Just A Bunch Of Broken Kids

by ShadowWar1756

Summary:

JJ knew that at one point John B would fall apart.
He knew it and he promised himself that he’d be there.
But there’s only so much that one person could do until they broke down themselves.

____
Or: The Pogues are back home and John B is grieving. When he finally breaks down, he lets it out on JJ.

Notes:

I'll be honest, one reason I love Outer Banks as much as I do is because of the epic friendship of their group.

And because I miss the fanfictions of John B and JJ's bromance, I decided to write one myself.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

JJ knew that at one point John B would fall apart.

He knew it and he promised himself that he’d be there.

But there’s only so much that one person could do until they broke down themselves.

 

When Big John died in his son’s arms, it had felt like the world stopped spinning. Like someone had turned off the movie right before the happy ending the characters would have deserved so damn much.

No wind was howling, no insect was flying and no bird was singing. There was nothing.

Then John B started sobbing and JJ couldn’t breathe as he watched the unmoving body of Big John. He blinked but the image didn’t change. Big John was dead, Ward Cameron was dead and John B and Sarah held on to each other like they would dissolve the moment they’d let go.

Do something, JJ thought, You have to do something!

But JJ couldn’t do anything. Big John was dead. John B just lost his father – again. And there’s nothing that JJ could change about that.

 

Pope and Cleo were the ones who brought them home in the end. Sarah constantly blinked away tears und John B looked like the last bit of strength had left his body. He walked beside them, eyes fixed on the horizon – a mixture between blue and golden which could be seen over the mountains of Tres Rocas. Sarah, Kie and JJ stayed close to him and tried to get him to answer if he was doing okay. John only nodded and muttered “I’m fine.”

In that moment JJ knew that it was only a matter of time until his best friend would fall apart. Not just grieving and sobbing, but a full mental breakdown.

Eventually Pope managed to get Baracuda Mike to get them back to the Outer Banks – JJ used a piece of the El Dorado gold to pay him back the money he owed him – and then they were on the plane and on their way home. For the first time they had found the gold and were actually able to keep it, but no one laughed and no one celebrated.

JJ just took Kiara’s hand and watched his best friend grieve. They were silent for the whole flight.

Then they were back and Pope and Cleo were embraced by Pope’s parents and Kiara got yelled at by her parents. JJ didn’t want to let go of her, too scared to see her being taken away again, to lose her again – this time for good. But she touched his cheek, gave him a kiss and promised to be back.

And JJ let her leave, begging – no, praying for her parents to let her come back to him.

The police came and Big John’s body was being taken away, to get made ready for an honorable funeral. Shoop needed a statement and John B agreed to come to the police station with him, to explain everything that had happened the previous days.

Before he left, JJ laid a hand on John B’s shoulder and asked him if he needed anything, if he could do anything. But John B only answered with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes and said: “Just a little time.” Then, he and Sarah got in the car with Shoop and left.

And JJ knew that John B would eventually break. Not him, not Pope or Kie, not even Sarah could prevent that.

 

The moment he was alone, JJ couldn’t prevent the thoughts to come back that he had pushed down for hours, if not for days. All the things that had happened rushed through him and he wasn’t able to hold back the shaky breath that escaped his lips. His hands trembled. He felt Mike’s eyes on him, so he took off, not taking another look on the man who flew them to safety or the plane that held too many memories JJ desperately wanted to shake off, to forget.

He wandered around, not knowing where to go, because his house was being evicted and the Chateau was a pile of ashes. The only place in the world where JJ had actually been able to pretend that he was home, that he was safe, that he was loved was gone. Just the thought made JJ’s mind spiral downwards. Where was he supposed to go?

Then he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. John B lost his house. It wasn’t JJ’s home, so he had absolutely no right to be upset about it, when his best friend was just as homeless as he was. Where would he and Sarah go? They couldn’t go to the Cameron’s mansion, because of Rafe, and the Chateau was gone.

A familiar pang of worry surged up JJ’s chest. He pulled out his phone – which surprisingly had survived the trip to South America – and typed a quick message to John B, asking him if they had a place to stay. The answer came a few minutes later. ‘Sarah has a house from her parents. We’re staying there.’

JJ responded with a thumbs-up emoji.

Then he was alone again.

