, this was something deeper. Something bigger. His father was right–there was something sinister at play here. Seonghwa wasn't just thin and unhealthy. He was broken. His spirit, his body. And San and Hyunshik were being kept in the dark as to why that was so. 

“Tell me, hyung," he implored, gripping Seonghwa's hands. "Tell me everything.”

---

 

Wooyoung shut the door noiselessly, bracing his hand against the wood and guiding it silently into the latch. 

Fuck, was he tired. He couldn’t wait to get to bed. 

He turned around, satisfied and relieved to have made it out without incident. Yet that satisfaction and relief quickly morphed into utter terror that made him jump in his skin. 

“Oh my-what are you doing here?” he asked in a hushed, frantic whisper. 

“I’m here to see you.”

Wooyoung sighed, willing his poor heart to stop beating so wildly beneath his hand. “That is...that is entirely inappropriate.”

“Why’s that? I was hoping to see you. I wanted to see you, in fact.”

“I–what?”

“I wanted to see you. I just came from visiting the Omega Wing, actually, and I was told that you were with your…” his eyes flicked towards the door behind Wooyoung. “…Alpha.” 

“So you decided to come here? What were you thinking?”

“In truth, I was heading to my bedroom,” he nodded towards the room at the end of the hall. Wooyoung followed his gaze, nodding to himself as if to confirm that information for himself. “But then I remembered, and I thought…”

He took a step forward. 

Wooyoung swallowed, eyes widening in panic. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, we can’t–” he broke off, scanning the abandoned corridor. In a hasty bout of decision making, he grabbed the alpha’s hand and dragged him towards the nearest coatroom. 

“What were you thinking?” he asked in a hurry, slamming the door shut behind them. 

“I’m…confused.”

The omega made a disgruntled noise, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes. “I could have gotten in so much trouble if anyone saw me with you, especially alone. Don’t you get it?”

The alpha chuckled fondly. Despite being burdened with the information he’d spent the last four hours receiving, his heart felt somewhat lightened by Wooyoung’s presence. He reached forward, wrapping his hands loosely around the omega’s wrists and guiding his hands down. “As if I would ever let them lay a hand on you in front of me.”

Wooyoung felt his face heat at the intensity of the alpha’s words. 

“Alpha…”

The elder clicked his tongue, lightly shaking his head. “I’ve told you and your lovely hyung so many times…call me San.”

Wooyoung’s face fell. “I can’t. It’s not–it’s not right.”

“Why not? You know I don’t believe in any of that–that formality stuff. It’s archaic. It’s stupid. ”

“Well, it’s my life. All of that stupid formality stuff. There’s nothing I can do to change that, so as much as you despise it you must learn to respect it.”

“I can’t respect something like that. Forgive me, but I can’t.”

Wooyoung sighed quietly. “There’s nothing to forgive. My world will never be the same as yours, and that’s something I have to respect.”

“So then let me be your escape from it.” 

Against all desire, against all will, Wooyoung felt his eyes prickle with tears. 

The alpha stepped towards him again, rejoicing silently when the omega didn’t make a move to counter his advance. 

“Wooyoung…” he started, the gentlest voice to speak his name. A hand rose to brush his hair from his face. “I’m here for you.”

Wooyoung shook his head, whimpering quietly as the first tear fell. “How can I believe that? You come, you stay for a few days, and then you leave. And I never know when I’ll be seeing you next. I go months, I go years, without seeing you…how can I-” he cut himself off, inhaling deeply as he felt his control spiral into chaos. “It’s hard for me to believe that those are more than just hollow words.”

“I know,” murmured San, swiping his thumb over Wooyoung’s cheek. “I know, I should have done more, I should have-I should have done better. For you and for everyone else, I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my love.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I will call you that. I’ll call you that because despite how you may feel there has never been a day in my life where I haven’t loved you.”

San could smell how distraught the omega was, and the only immediate solution he could find was to pull him into his arms. “I love you, Wooyoung. I love you in spite of our differences, and I love you in spite of what your Pack Alpha would say against us.”

“But we can’t,” Wooyoung cried into his shoulder. “I’m mated. I have an Alpha.”

“I don’t care,” San spoke against his hair, arms wrapped protectively around the omega. His omega. “He has never deserved you. My soul is tied to yours, darling. Not his.”

“You should, though,” insisted Wooyoung. “You should care.”

“Because I’m pregnant.”

Notes:

GASPS AND FALLS OVER (cautiously as im still half paralysed)

ngl...the whole idea of mpreg is so strange to me but then i think about how im literally writing a grrr wolfgang ah fic and shut myself up. EET EES WHAT EET EEEESSSS

N E WAYYY hehhuhehuheuehue it was funny to me how some of you thought there'd be a seonghwa x san story when in reality...DID YALL FORGET WOOYOUNG WAS RIGHT THERE LMAOOOO

that was so fun fr i love woosan and i hope you do too
will we get a woosan backstory? probably not-at least not in this specific narrative. will i consider writing a woosan spin-off/side story? perhaps. we shall see.

hope you enjoyed, luv yew muchly <3

till next we meet,

lovestxy

Chapter 26: Interlude: Paradigm

Summary:

Wonshik faces an affliction he's never had to endure.

Notes:

heyyyyyy

i am incredibly angry with the world and my life and my situation right now and i wish i could go to sleep and never wake up

anywhoo, this chapter fought me every second of the way and istg if i don't post it now it's never getting posted 😭😭😭 so i'm posting this and leaving it all in the lord's hands bc im genuinely going crazy like tweaking twitching bonkers :p i'll be accepting thoughts and prayers in the extreme likelihood that it sucks, which means that i'll be needing validation lmaoaoaoa

okay i'm gonna stop yapping now while we're ahead.

enjoyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

CW: no one is having a good time (continued)

 

Interlude: Paradigm

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

Choi San couldn’t sleep. 

He tossed and turned for hours on end, unable to escape into the blissful realm of slumber until he eventually grew so frustrated he sat up with a groan, and roughly switched the lamp at his bedside on. He dragged his hands down his face, through his hair, huffing past the tiredness that burned behind his eyelids with an exasperated sigh.

In hindsight, he should have known that obtaining a restful, undisturbed sleep would be impossible. After all, how could he? His brain had made it its personal mission to rake over the vast amounts of input he’d received, over and over and over again until it was cemented into every single groove and ridge. Until he couldn’t even shut his eyes without seeing Seonghwa’s tortured face or Wooyoung’s desperate eyes. Until he felt the contents in his stomach turn whenever he was reminded of what horrors that innocent little omega pup had been subjected to. And that was only part of the story. Seonghwa’s. 

San felt sick. 

Leaning against the headboard, he found himself staring unseeingly at the painting across his bed. It was a print of Dedham Vale by John Constable, encased in a heavy gilded frame and hung perfectly centred to the bed. He recognised it from his studies in art history–the picturesque English countryside and the hyper-realism in every minute detail, the earthy tones, the comforting depiction of the beauty of rural life. And while he ultimately pursued a different career path, some things, he learned, just stuck with him. Things like paintings, things like art. 

Things like the indigestible information Seonghwa had divulged. 

Things like the tearful confession the love of his life had made.  

Never would have San considered it even a-a possibility that his uncle would willingly play host to such horrendous affairs, but it became apparent to him that he didn’t know the man half as well as he thought he did. Now, he was certain he didn’t know him at all. Sure, his uncle was traditional, sure he ran his pack with an iron fist, but even then…even then. 

How could anyone be a purveyor of such monstrosity?

He’d never, not in a million years, imagine that this had been happening right under their noses. 

But the more he thought of it, the more obvious it became. 

He should have noticed it before. In Wooyoung if not anyone else–just how fucking rotten their lives were. How cruel and malicious the wolves of his uncle’s pack were. How cruel and malicious his…his uncle was. 

He should have seen it in the lacklustre quality of the omegas’ eyes, in the weariness of their movements, the frailty of their beings. He should have seen it in the way they cowered behind their alphas and flinched at the smallest of gestures. Should have seen it in the way they were overexerted, made to work and service the alphas and look after the Estate’s affairs for long hours of the day. Should have seen it in the way they bore their marks of ownership around their necks like slaves, juxtaposing entirely the way they were decorated like ornaments to be draped about the estate. 

And Wooyoung…his Wooyoung. He’d failed him. Professed his love at the tender age of thirteen when they had first met–love at first sight, he’d say–and then left him in this place that was so beautiful but so spoiled. Watched as he was paired off with a man who did not possess his heart, watched as he wasted away first through mind and then by body. 

What kind of alpha was he? Couldn’t even protect his omega. Couldn’t even make true of his promise to never leave him. 

And now he was pregnant with that man’s pup.

Yunseo. A sleazy, degenerate alpha that had attached himself to Wooyoung like a ceaseless plague. 

San growled low in the back of his throat and abruptly turned to his side, throwing the sheets over his head and slamming his eyes shut. Less than a minute later, he groaned again–an annoyed, frustrated sound that bordered on feral–and pushed all of the stifling fabric away from his body like a petulant child kicking his legs. 

Then he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. 

There was absolutely no fucking way he was getting any sleep tonight. 

He hunched over, digging his elbows into the flesh of his thighs and threading his hands into the roots of his hair. 

He’d been blind. 

No. 

He’d been made blind. He and his father both. His father, who, despite everything, believed his brother could be a good man. A proper wolf. A righteous leader. His father, who never stopped fighting for his brother, even in the moments where it became apparent that his efforts went towards a losing battle. 

He always knew, deep down, there was something wrong. In the core of it all, the very roots. His parents were never the type to have squabbles or senseless arguments, but there were times…there were times where he’d happened upon many a secret conversation between his parents in the infant hours of the morning. Each more worrisome than the last as his mother relayed every single one of her grievances to his father. Each of them unbelievable and wholly befuddling. Surely, surely, it wasn’t his uncle that she spoke of. It couldn’t be. The things she said did not align with the man he knew. 

But he was naive. And like his father he was unfailingly kind, and perhaps it was that kindness that was taken so grossly advantage of. In the name of family, in the name of filial piety. 

Wonshik believed that kindness made one weak–San had heard him say as much to his father. Heard him poke fun at his little brother’s soft heart and unnatural beliefs. As a child, he believed it to be nothing more than familial banter–lighthearted jests that held no actual substance. But that was a boy’s view. That was uncorrupted innocence in the face of diabolical realities. He simply could not believe that such ideals could exist in a modern society. But when that boy became a man, it only became more clear to him that they could. And the prime example of it was his own kin. 

It just…how could it have been this bad? How did they get away with it?

Moreover, did his father know? Or was he complicit in all of this? Did everyone have a role to play in this grisly tale? And was he the only one who was actively written out of it?

He felt like he was about to throw up or faint or both so he stood, slipping his feet into his house slippers and making haste towards the door. He pulled it open without a second thought and made his way out, silent as the night itself.

A little ways down the corridor, in the privacy of his own guest room, Choi Hyunshik faced the same affliction as his son. Only, in an attempt to quiet his nerves, he had taken to nursing a glass of whiskey as he watched a certain blond omega slumber in his bed. 

He hadn’t taken his eyes off of Felix since he’d succumbed to his emotion-induced exhaustion. Simply sat in the armchair in front of the fireplace and began his silent vigil. He knew sleep would evade him entirely after bearing witness to what he’d seen, so he decided that there was no better way to make use of his time than by ensuring a constant watch over the innocent soul tucked beneath the thick comforters of his bed. 

Hyunshik felt sick. 

On one hand, he was overcome with dread so heavy it weighed on his heart like an immovable anchor. On the other, he faced crippling betrayal. His brother had promised–he’d sworn– to protect Felix, to ensure that no harm would befall him, that he would be safe and above all, happy. 

What he was looking at now countered each and every one of those promises. It wasn’t just betrayal anymore, he realised belatedly. It was a repetitive pattern of blatant disrespect. 

Wonshik had allowed this to happen under his jurisdiction. He allowed Felix to get hurt, to unravel so fully that the only thing left was raw devastation. And then have the audacity to hide it, to cover up his misdeeds with a mask of glamour. 

No…no, this was all his fault. 

He allowed this to happen. He allowed this to happen the second he acquiesced to his brother’s nonsensical whims. The second he allowed his brother to adopt Felix–despite his fears, despite his anxieties. He’d let his brother take advantage of him, time and again, twisting and warping his sense of reality until it was nothing but a mottled amalgamation of his own desires. He took advantage of him. Of his trust. Of his heart. 

And he allowed it. 

Hyunshik allowed it. 

He single-handedly led Felix to harm. All because he loved his brother too much. 

He downed the remnants of the glass and placed it onto the table with a shaking hand, relishing the burn down his throat. His breath was uneven as he exhaled, shallow, as that dread fell from his heart and pooled into his stomach.

Hyunshik felt like he was going to vomit. 

There had to be a good explanation for all of this. Perhaps he was assuming the worst, and the simple reality was that he’d obtained the injury by accident or pure happenstance. Perhaps he was letting his fears cloud his judgement, and his brother truly had nothing to do with the way Felix shattered into pieces in his arms. 

There had to be an explanation. 

There had to be.

But he knew there wasn’t. Damn it all. This had his brother’s name written all over it, and he’d been blind. So, very blind. 

A few soft knocks against his door rescued him from his spiralling thoughts, and he stood from the chair with furrowed brows. It was late. Surely too late for any visitors. For a moment he was overcome with anxiety, fearing that behind those doors stood Wonshik. He couldn’t even imagine what he’d do if he saw Felix asleep in his bed–the questions that would follow, the rage. Hyunshik was fully aware of the fact that the Choi omegas had strict curfews and rules against leaving the Omega Wing unless called for by their alphas. He just wanted to make sure Felix was safe. Just for one night…

His brother wouldn’t understand that, but he was prepared to stand his ground on the matter. Come hell or high water, Felix would not be going anywhere. As he approached the doors he rolled his shoulders and inhaled a deep breath, adamant on upholding that stance in spite of what was to come. 

He opened one of the doors to see none other than his son, unkempt and mussed from a clear lack of sleep. The tension left him in waves, utter relief taking its place as he ushered the young man inside with a hushed urgency. 

“San?”

“Dad…” started the boy–Hyunshik could immediately unriddle the misplaced emotion on his child’s face: panic. 

“I-I need to talk to you.” 

“What is it, son?” he asked, curling his hand around San’s nape. “What’s on your mind?”

San lifted his head, opening his mouth only to let the words die on his tongue when he caught sight of a familiar mop of hair in his periphery. “Felix,” he whispered, eyes snapping back to his father. “I wanted to talk about…wh-what is he doing here?”

“I must speak with you as well,” his father answered, looking over his shoulder to take a perfunctory glance at the omega. “We have to stay quiet, though, I don’t want to wake him up. He’s exhausted.”

San nodded, throat going dry as he followed his father. Instead of leading him to a more private space–like the balcony or the seating area, Hyunshik led him towards the bed. 

“What is…” when Felix’s face came into view, he gasped. Hearing about it from Seonghwa was one thing, seeing the remnants of it was another thing entirely. Yet all he could think of was how Seonghwa had divulged to him that it took nearly two months to get to this point. Two months and yet he still bore the marks of his suffering. 

San felt his heart plummet in his chest. If this was now, weeks after the fact, he couldn’t even fathom what Felix had looked like fresh from his torture. 

“I ran into him. Literally,” whispered his father, gaze solemn as he stared down at Felix. “He was–he’d been crying, clearly distraught over something, I…I don’t know what.”

San was pretty certain he had an idea. 

“He just…San-ah, I’m still not sure what I saw. He just fell apart. He looked so afraid, so helpless…latched onto me and refused to let go. Eventually I offered to take him back to the Omega Wing but he started crying even more, started having a full-blown panic attack until he couldn’t breathe. I had to, Goddess, I had to use my Alpha voice to get him to calm down. Just so that he wouldn’t pass out from hyperventilating.”

“That’s horrible…” murmured San, reaching a hand towards the omega. He smoothed it over his head, studying the mottled yellow-green splotches around his eye and cheekbone. He hadn’t seen Felix in what, two, three years? The last few times his father visited the Estate Soobin had been the one to accompany him, so it had been a while since San had seen anyone. The omega looked older. His face was different, his hair was longer, but he lacked the assets that his growth should have contributed to. He was far too thin, haggard and worn to, quite literally, the bone . Just like Seonghwa. Just like Wooyoung and just like any of the other omegas he’d gotten glimpses of. It made him wonder what kind of regime his uncle was spearheading. Was this a pack or a glorified slave colony? 

He wasn’t exactly surprised when Felix remained unaffected by his touch–especially when he made sure to keep it light–because if what he’d been told was true, then Felix’s current state accounted for a few things. One, it was a true testament to the sheer depth of exhaustion he must have held off on giving into for who knows how long. And two, despite his severe alpha-induced trauma, his inner omega sought comfort from one. Although, San was more than certain it was only because said alpha was his father and not a member of his uncle’s pack.

“I couldn’t just leave him there, so I brought him back with me. He didn’t say anything, he just…cried in my arms until he fell asleep.”

San sighed, rubbing his forehead. 

“Dad…” he started, “there’s something you should know.”

He exhaled a trembling breath.

“But I don’t think I’m the right person to tell you”

 

---

 

It would be days before Hyunshik and San even had the chance to see any of the omegas. And now that Wonshik’s birthday was two days days away, they knew that their chances would only diminish even more. 

Despite that unforeseen obstacle, however, Hyunshik remained optimistic. 

Felix was gone by the time Hyunshik had woken up from his ill-begotten slumber. His back ached from the uncomfortable position he’d assumed in the chair he’d taken residence in, and his joints cracked and groaned in protest as he stretched his body, shaking the tiredness from his bones. He can’t recall exactly when he’d succumbed to sleep after San had eventually retired, leaving him grasping at straws for the information he refused to divulge, or how Felix had escaped so swiftly, considering that Hyunshik was an incredibly light sleeper. But cold sheets and the lingering scent of orange blossoms told him that it had been quite a while since the omega had departed his chambers. He hated himself for sleeping through Felix’s departure–for he should have liked to ask after him. Gauge his mental state, offer words of comfort and affection that he knew the boy longed for. But he was gone as if he’d never even been there. And if it weren’t for the fact that he knew he had, Hyunshik would have believed it all to be a dream. 

“You seem distracted, brother mine.”

Hyunshik blinked. “Sorry?”

Wonshik smirked, taking a sip of some dark, amber-coloured liquid. “Doyun asked you a question about your wife, though you appear to be worlds away.”

“My apologies, hyung. I must admit that I didn’t sleep very well last night.”

“Any particular reason?” asked his brother, staring at him over the lip of his glass. Hyunshik swallowed, feeling his palms beginning to sweat where they lay against his thighs. “I expect your chambers are to your liking, no? My omegas laboured over your and San’s accommodations to perfection.”

“Yes, of course. Everything is splendid. My lack of sleep is not due to a lack of comfort, I assure you.”

“A heavy mind, then?”

“I sup-” 

“Perhaps he just misses having his pretty little omega to warm his bed,” interjected Doyun. Laughter echoed around the parlour at the alpha’s unsavoury jest, though that particular form of humour fell rather short in Hyunshik’s eyes. He didn’t find the joke at all comical, feeling disgusted that all of the alphas around him seemed to have rejoiced at the crude remark–his own brother included. He bristled in silent indignation, mouth falling shut as he clenched his jaw, curling his fingers into fists. “We all know how incredibly difficult it can be to go so long without our lovely mates. And Iseul is so, very lovely.” 

Wonshik’s eyes glimmered with an unnameable emotion. “Now, now, Doyun. Don’t pester my brother so. Iseul is a very respectable omega indeed. Let us not smear her accomplishments by reducing her to an ornamental cockwarmer hm? Not when she’s so much more than that.” He cast a sideways glance towards his brother. “I’m sure it is because of your…dispositions that my dearest brother keeps her away from us. Isn’t that right, Hyunshik-ah?”

Doyun scoffed, tapping the end of his cigar against the ashtray at his side. Hyunshik looked nigh murderous, staring at his brother with no little amount of distaste. How Wonshik could sit there and feed into Hyunshik’s humiliation was beyond him, especially when his efforts to reduce tension piggybacked on yet another one of his crude remarks. 

“Oh, of course not. Don’t misunderstand me, Hyunshik. I was simply trying to catch up for old times sake. It’s good manners, is it not? To ask after one another?”

“Indeed,” agreed Hyunshik tightly, maintaining eye contact with the elder. “Though I will ask you to not disrespect my wife. Pick on me all you want, I care not. But I’m not so stupid to remain ignorant to your attempts to diminish her quality for the sake of an ill-conceived laugh. And I will ask you to do the same, hyung,” he said, turning back to his brother. Wonshik said nothing in return, swirling the contents of his glass with a disinterested scowl on his face. “As I have asked you to. Many times.”

Wonshik raised his hand in a gesture of surrender. A poor attempt at relaying his untimely good will. 

“What is it that bothers you so, Hyunshik?” inquired Rowoon. “All banter aside, is it not in the nature of an omega to pleasure their Alpha?”

“An omega is more than a vessel for our enjoyment, Rowoon-ssi. If you were the slightest bit intelligent you’d know that. I’m sure if Iseul were here, she’d be more than happy to educate you on the historical and present-day significance of omegas in our society.”

Stifled laughter filled the room. Hyunshik leaned back into his seat, crossing his right ankle over his left knee, internally wishing he was anywhere but here. 

“And how would she do that?” he quipped, the innuendo clear in his slimy gaze. “Missionary? Oh I know…doggy style, perhaps?” 

Hyunshik flew to his feet, fists shaking at his side as he glared daggers at the man sitting across from him. “Say that again,” he seethed through gritted teeth. “I dare you.”

Rowoon smirked viciously. “She’s rather fit, your omega. Very pretty. I’ve no doubt she could educate me quite well.”

Hyunshik’s knuckles were practically white from the pressure of his fists. His eyes blazed with unconcealed rage, so bright it was almost petrifying. If it were at all possible, there’d be smoke swirling from his nostrils. Like a dragon. Like a monster. Rowoon clicked his tongue, shaking his head and feigning a look of innocence. “Perhaps next time, hm?”

Nobody stopped the Hyunshik-shaped blur as it barreled its way towards Rowoon, hands immediately finding their mark, encircling the alpha’s neck. “I’ll kill you. I swear to the Moon Goddess herself, I’ll fucking kill you- ”

The man laughed despite being robbed of air. He continued to laugh as Hyunshik’s hands pressed into his oesophagus, as his enraged pheromones permeated the air around them and suffocated him beyond the efforts of Hyunshik’s deadly hands. “H-hit a nerve, little Choi?” he wheezed through a grin.

Hyunshik only tightened his grip.  

Yet before he could make true of his promise, Hyunshik felt a hand on his shoulder, pulling him away. “Alright, that’s enough,” came his brother’s voice. “I think Rowoon has learned his lesson.”

Hyunshik felt the control seep out of his pores. He wanted to end him, wanted to eradicate the cretin that spoke so disgustingly of his wife. “No-”

“Hyunshik.”

Rowoon’s face was purpling now. Ugly like the rest of him. 

“That’s enough,” bellowed Wonshik, gripping his brother’s arm and forcefully throwing him aside. “Enough,” he repeated, tossing Rowoon back into his chair, ignoring the alpha’s pathetic coughs in an attempt to bring air back into his lungs.

“I will not tolerate such insolence under my roof, Rowoon. My brother is my guest, he is my blood. If you cannot respect his boundaries then you have no place here. Get out.”

“What? Why should I-”

“Get out. Now.”

Rowoon scoffed, running a hand through his mussed hair. “You’re kicking me out for making a joke?!”

“Yes, I am. Because it was no longer welcome once my brother made it clear we were not to speak of his wife.”

“Really, Wonshik?”

“Indeed. Now get out.”

“But-”

“Leave!”

Rowoon righted his posture, breathing deeply through his nose. He looked past Wonshik’s shoulder to stare venomously at his younger brother, eyes swimming with an unquenchable ferocity that ought to have sent a weaker man to the grave. But Hyunshik was not a weak man. Many things were exchanged between their silent battle of wills, but it appeared that Hynshik yet again prevailed. With a snarl, Rowoon turned on his heel and all but stomped his way to the double doors, unflinching as they smacked against the wall upon pushing them open. 

Wonshik sighed. 

“My apologies, Hyunshik-ah.”

The younger Choi shook his head, unwilling to hear another halfhearted apology from his brother as he tried, in vain, to regain control over his ire. Ten thousand unfavourable emotions swirled beneath his skin, coming together to form a singular, monstrous entity over which he had no authority. It became clear to him very quickly that he was failing miserably to compose himself. And the longer he stayed here, the worse it would get. 

Without another word, he followed Rowoon’s path, except where his brother’s friend took a sharp turn to the right, Hyunshik turned left, into the corridor that would lead him to the grounds. Wonshik let him leave, settling back into his seat and finishing off his drink. 

“You’re too lenient with him, Wonshik.”

“My brother and I may not agree on a lot of things, but he is family. He deserves the respect you all give to me.”

“He is a disgrace to all alphas.”

Wonshik hummed noncommittally, studying the grooves in the design of his glass. “So are you.”

Doyun was appalled. “Excuse me?”

Wonshik blinked mechanically. “So are you, Doyun. So am I. And yet, we remain.”

“What are you saying?”

“Perfection is an ideal we all chase like dogs. But the fact of the matter is, perfection is unattainable. Unachievable. Even I, for all my strengths and good qualities, am far from the alpha I ought to be. I can still be better, stronger, more…perfect.”

“I still don’t understand.”

Wonshik sighed and stood to his feet, making his way to the wet bar in order to refill his glass. His fingers grazed every crystal decanter, running over each little divot and curve, each sharp corner and cutout. He let them decide which beverage suited his current fancies for him; unhurried as he took his lovely time, uncaring of the fact that he had an audience that awaited him. He settled ultimately on a deep, amber-coloured bourbon, unstoppering the cap and pouring a bit into his glass. 

Before taking a sip he stared at the bottom of the glass, swishing its contents around and about. He downed it all in one go, relishing the burn but seeming otherwise unaffected on the outside. 

“Alphas like you and I, Doyun–like all of us,” he said, sweeping his gaze over the bodies scattered about his parlour, “are timeless.” He walked towards one of the many windows, gazing down into the gardens to watch as a few of his omegas finalised the outdoor preparations for the party. The grass had been clipped meticulously, hedges trimmed to perfection, flowers blooming at the height of their beauty. The fountains were plentiful and grandiose, the infinity pool was sparkling beneath the light of the sun, and paths had been cleared of any debris and stray leaves. Gorgeous, the gardens were–and one of his many pride and joys as a home–or rather, Estate owner. But then again, it was all because of his omegas. His perfect omegas, who saw to every aspect of his grounds. Their hands planted every flower, placed every stone, raised each and every seedling. It was all a true fruit of their inexhaustible labours. 

“We are the true makers of society,” he continued, sounding almost dazed. He could discern a few of them from his vantage point. He could see Sunoo and Yeonjun hauling oversized chafing dishes, could see Beomgyu speaking to one of the beta wait staff members, nodding along to the words coming from his mouth as he gestured to the tables where the food would be served. And a little ways from him, standing at the foot of the stairs that ascended towards the Estate, was Seonghwa. 

As of late, Wonshik found Seonghwa to be particularly enamouring. More so than usual, truth be told. After his desperate declaration of love, something irreversibly shifted inside of him, though he came short on naming what that something was. His eyes longed for a glimpse of his mate at all times. His stone heart ached for his companionship. His fingers yearned for his touch. His scent. His warmth. The softness of his skin. He wanted to hear his voice, feel his presence at his side, feel his body beneath his own, writhing from pleasure that only he could offer him. 

Perhaps it was his ill-conceived declaration, perhaps it was the unadulterated fear that was borne from the idea of losing Seonghwa entirely. He’d threatened his own life. A life that did not belong to him. A life that belonged to Wonshik. 

It was true that Seonghwa was barren, and it was true that it was he who’d made him that way. But after that conversation, after seeing the blank nothingness in his mate’s eyes, after witnessing the roaring hearth that governed his spirit extinguished to nothing but coals, Wonshik had made a most devastating realisation. 

He loved Seonghwa. He was in love with Seonghwa. If he wasn’t, he’d have tossed him aside ages ago for his incapability of producing an heir. He’d have found a new mate, a new Head Omega who could provide that and more. 

But he didn’t. 

He could have. He should have. But he didn’t. 

He couldn’t. 

Maybe it was because he loved Seonghwa’s body. The way he fit perfectly against him, moulded to his every hard contour with his graceful delicacy. Maybe it was because he liked the way he felt when he was inside of him, tight and deliciously hot. Maybe it was because he smelled like his own form of heaven. Maybe it was those things and nothing more. Maybe. 

Yet Wonshik knew, deep inside, that it was much more than that. 

He was enraptured by Seonghwa’s spirit. His drive, his endless loyalty and determination to be a protector and pillar of strength for his omegas. He was captivated by his mannerisms, his way of speaking, of thinking. He was bewitched by his beauty, the intensity of his gaze, the solemn curvature of his lips. Perhaps that was why Felix had intrigued him so, because beneath his meek exterior was a flame of defiance. A flame he’d once seen in Seonghwa. A flame that his son had fantasised about extinguishing time and again. It would make sense, as Seonghwa had been Felix's guiding light from the tender age of ten years old. A beacon that was presented to him after a lifetime's worth of pain and suffering. It was only natural for a young pup like Felix to take after the omega who'd fulfilled every role for him. 

Seonghwa was everything. And yet, Wonshik treated him like he was nothing. 

It was unsettling, to say the least. Having come to this conclusion after everything he’d done. Every venomous word he’d spat. Every cruel intention he’d curated. 

As it were, his mate was breathtaking in the light of the day, hair tousled almost elegantly from the wind. The pink dye that coloured the wavy strands had faded considerably, leaving it a shade of a champagne-tinted rose gold that suited him even better than it had when it was fresh. His body was framed in a comely outfit of a light, beige-coloured chiffon blouse that was loose about his chest but tight around his waist–and taupe-coloured trousers that settled elegantly against his hips. A sliver of his navel was uncovered, something that struck a particularly possessive streak in Wonshik’s wolf, and adorning his throat was one of the newest collars Wonshik had gotten him. A pretty thing made of three strands of pearls that met in the hollow of his throat, with a large teardrop ruby at its base.

Lovely. Positively ravishing. One of the most beautiful omegas he’d ever seen. 

And he was all his. 

Blinking himself from his reverie, he suddenly remembered that he was not alone to ponder over his conflicting emotions or to study his omega’s every move. “We are the ones who shape our governments and lead our people,” he went on to say, filling his voice with resolve and shooing away the distractedness. “The ones who create life, set standards, and above all, uphold legacy. Without us the ways of our people would have been lost to the ages. Proper decorum and etiquette would have disappeared entirely. The world would be a lawless land of chaos and disorder.“ 

“Yes, but what does that have to do with Hyunshik?” asked Minjun, sounding wholly exasperated. 

Ah, right. Hyunshik. They’d been talking about his little brother, hadn’t they?

“Hyunshik, unfortunately, is of a different making. Mother coddled him endlessly, father abhorred him steadfastly. While he was raised by the same ideals as I, he was not led by them. Believe me, my father tried. Again and again, he did, hoping that maybe Hyunshik would come to his senses. But it became apparent to us thereafter that he was inherently flawed. He wasn’t like us. He’d never be like us.” His eyes followed Seonghwa as he disappeared into the Estate and out of view. Part of him was discomforted by the fact that he was no longer in his field of vision. 

“That, needless to say, forged an altogether different kind of alpha. One that was led more so by his heart than anything else.” Seonghwa still hadn’t returned, so he turned back towards his guests, addressing them personally as he said, “perhaps you do not align with his views or perspectives–after all, if I’m to be completely transparent with you, neither do I…for the most part. But he is an alpha all the same, and what’s more–an alpha with the same blood in his veins as mine. That in and of itself is enough of a reason to take caution when it comes to him. Do not, and I cannot stress this enough, underestimate him.”

The silence was deafening. 

“My brother is an incredibly intelligent man. He is intelligent and he is tenacious. Stubborn. Much like myself, I’m afraid. Do not be fooled by the visage of his seemingly fragile beliefs. He is not one to be trifled with.”

“But you do. You test his limits every day.”

“Because I can. I know my brother better than anyone in this room. I test his limits because I know how far they go in ways none of you ever will. You should know how that works, Doyun, considering that you have a hyung of your own who finds enjoyment in pushing your buttons.”

“That hardly seems a fair comparison. I’m nothing like Hyunshik. Besides, you cannot deny that he makes mountains out of molehills. All we do is jest in good fun, and yet he takes it all to heart! You banished Rowoon for his childishness!”

“I did what was necessary. You forget that Hyunshik is a very important ally to have. Besides being of my blood, his influence in society is an asset to furthering my own agenda.”

Doyun scoffed. “You seem to be juxtaposing yourself, my friend.”

“How so?”

“You have our nation’s leaders wrapped around your finger. They are puppets bending to your whims. You don’t need Hyunshik. Look at all that you’ve done in spite of him!”

“Look at all that I’ve done because of him.”

Doyun sighed through his nose, inclining his chin. 

“Hyunshik is my cloak, you simpleton. To remain ignorant to such a truth is equal to folly. The baseless hatred you harbour for my brother is no reason to diminish his innate importance.”

“An importance he remains unaware of.”

“Yes, Minjun. And it shall stay that way.”

A flash of rose-tinted gold flurried through his periphery. He turned towards it. 

“My brother, ever the fool, loves me dearly. It is that love that has destroyed him…”

The sun peeked through the clouds, illuminating Seonghwa’s face. 

“He just doesn't know how.”

 

---

 

“Ouch!”

Seonghwa pulled back his finger, hissing quietly to himself as a drop of blood welled on his fingertip. He furrowed his brows, eyeing the bouquet of roses he’d been brought to display in the foyer. 

“I could have sworn all of the thorns had been removed…”

He plucked the perpetrator from the bunch, twirling its stem between his fingers, running his index finger over the thorn that harmed him. “Seems I missed one.”

The bead of crimson slipped down his finger like a tear, settling into the grooves of his skin. He winced again, feeling the distinct sting that came from such an injury–as small and insignificant as it was. The blood seemed never-ending in spite of it, though, pooling into the web of skin between his fingers. 

He gasped when he felt a hand grasp his wrist. 

“What happened?”

Seonghwa lifted his head, eyes widening once he’d registered that the silent stranger was none other than his alpha. 

“Alpha…”

“You’re hurt,” Wonshik noted, eyes uncharacteristically soft as he appraised the wound. 

“What are you doing here, Alpha? Shouldn’t you be-”

“You’re hurt,” he repeated, raising Seonghwa’s hand so that it was closer to his face. 

“It’s nothing. Just a little prick from the roses.”

“Hm. There surely appears to be too much blood for it to be nothing. Let me help you.”

“There’s no–” Seonghwa felt the words die on his tongue as he struggled to reconcile the elder’s sudden keenness to aid him. He cleared his throat, hoping that it would account for his sudden quietness. “There’s no need for that, Alpha. It’s barely a wound.”

“I insist. How am I to go on, knowing my mate is injured?”

Seonghwa was, yet again, at a complete loss for words…let alone coherent thoughts. 

Wonshik brought Seonghwa’s finger to his lips. The Head Omega could have sworn he stopped breathing as the alpha’s eyes bore into his own, alight with something he could not, despite his every effort, decipher. The man’s lips parted for the bloodied digit, giving way for his wet tongue to slide past his teeth. With a single, meaningful swipe over the garishness that painted Seonghwa’s skin, the alpha gathered the dome of blood that had settled on the tip of his finger into his mouth. He made a show of swallowing the blood, relishing the taste with a quiet sigh of content.  

Seonghwa felt himself shudder at the display. Surely, surely, this was inappropriate at best, intimate at worst. And to do such a thing so publicly, where anyone could stumble upon them! Seonghwa was positively mortified. 

He continued to lave his tongue over the rose-coloured trail of blood until he met the juncture of skin at which his finger and hand met. Then, he stopped. 

His eyes hadn’t left Seonghwa’s for even a second. 

“Divine,” he murmured, pulling his head back from the omega’s hand. He gently grasped Seonghwa’s hand with his own, running his thumb along the inner tendons of his wrist. “You were right,” he said. 

Seonghwa remained silent, entirely dumbfounded. 

“The wound. It’s very small. I don’t think it will kill you.”

Then, he did the most miraculous, most unexpected thing. 

He smiled. 

He–Wonshik. Choi Wonshik. 

Smiled. 

A full, real smile. With teeth.

If at all possible, Seonghwa’s jaw would have unhinged itself at that very moment. It was a miracle he was able to salvage whatever was left of his composure through sheer will power alone, because had he succumbed to his shock, he’d have only made a fool of himself. 

Or worse, a target.

“Why that face, my lovely?”

Seongwha blinked. There were a few choices he could make, right here, right now. One, he could dive into this vastly unfamiliar territory by mirroring Wonshik’s behaviour, and pray that it be received well by the temperamental man. Two, he could continue his impromptu vow of disbelieving silence, in the hopes that Wonshik would lose interest and leave him be. 

Or three. 

He could cling onto the vestiges of self-respect he had, and question Wonshik for what was obviously another one of his demeaning jokes at his expense. As much as he wished it was an authentic gesture, as much as he wished that his alpha was capable of such intrinsic kindness. The man who stroked his hand as if it were a treasured artefact knew nothing of it, and the man whose gaze was undoubtedly reverent as he looked down at him very rarely operated without ulterior motives. Logically, despite the ill desires of his heart, whatever this was, it could only be a farce. 

Which meant that Seonghwa had to choose very wisely. Very wisely. The fate of everything that was to unfold within the next few days relied heavily on this singular choice. 

He could not let it go to waste. 

So he bit his tongue against the venomous bile that pooled in his mouth and plastered a sickeningly saccharine smile on his face. 

“Just thinking,” he said, letting his gaze stray to their hands. 

“What about?” Wonshik implored gently.

“Your hands are soft.”

Wonshik laughed through his nose. “Is that so?”

“Hm…yes, I believe so. It’s much easier to notice when they’re…caring for me.” Seonghwa bit his lip innocently, turning his eyes back to the alpha’s. Wonshik’s stare was intense, packed to the brim with a thousand and one things Seonghwa would never be able to put a name to. But nestled somewhere in between the wisps of onyx in his irises was…

Well it was something Seonghwa would describe as inordinate devotion. 

It seemed terribly out of place. 

“I shall bear it in mind,” acquiesced his husband with a voice most uncharacteristically gentle. He brought forth a hand to slot seamlessly against the curve of Seonghwa’s jaw. Long fingers settling softly against his cheek and neck. 

“You look lovely today.”

Seonghwa’s expression remained thoughtfully stoic. “Thank you,” he murmured in turn. “I had feared that my choice in outfit would not be suited to your liking.”

Wonshik hummed, flicking his thumb back and forth along the silky skin pulled over his cheekbone. “Let me assuage your fears then, and replace them with my unwavering support. Indeed, I believe you’d look breathtaking even in a shift of burlap.”

Fingers trailed over a cluster of pearls nestled against his throat. “You are beautiful, Seongwha. In every form, but especially when you are adorned by my jewels.”

Is it truly me you find beauty in?

His eyes fluttered shut for a brief moment as he took a deep breath.

Or is it the ownership you have over me?

“My wolf is particularly fond. Revels over the fact that our mate is so comely.”

Perhaps it is a gnarled combination of the two. 

“You flatter me, Alpha.”

“You are one to be flattered.”

Cruel, cruel man…

“May I scent you, my love? Consider it an…early birthday gift, for it would be an honour to carry the Head Omega’s scent. And for him to be marked by mine.”

Seonghwa nodded weakly, a wan smile eclipsing his solemn mouth. “You may do as you desire, dear husband. No need to ask. I would be very grateful to receive such a benefaction.”

You’ll take it anyway. 

He didn’t so much as flinch as the Pack Alpha leaned towards his throat and neck, running his nose along the most potent areas of his scent glands. He didn’t say anything as Wonshik’s wrists rubbed against his own, or as the man expelled heated breaths against the extremely sensitive skin, making his mind go haywire with the subconscious desire to submit. Senses completely ensconced by the presence of his alpha and his heady scent. 

He merely re-fortified the smile that had been dying on his lips as Wonshik pulled away. He merely accepted the kiss which the elder bestowed unto his unexpecting mouth, and bowed his head as he took his leave with a squeeze to Seonghwa’s shoulders and a longing gaze that was too heavy for the omega to bear.

Because if there was one thing Seonghwa would do, it would be to ensure that his omegas experience a single day without incident. And that day always came in the form of Wonshik’s birthday. 

Wonshik’s birthday which is two days from now. Two.

That made it his duty to maintain the alpha’s good mood. The happier Wonshik was, the easier life would be for them. If only for a short while. 

Even if it burned him to do it, scorched his skin with every touch and caress, bled through his nostrils with every lingering waft of Wonshik’s overwhelming scent…he’d do it. 

He’d do it a thousand times over. A million. 

Because they had what Choi Wonshik did not. 

They had Seonghwa’s love.

And for that alone, he'd gladly turn to ash.

Notes:

is wonshik...losing his mind???

oh btw i found my facecast for hyunshik and im screaming omg. gonna post more stuffs onto my pinterest board so if you wanna see my vision go check it outtttt (i'll link it here after i do that bc it hasn't been updated in a hot minute)

 

Pinterest board

 

till next time my beautiful lovely readers, i luv yew. you keep me going.

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 27: Interlude: Resurgence

Summary:

Fateful whisperings linger amongst the Choi Pack.

Hyunshik begins to see things for what they are.

Felix and Seonghwa have a talk.

Notes:

me: spends weeks writing and rewriting chapters bc i am a perfectionist who is constantly disappointed by her own writing.

also me: fucks up my story's timeline.

but all is good, none of you noticed my wee slip up and if you did you didn't say anything so really, i can gaslight you all into believing that i have my shit together (i don't but you don't need to know that) and we all win. HUZZAH!

lol anyway uhhhh, yeah here we are with a behemoth of a chapter which is like, finally omg. finally some good freakin food (even if that food is you know, not the most palatable hehee my bad, my bad....)

anyway x2, this chapter is...yup. it's something. definitely a chapter. yup! not much else to say.

oh, but there is! 65k hits and 1500 kudos is ACTUALLY insane??? what da fawkkkk dawgs y'all are crazyyyyy. and i am so grateful for each and every one of you. i know my story isn't the easiest to read and it is by far from the most amazing piece of writing on this platform, but for all of you who've clicked, read, bookmarked, commented...i am so thankful. thank you from the bottomest of my heart. y'all give it the warmth it severely lacks and for that there is no word that measures up to the gratitude i feel :')

now without further ado, here is chapter 27!

 

CW: if you've made it this far in the story you already know, i fear

 

Interlude: Resurgence

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

“There are talks of an insurgence.”

Sunoo’s fingers stilled along the buttons of Sunghoon’s waistcoat. “What?”

“I’ve heard rumours. The older alphas, they speak of a mutiny against Alpha Wonshik.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying…” he took a deep breath, pulling Sunoo’s hands into his own. “I’m saying that there is unrest amongst our Pack. Choi Wonshik’s reign is running a deficit on favourability.”

Sunoo could not believe what he was hearing. “How is this possible?”

“They are displeased with our Pack Alpha’s rule. They say he has lost his way, his righteous path. They believe him to be driven to madness by power and an uncanny proclivity for sadism. Some of them were there when-”

The omega already knew what he was about to say.

Sunghoon swallowed thickly. “When Felix…” He lowered his gaze, shaking his head, unable to put into words the horrors on his tongue. “Needless to say, they were dismayed. At the very least. Though apparently these sentiments have been circulating for much longer than I could have imagined. Kept hidden for good reason. They simply grew tenfold after witnessing…that. I only very recently came to know of them.”

Sunoo’s brows drew together in consideration of his alpha’s words. “Who shares these sentiments?”

“Of the twenty alphas in our pack, eight. Heeseung tells me that they wish to secede from the Choi Pack, and take any who wish to accompany them.”

“Alpha Wonshik would never let that happen. He’d rather see them dead than free.”

“They know this, and they’re prepared to fight their way out. It is to happen tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!” questioned Sunoo, slapping a hand against his mouth at the unexpected loudness of his exclamation. “Tomorrow?” he repeated in a much quieter whisper. “But tomorrow is Alpha Wonshik’s birthday.” 

“They are well aware. It’s come to my knowledge that they’ve spoken with Alpha Hyunshik, but only briefly. Nothing of substance came from that exchange because it’s almost like…it’s almost like Alpha Wonshik knows something is up. It’s impossible, but he’s been…persistent. He has eyes everywhere, ears everywhere else. He never lets his brother stray too far from his sight.” He paused, pushing a lock of hair from his face.

“But there will be another opening. Tonight. With the limited time they had, they planned for a meeting. With Alpha Hyunshik’s support, the circumstances are, for once, in their favour. If they don’t take advantage of the opportunity now, they run the risk of never seeing it again.” 

Sunoo seemed contemplative. Quiet, as he mulled over what he’d been told. “And you?” he asked, voice unbearably small, yet devastatingly hopeful. “What are you going to do with this opportunity?”

Sunghoon lifted his hand to cup the omega’s cheek. His thumb swept over the concave dip of his skin, almost as if he were trying to convey the depths of his sorrows through touch alone. “I would take you away from here in a heartbeat if that was what you wanted.”

Sunoo felt tears prick his eyes, felt his lip tremble at the unadulterated conviction in his mate’s voice. He leaned up on the tips of his toes, placing a gentle kiss on the alpha’s lips. “I’d go anywhere so long as it was with you,” he whispered in return. “However,” he said, grasping Sunghoon’s hand tightly in his own, “I’m not going anywhere without my family.”

The alpha nodded, guiding Sunoo’s head to lay against his chest. The omega felt comforted by the steady thump of Sunghoon’s heartbeat beneath his ear, by the soothing hand threading through his hair. “Of course,” he agreed, “I wouldn’t have it any other way. In fact, getting the omegas out is our top priority.” Sunoo let his eyes flutter shut at the elder’s reassurance, but he couldn’t keep the bout of dread from swirling in his gut. 

“I must confess something as well,” Sunoo admitted after some time. 

“What is it?”

“Seonghwa hyung and the others, we’ve…been talking.”

“What about?”

“Things not unlike those you’ve spoken of with your peers.”

Sunghoon pulled himself away from his mate, holding his arms in his hands.  

“We’d never considered it a possibility that maybe…perhaps, our plans could come to fruition. But if what you say is true, then we have a vice. Seonghwa hyung has nearly lost all semblance of hope, but your words fill me with it anew.” 

“This is wonderful news, Sunoo-ya. Truly, this is absolutely wonderful. It will be much easier to coordinate a plan if we are all on the same page.”

Sunoo smiled wanly, but it was quickly effaced by a worried frown.

“I’m frightened,” he murmured in turn. “It’s all happening so fast. It's almost too good to be true.”

“I am, too. But we can’t live like this. Not anymore. You and I… we were born after the incursion, but I’ve heard stories…tales of a brutal attack led by an alpha who swore to create something better from the remnants of whatever was left behind. Alpha Wonshik was that alpha. He led a group of sympathisers to his cause in order to defeat their foe, who they all deemed a feckless, corrupt man who was no longer capable of being a Pack Alpha. And defeat him, they did. Eradicated his entire bloodline, as it were. Save for one…”

Sunoo listened intently. 

“But it was all a lie. A ruse. Alpha Wonshik acted to eradicate his enemies, nothing more. He pretended to be part of this man’s pack, gained his trust, learned his secrets. Became his friend. All so that he could strike when he least expected it. Others had been seduced by his ideals, those that had pledged loyalty to the other alpha. But Alpha Wonshik prevailed, and they murdered those who did not acquiesce. Those who opposed their righteous path. All of them…”

The omega was horrified by what he was hearing. 

“But why?” he asked in a breathless whisper. “He already had claims to a pack. A strong one, at that. A powerful one. What need did Alpha Wonshik have to do such a thing?”

“Jealousy, I’d wager. Bigotry, in the rawest form on top. They can do a number on one’s mind.”

“But-but murder? For as small a thing as jealousy?”

“Power is a drug, my love. It drives people to do cruel, senseless things.”

“Alpha Wonshik has never presented himself as a saint…but to hear that his hands are stained red with the blood of others…how is it that no one knows? How is it that he’s walking free, unharmed, untouched? Unpunished?”

Sunghoon sighed. “Because men in power serve men in power. And the men in power agreed wholly with Choi Wonshik’s actions. They saw to it that he received high honours for it, in fact.”

“Dear goddess…” 

“Those that fled with him remain steadfast in their loyalty to this day. But there are those of us who see him for who he truly is.”

He manoeuvred Sunoo’s head so that he could look into his eyes when he said, “we are all slaves to him, though in different ways it may be. Deceived and betrayed by the man who had sworn to lead us justly and with integrity of a man befitting his station. It is true that some of us have finally come to see the truth of it, but it is also true that others will remain blind for the rest of eternity. However, we cannot control the actions of those people, only our own. It is our turn to take back what he’s stolen from us.”

He swallowed. 

“Lest we die trying.”

 

---

 

Hyunshik didn’t know where he was going. Yes, he knew the Estate like the back of his hand–having been born and raised within these very walls, but his mind was too addled to be conscious of its surroundings. He let his feet carry him through the corridor, and down a flight of stairs until he was faced with an exit that led to the grounds. The door gave way with a light touch of his hand, and soon enough he was embraced by the infant autumn air. It was neither hot nor cold, but pleasant with a slight breeze that felt soothing against the heated skin of his face. 

From the corner of his eye, he could see the hustle and bustle of the Choi Omegas as they worked to finalise everything for his brother’s birthday soiree. It was a flurry of bodies and movement, a cacophony of voices and sounds. But what really caught his attention was the lone figure settled atop the steps that led down to the western gardens of the Estate. 

The intricate plaits made of white-blond hair told him that the lone figure was none other than Felix. 

He was silent as he made his way towards him, silent as he sat down next to him on the steps. He kept a safe distance from the omega in the hopes that he would not be seen as a threat. But considering that he was about to murder a man not a few moments ago, he was sure his scent was already a dead giveaway to his heightened emotional state. 

Though seeing Felix certainly quelled the more unfavourable notes of his usually pleasant smell. The sight of the omega was enough to undo the bitter staleness and replace it once more with a fresh wave of lemongrass. He was alone, unaccompanied and unchaperoned, which Hyunshik thought strange. But he decided to say nothing of it, and figured that it was a blessing in disguise that he found him here at all. 

It seemed as if Felix had already sensed his arrival, for his fingers continued weaving together stems of delicate white roses and bright delphinium. 

“That’s lovely,” remarked Hyunshik, smiling softly at the omega’s keen display of artistry. 

Felix didn’t acknowledge the compliment, and Hyunshik didn’t have the heart to be upset by the actions of a young pup–especially when it came to a pup who occupied the softest part of it. “I have been relieved of my duties again,” he said instead, surprising Hyunshik while simultaneously explaining his presence here. “My hands…” 

Felix lowered the crown to his lap, cradling his hands against his chest. “They don’t work the way they used to. They do more harm than good. Make messes where one wants order.”

Hyunshik could practically feel his heart crack in his chest as he stared at Felix’s hands. He didn’t know how he hadn’t noticed it before, but it was there, clear as day. The incessant tremble. The sporadic quiver and uncontrollable quake. 

He desired most desperately to ask why, to ask how— because he knew for certain that this was never an ailment that plagued the omega in all the time he knew him. 

He wanted to ask but he didn’t. He couldn’t. 

Instead he said, “I think you’re doing very well despite it, little one.”

And he meant it. 

The tear that carved its way down Felix’s cheek did not go unnoticed by the alpha, who also took note of the fact that he was back to camouflaging the bruise around his eye with makeup once again. Though knowing it lay just beneath that thin layer of concealer was troubling in its own right. “I’m useless now,” he whispered, voice shaking. “A nuisance.” 

“No,” denied the alpha with a quiet firmness. “You are neither of those things, Yongbok-ah. You never have been.”

Felix said nothing in retaliation, but Hyunshik could almost smell the self-hatred lingering along the omega’s conscience. He simply picked the crown up again, tucking one last flower into it before handing it to alpha. “For your wife,” he said, sniffling. 

Hyunshik felt close to tears as he accepted the gift from Felix’s tremoring hands. He caressed the velveteen petals of a rose with the ghost of a touch, afraid to bring any type of harm to its fragile beauty–or to the tender care which Felix had put into the crown’s craftsmanship despite the struggles he faced. Such a lovely thing, made by such a lovely human being, but so sad all the same. So solemn like the tears glistening in the omega’s eyes. 

“Thank you,” he murmured gratefully, “she’s going to love it.”

Felix nodded, letting his gaze linger on the alpha’s hands. They, unlike his own, were strong and well-honed. They acquiesced to his wishes and functioned as they were made to. But of course, they would. Alpha Hyunshik’s hands hadn’t been pried from the fists they’d been curled into in a futile attempt to protect himself from assailants much stronger than he. His fingers hadn’t been bent beyond their means until they were all but severed from their joints in recompense. His palms hadn’t been crushed beneath fine leather shoes so that he could not move. So that he could not fight back. 

He exhaled a shuddering breath, feeling the emptiness rattle in the cage of his ribs and the cradle of his lungs. He looked away, overwhelmed by the sight of such pretty hands. Overwhelmed by the vivid memories that hadn’t left him since the moment they were made. It was all too much to bear. 

“She misses you. Iseul. She expressed her wishes to see you and the other omegas but…”

Though he was unable to complete his sentence, the implication was clear. 

“I don’t blame her,” Felix confessed in a near-silent whisper. 

Hyunshik’s eyes flicked back to the side of Felix’s face. 

“If I had the choice to stay away from here, I would too.”

The words weighed heavily between them. Stifling. 

“What if you did?”

Felix scoffed, staring out into the gardens as he flexed and unflexed his fingers. “Then I’d say it’s a lovely dream, albeit a cruel one.”

“And what if it wasn’t?”

The omega remained silent in the wake of Hyunshik’s question. He could see the gears turning behind those intelligent eyes, could see the fragments that made up his thoughts stringing together until they made sense. But those thoughts remained trapped in his mind as he shook his head and curled his arms around his shins. 

“Dreams don’t belong here,” he stated simply, and that was that.

Hyunshik sighed, mirroring Felix’s actions to the best of his ability. He set the crown aside carefully, so as not to bend or break any petal or leaf, and made a mental note to take it back to his quarters so that he could pack it for Iseul. But he was quickly reminded of his age and the fact that he wasn’t as malleable as he had been a decade ago, and ultimately decided on settling his crossed arms over his knees. Hyunshik wasn’t old, per se. He was only thirty six, thank you very much, but there was, quite frankly, no comparison to the flexibility of a fifteen year-old pup. A pup who appeared to the eye as if he was one heartbeat away from dissolving into nothingness.  

He was so thin it was frightening. Though he did well to hide it behind oversized, shapeless clothing, nothing could conceal the sharp contours of his face, the protruding clavicles beneath his collar or the contours of his sternum peeking from the dip of his cardigan. Nothing could conceal the bony litheness of his arms as they circled entirely around thin legs. 

It was one of the first things he’d noticed about him. About all of the omegas. He’d seen them a mere eight months ago on a solo trip to the Estate, and they looked nowhere near as famished or devoid of life as they did now. They were not exactly healthy then either, mind you, but it was a far cry better than what had been presented to him now.

Eights months…what could have possibly happened in eight months for the omegas to have deteriorated so drastically? For Felix to have…

“You don’t, either,” he murmured to himself as he stared at the omega. His mind was taking him back to the first time he’d ever met Felix. He was just a child. A child who’d experienced such great losses at his young age. He was still a child, as it were, sat before him on the stones of the home he’d been promised to shelter him. And yet his soul was weathered beyond recognition. The small glimmers of light Hyunshik had once discovered in Felix’s eyes were all but extinguished, and he’d never seen the emerald of his irises so dull. Hyunshik wondered if that had anything to do with what San had said without having said anything at all. It was worrying at the very least, and he could admit that he’d been rather uneasy since his son hadn’t offered any explanation whatsoever. I don’t think I’m the right person to tell you, he’d said, and left it at that. Well if he wasn’t, then who was? 

There was a veil of secrecy erected all around them. And even through its gossamer threads there was very little to be made sense of. 

Yet despite his son’s unwillingness to elaborate, part of him knew that it had everything to do with it. A different part altogether didn’t want to accept it. But the overwhelming entirety of him, however, had learned that whatever this was, it was the final indignity. The final nail in the coffin. 

His brother was committing horrifying atrocities. Fact. He was abusing his omegas and allowing the abuse of his omegas by the hands of his packmates. Fact. He was destroying lives. Fact, fact, fact. 

That was the gist of it. The simple, hideous truth. 

Hyunshik wasn’t sure he could tolerate it any longer. And if he was feeling this way, he couldn’t even begin to fathom how these omegas were feeling. 

He knew he had to do something. 

“Yongbok,” he said, garnering the omega’s attention.

“Yes, Alpha?”

“Will you tell me something?”

Felix blinked, shoulders going tense. He slowly turned his head towards Hyunshik, bearing the entire weight of his vulnerable gaze to the alpha. His silence was his acquiescence, and suddenly Hyunshik felt his mouth going dry from nerves.

“Do you like your life here?”

A sharp inhale could be heard coming from the omega’s lips. His entire body went taut with the tension that had frozen his shoulders, and the indifference in his eyes turned to inexplicable fear. “Alpha Wonshik-” he cut himself off with another shuddering breath. “Alpha Wonshik is an exceptional Pack Alpha.”

“That’s not what I asked, little one.” And considering what he’d said just moments ago, a complete lie.  

It was obvious that the tears that flooded the omega’s eyes were formed entirely against his will.

“Do you like your life? Here. At the Estate. In my brother’s pack. Are you comfortable and looked after? Are you loved? Are you…are you happy? ”

Felix stared at Hyunshik through reddened eyes, mouth parted, breathing unevenly shallow. Then, the most confounding thing. Felix laughed. 

Hyunshik’s brows drew together–more so in concern than anything, for the sound that came from the omega’s mouth was more likened to a sob than a chuckle–yet the rueful grin on his face said otherwise. 

“Comfort…comfort. My bed is comfortable. Seonghwa hyung’s hugs are comfortable. He looks after me but no one looks after him. And the others, too–look after me, I mean. But sometimes I don’t let them. Sometimes they…they can’t. Because they don’t know how to. They can’t fix what’s wrong. Mhm.”

He was relentlessly picking the skin of his cuticles as he rattled off on his tangent. Hyunshik winced the second his nail beds began to fill with blood, and the concern only grew once he saw that Felix was completely unfazed by the pain Hyunshik knew he must have been feeling. 

“Alpha Wonshik…Alpha Wonshik. Mhm. A-and Alpha Hoseok. I’m theirs. They-they say I’m theirs, but I can’t be, right? I’m just one omega. Just one. And-and-and Alpha Wonshik is…Seonghwa hyung. Mated. C-can’t be me…can’t be me. Can’t be me.”

Hyunshik’s concern ebbed into full-blown alarm. 

“I don’t understand it. They say I’m th-theirs but they made me-no. No, no. Mustn’t speak of it.”

He shook his head vehemently, blood staining the tips of his fingers. 

“Felix-”

“I love my family. And I think they love me. I think. Sometimes, I can be annoying. Mhm. And sometimes I can be a bit rude but it’s not my fault, I–my mind…it-it doesn’t know how to cope. I don’t know how to–I’m just so angry. All of the time. Mhm. Angry. Resentful. I want to tear this place apart brick by brick.”

“Felix-”

“Happy? Happiness…” he gasped through a particularly painful-sounding wheeze-giggle hybrid, before abruptly stopping, face going eerily still–

“I don’t know it.”

–before it crumbled entirely. 

Hyunshik supposed that was the final stroke against his rapidly unravelling sanity. Tears pooled into his eyes, muddling his surroundings into a hideous landscape wrought with agony. Until Felix was hardly distinguishable even as he sat right before him. 

“Why are you sad, Alpha?” the pup asked through a tearstained voice, and it only exacerbated the ache in Hyunshik’s heart. He sounded so innocent still. So kind. So warm. So broken. 

“Please, don’t be upset. N-not for me.”

Felix was in his arms within the blink of an eye. He could feel his stiff little body pressed against his and for a moment he hated himself for forgetting–he’d never gotten consent to touch him. And touch was something sacred, something delicate. 

“I’m so sor-” he began, but then he felt Felix’s little fists curling into the fabric of his blazer at his back. Felt him burrow his face against his neck and lay his cheek against his shoulder. Felt the way he trembled against him as he sobbed silently, tears soaking into a damp puddle beneath his face. 

Hyunshik held on a little tighter, settling his cheek over the top of his head. 

“What has he done to you?”

“I-I can’t…”

“Felix, please. Please, little one. You must tell me. ”

He felt a tear slip down the bridge of his nose and into the omega’s hair. 

“I want to help you. All of you.”

In a tiny voice, “you can’t.”

“I will. I will, Yongbok-ah. I swear I will.” 

And if Hyunshik had anything to do with it…

He would be making true of that promise very soon.

 

---

 

“Come here, my love.”

Seonghwa finished pouring the cup of tea he was to serve to Alpha Yunseo, knelt before the table with his hands poised elegantly against the pot and its lid. Heeding his Alpha's command, he made quick work of delivering the tea to its intended, before bowing and making his way to Wonshik. 

“Yes, husband?”

Wonshik placed his cup and saucer onto the small table at his side, using his newly emancipated hand to grasp Seonghwa’s. “Sit with me.”

“Alpha, I mustn’t, there’s still much to be done for tomorrow-”

“Surely, it can wait a few minutes,” he interjected smoothly, “I’m more than certain that whatever it is, your omegas can see to it as well. Sit with me. With our guests. For just a moment, at least.”

Seonghwa sighed heavily, surrendering his fate to his husband’s whims yet again. “Very well,” he acquiesced, settling onto the settee at the foot of the sofa Wonshik was sitting on. The alpha hummed contemplatively, staring at the top of Seonghwa’s head with a displeased frown. 

“No,” he said. 

The Head Omega tilted his head in question. 

“I’m not pleased with the seating. Join me here.”

A furrow formed between Seonghwa’s brows. “What?”

“I would like for you to sit here. Next to me. There’s more than enough space for you, I think. Slight as you are.”

“I…”

Wonshik took his hand again, helping him to his feet. 

“I would very much enjoy having my Head Omega by my side.”

As equals, Seonghwa thought with no little surprise–and, surprisingly enough, bitterness.  

He sat next to him on the leather chesterfield, spine stiff as a board and hands curled into uneasy fists in his lap, furling and unfurling against his thighs. 

Wonshik’s hand slithered around his waist, and he used it as a tether to pull the omega closer to his body. “Relax,” he whispered into his ear, trailing his hand up and down his side in a gesture that would have been comforting had it originated from anyone but Wonshik. Or his companions for that matter. But it was a small miracle that Wonshik never let anyone touch him. 

The alpha smiled as he felt some of the tension melt from his mate’s frame. A minute amount, barely perceptible, but Wonshik supposed it would have to do. 

“Now, where were we?” he asked to the room at large, and, much to the fortune of the Head Omega, seemed to forget that he was there altogether thereafter. The only action to counter it was the constant brush of his thumb against the dip of Seonghwa’s waist. 

They spoke of many things. Of politics and social affairs. The new Alpha-only gentlemen's club in the heart of Seoul. 

It was a dreary conversation, in all honesty. And if Seonghwa hadn’t been so painstakingly conditioned to sit still and look pretty while the real men talked, he’d have dozed off, and would have missed something rather interesting indeed. 

“He’s restoring the manor.”

Wonshik scoffed against the lip of his glass. “Is that so?”

“For now, it is hearsay. But I wouldn’t put it past him. What else does he have to do now that he’s back? And for good this time, it seems.”

The Pack Alpha of the Choi Clan hummed in faux consideration. 

Seonghwa continued his facade of blissful unawareness. 

“He is of age now, which means that whatever inheritance was left for him he now has access to. If he is indeed restoring the manor, then I'd say that that would be quite the strategic move on his part.”

“After the state we left it in? It’s a wonder he’s even trying.”

Cruel laughter filled the air. It made Seonghwa’s stomach churn. 

