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"When did you start becoming beautiful?"
The first thing Lusamine became aware of was the pain. A raw, stabbing pain that made her head ring, her muscles ache and swell like they were going to burst, every nerve in her body burn under her skin. Instinct told her to scream, but she couldn't move. She couldn't hear. Her mind couldn't form a coherent thought. All she knew was the pain, and Nihilego, and the last thing she had seen: the image of Lillie's face, concerned, resolved, alive…beautiful. Beautiful in a way Nihilego wasn't. In a way Lusamine wasn't sure anything else ever could be.
She had no idea how long she floated on the edge of consciousness. The pain ebbed and flowed like Alola's tides. When it dulled, she would slip into a dreamless sleep, empty of all but a faint longing. For who? Nihilego? Lillie? Someone else? All she knew was she was alone, and she didn't want to be. It terrified her.
~~~~~
The pain slowly lessened, however. Gradually, Lusamine began to make out familiar sounds. Unintelligible ringing and white noise became ocean waves, an elevator hum, the music that played throughout the Aether Foundation. She began to recognize voices, and would use all her energy to listen - anything to remind herself that she wasn't alone.
She heard Guzma, but she couldn't make out anything he said. He spoke uncharacteristically low, and always too far away. His voice left early on. She didn't blame him. Truly, she was surprised he stayed for any length of time at all.
She heard Wicke occasionally, with that kind, motherly tone she had learned to imitate. Wicke asked questions, organized people with orders Lusamine couldn't quite follow, but when she realized she was in her own bed, with the temperature set just the way she liked it, she knew Wicke was at least partly to thank for it.
She heard Gladion among the rest. At one point, his was the only voice she heard, somewhere to her side. She couldn't catch every word, but he sounded apologetic. She tried so hard to focus on what he said, but so much was drowned out by the throbbing in her head. Then he left.
She heard Lillie's voice the most. Gentle, but determined in a way she had never heard before - well, before Ultra Space. Her voice became a consistent comfort. Lusamine began to look forward to it, listening for it when people talked outside her door.
~~~~~~
Lillie's was the first full sentence she heard and comprehended.
"Mother? Good morning…are you awake yet?"
Had it been up to Lusamine, she would have jumped out of bed for joy and hugged her daughter for the first time in years, but she didn't even have the strength to open her eyes. In spite of the lack of response, amazingly, Lillie continued.
"I guess not. I was hoping after two days… but maybe you just aren't strong enough to respond yet? They said you're definitely alive, but we're still trying to safely remove or counteract the poison. You absorbed so much of it…"
On and on Lillie chatted, about Lusamine's team recovering more quickly, because the toxin affected Pokemon and humans differently, about possible cures she was reading up on, about scientists with relevant research, about Gladion leaving again to train, about that trainer she liked so much and Cosmog - no, Nebby choosing to join them. Lillie reprimanded her for using Nebby and recklessly going after Nihilego, but softened her tone almost immediately. The doctors had discovered Lusamine had been exposed to Nihilego's poison long before anyone had realized, after all. Lillie wondered aloud if that was what changed her…before moving on to talk about medicine again. Whether Lillie knew it or not, Lusamine hung on her every word.
Lillie almost never left her side, something Lusamine was indescribably grateful for - because when everyone's voices went away, when she was left alone, she heard it. Nihilego's cry, seared into her brain from all those years ago, rang through her mind like a rebuke. Nihilego was what she wished for all those years, how dare she leave it? Hadn't she sworn off everyone else? Disowned her son and daughter? Forgotten her husband? Spat in the face and climbed on the back of all of Alola just to reach it? Had she forgotten how wonderful it felt to be with it? How everything else had melted away?
But somehow she knew she couldn't go back. The drive to return to Nihilego and the pain that coursed through her body were one and the same. She loved it, but it didn't love her.