He thought about Kie and her parents. Would she be allowed to come back to them? Allowed to stay with him? Her father hated him, and he had every good reason to do so. Maybe he could apologize, trying to make things right. He would hate every single second of it, but Kiara was worth it. She was worth everything.

But if Kiara had to choose between him and her family, she would pick her parents. JJ would understand, he would even urge her to do that. Just because he didn’t have the luck to have a loving family at home, didn’t mean that the others could give up theirs and pick the Pogues as easily as he did.

They were loved and they had a home. JJ was happy for them.

He would manage.

Like he always did.

 

It was a week after they had come back from Tres Rocos that John B fell apart.

At first JJ didn’t realize that the long-expected breakdown was just about to occur. He had expected John B to scream and cry or Sarah to call him that he was having a severe panic attack and wouldn’t calm down.

He hadn’t expected John B to stride down with huge, angry steps from where the remains of the Chateau rested.

After the eviction of JJ’s house was made final and all that was left of it was pawned or thrown away, there was no reason for him to stay there anymore. It was better to try and forget the memories that came with that place and its past. And even though his true home had been destroyed by a fire, JJ didn’t know where else to go. For four nights he had been sleeping in the small fishing boat that was tethered to the Routledge’s rack and for four nights he hadn’t had more than three hours of sleep.

JJ was sitting on the wooden rack, fishing rod in the water, when John B yelled at JJ. “Where is it?” His voice was deep and full of rage.

Quickly JJ stood up and made his way towards his friend, while worry was building in his chest.

“Whoa, buddy, what’s going on? What are you talking about?”

John B reached him, lifted his hands and pushed JJ.

It wasn’t hard enough to actually hurt, but still JJ stumbled back a few steps, breath catching in his throat. It’s not him, it’s John B, it’s okay, he won’t hurt you.

“What the fuck, dude?”

John B didn’t back up. “The Twinkie! What did you do to it?”

JJ blinked slowly. The Twinkie. It was about John B’s van - his most precious belonging – that had accompanied the Pogues in all of their adventures. Of course.

He let out a breath, bracing himself for what was to come. “I had to use it as bait.” He looked up at his friend. “So I could get Kiara out of that weird-ass wilderness camp her parents put her into.”

For a second John B didn’t move. Then his posture changed and he loomed over JJ that for a second he thought that John B’s going to punch him. “You used her as bait? My car?”

“I’m sorry, man, I really am, but-“

“What’s wrong with you, JJ?” John B yelled and JJ winced as he remembered Kie saying those same words a week ago.

“That’s just fucked up.” John B turned around and pulled his hair. Then he started laughing. “That’s so fucked up, JJ.”

Slowly JJ realized that John B’s outburst wasn’t just about the Twinkie. It was way more complicated than that.

He tried to soften his tone as he spoke up again. “John B, listen to me, okay? It’s gonna be fine. I’m pretty sure the Twinkie is back at the impound lot and we can get it back-“

“What, you wanna go there and steal it?” John B laughed, but it sounded cold and wrong. “Because I don’t have the money. Hell, I don’t even have a house!” Me neither, Bree, JJ thought, but didn’t say it aloud.

It wasn’t the time for JJ’s problems.

John B wasn’t done yelling yet. “Or do you have a plan? Come on, what’s your plan this time, JJ? I’m curious, really! Because we all know you make great - no, screw great - tremendous plans that always work out!”

Well, ouch.

“Okay, I get that you’re angry, but that’s not fair, Bro.” Because JJ tried. Yeah, sometimes one or two problems might occur during his plans, but he’s trying.

“Not fair? What about all of this is fair?” John B raised his hands and pointed around him, to the water, the direction of the town and to where the Chateau used to stand. Fair point.

Then he made a step towards JJ. “I lost everything. You get that? I lost my house.”, John B started.

JJ thought about the yellow eviction sign on his door.

“My home!”

Memories of the Chateau filled his mind. He and his friends sitting by the fire, drinking beer, laughing. Then Poguelandia fading in the distance as they were flown away by Jimmy Portis.

“I watched the girl I love nearly get killed- multiple times!”

JJ remembered Kie being taken away by Singh’s men and the gut-wrenching fear of someone hurting her.

“Gosh, I can’t even remember how often I was about to get killed!”