“I don’t believe so,” Wonshik dissented. “That bloodline…well, let’s just say that they’ve always excelled in being irritatingly headstrong. Optimistic, even in the face of total destruction. Ilseong most certainly was, as you all know. It is no surprise that his son carries the same insufferable traits.”

“To what end?” inquired Doyun. 

“Does it matter? He’s one boy against us all. Let him have his trinkets and crumbling manor, I care not.”

Minjun clicked his tongue. “I’ve heard otherwise.” 

“And what is it you’ve heard?” 

“I hear he’s taken a mate. Two, in fact.”

Wonshik’s mouth twitched at that. His personal informant hadn’t alluded to anything of the sort. “You don’t say…”

“A beta and an…unpresented pup.”

The Pack Alpha snickered in clear contempt. “I’d expect nothing else from him,” he murmured. “The unfortunate side effects of weak blood, I’m afraid. No respectable alpha would form such bonds without first having secured an omega.”

Seonghwa felt Wonshik’s fingers dig deeper into his waist at that. Possessive and overbearing, as if the very thought was an offence against his very being. Seonghwa suppressed a pained wince as he felt those fingers sink beneath the bottom of his ribcage, undoubtedly bruising the skin and making yet another involuntary claim on his body. He was only able to distract himself from eliciting such a noise by trailing his eyes along the patterns on the rug, and, more importantly–

Who is this alpha they spoke of?

“You would think having an omega would be a priority for him, considering he is the last of his line. An heir would both bolster his position in society and reinstate his legacy.”

“What legacy?”

Wonshik grinned darkly. “What legacy, indeed.” 

He turned his head towards Seonghwa, lecherous eyes raking over his profile. “Not all alphas are so lucky to have one.” 

Seonghwa could feel his gaze on him, could feel his words sink into his skin, like poison from the bite of a snake.

“Isn’t that right, my dear?”

The omega’s trembling breath was disguised by his sudden interest in the alpha’s inquiry. “Hm? Oh yes, of course.”

Their eyes met.

“Legacy is all we have.”

Wonshik smiled. “You’re right about that.”

“If only he could own up to it,” whispered Doyun to the alpha seated next to him, who snickered quietly in return. “I dare say a barren omega is akin to not having one at all.”

Wonshik’s smile faded instantly, a dark cloud marring his features. “What did you say?”

Doyun instantly paled. “I…nothing. I said nothing.”

“No, no. Don’t be so shy now, Doyun. It doesn’t become you. Do enlighten us to your inner thoughts, I’m sure we’d all love to hear what you have to say.”

Seonghwa chanced a glance towards the alpha, and he could admit that there was something rather satisfying about seeing him cower in the face of his husband’s eerily benign wrath. Something satisfying, and something intriguing about getting a different perspective of it–seeing as it was usually he who faced Choi Wonshik’s ire. 

Doyun swallowed. “It was nothing of importance, Wonshik. I assure you.”

“Well if that’s the case, I don’t see why it’s such an issue. It was clear to me that whatever was spoken between the pair of you was worth quite the laugh. I particularly enjoy a good laugh myself, so I would be remiss in losing the opportunity to do so.”

“Right…”

“So? What is it, then?”

Seonghwa flicked his gaze towards Wonshik, feeling an icy chill of anxiety run through his body as his eyes landed on the alpha’s thigh, where his other hand was curled into a white-knuckled fist. 

He hoped that Doyun was at least smart enough not to lie. 

But it appeared he wasn’t even smart enough to answer. 

“Well?”

“I…well it was-I-”

“Oh, I think I know. It was, I believe, a belittlement of my omega disguised as a jest, perhaps? Does that sound right?”

“N-no, of course not. I…it was not about you–” his eyes landed on Seonghwa for a moment, and Wonshik really didn’t like that. “Eyes on me, Doyun. What were you saying?”

“It was not about your–it was not about your omega.”

“Oh? Was it not a comment made about my mate’s inability to produce pups? No?”

“Well, it-”

“It was, Doyun. It was. Think it’s funny, do you?”

“No, of course not. It is an atrocity. A tragedy.”

“It is, isn’t it. So how have you the gall to make a mockery of it?”

“It was just a joke,” Doyun replied smally. “I didn’t mean anything untoward. Everyone knows how fine an omega your wife is.”

“And you will do well to remember it. Now apologise.”

“Pardon?”

“Apologise to my Head Omega, my mate, my wife, my other fucking half. Unless you prefer to be kicked out of my Estate like Rowoon–to which I would have no objection, mind you. I could care less. It’s my birthday week, the celebration for which you’ve all been gathered is tomorrow. I’ve not the patience for anyone who would dare to sully such a joyous occasion, you understand. Not even you, my dear friend.”

Doyun seemed contemplative of his companion’s clear threat–his little ultimatum. Seonghwa lowered his gaze to his lap, feeling as if he’d been set alight under the scrutiny of every alpha in the room. Like it was his fault that Doyun was being humiliated in such a way before his peers, and not the fact that it was the alpha’s behaviour itself that had brought this upon him.

Though, even Seonghwa had to admit that Wonshik has never jumped to his defence like this before. Usually, he’s one to partake in the verbal abuse levied against him. 

It didn’t make any sense. 

None of this made any fucking sense-

“I regret any and all comments I have made at your expense, Seonghwa-ssi. It was a callous and thoughtless misdeed. You are owed my respect and esteem, not my malice. Please do me the honour of accepting my apologies.”

Seonghwa was baffled. 

He blinked once, twice. Looked to his alpha for guidance with questioning eyes. Wonshik only nodded, an encouraging grin on his lips–albeit a tight one. It was apparent that he still wasn’t entirely satisfied with what had been said and done, but it was just as apparent that he was leaving Doyun’s fate entirely in Seonghwa’s hands. 

The Head Omega turned back towards Doyun. While his words may have had the foundations to sound sincere, the ice-cold hatred in his eyes undermined every single one of them. He was angry, embarrassed. Made to lick the boot of someone he’d always considered lower than himself, no matter the fact that the someone in question was the mate of the most powerful and influential man he knew. 

It didn’t matter who an omega was bonded to, for an omega’s existence itself was enough for them to be looked down upon. A weak and vulnerable one, made to service and supplant those that were biologically engineered to be superior to them. 

Alphas. 

Seonghwa had an intimate understanding of the inner workings of Kim Doyun’s mind. He knew that being forced to beg for forgiveness by him, an omega, pissed the alpha off more than anything. It was, in his eyes, the greatest offence and indignation. 

As he stared at the man, he couldn’t help but wonder what part he had played in the defilement of his pup. Seonghwa knew he was there that night, knew that he had offered a willing hand in his suffering. He would never forget the way he could smell him all over his petal’s delicate skin. 

Kim Doyun did not deserve his forgiveness. Not now, not ever. And as he felt bitter tears of rage and hurt spring to his eyes, he realised he’d already made his decision. 

“No,” he whispered. 

The alpha’s smug face fell into confusion. “What?”

“No,” repeated Seonghwa. “I do not accept your apology.”

It was obvious the alpha hadn’t been expecting that. He flicked his gaze back to Wonshik, mouth open dumbly as he grasped for words. “Wonshik?!” he exclaimed, accusatory as if the denial came from him. 

“What?”

“Your omega rejected my apology.”

Wonshik raised an uninterested brow at him. “And?” he drawled, massaging Seonghwa’s hip. 

“A-and? What do you mean by and?” 

“What is it you want me to say, Doyun?”

“I want you to command your omega to accept!”

“Mm, no. I don’t think I will.”

Doyun sputtered gracelessly. 

“It’s in his discretion whether to accept your half-assed apology or not. Not mine.”

“Since when?” challenged the other.

“Well, since now.”

Wholly aggrieved, Doyun’s eyes narrowed in contempt. “What am I to do now that I’ve done my part? I was told to apologise and I did, you never said I had to receive his forgiveness.”

Wonshik hummed, “I suppose you’re right. Though I must say I’ve changed my mind.”

“This is absolutely ridic-”

“Kneel.”

Seonghwa felt the world fall from beneath his feet. 

“Kneel before my omega. Beg for his forgiveness and earn it. And perhaps then I shall be content with your…efforts.”

“Alpha, that’s not–”

“Shh, my love. He needs to learn his place.”

“This is not how-”

“Seonghwa.” 

The omega faltered beneath the sudden use of his alpha voice. He shut his mouth instantly, going silent as he pulled his shoulders back and stilled like a statue. 

“Now, if you please,” he chirped, tilting his head as he stared expectantly at Doyun. 

“I am not going to-to grovel at an omega’s feet, Wonshik!”

“Why not?”

“Are you serious? It’s insulting!”

“What you said about my omega was, as well. Funny how that works, isn’t it?”

Doyun narrowed his eyes. 

“The choice is yours, Doyun. Once again, I don’t need you here when I have plenty of friends who are smart enough to not behave like imbeciles. You have full authority to leave if begging for my omega’s forgiveness is too much for you to bear.”

“I don’t want to leave.”

“Then you know what needs to be done. Hm?” His accompanying grin was ridiculing. Full of mirth and an arrogance that belied his enjoyment of humiliating someone, even if that person was a friend, a confidant. 

Doyun slowly rose to his feet, hands clenched at his sides in white-knuckled fists. His jaw was set tight as he stared relentlessly at the Pack Alpha, then to his omega who sat unmoving and silent. How such a beautiful thing could be so infuriatingly trifling was beyond him, but he’d be damned if he let a fucking omega be the cause of his banishment from a place where he’d been invited. 

He made his way towards Seonghwa, mindful of his space and of the eyes watching him from every angle. The quiet was like that of a cemetery, for even the dead wouldn’t dare to make a noise during this momentous event. His knees cracked as he sank to the floor at Seonghwa’s feet, where they then thudded softly against the plush rug.

Seonghwa felt his body seize with tension. This was…this was far from what he wanted. He derived absolutely no pleasure from-from this charade. 

Doyun bowed his head. “Please,” he began with a stoic voice, “I…I kneel before you now, Choi Seonghwa, Head Ome-Head Omega of the Choi Pack and wife of Choi Wonshik, the…” he looked through his lashes at Wonshik, “...the magnanimous.”

Wonshik bit back the smirk pulling at his lips–it was evident he was thoroughly amused by the mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“My behaviour is…was…inexcusable and r-rash–both my words and actions hurt you and for that I am deep–” he breathed heavily through his nose, “deeply apologetic.”

Seonghwa wished he could burst into flames at will if it meant sparing him from this painful experience. Yet in spite of it all, Wonshik’s hand on his hip was a welcome reprieve. In some silly, twisted way, it was helping to ground his nerves and soothe his frantic omega. 

His touch was never one to do that, and so the new sensation of comfort was a frightening one. 

“Please, find it in your merciful heart to–” he swallowed past the words he choked on, “to forgive me.”

Seonghwa had yet another difficult choice to make.His fingers curled into his palm as he parted his lips, “I…”

Wonshik squeezed his hip in reassurance. 

Goddess above…what the hell was his life?

“Very well,” he conceded in a hurry, no longer having the energy or mental capacity to string this out farther than it already had been. “I accept.”

Doyun audibly sighed in relief. “Thank you, dear omega. Your kind heart has yet again prevailed.”

Seonghwa smiled wanly in response. 

Wonshik hummed in delight, “very good, Doyun. See? That wasn’t so difficult, now was it? My omega is very gracious, indeed. And above all, understanding. All you had to do was…mean it.”  

Doyun simply stood and returned to his seat, where he finished off his tea in a single gulp and stared at Wonshik with a thinly veiled expression of betrayal on his face.

Seonghwa looked towards Wonshik. “If that is all I’m needed here for, Alpha,” he murmured, “I must take my leave now.”

The alpha lifted his hand to his omega’s face, fingers resting beneath his chin and thumb brushing along his bottom lip. “If you must,” he sighed in return. 

The omega stood up to leave, but was stopped by a hand around his wrist. He stared down at the hand in question, before flicking his gaze to its owner. “Alpha…?”

“But first a kiss,” he announced. “For the protector of your honour.”

A furrow formed between Seonghwa’s brows. Protector of my honour? Protector of my honour my as-

“Of course,” he agreed with a tired exhale, leaning over to lay a chaste kiss upon the alpha’s lips. Best to get this over with so that I can finally leave.

But he was not prepared for what was to follow, for two strong arms wrapped around his waist and hoisted him onto the alpha’s lap. He let out a panicked squeak as he was manhandled by his husband, hands coming to grip his biceps in an attempt to stabilise himself. “Won-”

He was silenced by the alpha’s lips once again, pressing against his own in a manner most dominating. He kissed him with the intent to steal the oxygen from his lungs, to remind his alpha peers of who he belonged to, to impress upon him the depth of his blackened affections. 

Seonghwa’s blunt nails dug into the firm muscle of the alpha’s arms, but they were ineffective in their meagre attempts at evading him. Wonshik was persistent in this carnal display of alpha posturing. He gave no sign of ceasing this brutal attack, and so the only remedy Seonghwa could administer was to bite the alpha’s lip. 

The man gasped into his mouth as he pulled away. Seonghwa feared the worst, bracing himself out of pure instinct for the blow. But when he opened his eyes, he was met not with the sight of an irate sneer, but of an impressed grin pulling at the corners of his husband’s mouth.

“There’s my omega…” he whispered for Seonghwa’s ears only. “There’s that fire. How I missed it.”

Seonghwa felt his face flush–from what exactly, he could not say. Perhaps it was from an acute feeling of embarrassment at the unexpected remark, perhaps it was from the raw fondness swirling in the alpha’s dark eyes. He said nothing in response to either of those things, however, and simply rose from his lap once again, and prayed that he would not be deterred a second time. 

“You may go, my dear. I shall see you in a short while.”

The omega nodded, bowing his head before he all but fled from the parlour. 

Confused, concerned, and inconceivably shaken to his core, he could not get out of there fast enough.

 

---

 

Choi Hoseok was never one to waste time. 

Especially his own. 

There were always far better things to see and to do, more pressing matters to attend to. If he didn’t take a liking to one thing, there were a hundred more waiting for him, and even more still–should he exhaust every last vice presented to him. 

Most of the time his annoyance stemmed from the presence of other people–their idiotic senselessness, their unattractiveness, their monotonous personalities. Therefore, he took extra caution to surround himself with people who didn’t grate on his every nerve. It is that caution that allowed him to befriend other like-minded individuals. And it is that caution that had brought him such a beautiful omega. His future mate. 

Certainly, Choi Hoseok was a man of specific and, some would say, peculiar tastes. But at the end of the day, despite everything he may say or do or think, Hoseok very seldom humoured others above himself–even those that he had deemed worthy of his presence and time. He found it incessantly tiring. 

However, catching up with his dear cousin seemed to be just that. A colossal waste of his time. 

San was younger than him, and in his not-so-humble opinion, much more stupid. He and his elder brother, Soobin. 

He’d never really gotten along with his uncle’s sons, for there were no common grounds to forge a relationship upon. In spite of their shared biologies as alphas, they were too different, too opposing. They clashed on every little thing, fought and argued like mindless pups, and altogether struggled to see eye-to-eye, even on the smallest and most mundane of things. Most would say it was a matter of nature versus nurture. Most others would agree. 

It was clear just by seeing them how contrasting their personalities were. Nature. 

It was clear just by seeing them how differently they were raised. Nurture. 

And it couldn’t have been more of a reason for them to never grow close. 

As it stands, his father’s birthday week was far too important an occasion to draw unwanted attention to himself. It would be better for everyone–but especially himself, of course–if everything happened according to plan and with little to no incident. If that meant braving an hour in the company of his insufferable little cousin for the duration of his stay, then so be it. 

If only to secure his own comfort.

“You mentioned earlier that Soobin was otherwise indisposed, which is why he could not join you. What was so important that he couldn’t even make time for his own family?”

San nodded a bit stiffly, “yes, he, uh…he has exams, you see. Very important. So he’s been taking the time to study whenever he can. I haven’t seen much of him lately myself.”

“I see…”

“He was meant to come, he wanted to, in all honesty,” continued San, “but it just didn’t align with his schedule, so dad decided that it was okay for him to sit this one out.”

Hoseok hummed uninterestedly. “How unfortunate that he will be missing my father’s birthday celebration.”

“Very.”

Goddess, Hoseok wanted to rip his own hair out of his scalp. And Hoseok loved his hair. 

“Has he taken a mate?” he asked, more out of the desire to be nosy than any true curiosity of the ins and outs of his cousin’s life.

“Well, actually, he is courting someone.”

“An omega?”

“Um, no,” replied San, wringing his hands together, “a beta. His name is Huening Kai. They go to school together.”

“A beta,” Hoseok parroted with poorly concealed distaste. 

“Mhm.”

“And you?”

San paled every so slightly. “Oh, me? Nah. No. I’m uh, I'm as single as ever.”

Hoseok raised a brow. “Is that so?” he asked. 

“I still have time to find the one, I think,” he replied through a breathy laugh. “I’m in no rush.” 

It was obvious that San was purposely refusing to meet his eyes. How peculiar, he thought. 

“It’s always in an alpha’s best interest to take a mate whilst in their prime. And you, cousin, seem to be doing quite well for yourself in that regard. It would be a waste for your best years to go by without any promise of commitment.”

San fidgeted with the ring on his finger. “It’s just not my top priority right now,” he supplied. “I’d like to have my life together before I bond with someone, not the other way around. I want to make sure I can provide them a comfortable life and the means to make it even better with time. Just as I want it to be a connection of mutual love and respect. It’s not something I take very lightly.” He glanced down at his ring, swallowing.

“Hm. I've noticed you have a certain affinity towards a member of my pack.”

San slowly lifted his eyes back towards his cousin, abandoning his ring altogether as he slid it back on. His face was blank, but Hoseok could see the cracks in his facade. He was trying so very hard. 

How cute. 

“Wooyoung,” he murmured through a malicious smirk. “It hasn’t escaped my notice that you…have eyes for him.”

“What?”

“It’s not a bad thing, dear cousin. He is quite pretty, is he not? A good match for any alpha.” 

“I–well…of course. But I wouldn’t say I have eyes for him, exclusively. He's a friend. I enjoy his company, is all.”

“Quite a lot, it seems.”

“Just enough,” countered San. 

“Hm.”

“Besides, Wooyoung is already mated to an alpha in your pack. It would be entirely inappropriate for me to consider him anything more than family.”

“Oh, yes. Of course. I was merely asking after your opinion. I trust you’ve heard the good news by now?”

“Indeed, I have,” San replied in a rather clipped tone. “May he and Alpha Yunseo raise a healthy, happy pup together.” 

Hm. interesting. 

San stared at Hoseok with piercing cold eyes, and despite how much the younger irritated him, he could admit that he was rather surprised by the restraint his cousin was exercising–knowing full well that he was pushing every one of his buttons. 

“What about you?” he asked the elder, obviously desperate to change the topic of conversation. 

“Me? Oh, didn’t you know?”

“Know what?”

“I’m courting Felix.”

San’s brows rose, his eyes widened. “Felix?”

“Yes. I’m to mate him on my twentieth name day.”

Once he settled the mess with his father and reinstated his claim on the omega, that is. 

“Mate him….? But he’s a kid.”

“He’s of age.”

Old enough to get fucked by father’s friends, at least. 

“He’s fifteen.”

And I’ll pump him full once he’s sixteen. 

“Your point? He’s close to full maturity.”

San’s brows furrowed together. “Hoseok–what?” 

The elder Choi rolled his eyes. “What is so hard to understand, San? He was promised to me by my father. He’s my intended. And once my father steps down and I take the mantle of Pack Alpha, he will be my Head Omega.”

“But don’t you see how wrong this is? He’s a child. You’re an adult. In case you’ve forgotten, the age of consent in our country is twenty. Which makes this relationship illegal.”

“Your naivete is showing, little cousin. Packs, but more specifically packs of our size, operate under a separate jurisdiction from society as a whole. There is a different set of bylaws curated for them to account for their many complexities. You wouldn’t know that, though. Considering your pack is false.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

Hoseok scoffed. “Oh, please. Don’t be so dense. You know exactly what I mean.”

“My family is a pack.”

“If you say so. Though, in case you’ve forgotten.” he spat, parroting the other’s words, ”packs are legally defined as a conglomerate of six or more wolves hailing from different backgrounds and bloodlines. Your little family is…just that. A little family. Though it’s unfortunate considering you’d all have a home here, if your father wasn’t so proud.”

He could see the younger alpha’s jaw tick in restrained anger, frustration, annoyance . How indescribably fun it was, to get under his cousin’s skin. “My father is no such thing. He’s led by honour, not pride. He’d never in good conscience allow his sons to court a minor.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it, cousin. I do what needs to be done for the strength and future of my pack. Having an omega by my side–especially one of my own choosing–accomplishes just that. It’s a high honour to be chosen by the future leader, I’ll have you know. Felix understands that.”

“Do you…do you love him?”

“I…” he paused, a wicked grin forming on his lips. “I enjoy his company.”

Oh, San looked positively murderous–how exhilarating!

“He is, as you know, an otherworldly beauty. Multi-talented–blessed with the ability to cook and to bake and to sew and embroider, to tend to numerous medical and household chores.”

Hoseok sighed dreamily.

“But most importantly, he’s…docile. Submissive, obedient. He takes very good care of me.”

Very good, indeed, he thought as he moistened his lips. 

San shook his head, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were describing the disposition of a Victorian age lady.”

Hoseok laughed breathily. “Tradition, dear cousin. Tradition. Just as important as legacy.”

“There’s more to life than the customs of old.”

“Perhaps. But we’ve made it this far because of them. Clearly, they’re doing something right.”

“You’re slaves to it. Progress is not a sin, nor is it a weakness.”

“Progress for the sake of progress is,” he countered firmly. “Besides, my father has adapted where he’s seen fit. We’re not barbarians.”

San huffed, casting a sideways glance towards the great expanse of windows to the left of where he sat. “I bet your omegas would disagree…” he mumbled to himself. Hoseok raised a brow, unable to hear what he’d said, much to his chagrin. 

“In any case, I’ll hardly be deterred by anything you have to say. I want what I want. And what I want is Felix.”

“You’re insane.”

Hoseok only smiled a sick little smile, proving his cousin’s point in its entirety. 

“You have no idea.”

 

---

 

He could smell his presence before anything. Before any telltale padding of his feet, before a single utterance of a word or the whistle of his nose as he drew air. 

“Hyung…”

Seonghwa let his eyes flutter shut, let his lungs fill with a fresh wave of oxygen as he took a deep breath. 

He turned around. 

There, at the threshold of the Omega Wing, with his hand braced against one of the doors and his eyes swollen red from tears, stood Felix.

His precious–

“Flower,” he murmured in response, trying to keep his voice from betraying the hope he felt simmering beneath his collected visage. But it was no less soft, no less gentle than what was known of him. 

He saw Felix’s lip tremble, and his heart could not bear it. He felt it pulse in his chest with an ache so visceral it disturbed the hollowness he’d buried deep inside, shaking the cobwebs and stirring the dust. Goddess, he’d missed his little flower dearly these past few days, so much so to the point that the separation was almost excruciating, poisoning his very blood. The distance between them has been unfamiliar and foreign, painfully vast and so horribly discomforting. 

But as much as he hated to admit it, it was all out of his control. 

He knew Felix was in an inconceivably fragile state of mind, one that perhaps even he could not begin to understand in all his…acquired wisdom. 

In that way he also recognised that Felix’s withdrawal into himself was simply an inevitability. One that Seonghwa could not prevent even if he had the ability to pluck it from Felix’s fate. He would need time, and above all, space. 

Space for all of the pieces of his mind to scatter without restraint. 

Space for all of the feelings he could not place. 

Space for all of the little things that made no sense. 

For all of the pain. 

The sorrow. 

The trauma and anguish and rage. 

For all of the terror and torment. 

Horror and harrow. 

He knew that because he’s been there himself a time or a hundred. And yet…he’d never been defiled by an entire group of men. Even in all the years he’d spent within the walls of the Choi Estate, all the nights where he’d been forced to lay with Wonshik, his undoing had never been dealt to him like that. 

The way it had been for his little flower. 

Tears pricked his eyes, warning him of the flood that was no doubt to follow. As he stared at Felix who stared right back, he felt that sting pierce not only his eyes but his very soul. 

He desired to be close to him. To be inseparable as they once were. This distance, this–this unholy schism, it–

He wanted to grasp it between his hands and crush it to nothingness. Until not even a trace of its existence could be pieced together by the atoms that remained of it. 

“I…” he trailed off, unsure of everything–what to say, do. What to think, even. 

“Hyung.”

They stared at each other, a million miles between them. Positioned like strangers. 

“Hyung,” Felix sobbed. Fingers digging into the wood grain. 

Seonghwa felt his chest tighten as he outstretched an arm, blinking back tears to no end. “Come here, my love.”

Felix ran to him, nearly knocking Seonghwa off his feet as his arms curled around his waist and his head settled beneath his chin. He sobbed in reckless abandon against his chest, hands wound into the fabric of his sweater, undoubtedly stretching the fibres but he found that he could not care. Not when his flower had returned to him at long last. Though long last was a mere couple of days. It felt like an eternity.

His arms wrapped around Felix’s back, further diminishing the nonexistent space between them. 

“I’m so-sorry, hyung.”

Seonghwa shook his head against Felix’s. 

“I’m so–so sor-sorry. P-please, forgive me-”

“Oh, petal…”

“I didn’t..I didn’t mean t-to, I–”

“I know, Felix. I know.”

“Please forgive me, I’m sorry, hyung–Hwa…hyung.”

Seonghwa felt the tears slip down the bridge of his nose, seeping into the hair at the top of Felix’s head. 

“I know, I know. Shh…it’s okay, my love. It’s alright. I’m not mad at you, I promise. It’s okay.”

Felix’s hands tightened their grip on his clothes, almost as if he feared Seonghwa would turn to mist in his grasp. 

The Head Omega kissed him on the head, exhaling shakily through trembling lips.  “It’s okay, I’m not mad at you,” he whispered once more in reassurance. “I could never be mad at you.”

He kissed him again. “I promise. Hyung forgives you, hm? I forgive you, sweetheart.”

Felix cried even harder at that.

“Shh, shh…I’m here. I’m here. Breathe, flower. Breathe…”

He stroked a hand along Felix’s back, up and down, using it as a guide for the younger omega to time his breathing to. One stroke up–inhale, one stroke down–exhale. 

“There we go, well done, my star. Just a bit more, yeah? You can do it.”

A few moments passed like that, and slowly Felix’s sobs turned to congested sniffles and quiet whimpers. He still held onto Seonghwa like he could not bear to be parted from him any longer, and a part of Seonghwa’s withered soul was reforged by that small gesture. 

He would keep him here, in his arms, for all of eternity if he could. 

Once the worst of Felix’s cries had quietened, Seonghwa leaned back, using a hand to cup Felix’s face. 

“Why so many tears, little light?” he asked, brushing them away with his thumb. “No more of that, hm?”

“I’m sor-”

“No more apologies either,” Seonghwa murmured, delivering a chaste kiss to Felix’s temple. “The past is in the past. Let’s not toil away in the memory of its hardships.”

Felix exhaled brokenly. “But I was so–so mean.”

Seonghwa shook his head. “No. You’re in pain.”

More tears clouded the younger omega’s eyes. 

“And pain does horrible things. I cannot blame you for letting it get to you. I should have, however, been there to help you bear it.”

“How can you d-do that, hyung?”

“What do you mean?”

Felix’s brows furrowed in thought, creasing his forehead. Tears fell aimlessly from his eyes, their reservoirs unending and boundless. But Seonghwa wagered he preferred that to the heart wrenching wails of anguish he’d expelled just moments before. 

“How could you have helped me to bear it if I-”

His gaze fell to Seonghwa’s claim collar before flicking back to his eyes. 

“If I haven’t been…honest with you.”

Seonghwa smoothed the hair from Felix’s forehead. “How so?” he asked quietly. 

Without a moment’s hesitation he said, “I am so afraid,” and he sounded breathless as he said it, winded. “All of the time, just–always.”

He continued before Seonghwa could say anything. 

“I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I just feel–I feel ill. Like there’s something wrong. My stomach seems to always be in knots, my brain is always on fire. Each thought hurts, it–it burns.”

Seonghwa opened his mouth a second time, to once again be interrupted. 

“Everything burns. My skin. The wounds that have healed and those that have not. My insides. I want it all–I want it all to stop-”

“Flower-”

“But it doesn’t. It doesn’t and then I get so-so angry. So hateful. Vengeful.”

Seonghwa listened on with bated breath.

“I want them to burn, too.”

Felix clutched Seonghwa’s forearms. “The way they burned me.”

Seonghwa’s eyes hardened with resolve as he nodded, pulling Felix towards him until their foreheads met. “They will,” he murmured. “Of that I am certain.”

The Moon Goddess would see to it herself that they suffer for their sins. 

The younger omega let his eyes flutter shut at the promise. “There’s more,” he announced. 

The Head Omega could not imagine what more his little pup had burdened himself with. But now that he was admitting to those burdens, he would not intervene. 

“I heard a voice.”

The elder gasped soundlessly. “What voice?”

“I don’t know,” Felix admitted. “At first I-I thought it was a dream but now I’m not so sure.”

“When?”

“When I was…right before I woke up.”

“And have you heard it since?”

“Maybe once more.”

Seonghwa stared at Felix with inquisitive eyes, mouth agape though no words came from it. 

A soulmate bond? Could it be…?

“Have you heard this voice before?” he asked, thumbing at another trail of tears along Felix’s cheek.  

“Never.”

“Are you certain?”

“I think so, I–I don’t know.”

Seonghwa nodded, using both hands to cup Felix’s face as he gazed earnestly into his tear-laden eyes. 

“What does it mean?”

“It could mean nothing at all…” he spoke honestly. 

Felix frowned. Seonghwa dipped his head down to meet Felix at eye-level. 

“Or it could mean everything.”

Notes:

well i'll be gyatdamned. crazy, innit? think i needa sit down or sum...WONSHIK WHEN I CATCH YOU WONSHIK-

anywho, hope you enjoyed!! leave me a comment they're one of the few things i have to live for and i am so deadass (but you don't have to no hard feelings bc i'll luv yew either way)

still recovering from watching almond murder my fave duo fuck you almond targarydiealready #send #help

moving on, see you when i see you, my lovely readers. stay healthy and happy :)

til next we meet

xx

lovestxy

 

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Chapter 28: Interlude: Emancipation

Summary:

The beginning of the end.

Notes:

...

i have no words of apology for what you're about to read. quite frankly, i myself am quite, uh, perturbed. by what it is. i'm about to do. eheheh....

...
.....

.........

ITS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE-

to it, then!

 

CW: do i still have to do these?

 

Interlude: Emancipation

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

Wonshik was feeling…uncharacteristically sluggish, as he absentmindedly loosened the tie from his neck. His jacket lay draped over the top of his armchair, having been the first article of clothing he’d rid himself of upon his arrival. 

He had returned to his quarters a few moments ago–to rest a short while before dinner. And as the good host he was, he’d encouraged his guests to do the same. He watched as they all, one by one, shuffled out of the parlour and into their respective rooms, and instructed one of the omegas to inform them of dinnertime so that they could reconvene once they’d settled in.

He was so tired, but there was no logical explanation as to why he was suddenly experiencing such fatigue. Sleep was pulling at the corners of his consciousness, just as a yawn was pulling at the corners of his lips.

Perhaps a nap would do him well. He certainly had the time for one, and he was sure it would help spare him of this wretched lethargy. He turned on his heel, stopping once again as he was graced with the sight of his beautiful wife. 

Seonghwa was nearly silent as he fluttered from one side of the room to the next, entirely unaware of the watchful gaze of his husband affixed upon his form. He gathered Wonshik’s jacket and his tie, and swiftly made his way to the closet to return his wares to their rightful places. He moved with a practised ease and an innate grace, indicative of his remarkable training as an omega of the Choi Pack. Wonshik, fully mesmerised, watched him until the very last second, before he turned the corner and all but disappeared. 

The alpha hummed to himself as he shook himself from his reverie and continued on his trek, before sinking into the armchair with a muffled huff and letting his head fall back against the wing. His eyes fell shut on their own accord, lids feeling uncomfortably heavy as they bathed his sight in darkness. He exhaled deeply through his nose. 

There was a chill about the air, and if he were a superstitious man, he’d think it a sign–an omen–of things that have not yet come to pass. Bad things. 

“Seonghwa…” he called quietly, voice almost lifeless. 

The omega poked his head through the doorway, “yes?” he answered.

“Come here.”

Seonghwa acquiesced immediately, appearing at his side within seconds. “You called?”

Wonshik opened his eyes. He took Seonghwa’s hand in his own, caressing his fingers with his thumb. “I did.”

The omega’s brows drew together. “Are you well?” he asked.

“Hm.”

“You seem tired, dear husband. Perhaps you should rest.”

“Will you join me?”

Seonghwa shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t. The caterer is to arrive soon, I must meet with him to finalise tomorrow's menu.”

“Pity.”

Seonghwa shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Come, let us get you to bed,” he suggested, using the grip the alpha had maintained on his hand to pull him to his feet. If Wonshik noticed his very obvious struggle, he said nothing of it–but Seonghwa nearly collapsed from the exertion alone, and had to take a few moments to reorient himself as he was dizzyingly winded and breathless. His husband was a tall, strong man, and he himself was akin to a waif–at least, that is what Wonshik would say, careless to the fact that it was because of him that Seonghwa was so frail to begin with. So while it wasn’t a particularly advantageous position to be in physically, he supposed he managed well enough in spite of it. 

He led the alpha to his unnecessarily large bed, where he all but keeled over the bed linens and landed gracelessly on his side. 

“Wonshik…” 

“Hmm…”

“You must lay properly,” he chastised softly, helping to manoeuvre the alpha’s legs into a more comfortable position. 

“I’d be more comfortable if you were to join me.”

“You know I can’t,” he asserted, pulling a downy throw blanket over the man’s body. 

“Why do you run from me?”

Seonghwa lifted his head, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as their gazes met. “I do not.”

“You do,” Wonshik muttered in turn, nestling his head deeper into the pillows. “There’s always an excuse…to get away from me.”

“That is far from the truth.”

“You think I don’t see it but I do.”

He freed his arm in order to caress the inner tendons of Seonghwa’s wrist, rubbing his thumb along the scent glands there. The omega took that as his cue to settle at the alpha’s side, and was wise enough not to ignore it. He sat down with a quiet sigh, right next to what he assumed was Wonshik’s hip, knowing better than to find any sort of comfort in the touch–no matter how consoling. 

“I see you.”

Seonghwa shook his head with a dejected scoff, “you’ve never seen me, Wonshik. If you had, our lives would be very different.”

Wonshik’s eyes were thoughtful. “Do you hate me?”

Seonghwa stilled. “Hate is a terrible thing to feel.”

“But do you?”

Did he? 

All logic pointed to yes, absolutely. There should be no hesitation, no reluctance to admit that he did. But hate itself was far too exhausting an emotion, and though Seonghwa had long been depleted of his reserves of forbearance, he found that a few drops lingered in a pool at the bottom. Enough to be gathered and set aside for just the right moment. A proper foe or occasion. 

“I hate what you’ve done to me and the ones I hold dear,” he began slowly. “I hate the things you do, the vitriol you spew with every word you speak. I hate that you’ve trapped me within the walls of this gilded cage with nothing but blood and scars upon my skin and soul to show for it. I hate that you’ve taken from me a life I was owed, a life I deserved, just so that you could have the life you desired. And I hate that the hate you hold inside of yourself has led you to this heartless state of existence.”

Wonshik’s hand paused as he absorbed his mate’s words.

“Hate is nasty and it is volatile. It brings more suffering than it does any form of triumph or vindication. It corrupts one's soul from within, until they’re nothing but a rotten corpse that can no longer be sustained by anything but its odious nutrition.”

He let his head tilt down until he was met with the sight of his lap. “In a way, hate becomes your master, and makes you a slave to it. And it festers and it spreads. Like a shadow…like…” he shook his head softly, unable to continue. 

“But you, Wonshik…” he inhaled a deep breath, letting his gaze then stray towards their hands. He stared at them, at the pale skin wrapped around the bones and flesh of his own, the delicate webs of veins and arteries that lay just beneath. Cradled in Wonshik’s, it looked weak and fragile, but only Seonghwa would ever know the true strength imbued into these hands of his. 

“What I feel for you far surpasses it.”

He flicked his gaze back to the alpha’s eyes, and he wanted to curse himself for the sudden sting of tears along his waterline. But it couldn’t be helped. Nothing could be helped. 

“I…”

“You need not say anything, husband. My bed has long since been made, and I must lie in it no matter how prickly it may be.”

“Seonghwa, I-”

“There’s nothing for you to say. Rest well, Alpha. I shall come to retrieve you for dinner-”

He stood up as he spoke, wiping the tears hastily from his eyes as he turned with full intentions to flee from this place. Yet Wonshik shot forward, wrapping his hand around the inside of his elbow and pulling him back. 

“Seonghwa, I love you.”

The omega turned his head to the side, unwilling to face him fully. “Do not attempt to deceive me again with this false declaration. You don’t love me.”

“I do. Seonghwa. I haven’t…” he sighed, “I have erred. In unspeakable ways. But now I know. My heart knows.”

The omega narrowed his eyes, spinning on his heel to bear the full might of his ire to the alpha. “You would not know what it’s like to have a heart even if it exploded in your chest. You play with my own like a toy for your amusement. You play and play and play until it is stretched beyond its capacity, until it is no longer recognisable. How dare you use that against me, knowing everything you’ve done? Knowing everything you are?”

“I speak my truth.”

Seonghwa scoffed. “Is that what you think?”

“It’s what I know.”

The Head Omega pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek as he folded his arms across his chest. “Then prove it.”

Wonshik’s face contorted in confusion. 

“If you love me, will you change your ways?”

“What?”

“Will you stop pursuing my pup for your own nefarious intentions? Will you stop allowing your alphas to belittle and demean and abuse us? To rape us as they please? Will you heed me when I say no?” A tear skipped down his cheek, but his resolve remained steadfast. “Will you teach your son and heir how to treat others with respect and dignity? With compassion and kindness? Will you stop associating with men who would rather see me and mine crawl on our knees like dogs begging for scraps of meat than see us as human beings?”

Wonshik’s mouth slowly fell shut. 

“Will you let me leave? Will you let me breathe the fresh air of society? Will you let me pursue my education as you promised you would if I married you? Will you bring back to me my ability to conceive my own child? Will you perceive me as your equal? Will you– ”

Another tear fell from his eyes, landing silently against the fine fabric of his blouse. 

“Will you restore my will to live?”

Wonshik’s answering silence was suffocating. 

Seonghwa wiped at his eyes again. A soft laugh left his lips, sounding heartbroken and worn. “That’s what I thought.”

He pulled his arm free from the alpha’s loose grip. “You’re incapable of change, Wonshik. Your greed, your selfishness, your wanton desire for control…”

He looked away. “It has destroyed you. It has destroyed the person you could have become. And in my heart of hearts, I know he would have been a man I could love. You are a great man, Wonshik. But you could have been a good one.”

“Seonghwa, listen to me-”

“You must rest. Exhaustion lingers in your eyes and I fear this conversation is moot. I will come to retrieve you for dinner.”

“Seonghwa!” called the alpha, though the command fell short. He was slipping fast under the fatigue that seemed to have exacerbated tenfold in the past few minutes. His eyes fluttered as they stared at one another. “You must…listen…”

The omega watched as his husband succumbed to his sleep, feeling his shoulders droop from the tension that finally left him. With a last glance towards the slumbering man and a hastily whispered prayer, he departed. 

Wonshik would not be awoken for dinner, but his rest would most assuredly be plentiful. 

 

---

 

“Is it done?”

“Hyeri reported that they’re asleep. They all drank it, I presume?”

“Yes. I made sure of it. I served them with care.”

“Alpha Wonshik?”

Seonghwa nodded. “He as well.”

“How long will it last?”

“It should last until the morning. Garam hyung brewed this particular blend himself.”

Yeonjun exhaled a sigh of relief. “Good. That's good.” 

“Indeed. But we cannot take any action just yet. We have to first ensure that the tea takes full effect–a few hours at most, just to be safe. We ought to wait for the cover of night.”

“I agree.”

“Make sure to inform the others. Eleven o’clock, here, in the Omega Wing. Tell them to knock thrice upon the left door on their arrival.”

“I will.” Yeonjun swallowed. 

Seonghwa’s gaze softened. He raised a hand to cup the taller omega’s cheek. “Everything will be fine, Yeonjun-ah. We have allies. We’re not as alone as we believed ourselves to be. As I believed us to be.”

“I grow nervous all the same. Despite Sunoo’s reassurances and Sunghoon’s confirmation. There is an ill guest in my heart that speaks terrible things to me.” 

“I know. I must admit, I myself am wrought with anxiety. And I dare not fill myself with hope just yet. But we haven’t any choice. We are omegas of the Choi Pack. We must make the most of what we’ve been given.”

Yeonjun smiled ruefully. “As we always have.”

Seonghwa nodded, bringing their foreheads together. 

“As we always have.”

 

---

 

“I had a most…bizzare, discomforting conversation with Hoseok today.”

“I can only imagine. What did he say this time?”

San was back to fiddling with his ring. “Did you know that he’s courting Felix?”

Hyunshik sighed heavily, staring dejectedly out of the window. “I learned of it not too long ago.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“What would your knowing have changed, San?” he asked, turning to look at his son. “Nothing. Just as my knowing has done…nothing.” 

San stared at his father, brows furrowing ever so slightly. “What’s wrong?” he inquired softly. 

Hyunshik’s eyes misted almost immediately. “It’s all my fault,” he murmured. “All of it. Every single thing.”

The younger Choi stood to his feet, “what do you mean?” he then asked, making his way towards his father. Hyunshik remained quiet, eyes flicking to the floor beneath his feet. San squeezed his shoulder, shaking him lightly. 

“Appa?” 

“Your mother was right all along. I didn’t want to believe her but I should have. I should have believed her.”

“Appa, you’re scaring me. What is it you know?”

“I’ve been so stupid, San. So blind, so naive.”

“To what?”

“The omegas, San. The omegas.”

“Tell me.”

Hyunshik shuddered, bringing a hand to his mouth as if he was about to be sick. “I can’t…” he whispered, shaking his head. “I can’t. I will never be able to utter the things I have heard...never.” 

San’s features smoothed in realisation. “You know what happened to Felix.” It wasn’t a question. 

His father nodded mechanically. “And the others. I know everything, to an extent. Felix told me everything he knows.”

“Wh…what…” San couldn’t even form a sentence, because the truth is, he didn’t want to know the things his father now did. But part of him knew that he had to, if only to understand a bit better, to piece together this heinous puzzle. 

“It all makes sense now…”

“What does?”

Hyunshik took a deep breath. “Some of the alphas approached me. They wished to speak to me, alone. In private, away from the eyes and ears of my brother. Now I know why they took such lengths just to get an audience with me. It’s like they’d been planning for months to get a-a mere moment.”

“Appa…what does this mean? What is going to happen, what-what are we going to do?”

Hyunshik lifted his head, bloodshot eyes meeting his son’s worried ones. “We’re going to get them out. That much is certain now, and I will not settle for less.”

“How?”

“I don’t care. I will do anything it takes.” He took a moment to think. “I want you to join me tonight.”

San nodded, “of course. B-but what about…uncle, and–and the others? Don’t you think they’ll notice that we’re missing?”

“Garam and Seonghwa took care of that already.” He noticed the confusion on his son’s face. “Don’t worry, everything is going according to plan.”

“Were you ever going to tell me? You’ve been planning these things without my knowledge? I could have helped, I could have-”

“The less you know, the better, son. I can promise you that.”

“But I deserve to know, appa. This is my family, too. People I care about.”

Hyunshik lifted a hand to cup San’s neck. “I know you do,” he acknowledged, eyes earnest and sympathetic. “I know. But I know you, too. You need to have your wits about you if you’re to be part of what’s to come. If I prematurely burden you with my knowledge you will spiral.”

“But I-”

“I want to spare you, San-ah. I want to keep you safe. You are also my priority. Especially when we are beneath this roof. Let me take care of it.”

“Keeping me in the dark won’t achieve anything, though,” he implored desperately. “I need to know.”

Hyunshik sighed, gazing at his son with a torn expression, as if he were vacillating between two impossible choices. “No. That is final. In time, perhaps. But right now you are too young to know of such things. I promise, San. Trust me.”

“You know I do.”

“Then believe that I know what is best for you. At least, when it comes to this.”

“I do. But I feel as if I’m in the dark, grasping for any sort of answer as to what is going on around me. Within my own family. I feel like–like I’m a stranger to my own blood. Like I’m an outsider. I confessed this much to Seonghwa hyung.”

“Seonghwa? You spoke to Seonghwa? When? What did he tell you?”

“The day after we arrived.”

“What did he tell you?” Hyunshik asked again. 

“Enough. But not all.”

“Then you already have an idea.”

“An idea, yes. But a vague one. It is true I have been plagued by the things I’ve been told. They were…beyond unsettling. He told me…he told me that something terrible had happened to Felix. That he’d been taken for the night and brought back an entirely different person. He didn’t share details, though, didn’t–didn’t convey to me what he’d undergone, only what he had to bear because of it. He told me of his wounds, his injuries, the way he’s shrunken into himself as a result.

In all honesty, he admitted a great deal to me without really saying anything at all. He spoke of their duties and tasks, their expectations as omegas of the Choi Pack, how he’s…ashamed of himself and angry that he can’t protect his omegas. He’s tired, appa. Exhausted. Worn to the marrow of his bones and afraid, though he does very well to hide it. But I think anyone with seeing eyes could assume as much for themselves. They’re…goddess, you know how I hate discussing anyone’s body, but…they’re emaciated. And if not then close very to it. It’s frightening. I saw them a mere two years ago and it’s like-it’s like the people i’m seeing now are just husks of those they’d once been. I never expected…that uncle would–would allow this.” 

Hyunshik’s grip tightened on his son’s neck–not enough to hurt, but enough to convey the sheer importance of his next words. “That would make the both of us. We have been deceived, you and I. My love for my brother has made me complicit in everything that’s happened, and that has in turn cast a veil over your eyes as well. Innocent people have been hurt because I was too…” his lip trembled. 

“My father was right about me. I’m weak.”

San shook his head, “no. You’re not. You’re not weak.”

“Aren’t I? In all the years I spent with my father, he told me that love is a weakness. Forget doling it out to the world, to others. I gave that love to my brother, wholly and fully. And that made me pliant. Malleable. It has made me a slave to his whims because I assumed that keeping him happy would spare me from his tripe. Would keep my family from it. He told me what I needed to hear, showed me what I needed to see only so that I would remain artfully blind to the truth of it. I saw good in him when there was naught but the blackness of evil.”

He broke off, turning back towards the windows. “I gave him an inch and he stole from me a mile. Ten. A hundred. I thought perhaps if I…succumbed to his wishes, humoured his p-peculiar desires, upheld our relationship and offered my unconditional support in his endeavours and career that he’d find no reason to cling to the barbarity he’d been raised alongside. He played me like a violin. Like a fool. ” He slapped a loose fist against his forehead, “I was stupid, stupid, stupid…”

“It’s not your fault,” his son tried to assure him. “You couldn’t have known, appa. He’s your brother, no one ever expects for their brother to be so incorrigibly two-faced. He fooled us all in that regard. They all did.”

“Not your mother.”

“Mother is…she is a naturally distrusting person. And uncle is…uncle.” San’s face pinched in annoyance at his lame attempt at consoling his distraught father. “His is a boisterous personality, the type that she’s immediately prone to dislike. You cannot fault yourself for something like that, it is unfair.”

Hyunshik dragged his hand down his face. “My own brother…” he whispered, sounding so broken that San could not bear to hear it. His father was a pillar of strength and composure, not tears and self deprecation. The sight settled uncomfortably in his chest as he laid a hand against his father’s back in an attempt to soothe him. “How could he have done this? I’ve known him to be strict and austere. Authoritarian, even. He’s been that way his whole life. I knew he’d never change even after he’d become Pack Alpha. But there was still hope that once he was given this responsibility, he’d stay true to it. That he’d honour it and uphold its innate virtue. That he’d break the cycle our father and forebears perpetuated for centuries. To-to do…to…goddess.” 

San sighed quietly. “You must tell me what exactly it is he’s done. I know, I know that you think my ignorance to the truth will be beneficial to me but it will not be. When will people stop telling me what’s best for me? First Seonghwa hyung, concealing the dastardly truths from me while offering others. Now you…” He urged his father to look at him. “Appa, Wooyoung. ”

Hyunshik gasped soundlessly. 

“His life has been these walls, these people, these customs. And I love him. But you know that already, don’t you?”

Hyunshik nodded softly. How could he not know when his son’s eyes filled with stars at the sight of the omega? 

“I love him, and it’s because of that that I need to know what he’s undergone. He’s pregnant, and something tells me it was not of his own will.”

“San…”

“Appa, please. I must know. They’re my family. What kind of person would I be if they can live through horrors and I couldn’t even be strong enough to hear of them?”

Hyunshik knew his son spoke nothing but the truth. Though ill-timed and out of place within the turmoil governing his very existence at this moment, his heart swelled with pride and adoration for his child. As young as he was, his maturity, his empathy and depthless capacity for love had made him into such a respectable man and alpha. He wondered if he even deserved him. Either of them, for Soobin was so similar in disposition. His wonderful children. 

“I am so proud of you, my son.”

A closed-mouth smile graced his son’s face, dimpling his cheeks. “People say I take after my father.”

Hyunshik pulled him to his chest. As they stand now, he was still a bit taller than San, enough to where he fit perfectly beneath his chin. In time, he was sure he’d grow a bit more, but part of him doubted that he’d ever be as tall as his brother–Soobin took after him in that regard, but San was the very image of his mother. The thought endeared him so, but he’d never admit to San that it was because it meant that no matter how big he got, he’d always be his little boy. Able to be held in his arms and kept close whenever he found himself in want of his father’s affections. 

He pulled away even though he wished to relish the embrace a little while longer. 

“If I tell you, you must promise that you will not act rashly.”

“You have my word.”

Hyunshik sighed deeply. “But before I do, is there anything else that Seonghwa might have mentioned?”

San took a moment to consider. He bit his lip, raking over all of the thoughts in his mind.

“No. No, he–like I said, he was mostly vague with what he revealed, but I…I’ve managed to string some threads of truth together for myself,” he prefaced.

“Tell me.”

His son took a much-needed breath of air. “It’s a control tactic, starving them. It’s to keep them weak so they cannot retaliate physically. It used to be a method of warfare, in fact, before it was prohibited. And while this may not be war for us, it is for them. They’re fighting it on every front, psychological, physical…sexual. It hasn’t escaped my notice how they’ve been–conditioned to serve their alpha masters.” His fists curled at his sides. Hyunshik saw this, and gave his son a reassuring squeeze on the arm to urge him to inhibit his catalysing emotions. San cleared his throat, ever so grateful for his father’s ability to read him.

“Beyond that he demeans them…treats them like-like slaves. Like things. He and all the alphas in his purview. You and I have seen as much, though we’ve been unable to do anything about it since he always assured us it was…rightful discipline.” A shudder ran through his body. “I have seen the resignation in Seonghwa hyung’s soul myself. I’ve been bared to the sheer depths of his…his fear, embedded into his eyes for anyone to see. Uncle may believe their demeanours to be appropriate and befitting of their subgenders, but we both know it’s not.”

Hyunshik nodded for him to continue. 

“And now, based on what I’ve heard from Hoseok and Seonghwa hyung and what I’ve seen of Felix…I have reason to believe that they are impartial to-to violence as a form of punishment, or…” he felt sick as he spoke these dreadful observations. He glanced at his father. “Or something else…”

Hyunshik’s silence confirmed everything. He opened his mouth, fingers digging into the flesh of San’s arms. 

“What I’m about to divulge to you, San, is of the most heinous of natures. Human actions that are more befitting of the incarnation of evil. Horrors, like you said. Potent enough to make mine own blood turn to ice. I would spare you from it, and I still will with just a word, but you are right about this. A family is supposed to be a united front, it cannot function as a whole unit if secrets and lies are kept between its members.”

He nodded to himself, steeling his every nerve for what he was about to reveal.

And then, one by one, he released all of the demons trapped inside of him, and prayed for forgiveness the entire time.

 

---

 

“We haven’t done this in a while.”

Felix’s eyes fluttered shut as he felt the warm water cascade through his hair. 

It had been a while, indeed. A while since he’d been bathed by his hyung’s benign touch. He’d taken to bathing himself for fear of judgement, even though all logic within him reasoned that Seonghwa would never levy any judgement against him.

Still. He was afraid, and that is something he could not be blamed for. 

He felt disgusting inside his own body. Ugly. His skin crawled relentlessly, it prickled and pulsed with phantom pains and aches. Felt as if it had been stretched and deformed and then laid back onto his bones, only to no longer fit as it once did, hanging loosely, disproportionately, on his body. Decorated now with new scars and marks that hadn’t been there before, marring the delicate fragility of his youth with carnage so hideous it filled him with incalculable shame. 

He could no longer look at himself in the mirror. Avoided his reflection at all costs. Ignored the parts of his body where he knew he’d be met with an unfamiliar sight. Flinched whenever he did. 

He hated it. He hated himself.

Felix had discovered in this time that the burden of self hatred was a heavy one, weighing him down as if there were anchors tied to his hands and feet. Different from the others he’s bore, different from the ones the other omegas have as well. It has brought desolation to the very makeup of his humanity, and it allowed him to fall into himself and drown in the tides of his own mind. 

But things were different now, he supposed. Even if…even if only a little. 

He and Seonghwa had talked–made amends, as it were, even though Seonghwa would reaffirm time and again that no amends need be made. But Felix was adamant, he’d shouldered the guilt alongside his hatred for himself, and wondered if there’d ever come a day where he’d be relieved of it. 

He thanked the goddess every day for Choi Seonghwa, who was able to pluck the guilt from him like an unwanted weed. The hatred, however, Felix knew he’d carry unto eternity. That was something that not even Seonghwa could assuage, try as he might. 

His neck released all tension, allowing his head to fall back so that Seonghwa could massage it with deft fingers. They scraped gently across his scalp, travelled expertly from the roots of his hair to the ends and back again. 

A contented sigh fell past his lips as Seonghwa continued his careful ministrations, and a soft hum soon filled the air. Bubbles floated along the surface around him, coming and going, existing one second and ceasing the next, but never failing to conceal what lingered beneath. The bones and the skin and the monstrosity of unnameable sins.

Seonghwa freed one of his hands to gather the cup he’d been using, dipping it into the water to be filled. He brought it to Felix’s head, letting it cascade gently over his hair, mindful to keep it from his eyes. He repeated that a second time, before setting the cup aside and collecting all of Felix’s hair from about his shoulders and laying it against his spine, wringing it ever so slightly. His traitorous eyes, bending to their whims while ignoring his own, were once again drawn to the dark, mottled scars running along Felix’s back. Not fully visible to his eyes under the cloak of foamy water, but even what little he could see from above its surface made a pit open within the cavity of his chest.  

Every reminder, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, caused that pit to distend, to take a little more from him. Each little scar in his flesh, each hint of discolouration upon his skin, each foreign movement or action of his muscles. Each involuntary flinch and each dead-eyed stare. 

He wondered if that pit would grow and grow and grow, to where it would then swallow him whole, as well. He wondered if Felix, too, had a pit in his soul. He wondered if Felix felt that he was that pit. 

He sighed quietly. His gaze raked over the lines–some criss-crossing over one another, some solitary in their composition. But they were all eerily the same in width and length. Almost as if Hoseok had intended to sear the impression of the cane he’d used into the memory of Felix’s delicate flesh. 

Bile rose in his throat. 

If he tried hard enough, he could pretend it was all a dream. A nightmare. 

Hopefully, goddess prevailing, one that would be coming to an end soon. 

But that was a thought he would do well not to dwell on. Not now, at least. Not when he was with Felix, who required more attention than the ill at ease anxiety in his heart. 

He let his eyes linger on the scars for another brief moment, mentally cataloguing their severity even though they were now fully healed. Felix dreaded the possibility that Seonghwa would mention something, anything, about his newly formed imperfections. But that possibility never came to probability. Seonghwa said nothing of any of it–he hummed on, something pretty and light, and went about his task of washing his pup, savouring the moment for he’d missed these pockets of time spent together dearly. He merely rubbed a dollop of conditioner between his palms and worked it into the ends of Felix’s lovely hair.

A soft smile graced his lips as he gazed at the little omega. A rueful one. Full of pain but also an insurmountable adoration. He quickly leaned forward to kiss the crown of Felix’s head, paying no mind to the wetness against his lips or the slickness of product between his fingers, for he was far too overcome with relief that he had returned to him. 

No one would ever know just how much he loved him. His little flower. His petal. His star. 

Not even Seonghwa himself. 

Not even Seonghwa himself…

He blinked, the sight of Felix’s profile going blurry before he shook his head, sparing himself the nth breakdown of the week. 

After that, he made quick work of the remainder of Felix’s bath, washing away the conditioner from his hair and hands, towelling the excess moisture so that it didn’t drip all over the floor and helping him step out of the clawfoot tub. When Felix's feet met the plush bath mat spread before the tub, he jerked forward, almost falling yet Seonghwa was there to catch him. His eyes widened in concern, but Felix brushed it off with a gentle wave of his hand.  

“I’m okay,” he murmured, reaching for the robe in the elder’s hands. 

But then he stopped midway, arm outstretched before him. 

Seonghwa’s now misty eyes had fallen to his body. His entirely bare, entirely vulnerable body. 

He could almost feel his bones grind against each other as those eyes slowly journeyed down. He knew he was quite the sight, he knew he’d deteriorated horrendously in these past few weeks alone. 

He knew he was ugly. 

The skeleton that offered him support was profound in its ability to be seen–Seonghwa could practically count each and every bone that protruded unnaturally from his skin, from his sternum to the cage of his ribs, from his clavicles to his spine, the blades of his shoulders to the sharp juts of his hips and pelvis.

He swallowed down the bile that had pooled into his mouth.

Because that wasn’t even the worst of it, believe it or not. 

The scars. The scars. 

Everywhere, all at once. On the soft flesh of his belly and thighs, his shoulders and arms and chest. Some small, some not so much. Some shiny, some dark and angry. 

His fingers worked on their own accord, laying the ghost of a touch along a particularly garish mark that was painfully reminiscent of a bite. A cruel facsimile of a mating mark. 

He felt his breath shudder in his lungs. 

Felix’s body tensed with an unfound apprehension. He wished to recoil, to turn around, to cover himself. More so that his hyung would not have to bear witness to such unsightliness than anything. 

But he could not. 

This was Seonghwa. The one person he trusted unconditionally. He was safe. He was safe. 

Seonghwa’s gaze was indecipherable as it travelled along the harsh contours of his mangled form. It seemed…well, he wasn’t sure, really–so complex a gaze it was. There was a deep sadness there, swirling within the tears that sat heavily in the confines of his eyes. There was also terror and fear. There was disbelief.

And then there was guilt.  

A considerable amount of guilt. 

“I…”

Felix could do nothing but watch as his hyung struggled for composure. A chill was settling into his bones now that he was without the insulation of warm water–he could feel the cold seep into him like a poison. Goosebumps erupted all over his skin, his lips trembled, and he curled his arms around his body to preserve whatever heat it could not produce for itself. 

Seonghwa gasped, shaken from his trance as he hastened to cover him with the robe, fastening it around his waist and ultimately obscuring his ugliness from his sight all over again. 

Felix felt…numb. He was cold, of course. Freezing. But he was numb. 

His eyes fluttered towards Seonghwa’s, and he wasn’t surprised in the least that the tears that once occupied his eyes now danced about his cheeks. His hands, still tangled within the bow he’d tied, abandoned their post and made their way to Felix’s face. 

“My little star…” he whimpered, exhaling shakily. 

Felix felt a burning in the back of his throat. “Don’t look at me,” he begged, “I’m–I’m hideous.”

Seonghwa shook his head, causing another wave of tears to slip from his eyes. “No,” he denied thickly, “no, you’re not. My love.”

The younger omega was hard pressed to believe him. 

“You will always be the most beautiful person in the world to me. Hm? Always. No scar will ever change that.”

“That c-can’t be true.”

Seonghwa’s thumb swept over the ridge of his cheekbone. “But it is. You know what I see when I look at you?”

Felix brows pinched in question. 

“I see a lovely, rosy-cheeked flower with big, emerald eyes. I see my own little Rapunzel, trapped in this tower with me.”

He laughed wetly through tears. “I guess that makes me Pascal,” he whispered. 

A smile lifted the corners of Felix’s lips.  

The ephemeral lightheartedness of the joke faded as Seonghwa’s face once again turned thoughtful. “Sometimes I’m left in awe of your beauty, you know. It’s so unlike any I’ve ever seen. These freckles…” he murmured, thumbing at the heart-shaped one next to his eye. “This little nose. These precious lips. This stunning hair. Like a teeny, tiny fairy, you are. So lovely, darling. So beautiful.”

He sniffled lightly, lost in starry-eyed wonder. He could lie about a million things, and has in the span of his life for that matter, but he’d never lie about the way he saw his flower. 

“But more than your face, my love, more than what can be seen by the eye, your beauty comes from within. It is ethereal and incandescent. Your soul is gentle, it is soft despite the hardness that surrounds you. You radiate like a beacon of light in the darkest of abysses. And you love with a love that is more than love.”

He wiped away the tear that fell from Felix’s eye. 

“You see, no matter the things that try to dim your light, the felons who ravage you with their crimes; no matter the marks or the scars that mar you, the touches that taint you…you, Lee Felix Yongbok, will always be the most beautiful flower in this world full of thorns. Nothing can take that away from you, and nothing ever will.”

He lifted Felix’s chin. “Not even you, little star.”

Felix’s lip wobbled as he bit back a sob. 

“It may not feel that way now. But scars are not forever, my love. In time, they fade. And in time, they may even disappear. Remember mine? We thought they’d be there forever, didn’t we?”

Felix nodded slowly. 

“And yet, they're nothing more than faint lines now.” He gazed down at Felix’s robe-clad shoulder, feeling a keen sense of solemnity now that he knew what lay beneath. “I can’t promise that the pain will go away entirely. It will linger, in one way or another. But there will be things to help bury it. It won’t always feel the way it does now. That, I can promise.”

He lifted his head, sweeping his gaze over Felix’s face. “Our bodies are made to be resilient, my dear. It is both a blessing and a curse, but one that we must bear nonetheless.”

He brought Felix’s forehead to lips, and pressed a long, ardent kiss against the skin that was unobscured by his bangs. “But that doesn’t mean you have to bear it alone,” he whispered after pulling away slightly. 

Felix trembled against him. The breathless tones of a shaky inhalation met his ears, and Seonghwa could pinpoint the exact moment Felix surrendered himself to his emotions. He set himself free of his invisible restraints, pulled back the layers he’d surrounded himself with, and laid bare the broken pieces of himself that he’d haphazardly glued back together. 

Seonghwa held him to his chest, pieces and all. 

And for a moment, a perfect, little moment…

Those pieces didn’t seem so heavy. 

 

---

 

After having bathed and clothed in a fresh set of pyjamas, Seonghwa had urged the younger to put some food into his belly. Not much–he was aware that Felix’s system would be overloaded in the worst of ways if he were to dive headfirst into a heavy meal–just a simple beef bone broth and a small side of plain rice.  He ate with the elder’s guidance, slowly and apprehensively, and in time he’d manage to stomach a substantial amount of both dishes. Not all of it, of course, but it was still a considerable feat for Felix. Relief settled into Seonghwa’s heart–relief and pride, because Felix’s struggle went beyond not wanting to eat. It was being unable to. 

“Drink this, petal,” he said, offering Felix a cup of tea. 

The blond eyed it warily, eyes flicking between the cup and his hyung. 

“I know you’ve been having trouble sleeping. This will help.” 

Felix didn’t waste another second before he was taking the cup and saucer from his hands and bringing it to his lips. 

“Careful, Lixie. It’s still a bit hot.”

With a pout, he lowered it from his mouth and blew on the surface a few times before deeming it satisfactory enough to sip on. 