Did anyone love her, anymore? Mohn did once, but he was long lost. Her Pokemon did once, but they had been so terrified of her in Ultra Space. Were they always that afraid of her? Her children did once, but she had said such awful things to them - done such awful things to them.
Gladion had left already. Would Lillie leave too?
~~~~~~~
The first thing Lusamine saw the morning she opened her eyes was the ceiling of her own bedroom. The second was Lillie, reading some thick medical book in a chair beside her bed, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
How many times had Lusamine scolded her for making faces? Being too expressive will lead to wrinkles, she had warned - isn't it far more beautiful for one's skin to be smooth? Smooth and pale and unexpressive… like Nihilego.
Her head throbbed again. Was it that Nihilego possessed every trait she had thought beautiful, or was it the other way around? Everything Lillie had done that she hadn't expressly sanctioned, she had sneered at, but looking at her daughter now, dressed in clothes she didn't recognize, doing things without her permission, Lusamine had no doubt her daughter was beautiful. Had she always been this beautiful? Had Lusamine simply missed it? How could she have missed it? How didn't she see-?
"Mother? Mother, are you awake?"
Lillie was at her side now, holding her hand. Green eyes met green eyes. There was so much Lusamine wanted to say, but it was all lost in the migraine that wracked her brain, and her mouth was so dry. All that made it out of her mouth was her daughter's name.
Lillie suddenly rushed out the door. Lusamine didn't catch what she said through the throbbing that spread from her head to her limbs. Where was she going? To get a doctor, surely. Lillie would be back. She'd have to come back. Surely Lillie wouldn't leave again, not so soon, please, Lusamine would take it all back if she could, don't leave her to that thing that promised her everything and gave her nothing but pain, that told her without words that it was the only thing she loved, that it was the only thing that loved her, please don't let Nihilego be right-
Lillie was back with a glass and pitcher of water.
"Here - we've had you hooked up to an IV, but you sound parched."
Carefully, Lillie slipped an arm around her back and helped her sit up enough to sip from the glass.
"You don't need to say anything for now if you can't. Save your strength."
When the glass was empty, Lusamine sank back into the covers, shutting her eyes as tight as she could. She regretted the blinding white she chose for her room. It seemed perfect at the time, but now only served to aggravate her headache.
"Lillie… the light…"
Lusamine tried to point vaguely in the direction of the chandelier, only to immediately regret it. The nerves in her arm stung the moment she moved her muscles.
"The light…would you rather have it off?"
Even the slight nod she gave hurt, but in a moment the brightness assaulting her eyelids dimmed. She sighed in relief.
"There. Can I get you anything else?"
Why was Lillie doing this? She hadn't listened before, why was she here now? Part of Lusamine's mind wanted to ask, but it was drowned out by exhaustion, then fear.
"Please…"
Everything hurt, she wanted sleep, but more than that, more than anything, she did not want to be alone.
"Don't leave…"
Silence filled the room for an agonizing moment. Then a hand slipped around hers.
"I'm just going to get one of the doctors, Mother. I'm coming right back. I promise."
"Lillie-"
"I'm not going anywhere…until you're better."
Lillie gently squeezed her hand, lingering until Lusamine's grip loosened. As Lusamine let herself doze off again, she wondered when the last time they had held hands was.
~~~~~~~~
In the coming days, Lusamine slowly regained strength, but as her nervous system repaired itself, she became increasingly aware of just how weak Nihilego had left her. Her nerves stung when she moved, despite the constant regimen of painkillers they kept her on. She couldn't speak more than a sentence or two without losing her breath. Some days simply being awake was so exhausting that she'd pass out as soon as the sun was down. Some days her migraines were so bad, she couldn't sleep until they gave her medication to knock her out.
Thankfully, she was never left alone anymore. She wasn't sure if Lillie had arranged it or not, but there was always someone in the room or just outside the open door now, even when she had just woken up, or was falling asleep.