His mind filled with the memories of Barry and Rafe threatening him with a gun, the machete hitting his head, the rifle of Baracuda Mike’s man being pointed at him, the shots of Singh’s men on Neville’s boat.

“I lost my father after I just got him back!”

JJ thought of Big John and his kind smile after he had asked him if he could stay another night. Then he thought of Luke and the bruises when he’d been drunk and the words when he’d been sober and the never-ending punches after he’d found out about the phantom. He remembered the pain.

John B’s voice trembled. “And now the Twinkie is gone, too. It was the only – the only thing I had left of my dad. Now I have nothing!”

JJ swallowed the lump in his throat. “You didn’t lose everything, bro.”, he whispered.

The eyes of John B found his and for a second JJ expected John B to break down and to cry and to apologize for his outburst. Because he hadn’t lost everything. JJ was still there, right?

But then he spoke again and JJ wasn’t prepared for the following question.

“Why didn’t you come back earlier?”

“What?”, JJ questioned, confusion filling his mind.

“We were ready to take off to save my dad. We have waited for you at the airstrip for hours. Hours we could have easily used to get my dad back. If we had been there earlier, we could have saved him! He would still be alive!” Tears had gathered in John B’s eyes and his voice got louder with every sentence. “Why did we wait for you – for nothing?!”

JJ blinked up at John B, not able to make a sound. A part of him knew, that John B was grieving, that he missed his dad and that he went through so much pain in the last days he couldn’t think straight anymore. He knew that John B didn’t blame him for his father’s death – not really. Right? Because it wasn’t JJ’s fault. Right?!

A well-known feeling started to build up in his chest and he took in a shaky breath.

“John B-“, his voice broke and he cleared his throat. Get yourself together!

“I don’t know why”, John B interrupted him and suddenly he looked so damn tired, “but every time you do something you manage to fuck things up even more.”

JJ didn’t answer. He couldn’t. A lot of people in his life had told JJ that he was absolutely up to no good, that he was a waste of time and sooner or later would eventually end up as a criminal in jail. Just like his dad. Deputy Plumb had told him, his maybe-girlfriend’s father had told him, even his own dad had told him that multiple times.

But never ever had John B said to him that he fucked up everything, that he made everything worse.

Not once.

When JJ didn’t respond, John B let out a sigh and turned around. His steps were shaky as he made his way back to the shore.

A sharp wave of panic hit JJ with full force. He couldn’t lose John B. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. “John B!”, he called. “Don’t just go!” He desperately looked for the right words. Words that would bring him back his brother he was just about to lose. “We’re family, remember?”

John B stopped and looked back at JJ. His eyes were empty.

“My family is dead, JJ.”

Then, JJ was alone again.

Chapter 2

Summary:

John B was angry.
No, he was furious.
He was furious with Singh, who had kidnapped his father and brought him to South America. He was furious with Topper, who had kissed his girlfriend and then had reported him to the police for a – let’s be honest - well-deserved punch.
But mostly, he was furious with himself.
Because this time it was him who screwed up.
And now he couldn’t find JJ.

Notes:

It took me a while to finish it, I'm sorry for the delay.
Also, it is a little longer than I originally planned it.

I hope you'll like it. :)

John B was angry.

No, he was furious.

He was furious with Singh, who had kidnapped his father and brought him to South America. He was furious with Topper, who had kissed his girlfriend and then had reported him to the police for a – let’s be honest - well-deserved punch. He was furious with Shoop, who had never helped him or his friends with their problems but had stood in their way every single time.

But mostly, he was furious with himself.

Because this time it was him who screwed up.

And now he couldn’t find JJ.

 

After his fight with JJ, John B wandered around the town and wasn’t able to stop thinking about his father. When Big John and John B had arrived in Kildare, his father had looked so thrilled to be back. He was laughing and smiling and was exactly the dad that John B had lost all those months ago. For a moment everything was perfect. For a moment John B was truly happy.

He had his father back.

Then everything fell apart.

 

John B wished he could say that he had immediately regretted the words he had spoken to JJ the moment he had left his best friend on the rack. But that would be a lie.

And he had promised himself to quit lying. Too many people had been hurt because of it.

But sometimes the truth hurt even more.