The tea, he did finish. Every last drop of it, as Seonghwa watched. 

Their bed called to him like a siren song thereafter, and Seonghwa was more than happy to oblige him. He led Felix to their room, where he then ushered him to the bed and sat him down on his designated side. He encouraged him to lie down while he switched off some of the main lights, leaving the lamp on his bedside on before joining Felix. 

He pulled the covers over their bodies, smiling softly as Felix curled into his side. His cheek fell against the top of Felix's head, arm instinctually wrapping around his shoulders. He exhaled a deep breath, and waited. Basking in the warmth that his bed had been devoid of. Basking in the subtle yet supple scent of orange blossoms and lavender.

Despite how exhausted he was, and despite how the tea was fully starting to kick in, Felix refused sleep. He clung to his hyung, terrified for some reason that he’d leave him as he buried his face against his chest. 

Seonghwa’s hand came up to stroke his hair. 

“I’m not going anywhere, flower,” he assured quietly, as if he was able to read the fears of his mind. “I’m right here.”

He trailed his fingers through threads of gold as he began to hum a familiar tune. 

He felt Felix melt against him even more once he’d registered it.  

“Looking for star…” he began, feeling that horrid stinging in his eyes again.

“Looking for love…”

Felix slowly turned his body towards him, wide, gorgeous eyes already wet with tears as he met his hyung’s earnest gaze. 

“어떤 슬픔도 올 수 없게…”

So that no sorrow can come here…

“언제까지나 그댈 지켜줄 거에요…”

I will protect you forever…

His hand fell in place against Felix’s cheek just as a tear snuck away from the younger. He leaned into the touch, gaze unwavering as he inhaled a silent, shuddering breath. 

“Forever you are my star,” they concluded together, voices blending into a solemn harmony that only they  could hear. 

Seonghwa leant down to kiss his head. 

“I love you, hyung,” Felix whispered, eyes shiny. 

Seonghwa smiled, settling them once again into their previous positions. He kept him close to his heart, tucked safely into the circle of his arms, and let his eyes fall shut once more.

“I love you most, my little star.”

 

---

 

Chan sighed. 

It was happening again. It seemed to be happening more and more, in fact. Lately. That-that strange thing that swirled through his entire being like a tsunami. 

This time, it manifested into a distinctly heavy sense of apprehension. He couldn’t quite place the unsettling feeling in his heart and mind as a result. It was like a…like an ill-conceived sense of foreboding. And it seemed to persist no matter what he did. 

He hoped, foolishly perhaps, that it was just the stress talking. 

The Manor was coming along…remarkably, actually. In just a little over two months’ time, it looked like a completely different building. It had been cleaned and gutted, demoed until it was nothing but bare bones upon which they could build something new. 

There was much to do yet, but the progress in such a short amount of time was baffling. A blank canvas spread before him, awaiting his first brushstroke. 

In a way it felt freeing to have so much control. In another, he felt plagued by the inky tendrils of guilt. Part of him believed that he was besmirching the legacy of his family by doing what he’d done to their ancestral home. 

But what could they do? They were all dead, and he was the only one left. The only one who could recall seeing what had become of their name, the only one alive left to even remember it. Seeing them fall, one by one, until the only to bear that name was himself.

In that way, he felt his forebears would understand what he was doing, and would encourage it, even. If he was supposed to move on, to live despite the horrors and traumas of his past, he’d have to begin anew. 

He’d have to. 

And even then, he could not, for the life of him, rid himself of that thing. 

It was driving him positively mad. 

Jeongin watched from the doorway as his hyung grappled with the invisible demons in his head. He’d sighed at least two dozen times in the span of three minutes, and he’d been glued to a particular spot of the room that would become his office with little indication that he was a living being at all. Stood so still as he was, like a statue. 

It was kind of eerie. 

He knocked on the doorframe with his knuckle. “Hyung?”

Chan jumped. “Jesus–Innie! Wh-what’s up?”

Jeongin snorted, stepping into the empty room. “You okay?” he asked, ignoring the alpha’s question. 

“Yeah, yeah. All good. What’s up?”

The younger man stared at him with a slightly narrowed gaze. “You sure?” he pressed. 

Chan deflated infinitesimally. “Yeah,” he promised. 

“Because, well…you’ve been in here for like, thirty minutes, doing nothing but grumbling to yourself and sighing every ten seconds. Do you realise what time it is?”

“Ah, well, y’know–just mentally mapping things out. Got kinda lost in my head, I guess. Sorry if I worried you, baby bread.”

He got an eye roll in return. “I might be younger than you and Jisung hyung, and I might be unpresented, but you can still talk to me. About anything. Whatever you want. You know that, right?”

Chan cupped his cheek. “Of course I do, love. But I promise, it’s nothing. Just stressed out, I think. About the manor. School…the usual.”

“Hm. Right.”

“I mean it. I’d tell you if it was something. Yeah?”

Jeongin finally relented. “Alright, alright, old man. I believe you.”

“Yah! Who are you calling old man?”

“You!”

“Little rascal!” he exclaimed, chasing after the younger who’d suddenly run out of the room. His speed had Chan reeling, but there was still life in his weary eighteen year-old limbs yet. He took it as a challenge, spurred on by Jeongin’s gleeful laughter echoing through the corridor, coaxing a wide, playful smile of his own onto his face. 

Whatever this strange feeling was, he was sure it could wait.

 

---

 

Seonghwa gasped to wakefulness, eyes immediately flying to the clock on the wall. Ten forty-eight. With a sigh of relief once it was confirmed that he hadn’t overslept, he blinked the sleep from his eyes and made to leave the bed. 

But then he stopped, feeling a slight weight around his middle. He looked down, heart clenching once he realised that Felix hadn’t relented his hold on him even after he’d fallen asleep. 

Glancing once more at the clock, he knew he had to make a most difficult choice. Ensuring that Felix was sound asleep, he slowly untangled himself from the younger and readjusted his limbs around a pillow. He replaced the cover over his body, bent down to give him another chaste kiss on his head, and with one final look over the slumbering omega, he departed their room as silently as a mouse. 

Or rather, a wolf. 

The door shut soundlessly behind him, and as he turned he was met with the sight of Yeonjun, slipping a cardigan over his nightshirt. 

“Ready?” he asked. 

Yeonjun nodded. “The others are already in the common room.”

“Alpha Hyunshik as well?”

“Yes. Along with San.”

“Perfect,” he said, reaching for the younger’s hand. “Let’s go.”

When they opened the doors to the common room, Seonghwa was hit with an overwhelming wave of anxiety.

Yeonjun caught his eye, squeezing his hand and giving him a reassuring nod.  

They walked towards the group. The omegas were all there, as were Beta Garam and Alpha Hyunshik, San and…some he’d never expected to see. 

Sunghoon, of course, and Heeseung–their presence had been anticipated. But then there were a few of the elders, alphas who’d been closest to Wonshik. 

Seonghwa was loath to trust the men, afraid that they were spies made to double cross them and destroy their plans before they’d even be forged. 

Hyunshik rose to his feet. “Seonghwa,” he said, eyes brightening as he gestured for the omega to sit. “Come, join us, please.”

“Thank you,” he murmured in turn, lowering himself onto the couch. 

Suddenly, all eyes were on him. He bristled under their unbridled intensity, though from the expressions on the faces that surrounded him, there was nothing but patience and understanding. 

His hands clenched and unclenched against his thighs. 

“So,” he began, inhaling a shuddering breath, “I trust that you are all aware as to why we’re gathered here at this late hour.”

Mumbles and nods of affirmation filled the air. 

“I must confess that I…there is a deeply rooted fear in my heart that hinders me from putting blind faith into whatever is to come. I don’t want to live on false hope. Not anymore.”

He exhaled, feeling his hands begin to tremor. 

“And I wish not to instil it into those of us who will be adversely affected should things take a turn for the worse. It has always been, and always will be, my duty to safeguard my wards and put their safety above all else. I will not compromise that for a hypothetical future. So unless we can come together and plan a course of action that will prove to be both efficient and beneficial, this may all just be for nothing.”

He scanned the room at large, making eye contact with Alpha Hyunshik who was sitting right across from him. “But I am willing to try. Anything for my omegas. For Felix…who has suffered more than any of us can ever know.”

“Where is Felix?” asked Hyunshik. 

“Asleep. He’s been…struggling with his sleep, as of late. I gave him some of the tea to help ease him into slumber.”

“Would it not be best for him to join us, though?” questioned San. 

Immediately, “no. No, he–he is in far too fragile a mental state to have this dangling over his head like a carrot. Again, should things take a turn for the worse, I will not sacrifice the frailty of his psyche with the promise of a falsehood, not after he’s finally bared the true severity of his struggles to me.” He shook his head, as if to cement his stance. “For his sake, I will not allow it.”

Hyunshik’s gaze softened. “You’re right. He already bears an immense weight upon his shoulders. No need to add to it unnecessarily.”

Seonghwa nodded. “I will tell him, but only when the time is right, not a moment before. Besides, I’m afraid he’s an open book. Wonshik will take one look at him and know . Believe me when I say that. I know my husband.” Seonghwa glanced at Hyunshik. “As I’m sure you know your brother.”

A muscle in Hyunshik’s jaw ticked at the mention of him. 

“He is no brother of mine.”

San’s head whipped up to stare wide-eyed at his father. 

“I fear he never was.”

Seonghwa brows furrowed together, but a deep sympathy bled from his eyes as he gazed at the alpha. He knew exactly what that felt like. 

“Whatever happens, I know it will destroy whatever relationship we have.” He scoffed in a self-deprecatory manner, “if there ever was one. Nonetheless, I’ve made my peace with it. Bidding farewell to a stranger, cutting ties with a villain–is no difficult feat. In fact, I will be all the more glad for it.”

“But you love him,” Seonghwa interjected softly. “He is your blood.”

“Love does not atone for the sins he’s committed,” he murmured sadly. “And blood means nothing if it's unrecognisable. My brother took advantage of me. He’s taken advantage of you.” He thought of Yongbok, of the men who’d raped him and hurt him. Who tore him apart for the inhumane act of satiating their lust. Who ignored him even as he begged for mercy. As he bled and cried and prayed for his own demise. His eyes misted against his will, and he couldn’t even muster the energy to be irritated by his sensitivity. ”For f-far too long.” He blinked the wetness away. 

“It ends now.”

He looked at his son before turning back to face the omegas. “My son and I are prepared to do whatever it takes to free you all from the hell he’s created with his own two hands.”

He swallowed thickly. “That I can promise you.”

A solemn, reflective silence echoed around them. 

Seonghwa could feel its weight bearing down on him, but it didn’t feel like a burden, no. 

It felt something like hope. 

“As am I.”

All heads turned to the new voice. The alpha who spoke now was closer to Wonshik’s age than Songhwa’s, but Seonghwa had a very good comprehension of who the man was. His eyes narrowed as he stared at him with a frown. 

“I know it may be…difficult to trust me, considering my station. But I believe it is because of that station that you ought to put your faith in my claims.”

“You may speak freely, Baekhyun,” Hyunshik urged sternly. “You need not veil your words.”

“Right,” the alpha cleared his throat. “I…have intimate knowledge of the inner workings of Choi Wonshik’s mind. And yes, I must admit to you all that there was a time where my own aligned with them. But not anymore.”

His eyes landed on Seonghwa when he said,  “the night he defiled Felix…” he cut himself off, unable to continue as he dragged a hand down his face. “The night he defiled Felix, and permitted others to do so, I realised that this was not the man I chose to follow. We all did,” he said, looking at his fellow alphas who nodded in agreement. 

“We do believe that tradition and custom have a place in our lives. But at the same time, we also believe that those things are not paramount to progress. To adaptation. Wonshik is blind. He is grasping onto the more primitive aspects of our species, upholding all of those things that our ancestors should have been ashamed of. To torture and abuse omegas, to do what he’s done…to a pup. To all of you… when he should have done the opposite. That is something that I cannot turn a blind eye to anymore. Were my dam and sire alive today, they'd be ashamed of me.” 

Baekhyun sighed. “My father treasured my mother. She was his Head Omega, and he doted on her so, worshipped the very ground she walked on. When I joined Wonshik, I thought I would be part of something wonderful. I don’t know how I allowed Wonshik to twist and warp my idea of what it was to be an alpha, to be an omega, or even a beta, but he did. He seduced me with honeyed words and beautiful promises, and I in turn allowed that to cloud my judgement. I fed into his sadistic fantasies, solidified his superiority complex, perpetuated the mistreatment of you and yours–and felt powerful for it. All because he told me that that was right. That that’s what I was owed as an alpha.”

He turned his gaze to his lap. “He took me and reshaped me into someone I could no longer recognise. Made me cruel. Made me apathetic to the terrible things I was doing. I cannot, in good conscience now that I’ve regained it, support someone like that. I will not.”

His eyes lingered on Seonghwa and Yeonjun’s conjoined hands for a moment before they snapped back to Seonghwa’s. 

“We owe you our most profound apologies. But we recognise that it is too late for words to make amends for the pain you have undergone. In their place, we hope to prove ourselves through action. Anything we can do to help you start a new life, away from here and free of the chains Choi Wonshik has bound you by, we will do it. You have our word. You have my word. I know it means very little, but please, allow me to help set things right.”

The Head Omega was unreadable as he studied the alpha. There was no denying that Seonghwa could see the sincerity in the man’s eyes as he spoke. No denying that he had truly been affected by the actions of someone he’d once considered a friend, someone he’d once looked up to. Someone who’d promised him one thing and gave him something entirely different.

He let his gaze travel to the other alphas at his side. There was guilt and regret etched into all of their faces. 

But was that enough to trust them?

He didn’t know. 

“That is a very admirable sentiment, Baekhyun. Thank you.”

Choi Hyunshik the saviour, breaking apart the infant tension before it had begun to walk on its own. 

Seonghwa sighed. “My trust is hard earned. It is a difficult thing for me to put into anything, Alpha Baekhyun…especially to men who have played an active part in pushing for the conditions we’ve had to live under.”

“Absolutely,” the alpha agreed earnestly. “I understand your reservations.”

Seonghwa glanced at Yeonjun, then to Wooyoung sat next to him, and Beomgyu a few seats down from Wooyoung. He looked at all of his omegas, his family if not by blood. 

“But for them all,” he began, feeling his eyes fill with tears, “I will do anything.”

Yeonjun’s fingers tightened around his own. Wooyoung’s eyes were in a state much similar to his own, and Beomgyu couldn’t even look at him anymore, no doubt concealing his own tears. 

“If I give you my trust,” he said, “it would be the greatest honour I could bestow upon you.”

“And it shall be one that I will never forget, my dearest Head Omega.”

Seonghwa nodded, sniffling and wiping his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve. “Very well,” he breathed. “Don’t give me reason to regret my decision, Alphas.”

They all bowed their heads. 

Hyunshik met his eyes and smiled ruefully at him for such a dignified response. He looked relieved, he looked…he looked proud. And in this light he could see so much of his husband in him. They were so similar in some ways, and when Hyunshik would turn to the side to speak to his son, it was like he was witnessing a scene from a parallel universe. Perhaps, he thought, the goddess had sent Hyunshik as an apology for Wonshik. 

He smiled in return, nodding his head once at the alpha as if to say thank you. 

“Now,” announced Hyunshik, addressing everyone. “Shall we discuss a plan?”

“Of course.”

He took a deep breath, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. “Just to get the ball rolling, I’ve been thinking about the things that Wonshik likes. We are all well aware that my brother has an affinity for…indulging himself in wine. Especially when it comes to his name day, and he gets to celebrate with the finest imports his money can buy.”

He threaded his fingers together, bringing his hands up to rest beneath his chin as he thought. “And that means that it will not only be Wonshik whose mind will be addled by alcohol. They’ll all be drunk off their asses. Our best bet is to take advantage of that time.”

“A fine idea,” Baekhyun agreed. “But there is still one thing to consider.”

Seonghwa had already caught onto the alpha’s unvoiced implications. “Security,” he provided. 

Bakehyun hummed in confirmation. “There will be alpha guards stationed at every major entrance and exit of the Estate. Not to mention the exterior security cameras which will also be surveilled the entire evening.”

Hyunshik groaned. “That had completely slipped my mind.”

San laid a hand over his father’s shoulder. “Let’s not despair just yet. What if we were to disable the cameras? Get into the surveillance room before the party begins and, I don’t know…reroute the feed? Turn them off entirely?”

“That could work,” Garam supplied, speaking up for the first time that evening. “However, I am privy to knowledge that may yet prove to work in our favour. The cameras reset every evening. Which entails going offline while they upload their data to the main servers. I know our Pack Alpha likes to…view the recordings himself, from time to time.”

“He does,” Seonghwa added quietly. “He keeps backups of every file. Name any day, and I’m sure he’ll have the footage.”

“That’s…unsettling,” Hyunshik remarked, scratching his brow. “And as discomforting as that is, that’s beside the point here. Garam, do you know how long the cameras are down for?”

“I’d say anywhere between fifteen to twenty minutes.”

“That gives us an ample amount of time to escape. More than enough, even.”

“And what of the alpha guards?”

Hyunshik considered his son’s inquiry. “The tea…” he whispered after some time.

“Garam,” he said, facing the beta. “Is there a way to transfer the tea’s properties into an aromatic?”

The doctor pondered over the possibilities. “I…have never tried, truth be told. And it’s far too late to run any sort of experiments to test the efficacy of an airborne sedative. It would be easier to administer in a drink, I could hypothetically dilute the wine with it, but it’s risky. There will be over a hundred guests tomorrow, and wine enough to show for it. In small, concentrated doses, it is potent and effective, but I’m not so sure it’ll have the same result on a larger scale.”

“I doubt the security detail will be imbibing on the job, anyway.”

“That, too.”

“Something else, then? Anything? Just to…knock them out long enough for us to slip past them.”

The doctor stared at him expectantly. “Well, I mean, yeah. There is.”

Hyunshik’s face lit with realisation. “Chloroform.”

“Chloroform.”

“That requires close contact, though.”

Garam shrugged, brows raising. “Perhaps that will work to our advantage . The alphas Wonshik hires are not exactly the brightest, he prioritises their strength and brawn over their intellect. But more than that, they’ll have no reason to suspect members of the pack itself of any foul play. They won’t know what’s hit them until it’s too late. ”

Taking this into consideration, Hyunshik turned to Baekhyun to ask, “do we know how many guards there will be?”

“Wonshik alluded to there being around eight, maybe nine. But there should be no more than ten.”

“We are ten alphas, one beta, and fifteen omegas. Eight of us will be assigned to administer the chloroform. Of the other two, one will stay within the premises, keeping an eye on the omegas and Garam, and one will stay with Wonshik in order to divert his attention and keep him distracted. Once the guards are under, we will reconvene and take turns smuggling out the omegas in groups of three. We can adjust roles should we need to when the time comes.”

He watched everyone carefully for their reaction to his suggested plan, and was greeted by a number of pensive faces. He focused his attention on Seonghwa. 

“Seonghwa?”

“I have no objections,” the omega offered unquestioningly. “Though…” 

“Yes?”

“My biggest concern is Wonshik. He’s been…behaving rather unlike himself, of late. Clingy, affectionate. Regaling his love for me, reconciling for his-his mistakes. I think I’ve…stirred some form of fear within him, and it has shaken him. Has amplified his possessiveness.”

“How so?” asked Hyunshik.

“I said I would follow in Hana’s footsteps.”

A number of stifled gasps rang in his ears. There was no doubt that the meaning behind his words was obvious to everyone–even to Sunoo, who was the youngest person in the room.

“Since then he’s been…he’s been strange.” 

And he did not elaborate any further than that.  

“In any case, I know for a fact that Felix will be his focal point tomorrow night. He’ll not let him leave his sight. Or me , for that matter. If we’re gone for even a moment, especially together, he’ll know immediately that something is up.”

Hyunshik stood, side-stepping the centre table and crouching before the omega. He took his free hand in both of his. 

“Do not fret, Seonghwa. I will take care of my brother. He wouldn’t dare do anything that would put him in an unsavoury light. You needn't be so afraid, not as long as I’ll be present as your buffer.”

“I can’t help it,” he confessed. “Nineteen years I’ve been in this pack. And since I was fourteen, I’ve been the object of Choi Wonshik’s desires. I’ve known him longer than I even knew my own parents, I know of his personality and his beliefs and his peers. I carry his mark on my neck like my own personal brand. His initials are seared into my thigh. Everything I know is because it came from him. Everything I am is-is because of him.” 

A tear slipped down his cheek.

“What if I’m not made to be free of him?”

Hyunshik’s lips parted as he gazed up at the omega. 

“What if even after everything he’s done, the best place for me is by his side?”

“It’s not,” Hyunshik whispered in answer. “You only say that because he’s conditioned you to be dependent on him. You say that because your omega was unwillingly bonded to his alpha and has been in a perpetual state of survival ever since. You say that because he’s all you’ve ever known. Your mind has associated his control with a false sense of safety. It has done so to protect you. But it is not real, little one. It never was.”

“I know,” Seonghwa conceded softly. “I know. I’ve known for a while, I think. I just…”

“It’s difficult,” Yeonjun spoke for him. 

Seonghwa looked at the younger, nodding imperceptibly. “Immensely. So to think that…to think that there’s even a small possibility that I–that I can turn my back and leave this forsaken place…leave him…” he began crying softly. 

Yeonjun’s hand swept along his back, and he felt his heart shatter as he stared at his hyung, who now more than ever appeared to everyone as young as he truly was. A teenager, having been forced to mature, to grow, and to cater to the whims of a man who did nothing but take advantage of him since he was a child. Made him his Head Omega, beat him until he was almost dead, used his body until he was nothing but a hollowed spirit, and stole from him his ability to conceive…it was at this moment that everyone saw with a painful clarity that Choi Seonghwa was a child, too.

He was just a child. 

And now, he is barely an adult. Barely able to reconcile the struggles of his youth before being thrust into the tribulations of adulthood. 

For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, they were seeing a part of Seonghwa that they’d never known. A Seonghwa whose fears and vulnerabilities were laid out before them all like a blueprint that was never meant to be seen. 

“Abuse is not love,” murmured Hyunshik, stroking his thumb along the tendons of Seonghwa’s hand. “Lies and deceit are not love. Violence and control are not love. Whatever he has told you, it’s nothing more than a tactic to further tether you to him.

My brother is a master in deception. All his life, he’s always gotten what he’s wanted, through any means he’s deemed necessary, and yet…here you are. The one thing he might have but does not fully possess. You are the weakness he never intended to have.”

Seonghwa’s eyes were questioning, glistening softly in the lamplight with tears. 

“Your loss will shatter him, and even that will not be minutely close to the way he deserves to suffer. But you, precious omega, will shine brighter than you ever have in an entire lifetime spent in his shadow.”

Another tear slipped from the fray. 

“I will not say that your worries are unbased, for no one can speak to what you’ve endured at his hands. But I will say that there is so much more to life than what he’s shown you. If you let these worries and fears hinder you from learning the true meaning of life, then he wins.”

He squeezed his hand. 

“I know you care deeply for your omegas, Seongwha. But this is something you owe yourself, too. Freedom. A chance to finally live…

…It can all be yours.”

Seonghwa nodded vehemently, surging forward and wrapping his arms around the alpha’s neck. 

“Thank you,” he cried into his neck. “Thank you so much.”

Hyunshik smiled over his shoulder, his own eyes welling as he locked gazes with all the other omegas, who were in no better a state than he. 

“We both owe it to ourselves. We deserve to live a life in which Choi Wonshik has no control. No power. No significance.”

Seonghwa pulled away from him slowly. 

A beat of silence followed after them. It was full of a lot of things–a lot of thoughts, a lot of emotions. Everyone knew that what was soon to come would irreversibly alter the course of their lives. It could mean life or death, but the prospect of freedom from Choi Wonshik’s clutches unified them all under the umbrella of a common cause. 

The thought itself was liberating. To have hope, to have faith…

Such a wonderful thing. 

Seonghwa lifted his head, meeting eyes with all of the people who were ready to put themselves in danger for his omegas. For him.

He’d never felt more alive.

He flicked his gaze back to Hyunshik.

“I’m ready to live.”

 

---

 

The Estate was unnaturally quiet at this time of night. Not a single song from a cricket or hoot from an owl was to be heard, not a single sound to fill the silence. And as a result, sleep evaded him. 

What better way, then, to pass time than by going for a stroll?

Only…he was met with a rather peculiar sight indeed. Hyunshik and San, sneaking their way into the Omega Wing. He watched, hidden in the shadows, as they knocked thrice upon the left door before being granted entrance by a white-faced Sunoo. 

Hm…

Strange in and of itself. Then made even more so as Sunghoon, Heeseung and Baekhyun followed suit a few minutes later. Then the doctor, Garam. Then Jinyoung and a few other alphas of their pack. 

He stared with narrowed eyes as they disappeared behind the doors. 

It was clear they awaited no others, as he could just make out the sound of a lock clicking into place. He stepped out of the shadows, arms crossed over his chest, and felt a smirk settle onto his face. 

Well, what do we have here?

Notes:

seonghwa <333

what in the flippity gibbitt lovestxy you little bitch just wait til i get my hands on you-

uh. i'm so sorry. to be fair, i'm suffering just as much if not more than you all because i am in fact the one who has to write this ("it's literally all your fault we're even here to begin with" okay your point? i am allowed to suffer with y'all *insert nonexistent mental breakdown emoji*)

oh yeah. chan mentioned jesus and i thought wait does jesus exist in this universe and then i ultimately decided yes he and the lord totally can exist in this universe (why? bc it's my universe and i said so) and the moon goddess is just..like a wolf thing separate from them but also like a deity to them idk man. it's not like she plays a role in this story other than being mentioned and accredited for their super rare soulmate connection so...am i overthinking again...?? ykw. suspension of disbelief ASSEMBLE

n e way, TWO MORE CHAPTERS OF THE INTERLUDE HUZZAHHHHH i would like to thank bbokari, my macbook, bubble tea, and my ever deteriorating mental health for getting me to this point. bless. but before that, did this chapter make sense? i lowkey feel like it's a hot mess express but everything i do is for a reason so like...is it okay? help. DID YEW LIKE THE CHAPTER BESTIE???

pls feel free to yell at me in the comments. or cry with me bc i actually did cry while writing this chap lmao. i love comments. i breathe comments. when i see there's new comments in my dashboard i get so indescribably excited it's borderline pathetic lmaoaoaoa y'know sometimes i think i've failed bc my hits to comments ratio is not ratioing and like not to be THAT person but there are some stories on here that are so objectively depthless and bland but they have like hundreds upon hundreds of comments (i'm talking like a thousand comments bro) and then i notice that a vast majority of those stories are heavily smut based and then i wonder for the future of reading bc why is it that people can't read anything without it having any "spice" like are people really that horny??? gahdamn???? but then i also remember that i was really bad about responding to comments for a hot minute bc i have issues so that would probably double the number of comments i have. so am i the problem here? i feel like i'm the problem here.

okay sorry i'm done rambling it's just me literally overthinking and putting myself down bc those are the only things i'm actually good at.

n e way x2, we are finally getting to the boiling point, you guys. i seriously can't believe we've gotten this far, and there's still so much to do so i hope you stick with me through it. love you guys so much. thank you for everything.

til next we meet,

xx
lovestxy

 

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Chapter 29: Interlude: Attenuation

Summary:

Everything was going according to plan.

Until it wasn’t.

Notes:

well.

here it is. here...it is....

deep breath.

i shall meet you in the end notes

 

CW: discussions of car accidents, amnesia, panic attacks, vulgar commentary, mentions of mpreg, minor violence, character death

 

Interlude: Attenuation

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Eight Years Ago

 

 

Waking up felt strange today. 

He felt… well-rested, for a change. No nightmares. No insomnia. No petrifying fear that Alpha Wonshik and his friends would come barging through the doors to continue where they’d left off. 

But more than that, he felt warm. The icy numbness that was now a permanent resident of his being was overtaken by it. He felt it in the tips of his fingers and toes. Felt it in his limbs and his chest, felt it everywhere, just warmwarmwarm-

He nestled even deeper into it, registering just barely how it chuckled lightly and returned the gesture, pulling him impossibly closer. 

It was then that he could smell that warmth. Vanilla and jasmine and almond. Such a delightful harmony of scents that further blanketed him in this cocoon of ephemeral peace. 

He wanted to stay here forever. 

“Big day today, my flower,” the warmth said, and Felix’s brows drew together as he burrowed his face in its chest. 

“Did you hear me? Hm? I know you’re awaaaaake~”

“F’ve more min’s, Hwa, please-”

Seonghwa stroked his hair. “Alright, but no more than that. We’ve much to do.”

“I don’ wanna.”

“Neither do I. Quite frankly, I’d much rather stay here with you.”

“‘S warm…”

“What was that?”

Felix yawned, nose wrinkling in a heartachingly adorable way. Seonghwa wanted to pinch his cheek. “Warm, ‘s warm.”

“Ah, right. It got strangely cold last night and you started shaking like a leaf, my love. I had to grab another blanket.”

“‘S good. I…” another yawn. “I like it.”

Seonghwa hummed, untangling the few knots in Felix’s tresses. “Five more minutes, petal. Just rest.”

“Kay…”

And then he was out like a light for the second time. Seonghwa couldn’t help it, his lips were on Felix’s forehead before he could even formulate the thought. He let his eyes flutter shut as he tightened his arms around the little pup, and his cheek fell against the top of his head without even meaning to. It was just natural. Like a habit. 

Five minutes turned to ten, turned to twenty, and the next thing Seonghwa knew, he was letting Felix sleep for another hour before he was gently shaking him awake again. 

“Petal…” he whispered, running his thumb under Felix’s eye. Back and forth, back and forth, until his eyes began to flutter to wakefulness. Seonghwa gazed down at him, soft smile on his lips as those bleary gems of emerald came into focus. “It’s time to wake up.”

Sleepiness lingered in his gaze, but he was somewhat more lucid than he’d been an hour ago.

“Good morning, my little star.”

“Morning…”

Felix groaned quietly, pushing himself to sit up. He rubbed his eyes of the last few remnants of sleep that clung to his lashes. “What time is it?” he asked. 

“A little after seven.”

Felix paused. “That’s way more than five minutes…”

Seonghwa nodded, patting his head. “You looked like you could use the extra sleep. How are you feeling my love?”

“Surprisingly okay, I think. In terms of-of tiredness, at least. This was the first time I slept through the entire night in–in months.”

“The tea helped, then. I wish I’d thought of it much earlier.”

“The tea and…and you.”

Seonghwa tilted his head in question. 

“Yeonjun hyung is considerate, and he is kind, but he’s not you. His bed didn’t feel the same, nor did his fingers in my hair…or his scent in my nose. The nights I spent away from you made me realise how much I’ve…” he sighed, staring down into his lap. “How much I’ve taken you for granted.”

The Head Omega frowned. “Why do you say that?” he asked softly. 

“I don’t even know if I could begin to put words to it. It’s just…it’s a feeling. Like I know. Inside. Like my omega knows.”

Seonghwa stared at the side of Felix’s face. 

“You’re the only…” he sniffled, curling his fingers into the blanket. “You’re the only mother I’ve ever known.”

Felix turned to face the elder, eyes painfully bare to the inner turmoil brewing within. 

“I don’t remember mine. Just flashes, really. I remember her smile, because it was kind. And I might have a vague recollection of her scent. Something flowery, I think. I remember her laugh. But I don’t remember her. 

What she taught me, what she sounded like. What she did. None of it. They thought I wasn’t gonna make it, when they pulled me from the wreck. And then the doctors said it was the acute head trauma that caused the amnesia. I didn’t know what that meant at the time but it makes sense now, I guess. And when I woke up in hospital it was like…it was like someone had done a factory reset on my mind. 

I felt loss, but…I didn’t know for what. And when my grandfather told me, I couldn’t make sense of it. I felt so…I felt so lost, hyung. Such a large part of me was snatched away and I– I couldn’t even remember.”

Seonghwa ached to reach out–Felix could see it in the sheen of his eyes. The tremble of his fingers against his thigh. 

He was grateful he didn’t, though, knowing that he was going to turn to dust the moment he did. He was holding on by a thread right now, but he was holding fast and strong to it. Maintaining a composure he didn’t even know he was capable of. 

“When Alpha Wonshik and Alpha Hyunshik came to the orphanage, I had lost everyone I had ever known. My parents, my grandfather. My life was just loss after loss, and I had nowhere to put that grief. I don’t think I, at ten years old, even knew what grief was. And yet…it was everywhere, all around me.”

He took a deep breath, now targeting the cuticle of his thumb as he stared relentlessly at the Head Omega.  

“But then I met you. And it was like…” he broke off in a slight whimper, losing the battle he’d waged against his equanimity. “Y-you’d accepted me as if I was your own…”

“Oh, Lix…” the elder shuffled across the bed, pulling Felix’s hands into his own and putting an end to his relentless self-mutilation. “How could I not accept you, my love? You are everything I’ve ever wanted. What I couldn’t gain for myself, you gave to me. Simply by existing.” 

“But you were just a kid yourself, hyung. And even then, you raised me. You saved me…” 

He shook his head in disdain for his past self. “...and I’ve done nothing but hurt you. Cause you more grief, put onto you more stress, further widen the target on your back.”

“That’s not true, petal. You haven’t done any of those things.”

“Even now you lie to protect me.”

“I’m not-”

“You don’t have to, though. I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About anything and everything. Neither you nor I can deny that a number of my past actions have been…less than kind.”

Before Seonghwa could say anything for a second time, Felix pushed on. “The truth is, I’m not like you.”

“In what way, flower?”

“I’m not so…perfect.”

Seonghwa’s mouth parted at the quiet declaration. “I am far from it,” he contested softly, the ghost of an endeared grin pulling at one corner of his lips.

“Not to me.”

“I’m honoured that you view me in such high regard, but if we’re telling truths right now, then that would also be a lie.”

Seonghwa squeezed Felix’s fingers. “I’m not as perfect as you may think. And, in all honesty, I don’t think I could ever hope to be. I try to do my best with what I have, and even then I fall short at times.” He paused, looking at their entwined hands. “A lot of times,” he murmured softly in afterthought, almost guiltily. 

“Trust me when I tell you that I have done things that are less than honourable, things that would no doubt smear your belief in me that I’m perfect.”

“Everything you’ve done is for us. For our survival. Even if they are less than honourable as you say, they have never been selfish, nor have they been cruel. That in and of itself makes them honourable.”

Seonghwa brought Felix’s hands to his lips, placing a kiss upon the ridges of his knuckles. 

“I would never change it for the world,” he said, “I need you to know that.”

“Even if it meant having to live like this?”

Seonghwa nodded, bringing Felix’s hands to his chest and holding them over his heart. “Even then. In every lifetime and beyond.” 

Felix’s eyes watered instantly. “How can you say that and not expect me to feel even more ashamed at my treatment of you?” 

“Have I really made that kind of an impression on you? That I would hold grudges against you for…what? Behaving like a child? Not knowing how to regulate the maelstrom of emotions inside of you? Blowing up at me after I’d backed you into a corner with my own stubbornness? Did you really think that you could ever be a villain in my story?”

“Yes–no, maybe-I…I don’t know. But either way, it–it-it doesn’t make it right. Just because you say it’s alright doesn’t make it so.”

“What is it you think you’ve done that is so far beyond the point of forgiveness, my love?”

“I hurt you.”

“And I forgave you for it.”

“Why?”

“I am afraid I’ve lost you. What do you mean, Felix? Why can’t you accept that you’ve done nothing that is unforgivable?” 

“I…I’m just sorry. You’ve sacrificed too much for us–for me–to have me behave that way towards you. I was so cruel in my remarks, so uncaring to how they’d make you feel when all you wanted was to help. I just can’t-I just–how? How can you do it?”

Seonghwa's gaze softened, brows smoothing. 

“You hide much, hyung, but not all. The things they’ve done to you, the things they do...how can you still be so kind?” Felix stared at him expectantly, desperately, and if Seonghwa wasn’t who he was, he’d have missed it completely. 

“That’s the easy part, I think.”

Felix's tearful eyes stared at him questioningly. 

“It’s not a task to be kind when the thing you’re kind to is something…someone you love.”

He lifted a hand to the younger omega’s cheek. “I don’t know what it is, exactly, but for as long as I can remember I’ve…been this way. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I’ve always wanted to…be someone’s home. The person someone can trust unconditionally and without restraint. The person who is always there, at any time of any day. I’ve always wanted to be the person who’s needed. 

I’ve wanted to create a family, a pack , full of the people I hold dear. And I think…I think I’ve wanted it so bad that I…well I suppose I’ve wanted it so bad that even the bad things can’t take away my innate ability to love. They’ve tried. Many times and in many ways…but I’ve never been able to relinquish that which made me, me. 

You’ve always told me that I have a big heart, and sometimes there are moments where I think it might be too big. So big that it gets hurt very easily. Bruises at the slightest touch.

But then I see you, and I see your hyungs, and I think to myself…it’s all worth it.”

He sniffled quietly, gazing intently into Felix’s eyes and committing the sight to memory. 

“I will not lie to you now and say that they haven’t torn me down. They have. They’ve torn me down and have taken more from me than I thought possible. But not that,” his thumb swept across Felix’s cheekbone. “Never that.”

A small smile formed on his lips. “Because it’s not for them. It’s for the people that matter.”

“You should resent me. More than once I’ve been the reason for your pain. Certainly enough times to warrant it. I notice more than you think, hyung. I know very well of the sacrifices you’ve made for me. For all of us, of course. But especially me.”

Seonghwa expelled a breathy laugh. “That would be quite impossible. You must remember, Felix, protecting you has always been my choice. As you very well know we have very little control of our own choices, so I strive to ensure that the ones I make leave no room for regret.”

Felix shook his head. 

“Petal, look at me.”

He reluctantly did so. 

“I do not carry any regrets for any of my choices, for there are none to be carried. I’ve told you, I would do it in every lifetime. In every lifetime I will make these choices and I will do so willingly.”

Felix was at a loss for words. 

He never knew…

He never knew he was so loved. 

Never knew he…meant so much. 

He couldn’t help the tears when they returned with a vengeance. 

Seonghwa clicked his tongue as he lightly patted Felix’s cheek. “How I hate seeing you cry, my love. But I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.”

Felix chuckled thickly through his tears. “Gandalf.”

“Hm…he always has the right words to make anyone feel better.”

“Like you.”

Seonghwa’s brows rose. “Oh? Have I been upgraded from Pascal to the White Wizard?”

“No,” Felix murmured, suddenly serious. Seonghwa’s head tilted in question, the smile slipping from his face. “Even Gandalf could not measure up to you. In any form. Whether he’s grey or white.”

The Head Omega felt his lip waver. 

“Gandalf has magic. Magic he does good with. But you…you don’t have it. And yet you don’t need magic, t-to do the good that you do.”

Felix felt such a distinct pain in his chest, but for once it was a welcome one. It reminded him that he was loved, not hated. That he was cherished beyond his wildest imagination. “If-if my fate is what brought me here, I…” he swallowed, voice trembling. “I’m glad it has brought me here to you.”

Seonghwa wasted no time in embracing the younger. Felix collapsed against him, hands immediately seizing the fabric of his shirt as his face nestled into the crook of his neck. 

“I’m glad it was you, hyung. I’m glad it was you. Every lifetime with you.”

Seonghwa’s hand curled along the back of Felix’s neck, fingers sinking into his hair. “Every lifetime,” he promised, kissing the side of his head.

“Forever.”

 

---

 

The unexpected knock on his door prompted Wonshik to take a glance at his watch. 

He raised a questioning brow. It wasn’t quite time for Seonghwa to come see him yet, and Seonghwa was nothing if not punctual with his schedule. Never late, never early. Right on time, every time. No mistake. 

So it made him wonder who’d dare disturb him before his day had officially begun. 

“Alpha Hoseok would like an audience with you, Sir,” came the voice of one of his omegas. 

Hoseok. Of course. What did he want at this hour?

“Let him in.”

“As you wish, Alpha.”

The doors opened to reveal none other than his son and heir, dressed to the nines despite how early it was. The omega bowed before them both, before retreating and shutting the doors quietly behind them. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked, folding his hands behind his back. 

Hoseok grinned. “Oh, I do believe the pleasure will be all mine. Tell me, father, how are things?”

Wonshik frowned. “You come to my quarters at this hour to…dally in smalltalk?”

His son laughed. “No, of course not. It’s never quite as simple as smalltalk with you, is it?”

“Say what you came to say, Hoseok. Today is a very busy day and each minute wasted is a detriment.”

“I know, I know. Which is why… I’ve come now. And not a moment too soon, it would seem.” He studied the state of his father, eyes roaming over every facet of the face he took after. “You look well rested.”

“I am.”

“How was dinner?”

“A sordid affair, I’m sure. Nothing noteworthy to remember–in fact, it’s like it never happened at all. Seems my exhaustion took the best of me.”

“Oh? That’s interesting. See, I myself wouldn’t know considering I very seldom join the pack alphas for dinner, however…hm. You already know that, don’t you, father?”

“Speak your piece, Hoseok. I tire of your stalling.”

The younger Choi clicked his tongue, bringing a hand before his face to study his immaculately manicured nails. “Hm…before we get to that, there is a matter most pressing that I’d like to address…”

Wonshik stared blankly at him. 

“Felix.”

“What about him?”

“My twentieth name day is soon upon us. I want to make sure you intend to keep your promise.”

Wonshik sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Not this ridiculous conversation again.”

“Indeed, again. Don’t think that I’ve forgotten the way you’ve been overstepping your boundaries. I was gracious enough to allow you one night of enjoyment with him. And it is clear that you took that allowance and ran with it.” He lowered his hand, bringing his arms forward to then cross over his chest. “Some time has elapsed since that night, and I find that it occupies my mind now more than ever. I have not only made realisations since then, but I’ve also decided to erect boundaries that will hopefully be more prevalent than their predecessors.”

“What are you trying to say, Hoseok?”

“I don’t approve of what you did, to put it simply. Nor of the manner in which you further weaponised his status as an unmated omega of our pack despite having promised him to me.”

A humourless laugh from his father only spurred his ire. 

“However,” he continued, “I must admit that I find his newfound frailty alluring. Whatever you did to him, it has made him fearful, and has, dare I say, vanquished what little spirit foolishly lingered within. For that I thank you. But it leaves a bitter taste on my tongue nonetheless that it was not at my hands that he evolved suchly.” 

“You forget, son,” chuckled Wonshik, “you are the one that left him.”

Hoseok’s jaw ticked. 

“He begged you to save him, to take him away, and yet you practically hand delivered him to us. Threw him at our feet, knowing exactly what would happen, and wished me well with my new courtship.”

His son’s answering silence was laughable. 

“Don’t like it? Leaves a bitter taste on your tongue? Seems to me then that the one you should be aggrieved with is yourself.”

“He’s mine.” 

“They’re all mine. You can have him, mate him, whatever you want–but he will birth a son for me. My new heir.”

“How dare you? First you steal from me my mate and now you threaten my birthright?”

Wonshik’s eyes widened manically. “How dare I? How dare I?”

He charged towards his son, a dangerous scowl marring his face, vexation in his every thunderous step. “I am your father but before that, I am your Pack Alpha. My word is law and even your supposed birthright can do nothing to change that. I have been too lenient with you, my son. Perhaps you need to be reminded of your place.”

Hoseok said nothing for a while, as he stood there pondering over the implications nestled within his father’s words. “I…” he began, unfolding his arms, feeling anger simmer beneath his skin, uncomfortable and hot. His hands curled at his sides, forming fists that would never meet their target. “I have ever endeavoured to prove myself as the future leader of this pack. Now that I’m older I have come to understand that I am far from the son you would have liked for yourself, however I am your son all the same. And even though you do not like me, I have always considered us allies working towards the same goal: to further cement our legacy in the fabric of time with honour and the traditions and values of our ancestors. Everything I’ve done, everything I will continue to do, I do for our future. You may not like me, father, but you cannot deny that I am your fiercest protector. The loyalest of all your packmates. You know that, don’t you? Deep down, you. Know . That. 

In effect, you allowed me the choice of picking my own omega. I suppose it was a bone thrown my way to keep me off your trail. To distract me while you made plans to secure another heir. But I took it in stride nonetheless. I chose Felix. To have and to mate. To be mine and mine alone. As an alpha yourself you understand the type of claim that is, and yet you made a mockery of my own. You defiled him for your own needs and wants, and expect me to not feel threatened by your actions, to not feel disgraced by your continued denial of what I’m owed. If any other alpha were to lay a hand on Seonghwa they’d be dead where they stood.”

Wonshik pressed his tongue against his cheek. 

“Am I wrong?”

He laughed as his father glared at him, a silent inferno raging behind his eyes. “Of course not. Seonghwa will always be your crowning jewel.”

“Be mindful of what you say next.”

Hoseok scoffed. “I didn’t come here to speak ill of your wife. All I’m saying is that even though you’d rather see me usurped than take your place, I am still an alpha of your pack. And for that alone– blood aside –I am owed the same respect as the others. You have humiliated me, made a jest of my standing. And even then, I told myself it was for the better of the pack. That any leader would make sacrifices for the greater good of his subjects–even if it meant forsaking their intended. And I have. Time and again I have had to enlarge my bandwidth of tolerance for you as you drool over my omega. Yet even then, even then… I have done so biting my tongue and staying my hand. Who else would do that for you?”

Wonshik’s continued silence was doing more harm than good, now. 

“No one, father. The answer is no one. Only I would ever go to such lengths for you. Because as you said, you are not only my sire but my Pack Alpha. And it is because of my loyalty to my father and my family that I even tolerated your lusting after Felix. It’s why I sought you out at the break of dawn.”

“To tell me what, exactly? All you’ve managed to accomplish in all this time is regale your countless misfortunes .”

Hoseok sighed, nails digging into his palms in an attempt to quell his burgeoning fury. No matter how much he’d bare his soul to his father, he’d never see him as more than a nuisance. He’d never see him as more than the result of a hateful bond between two people and a rut gone wrong. 

But he was past that, now. Nineteen years in the shadow of a loveless upbringing made him immune to it. All that mattered to Choi Hoseok was that he got his fucking omega. For good. 

The rest would come in due time. His patience and perseverance would guarantee it. 

For now, though, his only concern was Felix. 

“First, you must give me your word. Felix is mine. Solely mine.”

Wonshik stared at his son, who stared right on back in turn. An unwavering tenacity to the severity of his gaze. In the morning light his son looked every bit the heir to the Choi Pack he was meant to be–regal, refined. Defiant. But Wonshik could never let Hoseok come into that role. There was too much of Hana in him, too much weakness. And weak blood was never meant to wield power. Seonghwa’s blood would have been perfect, but Felix’s will be just as formidable. 

It was a shame, though. For his son did speak some truths. He was loyal to a fault, and Wonshik truly believed that Hoseok had the pack’s best interest in h is heart of hearts of hearts . But that was not enough. 

It would never be enough. 

Still, there was something refreshing about seeing his son like this. It was a different aspect to his otherwise one-dimensional personality. Something cunning and something smart. Something rare. 

“I must ensure that I get what I was promised before giving you what I know you’ll appreciate having. What I want now is to ensure that my Pack Alpha upholds his word, since he’s so keen on reminding me that it is law. ”

Wonshik hummed thoughtfully, gazing at his son with an indecipherable, unexplainable expression on his face. His father had always been good at that–masking his emotions. That is, until it came to rage, which he’d never quite learned to camouflage. Nonetheless, he looked at him now, about as readable as gibberish, before nodding stiffly, an almost proud smirk ghosting along the curve of his lips. 

If only his son had half a mind to be so diplomatic on a daily basis, and not just when it came to a pretty little omega. 

Such a waste of his good seed. 

“Fine, fine. Alright. You have my word,” he conceded demurely. “Felix is yours. Happy now?”

“Immensely. That is all I require from you at present, father. I hope we can now lay this matter to rest.”

“Agreed.”

“Now,” he said, immediately reverting back to his unfortunate true self. A sinister grin effaced his features, overpowering the poorly suppressed discontent that had tainted it not moments ago. It was almost disturbing to witness, really. As if his emotions were nothing more than two ends of a light switch. On one second and then off the next. In the blink of an eye. The snap of fingers.

“You will be interested to hear of a rather… beguiling sight that I happened to stumble upon in the night. When not even the owls were awake to bear witness to it.”

“And what would that sight be?”

“Your omegas…”

"What of them?”

“Your omegas…” he repeated in a drawl, circling his father with languid steps, “a few of your alphas, the beta doctor, and…” he stopped right behind him, whispering in his ear. “Your nephew and brother.”

Wonshik snapped his head around, eyes narrowed in confusion. 

Hoseok clicked his tongue, pulling away, shaking his head. 

“What did you say?”

“I’m afraid it’s true, father. I saw it with my own two eyes. A treachery, perhaps. For what reason would they have to convene…in secret…under the cloak of night?”

He hummed in faux contemplation, tapping his finger against his lip. “But surely, it was an innocent act…they could never hope to conspire against you." His gaze flicked to his father’s, “right?”

Wonshik’s eye twitched. 

“Though…it is strange, I suppose…”

“What is?” grit his father. 

Hoseok raised his hands in surrender, “just that…you say you have no memory of dinner last night. And yet, that same night, some members of our pack…” he broke off in a sigh, “no, it-it couldn’t be…”

His father’s hands curled into fists at his sides. Hoseok grinned, turning his face away to hide his mirth. 

“Still a bit strange, though. Would you not agree?”

He was surprised his father’s teeth hadn’t shattered from the tightness in which he clenched his jaw. 

“What. The fuck. Happened?”

And who would Hoseok be, if not the loyal servant he was. 

Telling his Pack Alpha–his father– everything he knew.

 

---

 

“Have you told him?”

Seonghwa gasped, grasping his collar at the sudden, unannounced presence of Yeonjun at his side. Lost in his head, he had been. Watching the decorators work effortlessly in tandem with his omegas to beautify the scenic gardens and courtyard. “Huh-what?” 

“Did you tell Fe-”

“No.”

“Hwa…”

“I couldn’t. I wanted to, I did. I was going to, in fact. This morning. I just–I couldn’t.”

“He has to know.”

Seonghwa nodded, swallowing. “I’m aware of that. I just…Yeonjun, what if we’re wrong about this?”

The taller omega’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“It’s foolproof. We have everything down to a T. Every eventuality accounted for, every hypothetical future considered. But what if…what if there’s something we’re overlooking, something we’ve missed?”

Yeonjun shook his head, imploring the elder to meet his eyes. “That’s your fear talking.”

“What if it’s right?”

“You can’t let it make you think that. Like Alpha Hyunshik said, if you let it control you then he wins.”

“I know that.”

And he did. He really did. But after his and Felix’s conversation this morning…

He felt his throat close up. His fingers curled even more harshly against the collar at his throat. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“If we fail, Yeonjun, it’ll kill him.” He bit his lip to keep a sob from tumbling out. But even then, simply uttering the words made him feel so terribly sick to his stomach. “It’ll kill him. They’ll kill him. One way or another, I can’t-”

“We won’t fail.”

A single tear managed to breach past Seonghwa’s threadbare composure. 

“Say it with me. We won’t fail.”

Seonghwa’s lip trembled as they parted, yet no sound came from them. 

“Come on, Hwa. We will not fail.”

“We..we will n-not fail.”

“Again.”

“We will not fail…”

“One more time.”

“We will not fail.”

Yeonjun hugged his dearest friend, his Head Omega, his brother, for all intents and purposes, hoping to transfer some of the strength he’d been giving them all for so many years now. It was time to return the favour. 

“No, we won’t.”

 

---

 

Seonghwa slipped into Wonshik’s quarters, hoping and praying that his husband hadn’t noticed his tardiness. 

“You’re late.”

Shit. 

“I’m so sorry, I-” his fingers curled against his legs. “Felix was feeling a little unwell this morning so I tended to him for a bit until he was better, and then–and then I had to help the decorators with setup for the party but then Wooyoung fell and that caused everyone to fall into panic and-and I suppose time just slipped away from me…I'm very sorry, I know this is unlike me, but-”

“Seonghwa, Seonghwa. Relax.”

The Head Omega blanched, brows knitting together. “What…?”

Wonshik chuckled, approaching his mate. He braced his hands around Seonghwa’s arms, squeezing them ever so lightly. “It’s alright, my love. I know today is an extremely busy day for you. Consider it forgiven.”

Seonghwa stared at him with wide eyes. 

“Is Felix alright? Wooyoung?”

Seonghwa nodded slowly. “They’re…fine, Alpha. Just fine.”

Wonshik hummed. “That’s good to hear.” 

His hands slid up and down Seonghwa’s arms, sensually, like a lover’s would, before ultimately settling on his shoulders. “But you are forgetting something rather important.”

The Head Omega’s eyes fell to the alpha’s chest as he pondered over what could have possibly evaded him. He was never one to forget anything, really. So what…

He gasped. 

“Happy birthday, Alpha,” he rushed out. 

Wonshik laughed through his nose, fingers dancing across the ridge of Seonghwa’s collarbone. “Mm…am I so low in your list of priorities that you’d forgotten to wish your husband on his own name day?” 

“No, of course not,” Seonghwa denied softly, “what can I offer my husband to atone for such a mistake?”

The alpha hummed in consideration, eyes scanning over every centimetre of Seonghwa’s face, studying his every mesmerising feature and facet. “A kiss,” he decided at last, pushing a lock of hair behind Seonghwa’s ear. “From his most beautiful, most loyal wife.”

Seonghwa felt a lump form in his throat. He smiled in an attempt to conceal the spike of anxiety that that statement brought out of him, smoothing his features from any suspicious wrinkle that would betray him. Being the great actor he was, however, allowed him to do so with little difficulty and optimal effectiveness. It was muscle memory by now. Instinct that was not born but created.

“A kiss? So small a price?”

“Well, I assume my real gift will be revealed tonight. So I’m simply…giving myself a taste of what’s to come.”

“T-tonight?”

Wonshik’s fingers trailed to the soft tissue beneath Seonghwa’s jaw. “Why yes, of course. The greatest gift you could give to me has always been…” his eyes raked over the omega’s body, “...you.”  

Of course. How could he be so stupid to neglect the fact that the other head that oversaw his husband’s thoughts and desires belonged on his cock. 

Seonghwa bristled under the alpha’s increasingly demanding touches along the flesh of his throat and jaw. He laughed breathily, awkwardly, using his husband’s distracted state to pull away from him slightly. “A kiss, then,” he agreed, wringing his hands together. 

“Hm. A kiss.”

Wonshik suddenly crowded the omega against the doors, hands coming up to rest upon the wood at either side of his head–caging him in, leaving him bereft of an escape route. He leaned down, nosing along Seonghwa’s hairline, humming approvingly once it registered to him that his mate had foregone his usual scent blockers for the day. 

“Another year older,” he murmured, travelling lower, along his temple and forehead. “Another year spent with you by my side.”

“I-indeed.”

“Some say I’m the luckiest pack alpha in the world.”

He dragged his lips across Seonghwa’s cheek, placing featherlight kisses on his skin. 

“Would you agree?” he asked, pausing his ministrations for but a fleeting moment. 

Seonghwa exhaled a shuddering breath. “You are…very fortunate.”

Wonshik’s eyes flicked to Seonghwa’s lips. “Hm…and what would you say of yourself?”

“I would say I have accepted my fate.”

Wonshik chuckled darkly. 

Seonghwa wondered if he remembered any of their conversation from last night. 

“Good,” he whispered against his lips, before pressing his own against them. 

The omega’s eyes slammed shut as Wonshik deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue past the seam of his mouth. He was relentless, as always–selfish, as always. Taking and taking without regard to anything or anyone else. Only himself. 

Thankfully it was over before Seonghwa could begin to really feel it. His eyes slowly cracked open; his lips felt wet, slick with spit, and he itched to wipe them clean. But Wonshik remained a hair's breadth away from him, eyes boring into his as he said, with the gentle subtlety of a threat:

“You’ll do well to remember that.”

 

---

 

“Groups of three, as I said. I leave them up to you, however I will advocate for an even split. One alpha, one elder omega, and two younger omegas. Not only for safety but accountability as well. If we all have someone to look after, then we do not run the risk of leaving anyone behind.”

Hyunshik looked at Seonghwa. “Does that sound agreeable?” 

“Of course. I was just about to suggest the same. But…” he glanced towards the doors that led to their bedrooms. “Felix stays with me.”

Hyunshik nodded slowly, as if he’d expected to hear that from him. 

“He is to remain by my side all evening.”

“Of course, Seonghwa,” Hyunshik agreed softly. “I’d feel much better myself if it were that way.”

The Head Omega swallowed. “The two of us will…stay with Alpha Hyunshik until the very last moment.”

“Seonghwa-”

“That’ll ensure that his attention remains affixed on us, allowing everyone else safe passage.”

Hyunshik sighed, but even he knew that the omega made a very good point. 

“Since Felix and I will be his main focus for the evening, it only makes sense that we will be the last to leave. He won’t notice the others’ absence as quickly if we’re there to draw his gaze. Plus, with the amount of guests…it gives us a good cover. The alphas will be too preoccupied to notice anything amiss until it's too late.”

“Hwa…”

“Trust me, Woo.”

The younger’s brows furrowed, but he nodded nonetheless. 

“It’s the only logical thing to do. I would not impose such a thing on Felix if it wasn’t for the good of all. And he would most certainly agree to what I’m proposing. You all know that, as do I.”

The omegas very well did. Selfless little pup as Felix was. 

“If we’re to do this, we have to do it together. Everyone is a gear that must turn for this machine to run. Everyone will have a role to play…

…It’s up to us to make sure that this is our best performance yet.”

 

---

 

“Do you think it’s going to work? The plan?”

“It has to. I refuse to believe otherwise.”

“Appa…I’m worried for Seonghwa hyung.”

Hyunshik finished off his tea. “As am I,” he confessed with a sigh. 

San sat down in the chair across from his father. “He is so strong– a force to be reckoned with, truth be told. And he is prepared to do whatever it takes. I can hear it in the way he speaks, I can see it in his eyes. The drive. The determination. But he’s…he’s crippled by fear.”

“I don’t blame him.”

“Well, neither do I. It just…concerns me, is all.”

Hyunshik nodded, pushing his teacup to the side. “Seonghwa is a particularly delicate case in this matter. He was born here, he was raised here. His father was…well, let’s just say his father was one of your uncle’s closest comrades. And his mother hailed from Doyun’s pack. They had Seonghwa shortly after pledging obeisance to Wonshik.”

San listened intently. 

“And then…they died.”

“How?”

“I do not know,” Hyunshik answered earnestly. “One day they were here and the next they were gone. Wonshik never told me what happened to them.”

“That…that’s terrible.”

“It really is. Seonghwa was barely a year old.”

San deflated at the realisation, eyes going wide. “He never knew them…”

Hyunshik shook his head lightly. “Hana did her best to raise him in his parents’ stead, but even I must admit that she never quite had that motherly instinct in her. It was difficult for her to rise to the occasion as Head, not only because her heart was never in it, but especially because Hoseok was a demanding pup– which meant that Seonghwa was often neglected.” San further sank at the knowledge. 

“It worked in his favour, though,” Hyunshik assured softly, “at the time, there were many omega elders in your uncle’s pack. Both of our grandmothers and some of their acquaintances. Thankfully they doted on him. Raised him, fed him, and I choose to believe that they even loved him…despite the fact that theirs was more of the…tough variety. ” He smiled ruefully, reminiscing on the memories of times long past. “He was such a beautiful pup. So full of life.”

The smile faded. 

“Then Wonshik came into the picture, and tore that life right out of him. Began spoiling his mind with his traditional drivel. Forced him into a suit of omegan perfection. He broke any individuality he ever had, stripped down his personality until he was nothing but a puppet bending to his will and whims.”

His gaze travelled to the view of the grounds outside the windows. The omegas began their day early, tending to the finalmost preparations for tonight’s party. They’d been out there for hours, now. Morning had settled into early afternoon–the weather seemed phenomenal, skies clear, a gentle breeze blowing through the wisteria. He caught sight of Seonghwa now and then, looking surprisingly calm and collected for the undoubtedly frazzled state his mind was in, albeit a bit tired. 

“And yet…Wonshik wasn’t able to make him unkind. Seonghwa remained compassionate, loving. I knew then that his heart was the purest thing in this place. He loved so effortlessly, so wholly…I have always admired him for that. Someone who has had his entire existence rewritten to fit into a mould and yet he wouldn’t allow it to make him cruel.”

How jarring, then, that the very omega who fluttered about the Estate, honed in on his tasks and duties, faultlessly subservient to his brother, and carved into a statue of his ideals of perfection was the very omega who’d once been a small babe in his arms. 

How jarring that he’d grow from that little babe to the young man he was today. Hardened by life but so gentle, still. 

“If Seonghwa wanted to survive in this pack, then he had to learn that the love he craved would never be given to him without condition. Just to feel a little bit of it, even the tiniest most impalpable amount, he’d have to go through many great lengths. Wonshik’s tactic of control, I can see that now. Keep him on a tight leash, and he’ll believe that that’s all the world is.”

He sighed, utterly defeated.  

“When you’re under that kind of duress I imagine it makes you more than just desperate, it makes you… vulnerable. Makes you latch onto things that make you feel something, no matter what that something may be. And I think…no, I know, that somewhere along the way he’d grown attached to my brother’s malice. He grew dependent upon it. And now it’s…it’s reigning its control over him.”

Such a devastatingly sobering thought. 

“Wonshik professed to have a soft spot for him, and that it was up to him to assume the role of sire. I thought it peculiar at the time, too. He never really cared much for being present in his own son’s life, and yet…” Hyunshik swallowed. “Turns out he wasn’t just raising Seonghwa , as he claimed. He was grooming him. So that he could make him into his Head Omega and…so that he could mate him once he’d decided to marry him. I begged him not to and he didn’t listen. He didn’t listen, San. He didn’t care.” 

San’s stomach sank further than he thought possible. 

“All of these things are coming to me, now. Clear as ever, even though they were right in front of me the entire time. But I could not believe, I could not fathom that-that my own brother…”

His father had latched onto that one thought. Truthfully, he could not fault him for it. If there ever came a day where it was revealed that Soobin was anything even remotely similar to their uncle…he’d struggle to reconcile it as well. It would be…it would be earth shattering. It would uproot his very existence. 

His heart hurt for his father who didn’t deserve this. 

“It’s not your fault. Appa...appa, it’s not your fault. My whole life I thought he was a good man, albeit a bit strict and old-fashioned. There were many times where I thought he was perhaps too much of those things, but who was I to speak on it? I was a kid. I didn’t understand the trivialities of-of alphahood and-and responsibility, I-I still don’t understand it, if I’m to be very honest.”

San leaned forward to lay a comforting hand on his father’s. 

“All I understood was that life with him was vastly different from life with you. But differences aside,  I thought the omegas were happy here, too. Happy like us. And if not happy, then at the very least, content. They always made it seem like they were. Never gave me reason to doubt, for even a moment…that they’d been suffering under such abuse for so long. Like you said, it’s unfathomable.”

“But it’s the truth,” Hyunshik murmured thickly. 

“You couldn’t have known.”

“I should have seen it.”

San shook his head softly, brows drawing together in desperation, “no, you can’t fault yourself for not seeing what no one did. Besides, we didn’t visit nearly enough. You handled business with uncle outside of the Estate, and the number of times we came here was…god, it wasn’t enough. I mean, take now for example. This is the first time I’ve visited in two years. Two years, appa. So of course you had to take his word for whatever he told you, because it’s not like you could have known otherwise. Why would anyone go through such lengths to lie if they had nothing to hide?”

“But I knew what he was like, and I still chose to believe in him. I should have pressed harder. I should have done more. ”

“You can’t keep beating yourself up over this. You did the best you could. And he took advantage of that. He did, not you.”

“San.”

“No, appa. I will not hear of this any longer. I know you. I know you’re probably starting to believe that you’re just as rotten as he is on the inside. Or that your kind heart and forgiving nature has made you weak and impressionable, which then means that you deserve to be feeling this immense guilt. That it has somehow made you complicit in this fucking shit show–pardon my language.”  

“Doesn’t it?”

“No! Why can’t you see that? You are not all knowing, dad. You can’t read people’s minds or their intentions. After everything we’ve heard from the omegas, everything we now know–when compared to what we thought we did, how could anyone have predicted that these were his true colours?”