Sometimes it was a doctor, reassuring her that she was healing, but that they were still looking into a full cure for her "unusual condition." (That was certainly one way of putting it.) Sometimes it was a bright-eyed grunt who found ways to fill the silence by talking about the Pokemon they had helped recover recently or how much they looked up to her. (Would they still, if they knew?) Sometimes it was Wicke, telling her that the Aether Foundation was still running smoothly, and that another wealthy benefactor had just donated a large sum, and the labs were being inspected and cleaned up-
The labs. Immediately after the incident, Lusamine had spent every waking moment down there, searching for ways to find her husband - to restore her family - before the object of her desperation changed. Eventually, she couldn't continue that schedule, between the needs of the Foundation and her growing children (and the shift in her priorities). In more recent years, she quit going down there entirely, preferring not to get her beautiful hands dirty, allowing Faba and other underlings to do as they pleased, so long as they came to her with the results she wanted.
How many Pokemon were hurt below the Aether Foundation's pristine surface? In the development of Type: Null? In the study of Ultra Wormholes? In the search for it? The thought made Lusamine's head swim. She was supposed to protect Pokemon from harm, wasn't she? Wasn't that the entire point of the Aether Foundation? The one most important thing her father tried to instill in her before he left the Foundation in her care? Just because she had distanced herself from the details didn't absolve her. And Cosmog - Nebby. Lillie had named it, because it was a living, breathing Pokemon, not a tool - Lusamine hadn't distanced herself from hurting it at all. Where along the way had she grown so numb? Why hadn't she cared about its pain? Why didn't it bother her? Was it her desperation to find him? To find it? What was WRONG WITH-
That day marked the first time Lusamine threw up from her ailment. The doctors couldn't decide whether it was good that her body was strong enough to react, or bad that it was reacting in such a violent way. Wicke didn't bring up the labs again.
~~~~~~~~~
Despite seeming to work the hardest in researching a cure, Lillie made sure to visit her mother multiple times a day. She would come in the morning after Lusamine awoke, check on her at noon, and help her get comfortable before bed. Lillie made sure to never miss that last time, after the first night Lusamine was completely unable to sleep, enduring hours wracked with a blistering headache, alone, in the dark, seeing sparkling white tendrils just out of the corner of her eyes-
When Lusamine was well enough to eat a little food, Lillie began having her meals with her. Lillie was so neat as she ate, careful to never spill or make a mess. Lusamine had always been very adamant about that: children in general were messy, but her children were going to be clean and polite and beautiful, like herself and-
Lusamine was very aware of the irony every time her fingers fumbled her silverware, and Lillie had to help feed and clean up after her. She couldn't tell which hurt worse: her head or her pride.
When they weren't eating, Lillie would keep her up to date on recent news. Alola had an Elite Four now. Lillie's trainer friend had climbed Mount Lanakila and defeated them with Nebby's help, becoming Alola's first champion. There was going to be a big celebration in Iki Town soon. Hau was going to be there, and Lillie was going to go too, but she wouldn't be gone long, and she would be back later that night.
Lusamine wanted to go. She wanted to thank Alola's new champion for helping her daughter - for risking the dangers of Ultra Space to save her.
She wanted to apologize to Nebby. Would it understand her? She didn't know, but it deserved an apology regardless.
She wanted to hear Hau's cheery voice and feel the warm Alolan air on her skin and spend time with Lillie that wasn't sterile or dreary or violent-
Would she even be able to go? Lillie didn't think it was a good idea. Lusamine was getting better, but her limbs still ached, and she still had a lot of poison in her system. But she could move, Lusamine countered. Surely she could visit for just a short time? Lillie said they'd just have to see.