Because after the fight with JJ, John B had convinced himself for numerous more hours that he had every right to be mad at his friend and to accuse him of making the situation they had been in even worse. Somehow, it was easy to make JJ responsible. And in addition, it was way easier than dealing with the loss of his father by himself.

It’s truly fascinating, how blaming someone else could make you forget all the faults of your own doings - for a small moment. Like a drug you take to relieve the daily suffering you just can’t live with anymore. But the more often you do it, the less it works.

Until you’re left with the pain again.

Because you can’t run away from your feelings. A lot of people tried. And all of them failed.

 

It was a talk with Sarah the night after his heated argument with JJ that made John B realize that he had probably fucked up.

In silence they were washing the dishes when Sarah spoke up. “Now that my dad’s gone, it’s a lot harder to accept that he did so many things wrong.”

Such a short sentence with so much painful truth in it.

John B looked at his girlfriend. She was beautiful as ever, but there was a brokenness in her eyes and shattered parts in her soul that could never be fixed again.

And she had currently lost her father – again. Just like him.

John B had always been sure about the differences between his dad and Ward Cameron. He had painted that picture in his mind with Ward as the evil villain and his own father as the selfless hero. But maybe they weren’t as different as he thought they were. John B’s hands started shaking as the painful reality crashed into him like a wave in a stormy ocean.

Big John was dead, and John B missed him so damn much. His father had been the only person in his life for a long time and he had been more like a best friend than a dad. He’d been his hero for many years and he had lived up to that picture till the very end. And he knew that Big John had loved him just as much as John B had loved his father.

But love didn’t make you perfect.

And even though he had managed to find El Dorado, find his way back to John B and saved his and Sarah’s life by sacrificing everything he had worked for, Big John hadn’t been perfect. He hadn’t been a perfect man and he hadn’t been a perfect father.

Because it had been Big John’s own decision to go after the gold. It was him who killed two men and it was him who had expected his son to rob an old lady with a gun. And it was also him who decided to keep looking for the gold, despite having been shot.

But their faults didn’t lessen the love you could feel for the person. Big John hadn’t been a bad father. He hadn’t been like Luke Maybank, the living reason of a small, joyful kid turning into a hurt and broken boy. A boy who had never learned to be loved for the person he was, who had been let down by most of the people in his life. A boy who had no one left to tell him he’s loved right now.

John B let out a shaky breath. His teary eyes moved to his girlfriend. “Sarah, I think I screwed up.”

 

JJ wasn’t answering his phone and John B was officially freaking out.

When he woke up that morning and realized that JJ hadn’t read any of his countless text messages, he decided to search the town.

He had to find him. He had to apologize.

The first place John B went to on his look for JJ was the rack. The day prior John B had found his friend sitting on the planks, watching the slow rise and fall of the waves. Until John B had yelled at him.

Now the rack was empty.

JJ wasn’t there.

Then John B went to the beach where his and JJ’s younger selfs used to spend all day surfing until the sun set and they couldn’t see anymore where the shore ended and the dark, star-filled sea began.

But JJ wasn’t there either. Nor was he at one of his former workplaces, the Redfield Lighthouse, the Wreck or with any of the others of the group.

Pope and Cleo texted him back that they were in Charleston doing some work for Heyward and they’d be back by the end of the day. They hadn’t seen JJ in a while, but promised to keep an eye open for JJ in Charleston in case he had spontaneously decided to leave the island.

John B wasn’t able to reach Kie, so he went to her house to see if JJ was there. Kiara had been grounded by her parents for a whole month after her breakout of Kitty Hawk and wasn’t allowed to use her phone or to see any of her friends. But that was the price she had to pay for not having been sent back to the camp immediately and to be able to stay in Kildare. She had to prove her parents that she was working on herself and wasn’t about to run off into danger again.

Kiara was ready to jump out her window then and there when John B had told her that JJ was missing and not answering his phone. It took a great power of persuasion from John B and an even greater amount of self-control from Kiara, but he managed to convince her not to make an impulsive decision and give her parents another reason to send her back to Kitty Hawk all over again. But he had to pinky-promise her that he would let her know the moment he found JJ.

 

The hours went by and John B wasn’t a step closer to finding JJ. The small pang of worry he had felt in the morning had grown into an overwhelming feeling of true panic. His best friend had disappeared. His brother was gone.