“He’s not just anyone’s brother, San! He’s mine!”

“That doesn’t change anything. Do you think the families of serial killers could imagine their loved one murdering people?”

“That’s…different.”

“It really isn’t.”

Hyunshik scoffed, dragging a hand down his face. “San…if that’s the case then I’m beginning to wonder what else he’s lied to me about, hidden from me, kept secret. I’m beginning to wonder if any of it was ever real . Was our relationship even…”

He blew air through puffed cheeks, feeling himself start to come undone. But even then, he tried to remain upright for the sake of his son. 

“I spent all my life holding on to my big brother. Waiting and waiting for the day where he would become someone I not only loved, but liked. I gave him everything. Money. Respect. Support. I gave him a chance. So many chances, in fact. ”

“He’s the one who failed you, appa. Not the other way around. You need to know that.”

“Hm.” 

San hesitated for a moment before speaking the next words on his tongue. “You’ve never been anything like him, if that’s what you’re afraid of. You never will be.”

Hyunshik gazed at his son questioningly. 

“If you were the things that you’re accusing yourself of being…then you wouldn’t care. You wouldn’t care to help the omegas, to save them. You wouldn’t care about what they were going through, what Felix and Seonghwa and Wooyoung and Yeonjun and all of them have been bearing. 

You wouldn’t be prepared to throw everything you knew aside, to sever ties with the only blood family you have left, just so that they would get a chance to live. He would never do that. Not in a million years.”

Hyunshik’s eyes filled with tears.  

“If I’ve learned anything from being your son, it’s that being good has no price. To be good is as effortless as breathing. Like love, which you also taught me has no bounds. It can’t be controlled by conditions or enforced through restrictions. It can’t be bought or sold. It can’t be taken, either. 

I think it’s safe to say that my uncle knows nothing of being good or of loving. He knows only of control. His heart is…it’s rigged with barbs and wires and leached of all blood and nutrients. It’s hollow. And it’s hurtful. 

But yours isn’t. You’re thinking of-of all the ways in which you’ve failed, but you’re forgetting all of the ways in which you went above and beyond. Like that time you paid for Seonghwa hyung’s tuition, or the time you bought Sunoo a camera because he could not stop talking about wanting to dabble in photography. That time you convinced uncle to let Felix leave the Estate for the very first time for his birthday, and you took him to the butterfly museum…” he smiled, feeling tears mist his own eyes. “You’ve done so much good, appa. So much good. Because you are good.”

He exhaled shakily.

“You might be upset with yourself right now, but I’m proud to call you my father. I’m proud that I have your soft heart and that I share your views on humanity. That I…that I can love wholly and ardently. That I can be who I want to be without fearing that I’m not enough.”

Hyunshik didn’t stop the tear from falling down his cheek. 

“So that is why you should not believe these things about yourself. Why you cannot. My father isn’t any of those things, he’s the best person I know.”

Hyunshik was at a veritable loss for words. He let it all sink in, let the conviction nestled in his son’s declarations seep into his bones until it felt like he was deserving of it. 

San removed his hand then, sitting back in his chair, staring worryingly at his father, but so lovingly, so proudly. “So. What will you do?” he asked after some time, a finality to his voice that forced Hyunshik to shake himself from the fog he’d been surrounded by. “After everything?”

Hyunshik wiped the tears from his eyes, levelling his son with a determination in his gaze that had waned considerably amidst his spiral. 

“I…”

San gazed earnestly at his father, patiently. 

“I will be free.”

 

---

 

He trailed his hand along the walls, feeling the smooth paint beneath his fingers, the moulding and wallpaper. Bushels and bushels of Sunoo’s bouquets lined the corridors, erected on marble pillars of varying heights. Light streamed through the grand windows, their curtains washed and re-pleated to seamlessness. Floors spotless, the dark wood shiny and freshly waxed. 

But Felix could see the dust, floating through the air, suspended in beams of light. He could see the fissures in the ceiling, the cracks in the foundation of this Estate. Barely perceptible, really, but present enough for anyone searching for flaws in the facade.

If the state of this place was anything to go by, it meant that Choi Wonshik’s reign, too, was crumbling. 

He could feel it. 

His wolf, whom he’d never seen, never known , told him so. 

Only, he did not know how. 

There was another thing, too: something was going to happen. 

But even that, he did not know. 

It came to him like a whisper on the wind, that feeling. But that’s all it was. A whisper. Could have been real, could have been yet another figment of his imagination. But this much was certain. 

Things were about to change. 

“Felix!”

He tumbled from the thoughts of his mind like a graceless fawn, wrenching his hand from the wall and turning on his heel in the same breath. 

Wooyoung stood at the end of the corridor, looking flushed and breathless, a hand cradled beneath the small swell of his stomach. The sight made Felix feel uneasy. But Wooyoung seemed indifferent to his unease as he walked towards him, slowly and carefully. 

“Hyung,” he said, tearing his gaze from Wooyoung’s stomach. “You should be resting.”

Wooyoung scoffed lightheartedly. “Resting? Today of all days?”

“Yes. You should be mindful of your condition, no matter what day it is…”

“I’m alright, Lix. I’m alright.” He came to a halt in front of the younger, exhaling deeply. “I’ve been looking all over for you,” he said, smiling wanly.

Felix blanched. “I’m so sorry if I made the search difficult, I-” he looked to the windows. To the flecks of dust. “I was just making a turn about the Estate, taking it all in before it gets flooded with guests. Everything looks beautiful, hyung. You’ve all really outdone yourselves this time. Only…I wish that I could have helped contribute to it myself.”

Wooyoung reached forward to take Felix’s hands in his own. “Ah, it is a dreary feat. It’ll be here today and then Alpha Wonshik will order us to bring it all down tomorrow. It’s probably best that you’re not encumbered by such tediousness.”

“Still,” he denied, “I would have liked being useful.”

The elder squeezed his hands. “You are more useful than you think, Lix-ah. Never downplay your importance.”

Felix opened his mouth to say something in retaliation, but words evaded him. He didn’t actually know what to say to that, so he simply nodded lifelessly and let the topic drop. 

“Come, let us away. Seonghwa hyung wanted to see you.”

“Hwa?” he questioned, perking up at the mention of their Head Omega. “What does he need?”

“I do believe our wardrobe for tonight has been delivered.”

Felix swallowed. 

“It’ll be fine, Lix. You don’t need to worry, I promise. Plus, I caught a glimpse of some of the pieces, and I must say they are lovely. ”

Felix didn’t doubt it. 

So he followed Wooyoung as he led him away, hand still clasped tightly around his own, only vaguely wondering if he was, yet again, walking to his death. 

 

---

 

“Petal! There you are.”

Felix let go of Wooyoung’s hand as he made his way towards Seonghwa. “What have you got?” he asked, eyeing the clothing racks situated in the centre of the living quarters. 

“The tailors delivered our clothes for tonight. Here, take a look.”

Felix warily approached one of the racks, letting his fingers graze along the garment bags. Each hanger had a name tag attached to it, embossed in gold, and he felt almost nauseous when he saw his, written in neat cursive in the middle. 

Seonghwa unzipped the bag, pulling it out for him. It was stunning, of course–as per the norm. An entirely white ensemble that was fundamentally simple but inherently elegant. The best part was that it would cover him from head to toe, but he knew even that would do little to deter someone from thinking vile, nefarious things about his body. It was a suit, draped with the softest chiffon that cascaded to the floor–almost like a cape on either side of his shoulders. The fabric was tucked into one side of the jacket and thrown over to the back, giving it a sort of asymmetricality that juxtaposed its overall harmony. The outfit was complete with plain, high-waisted pants and, as usual, his customary boots. 

He let his hand trail over the detailed floral embroidery that spanned from elbow to cuff on each sleeve. It was made to mirror the flora of the Choi Estate’s gardens–namely, the roses and gardenias. Stitched meticulously by hand in fine threads of crimson red, off-white, and pale yellow, intertwined with gold and leaves of olive green. 

He sighed, hand slipping from the clothing and curling back at his side.  

It was, truthfully, very pretty. Modest and austere, but it was pretty. And that, in and of itself, was an invitation to chaos. 

The reminder was enough to send his traitorous mind into a mad descent of hysteria. Enough to then incite his heart into action as it began to beat rapidly in his chest. He felt the panic build, the nausea, the lightheadedness, mouth filling with bile that tasted bitter on his tongue. 

“Petal?” Seonghwa’s concerned voice filtered through the ringing in his ears. 

He felt a hand on his arm. “Lixie?” 

He stumbled back, tripping on his feet, bumping into the corner of the sofa with a startled gasp. The hand helped to right his unsteady form. 

“Breathe, my love.”

Seonghwa’s face blurred into focus in front of him, brows drawn with worry and eyes filled with fear. “Breathe.”

His hands cupped Felix’s cheeks, soft and warm against his clammy skin. He was sweating? When did he start sweating?

“Deep breaths, sweetheart. It’s just us. Just me.”

Felix’s heart pounded in tandem with his laborious breaths. What the hell was happening to him?

Seonghwa’s hands felt nice against his face. He smelled sweet. Vanilla and jasmine and almond. He smelled like home. Like comfort personified. Pretty. He was so pretty, his hyung. He’d always known that, but right now he was looking especially pretty to him. His hair had faded so much, no longer the pink of peonies but the subtle gold of champagne. And it was longer now, brushing his shoulders in layered waves. 

How hadn’t he noticed these things before?

He reached out to settle his palm against Seonghwa’s cheek. His skin felt paper thin, probably akin to his own, stretched over prominent cheekbones and a sharp jaw. 

Warm. 

Seonghwa was warm. He was so pretty. 

He shuddered, struggling to draw breath. Seonghwa was saying something, something tinged with desperation. But Felix couldn’t really hear him past the throbbing in his head. He focused on his lips in an attempt to decipher the words he spoke, and only then did he realise the elder was imploring him to “breathe, petal. Do what I’m doing.”

Felix tried with no little effort to follow his guidance–breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, exhale for eight. Again and again. Keep going. Again. Four, seven, eight. Four, seven, eight. 

To his utter relief, the ringing slowly quieted. Seonghwa’s voice didn’t seem so far anymore. But his heart was still seizing in the cage of his ribs, threatening to burst. 

The more he steadied his breathing, though, the more he was able to calm his heart. 

“Just keep doing what I’m doing, okay? Almost there, my flower.”

Felix felt a bead of sweat slip down his temple as he slowly came back to himself. 

“I…”

He furrowed his brows.

“I… Hwa?”

“You had a panic attack, Lix.”

A panic attack?

A panic attack…

Of course. Because the last time he’d dressed up…

Was it going to happen again? Was it going to happen again, now that he was being presented with another opportunity to be decorated and embellished? To be made a spectacle for lecherous gazes and licentious desires?

Was it going to happen again, now that Alpha Wonshik was to be celebrated?

With a sob he fell into Seonghwa’s arms, feeling them wrap immediately around his trembling body. 

“Focus on me,” he murmured into his hair, as if he’d read his mind. “Focus on me. I’m here. You’re here. Wooyoung and Yeonjun, too. We’re all here for you.”

Felix nodded against his chest, drawing comfort from the sound of Seonghwa’s heart beating steadily beneath his ear. They stood like that for a while, until Seonghwa was certain that all traces of panic had left him. 

Then he prepared himself for what he was about to do next. 

“Felix…” he started slowly, “I need to tell you something.”

With a final inhale of Seonghwa’s scent, he pulled away. “What is it?” he asked quietly, feeling oddly detached from himself. 

Seonghwa’s eyes flicked towards the other omegas before falling back down to Felix’s. 

“Tonight,” he began, body taut with tension, “I need you to stay with me. At all times.”

A groove formed between Felix’s brows. 

“No matter what happens, you stick with me. Got it?”

“I…I-I don’t understand.”

Seonghwa pushed a lock of Felix’s hair behind his ear. “It’s nothing bad, I promise. I just want you with me, alright? It’s going to be very hectic, so I need to keep an eye on you.”

“Is something…is-is Alpha Wonshik-”

“No. No, my love. It’s just very important that you don’t stray from my side. No matter what.”

Confusion was rampant on Felix’s face. Questions clawed their way up his throat, fighting alongside the anxiety that once again threatened to strangle him. “I will, Hwa. Of course I will. But-but why…”

Seonghwa’s eyes once again went to the others’. They looked at him desperately, imploring him to make true of his promise–to disclose everything to Felix with full transparency. 

“I…Alpha Wonshik required it.”

Felix seemed to deflate. “Oh.”

Had he really expected…more?

Yeonjun and Wooyoung turned to each other, completely flabbergasted by whatever the hell their Head Omega was doing. Why wasn’t he telling him the truth? Why was he still so keen on erecting a veil of secrecy?

“He wants us to present a united front. The Prime Minister and President will be in attendance. You know how he gets when he has guests, but especially when he must host them.”

“Of course,” Felix murmured smally. 

But he couldn’t help feeling like there was something he wasn’t being told. 

“Are you…are you sure that’s it…?”

Seonghwa smiled tightly. “Of course, flower.”

“...Alright, hyung.”

The clock chimed at the new hour, startling them all from their respective reveries. 

Four o’clock. Three hours before the party began. Three hours before their lives would change. 

“Well, everyone. It’s time.”

 

---

 

“A vial each,” Garam said, handing Hyunshik a small bag. “Distribute these to the alphas. There are doses enough for nine guards, in the case we find ourselves needing extras, and a swathe of fabric for each.” 

Hyunshik nodded, taking the precious wares from the beta and tucking them in his jacket. “I have taken the liberty of keeping one for myself. Allow me to help you with this task.”

“You’ve already done so much. You’ve looked after them so well for so many years. You did what I could not.”

“And I would do it again. Still, long have I waited for a day like this to come. Grant me this final opportunity to spit on that man’s face. It’s the least he deserves.”

Hyunshik nodded, laying a hand on the doctor’s shoulder. “I couldn’t agree more.”

 

---

 

San stared at his reflection. 

Crisp, black suit, styled hair, clean skin. 

Heart heavy with anxiety. 

He’d done and undone his tie in an attempt to give his mind something else to focus on. But the more attuned he was to the knot settled comfortably at his throat, the more he was plagued with thoughts of a more macabre nature. He wore this tie on his own volition, fastened it with his own two hands. It encircled his neck because he wanted it to, because it was an accessory to his clothing. But the omegas of the Choi Pack were not as fortunate. They wore a noose around their necks, forced onto them against their will. Unseen but just as detrimental. Just as threatening. Tightening ever so slightly with each passing day spent in this hell–like prisoners on death row. 

He stared at his reflection, realising that this would be the last time he’d ever set foot in this Estate. The last time he’d ever have to entertain this ilk. 

The last time his father would be so closely intertwined with his brother. His remaining blood family. 

The last time the omegas of the Choi Pack would have to survive this living nightmare. 

It all felt too surreal. 

But Choi San was committed to the cause. His eyes were set on the goal they’d made for themselves, unwavering and resolute. He’d do everything in his power to see it through, until the very end. No matter the cost. 

A rather drastic notion, but a real one nonetheless. He’d never felt so strongly for something, never felt it so viscerally, as if it was fused into his bones and blood–save for Wooyoung, of course, but that goes without saying. It was an all-encompassing sensation, to feel this way. Whether it came in the form of loving the boy who’d stolen his heart or fighting for the freedom of a group wronged. 

He took a glance at his wristwatch–he’d have to meet his father soon. And then…

And then things were really going to change. 

“Okay,” he breathed, nodding to himself, slipping his phone into his pocket after sending the other alphas an encrypted message giving them the green light. “Let's do this.”

 

---

 

“You’re beautiful, petal.” 

Felix didn’t see it that way. He looked beautiful, sure, from an objective point of view, but on the inside he felt rotten. Like a corpse. 

He didn’t want to go. 

The face that stared back at him was accentuated with dark smudges of eyeshadow blended into the outer corners of his eyes, and a subtle glitter dabbed onto his lids; it was smoothed over by a thin layer of foundation–both to conceal the seemingly permanent redness that had taken root beneath his eyes, and to bring back some life into the pallor of his skin. Some of his freckles still poked through, but a vast majority of them were hidden, made to look like they weren’t there at all. A light dusting of blush on his cheeks and the bridge of his nose helped to further enliven his deathliness, and a touch of highlight on the high points of his features completed an undeniable image of ethereal beauty. 

He didn’t want to go, and the longer he stared at himself, the sicker he felt. The more he wanted to simply slip away into the cracks of his facade and disappear. 

Through his pained musings, he caught Seonghwa’s eyes in the mirror. He appeared to be deeply pensive, Felix could practically feel the sheer weight of his gaze as it pinned him in place. But there was something else there, mixed into the thoughtfulness . 

He wondered what it was. But the curiosity was fleeting as he became embarrassingly distracted by Seonghwa’s face.

If he thought Felix looked beautiful, then Seonghwa was otherworldly. He looked like royalty, like a prince of some faraway, magical land. Their clothing was kind of similar in appearance, but their differences were vast enough to distinguish the two from one another with ease.

But as everyone began changing into their evening attire, it quickly became obvious that there was an overall motif to the Choi Omegas’ chosen wardrobe.

Everyone was wearing white. 

White, for purity. 

Had Wonshik not contributed actively to the creative process–from the day the tailors arrived at the Estate to take their updated measurements, to the day they delivered their finished products–they’d have considered it nothing more than an aesthetic choice.

But things were never so simple with Choi Wonshik. 

Like fallen angels, they were. Beautiful, but sad. Cast down from heaven for sins they did not commit. 

“We must go,” came Seonghwa’s soft voice, retrieving him from his thoughts. “Alpha Wonshik awaits.”

Alpha Wonshik. 

Felix hadn’t had any interaction with his Pack Alpha since…since then. The only time he’d ever seen the man was in passing–nothing more than quick glances about the Estate as he walked alongside his colleagues and packmates. Sometimes he’d see him in the library, or the kitchens. Each time, Felix would slip away in silence before Wonshik could take notice of his presence. 

Yet in a surprising turn of events, Alpha Wonshik didn’t acknowledge him. He didn’t say anything, didn’t look his way, didn’t even seem to take notice of the omega at all, truth be told. 

It made Felix wonder, yet again, the strings Seonghwa had to pull to gain the Pack Alpha’s compliance. The price he had to pay. 

He knew it was a hefty one.

He shuddered just to think about it. All those nights Seonghwa returned in the infant hours of the morning, thinking Felix asleep and unaware of the fact that he came bearing new marks on his arms, new bruises on his neck and hips. The obvious ache in his back and his struggle to stay seated for too long, despite his inexhaustive attempts at concealing his pain. 

All for him. Just so that Wonshik would leave him alone. 

Oh, Hwa…

“Do we have to?” he asked, already knowing the answer. 

Seonghwa pushed a loose flower back into his hair. “I’m sorry, petal. If it were up to me, none of us would be going at all.”

Felix sighed, standing from the vanity. “Then let us be over with it.”

Seonghwa smiled wanly, doing a final once-over of Felix’s appearance. “Just formalities, yeah?”

Felix nodded. “Just formalities.”

The Head Omega turned his attention to everyone else. “Okay. Felix and I are going, now. Make sure you’re all on time, my darlings. Not even a second late.”

“We won’t be. Don’t worry.”

“I know,” Seonghwa murmured breathily. “I know.” He stared at Yeonjun for what seemed like ages, “you’ll be fine.”

“We’ll be fine, Hwa. Everything will be fine.” He squeezed Seonghwa’s arm. “Now go. You’ll be late if you keep stalling.”

“Right. Right,” he said. taking Felix’s hand in his, “come, petal, we must be off.”

Seonghwa led them to the doors, pushing them open with his unoccupied hand. They’d barely passed the threshold when he came to a sudden halt, almost as if he’d forgotten something. He turned back, jostling Felix in the process as they were made to switch positions. The omegas stared back at him in concern, gazes questioning the longer Seonghwa stayed silent.

But he was lost in his head, letting his eyes linger over their living quarters, the fireplace, and the set of doors leading to their bedrooms. He seemed both anxious and…oddly enough, nostalgic. 

Felix wanted to question it. Again, he was overcome with such a strange feeling…like there was some sort of knowledge he wasn’t privy to. All instinct begged him to voice his qualms, but he could do nothing but stare at the side of Seonghwa’s face, brows furrowed and mouth poised for no words to leave it. He looked at Seonghwa, then to the room, letting his eyes search for anything that would give him insight to the inner workings of his hyung’s mind. The others looked just as confused, watching their Head with bated breath.

But there was nothing. Everything was the same. As it has always been. As it will always be. 

Seonghwa shook his head, taking a deep breath and letting it go just as quickly. 

“Sorry, petal,” he murmured, relaxing his hold on Felix’s hand–he didn’t even notice that he’d been squeezing it. As they walked away together, Felix couldn’t help but think that Seonghwa had been looking at everything as if for the last time. 

 

---

 

Wonshik couldn’t keep his eyes off the sight before him. He was beguiled, to say the very least. At a complete and utter loss for words. 

Seeing it now, he realised that his vision paled terribly in comparison to the real thing. Terribly . For nothing could have prepared him for this heavenly image. 

“Gorgeous,” he murmured in awe, letting his gaze trail from Seonghwa to Felix. “Absolutely gorgeous.”

Seonghwa’s hand tightened around Felix’s, a silent vow of support that did not go unnoticed by the younger. “Thank you, Alpha.”

Wonshik hummed, his gaze positively hungry as it raked over every inch presented to him. Up, down, around. Over and over and over again until they’d had their fill of the two omegas. 

“Such beauty…” he murmured, letting his eyes trail over Felix’s downturned countenance, finding immense satisfaction from the abject fear permeating from the little omega. “Such perfection…”

When his eyes met Seonghwa’s, they turned hard, they turned cold. 

“Tonight, I’m going to let the world know that it’s all mine.”

 

---

 

“How wonderful to see you all tonight. I am honoured to celebrate the day of my birth with my closest friends and colleagues, my pack, my dearest brother and nephew…” he said, gesturing to Hyunshik and San where they stood at the front of the crowd. “And of course, my beautiful wife and Head Omega, Seonghwa. How wonderful, truly. It is certainly every Pack Alpha’s dream to be surrounded by such adoring faces and merriment on a day such as this.”

He tapped his finger on the side of his wine glass, soaking it all in–the grandeur, the breadth, the scope of it all. The opulence imbued into every last detail. He stood upon the dais, surrounded by hordes of people that were too far up his ass to have even a little self respect. Who were just as envious as they were enraptured by his lifestyle, the money in his accounts, the properties to his name. Who stared at his omegas, torn between wanting to be them and wanting to own them. 

He raised his glass, a self-satisfied grin on his lips. “Please join me in making a toast.”

His guests followed suit, sporting their own libations and the like in fine crystalware. 

“To legacy,” he started. “To legacy, that has brought us here, that has allowed us to triumph and remain superior. To legacy, may it continue to prevail, and may it continue to lead us on our most righteous path.”

A chorus of hear, hear! Swept through the crowd. Wonshik’s smile grew, bright and dazzling despite the sinister undertones of his words.   

“But also, to new beginnings… to the vanquishing of foes and the eradication of those who wish to diminish us. To life…”

His eyes, lit with gaiety and malevolence, found Seonghwa where he was hidden amongst a throng of people, with Felix standing dutifully at his side. They found him, seemed to look through him, even–as if all of his thoughts and desires were laid bare for him to peruse at will. It was a beyond discomforting sensation, to be tethered to such an intense gaze. But the next words that came from Wonshik’s mouth made that discomfort feel like child’s play, forcing a barely contained shiver to run down Seonghwa’s spine.

“...And to perfection. May it never wane in the face of adversity.”

“To perfection!”

Seonghwa’s fingers trembled against the glass in his hand as he brought it to his lips. He could barely take a sip of the bubbly champagne without it tasting like acid on his tongue, overpowering the soft, subtle flavour of the alcohol. Wonshik’s eyes remained fixated on him even as he downed his own in one fell swoop. 

After the toast was made and the guests had settled, mingling amongst one another and backgrounded by the lovely sounds of the string quartet, Seonghwa felt compelled to check in on Felix. Felix, who was nursing an untouched flute of sparkling cider with a blank expression on his face. 

“Petal?” he whispered, leaning towards the blond. “Felix?”

Felix startled, a quiet gasp leaving his lips as he looked up at Seonghwa. “Hyung?”

“Are you alright?” he asked, brushing the back of his fingers along Felix’s cheek. 

He nodded hesitantly. “Why…why did he say that?” he asked, gripping Seonghwa’s elbow. 

“Pay him no mind. He’s just trying to get in your head. Don’t let him.”

Felix looked close to tears, scared and unsure and overwhelmed. Seonghwa kissed his forehead, rubbed his thumb along his pulse–the smallest, most inconspicuous way he could offer his comfort without drawing too much attention. “Don’t let him in, my love. You are stronger than him.”

“O-okay…okay.”

Seonghwa nodded once, lowering his hand so that he could grip Felix’s again as he led him away from the crowd. He saw Alpha Hyunshik approach Wonshik from the corner of his eye, and when he turned he saw San trailing after Hoseok. 

Bakehyun and Jinyoung seemed to be engaged in casual conversation. 

Sunghoon and Sunoo happily entertained their guests, like a good, strong pair should do. 

Garam and Heeseung were nowhere to be seen. 

He took a deep breath, nervous beyond reconciliation. Felix’s presence by his side, however, was a reminder of why they were doing this.

He had to stop this self sabotage while he was ahead, because if he took a step back and let it all in, he’d see that everything was going as planned. 

 

---

 

“I expect the most tedious aspect of this entire thing will be taking out the guards, but once that’s done, we’re gonna have to move fast. Stay alert, stay cautious. But above all, remain vigilant.”

 

---

 

“Alpha Baekhyun’s information checks out. Eight guards, and we’ve already handled two of them.” 

Garam hummed, using the spare key he’d swiped from Wonshik’s office to unlock the security room door. Heeseung curled his hands under the unconscious guard’s armpits, dragging him inside and depositing him unceremoniously in the corner. Garam did the same with the other body. 

Heeseung huffed a ragged breath, bracing both hands on his hips from the exertion. “What the hell do these guys eat?”

“Focus, Heeseung-ah. Find a way to disable the cameras.”

Heeseung nodded, forgetting all about his exhaustion as he hurried towards the console. There were at least twenty screens, each displaying a different exterior section of the Estate. They could see the driveway, the sprawling grounds, the front gate. They could see all of the gardens in their exhaustive beauty; they could see all of the guests, too, spread sporadically throughout them–indulging in expensive wines and numerous hors d'oeuvres brought out by the wait staff, partaking in monotonous exchanges and ill-fated gossip. They could even see Alpha Wonshik and Alpha Hyunshik conversing with the president and prime minister. 

“Do we just shut them down?”

“That would be best.”

The alpha hesitated. “I still don’t fully understand why we’re doing this.”

“Doing what?”

“Disabling the cameras. What difference will it make?”

Garam paused, fingers going still along the keyboard. “If we waited for the cameras to reset it would be too late. I was misinformed of their schedule, so we could no longer rely on that to make our move.” He paused, thinking. “But more importantly, if there’s physical evidence of Hyunshik-ssi’s active involvement in helping to get us out, Wonshik can take legal action against him. And in the case the appeal is pushed to a court of law, he can offer it as irrefutable proof of treason by way of deceit. He could even charge him for theft. Should the footage then be accepted by the judge–which I’d expect it would– Wonshik can potentially repossess us. All of us.”

Heeseung gasped. “Even if we don’t want to come back?”

“Until a petition of secession is not processed, he can bring us back by force and no one would stop him. Luckily for us, Alpha Hyunshik runs a very successful law firm.”

“But don’t those petitions require consent from the Pack Alpha to even be considered?”

“Well, there’s different ways to be emancipated from a pack. For example, authorisation is not required if the affected party pleads for asylum.”

“Is that what we’re doing?”

Garam shrugged, “kind of. It’s a little different for us. Dissolving unwilling or unwanted pack bonds is a guaranteed individual right. So even if a Pack Alpha does not give their explicit consent, there are other ways for someone to achieve emancipation. Really, the only time a Pack Alpha’s signature is required is when they make an appeal for secession–as in, when they want to kick people out of their own packs.” 

Heeseung let the information sink in. “Okay,” he decided, “disabling the cameras it is.”

Garam laughed through his nose. 

A few minutes later, Heeseung made an aggrieved noise in the back of his throat. “It’s a bit weird, don’t you think?”

“What is?”

“Alpha Wonshik has all these cameras outside, but not a single one inside.”

“Not weird,” Garam said, “strategic.”

“Strategic how?”

“Well I suppose it’s easier to deny any allegations of abuse if there’s no evidence of it.”

“Why does it matter? Alpha Wonshik practically has the entire lawmaking body of our country on his side. Besides, doesn’t he keep all of the footage to himself?”

“That means nothing. Lives can be changed in the blink of an eye. It certainly works to his advantage that there are no traces of everything he’s done within these walls. I’m sure, in the event it ever comes out that he’s a violent, misogynistic predator, that even his constituents would be appalled. His life would be ruined. ”

“I suppose you’re right.”

They let the topic drop, lapsing into silence as they continued on their search. 

“Aha! Got it!”

Garam looked over Heeseung’s shoulder, patting the young alpha’s back. “Good job,” he praised, eyes scanning over the screen. 

“Do we know the password?” Heeseung then asked. “It requires a password. Some two-factor authentication stuff.”

Garam paused, thinking back to the documents he’d skimmed over in his search for the key. “Zero-four, zero-three.”

“What?”

“Just try it.”

Heeseung typed in the numbers, nervous from the anticipation as it processed the request. He didn’t know what would happen if they got it wrong–surely Alpha Wonshik would be alerted to a potential breach in his security. Then what? All hell would break loose, and that would be putting it lightly. 

He was brought out from his panicked thoughts by the sound of an affirmative beep as the system accepted the passcode. First try, no less…perhaps the goddess was on their side tonight. He quickly clicked yes when the do you wish to shut down popup appeared on the screen.

He sat back in the chair, feeling lighter now that they had that aspect of their plan covered. He shot a text to the others, informing them of their success. 

“What does it mean?” he asked after pocketing his phone. 

Garam watched the camera screens go blank as the system shut down. One step closer.

He sighed. 

“It’s Seonghwa’s birthday.”

 

---

 

Jang Baekhyun watched with eagle eyes as the guard stationed at the east entrance of the gardens began making his rounds. 

The vial of chloroform felt heavy in the pocket of his blazer, but he paid it no mind as he pushed off the balustrade and followed after him. He tried to keep to the shadows, tried to muster all the stealth he could, in the hopes that his plans would not be prematurely thwarted by the poorly-timed appearance of a partygoer.

When the guard turned a corner, he smirked to himself. Too easy , he thought, pulling the chemical from his pocket and dousing the rag with it. He slid the empty vial back into his pocket. Then, he hid behind a hedge, and awaited the guard’s return. 

He didn’t have to wait long, a few seconds at most, before the armed man was back. He braced himself, exhaling a deep breath before he surged forward, pressing the rag against the alpha’s mouth and nose and wrapping his other arm around his neck to incapacitate him. The man panicked, he fought, attempting to overpower Baekhyun but even though he wasn’t as well-endowed with muscle, his mental resolve far outweighed the guard’s. 

He’d never been more grateful for the obliviousness of the elite, however, because if one airheaded heiress decided to turn her body this way, he was sure they’d be seen. 

But that did not deter him. Baekhyun didn’t let go of the man until he drooped lifelessly in his hold, going as limp and as boneless as a fish. With a grunt, he pulled him back, hiding his body in the brush a little ways away from the main path. 

He wiped the sweat from his brow, tucked the rag into his pocket for safekeeping. He fixed his jacket, his hair, and sent a message in rapid succession. 

3, is all it read. 

Five more to go. 

He made his way back to the party, slipping back into the crowd as if he’d never left. 

The odds were in their favour tonight. 

 

---

 

It was moments like these which reminded Sunghoon that he ought to be grateful. 

Grateful that all things considered, he lived a relatively cushy life in the Choi Estate, grateful for the freedoms he’d been given, the choices he could make for himself. He could be grateful for those things, if only he ignored all the nights where Sunoo broke down in his arms, when he caught sight of more wounds on the omegas’ bodies, or when he heard the sounds of yelling, followed by stifled whimpers and screams through doors as he walked by them. 

He was grateful. He was grateful. He had to be grateful. 

He was grateful for the fact that his mate was someone he loved. 

Speaking of, Sunoo looked…he looked breathtaking tonight. Truly an angel, he was. Shining so brightly in the ever-growing darkness of the evening. A star suspended in the blackness of night. 

But he couldn’t focus on that right now, as much as he wished he could. The only thing he could currently attune his every sense to was the guard exercising his watch over the west entrance. There were a few more people here, guests that decided for a more intimate atmosphere. He was pretty sure he saw a few couples sneak into the hedge maze. To do what, he could only imagine. With a disgusted scowl he continued on his mission, maintaining watch on the guard as he paraded up and down the main path with an obvious stumble to his gait. 

The man was an idiot, if he were to be honest. It seemed he had imbibed some of Alpha Wonshik’s imports in secret–even though Sunghoon was certain that was some sort of breach on his contract. To drink until you were physically impaired when you’d been hired as security for one of the biggest events of the year? Seriously, how dumb could you be?  

But one, Park Sunghoon, was grateful. 

Disabling the man hardly required any effort. He tripped on his own two feet, and was far too mentally addled to register what was happening before he was sprawled out on the pebblestone pathway, unconscious. He’ll probably wake up thinking he got so drunk that he passed out on the job. Alpha Wonshik will be furious.  

The thought filled him with glee. Part of him wished he’d be able to witness it, but the greater, more sensible part was more than happy to be out of here. With Sunoo by his side for the rest of his life. 

He tossed his body behind a bench. He was pretty sure a human arm wasn’t supposed to bend that way but ah, well. 

Whoops. 

He dusted off his hands and clothes, sent a quick and simple 4, then glanced back towards the bench to make sure no one would see the guard. Once it was confirmed that he was well camouflaged, Sunghoon returned to the party. 

Everything was going even better than he’d expected it to. 

 

---

 

This was a bit more tough. 

More people, which meant more eyes, which meant more room for mistakes. More chances at failure. 

But Jinyoung was determined nonetheless. In fact, he’d say the challenge only furthered his ambition to succeed. 

“Wonshik’s Head looks ravishing tonight. Personally, I wouldn’t mind fucking his pretty little cunt.”

“How do you know it’s pretty?” 

Jinyoung grimaced, feeling personally slighted by the way these vile excuses for alphas spoke of Seonghwa. 

“Oh please,” scoffed the former, “have you seen him? A bitch like that is pretty everywhere. Bet he’d look real pretty stretched around my cock.”

Peals of laughter erupted all around him. Jinyoung forced a laugh of his own for appearance’s sake, but he was irrevocably repulsed by their horrifying commentary. To think that there was a time he’d have indulged these people. 

He was so ashamed of his past self. 

“Young, too. Isn’t he? Gotta be tight as fuck. Wonshik’s a lucky son of a bitch.”

“Think he’d be willing to share?”

“With the way that man looks at him, I doubt you’d even be able to get within ten feet before getting your dick ripped off.”

“No ass is worth that.”

“Who knows? Maybe it is.”

“Personally, I’m more into that little blond number that’s been attached to him all night.”

Jinyoung felt his heart drop. 

“Fuck, yeah. He’s gorgeous. What’s his name?”

“Felix, I think.”

“A foreigner?”

“He’s that little pup Wonshik adopted from St. Margaret’s.”

“No way.”

“He is.”

“Fuck. Grew up nicely, huh?”

“You want a tight ass, that’s the one. Doyun wouldn't shut up about it.”

“Hold on. Doyun’s fucked him?”

“Oh, yeah. Minjun, Rowoon, and Jaseung, too.”

“What the hell? Why weren’t we invited?”

“We’re not inner circle, pal.”

“That’s just cruel. I deserve to fuck a pretty thing like that, too.”

“Seems you’ll never get to. Apparently he belongs to Hoseok.”

“Don’t make me laugh. Hoseok? Seriously?”

“Mm, well, after that night, word’s been spreading that Wonshik’s gonna take him as a second mate.”

“Damn. Like I said, he’s one lucky son of a bitch.”

Jinyoung was sure he was going to throw up if he listened to another second of this. “I’m gonna need some more wine to make it through this droll affair. Don’t wait up for me, boys.”

“Sure thing, Jin.”

He navigated his way out, handing his half-empty glass to a waiter holding a tray as he passed by and patting his shoulder in thanks. He had no intentions of seeking more alcohol, nor of getting drunk. His sole mission was to take down two of the three guards that had been stationed on the first floor of the Estate. 

There were people everywhere. They were allowed free reign to come and go as they pleased–so long as  they stayed out of the pack’s personal quarters. Many people remained in the gardens, soaking up the fresh air and unbeatable views. Others preferred the offerings of the Estate, convening in small groups along the corridors, in the smoking parlour, or the ballroom. Food was ample, drinks even more so. It was the Mecca for any high-class socialite.  

Choi Wonshik sure knew how to throw a party, even though it was his omegas who were the brains and hands behind every little thing that went into it. Still, Jinyoung supposed signing checks was hard work in its own right. 

He walked on, eyes zeroed in on the tall, burly man positioned by one of the Estate’s many entrances to the gardens. It was a more obscure location, not in the immediate view of anyone who was to casually walk by but not entirely hidden, either. 

He had to tread very carefully.

“Excuse me,” he breathed, manoeuvring past a cluster of omega wives, their alphas nowhere to be seen. “Pardon me.”

Thankfully the crowd had thinned considerably by the time he made it to the guard. He concealed himself behind a corner, using the guise of having to retie his shoelace as a means to scope out the area. 

He had to come up with a plan, and quickly. 

A few moments later, a lightbulb went off in his head. 

He stood back up, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck. 

Okay. You can do this. You can do this.

Show time. 

He built up his breath, making it seem as if he’d run for a considerable amount of time before finding someone who could aid him. 

He rounded the corner, eyes wide in faux panic as he ran towards the guard, “help!” he pleaded, huffing and puffing. The guard stiffened, hands reinforcing their hold on the rifle he’d been cradling in his arms. 

“I need help!” he wheezed. 

“What is it?” the guard asked, reaching a consoling hand towards the panicked alpha. “What’s happened, sir?”

“My mate, he-he’s hurt. I need your help.”

The man swallowed, Jinyoung could tell that he was uncomfortable with the prospect of abandoning his post, knowing it would be a direct disregard of his orders from Choi Wonshik. 

“Please,” he sobbed, “he’s pregnant, I-I can’t lift him myself.”

That seemed to spur the guard into action. “Where is he?” 

“Just upstairs,” Jinyoung replied, “follow me, I know of a shortcut to bypass everyone.” 

He led the alpha down the corridor, having to force himself not to giggle out of the pure happenstance that said corridor was one that was off-limits to guests–meaning they were alone . 

Even then, he didn’t want to gamble with his luck, so he continued on, down the long hallway that led to a staircase. He ascended the steps hurriedly, still playing the part of a concerned, hysteric mate, further entrapping the poor alpha guard who had no idea of the fate that awaited him.

“He’s in here,” he said, opening the door to what he knew was a storage closet. He urged the man to go in first. 

“Uh, sir…? What-”

Before he could even turn around, Jinyoung was pressing a wad of fabric against his face. The alpha dropped his rifle, hands coming up to claw at Jinyoung’s wrists. But their strength was matched, and though the alpha guard put up a valiant fight, he was losing to the effects of the chloroform.

Jinyoung guided him to the floor as he succumbed to unconsciousness. He kicked his rifle aside, simultaneously wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. 

“Well, that’s one.”

Now, to do it all over again.

Great. 

 

---

 

“Fucking hell-”

San had not expected this. 

To be fair, he kind of did fuck up his entire plan by accidentally announcing his presence to the guard he’d been tailing. But in his defence, he didn’t mean to drop the vial, it just happened. 

It was fine, though. Everything was fine-

He took regular taekwondo classes with one of his best friends, Yeosang, in his free time, and was the proud owner of a black belt, thank you very much. He had this under control. 

A clean roundhouse kick to the guard’s abdomen had him flying off his feet and smacking into the wall. San wasted no time in charging after him then, falling to his knees as he straddled the man’s chest. He used his entire weight to keep him down while he scrambled for the chemical-doused piece of cloth that had initially betrayed him. But it very quickly became apparent to him that the other alpha was trained in the art of fighting as well. He bucked his hips and managed to disorient the younger man, causing him to tumble onto the floor even though San had anchored himself pretty sturdily. 

He groaned, rolling his eyes as he effortlessly pulled himself to his feet. For the love of god-

“What the hell are you doing?” asked the guard from the other side of the corridor, breathing heavily. He’d retreated there in an attempt to create distance between himself and the volatile little alpha who seemed hellbent on sending him to the hospital– completely unprovoked! 

San gripped the cloth in his hand. “Don’t mind me,” he said, surging forward a second time, even more determined not to fail. He moved so fast that the guard didn’t even have time to plan a defensive manoeuvre, eyes widening as he was suddenly met with a faceful of shiny black leather - 

A side kick to the man’s jaw had his head thrown back so violently that San was surprised it didn’t pop off of his shoulders, and the subsequent crack of his neck was like music to his ears. It certainly wasn’t powerful enough to kill him, but he’d most probably be needing a brace for the foreseeable future. 

The alpha fell with a loud thud, eyes glazing over from the pain. 

Now when San straddled his chest, he made sure to stay focused. He pressed the cloth against the man’s mouth and held him down, paying no mind to the hands pushing against his chest in a last ditch effort to repel him. 

The light slowly waned from the man’s eyes as his body eventually gave into the pain and sedation. 

San let out a deep breath, slumping over and loosening his grip on the alpha’s face. 

“It’s nothing personal.” 

1

 

---

 

Eunseo was not a generally violent person. He liked to read novels and complete his sudoku of the day in the daily newspaper. He kept his room clean, his clothing neat, and more often than not if one was ever in search of the elusive alpha, they’d find him in the company of the books in the library. 

In any case, he didn’t really fit into the mould of a Choi Pack alpha. To be honest, he was only here because he’d been born into it. Because his father had been part of this pack and his father before him and his father before him and so on and so forth until the very first Choi. 

He was not a violent person. And he did not exactly put any stock into the preachings of his Pack Alpha. He did what he had to do to slip under the radar, and existed in his own little bubble–neither affecting nor being affected. 

It worked for a while, his indifference. But then things just kept getting worse. Alpha Wonshik became more and more unhinged, the restrictions and hardships on the omegas only increased, and the overall integrity of the pack seemed to hang in the balance. 

That’s when Eunseo really began to pick through the threads of their existence and study them beneath a microscope. 

He supposed that’s what brought him here, to this exact moment. 

Eunseo was not a violent person, but he didn’t mind breaking the alpha’s nose when he punched him right in the face. He didn’t mind the pain in his knuckles, branching up his arm and willing him to cry out. 

He didn’t mind it at all. Especially when the fucking waste of space had regaled to him the many ways he’d defile each and every omega of the Choi Pack, saving the cute one with the blond hair for last.  

He stared down at his unconscious body, disgust swirling in his gut. He kicked the man’s arm to the side and brought his foot down so hard he heard the moment the bones shattered under the weight of it. 

Eunseo was not a violent person. But after tonight, he realised he wouldn’t mind being one from time to time. 

He locked the door behind him. 

0

 

---

 

P2

G1

Phase 2

Group 1 

 

---

 

The first group was easy. The second even easier. By the third group, more than half of the omegas had escaped via the path Hyunshik had mapped out for them. Vans awaited their arrival just beyond the boundaries of the Estate–they’d have to make a small trek through the forest in order to get there, but it was nothing terrible–ready to take them to a safehouse Hyunshik had one of his associates set up for them. 

The fourth group is when Seonghwa began to feel the anxiety settle in. He gnawed on his bottom lip, pulling pieces of skin into his mouth. It was gross, and it was unbecoming for an omega of his station, but he could really care less right now. 

He’d chewed through his lipgloss, through the thin layer of his lipstick. He’d chewed until he’d drawn blood. 

“Stop that,” Wonshik chastised, pulling his lip from his mouth with his thumb. He clicked his tongue, running it along the abused flesh. “Look at the mess you’ve made of yourself.”

“I-I’m sorry, Alpha.”

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing, I was just–I was just lost in thought.”

“About what, exactly?”

“Just…party things.”

“Party things?”

“Yes, um, you know, cleanup and the like. I’m trying to make mental notes of everything that my omegas and I will need to do after the evening has come to an end. That’s all.”

Wonshik laughed through his nose, adoringly stroking Seonghwa’s cheek with his thumb. “You don’t need to worry about that right now. I’m sure everything will be fine. Just enjoy the evening with me. With us,” he murmured, eyes flicking over to Felix. 

“Of course, husband.”

The alpha leaned down to lay a kiss on his forehead, locking gazes with the younger omega over the top of his head. Felix bristled, nearly dropping the glass he’d been carrying all evening, but managing to save face at the penultimate moment. 

When Wonshik pulled away, there was a smirk on his lips. His eyes travelled down Felix’s face, to his neck, his body…before snapping back up and then turning away entirely. 

He wanted this night to be over already. 

It was exhausting, to be amongst these people. It was exhausting, being forced into a position where he was even remotely close to Doyun and the rest of Alpha Wonshik’s inner circle, having experienced what he had at their hands, knowing they’d do it again if given the chance. It was all too exhausting. Too draining. Too much. 

He just wanted it to be over. 

His only solace was the presence of Seonghwa and Alpha Hyunshik. With the alpha in his proximity, he knew he’d have his watchful eyes on him at every moment, knew that he’d be ready to intervene if someone dared to make any untoward moves against him. And with his hyung by his side, there was the added security of his comforting and affectionate reassurances. The gentle touches against his arm or face, the long eye contact he held to help keep him grounded. The warm smiles, full of so much love. 

If it weren’t for them he was certain he’d never be able to find the courage to remain vigilant. But just having them here was enough to incentivize him into braving the storm.

But perhaps it was more than that. Perhaps he’d been discrediting himself too much, for far too long. 

He braved the storm because they provided him the kindling, but Felix was the spark that set it aflame.

He braved the storm in spite of the fear that had taken hold of him, in spite of the trauma and the resurfacing memories brought forth by the people who’d hurt him. 

He braved the storm because he was so much stronger than any of those men could ever hope to be. Just like Seonghwa always said he was. 

Seonghwa was speaking with the president’s wife, now. A polite smile on his face as he listened attentively to her story. From where he stood, he had a clear view of Felix and everyone around them. Alpha Hyunshik had been whisked away by another incumbent, intent on running for reelection and hoping to gain his sponsorship in order to secure a landslide victory. Not having the alpha in his direct line of sight was a bit discomforting, but Seonghwa knew that he would not willingly stray too far from them. Nonetheless, he could see everyone from his vantage point, which is why he was able to witness the moment it happened, almost as if it he was watching it in slow motion–a woman, tripping over the step that led up to the veranda, her eyes going wide as she pitched forward–

–Right into Felix. 

The flute in his hand fell from his unsuspecting fingers, shattering into a million pieces of crystal against the stone. In the same breath, her wine spilled all over him, staining the brilliant white of his clothing with a garish bloom of blood red. Some people gasped once they’d registered what happened, others scrambled forward to help the woman who’d fallen.

His pup was mortified, eyes wide as he felt the wine seep into his clothes. They stared at the ground, at the shards that glittered beneath the garden lighting, before slowly making their way up, falling right onto Seonghwa. 

“Petal…” he murmured, pushing through the crowd and immediately rushing to his side. “Are you alright?” he asked frantically, cupping Felix’s cheeks. The omega nodded, breathing shakily. “Are you hurt?”

“I-I’m fine, I think-”

“Oh, how unfortunate…”

Wonshik placed his fingers beneath Felix’s chin, imploring him to meet his gaze. “Poor thing,” he murmured, surveying the mess with critical eyes. The entire left side of his suit was stained, from his shoulder to the top of his thigh. Splashes of it discoloured his boots and the ends of his hair, the delicate chiffon that surrounded him. Some had even made its way to his cheek, dripping down his face until it joined the rest on his clothes. “You ought to get cleaned up, little one. Hm?”

Felix nodded, beginning to tremble from the cold. It was like the alcohol had seeped into his bones, chilling him from the inside out. What’s worse, it felt sticky against his skin as it began to dry. 

“I’ll take him,” Seonghwa said, reaching down to weave their fingers together. 

“No, no.”

“Alpha…he needs to change.”

“Yes, he does. But you will not be going with him. I need you here. With me.”

“I don’t understand-”

Wonshik tore his gaze from the omega, eyes scanning over the crowd before he lifted his hand to gesture towards someone. “Hoseok,” he called. 

No…

The alpha appeared as if out of thin air. “Yes, father– oh, dear. What happened?”

“A harmless little accident, nothing to worry about. Would you please escort Felix back to the Omega Wing and help him get changed?”

Hoseok nodded. “Of course, father. It would be my pleasure.”

He grabbed Felix’s hand with much less tenderness than Seonghwa had, squeezing his fingers so tightly between his own that the pain became unbearable, and began pulling him towards the doors. 

“Wait-” he whimpered, digging his heels into the ground. The alpha pivoted, an irritated scowl on his face as he stared down at the omega. “What is it?”

“I-I want to go with hyung.”

Wonshik followed after them, cooing at him. “Seonghwa must stay with me, little one. Surely you know it would reflect poorly on him if he abandoned his Alpha at his own party.”

“But-”

“Don’t argue, Felix. Go with Hoseok.”

Seonghwa stared up at his husband with pleading eyes, gripping his hand tightly between both of his own. “Just let me go with him, Alpha, please-”

“No. That is final.”

He flinched at the alpha’s tone, feeling the beginnings of a tremble overtake his fingers. When it became clear that Wonshik would not budge from his stance, he shifted his attention back to Felix, who looked so frightened at this moment he wanted to just– fuck, he wanted to just take him and run. 

I’m so sorry, he wanted to say. He hoped his eyes could convey that to him. I’m so sorry, my love. 

Felix swallowed past the boulder lodged in his throat. He was shaking so bad, now. From the cold, from fear. From everything. 

I’ll be okay, he wanted to tell his hyung in return. He hoped Seonghwa knew. You did your best.

Hoseok reinforced his grip on him, and then he was dragging him away again. Felix’s eyes didn’t leave Seonghwa for even a second, they remained affixed to him until they were overcome with tears, until the blurriness made it impossible to distinguish his hyung from anything else. Until they ventured too deep into the Estate, and people began flooding into his line of sight. Until he was gone, and the only person left was Hoseok. 

“Come, now. He’ll be back in no time, I’m sure.”

Seonghwa felt the sting of tears threaten whatever crumbs were left of his composure. 

For Wonshik’s own sake, he’d better be right.

 

---

 

“We’ve got them all.”

Hyunshik breathed deeply through his nose. “All?”

“Just Lix and hyung, now.”

“The alphas?”

“You, me, and Baekhyun.”

“Baekhyun's still here?”

“He’s been keeping everyone distracted. Without him we wouldn't have been half as successful as we were.”

“I’m grateful for him, then.”

“We all are.”

“He’s proven his quality.”

“More than that, I think.”

Hyunshik nodded, looking past San’s shoulder to keenly observe their surroundings. Time had slipped away from them–a side effect he’d considered but hadn’t fully accounted for. And while it wasn’t exactly optimal, he had to stay positive. The second he gave in to the unsavoury emotions that threatened his resolve, to the anxiety and prospect of failure, everything would implode. The delicate nature of what they were doing would fall apart. All would be destroyed beyond recognition. 

So he couldn’t give up just yet. He couldn’t give up on hope . It led them this far, it couldn’t have all been for nothing. 

People were beginning to filter out. Many guests had gone, but many still remained. Alphas, namely, who’d sent their companions and plus ones away after the main celebration had concluded. These alphas were still ample, spread about the Estate and going about their leisure. But now that dinner was over, and dessert had been offered in every form and fashion imaginable, they were beginning to settle down. 

They needed to hurry. Their window of time was coming dangerously to a close. 

“Okay. San, find Baekhyun and meet the others. I’ll find Seonghwa and Felix.”

His son nodded, squeezing his arm. 

“See you there. Good luck, dad.”

Hyunshik watched him leave, a pang of longing striking a chord in his chest. 

He went in the opposite direction from his son, quick and swift on his feet. 

Time for the final act.

 

---

 

Seonghwa was erratic. 

Felix still hadn’t returned. There was no sight of him, nor of Hoseok. Anywhere. 

Wonshik had left mere moments ago, opting to spend some time with his inner circle in the smoking parlour. He was relieved to be rid of him, but if he was going to abandon him anyway, why couldn’t he just let Seonghwa take Felix himself? Why was he so hellbent on-

If he dwelled on it he would lose all semblance of sanity. 

There was no way. There was no possible way.

God, he was going to vomit. Or faint. Or both. 

But for now, he was doing everything in his power not to have a full-blown breakdown in the middle of the foyer as he searched high and low for his pup.

No Felix. No Hoseok. No Felix, no Hoseok. No Felix no Felix No Felix-

He felt sickeningly lightheaded the more he succumbed to the panic. No Felix, no Hoseok, no Hyunshik, either. He was alone, he was alonehewasalonehewasalone. 

He peered into rooms and closets, he scoured the gardens and the Omega Wing and every single goddamn corridor in this godforsaken maze of an Estate. There was no one to help him. There was no Felix. 

Just as he felt he could no longer bear this, just as he felt he was about to lose consciousness and fall to the floor in a heap of frayed nerves and hot tears, he saw him. 

Hyunshik. 

He gasped, running to the man, barely able to regulate his breathing because of the sudden exertion he was forcing his weary bones to undergo. But the relief that replaced his panic was almost palpable. “Alpha Hyunshik,” he breathed, gripping the man’s arms. His eyes were wide with terror, shiny with tears.

“Seonghwa? Where have you been, where’s-”

“Felix,” he cried, buckling under the strain of his emotions. “He-he’s still gone. Hoseok, he-”

“They haven’t returned?”

Seonghwa shook his head, feeling a tear slip down his cheek. 

Hyunshik cursed inwardly. Shit. Fuck. Fuck, not now-

“Go.”

Seonghwa startled, pressing himself closer to Hyunshik. When he realised who it was that interrupted them, his grip on the alpha loosened, but not enough to relinquish himself from the safety of his arms. 

Baekhyun stared at the two of them with urgency. “Go. Both of you.”

“I will not leave without him.”

“We’re running out of time. If you stay here, it’ll be worse for us all, you know that. I will find Felix. I will bring him to you, I swear it. Upon my life.”

Seonghwa was lost for words. He grappled for them, he was desperate for them. 

But all he could muster was a choked sob. “I-”

Hyunshik caressed his cheek, wiping a tear from his eye. “He’s right,” he murmured. “Seonghwa, he’s right.”

Seonghwa shook his head, “no-”

“Trust me.”

The omega whimpered. Baekhyun had given them no reason to doubt him. He’d proven himself an honourable man and asset to their cause. But Seonghwa was Seonghwa. How could he just leave Felix? How could he just leave him after making him promise to not leave his side? How could he be the one breaking that promise now? How could he- 

“Trust me.” 

Could he truly trust Baekhyun?

Seonghwa lifted his gaze to Hyunshik, hoping to find answers when he could not make them for himself. 

The alpha nodded softly. 

“Are you…are you sure that’s it…?”

Seonghwa smiled tightly. He should tell him. He needed to tell him.

“Of course, flower.”

He could see a flicker of disappointment in Felix’s eyes. Almost as if he’d expected Seonghwa to reaffirm that his instincts were leading him in the right direction. 

There was more. So much more. His instincts hadn’t failed him. 

As Felix stared at him with those impossibly deep eyes of his, expectant and heartbroken…

He couldn’t do it. 

God above, he couldn’t fucking do it.

“...Alright, hyung.”

“You bring him straight to me.”

“I will.”

Seonghwa sobbed silently, tears tracking down his cheeks in reckless abandon. He wiped them hastily with his palms, smearing his makeup in the process but there was nothing left in him to care about something so trivial when Felix was still somewhere in the Estate. Away from him, out of his sight. 

Hyunshik entwined his and Seongwha’s hands together, bringing him somewhat back to himself. “Stay safe, Baekhyun.”

The other alpha nodded. “You, too. We’re right behind you, yeah?”

Every muscle in Seonghwa’s body refused to cooperate with his mind–they were impartial to his heart. His heart that begged him to stay, to look for Felix himself. To take him away from here himself. 

Hyunshik could not even fathom how immensely difficult this was for the omega. His heart ached, it bled in the chasm of his chest, flooding through his entire being until he could practically taste it on his tongue. He’d done his best. He’d done everything he could, but he was powerless to do more for them, powerless to make things right. 

But he had faith. And for once he had faith in the right people. 

Baekhyun would not let them down. 

He tugged against the omega’s hand, garnering his attention. Even now, Seonghwa’s eyes searched as far and as wide as they could. But there was nothing, not one thing, to give him the relief he so desperately craved. The relief of seeing Felix running towards him, crashing into his arms. Of stepping towards their future, hand in hand with their saviours.

As Seonghwa and Hyunshik made their reluctant escape into the night, Baekhyun prayed that the promise he’d made wouldn't become a lie. 

Then, he began his search for Felix. 

 

---

 

He could sense something was wrong the second he crossed the threshold of the Omega Wing. 

To his utmost horror, his instincts proved him right. As he came to a slow halt, unwilling to accept what he was seeing with his own two eyes, he cursed his own intuition. 

Because there, at the end of the corridor, stood Choi Wonshik, surrounded by his entire inner circle. 

Hoseok and Felix were still nowhere to be seen. 

Perhaps it was a blessing. 

Perhaps it was a curse. His reckoning . 

“Well what do we have here?”

Baekhyun stood tall and proud, refusing to be bullied into intimidation. “Wonshik.”

The alpha’s face was scarily blank as they stared at each other. “You were my friend,” he said. 

“And you were mine.”

“Then how could you do this to me?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “You did it to yourself.”

“Is that right?”

“You’ve lost your way, Wonshik. You’re no longer a man I can follow–if you ever were.”

Wonshik laughed breathily, but there was no trace of humour to be found in it. “So you decided to enact your revenge by way of my omegas.”

“Not just your omegas.”

His former Pack Alpha nodded slowly, humming to himself. 

“I regret to inform you then, that there is one omega you will never take from me.”

And suddenly the nonchalance, the blank nothingness and unyielding indifference was replaced by a smouldering flame of barely contained rage. 

Baekhyun’s brows drew together. He couldn’t possibly mean-

The door to the Omegas’ quarters slammed open, and out came Hoseok, dragging a frightened, red-faced Felix behind him. He still wore his stained clothing, but now his hair was a mess, the makeup on his face was a mess, smeared by the tears that continued to leak from his bloodshot eyes with no sign of ceasing. 

Hoseok gripped the omega tightly, fingers digging into the flesh of his arms as he forced him to stand in front of his father. His chest heaved from the sobs he was struggling to contain, his body stuttered from the tangible fear that Baekhyun could smell on him. Thick and cloying. Threatening to overtake his senses and suffocate him. 

The blood turned to ice in his veins. 

“Upon my life… that’s what you said, is it not?”

Baekhyun’s hands curled into fists at his sides. “Let him go.”

Wonshik smiled. “I don’t think I will.”

“Wonshik,” he seethed through clenched teeth, “let him go.”

“Upon your life…” he looked down at Felix, lifting a hand to his face and stroking the soft, tear-stained skin of his cheek with the back of his finger. The omega flinched, eyes impossibly wet as he stared at Baekhyun with something that looked almost like…

Like resignation. 

“I hope you know, Baekhyun…I hope you know that you failed.”

Wonshik nodded his head at a man Baekhyun didn’t recognise. But when he pulled a shotgun from his jacket and aimed it right between his brows, he knew. 

I’m so sorry…

“And with your life, you will pay.”

Please, forgive me…

Felix’s blood-curdling scream was the last thing he heard, before Jang Baekhyun heard no more. 

 

---

 

It ricocheted through the forest, that deafeningly loud bang . 

Seonghwa’s feet seemed to act before his mind could, slowing down in their haste to make it through the forest path. His fingers fell from Hyunshik’s grasp as the most debilitating sense of dread filled his entire being. 

What…? 

Hyunshik turned around, ready to question why Seonghwa had stopped before he registered the sheer look of agony on his face.

The omega’s eyes were filled to the brim with tears. 

“No…”

He felt his heart die in his chest. He felt it shrivel up and die. It died. It died. Right here, right in this chest that he gripped with his fingers until his skin broke and bled. 

“No, no….no…”

Hyunshik rushed towards him, cupping his face between shaking hands. Seonghwa’s eyes were wild in the light of the moon, his hands clawed at his chest. This heart. It died. 

“No…Alpha, he-”

“Seongwha, Seonghwa-” 

They heard it again. A second earth-shattering bang that was too familiar to be ignored.

Seonghwa screamed, a sound so painfully raw and broken as it rang through Hyunshik’s ears, knees buckling beneath the weight of his anguish. Hyunshik cushioned his fall as best he could, legs slotting around the omega’s quivering frame as he held his head against his chest and tried in vain to bind his hands from continuing their self-inflicted mutilation. 

“We have to go,” he whispered against his hair, choking on his own tears. “We have to go, Seonghwa, we-we have to go.”

The noises coming from the omega were something he was sure he’ll never forget for the rest of his life. 

He wasn’t even hearing him anymore. Babbling to himself, shaking his head as tears slipped endlessly down his face. His fingers continued to claw at his chest, intent on ripping the dead thing out of it. There was blood on his clothes. It stained the tips of his fingers. He wanted to take it out, get it out getitoutgetitout-

So Hyunshik did the only thing he could think of. He hoisted the omega into his arms, feeling more and more pieces of his own soul fall to the forest floor, joining what was left of Seonghwa’s heart. The omega fought against him. He kicked and screamed, scratched at his hands, scratched anywhere he could. He cried “let me go,” even as Hyunshik trudged on; he cried “please, let me go, please ,” even as Hyunshik’s sobs grew in both width and breadth, rendering him incapable of looking back.  

He kept going. 

Until he could see the headlights filtering through the foliage. 

He kept going. 

Even though Seonghwa’s nearly indecipherable wails begged him to let me die-

He kept going. 

Because that’s what Felix would have wanted. 

And when they reached the vans, bloodied and tearstained and shaken to their cores; when Hyunshik handed Seonghwa to his omegas, and fell to his knees, hunching over as his fingers dug into the dirt and mud; as he drew in a shuddering breath and let it escape as a stifled whimper; and when that whimper became a whine and then a fully realised howl that attested to the pain in his chest…

He hoped and he prayed that Seonghwa would forgive him.

Notes:

hiiii....

before i say anything else, let me just say that this chapter took me an entire month to write. an entire month. to tell you the truth i'm still not 100% happy with it. in fact, this might be the one interlude chapter i'm most insecure about, but that's probably because it's been the most anticipated one. i've had this vision in mind for it since the day i began writing the interludes, but i feel like no matter how many times i had written and rewritten it, it still fell short of that vision. so i'm just...AHHHHHHH. i know i'm overthinking, i know i am. but i am inflicted with the sickness of perfectionism, and when things don't meet my standards i just feel real bad about myself and my abilities.

anywho, okay, now that that's out, how are we feeling? what are we thinking? on a scale of 1-10 how much do you want to strangle me? keep in mind, there's one more chapter of the interludes left. and it's...not pretty. so, uh...hehe? *trying not to cry*

zoo wee mama, what a roller coaster. i hated writing this chapter, i really did. dreaded it as much as i looked forward to getting to this point. i know you'll have questions, i know there will be some things you're left wondering about, but i promise it all comes together in the end. trust

also, a round of applause for the 20k+ work chapter?? good heavens. i didn't realise it was that bad till i decided to check and when i did i was shook. it def did not feel like that much

welp. i have loads to say about this chapter but i deadass don't have the willpower to type it all up, help 💀

thank you guys so much for almost 71k hits and all the bookmarks and comments and kudos. i'm shocked every time i check the stats for this fic. i adore you guys so much. just, thank you

see you in the comments (please be nice i'm fragile)

 

xx

lovestxy

 

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Chapter 30: Interlude: Desolation

Summary:

If there was a hell, it had to be Felix's life.