~~~~~~~~~~
The day before the party, Lusamine decided to test her health. She sent the grunt attending her to go fetch her daughter, leaving her alone. Carefully (ignoring the gurgling screech that sounded in her mind over the silence), she raised one arm, bent it at the elbow, flexed her fingers, and did the same to the other. She pulled the covers off and tested her legs and feet similarly, bending and stretching them. Her nerves prickled strangely under her skin, but at the same time, she could control them. She didn't feel like the swollen, vegetative invalid that she was two weeks ago. (Had it really only been that long?)
All she had to do was prove to Lillie she could walk around, then surely she could attend the party, if only long enough to speak to Nebby and its trainer.
On the table in the corner of her room, just a few feet from the bed, was a glass and pitcher of water that Lillie made sure was gotten fresh every morning. Emboldened by her stretching, Lusamine swung her legs over the side of the bed, planted her feet firmly on the floor, and strode towards the table.
And immediately fell forward. Her legs went numb and buckled beneath her. She grabbed the edge of the table to support herself, her arms immediately throbbing from the strain. Her ears began ringing. She tried to grasp the water glass, only for her other arm to go numb. No longer able to brace herself against the table, she fell to her knees on the floor, dropping the glass and knocking over the pitcher with a clatter and a splash she could barely hear over Nihilego's cry, mocking her attempts at independence, at reconciliation, at doing anything apart from it-
"Mother, are you ok?!"
Lillie rushed to her side, dropping to her own knees and checking to see if Lusamine had been hurt. She was vaguely aware of Lillie helping her back to bed, cleaning up her mess, sending someone to fetch fresh water, chiding her for pushing herself too hard.
As the ringing in her ears quieted (and its cry always silenced in Lillie's presence), Lusamine realized two things. The first was that she wouldn't be going to the party. The second was that there was one person she could apologize to, right then and there. Someone who deserved it more than most. Someone who, in spite of Lusamine's selfishness and vitriol and utter rejection in favor of that monster, had never rejected her in turn.
"I'm sorry."
Lillie glanced up at her mother's voice. She sat down on the side of her bed, glass of water in hand.
"It's alright, Mother. I don't like seeing you cooped up in this room either, but we might be able to-"
"No…"
Lusamine reached out her hand, ignoring the stabbing protest of her aching muscles, brushing Lillie's chin just enough to get her full attention. Once again, Lusamine found herself face-to-face with her daughter.
"I'm sorry."
Lillie's mouth opened, then closed. Her bottom lip quivered slightly. Suddenly, she grasped Lusamine's hand and brought it to her cheek, closing her eyes in thought. Her voice was barely a whisper.
"For what, Mother?"
For everything. For treating her like a doll, or a trophy, or a misbehaving pet. For chasing away her brother with the same treatment. For hurting Nebby, and Type: Null, and every other Pokemon Lusamine had used and abused. For dismissing her, and her friends, and putting them all in danger. For not seeing how truly beautiful she had become - how beautiful she was all along.
"For being terrible."
Lillie blinked in surprise, then huffed a slight, not-unkind laugh.
"That's not very specific. But...I forgive you, Mother. I think…we all do."
The last thing Lusamine saw as her vision blurred was her daughter smiling at her and reaching forward to brush away her tears. She had Mohn's dimples.
Lusamine closed her watering eyes and leaned back into her pillow as Lillie continued.
"As I was saying, I'm sorry you can't go to the party, but I don't think you'll have to stay here much longer. That Kantonese scientist Bill? The one who did all that research on human vs Pokemon tissue? He's agreed to help us try to separate out the poison. I've been organizing a trip to Kanto, and if everything works out, we should be able to leave in two days."
"We?"
Lillie gave Lusamine's hand a squeeze.
"Yes. I can't very well send you off by yourself right now, can I?"
"Thank you, Lillie."
"You're welcome."
After helping her to a few sips of water, Lillie stood up.
"Now I need to go take care of a few things before dinner; try to get some rest, and if you need anything, there will be someone right outside the door."
Before falling asleep from over-exertion once more, Lusamine was graced with one final thought.
"I love you."
Silence. And then-
"I love you too, Mother."