Dark clouds arrived on the horizon, forecasting a change of weather, and John B stood in front of the last place he could think of where JJ might be - Heyward’s Seafood.

He heard voices and footsteps from inside and went closer, praying for JJ to be here and safe and alive. His hands trembled as he held his breath.

But it wasn’t JJ who stepped out of the building.

Heyward carried two heavy-looking buckets filled with fish when he spotted John B standing a few feet away from him, embarrassingly close to tears.

“John B? Pope and Cleo ain’t here.” He put the buckets down and wiped his hands with a dirty towel.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” John B cleared his throat. “I’m just- Have you seen JJ?”

Even before Heyward answered, John B knew that the last thread of hope he had been holding onto like a lifeline, was about to be ripped.

“No, not today, sorry. He prowled around here a few days ago, spoke with Pope and then left again. Haven’t seen him since.” Heyward furrowed his brows. “Why’d you ask?”

“I-“, John B didn’t know what to say.

“Did something happen?”, Heyward asked after John B’s lack of explanation.

Maybe it was because John B had been running around the town for hours or it was simply the fact that he was worried about JJ or maybe it was because he had just lost his father.

But Heyward was looking at him with his usual fatherly patience that John B couldn’t stop himself.

With a shaky sigh he sank down on the wooden steps of Heyward’s porch and grabbed his head with his hands. “This time I screwed up beyond fixable.”

After a moment of silence Heyward huffed out a small laugh and sat down next to John B. “That bad, huh?”

“Yeah. I said some bad things and- and accused him of even worse.” Angrily John B yanked his cap from his head and tossed it away. Like the impact with the ground could somehow fix his problems and every word could be made unsaid. “Because acting like an asshole to my friend was easier than to accept that fucked-up life I’m living right now.”

He exhaled shakily. John B knew he was acting like a spoiled child who couldn’t control his temper, so he expected Heyward to scold him and rebuke him and tell him to act like a grown up, because he wasn’t a little boy anymore.

But the man didn’t say anything, just waited patiently until John B muttered a small “Sorry”.

For a while none of them said anything.

Then Heyward broke the silence. “The first time Pope told me he was spending time with you and JJ, I threatened him with boarding school.”

John B lifted his head. That was certainly not the kind of comfort he had expected.

Heyward met his eyes and chuckled. “Well, as you can see, it was an empty threat.” John B smiled. Since the first day Pope had been a part of their little group with his heart and soul. “I thought that you and JJ would have a bad influence on him, that he would get into trouble because of you and that your defiance against rules and laws would be passed on to Pope. He had a bright future ahead of him and I was certain that you two would eventually break down what he had already achieved in his life.”

John B felt guilt well up inside of him and he looked on the floor.

Then Heyward’s hand landed on his shoulder. “Well, I wasn’t wrong with the trouble I knew he would get into. My well-educated son sank the 2020 Malibu, 24-MXC of the Cameron boy which I’d guess is one of the most expensive Malibu boats we have in Kildare. Then he got beaten up at least three times, did beat up someone else at least the same amount, sneaked onto a cargo ship where he stole a rescue boat and a week ago he flew hundreds of miles to another continent.”

John B hummed in agreement. Fair enough.

“But what I was very wrong about were you two.” Heyward turned his face towards John B and his eyes were fixed on him, trying to make him understand the importance of what he was saying. ”You may be a little impulsive at some times and have a special gift for getting into trouble, but you are good kids. You’re brave and kind and smart. Both of you. And I know both of you have seen more in your life than a boy your age should have.”

With a shaky exhale John B lowered his gaze, because Heyward’s honest eyes suddenly were too much to take.

“And what I also know is that I have hardly seen two people being closer than you and JJ. I’ve seen it in the boy’s eyes when he stood in front of my house the night you and Sarah were pronounced dead. He was shaking, bruised and bloody. I’m pretty sure some of his rips were cracked, too.” John B clenched his fists together and his breath caught in his throat. He knew that Luke hadn’t gone easy on JJ for stealing the phantom, but hearing Heyward point out his best friend’s injuries made his stomach turn. “But that hurt, broken boy refused to be taken to the hospital, he even insisted on being fine when he obviously wasn’t. The whole night he and Pope sat in the living room, retelling all the stories of you and the Pogues they could remember.”

John B buried his face in his hands.

“Look at me, son.”