Notes:

hardest, most challenging chapter i hope i will ever have to write. that is all i'm going to say now. that and, this is almost 30k words so...do with that what you will

see you in the end notes, my dearest readers.

 

CW: where do i start? whipping/lashing, blood, wounds, injuries, isolation, starvation, statutory rape, sexual abuse, sexual violence, violence, domestic violence, abuse, mpreg, miscarriage, self harm, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, depression, eating disorders, malnourishment, rape, non-consensual exhibitionism, mental instability, TRAUMA TRAUMA TRAUMA jesus christ there is so much i'm sobbing just typing the warnings ffs. point is it's just bad, okay?? it's the fucking worst

 

Interlude: Desolation

━◦ ❖ ◦━

 

Felix had never seen so much blood in his life. 

He hadn’t seen brain matter, either. Or shards of someone’s skull as it was splattered across what was once pristine marble flooring–mostly because he was certain one’s insides were meant to remain inside. 

He didn’t even realise he was screaming until Hoseok was jerking his head back, pulling on his braid so harshly that it died on his tongue and dissolved into a whimper of pain. His hands came up to the alpha’s wrists, imploring, begging, for release. But he couldn’t stop crying, and the longer he went without shutting up, the tighter Hoseok’s hold on him became. 

“Take him inside.”

Hoseok stared disdainfully down at him, uncaring of the tears, the pain he was inflicting, or the stuttered whines of anguish bubbling past his lips. He looked at his father and nodded, then pushed Felix into the omegas’ quarters. 

Wonshik sighed, turning his focus back onto the corpse of someone he’d once considered a trustworthy confidant. A loyal pack member. 

He walked towards him, rolling the sleeves of his dress shirt up his arms, eyes sharp and derisive. When he made it to Baekhyun’s side, one of his hands fell into place against his hip, while the other rubbed his forehead with irritated fingers. A disturbed grimace crawled onto his face, softening the tick of his jaw as he studied the unrecognisable remains of what was once a handsome man, with strong features the result of impeccable breeding. 

Now he looked little more than roadkill splayed on the side of an asphalt road. 

He clicked his tongue as if he was lamenting the loss, digging the tip of his shoe into a patch of intact flesh to push what was left of Baekhyun’s face to the side. 

“How unfortunate.” 

He pivoted on his heel soon after, brushing a hand through his hair. “Clean this shit up,” he ordered, and two alphas dutifully stepped forward to complete the task. 

Then he strode to the omegas’ quarters, where he was graced with the sight of his inner circle, his son, and…Felix, sat upon the ottoman, Hoseok’s hands heavy on his shoulders to keep him there. 

Wonshik approached the omega languidly, taking note of the incessant tremor that wracked his body, the bloodshot eyes glossed with tears and garishly stained clothing that contrasted starkly against the purity of his being. He looked every bit the fallen angel Wonshik made him to be, desolate and alone. Surrounded by famished wolves who wished to tear into what remained of his innocence . 

He knelt before the omega, taking his hands into his own. 

Felix continued to sob quietly, chest overrun by pathetic little hiccups that were so great in volume that any attempt to stifle them was rendered unsuccessful. For a while they just stared at each other, Wonshik’s thumbs sweeping back and forth over his knuckles. But then his fingers dug into the nimble flesh of Felix’s hands, blunt nails sinking into his skin until there was no choice for him but to cry out, and attempt to wrench his hands from the alpha’s cruel hold. 

“Talk.”

Felix’s brows drew impossibly close to one another, in confusion and in uncertainty. 

“A-Alpha, wh-what–what is-”

“What happened out there, hm? What was this little plan you all concocted right under my nose?”

Felix shook his head, lips trembling against each other as he struggled in vain to voice his dissent. “I–I don’t kn-ow.”

“I don’t like liars, Felix,” sighed Wonshik, his voice bearing the undercurrents of something much less understanding. 

“I’m-I’m not lying. Alpha, I-I have no idea-” his breath hitched as he broke off into another pitiful sob. 

“Tell me the truth.”

Felix snivelled fretfully. “I…I don’t know a-anything, Alpha, please, you ha-have to believe m-me -”

Wonshik stared intently into Felix’s eyes, so painfully open and above all, honest. He nodded slowly, smoothing over the indents his fingers had made into the omega’s soft flesh, the little crescents filled with blood. 

“I believe you, little one.”

Felix exhaled breathily, something akin to relief flooding his tormented features. 

“But you understand the severity of what’s happened tonight, do you not?”

The omega didn’t say or do anything to respond, his incertitude prompting Wonshik to revel in the dissipation of that inane relief. He was glad to see it fizzle back into a pure, undiluted fear, outlined by an immense distrust and his characteristic diffidence. 

“My omegas are gone. They’re gone and what’s worse…they’ve abandoned you.”

The gears remained unmoving behind Felix’s eyes. 

“They abandoned you, Felix. Seonghwa abandoned you.”

A single turn of the wheel.  

“N-no…that’s, no. Th-that’s not, that’s not true-”

“But it is. They left you here–he left you here–entirely alone, to face the consequences of their actions all by yourself.”

Felix shook his head feverishly. “N-no! You’re wrong!”

But Wonshik could see in his eyes the seed of doubt that was beginning to take root.

“Th-they would never…hyung would n-never…”

“I thought so, too, little one. But if that’s the case, then…where is he? Where is your hyung now, Felix? When you need him most?”

Felix’s mouth opened to answer him, but there was no answer to be given. 

Seongwha was gone. 

They were all–gone. 

And Alpha Baekhyun was dead. He died because of Felix. But-but why? 

Why… 

Wonshik licked his lips, sighing heavily through his nose. “They didn’t even tell you, did they? They’d planned this…this entire thing, all amongst themselves, and didn’t even think to include you…”

A betrayed tear skipped down Felix’s cheek. “No, y-” he swallowed thickly, “you must be mis-mistaken…”

Seonghwa would never do this to him. It was beyond inconceivable, it was downright sacreligious.

As he stared at the alpha, that was the only thought circulating in his head. He knew his hyung–he knew Seonghwa. He knew that he would never abandon him knowingly, that he would never even think of committing this atrocity against him,

knowingly.

Not when he was aware of the repercussions, of what it would do to Felix. Not when he’d promised Felix forever. No. No, he could not believe it. He would not- 

“I would never change it for the world,” he said, “I need you to know that.”

Felix’s heart stuttered at the conviction behind those simple words.

“Even if it meant having to live like this?”

The question was woefully hopeful. Part of him, he found, feared for the answer. 

Seonghwa nodded, bringing Felix’s hands to his chest and holding them over his heart. “Even then. In every lifetime and beyond.” 

He was beyond relieved to hear it. But more than that, he realised that such fear had no place in their story. As long as Seonghwa and Felix were one, it never would.

Felix was certain that Alpha Wonshik was lying. There had to be more to this than what Felix understood. Than what either of them understood.

“I feel sorry for you, little one,” Wonshik reached up, cradling Felix’s small face in his palm. He was the very picture of disarray, reduced to blotches of black and red intermixed with streaks of heartbreak and disbelief. “Really, I do.”

Wonshik’s eyes trailed up towards Hoseok, only stopping to linger on the way his hands were curled over Felix’s lithe shoulders like claws. The threat was subtle, but clear, and Wonshik was no fool. His son was reinstating his claim on the boy, but he was failing to consider the edge his father still had over him. One that would come into play in due time. 

He smiled inwardly to himself. He’d let Hoseok have his fun, think himself in control. He’d allow him the satisfaction of obtaining this meagre victory, if only for a fleeting moment in time. 

Wonshik’s eyes slid down to the bloom of red beneath Hoseok’s palm. The wine that had seeped into Felix’s clothing was akin to the blood smeared in his hallway, ugly against the innate beauty of the omega’s construction. 

“It almost makes me regret what I’m about to do…”

Felix’s eyes shimmered with newfound tears. 

“But it needs to be done,” he concluded in a whisper, nodding at his son as he rose to his feet. 

“Since they are not here to receive punishment for their monstrous betrayal, it must fall onto you, little one. Their ungratefulness, their callous selfishness…after everything I’ve done for them, no less, has all fallen onto you.” The disappointment on his face was petrifying as it devolved into something far more terrible. “I gave them a beautiful home, the finest jewels and clothes money can buy. I gave them purpose, and what did they do? They poisoned my brother against me. They took my generosity and threw it back in my face. ”

Wonshik was seething, now. Felix could see it in the tightness of his jaw, the way he spoke through grit teeth as if he was exercising every last form of restraint. He was spoiling the air with his enraged pheromones–that distinct blend of mahogany and aged leather which pulled equally terrible memories to the forefront of his mind. His eyes landed on Felix’s unmarked neck, burning into his skin, into the place where the mark of an alpha was destined to be made. 

“It shouldn’t have to be you, my dear Felix. You are, all things considered, an innocent.”

Felix whimpered as Wonshik’s hand ghosted over his temple. “But you are tied to them nonetheless. And what kind of Pack Alpha would I be if I allow my omegas to forget their place? One or one hundred, it matters not anymore. A lesson must be taught. Preventative measures must be taken.”

The omega shook his head as he was forced to stand, “n-no, no-please, no-”

“Shh…it’s going to be alright. Remember, Felix, they did this to you. Not me.”

Felix’s panic was imminent as it built in his chest, palpable as it escalated the ragged, uneven quality of his breathing. Wonshik anchored his hands around the base of Felix’s skull, fingers threading into the loosened strands of golden white and coaxing his neck back so that he could meet his gaze. He leaned down, millimetres away from the skin of his forehead before whispering, “I promise to be gentle.” 

He sealed the promise with a kiss against his hair. 

“Please-”

Wonshik’s hand carded through his braid, trailing down towards the ribbon keeping it in place and pulling it apart. His hair fell from its binds, flowing around his shoulders in waves of angelic gossamer. 

The alpha’s belt was quick to follow, slipping through the loops of his trousers with a quiet hiss. Felix’s head continued to shake desperately, hands trembling beyond control as he raised them in a poor attempt to protect himself. “No, no, no-” he repeated, over and over, beseeching the alpha to stay his hand from delivering their cruel justice. 

“Turn him around.”

Hoseok obeyed his Pack Alpha’s command, manhandling the omega to accommodate it until their fronts were pressed together. He could almost feel the little omega’s heart thunder raucously against his chest. 

“Take it off.”

The sound of fabric ripping was like the crack of lighting to his ears–shrill and loud, making him jump out of his skin from the unexpectedness of it. His tears came unbidden as the cold air brushed against his scarred, naked back. His body twitched with phantom pains as fingers traced the raised lines of regenerated tissue. 

Hoseok would not even grant him the mercy of shutting his eyes, forcing him to keep his gaze open and aware of everything that was about to happen to him. He didn’t want to see the sick enjoyment in the alpha’s eyes, didn’t want to be made victim of their perversion.

But Felix never really got what he wanted. 

The first blow felt like fire against his skin, but he would not give them the satisfaction of hearing him scream. They could hurt him all they wanted, they could try to turn him against his hyung, but like Seonghwa always said: you are stronger than him.

Felix could be afraid, that was a condition of humanness, but he will never be weak. Seonghwa would tell him the same. After all, Seonghwa was the same.

But Seongwha was not here. He was gone. Everyone was gone. 

The only saviour Fellix had now was himself. 

He sank his teeth into his lip, and was soon able to taste his own blood as his incisors found purchase in the delicate flesh of it. That small, insignificant pain was enough to carry him through the waves of agony that rippled through his entire being, but its efficacy was quick to wane in spite of his efforts to maintain it.

A second crack of leather against his back further threatened his self-control, eliciting a stifled cry that endeavoured to survive past infancy. But Felix was determined. They would get no such pleasure from him. Not today. 

The next two surely broke skin, harsher and fiercer than their predecessors, and Felix began to think that perhaps this was the farthest his courage would ferry him. 

But it was not. 

Seonghwa’s voice echoed in his brain, as kind and as soft as it had always been. You are stronger than him.

Crack

You are stronger than him.

Crack 

You are stronger than him.

It became evident that his lack of response was insulting to the alphas who sought them. Each merciless lash upon his skin grew in intensity, and he could feel the anger behind each subsequent attack build and fester.

What he could no longer feel, though, was the pain . He supposed the shock had settled in, or perhaps the threshold of sensation that his nociceptors could tolerate had been pushed well past its limits. Perhaps he was so numb that he burned. 

In any case, Felix’s weakness was being syphoned into another facet of his humanness: his body.

His traitorous body, that could no longer keep up with the inexhaustible fortitude that was steering his mind. His physical strength was failing him where his mind would not. 

He’s lost count by now, but he knew that the next lash was the beginning of his demise. He pitched forward in Hoseok’s arms, feeling his legs crumple from the strain. He moaned lowly in the back of his throat, a garbled sound that was steeped in suffering. 

His skin felt sticky with clotting blood. Scars reopened, scars made anew. 

But he would not scream.

He wondered if Seonghwa would be proud of his determination. A misplaced smile ghosted his cracked lips as he thought of him. His beautiful, scintillating hyung. Yes, he thought, a breathy laugh pushing its way past the pain–though admittedly it’d be considered as more of a wheeze than anything. Yes, he would. But not just of his determination, no. 

Seonghwa would be proud of him.  

Another whip of leather against his skin made him sob, made every muscle in his body seize with tension before twitching uncontrollably. White hot pain threatened the edges of his consciousness, pulling him deeper and deeper into the abyss. He was close to the end, now. He’d succeeded in his mission. With a sigh and a shuddering gasp, he let the thought of his hyung carry him into darkness. 

As he drifted off, he prayed that wherever Seonghwa was, wherever they all were…he prayed that they’d made it.

He prayed that they were free.

 

---

 

Some time had passed. How much? Well, he couldn’t say. Nowadays, his thoughts were plagued by an unending, unyielding pain. He had no room for anything else. 

Part of him was glad for it, part of him was relieved, because he knew that if he allowed his mind to go after the thread it so desperately wished to pull on, he would descend into a pit of madness from which there was no return.

It was easier that way. A small liberty he’d granted himself with much difficulty, but a liberty all the same. A quiet mercy that would spare him from irreparable anguish. 

It was just him and the pain he could see the physical aspects of. Intertwined. Made to spend the rest of eternity together with no relief or aid. 

It was easier that way. 

But if someone were to peel back the layers of his fabricated indifference, they'd see that Felix was grappling with the sudden change in lifestyle. They’d see he was suffocating from the loss of Seonghwa. Left directionless and unbearably alone in the presence of monsters who’d never known what it was like to have their life uprooted in the course of a single evening. 

Seonghwa and the others were thrust as far away from his conscious awareness as he could get them to be. He supposed the trauma of it all allowed him to compartmentalise the pain of their loss and file it into the deep, dark recesses of his mind. He’d done it many times before. First, with the parents he could not remember but knew he loved. Then with his grandfather, who’d given him the love he’d lost and more. 

Now, he had to utilise his abilities on his newest opponent: the trauma that came from losing Seonghwa, the omegas, Alpha Hyunshik, Alpha San, and…even Beta Garam.  

Felix didn’t know the other doctor. He’d only ever known Beta Garam. He’d only ever known his gentle touch and consoling nature; his unshakeable desire to help the omegas of the Choi Pack, especially when no one else would. 

As it stands, Felix would never know the other doctor. Here, as he lay on the cold cement floor of the basement, shaking from the pain, trembling from the perpetual cold. No matter how close he remained huddled to himself, there was no warmth enough to quell the incessant chill that had settled in his bones. 

The infection had set in two days ago, he thinks. The wounds on his back, while he could not see them, throbbed and pulsed in attempt to be relieved of this torment. Perhaps they thought that the one who bore their gruesome symptoms could help, but alas, Felix was help less. 

One week ought to quench that insufferable fire, Alpha Wonshik had said. 

But to be fair, if he had the option to go back in time and bite Hoseok’s dick again, he would. Only this time, he’d make sure to actually tear it off with his teeth. 

If Hoseok ever forced his way into his mouth again, he’ll make true of that promise if it was the last thing he did. Though he had to admit, isolation in the Choi Estate’s basement as a result of his impertinence did not exactly offer optimal conditions for healing. 

The infection had set in two days ago, he thinks. 

He’s been in the basement for at least five, now. 

…He thinks. 

The chills were the first to come. They were bad, but when compared to everything else, fairly tolerable. The dizziness was unwelcome but ultimately accepted, and the nausea could be ignored if he forced his body into a restless sleep. 

The fever, however…the fever was not so forgiving. The shivering, the sweating, the accelerated body temperature that did nothing to relieve him of the ice in his veins and bones, the fatigue, the headaches, the fucking vomiting. 

He was surprised that his stomach hadn’t offered itself to be expelled once it had been cleared of every last morsel and drop. 

He was so tired. He was so cold…

A raspy exhale from his lips fell into the darkness that surrounded him. As there was no warmth, there was no light here. As there was no warmth, there was no life here. 

The basement was an area of the Estate the omegas very seldom visited. He could recall the scant number of times he’d been brought down here–mostly to accompany Seonghwa as he informed their HVAC technician that the furnace wasn’t heating adequately or the electrician that the lights weren’t working in the West Wing. Whatever the issue was, the point is that he’d never really been so intimately acquainted with the nether regions of their home. But Felix was half certain that he’d been down here more than the alphas had. 

The soft thrum of the water heater was his only companion in this place. Without it, he’d have lost all sense of sanity to the delirious voice in his head. And if not that, then he’d have lost it to the numbing silence of the basement. And if not that, he’d have lost it to the sickness wreaking havoc in his body. 

He wondered if the other doctor was nice like Beta Garam. Something told him he wasn’t. 

With a shudder he tightened his arms around his legs. His stomach cramped from hunger, moaning and groaning in want of sustenance. It was something he’d long adapted to, for the omegas’ diets had always been strict and heavily monitored, but it seemed more persistent now that there was absolutely nothing in his body from which he could absorb some energy. No food in his belly, no water. No fat on his bones that it could use in a last ditch effort to sustain itself. 

He was going to die here. 

He’d fought so hard, for so long. 

Just to die alone and afraid in the dark. 

He wasn’t sure if the sound of the basement door opening was real or a figment of his imagination. He wasn’t sure if the sudden influx of artificial light stinging his unprepared eyes as it flooded the basement was, either. Or if the heavy footsteps descending the staircase, getting louder as they approached him, were any more real than either of those things. The hand against the clammy skin of his cheeks was ruthless, forcing him to look this way and that. But even that didn’t feel entirely real. 

The bucket of ice-cold water on his head did, though. That felt a little too real. He was jolted into a sitting position with a deep, laboured gasp. The shaking, which he believed could not worsen, exacerbated tenfold, rattling his bones and rubbing them against one another. 

“Get up,” a disembodied voice came, though it was unfortunately familiar to his ears. 

“It’s been a week. Surely you’ve learned your lesson by now.”

A week. It’s been…a week?

“Fucking hell, you’re filthy,” the hand grabbed the sopping wet hair at the crown of his head, forcing him to meet disgusted eyes. Hoseok stared at him with poorly concealed revulsion as if he wasn’t the one who’d led him to this inhumane incarceration. “Come on, Felix. Get upstairs and get cleaned up. Fucking ridiculous.”

Ridiculous, indeed. At least that was something they could both agree on. 

“W-water…” he croaked, lamenting the loss of the perfectly drinkable water that now lay in a puddle beneath his body. Still, in his fevered state, it looked like the most delectable form of nourishment. He’d lick every last drop of it up if it weren’t for Hoseok’s iron grip on his hair. 

He was so thirsty. 

“P-p-please, Alpha, wa-water -”

“Get up,” and then a hand was circling his arm and pulling him to his feet. He gasped from the pain, stumbled from the wave of dizziness and nausea that clouded his senses from the sudden change in position. “You’ll get water and food. If you behave.”

Felix nodded deliriously, clinging to the alpha as he dragged him up the steps and through the Estate, no doubt leaving behind a trail of water along the polished floors. He had no idea of where he was being led, but the sun streaming through the windows was a welcome guest to his flushed skin. The fresh air was a reprieve from the staleness of the basement, and the grandiose beauty of the only place he could call home was a stark contrast to the basement’s dull foundations of plaster and cement. 

When he felt hands around his waist he yelped, but was quickly silenced when he realised that they were only there to hoist him onto a sort of…cushioned table? 

Ah. He knew this place. It was the infirmary. He was in the infirmary. 

“What’s wrong with him?” questioned Hoseok. 

The other doctor was an alpha. He vaguely remembered Beta Garam telling him that they had gone to medical school together, but he knew little else. Didn’t even know his name. 

“May I remove his shift?”

Hoseok probably nodded, because Felix was then feeling the fabric being cut and peeled from his body. Wet and cold and sticky against sweat-slicked skin. 

The doctor hissed through his teeth. “As I expected,” he said, inspecting the omega’s back with critical eyes. 

“What is it?”

“His wounds are heavily infected. He’s got a very high fever and his body is…struggling on both fronts.”

“Both fronts?”

“Yes. It is fighting not only the infection but the starvation as well. Any longer without medical attention and his heart would have certainly given out.”

Through the haziness clouding his brain, Felix could feel Hoseok’s eyes on him. “Hm.”

He flinched when he felt the doctor’s hands poke and prod at his injuries, but he was otherwise compliant as he continued through his routine, checking his heart and lungs and flashing a light into his eyes to assess for any potential concussions.

“He is strong,” he ultimately concluded, moving to his station to gather supplies. “It seems he is alive by sheer will power alone.”

“Indeed he is,” murmured Hoseok, keenly observing the doctor’s every move as he plucked various vials and medicines from shelves and collected needles, thread, and cloth. 

When his eyes flicked back to his omega, he could see just how dire his condition was. But even then, even then, there was a spark of defiance in his eyes. 

They’d have to see just how far that pesky will power would take him. 

 

---

 

“This is the third time in a month, Felix. Hoseok’s patience with you is running incredibly thin. When will you stop fighting?”

Felix stared at his Pack Alpha through narrowed eyes. “I…will never stop fighting. As l-long as my lungs draw breath, I will never stop fighting you.”

Wonshik sighed. “I don’t understand why you’re being so stubborn. Aren’t you exhausted?”

Of course he was fucking exhausted. He was depleted–mind, body and soul. He’d been fighting tooth and nail from the moment he woke up after being whipped raw, but now he was realising that continuing down that path was not sustainable by any means. He had to choose his battles wisely from now on. 

“They’re not coming back for you.”

Felix’s glare was brutal–lined with red and filled with an undeniable hatred. 

“Why are you fighting for the people who left you behind and didn’t even care to look back?”

“That’s not true.”

“It is. Deep inside, you know it is.”

Felix felt bitter tears sting his eyes. 

“They believe you to be dead, Felix. What reason would they have to come back for a ghost?”

He felt his entire world come to a complete halt. 

What?

“Th-that’s…”

That’s not possible…

“Did you really think that oaf Baekhyun needed more than one bullet lodged in his brain to end his pathetic life?” he laughed haughtily, shaking his head. “Quan never misses a shot, Felix. So why do you think he’d need two?”

Felix’s eyes stung from the flood of tears pooling into them. He almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing, but he knew that Choi Wonshik was capable of many things. Even… 

“Hm? I can’t hear you, little one.”

“S-so they’d…” he sniffled pathetically, feeling hot streams of tears flowing down his cheeks, “so they’d h-hear it a-nd-”

“And believe that I’d murdered you in cold blooded rage. Yes.”

“W-why?”

Wonshik shrugged nonchalantly. “They betrayed me. For that, I could not let them escape with their consciences clear. They will carry that guilt for the rest of their miserable lives, it may even drive them to madness.”

“You’re-you’re sick.”

“Believe what you want, my dear, it doesn’t affect me. Because at the end of the day, I always win.”

And the worst part was, Wonshik was right . 

He did win. 

All this time he’d been shouldering this-this unholy idea that they had abandoned him. Wonshik’s ceaseless provocations had found the weak and vulnerable entrances to his mind and weaselled their way in, poisoning him to the possibility that what he was saying held even a modicum of truth. 

“I know you’ve been struggling in the wake of their absence, but It doesn’t have to be this hard, little one. I derive no pleasure from seeing you suffer so greatly. Truly.”

Liar.

“Just give in.”

Felix shook his head, betrayed by the tear that carved a path down his cheek. “I will not,” he whispered tiredly. 

Wonshik nodded, exhaling heavily through his nose as he poured himself a glass of whiskey. “I thought as much. I admire your strength and resolve, Felix, I do. But it has no place here. The sooner you learn that, the easier it will be for you.”

“My life has never been easy, Alpha. You’ve guaranteed that.”

Wonshik tilted his head. “Is that how you feel?”

Felix’s answering silence was answer enough. 

“I’m starting to believe then, that you do this on purpose. You know that if you fight, if you resist, my son will retaliate in an attempt to tame you. He will throw you in the basement, deprive you of all stimulation so that you grow desperate for any form of it. He will starve not only your body but your mind, too. Hoping, foolishly perhaps, that you will eventually learn that the best place for you is in submission at his side. But really, you’re two steps ahead, aren’t you? The basement is, after all, far more preferable to being with him.”

The omega swallowed a lump down his sandpaper throat. 

“You seem nervous. I suppose my theory is correct? In part, at least?”

Felix’s eyes fell to the floor. 

The alpha chuckled breathily. “You cannot hide from me, little one. I know you. Your thoughts and feelings are plastered all over your face. You’re an open book, Felix, always have been. Unfortunately, you are one that Hoseok could not be bothered to read.” He took a sip, staring at Felix over the lip of his glass. 

“But if you insist on being difficult, do not come to me when you can no longer bear the consequences of your own stubbornness. Consider this as my final offering of an olive branch to you. Desist now, accept your fate, and the only pain you will ever have to know henceforth will be…” his face split into a grin, “... natural.”

 Felix’s face fell.

“What? Would you not prefer the symptoms of heat and childbirth to this?”

He placed the glass on his desk as he walked towards the omega. His eyes raked over his entire form, drinking in his new gifts from Hoseok. He now sported a dark bruise on the left side of his face, and an eye which was now pooled with blood from a ruptured capillary. There was a trail of love bites down his neck, and if Alpha Wonshik decided to take a peek down the neckline of the thin shift that was now a staple in his wardrobe, he’d see it continue along his chest and ribcage. 

“You’re too thin.”

Felix wanted to roll his eyes. 

“Can’t have pups if there’s no meat on your bones. From now on I want you to take your meals three times a day.”

He lifted Felix’s chin with two of his fingers. He hummed approvingly. 

“Even now your beauty is paramount to anything my son could do to spoil it.”

The omega’s eyes, shiny with repressed tears, trembled with rage. 

“Such anger, still…” murmured Wonshik, sweeping his thumb along Felix’s chin. 

“A word of advice. Take it while I offer it in good faith. For your own sake, I’d relinquish it.”

 

---

 

Before he knew it, Felix’s birthday was upon him.

And that meant a number of things. For one, it meant that any day now, he’d be experiencing his very first heat. For another, it meant that it had been five weeks since Alpha Wonshik’s birthday. Five weeks since Felix has been alone, bearing the burden of being the Choi Pack’s sole omega with neither guidance nor support to lead him through his new perils. 

His birthday had crept upon him like a silent killer, rendering him a complete mess of nerves when Hoseok decided to drag him from his bed as soon as the clock struck midnight. 

In celebration of your newfound maturity. That’s what he had said as he pushed the fabric of Felix’s shift to his hips and sank into him in the same breath. 

It was surreal, to say the least. A sensation he’d never get used to no matter how many times he’d experience it. His mind was foggy with sleep and his senses were dulled by unawareness, sluggish and slow to warm up. With the side of his face pressed against the floor, he hadn’t even realised what was happening until he felt that familiar pain flare through the base of his spine. He cried out, pitching forward in an attempt to escape, but Hoseok grabbed both of his arms and pulled them to the small of his back, pinning him in place. 

He took him hard and without consideration of the acute pain he was inflicting on the omega beneath him. Felix could see very little past the blur of tears in his eyes, slipping down the bridge of his nose and soaking into the hair splayed about his head. He tried to focus on the little glimpses of the moon he could see beyond the balcony doors, willing for the sight of its radiant brilliance to distract his mind from the pain. 

It did well, all things considered. 

But he was also too tired to act on it. Too tired to protest, too tired to fight back, and too tired to voice his agony. This was yet another battle where he’d have to choose between offensive or defensive strategy. And considering how the odds were stacked against him, he ultimately just grit his teeth and bore it, little gasps escaping his lips with each particularly harsh thrust into his body. He just bore it, knowing that soon enough, it would be over. 

Hoseok’s stamina was, after all, an unpredictable entity. Sometimes he could go on for what seemed like hours, at others, he would barely last ten minutes. 

Tonight, it seemed his stamina was on Felix’s side. 

The alpha plastered his body to Felix’s back, moaning breathlessly against his ear as he neared his climax, thrusts becoming sloppy and disoriented. 

“Happy birthday, beautiful,” he murmured at last, sinking his teeth into Felix’s shoulder as he came. Not quite a claim mark, but teetering the edges of being one. 

A promise. A threat. 

Felix laid there, unmoving as Hoseok’s immense weight kept him tethered to the floor of his bedroom. His skin was slick with sweat and his face was hot with tears, but even as the alpha pulled out and his body fell to a heap, he said nothing. He did nothing. 

He just waited. 

Like an obedient little omega. 

Hoseok smiled down at him–not half as kind as it was triumphant–tucking himself back into his sleep pants before collecting Felix in his arms. He carried the omega back to his bed, laid him down and then joined him, pulling him flush against his chest. 

Hoseok slept well that night. 

Felix did not.

 

---

 

Wonshik was most pleased to hear of the day Felix had begun his first heat. His excitement far surpassed Hoseok’s, even, and that was something that the younger alpha did not let go unnoticed. 

As Felix’s heat progressed, as his scent sweetened in an attempt to entice an alpha and his body displayed the symptoms of needing to be bred, the constant posturing between father and son became unbearable. It was suffocating, grating against his heightened senses with each intolerable display of alpha superiority. Like they were vying for his hand, attempting to woo and court him (never mind the fact that the reality of it was far less romantic than it sounded.) 

Honestly, he’d wished they’d just fuck off. 

Felix knew well enough of what to expect from his heat. He’d not only witnessed it firsthand the few times the other omegas underwent theirs, but Seonghwa had also made it his mission to thoroughly educate him of the changes his body would undergo. Heats varied from omega to omega, but the foundational similarities remained the same for them all. 

The inconsistency of moods, the mental highs and lows, the physical aches and pains. The wanton desire of one’s inner omega to be filled by their alpha’s knot–not only to soothe the pressure and abate the inextinguishable heat, but to be pupped as well. It didn’t exactly sound like a pleasant experience to his young ears. And truth be told, because of what he’d learned he came to dread the day he’d have his own. He was terrified of it .

Yeonjun’s heats left him bedridden for an entire week, unable to do little more than force water down his throat because the pain was so unbearable. He’d lie in bed with a heating pad attached permanently to his abdomen, delirious and inconsolable even with the painkillers Beta Garam would smuggle for him. 

Wooyoung’s were a bit different; there was great discomfort but he was able to return to his duties within a couple of days. He’d spend long hours with Yunseo during the peak of his heats, and it was during one of them that he’d fallen pregnant with the alpha’s pup. 

Sunoo’s were always reported back to them with a pink-faced bashfulness from the omega. While he and Sunghoon did not venture past sessions of heavy scenting and gentle kisses, it was clear to all that the young alpha was devoted to making the experience as comfortable as possible for his mate. It was endearing to see, and a more than welcome change from what the other omegas were dealt by their own alphas. 

Beomgyu’s heat cycles were rare. His alpha did not particularly enjoy the adverse effects of an omega’s heat, and preferred not to be burdened by them. From the moment he’d taken the omega as a mate, he’d enforced a strict regimen for him of suppressants and birth control. It did more harm than good to the delicate nature of his biology, but they were helpless to do anything that would go against his alpha’s commands. 

And Seonghwa…Seonghwa never had heats. There was a time he did, when he was freshly matured and his body was physically capable of bearing children. Felix was too young at the time to know why his hyung disappeared for a few days every couple of months, but he did notice that after some time, he no longer did.

Everyone was aware that their Head Omega was barren–it was an unspoken, unacknowledged truth that lingered over them, a heavy weight on both their minds and hearts. They also knew that he carried the pain of such an affliction all by himself, but they did not know the extent of it. He never told them of its origins–whether he was born with such a condition or whether it was a result of the rigorousness of his life. But it wasn’t a hard puzzle to piece together. After all, an omega doesn’t go from being perfectly healthy to losing all ability of conceiving a pup. Seonghwa wasn’t born to be barren, he was made barren. 

But even though he did not have his own, it did not mean that he was idle when everyone else did. While heat cycles didn’t occur as regularly amongst the Choi Omegas as they should have, Seonghwa never failed to look after them when they did. He was always the first to know, the first to offer comfort and companionship. He was there for them from the moment it began to the moment it ended. Through all of the ugliness and unease. 

Felix felt his absence now more than ever. He wished, more than anything, that Seonghwa could be here to help him through his own. For if there was anything that calmed his anxieties of reaching maturity, it was the knowledge that Seonghwa would be there with him for every step of the way. He’d be there to see his little flower, all grown up. 

How bittersweet, it was. Fate. How cruel. 

The alphas knew nothing of the intricacies involved in an omega’s heat. They knew nothing of what they required, what they desired. It was rather the opposite–they only knew of the ways it affected them, driving their alphas into a frenzy of territorial instinct by the prospect of gaining ownership over an omega in prime breeding condition.

It was tiresome. Heats were tiresome. 

Especially when his heat was stacked atop the number of things Felix had to see after. Now that he was the only omega of the pack, the expectations forced onto him were innumerable. He was, by default, their new Head Omega. But the only omega in his purview was himself. 

Even that, however, felt like a task in and of itself. He wondered for the nth time how the hell Seonghwa managed to juggle his duties between not only the omegas, but the pack as well. And more than that, how he was able to accomplish such a feat when his husband and Pack Alpha demanded every ounce of his attention. 

Felix knew that he would never be anything like Seonghwa. How does one live up to perfection? 

The answer was simple. You can’t. 

You just can’t. 

And it was exhausting to continuously try and fail to get even a little close to the precedent he’d set. Felix was exhausted. It had only been seven weeks. Seven. 

Seven weeks of picking and choosing his own battles. Seven weeks spent with a man who used his body like a toy. Seven weeks of being beaten and abused. Seven weeks of being thrown into the basement and starved. Seven weeks of being forced to scrub floors on his knees until they bruised. Seven weeks of being mocked and ridiculed by alphas who blamed him for the loss of their omegas. Seven weeks of being threatened to be raped by those very same alphas in recompense. 

Seven weeks that felt more like seven lifetimes. 

And it did not help that the symptoms of his heat teetered on the verge of being unmanageable. 

His preheat has been very anticlimactic. Other than an increase in body temperature and the slight deepening of his scent, he didn’t really feel or notice much. The doctor–whose name he learned was Dongmin– informed Hoseok that because his body was in such an advanced state of malnourishment, he likely wouldn’t experience the full extent of a heat cycle. 

To Felix, that sounded like a pretty good deal.  

To Wonshik, that was simply unacceptable. And to Hoseok, well, his only concern was keeping his father away from his omega. 

It was almost funny, then, that his heat struck with a ferocity that none of them had expected. 

Beginner’s luck, Hoseok had jested when Felix curled onto the floor in pursuit of relieving his excruciating cramps. He offered no assistance or reprieve as Felix sobbed in pain, clutching his stomach so hard that his nails dented the skin through the layer of fabric. 

He continued to offer no assistance as he witnessed Felix nearly faint from exhaustion. After six nonstop hours spent in the kitchens, he had grown so hungry and so dizzy–so hot, that the state of his consciousness was threatened by his lack of discretion. He had been antagonised, for hours on end, by the many mouthwatering scents that surrounded him, and further tortured by the fact that he could not touch a morsel of it. He doubled over, vision splotched with black, barely managing to save himself from smashing his head against the stove. 

And all Hoseok did was watch. And when it became evident that Felix did not, in fact, split his head open and die, he left. 

He left. 

Felix would have enjoyed his absence if only he couldn’t actively feel the slick slip down his legs, if only he didn’t feel so fucking hot-

He grasped the edge of the counter and heaved himself to an upright position, breathing erratically and unevenly. He wiped the sweat from his brow, wrapped an arm around his middle and prayed to whoever would listen to just make it stop. 

A knot would do just that. He knew it would. In fact, he’d almost counted on Hoseok to take advantage of his need for one. 

But Hoseok hadn’t even touched him. 

He watched him, heard him beg mindlessly for relief, but he would not touch him. 

Felix ought to have been grateful for it, and if he was in his right mind, he would have been. But he was far from it. His mind was addled by his heat, overcome with thoughts of knot, breed, mate. If he was in his right mind he would not crave that which had only brought him pain. If he was in his right mind, he would not crave his own defilement. 

Perhaps it was a miracle, then, that when the doors next opened it was not to reveal the sight of Choi Hoseok, but of Choi Wonshik, with his brow set sternly and mouth formed into a tight frown. 

“Alpha…” he had breathed, white-tipped fingers curling into the marble of the countertop. 

God, it hurt so much. 

“P-please-”

The alpha spared no time in rushing to his side, wrapping his arm around Felix’s shoulders and helping him stand again. 

“What is it, little one?” he asked, brushing his sweat-soaked bangs from his face. 

“Hurts–hurts s-so much.”

Wonshik hummed, thumbing at his cheekbone. “Where is Hoseok?”

“I don’t…I don’t know. Alpha, please…”

“What do you need?”

“I need y-” 

Felix faltered. What the hell was he doing? Surely, he was not about to beg for his Pack Alpha’s knot.

He drew himself away from the man’s arms, brows furrowing as he was hit with a wave of clarity. Wonshik watched him carefully, studying his every move, every little twitch of emotion on his face that belied the turmoil within. 

“Hoseok has been neglecting you.” A statement. An observation. 

Felix refused to meet his eyes. 

“I can help you,” the alpha murmured. 

Felix bristled, pulling away entirely from Wonshik’s arms and scurrying towards the sink full of dishes. He gripped the edges of the basin, shutting his eyes and forcing himself to steady his breathing. 

He was going crazy in this godforsaken place. 

“Felix.”

He whimpered lowly in the back of his throat, squeezing frustrated tears out of his eyes. 

It wouldn’t be–it wouldn’t be wrong to take up the offer, would it? If it was the only way to alleviate the pain…if it’s what his body needed…

He shook his head, letting it hang between his shoulders. 

How could he even think to do such a thing? How could he even dare to entertain the idea? 

How how how-

“Omega.” 

A gentle touch against his elbow had his entire body tensing. He wrenched his arm away, turning on his heel to create distance between them. “No.”

“I am your Pack Alpha, am I not?”

Felix’s hands curled at his sides. 

“Is it not my duty to look after you?”

Felix shook his head fervently. 

“Is it not my duty to provide for you?”

“Stop it-”

“Is it not my duty to guide you through this difficult, unfamiliar time?”

Felix was cracking. He knew it, Wonshik knew it. The whole fucking world probably knew it. 

The alpha followed after him, grasping his elbows in large hands. “It’s not wrong to want it.”

And perhaps that’s all he needed to hear to let go of his reservations and lay waste to his morals. Perhaps that’s all he needed to hear in order to allow himself this small respite. 

He nodded, tears slipping down his face as he pushed himself onto the tips of his toes and wrapped his arms around the alpha’s neck. Wonshik was quick to understand what he was asking for, hoisting the omega into his arms and cradling him to his body with an attentiveness that left Felix breathless. His legs slotted around the alpha’s waist, and thus he was carried out of the kitchens and to the Pack Alpha’s quarters. 

As the peak of his heat shrouded his mind once more with a thick, impervious cloud of lust and desperation; as he surrendered himself to his omega’s needs and bared himself to the full scope of his instincts, he was aware of only one thing. 

Of all the hands that sought to harm him, that forced him to present himself for their pleasure…of all the touches that felt like acid on his skin and fire to his insides…

Alpha Wonshik’s touch was the gentlest he’d felt. 

 

---

 

Hoseok was furious to learn of his father’s transgressions. 

He was even more furious to learn that his father’s seed had taken root in his omega. 

His omega. He dared to breed his. Fucking. Omega. 

And Felix had no idea. 

Because he was an alpha, he was privy to things the other subgenders were not. His heightened sense of smell alerted him immediately to the possible treachery committed against him. Felix’s scent had changed, evolved into something riper than it had been even during his heat. He became more sensitive to the alphas’ pheromones, was prone to bouts of sudden and unexplainable fatigue, and had even begun to complain of aches he’d never dealt with before. 

Yet, in defence of his father whom he respected, he did not allow his suspicions fodder to become something more. 

It had been a month after Felix’s heat concluded that those suspicions grew into irrefutable truths. The omega had been plagued with morning sickness, vomiting what little lingered at the bottom of his stomach into Hoseok’s toilet. He’d then spend the rest of the day overcome with nausea, disoriented and winded for breath. Not knowing how to abate the side effects of this mysterious illness. 

Poor thing believed he’d caught a bug. 

But little did he know that the bug he’d caught was his father’s child. 

His blood positively boiled once he faced the reality of what that meant. Made his mind splinter from the unbidden fury that coloured his vision the brightest shade of red. If he could wring his father’s neck and watch the light leave his eyes, he would. He would do it a thousand times over–he’d relish in the bursting of blood vessels in his father’s eyes and the blueing of his face–until he was satisfied that not even his ghost could lay a hand on Felix again. 

Hoseok would have no more of it. And he’d be damned if he let his father get away with this. 

It was too easy, really. Once he’d set his mind on it. 

It was easy to catch sight of Felix as he flurried from one end of the Estate to the other. It was easy to watch as he hurried towards the grand staircase, panicky and fretful because he was falling behind schedule and running late for the alphas’ afternoon tea. 

It was easy to follow after him, easy to look down his nose at the unfathomably beautiful, yet terribly oblivious omega who had made his life immensely difficult.

It was easy for his hand to find purchase against the blades of his shoulders, even easier to deliver one, fully intentional shove to his frail body. 

It was easy to watch him tumble down the marble staircase, eliciting little cries and whimpers of pain with each impact against the hard stone. 

And it was easy to witness the moment he fell to the floor with a stifled thud, crumpled and broken, gasping in stuttered breaths from the blinding pain that radiated through every inch of his body. Blood pooled around his head, dyeing the long strands of his pale, downy hair the loveliest shade of rose petal red. 

He rolled his shoulders, staring down at the ghastly sight of his omega from the top step, feeling euphorically triumphant from the success of this gargantuan undertaking. 

If his father wanted to play this game, then he should have considered that Hoseok would be in it to win, too, willing to do whatever it takes. 

He should have considered that in this game, Felix would only become collateral damage.

 

---

 

The doors to Wonshik’s office flew open, smacking against the walls and rattling the bookshelves lining them. He was ready to rip the head of the offender who’d dared to disturb him clean from their shoulders, but once he’d registered that said offender was his son, he decided to stay his hand.

Hoseok leaned over his desk, palms flat against the smooth, wooden surface. He looked murderous, ready to kill at the slightest offence. 

“What is the meaning of-”

“The next time you lay a finger on him without my consent, he won’t be as lucky to survive.”

Then he was gone, leaving Wonshik to stare unblinkingly at his retreating form, unable to stop the dread from swirling in his gut.

What have you done?

 

---

 

“I regret to inform you that you have lost your pup.”

His…his pup? What pup?

Felix stared incredulously at the doctor, as if he’d grown a second head or a third lip. His swollen eye, bruised face, and bandaged head were enough for the alpha to pity him, but the utter stupefaction in the omega’s gaze was mildly concerning in its own right. His back straightened on its own accord once he realised why Felix seemed so perplexed by the information. 

“Were you not aware that you were pregnant?”

Pregnant. He was pregnant? The doctor’s voice echoed in his head, pregnant. It repeated, over and over and over. Pregnantpregnantpregnant-

Were you not aware that you were pregnant?

“What?”

Dongmin swallowed. “You were with child, Felix. But it did not survive the fall.”

His pup…his pup was dead? He was dead before he even knew of him?

“H-how is-” he cut himself off, exhaling shakily. 

Alpha Wonshik. His heat. 

His face paled even more than it had already been. 

The sickness…

He was pregnant. He had a pup. His pup, he had a pup-

A single, choked sob was cast from his cracked lips, but he did not cry. His hand–the one that was not connected to his broken arm–came to rest on his stomach, right where his pup should have been. But he did not cry. 

He stared at Dongmin, blank faced and seemingly unfazed by the revelation of this profound loss. But what was this loss if it was yet another thing for him to file away? 

He stared at Dongmin, and Dongmin stared back, trying to gauge the omega’s emotional state. But there was nothing there for him to take note of. Nothing but an eerie resignation.

Felix eventually tore his gaze from the alpha, choosing instead to focus on his surroundings. There were all kinds of machines and wires around him, tethered to him, tying him down. On his arm, an IV that was connected to two bags of fluid, hung from the poles and no doubt performing the functions that his body could not undergo itself. To his left, the source of the infernal beeping, measuring the rate of his heart. 

His head slowly swerved back to its resting position, and it was then that Felix came to a decision. 

This would not do. 

He carelessly removed the needle from the inside of his elbow, letting it fall to the floor and ignoring Dongmin's gasp of protest as blood instantly welled to the surface of his skin. He then channelled his attention to the electrodes sticking to his chest, peeling them off with ease and casting them aside. 

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, gripping the mattress with his good hand as he forced himself to his feet. He stumbled, brows drawing together as he lifted his gown to reveal the sight of his leg encased in a cast. 

The visual cue was like a reminder, it seemed, because the pain was immediate thereafter, surging through his sore, aching body like the rolling waves of a tsunami. But it felt like nothing compared to the pain in his chest.  

As he limped away, cradling his flat, empty stomach and leaving splatters of blood in his wake, all he could feel was that pain. Everything else was static to his ears. Even Dongmin’s panicked relay of what are you doing? Get back here!

He limped away, biting back the tears borne from a loss that should not have affected him as deeply as it had. He didn’t even know he was pregnant. Didn’t even know that he was actively in the process of creating something precious and beautiful. It made no sense for him to feel like this. 

But such was life. Such was Lee Felix’s life. 

He limped away, not knowing where his feet would take him, but letting them guide him nonetheless. He let them carry him away. Away from the machines, the scent of antiseptic, the doctor. 

Away from his child. 

He realised belatedly, as he stumbled through the halls of the Choi Estate, the reason behind the hollowness he was feeling. It was simple, really. Easy to overlook until you went in search of it. 

He finally had one thing for himself in this hell he called home. Just one. 

And they had taken that from him, too. 

 

---

 

His feet brought him to the Omega Wing. 

He stared at the corridor in which Alpha Baekhyun drew his last breath, slain where he stood with no chance to defend himself. If he hadn’t witnessed the carnage with his own two eyes, Felix would have believed that it never happened, and that Alpha Baekhyun had joined the others when he had the chance. Instead, he came looking for him. And then he died for it. He’d died for Felix. 

To this day he doesn’t know why the alpha had done that. He was a good friend of Wonshik’s, a good follower. He’d been there through it all. He’d even been there the day Wonshik shared Felix’s body with his peers. He’d been a crucial part of the regime that benefited from their silence and suffering. So why…

So many questions left unanswered. And unfortunately for him, they’d stay that way. He’d never know the reason for Jang Baekhyun’s change of heart, and he had to make his peace with that. 

And so, he walked past where his body once lay, eyes set on that set of doors he hadn’t seen since that night. The set of doors that would, upon opening, reveal the only thing he had left. 

Memories. 

As he approached them, the pressure behind his eyes only grew, burdening him with the desperate need to be allayed. 

But he would not give in to their despair. He would not cry. 

His hand gripped one of the handles. It would take some time to adapt to using his nondominant hand now that his right arm was shattered–and the same could be said about his leg–but Felix was nothing if not patient. With a single breath he wrenched it down and pushed the door open. 

Felix didn’t know what to expect. He was almost too afraid to delude himself into believing that once they opened, he’d see everything as it had always been. He’d see Wooyoung on his favourite armchair, adding another panel to his quilt as he talked animatedly with Sunoo about needing to harvest their gardens’ bounty of fruits and vegetables and herbs. He’d see Yeonjun arguing with Beomgyu over some silly disagreement involving which elf from LOTR would spend the most time at a salon.

He’d see Seonghwa, weaving in and out of the rooms with determination set in his brow, softly chastising his omegas to settle down, my loves. 

But he didn’t see any of that. 

All he saw was an empty place. An empty place filled with stale air that barely clung to the scents of his family. 

If only these walls could talk. 

He ventured deeper, eyes reacquainting themselves with everything he’d been painfully encouraged to forget. Hoseok, in all his sadistic wisdom, had forbidden him from entering the Omega Wing. He preferred Felix to be confined to his own quarters in the rare moments he wasn’t encumbered by some other task or thrown into the company of the water heater. If he ever found out that Felix was here now, it was doubtless that he’d be very cross with him. 

But he didn’t really care anymore. 

There was nothing they could do to him now. No possible punishment or disciplinary action that would coerce him into submission. They could tie him to a pillar and offer his flesh to the birds to pick on, they could break his bones so that he could not even attempt to go where he was not permitted, they could rape him and beat him, bite him and kick him and spit on him. 

But none of it would matter in the end. They’d already taken everything from him, leaving only the husk. What else remained?

His fingers grazed over the little table where they’d eat their meals, and when he brought them back to his eyes they were covered in dust. He couldn’t stop the quiet, endeared scoff when it came–Seonghwa would have never let it get to this point. 

He continued on, wiping his fingers on the hem of his hospital gown and walking slowly in consideration of his fractured foot. He had his next target in mind as he made his way toward their bedrooms. 

He hesitated just as he was about to cross the threshold, feeling his breath hitch in the back of his throat. 

3…2…1…

Felix entered yet another corridor, equally empty and devoid of life, but his focus was placed on the set of doors at the very end of it. Before his mind could talk him out of it, convince him to turn back and run away, his feet acted on their own accord, guiding him towards them.

The door opened with a soft click, nearly soundless on its hinges as it swung back to reveal…

His legs suddenly felt weak and he fell to his knees, bringing a hand to his mouth to stifle his cry. But it was all for naught. The tears he’d forced down his throat, made to never see the light of day came out unbidden, clumping his lashes and dampening his cheeks within milliseconds.

Seonghwa was written into every corner of this room. He lingered in every pristine facet and fold, in the soft hues of the walls and the softness of the bed linens. It was…it was a moment frozen in time. Seonghwa’s sweater was still neatly folded over the armchair in front of the fireplace, his hairbrush still sat atop the dresser. If he opened the top drawer he was sure that he’d find all of their jewellery and collars stacked neatly in their displays. 

A glint of light from the side table caught his eye. With a quick swipe of his hand to his wet cheeks, he slowly stood back up with the help of the doorframe–almost keeling over in the process on his unbalanced foot. Distantly, he was aware of the pain pulsing through his body now that the morphine was fully wearing off, but it was inconsequential. Felix had to see what it was that stole his attention. 

As he approached the side table, he realised with a gasp that it was Seonghwa’s wedding band. He lifted it into his palm, examining the ring’s inherent prettiness in the subtle daylight. It was a dainty thing–a thin white-gold band set with a modest, fifteen-carat diamond carved into an oval. As he stared at it, it occurred to him that he hadn’t even noticed Seonghwa wasn’t wearing it that night. He was rather surprised, actually, to even see it here. He’d have thought Alpha Wonshik would have collected it by now. 

His finger traced along the band, the metal cold against his skin. He remembered a time where it was warm around Seonghwa’s finger.

After a few more minutes spent in its presence, he set it down with a sigh and quiet sniffle, and turned towards the windows. 

It was getting colder, now. The world had grown grey and sad, for the days didn’t last as long, and the nights seemed to stretch unto unendingness. The leaves were beginning to abandon their trees, turning shades of gold and burnt orange and vermillion. Some still clung to their youth, their tips green and bright, a reminder of what once was. 

In time, those trees would go bare, and snow would fall to blanket the earth in white. Life would then begin anew, and the cycle would continue. Life, death, renewal. 

Would it continue for him, too? He wondered. He so wondered. 

A final, lingering glance to the dreary grounds of the Choi Estate assuaged his desire to look upon the world, even though it filled him with a fresh dose of dread. He shook himself off of the unwanted feeling, having shouldered more than he could bear this day alone. Shuffling towards their wardrobe, he hoped to find comfort amongst his hyung’s clothes. When he pulled the doors open he felt his throat constrict, and that distinct, stinging desire to cry rub along the back of his nose.

Seonghwa’s scent was most potent here, imbued into the very threads of his clothing despite his consistent use of scent blockers. He rubbed the sleeve of one of his blouses between his fingers, relishing the featherlike softness of the fabric for a moment before trailing those fingers along the rest of the hangers. But his eyes were soon drawn to the chequered white and brown cardigan that was sitting on one of the shelves. He reached up, wincing slightly from the sudden stretch of his battered muscles and fractured ribs. But when he pulled it into his arms and brought it to his nose, it was like someone had spread a balm over his wounds. 

Felix inhaled deeply, no longer caring that his tears were dripping onto the fabric, soaking into the knitted fibres. He inhaled deeply, feeling for the first time in what seemed like years, peace. 

He limped his way towards the bed, falling onto it heavily before curling into the very centre of it. He wrapped himself in his hyung’s cardigan, drowning in it. Hoping, praying, that somehow, someway, Seonghwa would materialise before him and take him into his arms. 

Would that he could. Would that it were possible. 

They’d eventually find him here, tucked into the bed he’d shared with his hyung. He'd surrender himself wordlessly to whatever the repercussions of his disobedience would entail, willingly, even. But for now, Felix cried. Surrounded by the remnants of vanilla and jasmine and almond, by the remnants of his hyung who he missed more than he thought physically, mentally, emotionally possible.

He cried.  

He cried until the grey light of day fizzled into night. He cried until he was carried into the land of dreams, where Seonghwa sang their lullaby into his ears and held him until he was capable of holding himself again. 

It would be hours before someone would come here in search of him, but when they did, their footsteps were quiet. They did not disturb him, nor did they alert him to their presence as they drew nearer to the small lump of his body on the mattress.

He wouldn’t even stir as that someone sat down upon the edge of the bed and lifted their hand to his head, smoothing the hair from his face and baring the monstrosity of his wounds and ailments to their gaze. 

Choi Wonshik watched the omega as he slept, blissfully unaware of his silent company. Felix had cocooned himself in Seonghwa’s cardigan–Wonshik had recognised it almost instantly, and the sight of it stirred something unnameable within him. He was feeling, quite truthfully, a number of things as he stared at Felix’s swollen face and broken body, coloured black and blue, yet the one sentiment that prevailed was…sadness. Sadness and a deep sense of longing for something that could have been. 

Felix did not deserve this. 

The pain he had endured at the hands of his belligerent son was incomprehensible. Dongmin had informed him of his injuries in great detail, and of the way he’d departed the infirmary after removing his own IV without so much as batting an eye. 

He had also informed him of the pup he had lost. His pup. His and Felix’s. 

In hindsight, he should have seen it coming. Hoseok was becoming more and more demented as time went on. And since Wonshik had openly threatened his succession, it was as if his son had made it his mission to push his every button. Perhaps he believed that if he forced his father’s hand, he’d reinstate him as heir. But in executing his poorly conceived plan, he’d grown overzealous, boosting his ego to the high heavens until he felt he was untouchable, even by his Pack Alpha. 

Something had to be done. He’d made the decision as he scoured the Estate in search of the omega. The drops of blood he’d left behind had dried onto the floor, leaving a trail of crusted brown flecks, but they were quick to cease–likely because the bleeding had stopped. Still, he had a good idea of where Felix had disappeared to even with the lack of clues. There was but one place that held meaning to him. But one place that he could use as a sanctuary from his suffering. 

Hoseok would most assuredly be taken care of. Wonshik would not let this offence go unpunished, and he would not let Hoseok revel in this ill begotten victory. Not only did he harm Felix to the point where he could have died, but he’d murdered their pup in cold blood. 

He would pay for this. He would. 

But for tonight, he’d let Felix sleep. He gathered the blanket from the foot of the bed and draped it over his slumbering body, settling back down onto the bed once the task was complete. Felix’s unbroken hand peeked from beneath the edge of it, and without thinking he brought it between his own. 

So small a thing, this hand. It fit inside of his as if it belonged there. 

Perhaps, he thought, eyes fixed onto his face that remained troubled even in slumber.

Perhaps it did.   

 

---

 

Days became weeks which became months and soon enough, years had passed. Just like that. 

The more revolutions the earth made about the sun, the more Felix felt like the ghost of the omega that had been murdered by Choi Wonshik’s charade. Existing, but not exactly living. Knowing, but not exactly learning. Drifting through each day like a spirit lost to the ages. 

He doesn’t know when he stopped feeling. 

Maybe it was the day Alpha Wonshik had adopted him from the orphanage. Maybe it was the day he’d been brought to the smoking parlour and robbed of his innocence for the very first time. Maybe it was the day he’d lost the only family he’d ever known. Maybe it was the day he was told that his child had died before they’d even had a chance to live. 

Maybe it was a combination of it all–this dastardly culmination of hell on earth, as depicted through the life of Lee Felix Yongbok. 

Or maybe, just maybe, it was all a lie. And he knew exactly the moment he stopped feeling because it was a decision he’d consciously made the morning he’d woken up in the Omega Wing. 

Stop feeling. Turn it off. 

He could admit that it worked for a while. Not feeling gave him a sense of control when it was nowhere to be found. It gave him a sense of autonomy, even if it was ripped away from him before it could become something tangible. But even though it helped him shoulder the burden for a brief moment in time, it did not take away the pain. In fact, there was more pain than ever, now. A new circle of hell for him to brave. 

But that’s the thing, Felix wasn’t so brave anymore. His numbness, his unfeelingness, bore the consequence of forging him into a person his younger self would have been ashamed of. It bred catastrophe and incited mayhem, reinvented the idea of what it meant to be the only omega of the Choi Pack entirely. 

As time progressed, the alphas grew hungry and insatiable. Desperate to sink their teeth into the white-haired seraph that lingered amongst them. 

Maturity suited Felix. The comeliness which had been present since he was a small pup only flourished as he grew into a young man. Features refined, beauty defined. He was the object of all of their desires, but an unobtainable one all the same. 

Hoseok had become greedy. However, in a surprising turn of events, he also became careless. That strict, uncanny possessiveness which once governed his control over Felix tapered off into an apathetic  insouciance. It seemed the more Felix grew, the more he endeavoured to see him flail.

Felix had his suspicions about the alpha’s sudden change in disposition. He was convinced it had something to do with Alpha Wonshik. He knew not of what they spoke, nor of the conditions which had now been imposed on the younger Choi. All he knew is that a few days after he’d been told of his child’s death, Hoseok had been called to Alpha Wonshik’s office. There was unrest and displeasure as Hoseok boiled over in rage, throwing tantrum upon tantrum that made Felix flinch involuntarily as he stood outside the doors. 

When he exited his father’s office, face red from rage and steam practically billowing from his ears, he grabbed Felix by his hair and dragged him to his quarters. 

After that it just got worse, and his efforts to uphold his stance on not feeling were all but obliterated. He physically couldn’t do it anymore. 

It started when he invited some of the alphas to watch him fuck his pretty little omega. Felix had neither consented to having sex or being surveilled, protesting vehemently as he was hoisted onto the alpha’s bed, but who was he to deny Choi Hoseok his enjoyment? Who was an omega to refuse an alpha? Their alpha?

Felix naively believed that it was a fluke in the system, a one and done sort of ordeal that would not be repeated a second time. After all, Hoseok had been drunk off his ass when he’d given the invitation, he’d been drunk when he assaulted Felix, and he’d been drunk when he then offered the alphas to finish on Felix’s face. But then it happened, again and again and again, until it became a sort of tradition for the alphas to get their fill of him in whatever way they could as they still weren’t  permitted to touch. 

He hadn’t felt so thoroughly humiliated in years. Violated. Used. He’d cried silently as he cleaned, for the hundredth time, their release from his eyes, cheeks and lips. It was in his hair, too, and on his brows and his nose. He couldn’t even be spared time enough to bathe and scrub the remnants of their defilement from his body, because Alpha Wonshik was demanding his presence right after he was done.

He knocked on the alpha’s door, wiping the tears from his face and willing himself to stop crying. He wasn’t supposed to feel, anymore. He swore to himself that he’d stop. Fucking. Feeling. 

Why couldn’t he just make it stop, why couldn’t his mind just cooperate with him, why couldn’t he just get get a break, god, he was so damn tired-

“Come in.”

Felix took a deep, shuddering breath. 

“Get it together, you stupid piece of shit.”

After righting his rumpled clothing and shrugging off the remainder of his tears, he entered the alpha’s office. Once he approached his desk, he bowed deeply, folding his hands across his stomach. 

“You called, Alpha?”

Wonshik nodded, leaning back in his chair. Immediately, he could tell something was off. Not only could he see it clear as day, but he could smell it, all over Felix’s skin. 

“What’s happened?” he asked quietly. 

Felix’s brows furrowed together. “I’m sorry?”

“What has he done?”

The omega continued his facade of ignorance. “I-I’m not entirely sure I understand, Alpha.”

“How many times do I need to tell you that you can’t hide from me, Felix? You reek of semen.”

Felix’s face flushed in utter embarrassment. 

“No more evasion, now. Tell me what happened.”

As much as he wished it, he could not go against his Pack Alpha’s command. “A-Alpha Hos-” he exhaled sharply through his nose, unable to continue as his voice died on his tongue. 

“He did it again.” Not a question. “They did.”

Felix’s nose burned with that telltale sting, so he simply nodded.

Wonshik sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Suddenly he looked…well, for lack of a better term, the alpha looked tired. And that was a look Felix very seldom saw on him. “I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you, then.”

Felix barely caught the alpha’s words, too focused on the worn expression on his face. 

“Hoseok will be going away for a while.”

Wait–what?

“I imagine you’re relieved to hear it.”

Felix’s fingers flexed at his sides. “I-I am…confused.”

Humming, the alpha gathered the documents he’d been working on into a neat stack. Then he stood from his chair, and swiftly walked across his office to the row of cabinets lining the wall. “At least you are honest.” 

The omega’s eyes followed him warily as he filed the documents away and locked the door once he was done. “Let me ease your confusion then, hm?” Felix nodded slowly, feeling a pit form in his stomach. 

Wonshik sat down again, crossing his ankle over his knee, readjusting his suit jacket–in every sense, seeming to get comfortable before continuing. “You’ve probably wondered why he has not taken you to mate, yet.”

Felix blinked. Well, yes. He had, actually. Hoseok’s twentieth name day came and went without much commemoration. He’d holed himself into his quarters with his barely-healed omega and...celebrated in his own way, leaving Felix raw and bleeding in the places that had long grown accustomed to feeling that way. The pain that flared from his fractured ribs as he was forced to contort his body was immeasurable, but his cries had only spurred Hoseok on. His arm, held by a sling around his neck, had to be reset by Dongmin, who’d been horrified when Felix hobbled into the infirmary looking worse than when he’d last seen him.

Yet whenever Felix thought that this is it, he’s going to do it, now, Hoseok never did. He grazed his teeth along his throat, up and down, again and again, until the skin became irritated and inflamed, but he did not bite him. 

He did not claim him as his official mate. For years, Hoseok dangled that over his head like a rotten carrot. The day I turn twenty I’ll make you mine forever. For years, he’d known of his fate. So for the day of his reckoning to come and go as fleetingly as a whisper was…it was bewildering.

Felix did not understand it. 

“It’s part of his punishment, little one.”

Huh?

“P-punishment…?”

Wonhsik’s gaze softened–yet another unfamiliar expression that perplexed Felix. “He killed our pup. Did you think I would let such a heinous crime go unpunished?”

Felix’s eyes stung.  

“You may think me a monster, Felix. And I suppose in some ways, I am. But even monsters can have hearts.”

The next thing Felix knew, the alpha was in front of him, lifting his chin with gentle fingers. 

“We are united in our grief. I, too, have lost something that could have been. That should have been. And it is because of that that Hoseok must go away. He’s to graduate from university soon enough, he ought to focus on his studies. Away from the Estate, from…”

From you.