Perhaps it was Heyward’s soft and clear voice or the urge in his tone, but John B did. Heyward was looking at him with a seriousness he’d never seen on him before. And Heyward was serious a lot.

“We both know there’s nothing you two wouldn’t do for each other.”

John B thought of JJ’s ridiculous plan to bust him out of jail which could have easily ended in himself getting arrested. He remembered JJ with a gun in his trembling hands and the determination in his eyes. He had been ready to shoot down every single one of the officers and agents around them - only to protect John B. He had been ready to get himself killed for John B.

“So, whatever you did or said, there’s no way in the world that JJ isn’t going to forgive you.” Heyward finished.

Quickly John B wiped his eyes, though he was pretty sure the man beside him was fully aware of the tears on his face. “But I can’t find him.” He whispered.

“Come on, boy. You two know each other better than anyone else does. If someone is able to find him, it’s you”

John B took a deep breath and thought about JJ. After only a few moments he blinked, surprised at how small-minded he’d been. “Of course.” He jumped to his feet. “Thank you, Heyward. Really.”

The man stood up. “Just don’t tell JJ I called him smart. I’d never hear the end of it.”

With that he turned around, lifted an empty bucket that was placed next to the door and disappeared into the house.

John B didn’t waste another second. A storm approached and he wouldn’t let JJ down. Not again.

And there was only one place on the island where JJ would go to, when he didn’t know where else to go.

Home.

 

______________________________

 

JJ was tired.

It was a tiredness he hadn’t felt in a long time. Every muscle in his body ached from exhaustion and his chest hurt from his still shallow breathing.

When he was younger, he used to feel like that a lot. On some particular days Luke’s beatings had been more aggressive and the punches more powerful than normally. For a very long time, JJ had tried to find a regularity behind it, but he’d never been able to find out what triggered his dad. Sometimes it was something JJ had said, sometimes he had looked at his father the wrong way and sometimes it was the fact that he had been born.

So, JJ just had to learn to live with that constant fear inside of him. The fear that any day could be the day his dad wouldn’t stop, the day his father would fully kill him.

But Luke never did and JJ had to keep living.

John B was the only person who knew about his occasional panic attacks after the beatings. He was also the only person who knew how to help him.

A week after they had come back from South America, JJ had a panic attack and John B wasn’t there. He had turned his back and left without looking back, while JJ was kneeling on the rack, desperately trying to get his breathing back under control and his mind to stop spiralling. He destroyed everything. He fucked up everything.

It took a great amount of time for JJ to remember the different methods John B and him had worked out throughout the years and another exhausting half an hour to fully calm down. He even managed not to pass out and he was honestly really proud of that.

The next few hours he spent sitting on that rack, working on keeping his breathing even and thinking about his friends. He knew for a fact that he couldn’t lose any of them.

It would break him.

He thought about Kie. She didn’t give up on him, even though he had stolen her father’s money and had pushed her away again and again. For some mad and unreal reason, she believed in him.

Maybe he could change.

Maybe he could be better.

 

It was late in the afternoon when JJ arrived back at the Chateau – or rather what was left of it. Nearly twenty-four hours had passed since his argument with John B and JJ felt a familiar loneliness rise up in his chest. The sky had darkened and the wind rushed through the trees, warning every living creature about the upcoming storm.

JJ was shaking from the cold and pulled his jacket closer around him. It would be an uncomfortable night and the thought crossed his mind that he probably shouldn’t sleep on the small, wobbly boat tonight. Maybe he could try to sleep on a tree. JJ knew that Pope would freak out and lecture him if he heard JJ considering to sleep in a tree during a storm, but he didn't have many options left.

With a shaky sigh JJ put down the license plate in his hands and leaned against the old oak tree that held countless memories of him and the Pogues. He looked at John B’s headstone. Nothing had made sense anymore when JJ had been told that John B was dead. It had felt like a part of him had died with his brother in the unforgiving waves of the ocean.

JJ wasn’t sure if he could lose him all over again.

A cracking sound behind him, made JJ spin around.

In front of him stood John B, breathing heavily and eyes scanning over JJ’s body like he couldn’t believe it was really him.

JJ’s breath caught in his throat and fear crept up inside of him. He couldn’t be yelled at again. Not now, not today. He was working on getting better, he needed a little more time, please.