Felix’s lip trembled, so he sunk his teeth into it to make it stop. 

“Don’t do that,” Wonshik chastised, not unkindly. “You’ll reopen the cut.”

“But–I-” he broke off in a whine, overwhelmed by a thousand and one emotions. “Why did you-”

He started crying. Quietly, at first, little sniffles that evolved quickly into full-blown, body-heaving sobs. 

When Alpha Wonshik embraced him, he did not move, he did not protest. He stood rigid as a rock, pressed against his chest as he allowed his tears full clearance to do as they pleased. 

All the while, he couldn’t help but wonder if Alpha Wonshik was going to such lengths for him or for the pup that never was. 

 

---

 

Life without Hoseok was strange, to put it aptly. Felix never recalled a time where the alpha wasn’t a constant presence in it. Even when he was busy with schoolwork or his many extracurriculars, even when he was surrounded by his odious circle of friends that he very obviously detested, he was always there. Always watching. Lingering in the background like an incessant stalker. 

He and Seonghwa had practically grown up together. His hyung had seen every version of Choi Hoseok that existed, he’d been an observer to each phase, a bystander to his consequent descent into debauchery. 

He was there to witness his infatuation with Felix take root, and from there, flourish into a forest of deadly obsession. 

So it was strange for him, to have such a persistent presence be plucked from his life like a weed. 

But Felix would soon discover that it would not, in fact, be a respite from his daily struggles. 

Little did he know it would only get worse.

 

---

 

Alpha Wonshik began spending more time away from the Estate. It usually got this way during the National Assembly’s election season–stressful and frenetic, that is. Since Wonshik was the Minister of Lycan Welfare and Pack Services, it was of utmost importance that he rally himself favourably to his constituents in order to be reelected for a third term. When he was not holed up in his office at the Estate, he was more than likely holed up in his office at the Members’ Office Building. And when he was in neither of those places, he was in the penthouse suite of Seoul’s most expensive hotel, which would be his home away from home until elections were over.

That meant that Felix would not see Alpha Wonshik for quite some time. And without the other omegas, it was an altogether isolating experience. Something he grappled with, in all honesty, as he was not used to such solitude (because even in those moments where their Pack Alpha was too preoccupied with his civil duties, Felix still had his hyungs to rely on.) 

But now there was no Wonshik. And this time, there was no Hoseok. No Seonghwa. No Yeonjun, no Wooyoung, no Sunoo, no Beomgyu–no one. Not one person. 

It had started with Hoseok, but in his absence, it would continue with the other alphas of the Choi Pack. Only, Felix would not understand to what extent until he was brought right into the middle of it. 

Doyun’s eldest brother was the President. Had been for some time now, Felix doesn’t really know for sure. He vaguely recalled a conversation from That Night, where Doyun had spoken about his brother’s campaign for presidency and the alphas had all wished him success in this endeavour. 

That was three, maybe four years ago.

Doyun himself was not a member of the Assembly, he was just another man who’d been born with a silver spoon in his mouth and the advantage of nepotism on his side. He assumed control over their family business once he’d come of age, but some could argue that he didn’t really contribute much more than that. His power was his name, and he certainly wielded it like a sword, but that is all there was to it. 

As such, with his brother overseeing the incumbents’ elections, and his best friend involved in said elections, his visits to the Estate became more and more frequent. 

Kim Doyun was bored, and he was in search of something–or someone–to relieve him of his boredom.

“Omegaaa~” 

Felix completely froze. He tried not to venture too close to the smoking parlour when he could help it, but there were times–such as these–where his hands were tied and he could do nothing to spare himself from it. The origin of his most profound trauma. And to hear that voice drift from there…it was like a sharp reminder, an echo from the past. He absolutely hated that voice. The last thing he expected was to hear it in the absence of his Pack Alpha.

What is he doing here?

His panic grew tenfold almost immediately, seizing his heart and expanding in his chest until there was no space for anything else. 

“What are you hiding for, hm? I know you’re there. I can smell you….”

“Now, now, Doyun-ah. Be considerate. He’s a bit…shy. ”

“Is he, really? Doesn’t sound like him.”

“Mm. I think you’ll quite enjoy his…new and improved personality, actually. Hoseok has done well with his training, if I do say so myself.”

That piqued the alpha’s interest. “Oh? And what of that fire I so vividly remember?”

Seungwoo laughed, leisurely perusing Wonshik’s extensive collection of alcohol. “Reduced to ash.”

From where he stood at the bar, he met Doyun’s gaze. They exchanged a look that was nothing short of indecent, wrought with crudity and malevolence as they simultaneously recalled the events that took place in this very room. “You should have seen the way he flailed when he was fucked by his alpha. All pink-faced and bashful no matter how many times he’d take his knot.”

“A right shame Hoseok is gone, then. I would have liked to see that.”

“Eh. Seeing becomes rather montonous, truth be told.”

“How do you mean?”

“Hoseok would only let us watch him fuck the bitch. Touching him was entirely out of the question. But…” he added wistfully, “he did let us cum on his pretty little face.”

Doyun scoffed breathily. “Did he?” he asked, letting his eyes trail towards the doors of the smoking parlour. “And now…Hoseok is no longer here…to stop anyone…”

Seungwoo raised a brow. Doyun’s gaze flicked back to his friend, and suddenly a chilling smirk grew on his face. He all but jumped to his feet and dashed towards the doors, and in the next moment he was ushering a wide-eyed Felix into the room. 

“What is this I’m hearing, hm? Hoseok has finally broken you, is that it?” He forced the omega onto his lap, hooking his chin over his shoulder and wrapping his arms around his waist. Felix was mortified as he sat ramrod straight, too afraid to do anything that would spark the alpha’s wrath. He had nothing to fall back on, no safety net to use as a shield. 

“Good, that’s good. There are few things better in this world than an omega who finally learns their place.” 

He was alone.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about that night, you know,” he murmured into his ear, “every night, I think about how…pretty you were. Under me. On top of me. Taking me.”

Felix stared at the floor, desperately fighting off the onslaught of memories as they came. 

“When was the last time we saw one another? Wonshik’s birthday, was it? The night your family abandoned you. I must confess, I regret not visiting more often. I was…busy, seeing to the matters of my own pack. My own wife. Now look at you, all grown up in the years you’ve been away from my eyes.”

Seungwoo placed a glass on the table in front of Doyun, and with his own in hand, sat in the armchair across from them, watching the scene unfold intently. 

“Even prettier now, aren’t you? Your beauty as a pup was noteworthy but now, I dare say it’s unparalleled.” His hand slotted beneath Felix’s jaw so that he could manoeuvre the omega’s face this way and that. As if he was inspecting him. Appraising him. 

“It’s no wonder why Wonshik keeps you locked away.”

Seungwoo scoffed lightly. “Wonshik is a fool.”

Doyun turned his focus to his companion, chuckling lowly. “You’d say such a thing about your Pack Alpha?”

“I would.”

“Care to elaborate?”

Seungwoo rolled his eyes. “I haven’t forgotten that it’s because of this bitch I lost my own omega.”

Felix paled. 

“And? As far as I know, Wonshik took care of it.”

“Oh, sure he did. He whipped him bloody in the middle of the Omega Wing.”

“Then why are you holding on to this grudge?”

“That was Wonshik’s justice. Not mine, certainly not anyone else’s. We are all aggrieved by the selfishness of those ungrateful wenches. Yunseo especially. His omega was pregnant.”

“So what? It’s been years, has it not?”

“You can’t be serious. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, it’s the principle of the thing.”

Doyun’s hands smoothed over his sides. Felix knew that he could feel every ridge of bone beneath his skin, and judging by the intentional stroke of his fingers, he was enjoying it. “So you would punish him for the sins of others? Wonshik has told me everything. This poor little darling had nothing to do with their betrayal.”

Seungwoo’s eyes drifted from Doyun to Felix. For a moment he looked contemplative, mulling over some internal crisis as he continued to stare at the omega’s downturned face. “He represents them,” is what he concluded after a few silent minutes. “And now that he’s the only one, all the burdens of the past fall onto him.”

Doyun hummed noncommittally, seemingly unconvinced. 

“Especially since Wonshik won’t even allow us to take new mates.”

“Ahhh, I see,” the alpha holding Felix smiled against his cheek. “You just miss getting your cock wet.”

Seungwoo took a long sip from his drink. “No need to be so crass, Doyun.”

“But I’m right, no?” His hands fell to Felix’s hips, massaging them in slow circles. It almost felt… good. More so because of the fact that he can’t recall the last time he’d been caressed with such tenderness. He wanted to melt into the touch, leech off of the blissful relief that was being brought to his aching body. But he had to remind himself of who this man was. 

Of what he’d done. 

“Of course I am. I’m always right.”

His nose brushed along the side of Felix’s neck, inhaling his scent in deep lungfuls. “Nonetheless, I’m not here to help you settle your score. I…” he announced, pulling back from Felix to take him in with calculating eyes, “...am here for my own pleasure.”

He cradled his chin, squeezed his waist. 

“What do you say, doll?” he asked, imploring Felix to meet his gaze. 

“Wanna have some fun?”

 

---

 

Felix should have been more wary of Alpha Seungwoo’s thinly veiled threat to his safety. 

But he was stupid. He still hadn’t learned. 

He’d just…moved on. Forced his body into a dissociative state as Doyun had his way with him, as he unravelled and picked him apart from the inside out until he wasn’t even sure when the alpha was done. 

And that little grievance that the alpha in his pack had relayed…it was pushed to the back of his mind, forgotten amongst the barrage of other things he was hampered with. 

He was stupid. He was so stupid. 

Because he hadn’t anticipated that two days later, Seungwoo would be dragging him from the floor of Hoseok’s bedroom and throwing him into the basement. He hadn’t anticipated that when his senses returned to him, he’d see all of their pack’s alphas gathered there with them.

“Doyun made a good point that day.”

Felix stared frightfully up at the alpha from the dusty concrete of the basement, shaking and out of breath. 

“Hoseok is not here. Our Pack Alpha isn’t, either, and he’s left me in charge.” 

He crouched down, fingering a lock of Felix’s hair that had come into his face. “So what’s stopping us from taking what we’re owed, hm? Our mates are gone, but here you remain. It’s a little unfair, I think, that we waste away in the shadow of their privileges. How is it that we can’t touch but they can? What makes them so different from us, hm? We’re all alphas, we’ve all got knots that ought to satisfy your hungry little cunt, but you seem eager to please only the Chois.”

Felix’s breath hitched. 

“You are a gorgeous omega. A little too thin for my liking, but that can be overlooked with a face like yours. You’re prettier than mine had been, for sure. Prettier than all of those bitches, in all honesty.” His hand trailed down Felix’s cheek, eyes following the motion. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a little bitch, too.”

He wrangled Felix to the floor, straddling his body and restraining his hands above his head. At this point Felix was hyperventilating, terrified beyond measure but incapable of expressing it beyond fervent shakes of his head and stuttered gasps from his lips. 

“And the only thing a bitch is good for is being fucked.”

 

---

 

It went on for two entire weeks. 

In those two weeks, a number of things occurred. They satiated their salacious cravings by using every inch of his body and chipping away at every bit of his fragile soul. Sometimes alone, sometimes in pairs or triples or even quadruples. They’d done it for hours, as if their libidos were wholly inexhaustible and their refractory periods entirely nonexistent. They’d done it until he passed out from exhaustion, because once he’d lost consciousness it was no longer fun for them. 

They shoved an immeasurable amount of substances and concoctions down his throat. Aphrodisiacs. Heat inducers. Heat suppressors. All to make the experience more pleasurable for them. They relished how the effects would take hold over his faculties, forcing his body into willingness while his mind remained resistant. And since they refused to use protection, they made him consume an abundance of contraceptives. In their eyes, though he was little more than a broodmare, they had no intentions of being castrated by their Pack Alpha if he were to fall pregnant. They made him swallow it all down until he vomited it all back up. 

And when the novelty of raping him wore off, they redirected their ire into another form of control. 

They beat him. 

Over and over. Until he was too weak to fight back much less move. He just lay there, a corpse in all ways but one, waiting for the day it all stopped, and barely able to register the venom they spewed from their hateful mouths. 

You owe us this. 

Your body is ours.

This is what you were made for. 

If only you weren’t so pretty. 

Two weeks. 

It went on for an entire two weeks. 

By the end of them, his only wish was to die. 

 

---

 

Alpha Wonshik won the election. 

There was never any doubt that he would, but still, it was cause for celebration. When he returned to the Estate, he’d hoped to be received by his omega. He’d hoped to be graced by the radiance of his being and the succulence of his sweet scent. 

When he walked into his home, however, there was none of that. His pack mates were lined up, offering their congratulations for his landslide victory, but the one person he sought was nowhere to be found. 

“Where is Felix?” he asked, eyeing the alphas of his pack with a teetering suspicion. 

His suspicions would only evolve into a burgeoning irritation when no one responded to his inquiry. 

“Tell me where Felix is,” he then demanded, exerting his will over them by the expert use of his alpha voice. They, as his inferiors, lowered their heads in regard to their leader. Because even though they were his companions, friends, whatever; and even though they themselves were alphas–they would always be subservient to him. He was paramount to them all. 

It was Seungwoo who stepped up to the task. “He is resting, Wonshik,” he supplied smoothly.

“Resting,” he deadpanned. 

“Yes.”

“And why would he be doing that if he knew I was coming home today?”

Seungwoo was the image of calm collectedness. Unperturbed. Unruffled. It irked Wonshik beyond measure, seeing such blatant nonchalance. “He has fallen ill, I’m afraid.”

Wonshik eyed him incredulously. “So ill that he couldn’t receive me?”

“Indeed. An unfortunate circumstance.”

“Where shall I find him, then?”

“His alpha’s room, I'm sure.”

“You’re sure. You’re sure?”

Seungwoo brows furrowed ever so slightly as Wonshik scoffed and rubbed his forehead.

He gasped soundlessly when the elder’s hand suddenly shot forward, curling into his collar and bringing him forward, mere inches from his face that was contorted in an eerily composed rage. 

“I left you with the responsibilities befitting my station, did I not?” Wonshik seethed quietly. 

“You did.”

“And that entailed looking after him, did it not?”

“It did.”

“So why is it that you are so unaware of his whereabouts? So indifferent to his possible condition?”

Seungwoo said nothing, but Wonshik felt his Adam’s apple bob against his knuckles. 

“What happened while I was gone, Seungwoo?”

 

---

 

Wonshik would find Felix curled up in a corner on the floor of his son’s quarters, with nothing but a thin sheet thrown over his body and his arm folded beneath his head in lieu of a pillow. 

He would find Felix, covered in abrasions and contusions and bite marks varying in severity.  

He would find Felix, wide awake and staring unseeingly at nothing. 

“Felix?” he asked, walking closer to the small bundle on the floor. 

Felix’s eyes slowly drifted towards the voice, lifeless and glassy. 

Wonshik crouched before him, fighting every alpha instinct he had that beseeched him to touch, to make sure his omega was still breathing, still living. But he did not give in to them. Touching Felix in this state, no matter how innocent or tender the gesture may be, would be detrimental. 

“Little one?”

A single tear slipped from Felix’s eye, contoured itself against the bridge of his nose, and fell down into an open cut on the inside of his arm. 

Wonshik felt his heart clench with something akin to remorse. 

“Who did this to you?” he asked quietly. 

For a while Felix said nothing. He stared at Wonshik, Wonshik stared back. 

When he finally answered, voice barely recognisable from the strain, Wonshik felt something shift uncomfortably in his stomach. 

“You did.”

 

---

 

Something changed in Felix after that. Something significant, something big. 

Felix began to think of death a lot. His every waking thought and slumbering vision revolved around it.

Death. 

What does it feel like? Better than this, surely. Better than this caricature of life that he was compelled to suffer through. It must be. 

But more than that, he began to grow resentful. He flirted with the idea that he had been abandoned on purpose, cast aside and forgotten with the intent to hurt him. The people who said they loved him never really did. If it was true, they never would have left him. The people who’d promised him a better life only strived to find it for themselves, forsaking him in the process. They had planned it out to the very last detail.

“I promise, my little flower,” he whispered, voice stuttering with sobs anew, “I promise to get us all out of here one day.”

Lies. 

“I would never change it for the world,” he said, “I need you to know that.”

“Even if it meant having to live like this?”

Seonghwa nodded, bringing Felix’s hands to his chest and holding them over his heart. “Even then. In every lifetime and beyond.” 

Lieslieslieslieslies.

All anyone ever did was lie. They all lied. Seonghwa lied. Alpha Hyunshik lied. 

“I want to help you. All of you.”

In a tiny voice, “you can’t.”

“I will. I will, Yongbok-ah. I swear I will.” 

Filthy fucking lies.

In a twist of fate, the only one who remained true to his word was Alpha Wonshik. He never lied to him. He hurt him, yes. Countless times and in countless ways. But he never lied to him. His intentions had been clear from the very beginning. 

Why didn’t they tell me?

He was rancorous.

Why didn’t they tell me?

He hated them. 

They didn’t even look back. 

He was torn. 

Torn between what he knew and what he thought he did. 

But he supposed he ought to give credit where it was due. After all, it takes both dedication and skill to not only weave such a complex narrative but to bring it to life with such superb acting technique as well.

Really, they should be awarded for their talent of manipulating human emotion to fit a specific scenario. Case in point: convincing him that they loved him, luring him into a false sense of security, and then deserting him without so much as offering a warning. 

Alpha Wonshik was right about them.  

“They didn’t even tell you, did they? They’d planned this…this entire thing, all amongst themselves, and didn’t even think to include you…”

He’d always been right about them. 

“Why are you fighting for the people who left you behind and didn’t even care to look back?”

“That’s not true.”

“It is. Deep inside, you know it is.”

He should have listened. 

Should have should have should have-

You should have done more, Yongbok. 

You’re in this position because you. are. stupid. 

You’re in this position because nobody has ever truly loved you. 

It was during this period of intense despair that he’d hear that voice again. Only this time, he’d see the voice. It would show itself in the form of a great, white wolf. Beautiful and strong, with piercing blue eyes and thick, dense fur the colour of freshly fallen snow. 

Yet it would only show itself in his dreams. It would walk along the glittering shores by his side, always present, always watchful. And it would speak softly to him of his strength and endurance. Sometimes it would speak to him of its own pains and woes, and despite the rage that had built a home in his heart, Felix remained tender and soft. He would listen with rapt attention, stroking through its downy coat with gentle fingers in an attempt to provide some small comfort. 

At times, they’d simply walk together. And it would be during one of those times that Felix realised this wolf was his only friend. His only friend, even if he existed solely in the parameters of his mind. He might very well be descending into insanity, but here in this place, along the shores of a sunset-dyed beach, he had a friend. 

The wolf would not always appear, however. There were long stretches of time where there’d be nothing waiting for Felix as he fell into a fitful slumber. No wolf. No dazzling shores. Just never ending darkness. Just him. 

Felix hated those nights the most. They left him paralysed with fear and the crippling sensation of loneliness. He didn’t even care that it wasn’t real, anymore. Didn’t even care that it was all in his head. He’d become dangerously attached to the wolf. To his kind eyes and soft fur. To the harmonious quality of his voice and the exuberance of his personality in spite of his own struggles. But like every other unsavoury aspect of his life, Felix had to get used to his regular absences. In fact, it made him treasure the moments he could spend with the wolf all the more. 

In due time, he’d learn that the wolf had a name. 

Hyunjin. 

A beautiful name, for a beautiful wolf. It made him wonder, not for the first time, what his wolf looked like. He’d never seen it, had never even been given the opportunity to shift. Alpha Wonshik and the other alphas rather enjoyed doing so, and they’d often venture into the forest to hunt as a pack. 

Alpha Wonshik was just as grand a wolf as he was a man. A large, hulking creature with fur the richest shade of toffee brown and eyes the colour of copper. The others, too, Felix thought them remarkable. He’d even say they were beautiful. 

The thing about shifting, though, was that it required not only a strong connection between mind and soul, but a strong body as well. To shift meant expending immense mental and physical energy–to maintain it even more so. On paper, it seemed a daunting task with far too much precision and responsibility, but Felix had heard tales and stories of the way embracing one’s wolf was the most liberating experience that could ever be known. To be a wolf was to be free. To feel the dirt beneath one’s paws and the wind through their fur. To be so connected with the earth, with their soul…

Very little could live up to it.

But given his physical state and dire mental condition, he doubted he’d ever be so lucky. Felix surmised that simply the act of shifting would probably kill him. 

It was a thought that forced his hand to come to a halt on the cutting board.

Could it be so easy?

Could death be so easy? 

He was told it had been for his parents, his grandfather. It was even easy for Alpha Baekhyun. 

There one minute and gone the next. No pain. No suffering. Just…bliss. 

Would it feel that way for him, too? 

Would death be so welcoming? Would Hyunjin be waiting for him in the afterlife?

Would it feel as good as he imagined it to feel? Immediate bliss. Like being wrapped in a blanket of warmth on a cold winters’ day. Like Seonghwa’s hands in his hair when he bathed him. Like the gentle embrace offered to him by Alpha Hyunshik. Would it give to him what his life would not?

Freedom.

No more pain. 

Freedom. 

No more suffering. 

Freedom. 

It would fix everything, wouldn’t it? He was already dead to everyone he’d cared about, everyone who’d loved him. He was dead in every way but physically. A corpse lingering amongst the living like a cursed creature, bound to earth for no other reason but to grovel at the feet of others. 

What difference would it make?

                                          Freedom. 

Freedom… 

…freedom… 

…freedom.

It would be so easy.

Just…one… 

“Felix!” 

He gasped, eyes focusing from their bleary haze to a sight he hadn’t fully expected to see: the paring knife he’d been using pressed unsparingly into the thin flesh of his wrist, so sharp it dug into his skin as if it were butter. 

Wonshik wrenched the knife from his hand, letting it clatter to the floor. 

Felix stared at the pool of red welling to the surface. He didn’t know whether or not it was cause for concern that he could not feel the pain. 

“What were you thinking?” the alpha fumed, bringing Felix’s wrist to his gaze as blood dripped onto the cutting board, the vegetables, the floor. “Oh, god…”

“I…” 

What was he thinking?

He couldn’t even formulate a cohesive thought as he stared at the river of crimson running down his arm. It was on Alpha Wonshik’s hands, too. And he could see splotches of it on the cuff of his once brilliantly white dress shirt. 

Why couldn’t he feel it?

“How could you do this to yourself?” the alpha continued, dragging Felix to the sink to rinse the wound. “To me?”

Why couldn’t he feel it?

The water ran red from his blood, and it ran redder still the longer Alpha Wonshik kept his arm beneath the faucet. 

It was quiet, he realised, as he stared at the alpha’s hand–unable to look at his own. 

It was quiet. 

In his head. 

He exhaled a shuddering breath, basking in it, revelling in it–this newfound tranquillity. 

Felix felt so inexplicably good that he wanted to chase the feeling, wanted to recreate it a second, third, infinite time.

So caught up in the sudden boost of unfamiliar endorphins to his brain was Felix that he didn’t even hear the faucet turn off, just as he didn’t feel Alpha Wonshik press a clean cloth to the wound in hopes to staunch the blood flow.  

But Felix did feel the moment the alpha drew him to his chest and held him tightly against his body, curling his arms around his head. He also felt, after a few long minutes of complete silence, the way the alpha’s body stuttered beneath his rigid frame. 

And yet, he wasn’t so sure if what he was hearing was a stifled sob meant to go unnoticed. Or if the wetness on his head was just another product of his mind.  

He wasn’t so sure that he knew why the great Choi Wonshik was crying, or why he cradled him in his arms and whispered don’t leave me under his breath. 

 

---

 

After that, Felix was ordered to stay in Alpha Wonshik’s quarters each night. 

In fact, after that ordeal, the alpha took it upon himself to hyper fixate on his every move. He was…distrustful of the omega’s intentions after that particularly brutal scare. It was better that he remained where he could see him, and no less.

Felix didn’t know what he preferred: Alpha Wonshik’s negligence or his conscientiousness. Truth be told, both carried the same consequences. 

Somehow, someway, the other alphas continued their abuse right under Wonshik’s nose. They goaded him when they wanted a laugh, hit him when they were angry, fucked him when they needed to sate their carnal desires. 

The only solace Felix had now was that pesky little rush of endorphins from the pain he now inflicted on himself. He’d pinch his skin until it broke, he’d scratch his arms until they bled. 

He’d even found use of a shard of glass from a crystal decanter one of the alphas had broken. He’d utilise the jagged edge of it to slice himself open in inconspicuous places, small enough to go unnoticed but large enough for him to feel it. He only got away with it because it all just…it all just blended in. No one could tell what was self-inflicted or bestowed unto him by another. He was a canvas painted entirely in different shades of pain, and he was only just beginning to add his own brushstrokes. 

The best part was that it kept him at bay now that he no longer saw Hyunjin. The wolf had all but disappeared from the sunset shores in his head. As if he’d never existed at all. 

He’d lost his friend, and he knew not whether he’d return–if he’d ever return. He was alone, yet again. Abandoned, yet again. 

He was spiralling. He knew he was, and yet he couldn’t feel it.

Felix would thereafter come to the conclusion that he was reaching the end of his rope. If he squinted hard enough, he could see it. Just there, beyond the scope of his interminable tolerance. 

He didn’t know if he could tolerate any more, though. Humans weren’t built for this kind of stress, the type that seemed inexorable at best. The type that plunged him into an unseeing abyss of darkness in which there was not even a speck of light to be found.

There had been no specks of light in Felix’s life for too long, now. For someone who’d once been a creature of the sun, borne as if from light itself, it was cruel to be forced into such darkness. It was cruel to be forced to bear such immense burdens. 

There was only so much a person could take.

But whenever his thoughts began to journey down that lane, he’d be reminded of a conversation he’d once had with Hyunjin. 

They were sitting along the shore, facing the water as the waves gently lapped against their feet–or in Hyunjin’s case, paws. It was warm, the water. Pleasant against his icy feet and crystal clear to the point where he could see each granule of sand beneath his toes. Small shells and smooth pebbles of sea glass were littered throughout it, shiny from their weathered lives and varying in pattern and colour. He collected them as Hyunjin dutifully watched, mild intrigue sparkling in his crystalline eyes.  

When he gathered enough, he lined them up in neat little shapes–a heart, a star, a circle. Then he wrote out Hyunjin’s name in seafoam green sea glass and mini white conch shells. 

When he looked at the wolf, he could have sworn there was a smile on his canine face. 

Hyunjin nudged his head against Felix’s shoulder, and with a quiet laugh he lifted his hand to pet his forehead. He’d never quite get over just how soft his fur was between his fingers–he’d almost expected it to be coarser the way his alphas’ coats were, even. But then again, he didn’t know what Hyunjin was. 

After a couple pats, Hyunjin flattened his body to the sand and laid his head on Felix’s lap. 

Just a big old puppy, really, Felix thought with no little fondness. 

Felix looked out towards the sea, then. He could hear the sizzle of bubbles as they came and went along the surface, the distinct swish of the waves as they collided against one another. It was so vast, so great in both breadth and width and so breathtakingly beautiful. It reminded him of the beaches of his homeland. Australia. Where he’d once belonged. 

It felt so long ago, now. Like aeons had passed since he lived that life. 

“Does it get better?” he asked the wolf, stroking his fingers over Hyunjin’s ear. “Does life get better?”

Hyunjin hummed, letting his eyes flutter shut from the caress of Felix’s soothing voice. 

“I’d like to think so,” he replied softly. “I’d like to think that hardships are only temporary, no matter how permanent they may seem.”

Felix’s hand paused along the wolf’s neck. He stared down at his friend, letting the words sink into his skin. 

“And what if they are?” he asked in turn. “Permanent, I mean.”

Hyunjin lifted his head from Felix’s lap. “Nothing is ever permanent, sunshine.”

How could Felix explain to him that that simply couldn’t be true? His very existence counteracted Hyunjin’s entire ideology. “You don’t get it,” he whispered in defeat. 

The wolf tilted his head. “I do,” he countered delicately. “I’ve felt your pain, remember?”

Felix stared into Hyunjin’s painfully thoughtful eyes, so open and kind. His brows furrowed, and he found himself asking the wolf, “who are you?”

After a beat: “someone who loves you.”

Felix sighed through his nose, lowering his gaze to the damp sand beneath his legs. His brain really was something else, huh? So desperate for love and companionship that it was able to create such an intricate persona to atone for it. How ridiculous. 

“Look at me,” urged gently Hyunjin. 

Felix slowly lifted his head back up again. 

“You’ve suffered for a long time, haven’t you.” It wasn’t a question.  

Felix’s eyes welled with tears. Hyunjin nuzzled his cheek. 

“It’s not forever. I know that may not make it any better at the moment, but I promise you there is something better out there for you. Waiting for you. Made for you.”

Hyunjin licked the tear off of his cheek. 

“You just have to stay strong until time is right enough to find it.”

If he thought about it, maybe Hyunjin was right. Maybe his time was yet to come, and his suffering until then would only make it all the sweeter when it did. 

But how much would he have to bear before that happened? Could he? 

His body was weak, his mind infinitely more so. It was a warzone, wrought with implausible trauma and terror, and not even no man’s land allowed him cover from the barrage of attacks that were being levied against him on all fronts. With each passing moment he was pushed closer and closer to the fatal edge. 

He was so tired. 

And it seemed he wasn’t to have even a single moment of uninterrupted peace. A single moment where he could just breathe and it wouldn’t hurt.

Yet the world continued to spin.

Days went on in an endless blur, a cycle of torment and misery that was both ceaseless and unyielding. Nights went on in an endless blur, riddled with terrors and screaming his throat raw until Alpha Wonshik dragged him into his arms and forced him back into a restless slumber.

Days went on and Felix became more and more detached from sanity. As fear took residence in every corner of his mind, every little divot and crevice, as it rooted itself into his very being like an invasive species, he became compliant. 

He stopped fighting, but he never quite learned how to stop cowering in fright. He stopped screaming, but he never grasped the notion of repressing his tears. He flinched at the slightest move or raised voice, drew into himself at the prospect of any possible threats to his person. But perhaps the ultimate manifestation of his acquired traumas was that he began to punish himself at the slightest mistake so that the alphas wouldn’t have to–they particularly enjoyed that side effect of his descent into madness. 

Though that did nothing to deter them from offering their hand in those punishments, too. 

It would make Felix question many things about himself. Mainly: when did he become so weak? When did his resolve shatter into a million pieces? When did he give up?

Who knows. 

Who knows. 

Felix was only twenty years old.

Or so he thought, at least. He could be older, for all he knew. Felix didn’t actually know as he hadn’t celebrated his birthday in years, not since Hoseok had christened his sixteenth. His mind was so fucked he couldn’t even remember when it was. Sometime in September, perhaps. 

Not like it mattered. He felt years beyond whatever his numerical age may be, in every way fathomable. He was twenty or so years old and he felt like he was thrice that. His mental faculties were spent, his memory all but decimated, his body forever lined by perpetual aches that had advanced far beyond the point of remedying. He was different, now. Alpha Wonshik and the others would say it’s for the best, but even his corrupted thought processes told him it was a travesty to have lost everything that once made him, him. 

He’d failed his younger self. He’d failed Seonghwa. 

In the moments he was too overcome by the shame of his failures, he’d whisper to himself. He’d relay a long babble of hushed murmurs, quick and nonsensical, of all the things he’d done wrong, all of the things he’d erred on. All of the things he should have done but didn’t. 

He’d deliberate on future courses of action–like how to present himself prettily or behave so well that Alpha Wonshik would actually smile at him. Perhaps if he did this then Alpha Seungwoo wouldn’t have done that. Maybe if he looked like this and not that, then instead of pain the alphas would give him the love of a family he so desperately craved. That he so desperately needed. 

He didn’t want their obsessive attachments. He didn’t want Alpha Wonshik’s sinister eyes on him at all times. He didn’t want to keep taking suppressants and birth control. He didn’t want the alphas using him like a plaything whenever they wanted. He didn’t want to be tossed aside, broken and bleeding while that mean doctor tended to him with sterile hands. He didn’t want to crave being hurt just to feel alive. He didn’t want that, no. No, no, no. Felix didn’t fucking want any of that-

He just wanted love. 

Love. 

“You don’t deserve love.”

Felix’s brows knitted together as a deep frown marred his lips. 

“What?” he answered back, glaring at himself in the mirror.

“You don’t deserve love, Yongbok.”

“W-why would you say that?”

“It’s true. You’d better accept it now before it gets worse for you.”

“Worse?” He scoffed, laughing at his reflection. “We’re already there!”

His twisted twin stared back at him with apathetic eyes that were lined by deep, purple bags. His face was so gaunt, so ghostly–cheeks sunken and jaw sharper than the blade of a knife. Lips cracked and peeling from constantly being stretched around a cock. His hair was a blanket of white that fell far below his waist, dull and lifeless and limp against his skeletal body. 

He was so ugly. 

“Maybe you’re right,” he said. “But I think you can fix that.”

Felix tilted his head, eyes filled with scepticism. “How?”

“You know.”

A manic smile spread across his reflection’s lips. “All you have to do, Felix…” he whispered, “...is take a leap of faith.”

Felix felt his own grin begin to form. “A leap of faith,” he murmured, parroting the other’s words as if getting a taste for them on his tongue. 

“Mhm. Doesn’t that sound nice, love? Just one little step.”

Felix opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it just as quickly, his ill-conceived grin falling into a perturbed line. “What about Hyunjin?” he asked smally. 

His reflection shook his head woefully, eyes going hard. “Hyunjin’s gone. He lied. You’ve got nothing waiting for you out there. Nothing better–not in life, at least.”

Felix’s eyes shimmered with tears. 

“Don’t cry, my love. Waste not your tears for empty promises made to you by liars, they don’t deserve them.”

He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“The people you loved failed you, over and over again. They’ve lied to you. Kept secrets from you. Left you. They’ve mourned you, even though you still live. They… they’ve moved on.”

Felix’s lip wobbled as another wave of indescribable sadness washed over him. 

“But it will do none of those things.” He leaned closer towards Felix, bringing his hand up to the mirror. “It will give you everything your heart has ever desired. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Felix nodded manically, reaching his hand towards the cold surface of it and pressing it against the Other Felix’s. “Yes.” 

“Then you know what you have to do.”

 

---

 

The wind whipped through the thin shift draped over his body, weaving in and out of his legs and hair, bitingly cold against his skin. It seeped into the soles of his bare feet as he stood upon the balustrade that lined Alpha Wonshik’s balcony, the chill. Numbing his toes.  

Yet Felix could not feel any of it. Not the wind. Not the cold. All he could do was stare listlessly at the ground below. 

Leap of faith…

He was hypnotised, almost, by the sight of the moonlit landscape. It seemed so serene even with the looming threat of what he was about to do casting a dastardly shadow over it. 

Just one little step.

The Estate seemed so… tall, from up here. It would surely get the job done–hopefully as painlessly as possible. But he was okay with it hurting a little if it had to, if it meant obtaining his reward in the end. Meeting his goal. 

But it wasn’t just the height of the Estate that beguiled him. He wondered how it hadn’t occurred to him just how large and imposing it was. Spanning widely in every direction, expansive and grand to the point it was almost obscenely so. He’d spent half of his life here, and yet he’d never seen it from this perspective before. Suddenly it was like seeing it for the very first time again, and he was immediately transported back to the day he’d been brought here. When he was a naïve ten year old pup who had been mesmerised by the sheer scope and beauty of such a place. He’d been wide eyed with wonder and amazement, gripping Alpha Wonshik’s finger tightly in his hand as they walked from the circular driveway towards the Estate. He was going to live here? Him? In this-this castle? 

It had to be a dream. Little Felix certainly thought it was. A kind, generous alpha took it upon himself to rescue him from an orphanage he was struggling to adapt to. Who was apparently a rather renowned figure in the country with both immense standing and wealth. If only he knew then not to trust appearances so easily. If only he knew then that this kind of beauty was only a facade.

His eyes fluttered shut. 

There was no use making sense of the past, for the present had proven to be even more incomprehensible.

The wind howled lowly in his ears, caressing his skin ever so gently. He was so cold. So cold. And yet…

All you have to do, Felix, is take a leap of faith. 

Faith. What a fickle thing. How trivial. 

He’d be hard pressed to admit that even now, he had faith that Alpha Wonshik would do the right thing. That he’d change his ways and see that was he was doing–what he was allowing–was nothing short of modern-day torture on an undeserving soul. Because Felix knew, in spite of the twisted maze his mind had become, that he did not deserve this. 

He’d done nothing wrong. 

Mistakes were a facet of humanity, shortcomings and flaws as well. Why did his have to seem so great that they were befitting punishments made for felons?

Why was he beaten and starved, why was he cast into isolation at the smallest indication of no, I don’t want this, why was he deprived of his senses, robbed of his autonomy and free will, used as a slave for the benefit of others? Why? 

Why, indeed. 

Why…why. Why. Why. Nothing but why? Everything was fucking why-

He shuddered, teeth chattering. When his eyes opened again, it would be to the sight of a single snowflake drifting in front of his exhausted gaze. 

Felix reached out towards that snowflake. He ached to touch it, to feel it live the remainder of its ephemeral life on the tip of his finger and melt against his skin. He reached out, forgetting for a moment where he was and managing to lose balance, gasping quietly as his foot was suddenly suspended in air. He backed away from the edge, panting heavily from the unexpected bout of adrenaline.

More snowflakes began to fall from the heavens, catching the light, shimmering with their delicate beauty. He peered down into the moonlit shadows beneath his feet, steadying his breathing as best he could considering the anxiety swirling a storm in his gut. But then his shoulders relaxed, releasing the tension that lined them once he realised that they didn’t seem so scary anymore. In fact, they seemed less daunting and more welcoming. A comfort he hadn’t expected from the deed he was to commit. 

Lifting his head, he stared up at the dense clouds that slowly expelled their contents into the world. 

The first snow. 

How beautiful. Yes. Beautiful but cold. He was, without a doubt, so tired of the cold. He missed the sun, he missed the warmth, because no matter how much of it he tried to keep, it only seemed more intent on slipping through his weakened fingers. 

He was so tired of the cold. And that’s exactly what his life was.  

Just one little step. 

He didn’t flinch when the balcony doors slammed open, just continued to stare at the sky above. 

“Yongbok!”

So pretty…

“Yongbok, what are you doing? Get down from there!”

“Don’t come any closer, Alpha,” he warned absently.

“Felix…don’t.”

“Why not?” 

He could smell Wonshik’s distressed pheromones as they drifted through the air. Even here, in the vast open of the world, he hadn’t failed to spoil everything around him. Felix’s lips quirked into a wan smile. A creature of habit, his Pack Alpha.

“What’s stopping me?”

Just one little step…

Wonshik didn’t answer him. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately, Alpha, and I’ve come to a conclusion.”

“What...what conclusion would that be?”

“You never deserved Seonghwa.”

He could almost hear the man’s breath hitch. 

“You never deserved any of them…you don’t even deserve me.”

“What are you saying, Felix?”

“I wish you hadn’t adopted me, Alpha Wonshik. I wish you’d left me in that orphanage to rot.”

“Don’t say such things.”

“I wish you’d just let me slit my wrist and die.”

“Felix-”

“I’m glad they got out when they did. I’m glad they are free from you, from this-this hell. I’ve been so angry, for so long. I’ve been so angry and I’ve had nowhere to put that rage but onto myself. I hated myself. I hated who I-who I became. And I thought I hated them for leaving me. I thought I hated them for being free while I was further enslaved…

But that wasn’t me, was it? No…no, it was you. You became the voice in my head. You poisoned me from the inside out against everything I ever stood for, everything I ever believed, everything I ever knew. You made me believe I deserved this. And when that wasn’t enough, you convinced me to hate the only people I have ever loved. The only people who made me feel human and seen...the only people who did everything they could to ensure that I knew what love even was. You made me turn against the people who raised me, who filled the void of a family I had lost. You made me turn against my Hwa. The only mother I had. The one person who was unconditionally mine, who knew nothing of the selfishness you claimed he was governed by. You couldn’t stand the purity of our connection or the significance of his presence in my life so you made him the villain of my story. You planted that seed and let it fester in my mind until it grew out of control.”

He broke off in a sob, feeling the tears turn to icicles on his cheeks. 

“So what reason do I have to continue drawing breath? For who?”

“Me.”

Felix laughed brokenly, lowering his head and turning it to the side to look at the alpha over his shoulder.

“That’s not enough,” he whispered. 

Wonshik hurriedly stepped forward, stretching his arms before him in a pleading gesture. “Felix, Felix…” his eyes swam with fear. “Please, don’t do this.”

Felix’s brows furrowed as he turned to face the alpha fully. 

“Please…”

“Why should I listen to you?”

Wonshik pushed forward. “I’m begging you, please don’t do this.”

“And what of all the times I begged? On my knees, hands clasped in front of my face as I cried for you all to show me mercy and stop…what of all the times I pressed my forehead against your feet and pleaded for clemency? When I told you how much it hurt, or how hungry I was or exhausted? What of all those times, Alpha? Or have you forgotten?”

Wonshik at least had the decency to look guilty. 

Too little, too late. 

“This is all I have left to do.”

“No, Felix.”

“Where I’m going…there will be no more pain.”

“But you’ll be dead.”

Felix chuckled. “I already am.”

Wonshik’s mouth trembled. 

“Now it’s just a matter of my physical body reflecting that.”

“Felix, please.”

“You keep saying that, Alpha. What exactly are you pleading for?”

Wonshik stepped forward again, and Felix let him. But the second he got too close, he’d do it. 

He was ready. 

“I loved your hyung,” he began, a slight breathless lilt to his tone. “Truly, I did. He was everything I could have ever wanted in a mate.”

Felix could not deduce where the alpha was going with this. But his distrust was palpable, plainly outlined on his face. 

“I wanted us all to be a family, Felix. All of us, together. I wanted to be a Pack Alpha who had a strong Head Omega at his side, I wanted to have packmates who respected me, and were loyal to me and my beliefs. I wanted to be-to be unstoppable. The way my sire had been, and my grandsire before him.”

“You tortured us.”

“I am rooted deeply within the ways of old, little one. I did what I needed to do in order to establish order.”

“That couldn’t have been done with love?”

Wonshik faltered, coming to a halt. “There is no power in love.”

Felix realised then, just how lost this man was. How pitiful. 

“I suppose that’s why your love for him was nothing more than empty words, then. A guise at best, something you dangled over his head in an attempt to control him but you couldn’t, could you? He was stronger than you’d anticipated him being.”

The alpha’s posture stiffened. 

“In your efforts to make him… perfect, you forgot one thing, Alpha.”

Felix laughed breathily, painfully. “Love is the most powerful thing in this world. It is because of love I have had the strength to hold on for as long as I have. It is because of love that I have been driven to madness. To this. And yet you say there is no power in it.”

“Felix-”

“Do you love me, too? As you loved him?”

A furrow formed between Wonshik’s brows. 

“You don’t,” Felix answered for him. “I told you, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I can finally say that I now understand the things that were too nebulous before.”

“What are you-”

“You never let anyone lay a hand on Seonghwa. Even after you’d done what you did to him, and even as you continued doing it…you were always so possessive. If someone looked at him the wrong way, if someone brushed their fingers against his skin, if someone merely spoke of him using an untoward connotation…they’d disappear. Gone, reduced to atoms to be used by something else. At first I believed it to be just another silly little alpha thing, as it always seems to be. But then I realised, no, it’s more than that. It’s jealousy. 

You had Rowoon killed for it. I had always wondered why he simply disappeared off the face of the earth. But then I heard whispers of lessons needing to be taught, examples needing to be made…and once I realised those whispers were yours, it was easy to put the pieces of the puzzle together. He’d insulted your precious Seonghwa, and since it wasn’t you who had laid those offences out, you would not stand for it. For another alpha to even consider him as the thing you’d made him to be…for another alpha to potentially showcase in any way that they would be better suited as his mate…it drove you to do heinous things. 

So then I kept thinking…and thinking…and thinking. A man who could do that could do anything. He could eradicate his foes if it meant showcasing his immense power, he could even murder his best friend in cold blood for it…or should I say friends?”

Wonshik paled considerably in the dull light of the moon.

“You didn’t just murder Rowoon, did you, Alpha? No. Before him, you killed Seonghwa’s parents. You envied them for the life they were able to create. So different, inherently, from the one you did. Pure and untainted, borne from love and not hate. And when in turn that life became your responsibility, you wanted to control every aspect of it. You wanted to make it yours. 

That’s why you never mourned the loss of his ability to conceive. You lamented the wasted potential but you never mourned it. You never empathised with the pain he felt, the loss, the heartache. To you, it was a victory. One final stand against those you vanquished. A last hurrah for you that solidified the absolute control you exerted over him. And to top it all off, it became just another means through which you could coerce him into submission. You relished torturing him with it, completely ignorant to the tragic nature of what you’d brought into fruition. You knew that if you ever wanted more children you could just knock up any one of your other omegas, and who would he be to deny you from pursuing that option? Who would anyone be to say no to you? You hid behind the veil of respect for your alphas to cover the fact that if you really wanted to, you could–that you would. After all, every omega in our pack was free reign to you because you owned them. Who cared if they were mated? Isn’t that right?”

Felix could not feel his body anymore. Not the numbness in his hands or feet, not the frost on his cheeks or building atop his hair in fine, crystallised webs. He could feel only the fire in his belly and the hurt in his soul as he poured himself out into a vessel that would forever remain empty.

“Everything you did was calculated. Every eventuality accounted for, every unwanted thread plucked from existence…everything. I suppose that’s when I came into the greater picture. At first, I was nothing more than a pretty little face that would aptly boost your favorability to the public eye. Choi Wonshik: The Saviour of Lost Lives. Hah. If there’s one thing I remember all too well, it’s that headline. It was everywhere. I read it, I heard it, I saw it. It haunted me, reminding me constantly that I was unwittingly indebted to you for the rest of my life. It put such an immense pressure on me to never seem ungrateful for your generosity, that the only thing I wanted to do was prove to you that you’d made the right choice in choosing me out of every orphan there.

But you know what else it did? It made me learn how to read you very quickly. You told me, long ago, that I am as open as a book. Easily seen, easily read. Yet I’m not the only one, am I? You may be a mastermind that can conceal the true rottenness of your core to the world, but to us, you’ve always been as easy to read as a book. 

I hadn’t realised that when it mattered, though. I was too preoccupied with keeping myself out of the line of your wrath. I was too busy trying to stay out of sight, out of mind. Do what was expected of me and hope that I could go on with little consequence. It was easy for me when I had my hyungs to hide behind, who would shield me from prying eyes and hurtful touches. But it became harder to maintain the older I got. And once I did, everyone started noticing. Especially your son.

What did that get me, save for an inconceivably vast world of pain? And you let him. You let him. Just as you let-”

He shut his eyes, taking the moment to take a much needed break, however brief it would be. He couldn’t get emotional, not now. Not when he had Alpha Wonshik’s fully unwavering attention. Not when he finally grew the courage to speak the barbarous truths and innumerable hurts that had been buried in his heart for years upon years.

“Just as you let your friends do the same. You let them take my virginity from me under the guise of being a good host. And when that wasn’t enough, you allowed them the courtesy of doing it again. Again and again and again…you let them do it last night, even. You let them do it but a few hours ago.”

“Felix, let me-”

“That’s where my hyung and I differ, Alpha. Your love meant that you were the only one who was allowed to hurt him. So I know I don’t have it, because everyone is allowed to hurt me. You just…conveniently turn a blind eye to it when it suits you. It’s easier for you to ignore it that way, even when you have to see me covered from head to toe in the fruits of their labour afterwards. When you catch sight of me in the infirmary for the tenth time in a week. When you see the light waning from my eyes with each passing day.”

He quickly swiped at his nose. 

“There have been moments, though, where humanity claws its way out from the depth of the hell nestled within you. There have been moments where it shows itself. I’ve seen it, in glimpses and glances. But it’s not for me. Right? It’s for yourself, just like every other thing in your life.”

Felix stared at the alpha. Choi Wonshik, the poor, pitiful man who gave up the opportunity to have a fulfilling life in want of a colourless one. 

“You knew exactly what you were doing when you challenged Hoseok. You knew exactly what you were doing when you offered to help me during my first heat. You knew exactly what you were doing when you impregnated me. Knew everything, as we’ve established…except for the doom that would come from it. You hadn’t foreseen that Hoseok would enact his revenge through me. But it wasn’t me that you cared about in the end. It was my womb, and the pup inside of it that stirred that miniscule speck of humanity to life. You never cared about me, Alpha. Not truly, not unconditionally. You cared only for what I could provide.”

“That’s not tr-”

“Don’t. Just don’t. Don’t fill my last moments on this earth with more lies.”

“Don’t you dare make a move.”

“And I suppose that ought to stop me?”

“Felix.”

A warning, teetering on the verge of an alpha command. 

He only laughed, a direct juxtaposition to the tears that skipped down his cheeks. “Wonshik.”

The alpha’s eyes widened infinitesimally. 

Felix turned around then, wind blowing the hair away from his face and baring him to the true severity of cold that was beginning to settle into the night. He shivered, feeling it sink into his bones but he could not help the sigh of relief that bounded its way to freedom. 

“I love you, hyung,” Felix whispered, eyes shiny. 

Seonghwa smiled, settling them once again into their previous positions. He kept him close to his heart, tucked safely into the circle of his arms, and let his eyes fall shut once more.

“I love you most, my little star.”

He smiled. 

He would see them again. One day, he would. But he hoped that day wouldn’t come for a long time. He hoped it would come after many years, after a life lived fulfilled and bountiful. Only then did he want to see them again. Not a moment sooner. 

“I’m ready to die,” he whispered to the moon. 

Just one little step.

His eyes fell shut, the world tilted, and the next thing Felix knew, he was flying. 

But his flight was short-lived. 

A hand latched onto his arm, dislodging his shoulder from its socket and forcing a pained howl from the omega who hadn’t expected it. He craned his neck to glare at the alpha, tears turning to acid against his skin as he clawed at the offending hand with all the fervour his ice-laden muscles could muster.

“No-”

“Y-you are not going any-where…” 

Wonshik’s cheeks glistened with wetness. With tears. 

Felix’s legs scraped against the walls as he fought against the alpha’s grip, but it was no use. Even with Wonshik leaning over the balustrade and using but one hand to keep hold of the omega, it was no use. 

He cried out of sheer frustration. 

“Let me go!” he screamed. “Let me go, you bastard!”

“Never.”

And then he was being hauled back over the edge as if his weight was an inconsequential obstacle standing between him and death. He was being hauled back over the edge even when it was the last possible thing he wanted to happen. 

His shoulder screamed in agony as they both fell into a heap on the ceramic flooring of the balcony. Thin, flaking rivulets of blood dripped from his knees and shins, dyeing the fabric of his shift with splotches of  its ghastly hue. He floundered in the alpha’s arms, kicking his legs, scratching at every uncovered piece of skin he could see. But Wonshik was steadfast in his determination to defuse the erratic omega in his hold.

“Why won’t you let me die?!” Felix sobbed, bare heels raking across the floor as Wonshik curled his arms around his waist. 

“Yongbok!” he bellowed, seemingly at the end of his patience. “Enough!” 

Felix immediately stilled, the command reaching into the very construct of his omegan being.

Wonshik turned him around so that they were face-to-face with one another.  

“Why won’t you let me die?” Felix breathed, face wrecked by tears and the deathly chill. “Why can’t you just let me go?”

The alpha continued to stare at Felix–as if for the first time, as if his sole purpose was to memorise each and every one of his features. His hands fell into place at either side of his countenance, thumbs stroking along Felix’s icy skin. 

“Nothing to say?” he asked, scoffing derisively, tiredly. “You had so much to say before, why won’t you say anything now?”

Felix’s brows furrowed together, his hands sunk into the alpha’s wrists. “Why are you so quiet?!” he cried, an undercurrent of raw human emotion flowing beneath his exclamations. “Hm?” 

Wonshik upheld his silence. Felix relinquished his hold on his arms in favour of beating his fists against the insufferable man’s chest, shoulders, any place he could reach. 

“You couldn’t save me!” he protested, landing blow on top of blow to Wonshik’s hollow chest. “and you can’t let me go! Why?”

“Because I love you.”

Felix could barely hear him. 

“What?”

“I love you, Felix.”

Felix gaped at him, wishing he could go back to a few seconds ago when he hadn’t heard him. “You terrible, horrible man…”

“Yes, I am. A terrible, horrible man who loves you,” Wonshik murmured in turn. 

He was still crying, Felix realised belatedly. The alpha with no heart in his chest was still crying. “If this is love I do not want it. Take it from me, please.”

Wonshik shook his head, smoothing his hand along the side of Felix’s head. “I can’t do that.”

“Why?” Felix questioned for what seemed like the millionth time. 

He leaned down to place a lingering kiss on the omega’s forehead.  

“I didn’t let them take you away from me,” he admitted after a breath, the words ghosting across the omega's cold skin. “How could you think I’d let you?”

 

---

 

Hoseok’s return to the Estate was the exact opposite of a dull affair. 

He hadn’t expected it to be, of course. After all, it wasn’t every day a young man graduated from one of the most prestigious Ivy League universities in the world. Life in New Haven was a far cry from life in Seoul, but that didn’t make it any less suitable, no. In fact, Hoseok thrived at Yale. He’d met like-minded people who had become something akin to friends, he’d travelled all around the States–travelled all around the globe, actually. Enjoyed the finest cuisines and the most scintillating views nature had to offer. 

But Hoseok still felt that he was missing something.

Don’t get him wrong, life was great. More than great, it was the best. So much so that he’d deliberated ways to thank his father for sending him away. He could recall vividly how incensed he’d been once his father had informed him of the fact that he’d be attending university abroad. He had been blinded by anger, from the moment he heard the words to the moment he stepped foot in his brand new apartment. How dare he send him away? How dare he part him from his omega? Who did his father think he was–

In hindsight, he should have considered the fact that his father would not have left him fending for himself in a foreign country. Despite their many issues and the constant back-and-forth that seemed to govern their dynamic, Wonshik had set him up rather nicely in America. Because despite their many issues, Wonshik still cared for the safety and security of his son. He would never let him experience discomfort of any kind, and he’d certainly never let him have anything less than the best money could possibly buy. The best car, the best clothes, the best apartment. Even-limited–access to his black card. His father had been very generous, indeed. Very gracious. So he had to be at least a little grateful. 

He had the influence, he had the wealth, and above all, he had the good looks that had everyone drawn to him like flies to a vat of honey. The entire student body was obsessed with him, their resident it boy. But no one was more obsessed with Hoseok Choi than the omegas. 

It was true that Hoseok met a great many omegas in his time spent abroad, each objectively attractive in their own right, walking wet dreams for any knot-headed alpha that had no true standards. But Hoseok had standards. Some would say higher standards than most, but oh, well. He was Choi Fucking Hoseok. And Choi Hoseok was…repelled. If not by their appearances, then by the drollness of their personalities and the shallow transparency that confirmed to him that the only thing they wanted was to get in his pants or his wallet or both. And truthfully speaking, in the few times he indulged his more carnal desires out of sheer desperation, he was always left wanting for more. 

He would come to realise that more turned out to be his omega. His Felix, who’d put all of those flavourless bitches to shame simply by existing. It had gotten to the point where he subconsciously began seeking conquests that resembled him. Women–or men, he wasn’t picky – with long hair the colour of white gold. With freckles on their faces and hearts on their lips, eyes like does and skin like glass. Noses as delicate as buttons and bodies lithe and thin and deliciously petite. 

But no one came even remotely close to Felix. Their hair wasn’t as soft, their skin a touch too sun-kissed or blemished. The curve of their lips was all wrong, the slope of their nose too steep. Their eyes were nowhere near as beguiling, lacking that spark that Felix carried so effortlessly. Their bodies were too...eugh, big. 

And the freckles. The freckles. All wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Too big, too small, too pronounced, not pronounced enough– 

If there was anything that kept his new life from being perfect, it was the lack of Felix. 

Perhaps that’s why he was ever impatient to return home. He’d missed his little omega. His perfect, perfect omega who was the most stunning, gorgeous, tight creature in existence. 

God, he was losing his mind. He’d been away for too long. He could only imagine how much more his soon-to-be-mate blossomed in that time. 

So, needless to say, his return to the Estate was the exact opposite of a dull affair. 

He had expected pomp and circumstance to greet him upon his arrival, he’d expected a celebration befitting his commendable academic achievements. And, well, at the very least he expected to be welcomed by his family who he hadn’t seen in years. Even his father, who he’d kept minimal contact with–though he kept said minimal contact cordial. 

Hoseok was most surprised when he walked through the doors of his home to a Gatsby-level function. There was gilded decor and black embellishments spread tastefully throughout the Estate, sparkles and champagne and opulence that even Jay Gatsby would envy. But there were also people everywhere–all people he recognised, thankfully. People from the pack and people from their circles that had been part of Hoseok’s life for many years. Practically watched him grow up. Even his friends from high school who he’d spoken to every so often. It was, admittedly, rather nice to see everyone again, and to breathe the scent of Korea back into his lungs. 

And at the height of it all, Felix, draped in a satin blouse the palest shade of gold and high-waisted pants that were tailored perfectly to his nonexistent waist. There was a simple chain of pearls around his delicate throat, an emerald ring around his dainty little finger. Standing arm-in-arm with his father at the top of the grand staircase. At the very set of stairs from which he’d once taken a near-fatal tumble. 

Hoseok was rendered speechless at the sight of him. The only thing he cared about was getting to his omega for a proper welcome home. But he hadn’t yet lost his manners. His father had done this for him, and though their relationship was currently rocky at best, he was grateful for the thoughtful gesture. 

He made haste of greeting everyone, thanking them as they each congratulated him for his graduation and regaled their wishes for even more successful endeavours in the future. He smiled and laughed at their silly little anecdotes and jibes but really, it was all going into one ear and out the other. His mind was packed full to the brim with Felix Felix Felix. 

Finally, when the time came, he wasted no time in pursuing his omega. As he neared the staircase, he noticed the way his father leaned down to whisper into the omega’s ear, mouth contouring around words that looked awfully similar to go to him. 

Felix nodded stoically, unwinding his arm from the elder Choi and descending the stairs to meet Hoseok at the base of them. He smiled softly at him, mechanically, bowing his head ever so slightly before pushing himself onto the tips of his toes and laying a chaste kiss against Hoseok’s cheek. 

“Welcome home, Alpha,” he whispered gently against his skin as he pulled away. His voice sent shivers down Hoseok’s spine. So smooth and rich and a direct juxtaposition to his seraphic, angelic, otherwordly appearance. 

Hoseok was ecstatic. He gripped Felix’s hands and brought them to his lips, placing kisses on each ridge of knuckle. But he wanted more. So much more. His hands slotted around either side of Felix’s face–that unbelievable face that had somehow grown even more astounding–and he kissed him. Kissed him like a man starved, like an animal gone rabid. 

Kissed him as if they weren’t surrounded by dozens of alphas who hooted and whistled at the wanton display of affection. 

When they separated, Felix was breathless and his cheeks were dusted red by an emotion Hoseok could immediately decipher. If he wasn’t so enamoured by the change he would find it disarming. Felix’s face always betrayed him, always confessed the things he himself never did, but now it was like staring at a porcelain doll who lacked all emotion entirely. Features stuck in an eternal blankness, suspended in a sea of nothingness. 

But what’s more–and perhaps a bit more confounding–was that Felix did not fight him. Usually he’d kick or scream or cry, usually he’d push against his chest or turn his head away from Hoseok’s affections. Usually. And yet, he didn’t.

What the fuck?

Not that Hoseok was complaining–quite the opposite in fact. If he was ecstatic before he was positively head over heels with joy now. 

This is what he’s always wanted. Whatever happened in his absence gave him exactly what he wanted. 

And he’d be damned if he let it go to waste. 

 

---

 

That night, as Felix helped to prepare Hoseok for bed, his mind took him far and away. His body was sore in that familiar way it always was after Hoseok had his way with him, but by now Felix had grown immune to it, even after so long without the alpha’s touch. He’d grown immune to a many number of pains, as it were. Some of which were on par if not worse than those his alpha doled onto him. 

“Father says that I can marry you soon.”

Felix’s hands paused as he brushed through the alpha’s freshly washed hair. 

“We can finally have our mating ceremony. Doesn’t that sound nice, my love?”

Felix hummed noncommittally, resuming his task of gently detangling Hoseok’s dark mane. It was a bit shorter now than it had been when he left, curling around his neck and ears in a way that was eerily reminiscent of his father (though Wonshik had a preference for keeping his locks on the longer side.) And now it smelled of his expensive shampoo and hair oils, courtesy of his omega’s talented hands. 

Hoseok watched him through the mirror. Even now, after hours spent in his presence, he couldn’t quite wrap his head around just how breathtaking his omega was. Seeing the way Felix grew into himself was truly one of the greatest benefactions given to him in life. His features and traits were so refined, now. More mature than they’d been when he’d last seen him but maintaining that uniquely Felix delicacy and youthfulness all the same. 

Like a porcelain doll, he thought, an edge of fondness creeping into his eyes as he continued to surveil him. 

He was the very definition of wolven perfection, as if the Moon Goddess had sent him to this earth as compensation for the countless other failures that preceded him. His father, bless his unbeating heart, was a fool for thinking Seonghwa ever was. Seonghwa didn’t come close to his Felix. 

Even now, as he completed this innocent, mundane act of brushing his hair, the alpha found himself besotted by the omega’s exquisite comeliness. It was so bad that simply watching him stirred his cock back to life and reawoke the insatiable beast within him. 

He’d take him again. Right here, right now. He’d push everything off this godforsaken vanity, bend him over the table, and sink back into that tight heat he’d been deprived of for so long. But…Felix had spent two hours meticulously cleaning Hoseok’s body and washing his hair. And before that, he’d thoroughly welcomed him home in the only way Hoseok cared to be welcomed–the noises he’d made were oh, so delicious. Just music to his ears. 

Besides, he was exhausted. He’d been on a fourteen and a half hour flight, had to entertain his father’s guests for a number of hours after that and then fucked Felix sensless for a few more after that. It was almost morning, now, it had to be. And the jetlag was finally beginning to rear its ugly head. 

Felix was tired, too, though he didn’t voice it. He’d actually been rather obedient the entire evening. Stayed by his side the duration of the party, went willingly to his bed, and had indulged his every lewd desire without so much as a word of complaint. He’d flinched and cowered, sure. Gasped and shuddered, but he did not resist. And that itself was like a drug offered freely to an addict. Hoseok was addicted to this-this new Felix. This perfect Felix. 

He’d let him fuck that gorgeous mouth of his, let him take him from behind, on the floor, against the wall. Watched with mesmerised eyes as the omega bounced on his cock, watched with mesmerised eyes the way his ribcage rippled beneath his fair skin and the way his brows scrunched from concentration. The sight was so very refreshing. 

Americans were so fat. So ugly. 

Things Felix has never been. 

Goddess, he’d fucking missed this.

When they were done, he emptied himself into Felix’s sticky, slick warmth. Revelled in the way it leaked out of his abused hole before he pushed it back in with his thumb and shoved a pretty little plug in there for good measure. A gift from his travels. Custom made. 

As they laid in bed together, weary and spent in their own ways, Felix found that sleep was, yet again, evading him. He’d grown accustomed to the chronic insomnia and consequent lack of sleep, and had even adapted methods to make the time spent in un-slumber go by faster. 

But tonight seemed different. It was…different, being back with Hoseok after he’d spent so much time with Alpha Wonshik. He was beginning to wonder if-if his restlessness was a result of having a familiarly unfamiliar presence at his side instead of the one he’d formed a morbid attachment to. 

Felix couldn’t sleep. The alpha next to him, however, slept soundly, deeply. Felix had no doubt in his mind that Hoseok wouldn’t notice at all if he just…slipped away. 

So he did. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and snuck away from Hoseok’s quarters like a thief in the night. He made his way to the other end of the corridor, to the ornate set of doors that had become something of a solace to his wayward soul. 

He didn’t even bother knocking, simply allowed himself in and shut the door behind him once he’d made it through. He then padded silently towards the grand bed placed in the centre of the equally grand room, and slid beneath the downy covers as if insctinctually. 

“Who is–Felix?”

“It’s me, Alpha,” he breathed in return, pushing himself closer to the man lain on his back. 

“What is it, little one?” the man’s voice, deep and husky from sleep, filtered softly into his ears. “Has something happened?” he asked, stretching his arm out for Felix to lay his head upon. 

“No,” he answered quietly, feeling tears prick his eyes as he ushered his body to lie down next to the alpha’s. “Ju-just couldn’t s-sleep. Needed you.” His head fell into place atop Alpha Wonshik’s strong bicep, and his body was warmed as his arm curled around his shoulders. 

But something wasn’t right. 

He made an affronted noise in the back of his throat and lifted his head, choosing to bypass the man’s arm entirely as he settled himself against his chest instead. Wonshik chuckled quietly, readjusting his limbs to accommodate the fussy omega in his arms, and once he did it went quiet. Felix was seemingly appeased by this new position, the sour notes of his scent reverting back to an unremarkable neutrality that was more fitting for a beta. But then again, Felix’s true scent had gone dormant a long time ago. All that was left was this. 

“I’m here,” he murmured against the crown of Felix’s head. “I’ve got you.”

The omega rubbed his face against the fabric of his shirt, but he offered nothing else in acknowledgement of the alpha’s reassurances. 

Wonshik sighed, relaxing back into the mattress as his hand travelled along Felix’s side and through his hair. Up and down, up and down, a rhythmic cycle that lulled the exhausted omega into the pre-land of sleep and dreams. 

There was one thing, however, that kept him from falling into it fully. 

Hoseok. 

There was no saying what he would do once he realised that Felix had abandoned him. Especially once he realised that he’d been abandoned by Felix in favour of seeking the company of his father. He’d be confused, most probably. Inconsolably enraged, more than likely. But what did it matter? He couldn’t sleep, he was feeling strange, and the only one who could relieve him of those ailments was Alpha Wonshik. 

So what did it matter?

Nothing fucking mattered. Simple as that. 

As he lay there, drawing comfort from the man who had done unspeakable things to him, he came to understand that that didn’t matter, either. Felix would come right back to him either way. Alpha Wonshik wasn’t going to stop. He was going to hurt him again. Hoseok would hurt him again. The alphas would hurt him again. 

And it didn’t matter. 

But there was one thing that did. 

It came to him as a sudden, jarring epiphany as he rubbed his face against the crook of Alpha Wonshik’s neck, right where his scent was most potent. 

It came to him in the form of unforgiving tears and fidgeting hands that struggled to remain still. 

And it came to him with the force of a nuclear explosion, obliterating everything in its path and leaving only desolation behind. 

He could no longer remember the scent of Seonghwa’s skin.

Notes:

this chapter was, without a doubt, the most mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing piece of writing i have ever done. that's why it took me so long to get out. i was...god, this sucked the life out of me. i must confess that this is not an easy month for me. september is, in every way, the worst time of the year. the worst trauma of my life occurred in september, so i was already struggling on that front. in hindsight, i should not have pushed myself to write this chapter knowing how emotionally vulnerable i am right now, but writing some of these things helped. they were, after all, reflections of me. i won't tell you which parts exactly, but, they're there. they exist in their own little cathartic ways. on top of that my health deteriorated rapidly between the end of august till now, i was in and out of the hospital, grappling with my trauma and i had...absolutely no one to turn to about any of it. it's been an incredibly lonely, isolating month, and honestly i'm really not doing so good.

but enough about me we don't care about MY trauma, we care about Felix 🥲🥲🥲

you probably have questions still, and i will tell you straight up right now that there are things i INTENTIONALLY left out (i.e., how does felix escape?? etc etc) now, after due consideration, i realised that i'm not exactly ready to part with the whole flashback thing. but rest assured, any flashbacks henceforth will NOT be to the level of the interludes. the interludes, as it stands, are officially DONE!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOO CELEBRATIONS CONFETTI SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP HUZZAH!!! they are done, oh my gosh. the relief. THE RELIEF!! i am probably the most excited to get back to the present, so if you've made it this far into the story and have stuck with me, you deserve the biggest, loudest round of applause ever. seriously. couldn't have done it without you. all of you. even my haters smh.

now. this chapter. chapter 30. worst chapter, ever. and for once i'm not saying that in a "i hate my writing grr this sucks" kinda way. i mean it in the "how the fuck could you have done this" kind of way. listen, i told you it wasn't gonna be pretty. we had to lay the foundations for why felix is the way he is in the present and that could only be done if i was completely transparent about the things he goes through. even then, i leave a lot up for interpretation and like i said before, there are things i intentionally left out but all of those things will be accounted for i promise you. it's all part of my master plan.

my main goal with this chapter was to make his trauma real. i wanted you to feel the way it evolved as the years went on and i wanted you to see the ways it affected him in all kinds of nuanced ways. trauma is different for everyone who experiences it, there's no set in stone definition for how someone is supposed to cope with it or live with it or anything. it's unique to everyone and unfortunately that's what makes it so complex. i built felix's character up to be resilient but also incredibly vulnerable. more than anything, i wanted him to be human. i wanted him to be imperfect and i wanted him to make mistakes and make bad judgments and struggle. you have to remember, for the major part of the interludes, felix is just a kid. which brings me to my next point: his age. i wanted to smoothly transition through his growth without advertising it too much because again, i wanted everything to tie in with his accumulated traumas over the years. personally, i myself have experienced memory loss and forgetfulness, there are whole parts of my life that i don't remember, and i know that's the case for a lot of trauma victims. he loses sense of a lot of quantitative things, and he struggles immensely with things like the passage of time, dates, ages, etc etc etc. but yes in case you missed it: he starts this chapter at 15 and ends at 23. in the present timeline he's 24, so there's still a bit of time before his escape. and again, that was intentional. you will not be left wondering how he planned and executed his escape. i promise.

anyway.

ao3 is a little bitch and made me delete half of my endnotes bc i went way over the character limit and now im sad bc there was some pretty important information in the parts i deleted and now i can't even remember what i deleted or else i would add them to the comments but if i remember i will (should have copied them when i had the chance ughhh stupid stupid stupid) anywho i am so tired and i'm freezing and i really just wanna lay down and take a nap so i might just do that (i'll most likely just end up scrolling through tiktok and manically refreshing ao3 for comments lamaoaoaoa anyway moooving on)

can't wait to hear from you. and i can't wait to start felix's new journey with you all.

luv ya muchly,

lovestxy

 

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Chapter 31: Act III, Scene I

Summary:

Chan, Hyunjin, and Seonghwa have a discussion.

Chan grapples with his inner demons.

Notes:

hi

enjoy!!

 

CW: short chapter but I just wanted to post this rq, sorry 😭

 

Act III, Scene I

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Present Day

 

The silence was deafening. 

Chan was…simply at a loss for words. Nothing, not one thing, could atone for the horrors his ears had just beheld. 

The worst part? Seonghwa had informed them of the things that happened while he was part of the Choi Pack–which was eight years ago. 

To even begin to comprehend the things that may have happened since that time alone was a notion most inconceivable. Eight years were no small amount of time. Anything could have happened, everything could have happened. 

It made him sick. It made him angry. And above all, it filled him with immeasurable guilt. Guilt he’d buried deep within long ago. 

“His wounds…”

“Fresh,” confirmed Hyunjin with a soft yet tired exhale. Chan blinked back into focus, quietly clearing his throat as if it would clear his conscience as well. “He’s not...he hasn’t been adjusting too well.” Hyunjin sniffled quietly, hands fidgeting against his thighs, fingers clenching and unclenching against the fabric of his jeans. Chan noticed immediately, and in want of comforting his mate, covered one of Hyunjin’s hands with his own. He intertwined their fingers and gave them a grounding squeeze, caught Hyunjin’s gaze and offered silent support in the form of a nod and gentle eyes. The younger alpha was undeniably grateful, tense shoulders budging ever so slightly from the reassurance. “When he woke up he was manic. Terrified beyond relief and–god, hyung, it was just horrifying to witness. Even more horrifying to be so helpless in the face of it. We were eventually able to calm him down, but…but only because Chan hyung had to command him to. It was like he would only respond to an alpha voice. Anything else just wasn’t getting through to him.”

“It only worked a little, though,” Chan supplied, sounding frustrated, disappointed. No doubt with himself more than anything. “It was…honestly I regret having to resort to that.”

“Right,” murmured Hyunjin, looking forlorn. “Even though it did propel him into a sort of subspace, we had to tranquilise him in the end. He was hurting himself, ripping open his wounds and slamming his head against the wall…I-I was so scared he’d have a heart attack–or worse.”

Seonghwa ‘s face was pale, void of all colour and inhumanly ashen. He looked sick, looked as if he were seconds from fainting. “And…is he–does he remember anything…?”

The pair exchanged glances. There was a silent conversation between them both, unsure and uncertain, but it was Chan that brought some of those unvoiced thoughts to the foreground of their discussion. “Truth be told, we haven’t pushed him for any sort of information. He’s indicated that we’re familiar to him–Hyunjin and I especially–but…it’s nothing concrete. We still have no idea how he ended up in Daedunsan, how he escaped from Wonshik…we didn’t even know his name, Seonghwa. We just knew he needed us and we were there.”

“Well then I’m glad for it,” Seonghwa stated firmly, quickly brushing a stray tear from his eye. “I’m glad it was you. I’m glad you saved him. I’m-I’m just…so glad.” 

“So are we,” Hyunjin agreed tenderly. “If we were even a moment too late, Hoseok would have-”

Seonghwa’s face was overcome by surprise. “Hoseok? Did you say Hoseok?”

Hyunjin nodded slowly. 

“He was there?” Seonghwa questioned breathlessly, eyes wide. “Where is he now? What happened?”

“He’s dead.”

Seonghwa’s gaze snapped to Chan. “He’s–what?”

Chan nodded, eyes flicking to the slumbering bundle on his bed. “Hoseok. He’s dead. I killed him.”

The omega seemed neither perturbed or disturbed by the revelation. If anything, he seemed…relieved. “When did you come into contact with him? How?”

“He was there. He was with Felix, he was trying to–” he was unable to continue, jaw clenching as he turned his head to the side and screwed his eyes shut. The memory was fresh on his mind, a wound that refused to close. He could almost relive those horrid sensations all over again. The visceral fear he felt emanating from Felix in their bond. The pain. The sight of him closing in on Hyunjin, threatening to tear him apart. The sounds as his mates cried out for help, desperate and distressed. 

Hyunjin’s hand came to rest on his bicep, and his voice was quiet when he said, “he was trying to mate him.”

Seonghwa’s gasp was loud even in its quiet.

“Like I said, hyung, if we were a moment too late…”

Tears glistened in the omega’s eyes. “Oh, my love…oh, Felix.”

“He paid for it, Seonghwa. Hoseok paid for his sins.”

Seonghwa shook his head, tired, tormented eyes piercing into his very soul. “No, Chan hyung. Even his life was not worth the cost of them. I dare say no payment will ever be enough.”

There was nothing anyone could say against that. It was the simple truth. Hoseok may be dead but the impacts he made on Felix’s life would be everlasting. The effects of his cruelty would forever remain embedded into his very construct. 

Still, knowing he was now dead, no longer able to draw breath into those poisonous lungs or lay those cursed hands on Felix’s delicate flesh, was a relief in and of itself. The world would certainly be a brighter place without the shadow of Choi Hoseok lingering over it. 

For that, he was eternally grateful to the Bang Pack. To Bang Chan, an alpha worth ten times his weight in gold. More so, even. 

“I thought I’d lost him forever. I thought I would never see him again.”

Chan reached forward, squeezing his friend’s hand to reassure him. “He’s here, Seonghwa. He’s really here.”

The omega smiled brokenly, wiping at the seemingly unending wave of tears that cascaded down his face with the back of his hand. “But I don’t understand,” he demurred, “how is it possible? I heard the gunshots, Chan hyung. He should be-” he broke off with a choked whimper, shaking his head and looking down into his lap. 

The alpha sighed, uncertainty painting his features as he sat back in his chair and cast a furtive glance towards the slumbering bundle on his bed. “I don’t think I can answer that. Not until he tells us himself–if he tells us himself. And that is a very big if, because there is a good chance he might not want to tell us anything at all.”

Seonghwa’s eyes followed Chan’s gaze, and he felt his heart stutter in his chest as they landed on such a painfully nostalgic sight. Felix, tucked away in the centre of a bed so vast that he appeared even tinier than he already was. God, this was the most surreal experience of his life. He was almost too afraid to close his eyes, half convinced that when he’d open them again, Felix would be gone. Snatched away from him exactly like he had been all those years ago.  

“There’s much to be discussed, Seonghwa. Much more than a single evening can cover, and certainly much more than I’d initially anticipated. This story, it seems, is far more complex than any of us were ever equipped to handle. It’s not something I wish to plunge headfirst into without understanding all of its perspectives. I also think we’re at a good stopping point for the time being. Felix is here, now. He’s safe. You both are.” Hyunjin, who’d been staring unseeingly at his lap, whipped his head towards his mate. His heart swelled in his chest with pure affection, and fondness and respect for the elder swirled within the chasm of his ribs. How lucky he was, to have a soulmate so considerate, so thoughtful. How lucky he was to have someone so unshakable in his conviction to help all in the face of an impossible situation. 

He wanted to kiss him. 

“We also have to bear in mind that when the time comes, he needs to not only be present and lucid, but willing to be part of that discussion as well. Which, seeing as how things have unfolded, he’s not. He’s nowhere near that point.”

“We just have to be patient with him,” Hyunjin added determinedly, shaking himself from the thought. “Patience will be the determinant for everything going forward.”

Seonghwa nodded in agreement, eyes fixated on the sliver of Felix’s face that was visible from the mountain of blankets he was buried under. “No, of course,” he breathed, “of course. A-anything he needs.”

He couldn’t shake his gaze from him. His-his petal. His little pup who had grown up so much . Who’d gone from petal to flower, blossoming into a young man who was…who was so beautiful. 

And he didn’t even get to watch it happen. He wasn’t there. He’d left it all behind…he’d left Felix behind. 

Park Seonghwa, the biggest idiot to have ever lived. The most disgraceful omega, the most undeserving hyung.

He brought his hand to his mouth, but it did little to contain the agonised sob that fell past his lips. Curling in on himself, Seonghwa cried in reckless abandon, shoulders shaking and face contorted in sorrow.  

Ever the empath, Hyunjin immediately stood from his chair and hurried over to their ailing friend, drawing him into his arms and letting him relieve his soul of this immense burden. 

He knew exactly what Seonghwa was feeling at this moment, right to the very last speck of guilt that manifested in every tremor and tremble, in every tear that escaped his dejected eyes. 

“It’s okay, hyung,” he murmured against his hair, “it wasn’t your fault.”

His eyes met Chan’s over the omega’s head, brows furrowing together helplessly. 

Chan looked equally, if uncharacteristically, lost. It was obvious to a blind man that everyone’s emotions were dialled to eleven. The very nature of what has transpired in these few, short weeks…well, needless to say it was complicated. A hefty burden unique to all who were involved. 

But nothing either of them could do would change the way Seonghwa was feeling right here, right now. The best they could do was offer him comfort and a shoulder. 

“It’s okay,” he repeated, rocking them back and forth slightly. “He’s okay.”

Only this time, he didn’t know if he was reassuring their friend or himself. 

 

---

 

“Seonghwa will be staying the night,” Chan announced with a heavy sigh as he rubbed his eyes. “With Felix.”

“What? Why?” asked Minho, who had been cradling Jisung in his lap. 

“Long story,” their Pack Alpha replied, “it’ll have to wait until morning. There are a few things I…need to make sense of before I even attempt to tell you. It’s…” another sigh, even heavier than the first, “just trust me.”

Of course, Minho wanted to say. Of course we trust you. 

And though he still wished more than anything to grill them for answers, he nodded, taking full notice of the sheer exhaustion lining his mates’ faces. Hyunjin, it seemed, was still intent on avoiding him–if his refusal to meet his gaze was anything to go by. But instead of anger or frustration, he felt...ashamed. Guilty. Regretful. Their last conversation wasn't exactly pretty, and he had to remember that he was the one who'd made it so. He'd pushed too far. He'd insisted too much. 

He just wished that Hyunjin would at least allow him to explain, to make amends. But Hyunjin wouldn't even look at him.

Nevertheless, both he and Chan looked weary and bone-tired, practically dead on their feet. As if…almost as if they’d crawled through the very depths of hell and back. The fact that they weren’t even trying to hide it was concerning in and of itself, a testament to the inner turmoil lurking beneath their flawless skin. 

“Just as well, hyung. It’s been an incredibly long day for everyone, I think. It would benefit us all to get a good night’s rest.”

Chan just nodded, pale and sullen, aged beyond his years in the few hours that had elapsed since they’d last seen him.  

Minho knew he had to do something. 

“Hyunjinnie,” Jisung called, standing from Minho’s lap. The alpha seemed dazed as he turned his attention towards them, present but not entirely. “Hm?”

“Let’s have a bath? You and me?”

Hyunjin was conflicted. If it wasn’t obvious by the strain in his features, it was from the sour undertones beginning to corrupt his scent. Jisung hurried towards him, taking his hand between both of his and imploring the alpha to accept with his sparkling, doe-eyed stare. He knew Hyunjin could never deny him anything whenever he pulled that particular move, and he hoped, despite the small pinprick of doubt in his heart, that this would be another one of those times. 

“I-I don’t know, Jisung…”

“Please?”

Hyunjin stared at him with uncertain eyes. “Okay,” he conceded quietly. 

Jisung smiled wide in utter relief. “Good, because I was not taking no for an answer.”

Ah. The Jisung Effect. Hard not to succumb to his cuteness even when one was not entirely up to it. Despite it all–the heavy weight on his heart and mind, the increasingly heavy burden on his soul–he could do nothing but fall victim to the little beta’s charms. He brought his other hand to his mate’s dark hair, ruffling it tiredly but with no little adoration. 

“Yeah?” he questioned, letting his hand fall flat against the side of Jisung’s head. 

“Yup. And I always get what I want, so there was no getting out of it, I’m afraid.”

Hyunjin’s eyes went impossibly soft. He leaned down, letting his lips settle into place against Jisung’s forehead. “No doubt about that,” he murmured fondly. “Shall we go, then?”

“We shall.”

And then they were off. Jisung cast one final glance towards the rest of the pack, and had just managed to catch Chan’s grateful gaze before he was swept up by Hyunjin’s inhuman gait. 

“Hyung? Bed?”

Chan stared at Minho, but it was clear that he wasn’t really seeing Minho. He seemed so far away, so pensive, lodged somewhere deep in the chasm of his mind. The curiosity, the need to know, scratched relentlessly at Minho’s psyche. But right now, right at this very moment, all that mattered was that he helped his Pack Alpha relieve some of the tension. 

“Come on,” he urged gently, offering a hand to the elder, “you can room with me tonight.”

Chan went unresistingly, slotting their hands together and following Minho through the expansive corridors of their home like a lifeless ragdoll.

Minho’s room was very much like Minho himself: elusive and unexpected, meticulously neat, and strangely comforting in the way it was decorated with soft pastels and cute little knick knacks he’d collected from their many travels abroad. 

Truth be told, Chan didn’t spend half as much time in here as he should have. If the boys sought his company at night, they’d crawl into his bed. If they needed his shoulder to lean on, the Pack Room was the place to be. Minho himself was often anywhere in the Manor but here, claiming that he felt more comfortable amongst the mingling scents of his pack. The only reason he had to be in his bedroom was to sleep–Lee Minho needed his eight hours of undisturbed sleep, and he needed it in his own bed.

Of course, that was difficult to accomplish when Han Jisung existed, but Minho was nothing if not unabashedly permissive when it came to his mates and their little quirks. 

Still, it was nice. Minho’s room was nice. Nice like Minho. His beautiful Minho. 

“Hyung?”

Chan felt Minho’s hands on his cheeks before anything, felt his thumbs smooth over his cheekbones as worry creased his brow and seeped into his voice. 

“Why are you crying?”

He was…what?

“Channie, what is it? What’s wrong?”

Chan attempted to blink past the blurriness in his eyes, but his efforts were for naught. “I…” he exhaled shakily, feeling even more trails of warmth leak from his eyes. “Minho-”

“Talk to me, Chris,” reassured Minho, brushing the curls from his forehead, “lean on me for once.”

The dam positively broke at those simply spoken words. His head fell against Minho’s shoulder and the younger alpha’s arms immediately wrapped around his shoulders. 

“I’m here, hyung. I’m here for you.”

Chan sobbed brokenly against him. 

He seemed so utterly small at this moment. It was unnatural. It was…against the grain of everything he thought he knew for certain . Chan was a pillar of strength and durability, one that was undeterred by even the strongest of winds and the most relentless of storms. But right now he was as soft as crumbling stone. So helpless and lost. Reduced to a pile at their feet. Minho’s heart, once thought to be unbeating and carved from ice, ached in his chest. 

But the moment was gone as soon as he’d made sense of it. Chan ripped himself away from Minho’s arms, drawing a gasp from the unsuspecting alpha. 

“Hyung-”

“I have to go,” Chan spoke bluntly, features guarded even as tears shined on his cheeks. 

Minho’s brows furrowed as he reached for the elder, “hyung, plea-”

“I have to go, Minho,” he cried, stumbling on his feet as he forcefully created distance between them. When his back hit the doors, his hands immediately fumbled for the handles, and he cast a final, desperate look towards his mate before his fingers found purchase and ripped them open. “I’m sorry.”

“Channie...don't go.”

“I…I’m so sorry.”

Minho watched as he all but ran out of the room, leaving only the lingering scent of rotting green apples, spoiled lemons, and decaying mint behind. 

Notes:

firstly, thank you for your patience. i know i…disappeared for a while there. life has been lifeing

anywho, yeah so i finished writing this solely bc im on some mania-downward spiral-depression-breakdown-high and literally decided enough was enough and i needed to stop stalling so here we are. unfortunately that fuel burned out real quick but hey, i honestly think it's a good setup for act 3! hopefully future chapters will be more fulfilling in terms of length and content but i really felt that i needed a sort of bridge chapter between the last chapter of the interludes and the start of the acts again. just how my brain works. wanna ease into it. anywho, next chapter is when shit goes DOWN and i can't wait to post it. so yeah!

 

missed you! luv yew! hope you enjoyed!! leave me sum comments i am in desperate need of a morale boost (or not, your choice hehe)

 

till next time darlings,

xx
lovestxy

Chapter 32: Act III, Scene II

Summary:

Felix grapples with his feelings regarding a few of the not-so-new characters in his life.

Hyunjin and Chan open up to each other about the things that haunt them.

Notes:

this chapter was supposed to be twice as long as it is but after writing and rewriting it EIGHT. TIMES. i had to put this story in timeout

needless to say, this chap and i have beef🙃🙃🙃

 

Act III, Scene II

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Present Day

 

There was a weight against his side, pressing into him. He was certain it hadn’t been there before–at least, not while he was consciously aware of his surroundings. 

For some reason, it felt familiar to him. There was something distinct about the warmth seeping into his skin through the fabric of his clothing, something that felt almost like a memory made tangible. A forgotten one, for sure, but one that seemed to float almost effortlessly to the surface of his awareness all the same. Out of sight but not quite out of mind, as it appeared to be. 

Lost but not entirely forgotten. Not entirely forgotten and no longer lost. 

Seonghwa. 

The presence at his side was Seonghwa. 

His eyes fluttered open, slow to reacquaint themselves with their still foreign environment. He was starting to grow slightly accustomed to the room he was in, but there remained a level of apprehension that had created a permanent home in his chest, barring him from relinquishing that which rendered him incapable of feeling at ease. That kept him from feeling entirely safe. Or perhaps, and more believably, kept him from allowing himself to. 

The truth of the matter is that he did not know this place. He barely knew this room, and he was not stupid enough to believe that there was nothing else outside of it. There was, and he had no doubt that it was as vast as it was unknown to his mind that had become imprisoned by the Choi Estate. The only place that he’d ever known. Filled with the only people he’d ever known. 

Here, in this place, he was among people he’d never…seen. Strangers. Aliens. It was proving difficult to reconcile this new reality with the one he’d been made a slave to. It was proving difficult to do much of anything, because it was becoming more and more apparent to him that his mind was filled to the brim with cotton. Thoughts had neither beginning nor end. Sense could neither be made or unmade. He was floating atop the surface of an endless lake, he was hearing the distant call of birds, seeing the unending blue of the sky. But it wasn’t real. Right now, at this very moment, none of that was real. The lamp was on and the room was dim, but not in a discomforting way. The lighting was warm and subdued, easy on his heightened senses, casting shadows along the ceiling and walls. It smelled vaguely of Seonghwa’s pheromones–that strange symphony of soft scents that his nose had become a foreigner to. 

But he wasn’t sure if such a presence was a welcome one. Quite frankly, he could feel the beginnings of a panic attack take root in the back of his mind and spread its treacherous limbs across every crevice and nook. 

There was a clear dichotomy between the things he had felt when he’d first seen Seonghwa and the things he felt now. Rage was beginning to fill the space that had once been occupied by disbelief. And where there was relief there was now mistrust. Suspicion. 

Resentment. 

His skin prickled with it. 

Turning his head to the side, Felix’s brows furrowed as he stared at the man he’d never imagined leading a life without. It was so long ago now that it seemed almost inconsequential when compared to the unfolding of events that ultimately played a hand in shaping his own, but the thought remained nonetheless. 

Seonghwa was here, somehow, some way. He was tied to these people that felt so unfamiliarly familiar to him. To Chan and Hyunjin. And the others, too. Jeongin. There was a Jeongin in this story as well. A Minho. A Jisung, Changbin, Seungmin. 

But was this the same Seonghwa that promised him forever? The same Seonghwa who would have rather died than have faced all the ages of the world without him?

He raked inquisitive eyes over the man who bore the name of the most important figurehead he’d known.

His hair was black as night, cropped in differing lengths and layers, framing his face, curling along the curve of his jaw. He was a far cry from the frail, emaciated character that occupied his past so wholly. Strength and litheness was apparent on his bones, filling him, giving shape to the armature that had remained unfulfilled in the time that Felix knew him. Despite it all, Felix realised with a slight frown on his lips, Seonghwa was still undeniably beautiful. Perhaps more beautiful than Felix could have imagined he’d ever get to be. 

But there was something different. Inherently. Fundamentally. Seonghwa had grown so much, and it wasn’t so much of a surprise because so had Felix. Yet this was a disparate kind of growth, one that went beyond the physical.  

He remembered their song. Remembered it as if he knew there would come a day where he’d sing it to him again. A tiny speck of Felix’s mind told him that that had to account for something. 

But remembering a song would not undo the damage that had been done to him. The damage that had been done in Seonghwa’s absence. 

He tore his gaze from the omega. 

“You’re thinking about him again.”

Felix sighed quietly, fastening the final loop of Hoseok’s tie. The alpha watched him intently–watched his hands work expertly to create the perfect Windsor Knot, watched his shimmery lids shudder as his eyes flicked back and forth from the silken tie to his throat. “I’m not,” he denied softly, patting the alpha’s chest after ensuring the knot was snug against the base of Hoseok’s collar. 

Hoseok’s expression remained indignant. “Don’t lie to me. I’m not bothered by you thinking of him, Felix. For what it’s worth, Seongwha was a great Head. Textbook. But trying to hide it is pointless. I know he’s been on your mind more than usual as of late.”

“I...” Felix began, lifting his gaze to meet the alpha’s. “I can’t help it. I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be so pathetic. You have nothing to be nervous about, pretty thing. You were made for this.”

The omega frowned. “What? H-how can you make it seem so simple?”

“You’ve practically been Head for years now. This is just a celebratory dinner marking it as your official role. Nothing more.”

Felix shook his head. “It is…so much more,” he murmured, trying not to wince as the elder began toying with a lock of his hair. “You don’t understand.” 

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “And I think I’m okay with that. You’re being ridiculous. You’ve been doing the duties of a Head Omega from the moment our previous one left us. What difference does a title make, Felix? For fuck’s sake.” 

He sounded exasperated. And Felix knew that exasperation was a telltale sign of Hoseok’s budding ire. 

“You wouldn’t understand the burden that comes with such a title,” he countered, foolishly undaunted by the prospect of pushing the alpha’s buttons. 

Hoseok’s mouth opened to undoubtedly retaliate with some venomous remark, but then he paused before a single word could slip from his lips. His face softened, his eyes widened, and suddenly there was a sardonic grin replacing the irritated scowl. “Ah…I get it now.”

Felix, smartly, kept his own mouth shut. 

“You’re thinking about him because you know you’ll never live up to his grandiosity.”

The omega stared at him with glassy eyes. 

Hoseok scoffed, abandoning Felix’s hair and lifting his hand to his cheek. “It was tolerable for you before because you were just…doing as you were expected to. No attachment to a greater standing. Just a regular old omega of the Choi Pack, hm?”

Felix said nothing. 

“And now, here you are. Being christened as Head Omega. You’re scared because despite everything you’ve done and everything you will do, you know you’ll never be Seonghwa. But more than that, you’re scared of what it means.”

And he was. 

Because becoming Head Omega meant that he was just one step closer to becoming Choi Hoseok’s mate. 

One step closer to sealing his fate.

He was pulled from the memory with a shuddering gasp. It suddenly felt too hot, too heavy, too much. The walls were closing in, the breath was leaving his lungs, the pressure was building behind his eyes. He was feeling it again–that strange, subdued sense of powerlessness that stemmed from instinct. An alpha command, wrapping itself around every omega fibre in his body. 

You have to be good for alpha.

And if Felix was anything, he was good. Wonshik had told him as much, so many times and in so many ways. Hoseok, too, in fewer words and not nearly as often, but he had. 

Felix was good. He was such a good omega. The best. 

But if he was good, then why did he run away?

If he was good, how did he end up in the bed of another man? 

His breath hitched in the back of his throat. The fear–that cold, immobilising fear–intertwined with his instincts was flooding his nerves, circulating through his blood. The sickness was swirling in his mind, the dizziness, the ache. It spun a whirlwind of chaos in his gut that was only punctuated by the dull throb radiating from his abdomen and his temple. His limbs felt sore and inflamed, he felt…he felt as if he’d been stretched too thin and unable to return to his original state. 

Trembling hands pushed the suffocating blankets away from him, away from his scorching, pressurised body. Ready to implode. Ready to scatter. 

Uncertain feet landed soundlessly against carpeted wood. Fibres plush between his toes, beneath his soles, a cushion from the unforgiving hardness lingering underneath. He lifted himself onto his unsteady legs, caught himself with weak arms as he fell right back onto the bed. 

Simply moving his limbs left him winded and hard of breathing. That itself was enough to bring tears of frustration to his eyes, an incessant wobble to his lips and an acute sense of despair as he struggled to grit his teeth to stave off the desperate sounds willing to escape. He hated feeling this way. He hated being so weak. 

Only by the grace of god was he able to try again and succeed in standing. A puff of air pushed past his lips, the only break to the silence. Seonghwa remained unmoving, slumbering softly, blissfully, where he had been for however long he may have been there. 

Good. 

He needed some time to himself. Alone. He needed some time to think. 

What do I do?

What is going to happen?

How did things end up like this?

Is it all a dream?

Is this all…                                  …in my head?

 

“Of course it is all happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

 

There was a set of doors to his side. Across the room, there was another. In front of him, there was a substantial seating area centred about a grand hearth bracketing a lit fireplace, windows at either side of it, and to the right of that, a third set of doors. 

The doors to his side were made of glass, snug between an entire wall of tall, arched windows. They led, from what he could ascertain, into a large balcony. And from that balcony, he could see the crescented moon suspended high in the night sky, obscured by wisps of ominous clouds.  

Without a second thought, he made for those doors, desiring to feel the air on his skin, in his lungs. When his hands grasped the handles, he was rightfully astonished to discover that they were unlocked. No tether or bind keeping him from finding freedom through their swerving hinges. They gave without much effort at all, in fact, opening him to a freshness most welcome from the staleness in his nostrils. 

He stood on the threshold, waiting for the blow that was sure to follow. The rumble of an alpha voice ready to deliver a verbal lashing, the sting of a slap to his face, the burn of fingers around his throat. 

It did not come. Neither rumble nor sting. No burn. 

The apprehension embedded into his psyche did not evaporate entirely, but it did condense into a trickle of caution. He remained alert even though now it was more than apparent that he would not be reprimanded for his actions. No one was waiting for him to fail. No one was waiting to deliver punishment. Or as they’d call it: the preservation of order and justice. 

For now, at least. 

Alphas were inherently volatile, ready to turn at the slightest shift in the rubble. He’d known few good alphas in his life. And those that he did, had departed from him just as quickly. 

But for now, he walked towards the edge, planted his feet by the balustrade, and gazed up into the sky without feeling the need to look over his shoulder and brace himself for the worst. 

The cold was biting, and the clothing he was adorned in allowed little defense against it. But he found that he didn’t particularly mind the sensation of goose pimples rising to the surface of his skin. It gave him a different sensation to focus on, to perceive, and to evaluate. Gave him a much needed distraction from the perilous storm brewing inside of him. From the fuzzy haziness shrouding his cognition, muting what little control he felt he had left of his own thoughts. 

He shivered, curling his hands around his arms. A white mist of vapor erupted from his parted, quivering lips, disappearing into complete and utter nothingness. How easy it was, for the warmth to be leached from his bones within seconds, rendering him a frigid statue carved from ice. Would it snow? Would he get to feel it on his skin? His face?

Would it land on his hair, melt into his scalp? Extinguish the inferno parading its flames through his brain?

Would it stop the madness within?

Perhaps not. Perhaps that was too grand an undertaking for something so delicate as snow. 

The moon had disappeared behind a thick patch of cloud, snuffing what little light there was illuminating the landscape around him. His eyes, in turn, caught onto something else. Movement down below in his periphery. The sound of quiet, imperceptible voices on the wind. 

Chan. 

But not just Chan–Hyunjin as well. The two alphas that had both mystified and brought immense comfort to him. Familiarity…uncertainty. 

Brows furrowed, he watched the pair from his vantage point, unable to discern their conversation but able enough to deduce that it was of a serious nature. Chan seemed disturbed, and while he could not see Hyunjin’s face from where he stood, it was undeniable the tension lining his tall form. 

Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin. 

The name was a flavour his tongue had longed for. 

He was real.

He’d always been real. 

Snow was never meant to be warm. It was made for the cold. It was sustained in the cold. Only the cold could contain it. 

Snow had no place in a realm where the sun beat down on the earth and baked the land until the heat spread through every morsel of dirt, every blade of grass. It had no place in his heart, for it brought nothing but an endless chill into his bones.

But Felix could swear that snow was soft as downy feathers. Silky like freshly woven charmeuse. It felt like everything and nothing between his fingers. The softest thing he had ever known. Snow had eyes the colour of glacial ice, paws the colour of igneous rock. 

This snow could exist where the sun touched his skin. 

Moreover, this snow had a name. 

Hyunjin. 

With his mighty, canine head lain comfortably on Felix’s lap, his broad, wolven body curled around his back. 

Here, snow was warm and it was his friend. His protector. 

Here, where the waves orchestrated a symphony for their ears and the sun cast paintings in the sky, snow was the only thing he had. 

It was neither ephemeral nor transient. It was here whenever he wanted it to be. 

Until it wasn’t. Then, and only then, was Felix reminded of the innate cruelty nestled beneath its beguiling beauty. 

Because just like snow, this feeling of wholeness was never meant to last. 

“Where did you go?” he asked into the night, staring at the back of Hyunjin’s head. Moisture gathered along the lines of his eyes, slipped down the concave curves of his cheeks. 

“How could you leave?”

 

---

 

“How did I know I’d find you out here?”

Chan scoffed quietly, sliding his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. “Is Jisung asleep?”

“Yeah. Minho hyung?”

The elder shook his head softly. “I don’t know. I…fuck, I messed up.”

He heard the patio door shut quietly, and then he felt Hyunjin’s presence materialise almost immediately by his side thereafter. “I think we both have,” he admitted, staring up at the moon. Chan turned his gaze towards the younger alpha, brows furrowing, an undercurrent of curiosity lingering deep within his gaze. “I’ve been avoiding him,” stated Hyunjin plainly, feeling those inquisitive eyes boring into the side of his face.

“Why is that?” he asked, committing, for the millionth time, the uncontested beauty of his mate’s ethereal countenance to memory. 

Hyunjin sighed. “Let’s just say he’s too perceptive for his own good.”

“You could say that again,” Chan chuckled lightly, tiredly, before inhaling sharply. “Anything…” he paused, suddenly unsure of whether or not he’d be crossing an unspoken boundary. “Anything I should know about?”

The white-haired man hesitated, exhaling a shaky breath as his gaze trailed down to meet Chan’s. “Too much, I think,” he confessed with watering eyes. 

Chan nodded, knowing too well how Hyunjin was feeling. “Hyune…”

“There is…there is so much I should have told you before. All…all of you.”

Chan’s lips parted, throat suddenly going dry. “Hyun-”

“No, please. Just–please, let me say this.”

“Okay, love,” he conceded gently, settling his hand around the side of Hyunjin’s neck.  

“I feel so guilty, hyung. And I think…I think you do, too. I think you’re the only one who understands what I’m feeling.”

I do, Chan wanted to scream. I do understand. 

“I’ve said it before, but the more that comes to light and the more that is unveiled, the more I’m convinced that everything that’s happened is all my fault. I feel like-like if I had only said something earlier…when it first happened, even, then Felix–” he broke off with a sob, curling his fingers around Chan’s wrist. “Then Felix wouldn’t have had to suffer all that he did.”

Chan nodded, stroking his thumb along Hyunjin’s warm skin. 

“If only I had stood up to my parents, if only I didn’t let them get into my head, if only I wasn’t so afraid, I could have done something to save him, I could have found him sooner or-or figured out where he was. I could have changed his fate-”

“Hyunjin. You have to breathe, my love.”

His face crumpled beneath the weight of his emotions as tears slipped silently from his eyes. If Chan could equate the sight of his mate to anything right now, it would be to the delicacy of a snowflake. Fragile, beautiful, and made of a singularly unique construction whose many intricacies could only be seen under the lens of a microscope. “Channie…hyung…” he murmured, brows drawing impossibly close as he stared at the space between them. “I can’t do this.”

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can’t do this anymore, hyung. I can’t fucking do this. The guilt is killing me. How can I possibly bear to face him again? Knowing the part I’ve played in all this? Every time I see him it’s all I can think about. All of the ways I-” he broke off with a sigh, feeling the beginnings of a tension headache simmer beneath his temples. “All of the ways I failed him.”

“Look at me,” Chan urged softly. 

Hyunjin did so reluctantly. 

“You can’t keep thinking like this.”

“But I-”

“You’re right. I do know. I know–fuck, Hyun, I know exactly what you are feeling. I can’t begin to tell you just how long I’ve been feeling it, but it feels like an eternity since I experienced it for the very first time. And an eternity is how long I’ve spent doing nothing. Hyunjin, it’s splitting me to the bone. This guilt. This regret. And now that I know what all of that stood for, what all of that meant…I hate myself. I hate myself so much. More than I thought I could. More than I already do.”

Hyunjin was troubled by the admission. It was and had always been disheartening to experience Chan’s self-deprecating inner dialogue occupy a space outside of his mind. But now it seemed more complex than ever. It seemed more than just a simple lapse in self confidence. 

“I can’t stand what I’ve done. I can’t live with it. Not myself, and most certainly not with what those people did to him.”

“Then how can I-”

“But the truth of the matter is that we can’t change the past. We can’t. No matter how much I-” he trailed off, biting his lip as his brows furrowed desperately, as Hyunjin blurred and unblurred before him. “No matter how much I wish I could turn back time and prevent it from ever happening. I would go back and take his place. A thousand, a million times over, I would.”

“So would I,” Hyunjin murmured solemnly. “But it does nothing to undo what has been done.”

“I know,” Chan breathed. “Which is why you can’t keep thinking like this. Hyunjin, you were a kid. You cannot put the entirety of this burden on yourself, okay? Because it’s not entirely yours.” He ignored Hyunjin’s debilitating stare, choosing to continue his spiel in the hopes that it would rescue his mate from this treacherous downward spiral. “You did what you could with the resources you had. And, darling, in case you’ve forgotten, those resources were barely available to you. I met your parents once and it was one of the single worst experiences of my life. You lived with that. With them. Those people who…fucking hell, who had no right to ever call themselves parents in the first place.”

“That doesn’t change anything, though,” wept Hyunjin, wiping his nose with the cuff of his sleeve. “Felix was a victim to my circumstances. My inability to exercise control over my own life. He didn’t deserve that. My parents were my burden, not his. It was my job to shield him from their reach, and I failed miserably. That’s on no one but me. It doesn’t change anything.”

“Doesn’t it? My love, it changes everything. Felix has his traumas. Immense, inconceivable, horrific traumas. But do not overlook the fact that you sustained horrendous trauma at their hands, too. At the hands of the people who were meant to protect you, guide you…love you. And trauma…trauma does things to us beyond our control.”

“But hyung…” Hyunjin whispered breathily, as if he was speaking some sinister truth. “I had support.”

Chan felt his heart lurch in his chest. 

“I went through what I did with my parents but I had you and the guys and…I had our pack. Our family. Felix was all–he was all alone.”

The Pack Alpha of the Bang Pack felt the breath leave his lungs. 

“He had no one.”

Felt tears prick his eyes. 

“And when he thought he had me…I disappeared.”

Felt every last modicum of control he felt turn to ash. 

Through the watery haze now obscuring his vision, and a shuddering exhale from lungs that seemed not to function as they ought to, Chan felt the acute weight of his own failures as they settled onto his shoulders and seeped into every crevice of his soul. From this single conversation between him and Hyunjin, he realised just how far the scope of his failures stretched. He’d failed Felix. But more than that, he’d failed his mates with whom he’d already shared a life. 

Hyunjin had been carrying such a burden for so long, unbeknownst to them all. Who knew what burdens the others were shouldering as well? Those unspoken weights upon their souls that they felt he could not help them carry. 

What kind of Pack Alpha was he? What kind of mate?

“I abandoned him.”

“You didn’t know.”

Hyunjin stared at him, said nothing for a while as his eyes searched through Chan’s.  

“Did you?” he ultimately questioned, quiet but with an obvious resolve as he seemed to have found what he was searching for.  

The shame rolling over him was as unbearable as it was immediate. Hyunjin’s gaze was nothing but kind, nothing but painfully considerate, but Chan was overcome with weakness. And that weakness deigned that he collapse to his knees and dissolve into a puddle of regret. 

“No,” he cried, breath skipping as he inhaled a broken lungful of air. “God, I wish I did-” 

A feeble flicker of movement drew his attention, forcing the train of his thoughts to derail most precariously. His voice faded into a silent gasp, tear-soaked eyes widened as he registered the solitary presence upon his balcony. “Felix…”

Hyunjin swerved on his feet, neck craning to observe the very subject of his endless grief.

The omega shuffled away from the railing once he realised he’d been discovered, eyes wide with panic and arms overridden by the cold as they cradled his fragile, shivering body. But there was something in those viridian devices that gleamed like emeralds in the dull light. 

Chan was concerned for a number of reasons, but the main one at this particular instance was Felix’s lack of proper clothing. He was clothed in nothing but a thin set of pyjamas–a long-sleeved shirt and pants made of a soft cashmere. 

In that state, it was doubtless that he would get sick in no time. 

A quiet whisper of Felix came from Hyunjin’s brittle voice, striking at Chan’s heart with a viciousness that could not be repelled. It ached from the sorrow laced in it, the despair. The obvious hesitation that came from the belief that Hyunjin had no right to ask after Felix after he’d so callously abandoned him. 

Chan knew only because he felt the same way. He and Hyunjin were encumbered by the same affliction. They were haunted by the same demons. 

The hour was late, the Manor was quiet. Upon a balcony stood an omega with eyes so deep in emotion they could rival the ocean, and at his feet, staring up at him as if he hung the stars in their skies, were two alphas. 

Those two alphas could do nothing but watch as that omega seemed almost to reach out to them, before deciding at the penultimate moment to withdraw. He took a few more steps back, gaze unwavering from theirs, before turning and rushing out of sight. 

The two alphas remained, staring at the unfilled space the omega left behind. 

And above their heads, the fall of the first snow.

Notes:

me, watching a fic go from 100 to 2k comments virtually overnight, becoming wholly discouraged to continue putting so much work into something that no one cares about 😍

welp. happy new year. see ya in a couple weeks <3

 

xx

lovestxy

 

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Chapter 33: Act III, Scene III

Summary:

Changbin has a word with the two elusive alphas of their pack.

Notes:

finally changbin pov huzzah

 

Act III, Scene III

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Present Day

 

The first time he felt it, there was a brief, perplexing moment in which Seo Changbin had to make an incredibly difficult decision. Either hold it in until he got back to his dorm, or alternatively, and much more unfavourably, shit his pants in public.  

In his defense, though, the hot pot was really good. As per usual when it came to his halmeoni’s culinary mastery. 

However, it became increasingly apparent to him with each successive cramp in his abdomen that not only was hindsight a bitch, but also that he maybe, probably should have reeled it in a little. If only for the safety and wellbeing of his stomach and digestive tract. Because the hot pot was really good, but it was also really spicy. And history has proven that such recklessness and disregard for his personal health in want of a good meal bore consequences indicative of a nuclear level toilet blowout.

But this was different. 

He knew almost immediately from the first spasm that overtook his muscles. 

This. Was. Different. 

He keeled over with a groan, barely stopping himself from crashing into the wall as he curled his arms around his stomach. “Yah, Changbin-ah,” called his friend, a mischievous giggle slipping through Soju-flavoured lips. “Don’t throw up on my shoes, they’re new.” 

The laughter died on his lips once he noticed the sweat gathering at Changbin’s temples. “Yah,” he said again, squeezing the beta’s shoulder, “yah…Bin-ah. A-are you okay?”

Changbin fell to his knees with a pained whine. “Phone,” he murmured breathlessly. “G-give me my phone.”

The second it slipped into his hand, he was keenly reminded of the time Chan had badgered him to set his number on speed dial. Please, he had said, for my sake. In case there’s an emergency and you need me. And by god, was he grateful for Bang Chan’s perpetaual state of paranoia right now. With a few quick taps of his finger the ringing of the dial tone filled his ears, and within seconds of that, his hyung’s voice.

“Changbinnie! Hey, you headed home now?” 

“H-hyung,” he wheezed, squeezing his eyes shut. “Is everything alright?”

“What? What do you mean? Where are you? What’s going on?”

The concern in Chan’s voice only made everything hurt more. 

“Hyung, please.”

“I’m fine. I’m fine, we’re–I’m with Jisung at the company. Hyunjin’s at dress rehearsal for the fashion show. Innie’s at a PC bang with some friends. We’re okay. We’re all okay. I promise.”

“Then why does it…the bond…” he hissed through his teeth, a searing pain ripping through his body like the clap of thunder. “Fuck.” 

“Bin? Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me. Are you okay? Where’s Mingi? Where are you?”

Changbin’s phone slid from his grasp just as he fell to his knees. It was unbearable, this pain. It was agony. Unfelt, never before experienced, never before endured. Like someone was tearing through his body, organ by organ, system by system. Tearing, clawing through it like it was made of tissue, as if it was in search of some target to find and destroy. Digging and digging until he was nothing but the hollowed husk of a man. 

His fingers curled into the pavement, and it was painful, it was liberating. Chan’s desperate pleas echoed through the speaker of his phone, mere inches from his face, but he lacked the strength to ease his hyung’s distress. Neurons fired faster than he could process sensation, for his brain was unequipped to handle such a vast intake of input in such quick succession. 

Seo Changbin felt like he was dying. 

“Changbin!” cried Mingi, throwing his arm around the beta’s shoulders and hoisting him to his feet. The panic in his veins was quick to sober him up, eradicating entirely any residual drunkenness left from their overindulgence. “Come on, let’s…let’s get you to the hospital.”

“No,” he gasped in turn, clutching the alpha’s forearms, “n-no, I need to get home.”

“But, you-”

“Home.”

Mingi stared down at him with worry so palpable he felt that if he reached out, he’d be able to touch it with his fingers. There was a crease between his furrowed brows, and it was clear that he was torn between doing what he thought was right and doing what his friend demanded of him. 

In the end, it seemed the hopelessness in Changbin’s desolate eyes won over the whispers made by his conscience. “Alright,” he sighed heavily, adjusting the beta’s arm around his shoulders and helping him bear his own weight. He bent down to grab the phone through which Chan’s panicked voice continued to stream, and brought it to his ear. 

“Chan hyung. Hi.” 

“Mingi?! Thank god. Please, someone tell me what the hell is going on. Where is Changbin? Is he okay?!”

“Changbin, he-” he swallowed thickly, sparing a glance towards the man in question. “I don’t know, he just…we were heading back when he just collapsed. Thought he overate, drank too much, maybe, but he–gosh, hyung, he’s white as a ghost. I thought he was going to pass out.”

“Where are you guys?”

“Less than a block from his dorm.”

“Okay,” breathed Chan. “Okay. Mingi, do me a huge favour, yeah? Can you get him home for me? We’ll meet you there.”

“Of course, hyung, don’t even consider it a favour. He’s in no condition to be left alone so I was already planning on it. I’ll get him home safely, you have my word.”

“Thank you so much, Mingi. Just–thank you. See you soon.”

“See you soon, hyung.”

The call ended before he could get another word in. it was obvious from the elder’s tone that he was beyond stressed. Stressed for the condition of his mate, stressed by the distance separating them, stressed because he was not present to pass his own judgment of the situation. If it were at all possible, he was sure he’d be able to smell the sour tinge of worry in the alpha’s scent through the phone. 

It almost made him laugh, even though it was the least opportune moment for such a thing. Because when he thought about it, moments like these were the ones that reminded him of his own Pack Alpha. Hongjoong and Chan were so similar, yet so different all the same. Like parallel lines–made to never intersect one another, but to instead remain equidistant for the rest of eternity. Mirroring, parroting. The same but not. Yet the love they held for their mates was second to none, and that was a singularly fierce thing in its own right. 

Mingi was just glad that his friend had someone like Chan in his life. Someone so protective of him, so dedicated to ensuring his well being. And not just his, but everyone’s. He’d known Changbin for a couple of years now (and by proxy, Chan and the rest of his pack) and in that time he’d learned a great number of things about the sullen albeit loudmouthed beta. For one, he’d become intimately acquainted with the fact that while the two-day-older could most certainly hold his own in the face of practically anything, it was always nice to have the guidance, the reassurance, of someone equally as devoted to your success. 

When he met Chan, it became crystal clear to him that he was that person to Changbin. To him and to Jisung and to Jeongin and Hyunjin. They were a fortunate group of people, for sure. But they were also good, and Mingi wholeheartedly believed that good people deserved good things. Simple as that.  

He pocketed Changbin’s phone, readjusted his hold on the beta, and began making the short trek towards his dorm. They hobbled down the sidewalk together, Mingi bearing the brunt of the shorter man’s weight with as much ease as he could muster considering his still slightly impaired state. Thankfully, Changbin’s dorm wasn’t too far from the little hole-in-the-wall restaurant his grandmother owned, so he was grateful that they, at least, had that advantage on their side. Groans of pain filtered through Changbin’s lips on occasion, further deepening the confusion in Mingi’s mind as to what could have possibly caused such a sudden, rapid deterioration in his friend’s health. But until Chan assessed the situation for himself, the only thing he could do was remain by his side and ease the discomfort to the best of his abilities.  

He just had to get him home first. 

But when he thought of the quiet, gasping murmurs relayed by Changbin’s mouth– the bond– he couldn’t help but wonder over the peculiarity of mateship. He shared his own bonds with his packmates, and from that alone, he was aware of the intricacies involved in such a connection. They could feel each other’s emotions, they could experience each other’s pains, but there seemed always an intensity to the bonds shared between the members of the Bang Pack that transcended the parameters of mere packhood. 

He wondered if that was the case, now. 

He wondered if that was why Changbin had been brought to his knees by a force neither of them could discern. 

It was a complex phenomenon. Mingi could never claim to understand it, but he was endowed with the ability to empathise with it. And if he’d learned anything from the tutelage of his eldest hyung, it was that empathy was the gateway to understanding the very core of mankind. Without it, they were doomed. 

So he would help his friend in any way he could, even if there was not much to be done. Even if he wasn’t exactly what his friend needed at that moment in time. 

All the while, Changbin clung to him, drawing from the support he offered openly and wholly. He knew of the qualities Mingi possessed as a person–genuine purity, wholesomeness, integrity, reliability–and so there was nothing more for him to do but to be eternally grateful for such a companion. 

As they turned the corner, Mingi was relieved to see the dormitory building looming ahead, just within reach. A beacon spurring them on right as Changbin’s breathing grew shallower. He just needed his friend to hold on for a little while longer, and then Chan hyung would know what to do. He would fix this. 

Yet there was only one thought occupying Changbin’s mind. Beyond the pain, beyond the torment. 

As he forced his legs to move, his feet to carry him to their destination, he was compelled to believe that he was missing something, now. It was taken from him, torn from him. Something he never knew he had, but was just as integral a part as any other. 

Changbin felt empty. He felt robbed. 

Only…he didn’t know of what.   

 

---

 

A couple of years later, it would all make sense. Not all of it, no. Not all of it. But enough. 

Enough for Changbin to know that what he’d felt that day was no fluke in their bond. No biologically induced mistake or flaw in the system.

It was Felix. 

Felix. 

Had it always been Felix? Was he the tether to their souls that they were all ignorant to the existence of? All this time? And was what Hyunjin said really true, that this was the work of greater forces striving to bring the eight of them together?

He didn’t know anymore. He really, truly didn’t. 

From the moment Hyunjin had dropped the bomb on them, Changbin had been catapulted headfirst into foreign territory. An Ad Lunam Bond. One of the rarest soulmate bonds known to wolfkind? And it was theirs? It chose them? The Bang Pack?

What were the fucking odds.

But as much sense as it made, as many questions it answered, there was still much to be accounted for. Too much, he’d say. And now that everything appeared to be falling apart at the seams, he was being forced to reconcile the prospective idea that he didn’t actually know anything at all. So many secrets. So many lies. Muddied water. 

This wasn’t what pack was about– especially theirs. And this sure as hell wasn’t the way soulmates were supposed to behave with one another. Since when did they keep such things from one another? Since when was it okay to hide and deceive and obstruct? 

Everyone faces their own battles–Changbin knew that better than anyone–but that did not, in any way, shape or form, justify the acquiescence to disorder they all seemed to fall into. They were presenting themselves as a united front, but they were far from one. They were fragmented pieces charading as a whole. 

Changbin didn’t like that. He didn’t like… this. Feeling like an alien in his own home, his own pack. Feeling as if the world had been turned on its head with no indication of being righted anytime soon. Why was there a thick layer of eggshells surrounding them all, ready to chip and shatter at the smallest step? Why were there oceans between them, when they’d promised to brace the tumultuous waves as one?

It was obvious to anyone with functioning eyes that while they may try to conceal the true severity of things, Chan and Hyunjin had formed a sort of trauma-bonded alliance in the midst of these unfolding events. It was obvious that they both were privy to knowledge the others were not. Things that had not been disclosed to the pack as a whole. At this point, Changbin was beginning to question if they ever would be. 

It didn’t anger him, per se, but he was disappointed by the furtiveness expressed by his mates. Hyunjin was an emotional wreck for reasons beyond those he’d provided. Chan was a guilt-ridden shell of the man who usually had everything under control.

Not to mention the strange detachment between Minho and Hyunjin. Changbin noticed. Seungmin had, too–and he was sure it hadn’t escaped Jisung and Jeongin, either, given how observant the two were. But then again, paired with the fact that they all knew each other’s mannerisms like the back of their own hands, it wasn't really that hard to miss the distinct urgency with which Hyunjin evaded the elder alpha. If anything, it would have been harder not to have noticed at all.  

And then there was Felix. The common denominator. Their little omega. Changbin’s…

He sighed. 

At the end of the day, Changbin yearned to be part of whatever the fuck was going on, if only to help shoulder the weight of everything. Isolating themselves from the pack, drawing a divide between them all, and then further setting them apart by hiding behind those barriers…it wasn’t conducive to moving forward now that Felix was here. Now that there was someone dependent on them all. Their stability. Their resilience. Their utmost dedication to see things right. To fix the broken, mend the hurt. 

But how the hell were they supposed to do that given the state of things? 

How were they supposed to move forward?

“Hyung, you smell like dirt.”

He stared down into his lap, occupied by a certain baby alpha who was too audacious for his own good. 

“That’s rude, Iyen-ah.”

Jeongin yawned, readjusting his head on the beta’s lap, reinstating his hold on his thigh–or as he liked to call it, his pillow. “What’s rude is you waking me up with your stench,” he countered, eyes still shut despite his wakefulness. “It’s quite atrocious, really. My poor nose can’t handle it.”

“Your poor nose will handle a lot worse if you don’t zip it and go back to sleep.” And though the words he murmured were of a rather violent nature, they were said with a soft, fond smile. With fingers in fine, onyx hair, blunt nails scraping lightly over his scalp. 

Because the fact of the matter is that Jeongin wasn’t big on cuddling, or skinship, or…anything involving being coddled by his mates. And yet, in a moment of completely unrestrained vulnerability, he’d sought the company of Changbin. He’d pushed his way through his door and plopped himself on the window seat where he’d been sitting, then shoved his head in his lap and promptly fell asleep after a quick mumble of not one word. 

Which was fine with Changbin, because it meant Innie Cuddles (something that earned him top bragging rights.) But more than that, it meant that the unspoken trust the alpha had for him was still there. It hadn’t been buried under all of the shit they’ve been dealing with, hadn’t become a victim of their grave circumstances.

It was still there. And that meant that at least someone in their pack knew that they could lean on him. Knew they could and…and did. 

Yang Jeongin wasn’t a man of many words, but his actions spoke volumes that the pack had learned went beyond the verbal. And at that moment, he’d proven that quality again without even knowing it. Without even knowing just how much that little display of trust meant to Changbin’s crumbling self confidence. 

Changbin had to make sure that none of his tears fell into Jeongin’s hair, because that would have unleashed an altogether mortifying scenario involving a disgusted Jeongin (who would most likely poke fun before telling him to snap out of it) and an embarrassed Changbin (who would most likely start crying harder because his little Innie was just so cute.)

Honestly, he wouldn’t have minded that. He really wouldn’t have, because sometimes, Jeongin’s direct nature was exactly what they needed. It was oddly grounding– humbling, even. And while he’d always been like that, somewhere along the way, their little Innie had grown up. Still a little shit, he was, but he was just so… Innie. Their perfect baby alpha. 

“Stop thinking.”

His fingers paused. “Hm?”

“‘S why you stink,” he said. “You’re,” another yawn, “thinking too hard.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re a terrible liar, hyung. Always have been.”

“Yah!” he protested, “watch your tongue!”

Jeongin rubbed his cheek against Changbin’s thigh, disguising his laugh as a quiet hum. 

Then they fell silent. Changbin leaned his head back against the wall, sighing softly as the familiar weight of his mate settled onto him again. The moonlight filtered into his room through the window, casting radiant lines of silver across Jeongin’s angular features. His hair, so dark and rich, appeared almost blue, like the background of a night sky riddled with stars. And his skin, the perfect shade of honeyed cream, was like the pale of freshly fallen snow.

The first snow…

He watched it flutter from the skies–flurries of delicate little flakes that reminded him of the freckles upon Felix’s cheeks.

Beautiful.

It was beautiful.

So beautiful that it was almost confounding. The world, the universe, every molecule and atom…they were not plagued by the meagre tribulations of man. Theirs was a different ordeal, delineated by galactic chaos that the human mind had yet to fully conceptualise. Matters regarding imploding supernovae and solar flares and the formation of black holes. Something beyond science or religion, beyond belief, and thus, it was capable of indoctrinating mankind with one thing: perspective. 

Perspective, when used correctly, had the power to simplify even the most complex of circumstances. The Bang Pack weren’t waging war against intergalactic forces or floating amongst endless star systems, but they were facing battles of their own. And that only served to remind Changbin that in the end, all they had was each other and the hope for something better. All they had was stardust.

He wondered if he’d be able to grasp it between his fingers. Hold it tight to his chest, and never be forced into a position where he’d have to relinquish it. 

He doesn’t know if he’d be able to. Not anymore. Not when the stakes were so high. 

“Don’t let it get to you.”

The alpha’s voice drifted into his ears, so quiet that he’d first considered it to be a figment of his imagination. When he glanced back down, he was met with the sight of Jeongin’s sleepy gaze. 

“This… shadow,” he whispered, “that seems to be lingering over all of us. It will pass.”

“How do you know?” Changbin asked quietly in turn, stroking his hand along Jeongin’s head. 

The youngest of the Bang Pack smiled, and it was something remarkable, something wise beyond his years. 

“Because I can feel it.”

 

---

 

A couple of hours later, with a fully unconscious Yang Jeongin tucked safely into his bed and a heavy downpour of snow blanketing the world outside of his window, Changbin realised that he was in desperate need of water. 

After he’d, yet again, lost himself to the recesses of his thoughts, he’d drained every last drop from the jug he kept at his bedside. Couldn’t even remember doing it. One moment it was there, the next it was not. So he decided, in the event his baby alpha woke in the night with a parched throat, that it’d be best to have a fresh offering waiting for him. 

Just in case. 

What he hadn’t expected, however, was to find a few lights in the living room on. Nor had he expected to find the kitchen already occupied. Not by just one of his mates, if the contrasting voices were anything to go by, but two. 

Hyunjin and Chan.

He entered the kitchen apprehensively, silently, and came to a slow halt by the island. He stared at the pair with incredulous eyes, lips parting to expel a soundless sigh. 

They hadn’t noticed him yet. Too busy in their own little world as they appeared to be. Hushed, dulcet whispers, fleeting touches and tear-stained eyes. It was all there for him to see, innocent and irreproachable in every way he was certain it could be. Because it was. There was no need to be suspicious, no need to feel distrustful of the motives behind this exchange. 

Hell, Changbin himself couldn’t even begin to count the number of conversations that took place in the very chairs they sat in, when the nights were young and the thoughts too bountiful. When he sought the counsel of his eldest hyung or the anecdotes of his fiercest one. When the rest of the pack had already retired, and yet he remained with that one member who was just as tireless as he. Speaking and listening, laughing and crying…until the light of a new day filtered into their eyes and their beds finally called to them. 

It was so simple. Faultless. Innocent. He knew that. 

And still…he felt he was being betrayed. 

He stood there for less than a minute before Chan took notice of his presence. His eyes widened ever so slightly, and the words his mouth was poised to next dispel died on his tongue. Hyunjin followed suit, turning towards the target of his confusion, fingers curling into a loose fist atop the marble once he realised they were no longer alone.

“Bin,” breathed Chan, lips curving into a concerned but warm smile. “Why’re you up, love?”

He lifted the glass jug into their line of view. “Water.”

“Ah.”

Changbin felt discomforted by this unexpected encounter. His rational brain told him not to be. But his traitorous heart told him that’s all there was. 

“What, ah…what’s going on here?” 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Hyunjin replied, gesturing towards the teapot in front of him. “Hyung made tea.”

Changbin nodded. “Ah.”

The three of them simply stared at each other. Changbin couldn’t recall the last time things felt so…awkward, between them. But the more he thought of it, the more he struggled to come up with anything because, well, had there ever been such a time? 

Hyunjin took an uneasy sip of his tea, fingers tapping aimlessly against the porcelain as his crystalline gaze remained affixed to the beta. 

Changbin swallowed, gesturing with his thumb to the side. “I’m, uh…I’m just gonna-” and then he clumsily shuffled towards the fridge and opened the doors. He placed the jug beneath the water dispenser, pushed the button, and waited for it to fill. 

He waited for what felt like an eternity, however, because it seemed that the fridge held a very personal vendetta against him for putting it to use at this hour of night. The longer he stood there, with naught but the quiet stream of water trickling into the jug to fill the endless silence, the more he felt like an unwanted intruder–the proverbial third wheel. And a third wheel, Seo Changbin most certainly was not.   

“For fuck’s sake…” he whispered under his breath. “Come on, come on, come on…”

He could practically feel the alphas’ eyes on him. 

Seriously, what in the hell…?