“Oh my god, JJ, what the fuck were you thinking?”, John B hissed.

JJ clenched his fists, burying his nails into his hands. “What do you mean?” He tried to sound casual and annoyed, so John B wouldn’t notice the small quiver in his voice.

He looked up at his friend and took in the state of John B. He realized that the other boy looked like he had just been through hell himself. His hair was messy and sweaty and his whole body was trembling. Worry started to arise in JJ’s chest as he noticed his friend’s red rimmed eyes.

“Dude, are you okay?”, he asked carefully.

John B shook his head and took a few steps towards JJ.

“You can’t just disappear like that. You scared the shit out of me.”

Oh. JJ furrowed his brows, anger welling up inside of him. The day before John B had been yelling about how JJ was good for nothing and screwed up everything, and now he had the nerve to pretend to have been worried? “I’m sorry, but I don’t need your permission to leave the house.” Though there was no house anymore.

“JJ, listen. I’m here because of what happened yesterday.”, John B started, but JJ didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t do that again.

He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small item. “It’s alright, John B, I get it. I really do.” With a swift motion he threw the object towards John B who quickly caught it. Surprised he looked down at the item.

It was the key for the Twinkie.

“It’s at the impound lot, like I said. I was told you can pick it up within the next few days. Sadly I think you can’t steal it, they built a gate you can’t climb over – I learned that the hard way-“ JJ gazed at his bruised hands, “so you have to do it the legal way I guess.”

John B only stared at JJ, eyes wide and incredulous.

“It costs 300 bucks.”, JJ kept going.

“JJ-“, John B started, voice shaking.

“Okay, it costs 100, the other 200 are for the toilet.” JJ ran a hand through his hair, trying to look everywhere but John B, “But to my excuse, I didn’t break it myself, it was an accident. It is possible that a racoon was involved.”

“JJ, please, just-“ John B buried his face in his hands. JJ watched his friend as he realized that he had his beloved Twinkie back – the last memory of his father. Maybe he would be able to move on now.

After a few deep breaths John B looked back at JJ again. He had tears in his eyes and JJ hated seeing him grieving, but he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t bring Big John back. And he couldn’t pretend like yesterday hadn’t happened. His eyes still hurt from crying.

John B opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again. He couldn’t get any words out, so he cleared his throat and tried again.

“JJ, I am so sorry.”

JJ blinked at John B for a few seconds, then shrugged. He didn’t want to talk about his emotions, he’d never been one to dwell on feelings. “Alright, apology accepted. If you excuse me, I have to-“

“No!”, John B yelled, and JJ shut his mouth, taken aback. “No, please, just- Just let me apologize.”

John B looked at the keys in his hands and took a deep breath.

“What you did- Finding the Twinkie- You didn’t have to do that.” JJ opened his mouth to say something, but John B wasn’t done yet. “No, let me explain. Please. I’ve been looking for you the whole day, I’ve been everywhere. But I couldn’t find you and that totally freaked me out.”

He took a step closer to JJ.

“What I said yesterday- On the way here I prepared a whole speech, explaining why I acted that way, why I-“ He swallowed the lump his throat. “But whatever I’d tell you, it may be an explanation, but it wouldn’t be an excuse for how I treated you. I fucked up. That’s on me and no one else, okay?” John B fixed his eyes on JJ. “I am so incredibly sorry, JJ. You’re my best friend and I treated you like shit.”

JJ lowered his gaze. “Well, you went through a lot those last weeks.”

“And you didn’t? JJ, I- I don’t care about the Twinkie.” John B clenched his fist around the keys until the keys cut his skin. “I thought I did. I thought that the Twinkie would bring me back my dad. But that’s bullshit. No one can bring him back. But even though I lost my father days after I had found him again and though my house burned down, I didn’t lose everything. You told me that yesterday and you were right.”

John B took a deep breath and stepped forward. He laid his hands on JJ’s shoulders and looked him directly into the eyes.

“I want you to listen to me, Jayj, okay? It’s very important and I don’t say it very often.”

JJ clenched his jar together, desperately trying not to break down then and there, because he was homeless, had no family left, had nearly lost every single one of his friends and had walked next to death way too often during those last few months. Yesterday he was sure that he had lost his brother for good, that John B would never talk to him again and the pain he had felt that moment was worse than any punch Luke had thrown at him.