Halfway full. Almost there. His eyes strayed towards the contents of their fridge, lips puckered in thought as he took inventory. 

Oh, good. Minnie got beef for the Wellington Minho hyung wanted to make. 

His foot tapped impatiently against the floor. 

Hey, Bixby, he mentally called, despite the fact that he damn well knew he left his phone upstairs, set a reminder for tomorrow: buy more protein powder. 

Okay. three-quarters of the way full. That should be more than enough. He pulled away with a sigh of relief, and shut the fridge with more urgency than what was probably needed, causing the innumerable bottles of sauce that Minho insisted were necessary to rattle against one another.

“All good?” asked Chan, brows drawn.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. All good here, hyung.”

The alpha’s expression told of his disbelief. “You sure about that?”

Changbin blinked owlishly at him. The stupidly innocent expression on the Pack Alpha’s stupidly handsome face was starting to royally piss him off because–

You know what? No. I’m not. 

“Why are you lying to me? ” he blurted. 

Okay, that was tactless! Abort mission, abort mission-!

Chan was taken aback. “Changbinnie, what?”

He forced himself to quell the budding panic before he made a fool of himself. “You’re lying. About why you’re awake at three in the fucking morning. Or, no, wait-” he took a deep breath, placing the jug on the island before he spilled water all over the kitchen. “Maybe it’s not that you’re lying, but…you’re not telling me the full truth.”

Better, Changbin-ah. 

Chan’s shoulder deflated–perhaps from the release of tension, perhaps from the onset of it. 

Changbin approached them with a desperate sort of earnestness. He took hold of Hyunjin’s hand and stared intently at the pair, from one alpha to the other, back and forth and back and forth, as if his eyes could say the things he was incapable of piecing together with his mouth. “I want you to be honest.”

Chan nodded understandingly. He looked so exhausted. “I know, Bin. I know.”

The beta released a shuddering breath. “And I just want…I just want us to be okay. Why do I feel like no one is actually okay? Why do I feel like we’re all keeping secrets?”

“Because we are,” Hyunjin murmured, drawing the elder’s attention. His eyes were glassy. Again, Changbin thought dejectedly . Again and again and again. So often were they in that state now that it seemed an almost permanent accessory to his mate’s immense beauty. Perpetually brimming with tears, barely holding back. Changbin hated it. He hated it, hated…hated this. 

“We’re all just–fucking goddamned liars.”

“Hyune…” he started, swiping his thumb along the ridge of Hyunjin’s knuckles. “What are you saying?”

The alpha said nothing more, choosing to instead stare at their hands. Changbin wished that he would give him something– anything– because this wasn’t the Hyunjin he knew and loved. This secretive, hateful person…it wasn’t his mate. It couldn’t be. 

“It’s difficult, Bin,” the Pack Alpha sighed. “This is all incredibly difficult. But we’re trying.”

“How can I believe that when you’re both shutting us all out? You don’t think any of us notice how you’re falling apart? You don’t think any of us can see the way you’ve completely shut down? Hyung, you killed a man, and you think that your brain can just…stay unaffected? Or that you can carry on normally?”

Chan stared guiltily into his lap. 

“You don’t have to be perfect all of the time. You don’t have to have all the answers we’re in search of, you don’t have to make yourself small because our problems are so big. And you–” he snapped, syphoning his frustrations towards the other alpha in question, “you need to stop believing that everything that’s happened is all your fault. You don’t have to keep convincing yourself that you’re rotten, or evil, or this terrible, horrible person because you’re not, Hyunjin. You never have been and you never will be.”

“Changbin-”

“No, Chris. You’re going to let me speak, because I think you’re both in desperate need of a reminder that I am one of the few people who can see right through your bullshit.”

Hyunjin sniffled quietly. Changbin squeezed his hand a little tighter.

“I know you’re under an immense strain. I know you’re struggling. I know seeing Felix like this is hard for you. I know it all, I know everything, because we are mates.”  His other hand landed on Chan’s shoulder, and even though the alpha continued staring into his lap, Changbin knew he was hanging onto his every word. 

“We are one–one pack, one family. One bond that, if Hyunjin is right like I’m starting to suspect he is, is one of the most powerful connections known to history. Our souls are tied together. Our minds are intertwined. I can feel you. I can hear you…we all can. Minho hyung and Jisung and Seungmin and Jeongin…we all hurt the same. We all feel the same guilt. The same regret. I have reason to believe that you’ve forgotten that, being so lost in your heads as you’ve been.”

A tear slipped from the tip of Chan’s nose and landed on his knee. 

“But you’re not alone in this. We’re all here to brave this storm with you. As a unit. As the pack Felix deserves.”

 His heart ached at the quivering of Hyunjin’s lips. 

“You said we were in this together.”

Chan lifted his head, meeting Changbin’s eyes. “I did.”

“Then you need to prove it.”

The Pack Alpha shook his head, using the back of his hand to wipe the irritating trail of tears from his eyes. “What if we can’t? What if this is beyond us?”

“Then we’ll have to do that together, too. But we can’t know until we try.”

Changbin’s gaze was unwavering. “So this, right here?” he stressed, gesticulating wildly between them all, “it can’t go on. Not anymore. Not on my watch.”

His focus fell to Hyunjin, eyes softening even more than he thought physically possible. He lifted his hand to the alpha’s cheek, used his thumb to catch a tear as it fell. His darling Hyunjin…

“You have to promise me something. Both of you.”

The alphas stared at him expectantly, red-rimmed and hopeful. 

“When everyone comes down in the morning, when we all finally sit down and talk about this, and Seonghwa hyung is there to fill in the gaps, you’re going to be honest with us. No more holding back, no more evading. Just pure honesty.”

And just as Changbin thought he’d get nothing, he got something wonderful. 

They nodded. They nodded. 

Thank god.

“Good. Now get some rest, you two. While you can.”

And like obedient little alphas, they listened. But before they could depart from him completely, Changbin felt two pairs of arm snake around his body–one around his waist, the other around his shoulders. He laughed through his nose, patting Hyunjin’s obscenely long limbs where they rested against his chest. 

“I know,” he choked out, “I know. It’s okay. We’ll be okay.”

“I love you,” Hyunjin whispered into his neck. “So much.”

Against his better judgment, Changbin felt tears prick his eyes. He nodded, suddenly incapable of speaking over the stinging in the back of his throat. 

“Thank you, Bin,” Chan added, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t, hyung. Bygones, hm? It’s okay, I promise. Now go. I gotta get this water back to a certain baby alpha of ours.”

Chan smiled something watery, a breathy chuckle cutting through the thousand and one emotions spreading their potent scent around them. And then he took Hyunjin’s hand, and then they were gone. 

Changbin exhaled deeply, feeling relieved, as though a weight fell right off his shoulders. With a nod to himself, he walked back towards the island and reached for the jug, for which he felt a strange gratitude towards.

He scoffed, shaking his head before flipping the lightswitch and making his way back to his room. 

He’d need all the rest he could get for tomorrow. 

Because tomorrow, this puzzle would finally start to come together. 

Notes:

i know i'm dragging this out but pls just bear with me as i'm going through a crisis

 

the more i write this story the more i hate it. toying with the idea of rewriting/reworking it to better fit my current writing style/narrative. idk. i kind of just want to be dead tbh

Chapter 34: Act III, Scene IV

Summary:

For the first time in a long time, Felix has clarity.

Notes:

enjoy! i personally love this chapter

 

Act III, Scene IV

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Present Day

 

He still couldn’t believe it.

He couldn’t believe that he’d be here again, that his eyes would be seeing what they were seeing. Not after everything, not after the years he’d spent mourning and grieving, searching for ways to fill that void.

It was almost eerie–he’d even say it was disconcerting. The memories he’d desperately, failingly repressed flickered across his eyes like a hazy picture film, silent and grainy but intelligible all the same. Here he was, watching Felix as he slept, only…there seemed to be a disconnect between those nondescript images and this one. 

Fifteen…Felix was just fifteen when they’d escaped. He was fourteen when Hoseok began his advances. Thirteen when Wonshik gave him an intensive education on the expectations of his subgender, twelve when he’d received his first set of stitches from a punishment, eleven when he’d witnessed Seonghwa being forced into servicing Wonshik. 

Felix was ten years old when he was brought into the Choi Pack. 

If his math was correct, he was twenty-three years old when he made it out of it. 

Thirteen entire years. And that wasn’t even the worst of it. 

Nearly a decade itself had passed since Seonghwa bid farewell to that pack, and that meant that he’d spent more of his life without Felix than he did with Felix. Though, Seonghwa would argue that there was never a moment Felix wasn’t in it. He was there, every minute of every day, every second. In memories and recollections. In whispers and dreams. 

Yet the grief remained. 

For him, time had passed with immense opportunity–the opportunity to begin again, to heal and to nurture his broken spirit and mind. It allowed him the bandwidth to create new connections, a new life…he’d even found his greatest loves, his own pack. 

But he also suffered immense loss. He’d shouldered immense pain, immense suffering. Regret. Guilt. 

If that is what time had done to him, he didn’t even want to know how it had passed for his little star. Seonghwa wasn’t who he was when he’d departed that life, and Felix wasn’t the pup he’d left behind when he did. He wasn’t the flower who existed with unfurled petals, begging for the light to unravel fully. Wasn’t the boy who’d withered under the constant shadow of a pack that relished in his suffering. He wasn’t any of those things–couldn’t afford to be, if he’d survived all these years alone–so who was this? 

Who was this person his eyes could not seem to tire of?

He looked like him, he sounded like him, he even felt like him beneath the pads of his fingers. But there was something in those eyes he could not recognise, and if there was anything Seonghwa knew better than himself, it was those eyes. 

At least, there was a time he did. Long ago. 

So did Seonghwa even deserve to say he ever knew the omega before him? Did he have the right to? While his heart desired for nothing more than to begin where they had left off…for nothing more than to whisk Felix away and keep him to himself, he knew there was a much greater game at play now. 

One that began, and maybe even ended, with the Bang Pack. 

He heard his phone vibrate somewhere behind him. He winced, startled by the suddenness of it all because he was certain he’d put it on Do Not Disturb after his conversation with Hongjoong last night. He could only pray that the sound didn’t disturb the sleeping omega, because the last thing he’d want right now was to interrupt Felix’s slumber. The crease between Felix’s brows deepened for a second, but he seemed unaffected otherwise, settling his face deeper into the pillow. 

Releasing a breath of relief, Seonghwa then reached for his phone where it lay atop the side table.

 

Hongjoongie <3

Good morning, love

How are you? How’s Felix? 

Everyone?

Me

Morning. 

He’s still asleep. We haven’t really…talked

Chan hyung let me take over his bedroom so I could sleep with him. 

He’s…honestly, he’s handling it really well

But I can tell it’s a front

He’s deeply rattled. Him and Hyunjin and the rest of the guys

But they’re trying. They’re really trying

Hongjoongie <3 

I feel for them. This is…god, I don’t even know what to say

It’s just a lot. 

What about you? How you holding up?

Me

I…

Hongjoong, this feels unreal

like a dream

Hongjoongie <3

I can imagine. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it myself, and I wasn’t even there

…

Wooyoung and San didn’t sleep all night

Had to physically restrain them from going over

Told them we have to wait for the all clear from you

Me

I appreciate that. Felix is…he just needs some space.

He fainted a couple of minutes after seeing me

so I don’t wanna overwhelm him even more

Tell the boys to hold on for a little while longer, yeah?

Hongjoongie <3

Don’t worry yourself over it, love. It’s completely understandable 

Right now the priority is Felix, his well being and safety. 

The boys are patient. They can wait. 

…

…

 

Seonghwa watched the three little dots come and go. A minute passed by, then two, before those three little dots ceased entirely. 

When words finally appeared in place of those dots, he felt…he felt. 

He felt. 

 

Hongjoongie <3

How is his…

How is his condition? 

 

Seonghwa stared at the text on his screen. He stared and stared and stared, struggling to make sense of the words that seemed almost to mock him. His condition? How was Felix’s condition?

Emaciated, scarred, bruised, cut up like a goddamn chopping board.  

Traumatised beyond human comprehension.

Me

He’s delicate. Really, really delicate

 

He let his eyes trail back to him. To Felix. And it was only now that the sun illuminated his face that he could see the restlessness on his brow and the fatigue in the set of his mouth. Rings of purple-red circling his eyes, gauntness along his cheeks, faint scratches everywhere between. The dressing around his head was in need of changing, for a splotch of dried blood bloomed along the white fabric at his temple. 

The sight made him feel utterly sick to his stomach.  

His gaze fell onto his phone again. He began typing, feeling the telltale sting burgeon behind his eyes and trickle in from the back of his nose. 

 

Me 

You know…

For the first time in years

I have no fucking idea what to do

and it’s 

I’m so lost

and i

…

My felix, my baby. This is my baby, joong

and I can’t even recognise him

I don’t even know him anymore

the things they must have done to him…

the things I…

I’m scared, hongjoong

I’m so scared

Hongjoongie <3

Hwa…baby, please

 

Seonghwa clicked his phone off before Hongjoong could finish typing. His eyes were swimming with tears, blurring the words and making them a jumbled mess of pixels. When the screen went black and he saw his wretched reflection, he felt shame crawl up his throat and pool into his mouth. 

Stop making this about yourself.

He wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve. Now was not the time to have a breakdown. 

“Seonghwa…?” 

He gasped, turning towards the little voice that called out to him.

“Petal,” he sighed, forcing a soft smile onto his lips, “you’re awake.”

Felix appeared discomfited, face crumpling in thought as his brows drew together. “D-do…don’t call me that.”

Seonghwa’s smile faltered, and the hopeful gleam in his eyes was quick to extinguish. “Why not?” he asked quietly, trying to keep the quiver of pain from tainting his voice. “Aren’t…aren’t you my petal?”

The omega tore his gaze from him, shaking his head. “Not anymore,” he whispered. “N-not when…”

Not when you’re the one who left me to die. 

He didn’t mean to. You know that. 

But he still did it. 

 

“Lix?”

 

“So lovely,” Wonshik murmured, trailing his fingers along the plait wrapped around the back of Felix’s head. “Beautiful.”

Felix held his breath, eyes darting along the floor as Wonshik circled him, assessing him, appraising him.

A predator studying its prey. 

“Seonghwa was right about one thing.”

Felix felt his throat close up at the mention of the omega. It had been so long…

So long, in fact, that Wonshik had no need to bring him up in order to obtain Felix’s obedience. So long that Wonshik had no need to acknowledge his existence at all. Seonghwa was a thing of the past. A ghost. 

And Wonshik knew that. He knew that, and yet he still continued to dig his fingers into that eternal wound on Felix’s soul, tearing it open just as it began to heal. 

“You truly are a flower in a garden of thorns…” 

He leaned forward, resting his chin atop Felix’s shoulder as his arms circled his waist. 

“A delicate little petal.”  

Pressure blossomed behind his eyes at the memory. He screwed his eyes shut, gasping from the pain, shuddering from the lingering phantom of his touch. 

“Never mind, just–please, n-n-not now.”

Seonghwa nodded reluctantly, feeling his heart sink in his chest as he watched Felix succumb to the forces of an invisible tormentor. “Okay,” he assured him placatingly, “okay, Felix.”

Felix opened his eyes, blinked them back into focus. He could feel Seonghwa’s eyes on his face, but they felt foreign. 

He needed to distract himself. 

And so his gaze fell to his hands. There were bandages everywhere. And where there weren’t, there was naught but discoloured skin and superficial wounds that were crusted over with infant scabs. 

What the hell happened to me?

What didn’t happen to you?

Piss off

His stomach grumbled. 

His fingers began to tremble. 

“N-need my Alpha…” he murmured, feeling as though a constrictor had wrapped itself around his lungs. 

He couldn’t breathe. 

“Felix, calm down. Please, peta– Lix. Breathe.”  

Alpha. Need my Alpha. 

“Alpha…” he gasped, fingers digging into the bandage surrounding his chest. 

Take it off.

“Need my Alpha. Need my Alpha. Need–”

I can’t breathe-

The door opened. Felix jumped, breath stuttering in his throat as tearful eyes landed on “–Chan.”

The alpha rushed to his side. “I’m here,” he assured, kneeling at the side of his bed. “I’m here, Felix.”

“Alpha…” 

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.”

Felix stared long and hard at him. It was… intense. That gaze. The weight behind it. Chan shifted on his knees, hands itching to take Felix’s into the safety of their hold, but he was wholly aware of the fact that touch was extremely sacred, especially now. 

“No…” 

Chan felt his heart stop in his chest. 

He could see the uncertainty bleed into the omega’s eyes. Could see the way it effaced whatever form of trust that lingered there. 

It reminded Chan of the way Felix had looked last night. Vulnerable and bare. Yearning, wanting…but refusing to take. 

Felix slowly turned his head, maintaining eye contact with the alpha until he was physically incapable of doing so. “No, you’re–you’re not…”

His eyes found Seonghwa. Seonghwa, whose face was always as open to him as a book. He looked petrified, mouth pulled into a tight line and brows drawn in concern. Yet there was also a deep glimmer of longing in his gaze, like he would let the world burn if it meant he could take Felix into his arms for the rest of eternity. 

Only he couldn’t. 

Only…Felix couldn’t trust himself to allow it. 

Couldn’t trust anyone, as it were . Not these people. Not their intentions. Not fully. His time with the Choi Pack guaranteed that. They had imprisoned him, body and soul. But that was not enough. To further stake their claim, they had erected bars within his chest of solid iron, as unshakable as they were impenetrable. And their prisoner, his fragile heart that desired emancipation above all else, was a captive made to suffer the ages in desperate want of it. The freedom to trust wholly, to love fully and be loved in return, without fear, without pain.

But he was so, terribly afraid. 

For so long he had nothing but dreams and disembodied voices, nebulous and indefinite, to confide in. They were intangible facets to his never ending solitude. 

Yet there was something else. This–this strange pull, that started in his chest and branched outwards, to the tips of his fingers and toes. It started years ago, with the first appearances of a great white wolf in his dreams. Different from an Alpha command–different from Chan’s, too, which lingered in the back of his mind like a harmless worm. 

This felt like…

This felt like connection. 

Deep and cavernous. Beyond primal, beyond instinct. It was cellular. Woven into his very flesh–his very soul– on a molecular level. So entwined in him that he could not be separated from the delicate web of its fibres even if he’d wished it. 

it had been imparted to him. 

It was him.  

But it sat heavy, like the head that wears the crown. Yet in that heaviness, an odd liberation. 

He turned his gaze back to Chan, and it was only then that Felix noticed the flecks of gold in the brown of his irises. He stared at Chan. And Chan, while not entirely undaunted by the sheer magnitude sported by that gaze, stared right back. 

 

Doyun then turned back to Wonshik, hand swirling the contents of his glass. “What did you say the boy’s name was, Wonshik?”

“What? Oh,” he murmured, staring at Felix’s side profile, fingers tapping languidly against the finely-woven tablecloth. 

“Bang Chan.”

 

Alpha. 

 

“Do you know someone by the name of Bang Chan?”

Utter stillness. 

“What the fuck did you just say?”

Felix blanched, nearly dropping the hairbrush in his hand as fear eclipsed him. “I–”

Hoseok shot up from his chair, thunderously made his way towards the omega, and wrapped his hand around his neck. He squeezed, lifting Felix until he was suspended above the floor like a child would a ragdoll

“A-Alpha-” he choked, helpless hands reaching for Hoseok’s wrist. 

“That name…where the fuck did you hear it, Yongbok?”

Felix struggled for breath. “I–hng-”

Hoseok brought him closer to his face, enraged beyond measure. His eyes were blown wide, manic with hatred so pure that Felix felt blinded by its power. 

“Answer me,” he seethed between clenched teeth. 

Tears slipped from the omega’s darkening eyes. 

“P-p-ple–ase. Ca–n’t bre…athe.”

Hoseok relented, but only a little. Only enough so that air found passage through Felix’s ailing trachea. He inhaled lungfuls like a greedy lecher, insatiable and gluttonous, but the alpha’s hand hadn’t moved. A reminder to Felix that he was still bound to whatever fate he would decide for him. 

“Alpha W-Wonshik, he–” Felix coughed against the scratchiness in his throat, eyes watering incessantly. “He s-spoke of a Bang Chan…last night when I served the alphas tea.”

“And?”

“And nothing, I–the name…it just sounded familiar. That’s all. I swear.”

Hoseok seemed unconvinced. 

“I swear it, Alpha. I don’t even know who he is, I just…I just wanted to know.”

“Forget you ever heard it. He’s nothing. No one. Do you understand me?”

Felix nodded rabidly, too afraid to do anything else. 

Hoseok’s hand settled into the soft groove of flesh beneath his jaw. He swiped his thumb along the sharp curve of it, admiring the face that stared up at him, coloured by the most gorgeous shade of fear. He cooed most condescendingly, softening his gaze before spewing one final glob of venom. 

“If you ever, ever, mention another man in my presence again, let alone him, you’ll wish you hadn’t. Hm?”

 

This is your Alpha. 

 

Pain.

It had become a friend to him. His closest friend. His only friend. 

It bloomed along his sides, from beneath the ridges of his ribcage to the juts of his hip bones. Bruises, deep and mottled, embedded into his flesh like a grotesque bouquet of roses.

Felix stared at his reflection, poked and prodded at the ugliness painted over his delicate skin. 

And then Felix cried. Tears rolled down his cheeks in complete silence. His lips trembled, a single, shuddering breath bid farewell to his lungs. 

His only crime was curiosity, that’s all it ever was. Innocent curiosity that held neither ulterior motive nor probability of deception. But in the cruel vices of hindsight, he should have known of the punishments that would befall him. Hoseok had made it abundantly clear to him the last time he’d made this very mistake.  

Bang Chan. 

Chan…

Even when his name was uttered with such distaste and resentment by alphas threatened by his mere existence, it sounded like salvation.

Salvation that the Head Omega of the Choi Pack yearned for more than anything. Anything . 

He sobbed in reckless abandon, hands swiping mercilessly at mascara-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. 

Help me. 

Please. 

“Hey…what is it, Angel?” 

Set me free. 

Chan’s voice was so soft. His eyes so gentle, like the caress of a cool breeze against sweat-tacked skin. There was something so brutally magnetising about the man, so raw and unrefined in ways the alphas of the Choi Pack were not. It was even more apparent now than the few times Felix had seen him thus far, when he was in the company of others. More apparent than it had been last night, in fact, when they caught each other’s gaze amidst the budding flurries of snow. It hadn’t been a dream. 

Chan was ruffled and… imperfect . Delineated by a sort of rugged quality that, more than anything, blurred the hardened edges of what Felix knew an alpha to be. Especially a Pack Alpha at that. 

Wonshik hated him. 

Hoseok envied him. 

And Felix…Felix needed him. Even if he hadn’t exactly known just how much. 

He stared at Chan. And Chan, refusing to let Felix experience even a modicum of the abandonment that haunted his every waking and resting moment, stared right back. 

Felix’s fingers twitched where they were still curled around the bandage over his chest. 

I know this face.

“Felix?” 

I know this heart. 

It was as if he was seeing a friend long lost to the ages for the first time again. 

“Say something, please.”

No. Not a friend. A piece of himself, like Hyunjin had proven to be. Like a soulmate. 

His lips parted, a sting swept across the lines of his eyes, and he unfurled those fingers so that they could reach out and lay upon a pale cheek. 

 

“Hoseok mentioned that you…had a few questions.”

Felix’s brow furrowed. “Questions, Alpha? I-I don’t…no, Sir.”

Wonshik hummed, drumming his fingers along the surface of his desk. “So you didn’t ask him about Bang Chan?”

The omega maintained control over his features, relaying an infallible image of calm to the man who already had all the answers. 

“I should have considered that your curiosity would eventually get the best of you,” he demurred, tilting his head to the side. “Tell me, what is it you wish to know about him?”

Felix knew better than to pretend he knew nothing of what the alpha spoke of. Truth was, he did want to know. He wanted to know who this man was, why he was such a plague to Choi Wonshik’s entire existence. He wanted to know why he was so familiar in his unfamiliarity. 

“I just…” he glanced down at his feet, toying with the fraying skin of his cuticle, “I just want to know who he is. He’s been a consistent topic of conversation of late, more than ever before and…and I just thought…maybe–” he took a deep breath, shaking his head. “Hos-Alpha Hoseok was most displeased when I inquired after him.”

“And for good reason,” answered the Pack Alpha, standing. “Bang Chan is…a feckless vagabond. A good-for-nothing young alpha who capitalised on my ruin.”

Felix had not expected to hear that, but he listened with rapt attention all the same, thirsty for any sort of information he could get regarding the elusive alpha. 

“His father and I were good friends. We’d…practically grown up together. Played together, went to school together, considered each other’s families our own. He was as close to me as Hyunshik had been. A brother in all ways but blood. And when we’d come of age, able to take up our mantles of Pack Alpha, we’d made a promise to each other to lead our packs with a creed befitting the legacy of our forebears.”

Well you certainly do, Felix thought to himself, hoping the bitterness didn’t manifest in his expression.  

Suddenly, Wonshik’s face darkened, jaw ticking with suppressed rage and knuckles whitening as he gripped the back of his chair. “But when the time came, something within him changed. He was seduced into heresy, drawn to a dissension that tore us apart. I tried to make him see reason, to come back to the path we’d sworn to tread together, but he would not listen. He became obsessed with his status, and more importantly, the power it brought him.”

“Wh-what did he do?” Felix dared to question.

“He grew to resent me, and then he sought to destroy me. As an added bonus, he raised his son to do the same. From a young age, Chan tormented Hoseok, and along with his father, taunted me and the members of my pack. And just when I thought it could not get any worse, they launched a smear campaign to demote me from my prospective job in the political circle, one that he envied me for being granted because he himself had not been.”

Felix frowned. That seemed…well to him, that seemed nigh impossible. It seemed downright unbelievable, actually, considering the fact that the Choi family had a stronghold in the South Korean government for generations. Surely a meagre smear campaign enacted by a bitter ex-friend would have had very little consequence in the grand scheme of things. 

But Alpha Wonshik’s word was all he had. 

“Once my name had been cleared and it had all been proven to be a fabricated web of lies and libel, he went mad. Overtaken by jealousy and hatred, he decided to hurt me one last time. His final stand against his greatest foe. Someone he’d once considered family.”

Wonshik met Felix’s gaze, and the omega was surprised to see a deep hurt in the dark of his eyes. 

“He murdered everyone in his pack. Many of them were my friends. People I attended university with, people I worked with, talked with, laughed with…and when that was not enough, he set Bang Manor to flames and forced me to watch him end his own life.”

Felix was horrified by what he was hearing. What…? But how? How could someone…do that? Out of something as senseless as envy?

The Pack Alpha wiped his eye with the back of a hooked finger. “Bang Chan was the only survivor. But he never stopped…he vowed to continue the work of his father. He vowed to bring me down.”

Felix’s brow furrowed. 

That made no sense. 

That made no sense at all.

“Ultimately, he failed. And so, to nurse his wounded ego, he decided to leave the country, allowing me a few years of peace. But now he has returned, which irritates me more than anything, really. I am not the same man he and his father knew, and I suppose that is what has stayed his hand. I am untouchable, and he is nothing but an insignificant speck of dirt.”

“S-so then why…Alpha, if he stands alone, how much of a threat can he be?”

“It’s not that I see him as a threat, little one. But rather…a pest that needs eradicating. I keep eyes on him to monitor his movements, gauge his intentions. So far it seems he endeavours to forget the past, which is why, I too, have stayed mine. After all,” he grinned, “we both know how… forgiving, I am. And as a merciful alpha, I have decided to give him one last chance at life.”

 

Chan’s breath hitched, and so did Felix’s. 

Connection. 

The skin of his face was smooth, without a single blemish or flaw. His eyes were kind, his mouth was soft, the set of his brow relaxed. The alphas he’d known were never famed for such qualities, and yet…

Bang Chan was beautiful. He was beautiful and– and nothing like the vengeful lowlife Wonshik had affirmed he was. 

There was nothing lowly about this alpha. But there was a humility about the man that was more a virtue than a weakness. 

You saved me.

“He’s dead, isn’t he?”

The alpha’s brow furrowed. Felix considered, for a moment, that he would remain unanswered. But with a soft sigh, Chan nodded his head. “Yes,” he said, eyes clear from any form of subterfuge. 

“It was you.”

Again, another nod. 

Felix’s fingers trailed down Chan’s sculpted face. He could sense the alpha’s restraint. He could sense that he wanted nothing more than to reciprocate the gesture and fulfill it tenfold, but would not for Felix’s sake. 

So he let him. He was, somehow, some way, able to set aside his reservations and fears and for once, embrace the cravings of his starving heart. 

Chan must have felt the shift in his demeanour. His brow unfurrowed, his lips parted in silent shock, and at last, his hand joined Felix’s. It conformed against those petite fingers and palm until they could barely be seen over his own. His gaze softened to mush, glistened with unshed tears and an immeasurable relief fostered by this little display of trust Felix was bestowing unto him. It was a gaze not meant to demoralise and belittle, nor was it made to force him into subservience. It was instead one meant to assure and encourage. To comfort . And under its careful examination, Felix felt seen . He felt…

Free. 

Even with Chan’s alpha command occupying a small part of his consciousness. 

You have to be good for alpha. 

I am. I am good. 

Yes. You are. Trust in that.

I’m afraid to.

“I’ve got you, Lix.”

Felix felt a tear track down his cheek. Chan leaned into his palm, held his hand so tenderly that he had no doubt he’d remain unharmed by the alpha’s touch. 

You came for me. 

And then, the unexpected . He heard Chan’s voice, but he did not see the movement of his lips to accompany it. 

It filtered into his mind. 

I’m sorry I didn't come sooner, my love. 

Felix released a sob, giving in to that desperate part of him that spent the years toiling away in search of love. That spent years agonising over whether the voices in his head belonged to a body he could touch, could belong to him– with him.

Chan was real. He was real and he was here and he was his. 

He was real and he was here and he was his. 

Hoseok had lied to him. Wonshik had lied to him…

Chan was no monster. He was as far from being a monster as fire was to ice.

The real monsters were those who aimed to make him one. They were the monsters, not Chan. 

They took everything from him. Every little thing. And when they ran scarce on material they could leach from him, they turned to the truth, and took that from him, too. Twisted and warped it until he felt that he could not trust his own mind . 

They made him believe he was insane. 

Made him believe there was no love for him outside of those walls. 

Made him believe that the world was a hundred times harsher than the one they made for him. 

Made him believe that he had nothing. 

That he was nothing. 

I was nothing. 

That’s not true, Angel. You are everything.

Stinging eyes blinked in rapid succession, forcing even more tears to follow the trails left behind by their predecessors. 

He threw his arms around Chan’s neck, drawing a surprised gasp from the alpha who hadn’t anticipated it. But he wasted no time in taking the omega into his arms, drawing him to his chest, holding him so securely that even his ghost would find it an impossible task to escape. 

“I’m sorry,” Chan murmured into his hair, eyes screwing shut as he savoured this momentous occasion. “It’ll never be enough, it’ll never be enough…but I’m so sorry. I should have done better. I should have come sooner.” 

Felix said nothing– couldn’t say anything over the barrage of cries spilling from his lips. He simply dug his nose into the hollow of Chan’s collarbone, relishing the scent that washed over him in waves of green apple and fresh mint. A scent unlike any he’d ever known, from an alpha or otherwise. 

Home. 

Never in the years following Seonghwa’s departure had he felt so safe in the near-claustrophobic confines of one’s embrace. Chan’s arms were solid and strong as they wrapped around him, and to Felix, they felt like a silent promise of eternal protection. 

He felt whole. Which was funny, actually, because he felt more whole with the man he’d been groomed to loathe than with the ones who claimed to cherish him. Bang Chan had been given many an opportunity to assert his, as Wonshik would say, genetic superiority over Felix ; had every opportunity to trample the omega’s free will until it was unrecognisable; had every opportunity to hurt him, torment him, prove to him in every way that he was exactly the person Choi Wonshik had made him to be. 

But he hadn’t. Because he w asn’t.

His soul was pure as light. Felix could…he could feel it.

Even Chan’s alpha command was kind. A mercy, not a punishment.  

Bang Chan had been made for him all along. 

 

When his eyes flew open, heavy with tears he’d produced in his restless sleep, there was darkness. 

In that darkness, an echo. The quiet rumble of a melodious voice as it sang:

“Take my hand, 

take my whole life, too. 

For I can’t help falling in love with you”

 

Felix burrowed himself deeper, held onto him even tighter.  

From now on, I will always protect you.  

And so did Chan.

Always. 

From the other side of the bed, an omega by the name of Park Seonghwa watched this exchange with shiny eyes and wet cheeks. He smiled through the ache in his chest, though relief outweighed it a hundred-fold. 

He wiped at them mercilessly, but it was to no avail. The tears seemed never ending.

Because one thing was for certain. An indisputable truth. 

His little flower had finally found his garden.

Notes:

you guy are so incredibly kind. thank you for your loving and supportive words on the last chapter, i am incredibly grateful to you all

i hope this chapter made sense. and i hope i've been able to capture felix's intense cognitive dissonance and the constant back and forth between his thoughts and feelings. that being said, i hope it doesn't seem too rushed, either. a lot of it is due to the uniqueness of the bond, which will be expanded upon in the coming chapters, but we're not out of the woods just yet. he still has the whole pack to be exposed to 😅

i am definitely leaning towards doing a rewrite of Act I. the plot will remain the same it's just that i feel my writing style has changed so much over the course of writing this story, that it would benefit the narrative as a whole if i went ahead and did that. so yeah.

anywho, lmk what you're feeling. i'll try my best to respond to comments!

thank you so much for all your love and support

xx
lovestxy

Chapter 35: Act III, Scene V

Summary:

Felix meets Seungmin, but that's not all.

 

Act III, Scene V

━◦ ❖ ◦━

Present Day

 

“Wonshik.”

The Pack Alpha did not acknowledge the man who called out to him. 

“Wonshik. You can’t avoid this forever.”

He sighed. “I’m not avoiding anything, Doyun. I’m…planning.”

“Your son is dead. By the looks of it, I assume these plans don’t involve a funeral.”

Wonshik’s answering grin was cold, it was lifeless. A sinister slash across his face that one could never believe belonged to a man who had just lost his only child. He sat in his chair behind his desk in his grand office, and twirled his pen around his fingers as if he were bored. 

“Hoseok…he was condemned to a half-life from the start. I reckon it began when that accursed woman fell pregnant with him, diluting the sturdiness of my genes with the weaknesses of her own.” He lowered the pen to rest on the surface of his desk. “My sorrows lie not with him, but with his wasted potential. My son had countless opportunities to prove himself greater, to prove himself worthy of being my heir, and he failed each time. In the end, he reaped what he sowed. He was reckless, careless. Selfish and pompous. I daresay it was all going to catch up to him eventually.”

Doyun hummed thoughtfully. “But are you not incensed by the manner it did? Personal feelings aside, he was still of your blood, Wonshik. Brought down by-by the son of a traitor.”  

The Pack Alpha smirked, tapping his fingers in a rhythmic drum against polished oak. “Incensed? No. No, I feel rather, how shall I say… impressed?”

“Im-impressed?”

“Mm, yes. Bang Chan. The son of that traitor. Truth be told, I didn’t know he had it in him, this raw vengeance. This thirst for blood and retribution. I’m impressed by his ability to go to such lengths for an insignificant little omega.” He laughed, then. A breathy, self-satisfied exhale coloured by amusement. “But then again, I suppose the little omega in question is not so insignificant at all.”

He leaned back his chair, crossing his hands behind his head and grinning widely at the ceiling. “Oh, Felix,” he mused, “Felix, Felix, Felix…just when I thought you’d finally been broken.”

“Wonshik?”

The Pack Alpha paid him no mind. He simply smiled, smug and unfazed by the sudden shift of dynamic in his pack. He chuckled despite himself, a man unhinged, a man with an agenda for chaos amidst a streak of uncontested affection for a cherubic omega that belonged to him. An omega that never ceased to delight him, whether by his glorious submission or by his spirit that just…wouldn’t… break.

Felix…so full of surprises.  

He scoffed.

“Impressive, indeed.”

 

---

 

“Just a little more, angel. Then you’re all done for today.”

Felix stared out of the giant window in Chan’s room, absently picking at a flake of dried skin around his thumbnail–not quite lost in thought, but teetering the edge of doing so. He sat on the floor, on the corner of the plush rug that felt nice beneath his bare feet, arms tight around his legs as Chan undid the countless dressings littering his body. Hyunjin, who’d disappeared into the ensuite just moments ago to draw him a bath, could be heard humming a pleasant tune. It sounded vaguely familiar. 

It was a quiet morning. Cold, though. And wet. It had been raining for hours now, the kind of rain that seeped into his skin and sank deep into his bones. The kind that made him shiver, and so he pulled the sleeves of his robe further down his arms and hoped it would pass soon.

Like many things in the world did. 

He didn’t know how long it had been since he’d come to Bang Manor. It could have been weeks, maybe even months. It could have been a mere few days for all he knew. Time was passing in the strangest way, and he was quite sure that such a phenomenon could be attributed to the inconsistency between the hours he spent in slumber and those he spent in wakefulness. As such, he was struggling to find ways to make sense of it. The days were a blur, the nights even more so. One moment the sun would be shining through the windows, and in the next, the bleak darkness of night would fill the shadows around him. 

A little voice in the back of his head told him that if he simply asked (Chan or Hyunjin or any of the others for that matter) he’d be able to relieve himself of this unwarranted insanity, but he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. 

So, he’d elected to start from scratch. Make sense of what he could with what he could make sense of it with. He could consider today as day one–and this moment was the very first of many. A moment he could actually categorize into something he could mentally grasp. It was the morning. It was the start of a new day, cold and wet and gray. Chan’s gentle hands were unwrapping the bandage from around his head, Hyunjin was drawing him a bath. His melodious voice broke through the rain-pattered void. 

And there was another. Another key detail. 

Seungmin. 

The doctor. The beta. Guiding Chan along, offering his expertise and knowledge when Chan’s uncertainty called for it. He was dressed in simple clothing, all clean lines and soft textures, but his scent was so faint Felix could hardly detect it. 

He hadn’t recognised him until he’d heard his voice, until that distinct cadence filtered into his ears and landed somewhere deep within his chest. That’s when it hit him with the force of a thousand bricks. 

Seungmin was the one who sang. The one whose voice blinked in and out of his consciousness when he felt disconnected from his body. The nights he was used, the days he was degraded, and everything in between–it was that voice which echoed in his mind as if it was too good to be real. As if it wasn’t real, because that’s all it ever did. Circulate in his head, in and out like the flicker of a flame. An intangible asset to his eternal solitude. Comfort in a place there was none to be found. There were times, though, where he was convinced he’d actually gone mad, so fleeting and ephemeral that voice was. 

But it was here, as real as he himself was. Encased by flesh and bone. Intangible made tangible. The beta himself gave away nothing to indicate that he’d recognised him, too, but there was a glint in his dark eyes that told him he did, and a tremor to his hands that spoke to the disbelief. He knew who Felix was, he was just trying to come to terms with it. 

Felix didn’t fully understand why Seungmin would not meet his eyes for more than a few seconds at a time, though. It was discomforting, in a way. Why did it seem as if Seungmin was…afraid of him? And if not that, then he was avoidant at most and indifferent at best. He wondered if his being here made the beta uncomfortable. Perhaps he was displeased by the way Felix had commandeered the attention of his alphas? Or perhaps he was unsure as to how the pack’s dynamic would shift with his addition. But the more he was exposed to the man, the more he could feel it, just beneath the surface of his skin. Guilt. Shame. Dejection. 

Different from his own. 

Seungmin wasn’t afraid. He was in pain. And that was something not even his countless years of schooling could have taught him how to process. 

Felix felt his own brand of guilt for causing such disruption–if it could even be called that–but he didn’t know how to amend it. He didn’t know what he could do to be less of a nuisance. 

“There,” murmured Chan, bunching the dirtied strips of gauze and setting them aside to be tossed. 

“Let me see,” asserted Seungmin, approaching Felix as if he were a frightened animal, landing on his knees at the blond’s side with a quiet thud. 

Maybe he was. 

The omega tried not to flinch when Seungmin’s cold fingers gently guided his head towards him, he really did. But it was difficult. Chan and Hyunjin he had adapted to–even Seonghwa, as much of a stranger as he seemed now, was someone Felix’s instincts could trust to a certain degree. Maybe that came from their shared experiences, maybe it came from the innate connection between two omegas. Nonetheless, apprehension still clung to him like a film stretched tight over his bones when it came to the others. His rational mind assured him he was safe with these people–his fated mates–his irrational mind, however, told him to remain vigilant. To not, for one fleeting moment, let his guard down. 

“It’s healing well,” murmured Seungmin, calculating gaze focused intently on the ghastly wound on his temple. It was…ugly. Red and raw and indicative of the mental turmoil within, but on the bright side, it was no longer actively bleeding. Moreover, there were no signs of infection–no swelling around the wound, no uncharacteristic redness or concerning discharge. His temperature was…passable, much like his blood pressure and heart rate. Not terribly alarming at present but certainly worth monitoring. Seungmin made a quick note in the file he’d put together to track Felix’s medical recovery, right next to the vitals he’d previously recorded.  

He turned to his Pack Alpha. “It’s best we leave it uncovered now. Let it breathe.”

Chan’s expression was troubled, however, brows drawn and fist pressed against his lips as he made his own observations, each one more damning than the last. “It…how long do you think…when can-” he swallowed, visibly shaken, paler than he already was. Seungmin understood his mate all too well, but he felt for the sake of professionalism, he could not allow it to show. 

He suddenly grew irritated with himself, brows drawing together as he siphoned his attention back to Felix. Felix, whose wide, viridian eyes were doused with barely concealed anxiety. 

Dammit, Seungmin. He’s your mate, too. 

You don’t need to be professional when it comes to your mate.

Least of all…least of all Felix.

He felt his throat tighten. If he continued staring into those eyes, he would break. So he didn’t. He turned away like the coward he was, hiding behind the unshakable facade of his occupation as always, the shield that never failed him. “It will scar,” Seungmin whispered softly, almost as if he hated to admit it 

He did. He hated it with every fibre of his being. 

But Felix just smiled. He smiled a fragile and broken little smile that was so painful to behold that the beta was certain he’d blow his cover right then and there. 

“That’s okay,” he murmured, voice as delicate as a petal, “I’m used to scars.”

And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Seungmin shot to his feet, eyes rapidly filling with the tears he’d desperately wished to quell, and coughed out a strangled little noise that sounded less human and more animalistic. 

“I’m gonna–” he inhaled a shuddering breath, refusing to look at either Felix or Chan. 

“Seungminnie..?”

“You’ve got this, right hyung? I’m just–I’m gonna just…go.”

And then he was gone. The door slammed shut behind him. 

Felix flinched, feeling his heart drop to his stomach. He blinked at the empty space the beta left behind, feeling an altogether different kind of cold now. “Is–” he stuttered, voice cracking pitifully beneath the strain of his confusion. “Did I…is it m-me?”

Chan was quick to shake his head, cupping Felix’s cheek and imploring him to meet his eyes. “No, angel. It’s not you, I promise. Seungmin is just…he’s just. He’s hurting, I think. More than he’s letting on.”

“Was it…was it something I did?”

The alpha brought their foreheads together, released copious waves of calming pheromones. “No, baby. You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise, okay? I promise.”

“But he didn’t-”

“What was that? Did Minnie leave?”

Hyunjin was drying his hands with a towel as he hurried into the bedroom. He froze when he saw the state of his omega, shaking in the arms of his Pack Alpha. “Lixie…” he murmured, before switching to Chan. “Hyung…what happened?”

“Seungmin, he, uh–never mind him, love. I’ll talk to him in a bit.”

The white-haired alpha frowned. “Is he okay?”

“He’ll be fine.”

The response struck him as odd, but he didn’t push, trusting that the elder had whatever situation came up in his absence under control. Instead, he kneeled in front of Felix, affixing an encouraging and fond grin onto his face while reaching for one of his hands. 

He hoped Seungmin was alright.

“The bath is waiting for you, my angel. Are you ready?”

Felix nodded slowly, gripping Hyunjin’s hand tight with his own as they both stood to their feet. The omega stumbled. Both alphas were there to catch him. 

“Slowly, darling. How do you feel?”

Honestly? “A little numb.”

Chan watched, eagle-eyed and cautious, as Felix took a few clumsy steps towards the ensuite. He didn’t want to seem like a nagging mother hen, but he was also fully aware of the fragile state their omega was in. For the sake of Felix’s wellbeing, though, he was prepared to find a happy medium. A balance between the two that would assure Felix that he had both unwavering, unconditional support, and that he was the only one in control over his body. 

“Take it easy, Lix. No rush.”

He gripped both of their hands like his life depended on it and soon enough, they’d made it. 

The air was thick with the kind of warmth that immediately took him in its embrace, neither suffocating nor overbearing. It smelled like something clean and fresh, healing in the way herbal remedies always seemed to. There were candles and fairy lights placed sporadically about to cut through the bleary, gray atmosphere of a cold, rainy day. And right at the very end of the bathroom, nestled between large, bow windows, was a clawfoot tub big enough to accommodate multiple people at a time. 

Felix was beside himself. 

“All of this…f-for me?”

The alphas nodded simultaneously. “Just you, love.”

He shook his head, pulling back in their hold. “But I’m-I’m dirty. Omegas can’t–I’ll make it dirty, I’ll–I’ll ruin it, I–no-”

“Hey. Hey…look at me.”

Felix was outright panicking. Shaking his head like the very prospect of sharing his alphas’ space was a privilege he wasn’t allowed, heaving, panting, crying. As if his dirtiness was permanent. A symptom of his omeganess that was itself undeserving of something as simple as a bath.  

“Baby, please.”

Hyunjin grasped his shoulders, bending his neck so that he was eye-level with the distressed omega. “Please,” he begged, “breathe.”

Chan’s hands offered a rhythmic comfort against his back–up and down, down and up, all while murmuring quiet reassurances and soft words of encouragement. 

“What is it?”

Felix just shook his head, tears falling. 

“Lixie, please. Talk to me.” He bit his lip, glancing at Chan, who appeared just as desperate for answers. He slid his hands up to settle against the soft flesh of his throat, pressed them right against his scent glands to coax the omega into a state of relaxation. “Did…did they not allow you to bathe?”

The omega went utterly still. His eyes…he wasn’t here anymore. He was somewhere else. Somewhere far.

 

“You either let me bathe you or I’m gonna chain you outside and hose you down like a fucking dog.”

“I don’t want you to!”

Hoseok recoiled as if he’d been slapped. “What did you say?”

Felix regretted everything immediately. “P-please, Hos–Alpha Hoseok, please, just let me–”

“Did you just tell me no?”

Fuck. Fuck. He was in for it now. Should have just kept his stupid mouth shut and let him do what he wanted-

“I only meant-”

“Filthy little omega bitch. How dare you?”

He grabbed Felix by the arm, forcing the omega to cry out in pain as his grip pressed on the bruises he’d made just hours ago. “You think I’m just going to let this slide? You think, on top of my father’s fucking gall, I’m going to let you further disobey me?”

Felix’s eyes blurred with tears. “I wasn’t t-trying to, Alpha, I swear.”

“Oh, sure. Just like you weren’t trying to seduce him, either.”

The omega shook his head, wild and uncoordinated. “No! No, it’s not like that, it’s not! H-he was just…it’s not l-l-like that at all, he was just trying to h-help…”

“Help? Help what, Felix? Getting his knot in you? What the fuck do you mean he was trying to help?”

The omega whimpered, gazing up at the alpha with trembling eyes. With the fear he’d tried so hard to bury.  

“I couldn’t-couldn’t sleep,” he hiccoughed, “he-he just wanted to help-help me f-fall asleep.”

Hoseok’s jaw ticked. “Stop whimpering like a pathetic little cunt and speak normally, Yongbok.”

Felix choked the panic down until it was somewhere he couldn’t reach it. It took a few minutes longer to steady his breathing, but he just couldn’t–stop–crying.

“I don’t have time for this.”

Then the alpha pulled him along, out of his bedroom, down the corridor, the stairs, until they reached an entrance to the back gardens. He dragged Felix along like he was nothing more than a ragdoll–weightless, lifeless. Dragged him until they were in reach of the hose their gardener used to water the flowers. 

“Alpha, what are you-”

“You’re gonna act like a disloyal bitch? Then I’m gonna treat you like one.”

“No, please–please, I’m s-sorry, it won’t happen–I won’t do it again–”

He threw Felix to the ground. Hard. But his hysterical promises meant nothing–too little, too late. At least, to Choi Hoseok, who couldn’t bear to smell his father’s scent all over his omega. Who couldn’t bear this treachery, this betrayal. The thought that his omega had been an active participant, despite having full awareness of his sentiments regarding the matter. 

He turned the dial on the hose all the way to the left, adjusting the pressure to something he knew Felix would feel. Then he aimed it at the sobbing omega whose face was red and blotched with anguish. Then he watched.  

And Felix? Felix screamed. 

It cut into his uncovered skin like a blade. Across his hands, his arms. He felt it like a punch to the gut, over and over and over, soaking him to the bone. “STOP IT!” he cried, trying in vain to shield his body, turning this way and that, but when he looked down he saw red. When he looked down he felt fire, licking across his body as if he were burning alive. 

“HOSEOK!”

Wonshik’s voice thundered across the Estate. 

But he didn’t stop. He kept going until the white of his clothes was stained pink with blood. He kept going until Felix was so exhausted he could no longer muster the energy to protest. 

He released the lever just as his father shoved him away. His father, who was growling low in his throat while he made haste towards the unresponsive omega. He caught him before he fell, wrapping his arms around his soaked body and holding him close. 

“What is the meaning of this?” he quietly seethed, eyes ablaze with fury as he glared at his son. 

Hoseok scoffed, tossing the hose aside without a care in the world. “I warned you, didn’t I?”

Wonshik glanced back at Felix, who was shivering, bleeding, cut open. His eyes were barely open, hair plastered to his pallid skin. 

“You keep forgetting, father. The more you challenge me, the more you test my authority over my own omega, the more he will come to harm. Is having him warm your bed really worth his life?”

Wonshik stared at Felix. Water dripped from him in criss-crossing rivulets tainted with crimson. Blood. White made into pink. He was mumbling something indiscernible, yet even in this addled state of pain-induced delirium, the alpha was able to catch it. 

“Ch…”

“Yongbok?”

Felix’s head lolled to the side, colliding with Wonshik’s shoulder. 

“Hah…hch-”

Wonshik felt the life drain from the omega. Thoroughly diminished. His hands twitched against his stomach, torn open by jagged, gaping wounds. Welts erupted across his body, along his throat and arms and chest. He needed to get him to Dongmin immediately. 

But then…the strangest, most blood-curdling thing. As Felix continued his incoherent mumbles, Wonshik felt the life drain from his own body, leaving him just as cold as the omega in his arms.  

He watched, dreading, in part, what was to come. 

“Ch…chah…”

A final, pitiful wheeze. 

“Channie.” 

 

“Lixie? Angel. Come back to me, hm? Please, come back to me.”

Hyunjin ran his thumbs over the juts of his cheekbones. “Come on, baby. Come back to me. You can do it.”

Chan pressed his forehead against Felix’s shoulder. “You are stronger than you know, Felix. You are stronger than them . Don’t let them win.”

He screwed his eyes shut. “Don’t let them win.”

He wants this.

He wants you to suffer.

  Don’t give him what he wants. 

Felix blinked. The cloudiness over his eyes seemed to shrink until there was nothing left. Until awareness had returned, and the reminders of the past were left there. 

Wonshik has no power over you anymore, Hoseok has no power over you anymore.

Don't let them win.

“There you are,” breathed Hyunjin, utterly relieved. Chan sighed as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. 

“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

The alphas shook their heads in tandem with one another. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” vowed Chan. 

It felt like they’d uttered those words a thousand times in the short period Felix had been with them. They wondered if he even considered them truths at this point. 

“Felix…” Hyunjin began. “You are not dirty. Do you understand?”

“No, I am. I am-”

“No. No. You have never been dirty. You will never be dirty. You are a blessing, my love. A beautiful blessing that was snatched by the very incarnation of evil and made to bear their nastiness. They are dirty, down to their very souls. Not you. Never you.”

Felix's reluctance to believe him was palpable. 

But Hyunjin’s gaze was piercing and kind. Reassuring in ways he was vastly unused to by the greater subgender. “You may not believe me now, but one day you will. You’ll see yourself exactly the way you were meant to, not the way others made you to. That is my promise to you.”

He kissed his forehead, right at the cusp of his hairline. Felix’s heart could not contain the ache in his chest from such a tender gesture, but there were no tears left to fall. 

He felt so…so safe– maybe even loved. But mostly? He just felt confused. The combination was maddening. He was still struggling with, well, all of this.

The alpha pulled away. “Let’s get you cleaned up, hm? Before the water gets cold.” He crouched before the tub and dipped his fingers in the water, ensuring it hadn’t done just that.

Felix’s eyes fell to the marble floor in the alpha’s absence. It was warm. 

“Lix,” called softly Chan, guiding him towards the tub with a soft hand curled along his elbow. “May I take this off?”

His robe. Right. He couldn’t take a bath in his robe. Swallowing, he nodded, helping the alphas by untying it from his waist and shrugging it from his shoulders. 

Once he was bare, it was as if all sound had been leached from the atmosphere. Chan could barely look at him without feeling the chasm of guilt widen in his chest. Hyunjin wished he’d never been in a position where his mate would have such horrors painted all over his body. And yet, despite the discomfort they felt, despite the wave of rage that pulsed through their nerves towards the men who did this, despite the unparalleled grief and despair, they looked. And they offered him that which he had not known in too long. Kindness. Respect. Human decency. 

He was the outcome of a war that had been stacked against his favour from the very beginning. The result of unfathomable resilience, determination, and strength.

How could anyone consider him inferior? Weak? How could anyone believe that he was worth less than the sum of his parts? When he in his entirety was worth more than a thousand of them combined? 

It was beyond all manner of logic and sensibility. It was beyond Hyunjin and Chan, the two alphas who had been nothing but mesmerised by the sheer willpower expressed by this radiant individual from the moment they laid eyes on him in that forest.

Felix.  

Felix. 

 

The name Felix, of Latin origin, means “prosperous and lucky.”

 

“How’s the water, angel? It’s not too hot, is it?”

The omega refused to look at his own self, ashamed and disgusted as he was, but he had no problem looking first to Hyunjin, who’d travelled across dreamscapes to find him, then to Chan. Chan. His Chan. The Pack Alpha his soul had hand-picked before he had even been born.

“No, it’s fine,” he breathed, eyes glassy, chest tight. “It’s perfect.”

 

---

 

His skin was clean, his hair was dry and soft against his nape. The bath that he’d been given by Chan and Hyunjin had done more good than he was prepared to admit, yet despite their meticulous combined efforts, Felix knew in his heart of hearts that he’d never feel entirely clean again. 

But he did feel something else. An entirely foreign sensation that he could not remember perceiving. He felt relaxed. More in tune with his body. More aware of the traumas it bore. 

His wounds had been tended to after a thorough assessment by the multi-faceted Pack Alpha of the Bang Pack, who’d considered anything and everything with a hyper focused gaze and even more focused hands. Chan had then proffered a number of medicines that he said Seungmin had prescribed. Antibiotics, vitamins, analgesics, injections, topical treatments…the whole nine yards and then some. He took them all without question, too tired to object, too deep in the fuzzy foreign feeling of tranquillity despite the way his body ached and thrummed with pain. 

On the bright side, however, whatever concoction he ingested helped relieve him of some of that. Dulled the effects of the sustained abuse his body had become the bearer of. 

It was only after he was dressed in another downy-soft ensemble that Chan cleared his throat to speak. “Lix…” he started, grasping one of Felix’s hands between both of his. “Do you think you’d be willing to see everyone today?”

The omega considered the quiet inquiry carefully, staring at the way his hand fit so perfectly in Chan’s. Everyone? As in, the entire pack? “N-now?” he asked, eyes trailing back to the alpha’s. 

“Tonight,” Chan answered optimistically. “For now, we think it would be best for you to eat some lunch, get some more rest. Let the medications settle. But…” he glanced at Hyunjin, who nodded encouragingly, “we also think it would be immensely beneficial for you to get out of this room. Get some fresh air, see the rest of the Manor. You’ve been holed up in here since we brought you, you know.”

And there it was again. The acknowledgment of this strange passage of time. “How…how long have I been here?” 

“Not even two weeks, my love.”

He let Hyunjin’s words sink into his skin before he fully processed them. 

What? Two weeks? Just two weeks? It felt like a lifetime already…

“The boys have been doing their best to remain patient, but they really want to meet you. Officially. How does that sound?”

Your pack wants to see you.

“Seonghwa will be coming as well.”

The people who saved you have been waiting for you.

Without even giving it a second thought: “yes.”

Chan and Hyunjin’s expressions lit up with joy. 

“Yes. I-I’ll see them.”

Chan leaned forward, patting his hand. “Thank you,” he said, bringing it to his lips. 

Felix blushed beneath the weight of the Pack Alpha’s fond gaze. 

He could have sworn that no one had ever looked at him the way Chan did in his entire life.

 

---

 

“Now, before we go inside, I need you to promise me that if you feel even the slightest bit overwhelmed, or unsure, or if you just need a break, you tell me or Hyunjin. Alright?”

Felix was beginning to regret his decisions. 

“Is that something you can do, Felix?”

He nodded slowly. “Yes, Alpha.”

Chan’s face softened. “Just Chan, angel. I’m just Chan. Or, if you want, you can call me hyung. You could even call me Chris.”

Chris. The way he said it was so nostalgic, so familiar. That accent…

“Yes…" he murmured, feeling his voice tremble. "Ch-Channie hyung?”

The alpha smiled. “Channie hyung. I love it. Keep that in mind, okay? Both things. No matter what.”

“I will.”

But what Felix hadn’t considered, as they turned the corner into the main living room, was that fate worked in the most curious of ways. 

He hadn’t considered that his own was the very reflection of that idea. 

Because when he turned, hand-in-hand with Hyunjin and Chan, it wasn’t just the Bang Pack and Seonghwa. It wasn’t just those few beings he’d mentally prepared himself to meet from the second Chan had mentioned it. 

No. No. Fate wasn’t so simple. Wasn’t so forgiving. 

Because when he turned, the first person he saw was…it was San.

And when he looked to San’s right, he saw Wooyoung. 

He saw Seonghwa, then, but he wasn’t really seeing Seonghwa, no. 

He was seeing Hyunshik. Standing just behind him. 

Nausea seized his senses. 

It was at that moment that everything caught up to him and fell apart. Made him lightheaded, made him dizzy. He felt his legs give out from under him, felt his vision blur and darken around the edges. He felt Hyunjin’s hands around his waist before he could topple fully. 

“Felix!” 

Because what he hadn’t considered, even in all the years he’d spent being haunted…

he hadn’t considered that some ghosts were never really ghosts at all.

 

Notes:

uninstalling twitter and filtering the tags on my fyp have been my saving graces 🙏 (im still an emotional wreck and coping in the most horrendous ways 💀) but AYYEEEE look who updatedddddd

before we get into the chapter, someone tell me: does it make you a bad person if you feel jealous of someone you love? you know in your heart, and you feel it deep inside that it makes no sense to feel that way when it comes to someone you hold so dear. you're aware that there is no rhyme nor reason to feel so strongly this terrible thing, that you should be happy for them. and despite everything you are. but is it not a condition of humanity to want? to want so bad that it feels a visceral pain in your soul? does it make you a bad person to just wish that your life could be a fraction of what it is for others? or am i just a terrible person? doomed from the very beginning. unlucky. am i actually a terrible person trying to pretend she's good? fucking hell.

im losing my fucking mind istg

 

anyway.

almost 100k hits is genuinely crazy i really cant wrap my head around it. thank you so much. im gonna go back and reply to alll of your comments just bc i have this weird complex thing that's making me feel like i've failed bc the comments to hits ratio is not rationing so i need to make myself feel better (yes i am insane but we know this already, dont act surprised) also. i lowkey just missed this story (still considering doing a wee rewrite of the earlier chaps) so. yeah. i wanna feel IN IT again, yknow? it feels kind of like an estranged child atm 😭

anywho, what do we think? poor angel baby felix cannot catch a break 😭😭😭 poor seungmo. poor bang pack bruh. i promise it all needs to happen, and once it's over, victory will taste all the sweeter when we finally get to the good bits. just stay with me until then 🙏

 

until next we meet,

xx

lovestxy

Chapter 36: Announcement

Hello my beautiful readers <3

 

I apologise in the case you got the notification and expected an update. Unfortunately, I do not come bearing an update, but rather some crucial news regarding this story. 

 

I have decided, upon thoughtful and prolonged consideration, to do a rewrite of Act 1. I have been reading it over constantly, nitpicking every last detail and plot point, and have come to the ultimate conclusion that I am beyond unimpressed with what I have done. I could say I am even disappointed. The inconsistensies, the plot holes and bad timing...it all helped with forming my decision. I know many of you have supported me endlessly nonetheless, that you have enjoyed what I have offered you as my contribution to skz omegaverse fiction, however as an author I want to put my best foot forward for those who take the time to read my work. I want to make sure that what you're getting is the best that I can give. I also firmly believe that my writing style has evolved exponentially since I began writing this story, and that, for the sake of continuity, I ought to make changes that reflect that. 

Rest assured that once this rewrite is complete, you will have an even better, even more impactful story to immerse yourself in. Also, rest assured that nothing too drastic will change. Mostly, the changes will be cosmetic, however the delivery of the story will be different. I implore you, once the rewrite is complete, to begin again, and refresh your knowledge with the additional lovestxy flair that will accompany it. 

This has been an immensely difficult decision to make. I love this story with everything I have, and it is because of how special it is to me that I believe I owe it the best version of myself. I have grown as a writer, a storyteller, a narrator. I have, at long last, established my own style and literary approach that I think embodies me as a person, and I think that I am in the place where I can finally give my story what it deserves. When I began writing TWICA, I had never intended for it to grow so large and span so far. 100k hits is beyond unbelievable, you guys. I cannot comprehend that so many people have clicked on my silly little fanfiction and even made it a teeny part of their lives. I am so, very grateful. So as a token of my gratitude, I want to make this better. For you, for me, for everyone who has come to adore and abhor my characters as I have. 

Truth be told, this fic started as nothing more than a crack piece I wrote for my friends. It was just that initial chapter, and I wanted to write a cringe omegaverse story full of all the cliche tropes for a laugh. 13k words later, I thought, "ya know what, let me edit this, change a few things, make it serious, and post it. Just to see if it makes any impressions." And when it did, I was surprised. I did not think anyone would care much for it, let alone ask for MORE, but when you all did, and when you all expressed your thoughts and desires for more updates, I felt that maybe I had done something right. And now here we are, thirty-five chapters later, with many more to go. We have backstories and a cargo ship of trauma, we have angst and softness and family. We have our villains and our heroes. And now, I think, we finally have an author that can fully allow herself to make this into something she's unabashedly proud of. Not just something that's a result of a self-imposed pressure to write for the sake of having something to post. I can confidently say that the interludes are where I let that pressure go a little, where I truly wrote from my heart without fear of disappointing anyone, so I want Act 1 to have that feeling as well. I want it to be the result of my heart. 

It already is, in a way. And it always will be. But I am certain this decision will be for the best. For me, my story, and most importantly, for YOU!

That being said, allow me to ask you this most important question: should I begin from scratch and re-post the story as I complete the rewritten chapters (this fic will stay up because I do not wish to part from it), or should I just delete the old chapters and insert the revised copies in their place? (meaning that I will continue to post the story here)

Personally, I think it would be nice to start from scratch so there's no confusion with the new vs. the old, so I think option 1 is the way to go. However, please feel free to share your thoughts and opinions on this decision, on anything, really!! They will be greatly appreciated. 

 

So with this, my dearest readers, let us usher into a new era of TWICA-a better era. And I hope, as you have stayed with me for this one, you will wish to stay with me for that one as well. I promise to make it worth your while. And I promise to give our beloved skz a story they deserve. 

 

With abundant love and endless gratitude, 

 

Lovestxy 

 

<3