He wasn’t okay.

He was hurting.

And he had been let down enough in his life.

But John B’s eyes were so honest and desperate, that JJ couldn’t stop the small spark of hope building in his chest. So he nodded and John B started talking.

“You are my best friend in the world, JJ. You wouldn’t just go through fire for me, you did, multiple times. Every time I needed you, you didn’t think twice and were there for me and I was there for you when you needed me. But in those last few months, I was a shitty friend. I let you and the others down, lied to you and left you when you needed me the most.”

John B ran his hand through his hair and in the process his foot touched the license plate JJ had brought back from his trip to the impound lot. JJ had found it there, abandoned between discarded metal, and took it with him. It belonged to his motorcycle – or rather what was left of it. It held a lot of memories and JJ wasn’t ready to give them up yet.

John B seemed to recognize it, too, because he stared at it for a long moment and then had to close his eyes as he imagined JJ crashing through the concrete on the overpass. The others had told him about the chase, but it hadn’t really hit him what could have happened to JJ. Until now.

“I should have been here.” He kept going. “I should have talked with you about what is going on between you and Kiara and I should have asked if you were okay after your crash. But I’m here now and I won’t screw it up again. You have always been by my side. JJ, you’re my brother.”

JJ closed his eyes, angry that a tear had fallen down his face.

“I am so sorry, JJ.”

Thunder rolled in the distance and JJ opened his eyes again. There was fear in John B’s eyes. He was scared that JJ wouldn’t forgive him. Stupid fool.

Because JJ would always forgive him.

“Not bad, yeah. You should have been in Braveheart, your speech is way better than William Wallace’s monologue, really. A true masterpiece, worth an Oscar actually.”

John B huffed out a laugh and JJ exhaled shakily.

Then he was pulled into a hug and JJ held onto John B just as tightly as he did. “It’s okay, Bree.”, JJ mumbled. “We’ll work it out, together. Like we always do.”

“I can’t lose you, too, JJ.”

“You won’t.”

 

The rain started with a thunder. The loud crack echoed through the trees, threatening and dangerous, then the clouds opened, and the water poured ungiving from the sky. It was the first rainfall in two weeks and while the people had fled into their houses, the wildlife of the Outer Banks were grateful for the change of weather.

Two days ago, everyone in Kildare had complained about the never-ending heat wave and the unforgiving temperatures. Now the air had cooled down and the earth got filled with water again and the men and women of the island enjoyed the refreshing weather.

How come people only cherish rain when the heat is too much?

Because a person only know what’s important when they must live without it.

 

When the rain started, JJ and John B left the burned-down Chateau.

They walked through the empty streets and talked about everything that had happened during the last months. The spoke about the vanishing of Big John and the gold of the Royal Merchant, about the nights around the fire and John B and Sarah’s escape from the island. They talked about the cross and El Dorado. John B spoke about Sarah and JJ told his best friend about Kiara.

They came by the house of Heyward and John B smiled at the man who was standing on his porch, nodding at the two boys going by.

Then they stopped in front of Kiara’s house and the moment she saw JJ at her doorstep she flung herself into his arms, scolding him for not answering any of her messages after she had stolen her phone back from her parents and written him a dozen of texts. Mike appeared behind his daughter and watched the scene with a clenched jar and JJ promised himself to make things right with the man. For Kie.

It took them a few minutes to reach the house Sarah and John B were staying in and JJ asked for the third time if it was okay for him to stay there. John B wanted to throw his hands into the air and scream: “For god’s sake, JJ! Your house was evicted! You have nowhere to go and have slept in a fricking boat for days! I won’t let you stay anywhere else but this house here right now!”

But he didn’t say that. He’d done enough yelling.

So, he only smiled and said: “We’re family, JJ.”

JJ took a deep breath. It had been a long day, but he was okay now. He was home.

“Oh, JJ, I nearly forgot to tell you.” John B said as he took out his keys to open the door.

“What?”

“Heyward thinks you’re smart.”

Notes:

John B's grieving. Of course he'd never give up on his friends, but his pain didn't let him think logically. And JJ is - let's be honest - a traumatized boy who was let down by a lot of people in his life. So, losing John B - his brother - is the greatest fear of that little kid inside of him.